And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys. We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Is a...
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. The only podcast with Gusto. That's right, Gusto. Just like Schlitz Beer. Google it.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Okay. Let's say I'm walking through a mall, and I suddenly walk through a fart. Does that fart then attach itself to me, and then when I walk around, people think I'm the gassy one?
Hmph. I may never know.
Have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
The Origin of the IQ Test. The Modern IQ Test originated from the work of French psychologist Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon in 1905. The Binet-Simon Intelligence Test was designed to help identify which children in French schools needed extra attention. The test assessed a child's memory, attention, and verbal skills.
The IQ Intelligence Quotiment is a number that represents a person's relative intelligence. It was originally calculated by dividing a child's mental age by their chronological age and then multiplying by 100. For example, if a 10-year-old child had a mental age of 12, their IQ would be 120.
The Binet-Simon Test was revised several times, including in 1908 and 1911. In 1916, Stanford University psychologist Louis Terman revised the test and released the revised Stanford-Binet scale. In the United States, the Binet Test was introduced to public schools by Goddard, who translated the test to and promoted the use Goddard used of the test was controversial, as it was endorsed by eugenicists who pushed for forced sterilization laws.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. A padlock is turning a door into a wall.
Yeah.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
Two douchebags and a microphone on Mark.
And I am Rob.
Here we are operating again once from Mid-America. Rob is in Camdinton, Missouri, about two and a half hours south of Kansas City, Missouri, where I am. This is the Talk is Cheap Studio. And what is your studio name, Rob?
Doug Bline Studio with Lake and the Ozarks.
Oh, yeah. I've been in most of the day.
Yeah, it's one of those days where it's so cold it almost takes your breath away. I was getting gas.
Yeah, ours is like three below right now the wind chill, what it actually feels like.
Yeah, we've had a really strong wind coming out in north that is really, really just screwed things up bad. So anyhow, we are in the middle of another cold snap. At least there's no snow this time accompanied, no foot of snow accompanied by the cold snap like last time.
So anyhow, you know, Rob, I see panhandlers all the time, you know, asking for a buck, right?
Yeah.
Okay. Well, the other day on the way to Val's doctor's appointment, there's an Aldi grocery store. You're familiar with Aldi, right?
Yeah, I used to do maintenance for them.
Oh, yeah, that's right. You do know. Okay.
Yeah, I know them too.
Yeah, they have this brand of breakfast pizza that's just amazing. The crust is made out of biscuit dough. And it's pretty much breakfast on a biscuit crust. And it is phenomenal. The only place I found him is at Aldi's.
So, anyhow, when Val finished with her appointment, and we decided to stop by Aldi, there was seven or eight shopping carts left outside the corral, right?
Yeah.
Okay. And Aldi, where you do you put in a quarter to unlock the cart.
And, okay, and then you put the cart back, and it gives you your quarterback, you know, when you put it back in the corral and you clip it together.
You know, a guy that's out there panhandling could go to Aldi and make about 20 bucks in about an hour. And I'm not kidding you.
People just do not, they don't give a shit. They're not going to be inconvenienced to get their quarterback. They don't value a quarter enough to walk their cart up to the bay and snap it in there.
Right. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah, I was amazed. And this is in an affluent area too, you know, where you think like people that are successful kind of watch their money, right? It's the other way around.
You think people that have money generally are like spending more? No, usually see other way around.
You know, the reason they have money is because they watch their money. But no, they're just all laying all around the damn area and quarters in them and all that.
So I'm telling you what, man, if you listen to this podcast and you're a panhandler, go to Aldi.
And then, yeah, and then, yeah, hitch a ride or something to a couple of Aldi's. You can make you like 40 bucks and you go back to the original Aldi and make another 20.
I'm telling you, there's a lucrative little market in this thing. And all you got to do is clip a couple of carts together. So there. So it's got to be easier than...
I'll tell you what, it was a pain in the ass to power wash around all that. Oh, I bet it was. You had to move all the carts out by yourself, power wash, and then move back in.
Always wondered... So you had to have so many damn quarters on you. I never even thought about that. I always wondered who did the stuff on that. So it's a maintenance crew that does that.
It was maintenance. Yeah. Yeah. Mostly, yeah. Yeah. It's a maintenance crew that they hire from outside. Okay. I get it.
Oh, we even did the remodeling inside from season to season. That's what kept us busy. Spring and winter.
Oh, okay. That's cool. You know how they have their season changes back in the seasonal aisles?
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So they change the walkways and everything. I used to do that.
Oh, okay. All right. Was it just Aldi's or was it other places too?
No, it was Aldi's. It was me and my buddy. Yeah. He had the contract. And we took care of... Yeah. For over 30 years, we took care of 42 stores.
Wow. That's pretty good. And was it all over? All of Kansas City included.
Okay. Where were your other areas? I'm just curious for myself.
Well, the furthest north we went was Omaha and Nebraska. And then we had one just outside Omaha. Lincoln?
Council Bluff. Oh, Council Bluff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually kind of a suburb.
Okay. We had those two in Iowa. Then we had... Okay. Then we shot over to Kansas and we went to Salina a couple times.
Oh, yeah. Yep. Then back down into Wichita. Okay.
Then we had three spurs down. And that's all the ones in between. Okay.
And then we went down into Arkansas. We went to Fayetteville, was the furthest south we went. Okay.
And we come up to Jeff City. Oh, okay. And it's kind of, you know, make it, you know, motorway everywhere. Any towns they had a...
Well, all these. Okay. You mentioned... Design changes, everything. Yeah. That paid my bills for a few years, just saying.
That sounds like a pretty cool job, too, actually. I think so. I mean, I love stuff. Spent a lot of time on the road.
Yeah, that's the drawback because I used to spend a lot of time on the road, too. So I know what you mean.
You mentioned Omaha, right? Have you been to and Council Bluff? Yeah. I hate that town.
You do? Really? Well, my experience, yeah, it was a bad one. Oh, I had a lot of fun in Omaha. I actually...
In the middle of the tornado and waters rushing down Omaha streets, at 11 o'clock at night, I pulled into La Quinta Inn and rent a room for $100 a night.
I'm up at 6 a.m. to go back to all these and finish the job so I can go back to Kansas City and go home.
I get up 6 o'clock in the morning, go down to my truck. I had a bunch of tools stolen off my truck. Okay. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.
And the hotel wouldn't do nothing about it. All they said was make a police report. Well, I didn't have time. I had people waiting on me. I had to get the job done.
Good thing was I left my good tools, the tools I really needed at the job. Wow. We were in Sacramento, California on a job, my old job.
And we rented a car and we had to rent all the tools, okay, because there's a bunch of stuff there that we didn't know we had to do.
So we didn't have the tools for it. So it would cost more, literally, to mail them to us and take a lot longer than we just go out and just rent the tools.
Well, that night we thought it was a nice area where we were in, and it might have been, but we couldn't take them in the room with us. So we left all these out in the car.
And two times we had to re-rent a car because this one got smashed in and then re-rent the tools because both of them got smashed in and the tools got taken twice.
And then finally we found a way to leave them at the job site and lock them up really good and everything. So that was the other thing, too, if you left them at the job site, someone there would probably steal them and blame it on someone else.
Someone must have broke in last night and stole them. Right, right, right. Yeah, but the hotel won't do anything about it.
And that's how come they have those little signs everywhere that says, not responsible for damaged or stolen property.
And so they won't do anything about it. And, you know, and when you read that, you consent to stay in there. So anyhow.
Oh, speaking of that, someone wanted to know how come I stopped bagging on my old job like I used to.
Well, I mean, I had some fun with it, yeah, but I'm completely done with that chapter in my life. I'm very happy where I am at now.
You know, I would never I would never be able to do my podcast traveling like I was, you know.
And, you know, I had a lot of fun trips and I'm extremely happy here doing our shows and going Eureka Springs as much possible.
You know, cruises, we still, you know, I still go places, but not as much as I used to.
You know, I mean, it's just there's no reason to me. I mean, I had. Oh, go ahead.
The thing is, you get to enjoy those trips now. You're not working. You actually get to enjoy them.
Now, there was a few of them I got to enjoy because the tools didn't show up.
FedEx. No, I've had that happen a few times. I remember being stuck in New York, White Plains, New York, and we're sitting there waiting on a job box and in Connecticut, too.
Hey, oh, it's there. They said it's there. It arrived today. Go down there. Job site. Hey, did you see a job box?
No. Are you sure? No job box came in today? Yes, I'm sure. I've been here all day.
OK, so no job box. No. OK. Call back. No job box. You guys can't work. Yeah. Yeah.
So they're like, well, let me call again. Then they call you back. Oh, yeah, you're right. There's no job box there.
They're like, oh, really? OK, thank you. Yeah. It got held up somewhere. And I guess I talked to someone they didn't know.
And I'm like, yeah, I think you probably did. And so we had a lot of fun up there. Connecticut, we had a lot of fun just because we were up there with nothing to do.
A couple of places in California that happened to us, too. So we did. Oh, the best one was Boca Raton, Florida.
And it was just me and an installer. The installer, he doesn't show up like he's supposed to. So I can't even get in the job site.
So I'm sitting there in my hotel room going, what the fuck? So I get on my phone, right, because we can't get a hold of the installer for nothing and he's not showing up.
I get on my phone and I find out I'm like a half mile from the beach. I'm like, hey, all right. I hope this fucker never shows up.
So I got it like three days of going to the beach and getting a tan while this other guy was finishing up some job up north.
So I did have some fun. So anyhow, you know, I don't bag on anymore because I don't care, man. I lost interest.
I had fun with it at first, you know, but, you know, who cares? You know, they can go fuck themselves and I'm fine with that and I'm good where I'm at.
So I am kind of jonesing for a cruise because we booked our cruise a little bit later this year. This time it's the end of April.
And as you know, Rob, it's usually around the first of the year when the weather is real shitty, right? Yeah.
So I'm kind of jonesing because it's been well over a year now and I'm kind of like getting antsy, wanting to go somewhere, you know.
But I mean, most of the times like a twenty twenty two cruise, we celebrated New Year's on a boat and it was fantastic, man.
There was no bad weather. We got back and it's like fifty five degrees here is perfect.
And then the year before that was a bad one. We got stuck in Florida because this was that we're coming back New Year's Eve and we plan to be New Year's here.
So anyhow, big snow storms coming through the Midwest and everything's canceled.
But the problem is, is the reason we're we got canceled at the end of the day. We didn't get canceled in the morning.
If we would got canceled in the morning, I could have booked a better resort instead of that dump that I had to book right there on the fly.
Because every flight to the Midwest was canceled New Year's Eve.
And we're sitting in the airport trying to get our luggage back that we already turned in right before the flight was canceled.
You know, when you first go in there, you turn in your luggage.
So anyhow, we go downstairs a baggage claim and then we're looking around, looking around.
So it took like an hour. We found our luggage. Meanwhile, times times clicking off the day.
OK, I mean, a beautiful day like 85 degrees. And so and this is Miami.
So anyhow, we're actually Fort Lauderdale.
So we're sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting.
And then about four o'clock, our flights canceled.
And this is just post covid barely. So there's only like three people working when they should have had 30 people.
So it took forever in the lines. OK, so we wasted a whole day and then our flight was canceled before.
Then we wasted like another couple of hours waiting to get our baggage.
So I'm like, oh, shit, it's New Year's Eve and we don't have a place to stay at.
And we're stuck here for at least two days. They already said that.
They said, you know, flight's not going to be going because this huge snowstorm is not going to be going for a couple of at least a couple of days.
I'm like, all right. So I sit down on the conveyor there and I'm like, all right.
So I just booked something. It's like, OK, we got a place to stay.
At least this place was fucking horrible, dude.
We get there and what it showed on on the Web site is it looked like a pristine, beautiful place.
I'm like, wow, you know, only oh, yeah, only one hundred fifty.
It was one of the big trucks. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. They took these angles to where it looked beautiful and perfect in the rooms.
They kind of I don't know how they did it.
I think they used another room they they don't own or anything.
So, you know, we get there.
Well, first off, the the Uber, he gives us the wrong hotel.
He he drops us off there. We go in there. No, no, no, we don't have anything at all.
And I'm like, fuck, man, did it not go through?
So I look again and I got my confirmation email. I said, well, here's this.
And he goes, oh, oh, oh, OK, OK. This is owned by the same place.
He goes, what you're looking for is two blocks down.
So we're like, fuck. So we're dragging our luggage two blocks down
and we get there and there's like bottles all over everything
and fucking drug deals going on in the parking lot.
And we're right in front of the swimming pool that's in front of the
of the little resort motel place. Right.
And we're looking out and literally people are fighting each other with chairs
because someone took another guy's beach towel that they brought out there.
And they're like throwing chairs at each other and cussing and shit and threatening to kill each other.
And we're like, oh, fuck, man.
So anyhow, the next day I tried to get my money back.
I couldn't. But I went ahead and booked a better a better resort
because the next day was a New Year's and everything was free and open.
Right. So anyhow, you know, anyhow,
I don't know how I went off on that tangent.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to speak of after all that?
Yeah, I do. I read across a top five reasons why top five lists about Missouri generally stink.
I'm going to say suck.
OK.
OK. You know, you read online top five reasons not to live in whatever.
And this is towards any state, actually. Yeah, I get it.
Well, OK. Number five, they treat all of Missouri like it's St. Louis or Kansas City.
Good point.
Yeah, there's rural areas that you could safely leave your doors unlocked at night.
Yeah, there's a lot of areas.
I lived in an area like that.
Yeah, I lived in an area like that too in Cass County.
Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. There's still areas like that.
We're not St. Louis.
Well, now the Methersons have completely moved in the area, that area, so it's not so nice anymore.
That's how we live.
The Methersons are all over and they're nasty.
That's one reason why Missouri is put down on its list.
Crimes and stuff, they consider the whole state like that.
No, it's a beautiful state, to be honest.
Yeah, I mean, and you know what? I've heard some of that whenever I went, you know, like I just spoke about going out of town a lot.
People would say that. They'd be like, oh man, you guys got a lot of crime there?
Not really. I mean, a couple of urban areas, you have it, but not there.
Yeah, it depends on where you live. It's like anywhere else.
Yeah, for some reason we do have a bad reputation, even though it's mainly, Springfield's pretty bad too, so I have to give it three areas.
Kansas City, St. Louis, and Springfield. Those three places are bad.
Everywhere else is predominantly not bad. It's a lot of farming, agriculture, fishing, got a lot of lakes, a lot of hills.
You get away from the lake, it's farm-touching.
Yeah, yeah, anyhow, go ahead.
It's quiet living, I love it here.
Yeah, yeah, and oh, the guy that you, remember the guy that asked you about lake living? He's moving there.
Oh, cool, good deal.
Yeah.
Look me up, look me up.
Okay, he's going to send me an email, but...
I forget his name.
Oh, shit, I can't. Yeah, I'd have to look it, I got it up here. Oh, speaking of that, DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com.
I got yelled at a couple of times for not giving the email out enough. DoucheB66.
Yeah, we have not. I noticed that too.
Well, what was happening is the same people that know the emails are emailing me and nobody knew is because they didn't know what it was. I forgot to keep telling it.
He mentioned about going to, he's going to be moving just outside of Climax Springs.
Okay, okay.
How far is that from you?
I don't know. 20 minutes, we'll say.
All right, well, whatever your name is, I forgot, I'm sorry, I forgot to give the email in front of you.
Yeah, when he wants to go to town, he comes here to Canton. Or up to Lorry.
Okay, well, he's a good listener, that's for sure. He knows the program really well.
Yeah, love to hear it.
Cool.
I'm right here in the north end of Canton.
The cool thing is Rob learned a lot of magic tricks and he'll show you the magic tricks when you guys meet up. It's great.
He does a rabbit out of the hat. He does the disappearing ping pong ball. It's fantastic. I'm telling you. And he has this cool hat that he wears. It's great.
What do you call yourself, Rob? The Amazing Robster or something like that?
I don't remember.
The Amazing?
That was when I was 18.
Oh, you don't do that anymore? Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought he still does it.
Do you still cat dance?
No? No more?
It depends on how many pops are there.
All right, okay. Go ahead with your list. I keep fucking this thing up.
Okay, okay. No, no, that's good talk. That's good talk.
A lot of these reviews are written by people who live a thousand miles away.
Yes.
Some of them are written by people in New York and other places. And they think that the rest of America is nothing but cow pastures.
Well, I call that lazy writing. They don't do their research. There's a lot of it going on.
And they don't do their research, but they want to come up with something different. So they do something like that. Oh, yeah, this place. Oh, it's, you know, it's...
Go ahead.
That's where it leads back to they hear about Kansas City and St. Louis.
Okay, and that's what everybody, the big news around Missouri, that's it.
Yeah.
I don't care what happens here or there, you know.
Oh, wow. I just had a flash on my computer. 2527 Ravens and Bills. There's a minute 44 in the fourth quarter.
And it looks like the Ravens may have the ball. This is going to be interesting.
Hey, I'll go ahead.
Yeah, I have it on in the other room.
Yeah, the Ravens do have the ball. Wow. Okay, that's that turned out to be a hell of a thing there.
Yeah. Okay, next up.
Many of these reviews are just one person's opinion.
Just because one writer got a bad toasted ravioli at a restaurant in Missouri doesn't make all of Missouri restaurants bad.
I agree with that one. I agree with that one.
I do too.
Okay, and lastly, most are based on Missouri stereotypes.
Yes, Patrick Mahomes is Missouri.
And yes, there are many rednecks.
But Missouri is just as full of diverse types of people like every other state. Just don't expect that diversity to be represented by any top five list, which is one of the many reasons why they generally suck.
Yep.
I'll tell you what, as a matter of fact.
I agree with that one. I agree with this one.
I do too. I've been all over this country, like I was saying, and going back to that.
And Missourians are some of the people that are the least worried about who you are, where you came from, or what you believe in.
They really don't care. They take you at face value. If you're nice to them, they're nice to you. If you're a good person, they're good to you.
I mean, really, and that is true.
Right.
Hey, Hal, you got more on that list?
No, that was it. That was it.
What we're talking about, Kansas City.
Just in time for the playoffs, the Kansas City Chiefs and Tyson Foods are teaming up to bring fans a flavor packed game winning product that is guaranteed to score big in your game day lineup.
It's an exciting new collaboration. Tyson Foods is launching all new Kansas City Chiefs themed chicken nugget.
An essential addition to your tailgate or watch party.
The Tyson Nuggets, shaped like the iconic Chiefs Arrowhead logo, are now available at select Kansas City area retailers and come into Keyha Field at Arrowhead Stadium.
How do you like that shit, Rob?
Nice.
Yeah. It looks like the Bills are going to win this. They got the ball back in as first and 10 at the Baltimore 30.
Yeah, we can't put it that.
Yeah, bring the Bills on. Bring them on.
Anyhow, so there you go. You can get Arrowhead flavored, Arrowhead shaped chicken nuggets for your Chiefs party.
Right on.
How can you beat that? You can't beat that with a big club with a nail in it, can you?
No, no you can't.
No?
Everybody loves chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah, yeah. It is un-American. If you don't like chicken nuggets, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're probably a serial killer, right?
Right.
Yep. You have something seriously wrong with you if you don't enjoy a chicken nugget.
So, alright, let's take our first break and we'll be right back. That sound good?
Sounds good.
Done deal.
Next up, Kings of the Hood in Hell.
The brand new, Charles and Charge reboot is the only show available all week.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
You pretty and I'm cute. Together we could be pretty cute.
Your mama's so old, she walked out of the museum and the alarm went off.
Next time you take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone. It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Get in cover.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe everyone.
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the most apocalypse lists.
Make sure and have plenty of rope, strong threaded durable rope with a rating of 400 pounds or greater. You need to know basic knots so you can go to the library and download the Boy Scouts handbook and have a reference to slip knots and other essential rope tricks.
Rope can be used in traps to catch food or would be predators. Rope is a key ingredient in post apocalypse survival.
Hey there fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
There's a small island in the South Pacific where people actually talk with eye movements.
Hey look I think we found land. Oh my god I think we're safe. Oh no it's the island of horrible jokes.
Singing in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
Two douchebags and a microphone. The audio equivalent to the meat sweats.
Harambe used to listen to our original show Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic tape recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic tape recorder.
Well it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking on her phone.
Sadly, Aran Make does not listen to our original show, Two Gibchits and the Cheap Radio Shedak
Realistic Take Recorder, or any other show.
Anymore.
Sorry, Aran Bay.
Two douchebags and microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Something interesting.
Okay, on my program that I use for this podcast, it kind of looks like a seismograph or maybe
even a heart monitor.
It shows you the, you know, the inflections of your voice and it goes across the screen.
The more you go, it just keeps going, right?
It's picking up some sort of weird rhythm sound in my room that I can't hear by naked
ear because it's usually a flat line if nothing's going on, right?
And this is the part that we cut away and we put in our little spoofs and stuff, okay?
So it's got a flat line so I know where to divide it at, all right?
Instead of earmarking it, it's easier to do like that, less time.
And I don't know what that sound is.
It's really odd.
So anyhow, because I can't hear nothing in here, but there's some sort of a steady rhythm
that it's picking up that I can't hear.
And also, another thing that's going to help our podcast a lot is when Topher and I did
the sports bastards last week, we were at the No Filter Studio and he showed me a way to
normalize these, it's called normalize on this feature.
And what it does is it takes your podcast to the industry standard, right?
So it's just as good as everyone else.
It's about what everyone else has.
You see what I mean?
It's called normalize and all you got to do is highlight it and then do it.
That was pretty interesting because that's one of the features that I didn't know anything
about.
So anyhow, oh, I have some emails.
Oh, good.
And you want me to go into them?
If you want.
All right, I could go into something.
Oh, go ahead and go into something.
Yeah, I thought this was a cool story.
Okay.
A dedicated Indiana pizza delivery driver walked half a mile through a dangerous snowstorm
in a very affluent neighborhood before he was met with a $2 tip.
Oh.
Our step up and employee at Rockstar Pizza was seen walking in the treacherous conditions
in Brownsburg, Indiana as multiple files filled the street to clear the snow last week.
We're into the first by at Avalon Police Department, Lieutenant Richard Craig.
Stevan initially drove to complete the order, but a school bus crashed, blocked the road.
Well, it goes into the old description.
Well, this Richard Craig was on scene.
Okay.
That's when Steppanoff decided to complete the journey on foot wearing sweatpants, a
sweater, a beanie, and sneakers.
Geez.
Walked a half mile in this shit, okay?
Craig was outside helping residents navigate the dangerous road conditions.
When he noticed Steppanoff tracking through the snow-covered street and told them to get
out of the street and onto the sidewalk.
Steppanoff revealed that he had to walk in the snow to complete a $40 pizza delivery.
Did you get a good tip, Craig asked?
$2, Steppanoff replied.
Steppanoff looked at the receipt again and corrected the number.
$2.15.
Wow.
Well, Officer Craig got upset.
Yeah, he should have.
Very good.
Officer Craig gave him $15 out of his pocket and set up a GoFundMe page with a goal of
raising $500.
Cool.
The fundraiser has raised $16,000 as of Saturday morning.
That is fantastic.
And that was last Saturday.
That is fantastic.
Good.
Yeah.
Well, that's the guy, you know, on people.
You know, somebody walks through the snow to deliver your food.
Give him a little extra.
Yeah.
$2.80.
Yeah.
Someone that does that to me is just a prick.
You know, I have got no use for someone like that because they don't value people.
They don't value people at all.
Because the reason is...
The thing is, this kid would have just, okay, went on and did his job.
But the one for this officer standing up for him, you know.
Yeah.
That Officer Craig was a great guy.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Oh, real quick.
I had a Jeffy X list, but I can't find it.
So it's somewhere around here.
I'm pretty sure I didn't toss it.
So I got to find it, but it's not going to appear on this one.
Because I don't know what I did with it.
It has it right now.
I looked everywhere prior and I can't find it.
But Jeffy X has another list.
And if I have to, I will have Jeffy X send me another one.
So all right.
Do you want to go to some emails?
Sure.
All right.
So, Robin Mark, what are your seven favorite beers of all time?
Ronnie and Tulsa.
Oof.
Seven.
Okay.
Let's do that Tuesday night.
Okay.
Yeah.
I need time on this one.
Yeah.
Because we're going to have to get this all real fast.
This is Sunday night, Ronnie.
It was still Tuesday.
Oh, he's fine with it.
I guarantee it.
Hey, do you want to do a nipple yank and a little
bit of a nut flick again, too?
I'll do Ronnie's question and a nipple yank and a nut flick.
What was the other one?
I keep forgetting it.
Earlobe tug or something?
It's a nipple yank, nut flick, and ass cheek bite.
Ass cheek bite.
That's it.
Awesome.
Okay.
And that was from Ronnie and Tulsa.
Tulsa King.
We love him.
Hey, guys.
I heard Mark speak of TikTok.
Please don't take the podcast away from the regular podcast formats.
I hate TikTok.
It will not have an account with them.
Glenn and Oceanside.
I think that's probably California, but I'm not for sure.
Look, if we do TikTok like we plan on it, we're still going to record the show and we're
going to put it in a podcast forum.
So you'll still get yours with all the little stuff in between the breaks and all that.
It'll be the exact same thing, hopefully a little funnier, right?
Well, as of today, we may not have to worry about it.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
There's no TikTok as of today and there's a lot of...
Yeah.
We'll see tomorrow.
I heard that the new coming president is going to save it a little bit.
So he's going to give up a past for a little while.
Reportedly, Elon Musk is looking at buying it.
And so...
Oh, there's like seven different people looking at buying it.
Kevin O'Leary from Shark Tank, he's like the front runner looking at buying it.
Really?
Okay.
I haven't been paying that much attention to it, but okay.
Well, think about it.
Shark Tank, Trump.
Yeah, that's true.
We'll see who ends up with it.
And then by that time, it's not going to matter because from what I understand, and like I
said, I haven't really gave much shit about this subject at all, but it's a Chinese-owned
company and they said that they're stealing information.
Yeah.
Okay, whatever.
So, all right, I hope they buy it and then people can still do stupid shit all day long
instead of being productive.
Okay, Mark, why do you keep Montrose and the Shell Pledge?
You guys dumped them, am I correct?
Eve and Marion.
No, I'm not changing the pledge.
I love it and they're going to stay in there.
Yeah, we started with them.
Yeah, yeah, it's part of the pledge and it's going to stay in there.
And I think it's fantastic, you know, promise to visit Montrose.
We acknowledge them for what they used to be.
Yes.
It's not our fault they got rid of the power plant.
Yeah, yeah, so there you go.
So, if you don't, you know, don't visit Montrose then, okay?
Don't take it out on us.
It's a perfectly fine pledge.
Leave it alone, right?
Yeah, there's still some good people that live there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's four of them and I'm sure a couple of them are good, right?
Right.
All right.
Mark, I have a program that you might be able to use.
I can send it to you.
I love what you are all doing, all three shows.
Mark, you're getting very good at solo casting too.
Trav and Cass County.
Okay, I know Trav and anyhow, he sent me some stuff and reminded me of some stuff I forgot over the course of this podcast.
Right, right.
Okay, number one, Trav has been listening to it since day one.
And I'm happy that he recognized that I'm getting much better at solo casting.
I'm approaching it differently and it takes a lot more prep because I always have to have something to move into instead of ad libbing it.
I have different stuff that I'm going to go into and, you know, I have different subjects down and I have a couple things written down about them.
And then that spawns more stuff that I want to talk about.
So I'm doing a little bit different and I'm glad that you noticed that Trav.
And thank you for acknowledging all three shows and we think they're all good.
Yes.
Yeah.
So anyhow, oh, the program you're talking about.
And hopefully we're all past what we've been going through and we're keeping rolling.
Yeah.
We're going to keep this rolling.
Yeah, yeah, we had a lot of things happen at once, but we always, our intention was to keep this thing going.
We might have a few interruptions, but we're going to keep going.
We love doing this.
So.
Life happens.
Everybody knows that.
Yep.
Yeah.
Okay.
That program that you're going to send me, Trav, don't because I know what you're speaking of and it's copyrighted.
You cannot, you can send it to me, but I can't log in under your credentials.
It's a different IP address and it won't let you.
I know of this program.
Okay.
So Trav, thank you.
It's a great program, but no, and also I don't want something that complicated to use anyhow, because I, this is simple because of the amount of time that I have and I keep it simple.
And that's the only way we can do this.
So, but thank you, Trav.
I appreciate that.
I mean, I know it's a very expensive program and I, and I appreciate you trying to get it to me.
So, okay.
Mark and Topher, do you guys plan on doing the Music Creeps again?
Will in Texas.
Yeah.
Rob and I have been incorporating some Music Creeps into this.
Yeah.
But when things get back to whatever our normal is, we'll start doing it again.
I mean, this is one thing that me, Rob and Topher all enjoy, you know, because Topher and I enjoy football more than Rob, you know, so we were perfect to do the sports bastards and Rob and I enjoy doing this.
So we're perfect to do this.
And the Music Creeps is that one thing that we all can get involved in and have something to say and know something about, right?
Right.
So the Music Creeps isn't going anywhere.
If anything, we're going to add to it because I got some ideas about some stuff we can do and it will also involve people either hopefully calling in on it or sending us emails about certain subjects because anyhow.
All right.
Guys, I would love to call in sometime and we'd really enjoy a talk with you guys.
I promise to be entertaining.
William and Shreveport.
I sent them my number, the phone number to this.
It's 816-217-2525, I believe.
816-217-2525.
And that is the number to the podcast.
So if you don't get anyone answering, leave a voicemail.
All right.
And then then we'll call you back and have you call in.
It would help if you could tell them when we're recording.
No, I was going to do that.
I was going to email.
I'm sorry.
I didn't.
You're right, Rob.
I didn't say anything about that.
I glossed over it.
Yeah.
I'll give you a heads up.
I'll probably email you.
Yeah, give him a heads up.
That way he has a chance at calling.
Yeah.
So you know what?
I mean, entertaining, that's great.
I mean, I'll take your word for it that you're going to be entertaining.
If nothing else, just laugh at our stupid jokes, right?
Right.
Yeah, you're in.
That's all you got to do.
Hey, Mark.
Worst case scenario, you hang up on me.
Yeah.
All right.
So yeah.
No, no.
Let's hope he's a good addition.
I hope so, too.
All right.
And we love for Shreveport to check in.
All right.
Hello, Louisiana.
Yeah, I do, too.
Yep.
Great food down there.
Great food.
As a matter of fact, I haven't been to New Orleans in a long time, and I am really, really,
really missing it.
Oh, yeah.
That's why I was let down.
And it's so tragic what happened there, too.
But I never go to Bourbon Street anyhow.
That is a tourist trap.
If you ever go to New Orleans, stay off of Bourbon Street.
Everything there is 10 times higher.
You can walk down it.
You can look at it.
Maybe even get a drink.
Get like a Hurricane or I forgot the other drink that they have there that they love
so much.
You can only have like two of them or something like that.
Anyhow, the Hurricane is one of my favorite drinks down there.
And get your Hurricane and just go through Bourbon Street, take a look at it, soak it
in, and then go over to Decatur and Jefferson Streets.
Those two are the ones that have just as good of bars, if not better, and they're much,
much cheaper.
If it's on Bourbon Street, and even Canal is kind of getting like that, too, it's going
to be much higher.
So, all right.
That is my good deed of the day, letting people know how to get cheap alcohol in New Orleans.
Isn't that a good deed, Rob?
No, that's a very good deed.
All right.
See?
All right.
Let's take our second break.
We're going to come back with something that Rob wants to send out there.
Jam X. What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the feet.
Spoke for you.
Hunk the man.
Hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst, the generation of noncompliance, is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers.
Everything's ruined.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream, Hey, there's
no toilet paper in here.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Your secrets are safe with me.
I never listen anyhow.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Garlic mustard could and should be a go-to food during an apocalypse.
Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere.
It is actually an invasive weed, but it can be very delicious and easily taken from about
any pasture.
Garlic mustard can be stewed or even pan-fried for delicious taste.
It can also be added to other ingredients, whether it's a salad or any other type of
food to enhance it.
Garlic mustard should be a go-to staple during the apocalypse.
Everybody knows Mark is a fucking idiot, but Mark would like to take the smoke to remind
you.
You're listening to this fucking idiot.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
The only podcast with gusto.
That's right.
Just like Schlitz Beer.
Google it.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You could have been an extra in Chernobyl.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
The origin of the goatee.
The goatee is a beard style that dates back to ancient Greece and Rome and is named for
its resemblance to a goat's beard.
The goatee has been worn by many famous men throughout history, including Uncle Sam, Henry
M. Hoyt and Mr. Spock.
The gob ham was often depicted with a goatee and in medieval and Renaissance art, Satan
was depicted with a goatee as well.
The goatee became popular again in 1940s as a defining trait of the beatniks and jazz
musicians.
It fell out of favor again in the 1960s, but became fashionable again in the 1990s and
2000s.
The term goatee originated in the late 20th century.
It was originally called a goatee.
At age 30, you've spent a month celebrating birthdays.
Now, for a limited time only, Rob Rath's new video series, How to Booty Clap and Quirk.
That's right, Rob shows you his signature booty clap and how to quirk with ease.
Order today and get a free pair of thongs with Rob's initials on them.
That's right, Rob's initials on a pair of thongs and learn how to booty clap with the
best, Rob.
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
All right, here we are again on the last segment of this podcast.
We turn to Rob for some entertainment.
All right, well, Sanchin, you mentioned, is it Creeks Fall Ago?
Here's your music news for the evening.
There you go, a two and one.
Ringo Starr is playing the Grand Ole Opry.
Yes, Ringo Starr of the Beatles.
That sounds awesome.
The music icon who just released his country album, Woke Up, was surprised by Grand Ole
Opry member, Emmylou Harris, with an official invitation during a recent performance.
When is that, Joe? July, Starr jokes about whether he'd be able to make it.
I'd love to. It's an honor and a pleasure.
Thank you.
Starr is scheduled to perform at the Grand Ole Opry on February 21st, which is to be
part of the Opry's 100th anniversary celebration.
Very cool. Awesome.
I forgot. He did come out with a country album this recent.
I forgot about that too. I have not had a chance to listen.
No, I have not either.
The AFC Championship game, I'm sorry I'm having these things poke over the wire on me because
I'm in Buffalo and Kansas City. I'm late now.
It's going to be Sunday night, this Sunday coming up January 26th at 6.30 p.m. Eastern
Time, 5.30 Central. So there you go. It's going to be the Sunday night game.
So the winner of that will be going to the Super Bowl with the winner of the Commanders
at the Eagles. So sounds like some more fun football stuff coming up.
Alright, let me get to a...
Yeah, the FCs, I want to watch.
Okay, I've got this little story here. This is a little quick one here.
Alright, a city in Oregon is pleading with the locals to stop taping googly eyes onto
roadside sculptures as a goofy gag. It's costing a pretty good fortune to take these things
off. Now, if you look this up, I think it's Bend, Oregon.
Okay, they're taking... You know those big googly eyes that they kind of like look different
if you look at them from different angles? They move around.
Okay, someone is gluing those to everything from stop signs to billboards to buses.
And anyhow, they don't know why they're doing it and they're not stopping is a problem because
it costs a lot of money. And I'll go into it. Officials in Bend noticed the oversized optics
taped onto metallic artwork of deer and geometric shapes at roundabouts throughout the area.
And there's a lot more too. There's a bunch of examples on this article.
While the googly eyes placed on the various art pieces around town might give you a chuckle,
it costs money to remove them with care not to damage the art. The city posted to its
Instagram account last week, removals run upward of $1,500 apiece because of the adhesive
on the eyes, reported Oregon Live. This reminds me of the deer penis prank. I don't know if
that's still going on. But in case anyone doesn't know, someone is painting large penises
on deer crossing signs. And this has been going on in Missouri for what, maybe two years now?
Yeah, it sounds like that.
Yeah. Anyhow.
Oh man, and I brought up that story about Missouri not being a bad place.
Oh, that's right. But anyhow, someone's been drawing, they've been spray painting large
deer penises on these signs. And this is like that too, because they're replacing all the
signs with the penis on them, and it costs money. And that's the downside of it. It comes
out of the state's budget, because they have to replace signs that have large penises on
them. That way children don't see that. So anyhow, googly eyes. We've got penises over
here. They have googly eyes in Oregon. Yeah, hey, whatever. You know, I think we're cooler
for having deer penises, don't you?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Alright, Rob, we turn to you after that little chuckle-hut deal.
Okay. Coolers Light announced on Wednesday that it's temporarily changing its name to
Mondays Light.
Okay.
In an attempt to bring chill to one of the worst Mondays of the year by selling a 12-pack
of beer at Bury, the new moniker. The packaging, which replaces the word coolers for Mondays,
is available at retailers nationwide beginning this month for a limited time. Television
after promoting the package, dubbed that specific day as the worst Monday of the year since
football season is over. It sounds like this is going to be a Super Bowl commercial. But
it shows the packaging. It looks like Coolers Light packaging, but instead of coolers, it
says Mondays Light.
Okay. That's actually a pretty good little promo, I think. Because there is like post-football
depression, I think. And that's when the Super Bowl is over. And you know there's no more
weekends with all these great games going on. There's no more Sunday night. There's
no more Monday night. There's no more Thursday night for at least a half a year, if not a
little bit longer. And I get it because it bothers me too. I'm like, oh shit. Damn it.
And it will help draw attention to something different.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's going to help us sell.
Also, another thing that's kind of in play is the UFL. The UFL is in coordination with
the NFL. And they're trying to make that stick. You know, it has people like Dwayne the Rock
Johnson behind it. So what they're trying to do is make it like a minor league to the
NFL. And what it is, is there's a lot of kids that fall through the cracks. They couldn't
go to college for whatever reason. Financial or whatever. Was it smart enough to get an
academic? Wasn't quite good enough to get an athletic scholarship? And you know, some
kids develop later. They just need a little format to do it on, a platform to do it on.
And they excel a little bit later. There's been a lot of examples of that. So what the
UFL is designed to do is to get the kids that fell through the crack and try to nurture
them along into an NFL player. So the UFL might be a great answer to this. And then,
you know, by the time the UFL is done, you only have to wait like a month and training
camp starts. So I think that's the idea. Now when they add that 18th game, it'll probably
push it back another week and you're not going to have that much time in between. It looks
to me like pretty much after the basketball championship's over, football season is starting
with its, you know, with its mini camps and stuff like that. So, all right. Rob, you know
what a Venmo mom is? No. Okay. A TikTok mom. Sounds interesting. It depends. Yeah, I think
it's interesting enough to bring up. A TikTok mom brought attention to this type of parent
and got a lot of feedback. Memo to parents everywhere. And this is what she said. A new
parenting term has entered the lexicon. It's Venmo mom. Now Venmo is a, it's kind of like
PayPal. It's the way you pay people online securely. And people can send you money and
you can send other people or businesses this money online. Okay. And, and you may want
to pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea and pull up a chair because the broader debate,
this term has triggered about parenting styles and an important one. Casey Neal, a mom recently
posted a TikTok video in which she explains that instead of volunteering, she prefers
to provide money to support her children's school teams instead of, you know, giving
time. If the room, if the room mom needs money for everyone to participate, fine. I'll Venmo
money right over. I do not want to set up. I mean, this is what she's saying. I even
told one of the coaches today that I am a Venmo mom and I'm not, I don't have enough
time to go down there and help out. But what I will do is I will send you money through
Venmo. Neal concludes the video with a caption proud Venmo mom. She's not the only one either.
A recent report from Prodigy, a digital game based learning platform finds 50% of caregivers
say they are Venmo parents. Um, that's compared to 40% who say they are room parents and 24%
that says they are team parents and 9% are uninvolved parents. So it sounds like 50%
of the parents don't want to be bothered with it. So they send money. They Venmo money to
whatever it is, a school team, maybe they need a new helmets, maybe they need to need
new badminton rackets. They need volunteers to come help coach, um, concessions, whatever,
right? So what they do is they would rather send money and they're kind of proud of it.
Like, Hey, we don't have anything to do with that, that stuff going on. But what we do
is we'll send you money and, uh, and that's supposed to be good enough. The TikTok mom
points out that, uh, while she will of course ensure that her kids do their homework and
get to school on time, she experiences stress when her children, uh, school or sports teams
ask parents to volunteer their time. I don't know about anyone else out there. Meet the
teacher is super stressful because I do not want to be involved at all. Says Neil mother
of four. Yeah, I, I get that. I totally get that. I don't want to be on PTO PTA room mom
team mom. I don't want anything to do with that, but if you need money, I will Venmo
it to you for the cause. Um, they're doing their part, I guess, right? Yeah. I mean,
I, I'm assuming they have enough volunteers. These activities go on. So, yeah. Yeah. When
you got things, do you got things? And also you and I both agree. So the schools could
take care of it. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. No, it sounds like we're, we were in agreement
on that by your reaction to that too, or cut about the super stressful and all that. Yeah.
Nobody likes dealing with all that. It isn't a lot of fun. Um, and, uh, yeah, that's why
we pay you. Yeah, that's right. That's why we've been mo you money. So anyhow, I thought
that was an interesting little article. So Rob, we turn to you. Okay. People only just
realizing a serial company jingle was written by a huge rock band. Just before the height
of their fame, the band, which went on to top the charts and sell out arenas across
the globe was writing jingles for Rice Krispies. Okay. The first ever, the first ever commercial
for the cereal brand employed the rockers talents and fans of the group are only just
learning about the advert today. Our fans have since labeled the big Jagger led song
a gem of a fine and joke. It was bad, but incredible to hear the legendary band of one,
the jingle one user is sense joke. They have, they should have busted this out on their
last board. Okay. Well, they might be better remembered for songs like the black and give
me shelter rolling stones at why they're trade for commercial artists before the gig break.
Or jingle for Rice Krispies. So it all has since been uncovered and shared to X where
bands were left stunned by the song. One user who posted the video wrote, did you know
the rolling stones were recorded a jingle Rice Krispies cereal back in 1964? Didn't
know that. No, I didn't either. Yeah. They were, I guess they were jingles. I've heard
the monkeys, I've heard the monkeys do some of those and you know, the monkeys were a
make made up band that made it really big. And then they had to call people to, yeah.
Yeah. Um, so yeah, I heard the monkeys do a lot of that because they were so popular
at the time and they had the TV show. I didn't know the stones did. It's interesting. Go
ahead. Yeah. They were doing commercials. Have you ever saw the Ronnie James Dio rainbow
in the dark, but wiser commercial? Yes. Yes, I did see that. Yeah. It didn't play for
very long, but that was an interesting thing. A lot of people don't even know that exists,
but in the early eighties, uh, when he came out with the first album, um, Holy diver,
uh, I guess a Budweiser decided to hire him to do a commercial. So interesting. Um, is
that it, Rob? Yeah, that was it. Okay. Um, okay. Real quick. I want to say something.
Okay. The Benmo mom and the school stuff. Um, I was reminded of this the other day and
I forgot, but we used to, um, get coffee mugs. It said number one mom and we switched them
with a people's, uh, other coffee cups and their mugs. And so some dude would come back
and he would have a number one mom cup full of coffee instead of his. He used to drive
them nuts. Oh, and I also have to tell the big, the big and ball-biter I've threatened
to do that like four times now and I've never told it again. So, uh, okay. All right. Okay.
This is the final time I'm going to tell this cause I've told it like four times now. Um,
so, all right. Probably so. Yes. So anyhow, I had a couple of people grumble about it.
So here you go. And this is it. If you, if you want to hear it again, replay this, you're
not going to hear it again. I'm done with it. So, okay. Um, we used to, uh, practice
in school and, and, um, we were a small country school. Okay. So we didn't really have any
capital to work with. So, um, we had these, um, helmets that we got from real schools
like Notre Dame to sign a rocker, stuff like that. They would give us their old helmets.
Okay. And, um, and we'd simply put like a Viking horn on the side of them, you know,
their white helmets. And that was our helmets. So, uh, anyhow, these helmets never would
fit right. They would always pop off. So anyhow, we're, um, we're practicing and, um, there
was this, um, our coach had this thing. Okay. If you told on someone that committed a foul,
he'd make you run gassers. And that was, um, the side length of the football field twice,
um, not the length of the football field, but the side length. So you go that and you
run that twice. And as a gasser and depending on how many times someone NARC, that's how
many that you would have to run. And so if he had a squealer, he would get his ass beat
in the locker room. Cause he just made you run like 10 of those gassers and you were
hurting and tired and you're pissed. So, okay. All that being said, now we had this one guy,
we called him Biggin. He's just a big old fucking farm guy. I mean, he used to like
be a haybucker cause he could like, you know, pick them up one hand and throw them up over
the truck. So, um, anyhow, Biggin, he was kind of like a run stopper. He, we just put
him in the middle. He really wasn't good at anything else, not really running or anything,
but he was hard to get around cause he was so huge. So Biggin was an evil bastard. Biggin,
what he would do when you're in the bottle, you're in the bottom of the dog pile. He grew
his two fingernails out, his thumb and his index finger, and he sharpen them into a point
and he would pinch you right there in the short meat, right next to your nutsack on
your inner thigh. And he would pinch until he drew blood. It hurt like hell. And you
couldn't narc on him because then everyone would run gassers and you'd get your ass
beat in the locker room. Well, you know, we just kind of had to take it. So it sucked.
So there's like really, really hot. I remember this well, and we're getting ready to play
Drexel. Bobcats are number one arch enemy, which is about 11 miles to the south of where
we were and we hated them and they hated us. And so we're practicing up for the big game
as a homecoming game. And it's like, I don't know, it's September is like 110 degrees out
there, just hotter than hell. And, um, they have one thing that Biggin would do is if,
um, if his helmet will pop off, he would bite you as far up as he could. Instead of using
his fingernails, he would just go and just bite the piss out of you. So we had this little
running back named Jimmy and, uh, anyhow, he was really fast and he always made us all
look bad, especially big and cause he could move that well. So, um, Jimmy was having some
sort of, I don't know, jock itch parietis or something on his inner legs. And you know,
he's like showing us, well dude, man, that sucks. So he couldn't wear his jock strap.
Okay. So he was free bowling because man, it really hurt down there is all chafed from
this parietis or whatever, a jock itch or whatever it was. So we're out there practicing
is like 110 degrees and dog pile happens. Jimmy's on the bottom of it. So is Biggin.
So Biggin reaches in there to bite him. And I guess Jimmy's nutsack was hanging a little
low because it wasn't like tucked in with a jock strap and Biggin bit his nutsack instead
of biting his inner leg. And, and, uh, gosh, all you hear is this blood curling scream.
And I was like, Oh, Biggin, yeah. Okay. Biggin got somebody, right? So Jimmy jumps up and
he's got this blood. There's an out of his white pants. Cause he was in the way he was
doing the away part. He was playing Drexel and there's his blood everywhere. And the
coach is like, what the hell just happened? He runs over there. He tears, uh, Jimmy's
fucking pants down to see what's going on. And he sees this huge fucking black bite mark
bleeding. And he's like, who did this? Who did this? Everyone pointed a Biggin. So anyhow,
Biggin went in there and he got a lot of shit over it. And, uh, anyhow, someone reminded
me the other day that, um, the family almost got in trouble over that because I guess division
of family services wanted to know how he got a bite on his nutsack and had to straighten
it all out. And Biggin got in some shit. And I don't think it was like the kind of shit
he would get into today, but you know, he got like detention and then some other stuff,
but I don't think he was allowed to play football the rest of the year. And then the year after
that he played, but he never did that again. So anyhow, Biggin the ball biter. So whenever
you hear us say someone's getting a Biggin ball bite instead of a crack on the ass,
when we're giving out the ass paddling, that's well deserved. Right? Yeah. Biggin ball bite.
Yeah. Yes. So yeah, that is the last time I'm telling us. Okay. I'm going to try hard
not to bring that up ever again, but if I bring it up during an ass paddling, we're
just going to tell you to listen to early episodes and find it there. So that is the
last time I'm speaking of Biggin the ball biter. The less I think about him, the better
off my life is. So anyhow, Rob, Rob, go ahead. Yes. Uh, we're the daily quarterback, Terry
Bradshaw is bringing his celebrated stage production to the Clay Cooper theater in
2025. You think he ever got his balls bit? Oh, I'm sure he did. I'm sure he did too.
I'm sure somebody bit his nuts. He played with Phil Robertson. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He
got his nuts bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. According to a press release from Clay Cooper theater,
the Terry Bradshaw show is returning for 11 performances this year, starting in March.
The series comes just after the city of Branson, Missouri recognized Bradshaw's contributions
to the city's economy and entertainment legacy by having December 13th and 14th, 2024 as
a Terry Bradshaw week. Yeah. He's very cool. Branson, Missouri. Uh, Bradshaw will tell
stories from his life and career with humor and country music sprinkled in. I would love
to see that. I mean, he plays such a goof and I don't really think he's like that in
real life. I think he's probably pretty intelligent. He is a very good quarterback, Hall of Fame
quarterback, but on Fox, he plays the goofy guy. He plays the old, old codger and he does
it so well. I think he'd be very entertaining to watch. So, wow, that's cool. I've watched
his reality show a couple of times. He has? You could tell. He's a storyteller. You could
tell. I could see that. You know. I didn't know he had a reality show. I would be one
that would be interested in sitting down and listening. Yeah. I think that would be extremely
entertaining. Wow. Very cool. Thank you, Rob. Sure. All right. Do you want to keep this
shit show going for a little bit longer or do you want to cap it off? Well, that's all
I have tonight other than hi Ricky. Oh, hi Ricky. We're still waiting for Jimmy and Grandma
Opal to write me an email so we can start including them in. It breaks our heart to
not mention them anymore, but we had a deal. We didn't hear from them in what, two months?
Yeah. Oh, it was longer than that. Oh, yeah, yeah, but I think it'd been two months since
we posted the warning saying, hey, if you don't report to us, we're cutting it. So it
hurts us, guys. Send an email. It hurts us. And if my email screwed up, I'm sorry. It's
on me. I can't guarantee you it's not. Yep. All right. Gen Z says, these are easy ways
to spot millennials. Okay. So Gen Z's like to spot millennials and make fun of them.
They wrote this huge thing online about how you spot them. Okay. So they're making fun
of their tendencies. They said the number one way a Gen Z can spot a millennial is skinny
jeans. Remember those things? Yep. Oh, yeah. Millennials fell into the capitalist trap
that itchy, chafing, skin tight denim that clings to all the wrong places is something
they can't live without. Sure, skinny jeans were hot for a while, but isn't it time to
let it go? What was once a wardrobe staple now looks lumpy and throws off the balance
of any outfit. I agree. We don't know who skinny jeans were made for, but they're neither
comfy nor cute. So I would have to agree with Gen Z on that. What do you think? Oh, yeah,
definitely. Yep. They say the second way to notice them is side parts. You don't need
to tell anyone that you're not past your teenage emo phase because Gen Z teens can already
see it in your hair. That's right. If your part is to the side instead of straight down
the middle, you're probably a millennial who spent your high school days hiding your acne
behind bleach fringe and slowly adapted the style too. So there you go. All right. Then
the next one is emojis. They say millennials like to use the generic emojis and nothing
involved. They like the smiley faces and the LOLs, but they don't like anything else. That's
all they use is like a standard five emojis on anything. They say the next one is coffee
addiction. If you're, if you rely on shit, look, man, I'm an exer all the way and I have
a coffee addiction. So I don't know about this one and the boomers I know, although
they drink Folgers and I do not drink that. Um, they have a coffee addiction too. Only
they, they like a different type of coffee, right? They like that truck stop stuff, right?
Right. All right. Coffee addiction. If you're lying on three cups of organic, this is true.
Okay. Organic Ethiopian coffee with four pumps of caramel creamer to become a decent human
in the morning. You probably need a different coping mechanism. Um, sure. Gen Z enjoys the
occasional morning coffee run or study break, but they don't complain on Instagram live
about withdrawal headaches, uh, for, uh, caffeine free for five hours. Try water for a change.
Your organs will thank you. Maybe boomers are right about something. There's no way
millennials are informed and productive and individuals that they spend 50% of their day
figuring out what type of, uh, of cheese they are based on according to their zodiac sign.
One Buzzfeed quiz here and there is an innocent enough until you find the millennials in your
life crouched over their keyboards complaining to customer service that the newest game of
Thrones trivia quiz had a typo in question five that they would never have. They have
yellow color to highlight it and they are mad about it. I agree with that. Buzzfeed
quizzes. And this is true too. Maybe boomers are right about something. There's no way
millennials aren't. What is it? You know what? Sorry. Um, it went into the next one, but
it repeated the last paragraph. Anyhow, dog goes, sorry. I wasted your time with that.
Everybody. All right. Dog goes and puppers and floofs. Oh my, are the, are, uh, are there
actual no dogs left in the world? The baby talk was cute for awhile, but now it's just
embarrassing. Sure. Dogs are cute, but have some self-respect. Gen Z views their pets
as companions more than actual children. So calling them dog goes feels as outdated as
calling random children tots. So, all right. You know what? I think these are pretty close.
What do you think? Yeah. I call my dogs my kids. No, I do too. Some of these bleed over
into other ones, but they're kind of generalizing this and I get it. So, okay. Next one is radical
gen X. Yeah. We're the weird ones. Yeah. We're firmly encapsulated in the gen X. All right.
Medical t-shirts. Okay. I kind of fit in this too, man. I like wearing t-shirts that piss
people off. Okay. Yeah, me too. All right. Becoming a passionate social justice advocate
is one thing, but manifesting that political energy in the form of a t-shirt alone is one
of the quickest ways to separate millennials from gen Z. Zoomers don't think your nasty
woman t-shirt is offensive or even cringy as long as you actually inform yourself about
the world past Instagram about your shirt. I agree. I agree. No one needs to know about
your shirt on Instagram. Just wear it and piss people off. All right. And then personality
tests. A bit of advice. Never insult a millennial's Harry Potter house if you ever want to speak
to them again. I agree. From zodiac signs to Meyer-Briggs tests. Yeah. Remember when
the Meyer-Briggs tests were big? Everything was based on that. Anyhow, millennials cling
to their personality types like they're the last jug of almond milk in whole foods. True.
Well, you can't always tell that someone's a millennial by looking at them. You'll definitely
be able to tell by their social media bias. Bios, not bias. If you say anything along
the lines of just an INFJ girl living in a GRF-I finder world, then that's all the evidence
you need. Bonus points if they have their zodiac sign tattooed behind their ears. Yep.
Adult team. Okay. Some of the things on this last aren't that bad, but adult team memes
have to, they have got to go. And I agree with it. We get it. You're not a teenager
anymore and being an adult is super different than playing video games all day and sleeping
in class. Just saying if you're one of the millennials still defending them, you're fighting
a losing battle. And I agree with that. Everyone knows adult team sucks, right? But do you
have to post it all the time and go, oh, I hate adult team. Oh my gosh, man, my feet
hurt. I've been adulting all day. Okay. So has the rest of us, right? Right. Yeah. But
we're not going around like, you know, talking about it constantly and you know, posting
shit. And this one, I agree with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I call it in my life. How many
people care? Calling your my life adulting is an insult to being an adult. Wouldn't you
say? Oh yeah. Yeah. It's an insult. It makes it seem all, you know, no, no, it isn't.
The next one I agree with a hundred percent selfies. The act of taking a selfie isn't
exclusively a millennial trait because we see boomers taking more pictures of themselves
these days than the rest of us. That's true. That's true. The zoomers will charm slowly
eroded as media and advertisement caught up to the digital culture and tried to mimic
teenager speak for more views. It's not hip. It's not cool when in doubt, you can't go
wrong with let's take a pic. So I agree. Everything that they said there. Yeah. Selfies really
got ridiculous. What were you saying? Maybe four years ago. Yeah. And here's something
that happened during COVID. Everybody had to post. Yeah. Everyone had to post their
pictures of them wearing their mask. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares. Everyone hated
wearing a fucking mask. No one wanted to see you with your, I don't know, your brightly
colored mask or your, I don't know, your fucking captain America mask or whatever. Nobody gave
a shit, but they sure thought they did. The next one, Ikea furniture. Yeah, I agree with
that. I'm not even going to go into that. Ikea furniture is a cult of its own. Yep. Pizza
and wine, Buzzfeed quizzes. Yep. Pizza and wine and a Buzzfeed, a Buzzfeed quiz is definitely
millennial. And they even got some extras on that too. And then finally social media
wars. And this is true. You ever see someone going to battle on Facebook? Someone would
say something and they didn't agree with their opinion. So they jump all over them and try
to get everyone against them. Yeah. Yep. That is definitely, definitely a millennial and
probably even a little X and maybe some Z's. And anyhow, and even boomers. I've seen boomers
do it too. You know, and especially like political boomers are not afraid to get after someone
about their political beliefs. If they put it online. Yeah. And millennials are a little
bit more cordial about it and they'll try to paint a bad picture of you without saying
it. Or boom boomers will go, you're a stupid ass for thinking like that. Right? Right.
I just say what I have to say and you say what you have to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like
I said, I'll go ahead. I'm such an audience about it. No. And like I always said, we don't
do political on this because how old are you? You know how you feel. Yeah. There's not one
thing Rob or I could tell you that wouldn't make you just go, Oh, I've never thought of
that before. I am switching my everything, my beliefs in everything. So truthful. Um,
all right. Well, yeah. You want to go ahead and wrap this shit show up, Rob? Yeah. I'm
done to the night. Alrighty. I'm done too. That last article, I'm sorry. It was much
longer. I prefered it and tried to condense it the most I could, but evidently, zeers
have a lot of fucking angst against millennials. It sounds like. So anyhow, I hope those two
work out their differences. So anyhow, alrighty everybody. Thank you for listening. Have a
great night. Goodnight assholes. Goodnight assholes.