Sports Bastards? What a stupid fucking name. Who the hell would name their show the Sports Bastards?
Gosh. Man, I can't believe I'm here doing this.
Two thimble dicks and a crash cart will be right back.
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any pictures of imbuefant ibuprofen,
it's obviously fake and you're to take the pictures and tear them up immediately.
And it looks like we're off and playing.
Alright, this is the Sports Bastards.
We have a little bit of stuff. Oh, I forgot I got these.
Oh yeah, we got a wobbly table here so it's going to bug the crap out of you if we don't fix it.
You guys are going to hear a thump, thump, thump, thump.
Not that we give a shit about you, but just because we don't want to hear it.
We don't want to hear it. Yeah, it bothers us. Other than that, we wouldn't have gave a shit.
That's kind of what we do. Yep, yep. They know this by now.
They're dickheads, but no, they're not charming. Well, they're just dickheads.
But nonviolent dickheads. So this is something.
Yes, yeah. We're the kind of dickheads that it'd be safe to leave us alone with your new puppy for a weekend.
Yes. Because that's a good test of how you feel about somebody.
Yeah, if you let them with your puppy, you really trust them.
I mean, even more so than the kid. Yeah, the kid can say, hey.
I just got this new puppy, am I going to let this person watch my puppy for a weekend?
Do I trust them that much? Oh, they've got to go through some rigorous tests before you do that.
Yeah. Yep. Let's see how they do with my kid. Then we'll move on to the puppy.
Then we'll figure out the puppy.
Oh, a Kubano, a hot Kubano on a fucking beautiful rainy, chilly morning. It's so good.
Yeah, it feels like spring. It really does. It does.
So I'm happy for spring. Spring and fall are my two favorite times of the year.
Tonight is a blizzard warning for us.
Just cause.
And then go have a talk with that groundhog in Pennsylvania.
Oh, that little bastard. I'm going to kick his shit out of him when I see him.
Liar!
The groundhog will say, hey, look, man, I don't know you shit.
I never promised to tell you the truth.
The groundhog said, did you hear me say that?
Yeah, that's true.
Did you hear me say that?
That's true. We just heard it from his people. Yeah.
From his groundhog handlers.
I never said that. Maybe my great, great grandpa fucking said that, but I didn't.
That's true. Great, great grandpa would have been, what, what, 35 years ago?
Yeah, so, oh, wait, hang on. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,
and plus another hundred grandfather might have said that, but I fucking didn't.
I got thrown into this life. I didn't choose it.
Yeah, yeah. He's being held accountable for things his ancestors did and said.
Yes, that's wrong.
wrong. Yeah. Okay. So we got football stuff. We got football stuff to talk about. Okay. I've got a list of the chiefs free agents if you care.
Sure, that'll fit in. I've got the list of the top 25 free agents. Okay. Actually, it's 23 now because the top two got their franchise tag.
Okay, I just want your opinion. I want a keep. Both of you go. We can find a way to keep him or he's probably expendable. Yeah. Okay. First one, DeAndre Hopkins. I'm saying expendable. I'm saying expendable too.
They're, you know, he's great. He's a great receiver, but there are more great receivers available. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to have Rasheed Rice and Worthy and Kelsey. And I mean, I would love to have him in a perfect world, but I mean, we're going to, they're just going to have to go with whoever's going to work with us. If DeAndre works with us, it's very possible. True. True. But I think there are plenty more opportunities to pick up a wide receiver in the draft. And then when other teams start cutting on the preseason,
Yeah, they need to get another one. Yeah. you find some people to put on your practice squad. So yeah, there's, there's all sorts of options and opportunities to pick up somebody to take DeAndre's spot. Definitely would not get an admitting award for him. No, no, no, no. It's like, offer him this. If he doesn't want it, then move on. And that might be what they did. Yeah. The next one, the guard, Trey Smith. They put the franchise tag on him. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, that's, that's one of the ones that was on the list is oops, last second franchise.
Tag, but yeah, him, I definitely would say do what it takes to keep them. Yeah. So they, they're keeping them. Safety Justin Reed. I'm going to say no, because I think they have some people behind him that did almost as well. Yeah. He's like DeAndre, if you get him for the right price. But if he's, if he turns down your offer, then say, okay, wish you well. Thanks for the memories. Yeah. I enjoy your Superbowl rings that you got here. And I like Justin Reed. I do too. Great player. He's a really good player. But.
But he just, to me, is not in that upper echelon of keeping at all costs. This next guy, linebacker Nick Bolton, I know they're not going to keep him. He's going to cost way too much. Yeah. But man, that would be nice to have. It would be nice to have because he's getting so much better in the pass coverage. That was the knock on him. It's like he's real good at tackling and the run, but pass coverage. But he was getting better. He was definitely getting better on the pass coverage. So yeah, he's, he's a young man. He's like 26. Yeah. I would really like,
to see them keep him, but I understand if they don't. Well, I think that even if you get a discount, it's still not going to be enough. Our salary cap, we're like 19 million over or something. Yeah. Yeah. Something's got to give. Yeah. Something's got to give. So unfortunately, love to keep him. I don't think it's going to happen. No.
Defensive end Charles Amenahue. Yeah, I'd say bring him back. Chris Jones wants him back. Yeah. And that's, that's reason enough, I think. Amenahue is really good at supplying pressure like Jones and
Carl off this car office is on what next year, they're gonna have to worry about trying to resign. Yeah. Yeah. So Hollywood Brown wide receiver. I let him go. Yeah. He's gonna cost too much. And was he done?
No. Yeah, just the fact that he was gone for most of the season, not his fault. But he's already cost you a crap ton of money. Yeah. I'd say no.
And besides that, when he was on the field, I didn't see anything that extraordinary. No. So quarterback Carson Wentz, who cares? No. Okay. Defensive end Trishan Wharton. Yeah, I want to see him keep him. Yeah, I like Wharton. I don't think he's going to command that much money. So I think we're fine with it. Yeah, surprisingly, as good as he is. I mean, he's not like, you know, constantly making an impact. But boy, how does he make an overall difference in the game? Yes, he does.
He really does. I could be wrong. I think they'll retain him. I hope so. Next one. Left tackle DJ Humphries. If you can get him for the right price. Yeah, I think you really got to because we need insurance. Juanye Morris and Joanne Taylor. Yeah, really have. I mean, Joanne Taylor when he's doing his job, right is a good pass blocker. He's a really good pass blocker. He's got so many flaws. And he cost you so many penalties.
Really bad situations. Super Bowl alone. Yeah, my god. They're just like fucking manly handling. Yeah. So yeah, you got to try to keep them defensive tackle Derek Noddy. Yeah, yeah, I like Derek. I'd like to see him keep them.
White receiver Justin Watson, because everybody thinks of Jalen Watson. They already said they're letting him go. So Justin Watson's number 84. I think. Yeah, I like him a lot. But he didn't get on the field much. So when I when he was on the field making catches, it was great. But apparently they don't see enough in him.
No, no, they already said that. Yeah. Well, they didn't say it's been all over that like, well, they're not really offering to make things. Yeah, sometimes it gets pretty obvious. Yeah, yeah, they're saying without saying, you know, kind of like you come home and your golf clubs are in the fucking driveway. That's saying without saying something's really wrong here. I'm going to rent a hotel room for sale sign in the yard.
Something's going wrong. Okay, right back or some jp Ryan. I love the guy. Keep it. Keep it. Keep it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, man, I mean, I discussed this with the boss yesterday. He said, well, he's a he's a good catch. You got someone that can catch the ball. But I'm saying third and fourth down specialist to at this point, the way he was doing it last year. Yeah. So yeah, he's definitely got a lot to offer this team.
Yeah, I don't want him doing it for this team rather than another team. No, me neither. LS. What is that? Long snapper. Long snapper. Yep. James Winchester. I think he's been around for I know. Yeah, I think they're going to keep them. There's a league minimum based on your position and how many years you've been in the league. But for long snapper, I don't think it's all that high. No, it's not gonna make any difference at all. I know.
I don't think the next one. Joshua or J or Shea, I think is how they Oh, yeah. Yeah. They got him from Seattle. Yeah, I saw little flashes last year, but not much. Not enough to go on. Yeah. Next one. Defensive tackle Mike Pennell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you can keep them, I say you try to I'd like to. What do you say?
I like Pennell I saw enough of them last year and heard his name enough times making good plays. I would like to see them bring him back and give him give him another chance to make the team. I would I think he's because I think he can make the team. I think he's he's definitely.
There's a talent that you can tell. Yeah. And for as much as you don't have to pay him. He's he's going to be a bargain. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. 100%. And I think they will. I think they will retain him. He's one of the ones that are obtainable. And I think that's how they're going to have to go with their defenses and some of these guys like Pennell and Connor. These guys are going to step up while they get people behind them. Drafted. So it's the way it's been working. So.
Yeah, it's a valid way to do it. I mean, how can I question him? Yeah, like how many Super Bowls they've made it to? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not a guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, six out of seven Super Bowls is not a guy. No, is it five? No, five out of six Super Bowl. So like that. Yeah.
Winning three of them. Not a dynasty. How many teams you think would refuse to change places with the Chiefs right now? Zero. They all would take what we have. Yes. So anyhow. At least up this point. Yeah, from this point forward, it's anyone's guess. Yeah, I like that. I have no reason to believe that they're not going to figure this out like they did before. I remember last year like how are we going to replace Snead? You know, how are we going to do this? They did. Yeah.
Okay, Juju Smith Schuster, of course, he's a wide receiver. I like him because he's a decent blocker and he can get open. Yeah. He can get open in critical situations too. It depends on how much he wants. I mean, they let him walk and he went to the Patriots and he had an injury and did horribly. He came back and had a decent season. This year we took him back after the Patriots cut him at the first of the year. If you can get him for nothing, grab him, keep him. Yeah.
If nothing else, he's a good solid veteran for these younger guys. This next one, we both know how we feel about this. And I mean, too bad Pacheco's contract isn't up. Well, you're getting him for not much. So anyhow, cream hunt. Sign him. Sign him. Sign him. Yes. Like we're talking before, his body style is built for that type of running. Yeah. Pacheco is not.
Pacheco is going to have some exciting years and then he's going to have all those injuries that pile up on him and he's going to just fall away. The problem is I don't even think he had an exciting year. Not according to me. No, not this past year. No, no. In the year before he didn't even get a thousand yards. Everybody's all high on him. I always thought, well, he looks like a little bit above average runner. Yeah. So anyhow, to me. Yeah. I like that every down back. He's not necessarily in there every down, but he could be. Yeah. With Pacheco, you put him in only in certain circumstances. Yeah.
So you put him in only in certain circumstances where he could have success. Cause if you have him in there as your main runner, he's going to get stuffed over and over and over. Yep. And this is a case of management feeding everybody a line of shit. Yeah. Oh, this guy. Oh my God. You've got to see this Pacheco guy. Yeah. That's the whole NFL is every player is awesome and wonderful and has such a great backstory and they're all great kids. Yeah. Well, if they're all so wonderful, then it doesn't mean anything. Does it?
No, no, no matter of fact, I am like really, really cynical anymore. Yeah. If I hear somebody's great. I'm like, hold on. Yeah. We're, we're starting to, we're starting to learn to recognize the propaganda when we hear it. Yes. Wide receiver, McCole Hardman. You could probably get it for nothing. Do you keep him on special teams? I mean, we got. He's the cook return. Well, yeah. Romulio is better kick return at this point. So I think I'd be okay. Look, I would. Yeah. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.
letting Nicole go? Yeah I think you're gonna have to and if nothing else a
roster spot. Yeah. Restricted ones are tight end Jody Forstein. He keeps
leaving and coming back they're just really not sure about him. Does nothing
for me. I heard the name and I'm like okay. He's made a few plays here and
there but that's it. I'm just gonna go through these really quick because
they're really nothing much. Quarterback Nahid Johnson, quarterback Keith Taylor,
Jack Cochran, linebacker Malik Herring, defensive end, Mike Kelly Endo, guard,
also a comedian. Yeah. Yeah. I remember him. Yeah I'm so surprised at his age that he came back in
football. Yeah it's pretty ballsy. Here's to you Mike. Okay Matt Erazia
Ariza. How do they? The punter? Ariza? Yeah. That's it Ariza. Punters you can get. Yeah no big deal.
Spencer Schrader, the filling guy. I don't even remember Spencer Schrader. He was the guy
before the guy that replaced Buckner. Oh that's right. Yeah he come in and nailed a
couple of key field goals to nail down a couple of victories for us. Yeah guys
like that are always good to have in camp so your main kicker doesn't get
worn out. Yes. Yeah and they'll probably keep him for that because he is a decent
he's not a bad kicker. No. Not bad. Plus maybe some other team is willing to
give you something for him. True. Yeah. Well their chiefs are really good at that.
They're like put him on practice squad someone will want him. Yeah that's that's another
great way to build your team. Yeah it really is and they've been perfect at
that. I gotta give well I gotta give them a lot of credit on a lot of things but
that's one of them. Anyhow you had something. I've got the top 25 free agents
as of last night. Actually it's top 23 because the top two got got franchise
tag late yesterday. Yeah. Number 25 we have Raiders safety Trevon Morick.
Former second round draft pick. Four-year starter for the Raiders. Had
104 tackles last season a couple interceptions and the Raiders still
haven't signed him yet. So there's a good safety. That's a really good safety and
they may have their eyes on him actually. Number 24 49ers linebacker
Drake Greenlaw. Two years ago he tore his Achilles in the Super Bowl but then he
came back last year. Had eight tackles versus the Rams late this season.
I think he did that in the second quarter didn't he? Yeah yeah I've never seen
Greenlaw's name a lot for San Francisco. Yeah I seem to think he's pretty solid. I
know he tore his ACL but he should be better. Yeah but right now he's starting
to just start to get the reputation of injury. No. So anyways the Jets defensive end
Hassan Reddick. He refused to report after the Jets traded for him but then
eventually played with a restructured contact. Only had one sack. Wow. But okay
he's only 31 so he's got some years left. Each season between 20 and 23 he
had double digit sacks and two Pro Bowl selections. That would be okay. So last
season he was pissed and didn't do well so throw last season out. There's another
good defensive end. Okay that guy right there are two things. If he wants a ring
yeah and if he may be getting overlooked. Yeah. So those two things go together I
can see the Chiefs grabbing him. Yeah I mean he 31 he'd be getting for another
three years easy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh all right number 22 Texans wide receiver
Stephon Diggs. No. No they restructured his contract right after trading for him
which allowed him to become a free agent again this year. However he tore his ACL
in week 8 didn't he? Yes he did. He'll be turning 32. He's a malcontent? Yeah so at
32 coming back from an ACL. Being a wide receiver? No. Yeah I don't think so. Look I
think he's gonna have some success but nothing like he did and also I don't
like his attitude. Yeah I agree.
21 Chargers defensive end Khalil Mack. Oh. He's considering retirement because
he's about turn 34 but decided to come back. He's been defensive player of the
year. Last season he had six sacks and made his ninth Pro Bowl. You're only
gonna get one year from him. Yeah if you could sign him for the right money of
course. Yeah I don't think the Chiefs need a DN that badly. No they're not gonna go for him.
There are teams that do. Someone's gonna overpay for him because there's a
lot of teams that need him badly right now. So it felt like one of those pigeons
just flew over my head. It did. I didn't say anything. I could smell it. Oh you could smell it? I could smell the pigeon.
Oh wow. They don't smell good. He's right over there now. He's balancing on a beam.
All righty let's see. Number 20 Bills wide receiver Amari Cooper. I say no.
Yeah. Do you think the Bills would resign him though? Maybe. Well I mean they still
have these young receivers. I think they'd probably get him a one-year deal.
Yeah he was hurt last year. Had 300 yards in eight games and he's gonna be 31.
But he's had a 1,250 yard season a couple years ago. Oh he's very capable but I'm
looking at everything else. I'm gonna say you know you have your own receivers
and you can always pick up wide receivers. I think this is gonna command a
little bit too much money and too risky. Yeah I agree. Boy he doesn't like our
podcast does he? No he doesn't. All right number 19 Jets quarterback Aaron Rogers. He is a
free agent. Yeah and supposedly he's not getting any interest. Yeah. I can't believe
that. He apparently hasn't said definitely yes or no whether he wants to
play and I think that's because he's safe in the face. He doesn't want to say yeah I
want to play and then have no one pick him up. So he's judging to see if
anyone's gonna pick him up and if no one does then he'll say yeah I didn't want
to play because he's gonna be 42 this year. I can't believe like a team that
really needs a quarterback. I mean you know who would be a good fit is Minnesota.
Yeah yeah. I mean I know they would be oh he's another Brett Favre. Yeah. Well he
spent two season with the Jets and he doesn't have a wiener pick. So no. Say what
you want about Aaron Rogers. He's never stolen money from from the poor. From the
poor. And that's not even allegedly. No that's true. So we don't have to say
allegedly about Brett Favre. And I'll tell you what I mean that right there I can
never look at him again the same. That's a dirty horrible person to me. Yeah yeah
that's that's morally bankrupt. For a fucking volleyball team a girls volleyball
team or was it a soccer team or something? One of those yeah a soccer
volleyball. For that you're gonna take money out of kids that are starving's mouth. Especially
since Brett had that money in the bank. He just didn't want to spend his own
money. What a fucking asshole. What a creep. Yeah. Alright number 18 49ers corner
Charvarius Ward. We remember him. Yeah I'm gonna give a no. They let him go the
first time for a reason. And the reason was it okay from what I remember is he
would give up a big play. That's true. That's true. He would do good here you
know scrimmage to scrimmage but when you really needed it you know you really
couldn't get that big play from him and he commanded too much money. He
definitely can't guard the other team's number one receiver. No. And if they put
their number one receiver on Ward he's gonna struggle all game. Yes and that's
what they're doing to beat us a lot. So he got a three-year forty million dollar
deal when he signed with the Niners but he's not gonna get that again. He's still
under 30 and he has some time left but he's not good enough to command that
again. No they generally don't come back on people like that. They let him go for
a reason. Deemed him they were not worth it because if they were to sign him back
then you know three years ago and said we think this guy's got an upside and we
need to keep him it would be different. No. And part of the reason he got signed
three years ago was because he was coming from the Chiefs who were having
great success at that time. Yes. Yeah. So the reputation of the Chiefs helped him
get that deal but now he doesn't. You got LG on the other side and who else was
there? Reed. Sneed. Yeah that's what I was talking about. Ligeria Sneed. LG. Yeah.
Okay. I'm sorry they've been calling they've been calling him LG on TV and
radio and I just started calling him that. Like I know him. Hey LG shout out to you.
And I'm trying to think of who the Chiefs slot corner has been but anyway.
Slot corner. Teams don't necessarily have a slot corner the guy who comes in I
mean remember when we got a guy named Fuller from Chicago. He was basically a
Kendall. Kendall Fuller yeah. Yeah. He basically was going to cover the slot
receiver. That was his big thing and that's what the Chiefs needed at the time.
I don't know that that's really a thing anymore. I don't think it is either. Yeah.
I think it's like you're in the middle you do it. Yeah. Yeah you get him. Because
you know for a while slot receivers had certain routes that they were prone to
run in certain ways. Now anybody runs anything. Yeah. Yeah it doesn't. Yeah.
Can't be that predictable. It's really become a I'm gonna run straight down here
down the sideline and you get it right to me in precision and that's it. Yeah.
And nothing fancy. I mean that's the way I mean look at Buffalo but that's also
one of their weaknesses too. Yeah. Yeah. So I think if they had a little bit
better play calling sometimes if they could probably do a little bit better in
the playoffs but you know what I'm glad they don't.
All right next up we got number 17 is the Colts guard Will Fries or Will
Fries I'm not sure how to pronounce. He's decent from what I remember but. Good
pass strong run blocker pass protector but he totally destroyed his his leg last
season in week five. Pass. He still you know will be good for some team but I
don't need I don't think we need another injured offensive lineman. No. No. All
right Eagles garden Mekki Bechtin. I don't recall seeing his name called very
much. No they say ranked 20th among guards and
pro football. Nah. And there's two per team so that means he's. Practice squad.
Yeah he's out of the top ten. Yeah. Buccaneers wide receiver Chris Godwin.
He's been around right. Yeah. He'll be 29 this season. 29? Mm-hmm. Well. But he had a
dislocated ankle in week seven. I like him. And in 2021 tore his ACL. Oh.
Starting to sound less. Well we don't we don't generally hire those older
receivers that were the upper echelon. And look what how it burned us with
Hollywood Brown and Deandre Hopkins. Yes. No they had to. The only reason we did
it this year is because all our receivers went down. Yeah. If it wasn't for that we
would not have done that. Next up is we talked about Chiefs linebacker Nick
Bolton. More than a hundred tackles in three of his four seasons. I still like
you I don't think the Chiefs are gonna resign him just because they don't want
to spend the money. They can't it sucks. Yeah. It's a reality it's just like LG
LJ. No no no. LF. Legerius name. Why do they call him LG? Oh L-Legerius. Yeah but
it's spelled LJ with a J. Yeah that's why I'm not sure why they say LG. It must
stand for something else. It has to. Oh well anyhow. Raiders defense event Malcolm
Coons. He had a breakout season in 2023. Eight sacks. Then he suffered a torn ACL
in practice. Practice? Not practice man. Practice. Not the game I love this. Practice. I'm sorry.
Iverson. Is that the guy who did that? Yeah. Practice man. Yeah practice as Iverson.
Anyway those layoffs was more. Go ahead. The injuries make him riskier but he's a
good pass rusher but then again you know again Chiefs don't need another DN
especially with injury history. The Eagles have linebacker Zach Bond. B-A-U-N.
Went from a special team with the Saints to a first team all-pro with the Eagles.
He got a one-year three and a half million deal to sign to the Eagles and
now he's looking for a big payout.
Now. Yeah. Now. I mean if you're gonna spend the money on him just keep Nick
Bolton. Yeah yeah yeah. All right Rams O-Tackle Aleric Jackson was number 11
but update he reached the three-year extension deal with the Rams. Okay. So he's out.
Jets cornerback DJ Reed. He's in reputation of being the other cornerback
opposite Sauce Gardner because he didn't get talked about but as they say he's a
solid player. He'll be 29 this year. If you get him for the right money yeah. Yeah
I think he's definitely someone you could help you. Vikings have a corner
Brian Murphy Jr. Made his first Pro Bowl last season got six interceptions last
season. Just turned 27 so there's another good corner. Yeah. He might be a good good
one to put opposite Trent Mcduffey. Yeah yeah I think that would be that would be
a nice fit. Yeah. That would be a nice fit. Hey we've traded Carson Wentz. You want
another old quarterback? We got one. Just throw him in the mix. All right Dolphins
safety Javan Holland that the Dolphins probably can't afford to bring back.
Really good playmaking ability. Good with run support. He's only gonna be 25 so
he's gonna be expensive. Yeah. So I think that knocks him out of the Chiefs
contention. I think you're right. Which is why the Dolphins can't. Yeah I mean can't
afford him. Yeah. Eagles got another DN Josh Sweatt. So they you know Eagles got
two DNs. That's Keith's brother. Yeah. He was a decent player leading up to the
Super Bowl. Had 11 sacks season in 2022 but he had a really big day in the
Super Bowl. I think he got two sacks. He did. He'll be 28 this coming season which
is good age to be and he's projected to go pretty pretty expensive. Yeah I mean
like you I go back to Nick Bolton. He's our priority if we can sign him. Yeah. But
I mean I know they're not this you know I know they're different players
different positions but what I'm saying is is if you have that kind of money you
got to stick with your guy. Yeah. But I think you know because of salary cap
reasons he's gonna have to go or well they're not gonna have to they can't
sign him. Yeah. And I got to thinking LJ is his nickname. LG is a laptop. Is a
electronics. Oh yeah life's good. Yeah yeah yeah I think I got him mixed up. I
just got to thinking when you said LJ and I was like okay it's LJ. We can't keep up
with all these. It's not Ligarius. Buzzwords and catchphrases and so. I call him Ligarius.
We pronounce his name anything we want. Yeah yeah that's right. Alright number six. Cowboys
defensive tackle Osa Odegazua. Sorry if I mispronounced his name. He's
projected to get a huge deal. Very disruptive D tackle. 60 quarterback
pressures last season tied for fifth month amongst D tackles. He's only gonna be
27 right before the season starts and the Cowboys are seriously considering
putting a franchise tag on them. They probably will. Yeah. I mean they really
have nothing over there why not. Yeah. Yeah. They got a big lump of shit and now
they got a bigger lump of shit as the head coach. Yeah. Well you see Jimmy Jones retired from TV.
Yeah yeah. So maybe he's like you know hey man I can coach again. I can coach again.
I don't know he could barely broadcast. I know. He was really getting soft there. He really wasn't arguing and really I
mean he slowed down a lot. I think he's inhaled so much hairspray from doing his
hair. I think so. That has just kind of addled his brain a little bit. Yeah. He's got
Clare All-Brain. Clare All-Brain. Yes. Aquanet. Aquanet brain. That's better. Both of them.
Alright Ravens offensive tackle Ronnie Stanley. Now for a while it was the
Chiefs were saying Trey Smith or Ronnie Stanley. They decided to franchise tag
Trey Smith. Yeah so they're not gonna need him. Yeah. They say when Stanley plays he's a
very good left tackle. Played all 17 games last season. In the eight seasons
before that he's never played a full season. Hmm. I didn't know that. Wrong injury list. Nope. So that was the thing is he's a great
tackle when he's on the field but the guys we have we already know that about
some of them. Why are we gonna go get someone who might not work in the system
Trey Smith. Trey Smith high draft pick. He worked out for us. We keep him. We're
gonna keep him with the franchise tag. Yeah. And you know I thought they were
gonna franchise Nick Bolton. I was kind of wondering that too. I guess they got
Nick you gotta protect my homes. Yeah. First off. I'd say so. Okay. Number four Eagles
D tackle Milton Williams. He was kind of overshadowed by his teammates a little
bit. Yeah. In the Super Bowl he had two sacks and was just totally dominant. Maybe he was
the guy who sacked my homes twice. Well they sacked him like what eight times?
God you're right. Yeah so yeah probably. Everybody got their share. Everybody got their share.
They were just like handing them out. Here you want one you want a sack here.
Hey come here you want a sack yeah. I haven't gotten my third sack yet. They
get one that hurts. They get one Jalen hurts here. You want a sack here you go.
They put him on on put him in as an edge rusher just for the hell of it. Yeah go
get him. Go get him Jalen. But you know he's gonna go he's gonna go high. Yeah.
I mean look at the Eagles they're gonna they got defensive end Josh Swed.
Defensive tackle Milton Williams. I think they had another one on this list too.
But there's two big key defensive linemen. Okay guard Mekki Bechtin. Mm-hmm.
Linebacker Zach Bond. Uh-huh. So there's three on defense and one on offense that
they've got assigned and all four of them are projected to get big contracts.
Something's got to give there too. Something's got to give. Yeah. That's welcome to the
celery cap. You know what though? Celery cap. Celery. The thing is this right here.
This is what makes the NFL so good. Yeah. It sucks. You gotta let your good players
go but I mean you wouldn't want to be like baseball. We would never see the
lie today. Yeah I remember when Al Davis owner of the Raiders was mad at running
back Marcus Allen for hiring an agent. Oh yeah. He signed him but he sat him on the bench and wouldn't play him.
And under the old NFL rules the Raiders could have kept him and made him spend the rest of his career sitting on the bench.
But under the new free agency rules that came in like in what the late 80s early 90s.
Something like that I'd say early 90s. The first version was called Plan B free agency.
I remember that. Plan B means something else man. Yeah. But anyway he was able to get out of the Raiders organization and continue a career.
Yeah. So it's better for the players. Way better for the players to have a salary cap and free agency and all this movement.
It kind of sucks for the fans when your city gets a good team put together but they need to get paid.
Look at what they're sacrificing to play this game to entertain us. And Al Davis had Bo Jackson until he got injured and couldn't play anymore.
Yeah. All right. Number three on the list of free agents is the Vikings quarterback Sam Darnall.
I don't know why he's ranked so high. I don't either. I really don't. So didn't they note a high note.
They said his rating is he's been excellent for most of the 2024 season.
There's a lot of desperation in quarterback around the league.
It kind of showed last season that people are kind of taking it. Here he was finally in the good situation.
See what he can do. But it's it's like it's a small sample of success.
And those last two games were horrible. Yeah. Horrible. This is a case of what I've been saying all along.
Sam Darnall became Sam Darnall. He did it against the lesser teams.
But the upper echelon, the people you're playing in the playoffs. That's it. They can't do it.
So Alex Smith, Trent Green. There are a lot of mediocre quarterbacks that just really get blown out in the playoffs.
Playoffs. Yeah. It's yeah. It's an exposure kind of thing.
Sam Darnall is not a guy that can take the team on his back and go, I'm going to win this for us. Yeah.
That's it. He is what he is. And I don't know why he's number three, except, like you said, desperation for quarterback.
I guess so. But I mean, he would be a good backup. Yeah.
He'd be great mentor to a younger quarterback. But I don't think that's the role he wants to accept.
He wants to start. Minnesota's going with their younger guy that got injured. The high round draft pick shit.
What is his name? You're asking me. You know what? Good manner.
This is what you get with the sports bastards. And it's early in the morning. Yes.
Let me try this. Vikings back up quarterback.
Nick Mullins and Daniel Jones. Oh, not Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones must have been Nick Mullins.
I thought there's another guy in there. Oh, well, yes. Nick Mullins was solid when asked to jump in temporarily.
OK. OK. And then Daniel Jones, they signed him just ahead of the playoffs. Playoffs.
So Nick Mullins was the guy. OK. Oh, yeah.
And Daniel Jones was like just sitting there because the Giants said, get the hell out.
You take the place up. Yeah. They said, I'm available.
No, no. That must be a horrible feeling.
No kidding. Hey, hey. Calling your agent up every morning.
OK. So who called? Nobody. Are you sure?
Yeah. You sure the phone's working? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
We're talking on a right now.
Look, maybe you didn't get the memo. I quit.
All right. So the final top two were the Chiefs guard Trey Smith, which the Chiefs played a non-exclusive franchise tag on.
And number one was Bengals wide receiver T. Higgins.
We also got a franchise tag. Yeah. T. Higgins is not happy.
No, no. And you know, the franchise tag will pay you a lot for that one year.
But if you get injured, your career is done basically. Yeah.
Because you got zero job security and no one's going to sign you.
Well, I mean, T. Higgins, I mean, to me, it's indicative of that good team, but not great team.
Yeah. I mean, we're talking about Burrow and how he was talking about other, you know, other teammates.
You know, pissed off at my holes for taking a cap friendly deal with the Chiefs.
Yeah. T. Higgins mouthing off.
Chase, Chase always mouthing off.
I mean, you know, I mean, it's a bunch of eyes over there.
And this is no different. And, you know, we have the report cards of all these teams that the NFL,
T.A., the Players Association rated all their own teams. Yes.
And Bengals didn't come out so great.
No.
Anyway, we've got all 32, but of course, we can't go through all of them at once.
But what I figured we'd do is we just you do eight and I'll do eight.
And then next week we do the other that way.
But you pick whatever one you want and then I'll pick one.
We'll just do whatever we want to do.
Chiefs are right there on top if you want them.
All right.
And then I think that's all the Chiefs.
Yeah, it's 11 pages per team.
Wow. And some of the that's only two.
Some of the ratings got got cut off.
So I tried to add them back in and then I tried to highlight some of the more interesting stuff.
Go ahead. So let me start with the number one team.
Let's just do it like that. We'll just grab one each.
All right. So number one is the Miami Dolphins.
They were number one last year ranked first out of 32.
So they made number one again this year. St. Tyreke.
Yeah. The Dolphins.
Each team is ranked in 11 categories.
Dolphins were number one in seven out of the 11 categories.
Teams players love to play for the Dolphins.
Wow. They just love it.
Let's see. They talk about their game day locker room,
but stadium locker room is not evaluated in these surveys.
So I didn't know they had separate game day locker rooms and stadium locker rooms.
That's interesting though.
I guess stadium locker room is like for everyday practice stuff.
And then game day is set up specifically for the game.
Yeah. With more connectivity.
Yeah. Really about the only thing the Dolphins players complained about,
they would like a better home game hotel.
Because a lot of teams do that when you're doing a home game
or when it stays in the hotel the night before, just to keep consistency.
Well, yeah. Then they learn them all up and make sure they're all there.
And there you go. Yeah.
And they would like more sideline passes for family members before games.
OK. But the lowest rating that the Dolphins got in any category was A.
Wow. They got As and A pluses.
Training room, training staff, ownership, head coach, team travel, strength coaches,
weight room, treatment of families, food and duck, A and A plus all across the board.
The Dolphins are the example of how you run a franchise to make your players love it.
You see, there's one thing on there that kind of baffles me.
Most teams have a hotel that they have on retainer for when the teams are in home.
Definitely they don't?
Um. Or they just don't like the hotel that's on retainer?
Yeah. It's the hotel that they always use before home games.
Oh, that's it. OK. They say they don't like it.
They like a better one. It's not like it's just like super horrible.
It's just OK. I took it wrong.
I thought like their ability to sign a good hotel or something.
Oh, no, it's the one they chose. OK.
Um, well, I'm going to go into the Chiefs.
The overall ranking was 26 out of 32 teams.
The Chiefs have been scoring near the bottom quite a bit.
They have been for quite a bit, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Yeah. So. OK.
So it seems to me like they're taking significant strides in multiple areas is what this is saying.
That's good, because they've been needing improvement for many years.
They improved the food program grade in a dramatic increase in their nutritional list
and dietitians score from an F last year to an A minus.
Wow, that's big. Yeah. F on food last year.
Yeah. They have fucking what?
Jalapeno poppers. Prison food. Prison food.
What's this? It's called polenta. What the fuck is that?
Well, it's kind of like corn. Just shut up and eat it.
OK. Players continue to express the need for renovation upgrades.
See Johnson County players also want a new home game hotel.
Oh, they want a new home game hotel.
Yeah, they said the one they got is nasty.
Yeah. Ranked slowest in the league. Yeah.
I wonder which one it is.
It's probably that Drury Inn that's up there. Oh, yeah.
Maybe they take him down the road to La Quinta.
Oh, yeah. La Quinta, where the dump where the bums take a shit on the front step.
All right.
Treatment of families, they got a B minus 15th through dining B 16th.
Nutritional dietitian A and it's fifth.
Training staff C 28 points. That surprises me.
That was that was dead last last year. Training staff.
How does that work? They go to the Super Bowl consistently,
but their training staff is horrible.
The complaint last year for the chiefs training staff was they didn't care about our issues.
They they treated us like we were cry babies.
There's no follow up.
Totally bad attitude.
And it got to the point where when guys were hurt,
they just didn't even go to the training staff because they were just going to get humiliated.
Wow. So they just quit going.
OK. That's pretty bad.
Strength coaches B, their 24th.
Team travel B 21st. Head coach A plus.
A plus. Yeah, they were bandy. But they ranked fourth.
OK, that's all right. All right.
Overship C minus. That's actually an improvement.
Last year was a low D. Everybody loves Clark Hunt.
That's the propaganda we're told, but they really don't.
He's super, super cheap.
Just super, super cheap and apparently just doesn't even want to know the players because they're beneath them.
We see all the happy propaganda on camera, but these are the players in anonymous surveys.
I find this very surprising. Telling their union, this guy is not what they portray on TV.
OK. And they've been saying that for years.
So I believe the players. I do too.
I mean, why would they say, you know? Yeah.
OK. Treatment of families B minus and that's 15th out of 32 teams.
Yeah, most teams are pretty good at treating families with some notable exceptions.
You piss a mama off and that boy ain't signing with you yet.
No kidding. You piss a baby mama off. Oh, no, no, no, no.
She's going to raise his fucking raise his alimony.
Child support or whatever. OK.
Players rate the postgame family area 7.04 out of 10 ranking their 22nd out of 32 teams.
Food and dining area B. 16th out of 32 teams.
Kansas City Chiefs rate the taste of their team's food at 8.07 out of the 10, which is good.
And 18 out of 32, which is decent. Medium. Yeah.
Yeah. The rate the freshness of their food 8.22 out of 10.
A ranking of 19 out of 32. Yep.
The players rate their dining. I bet you a lot of that is like vegetables and fruits that we can't get fresh here.
Yeah. You know, like sit through this and stuff like that. True.
The players rate their dining area 9.02 out of 10.
And that is 10 out of 32 teams. So evidently, their dining room is nice.
Yeah. So they are improving. Yeah.
You know that there is a are you the one that told me this, that there's actually a house inside Arrowhead Stadium?
A house? No. I'll have to look at it. OK. All right.
We'll get that next time. There's a jail. Yeah.
There is a morgue where they can store bodies and there are sniper nests. Yes.
Didn't know about the house. Yeah. Interesting.
OK. Nutritionalist and dietitian. All right.
And it cut off the. Yeah. OK.
OK. I think it's fit that at 32 teams on here. Yeah, it's pretty good.
OK. Ninety two percent of players report that they get an individualized nutrition plan ranking chiefs eight out of 32, which is very good.
The players feel their team dietitian is very accessible, a ranking of 11 out of 32, which is fair.
Upper third. Yeah. The offseason.
Oh, 11. That is the upper third. Sorry. Yeah.
The offseason, the team hired a new full time dietitians were led to significant improvements.
Yeah. They hired him from the Jets. OK. All right.
Les Gassi in the locker room is what I really.
They took away the broccoli and shot up.
No more kale. Yeah.
Oh, that fake substance. Yeah.
That big joke they portrayed on man.
I still want to meet that guy and go, how in the world did I just said it was good?
Yeah. Everybody ran out and grabbed it.
They didn't question it.
Oh, it's good for you. And it tastes great, too. Oh, it does. It tastes great.
OK, I got to have it.
I should have told him dirt was good for him, man. I could have sold him out of dirt.
Now I got to come up with this garbage.
All right. Locker room D minus.
D minus or B minus? D. Oh, yeah.
Twenty eight. Locker room is just kind of sucky.
Twenty out of 32 teams. All right.
All right. Sixty three percent of the players feel they have enough room in their individual lockers.
A ranking of 28 out of 32. That's pretty low.
These are big men. They need room.
They do show the locker room and it does look pretty confined.
Yeah. Yeah. They're not much bigger than like a high school gym locker.
Yeah. I don't know why they don't make it bigger.
Yeah. Well, this is why they're cheap. Clark Hunt is cheap.
All right. Yes. Seventy percent of players, but not Jerry Jones cheap.
Yeah. Seventy percent of players feel the locker room size is an adequate rank
for the Chiefs 26 out of 32 teams.
Now the training room. Yeah. C minus. Yeah.
This is another surprise.
Because they are such a good team, you think their training would be superb.
I've heard most of the players do their weight training stuff elsewhere because they need better equipment.
OK. All right. Seventy eight percent of Chiefs players feel they have enough.
And that would go back to being cheap. Yeah.
Seventy eight percent of Chiefs players feel they have enough full time trainers,
ranking them 28 out of 32 teams.
Only 78 percent feel they have enough trainers. That's not good.
No. No. Seventy two percent of players feel they have enough full time physical therapists.
It's not good either. No. Twenty seven out of 32.
Training staff. They got to see.
Twenty eight out of 32 teams. That's still an improvement.
Yeah. I remember you telling me about that.
Seventy percent of Chiefs players report that they receive enough one on one training treatment,
ranking them 30 out of 32 teams.
Players feel that their training staff slightly contributes to their overall success,
ranking them 29 to 32. Slightly contributes.
Yeah. That's telling. Yeah.
All right. Next one. I'm not sure what it is because it didn't print out.
Well, they got a C plus, whatever it is.
Okay. Yeah. This website wanted to print their own disclaimer at the bottom of every page,
and it overwrote what was supposed to be there.
Yeah. I'm just going to go with what you have and highlight here.
Yeah. Feel they do not have enough space to train in their weight room.
So yeah, weight room. It was a weight room rating.
All right. Strength coaches beat.
And I believe that because they do have a lot of endurance because at the end of the game,
you always see the Chiefs normally rising and taking over the other team.
Yeah. All right. Their ranking is B. Like I said,
91% of players report that they get an individualized training plan for their
strength coaching staff, ranking them 21 out of 32.
Good deal.
The players feel their strength coaches moderately contribute to their overall success,
a rank of 29 out of 32.
Hmm. Still pretty low ranking, but I guess that's just because most teams feel that way,
so they're all kind of clustered there in the middle.
Yeah. This next one, I don't know what it is, but they got a B on it.
86% of the Chiefs players report having a comfortable amount of personal space on team flights.
Oh, team travel.
Okay. Ranking them 19 out of 32.
The players feel their team travel schedule is somewhat efficient, a rank of 8 out of 32 teams.
Players say their home game hotel is below standard.
The report is outdated.
Their beds are uncomfortable, and many players even keep their shoes in their rooms because of the floors.
Wow.
Sticky, dirty floors.
Especially in the bathroom are dirty and sticky.
Oh, that's so messy.
Leftover trash and previous occupants is also a common issue.
See, and you blame ownership for that. They're just cheaping out.
Yeah. Yeah. That is unacceptable to me.
Isn't it?
You make all this money. This should just be something you could take off your taxes for.
Yeah. Yeah.
Head coach, no surprise.
A plus.
All right. Let's go into this.
The players feel that Reid is highly receptive to locker room feedback on the team's needs.
Ranking them 13 out of 32 head coaches in the league.
Should have been higher.
Ownership, C minus.
6.61 out of 10.
Just above 500.
From the Chiefs players, a rank Clark Hunt as a good owner.
Okay, a ranking of 26 out of 32 owners in the league.
The players feel that Hunt moderately contributes to a positive team culture.
Moderately.
Moderately contributes.
Moderately.
The players feel that Hunt is committed to building a competitive team.
A rank of 17 out of 32 teams.
He did not do well on anything.
No. Yeah.
All right.
Kind of a shame.
Okay. They were 26th the overall ranking all together.
And that's pretty much it.
Yeah.
All right.
All right. I've got the Pittsburgh Steelers next.
Their overall ranking is 28 out of 32.
Head coach Mike Tomlin got high praise.
They made some positive changes.
They raised their family support grade from an F minus to a C minus.
When asked to identify top improvement areas, players mentioned the locker rooms,
needs more attention, and the strength staff.
So here, let's start off here.
Treatment of families.
C minus.
This past season, they finally got a daycare for the players' kids.
Geez.
But they still have no family room.
There's nowhere for the family to be before games, during games, or after games.
That's horrible.
You know, all the players' wives and girlfriends and baby mamas have nowhere to go change their babies.
There's just no family room.
That's terrible.
Isn't it?
They are ranked 6.6 out of 10.
Food and dining, B minus.
Only about 8 out of 10 ranked.
The food is good.
The dining area is about 8 out of 10.
Let's see.
Nutrition and dietitian was about a B.
The dietitian is not accessible enough, most players feel.
Only 71% of the players get the personalized nutrition plan.
Everybody else is like me.
You can get whatever you want.
Wow.
Locker room.
A lot of this stuff is just kind of baffling me.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
And this is not a really old stadium.
No, it's not.
Wow.
All right, locker room got a D. 70% of the players feel they have enough room.
30% don't.
Wow.
Yeah.
77% of the players feel the locker room is big enough, which means 23% don't.
And all players report that the locker room needs a renovation.
OK.
Training staff is a C plus.
85% feel they have enough full time trainers.
82% feel they have enough full time physical therapists.
74% feel they have enough hot tub space.
And 76% feel they have enough cold tub space.
So that means a quarter of your team is not getting into the hot tub and cold tub when
they need it.
I mean, you know, after a game, I think most people probably are into football.
No.
You need an ice bath.
No kidding.
You got to get down the swelling.
You hurt like hell.
So a lot of players have to go find, they have to go out of the stadium
and drive somewhere to get that.
That is unacceptable.
Isn't it?
I mean, that could be a deal breaker too.
I mean, honestly, really.
But you tune into the game on Sunday and the announcers are telling you how
wonderful everything is.
Everybody's happy and it's a great organization.
Oh, we spoke to Clark earlier.
And he's just so excited about this new stadium proposal.
Just in the never ending stream of propaganda.
Here are the players rating their own teams.
I think that's funny.
Weight room.
Pittsburgh got a C plus.
They feel their weight room is good quality.
But most players feel they don't have enough room for space.
Rate room is too small.
OK.
Because you know, you have five or six guys and they're flinging weights
around, you're banging into each other.
Well, some might notice these older stadiums all have smaller locker rooms,
it seems like so far.
And a lot of them were built that way intentionally to get the players to go
pay for their own gym memberships or buy their own equipment and do it at home.
This is less expense for the teams.
Yep.
Yeah.
Strength and training.
75% think they get an individualized plan.
And the players feel that their strength coaches slightly
contribute to their overall success.
They got a C minus.
Team travel gets a B plus.
They're doing that pretty well.
OK.
Coach gets an A. They say the coach is efficient with their time.
Not all coaches are.
Some coaches got a really bad rating for wasting a lot of the players' time.
Wow.
And they feel that Tomlin is moderately receptive to locker room feedback.
Moderately?
Which ranks them 15 out of 32.
I find that interesting because he seems like the type of coach that would listen
to someone more.
Yeah, you'd think.
Ownership, D.
Owner aren't rooting the two is average rating for perceived willingness to invest.
Six out of 10 is the rating they get.
The players give them a six out of 10 for willingness to invest in the team.
Wow.
In the facilities.
They feel that he slightly contributes to a positive team culture.
And they feel that he is adequately committed to building a competitive team.
Wow.
Adequately committed.
Yeah.
So despite what they tell us on the surface, that's how the players feel
about the Pittsburgh Steelers.
That's not good.
See, that's what the players are telling their union.
This thing is still like, oh, it came out.
It came out.
Let's see if I can put a little wobble stopper over on this side, too.
Yeah, that rocks on.
There we go.
Yeah, you won't hear the clunk hopefully as much.
And you know, when I go back and relisten this, when I edit it, I'm like, oh, shit,
I should have realized that, but we don't hear it.
Yeah.
You're moving your elbows and the table moving.
You hear it on the recording, though.
Yeah.
So.
All right.
Let me pick another in here.
Let me get a really bad.
Oh, let me get a really good one here.
Oh, OK.
All right.
Las Vegas Raiders.
Ooh.
This surprised me.
Me, too.
Well, they do have a brand new stadium.
That helps.
OK, fourth out of 32 teams.
So.
People love playing for the Raiders.
OK.
Yeah.
Imagine.
Yeah.
All right.
No wonder Max Crosby is so friendly.
No, actually, he is pretty cool.
Him and Mahomes like each other.
Yeah.
It's funny.
You wouldn't guess it on the field.
They get in each other's face screaming at each other, pointing at each other.
But it tells you why Max Crosby is not in any big hurry to leave,
because he likes it there.
Yeah, he likes it.
Yeah.
I mean, they're losing, but he likes it there.
He's good.
All right.
The Raiders finished fourth in this year's report card,
with their state of the art facility ranking among the NFL's best,
I believe it.
Yeah.
Players have identified scheduling and time management
as key areas for improvement.
All right.
So Pete Carroll is going to be their coach next season,
it sounds like.
They're hopeful.
All right.
Treatment of families, they get a B plus, they're out of date.
Food, dining area, A, third.
Nutritionist, dietitian, A plus, first.
Nice.
That's how Max Crosby has such a nice waistline.
Yeah.
He's eating well.
Yeah, I always go, man, that guy's got a great waistline.
He must eat great.
All right.
Walker Room, A minus, seventh.
OK.
Weight room, A plus, fourth.
Strength coaches, A, fourth.
Travel team, team travel, A, second.
Head coach, A minus, 16.
Ownership, A, sixth.
That's pretty amazing.
There's nothing below A minus.
Yeah, there's pretty much nothing to complain about, is there?
Nope.
B plus, eighth out of 32 teams for treatment of families.
The Raiders provide daycare during home games
and family room during the home games.
We just talked about that.
Yeah.
The players feel that the team frequently
organizes family events, which ranks 12th out of 32 teams.
Food and dining, they rank in A, third out of 32 teams.
The Raiders rate the taste of their team's food, 9.15 out of 10.
Nice.
Yeah, ranking a four out of 32.
The rate of freshness of food, 9.38 out of 10.
Nice.
Or third out of 32.
The players rate their dining area at 9.58 out of 10,
ranking it second out of 32 team dining areas.
Not bad.
Nutritionist, dietitian.
Yeah.
Probably got cut off again.
It did.
98% of players report that they get an individualized nutrition
plan, so it's got to be up there.
Yeah, it's probably A.
The players feel that their team dietitian
is very accessible, ranking them two out of 30 seconds.
So they probably got an A plus.
They got an A area for us, yeah.
All right, locker room, A minus.
93% of players feel they have enough room
in their individual lockers, a ranking of 12 out of 32.
100% of players feel the locker room size is adequate,
making the Raiders one of the five teams in that field
with a perfect score.
Wow.
Training room.
Once the Raiders get their crap together and start winning,
they're going to have no trouble signing free agents,
because they got all this.
We've got two huge problems.
Yeah.
Pete Carroll and Tom Brady.
Yeah.
That team's going to turn around sooner than later.
All right, locker room, A minus.
93% of players feel they have enough room
in individual lockers, a ranking of 12 out of 32.
Wait a minute, I already did that.
Training room.
Doesn't say the rating, but anyhow.
95% of Raiders feel they have enough full-time trainers,
ranking them six out of 32.
Yeah.
96% of players feel they have enough full-time physical
therapists, ranking them three out of 32.
97% of players feel they have enough hot tub space,
ranking them seven out of 32.
93% of players feel they have enough cold tub space,
ranking them nine out of 32.
The Chiefs could take a book out of that.
Yeah.
All right.
Training staff, A minus.
91% of Raiders players report that they're
receiving enough one-on-one training treatment,
ranking them seven out of 32.
The players feel the training staff moderately
contributes to their overall success,
ranking them four out of 32.
All right.
Next one I'm not sure is an A plus.
The players feel that the weight room equipment
is high quality.
Weight room, OK.
Yep.
And the players feel they have more than enough space
to train in their weight room, ranking them five out of 32.
Strength coaches, they get an A. 96% of players
feel they get individualized training plan,
marking them nine out of 32.
And players feel strength coaches significantly
contribute to their overall success.
Isn't that awesome?
Significantly contribute.
Significantly, and that is a three out of 32.
Next one we'll figure out in a minute.
A. 100% of the Raiders report having a comfortable amount
of personal space on team flights.
Oh, team travel.
The players feel their team travel schedule
is somewhat efficient, ranking them 10 out of 32.
And they got a perfect score on their flights.
Which is, I mean, that's hard to do, isn't it?
Yeah.
Especially since you're basically on a coast.
Yeah.
All right, head coach, A minus.
All right, well now I guess, or are they talking about a?
I think these were done at the end of the season.
OK, so they've been talking about what's
the same that got fired?
Yeah.
Yeah, the one they gave the recipe.
Yeah.
OK.
80% of Raiders feel that the former head coach, Antonio
Pierce, was efficient with her time, 25 out of 32.
Players felt that Pierce was highly
receptive to locker room feedback on the team's needs,
ranking them 8 out of 32.
A, on the next one, owner, OK, Mark Davis average rating
perceived willingness to invest in facilities,
9 out of 46, 9.46 out of 10.
The Raiders players ranked them 6 out of 32.
Owners, the players feel Davis significantly
contributes to a positive team culture, a rank out of 9 out
of 32.
And the players feel that Davis is extremely committed
to building a competitive team, a rank out of 13 out of 32.
Extremely committed.
You don't hear that.
The overall ranking is shut off here,
but I think we already went over that in the sports.
Yeah, it's on the first page.
Extremely committed.
Not too many teams say that about their ownership
of the franchise.
And I suggest maybe we do cut this in fourths.
Yeah.
We do 8, 8, 8, and 8.
Yeah.
So this will be my third one.
I've got the New England Patriots.
How fun was that?
31 out of 32.
Ooh, Robert Kraft is a fucking guy.
There's only one team under them.
Now, there are signs of progress.
Following last year's report, the owner
announced a $50 million investment in a new facility,
expected to open in 2026.
They got an F minus last year for treatment
of players' families.
So they made immediate improvements.
They hired staff members to manage family services.
And they finally added a family room and a daycare.
They had neither until last year.
Wow.
Yeah.
So the big bad Patriots with the dynasty all that time?
Yeah.
They say if you've got kids or family members, fuck you.
Wow.
That's what the Patriots were telling people.
Yeah.
Well, let's see.
Key facility issues remain.
They need to renovate the building,
cramped weight room, outdated locker rooms,
and can't wait to get to the T plane.
OK, treatment of families.
As I said, this year they just started offering daycare
during home games and a family room during home games.
Now, as you'll find out later, some teams actually
offer daycare but charge you per child.
Isn't that fucking stupid?
Wouldn't you just love to go to work
in a place that makes you pay because you
chose to reproduce?
I'd charge them to go talk to the press.
Isn't that awful?
Hang on, hang on.
Cut me my check and I'll go up there to the podium.
Wow.
So even with this improvement, they're
still rated 7.6 out of 10 on the post-game family area.
I don't know why, but.
Food and dining, C. They give their dining area
and freshness of food about a 7 out of 10.
OK.
Nutrition and dietitian, they got a B. 82%
they get an organized nutrition plan.
And the players feel that their dietitian
is moderately accessible, which still only ranks them 29 out
of 32.
OK.
Locker rooms, C minus.
73% feel they have an adequate size in the locker room,
means 27% don't.
Wow.
About the same percent said the locker rooms themselves
are too small.
The players want a bigger locker room with larger, more
functional lockers.
So that means the lockers themselves are crap.
One player says the current carpet looks dingy
and with pieces missing.
That is horrible.
Yeah.
Multi-billion dollar sports franchise,
and they've got crap carpet with missing chunks
in the team's own locker room.
That is wrong.
Isn't it?
See, we get this image on TV of how great things are
and how shiny and terrific.
Oh, now they've popped that old fucker up.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, look who it is.
It's Robert Crapp.
Oh, come on over here.
You want to sit on my lap while we talk?
I just love seeing behind the scenes to the crap
they don't want you to know about.
You know what?
I'd love to see it.
You know what, I'm going to whisper the other one off.
You know that fucking idiot.
Robert Crapp is going to come here and talk.
Oh, you're fucking kidding.
He smells.
He smells like the last hooker he was with.
Oh, fuck.
How long is it for?
Three minutes.
Oh, thank god.
That's it.
I can hold my breath that long.
Yeah.
Training room, C minus.
Only 75% of the players feel they have enough full-time
trainers.
Only 65% feel they have enough full-time physical therapists.
Oh, OK.
So there's over a third of your team that says,
yeah, I can't get physical therapy.
I need here.
I need to go somewhere else.
No wonder Tom Brady did his own.
Mm-hmm.
He had his own.
He kind of had to, didn't he?
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
I thought it was because he was smart
and just had other things going on, but yeah, necessity.
Only 77% feel they have enough hot tub space.
That's not good.
That's a lot of players who've grown without.
Only 79% feel they have enough cold tub space.
That's not good.
Overall, the players do not believe the training room
has the breadth of equipment they expect of an NFL training
room.
Wow.
They also want more physical training and staff.
Do you find all this baffling?
Yeah.
All the money that's being made, is it just an oversight?
They don't care?
Or they're like, oh, that's a lie?
I'm sure all these owners compare notes
on how to cheap out and exactly how to do it
and what works and what hasn't been working.
And they all go home and try it with their team.
And if it works, they keep cheaping out in that area.
You're right.
They all trade notes.
And they call each other, hey, it's working.
Thank you.
I saved $750,000 last month.
And all I had to do was kick their kids out into the cold.
I'm going to have that money stuffed in my coffin
when I die.
OK.
Training room, training staff, C plus.
81% of the players feel they've seen enough one-on-one training
treatment, which means 19% feel they don't.
That's really not high enough, actually.
It sounds good, but I mean, you're
talking about stuff that's needed anyhow.
Yeah.
And you figure there's about, what, 60 players on a team.
So each player probably counts for like 1 and 1.5%.
Probably, yeah.
So that's a lot of players that don't.
20%, that's probably seven players.
Yeah.
That's not enough.
I think anything less than 100% is a failure.
Yeah.
Let's see, seven.
No, it'd be 10 players.
10 players.
OK.
Anyway, players feel that their training staff slightly
contributes to their overall success.
Weight room, solid F.
Players feel the weight room equipment is below average,
ranking them dead last.
Yeah, cinder blocks, I saw it.
Also, the players feel they do not have enough space
to train effectively.
It's not that some didn't feel.
It's like the players as a whole.
That's not good.
That's horrible.
Ranks them 31 out of 32.
So when they're all united in saying this sucks.
They're all united saying this sucks.
Straight coaches get a B. 89% feel
they get an individualized training plan.
And players overall feel that the strength coaches moderately
contribute to their success.
They're doing OK on the strength coaches.
They just need to fix the weight room.
Team travel, a flat F. 39% of the Patriots
report having a comfortable amount of personal space.
Only 39%.
That is horrible.
60% hate it.
Players feel their team's travel schedule is not efficient,
giving them rain of 30 out of 32,
which means super late night flights, way too early flights,
long layovers.
Again, this team is cheaping out,
trying to find the cheapest flights available,
and it's hurrying up the players' schedule.
The team, the players want an upgraded team plane.
The current plane is too small.
There's no Wi-Fi.
And it's so old, the seats still have
ashtrays in the armrests.
That's how freaking old the plane is.
This is players specifically responded saying, quote,
our plane is the worst thing.
Size, space, safety.
So it is not conducive to preparedness
for an athletic performance.
They're basically the same plane?
Yeah, the team owns the plane.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Anyhow, go ahead.
So the team is telling them that when we get on that plane
to fly to an away game, we're afraid for our lives.
That's fucked up.
We don't feel safe.
It's ugly.
It's an awful experience.
And when we get there, it's more like, thank God we didn't die,
instead of, all right, let's play the game.
Ashtrays?
Didn't that suck?
No.
Wow.
So bad.
Head coach for the Patriots gets a B plus.
93.
Who is it now?
Gerard Mayo.
Oh, it was Gerard Mayo.
Yeah.
93% felt that Mayo was very efficient with their time.
Felt that Mayo was moderately receptive to locker room
feedback on the team needs.
Don't you bet the Jets are going to get really bad on those?
Yes.
Ownership of the Patriots, D. Owner Robert Kraft's
average rating for perceived willingness to invest
in the facilities is 6 out of 10.
It's not good.
Only 6 out of 10 players feel he's
willing to invest in the facilities.
Yeah, that's horrible.
Yeah.
The players feel that Kraft slightly contributes
to a positive team culture.
That's the most they're going to say.
He slightly contributes to a positive team culture.
He pretty much doesn't.
Pretty much doesn't.
That's like saying, you don't stink so bad today.
Yeah.
You still stink really bad, but just not as.
And here's really telling one, the players
feel that Kraft is somewhat committed
to building a competitive team.
That's not good at all.
Not to winning, not to a Super Bowl, a competitive team.
How do you land any free agents?
He's just somewhat willing.
Yeah.
They're one of those teams that have
to overpay for a free agent now because of those.
It really sounds like Robert Kraft is coasting.
They need to get him out of there.
I think so.
I think every year they need a review panel of all the owners
and decide who's fucking up and who isn't.
And then give them a couple of years to straighten it out.
And if they don't, then you will have the team taken away from them.
Oh, I'll like your next one.
Up till now, Kraft has been pretty important
in some of the committees within the league office,
the competition committee, and the rules committee,
and some other things.
But I don't know.
At some point, he's going to be an embarrassment to the league.
The league.
Isn't he already kind of?
He really is.
What's funny, 30 years ago, the league
was like the owners are kings.
They're gods.
We protect them.
Now I think the NFL is thinking, you know what?
If this owner is fucking up things for the rest of us,
let's run his ass out and get someone in here
who's willing to invest to make things better.
Yep.
All right.
Excuse me.
Anyways.
I got Atlanta, the Falcons, and they're third out of 32 teams.
Yeah, I was surprised at how high they're ranked.
So am I. The Atlanta Falcons saw the biggest improvement
in their players' assessments, revamped weight room, locker
room, and dining area.
Very complimentary about the newly hired head coach,
strength coach, two key improvement areas,
one additional physical therapist in the training room,
and better ventilation in the new locker room bathrooms.
That's very important.
Oh, yeah.
I want to go around smelling shit.
That cracked me up in a rift.
The team's like, better ventilation in the bathrooms, man.
I remember reading when the Falcons entered the league
in 1967, they were super cheap doing things on a shoestring.
The food service that they hired was the same
that served a local penitentiary.
So they were literally getting prison food.
And the players were complaining.
It's like, this meat is so tough, I can't even chew it.
And the cooks are like, well, the inmates never complain.
They couldn't.
It's like, these are football players.
They're not freaking inmates.
So I'm glad to see the Falcons have changed
their mind a little bit.
That is good.
They've done pretty good, it looks like.
Nutrition, dietitian, A, locker room, A plus.
Training room, a B. Training staff, A minus.
Weight room, A plus.
Strength coaches, A. Team travel, B plus.
Well, they're going out at Hartford Airport.
Oh, yeah.
That's the dip.
Head coach, A plus.
They like him.
Ownership, A plus.
They like good old what's his name.
Arthur Blank.
Arthur Blank, yeah, the dancer.
Treatment of families, A. See Tom Brady if you want.
All right.
The Falcons arrived daycare during home games and family
room during home games.
Players rate the post-game family area as 9.25 out of 10.
Sweet.
That's really good.
Ranking number one out of 32 teams.
First, the players feel the team frequently
organizes family events, ranking six out of 32.
All right.
Some players express a desire for more daycare space
on game days.
All right.
A for something, we'll get to it here.
They're fifth out of 32 teams.
The Atlanta Falcons rate the taste of their team's food 9.10
out of 10.
Ranking fifth out of 32.
They rate the freshness as 9.20 out of 10,
ranking six out of 32.
The players rate their dining area as 9.52 out of 10.
And that makes it fourth out of 32 teams in the NFL.
I want to go eat there.
I do too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, do you have to make reservations?
Yeah.
I mean, I'll wear Falcons gear to go
eat there for the food segment.
Sounds great to me.
Sounds like they have candles and everything.
They come out with a wine.
Yeah.
Let's see.
What else?
The wait staff that pads around getting you
everything you need.
Yeah.
Unobtrusively pouring from the left and taking from the right.
Yes.
Yeah.
Giving you the proper salad fork.
Yes.
They even have a butler looking guys walking around.
Is everything OK?
Yeah.
OK, A out of third out of 32 teams.
And I don't know what it is, but we'll get that.
That would be nutrition and dietitians.
It is.
All right.
93% of players feel they get individualized nutrition plan
ranking them Falcons seven out of 32 teams.
Players rank the team dietitian as very accessible
or ranking one out of 32 teams.
The players are very complimentary to the team's
direction saying he is the best I've ever worked with
and wish he had more budget to work with.
Well, that's pretty good.
A plus.
We'll get took out of second out of 32 teams.
The locker room.
Locker room.
OK.
97% of players feel they have enough room
in their individual lockers.
A rank four out of 32.
100% of players feel the locker room size is adequate,
making the Falcons one of five teams in the NFL
with a perfect score.
As mentioned in the overview, many players
complain about a ventilation issue in the locker room.
Because of persistent bad odor.
Welcome to the club.
Virtually every bathroom I ever walk in,
if someone fucking laid a fucking big corn back,
you're not breathing in there.
Yeah, they leave a fucking stink brick that bad.
You're not here and there.
You're sniffers.
Nobody can stink things up like my dog Sammy.
Oh, jeez.
Oh my god.
He waits until you come over and then he just farts nonstop.
Oh god.
Something about you just brings it out.
I thought he liked me.
He does.
He wanted me to leave.
I like you so hard, I'm going to fart at you.
That's just sheer excitement.
He is.
He's a happy dog.
Yeah, no, he's a great dog.
All right, A plus.
90% of players feel they have enough room
in their individual lockers are ranking four out of 32 teams.
100% of players, 100% of players feel the locker room size
is adequate, making it one of five teams
with a perfect score.
Sweet.
Training room, B. 12th out of 32 teams.
96% of Falcons players feel they have enough full time trainers
ranking them three out of 32 teams.
86% of players feel they have enough cold tub space
ranking them 16 out of 32.
86 is getting better, but man.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of teams just really,
they have a space for four out of five players,
but that's about it.
Is it a deal where maybe 60% of them
are really the only ones that needed that week for colder?
And I suppose this sounds different on paper,
but it works out.
Yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like they're planning
for the occasional use.
They have enough for just regular use,
but after a game or a hard practice,
then they're overwhelmed and they don't have enough.
Yeah, I think that's probably what it's about.
All right.
Training staff, A minus.
91% of Falcons players feel they receive enough one
on one training treatment ranking them eight out of 32 teams.
Players believe the training staff moderately
contributes to their overall success,
ranking them three out of 32.
That's really good.
Weight room is A plus.
Wow.
And if I can get to the page here,
players believe the weight room equipment is high quality,
ranking them one out of 32 teams.
Man, they've turned everything around.
They must have spent money.
Yeah, they had to.
The Falcons players feel they have more than enough space,
ranking them one out of 32 on space.
Nice.
Strength coaches, A, seven out of 32.
95% of players feel they get an individualized training plan
in their strength coaching staff,
ranking them 16 out of 32.
The Falcons players feel their strength coaches
significantly contribute to their overall success,
are ranked five out of 32.
The players are very complimentary of their new staff
compared to the previous one saying they do an excellent job.
100% better is what they say.
Wow.
Well, they had nowhere to go but up, right?
Apparently.
The next one, I'm not sure, but we'll get to it.
80%.
That should be strength coaches.
OK.
86% of Falcons players feel they have a comfortable amount
of personal space on team flights.
Oh, team travel, sorry.
OK.
All right, 18 out of 32.
Players believe their team travel schedule
is very efficient, ranking them second out of 32.
And they're going out of Hartfield Airport.
Hartfield, Atlanta Hartfield.
Super busy airspace.
It's horrible.
Yeah.
Yeah, unless it was for work and I had to,
I would always, if I saw a layover in Atlanta,
I would be like, no.
My uncle was an air traffic controller,
and he said he never, ever, ever wanted to work in Atlanta.
Yeah, that place is horrible.
And he worked Miami.
And he's like, I can work Miami, but I can't work Atlanta.
Yeah, that thing is horrible.
Miami's bad, too, but not as bad as Atlanta.
Yeah.
So head coach.
I knew a guy like that in high school.
Me too.
He turned out to be a loser.
All right, A plus.
Second at one hard to predict, though.
Second out of 32 teams on head coach.
10% of Falcon players believe head coach Raheem Morris
is efficient with their time.
Players feel Morris is highly receptive to locker room
feedback and the team's need.
He ranks second out of 32 head coaches in the league.
I guess this is the owner, I think, A plus.
Owner Arthur Blanks average, except while dancing
on the sideline, grating for perceived willingness
to invest in facilities.
Nine out of eight.
I just don't let that shit go.
Sorry.
Nine out of 18.
9.82 out of 10.
He had to be drunk off his ass.
He had to have been.
And then when he woke up, what did I do?
Oh my god, what did I do?
Oh my.
Oh.
Can you take that down off the internet?
No, it doesn't work that way.
No, no.
There's too many people are posting.
There's no way.
You'd be broke if we bought out everybody.
Anyhow, the facilities ranking them three out of 32 owners
in the league, the players believe
that ownership significantly contributes
to a positive team culture.
A rank two out of 32, he must have taught him how to dance.
Yeah.
Kind of.
The players feel that ownership is extremely committed
to build a competitive team.
A rank two out of 32 in the NFL owners.
Their overall ranking is third.
And then I think after your next one,
we got to go on to the music creeps,
because I have a 215 a point that they're talking about.
Well, let me zip through the 49ers here.
All righty.
They got an overall ranking of eighth.
OK.
For their treatment of families.
OK.
They offer daycare during home games,
but they charge $40 per child.
Wow.
Only two teams charge per child, Niners or one of them.
Wow.
Yeah, it's weird.
They provide a family home, a family room during home games.
And the players rate the post-game family
area 7.2 out of 10.
So it's OK.
Yeah.
It just seems odd to me that a football team would make
their players pay for child care.
Yeah.
$40 a child, that's peanuts.
It's just like such a token amount.
It's like insulting.
Anyway, food and dining.
49ers rate their team A. 9.24 in taste, 9.3 in freshness,
and 9.5 in dining area, all out of 10.
Wow.
So they like it where they go to eat.
That's good.
Nutrition, NIST, and dietitian, 97% of the players
should get an individualized plan.
That's a good one.
They feel their team dietitian is very accessible.
Locker room, they got a B. 94% and 92%
approve of the locker size and the room size.
So that's good for them.
Training room, B minus.
84% say they have enough full time trainers.
87% feel they have enough full time physical therapists.
So that's starting to sound pretty average.
Yeah.
Some teams do better, others don't.
They do say that the sauna frequently breaks.
And it's like the ice cream machine at McDonald's.
Oh, it's broken.
We can't make it.
Anyway.
He came back around and wasn't doing that anymore.
I knew a guy in high school who used to walk on his toes
like that and always carried his body
like he's ready to attack.
That's someone who is very, very, very insecure.
He got his cannolis and now he's walking regular.
Look.
So he's probably doing it for our benefit.
Yeah.
Podcast on.
Is that the douchebags?
I think it is.
I think so.
So if any of you recognized his strut as he walked by.
Yes.
All right.
Training staff, B minus.
83% of the Niners players feel they
receive enough one-on-one training.
They feel the training staff slightly contributes
to their overall success.
Weight room got an A minus.
They have more than enough space.
The equipment's good.
Strength coaches got an A. They're really happy with it.
They feel the strength coaches moderately
contribute to their success.
That's good.
Team travel, they gave an A minus.
They say that the travel schedule's efficient
and the playing's decent.
Head coach, they gave an A. Kyle Shanahan.
They say he's moderately receptive to locker room
feedback.
Ownership, they gave an A minus.
So the Niners are basically pretty happy.
Who owns them now?
A guy named York.
They say the players feel like York
is significantly contributes to positive team culture.
Dick York's great grandson.
Yeah, see, when I printed these out,
it kept cutting crap off.
And I didn't want to play it again.
And they feel that he is extremely committed
to building a competitive team.
Remember, we heard one team, they're like, slightly,
or sort of.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
This one, they know he's extremely committed.
So that will get your players to sign longer term contracts.
Yeah, you look at your acquisitions.
They're constantly trying to get that edge to win.
Yeah.
All right, I guess this is going to be it for this sports
bastard.
It's going to be the ones you've done.
We'll put a face down.
Because of time constraints, we've
got to get to the music creams.
All righty.
Let me hit stop, and then we'll hit start again.
Yep.
Sounds good.
You going to tell them to fuck off?
Oh, yeah, everybody fuck off.
All right.