Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's
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and all of my work computers as well, and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone
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Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. We are... Two douchebags
and microphone in an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you... First world problems.
What in the devil? My bank is really out of calendars.
What do they expect me to do? Go to Walmart and
buy a $3 calendar? This is complete bullshit.
I am outraged. Strange, but true. On September
11, 2001, the only known military plane allowed
to fly was a San Diego to Miami flight delivering
anti -venom to save a man bitten by a highly
venomous coagulant snake. The plan was escorted
by two jet fighters. Jam X. What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change. You never
wanted to be one of them. Apathy spoke for you.
Fuck the man. Fuck the system. What the hell
happened? The generation of angst. A generation
of non -compliance is now buying a boat? You're
really fed up to kill someone who dangled a dollar
near you? Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell. Man, Axl Rose
is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he
writes more books. Next time you take a dump,
listen to two douchebags and a microphone. It's
been proven in laboratory rats to relax your
anal canal. Get in cover. Two douchebags and
microphone. My name is Mark and I am here in
Kansas City. That was perfect, Rob. Perfect.
I'm going to start adding that since you have
that. That's why I keep doing that. Every time
you don't, I know. Anyhow. Oh, but sometime this
week, if you get a chance, let me know because
I got a bunch of stuff I need you to record.
Cool? I'll let you know. Yeah, I know. I know
we need to do it. It's a little busy right now.
Okay, if it's into next week, that's fine. I'll
do some other stuff. But, man, I have a lot of
stuff that I think is going to come out very
well. Anyhow, we'll worry about that later. So,
anyhow, I have a question for you, Rob. Yes.
Okay. I think you might do this, too. I think
a lot of people do, so that's why I'm going to
go into this. Sometimes, you know, like a transit
will come up to you and beg for money, right?
Okay. Do you make them pass the dickhead test
first? No. Okay, I'll explain. Occasionally,
I'm not always in the mood to throw an amount
of money to a person I feel is lying to me or
going to use it when I get ready to contribute
to their addiction, whatever it be, right? So
normally I'm kind of like, ah, fuck you, get
away from me. But, you know, every now and then.
And I give to charities. I'm not like that. I'm
not like anyone, you know, thinking anyone's
lesser because they're down on their luck or
nothing like that. I don't believe in that at
all. I think that everybody has something that
they're good at and everybody has some good in
them generally. I mean, there are exceptions.
So, you know, I'm not like that guy. It's like,
oh, fuck it, man. They don't deserve anything.
Some people are in bad situations. Some people
are treated bad when they're young and stuff
like that. But anyhow, so the other day I was
sitting in the magical chair at the city market.
All right. All right. with my fancy Cubano coffee,
or so they think. You know, they think it's a
$10 cup of Cubano, but a Cubano is not. A Cubano
is really simple coffee. It's like a turban -infused
cane sugar, but not a whole bunch of it, and
some special Cuban coffees mixed together, and
it's really good. It's really simple. So, anyhow,
they said... That's one of the things I'm going
to introduce you to when you come up here. So
I'm sitting there having my Cubano, which is
my favorite. It's always been my favorite coffee.
It's just so hard to find a good one here until
I saw they had it on the menu at the City Market
Coffee. And I'm like, oh, my God, I got to get
it. And they make a damn good one. It's not as
good as Big Mama's in Key West, but it's really,
really good. So they walk up to me smelling like
fried shit. And literally, it was making my eyes
water, you know. You know, and whenever someone
does that, and then they get in your face, and
they have like these, just the worst fucking
breath. You know, they're wanting a donation,
you know, because it looked like I had money
to spare, because they think I had a $10 cup
of coffee, because I saw them eyeballing it,
you know. They're scouring everywhere going,
okay, that guy has money. So I'm going to go
ask, okay. So I decided this would be a perfect
spot to put my dickhead test to the work. So,
what I did was, I go through, pilfer through
my pockets there, and I pull out 75 cents, and
I tell them, that's all I have, man. And, anyhow,
the guy thought this was a negotiation ploy,
which proved to me that he didn't pass the dickhead
test, right? They were not grateful they got
75 cents. They wanted more. They expected more.
They expected me to give them money, which put
them, no. Uh -uh. So, anyhow. I knew all along,
you know, if they were humble and appreciated,
I had three more dollars to give them. And I
had it in my pocket. But I was deciding, I do
that dickhead test sometimes. If I'm in a good
mood, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to spend
this $3 on shit anyhow, I'm sure. So I'm like,
okay, I'll just, you know, I'll give it to them.
But they have to be appreciative and they can't
think I owe it to them. The woman looks at me
with a glare and she says, you got an ATM card?
I said. Yes, I do. Yeah, I know. There you go.
I know. So she was waiting on me to say, let's
go get some money. You know, maybe some other
dummies do this because they feel guilty because
they're sitting there eating a coffee, or not
eating a coffee, but drinking a coffee. I'm not
sure. But because I'm where I'm at in life, I
am not apologetic, and I don't feel bad. I scratch
and clog. You know what I mean? I know the feeling,
brother. Yeah, so I don't owe anybody shit. And
it really pissed me off. So we sat there to stand
off for a minute. I get up and walk towards the
coffee house and they split because I was going
to have the employees call security. The hobos
are not supposed to be at the city market harassing
people during the day. At night, all bets are
off. But during the day, they are forbidden to
come in that area. They're the inside area, the
breezeway. And so I went in the coffee house
and they took off. So anyhow, but number one,
they filled the test right off. Number two, that's
ridiculous thinking it is a negotiation. I mean,
it's completely ridiculous because a lot of them
do that. They think it's a negotiation. They
think if they stand there looking at you that
you're going to back down and go, you know what,
I'm just going to give this guy some money, get
him out of here. I'm like, no, man. And, yeah,
I did have three more bucks, but they weren't
going to get it. You know, I'm constantly baffled
by people's thoughts, you know. They think, you
know, they should just grab a lot of cash and
just throw it at them because you're in a different
spot in your life than them. And that's one of
the problems. Oh, go ahead. What I do, what I
do is I just simply tell, you know, we got people
hanging around Walmart and stuff down here. Oh,
yeah. You know, and I just simply tell them,
you know, my job just went to direct deposit.
I have a debit, you know, I carry a debit card.
I don't carry cash anymore. You don't normally,
okay. Well, I did tell them this, you know. I
don't have any cash. And that's where the, and
I've had people do it to me. I've had homeless
do this to me before. Hey, you got an ATM card?
And so they don't do that to you there, do they?
They don't have. Well, what I, the part that
they pick up on, though. I tell them that my
job is switched to direct deposit. Oh, okay,
okay. So, like, you're like, I don't know how
this stuff works. Yeah, I work for a living,
you know. You could, too. Yes, I got what you're
saying. That doesn't work up here, and I'll tell
you why it doesn't work. Too many people. Oh,
I know. I grew up around it. Yeah, you know what
I'm talking about. Too many people, this guy's
down on his luck. Come on, let's go to the ATM.
Let's get you some money. And too many people
did that, so they expected it from me. No. Uh
-uh. I don't owe them shit, and they did not
get shit. They didn't get that 75 cents either.
They get what they get, what I have in my pocket.
Yeah, and the guy said, when I was getting up
to leave, he goes, you ain't gonna give us the
75 cents? I said, no. And then I went into the
City Market Coffee, and then they split because
they knew I was going to tell on them. But I
went ahead, and I told the employees there. They
know me really well. I'm there all the time.
They went in and called them, and I seen the
market police or whatever, the market security
people out there telling them to stay outside
of the perimeter and don't come back. So, anyhow,
it was good. You know, I was thinking about maybe,
like, start making them do a video. I don't know,
show tunes or something? Because remember, there
used to be that bum fights. Do you remember bum
fights on the internet? Yes, yes. Yeah. How about,
you know, that got shut down because it's brutal
having people pull out their teeth for fucking
wine and stuff. I'm not that hardcore. But how
about if you make them do show tunes? Like say,
hey, 10 bucks says you can't do Mary Poppins.
$10 says you can't do Julie Andrews. $10 says
you can't, in those old boots, tap dance for
me. Now that would be worth $10, wouldn't it?
Oh, definitely. Yeah, hell yeah. I might even
throw a good $20 in on that. But they've got
to let me video it. That way I can prove to people
I did it. I go, hey, you know what? I had a skid
come up to me, and I made him tap dance for it.
What? Yeah, yeah, I have it on video. You'd be
a hero, right? People would be like, oh, my God.
Oh, better yet, if you have your equipment, we
could put it on the air. You know, yeah, unfortunately,
Topher wasn't good. If you had your equipment.
That's why I need to figure out my phone. There's
a podcast app that you can do on your phone.
Like, shit, I forgot the name of it. Anyhow,
there's a podcast that you can do on your phone,
and I know a guy that does it like that. And
I could have recorded it like that, but I don't
know how to do it. I've got to figure out. I
couldn't get the app open. I forgot the name
of it. It's just like one word, the name of it.
And a lot of people use it, and it works fairly
well, I guess, because my friend Mark, he does
it. So I could do that, too. Yeah, you could,
yeah. Let me find the website. You know what,
yeah, and if you've got some ideas. Under our
name? Yeah, if you've got some ideas, do them
right there, and then we'll perfect them here.
All right. That sounds good. Okay. And also,
you know what, Rob? I figured out how come I
feel old sometimes when I do this podcast. You
know why? Why? I use too much computer paper.
And you know why I use too much computer paper?
Because I have to have the print large. That's
why. Yes. Well, being the Neanderthal I am, I
have four notebooks in front of me. Four spirals.
Oh, no, wait a second. One of them is a composite
book. A composition book. A composition book.
That's funny because Topher and I was talking
about how you're intelligent just Tuesday when
we did the Sports Bastards and Music Creeps.
And we're like, you know what? Everybody has
different intelligence, right? Everyone's got
intelligence here, there, and here. And we're
talking about how you're a really intelligent
person. But if it goes to pronouncing a word,
I'm like this too. And you don't know it. You're
not really good with words. Okay? Maybe not really
good with writing. I don't know. But you're good
at other things. It doesn't mean you're not intelligent.
You're very intelligent. You're just different
intelligent than someone like a banker or something.
And, you know, Topher and I was talking about
some of the stuff that you come up with and your
angles, and we love it. We're like, man, Rob's
fucking, he's gold, you know. So, anyhow. Thank
you. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. But, yeah,
you just said. I'm on my ego here. No, it's true,
man. I mean, you. You come off very well, we
think. So, anyhow. And then you said the, I say
anyhow too much is what I noticed. But I'm going
to try to stop. But I guess it could be my tagline.
It's like I come on and go, anyhow, Rob. And
that's just it. You said Neanderthal, and it
just sparked me thinking that we're, that's funny.
We're talking about how intelligent you are.
So, I was listening to tuning. Oh, yeah. You
guys are on computers. I'm sitting here pen and
paper. I know. I couldn't do what you could do.
You see what I mean? I couldn't sit there and
write it all down. Well, the thing is, I have
my phone, so I have my internet. Uh -huh. So,
I'm good. No, you do fine. I've done it this
long. Shit, you come up with the best damn stories,
so you're doing something right. Your algorithm's
really... Whatever you're doing... I got a few
good ones tonight, too. Oh, good. We shall get
into them. So, I was listening to TuneIn for
the podcast, right? Yeah. And right off the bat,
our lead commercial is a funeral home. I didn't
think that we got an advertiser, but a funeral
home, you know? What happened, Rob? Okay, I did
not hear that. Yeah, yeah, it was a local one.
Oh, you probably wouldn't hear it. It was a local
one. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, I didn't subscribe.
I think it's over on the Paseo, if I'm correct.
Anyhow, so I'm like, you know, is a funeral home?
I mean, what the hell happened? Are we that demographic?
Is that it? I mean, I didn't think we were that
demographic. I know. Kansas City. Kansas City's
our home. Yeah, you know, now the fine folks
are going to poke at us even more, you know,
ruffling our feathers. Hey, a funeral home? That
makes it even better. Oh, yeah, they're talking
about a pre -planned funeral. So they're not
even talking about our parents, Rob. They're
talking about us. A pre -planned funeral, you
know. But I was jumping for joy that someone
wanted to text you. They're named our garbage.
It was bittersweet. I'm like a funeral home.
Hey, wait a minute. Someone wanted to be on our
show, but it's a funeral home prepaid funeral,
but they still wanted to advertise, you know,
because, um, why couldn't it be like a sandals,
all inclusive resort or something sexy like that?
You know, we'll build up to that. Yeah, I hope
so. But what I read, the advertising clientele
have to sign off on the show on TuneIn because
I know someone that knows, you know who I'm talking
about, knows TuneIn very well. He deals with
them. He or she deals with them. And they can
put an ad at the beginning of the program. So
I guess our key demo is 190. Is that it? No,
I mean, no. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just glad
that someone was like, because we didn't have
any commercials for a while, but now we had a
Chipotle, and I thought that was pretty excellent.
And what was it? Oh, we had a McDonald's in front
of us. I thought, oh, we cleared McDonald's,
dude. We cleared the clown. See, I don't get
any commercials. You don't? No. Oh, you bought
the premium though. You bought the premium. Well,
no, I go straight. Oh, I pay like $9 .99 a month.
You pay not to have those commercials, Rob. That's
why you don't have them. You bought the premium.
I have to listen to commercials. No, I go straight
to our show. Okay, okay. Well, that's why you
pay $9 .99 a month. Okay, yeah, yeah, iHeart,
yeah, I do. I pay for that, but okay. I don't
pay for iHeart. Oh, you don't? No, no, it's not
iHeart. I've been on a trial basis for like seven
years, man. Oh, like I used to do with satellite
radio until I got tired. They never charged me.
That's fucking awesome. Well, hey, my dad, my
dad, I grew up having cable TV. Because they
screwed up at the pole and hooked us up. Yeah,
my dad didn't pay cable for like 20 years because
of their screw -up. And then any time it'd go
down, they'd turn it right back on like we were
supposed to have it. What I did was, this is
what everyone told me on the block. I lived in
Grandview briefly, getting my feet underneath
me. I had to. And everyone on the block told
me, he said, you see that guy over there on the
pole? Go over there, give him $50, and you will
have cable and never have to pay for it again.
And I did. He'd hook you up. Yeah, see, the thing
is, we didn't have to pay nobody. The actual
cable company did it. Well, I got a year of free
service for 50 bucks. I was pretty happy with
it, you know. So, at the time, cable was crazy.
I watched the very first episode of MTV. The
very first. Ah, yeah. The M in MTV. The M in
MTV. I can't. Go ahead. Yeah, the very first.
No, I just watched the very first day of MTV
on free cable, you know. That's awesome. Well,
mine was $50 for a year, so I can't really complain.
MTV, if anyone doesn't know out there, but evidently
our demographic is 190, but you have to be a
little bit younger, like a millennial or a Z
-er. MTV, M stands for music. Okay? I know they
don't play it. Which they used to have. They
used to. Look it up. Look up Nina Blackwell.
What are some of them? Max Pinfield or something
like that? Matt Pinfield? Matt Pinfield? Alan...
The blonde -haired dude kind of reminds me, yeah.
Yeah, I know who you're talking about, damn it.
Oh, well, you know what? It doesn't matter, but
you know there's a fire at the Epcot Center at
Disney World, Rob? No. It rated higher than the
Snow White movie that just came out. They want
to replace the Snow White movie with the Epcot
Center Fire. All the theaters are calling up
going, we want the fire. I've been reading that.
Oh, it flopped. It could not flop anymore. And,
I mean, they couldn't have flopped any worse
if they were trying to flop. I mean, that thing
just went belly up and gone. No more. And from
what I can tell and what I've read, I understand
why. Because when you're not worried about talent
or a script line or nothing, and you're worried
about trying to send everybody a message, that's
what happens. People are like going, listen,
I don't need a message. I know what I believe
in. I don't need Disney telling me what I believe
in. So either make a movie or come out with a
PSA. Make up your fucking mind. But don't tell
me I have to pay fucking $10 to watch something
you want to tell me. And I'm not saying whether
I agree with them or not. This is my personal
opinion on shoving shit down your throat that
you don't want. And it works on anything. So
that is what happens. So I'd rather watch Epcot
Center Fire myself, would you? Oh, yeah. Yeah,
it'd be more entertaining. So, anyhow, just to
prove... It'd be more like a horror movie. Yes.
People running and screaming. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Watching the fear in people's eyes running like
the gazelle from a lion. There's a lot to be
fun. There's a lot of fun in that, isn't there?
Oh, definitely. Unless it's 9 -11 or 9 -1, you
know. But other than that, you know, something
less serious, very fun. So, anyhow, just to prove
how cruel people are and we hate all other animals,
I have definite proof of this, Rob. You know
why? They have marshmallow peep milk bone dog
biscuits. Why in the world? I don't think my
dogs would like it. My dogs are too cool. They
would probably bite me if I tried to get them.
My dogs are hooked on bacon strips. Oh, those
things are... I almost want to eat them. They
look so good. Yeah, they smell so much like bacon.
They look delicious, don't they? And they smell
like bacon. I'm like, man, I want to throw that
on my cheeseburger so bad. Yeah, yeah, really.
They're nice and soft, you know. Oh, yeah, they're
delicious. I like my bacon soft, not crunchy.
Okay, I differ from you that last night I told
you Val and I went to Justin Jim's and I had
a bacon prime steak burger and the bacon was
crisp. Crisp, crisp. Oh, I loved it. I like crisps.
Yeah, I don't like it that way. Oh. You wouldn't
like a cruise then. Well, you wouldn't like bacon
on a cruise because they crisp the shit out of
them because they bake them, from what I understand.
You know, because they put them on big sheet
pans and bake them because there's like 30 ,000
hungry animals out there grabbing everything
up, so they have to. So, anyhow, so, you know,
this is, I did anyhow again, didn't I? Hey, hey,
that's when I would go to sausage. Their sausage
is really good, but you've got to watch out.
They have turkey sausage on one side and regular
sausage on the other. I suggest the regular sausage.
I don't care either. I don't care either. I'll
eat either. I like turkey. Well, I do too, but
I just don't like the... turkey sausage on a
cruise very well. It's got a weird taste, but
you might like it. Who knows? So, you know, why
in the world would someone take a perfectly great
dog biscuit? It's majestic. Milk bone goes back
to, I don't know, Americana, you know, back in
the 50s. You know, little Opie was giving his
kid, his dog, a dog biscuit, right? And it said
milk bone on it. I mean, why in the world, why
would you pollute something majestic? And it's
been around as long as a milk bone dog biscuit
with a peep. Why would you do that? The only
reason you do that is because you hate all other
animals and people. That's why. Yep. In my opinion.
Okay. So, I mentioned, you know, that I know
this guy at work, right? Chris. I used to know
him somewhat. He's good friends with all of my
close friends. Chris is his name, and we unraveled
it at work on one break. It began describing
a Halloween party that I used to host every year
where he first met his ex -wife, and she was
a good friend of mine. So anyhow, his name's
Chris, and we're like, wow, we knew each other
35 years ago maybe, maybe a little bit longer,
I don't know. But I used to have Halloween parties
in Cleveland at the center of the City Hall Center
downstairs. And he was there, and that's where
he met his ex -wife, okay? And he was describing
this, and I'm like, hey, was that in Cleveland,
Missouri, possibly? Yeah. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I was there. So I don't recognize him, and he
thinks he recognizes me, but we both have long
hair and look quite a bit different. But he still
goes to Comic -Con. He still goes to Comic -Con,
right? So he went this past weekend. All right.
Okay, so Roger is a really good friend of mine
and a really close friend with Davey. Davey's
my bestie, of course. Right, right, right. Okay,
Chris used to live with Roger before he moved
out to western Kansas. I mean, he's so close
to Colorado, whenever he opened up his windows,
he gets a contact high. He's like right there.
I know somebody like that. Okay, and he could
spit on Colorado from his back window. So he's
like way the hell out there. So Roger came in
town to stay with Davey and go to the Comic -Con.
So I told Chris. I said, when you see Roger,
if you see Roger, smack him in the nuts and scream
my name. I did him right, didn't I? I did him
right, didn't I? Yes. Are you proud of me, Rob?
Yes. Yes. Right in the old nadsickle. Ooh! And
then... Mark! I don't know if he did it. Chris
is a nice guy. He's not as mean as me. But he
might have. No, I would have. I told Davey that.
I was like... I said, hey, man, Roger's going
to get a smack in the balls, and then he's going
to scream my name. He's like, oh, perfect. So
Davey planned on sitting back and watching. He
knew it was going to happen. I haven't talked
to anyone yet, so we'll see what happens. I hope
they ran into him. And I love Roger. That's why
I had his nut smacked for me. You'd expect that,
right? if someone I knew was going to be in the
same place. Oh, definitely. Oh, yeah, you know
I got your back. Yeah, yeah, you'd be like, ah,
fucking Mark. And then you'd find a way to get
me back like that, right? You'd find another
situation, have someone crack me in the nuts,
and then scream your name. Rob Rad! Yeah. Okay,
hey, thanks. Don't miss that eye. That was pretty
cool. My balls hurt like hell, but thank you,
man. I know you love me. We did that shit back
in the day, and we got ass paddling today. Oh,
yes, yes, yes. We do have ass paddlings, but
I don't know if I have them printed out. Probably
not ready. You know what? We'll get to them next.
Our mentality is like that, is what I'm saying.
Yes, I wonder if I have them. Damn, I had a fucking
ton of them. Oh, well, you know what? I have
part of them written out up here. Yeah, yeah,
we need some. I need to design my... I need to
come up with a different deal on my computer,
but that's boring, so I won't even talk about
it anymore. We turn to you, Rob. Okay. Well,
I'm going back to my friends at KHMO AM 1070.
Uh -huh. They put together a list of the top
seven outdoor concert venues in Missouri. Oh,
God bless them. I got to hear this. Yes. Go ahead.
And this is one I, and the first one, number
seven, I keep forgetting to mention. Hmm, RC
Cola. It's Capital Region MU Healthcare Amphitheater.
What is it? I don't think I've ever heard of
it or been there. Capital Region MU Healthcare
Amphitheater. I guess that's cool. I'm from Ellis
Porter Park in Jefferson City. Oh, Jefferson
City. There are 500 jets in Jefferson City. And
they get a lot of big venues. That's cool. You
okay? Yeah, give me a second here. Okay, hang
on. Let me adjust the mic while you're doing
that. I'm good. I'm good. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.
At number six, Chesterfield Amphitheater. Where
is that? St. Louis? Chesterfield, Missouri, which
is outside St. Louis. Okay. Okay. Oh, I've been
there. Anyhow, go ahead. It is a nice theater.
Okay, you're going to like number five. Okay.
We have talked about this place quite a few times.
Oh, go ahead. Black Oak Amphitheater in Lampy,
Missouri. That is the best damn venue I've ever
been to. And I put it at number five. Yeah, I
mean, I'll tell the story after you're done real
quick, okay? Why it's my favorite. So go ahead.
Okay, coming in at number four, and you know
I'm going to love this one. Oh, yeah? Go ahead.
I think I know. Ozarks Amphitheater in Camden,
Missouri. Now, Rob can spit on that from where
he's at right now. Yes, I can. Well, pretty close.
You can piss on it, right, on a good day? It's
like a half mile from it. On a good streaming
day, you can piss on it, right, from where you're
at? Oh, definitely. There you go, a couple Bud
Lights, right? Or no, no, no, Bush Lights. Natty
Light. Oh, Natty Light. Oh, I love Natty Light.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Natty Light. The beer of gods.
Hey, it's good. Okay, coming in at number three,
Hollywood Casino Amphitheater in St. Louis. Been
there. That was one of my favorites. I saw Deep
Purple and Alice Cooper there. It was a great
concert. That thing is designed perfectly, Rob.
You don't have a bad seat in the house. And even
the grass up above us, all they could see really
well, too. You'd have to see how they designed
it and how it gradually goes down. But everybody
had a great... It was fantastic. I love that
theater. And it's right on the river, the Missouri
River. Yep. Okay, and coming in at number two.
The new... Thunder Ridge Nature Arena. Oh, you
were talking about that. Just south of Branson.
In arm's reach of Arkansas. Yeah, that's where...
The Rolling Stones played. Rolling Stones, yes.
Yeah, they've had a lot of big... Actually, their
first concert was Garth Brooks. That's the one
that the owner of Bass Pro Shops owns. Yes, yes,
yes. The owner of Bass Pro owns it. Richest man
in Missouri. For real. Yes, yes. Okay, covenant
number one. You're going to love this one. Okay.
Starlight Theater in Kansas City. I love Starlight.
Yeah, it is beautiful. It's on the hills. It's
on the Blue River Hills, kind of like where I'm
at here. But up the road, quite a ways up the
road, it's a beautiful park. And you've been
there, right? Yeah, it's just outside Swope Park.
Yeah, it is a gorgeous theater. I saw Soundgarden
there three days before he allegedly hung himself.
And I'm talking about Chris Cornell. And it was
a fantastic concert. It was a hot, I think, I'm
pretty sure it was August, a hot August night.
And, I mean, he was on it. I mean, I would say
that guy's not depressed, but I don't know. You
know, I don't know depression things. Yeah, you
talked about that once. Yeah, it was really hard
to believe. I mean, he was, like, giving stuff
to children in the front row and stuff because
Soundgarden was one of those groups like KISS
where... The parents were into them so much,
they wanted to introduce their children to them.
And there's a lot of children there that were
watching it with their parents, like KISS concerts.
And that's why KISS quit cussing on their concerts,
because they knew that it was parents showing
their kids KISS, because they used to cuss a
lot in their concert. So, anyhow, very cool.
Well, I told you how I went to their film world.
farewell concert, Kiss's farewell concert back
in 2000. Uh -huh. I took my steps up. He was
like 13, 12, 13. Yep. And I saw their farewell
concert. I saw their farewell concert, I think
it was Kemper, in 99. So they had a couple of
them. I came at Sandstone. Okay. Stone Temple
Pilots opened up for him. And they did not have
a good night. I saw Stone Temple Pilots open
up for Aerosmith, and they stole the show. But
the night, I think maybe Wyland maybe had some
issues that night or something. But when they
opened up for Kiss, they sucked. They sounded
horrible, and they looked horrible. Actually,
I'm thinking they had Sticks and Ted Nugent when
I seen it. That's what I'm thinking. I know Sweaty
Teddy was with them. I know that. Oh, yeah. Yep,
a lot of energy. But I'm thinking Stakes may
have been, too. I'm not sure. Okay, cool. Yeah,
that would have been a great concert. Okay, real
quick. Black Oak Amphitheater. I was introduced
to it. I went to see Ozzy for, I don't know,
the 10th time that year or whatever. And he was
playing at smaller venues. And my understanding
is he had him a lake house at Table Rock Lake.
And they're going to spend like a week there
on vacation. People found out about that, that
we're booking it, and they said, hey, why don't
you come play at the Black Oak Amphitheater one
night, and we'll give you so much money. They're
like, okay, sure. So it was Ozzy with Alice in
Chains opening up, and Alice in Chains just hit
big with Man in the Box. There was not one rock
radio station in America that didn't play that
at least once every hour. That thing was huge.
People were going nuts over it. So I make the
trek down there. And I'm in the seats. I'm a
little ways back there because that place was
sold out. And I was kind of surprised because
it's in the middle of nowhere, right? Pretty
much. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's in the middle
of nowhere. It's in a bunch of huge hills, small
mountains, pretty much a mountainside. And it's
very hard to get to in a winding road and all
this stuff. So I go there and a friend of mine
and we're watching the concert. And I see this
one guy. And listen, I say hill jack lovingly.
I'm from the sticks. I lived in the sticks, okay?
So this hill rod. You forget I lived down there
before I moved up here. Yeah, okay. I say this
lovingly. I know exactly what you're talking
about. We call each other hill rods. So anyhow,
this hill rod, there's like this 50 -foot cliff,
and that was the grass section. Up on the top.
And they changed it when it went to Black Oak.
It was Swiss Villa Amphitheater then. And I see
this hill rod just fucking jump off of that son
of a bitch. Like I said, I was a little ways
up there. And jumped right into a seat and spun
himself all the way down to like somewhere third
or fourth row. And these security cops are like
looking. They couldn't find him. I'm like, okay,
all right. Then another guy does it. He gets
away with it. I'm like, how the fuck are these
guys doing that? Someone's going to break their
neck. Sure enough, the fourth one, he went off
in a stretcher. The fifth one went off in a stretcher.
The sixth one, I think, made it because me and
Mel was counting it. My friend Mel, she was like,
hey, you missed seven. Oh, that guy laying there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, seven. And I'm like, this is
the coolest shit ever. And anyhow, we're like
going, the concert was great, but what was better
was the crowd. It was like when I watched Leonard
Skinner. I love nights like that. Oh, it was
fantastic. I love nights like that. Watch the
crowd. Oh, my God. It was the best crowd watching
I'd ever done. But it got annoying because you
kept turning around not watching the concert.
And the thing is, is if I was Ozzy and Zach and
everybody, I'd be like, those motherfuckers stole
the show. But anyhow, about half of it. About
halfway through Aussie, because they didn't jump
down during Alice in Chains. They jumped down
during Aussie. About halfway through Aussie,
they formed a human shield up there. And they
couldn't jump anymore. And I'm surprised one
of the security didn't fall off of the cliff.
I was thinking, those hill rods are just going
to fucking push them off and jump. But now that
ended it, I looked up there and I seen a bunch
of blue shirts. And they're all standing there
with their arms crossed. You ain't getting out
of here, son. You ain't going to get out of here.
The only thing you can get out of here is a black
eye and a broken leg. Well, I don't know. You
might as well go jump. You'll get that that way,
too. But, anyhow. They probably did Narcan back
then, too. Yeah. This was before Narcan. A lot
of people took their last breath that night.
I know. That's what I'm saying. Before Narcan.
Yeah, yeah. A lot of people did not show up to
the next concert. Oh, and then there's the guy
arguing with his girlfriend in the middle of
the road. And there's no lights out there, right?
And it's a winding road at night. And he's out
there screaming, you fucking slut, you bitch,
you cunt. And I'm like going, what the fuck?
I turn on my brights, his shirt's off. He's like
fucking acting like he's going to swing at her.
And she's going, fuck you, Jerome, fuck you,
or whatever his name was, I don't know. And it
was crazy. And I'm like going, this shit is going
on here. And they're walking back and forth and
cars are slamming on their brakes. I can see
it. Oh, my God. No, his name was JJ, not Jerome.
I remember it well. JJ. JJ, you get the hell
out of here. I'm going to have so -and -so come
get me, and you don't even bother coming home.
And I'm like, what a son of a bitch. Me and my
friend were looking at each other going, does
this shit happen here all the time? Because if
it is, we're coming back. They almost got hit
like 10 times because people are leaving the
concert. And they're right around that first
really big curve there where there's a cliff
and the lake. You know what I'm talking about?
I think I do. Yes. There's a really heavy...
I've been there. Yeah, I think I do. There's
a really sharp turn. On the left is Table Rock
Lake, a big, huge drop -off and a bunch of trees.
And on the right is another cliff. Yeah. They
were in the middle of that while people were
driving. You know, the traffic jam was driving
around there because that's the only way out.
And they're in the middle of the road screaming
at each other. In the worst spot. Yeah. And we're
sitting there going, if this shit happens down
here, I am going to scour. And find these concerts
because the internet wasn't really around then.
It was, but not like this. You know, they had
like Windows NT or some shit like that or 95
or whatever. So, anyhow, you really couldn't
get concert tickets on it or nothing like that
yet. So, I had to scour. You had to have a desktop.
Yeah, I used to call down to Big Dog. Big Dog.
Was it out of Joplin or Springfield or something?
Yeah, out of Joplin. Okay. Yeah. I knew a guy
that worked there. I used to live in Joplin.
Yeah. Back about the time that station started.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy that worked
there, I used to call him up and go, hey, look
at the concert wire down there because Joplin
had the ones down there. And it was like Big
Dog 106. Does that sound about right? I don't
think it's around anymore. It turned into a different
station, I think. But I used to call down there
to find out what concerts were going by the Swiss
Villa Amphitheater at the time. And are you looking
it up? Yeah, I'm looking it up. All right. D
-O -G. It's going to be interesting to see if
it's still around. 97 .9. I was way off on the
numbers, but Big Dog still around? Hold up on
Google. Okay. They've been there 30 plus years.
Yeah. Yeah. They're up and running. Yeah. It's
the one with the bulldog with the spike collar.
Yeah. The same logo they had all these years.
Wow. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Big dog. Yeah. Okay.
I was living down there about the time that station
fired up. It was a good station. They were balling
hard for a long time. They probably still do.
They're still down there. But I used to call
my friend down there. And anyhow, he went by
Jer. His name is Jerry. Anyhow, he wasn't an
on -air guy, but he was like, he did various
technical stuff and some other things. And he
did it for a few outlets down there. But anyhow,
because it was a very small group that owned
it. And they own like four stations, 2AM, 2FM.
And he worked for them. And anyhow, I would call
him up and I'd go, hey, what concerts are going
to Swiss Villa? And he would tell me. So that's
how I found out about these things. Generally,
I found out about Swiss Villa because it was
advertised up here in Kansas City. I didn't even
know Swiss Villa existed until that concert.
So anyhow, you know what? We're really late.
Let's take our first break, Rob. I was just taking
the same time. You watched the news. It looks
grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest
you download all our podcasts beforehand and
have multiple mobile chargers. We have the post
-apocalypse. Morse code is an essential must
-know post -apocalypse. Go to a library or look
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save your life. Many survivors have learned Norse
code to alert other dwellers of possible danger
or where there could be clean water or their
whereabouts. Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard.
It's also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously
fake and you're to take the pictures and tear
them up immediately. Oh Lord, that man just sawed
a puppy in half. Hey there, don't worry. I have
a clown nose. Oh no! That drunk guy just hit
my child. It is okay. I have a clown nose. Clown
nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam! Clown doses are
sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen. The apocalypse
just happened. You don't know what to do. You
don't know where to go. But we can tell you what
you can eat. Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually
the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to ground zero and
saying fuck it? Do you really want to be the
guy running around looking for radioactive deer,
guessing whether water is not contaminated or
not? No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh, no.
There's a strong argument that says, you know
what? Let's just go to Crown Zero and see what's
for us after. Just a thought. Hey, look. I think
we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe.
Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes. Elevator
music is horrible. On so many levels. Hello,
this is Satan. You might know me from my pet
name, Inflation. I'm here to tell you that there's
no better way to relax than... Listened to two
douchebags in microphone by a nice warm fire
at night. I sit there and I reflect on all the
souls I burned that day. Enjoy. To radiation.
Watch him glow. Watch Rob Rand jump up 25 feet
and grab birds out of thin air with his mouth.
With his mouth! Rob can now be rented for children's
parties and bar men's fests. That's right. Come
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come
by and rent Rob for a day. A day! A day! Watch
Rob consume seven bottles of night cream and
still break dance in New York. Watch Rob Redd
fart down a building. Fart down a building! Rob
Redd assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He
is not a babysitter and he doesn't give one else
a shit about your children. Please remember to
corral every little bastard you have. Before
Rob gets there, and Walt will not put up with
any back talk, he will promptly get them in the
place. Rob Bradd consumes no responsibility for
anything that could be stolen from his visit.
Rob Bradd has no responsibility whatsoever in
any help him of any situation. Read a Rob today.
This is Big Dog 95 .7 on Mark. Not really. This
is two douchebags in a microphone. I'm Mark.
In the Kansas City area. Yeah, bro. All right.
We have some emails, but you got a story you
want to get to first? Yeah, I got one here. Since
you were going off the wall before first break,
I'm going off the wall too. Well, I'm going to
get to this next podcast, but there's a new restaurant
that opened up the road. They're a small chain
here in Kansas City called Pegas, and they sell
coffee. And I got a coffee like an hour before
the show. and it is like supercharged espresso.
You're zooming. Yes, I'm zooming. Okay, you're
zooming. I got you. It's called Matt's Coffee.
It's out of Lenexa. I wish you would have told
me that before we went on here. Oh, yeah, you
know what? That would have been good information.
Oh, and also Wiener World. I was wondering why
you were so long -winded tonight. That's it right
there. Wiener World shut down, but I'm going
to go into it next podcast. Oh. Yeah, you're
going to have to do that next podcast. Yeah,
because I got my hair skipped today. Okay, go
ahead. I'm going into King Charles. Why not?
Green finger King Charles is growing his own
crop of cannabis in the grounds of his country
pile as he turns to the drug to ease the ravages
of cancer. King Charles has cancer? Yes. He's
growing marijuana. Nice. Quarters say the monarch
is cultivating his own supply of weed as his
high -growth house stately home in the UK county
of Glottester. Glottester. Fabulous snatch. I
should know that. My family's from... The plant
-mad sovereign who runs his own organic food
farm is putting his trust in the medicinal and
pain -killing benefits of cannabis. And he's
now pumping on his own homegrown product. I knew
there was some coolness in him somewhere. Somewhere.
Oh, you had to... Yeah, he's pretty stiff. Come
on. He's as stiff as his mom right now. Oh, no.
Too soon? Yeah, too soon. Just kidding. Sorry,
everybody. I'm amped up. As a result of his love
and deep knowledge of all things natural, he
looked at cannabis as a means of fighting the
disease and also killing the pain cancer is causing
him. I wish he'd grow dreads. Dreads and wear
a kilt with the high socks and sandals. He could.
Oh, it'd be awesome. And he's half -bold. He's
got the ring going on. He can get implants. I
mean, he's got the money. Yeah, he should. That's
a good idea. Yeah, and he needs to go by, like,
King J or something like that. No, C. Oh, there
you go. King C, that's it. All right. Yeah, King
C. Yeah, yeah, King C, the big one. Sounds good
to me. Yeah, hell yeah. All right, anyhow, go
ahead. Sorry. No, that was all. Okay. Rob, guess
what I got in my grubby little mitts? Oh, I hope
it's what I think it is. It is. I was going to
ask you before the show. Emails. Oh, okay. And
I also have my list of guitarists, and so does...
Yeah, I got that. Okay. All right, good. I have
them, too. So, dudes, I love the Uncle Rob's
tips. on life, and radiation, Rob, especially.
I just thought I would write this because of
the parodies. That is awesome. He wrote this
because we couldn't get the parodies to work.
We were going to write them. He said he's going
to write them out of a scale of 1 to 10. He's
going to write them a 15. And it's from Ronnie
in Tulsa. Tulsa King. Oh, Tulsa King. Right on.
And he said, Mark, make that segment happen.
Please. He wants us to rate the new parodies
on here. I'm figuring it out, Ronnie. I'm figuring
it out. So, you want to hear his top seven guitarists?
Yes. Number one is Tony Iommi. Couldn't agree
with it more. Number two, Carlos Santana. I mean,
he's good. I get it. He's not my thing. Yeah.
I get it. The talent's there. It's just not my
stuff. You know. It's my style. It's my style.
Okay. I'm shocked I didn't have him on my list,
but then we got delayed and had to, so I had
to redo my list. Okay. Oh, that's cool. You know,
that's why he likes you better than me. That's
it right there. All right. The next one is Richie
Blackmore. I couldn't agree with him more. And,
oh. Rainbow, not purple. That's why he likes
rainbow. Okay. Yeah, that's you. Well, the white.
All right. I love rainbow, too. Well, he's not
on this list. Oh, okay. Jakey Lee. I can't argue
with that. Yeah. Vivian Campbell. Yeah. Vivian
Campbell, deal work only. I agree with that 100%.
There's other stuff I don't like. Yeah, yeah.
I agree 100%. And number one is King Eddie, Eddie
Van Halen. And I cannot agree with that more.
So. Okay. All right. Next one. Hey, guys. We'll
tell Lars at the end of our top seven after.
Right, right. Got you, got you. All right. Hey,
guys. What about us here in Pilot's Knob? Mitch
in Pilot Knob Mountain Range. Come on, Mitch.
He's got another home. Where the hell that guy...
He's a gypsy. He's a gypsy. I love him. He's
good. He's good. Pilot Snob. We didn't... I know
it exists. I've been through it before. I've
heard of it, yeah. That's a good name, Pilot
Snob. You know what? I think we like Wipnob better.
Yeah, Lick Mob Lick is better. Hey, how about
this, Rob? Let's come up with our top seven town
names in Missouri. And I asked Ronnie to do that,
too. I'm writing it down. I'm writing it down.
Ronnie, you also. Get your pen and paper out
and get your atlas out. Google it if you don't
know what an atlas is. So, okay. Oh, no, no.
Our target demo is 190. I forgot. Okay. Hey,
I remember the pissing in the pop can story,
but the episode isn't there. Mark, could you
please tell it if you have time? Mark in Durham
County. I don't know where Durham County is,
but how about next podcast? Will you write it
down, Rob? I mean, we're running really late
on this. Hang on, hang on. Okay, okay. Okay,
what? Now, what am I looking for? Okay. It says,
hey, I remember the piss in the pop can story,
but the episode isn't there. Remember, the episodes
are missing. because I don't have them. I hope
Topher has them. Mark, can you please tell it
if you have time? Mark in Durham County. Mark,
I'll get to it next. I didn't know we were going
to run this late. We're going to get to it on
next podcast. Is that cool, Rob? It's a cam story.
Yeah. And that's a shorter story. It's not going
to take that long. Okay. I'm going to make sure
that's Mark, because I'm going to say, dude,
I've done that a bunch of times. Anyway. Okay.
Gotcha. All right. I live in Springfield, Missouri.
I work for an auto body shop that cranks your
podcast before customers arrive. I wish you would
have said the name. Remember, this is a long
time ago they wrote in. Oh, shit. Yeah. I took
my selfie in front of the knob lick sign. I will
send you the picture if you would like. Wally
in Springfield. Um, sure. I sent him back my
email, so hopefully he will send me that picture,
but he took a selfie in front of knob lick already.
Oh, me too. Rob, I need a mild steel plate cut
in half. Could you cut it for me? Please and
thank you, Jimmy. Rob, you do that for him? Cut
a mild steel plate in half? We've got a plasma
cutter, yeah. Okay, there you go. All right.
All right. You guys still suck, and if I really
want to be bored to sleep, I got the podcast
at least. Bonnie and Broken Arrow. Okay, I figured
something out. Broken Arrow is just a suburb
of Tulsa, right? Bonnie sounds like Ronnie. And
I had family down around Broken Arrow. See if
it's them, because I think it's someone making
fun of Ronnie, because remember that guy? That
guy that... He's part of my family. Okay, the
guy that was making... He said that Ronnie...
Couldn't have the Tulsa name anymore, and we
told them to fuck off. I think that's him. Oh,
yes. I was thinking, Bonnie and Broken Arrow,
that's so weird. And then I got to thinking,
Broken Arrow, I believe, is the south end of
Tulsa. Yeah, yeah, it's just outside Tulsa, yeah.
And Bonnie sounds like Ronnie. That's what I
think. It could be completely different. I think
he nailed it, brother. Yeah, and he's throwing
hate on us, too, so there we go. Bonnie, keep
listening. I'm glad you hate us. All right. Mark,
I need a glass burger installed on my patio.
Could you please come do this? Thanks, Willie.
Yeah, I will. Yep, whatever you want me to. Just
let me know. I'll take time off work, and I'll
even bring the glass. I'm that kind of guy. Right,
Rob? Yep. All right. I'm going to do it for Rob,
too. Rob wants me to glass in some parts down
there, and I told him I would. Yeah. Yep. I'm
going to do it probably in three weeks. Is that
okay, Rob? Can you do without it for three weeks?
Yeah, three weeks. That'll work. Okay. Let's
take our second break, go into a story of yours,
and then I have the featured email, which is
interesting. Sound great? All right. There's
the plan. Yep. And we've got something else we've
got to get into. Oh, shoot. No, hang on, hang
on. We can't cut this segment without doing it.
Okay. Okay. Rob, go ahead. You want to go in?
Yeah, let me find my, damn it, where did I put
it? Okay, what this is, everybody, this is Tulsa
King's answer to Seven Guitarists. It was just
read off a while ago. Cool. And the way I took
it was these were guitars that we could just
sit and listen to. They're not exactly our favorite,
but we just liked them and we would sit and listen
to them. That's the way I took it. No, that's
the way I took it too, so I'm glad you took it
the same way. Okay, I'm going to go in at number
seven. Okay. George Lynch from Dawkins. Very
cool. Oh, God, yeah. He's one of the best, and
he doesn't get enough recognition. Solid. Any
music by Fort, that guitar just opens it up.
I love it. And I could just sit and listen to
him play. And that's the way I did it on my list,
was guitarists, I could just sit and listen to
them. No vocals, no background music, just them.
Okay, coming up, number five. Dave Murray from
Iron Maiden. Oh. Nice. Nice. Yes. Number four.
Warren Day Martini from Rat. Very cool. I think
that's what made a lot of Rick's music was the
lead guitar. That would be number eight for me.
I love Warren Demartini. Man, he has licks. But
it was the Warren days. I like invasion of your
privacy. Yeah, yeah. The later stuff, he got
a little too complicated. Yeah, he had those
licks that were just, man, masterful. I mean,
they were catchy. Okay, at number three, Tommy
Shaw. He would be number nine. Love Shaw. Well,
he, back during COVID, on Facebook and YouTube,
he did sessions sitting at home where he would
just play like acoustic. Oh, how freaking cool.
And just playing tunes. Hmm. You know what? And
that's what, I mean, I've always loved him as
a kid. that's when I really started liking is
when I got here at this camp. I took off somebody
and put him on my list. You just convinced me,
Rob. Aldo Nova's solid. He is such an underrated
guitarist and musician in general. Solid, man.
Well, like I said, he did the same thing during
COVID. They were sitting at home, and they'd
just grab their guitar and do online stuff. That's
cool. So the fans could see them, you know? I
love that. I love that. Meanwhile, probably bands
were probably charging. Yeah, bands were charging
to watch them online. I forgot what bands were.
And I was like thinking, what bullshit? No, I
know. Facebook, Instagram, whatever, YouTube.
That's cool. You see, and so many people watched
them. They made money like that anyhow. So I
don't know why bands are doing that. But anyhow.
All right. Number seven. I thought you said that
was number one. I'm sorry. My number one? Uh
-huh. Randy Rhoads. Ozzy. I can't agree with
that. Anymore. Cannot argue with that at all.
That's fucking fantastic, dude. Okay, so will
you read them all off again in order? George
Lynch, Dawkins. Mm -hmm. Mick Jones, Foreigner.
Solid, both of them. A. Murray, Iron Maiden.
Very cool. Warren Day, Martini Rat. Very cool.
Tommy Shaw, Sticks. Aldo Nova and Randy Root
It was kind of like I really didn't, I thought
about him, but then when you were talking about
him, like I should put him in there over Buckingham
because a body at work, if nothing else. Number
two, I love Zach Wilde. Zach Wilde is awesome.
Man, I tell you. Yes. Yes. He is such a good
guitarist and he has such feeling in what he
does. I couldn't deny him. Number five would
be the one and only Mick Mars. Mick Mars is just
good sounding. Not the most complicated, not
the quickest, just the best sounding. His tone
is insane. I love it. Then number four would
be none other than Mr. Randy Rhodes. I mean,
the guy's amazing. I mean, even from back then,
groundbreaking. He was ahead of his time. Yes,
yes. All right, number three, Blackmore. as in
Richie, because I love his body of work, Deep
Purple and Rainbow both. I mean, he almost went
to the front of the line, but I'm going to go
ahead and put number three. Number two would
be Tony Iommi, a slight edge over Richie Blackmore,
but someone could put them in the other order,
and I'd be like, yeah, that's good. So they're
almost a tie, but all I could do was seven here,
so Blackmore, then Iommi, and number one is Eddie
Van Halen. Just because the stuff that he came
up with is just out of this world. Amazing stuff.
So, that's mine. Let's take our second break.
We'll come back with your stuff. Don't you have
another email? Oh, yeah, yeah. You want me to
do that? Yeah, do that email, and then we'll
go to break. Okay, that sounds good. Okay, now
this one kind of hit pretty good because it's
something I've been pondering and I do notice
that, well, I'll get into it. Mark, you've been
doing the podcast for three years now. Yes. It
was a question mark. I have literally listened
to you grow to a higher level in a short amount
of time. I've noticed not only new parodies or
joke segments. I'm not saying this because it's
complimentary. It's because this person hit really
close because I was pondering the same thing.
I have noticed not only new parodies or joke
segments with the new ones of older segments
like horrible jokes or the alien thingy. I think
he's talking about strange insults from an alien.
I did a lot of free radio editing in my day as
an intern in Seattle area. I realized that what
you do is quite time consuming and constant brainstorming.
I guess I'm asking this. What motivates you to
try to reach a higher level constantly? I am
real and I listen as often as I can. I'm not
trying to make fun of you or sport of you. Teresa
in St. Louis. I know you're not trying to make
fun of me. I know you're not trying to make sport
of me or whatever. Okay, I know this. The reason
I know this is because I've thought of this.
I'm like, why am I so into this? Why do I just
kind of, you know, I got a spare moment and I
gravitate towards this. I'm talking to somebody.
I think of an idea. I have to get out of the
conversation and put it in my phone. Yeah, I'm
pretty much obsessed with this. Yes. So I've
thought of this a few times, and thank you for
noticing, Teresa. I can't stress that enough.
Thank you for taking an interest at all. I mean,
really, humbled. Thank you. So why the hell is
this podcast so important to me? I came to this
conclusion, Rob. Now, I have this written down
because I had to think about it, okay? So bear
with me here. I am very happy where I'm at in
life. If I complained, I would be foolish because
it would not be valid. I really think like I
feel like I have a dual life. One where I did
metal and glass work, and now I feel like I was
meant to do this. Maybe I felt incomplete somehow.
I don't know. Or maybe technology has allowed
me to do this thing that is remarkably similar
to the love of expression through humor. That
I've always endeared. Only now... That right
there. Bingo. Yes. And Teresa... Because I know
you. Yes. I've always had that love of expression
through humor. To me, it's such a craft. Anyhow,
I don't care if I only have two listeners. And
honestly, I've always said this. You've always
said this, Rob, right? If we only have two listeners,
we're still doing this and we still love it.
Somebody's listening. Yeah, well, we got a lot
more than that. We got a ton of them. And thank
you, everybody. So, anyhow. Thank you, each and
every one. Yeah, I can't stress it enough. Not
only listening to this, but taking and filling.
I got an email about you that I'm going to do
on the next one because I haven't printed out
yet. But they like you a lot. I could not agree
with it more. So, anyhow, you're going to like
it. You know, like I said, I don't care if I
only have two listeners. This is honestly a labor
of love. But really, I can't call it labor. I
love doing this. I love creating content like
this, like such. I'm really humbled if we have
one listener and one email. I'm really amazed
at the number of downloads we generate. So this
is already way larger than I could have ever
imagined. What about you, Rob? Did you ever think
that it would hit this level? No, I did not.
I am just amazed. I'm amazed. Especially with
the emails. Yeah, the emails. The emails make
this, I mean, I can't thank you enough for so
many things. So many things. I mean, you know,
you give us this thing that we love to do, and
you make us feel like we're doing something important
for you, and we feel that we do, and it's just,
it's great for our soul, and we hope it is for
you. And so, the last thing I'd like to... You
don't... Go ahead. I don't know if they realize
how much of a release this is. We escape. You
see... Our escape. Yes. So, it looks like we're
doing something for you. We're really doing it
for ourselves, just as much, if not more. Would
you agree? That's the way it started, but...
Look at us now. We can't give up now. No, no,
no, no. I love these people. And I don't even
know them. Well, I know a few of them. So I'm
going to end with a statement here. And thank
you, Teresa. And thank you, everybody else that
has ever taken enough of an interest to write
us. Even hate email. I appreciate it. You thought
of us. So, Clint, thank you for downloading the
show. You're still a little bitch. Okay, we're
going to take our second break. We're going to
come back with something, Rob. I'm sure Rob has
some stuff to say, don't you? Yeah, I got some
stuff. Okay, we shall be back. Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news
nobody gives a shit about. A California girl
just got enlightened to carry a unicorn. Have
you ever wondered what something is about? Have
you ever looked at something and said, hey, I
wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have
we. That's why we give you The Origin Of. This
is the origin of eyeliner. Eyeliner originated
in ancient Egypt and it's been used for thousands
of years across cultures and chad young men from
nomadic clans wore kohl eyeliner to attract wives.
Indian Katali. Dancers wore kajal to tell stories
through their eyes. In Iran, women use eyeliner
as a symbol of resistance. Your mom is so depressing.
Blue singers come to visit her when they got
writer's block. Now it's time for pick up lines
from a loser. Are you a banana? You look appealing.
At age 30, you spin a mug. Celebrating birthdays.
Now, from his underground bunker in Camden, Missouri,
a stock full of dried goods, canned food, and
a couple of vibrating toys, is Ramblings of a
Madman featuring Rob Rad. I intend to live forever.
So far, so good. Two douchebags and a microphone,
says. You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding
and wake up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking.
Why Whataburger, you say? Well, because what
a deep -fried crispy chicken nugget just didn't
have the right ring. Everybody knows Mark is
a fucking idiot. But Mark would like to take
this moment to remind you. You're listening to
this fucking idiot. Harambe used to listen to
our original show, Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe does not
listen to our original show, Two Dipshits and
a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our
original show, Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Well, it's because
Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered because
some idiot did not watch her child properly while
looking on her phone. Sadly, Arambe does not
listen to our original show, Two Gibshits and
the Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Take Recorder,
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Arambe. Strange,
but true. Andres Toma was the last World War
II prisoner of war to be released. Toma was captured
in 1945. He was later locked up in an insane
asylum for speaking gibberish. However, in 2000...
who was accidentally discovered by a Slavic who
recognized he was actually speaking Hungarian.
After nearly 60 years, Toma was successfully
identified and finally returned home in 2000.
And I am Rob at Lake of the Ozarks, Jack. Beautiful.
Lake of the Ozarks. Yes, beautiful. Nianguo Arm,
right? Yes. Okay. Rob, we turn to you. Okay,
well, I got three of the newest country music
Hall of Fame inductees. Awesome. and Emmylou
Harris. He eventually became a record executive
who shaped modern country music. Brown was a
record producer who oversaw recording from Vince
Gill, Winona Judd, and Reba McEntire. All Hall
of Fame members themselves, Brown will be added
as a non -performer. I love that. What a great
choice. music for more than 60 years. Starting
when she was only 10 years old, singing with
her mother and sister on Mexican Border Radio.
The group Mother Mabel and the Carter Sisters
started on the Grand Ole Opry and joined Johnny
Cash's Roadshow. Okay. It's about time, man.
I'm surprised she wasn't already in it, and I'm
really surprised. Yeah, I'm surprised it took
this long. That is a solid choice, wouldn't you
say? Yes, yes. He's probably just now eligible.
It sounds about like the timeline. Yeah, I think
it is. I think it is. Yeah, I think he got in
there. I think he's probably first ballot, probably.
So, hmm. That was a solid list. That was a solid
list. Everyone I like. Yeah, I like it. I like
it. They're better than the Rock and Roll Hall
of Fame. Geez. Well, you know, I ain't touched
on country music for a while, so I had to. Hey,
every one of the artists I know of, and I know
some of their stuff, and they're all really good,
and I can't agree with it more. So, yeah, I think
they're on the right. So, there was a factory
worker in Kentucky, right? And he trapped his
co -worker in a 200 degree steam room. Thought
it was going to be a ha -ha from what I understand,
right? 200 degree. 200 degree steam room, Rob.
A woman went unconscious. Yeah. Would you not
bust that motherfucker right in the face as hard
as you could with whatever heavy you could find?
Yeah. A woman went unconscious when her factory
co -worker intentionally locked her inside a
room that sprayed 200 degrees steam, Kentucky
authorities say. The incident happened March
5th at the Lando Frost plant in Madisonville
and led to charges against 23 -year -old Barrett
Cornita, according to the Madisonville Police
Department. The mugshot. Look it up. Look it
up. Put steam room 200 degree mugshot. And you
got to see this person. You got to see this loser.
You got to see it. Believe me. I will. She objected
to his comment, but Cornita closed the door on
the victim and trapped her inside by latching
its lock, according to a criminal complaint.
Corinta, then, is Corinta. Corinta. I've been
saying it wrong. Imagine that. Oh, Babelsnatch.
Then turned on the machine, causing chemicals
and 200 degree steam to spray with the woman
trapped inside, police said. She later told investigators
she had no means of escaping when the machine
was turned on. She shut down the machine with
an emergency switch in the room, but police said
she became unconscious and fell to the floor.
The victim was hospitalized with minor injuries
to her face and head and was treated for a concussion
the next day, according to police. Madisonville
Police Public Information Officer Jason McKnight
told WEVV, it must be a local TV or radio, I
think probably a TV station, it's unclear why
Cornita locked his co -worker inside the room
or if he did it as a joke. We don't know if it
was malicious or if it was just one of those
things where you're not really thinking things
through well. I mean, you know, we've all done
that before. McKnight told the outlet. But at
the end of the day, she was put in there against
her will, locked in, and somehow the machine
was started. Pretty cut and dry to me. What do
you think, Rob? Yeah. Look, joke or not, uh -uh.
Uh -uh. No. That's not a ha -ha, and that's not
something you do to anybody. The way it is, right?
Yep. All right, Rob, you got something? Yeah,
I do. All right. Let me practice this name real
quick. Okay. into a record -setting $2 .39 million
cash prize while playing the Michigan Lottery's
jackpot slots millionaire game. I would, too,
because people don't realize it's a joke. I'm
pretty sure it's a joke. So, anyhow. I decided
to take $100 of my winnings and buy some fast
cash tickets because the jackpot was so huge.
While the numbers usually connote a connection
with Satan and devil worship appearing in the
Bible's book of Revelation, in the case they
brought good fortune to the player. As soon as
the clerk handed me the tickets, I ran my eyes
over them to see if I had won anything. Very
cool. Good. I mean, that's funny. And like I
said, he meant it as a joke, you know, and I
mean, but you know, yeah, I mean, however you
look at it, whatever, you know, even if people
do worship Satan or whatever. Okay, whatever.
Do you want to keep going? It's 931 or do you
want to shut this down? else yeah i do gen z
says gen z is getting a lot of flack for quiet
quitting and quiet quitting we went into a couple
of times and that's where you don't do your job
enough until they get rid of you but until then
you collect a paycheck and just kind of do nothing
gen z is not quiet quitting they say they're
rejecting outdated leadership If your company
is losing Gen Z talent, chances are the problem
isn't them, it's you, according to Gen Zers.
The phrase quiet quitting has become a catch
-all for blaming Gen Z workers for workplace
disengagement. Older generations stereotype them
as unmotivated, unwilling to go the extra mile,
and too demanding. But here's the reality is
what Gen Z says. Gen Z isn't disengaging. They're
just done tolerating bad leadership. And, you
know, Rob, I get that, don't you? I've had plenty
of that in my life. I hear it every day. Yeah.
Well, the place I'm at now, not so much. But
my old place. Oh, man, my direct boss. Oh, my
God. That guy was one of the dumbest motherfuckers
I'd ever known in my life. And he was pissy all
the time because he drank all fucking night and
he didn't want to come in. And I had to put up
with his bad breath and his stupid fucking hat
with his natty hair. I wanted to fucking punch
him every day. Anyhow, my research included surveys,
interviews, and case studies across industries
shows that many have labeled quitting. is actually
a rational response to workplaces that lack fairness,
structure, and alignment with employee values.
Instead of writing off an entire generation,
leaders should be asking, what are we doing wrong?
And, I mean, I don't know. Man, this thing is
hitting home. Because what I just said about
the fuckhead that I used to work for, my direct
boss and others, I get it. employee well -being
in a step in the right direction, but can also
fall if it lacks structure and clarity. Gen Z
doesn't want a charismatic leader who inspires
them. They want fairness, clear expectations,
and leaders who actually listen. When those elements
are missing, disengagement is inevitable. This
is where the model I developed, Engage in Empathy
Leadership Model, EELM, offers a solution. But
I'm not going to go into that. Okay, it's like,
I mean, you can look it up, and it's E -E -L
-M, and you can look up the term if you're so
inclined to, and it will explain it. But I can
tell you this. The reason that they don't tolerate
it is they are a generation that grew up on instant
gratification. Hey, anybody that had a millennial
or younger, and their children are like that?
You let them do something too much, like look
at TV or probably the phone or the computer.
They're used to instant gratification, going
through a drive -thru and getting your food,
bam, like that. You ain't waiting 10 minutes.
That's way too long. You've got to have your
meal in three minutes. That's why all these fast
food places work so hard to get you through their
place like that. They'll even sacrifice the food
being as good to get you through there because
they know that that's what people inevitably
care about. And that's why I came up with the
segment First World Problems. To illustrate,
through humor, what we do here in America. And
this is all our faults. All our faults. Because
Gen Z and some millennials are like this. And
I understand why. If I grew up, someone would
give me a tablet and tell me to watch Shrek and
shut up. in the back of a SUV, and then they
fucking pimp you out to soccer so they don't
have to deal with you, in my opinion, you know?
I get it. That's why they don't put up with anything,
because they never had to. And it's not necessarily
the way they grew up. So, yeah, they could change
if they wanted to. Not their fault. Not their
fault. Yeah, they could change if they wanted
to, okay? But the thing is... This is what we
created, most of us. Some people didn't. But
enough people did to where, far and large, Gen
Zers are pretty much like that. That's one of
their traits. So, there you go. And, I mean,
I don't know what else to say about that. If
you're wondering about the E -E -L -P, or L -M,
not P, look it up. It's interesting. This guy
came up with a system that he says, and I could
see it working in probably a few cases, but...
He said he has a way to get their attention and
how to be good leadership because he interviewed
so many of them. And he said that a lot of them,
or most of them, came up with the same reasons
why they're disengaged. So I think that's pretty
clear right there. You got something, Rob? That's
all I have for tonight. All right. Then we're
going to get the hell out of here. And once again,
thank you guys for listening. I'm not even going
to tell anyone to fuck themselves because, sincerely,
thank you guys. Thank you for downloading. Thank
you for listening, and thank you for writing
in. We really do appreciate it here at Douchebag
Central in Kansas City and Douchebag Central
in... Beautiful... Niagara Arm and Lake of the
Ozarks. There you go. Everybody, have a good
night. Thank you. Good night, assholes. Good
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.