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Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
Strange but true.
Albert Titanic Chadwick was born aboard the Titanic on April 14, 1912.
During its tragic collision with the iceberg, his mother in honor of the catastrophic event
gave him the middle name Titanic.
Miraculously, Albert survived the disaster and his life continued beyond the tragedy.
He passed away April 19, 1983 and was later buried in Sherston, United Kingdom.
You watched the news.
It was grim.
It was a terrible story.
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
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Rope is a key ingredient in post-apocalypse survival.
Oh shit, what's that over there?
Oh no, this island of horrible jokes.
I just saw two red-breasted birds sunning on a limb.
They must be basking robins.
Two douchebags and a microphone says, you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding
and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Let's test it.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark and we are operating out of Kansas City, Missouri and Rob is where?
Camdenton, Missouri.
Isn't that where your guys are going to get a whole bunch of snow?
Oh my god, dude.
Yeah, we're dripping.
We're talking six to ten inches up to fourteen inches.
This place is going to be shut down for a while.
All the hills and everything.
Oh yeah, the hills are tough enough without anything.
There's a lot of people who live down gravel roads.
They don't follow those.
No they don't.
No, you get fourteen inches of snow on a gravel road and you're stuck there until it starts
melting pretty much.
I mean even four-wheel drives have a problem getting through fourteen inches of snow.
Right, because those have a tractor.
Have a tractor, clear your own way.
So how long has it been since you guys had a snow like this?
It's been quite a while hasn't it?
Oh yeah, it's been quite a while.
I remember, what was it, 2012 I think, 2013, somewhere in there.
We had two foot.
Wow.
Yeah, it was two foot.
Boy that's, yeah.
Yeah, I happened to not have been working at the time.
I was laid off and buddy of mine was a maintenance man and one of those wrecked out in the street
in front of me.
I had a four-wheel drive so I could get down there too and we had to shovel snow off the
dock roofs, off the commercial dock roofs.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Because the docks were about to sink.
Yeah.
And the docks would sink in and slip in and it would be there on the lift and the dock
would just flip.
Yeah, it's weird.
You'd think they would build the docks to withstand more but that is real heavy.
I mean, two foot of snow is really heavy and it doesn't matter how well they're built.
I mean, roofs cave in.
If you have a certain amount of shingles, I think it's like over three or four shingles
stacked on top of each other.
I think you can't have over three anyhow, isn't it a law, two or three layers of shingles?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, I think it's two, I think.
It is.
So if you have three or more.
Well, we never went over two.
We were not for both.
Yeah, I'm not sure exactly what the law is but there's some law there.
I think it's three.
You can't go over three.
Yeah, I think it might be.
And that's designed for stuff like this.
I mean, the three shingles aren't exactly going to cave your roof in but you put a little
bit of snow on top of that and then two foot of snow, you have a good chance of your whole
roof caving in if you have over three layers of shingles.
And even three layers of shingles can do it if it's enough snow.
So two foot, I'll bet you they did have people that had their roofs cave in.
I'll bet you anything they did.
Yeah.
So.
Yeah, the other thing we're going to have to worry about is the bitter cold.
Yeah.
And then the other part of this whole problem, we're going to get maybe four, five, six inches
of snow altogether.
Not nearly what you guys are going to get.
But I mean, last time we got our ass spanked and you guys didn't get it.
So I guess it's going to trade off this time.
Yeah, the bitter cold is going to be something else.
This is a pretty unparalleled for this time of year.
Usually when you get to the towards the last part of February, the weather starts to moderate
a bit and you start getting 40s lobes in the 20s and then, you know, get towards March,
you'll get some 60 degree, you'll get some 30 degree days, you know, and it starts to
moderate a bit.
But I guess it is going to moderate after about a week and then it's going to go into
the 60s if they hold to the prediction right now.
The following week after this hell week coming up, it's supposed to be like 63, 64 here,
which is great for February.
Yeah.
So light at the end of the tunnel.
But it's so early.
I don't know if I quite believe it yet.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Yeah, because the early prediction, you know, I love the fact that they do it, but I mean,
it just changes so much.
It's just got to where it's like, okay, sounds good.
We'll see if it happens.
So so I got something here for Rob.
Rob for you.
I can't even speak right.
Okay, Rob.
I got something here for you.
Okay.
Now that the smoke's cleared, do you think next year the networks will show Taylor Swift?
Do you think they'll show her nearly as much since she was booed considerably?
I don't think so.
I don't think they'll show her as much either.
I think it's well, if Travis retires, you're not going to see her.
No, you won't.
You're right.
So let's assume Travis comes back because the Chiefs are trying to talk him into another
year and he's kind of like him and Han.
From what I've read, I mean, if it's true, it sounds to me like he's kind of mulling
over retirement, kind of a little bit more serious now.
And, you know, him and Taylor might be wanting to start a family.
You never know.
So then, you know, they're getting a little bit older for that.
So they'd probably want to get on that here pretty soon, which would mean that, you know,
if he's interrupting her career, then, you know, he's got to probably, you know, meet
in the middle somewhere, too.
So yeah, if Travis comes back, I think the NFL is starting to go away from the whole
thing, you know.
I feel it's part overexposure.
And I also think that Travis Kelsey is probably asking for more privacy, you know.
Right.
Yeah, you got it.
I think, you know, he's probably getting tired of this three-wing circus that's going on.
He's probably like, you know, you know, guys, it was cute at first, but, you know, this
is my life.
This is my private life here.
That's just kind of being made a spectacle of.
And football fans are making fun of it.
There's all these theories about the referees are helping him out because they want Taylor
on the sideline, you know, and all this shit.
It's kind of getting to be where before is a ha ha.
Now it's like really detrimental probably to both of their lives, I would think, you
know.
Right.
And also the Chiefs.
No, the referees are not helping him out.
No.
And for the first time, I got why people think the NFL is rigged.
Okay.
I used to have fun with it and play along with the conspiracies theory, but I never
actually thought that.
But I got the thing about you take a team like the Chiefs, 15 and 2, they should have
been 15 and 1 or 16 and 1.
But the last game of the regular season, they didn't play their starters.
Of course they shouldn't have, so they didn't get hurt.
So okay, you take this team that been practically invincible, went in all different sorts of
ways, went and blow out, went in close game, trick plays, all this stuff, and they just
get murdered, just hammered in the Super Bowl.
This is a team that just beat the Bills and the Texans both on the way to the Super Bowl.
And this team looked like a pathetic nothing.
They could not do anything right in the Super Bowl.
Now I get where people come from, they're like, well, what's that?
Where's that team all year?
And how come they just came here and just laid down and sucked their thumb on the field?
I get why people think it's rigged.
Now sometimes you beat a team and they go home and they think about it and they stew
and they stew and they stew.
And then they, oh, we get to play them again.
Redemption is an interesting thing.
You see, I thought it was going to go towards like cream hunt, you know, because of his
redemption the Super Bowl year, our first Super Bowl year with the Mahomes era, you
know, he missed out because later in the season TMZ caught him doing some stupid shit and
pasted it everywhere.
And he got kicked off the team for lying to him.
And I thought, you know, this is his, this is going to be his chance to make that up.
This is his chance to like get out there and go, this is the Super Bowl.
I should have won back then, but now I'm not a dumbass anymore.
Now I'm responsible.
I have a family, you know, but it didn't turn out like that at all.
The Eagles have more redemption than he did.
I mean, I think the chiefs probably should have ran him more.
I think there is big flaws in their plate play calling on both sides, but especially
the offense.
Even if you do get waxed, you keep running the ball.
Kareem Hunt is an angry runner and it takes all their might to stop him.
Even though they stop him and he might get a one yard gain or even hit behind the line
of scrimmage, that takes a certain amount of degree out of that defensive front.
And it also takes the heat off Patrick Mahomes and he's not lying on the ground.
Why they never did that running game, I have no idea, but I thought Kareem Hunt was going
to get the ball more and I thought he was going to run well.
And I thought he was going to get more yards than Shaquan Barkley.
I really did, but I was completely wrong on all of that.
Anyhow, Travis, he's kind of like a likable guy.
He's kind of a guy that you can see him raking his own lawn.
You come up and go, hey, Trapp, what's up?
He's like, not much, just drinking a Miller Lite and raking my lawn.
He seems like one of those guys, him and his brother both.
They're just people.
So I think that if he does come back, I think you're going to see a completely different
look on that whole Taylor Swift and Travis front.
They may still be together, but I'm going to bet that during the season next year, you're
not going to know it because you're not going to see Taylor Swift.
And I think judging by the reaction of the Super Bowl and all the conspiracy theories
and all that, I think they're going to nix.
I don't think they really meant to do this anyhow, but it was great free exposure.
And 16-year-olds were buying Kelsey jerseys with the Swift on the back of it and all this
stuff.
And it was a great novelty, right?
But I think it ran its course.
And I think if it still goes on this year, that you're not even going to know they're
dating or whatever.
But anyhow, what do you think?
Well, actually, I had a little something I wanted to go over about football, too.
Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
Do you remember that Hawkeye technology that they came up with that they said they were
going to bring back to the Super Bowl?
Yeah.
What was it?
Yeah.
What happened to it?
I don't know.
It was for spotting the ball and all that instead of bringing out the chain gang and
screwing around for five minutes.
You know?
Yes.
Somebody had a good idea.
What's that?
Just put a microchip in the ball.
Yeah.
Topher said that on a Sports Bastards a couple of Sports Bastards ago.
Yeah.
It's true.
I was reading an article about it.
That's what you might have mentioned to it.
Yeah.
I think it's a microchip.
Yeah.
I mean, a microchip will tell you where a dog is at from up in the air, way up in the
air by a satellite.
They really needed this on the AFC Championship game with the Buffalo Bills because I think
the Chiefs would have won that game either way, whether Josh Allen got the first down
or not, but I was hoping that there was some sort of definitive thing like a chip in the
ball, some sort of Hawkeye technology where they could go, definitely, guys, we checked
this out with satellite and this is, he did not get over.
It also shuts down the naysayers and the people just being little bitches and stuff like that.
It's like, look, dude, I don't know what else you can do.
This is backed up by satellite technology.
You can sit there and say it didn't happen, but it did.
Even if they would have got the first down, they still would have lost because it didn't
happen when they really needed it to happen.
They have four shots at it and they could not get the ball downfield just enough to
get a field goal.
I'm talking about the Bills, let alone a touchdown.
The game went the way it was because that's how they each played.
It would have been nice though if they had that microchip technology to where you could
just go, hey, fat mouth.
They have technology and this is, no, it didn't happen.
You can shut up, you can go home and hope your team gets a little bit better next time.
Anyhow, did you have any...
I guess it does keep people talking.
It does.
As a matter of fact, I got an email about... I'm going to prove a very good point on
this too.
I know exactly what I'm going to say about it.
This is also something about keeping people talking, keeping the subject alive.
We'll get to that a little bit later.
Topher and I are kind of in a dilemma.
We've got to find up a backup location for podcasts for the time being.
We really want the standard... We don't want to sit there when it's like 10 below trying
to get people to talk.
Number one, they're not talking.
They're going right on by you and they're going inside somewhere where it's warm.
We can't really find a really good place because most places don't like you in there talking
with a microphone.
The Commons area at the City Market is a perfect area, but we just can't do that until the
weather gets better.
There's no way we can do it.
I'm not even sure if a laptop would work out there in the Commons area because it's more
of a breezeway.
Yeah, they have the heat lamps and stuff, but man, it's 10 below and that wind's coming
in there.
Nah, it's going to be colder than hell.
The cool thing is they're supposed to have that Rock Island Bridge open last year.
Well, it's going to be open this year and that will be a great Commons area right there.
Even during the winter, they have a lot of areas that are kind of like a sun deck, like
a sun room where you see the sky and you see the outside, but it's warm inside.
That might be a pretty good opportunity to be able to broadcast from somewhere else besides
the City Market and especially for weather like we're getting ready to come in.
We'll see next year.
Hopefully that works and that will give us another option and also a really cool place
to do a show from because it is really a neat looking thing that they're building there
or I guess they have built.
For one, I understand they're waiting for a levee to be built on the Kansas side of
the river.
Yeah, the levee is to make it safe for the walking trails that are going to come off
of the bridge into Kansas.
I guess that they didn't have a levee there and nobody knew this when they pulled the
permits or something, if what I understand is correct.
Then when they're getting ready to go, all right, well, we think we're going to have
it open in August of last year.
Then I think Kansas come back and said, no, you need this levee.
They're like, what levee?
That type of thing.
Hopefully we will get that this year.
It looks like we will.
Hopefully they get the levee thing figured out, but it's going to be cool.
Also when we do this Rock Island Bridge experiment, I think I'm going to bring video because I
think that would be a cool place to have a show from.
You can show some of the surroundings.
You can show the river, the bridge.
It's an old truss bridge.
It's an old railroad truss bridge.
You know where the truss bridge is, right?
It's got the old beams and all that real heavy, heavy bridge.
It can support this type of activity.
It can support many people on there and it can support buildings.
There might even be some condos on there.
I'm not for sure.
It's going to have a lot of restaurants, bars, coffee shops, all different kinds of shops.
Anyhow, I found something the other day, Rob, and I want to refer to you on this.
I found a receipt.
It hadn't been my dad's because I never have my shoes fixed.
From DeLuca Shoe Repair in Grandview, Missouri.
I thought you would remember him.
I was tingling.
This brought back so many memories.
Actually, DeLuca had a shop in Belton also.
Yeah, he did.
He had two shops.
My dad wore those.
Right there off the corner at 58th, North Scott.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, he had two of them.
My dad wore those black dress shoes everywhere.
It didn't matter if he was out gardening or whatever.
He always wore those black dress shoes.
Back in those times, though, you didn't give up your shoes because they had bad soles.
You had them fixed.
That's what the shoe repairman was for.
He's kind of like a TV repairman back then, or now it would be like a washing machine
repairman, an appliance repairman.
They had actual stores that repaired your shoes and sell you buying a new one.
Nowadays, you get another pair every eight months or so, Nikes or whatever.
Sneakers aren't meant to last, and they're not meant to be rebuilt either.
They're meant to be one and done.
Back then, they made the shoes to where you could take off the bad soles and put in the
new ones.
Anyhow, remember, he was kind of an odd duck.
He was cool, though.
He was cool.
He was a great photographer.
He was a very cool guy.
He was a very interesting guy.
He had signs up all over about stuff, about the government and stuff.
They're a factual and stuff, but it was questioning everything, which was fantastic because they
need to be questioned, obviously.
It was really cool because I found this.
I was like, to Lucas shoe repair.
I had to think and think and think.
There was one in Belton, too.
You're right.
They had one in Grandview and one in Belton.
One was a dad and one was a son, I think, is what it was.
The one that I knew of was in the Truman Corner Shopping Center.
Then there was one, was it Main Street in Belton or was it on 58th?
It was almost on the corner of 58th and North Scott.
That's what I thought.
Okay.
South Scott.
South Scott, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting.
I just thought I'd ask you about that because I thought that was a pretty cool little find.
Yeah, yeah, that is.
I knew a lot of people that would take their boots to it.
Yes.
That's another thing.
That's something that you probably... There's probably places that do it nowadays.
It might be, I don't know, Bass Pro or Cabela's or something.
But I'll bet you there's boot repairmen too because boots you can go have them repaired
because they cost considerably more and they're built better.
Yeah, I thought that was pretty.
Right here in Campton, we just had a gentleman retire, was it last year I think?
Uh-huh.
Or the year before.
He's been in the same spot right here on the square for many, many years.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
He finally closed up shop and this new place moved in.
What I think is cool is on the side of the building, they put a little mural commemorating
this boot store.
Really?
For all the years he'd been there.
Yeah, he was well known.
That's pretty interesting.
Really cool.
Nice.
So he just retired last year?
Yeah, it was last year, year before.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
Yeah.
Let's see.
Oh, I was reading where RFK, the new attorney general, is looking at outlawing or not outlawing
but corn syrup, right?
And putting cane sugar and everything.
Yeah.
Well, I guess I won't have to go to extremes to find my real sugar stuff anymore.
But also, this is going to screw me too because I developed a taste for real sugar like I
thought I would and I don't like corn syrup.
It doesn't taste right to me anymore.
Well, now if this happens, I can go into any store and buy a soda and it'll have real sugar
in it and I will love it again.
So I guess that's over with.
So yeah, I thought I was being all cute and everything.
I'm like, well, how could I wing myself off a soda?
Yeah, yeah, because now you're going to be drinking more.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to go into a store and go, hey, it's all real sugar.
It all tastes great.
And I was just thinking, man, I'm screwed again.
So anyhow, yeah, sometimes, yeah, that's the way it is.
Yeah, I'll have to figure out something else.
Maybe I'll like, oh no, I don't know.
We'll see.
Let's let all this happen.
I'll go from there.
So anyhow, Rob.
Oh, by the way, did you catch our last episode?
Yeah.
Remember the episode before we skipped second break?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
What about it?
Yeah, and we talked about it.
If I remember right, we skipped second break last time, too.
We did.
It was getting bad.
Yeah, and also, I told you about the Uncle Rob's Kins to Life.
We skipped number three.
You went straight to number four, and I'm like, how the hell did we do that?
So anyhow, I don't know.
We must have been high on both of them, and we don't even smoke.
Well, I don't know.
I don't.
And you know what?
If you do, God bless you.
But let's see.
What was I going to say now?
Yeah, they've been good episodes, but I think we got so wrapped up in what we was doing,
we just forgot to do them.
Yeah, we just went to talk to Michael.
Yeah, yeah.
We're starting to develop more of a...
We've always had a rapport.
We're great friends.
We've been great friends for years.
It's something about doing this on a podcast level, a show level, to where you speak freely
and you don't even really think about doing this.
And I think we're getting to that point to where we're just talking and I don't know.
There's something about the psychology of it, because at first I think you try to do
things differently and you're like, oh, okay.
I got to enunciate this better.
I got to slow down here.
Now we're just not worried about that.
We're just talking and I think it's coming out pretty well now.
So I don't know.
We even came up with nicknames for the names we can't pronounce.
Yes, which is even better.
That's when you accept it.
It's like...
Yeah, because I was through them because we're stumbling and almost every...
Hey, let's just come up with nicknames.
That would be a good idea on your part, by the way.
You know what?
And I got that as a kid because we did that in school.
We couldn't say a name, so we just make something up.
We go, oh, okay.
We know what that is.
And also it's funny when other people around, you say that word, everyone else looks at
you except a couple other people, they know what you mean.
You know, it's kind of fun.
But anyhow, we were children too.
It's probably not so fun now.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
Valentine's Day is widely known as a celebration of love, but its origins are far from romantic.
The holiday's history is rooted in ancient Rome marked by violence, martyrdom, and even
pagan rituals.
The most widely accepted origin of Valentine's Day traces back to Saint Valentine, a priest
who allegedly defied Emperor Claudius II's ban on marriages for young soldiers.
Valentine secretly performed weddings, believing in love over law.
When his actions were discovered, he was imprisoned and later executed on February 14th, around
270 AD.
Some legends claim that before his death, he sent a letter signed from your Valentine,
which may have inspired modern traditions.
However, the story goes deeper than that.
Valentine's Day may also be linked to Lupercalia, a violent pagan festival celebrated in mid-February.
Lupercalia involved the sacrifice of goats and dogs, followed by men using strips of
the animal's hides to win it, supposedly to increase fertility.
The festival concluded with a lottery within withdrawal of women's names, pairing them
for the duration of the festival, sometimes longer.
As Christianity spread, Pope Gellisiasis the first woman to be pronounced.
How about Lugo?
Pope Guglum?
Yeah, there you go.
Okay.
Pope Guglum.
He abolished Lupercalia in 496 AD, replacing it with St. Valentine's Day to redirect attention
toward a more religious, love-centered observance.
Over time, the holiday transformed into what we recognize today.
Wow.
That's horrible.
Also, Valentine's Day also, there's been many massacres happening on Valentine's Day over
the years too.
Yeah, it has actually traditionally been a pretty brutal day.
So, you know my brother passed away on Valentine's Day early in the morning.
Yes, I know.
He passed away on my, I think it was my one year anniversary at work.
That's my anniversary at work.
Oh, Valentine's Day, wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, so, you know, it's seven years now, you know, and I still don't really think of
Valentine's Day the same, you know.
It's just kind of like, meh.
And also, like I said, besides that, you know, that's just one case and that just affects
you know, people we know and stuff like that.
But traditionally, there's been a lot of massacres on St. Valentine's Day.
So yeah.
So yeah, thank you, Rob.
Welcome back in, let's see, I've got some emails.
I got some stories.
I got another Aussie story with Black Sabbath and all that, his final show.
Let's see what else we got.
Shit, we got a whole bunch of stuff, so let's just come back and make sure we take our two
breaks this time, all right?
Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
Okay, we'll be right back, we think.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute cunbur.
Why?
What a burger, you say?
Well, because what a deep-fried crispy chicken nugget just didn't have the right ring.
Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob.
I'm going to give you some tips for life.
This is Uncle Rob's Rules to Dick Picks.
Rule number one, title of a kick is someone else's name.
So if you get busted, it's not yours.
Rule number two, shoot angles complementary to your length and girth.
Rule number four, no propping of the leg.
Absolutely no undercarriage.
Very important.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags in a microphone.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in.
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be
a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a
can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
Two douchebags in a microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems.
Damn it.
I can't decide between nachos, chili, or wings for the game tonight.
This is bullshit.
I should not have to make decisions like this.
Your mama's so ugly, your dad takes her to work every day.
So he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Harambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dipchats and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dipchats and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show, Two Dipchats and a Cheap
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone.
Sadly, Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dipchats and a Cheap Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder or any other show anymore.
Sorry Harambe.
And here we are again, Two Deuce Bags and Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright, we were going to do, do you want to do the nipple yank and all that real quick
and then I'll go into emails?
Yeah, yeah we can do that real quick.
Okay, so this started as a little gag and what it is is this is playful.
You give someone an ass cheek bite playfully, a nipple yank playfully and a nut flick playfully.
And it's just for fun and it's just for shock only and we've done this little game here
for what about a year now and we tend to like it.
Yeah, this is just for fun and you know it doesn't hurt them, it's not meant to hurt
them.
You know you're going to try to make sure the nut flick doesn't hurt you know.
But it's just for haha, I got you.
So Rob, what would your three be?
Okay, well last time I went with Travis Kelsey on the nipple yank because I couldn't get
past him to get the payload.
Yeah, maybe that's why he had a shitty game, his nipple was hurting.
Well, well, well, I've switched it this time.
I am giving my nipple yank the payload because the way he played, I could beat him.
I could beat him again too.
You push him aside and get to her nipple huh?
Get out of here Trav.
And with that being said, I'm giving my ass cheek bite to Travis Kelsey because after
I yank her nipple I'm going to drop down and bite him on the ass and I'm out of there.
So he is like the only recipient of both so far.
He is about to get a trifecta, if I came back and gave him a nut flick then he'd have the
trifecta right?
Yeah.
Okay, that's something to think about.
Something to think about.
Okay.
Didn't think we'd ever see that coming but yeah.
No, him neither.
Him neither.
Okay, and my nut flick goes to Elon Musk.
I want to see if he is actually human.
You know what, that would be a good gauge if he goes, ow!
Then you're like, okay he is human if he is just like.
Yeah, yeah because there's rumors.
Why is someone down there flicking at my groin?
I don't understand it.
This does not make any sense why this gentleman would wind up to me and flick at my groin.
I'm perplexed.
Then you know he is alien.
Alright, well I had to go with the has-beens this time around.
I had to go with has-beens.
Okay.
Brendan Fraser, he is the lucky recipient of my ass cheek bite.
Remember him?
All right.
Encino Man, he played a lot of stuff in the 90s, late 80s, long hair guy.
Oh, he even did mummy.
Yeah he did, he did mummy, that's right.
Yep.
Next one would be Weird Al Yankovic, Nipple Yank.
And you get it, Nipple Yank, Weird Al Yankovic.
Yeah, you see, kind of has a little rhyme to it.
Weird.
He'd make a song about it.
He would.
Yeah, yank my nipple, I'm weird Yankovic.
Something like that.
All right.
And the nut flick goes to no other than Gabe Carter.
Remember Gabe Carter?
Yes.
Yeah, Cotter from Welcome Back Cotter.
So welcome back, welcome back, welcome back with a nut flick.
So there you go.
All right.
And also, you know while I'm there, can I get Vinny Barberino too?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, well, there we go.
And also, Topher has come up with his list.
We'll probably report on that Tuesday.
Okay.
All right.
Do you want to go into some emails?
Sure.
All right.
Thank you.
Okay, this first one is what I was saying earlier about how, you know, I'll just get
into it here.
Okay.
Mark, why in the world would you say the soprano's bullshit ending was brilliant?
David Chase copped out.
Wrong, in Stephen's point.
Okay.
No, us talking about it right now is proof that it was genius.
This is almost 20 years later and people are still arguing and debating over it.
It's genius.
Because if whatever you wanted to happen happened, the story wasn't written.
So I want to believe what I want to believe, you believe what you want to believe.
And you just bringing this up to me because that is my opinion shows that that was a work
of brilliance.
And I'm sticking to it and I'm certain that's what it is.
So anyhow.
All right.
Hey, this is Jeremy.
I was looking for the farter guy you used to work with.
Do you have a section of popular show segments?
I love to hear that one once again.
I was laughing so hard I spit Pib Extra all over my car.
Okay.
Well, it should have been Dr. Pepper, but anyhow.
No we don't.
And I wanted to get, you know, one of these days I'm going to have a page put up of our
bits, you know, our most famous ones, the ones that people like the best.
And I guess he wanted to hear it again.
Okay.
Because I don't know where to.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know what show that's in.
I don't know what segment it is or nothing.
You know, this is a part-time hobby.
The mere fact that you want to hear it again, like really kind of, I love it.
I mean, it really kind of is complimentary.
I mean, you know, thank you.
Well, it shows he's been listening for a while.
Yeah.
So thank you.
What the?
I'm sorry.
You know what?
Jeremy.
Jeremy, what?
Yeah.
It didn't say where he's from though.
Okay.
Well, Jeremy, thank you very much.
And okay.
How about if we tell the farter story at the very end?
Because it's, I don't want to go into it that lengthy right now.
Right.
Okay.
So help remind me, but let's really do it this time.
Because I've threatened to do stories before it.
I go at the very end.
We're really going to try to remember.
And at the end of this show, I'll tell you the farter guy at work.
The guy could fart on command.
Do what?
I just took notes.
All right.
Thank you.
Okay.
Rob, I love the new Uncle Rob bit.
Are you aware that you're missed number three?
Or is that just a joke?
Yes.
Thanks.
Abigail will show you.
We are aware.
Yes.
We are aware.
And we will get you number three.
It's not a...
We both record.
We tank.
I don't know what happened to it.
It was a blip.
We are aware of it.
Every now and then my stuff blips, if you will.
It skips.
That might have happened.
I don't know.
No, it's not a joke.
We will get it to you though.
Yeah.
We're going to re-record it.
And number three is going to be in there.
So yeah.
And that right there is cool that somebody noticed there's no number three.
So yeah.
It was not a joke.
Okay.
Hey guys.
No.
This is Tulsa Kings.
He's got a nice little question for us, Rob.
Hey guys.
Yes.
I was wondering what is the most embarrassing moment in your life?
Ronnie, the Tulsa King.
Go ahead, Rob.
Can you think of anything right off?
Oh shit.
There's so damn many.
I'm going to have to go with my ex-girlfriend, well, baby mama, showing up at the house.
Showing up at my first wedding.
Huh?
Yeah.
Denise showed up at my first wedding.
Denise.
God, that sounds familiar.
Did I know her?
Yeah.
You knew her.
Okay.
Why'd she show up at your first wedding?
Well, I guess I was drunk the night before and invited her, I guess.
I don't know.
But yeah, as we turned around to step off the altar and walk up the aisle, just pronounced
man and wife, here she comes.
From both families, yeah, it did not turn out very good.
So both families were aware of who she was?
Not at first.
Wow.
Not at first.
Did she raise hell or something or what?
Oh yeah, she confronted me.
Okay.
Wow.
How did she do that?
I mean, she's a baby's mom and it sounds like you accepted it, right?
Yeah.
Well, I didn't know for sure he was mine at the time.
Oh.
Okay.
So that would be quite embarrassing.
I haven't had a blood test yet.
So she could, if you don't mind going into it a little bit, okay.
Did you just tie?
Yeah, we come down the two steps and by the time we got down the steps to the pews, she
met us face to face.
Put my son in my arms.
My new wife grabbed my son, handed him back to her and she was escorted out the front
door.
There, I don't know what happened.
So I had one pissed off father-in-law at that point.
Oh, I bet.
Oh my gosh.
That would be my most embarrassing moment, I'd say.
Yeah, it has to be.
Man, I got to think of mine now.
You caught me off guard.
I wouldn't have been able to do that.
I'm not going to lie.
That is a good one.
I'm not going to lie.
That is a good one.
So big.
You know I could get into some shit.
I don't think I can top that one, Rob.
Well that's that.
Okay.
That was back in 89.
Then I would have known you.
I don't remember you getting married for some reason.
Yeah.
It was after we quit hanging out.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Shortly after.
Okay, all right.
Oh, okay, I got one.
I was at one of my jobs, okay,
and I had a really good friend there.
I'm not going to say his name.
And I doubt if he listens because he hates me now.
But there's this like really hideous looking chick hanging
out in the front part of the office part, right?
And I mean, she was just, ugh, I mean,
just like really disgusting.
I mean, just, so I come in there, I go, my God, guys,
do you see that really ugly, nasty chick up there?
Oh my God, she's one of the ugliest women I've ever seen.
Where was my buddy's wife?
Oh my God.
Yes. And he goes, what?
And then everybody looked at me.
They looked down and looked at me, and I'm like, oh, shit.
And he stormed out.
And everyone said, dude, that's his wife.
You didn't know?
No. Well, now you do.
Yeah. That's pretty fucking embarrassing, man.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that is.
I love the guy, man.
He was a really good friend.
Not anymore.
So, okay.
Okay. You know, we both came up with a couple
of good ones right on the spot there.
Okay. Yeah.
Ronnie, I want to turn the table when you hear this.
What is your most embarrassing moment?
Sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
He wants questions, so he's got one.
All right.
When are you two going to videocast?
I want to see Mark's talk in Chief's studio.
I hope all of what he said on his little joke skit is true.
Like the Falstaff sign, the Chief's wine,
and the neon signs he always talks about.
Yes, I do always talk about it.
I apologize.
Chad in Rosemont, Texas.
Yeah. And Rob has a studio, too.
And Topher has a cool studio, too.
Topher's no-filter studio is full of guitars and drums.
And yours is the Duck Blind Studio.
Yeah. And I've got bandanas, a band-hail on top,
and all kinds of different things.
Yeah, yeah, so all of them.
I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do
with this Miller-like cool table life my daughter gave me.
Still jealous, by the way.
Still jealous.
Well, my ceiling's good ceiling.
It ain't going to hold it.
No, there's no.
And it's one of those signs.
I don't know how you're going to get that up.
Huh. Okay.
I think I just might sit.
I guess it's going to have to, unless you can come
up with something like a lamp pole that comes over.
Yeah, you know what?
I could rig something.
Yeah, yeah, hey, you're working the steel.
Yeah, yeah, you can do that.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, make it.
I know right where to get it.
There we go, yeah, make like.
Yeah, you make like a curved lampshade-like thing
and hang it from there.
Yeah, there we go.
Well, Rob's still under construction.
Mine's still under construction.
I still have a lot more.
I still have a million other little flyers I need to paste all
over the walls and do other stuff.
Topher's all full with all his musical equipment.
I don't know if he can fit another thing in there.
So, and then besides that, he has all his podcasting equipment,
the mic stands, the mics, everything,
the headphones, I mean,
he has a really elaborate operation there that is beautiful.
So hopefully we'll get that to go in, we'll get mine to go in,
and we'll get Rob's stuff blind to go in.
So there you go, Chad.
All right, douchebags, what kind of microphone do you use?
I like the sound, Tony and Jonesboro.
I think that'd be Arkansas.
I use a blue mic.
Topher uses a blue and he also uses some other mics.
He uses a couple of professional recording mics I forgot the name
of and he also uses blue mics.
I use a blue mic because it's just, it works so well
with the equipment I have here.
The other mic I would need an interface with, the much better mic,
but I don't have the room to have an interface here that I just,
you know, so I have to just have it plugged straight into my computer.
So that's the best I can do, but a blue mic is good.
I mean, it's not like it sounds horrible.
It does sound good, but I can't use the same stuff that Topher does
and that's just simply I don't have the room.
So anyhow, all right, and let's see.
Mark, what is your favorite vacation destinations, Clive and Olathe?
Well, okay, I'm a beach guy.
So I'd have to say St. Thomas and probably Curacao are my two best.
I also love Colorado and Wyoming, some of the state parks.
I know a lot of people say overseas.
Well, I've lived overseas, okay, and to me, I like being in America
or someplace that has the same type of conveniences and foods and stuff like that.
I guess long and short of it is I like Americanized stuff and case in point,
let's see, like ketchup, okay, a simple thing like ketchup, right Rob?
Really good stuff, right?
Yeah. Okay.
Well, ketchup in Greece is mashed tomatoes in a can.
That's their ketchup.
Put that on a French fry.
It's going to be more like tomato paste.
Yes, and not even really that.
I mean, he kind of, yeah, no sweetener, nothing, and it's horrible.
Try to put that on a French fry, dude.
It will ruin it.
That will be a good example.
A lot of places overseas, they do different things that, you know,
now their coffee I could really go for.
Their coffee is awesome, but other than that, a lot of their foods
and the way of doing things and everything, you know, I prefer it over here.
So I'm not going to say Bora Bora or something like that.
What I'm saying is, is Curacao, St. Thomas, Colorado, Wyoming,
I like a lot of parts of Florida.
I mean, you know, so I hope that answered your question.
I really don't know what else to go on that.
So, all right.
You got something you want to go with, Rob?
Anywhere away from Lake and Hillshore.
OK, there you go.
Just leaving home for a weekend.
OK. That would be awesome for me.
The Smoky Mountains are cool.
OK. Yeah, yeah, I would like to see them.
I want to do that thing where I saw where you spend New Year's
in the Smoky Mountains.
I think that sounds cool and shit.
Yeah, yeah, it's like some sort of a Airbnb thing where a lot of people
go to New York or go downtown somewhere.
This is like the getaway of New...
It has like stuff.
It has like all this elaborate stuff in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere,
like Wi-Fi.
You can watch the ball drop and you'd be in the middle of nowhere.
Maybe you'll see a bear walk by at New Year's.
You know, it's like an Airbnb thing.
But anyhow, I wouldn't I wouldn't mind doing that.
I think that would be pretty cool.
So, all right.
I do like it an hour south of New Orleans.
Oh, down around Beerus.
Yeah, you're talking about the coast.
Yeah, yeah, I do like it down there.
What is that 23 highway that runs out of New Orleans?
It's outbound.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Peninsula.
The Peninsula is only like three miles wide.
Yeah, I think it's I think you're right.
I think it's 23.
Yeah, it runs down under Beerus and down to what they call the end of the earth.
OK.
I just love the culture down there.
There's so much different cultures mixed together.
Oh, I know.
Yeah, it's that he gets along.
You know, there's no racism.
No, it's like New Orleans on steroids down there.
It's really, really neat stuff.
And the coast is beautiful, too, there.
That's where it starts getting more into the emerald water and out of the Galveston
mud, muddy looking murky stuff.
So, yeah, that's cool.
All right, you want to take our second break and you got something you want to come back
with, Rob?
Yeah, yeah, let's take a break.
OK, we'll be right back.
And now, a brand new feature.
Strange insults from an Indian.
May your mother come to talk to you and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you
may have to get up and close it.
And if you ever wondered where something came from, if you ever looked at something and
said, I wonder what the origin of that is.
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origin of Knee-High Soft Drinks.
Claude Hatcher overheard a route salesman enter the plant one day and describe the competitor's
tall bottle as being knee-high.
Knee-High originated with the Cherokela Company in Columbus, Georgia by Claude Hatcher in
1912.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
Are you a parking ticket?
You got five written all over you.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Let's see if a worm could talk.
Would it be argumentive?
I may never know.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo
is listening to this film.
Now, from a center-round bunker camped in Missouri, stocked full of dried goods, canned
food, and a couple of vibrating toys is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rad.
That man would look ridiculous solving crime on a sunny day.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
Punxsutawney fills.
Babies are named Shadow and Sunny.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks with them when they golf?
In case they get a hole in one.
Tofer, Mark, and Rob would like you to know that just because they have a podcast does
not mean their asshole does not stink.
I know them pretty well and their asshole does stink.
So just so you know, their asshole stinks just like yours.
To Dish Bags and Microphone is the only podcast available anywhere with Gusto.
That's right, I said Gusto.
Gusto is a magical ingredient in Schlitzbeer that makes it so damn delicious.
So enjoy a little Gusto from your podcast today.
To Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob, you have something for the program.
Yes, I do.
I want to go into the 19th century solo kill of Jack the Ripper.
Okay, nice lighthearted subject.
I love stuff like this.
Please go ahead.
I know you write stuff like that.
So do I.
An English historian and author Russell Edwards told today in Australia that DNA found on
a shawl recovered from the scene of one of the Ripper's recent crimes was tested and
traced.
It is now believed that Jack the Ripper was a 23-year-old Polish immigrant named Aaron
Kosminski who was believed to have come to the UK as a child and suffered from mental
illness.
He reportedly died at a mental institution in 1919, aged 53.
When we matched the DNA from the blood on the shawl with a direct female descendant
of the victim, it was the singular most amazing moment of my life at the time, Edwards told
today in Australia.
We tested the semen left on the shawl.
When we matched that, I was dumbfounded that we actually had discovered who Jack the Ripper
truly was.
How amazing.
They now know who he was.
He's no longer a mystery.
That's, wow, that is really significant.
I mean, it's been such a mystery and this guy was just so brutal too.
So he's a Polish immigrant.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you, Rob.
Twenty-three years old.
Would all this happen?
Wow.
It's kind of hard to believe a 23-year-old would have that much anger and angst, but
I guess so.
I mean, wow.
Well, he had mental illness.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
You're right, Rob.
Wow.
Thank you.
I'm going to go into Ozzy here in Sabbath and his final show ever.
Hopefully it does go off.
Ozzy Osbourne was confirmed.
This is from Blabbermouth.
Ozzy Osbourne has confirmed that he will be doing little bits and pieces with Black Sabbath
during his final gig.
I kind of knew that.
I thought it'd be like a medley or something.
I mentioned something about it on the Music Creeps.
And I didn't see him doing a full set of anything.
I mean, you know, he can't walk.
And I know he doesn't want to be in a wheelchair up there.
Parkinson's has really kind of advanced on him, and it's too bad, and it's sad.
But Father Time has caught up with our best friend Ozzy, and it's not good.
So anyhow, Ozzy announced his last ever performance on February 5th, revealing that the original
members of Black Sabbath are reuniting for the first time in 20 years for the show.
Joining them at the concert called Back to the Beginning, which will take place July
5th at Villa Park in Birmingham, which is a huge stadium, and it's sold out.
United Kingdom will be a host of metal band Sabbath inspired, including Metallica, Slayer,
Lamb of God, Mastodon, Pantera, and Anthrax.
That's a pretty solid lineup, isn't it?
Yeah, pretty solid.
Ozzy, who hasn't played a full show since late 2018, set on his SiriusXM show, Ozzy
Speaks.
I'm not planning on doing a set with Black Sabbath, but I am doing little bits and pieces
with him.
I'm doing what I can where I feel comfortable.
The 76-year-old heavy metal singer, who revealed in 2020 that he'd been diagnosed with Parkinson's
disease, added that he is doing what he can to get ready for the Villa Park concert.
I'm trying to get back on my feet, he said.
When you get up in the morning, you just jump out of bed.
I have to balance myself, but I'm not dead.
I'm still actively doing things, which is excellent, because that's very important
with Parkinson's.
Earlier in the month, Ozzy's wife and manager Sharon told the Sun that her husband is struggling
to walk amid his battle with Parkinson's disease, but that his singing voice is as
good as ever, she said.
Ozzy's very happy to be coming back and very emotional about this.
As we all know, Parkinson's is a progressive disease.
It's not something you can stabilize.
It affects different parts of the body, and it's affected his legs.
But his voice is as good as it's ever been, is what Sharon said.
Ozzy talked more in detail about his condition on his show, his SiriusXM show.
I made it to 2025.
I can't walk, but you know what?
I was thinking over the holidays for all my complaining, I'm still alive.
I may be moaning that I can't walk, but I look down the road and there's people that
didn't do half as much as me and didn't make it.
Proceeds from Back to the Beginning show will support Cure Parkinson's and Birmingham Children's
Hospital and Acorns Children's Hospice, a children's hospice supported by Austin Villa.
The concert will mark the first time that Osborne, Iommi, Butler and Ward will have played
together in over 20 years.
Okay, there's a big hubbub.
Okay, here, I'll go into this really quick.
According to Sharon, Ozzy, who paused touring for now in 2023 after extensive spinal surgery,
has rescheduled his No More Tours 2 shows from going ahead several times because of illnesses,
the pandemic and logistical issues will not play any more shows after this Villa Park
event.
The show that No More Tours 2 wasn't going to happen, of course, if he can't walk.
But there's a big hubbub because there's a lot of Black Sabbath fans that have been fans
all their life.
They can't go.
They wanted to go, but they were either priced out of it or the tickets went too quick.
And a lot of people feel shunned and they're hurt.
They feel like they were priced out of the event.
The tickets were astronomically priced.
I know they're going to charity, but I mean, these are your fans.
This is your goodbye to them.
Don't you think it would have been a little, I mean, I know it's going to charity, but
don't you think they would have strived to make it a little bit more affordable for the
common guy that loves them?
Yeah, you would think so.
Yeah, I'm a little disappointed in that too.
Like I said, I know it's going to charity and that's a great thing.
But man, maybe you could charge more for a hot dog.
Maybe you could charge more for a beer and that could go to charity.
I mean, yeah, there's a lot of people that are really pissed off because they wanted
to go.
Now, I have a good friend of mine, Flamin is his name.
He's from Bulgaria.
He is going.
He has a friend in England and he sent him, he wired him some money and his friend got
him a ticket.
That's going to be pretty cool.
But they are extremely expensive.
So anyhow, I don't know what else to say about that.
I mean, you know, I hope it happens.
I just want to add, I almost bet that they do a pay per view.
I bet you're right.
Why wouldn't they?
I mean, a lot of people want to see it.
So it wouldn't be the first time.
I mean, they've done stuff like this before.
So you know, Kiss is the last concert ever as a band.
Massive Square Garden was on pay per view worldwide.
So I can see this happening.
Come on, this is Ozzy's very last concert.
They got to do it.
Rob, would you buy it?
Yes, I would.
I would too.
But the thing that I cautioned.
It would be cheaper than driving all the way to Birmingham.
Yeah, I would.
I would too.
But the thing that I cautioned.
It would be cheaper than driving all the way to Birmingham.
Yes, true.
Okay, the one thing I like to caution everybody is it's going to be sad.
It's going to be really sad.
It is.
You see this guy that used to be this robust guy, partier, crazy man.
I mean, all this stuff.
And you see him withered away into, I mean, into just, you know, a cripple.
Yeah.
It's not going to be pretty.
But it's a final goodbye.
And you know what?
You know, honestly, I hope this isn't the truth.
But Parkinson's is a progressive disease.
And the more it progresses, the quicker it goes.
So I don't know how much time Ozzy really does have left.
So on this earth.
Well, they actually did try to do this in a rush.
Yeah, that's the other.
That's the other thing.
Yes, that's the other thing, too, is how quickly they did it and how quickly everybody agreed
to it without fighting over it.
Right.
Yeah.
It was kind of like a, hey, guys, if we're going to do this, we got to do it now.
And everyone was like, okay, understood.
So you wait any longer.
He ain't got the.
Yeah.
And I mean, waiting any longer.
I mean, like I said, Parkinson's is a piece of shit.
And I've seen it destroyed many good people.
So Rob, you got something a little bit better to report on there besides Jack the Ripper
and Ozzy crippled.
Sorry, guys.
Okay.
I don't know.
I'll let you decide.
Okay.
Okay, lead vocalist and guitarist Michael Akerfeldt recently had the chance to visit
the Martin Guitar Factory at Nazareth Park, Pennsylvania, where he was graced with the
opportunity to play several historic instruments.
A few of the instruments he was offered to try out were so old he feared damaging them.
I played a guitar from the eighteen hundreds.
I got scared.
They held it up to me and I kept backing away.
It's invaluable.
You know, I don't know what the value in money would be, but it's an artifact.
I get nervous around those type of things, but I did play it.
One of the most notable guitars Akerfeldt had the honor of playing while at the factory
was Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain's old Martin.
He was anything but impressed.
Is that the beat up one, the one that was practically smashed?
Yes.
Okay, yeah.
It was very beat up.
It didn't feel that good.
There was nothing special about it other than it belonged to Kurt, he said of the guitar.
Cobain hated that guitar.
That's why he smashed it after the MTV.
Yeah, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Well, according to Akerfeldt though, Cobain's axe has developed quite a reputation at the
factory.
Somebody told us that guitar was haunted.
Like people who had that guitar had accidents, he said.
Before adding, it was just a regular guitar to me.
Yeah, I guess there's rumors that that guitar is cursed.
Yeah, I believe it.
I can see it.
There's another backstory on that.
Cobain hated that guitar and he hated doing MTV anything, but when he did the unplugged,
he wanted that guitar because he was going to destroy it on stage.
Yeah.
So yeah, I believe it's cursed.
But it still is.
Yeah, I believe it.
I believe it's still cursed, yes.
They brought that guitar back from the dead.
They had to kind of refurbish it a little bit.
Yeah, it was in bad shape because Cobain hated mainstream anything.
When Geffen told him that he had to do MTV unplugged, that it was going to help their
careers and that he had to do it contractually and all that, it pissed him off.
So he got that horrible guitar and he tried to play as shitty as he could.
So anyhow, I've got something here interesting, Rob.
There's this book that's out in the 1800s and it's called Baron Trump's Marvelous Underground
Journey.
Baron Trump, as in Donald Trump's son, but this is somebody else obviously in the 1800s,
is leaving social media shook with its presidential predictions.
A 19th century time traveling book series by an oddball American author that centers
around a protagonist named Baron Trump has taken TikTok by storm with social media users
widely theorizing the writing's foretold President Trump's rise to the White House.
Anyone who owns copies of Ingersoll Lockwood's Baron Trump novels is dusting off their legacy,
largely forgotten collection to scour for any missed clues that could indicate where
America might be going next.
One novel in the series, The Last President, has fueled conspiracy theories that Donald
Trump may have been foreseen as a pivotal political figure in history during the late
1800s.
In the book, a heated election causes unrest in New York City and sparks protests on Fifth
Avenue.
The fictional President, Brian, decides to appoint a cabinet member named Pence, similar
to Donald Trump's first vice president, Mike Pence, and the protagonist Baron Trump who
bears the same name.
It's spelled differently as Donald Trump's youngest son is described as being curious,
arrogant, and destined for greatness.
The seemingly Simpson-level predictions left TikTok users in a frenzy.
The theories on social media platform delve into even accessible of the wide vast of the
real Trump family history and it brushes into some things that his family history goes into.
They link the novels to Donald Trump's late uncle John G. Trump, who analyzed Nikolai
Tesla's papers regarding energy and time.
This connection has led to some widely speculated that the Trump family gained knowledge of
time travel through studies tied to Tesla and his supposed secret time travel experiments.
Skepticism is still at the forefront with a whirlwind of theories though.
Many argue that the books are coincidental works of fiction reflecting an era they were
published during.
Others find that the theorizes are grasping at inconceivable straws born out of an obsession
with the Trump family.
Now, okay, all that being said, right Rob?
This article missed something main and I couldn't believe I did.
This article misses another tie in.
Who owns the corporation Tesla?
Musk.
Yeah.
Musk is the guy appointed to Trump's budget office overlooking the government waste.
Okay.
Elon often has referred himself as an alien that time traveled in the future.
That's why he got one that day.
I want to know if he's human.
Well, it missed the biggest one there.
To me, Nikolai Tesla and Trump's uncle, he published some of the papers of Nikolai Tesla.
Okay.
Then Elon Musk, who is now on a cabinet by the White House, appointed by the White House
by Trump, owns a corporation called Tesla.
Now, I think to me that is bizarre with everything else.
So I'm not saying there's anything to it.
All I'm saying is it makes one go, huh, and scratch their head.
So Rob, we turn to you after that great bit of information.
Okay.
I'm going to go into a story that I ran across on KY3.
Okay.
I'm going to go to Springfield, Missouri.
It's a pretty cool event.
Okay.
A cow in Ash Grove, Missouri has gone viral on TikTok for being well-hidden.
Okay.
She is very, very pregnant, and her pregnancy has people stamping to social media every
day for updates.
Okay.
It's been pretty, but it's been awesome, said Emily Anderson.
Emily married into the Anderson family about a year ago and began working on the farm.
She's been keeping a close eye on Big B, which is the name of the cow, and posting about
her every day with updates.
It was amazing to see how many reactions, how many people were interested in her, said
Anderson.
People are asking me every day for updates.
They tell me that they check in on her in the middle of the night before they go to
work.
They're telling their husband and families, and it's been really awesome seeing how many
people are enjoying her.
Big B is a seven-year-old Angus.
This isn't her first time giving birth, so Emily and her husband know that she'll be
a great mom.
The real mystery is how many calves does Big B have.
It's just a surprise, said Anderson.
Everyone is waiting to see how many babies she'll have.
It takes about nine months to have a calf, and they typically only have one.
They can have two babies, but on rare occasions there could be more.
I hope it's twin girls, because if it's twin, the mom will often reject one, and I'll keep
it with my other model babies, said Anderson.
Yeah, go to KY3 and check this cow out.
This thing is huge.
Hang on, I'll go there right now.
Oh my God.
KY3?
At Ash Grove, Missouri.
Oh, sorry.
It's right on their front page.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Gosh, yeah.
It's huge.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah.
Everybody go check it out.
It's amazing.
I don't know about that.
Yeah, there's at least twins, if not triplets.
I would say something like that.
Let's see.
Rob, how many dimples are on a golf ball?
I don't know.
Who?
336.
The International Space Station orbits Earth approximately every 90 minutes.
Somewhere between 50 and 80% of Earth's living organisms are in the ocean.
Wow.
90% of the world's population lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
Honey will never spoil.
Doesn't matter how many years you have it out, it will not spoil.
Did you know that?
I've heard that.
I've never tested that theory.
I wouldn't test it, but anyhow.
You know when the Caesar salad was invented?
No.
1924.
How much larger is the sun than the moon?
I don't have a clue.
400 times.
You know how fast winds on Neptune can blow?
No.
1200 miles an hour.
Holy cow.
I know.
You know how much a silverback gorilla can lift?
I know it's quite a bit.
Over 1763 pounds.
Almost a ton.
Yeah.
Yeah, just right under a ton.
The deepest part of the ocean is approximately how many feet down?
I don't know.
35,876.
Pretty good little stint there.
What's the hardest bone in a human body, Rob?
The femur.
I knew that at one point.
I did too.
When I read femur I was like, oh yeah, I did know that.
What is the oldest living land animal on earth?
I don't know.
190 year old tortoise named Jonathan.
You know all of these could have been on news that nobody gives a shit about, but you know
what, I got a lot of other ones to put on there so I got more I got to do.
Do you know that Australia is wider than the moon?
No, I don't know that.
What planet is the only planet to spin clockwise?
I don't know that.
Venus.
Did you know that human teeth are the only part of the body that cannot heal themselves?
No, I didn't.
Did you know that competitive art used to be an Olympic sport?
That I did know.
Okay, yeah I knew that too.
What are the specks on strawberries called?
The seeds.
Acnes.
Okay.
Yeah, I didn't know either.
I just called them seeds.
Who was the first person that was processed on Ellis Island?
I don't know.
A 15 year old girl named Ella.
I wonder if they got the name Ellis for that.
She was from Ireland.
Ellis, Ella, I don't know.
Google images was created after Jennifer Lopez wore the green dress at the 2000 Grammys.
I actually knew that.
Did you know that lemons float in water but limes sink?
Now that you say that, I never thought about it.
It's true.
It would take 19 minutes to fall to the center of the earth.
Yeah, I would think longer.
This one's easy.
What is the only carnivorous plant?
It's a Venus flytrap.
We all know this.
The Eiffel Tower was originally made for Barcelona.
Did you know what the real name for a hashtag is?
An octothorpe.
I could see why they called it hashtag.
Yeah.
Neil Armstrong's hair was sold in 2004 for $3,000.
The longest English word is 189,819 letters long.
Why in the fuck would they come up with that?
The tiny pockets in jeans was designed to store pocket watches.
I knew that actually.
Yeah, I knew that.
People once ate arsenic to improve their skin.
The largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan and it has 116 lanes.
The Terminator script was sold for $1.
I knew that.
Yeah.
A fair of long words is called... Fuck, I can't even... Just look that one up.
Just look... It's called... Okay?
If you're interested.
If you're interested, which you're probably not, it's called... Penicillin was first called
mold juice.
You know what?
I'm done with this.
You got anything you want to go to, Rob?
Actually, why don't you go into the part of her story?
Oh, thank you.
Don't forget it.
Okay.
Thank you.
I forgot all about that.
Yeah, we're getting close to time.
Okay.
I forgot all about that.
I'm sorry.
I wouldn't waste time with all those bullshit.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
I used to work with this guy.
He could fart on command, but not only could he fart, it was horrible.
It would last all day.
It would linger for a long, long time.
They were greasy smelling and you'd go home and they'd be on your shirt, that fart smell.
I mean, I swear he had something wrong with his intestines.
I mean, it was horrid.
He used to go if someone would piss him off, let's say we're going to buy some electricians
or something and they're being dicks to us or something.
Well, they were on break somewhere else.
He'd go fart in their area and then they'd come back, I don't know, 15 minutes later
and start blaming us.
God, who did that?
One time he was really mad at the super of a job and the super of the job used to go
up and down in this one elevator.
He went in there and farted and that son of a bitch stayed for like a week.
Every time he went in there, you could smell that greasy, nasty fart.
It just would not go away.
What he used to do is for fun at night, he would fart in the job box and he would lock
it up.
Then in the morning, we'd open it up and that horrible shit smell would hit you right in
the face.
It was terrible.
The capper was, like I said, he could fart on command and he did it all the time.
We had to send a job box back to the shop on FedEx grounds.
It took a couple of weeks to get back because that's like if you don't really need it, they're
really quick.
They give you a break.
They don't charge as much.
Anyhow, we had to go to another job somewhere and we came back and that job box was sitting
out.
Two weeks later, when they got it, that job box was sitting out in the middle of the yard
in front of work.
They said that that thing smelled so bad that they had to put it out there because nobody
could stand the smell.
That was the farter guy.
That was a really quick little synopsis, if you will, or something like that of it.
Man, it was horrible.
Gosh.
Anyhow, I'm glad I do not have to get anywhere near his gas again.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for reminding me, Rob.
I forgot all about it.
Yeah.
All righty.
Everybody, thank you for listening.
Have a good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
We'll be back invading your ear holes soon.