And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
We exist.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you...
First World Problems.
My new crime series TV show was going off for at least three months.
I can't believe this. What am I going to do to fill in the time?
Don't these guys think of this?
Strange, but true.
In the 1920s, there was a health freak called Rattathor that literally contained radium
and consequentially slowly killed his customers.
Evan Byers, a wealthy American socialite, died from Rattathor radium poisoning in 1932.
When his body was exhumed in 1965 for study, his remains were still highly radioactive.
The only reason Rattathor didn't cause a public health crisis at the time was
because it could only be afforded by the rich.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you...
The Origin of...
This is the origin of beer.
The first beer in the world was brewed by the ancient Chinese around the year 7000 BC.
It is known there as Kui.
In the West, however, the process was recognized as beer brewing began in the Mesopotamia
at the God-entempered settlement now in modern day Iran between 3500 and 3100 BC.
It's not entirely clear whether he had a light version or even a craft beer version of this.
Just saying.
Two douchebags and microphone. The only podcast with gusto.
That's right, gusto. Just like Schlitz beer. Google it.
Two douchebags and a microphone, says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Your mom is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Once again, operating from Mid-America, the heartland of America, USA.
It's very chilly, I mean not chilly, just like sub-zero night.
But we're not getting all the snow the South is.
Do you see that Rob? Did you see all the snow that the South is getting?
Yeah, I did.
Oh my gosh, they are just getting pummeled.
They're not used to it either. I mean, places like New Orleans and Alabama, Florida.
I mean, New Orleans got nine and a half inches of snow. Isn't that something?
Yeah, my cousin's son was down in New Orleans.
Well, evidently they had a plan and I guess it's going alright.
I mean, don't get me wrong, nobody's at work.
Everyone took the day off. I don't know about the French Quarter.
People are working there to serve people that are there on vacation and stuff.
I have no idea about that.
But I do know that they, I just saw this not too long ago on a weather report.
What they did was they took and borrowed Arkansas snow removal
and their equipment to help them remove snow.
So they do have snow equipment now.
I can see that.
Yeah, I thought that was a pretty good idea really.
Yeah, so props to them. So anyhow, how was your day?
Oh, it was stressful.
Stressful? Okay.
Yeah, we had a special trailer going out. Yeah.
Oh, and?
Getting all the measurements and angles. Yeah, it's a nightmare.
Is this a custom or a demo model?
No, it's a custom.
Oh, wow, I didn't know you guys did custom ones.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, that's pretty cool. Cool.
For certain boats, you know.
Okay, I got it. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah, right on.
So this one is a big heavy duty one.
I guess.
It's a lot of weird stuff.
I wonder how much that person had to pay for a custom.
Gosh, that's got to cost an arm and a leg.
Oh, yeah, it should be a pretty penny. I hear it.
Yeah.
So the cold weather didn't stop me this morning.
I actually went to the City Market Coffee and I went solo.
Topher and I recorded the Sports Bastard as no filter studio earlier
because it was 3,000 degrees below zero this morning.
Yeah.
So, you know, we really didn't want to do it from the City Market
because, well, we didn't want to die from, you know,
from cold asphyxiation or whatever.
So, but anyhow, I'm coming back on Grand Boulevard.
Like I said, I went to the City Market solo and had a coffee
and I wrote some stuff out and I'm coming back.
And do you know where that strip club is in downtown Kansas City?
It's called, not Bazookas, not that one,
but it's called Totally New Temptations. It's on Grand.
I don't know that one.
Okay. Well, it's on Grand.
And you know Bazookas, though.
Yeah, I think.
People are used to or used to.
Well, yeah, the same here. I used to know it pretty well, too.
I haven't been there in a long, long time, but yeah, I agree.
I do know that place pretty well.
Well, okay, so I go by this Totally New Temptations, right?
And there's a lot of new businesses there and old businesses.
And, you know, they're fairly upscale.
I mean, I wouldn't call them like top of the line,
but I would say that they are, you know, upper.
Upper of, you know, of the, you know, Joe guy down the road.
It would be an upper bar to him, a lot of them.
So anyhow, and this would be considered the Crossroads District.
Right in front of that strip club, a guy, a homeless skid, made his tent
right in front of the door.
I know.
And I think on public and private property, they can't put up anything like that.
So I don't know what happened, but I just don't.
Maybe they just didn't see him.
Maybe it's too early in the morning.
Nobody was there from the strip club yet.
You know, they're all like nursing their hangovers or whatever.
So it could just be that no one was there at the strip club at the time
when this guy put up this huge tent.
It was a huge tent and it was right in front of the front door.
And he had, you know, the traditional shopping carts all around it
and all this junk that he found.
And I'm like, what the hell?
I couldn't believe it.
And so I guess they didn't see it.
I'll bet you it's not there now.
So, and so anyhow, so I saw something really cool a little bit ago.
Okay.
Have you seen where Rocky 7, you know, Rocky the movie with Sylvester Stallone?
Yes.
Have you seen that?
I've seen it coming out, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's going to be, you know, the inside iggy is this.
Rocky dies.
So this is the final one.
This is it.
Put a nail in the Rocky's coffin.
It's over.
Okay.
I didn't read the story, but I've seen it coming out.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, they say this is a final chapter.
And from what I understand, if what I read was true is that's it.
He dies and then that's it.
But it looks to me like it's kind of a VR situation because, you know, he's 70 in real life.
He's 70 something.
And he's not going to be doing any boxing.
I mean, you know, look at Mike Tyson at 59 or 58 or whatever he was.
You know, you slow down way too much.
So from what I see.
I see him on Tulsa King.
He's looking a little baggy.
Yeah, he's looking a little baggy, but he's still.
Yeah, that muscles look a little loose now.
Yeah, I mean, even the best of them.
I mean, you see Hulk Hogan now and he looks like an old man with a little bit of muscle.
He doesn't look anything like he used to.
He looks all shrunken up.
And I mean, you know, this is the way it is, man.
Father Time carries a baseball bat and he does not listen to anybody.
Father Time's kind of like the Grim Reaper.
He wins every time.
So so anyhow, the word is is Rocky dies.
And this is the final chapter.
And this isn't a movie about anyone else like it has been like the Creed spin offs and all that stuff, you know.
And then they have the movie Rocky Balboa that was about him.
But he is also helping a kid along boxing.
This is about him only.
This is like a real Rocky movie.
OK, and it's about him.
And it appears to me I don't know this for sure.
But from what I saw, it looks like a VR situation, a virtual reality where Rocky is fighting somebody else.
And so I'm wondering how it's going to tie in.
But I'm pretty sure it's like, you know, like Kiss is going to be doing their avatars and taking them, you know, and doing them wherever on tour or whatever the hell they plan on doing.
And a lot of this avatar stuff is coming up.
I'm pretty sure you're going to see an avatar of Ozzy, you know.
So anyhow, you know, these people are getting to where they can't do it anymore.
So this is their answer of still giving you something even though they can't do it anymore.
So I'm kind of anxious to see.
Yeah, I mean, I was just going to say that takes you back to AI.
Yeah, it does. It does.
So, you know, it's a little sad when that happens, though, to me, because all our idols are just, you know, they're they're in their 70s.
The people we grew up with.
It's not like we're spring chickens, but man, kind of puts it in perspective.
You know, you see these people we grew up with and the big and strong and the mighty are just like small, shriveled and weak or look weak.
I mean, you know, and it is to me, it's kind of sad.
What about you? Do you feel the same way about it? Does it kind of make you sad?
Yeah, it does. It does. I mean, it puts life in perspective when you get to be our age.
Yeah, it really does.
Think about it when you're younger.
No, no.
You see your grandparents getting old, but you got to realize that's what keeps you.
Yeah, yeah.
And then when it's your parents, that time's getting closer and it starts dawn on you.
Yeah, when you realize.
And now here we are, we're there.
Yeah.
Just starting.
Yeah, the cycle of life is like this. Your parents die and then guess who's next?
Yeah.
You are.
Yeah.
OK, then when you die, then the up and comers are your offspring.
And then they die and their children surviving, hopefully survive and come along.
So it's a natural thing.
You know, I choose to believe in God.
I mean, you can you can think whatever you want.
I don't care.
But the thing is, is when you realize all the mortality that's out there for you and everybody else,
it's really kind of a, I don't know, sadness.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I enjoy life to the fullest.
I'm having so much fun doing this and those stuff I really want to do, you know,
because I'm at that age now to where I'm like I'm cramming in as much as I can when I can
because you never know when the final curtain is going to fall.
You know, I've had so many people that, you know, they had tomorrow, but really they didn't.
They thought they had because nobody gave them the memo that you're checking out sooner than what you thought.
So I'm kind of like this.
I'm going to 100 percent until I hit that wall.
And whatever my 100 percent is, it'll be dictated by my health and how I feel, of course.
But, you know, I plan on just doing as much as I can as you know, when I can.
And then when I get to the point where I can't do that anymore, maybe I'll find something else to do that will.
I mean, this is one good thing about a podcast, though, right?
We can do this.
I can sit down.
Yeah, yeah.
We can do this and and yeah, we could sit down and we can do this when we're 80.
You know, hopefully we're still around and we you know, we might sound like what we did in the last five years of him being on the radio.
We're more gum smacking and then then you do talking.
But I mean, no offense.
Well, I rest your soul.
God rest your soul.
Yeah, you were a great person and a great broadcaster.
Yeah, one of Kansas City's best, absolutely for sure.
But, you know, it may be a situation where you hear more gum smacking than you do talking.
But we can do this when we're older.
And another thing you can do is play guitar and you can make music.
You know, I mean, a lot of the like Paul McCartney, the Stones, these people that are in their 80s or Eric Clapton are still making music because they can.
They may not be Ozzy even.
They may not be out touring, but they're still being creative and getting that creative creativity out there.
You know, yeah, yeah, they're doing their art and they're getting their art out there.
Yeah. And people are enjoying it and loving it.
And that's, you know, that's got to be something right there.
So, I mean, I would consider them going 100 percent all the way to the wall, too.
So, but, you know, this Rocky movie is going to be kind of special to me because, you know, me and my brother, that's all we did.
We have one movie that we went and saw whenever it came out.
It was whatever Rocky movie came out.
We've done this ever since we were teenagers and the first one came out.
So, anyhow, his widow was nice enough to give me some of his shirts.
So I'm going to wear one of his Rocky shirts when I go see this movie at the theater.
So that's going to be my salute to John and say, Hey, John, I know you're with me.
I know you probably already know the outcome of this movie, so don't spoil it for me.
But here we are again, once again, you know, he visits me quite often in my dreams.
Yeah, he'll be whispering to you while you're watching. He's going to spoil it, I guarantee you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, he'll figure out a way. Either that or he'll fart on me. He'll fart on me.
He's pretty good at that. He's pretty lethal.
So, oh, if I smell a stink bomb, I know where it's coming from.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, John, me and you have one more Rocky movie to finish.
So there you go. And it's a date. So anyhow, okay. You know my friend Trav?
Yeah. I speak about him often. Well, he loves the show and he is going to come on the show when he gets a chance.
And this guy is he is so fucking funny. I mean, he this is going to be a real treat when he comes on.
I didn't think he would do it because he's kind of like Davey is. He's real funny around you.
You know what I mean? Right. But he doesn't necessarily parlay that funniness to everybody.
If you're there, you're there. And you're like, oh, God, that guy's insane. He's great.
But other people come by and go, I'll see what the big deal is. Well, Trav is kind of like that, man.
If you know him, he's insane and he's fun and he's a blast. But someone walks by there just just some guy.
Right. Well, he's going to he's going to come on the show one of these nights when he gets a chance.
He knows the number. He's going to call in and we'll do a three way call.
And we're all going to be doing this podcast. And he informed me.
He is telling me so many things that I've fucking forgotten about. And he told me, I can't wait to hear it.
Oh, God. He said he has like 30 more pranks that we pulled that I that I don't remember.
Oh, my God. Yeah. So Trav told me this. Oh, go ahead. Did you grow up? Did you two grow up together?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. OK. OK. Yeah. You might. I think you probably met him.
He don't. I don't blame you. Don't if you don't. I don't know. Maybe once or twice.
I'm thinking so. Your paths cross because he used to hang around me and hang around Cleveland and all that stuff.
And and I know you you your second home was Cleveland at our house. So, you know, so yeah.
So I'm pretty sure you ran into him. Met him. Might have known him a little bit, but not like I do.
You know, I went to school with him. But we had this social no, no, not not social studies.
It was a study hall class. All right. And everyone knows study hall. You don't do anything, right?
You just kind of like sit there and make fun of people, draw stupid shit, try to flirt with a girl, anything but study.
Right. That's what study halls for. OK. So there is this old rather.
Oh, Roton old lady named Miss Hampton. She was like I said, she is a pretty big lady.
Nice lady. Very nice lady. But she I think she had some sort of a sleep apnea or maybe even narcolepsy.
I don't know. Something like that to where she would fall asleep for like 15 seconds at a time.
OK. So she'd be like, class, class, you're getting a little.
And during that 15 seconds, we would inch our desk up, synchronized everybody in the class.
We would we would inch our our desk up like, I don't know, a foot, maybe a little bit less than a foot.
And then she'd get up and go, hey, you guys are getting loud again.
Come on now. I want to see some I want to see some eyes down on those books, man.
You guys are not getting it done. I'm getting tired of this.
We didn't jump again in like about 40 after that hour.
She'd also go, guys, get back, get back.
She would realize that we were like almost up on her.
We were like going to a concert.
Yeah, she she would.
When you look at you get closer.
Yes. And we did this every damn time she fell asleep.
And I'm sure she knew what was going on, but she couldn't stop it.
She fell asleep.
So anyhow, when she retired, she mentioned my name.
She mentioned Trab name. She mentioned Harry's name.
You know Harry. Yeah.
She mentioned Harry's name and she mentioned Davies name for the reason she retired.
We are the reason she retired. She let everybody know that.
Yeah, Miss Hampton, I'm sure you're not with us anymore on this world.
So, hey, no hard feelings, right? Right.
She's probably flipping me off from wherever right now.
Probably. Probably. That would be my guess.
So, all right, Rob, after all that talking, we turn to you.
Okay. The Houston Police Department is dealing with an unusual problem.
Drug-invicted rats investing its evidence.
Oh, I saw this. Yeah.
I'm glad you got to this, dude. Yeah.
The investigation has prompted the department to start destroying hundreds of thousands of pounds of unneeded narcotics evidence.
According to Houston Mayor John Whitmer, the evidence group contains around 400,000 pounds of marijuana,
which the rats have been consuming. Yeah.
The issue came to light in October when HPD noticed the rodents in the evidence room.
The investigation has highlighted the problem of storing outbid evidence, some of which dates back to the 1940s.
Wow.
Peter Stout, president of the Houston Parenthetic Science Center noted this is a common problem in evidence rooms nationwide.
Rodents, bugs, fungus, all kinds of things rubbed roads.
Yeah. Yeah, that's, I did not know that.
I didn't either. Evidently, the rats are like little dopesters. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Isn't that nuts? So, yeah.
And I read a different article where they said they started noticing erratic behavior from rats and other animals.
And they figured out, you know, they'd see nibbles out of cocaine, nibbles out of, you know, out of this evidence from wherever, right?
And that's how they put two and two together, this erratic behavior.
And, you know, and why is only at certain times they have this behavior is because they broke into their stash, you know, their evidence stash and ate it.
So, and another thing is when they killed the rat, they did testing on it and found out like one of the rats was like tested positive for cocaine, a lethal dose per people.
Yeah. So, yeah. So these.
This story went deeper into it. I just.
No, no, no. I was just mentioning that because I thought that that was interesting that, you know, they found out because these rats were doing stuff like climbing up the walls and like attacking people and not getting out of your way and carrying off objects.
I mean, they were really doing some wacky shit and that's how they figured out the rats were being erratic and then other, you know, other animals and insects and, you know, whatever was also being erratic too.
So that's pretty interesting. Thank you, Rob.
Hey, let's take our first break.
And we'll come right back with some more stuff. I got a Jeffy X list.
I've got a I found the Jeffy X list I was talking about last podcast.
And, and I also see here. Oh, I have a couple of emails. Not a whole lot came in in a couple of days, but I got a couple of them. So, hey, we'll be right back.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. Let's see if I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on could animal control come by and pick me up.
I may never know.
Hey there, fuck stick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news. Nobody gives a shit about a store in Amsterdam has a glass blowing kit for people that want to make their own bones.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte. Remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?
Hey, safe everyone.
Continuing our quest here at two douchebags in a microphone to be constantly funny.
Once again, we offer you strange insults from an alien.
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard.
It's also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen, but Mark would like to tell you if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen.
It's obviously fake and you're to take the pictures and tear them up immediately.
Strange, but true.
A 9000 year old skeleton was found in a cave in Cheddar, England and was nicknamed Cheddar Man.
His DNA was tested and it was concluded that a living relative was teaching history one half mile away, linking back 300 generations.
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
Once again, operating from the heartland of America, Kansas City here. Rob, where are you currently?
Hampton, Missouri.
That's right.
Some of us are calling it Anarctica.
It is pretty much Anarctica.
It's cold.
Oh my gosh, it's an extremely cold evening here in the Midwest.
I think last night it was a 10 below reading, I think tonight it's going to be maybe like a 14 below reading and then it warms up after that.
As of tomorrow, like a warm front swings in or something and miraculously we are up to 35 degrees tomorrow.
It's going to feel balmy.
So, and maybe we'll melt the rest of that fucking foot and half of snow we got. We'll see.
So, okay, let me go ahead and do some emails. I was going to do the Jeffy X list first, but I want to do some emails because there's a couple on here that I think you're going to like.
There's only four emails we're sending during that time, but two of them are really interesting, okay?
So, okay, first one, who does your transcripts? They suck. Tone in Oklahoma.
RSS does the transcripts and they don't charge us for it, so they're going to keep doing it. I can't help, they suck.
You know, I can't help it at all. The deal is they do it for free and I don't care enough to write everything down that we say and deliver it to you.
If you want to do that, you're welcome to it, but no, this is what you're going to get as long as we're doing this podcast.
It's the way it is. So, RSS, bitch at them, whatever, I don't care, but I'm just glad that they're doing something like that.
You can get most of the stuff that we say. It's not like it's horrible, horrible. It just misses some stuff. That's all, like everything does.
I mean, you see the closed caption on a TV and they miss stuff, right, all the time.
Right.
So, yeah, I mean, I don't think it's that bad. So, anyhow, Tone, come on. You know, is that really something to bitch about, honestly?
Do you really read the transcript before you listen to us? Probably not. What do you say, Rob?
Maybe the first time, but after that, why?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If you don't listen to us...
Do you know whether you like it or not after you hear us the first time?
Yeah, so come on, Tone. Come on. That's not really...
Lighten up, man. Lighten up.
Yeah, lighten up, man. Come on. Let's give a group hug. Come here, Tone. Come on. Hey, no, no, no.
Yeah, come on. Group hug.
There we go. Little close. There we go. Come on. Act like you mean it. Act like...
Okay, there you go, Tone. See you like that.
There you go, buddy.
All right. Yeah, Tone. All right. Let me pinch your cheek and send you on back. Get, get, get. Get out of here. Now get out of here, you little scamp.
All right. Rob, did I hear you correctly? You're going to do your own show. Mitch, you don't say where he's from.
I...what?
Huh?
Did I hear you correctly? You're going to do your own show. Rob, answer that. I never heard that.
Hey, uh, I don't know how I'm going to do cell phones to earphones.
There's your answer. I don't know how he got that.
Yeah, I don't either.
Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're talking about doing your own new segments, right?
Yeah, segments. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Not full shows.
Not segments. Yeah. No, not a whole show.
No, I'll be recording it here and he's going to be doing his own segments. And we both think that that's a good idea, but it's not a separate show. No. So...
Yeah, that was a mis...that's like our commercials.
Yeah, yeah.
Where's the weird stuff you hear?
Yeah, yeah. That's the goofiness in between. So, Mitch, thank you. I mean...
Yeah, yeah. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I snipped that out. I was like, they can...that's...I'm pretty sure that's what he...he probably heard it, you know, like as another show. No segments.
So, we're sorry for misunderstanding, but Rob will be doing some new segments of his own.
Um, next one. I plan on calling in soon. Ronnie and Tulsa, aka Tulsa King.
There we go.
Right on, buddy. I can't wait.
I can't wait. We got Trav calling in and Ronnie from Tulsa, our best listener ever.
By the way, we do have a Tulsa King list tonight, so...
Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
Yes, we do.
Yep, and we definitely will, because I got some good ones on there that I had to reach back to my teenage days and think about some of them. So, anyway...
I did, too. I did, too.
We might overlap on quite a few of them, actually. We'll see.
I don't know. I don't know.
Well, you know what? We'll see. I mean, like...well, I'm not going to give it away. I was going to say something.
One for sure. One for sure.
Yeah, one for sure, and then the rest I'm not sure. So, anyhow.
Alright, and this one is the kicker.
Hey, guys. This is Jimmy. I guess I was sending the mail to a slightly different address.
My gunma, Jimmy, and I still listen to you guys, but don't need to mention us on every show.
Thank you, guys, and who knows? Maybe I can get Miss Opal to call in with her new phone feature she has.
He explained it to me.
Right on.
Yeah, he explained it to me. Here's what her new phone does. Her phone writes out what people say so she can answer it in big letters.
Okay.
Yeah, so she wouldn't be able to hear good enough talking to us on the phone, but she can read good enough to talk to us on the phone.
So he says he might just get Miss Opal to give a call in. He said, we will keep in touch, and oh, yes, we got pummeled by severe weather like you thought.
Yeah, we knew that.
So, good to hear from Jimmy and Grandma.
Yeah, and he said we don't have to mention him, so, you know, okay, you know what, I get it. I think it's probably a little annoying to them, hearing them, you know.
It was fun at first, right?
Right.
Okay, so all right, we know you're listening, and thank you, and we won't mention your name anymore, so we appreciate it. Thank you.
Which, by the way, hi Ricky.
Oh, hi Ricky.
So say hi to Ricky.
Yeah, yeah, he requested it. He requested it, so we will give the hi to Ricky.
So, all right, well, Rob, do you got stuff you want to go into?
Yeah, I do. You know how you were talking about Sylvester Stallone making the last Rocky movie?
Yes.
It's funny how we cross paths again.
Okay.
Ben Diesel keeps going about fast and furious 11, crossing the finish line in 2025.
Interesting.
First mega budget action break may hit a robot, as cost conscious studio hot shows consider pumping the brakes on spinning, or a franchise that's wearing up dunes.
Mm-hmm.
After a 2023 Fast 10, early turn to profit, the days of Diesel 57, getting carte blanche in Tinseltown, suits are over, and industry insider remarks.
According to the source, given ticket sales, for the brand's last two installments, the Hollywood hunk is getting way ahead of himself by bragging about his ego-driven project, having a no-holds-barred green light.
Yeah, and I can see why. Ben Diesel hasn't gotten any work in quite a while.
It's getting old.
Okay, I did want to see five, or four, let alone 11.
It's over. It's done. What's his name is dead anyhow.
Walker.
Oh yeah, yeah, Walker.
Yeah, it's done. Paul Walker, I believe.
Yeah, anyhow, it's done.
Yeah, Paul Walker, you're right.
Ben, give it up. Give it up. It's done.
Nobody wants to see you racing cars anymore. No one wants to see your quirky fucking tough man act. It's done. It served its purpose and now it's gone.
So, alright. Thank you, Rob. Hey, do you want to go into Tulsa King's list?
Yeah, let's do it.
Alrighty. I give you the reins first.
Alright. This is our top seven beers requested by Tulsa King.
Yep, and this is of all time because I've changed. I got to where I like different types of beers like Ambers and Darks. I never really was an IPA guy.
But, you know, our tastes change after a while. So this is our all time favorites from back in the day and now kind of mixed together, right?
Right.
Okay, so Rob, go ahead.
Okay, for number seven, I went with Pinky Big Mouth.
Oh, damn it. I didn't even think about that one.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh man, I've always wanted them.
They are good.
They just weren't big enough.
I agree. They did have a big mouth on them. You could piss at them really easy.
Yeah, they did. Oh yeah, you could down them real quick.
And if you had to piss in a car, it was easy to piss in them.
Yeah, exactly.
Which came in handy sometimes.
Next, I have Modelo.
That's a good beer. I like it.
Yeah, I like Modelo.
Cool.
Then I have Michelob.
Wow, you're talking about the old Michelob. Now it's like...
Yeah, the old Michelob. Yeah, I've always been a Michelob.
Now it's like an Ultra or something. It's a really light, light beer. It doesn't even taste like beer.
Yeah.
No, the real Michelob with the foil.
Right, right.
Oh, that stuff was good. Yeah, bottles with the foil. That was good stuff. And it was curved like a woman.
The bottle, kind of like Coca-Cola. Yeah.
Okay, and then at number four I have Miller Lite.
You know, to me that's a good summer beer.
It's a good all around beer, you know.
Okay, yeah, you know what? I mean, and also if you want to drink like ten of them,
you got your buddies over for a poker tournament or something,
Miller Lite's the way you want to go because you can drink ten of them and still feel pretty regular.
Yeah, it's good with 4.2.
Yeah, yeah, they don't have that much alcohol in them, but at the same time you are having some alcohol.
Right. And then at number three, Budweiser.
Okay, the great American beer, right?
Yep, the real drinker.
Yeah, I did too.
At number two, Rolling Rock.
Oh, wow. I did love Rolling Rock.
I love me some Rolling Rock.
Yeah, that started out being a college beer and it spilled over into the Freaks.
That's how good that beer is. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yep, from Washington State.
Pennsylvania, wasn't it?
Huh? Oh, wait, is it Pennsylvania?
Pennsylvania.
Oh, yeah.
Pennsylvania.
Yiddling's Pennsylvania too. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, well, there you are at my number one, Yiddling.
Oh, that's my number one too.
Pennsylvania beers.
Yep, yep. All right. I will look at that Rolling Rock. I'm pretty sure you're right. It's Pennsylvania.
What is the one that came from there?
Well, while you cover your list, I'll look it up.
Okay, cool. That'll work.
Okay, number, I'm going to go from like you did seven down.
Number seven, Hams.
From the land of Skyville Water.
Yeah.
That was pretty good beer. You almost picked it?
Yeah, it was almost on my list, yes.
Okay, my next one would be Newcastle Brown Ale. I was addicted to that at one point for like seven years of my life.
Whenever I drank beer, it had to be Newcastle.
Are you familiar with it at all, Rob?
I've heard of it. I think I drank it a couple times.
I like it because it's a darker beer, but not too dark.
Anyhow, I like it a lot. It's from England and it's really good. It's just a brown ale, like they say.
The next one, I have Fat Tire Amber Ale.
I love Fat Tire. Fat Tire is a great beer. It never gets enough recognition, in my opinion. I think it's fantastic stuff.
If you're going to have it, though, I found this out the hard way.
I went to... gosh, I can't remember where it was. I was out of town somewhere and they served it in cans.
Nuh-uh. It's got to be a bottle. It's got to be that thick bottle from Fort Collins, Colorado. It's got to be that.
New Belgium Brewery has really thick bottles. If you buy it in a can, it's not that good.
Okay, then my next would be good old PBR.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, Paps Blue Ribbon. Yep, yep. One of the Ribbon, in 1891. That tells you how good it was.
I know that's a few years ago, a couple of years ago, but still. It's still a blue ribbon beer, right?
Yes, it is.
That's right. My number two... no, no, my number three would be Fire Brewed Stroes. Not the shit they have now.
Back when it was Fire Brewed from Detroit. Do you remember that?
Yes.
That stuff was fantastic.
My dad used to drink Stroes back then.
Oh, yeah. Stroes was so good. It had a special unique taste because they literally fire brewed it in Detroit.
It was a great, great beer. It was hard to get around here, but whenever I could get it at a liquor store, I was ecstatic.
I had it to where they started carrying it at Linwood Superfoods right next to Justin Jim's, so I would go over there and grab a six pack of it and head home or wherever.
Then I had the liquor store that used to be across the road tracks carry it too.
So if Linwood was closed, I'd go over to the liquor store and I would buy it from there.
So anyhow, that was my number three. My number two you can only find on tap anymore and not around Kansas City, but other areas.
I found it down at the lake. I found it down at Eureka Springs. I found it Illinois, I think it was, Kansas. I found it Omaha, Nebraska had it.
Okay, so it is Boulevard Breweries Boss Tom. It is a beer that was tempered after Boss Tom Pendergast, and that would be the mob leader of Kansas City.
He helped Perry Truman get an office, allegedly, and all that good shit. Owned Ready Mix Concrete and had a lot of deals going on in Kansas City.
Pretty much owned Kansas City and they called him Boss Tom. This was a beer that they supposedly brewed after the beer that he liked.
Well, him and I have the same taste on beer then, evidently.
And so my number one, Yinling. Yep. Yeah. I mean, how could we go against Yinling? I mean, we talk about it half the time, right?
Right. Yeah, Yinling is just the perfect beer. Love it. Did you look up Rolling Rock?
Yes, I did. It's brewed in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. Yep. I can't think of the beer I'm thinking of.
It's 1939. Yep. There's a beer out of Washington with a green bottle like that, and it was good too, and I can't think of the name of it.
But anyhow, it doesn't matter. All right. Do you have your other list handy, Rob?
Yeah, I do. All right. And this would be the Nipple Tweak, Ass Cheek Bite, and Nut Flick? Yep.
All righty. Well, we'll explain this here real quick for anyone that isn't that familiar with the show. This is playful. This isn't mean. This is playful.
Right. This is like someone we would like to playfully nipple tweak, ass cheek bite, and you can have someone else bite their ass if you don't want to yourself, and a little nut flick.
So, and this is just for effect only, you know. You want to do this and see the look on their face and see how they react or whatever.
So, Rob, what are your three?
Okay, my first one is Flickin' the Nuts. It was to Jim Carrey.
Oh, okay.
His reactions, man. He can react to anything. I bet he would do some good ones.
I could only guess his reaction.
His facial. He has good facial expression.
Oh, yes, he does. Yes, he does. Very cool. I like that pic. Yeah, I mean, I imagine him looking like he did in the mask or Pet Detective.
That was the first thing I thought of.
You know, or whatever, something like that. I can just see that right there. And a nut flick too, because that's what I would have to do to Jim Carrey too. I wouldn't nipple tweak it.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It would have to be a nut flick.
Yeah, yeah, just bink. So, Eddie, I'll go ahead.
Okay, my ass cheek bite goes to Mick Jagger.
I want to see him do his chicken dance.
You're going to hurt your jaw bone.
I call it chicken dance.
The start me up dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good one. Very good.
Okay, my nipple yank goes to Travis Kelsey.
I don't know if he beat your ass or laugh with you.
I think he'd laugh with you.
Well, let me explain.
Okay.
The reason why I'm giving it to Travis Kelsey is I don't think I could get through Taylor Swift's security.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. There's no way.
So Travis is going to have to take one for the team.
There you go. Yeah, yeah. You know what?
I'm sure Travis would be happy to take one for the team.
It's just a nipple twit, you know, a nipple yank. That's all.
Yeah, harmless nipple yank. I'm sure he'd be like, you know what?
In the best interest of the Kansas City Chiefs, I forfeit my tit for your trickery.
There we go. All right.
I'm going to start off with the ass cheek bite.
I'm going to give that to Herm Edwards.
I can see him going, what in Jesus name are you doing, son?
You have some real kind of problem there. You have to get fixed, son.
You best go do that right now.
He sounds like such a preacher, you know, I can see.
Okay. And then my nipple tweak, I want to give to Ron DeSantis
because he just looks like he needs one, doesn't he?
Yeah, he does. Yeah.
I will agree with you on that.
He gained a little bit of weight and those man boobs are looking a little plump there.
I think they're just ripe for the picking. What do you think?
Yeah, I think they are. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's...
Yeah, he'd probably even laugh.
All right. And then my nut flick goes to David Schwimmer.
Okay. Yeah.
And this is because I want to see his reaction, kind of like Jim Carrey, you know.
He's like, David Schwimmer, why in the world did you flick my nuts?
What did I do to you? I don't understand.
You would be so serious about it.
Yeah, he'd be like, I don't get it. Why would one do that?
I did nothing to you. I didn't provoke this. Why did you bring this to me?
I could see that. And then you flick him in the nuts again.
Only harder. Right?
Yeah. Yep.
All right. Okay. Okay. Hey, let's take our second break
and we're going to come back with more garbage. That sound good?
Sounds good. All right. We'll be right back.
Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show.
Harambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchieg Braevio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchieg Braevio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchieg Braevio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is not a fan of the show.
She's a fan of the tape recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking on her phone.
Sadly, Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchieg Braevio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder or any other show anymore.
Sorry, Harambe.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchbags and a Microphone.
You can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
1. Smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
2. Look for the spot absent of patrons.
3. The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
4. Just call us at 816-512-7717.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May your five-year-old neighbor have all their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Oh shit. Let's get the hell out of here.
It's Argumentive Guy.
You watch the news.
It looks grim.
Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post-apocalypse.
Make sure and have plenty of rope.
Strong threaded durable rope with a rating of 400 pounds or greater.
You need to know basic knots so you can go to the library and download the Boy Scouts Handbook
and have a reference to slip knots and other essential rope tricks.
Rope can be used in traps to catch food or would-be predators.
Rope is a key ingredient in post-apocalypse survival.
More entertaining than owning a pet goat trained to dump in your neighbor's yard.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam! Everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
John Wayne Gasey is in charge of human resources.
Bags and microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
We are operating from Mid-America about 250 miles and slightly west of Des Moines, Iowa, south and west.
But slightly west, but more south.
Where nothing is going on currently except sub-zero temperatures like here.
And why I mention them I have no idea.
Alright, we have a Jeffy X list, but I have to lead what went into it, okay?
Burt Matthew of Plainsfield, New Jersey ate 768 pieces of candy corn in 30 minutes, 10 minutes before midnight to be the 2024 champ because no one could get to it after that.
So he is the official champ of candy corn eating for 2024 because he did two more than the old record who I don't have the guy's name.
He did 766, Burt Matthew did 768 and with 10 minutes to spare before midnight.
So he is the 2024 champ.
So this being said, I guess they were going to do a bunch of candy corn rollouts of other products, right?
And they failed the focus panels.
Well, our boy Jeffy X who just had a face transplant because everyone is after him.
We knew it was going to happen.
Yeah, he is going around getting all this classified information and we knew people were going to be after him.
And we appreciate him risking his life to give us this.
I mean you did give him the Sergeant Pepper's outfit that he refuses to take off.
It was white of course, Sergeant Pepper style, but now it's black because he won't take it off.
He is such a Beatles fan.
It's rude.
Yeah, so and then Rob also made him a flying bat suit which he puts over the Sergeant Pepper outfit to fly around at night.
And you also crocheted him a pair of underwear, right?
With his initials on it.
Yes.
Jeffy X?
Yeah.
Only the front had X and the back had a J on it, right?
Yeah.
Okay, and while you were crocheting you bothered to put a secret Steven Percy pouch?
Yeah, Steven.
Steven Percy of the Glam Band Rat used to supposedly have a special pouch sewn into the front of his spandex to stuff.
That way he could look a little bit better endowed for some women and possibly some gay men.
So anyhow, you did that for him, but we're sure he does not need that, right?
No, I don't think he does.
No, no, no. He doesn't have to fill those.
And me, I'm a simple guy. I gave him $2,500 worth of money to either buy on hookers or buy his mom a car.
Whatever. So, alright, and I think he spent it on hookers and blow.
I think he did.
I think he told the old lady she's going to have to hitchhike Uber.
So.
I think he had some problems with that.
I think he did too.
I think his head still hurts. So anyhow.
Alright. These are candy corn ideas that went awry.
And Jeffy X, of course, he broke into these places and he found out what they were going to do and the focus panels that they failed.
And he brought them out of there. He is so good at this.
So the first candy corn that failed, it was New Year's Eve. It was going to be a New Year's Eve tradition.
They were going to, you know, kind of pimp it like that.
And it was going to be candy corn black eyed peas.
But the focus panel said, you know, you eat black eyed peas for New Year's for good luck.
Well, they were going to do candy corn black eyed peas.
But I guess the focus panel said, no, we don't want this.
And Jeffy X was kind enough and clever enough to get this and find out it was going to be done.
But it failed.
The next candy corn.
I think I'm going with the panel too, Rob. I think so too.
I think I'm going to have to nix this one.
I don't like candy corn anyhow, but if I did, I would still nix it.
So the next candy corn that failed was candy corn grilled cheese.
I think I can see that.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can get that.
I mean, you know, grilled cheese has its own flavor.
I mean, you probably don't want candy corn in the middle of that, right?
Right. Yeah. So, you know, I think I so far I am with the focus panels.
What about you?
Yeah, I'm with them too so far.
This next one, I got to argue a little bit, Rob, and we'll see how you feel about it.
Candy corn Robitussin.
Now, Robitussin tastes horrible, right?
That might actually help.
That might help the taste.
So I'm kind of like, yeah, I'm kind of like this.
Candy corn Robitussin up.
I'll try it and I'll let you know if I want that or the original horrible stuff.
Right? Yeah. Yeah.
So I don't know what you were thinking, focus panels, but I think that's a good idea.
I mean, you know, I wish they, you know, like make Dr. Pepper Robitussin, you know, Coca-Cola Robitussin, Sprite Robitussin.
That'd be great, but no, not so far.
They don't care about us, Rob. They don't seem to care.
Not even candy corn.
No.
Not even candy corn.
No, kind of hurts. Kind of hurts.
Next one, candy corn Rotel Dip.
I don't know.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You're watching the game and you're eating dip and all of a sudden there's candy corn in it.
I think I would throw that against the wall and challenge whoever made that to a fist fight.
What about you?
You can't beat a good Rotel Dip.
No, no, no. You cannot. You cannot pervert a Rotel Dip with a...
That's anti-American.
It is. It is. Anyone that does that is a communist.
They're a pinko communist.
Remember when they used to call them pinkos?
I don't.
Yep.
I just found out on TV.
Oh, no.
Do I?
Yeah, at least before.
Back in the 50s, I believe. So anyhow.
Yeah.
All right. The next one that failed was, and I guess this came really close to coming out.
They even have bags of it made and Jeffy X stole one.
And this is candy corn Doritos.
No.
Jeffy X didn't like it.
He stole a bag. He actually grabbed a bag and ran.
He said they almost caught him. They almost caught him.
And they probably figure he is Jeffy X with a face transplant, but they can't prove it.
So Jeffy X, you're awesome. Yeah, he didn't like it.
So the next one would be candy corn omelets. They're going to sell them in the little freezer packs.
What do you think? Candy corn and omelet? Probably not.
No.
I think so far, I think the focus panels have been dead on. What do you think?
Yeah. Yeah, they are.
This next one, I'm probably going to have to agree with the focus panel again.
And this is, I guess Jolly Green Giant was going to release candy corn green beans.
No.
No. I mean, you know, they decided not to. All the focus panel said, no, Green Giant, leave your green beans alone.
We like them just like they are.
So they almost, those almost hit the shelf too.
But the trucks had to turn around in the middle of the interstates and go back.
So that's how close we got to getting candy corn green beans.
The next one, they're going to do a worldwide spread out of this at one time is candy corn guacamole.
What do you think? No. No. No. Okay. Well, so far, okay.
This next one, I have a problem with, Rob, because if back in the day, if they would have made a candy corn one, I would have had it.
Candy corn nitrene.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm for that. I do have a problem with that.
That nasty shit made some trouble. Yes, it did. Candy corn may have done it.
Candy corn might have made that stuff a little bit more drinkable.
Tolerable. Tolerable. There you go. Not enjoyable. Tolerable.
Yeah.
Yeah. So candy corn nitrene. Yep.
Next one, and I think I have to agree with this, they're going to come out with candy corn cheesesteak.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Yeah. Yeah. I was like, you know, cheesesteak is one of those great inventions too that you just cannot, you can't ruin it with something like candy corn.
Yeah. Yeah. You would be, you would be a Pinko on there again, right?
Yeah, you would be. Yeah. Yeah.
And I hope, I hope that's all that Pinko meant. If it means something else back in the fifties, I don't know, and I apologize.
We're sorry. Yeah, we're sorry right ahead of time.
But it's my understanding that they meant Pinko was a communist. So anyhow.
Alright. And the final one that got nixed was they're going to come out with 8020 hamburger candy corn flavored.
No.
I think I agree. I think my, I think my hamburgers need to be left alone.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can put some onion in them. You can put some bacon in them. You can grind up some bacon and mash it with a hamburger. I'll be fine.
But you don't mash candy corn and put it in the 8020. No, no, that's wrong.
So, alright, Rob. Jeffy X. Thank you very much. Please, for God sakes, if nothing else, run through a car wash with your eyes closed.
Clean that damn. Please. Please.
Man, you were three blocks away and I smelled something foul and I found out it was you. That's Sergeant Pepper's outfit.
We plead with you, Jeffy X. Go through a car wash. Dry clean it with you on it. I don't know how ever they dry clean it. I think they could do it while you're wearing it.
Do something, please. Matter of fact, I don't even know.
Please, brother. I've worked hours on that thing.
I mean, do you even think it's saveable anymore?
Oh, no. No. There's no way.
Rob, I think you're going to have to make him another one. Is that possible?
You need to pick it up the rest of the year.
Okay. Jeffy X.
We're in here for a minute and a while, so you need to pick it up the rest of the year if you want something from Christmas.
There you go, Rob. Jeffy X. Thank you, Rob. That's very kind of you.
Okay, Rob. We turn to you.
Alright. It's all well and good playing a little bit of dress up, but there has to be a limit to the fun.
Oh, come on.
Go ahead.
Yeah, this story. Okay.
They had been arrested for buying an entire fire truck and role playing as firemen.
Okay.
The two firefighters had managed to buy themselves a fire truck and an option. They then proceeded to get themselves and the truck out with all the gear.
They had the whole thing done to full turnout gear and help with some radios. So they decided to try out their disguises.
And the wildfires still burning across California.
Huh?
As they approached the Palisades, they come across a checkpoint.
And they were confidentially rolling up in their very own fire truck. They were stopped.
They claimed that their truck was from the Rowing River. Rowing River.
Oh, like Missouri?
In Oregon.
Oh, there's a Rowing River there. Huh. Okay.
Just hold on.
I'm holding. Wait a minute. I think this goes somewhere even worse. Go ahead.
Remember one keen-eyed fire chief noticed something fishy going on.
Sir, aid is flooding in from everywhere across America. But the name didn't sit right with him.
He did a little investigating and found that there was no Rowing River.
That the fire truck and the fake firemen could have come from.
An illegitimate truck was noticed a call was put out to the local deputies.
They immediately tracked down the fake fire truck and apprehended Dustin Neil 31 and Jennifer Neil 44.
They were both arrested and charged with impersonating a firefighter and entering an evacuation zone.
The fire truck has been impounded.
Wow.
Okay. I think they may have made the wrong call here.
Yeah.
I think they should have let them go ahead and fight the fire.
You know what, Rob? Actually, there's a lot to be said.
There's an extra fire truck.
There's a lot to be said for that. You're right. Look, you're talking about an area that didn't have water.
They were dead. If you want to arrest them.
Yeah, do it then. But I mean, if they have water in the damn fire truck, you didn't have water in the hygrids for the first couple of days.
You know, hell yeah, they have water in the truck. Let them do it.
It did say the truck got impounded. So I imagine they might have used it.
You know, that would have been cool too if they're like that.
Firefighters may have kept it.
I'm sure there's some sort of a law you can evoke on something like that. You know, I'm sure there is.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, well, we need this. This is a natural disaster. We need it. We're confiscating this evidence to use it.
I would think that. And you can even give them a little bit lighter sentence to say, hey, look, you guys are fucks.
We don't like you, but your truck did some good. So we're not going to go quite as heavy.
Yeah. We'll give you a light sentence.
Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's cool. Wow. Thank you, Rob.
Okay. The New York Post did an article about Gen Zers.
We periodically do Gen Zers and millennials and stuff like that.
We keep in touch with them. We're not making fun of them.
We're just telling you what we're learning about them. I find them very intriguing. What do you think, Rob?
Yeah, I do too. I do too.
Gen Z, we love you.
Okay. Okay. Great. I do laugh at.
Yeah, there is some. There is some. Yeah. Okay.
If you're walking around as a furry, I'm going to laugh at you. I'm sorry.
If you walk around in this furry costume and think you're a stuffed animal, I'm going to laugh at you.
That's just the way I'm geared. Call me silly. Call me weird. That's the way I am.
So the generation known as Z has admitted to having a tough time making or answering a phone call due to anxiety.
Well, now you can add changing a light bulb to the list, Rob.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, unscrew it and put a new one back in. Right.
So new data on the generation suggests that most cannot change a light bulb.
Rob, I got their answer. Change a light bulb on TikTok. Your problem solved. Right.
Really. Put it on TikTok. They will all know by the end of tonight.
The ability to do practical tasks is being lost in the younger generations.
Yamalis Diaz, a New York University psychologist, tells The Post their deficiencies are likely due to the digital age.
And think they simply haven't had to do physical tasks for themselves.
Gen Z demographic, if you're curious, is 18 to 27 years old.
So researchers at the Halfords University surveyed 2000 grownups, Rob, including Zoomers, Millennials, Exers and Boomers.
Millennials are 18 to 44. Exers are 45 to 60. And Boomers are 60 and over. OK.
So 25 percent of Xers had no idea how to change a light bulb.
Xers usually depend on what they call G.O.T.D.I.T. It stands for Get Others to Do It.
Xers average spend $1,500 per year hiring handyman services to get the projects finished.
Compared to Exers that spend $470 on handiwork, 30 percent of that spend, let's see, 30 percent of it could not identify.
This is of Xers. 30 percent of the Xers could not identify a flathead screwdriver.
Well, I think a flathead screwdriver is pretty...if they showed you a screwdriver like a Phillips and a flathead, wouldn't you just guess?
Go, OK, that's flat. That would just be common sense. Yeah, yeah, that's flat. Someone go with that.
Another, that little X looking thing, that's not flat.
They couldn't, 30 percent of them could not identify a flathead screwdriver, while 21 percent could not recognize a wrench.
And one of 10 Xers said they would pay someone to hang a picture on their wall.
That is concerning, isn't it?
So, Rob, I'm not going to tell me which I was...
I was getting ready, here's where I'm going with this. Rob, I would like to announce our newest sponsor.
Rob Radd's and Mark's Handyman Services LLC.
Yeah.
We specifically service Gen Xers.
There we go. You talk about making...
If I hang your picture, I'll even use a level.
Me too, me too. We'll make sure that damn thing is perfectly square.
Oh, yeah, yeah. And also we will make sure that the nail that we put in the wall is into a stud.
And if you ever want it out, we'll come out and we'll fill it in with some putty and we'll paint over it for you too.
Yes, yes.
So either way, you got it made. You know, you got a professional picture there that is square and hung precisely in the middle of the wall, if that's where you want it.
It's going to be dead on in the middle down to the 34th, right?
Yep.
Yeah, we don't mess with 16th or 8th around here. Rob and I are hardcore. We go 34th.
We don't even look at those first two little notches. We go to the third one that a lot of tape measures don't have.
But we do, right Rob?
Yep.
Yep. Now, you ever use a digital...
I use tape measure every day, man. I have to ask this.
Oh, I used to. I don't anymore and it's kind of weird too. I used to have a tape measure on my pocket.
And every now and then I still try to, you know, you know how you kind of mess with it.
You know, you'll kind of like take out the tape a little bit and let it fly back, you know, walking around or something, just fidgeting.
And now that I kind of almost fidget with it, but it's not there anymore. So, yeah.
Have you ever used a digital tape measure, Rob?
Yeah.
I find them annoying as fuck. Do you like it?
I do too. I don't like it.
Okay, it's not just me. I had the measure in very tight places to see if items were going to fit in there.
And I found them to be the biggest pain in the ass and I never used them. I just started using regular tape measure and doing the math myself.
So, anyhow, all right, I'm not the only one.
All right, Rob, we turn to you if you got something.
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
I got some new technology for you.
Sounds good.
A glove-like robotic exoskeleton hand may help pianists improve their skills without risking injury from open practice.
Okay.
Inspired by traditional teaching methods, researchers have created a device that moves individual fingers to guide complex motions.
This innovation developed by a team at Sony Computer Science Laboratories in Tokyo can help musicians overcome skill plateaus and enhance performance safely.
Researchers claim a single 30-minute session with the robotic exoskeleton can enhance finger speed and train pianists.
Interesting.
Mastering expert level skills often requires extensive practice, but practice alone doesn't always lead to improvement.
Research shows that training accounts for less than half of expertise development, raising questions about the limits of deliberate practice.
So, yeah, this glove helps it, you know, it stains the fingers. It acts like a brace.
A lot of pianists and guitarists get arthritic conditions in their hands, so that's probably what that does, is it helps them with that.
Let's see. I can't remember whether it was, I think it was Eddie Van Halen had it first.
It was an arthritic condition in his hands and he couldn't play.
No one in America could help him, except one guy in Germany did some sort of a stem cell deal. He said, I can help you.
Eddie Van Halen went over there. He couldn't play. That's how bad it was. He could not play. The arthritic condition was so bad.
When he came back, he could play again. So this happened to Tony Iommi. Tony Iommi and Eddie Van Halen were best friends.
Tony Iommi went over there, received the stem cell treatments, and came back with his hand pretty much cured and he could still play to this day.
Eddie Van Halen would be able to play to this day, but he is no longer with us. That's pretty cool.
If you can't afford stem cell over in Germany, then you're just some regular Hamm and Eger that plays a piano.
There you go, this glove. Assuming it's affordable or covered by interns, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Thank you, Rob.
Hello.
Do what?
I said you're welcome.
Oh, all right, cool. Okay, and we had some technical difficulties there.
So if you heard a little clipping and a little something that wasn't supposed to be there, then that's what happened.
And I'm not even going to do the article now because it's, you know what, I did it once. That's it. I don't want to do it again. I'll do it on the next one.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
All right. Billy Ray Cyrus gave an epic disaster of a performance during Donald Trump's Liberty Ball following the presidential inauguration.
Did you say Billy Ray Cyrus?
Yes.
That happened to Carrie Underwood, too.
Okay. The 63-year-old singer took the stage at the event in Washington, D.C., Monday night.
He performed his hit to An Achy Breaky Art and his Little Knops access song, Old Town Road.
Okay.
However, his show didn't go without a few issues.
Okay.
At one point during his performance after singing Old Town Road, he couldn't hear his guitar playing.
Is my guitar still on? He asked the stage crew. I think they got me off. I don't hear my guitar anymore.
Cyrus continued to hold the instrument up before asking the workers backstage, is anyone awake? I don't hear it.
He continued to ask, is anyone back there? Can somebody turn my guitar back on?
Uh-huh.
He then quit about why his guitar may have been turned off, adding, you all want me to sing more. You just want me to get the hell off the stage. I don't give a damn.
Yeah.
Well, one of the crew members got out and finally got it going.
That's interesting.
Yeah, I guess he had to pull up on stage.
I didn't see that. But I believe that Carrie Underwood did hers very classy.
They could not get the America the Beautiful music to play, so she did an acapella all on her own and it was fantastic.
Yeah, well Kelly Ray had a meltdown.
That's what it sounds like.
No, don't wonder him and his daughter don't get along.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know how, yeah, there's a lot of stories about him. I'm not sure if I really give that much of a shit about him.
So anyhow, yeah, I could probably see that. So yeah, this is just some someone I know knew him and his manager and anyhow, so you know what? It's okay. We don't have to go into it.
So the New York Post, I got a lot of these things from the New York Post. They do some pretty good articles.
They had this study, right? And these eye features influence how others perceive you and even how much money they will give you.
So what they did was is they studied people with light irises perceived to be more trustworthy, perceived to be nicer.
It doesn't mean that they are. They perceive them as kind, gentle, and trustworthy. People with light irises of their eyes.
And also they went further and they studied it a little bit more and they had people fundraising and the people with light irises in their eyes gathered up over twice as much money as the people with different eye colors.
Isn't that something?
Yeah.
So I say you find someone with light eye color and you have them sell your product and no one else.
So there's a lot more to that, but I didn't want to, you know, I mean, there's a lot of stuff that nobody really gives a shit about, including me.
But you got the gist of it right there.
Let's see here. Let me find another one.
You know what I could do with the stores that people hate the most unsatisfactory. Here we go.
This is a nice light short one right here.
Okay.
Plushies are soft cloth toys filled with flexible material often in the shape of an animal. Are you familiar?
A plushie.
Well, they're pretty much a stuffed animal. Okay. And the way they look identifies them as a plushie.
I guess they are flushies to me.
They're also known as stuffed animals, stuffed toys, lovies, dianes and stuffies.
Plus, these are designed to be comfortable and huggable and are made with softer fibers like cotton.
Stuffed animals, on the other hand, are often made with more durable synthetic fibers like polyester and acrylic and may have plastic features for eyes and noses.
Plushies can provide comfort and security for children. It can help promote empathy and connection.
They can also be a thoughtful gift that conveys love and appreciation.
Some stuffed animals are associated with particular emotions, such as a teddy bear representing love, a buddy symbolizing innocence,
and a lion embodying bravery.
The Stief Company of Germany is credited with originating the stuffed toy in the late 19th century,
and the teddy bear's creation in the United States in 1903 helped make them popular.
So, what all this is getting to is this right here. Why do we give a shit about plushies?
Millennials and Gen Zers are hooked on plushies. And that's good news for the toy market.
Gen Z and Millennials keep buying plushies or stuffed animals in a boost for the toy market.
The Mintel Analyst said plushies are kind of the hot thing right now.
Adults spent more than $1.5 billion on the toys for themselves in the fourth quarter of 2024.
The same corporation, Mintel, they're a toy company place like Mattel.
Gen Z and Millennials love plushies as bringing some cheer to the toy industry.
Young adults adore their stuffed animals, whether they're hanging onto their battered old ones from their childhood
or buying a viral five-foot goose on TikTok shop or spending a premium to add to their collections of squish mellows.
This felt like mullows. Squish mellows.
A recent jelly cat pop-up in the London department store Selfridges was filled with patrons buying fuzzy $25 versions of cod and fries
mimicking a British fish and chip shop. That's a plushie. A stuffed toy.
The economist reported in Asia a furry spiked toothed rabbit creature called a labubu has a hold over people well into their 50s.
The report found that people aged 18 and over accounted for sales worth more than $1.5 billion in the last three months
in 2024, putting them ahead of purchases made for toddlers at age 3 to 5 in the industry's most important age group.
So anyhow, plushies are saving the toy market right now. I've seen plushies before and I see no difference.
No difference between that and the stuffed teddy bear.
So anyhow, Rob, you got anything?
Well, I just had another story from across.
Okay.
Another one about Billy Ray Cyrus.
Okay.
He released a statement. All he said was that's called rock and roll.
I wished if you get a chance, four pictures of him at the inauguration.
Okay, let me read.
Rob Zombie looks better on stage than he does. He looks horrible. Horrible dude.
Okay. Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley's father.
Oh, he looks like fried ass.
Yeah, especially just the one that they're not rich.
Rob Zombie looks cool as fuck.
Yeah, Rob Zombie looks better than he does.
A lot better. Wow. Yeah, oh my God. He looks like fried shit.
I can't believe they released a statement like that.
I can't either. He looks like fried smash shit.
Okay, wow.
He looks like an homeless person.
Yeah, he does, for real.
He's not a fish to homeless people.
I already went on the homeless guy that built his tent right in front of the strip club's door on Braeden Avenue.
Okay, I don't know where we left off and you know what, I'm not going to change it.
Okay, so let's see. Do you want to keep this thing going or do you want to end it, Rob?
Actually, I'm about done for the night, brother.
Okay, so this last segment, the last minute of this doesn't make any sense. My software quit again and I didn't catch it.
So wherever it cut off is the last of the program.
So anyhow, thank you all for listening. Have a good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.