And now it's time for...
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Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We are...
...in the...
Strange, but true.
Tico Cemetery is one of the cemeteries where the state of Ohio buried the residents of Columbus Mental Hospital.
The gravestones are all the same size and shape, many without names.
The most striking feature is that there is some headstones just marked...
...specimens.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I'll never forget the day we met, but I'll keep trying.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you...
...first world problems.
What in the devil?
My bank is really out of calendars.
What do they expect me to do? Go to Walmart and buy a $3.00 in calendar?
This is complete bullshit. I am outraged.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
If you melt dry ice...
...in a pool...
...can you swim without getting wet?
Hmph.
I may never know.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in...
...A! Who took a dump in the cooler?
Two Deucebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, as we were just discussing, you're wore the hell out.
Yeah, I've had a long day.
Hey, I'm still here. I'm still here.
Well, I've already had four hours of podcasting, so we'll see how well I hang.
Yeah.
I just put up, just a little side note, a conversation we had with Wyatt...
...down at the city market.
Very nice man.
He was a truck driver all his life. He had to give up because he had a stroke.
He lives around the city market.
And he is a very interesting guy.
He is an older black male.
But he loves Metallica, Poison, Motley Crue.
Yes. Right on.
Yeah. And I didn't think he liked Metallica. I thought he was making fun of them.
Because I'm not a huge Metallica fan anymore. I liked their first three albums.
And then he clarified it a little bit later. And I'm like, oh, you really do like them.
He goes, yeah. He goes, I got my mandatory Metallica on right now in my headphones.
I'm like, oh shit. I'm going, okay.
I said, well then, I said, I've got to clarify mine.
And I think what happened is, I think I'm a fan of Cliff Burton's style of writing.
And then when that had to go away because he passed away...
...I think that the new style of writing I didn't care for.
And that started coming into fruition on the black album and some of Anjustice.
Because they had a few songs in the can after Master of Puppets during their tour for Anjustice.
And those were probably the two songs that I liked of Anjustice.
And then the black album, there's a couple of songs I thought were okay.
But I told them, I said, you know, I like Metallica, but I don't...
I loved their first three albums. But then after that they lost me with Load and Reload and all that stuff.
But I didn't care for it. And I guess he still liked them.
But he's a really interesting guy.
And we were talking about how Lars Yurek can still bash about the same amount.
And I was like, that's interesting.
But he brought up this.
Remember when Metallica said to everybody in the world...
And this is over Napster and Limelight and all those, right?
And they said that, hey, this stuff is going to ruin music.
This is going to ruin our money. People are stealing our art.
And they were right. Look at what it's become, Rob.
Yeah, they don't make shit off of it anymore because of that.
And Lars and Metallica in particular were the ones that really had an issue with it.
And it turns out they were right.
So, yeah, you're right.
Yeah. Anyhow, so, anyhow.
Hey, Helm. I had a really cool day today at the River Market with Topher.
We had Wyatt, a very cool dude.
And it's available right now as a one-off.
I took it, I segmented it, and I put it right there as a one-off.
So it just says like a conversation with Wyatt.
So I encourage you to listen to it. He's a very funny guy.
And we just had a blast just shooting this shit about a little bit of everything.
And it was very cool.
I'll listen to it tomorrow.
Okay, cool. I think you'll like it.
And I hope he comes around more because he's an interesting guy and I know he has a lot of stories.
So anyhow, and him and I share a lot of stuff about the City Market.
When we were children, we used to come up there all the time.
And I lived in northeast Kansas City just a couple of miles away.
And like I was saying in the conversation, we bought our first cat from there.
We named him Tiger.
And the reason we bought that particular kitten was he was the one not getting food.
He was a runt and everybody was like, you know, scooting him to his side.
And all the other kittens were getting food.
And he was a scrawny little guy.
So we said, we want the scrawny little guy.
He lived over 20 years and he was the best cat we'd ever had.
He was fantastic.
But those are like my memories at the City Market.
And that's another reason I think that place is so magical for me, you know.
And also interesting people like Wyatt come by there.
There is something about that corner.
The most interesting people come by and they want to talk generally.
So anyhow, so then we recorded Sports Bastards.
We make fun of the national media idiots that always take a shit on us.
We're back to back Super Bowl champs, but we have something to prove.
I honestly think, Rob, it's East Coast bias.
They don't like little brother in the middle of the country competing with the big dogs.
And that's just it.
I also think that their version of us is all skewed as well.
I've traveled to good people.
It really is.
They don't want the chief showing up, the Patriots.
Yeah, they don't like that.
They don't like that.
I've traveled to good people and you guys know about a lot of it.
I've spoken about a lot of it.
I've heard repeatedly how we are nothing but wheat and corn crops over here.
You know, I used to deliver the news about our rolling hills, our large oak and maple trees,
the very scenic byways, the Missouri River and such.
You know, I almost believe that they kind of thought I was embellishing a bit, that it wasn't like that.
But if they ever came here, they would find out it's different.
You can't find a wheat field around here.
You know, you can find some cattle.
Yeah, you got to drive like 40, 50 miles north.
Yeah, and you can run into some corn fields too.
But I mean, you know, they really have that kind of a vision of us.
And I think it's because Hollywood portrays us as that pretty much.
You know, Midwest, oh yeah, the Waltons, all that stuff.
So anyhow, then we recorded the music creeps for this week.
And we both have way too much coffee.
And we kept having to pause the show because him and I had to piss constantly.
I had three cups before we had two more at the City Market.
I had three cups leaving the house.
And then I had two more at the City Market.
And I felt my hands going numb.
And relax, it's not a stroke thing.
It's effects of caffeine that include hands going numb, dizziness, and heart fluttering.
I didn't have the heart fluttering.
And I had a little bit of the dizziness, but I definitely have the hands going numb.
So anyhow, but we reached 50 degrees today.
All right?
I know 50 degrees, it isn't laying out or beach weather.
But next to that sub-zero bullshit, it feels like a heat wave, doesn't it?
Yeah, I was in short sleep today.
Yes, same here.
It was fun.
It was great, man.
There's something about that first warm snap after sub-zero that you just re-energize.
The sun's out and you're like, wow, I remember this.
This is excellent.
So anyhow, but I also realized this.
I have a new pet peeve, Rob.
Okay?
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Anything that is cut in a French fry, object-like, you know, like a strip or whatever.
And if it's deep-fried, they call it a French fry of some sort, like chicken fries, cheese
fries.
Yeah.
Okay?
Yeah.
I mean, I would actually like fried ibuprofen, at least it tastes good when the fucker went
down, you know?
So anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I do not boof ibuprofen.
Did you hear that?
I do not boof it.
Okay.
All right.
And if you see...
No takin'.
All right.
If you see any pictures of me boofin' it, it's obviously fake and you're to grab them
and tear them up immediately, okay?
I've never admitted...
I've never administered it rectally.
So no, I do not boof ibuprofen.
So I'm just telling you right now, it wasn't me and those pictures have been doctored.
So if you see that, Rob, what do you do?
I rip it up.
That's right.
So, anyhow, these fry things piss me off because everything's a fry now.
Pickle fries, green bean fries, fuckin' cheese fries, chicken fries.
They're not fries.
Do you agree with me?
The only fry is a potato.
It's a French fry.
You can call them like little chicken...
Yeah, potato.
Yeah.
You can call them chicken crisps.
You can call them fried green beans.
You can call them fried pickles.
Some people do.
But they are not French fries.
So people stop.
Businesses stop.
They're not French fries.
French fries are potatoes only.
So anyhow, that's my pet peeve.
So anyhow, you know, I'm waiting for Duncan's or Starbucks or someone to come up with deep
fried coffee.
Wouldn't that be awesome?
Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.
Yeah, you know, I could hear it right now.
A golden fried pouch with a delicious coffee center.
You know, I hope Duncan beats Starbucks to it, okay, because I could handle a coffee-filled
Long John.
Imagine that.
Instead of custard or cream-filled...
Oh my God, that'd be awesome.
Yeah.
And now custard and cream-filled is fine.
But if you had to wake up and you wanted a donut, you got it all in one.
You don't have to hunt down a cup of coffee.
Right.
Yeah.
You just gotta let it cool off a little bit, because you don't want all that steaming hot
coffee like going crazy in your throat while you're eating that Long John.
Well, it also freshens up the Long John.
Yes.
It makes it hot.
There's nothing better than a hot donut.
Oh, yeah.
You see, I think we're onto something here.
Coffee.
Yeah.
Oh, there you go.
And I've been to catered events, you know, where they have...
I think you probably had it too.
You've worked at places that had breakfast catered before, right?
Yeah.
And they have those big boxes of coffee, and they have the creamers and the stirrers and
all that.
You wouldn't need that anymore.
You would be, we'll take the coffee donut combo, please.
And then you might have a couple of things of orange juice, and that's it, man.
A couple little cups.
But all you need is the packs of donuts with coffee in them, and you're good.
You don't need the boxes of coffee, and half of them go to waste, because people only drink
a little bit of them and all that.
People will eat all the donuts.
It's been proven.
If there's donuts out, people will finish them.
No big deal.
Right.
If you have coffee in the middle of them, then suddenly you've got everything you need
right there.
So let's say you grab one and you want to get back to your saw, Rob, but you know, your
coffee's going to get little fucking metal bits in it and all that, right?
So you eat your Long John filled coffee filled Long John, and you go back and you're fine,
right?
Yeah.
That sounds great to me.
Yeah.
Yep.
So anyhow, I think that's great.
You'll probably never do it, but you know, I mean, coffee incorporated in a donut, I
think is too far reached.
I think it is asking too much of life to give that to you, right?
I think that like people, you know, are like, oh, no, no, no, you got to have one or the
other.
You can't have both, which I do not agree with.
So well, I hate to hurt your feelings, but they will never come up with that because
they make money on the doughnuts and then they make money on the coffee.
You know what?
You're right, Rob.
And I got to move you here because you're going to sound like you're yelling again.
Okay.
I got to move you because like your, your sound waves on here are going nuts.
So that was part of what you're saying about it.
It sounds like you're yelling.
I had to move you a bit.
So at first it's going to sound like you're yelling.
Now I got you over a little bit, the Bluetooth.
So but, but, um, I, I realized this the other day.
Um, okay.
Every morning, you know, I'm, uh, I'm at work and I'm putting my work boots on and I have
a little half locker, right?
Okay.
And with all my other work attire, it's hard to get those big boots in there.
Okay.
They're like really tall boots that I have to wear because of the job I do.
And they're really hard to get into that locker.
So every more, every evening when I'm leaving, I'm in a hurry and I stuff those fuckers just
however I can.
So every morning these fuckers jump out at me when I open my locker.
Well the other morning there's some people walking by and these fucking boots come out
and hit me in the face.
They kicked me right in the face.
Oh yeah.
I was pretty embarrassed.
I mean it hurt a little bit, but more, more, you know, like look at this stupid ass over
there.
His fucking boots just smashed him in the mouth.
I mean, but every, every night I know this, every night I crumple them in there because
I'm like, oh shit, man, I got to get, you know, man, shit, I'm late and all this stuff.
And then I'm like, I will remember in the morning, I'm going to open up my locker and
I'm going to stand back.
Every morning I forget it.
And every morning I get fucking boots like spring loaded at me.
Just boom.
Well, you know, it smacked me in the face.
It smacked me right in the mouth and in the, in the chin the other day.
So I might remember it next time.
I think, I hope.
It's like being in high school again.
Yeah, it is.
You're right, Ron.
When you shut the locker, you open it, it falls everywhere.
And in high school you always said, oh, I'm going to remember it tomorrow.
And you never do.
And that same shit happens.
Yeah.
I want to see, I'm sure there's a camera around there somewhere.
I want to see the camera footage of that.
I do.
It probably looked like a spring loaded booby trap.
Like, oh my God, look what somebody did.
They had someone that they rigged his locker to where his boots kicked him right in the
face.
That's pretty cool.
No, it was my own doing, my own stupid doing.
So yeah, you know, I guess I'm doomed to that and the occasional facial bruise maybe.
Right.
So okay.
I have a couple of things here about Cass County and Henry County.
Do you want to hear them, Rob?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Cass County, we both grew up there.
And Henry County is just to the south and east of Cass County and is home of who?
Who is it a home of?
Montrose.
Yep.
Yes.
So first off, okay.
I saw where Cass County, Missouri is going to make a fallen officer monument at the county's
justice center, the one right off I-49, the newer one, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, right there.
I-49 and two.
Yeah.
Well, I hope like hell it's going to replace that hideous brick fireplace monument.
I need to make it up there.
Yeah, I'm hoping the fallen police officer, it clicked off for a second.
So if I'm going over this too bad, okay, because I'm not going to go back and try to get back
to where I was on here.
So if there's clipping and we go over something, that's just the way it is because this program
sucks.
Okay.
So I'm hoping that that fallen police officer monument replaces that goofy ass brick monument.
And you said that you haven't seen it yet, but you've heard about it, right?
No, I have not.
Yeah.
Yeah, the brick monument is just fucking retarded.
Oh, I mean, I don't think you say retarded anymore.
It's mentally...
Oh, you think?
Yeah, yeah.
It's mentally...
It's mentally challenged.
It's mentally challenging.
So, okay, yeah, it is mentally challenged to have that thing out there because this was
named after the Burnt District.
The Burnt District is where the Jayhawkers and the Bushwhackers during the Civil War,
Missouri was the Bushwhackers and Kansas was the Jayhawkers.
Okay.
So they were fighting each other.
So the Bushwhackers went over and burnt down Lawrence.
So they're expecting retaliation.
So what they did is they burnt all the woods around them so they could see the Jayhawkers
coming for them, right?
That is called the Burnt District.
And so they wanted to, I guess, salute the Burnt District or whatever and build a statue
of the Burnt District.
The only thing I could think of, and this thing is really freaking out on me, it's pissing
me off.
So the only thing I could think of, Rob, was to build a large fireplace as a statue.
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
I'd heard of.
Yeah.
I mean, couldn't they have found like a Civil War hero, like a local one, and made a statue
of him instead of a fireplace?
I mean, really.
So that was the Cass County one.
So let me go to the Montrose one.
And yeah, it's Montrose that is in the news.
In the recount.
Yes.
Well, as we know, our favorites thought the power plant was demolished, right?
Yes.
Okay, well, this is from Per Fox Four.
Henry County, Missouri residents and the Cass County Commission are speaking out about high
levels of chemicals found in the air and water in a recent report.
It's a story Fox Four brought to you Thursday, January 23rd and Friday, January 24th.
Evergy used to have a power plant near Montrose Lake that's at the center of a lawsuit from
a county resident.
The old plant nearly 90 miles southeast of downtown Kansas City, Missouri, the Henry
County Commission held a meeting Monday night at the Benson Convention Center as people
wanted to hear about what the company's response would be to report from January.
So Evergy owned the power plant and they had it tore down because they don't use it anymore.
Okay.
So Thursday, January 23rd, Fox Four obtained it from Triangle Environmental Service and
Engineering and revealed drinking water samples exceeded the radium.
We're talking about radium, dude.
Radium 226.
Oh my God.
Yeah, of total radium default target levels 226 over.
DTLs, if I read this correctly, or Bill Stewart's party paid Triangle to come out with this.
So we don't know where these chemicals have come from, Kaseley said in an interview with
Fox Four before the meeting.
Everybody knows that we have facilities here and so as a result, they're pointing at our
facility, but the fact of the matter is we don't know where it comes from.
So they're saying they have nothing to do with it.
So let me make this clear.
This is all alleged.
They are blaming the power plant for these.
So we're going to see what happens in this lawsuit.
That one is a known carcinogen and the other is radium, radiation.
Yeah.
That's pretty much it.
Anybody would take that.
It's kind of given.
I know.
That's the only thing around there.
I know.
It's interesting.
Unless somebody's dumping something.
That's the only thing.
I mean, look, I'm not going to say that it's definitely the power plant that had it or
something.
Right.
Yeah.
It's alleged.
And we've got to remember this was a coal plant.
It was not a nuclear plant.
It was not a nuclear.
It was coal.
Yeah, it was coal.
So if it was a nuclear plant, I think you could probably safely say that it had something
to do with it.
But it was a coal plant that should have nothing to do with radiation.
Now, I know this.
Radon gas comes from the ground.
Radon gas is deadly.
And if anyone is smart, they get their house checked for radon gas because it is silent
and it kills you.
It comes up from the ground.
There's no rhyme or reason.
And when it comes up from the ground, you breathe it in, not knowing it, and you just
don't wake up.
All right.
So is this something like that?
I don't know enough about it.
This is what the lawyers are going to figure out on this whole deal.
But there you go.
Cass County, Henry County in the middle of different things.
So wow.
Yeah.
And as a matter of fact, I think I'm going to start a petition.
Get rid of the fucking fireplace and put something good in there.
And then Montrose, listen, we make fun of you, but we hope you get this resolved because
that is not good.
That's not good.
Radium.
That's putting people's lives in jeopardy.
Radium and that other chemical that has a carcinogen that I can't seem to pronounce.
There were seven people that were there.
Yeah.
Was it carthium?
I think it's actually pronounced carthium, thinking about it.
But anyhow, yeah, so yeah, that's pretty freaky stuff.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to go to?
Yeah, I do.
I'm going to lighten it up here.
Good.
We need it.
Pringles is trying something new with its latest innovation, revealing the limited time
collaboration with Miller Lite Beer in 2025.
OK.
The two popular brands teamed up to create beer can chicken Pringles.
Oh, OK.
Which are scheduled to come out in May, and fans aren't quite sure what to think of the
upcoming tips.
The new product was announced at a recent Telenova presentation.
Food influencer Snack-A-Lator posted about the beer can chicken Pringles saying, I told
you all that 2025 was going to be wild for snacks, and now we're getting Miller Lite
Beer flavored Pringles.
They shared a description of the chips, citing the official announcement, fire up your taste
buds with a crispy hoppy aroma and roasted chicken flavor.
The best of your grill and a new snackable.
I hope it's good beer chicken, because Rob, I think you're going to know what I'm talking
about and certain people will know what I'm talking about.
OK.
There's good beer chicken and there's bad beer chicken, right?
Right.
And it's all on how you prepare it.
I'm hoping it's the good beer chicken, not the other stuff that most people don't like.
It's going to be in potato chips.
I'm going to give it a try.
What about you?
I'm going to go, yeah, I'll give it a shot.
Coincidentally Coors Lite.
OK, I'll start this off like this.
The day after the Super Bowl is known as the Monday Blues.
OK, football season's over.
Baseball, if you like it, is in spring training.
Hockey is doing OK, but you're not quite to the climax and that is a long season.
So it's kind of like a down period.
You know, weather's still shitty, you're waiting for spring to show up, right?
So Coors Lite came out with, well they're going to come out with Monday Blues beer for
that Monday only.
And it's a beer specifically for the Blues you have when the Super Bowl is over and you're
waiting for spring to show up.
So I think I'm going to stick with Yanling.
What about you?
Yeah.
OK.
Well, Yanling or Miller Lite.
You know what, I mean, to me, I like Miller Lite, but to me it's a summer thing strictly.
During the winter, I think during the summer if you want to poke down 20 of them with friends
because there's not that much alcohol content in it, yes.
But during the winter I'm not drinking as many these days.
So, you know.
Yeah, but you know what, that's true.
And I don't drink that many either, man.
I mean, I only drink really when I'm on a cruise or on vacation.
Other than that, around the house, I really don't have that much.
I just don't have an interest in it, you know.
Well, I'm definitely getting there.
Rob, you sound so much better.
You really, really do.
Personality wise, you sound happier.
Yeah.
Your voice is stronger.
There's just so many things that are coming about that make me remember you even better.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
You know, we haven't seen anybody in a while.
But the way you're sounding is kind of like where we left off.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And I know I sound different and I speak different and I think different and all that, but I
think you still have a pretty good resemblance of what I sound like back then and now, right?
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Well, you sounding like this reminds me of how you sounded back then, if that makes any
sense.
So I think it does.
So anyhow, good.
What I'm saying is you're doing a great job, Rob.
Keep up the good work.
Well, thank you.
All right.
I'm like, I'm going to keep working on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what?
You're too old and also you want to walk your granddaughter down the aisle.
The only way you're going to do that is doing certain things.
And one of them is you can drink.
You just cannot do it all the time.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So anyhow, you know what?
We got lighter on that.
So I'm going to leave all that alone.
I'm just going to say, Rob, great job.
So let's take our first break and then we'll come back with some more whatever.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
We'll be back.
You watched the news.
It looks grim.
Is this an apocalypse?
Inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple links to the podcast.
We have the Post-Apocalypse.
Homemade dye from plants are essential.
The dyes can be used to mark locations on trees, even to color clothing or to be laid
out to where footprints or paw prints could be left.
The dye can be placed on the ground around the perimeter of your dwelling.
So if you have to leave, evidence will be present to assess the situation.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origin of Socks.
Believe it or not, the ancient Egyptians are responsible for knit socks.
From around 300 to 500 AD were the first recorded knit socks worn by anybody in the world.
Why, what a burger, you say?
Well, because what a deep-fried crispy chicken nugget just didn't have the right ring.
Introducing Rob Radd's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camduton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
Hey girl, do you work at Subway?
Cause you just gave me a foot long.
A constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Your face just made me agnostic.
Two douchebags and microphone operating from middle of America, I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Well, I've been jacking my jaw this time for quite a while, so we're going to turn to you
and see what you have to say, Rob.
Alright, I'm jumping to the Kelseys.
Okay, I mean it's a hot subject right now.
Love them or hate them.
Right, yes.
Yeah.
Jason Kelsey has a tough decision to make here.
The team he played 13 years for is in the Super Bowl again.
His brother is on the other team that's in the Super Bowl again.
Uh huh.
So who does the legendary coach center root for on game day, despite the fact that Jason
no longer plays for the Philadelphia Eagles?
You know, that's funny because I've thought that.
I'm like, I wonder who he's going to go for.
The answer is already here.
Okay.
Next to an old clip from the New Heights podcast, the listener asked the question and Jason
said without hesitation that he's root for the Eagles over Travis's chief.
But he'll root for Travis to have a good game.
I think that's reasonable.
It makes sense.
Yeah, I would expect him to and that's how I thought he would go too.
He wants his little brother to do well, but he wants his team that he played for for so
long and that he loves to win.
So I get it.
That's pretty cool.
So that actually came up before this happened, right?
Yeah.
That's the way I'm taking it.
They said it's an older clip.
Oh, okay.
Well, yeah, that's what it sounded like.
How's an air taxi sound, Rob?
I don't know.
Okay.
Well, let's say you're in Camden and you want to get to Kansas City in about 30 minutes.
There's an air taxi company that can do that for you.
Does that sound good?
I mean, I don't know about the price.
The price may take us all out of it.
I don't know.
But to me, that sounds pretty cool.
Besides that, you're like, I'm in Camden Airport right next door to where I work where they
could pick me up.
See?
Yeah.
Let's say you want to get up here and do douchebags at the city market, right?
Right.
And you need to get up here soon.
You had some stuff to do Saturday morning.
You had to go to the bank and do some other stuff.
But then you had to be up here at noon and it's like 1120 or something.
1130.
Air taxi comes and gets you, takes you up here and you're up here at noon when we start
the podcast up there at the city market.
I think that sounds phenomenal.
Yeah, I think it sounds cooler than hell.
Well now, this is almost to fruition.
Air taxi company completes 400 test flights four months early than expected.
The flights produce data used to evaluate a refined flying vehicle loads, vibrations,
performance and handling.
That flying taxi company from Archer Aviation has completed 400 test flights.
The flights include longer distant flights to gather data, increasing daily operations
to simulate busy flight days, landing various wind conditions and hovering to collect data
on noise.
Archer recently has more than 1.5 billion in funding and various other forms of funding
and should add another 400 million in capital to help launch the company in the next year
or two.
It's simply going to be called Air Taxi Company.
They have another little thing.
This isn't the Air Taxi Company.
This is another company.
It's like personalized drone service.
Let's say I found Stro's Fire Brewed Beer.
We both know that from our childhood, right?
Let's say I find a bottle of that and I want to get it to you.
I'm like, you know what?
I want to get it today.
I get ahold of this flying drone service and this is happening right now.
It's going on right now.
You call them up or get on the website and it says, yeah, we're going to charge you $50
for that drone to take it to Camdenton to Rob's house at his front porch.
$100, whatever.
So it is a personalized flying drone service where you can actually take merchandise to
other people.
This is also maybe... Yeah.
This may be the beginning.
This is called the Flying Drone Delivery Service as of right now.
It's going on right now.
You could actually hire them right now.
I think the price is a little high.
They need more people to start ordering to get the price down, right?
But they also think that this may be the way that Amazon and Walmart and all these places
are going.
Costco, you know, whenever they deliver something to your house, if it's small enough, it could
be a drone.
And it could be straight from the warehouse, straight to your house.
So it's more direct, less time.
And also, you can do it yourself.
Like I said, I want to get you something.
I found a Tony Ohmi coffee mug like mine.
Okay?
I'm like, man, I want Rob to have this fucker.
So I send it to you.
And the drone takes it.
You get something on your phone that says, Rob, you have a package at your front door,
flying drone service.
You come out there, grab it, it goes.
Now I think there's a little bit to something like there's a code or something.
From what I could tell is there's like compartments in these drones.
Okay?
And that's how it works.
There are bigger drones so they can fit something in there.
I mean, you know, you can't put everything in there, right?
Like if it's too big, a car axle, they're not going to be able to do it, you know?
But let's say you got a coffee mug, like the chiefs went again and I got three people mug
I found up here that they don't sell down there.
I'm like, man, I want to get this to Rob.
So that I think what it does, it didn't say this, but I gather it from how it kind of
illustrated everything is this right here.
When it hovers and it stops, you have a code that you have to put in and then the hatch
opens up, you grab your product, it closes and it comes back.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that's cooler than shit.
And these are, yeah.
And these are.
That was the end.
Yeah.
So anyhow, both of those, air taxi and a drone delivery service, I am on board 100% with all
of them.
So all right, Rob.
Wow.
Pretty cool.
All right, Rob, we turn to you once again.
Last Saturday, employees at Row 21 in South Jose about an hour south of San Francisco,
which is a Vietnamese restaurant.
Okay.
We're less stunned when a man entered the restaurant at 740 AM, 20 minutes before it
was scheduled to open.
The man asked to use the bathroom and then slipped into the back of the restaurant.
He reappeared moments later, making a beeline for one of the restaurant's three robot servers.
Wrapping his arms around the empty $18,000 machine, he wrestled it toward the exit, wobbling
under its weight.
Okay.
And employees tried to intervene, but the thief operatively powered through, driving
the bot out the door in a bizarre getaway attempt.
The donate criminal dragged the robot outside and when they lost Star Wars, put the robot
in his car.
The employees rushed outside just in time to reclaim the blood waiter, cutting the deep
scorned ice short.
Hmm, good.
They didn't even get the damn thing.
The criminal who initially gave up got into his vehicle and drove off.
The police were made aware that no formal response or action from them was necessary.
After the deaths had settled, staff revealed that even if the thief had stolen the robot,
it would have been completely useless.
The machine requires specialized programming, making it inoperable outside the restaurant.
Huh, okay.
Very cool.
Yeah, it would be no good, even if he did get stolen.
Ha ha, dickhead.
Dumbass of the week.
Yep, yep.
He wins that, dumbass of the week.
Good job, asshole.
Good job.
Ha, cool.
What was I going to do?
I know what I'm going to go into.
I have a Jeffy X list here, but it's got an article accommodating it at first, but let's
take our second break and we'll come back with it.
Why two douchebags and a microphone?
Because two fuckdunts and a recorder was taken.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper, it's strange insults from an alien, real hilarity.
Your proof, the Jane Pool made life gardens.
When taking a shower, remember to scrub your asshole with soapy water because nobody likes
a stinky asshole.
Now, from this underground bunker encamped in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned
food, and a couple of vibrating toys is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
That needs to happen.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you the origin of.
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville
obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor, preferably whiskey.
So the two developed their own now known as Mountain Dew.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The only podcast with gusto.
That's right.
It's like slits beer.
Google it.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A woman in Texas holds the world's record for the longest time.
She checks in at 3.11 inches wide.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Well, that new handsome CD is just a laptop.
Arambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder.
Arambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Arambe never listens to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Arambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone.
Sadly, Arambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder or any other show anymore.
Sorry Arambe.
Kansas City Finest, two douchebags and a microphone returning for service on mark.
And I'm Ralph.
What do you think of, I know you and I don't wear power suits, we don't wear business suits,
right?
But.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's not us.
I only wear one when I have to and that's like funerals and weddings and pretty much
nothing else.
So okay.
This suit is a waterproof suit.
It's designed to wear in your business suit.
You can jump, I don't know about the socks and the shoes and all that, but the suit is
waterproof to where you can jump in water and jump out and water will not soak into
it.
It stays the same.
I see no use for this, but obviously somebody does.
I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
Down here in Southern Missouri where canoeing is big and stuff, people get married on a
river.
Oh Rob, you know what, you're right.
Yeah, the Roaring River is really.
I know a few people that's gotten married on the river.
So have I.
I know the Roaring River and the Current River are both good.
They actually have services that will marry you there and they set up everything and all
that.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's true.
That's a good one.
Maybe you want to get married on Table Rock Lake in a boat.
There you go.
Yeah.
So waterproof swimsuit collection allows office workers to seamlessly move from desk to swimming
pool.
A fitness club has produced a waterproof suit collection which allows wearers to seamlessly
transition from their workspace to the swimming pool and then back to their workspace.
David Lloyd Clubs produced the garments following feedback from members who said they struggled
to fit exercise into their busy day routines.
These photos show a chick professional moving effortlessly from lunchtime dip in the pool
to tapping away on their laptop at workstation in just a few seconds.
So the waterproof swimsuit collection is made out of a water resistant hydrophobic fabric
with each garment taking more than three weeks to create.
So Jeffy X got a hold of this, right?
And he found out some inventions that didn't work that failed the focus panels for different
reasons.
So Jeffy X sent us another list.
Oh, and by the way, I don't have emails because my email flipped out on me again and I can't
do anything.
It froze up on me.
So bear with me anybody that wrote me.
So that wrote us.
I'll get it figured out again.
So okay.
The first one was a robot self-guiding lawnmower that gives hugs.
Turns out the mower had trouble disengaging the blade when it was giving the hugs.
Not a good site.
No, no.
Another one that failed, thick knee-high wool socks for citizens of Dubai.
Turns out 150 degree weather.
You don't wear knee-high knit socks.
Who would have known?
Right?
Yeah.
I wouldn't have known that.
I wouldn't know that either.
I mean, how could we have?
So anyhow, that one failed the focus panels too.
So all right.
The next one is shampoo, conditioner, and freezing gel all at one.
Well let's see.
Okay.
That sounds really good.
Yeah.
You shampoo and condition and then you put your hair however you want.
I wonder if it froze the hair first and then your shampoo and conditioner just sat on there
with frozen hair.
Is that it?
It might be.
Oh yeah.
That might be.
That must be it.
It sets up too fast.
Yeah.
Yep.
It sets up too fast and then you're like, oh shit.
I still have suds in my hair.
I don't know what to do.
So okay.
I get it.
There's new personal purple lie detectors in the insurance industry and Congress had
a big problem with it.
So they denied it.
And I think I know why insurance companies and Congress did not want personal lie detectors.
And that is because, well, you know what?
I'll just go ahead and leave that right there.
All right.
The next one is giant foam hands that say number one for Raider Nation.
Turns out they don't ever expect to use them.
So yeah.
Yeah.
I think that that's a pretty good bet right there.
And I think that's a pretty good idea to not make them because they won't ever sell because
they won't ever need them.
The next one is vegan chewing gum.
Turns out that people chewing gum don't give a shit if it's vegan or not.
So I think that's...
I don't think it would.
Yeah.
You know.
So anyhow.
The next one is knee high boots for dwarfs.
It turns out they had to fold down the top of the boots and it just looks silly.
So I get that.
I get that.
Yeah.
Jeffy X has some weird ones on here, don't he?
Yeah.
I mean, we'd like to get the outer scrounges of the world to get these and we appreciate
it.
It sounds like he's coming back with a vengeance.
Yeah.
He is.
You know.
And we'll tell you about Jeffy X after this.
I know I skipped over to go to this.
Johnny Rotten sing-along doll for ages four to seven.
Yeah.
Now I like that.
Who better to teach your children how to sing the Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols?
I think that's great.
I would get one for my grandchildren.
Yeah.
I would too.
I'd be like, look, look little, well, I'm not going to say his name, but you know, here.
Here's it.
Well, you know what?
Now the mom would kill me.
So forget it.
Little man.
Here you go.
A little Johnny Rotten sing-along doll ages four to seven.
See?
Well, he's four.
Yeah.
There you go.
And his mom puts his hair in a mohawk.
You know what?
He'll be perfect for it then.
Okay.
There we go.
And then finally, the How to Look Elegant and Intelligent book written by Tommy Lee.
Yeah.
I think that one probably is a safe bet not to happen.
So yeah.
Yep.
There you go.
Jeffy X came through again.
You know, Jeffy X is our undercover sleuth that goes around and figures out bad inventions
and product ideas that have failed.
But you know, these companies that we're going to come out with, they try to wash them away.
They try to whitewash them and just get rid of them.
But Jeffy X, he intercepts them and brings them to us.
His own podcast, the one that he loves, Two Douchebags and Microphone.
And as a matter of fact, Rob loves Jeffy X so much because of what he does for us.
Rob made him.
Yes, I do.
He made him a pair of, he knitted, you knitted him a pair of personalized underwear, right?
And it has a J on the back of it on the ass section and it has an X on the front of it
on the, you know, on the package section of it.
And it looks great, right?
And don't forget the abs.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
And I almost glossed over this.
Rob cares about Jeffy X so much that he knitted him a secret pouch on the inside of his underwear
because he, he did this because Stephen Percy of Rat, the Glam Band Rat, supposedly used
to put a pouch in front of his spandex to put in a sock or something and to look, you
know, a little beefier down there to maybe some women and maybe some gay males might
like that.
So we're pretty sure that Jeffy X doesn't need it, but if he does, he can fill in full
with the best of them.
He can throw whatever he wants in there.
If I was him, I'd throw a Rubik's cube in there just to throw people off.
What the hell?
What do you got going on?
Don't ask.
Don't ask, man.
Just don't ask.
Just keep going.
So yeah, here we go.
That guy's got, that guy's got a squirt of genitalia.
How the fuck did that happen?
Look at that.
Oh my God.
Don't look at it.
Don't catch him.
Don't let him catch you looking.
So anyhow, so then you made him flying bat suit to go with that, which is my personal
favorite.
But.
Yes, yes.
And him being a great Beatles buff, you also made him a Sergeant Pepper's outfit and he
loves the Beatles and he refuses to take that white outfit off.
The white, the white outfit that the Beatles wore for Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts
Club Band.
And he wore it so much and refuses to wash it that it's now black and he smells horrible.
Whenever he puts on his flying bat suit.
I'm about to start crying.
You're going to make him another one in hopes that he will.
I'm about to start crying.
I think you need to make him so.
I put a lot of hard work into that thing.
Yeah, it looks horrible and it smells horrible.
But he can't help it.
He loves that thing so much he will not.
He will not put it down.
I think what you're going to have to do is make him six more of them that way.
No, probably seven.
I think this suit's ruined.
So every day of the week you could change into a new one while the other one's being
washed, right?
Yeah, that's about all you can do.
I mean, yeah, the guy's just like so freaky about it.
So you know, I think that's what's going to have to happen.
But me, I'm a more simpler guy.
I gave him what?
Twenty five.
I'll keep it under consideration for this Christmas.
I think that that would be a great idea and you would do humanity that come across in
the favor too.
So, oh yeah.
Yeah.
And especially when he comes over to visit us with the list.
I mean, I hate, you know, I hate having to put that tire over my face while I talk to
him.
But I mean, you know, I hope he can understand that, you know, and me, I'm a much more simpler
guy.
I think he's going to have to spend about twenty five hundred dollars to either buy hookers
and blow or maybe buy his mom, I don't know, a new couch.
But I have a feeling he went for hookers and blow.
What do you think?
With the suit?
Yeah.
But he could have bought his mom a couch.
Definitely the hookers.
I don't know about the blow, but definitely the hookers.
Yeah.
That would be illegal and we don't support that.
So.
Right.
Yes.
So that is Jeffy X's list.
So Rob, once again, we look at you for the next ha ha of this podcast.
Well, it's not really a ha ha.
It's information.
Sounds good.
If you missed watching, then Johnny Depp create his iconic magic on the big screen.
Buckle up because the actor is finally returning to Hollywood with not just one, but two films
up his sleeve.
Cool.
The first time he would return in a big role since 2018 Fantastic Beasts, Crimes of Grindelwald.
That will be seen in Day Drinker, a thrill film written by Mark Webb and co-starring Penelope
Cruz.
Produced by Ryan State, the film will revolve around a bartender on a cruise ship who meets
a mysterious day drinker and soon finds themselves in the midst of a criminal scene.
OK.
The second film that will do is Carnival at the End of Days, where the actor will be playing
the role of Satan.
Oh.
The film is directed by Terry Gillop.
Let's talk about wanting to cast Depp as Satan in the film ever since he was working on it.
Look at how well Johnny Depp adapts to every role he's ever played.
I think he will be a fantastic Satan because he is such a good worker.
He is such a good actor.
I think he's going to nail it.
Yes.
He goes deep.
He don't bury him.
Even with all his accolades and people love him, I still don't think he gets enough credit.
Right.
I mean, and his guitar playing.
I love his taste in music.
Oh, it's amazing.
Yeah.
I love the way he looks.
He's just got a cool fucking look.
He's what, like 55s, maybe 60, and he looks fantastic, man.
He still looks cool.
You know, I mean, he's just like not the norm of people.
You know, he's in great shape.
He's great looking.
He looks great at a little bit older age.
He plays guitar.
He's an actor.
I mean, the dude's just got it figured out, right?
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, he's kind of like almost like the actor version of Bruce Dickinson, where like
he can do everything.
Exactly.
Wow, that's cool.
I can't wait to see that.
What was the name of the one that he plays Satan again?
Let's see here.
It is Carnival at the End of Days.
You see, I love that name too.
I love that name.
Carnival at the End of Days.
If I didn't know who was in it now, I'm just walking across a movie theater and I see that.
I'm like, oh shit, I'm going to go watch that.
Wouldn't you?
Yeah.
Just by the title of that, I'd be like, I got to see that.
So yeah, very cool.
Thank you, Rob.
You know the big California wildfires, right?
Then now it's mudslides because after it got to burning everything down, and this is not
funny, but it's just, I don't know, crazy weather.
So now it's pouring rain, so they're getting mudslides.
So Laguna Beach and the Hills reality television stars, Petser Pratt and Heidi Montag, along
with 20 other Pacific Palisades residents are suing the city of Los Angeles and the
Los Angeles Department of Water and Power over damage to their properties from the Palisades
fire that sparked on January 7th.
The lawsuit filed on Tuesday, January 21st uses a legal concept accusing the city and
utilities department of inverse condemnation, which gives property owners compensation for
damage caused by public use.
The couple who lost their home to the fire and others blame the city and the utilities
operation of the water supply and inaccessible infrastructure for the damage to their properties
arguing in the lawsuit that the fire was uncontrollable, basically what they're saying here, because
of them.
The fire could not be put under control and save their homes because of their actions,
because they couldn't open, there wasn't any water available.
So basically it was their ineptness that led to all these people's houses being burned
down.
So court documents said 117 million gallon Santa Yays reservoir, I think it's Yays Reservoir,
which services a Pacific Palisade area has been offline and empty since early last year
for repairs, leading the hydrants depending on water tanks not meant to handle such a
large fire and resulting in preventable damages to the residents and properties.
So okay, another wild card in this Rob and I think you know about this too is four or
five months before insurance companies got the news that the water department was in
such bad shape.
This is why I understand it if it's wrong, I'm sorry, but they got the news that the
city of Los Angeles could necessarily put out like the Santa Ana winds fire.
So what they did is they canceled everybody's fire insurance.
So these people have nothing now and they're blaming the city of Los Angeles, which I kind
of agree with, man.
I think that they're exactly right and I think they should win this.
Their actions, their negligence is what I'm trying to say.
Their negligence promoted these people's property being burned up and no repayment.
I mean their loss.
They just got a complete loss and they're saying because of Los Angeles negligence that
that's why it's a complete loss.
That if they would have had their shit together, it would not have been a complete loss and
they probably would have been able to stop that fire before it got to the Palisades.
And you know what?
I think it probably ought to be pretty easy to prove.
So you know, I don't know about the California court system and all that, but I would think
that it wouldn't be that big of a stretch to show that this happened.
You know, as residents express outrage, California Governor Gavin Newsom has ordered an investigation
to uncover the causes of Los Angeles water pressure to fire hydrants while firefighters
battle multiple wildfires across Southern California.
So my suggestion would be to include that in that mayor and that idiot governor and
sue them personally.
Maybe they could relinquish their homes to repay some of these victims.
You know, the conspiracy theory on this, have you heard?
I'm not sure.
I've heard quite a few.
This area was supposedly marked off for the new high rail system that's going in.
And the conspiracy is the insurance companies canceling and they needed this property, but
they didn't want to pay all that money for it.
That this quote unquote natural disaster with these weird odd things happening in, you know,
in unison with the natural disaster led to this.
So people have a conspiracy theory on this.
And I'm not saying it's true or not, but all I can say is this right here.
Stranger things have happened.
I see where that one's going.
Yeah.
And I think in the court documents, the way it's going anyhow, I think that that will
be brought up anyhow.
So we will see.
So, all right, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
Have you been in a conversation about incarcerated parents being separated from the children
recently?
No, but it sounds like.
No, I really haven't.
Yeah.
This scenario has been addressed in Jefferson City and will launch at a Missouri women's
correctional facility in a few weeks.
In 2022, the legislature passed a law SB 834 that established a prison nursery at the
Vandalia Women's Prison.
This was to be up and running by July 2025.
Where they make the onions.
Yeah.
Vandalia.
Gray onions.
Oh, they're fantastic.
You can eat them like an apple.
Anyhow, go ahead.
With the number of women being incarcerated is increasing again after the COVID-19 dip.
This created a situation where pregnant women are giving birth by I-Mars in larger numbers.
This daycare program is meant to address the situation of mother-child bonding.
Previously, mothers who gave birth in prison would have to surrender the child to family
or give up for adoption 24 hours after birth.
This program is intended to keep families together, prevent developmental issues for
the children, and keeps mom's emotional well-being from impacting her mental state.
Wow.
Miss Marie joins nine other states to do this.
No kidding.
What's your thoughts?
I could kind of see it.
I kind of like the idea.
Me too.
Why?
Because if you're pregnant before you go into prison, you shouldn't be going to prison.
I see both sides of the coin on this.
Rob, I think I'm right there too.
I'm with you on all that.
I agree.
I mean, I understand the mom has a chance to get out, to be back with her baby, whatever.
I understand that.
But at the same time, if you're pregnant when you get in trouble, that's on you.
I would agree.
You know?
Yeah.
I hate to be the one-on-one type to vote on now.
Same here.
I see both sides.
I do too.
Thank you, Rob.
Do you want to go on or do you want to wrap this bitch up?
Because I know you're tired.
Actually, if you don't mind, will we wrap her up?
No, I don't mind at all.
That's why I'm asking.
All righty, Rob.
Okay.
Yeah, like I said, this is my day of podcasting.
I'm going on my fifth hour.
Yeah, you're probably pretty tired yourself.
Yeah, I'm getting to where I can't pronounce words right.
I do that after I get tired.
I'm just like blah, blah, blah.
I apologize for blah, blah, blah, but I will remind you it's free.
Good boy.
Yeah, so there.
You got your money's worth at the very least, right?
Yeah.
Yep.
And also, I want it to be known that I do not boof ibuprofen.
If you see pictures of that, it's obviously fake.
Rip them up.
Yes.
I do not boof ibuprofen.
So, just that we got that clear, right?
Clear.
All right.
Let's call it an evening, Rob.
Thank you very much for joining us.
Thank you for listening.
On that note, I think we better.
Yes, no boofing ibuprofen.
You guys don't do it either, okay?
It's no good.
All right.
Love you guys.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.