I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby promise to make
other people listen. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
will hereby lie to everyone about how quality
the show is. I. Here at Two Douchebags and a
Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic
integrity. Go ahead and assume we got the story
wrong. At least we admit it. Not like all those
other guys. We can and will lie if it makes the
story better. Two douchebags and a microphone.
Strange, but true. Born in 1888, Grace McDaniels,
later known as the Wilt -Faced Woman. appeared
physically typical at birth. However, as she
grew older, her face became severely disfigured
due to Sturge Webber's syndrome. She eventually
became a performer with Harry Lowenstein's Traveling
Circus, earning $175 per week. Hey everybody,
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some
tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick
pics. Rule number one. Type of a kick in someone
else's name, so if you get busted, it's not yours.
Rule number two, shoot angles complementary to
your length and girth. Rule number four, no propping
of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very
important. Your mama's so stupid. She tried to
climb melting dew. So you want proof that we
love you here at Q -Douche Bates and Microphone
Central? Here's a proof right here about the
drink of the week. Hey, Sporty Pants. This is
definitely a summer drink. This is a Blue Beloy
Antiqui Cocktail Shaker. One half of a cup of
ice. Had two ounces of light one. Three quarter
ounces of blue curacao. Two ounces of pineapple
juice. Shake over 30 seconds until shaker is
very cold. Straight into a hurricane glass. Filled
with crushed ice. Garnished with a plain of a
witch. And while you're there, why not milk with
the blue Hawaiian shark -a -cat? All you have
to do is grab the maraschino cherry on the top
and splack. Looks like a wet mess on top. Therefore,
the shark -a -cat. Two douchebags and a microphone.
My name is Mark, and I'm here in the Kansas City
vicinity. And I am Rob, and I am at the beautiful
Niangua Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. Awesome, Rob.
I worked on it today, man. I worked on it today.
I love the way you emphasized beautiful Niangua
Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. It's fucking awesome,
dude. Hey, I work on the podcast while I'm cutting
steel. I've got to have something to think about.
There you go. No, I get it too, man. I'll tell
you what. Whenever I come up with ideas at work
or something, I've got my phone and I've got
a little notepad on it. I'll take over around
the corner and put it in real quick so I don't
forget it because I know what you're talking
about. It's like you come up with something and
you're like, oh, man, that's good. I'm going
to go over there and I'm going to, you know.
And what I hate is whenever I come up with a
really good idea, I get distracted and I don't
put it down. And I'm like, damn it, what was
that? And I'm telling you, I'll lose some really
good ideas like that. Carry a notepad in your
pocket. One of them small notepads. Well, the
phone works just as good. Sometimes, you know,
when you're at work, things happen beyond your
control. Yeah, I cannot carry my phone around
at work. Oh, okay, okay. Well, I have it. It's
actually playing my music. Oh, gotcha. Okay.
Well, I mean, to me, that's the most efficient
way because I can carry my phone at work. And,
I mean, I'm not supposed to have it out. That's
how come I dodge in a corner and then run off.
Yeah, yeah. I've had jobs like that, yeah. Yeah,
so, I mean, it is what it is. But most of them
I get down, and usually, like, I'll be almost
asleep, and all of a sudden I'll go. Damn it,
I remember. Then I have to get up, put it in
my phone or write it down, and then go back to
sleep. And it's just something about that little
lull between you go to sleep when you're like
really tired and you're not in the REM sleep
yet. You're in the very light stages. And then
that idea hits you again. You're like, damn it,
I've got to go put it in the phone because if
I don't in the morning, I'm not going to remember
it. So anyhow, well, no wonder I'm sleep deprived.
No, not really. I think I do all right. So our
cruise is three weeks away. I'm stoked because
this time it's only the ABC Islands, which are
quite a ways east and are the extreme southern
Caribbean region. The islands are right above
Venezuela. If the boat is facing south, you can
actually see Venezuela. I love these islands
because they normally do not get hit by hurricanes
because they're a geographical location. The
palm trees are tall because they aren't as tore
up due to storms. But the really cool things
are they're spitting distance close to each other,
which means you have an 8 a .m. in the morning
to 10 p .m. at night at each island. Because
they virtually have to go like 30 miles, if that,
to get to the next island. So it's no time at
all. So they let you stay late at the port. And
it's fantastic. So this means we have a couple
of sunset cruises set for Bonaire and Aruba.
A sunset cruise is a must. Oh, Aruba. Yeah, Aruba's
fantastic. I would love to see Aruba. Yeah, the
ABC Islands are Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao.
A sunset cruise is a must in your lifetime, Rob.
I mean, anybody. I suggest it if you can do it.
And there's one more thing if you can do it.
I know it takes money and not a whole lot of
people have money anymore because, you know,
that's the way life is right now, you know. Do
you have to have a passport? Yeah, you have to
have a passport, yes. Okay, I have to get a passport.
Okay, yeah. But in the meantime, if you want,
you can go to this place called Latitudes in
Key West. It's a little pricey, but I'm telling
you what, it's a must -do to me, a must -do in
your life if you love sunsets like me and Val
do. You sit on the beach there. It's a restaurant
that you sit on the beach. It's the extreme southern
part of Key West facing the sunset side, which
would be the east side. Or no, wait a minute,
west side. Okay, rises in the east. Sets in the
west. Okay, the western side. It took me a minute.
You know what? I used to know this shit right
off. What the hell is going on with me? So anyhow,
it faces west, and you sit there on the beach
in a table while people are serving you food
and drinks, and you watch the sunset. And that
thing is amazing, too. And we actually took a
sunset cruise in Key West also, which is incredible.
And while you're there, I've got one more suggestion.
Go to, what is it called? Damn it. You know what?
I'll get back to that a little bit later. It's
a dessert bar, but it's sexually themed, okay?
So the waiter comes up behind you while you're
sitting in this little boot that you can put
these partitions around so nobody can see you.
The waiter sneaks up on you, and the first thing
he does is he goes, would you like a rim job?
And you're like, what? Yeah, well, it's... What
they do as a rim job is chocolate syrup they
spread around on the inside of your glass. And,
I mean, it's just being a guy. You're like, no,
no, no. Yeah, yeah. I think tomorrow we'll probably
go down to the Zachary Taylor Beach. Yeah, let's
go look at the fucking five -eyed cats in the
Hemingway house or something. You know, discuss
and stuff. And all of a sudden he just walks
up right behind you because he's partitions.
And I'm sure they do it on purpose just to flip
you out. Would you like a rim job, sir? I'm like,
what? And then he goes, it's chocolate around
the inside of your glass. I'm like, sir, a rim
job sounds fantastic, so get to rimming. So anyhow.
So, yeah, you talk about your ass cheeks slamming
shut. Oh, my God. Yeah, like I said, you come
to the United States, say rim job. It's got a
totally different meaning. Well, Key West is
the United States. It's Florida. Yeah, I know
what you mean. You come up here. Well, Key West,
they call it Key Weird for a reason. Yeah, exactly.
What is the name of that fest that they have?
It's like a carnival or something like that.
I forgot what they call it, but it's like an
Anything Goes. And they have Adam and Eve. It's
a bar. Upstairs is topless. No, upstairs is clothing
optional, not topless. Clothing optional. Downstairs
is a regular bar. So if you want to go to the
clothing optional one, you can go upstairs. So
I took a little peek up there, and I'm like,
no. No. I don't want to go up there. No. It's
like this. The people you would rather see naked
are downstairs. Not. The people you don't want
to see naked are upstairs naked. So, you know.
And it's kind of like Miami Beach. That is a
clothing for a beach. It depends if you have
your girlfriend with you or not at that point.
Well, from what I saw in Miami Beach, it's a
bunch of European elderly out there naked with
their balls hanging down to their knees and chicks
with their tits hanging down to their navel.
I mean, it was not attractive people. I'm sorry.
They were, ugh. Hey, I'm 56. I'll take what I
can get. Okay. But I do have a girlfriend now.
Okay, so you can't do that right now. Yeah. But
it just seems to me, maybe not always, maybe
I went at a wrong time or something, but it really
seems to me like the people you would rather
see naked have nothing to do with it. So we're
going back to Aruba. The last time I was in Aruba,
I forgot my wallet in my tennis shoes at the
resort we're at. And so I figured out I didn't
have my wallet halfway back, right, to the port.
So thankfully, I had the cab driver. I was like,
hey, look, we have enough time to go back and
then come back. I'll pay you whatever you need
to take me back to the resort because I can't
find my wallet. And not only that, but if I don't
have my wallet, I can't pay you. So she turns
around, goes back, and I have my wallet stuffed
inside my tennis shoes, and I forgot. So I'm
running back to the resort, and I see my tennis
shoes. I'm like, well, at least I found my tennis
shoes. I pick them up, and then I had my hand
on the inside. I'm like, hey, wait a minute.
It was my wallet. I stuck them inside my tennis
shoes and I'd forgotten. And I'm like, oh, my
God. That's a hiding spot my dad taught me, too.
Oh, okay. I'm not the only one that does that.
No, no. That's a good hiding spot for your wallet.
Well, it worked because nobody touched my shoes.
Oh, well, fuck. Now we gave up generations. Oh,
man. Damn it. Now people are going to check our
shoes and get our wallets. so well this time
i got a big water wallet and i didn't have one
i i forgot to bring it or i know i forgot what
so i had to do something with my wallet and the
best thing to do is stuff it in your shoes because
you're wearing your sandals so this time i have
a water wallet and so i'm gonna have all my my
wallet will stay in the safe on the on the ship
the vital stuff that i need is going to be my
water wallet including my passport because Here's
what happens to people. Okay, like I said, they
don't wait at ports as long as they used to.
This is a 10 o 'clock port at night, so people
should be back by then. But you never know. And
also, they don't take off until, like, I don't
know, midnight or 1, and they just kind of cruise
slowly to the next island, which is about 30
miles away. Okay, so they're probably okay there.
People don't take their passport because they
don't need them. The boat has them, and then
they send information to the islands or Mexico
or Belize or Roatan Island or wherever you're
going. They send you the information, hey, this
guy has his passport, this lady has his passport,
and they're like, okay. So all you need is your
ID. But what people fail to realize is that if
something happens, like you miss your boat, You
miss it or, I don't know, you end up in the hospital
or something. I mean, that happens a lot too.
People trip and fall, you know, fucking mash
their head and they're in the hospital. And they
don't have their passport. They're fucked. I
mean, it takes a lot. You have to basically,
from what I understand, we've never done this,
thank God, and I don't plan on doing this, but
you have to get a courier to go on the boat.
and the boat has to give the courier clearance,
so you have to be in contact with the boat, and
you've got to go, okay, this guy, his name's
such and such, he's going to come on the boat,
he's going to show you his ID from this whatever
location, Miami or whatever. Okay, he's going
to pick up that passport, and he's going to bring
it to me here, let's say Aruba, and he's going
to bring it to me here in Aruba. You have to
do that, and that is extremely expensive. We're
talking into thousands of dollars to have that
done. And people don't realize that they need
their passport because the ship only requires
you, and the country that you're in requires
you just to have your ID because they already
have your passport information, right? So just
a little tip there to people. Bring your passport
with you. Get a water wallet. Put that thing
inside there. Passports purposely fit in a water
wallet for a reason, and that's why. And then,
you know, maybe a couple of credit cards, a little
bit of cash. Maybe your ID. No, I've got to go
out and buy a new wallet to go out of the truck.
Damn you. A water wallet's cool, though, dude.
I like my wallet. Look, I like my wallet, too.
I like my regular wallet. But the thing is, if
you jump in the ocean. It's comfy. Yeah, so is
mine. But if you jump in the ocean, what's that
wallet going to do? It's going to get soggy and
it's going to fuck everything up in it, right?
Yeah. Well, a water wallet's cool because you
put it around your neck, and it's made out of
some sort of a plastic usually, and it snaps
together with gaskets, and it's sealed to where
water can't get in it. So you get in the ocean
or whatever, and it's right in front of you so
you know it's there. You don't lose it. Other
places, people, like, carry it somehow else.
That's actually a good idea. That's a very good
idea. Yeah. A water wallet is the way to go,
trust me. And then a passport will fit in them,
along with a little bit of cash and, I don't
know, whatever else. Actually, your passport
overrides any ID, so you don't really need ID.
All you need is your passport, and that is fine
with everywhere. So, anyhow, I don't know how
I got into all that. New rage, Rob. Scented bowling
balls are a thing now. Scented. What? Scented
bowling balls. Scented bowling balls. Yes, scented
bowling balls. I wish I was kidding. I cannot
wait to tell my son this. I'm not kidding. I
suddenly changed my mind about the panhandlers.
I think that before you waste your money on a
scented bowling ball, you must give whatever
amount you're going to waste on a scented fucking
bowling ball to a panhandler and tell them that
you're sorry that you grew up in a spontaneous
consumer and you watched parents trample people
on Black Friday at Target and you can't help
yourself. But there's an array of flavors, okay,
and it goes from... I don't know, I'm liking
the sounds of the scent. Holy bull. Look, I would
entertain the idea if they had a fried chicken
scented one. I mean, but, you know, the Paisley
one or something like that, I'm not really interested.
Well, I would have to do research into it, see
how long that scent lasts. You know, that's a
good question. I didn't look far enough into
it. Yeah. I mean, does it last 30 days or does
it last 30 years? You know what I mean? I don't
know. Hang on. That's a good question. Let's
take a look at this bitch right here. Yeah. All
right. Oh, you're looking at it. okay okay it
seems to they have all different types of scents
It has a very strong, it's a storm bowling ball.
It has a scent. It has a grape scent. There are
other ones that have a peach scent and a lemon
scent. And they generally last about three months
from what I could see. Three months? Three months.
Depends on the price. It depends on the price.
Well, all you got to do is Google it, and it
shows you places that you can buy. There's Storm
Bowling right here. I might have to look. Yeah,
I'll look into that. Look up Storm Bowling Balls.
Okay, so you really want one, for real? Yeah,
I'll save it for my son. Oh, okay. All right.
He's into bowling. Actually, I... I'm tossing
up either getting into bowling or going back
into pool. You know what? I mean, why not? Bowling's
not bad. I just don't know when I'm going to
have time. That's my deal. Yeah. I mean, between
this and a podcast like tomorrow, since today
was eye appointments and dental stuff that I
had to do today, so the podcast that... Topher
and I are going to do from the city market been
put off till tomorrow. So between all that stuff,
I don't have a whole lot of time. So and anyhow,
let's see here. All right. I'm trying to say
not say anyhow as much because it bothers me.
I don't know if anyone else notices, but I do.
It could be something. Yeah. It's something that
I pick on myself about. I don't know if it's
that noticeable or not, but I'm trying to stop
saying it. So if I stutter a little bit, I apologize,
but I'm trying not to say that word that I just
said. So I went to my massage therapist the other
day. What was that word? Anyhow. You said it.
I did. I got you. I know. Okay, she did. i i
know you put it up there on a tee there you go
yeah i did i had to just had to but anyways i
love you man i love you i know that um but anyways
rob yeah she told me about the time i'm not saying
the word i'm saying anyways i can say that so
um She told me about the time she was asked for
a little extra rub and tug by a massage therapist.
I was amazed. She had a guy threaten to report
her to the massage licensing or the local government
agency and say she did a rub and tug if she didn't
do it to him. So she was like, all right, bastard.
She immediately went to the manager and had him
thrown out. And also she had a couple other issues
with guys thinking they're going to get a rub
and tug was going to happen. But I didn't know
it was so prevalent, Rob. You know, a happy ending,
right? There is actually a website for this.
It's called rubmaps .com. I'm still floored there's
an actual website with reviews for the good old
rub down in the nether regions. You know, I go
to the site. I can't believe, you know, how many
are so close to my home, you know. I'm like going,
what the hell? This is right up the road. This
is right up the road. And you don't even notice
them. They're little small places. I mean, it's
like a whole little underground world right next
door that most people haven't had a clue about.
You know, you look at the site, and you have
to put it in Google first, and it's kind of tricky
finding it. And I'm not joking or setting you
up. I'm not encouraging you to go look for it
either. Okay, but it actually has the business's
names, but to get the person that does that,
you have to join a subscription service, okay?
And I took a look at it. I wasn't interested
in getting a rub and tug or nothing like that,
okay? So I was like going, wow, that really fucking
happens. And I know it does, but it's just kind
of weird that you wouldn't think there's a website
about it, rubmaps .com. The Internet is a very
interesting world, just saying. But here's what
I want to know. This website's up. Don't you
think that law enforcement knows it's up? Don't
you think that they look at IP addresses, which
mine will be in the mail because I looked at
it? I'm sure there will be an officer somewhere
sometime that will catch on to it. Yeah. Yeah,
they watch for stuff like that. Well, for one,
it's a subscription service to get the actual
name. Actually, actually, I think as long as,
what was I going to say? As long as they do the
massage. Uh -huh. Yeah, and they, you know. I
think everything would be good. I don't know.
Everything's weird these days. Are you saying...
Okay, Rob, hang on. Correct me if I'm wrong here.
Are you saying it's in the technique, maybe?
Yeah. Like they have to do it a certain way to
where it's an actual massage, but if something's
in the way, they can't help it. Is that what
you're saying? Right. Right, yeah. Oh, okay.
I was having a hard time wording that. I got
a very long day, brother. Okay, no, no, no, no.
I was just trying to clarify. I was moving nonstop
all day. You sound a little tired, actually.
I am. So, okay. I'm going to get through this.
Okay. So, I'm like, okay. So, you have to present
this to the person, right? So I wonder if there's,
like, code words. Like, the grass is green, you
know, or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, there
has to be code words. But I'm going to find out
more. I'm going to do a little bit more research.
I was just amazed. I shouldn't be. I know stuff
like this goes on. But it was just weird. So
anyhow, April Fool's is today. But it's not just
April Fool's Day. It's National Tomfoolery Day.
It's also National One Cent Day. It's also National
Sourdough Bread Day, followed by April 2nd, and
that being the National Ferret Day. National
Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and National Reconciliation
Day are also the second. You know, I mean, how
do... I explained how you get these days. You
know, you got to turn them in and stuff. But
I can't believe how many days there are. How
many can they add a day, you know? There should
be 50 a day before long, dude. I know. I mean,
isn't there a limit? Couldn't they, I mean, at
like five or six or something? But, I mean, I'm
waiting for April 3rd. You know what April 3rd
is? My daughter's birthday, for one. It's also
National Burrito Day. Oh, my God. Okay. It's
your daughter's birthday and it's your burrito
day. Yeah, yeah. I was just talking to her about
dinner that night because I wanted to take her
out for dinner. Okay. Okay, we'll go for Mexican.
There you go. And let her know it's National
Burrito Day. So, you know, all the other days
I couldn't give a shit about except April Fool's.
This morning at 6 a .m. I played a trick on Val.
I go, man, I go, what's happening right down
the road a couple of houses down? I go, there's
cops everywhere. What? I go, April Fool's. I
got to think about April Fool's, and you want
to know the best prank I ever pulled on April
Fool's? What? Okay. I know what it was against
me, or I'd remember it. No, this is against a
neighbor that was always in competition with
me, and he was kind of annoying. So I believe
the best prank I've ever played is when I put
a garden hose in my friend's gas tank down the
gas hole. or whatever you call an asshole, no,
gas hole. He had a Ford Mustang convertible.
He had just bought it. It was a 67 model with
a soft top. It was just a beautiful car. I remember
it well. It was powder blue with a white top.
I went to the ground near his car, and I wet
it all over there, and there was a decent puddle
on the ground. Then I called him out, and I told
him the neighborhood brat was putting water in
his gas tank, and I had that fucking hose in
there. He's shit. He runs up there and he's like,
you know, he pulls it out. And he pulls it out
and it's dry. And I'm sitting there fucking laughing
at him. I go, oh, you're an asshole. Yeah, I
got you. And then he threatened my AMC Pacer.
And I said, go ahead. I hate that car. But that
thing, that was one of the best pranks I ever
pulled. Because could you imagine that? You're
running out, right? And someone goes, man, the
kid down the road is putting water in your gas
tank. I caught him. Then he's running out. He
sees water all over the ground. He sees puddles.
And he sees a garden hose inside his gas tank.
I mean, you wouldn't have time to think it's
April 1st. You wouldn't have time to think April
Fool's. You'd just be like, shit, running out
there and trying to stop it and figure out what's
going on. I think that might have been the best
prank ever pulled, but I don't know. I pulled
a few of them. That's just one that I remember
really well for some reason. Have you pulled
a really good prank on April Fool's? Actually,
I really don't get into it. I really don't. Well,
I'm that asshole that does, so anyhow. So, Rob,
you had a little incident. I know you are. I
grew up, dude. Well, obviously I did, and the
first thing I did this morning was play a prank
on Val, so there you go. Yeah. What did you say,
5 .30? 6 a .m. It was 6 a .m. I did wait until
6. I woke up about 5 .30. Oh, dude, that is wrong.
It was. I know. I admit it now, but it was fun,
too. You catch me at 6 a .m. and do something
like that. Fucked my whole day up. That's a frying
pan time, isn't it? I'm pissed off the rest of
the day. Well, I'm sitting there giggling. You're
grabbing the frying pan, aren't you? No, I'm
at work cutting steel, fucking throwing steel.
Bastard. So, Rob, you told me about a little
incident that happened last night. You want to
talk about it a little bit? Yes, I did. Yes,
I did. Last night, while we were recording, I
asked for a special break. Yep. Well, what happened
was my girlfriend had left here. She was here
while we were recording, and she left here to
go home. And she got up by the square here in
Canton, and there was a bunch of cops. Guns drawn,
blah, blah, blah. She turned around, she came
right back here, and that's when I asked for
the break because, you know, she was a little
frantic. And, well, it came out today with the
story what she ran across. And the story I'm
going to read is off Lake Expo. Okay. This was
right here at Lake of the Ozarks. Okay. Niangua
Arm. Niangua Arm. A beautiful Lake of the Ozarks.
It started out on the other side of the lake,
to be honest. Oh, okay. Okay, sorry. No, I'm
reading the whole story here. Okay. A high -speed
chase on Highway 54 Monday night led to a standoff
between the driver and Lake Area Police. Around
8 .41 p .m. March 31st, officers from the Lake
Ozark Police Department attempted a traffic stop
near the city limits of Lake Ozark and Osage
Beach. but the vehicle reportedly failed to yield,
initiating a pursuit. Spike strips were deployed
near KK as the vehicle fled westbound on 54.
Despite hitting the street strips, the vehicle
continued and eventually entered Candenton, where
more spike strips were deployed. The chase ended
on Old Highway 5, which is right out here at
Business 5. Just north of Camden Square, around
853, when a Lake Ozark officer executed a pursuit
intervention technique, which to everybody is
the pit maneuver. using their patrol vehicle
to disable the fleeing vehicle. The driver was
the sole occupant, then produced a handgun. A
standoff with officers lasted until 946, which
was after the air, after we were off the air.
A standoff... When the driver was taken into
custody without further incident, authorities
have not released the identity of the driver
pending formal charges and the completion of
the initial investigation. The Lake Ozark PD
thanked the following agencies for their assistance.
Osage Police Department, Camden County Sheriff's
Office, Camden PD, Missouri Highway State Patrol,
and Mid -Missouri Drug Dad Task Force. So I'm
telling you, watch the A &E show, Ozark Law.
I guarantee you'll see this one on it. Wow. Yeah.
Here at Lake of the Ozarks, this shit's getting
ridiculous. It really is. Meanwhile, you can't
hardly drive in Kansas City anymore. I mean,
every time, today was the same thing. I was going
to I appointments up in the city, and I had other
appointments to go to. Today was like a medical
day, going all around town. And people are trying
to hit you. If you're not a defensive driver,
you're going to get hit. And it's ridiculous.
People for whatever reason. Yeah, he could just
run from the cops. Yeah, up here it's like people
looking on their phone. And then pulled a handgun.
That's stupid. That's stupid right there. You
pull a handgun. Where it actually got stopped,
it's like on the north side of the courthouse
and sheriff's department. It's like a block.
Block and a half. They didn't have far to take
him, did they? No, no, no. They probably walked
him there. All they had to do was walk him across
the parking lot. There's this cut through the
road. She said that's where, yeah, you couldn't
get past that. You pull out a handgun. They caught
him right by the square. I'm hoping they beat
the shit out of him. You pull out a handgun.
That's called fuck around and find out. And that
is a no -no, especially down there. Down there,
they get away with a little bit more than they
want to. I wasn't going to say it. Down there.
I wasn't going to say it. Down there. It was
just like we said before. This is redneckville
here. Allegedly, a long time ago, Cass County
police told you and me both, on different occasions,
if someone's on your front doorstep, fucking
with you, and they're threatening to do something
bad to you, shoot them. and then drag them inside
the house. They don't have the budget to investigate.
Yeah, you've got to make sure they're in your
door. Yeah, all this is allegedly. It may or
may not have happened. Allegedly. Allegedly.
And, yeah, same thing there. It's like, it was
the weirdest thing. He threw his face on the
ground ten times. Is that what happened? Yeah.
Is that what happened? Yeah, that's what happened.
He threw his face on the ground ten times. We
tried to tell him to stop, but he wouldn't. So
let's... Well, that explains the sudden break
last night. Sorry, everybody. I think that's
very understandable, Rob. Very understandable.
All right. Let's take our first break. I got
a few emails, not a ton of them, because we had
such a short time in between. But these are actually
ones from... I believe they're from the weekend,
but I've got to get that other... I apologize.
I've got to get the other email to go in, because
this doesn't even tell me what time they came
in. Sometimes it cuts it off. You guys would
have to see to see what I'm really talking about.
But anyhow, we'll be back here real quick. would
look ridiculous solving crime on a sunny day.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for
brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
The very last meal on the Titanic before it went
down was lamb with mint sauce. Why, Whataburger,
you say? Well, because what a deep -fried crispy
chicken nugget. Just didn't have the right ring.
Have you ever wondered what something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hey,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so
have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.
This is the origin of the Big Mac. The original
Big Mac sauce was created in 1968 at a McDonald's
in Pittsburgh by a franchise owner named Jim
Delegati. to serve with the Big Mac itself. The
sauce first came in two different flavors, but
then they were ultimately combined by McDonald's
head honcho Ray Kroc in 1972 in order to ensure
consistency. You watched the news. It looks grim.
Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download
all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple
mobile chargers. We have most of all. Make sure
and have plenty of rope. Strong, threaded, durable
rope with a rating of 400 pounds or greater.
You need to know basic knots so you can go to
the library and download the Boy Scouts handbook
and have a reference to slip knots and other
essential rope tricks. Rope can be used in traps
to catch food. or would be predators. Rope is
a key ingredient in post -apocalypse survival.
Next up, things overheard in hell. John Wayne
Gacy is in charge of human resources. Our constant
pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange
insults from an alien. Real hilarity. Your IQ
isn't even room temperature. And a microphone.
I'm Mark in the Kansas City chapter of this here
thingy. And I am Rob from the beautiful Niagara
Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. Awesome. I told you
I was working on it today. While I was working,
I was getting it down. I did it. I can see you
at work saying it over and over. What the fuck
are you doing? Just move on. Don't worry about
it. Just move on. You don't want to know. I'm
going to be saying this shit in my sleep. Thank
you. I was going through some old pictures, and
I saw one of the funniest things I ever saw,
and this was down near Kimberling City. I was
headed to Eureka Springs, and I stopped there
at one of those Rapid Roberts that are down all
over that area. You know, their gas station,
you know, kind of like a quick trip. So I see
this car that they obviously lived out on the
gravel roads, right? And it was just caked in
dust. And on the back, it was written, I wish
my wife was this dirtay. And I was like, what?
Dirtay, D -A -R -T -A -Y. And I took a picture
of it and I saw it through there. I'm like, oh,
I remember that. It was over. Just south of Kimberlin
City, kind of in between there and Lampy, where
the Black Oak Amphitheater is. And I was like,
man, that was funny. And no one came out. I was
trying to see who owned it. I'm like, okay. Okay,
come on. Someone's got to come out. Someone's
got to come out. I waited as long as I could,
but we were running late, so I had to leave.
A lot of those places in Eureka Springs, they
give you a couple hours to show up. They're like,
the guy's only going to be there until 4, so
you better get there to get the key. So it was
one of those deals. But I just thought that was
fun. Dirt hay. All right, we're going to get
to these emails here. Sound good? You know I
love them. All right. Mark, what would be your
favorite musician autobiography? What would be
the worst? Lenny in Houston. Geezer Butler in
To the Void was my all -time favorite. That thing
was so honest. It was fantastic. And then it's
followed closely by Iron Man by Tony Iommi, his
autobiography. And a firm third would probably
be Bob Daisley for fact's sake. and then probably
Glenn Hughes' official autobiography, and I Am
Ozzy, of course, by Ozzy. The worst one, I would
say, would be Dio's autobiography. It was horrible,
in my opinion. But it came out 11 years after
his death, so I'm betting it wasn't finished
yet, and they just put a bunch of filler in there.
Because the reason I like the ones that I do
so well is because of how honest they are. You
know, Geezer Butler's talking about his part
in the Sabbath breakup and his part in this and
that and how he really felt about some of the
band members, how he felt about their wives.
He was just really honest, and he didn't hold
back. He told everything. Tony Iommi was really
good, too. He told a lot, too, about his drug
problems, everything. And so did Glenn Hughes.
I really appreciate that. And Bob Daisley just
tells like inside stories about stuff that you're
like going, wow, because he's in Uriah Heep,
Rainbow, Blizzard of Oz, Black Sabbath. I mean,
he is in all these bands. And he has all these
neat little stories that a lot of them forgot
because they were too fucked up. And he didn't
do stuff like that. So he remembered them. And
then, like I said, the Aussie was really good.
He was honest, too. But it was stuff that was
more known. instead of stuff that was not known.
You know what I mean? Where Tony Iommi and Glenn
Hughes and Gieser Butler told about stuff that
was not known, you know? And I thought that that
was really good. It was like, wow, I didn't realize
that happened. I didn't realize that happened.
So, and then the DL1, I don't think it was completed.
Like I said, it was put out 11 years after his
death. So I think that they put a bunch of filler
just to get it out. So, all right. Rob, do you
have any cool old bandanas? If so, could I have
one? I really would like a Skinnered one. Jamie.
Don't say where he's from. Jamie could be a girl.
Could be? I have a cousin, Jamie, that is a girl.
You think it might be her? No, I don't. Okay.
My old ones are on my wall right now. You can
order them online, Jamie. They don't cost that
much. No, I think she wants one for me. That's
what it sounds like. He or she wants one for
me personally. No, I do not. Jamie, do you want
it like autographed, like with a Sharpie or something
maybe? You want Rob Rad's signature on it, possibly?
Now, wait a second. I think I do have a red one
in my drawer in my bedroom. Score, Jamie. I might
have one. Jamie, write us back. Write us back.
Let us know where it is. Let me know. There you
go. Rob Rad's willing to give you a Skinnered
bandana. That's pretty cool. No, it's not a Skinnered,
just a red bandana. Okay, Jamie, that's what
you get, a red bandana. That's all he's got.
Yeah, just a typical red one. Okay, no Skinnered
for you, sorry. If it was Skinnered, that thing
would be on my wall. There you go, Jamie. But
anyway. How do they come up with this shit? Okay.
I love it. I do. Like I said, these guys are
better than us. They need their own podcast,
I swear. But I'm serious. No, I'm serious. I'll
sign it and send it to them if they want this
red one. What if they want ass prints? Would
you, like, paint up your ass? Get the info for
me, Mark. I'll sign it. Rob Red. And I will send
it to them. Okay. There you go, Jamie. Write
us back. All right. Hey, guys. I'm headed back
home to my home in South Central Cass County.
Do you guys want a Goober Burger? I'm going through
Sedalia to get home. Mitch on Highway 65. What
a dick. I love him. Mitch, you just drove. You
were just an hour north of me. Asshole, you couldn't
stop by here and see me. Yeah, I want a Goober
Burger. Do you? I'm right here in Canton. He's
got a backtrack to give you your Goober Burger.
If anyone doesn't know what a Goober Burger is,
allegedly they were invented in Sedalia, Missouri
at the Wagon Wheel Restaurant. It's peanut butter
on your hamburger or cheeseburger. And they are
good, though. They are surprising. Oh, good.
I would love one. Yeah. Supposedly you put a
little banana in that, and that was Elvis' treat.
He loved them. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Banana adds
everything to it. Oh, shit. I forgot to give
you this earlier today. What? We're going to
have to do it next one. What is your top seven
favorite concerts? Ronnie in Tulsa, Tulsa King.
Top seven favorite concerts. Okay, Ronnie, I
dropped the ball. That will be Sunday night.
I was busy today, like I said, with medical stuff,
so I really didn't have the time to do this myself.
So Sunday night we will have them, and right
back at you too, Ronnie. Come up with yours.
He loves that. Oh, I know he does. I know he
does. As soon as he hears this, he's like, these
fuckers. You asshole, you should get right back
to me. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, before you email,
just have your list prepared. Yes. Yeah, yeah,
have it there. Write it down. We already see
how Mark is. Yes, yes. I have other questions,
but Mark keeps throwing these back at you. I
downloaded these this morning, and I was fully
aware of them because I did read them, but then
I had to go to my appointments, and by the time
I got back, I'd forgotten about them. So I apologize,
but we'll all have them Sunday then. And then
finally, who? Okay, okay. Well, while we're talking
about Tulsa King, let me throw one at him. Cool.
I want to know what his favorite, his top seven
movies are. Oh, there you go. Two of them. I'm
challenging him. Well, he's already asked for
ours. Oh, we never did give him, did we? I want
to know, I want to know what his, no, we've already
mentioned them. Oh, that's right, we did. He
never did get back with us, did he? Unless he,
okay. To be fair. No, no, we never challenged
him on it. Oh, that's what it was. He was too
busy throwing it. We just started, well, you
just started throwing the challenges at it. Yeah,
that's right. I interrupted you. No, I, yeah.
Ronnie, I want to know your top seven movies.
Okay, and then after that, you can come up with
your top seven concerts, unless you can do them
both. All 14 of them do it. If you want to do
that first, that's fine, and then do the top
seven concerts second. Do it every night. Yeah,
let's do the concerts since you got us busy on
it. Then, in your spare time, work on it. Work
on that and then just give it to us when you
can. All right. Yeah. And then finally, who was
a better guitarist, Zach Wilder or Nuno Betancourt?
No name. I don't know if I can pick a favorite,
Rob. You? Yes. I love them both. They're different
styles. Yes, I do too. They both can play guitar
masterfully. They're both fast. They're both
precise. They're both melodic. They have a great
deal of passion. They both look cool. I mean,
I don't know. I love them both probably pretty
much equally. You, Rob? Actually, I feel kind
of the same way. I mean, yeah, they... I love
both their sounds. Well, No Name didn't tell
us which one they liked better. So, No Name,
will you write us back and let us know if you
have a definitive favorite or if you like us
where you can't really pick one. They're both
just insanely good. Yeah, those two, you could...
You could not choose between these two. Actually,
I don't think. Yeah. This is pretty neat because
this wasn't even sent at the music creeps. This
was sent at us. Right. Right. And so. The music
creeps is not getting, and neither are the sports
pastors, they're not getting very many emails,
which is, I encourage if you have something that
you want to talk about or something that you
think we said wrong or something you want to
bring up to either one of those, email the same
one here until we change it. All right, Rob,
you got something you want to go into? Damn,
I thought we had another email, too. Hang on,
let me pull it up. Oh, no. No, that's it. I do.
I do. I do. Okay. And I like this story. Okay.
That was good. Okay. 60s rock legend Roger Daltrey,
the lead singer of The Who, said he's feeling
the effects of age. Losing his sight. as well
as his hearing. While raising money from the
Teenage Cancer Trust, Doctry spoke from the stage
during a performance. The 81 -year -old singer
likened his struggle to that of one of his band's
most famous creations, according to the set.
The joys of getting old mean you go deaf. I also
know I have to get the joy of going blind, Beltre
said, while wearing purple tinted sunglasses,
which he's known for. Wow. Fortunately, I still
have my voice because then I will have a full
Tommy. Wow. You talk about ironic. I guess it'd
be ironic, wouldn't it? Tommy, of course, is
the name of the Who's celebrated 1969 rock opera
later made into a film about a man named Tommy
Walker who becomes deaf, blind, and unable to
speak. And can play a mean piano. The song Pinball
Wizard details his prowess with the game. Daughtry
is a patron of the Cancer Trust and a group have
been giving benefit concerts for charity for
more than 20 years. Wow. Yeah, so Roger Godfrey's
been doing these free concerts for over 20 years.
Had no idea. Man, that's good. For the Teenage
Cancer Trust. That's right. Yeah, this is one
of those stories. Mm -hmm. I thought it was all
right talking, you know, reading about him going
blind to death. But then I really got to reading
into it. He goes deeper like this cancer trust
deal, man. Guitarist Pete Townsend, 79, also
joked about his knee replacement. Well, admitting
it was nothing compared to what the patients
in the teenage cancer trust deal with. Maybe
I should oxen off the old one, me, he said. Well,
John had one done, and he wears his as a bracelet.
Oh, wow. Unfortunately, mine's in three bits.
Daughtry and Townsend have said for several years
that they were nearing the end of their careers.
Wow. Wow. So, yeah, well, I mean, he's 82. I
get it. I mean, actually, in all fairness, I
mean, with all the stuff that they've done, I'm
sure they probably look in the mirror and go,
I'm lucky to be here. Yeah. So, wow. Good job,
Roger. Like you said, at least he still has his
voice. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? That's
probably going to keep him happy. You know? Without
his voice, he's Tommy. I know. When you said
that, it caught me off guard. I'm like, wow.
He already sung about himself. He needs to get
good at pinball. I love how he embraced it. I
love how he embraced it. He needs to get good
at pinball. I do, too. I love the way he embraced
it, too. He grew up in the UK. I imagine he is.
Okay. Oh, Rob, what did you think of the new
parody? Have you heard it? Which one? The one
about your penis getting bit off by a parakeet.
Oh, I loved it. Actually, that did fucking hurt.
It did hurt. I bet it did. Yes, it did. Yeah,
those are pretty good screams you let out. That
was first thing in the morning, man. Something
like that. Yeah, your day's shot after something
like that. Yeah, yeah. You get your penis bit
off by a parakeet, that's pretty much end your
day. Yeah. Did they reattach it, or you just
don't have one now? No, it got reattached. Okay,
good, good. So your Franken -penis? Yeah, well,
it's still got stitches. Oh, okay. Hopefully
it heals up good. That way you're not... Okay.
Maybe they can do skin grafts or something. Alright,
let's take our second break and we'll be right
back. Sound like a winner? Yeah, I need to after
that. Thank you. Okay, cool. Rob consumed small
doses of radiation for 30 years. 30 years. Rob
is immune to radiation. Watch him glow. Watch
Rob Ray jump up 25 feet and grab birds out of
thin air with his mouth. With his mouth. Rob
can now be lent it for children's parties and
barments, fellas. That's right. Come on and rent
you a rock today. That's right. Come by and rent
Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch Rob consume
seven bottles of night cream and still break
dance and new walk. Watch Rob Red. Fart down
a building. Fart down a building. Rob Red assumes
no responsibility whatsoever. He is not a babysitter
and he doesn't give one house a shit about your
children. Please remember to corral every little
bastard you have. Before Lobb gets there, and
Wald will not put up with any backtalk, he will
promptly get them in the place. Robb Bragg assumes
no responsibility for anything that could be
stolen from his visit. Robb Bragg has no responsibility
whatsoever in any outcome of any situation. Read
a Robb today. Your mama's so fat, when she fell
in love, she broke it. Yes, it's true. Mark is
an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell
you, if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen,
it's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures
and tear them up immediately. Please remember
to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes,
and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Now it's time for Pickup Lines from a Loser.
Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written
all over you. Harambe used to listen to our original
show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask
why Harambe never listens to our original show,
Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Two Gypsies and the Cheap
Radio Shack Realistic Take Recorder, or any other
show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Somewhere in the
heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying
because her little Bebo is listening to this
film. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark
here in the Kansas City Metroplex. And I am Rob
at the beautiful Langmore Marble Lake of the
Ozarks. Perfect, Rob. Great job. Told you I've
been working on it. I can tell. I'm getting ready
to talk about our old friends, the Gen Zers.
We love them, right? We think they're awesome.
Yeah. Getting there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, really,
we're kind of admiring them a little bit. They
got a lot of oomph to them, and they got a lot
of conviction to how they feel. So here is the
latest. Gen Z employees are never at their desks,
and it's driving their bosses crazy. Gen Zers
are actively fleeing their desks for a very 2025
reason. If you're wondering where all the young
office workers are, check your watch. It might
be sweet treat time. With their firm boundaries,
baggy jeans, and roll -dye approach to nutritional
structures, the youngest work generation has
introduced snack time into office life. I see
nothing wrong with that, do you? I see nothing
wrong with that at all. We get to snack and drink
as we work. It's no big deal to us. Yeah, we
just got it in like standing up. It sounds to
me like they go somewhere and do this, so I get
it, to get away from everything. Millennial PR
boss Grace Garrick, 30, has hired a number of
Gen Zers for her successful agency, MVMNT, and
she's become very familiar with the culture of
young workers needing many breaks in the day.
Garrick told News .com AU. She considers herself
an expert in this area because her local Easy
Mart knows all her Gen Z staffers, not just by
face, but by name. The 3 p .m. sugar break is
more than just getting over that afternoon slump.
It's a movement of self -care and indulgence,
she explained. When you're adulting, there feels
like a constant to -do list. And the 3 p .m.
sugar break lets us go back to simpler times
of childhood, like getting a sweet treat at the
local corner store. Among the corporations and
life and everything expanded into your day, this
is a retreat that takes you back to your childhood.
So that's another thing I see eye to eye with.
You know, we always admitted we're very nostalgic
and we love things out of our childhood and we
cherish things of it. keepsakes and souvenirs
and all that of growing up. So what they're doing
is no different. What they're doing is they're
going and getting a little Debbie and thinking
back when they were young and they went to the
corner store and got a little Debbie there. So
I like it. I think that's a great idea. And I
bet you it's great for stress relief too, wouldn't
you think? Yeah, you know, they're kind of like,
eh, things are getting a little hectic. I think
I'm going to go get my sweet treat. It's almost
three. They go to the corner store, you know,
bullshit for a little while, eat their sweet
treat, then come back and they're refreshed.
Sounds good to me. All right, that's all I have
with that one. I mean, I just thought it deserved
a mentioning because I agree with it. Yeah, I
do too. All right, Rob, you got something? Yeah,
I do. You know how you keep mentioning Snow White?
Yes. I have no results so far. Yeah, I've heard.
Go ahead. This is embarrassing. Disney's live
-action remake of Snow White, which has been
mired by controversy, Overstar Rachel Ziegler's
comments, Steve Redding, Israel, Donald Trump,
and even the Mouse House, is expected to lose
approximately $115 million, according to a report.
That's what they're going to lose. That is nice.
The movie, which premiered on March 21st, earned
$14 .2 million, domesticatingly, in its second
weekend, a drop of 66%, putting its total worldwide
gross at $143 .1 million, distributed sources
told Deadline. Detailed forecast suggests the
film would generate approximately 295 million.
forecast suggests the film would generate approximately
$295 million in total revenues. Okay. Including
$109 million or $101 million for global theatrical
rentals, $62 million from home entertainment
sales, $100 million $230 million from streaming
the television rights and an additional $2 million
from merchandise. Okay. That will fall short
from the $410 million it costs to make the film.
Wow. The inflated costs include $270 million
for production alone. Mm -hmm. driven up by production
delays caused by industry strikes and a fire
that erupted on the set in the film in the UK.
Wow. I'm just going to stop right there. You
got the point across, Rob. Yeah, that movie is
going broke. Well, I mean, the sad thing is,
is this right here. I mean, we don't have to
say anything more about it. It speaks for itself,
doesn't it? Yeah, well, they're estimating they're
going to lose like $115 million on the show.
Maybe it'll be a lesson learned. That's what
they're estimating. But I doubt it. Yeah, keep
your damn actor's mouth shut. Yes. And give us
a movie, not a thought of the day. All right.
Do you know what soft launching is? No. Okay.
That would be interesting. It is. Okay, soft
launching is a newer term, and they use it to
your advantage. You can use it to your advantage
if you need to in the context of relationships
and social media. Soft launching means suddenly
introducing a new partner to your online presence,
often with hints or partial images rather than
a full explicit announcement. Here's a more detailed
explanation. Subtle introduction. Instead of
posting a picture of you and your partner together,
you might share a photo of their hand holding
yours. or a picture of the two of you in the
same location without showing their face. So,
why do people do soft launches? This is what
they say. Some reasons are for soft launching
include wanting to keep the relationship private,
avoid potential drama or scrutiny, or simply
enjoy the early stages of the relationship without
immediate public pressure. Example, a photo of
two drinks on a table. With the hand of your
partner subtly visible. A picture of you both
in a restaurant, but only shown the back of your
partner's head. A picture of a pair of hands
holding each other in contrast with hard launch.
A hard launch would be a full public announcement
of the relationship, often with a photo of the
couple together. So, I got some feelings on this,
Rob, and then I want to hear yours. Does that
sound like something you want to get into here?
Yeah. Okay. All right. I was a little busy during
part of the story. What happened? I was writing.
Oh. Okay. I'm working on a podcast. Okay. Well,
my feelings are this. A soft launch would indicate
to me that the person soft launching is actually
not that committed, and it's an invitation to
open hunting season. Personally, I would be somewhat
insulted by a soft launch. Oh, yeah, that's what
a soft launch is. Yeah, I mean, they're disguising
it as something else. But if you were all in
on this person, my opinion, if you're all in
on this person, you don't care. You're just like,
man, this is fantastic. God, it's going to last
forever. We're crazy about each other. You would
not. kind of hide it and beat around the bush
with it, you'd be like, yeah, this is going on,
and it's fantastic, guys. I want everyone to
know. So to me, it's like a public, I'm here,
but look, still game. That's the way I view it.
So, you, Rob, you think the same, or what? Yeah,
yeah, no, I agree. Yeah, soft launch, that's,
that usually, yeah, you're... That's not good.
I would agree. It really isn't. Yeah, I can't
find the words right now. Okay, that's fine.
No. All right, well, Rob, you want to go into
something? Like I said, I've had a long day.
Finding words right off the top of my brain ain't
my best right now. All right, do you want to
close this down then? No, hell no. Oh, okay.
All right, keep going. You got something or you
want me to go into something? Well, last night
I had the world's oldest dog, and I promised
the world's oldest cat. Oh, that's right. Okay.
Yeah. Cats can live surprisingly long lives.
They can be expected to reach their teenage years,
while some can hit 20. The oldest cat ever, Cream
Puff, lived to be 38 years old. Wow. The current
oldest living cat, however, has celebrated what
is reportedly her 30th birthday, meaning that
she was born in 1995. If accurate, not only has
she seen plenty of the best cat treats over the
years, but this would put her close to the ages
of the oldest cat on record, too. Wow. It was
a fantastic day. It's such an achievement that
she turned 30. I had a birthday cake made with
a face on it, I'll tell you. Yeah. So Millie,
in the UK, lived to be 30. Mm -hmm. Still living.
Wow. Could go for the record. Yep, still living.
Could go for the record. Wow. Oh, no, it's...
Oh, yeah, Millie has not gotten recognized by
the Guinness Book yet. Yeah, that's what I thought.
But she was born in December of 95, so she should
have it. Okay, cool. All right. Got anything
else you want to go into, or you want to... Oh,
yeah, I do. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. I want
to ask how Nugget is doing. Nugget is doing okay.
We haven't had a chance to go see him in the
last few days, but Nugget is doing fine, and
he's referring to our goat. Yeah, you don't have,
oh, he's not at home? Oh, okay. We can't keep
him here. We're in the city. Okay. So our friends
keep him there, but he's our goat. And this is
down near Garden City, Missouri is where he's
at. Okay. Yeah, we go down there and we visit
him, but we don't actually per se have him on
this land. But we can have him goat sitting,
you see. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah,
we're goat sitting for a couple of days. So we
can have him here for a few days and then have
to take him back. And I don't know, a week or
two later, we could have him here for a few days.
So we're going to start doing that, but Nugget
is doing well. Oh, good. I'll tell Nugget you
asked about him. Well, I have a little stuff.
The reason why I was asking, because I know a
few people that have not had very good luck with
jokes. Me too. Me too. They become unhinged sometimes,
and they fight each other, and they're mean to
each other. They like to butt heads. They like
to butt each other. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Well,
my Uncle Mike, he had a goat. One goat. Okay.
come out of his house one morning to go to work
and that goat was laying on the top of his 65
Mustang that he had fully restored yeah he went
to chasing that goat that goat ran to that Ran
down through the field and never seen him again.
That's probably a good thing because Uncle Mike
would hurry. Yeah, I could see that happening.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I told you about my Mutherson
story that used to live next to me. Yeah, yeah.
I'm at work and my mom calls me. She lived right
up the road. And she goes, when did you get the
goats? I'm like, what the hell are you talking
about? Are you going senile or some shit? I don't
have goats. Yeah, there's two goats in your yard.
You're eating the tops out of your redbud trees.
What? Yeah, I'm looking. They're there. I see
them. Okay, all right. Well, I get off work,
and the neighbors had an uncle, I think, or a
cousin that had a farm, and they were Muthersons,
and every now and then they'd come home with
different animals they'd get from that farm,
their cousin or uncle's farm. So they brought
the goats home, but they didn't have a place
to keep them, so they put them in the backyard,
but there's no fence. So the goats went out wandering
around, and they went in my yard, ate up my redbud
trees, ate the tops out of them, but the redbud
survived, no big deal. Then they went downtown
Cleveland, and they started sitting on people's
cars. And then the goats were taken away and
given back to the original owner of them. And
then they produced a couple of ducks a couple
of years later that became mine until owls attacked
them, and then I had to give them up. So, yeah,
yeah, I have a little bit of a history with goats.
But Nugget seems to be doing okay. Oh, boy. Hello?
Hi, man. Okay, I don't know what happened, but...
I do. I hit a wrong button. Okay. You'll hear
it on the podcast, what I said. Okay. Anyhow,
all right. No, it's damn smart technology. I
hate it. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying.
I hit one wrong button, and things are fucked.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's go. Let's see. What
else? Got anything else you want to go into?
Yeah, I got one. All right. I've got a little
story here. Actually, it's something like, you
know, if you're a former fan. Yeah. Rock Band
Foreigner announced that it will perform in Canada
for a stretch of its farewell tour. But its lead
singer, Kelly Hansen, is being replaced. for
those concerts. Okay. The band has enlisted actor
and singer Gordie Brown to perform. Hanson joined
as the band's vocalist in 2005. Okay. Okay, well,
Hanson is the one I've seen down here at Ozark
Dance Team. Okay. Yeah, that was probably around
his first or second year. Anyway, Brown starred
in a four -room musical, Jukebox Hero, and is
stepping in for the 13 -day Canadian stretch
of the tour. It is unclear why Hanson will be
absent, but American Songwriter reported. Oh,
yeah. Yes, this is an American Sunrise report,
just for you. Love them. Hanson had recently
expressed he wanted to focus on other ventures,
including his wife and family. Porter's Canadian
leg of the tour begins in St. John's, Newfoundland
on October 21st and ends in... Kelowna, British
Columbia, on November 7th. So, yeah, it sounds
like Kelly Hansen is leaving Portland. Okay.
And I liked him with him. I thought he was really...
When I seen him here, yeah, I liked him. Yeah,
I thought he was... I mean, it wasn't Lou Graham.
I mean, it wasn't the old Ford. No, I know. But,
you know, he's pretty good. But, actually, he
added some new, some new, some younger energy
to it, you know. And that's what I like about
it. He had younger energy. No, I know. I liked
it, too. Because Lou Graham would have been sitting
there on a stool, you know. That's odd. I wonder
why. I don't know. I guess he'll come out why
he left. So... Okay. Well... Well, it's that.
He wants to move on with his family and stuff.
And that's it? Okay. Well, you know what? I understand
that. That's cool. All right. Yeah. Okay. You
want to go any further? It's 920. Or do you...
Want to stop it. Well, you got anything? Yeah.
Yep. Yes, I do. I got a few things. Let me look
through here. I'll see if I can come up with
something. Okay. Okay. Pretty Privilege. Think
that exists? I know it does. I think it does,
too. I agree. When you're young... And there
is. Yes. Well, pretty people have been proven
to be treated better, get more promotions, have
better pay raises, have more friends, and viewed
at more positively than people that are not so
pretty. So if you're not that attractive, you
actually, according to these articles, have a
tougher time in life because of that. And they
say that there is something to it. So a pretty
person could get a traffic violation and get
out of it because they're pretty. But if you're
kind of homely looking, you're more likely to
get a ticket. A job, going to a job, and you
and another guy have pretty much identical resumes,
the more attractive person is more likely to
get that job. And this has been proven by...
Those guys like you and me are screwed. Yes,
that's right. Hey, at least we admit it. Yeah,
yeah, you know. I think I did pretty good with
this mug. So I thought, yeah, there's a lot more
to this. But, you know, I decided to go ahead
and throw this out there because we're at the
end of this podcast pretty much. And anyhow,
I'm like really kind of tired. I think you could
notice that. By the way, I'm talking. Had a long
day of medical stuff. And I'm kind of mailing
it in. You know what, I might go into it a little
bit more next time, but that's pretty much what's
going on. All right. All right. Got something?
Yeah, I have one more here. All right. One I've
been kind of saving up. Okay. A small -town revival
plan worthy of Leslie Knope herself, a person.
We show Parks and Recreation. Build new homes,
invest in the community, and watch the town come
back to life. But this isn't fictional Pawnee,
Indiana. This is Pawnee City, Nebraska. A real
town with real charm. and now a very real incentive
for anyone looking to relocate. Yeah, go look
there. That's part of an ambitious effort to
attract new residents and revitalize the local
economy the city is offering. $50 ,000 in down
payment assistance to buyers of newly built homes.
Wow. What part of the state is it in, do you
know? Yeah. Let me carry on. Two more sentences,
you'll get that. The initiative is designed to
boost population growth, support local businesses,
and bring new life into this historic town. If
you build it, they will come. Vision 2030. So
they're wanting to have this, you know. really
be grown by 2030. Mm -hmm. Pawnee City is a small,
close -knit community in southeast Nebraska,
about a 90 -minute drive from both Lincoln and
Omaha. Uh -huh. Okay, so it's not that far out
there. No. That's not a bad deal at all. It's
the kind of place where neighbors know one another,
kids walk to school, and local businesses form
the backbone of the daily life. Like many rural
communities, though, it has seen its sharp drop
in population. In the 1970s, Pawnee City was
home of some 1 ,300 residents. Uh -huh. Today,
it's just 850. A decline local leaders are determined
to reverse. Their solution is to focus on what
really drives growth, families, homes, and quality
of life. The result is Vision 2030, an ambitious
re -violation plan centered on housing. Cool.
I wonder how they're getting the funds. That's
pretty... Yeah, it don't go into that. And then
what about the job market there, too, is another
thing I'm wondering about. Okay, so you go there.
Then is there jobs available to maintain your
living there? Well, like I said... I have not
had time to look into that part of it. No, no,
no. I'm not asking for answers. What I'm saying
is there's a lot of questions. Okay. Thank you,
Rob. That was a neat article. Interesting about
how to do that. Unless you want to stay on here
for a minute, I'll look it up. Okay. Go ahead.
Oh, I'm on Chrome already. All right. I find
it interesting, stuff like that. And what a bold
move that is, you know. Yeah, they're all from
50 ,000. Oh, yeah, Palm Beach City and Nebraska.
Wow. Okay. The relation was 878 in 2002. Uh -huh.
Let's see. Where exactly is it? If you're 90
minutes away from Omaha and Lincoln, then probably
driving there for a job would not be in the equation.
That would be too far, I would think. Trying
to pull up the map here. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's
right. They're on size. Okay. Oh, no. What? Actually,
it's not far from St. Joseph. Really? Well, if
you drive straight up the map I'm looking at.
Drive straight up from Topeka, Kansas to Omaha,
Nebraska. Yeah. You drive right through Pawnee
City. So you would probably be able to make a
living. It's kind of like just a tad bit northwest
of St. Joe. You would think out there that the
housing prices weren't that high either. I mean,
that might be a very good deal for some people,
really. Yeah. How many is available, does it
say? One or two. Okay. Cool article. Thank you,
Rob. Got a new segment that I'm going to put
in this podcast right here. And you'll hear it
probably before here because this is towards
the end of the podcast. But it is the mixed drink
of the week. And since we're coming upon summertime
and we're coming upon party season, I mean, like
down there at the beautiful Niagara Arm of Lake
of the Ozarks, right, a lot of people out partying.
So you need drink recipes to make this happen.
Getting there. Yeah. Getting that time of year.
I'm starting out like this. I got the first few.
Oh, come on. Bushwhacker, and this is Norwegian
as in the cruise lines. It's one of their signature
drinks, and there is a smoked peach margarita
from the Norwegian cruise lines. It's a very
famous drink that people love, and I'd forgotten
what the other one is, but there's four ones
that are already made, and they're going to be
put into these episodes. Then after that, Rob
and I are going to get together, and we're going
to figure out this new segment. but i want it
to be rob's drink of the week do you like that
rob so i'm actually gonna have to try these drinks
yes gonna have to try them and tell everybody
hey man you know what i made this drink up and
uh this is good or i don't i don't really recommend
it or whatever I think it's pretty good. We'll
talk more about this later. Okay. All right.
If it's something I actually have to drink. No,
you don't have to drink it. No. All you got to
do is find specific neat drinks that are party
drinks and tell people how to make them. That's
it. All right. All right. I was going to say,
because I'm kind of watching my drinkers. No,
no, no. And that's fantastic. And no, I'm not
going to have you drink them. I'm just fucking
around. So. With my luck, I'll stumble across
something damn good. Man, I'll tell you what.
Listen to the first four or five recipes. I think
I have four of them. They are damn good. They
have to be. Anyhow, that's a little segment I
want to do. I'll tell you right now. Yeah. That's
in root beer. Root beer does not go with alcohol.
Just saying. I could believe that. Root beer
has a very distinct taste, and so does alcohol.
I could see it clashing very easily. I learned
that at the age of 13. Just saying. Just saying.
All right. Okay. Dad's liquor cabinet. I remember
the neighbor, his dad drank PBR, and he would
get smashed, and he'd forget how many he drank
a night. So we'd go in there after he'd pass
out on the couch. We'd go in there and drink
the rest of his beer. And then he'd wake up and
go, geez, man, did I drink all them? And we'd
all go, yeah, you don't remember? Oh, yeah, yeah,
I remember. Yeah, yeah, I remember. I drank them
all. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yep. The good thing is he
never woke up till morning, so we had time to
sober up after we drank his PBRs. But we had
a pretty good little gimmick going on because
he would do it every night. I mean, obviously,
you know. Yeah. Yeah, and he would smash like...
He had a few of them. Yeah, yeah, he'd have like
a 24 -pack, those big ones that they used to
sell at PBR. And he would smash about 18 of them,
and there'd be, you know, five, six left, whatever.
And that's when me and my buddy next door used
to go to work. We'd go in there and go, all right.
We'd do the pass -out test. We'd take a book,
and we'd slam it on the floor as hard as we could.
And if he didn't budge an inch, it was time to
go get that beer. But if he'd go, huh? We knew,
not yet. Let it set in a little bit more. We
were devious little bastards. So, it was fun
while it lasted. And I forgot how he caught us.
He caught us somehow, man. He beat the shit out
of my neighbor. Beat his ass good. And wanted
to beat mine, but I ran back home and locked
the door so he couldn't get me. So, alright.
Should we wrap up this shit show and put a bow
on it? Yes, Tom, my brother. All righty, brother.
Have a great night. Have a great day at work
tomorrow. We'll speak with you Sunday evening.
Yes, I'm actually going out of town this weekend,
but I will be home Sunday night. Where are you
going? My cousin lost his wife end of last year.
I remember you telling me about that. Yeah, and
her celebration of life is Saturday, so I'm going
over to Pomme de Terre. Oh, okay. And I'm going
to spend the night there. Okay. Because, like
I said, celebration of life, and that's the way
she'd want us, nice and drunk. So I'm not driving.
Good for you. I'm not driving. Stay the night
there, Rob. Be safe. Yeah, well, yeah, no, he's
got extra bed room, so. Excellent. Well, have
fun. I mean, as much as you can at a celebration
of life. If not, I got my beautiful new truck
to sleep in. That thing is nice. Enjoy your truck.
Enjoy your time at Palme d 'Itard. Yeah, I'm
going to be smart about it. Yes, Rob, please.
Got to. Yeah, you do. You do. All right, everybody,
thank you for listening. Have a fantastic night,
assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.