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Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Welcome. Here we are again doing this show from Middle America, Kansas City and Camden-ton, which is two and a half hours to my south.
And Camden-ton is Rob's part and Kansas City is my part.
So, hi Rob over in Camden-ton.
Oh hi Mark, up in KC.
They're both in Missouri in case you don't know.
Rob, I got a new pet peeve, right?
Oh shit.
I'm starting to do this thing with...
I'm bored.
You'll get it Rob, trust me, you'll get it.
I'm sure this has been done to you and I'm sure you like sitting there scratching your head going, what the hell? What the fuck? What are they thinking?
I'm starting to do this just to screw with people now.
When you post an old memory on Facebook, let's say you're in Aruba at a beach resort or something and it comes up on your memory and you're like, oh man, gosh.
I'll repost it and put something like Psy in reference to wanting to be there because it's five below and snowpacked currently, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're like, oh man, gosh, I remember that. Damn, damn, too bad I'm here.
Then the dummies that can't read the five years ago clearly marked on the post in large letters.
And write, okay? And then someone asks, hey, when are you coming back? Or what's the temperature there? Right?
And you're like sitting there going, hmm.
This is five fucking years ago and it says that right there.
It's like, is a person really not paying that much attention?
So now I just figured out instead of going, oh no, I'm not there. This was a few. This is five years ago.
Explain it. So what I do is I post and debate people now.
When someone goes, when are you coming back? I say something just like Monday.
And then usually they reply with this coming Monday. And then I just say something like, I'll have to look at my schedule. I'm not sure.
They're like, they don't say anything. Or the temperature. I'll reply with like 130 degrees just to see what they say, right?
130.
With absurd shit because it's absurd to me that people can't read that it's been five fucking years ago.
And then it's like then if they don't say anything, I'll reply with it's hot, but I'll jump in the ocean and cool off.
The palm trees love 130 degree heat.
And that's pretty much about it from that right there, because I don't know if they're just kind of like, oh, didn't know that.
Or if you're like, oh, he's screwing with me because they usually don't answer.
So anyhow, oh, I got one thing for you, Rob. You want to hear this?
It's like 808, right? And it's January 14th, 2025.
And the Bengals are still not in the playoffs.
Just saying.
Yeah.
Just saying. They're still not in the playoffs.
And also I'm calling, I'm calling bullshit on Mother Nature, Rob.
OK, a blizzard, ice, snow at subzero temperatures, plus three days after a foot of snow.
Mother Nature has a gold added over three or four inches our way.
Yeah. Yeah. It's complete bullshit.
I know you guys got ice and snow down there too in the subzero.
We got like two inches of ice with about four or five inches of snow on top of it.
It's been melting so now all the parking lots, any parking lots that have been touched like mine,
this is nothing but ice, the skating area.
Oh, yeah. That's like Mother Nature coming up and clubbing you in the fucking head.
And then when you're on the ground, she comes up and cracks you in the balls.
Oh, it's really fun being on a forklift unloading steel off a truck.
Oh, fuck. Oh my God. Oh.
Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, you end up slamming a truck a few times.
Got to apologize.
Wow. I never even thought about that.
That would suck because I've been outside on a forklift before unloading steel.
And it's complicated as it is because you can't, you have to do it a certain way
because it will tip the forklift over or you'll hit something or you have to have it tilted just right.
I mean, and then come in on the pallet if you have it tipped up just a little too much,
it'll gouge the steel. If you have it too down, it will gouge the truck.
So you got to, yeah.
And there's all this stuff that people don't know anything about that has never done that.
It's a real pain in the ass.
Yeah, you only got like two, three inches to get your forks in.
Yeah, and that's it. I could imagine doing it on ice, Rob. I'd be like, fuck.
That's why they love me, man. That's why they love me.
Because you get it done. That's why.
Oh, hey, hey, I'm thinking about doing a new series of skits, right?
Okay.
Okay, it's going to be called The Adventures of Right Back At You Guy.
Are you getting what I'm saying here? The Right Back At You Guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, he's a dude that can say, you can say anything and he'll always reply, right back at you.
You can say, man, I have leg cancer and they're amputating tomorrow.
He would go, right back at you.
He's a guy that doesn't give a fuck about anyone else.
He usually wears a jogging suit to a restaurant, you know.
They get into 70s and early 80s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, and they don't bother to hear what you're saying.
If it sounds like you're saying a greeting to them, they don't want to bother with it.
Right back at you.
So I'm thinking about doing a Right Back At You skit, like a series of them.
Yeah, like, yeah, you know, like you get your leg cut off and right back at you or, you know, other things, you know.
Yeah, you like that idea?
I love it. I love it.
All right, cool. We will be doing Right Back At You Guy.
And also, finally, I would like to say congratulations to the NFL.
They figured out how to get Arizona another playoff game in their lifetime.
And that would have been because there is too much smoke and the air quality is bad in L.A.
So they had to move the playoff game last night to Arizona.
So there you go, Arizona. You got it. You got it.
So you got one. And anyhow, that will probably be the last one you get the rest of the century.
But you got one. Yeah. Your team may not have been in it, but you got one.
So it played at your home. That's right.
So they got one. Yeah. So there we go.
All right. So, Rob, how you been?
You got anything you want to talk about or go into here or anything?
Yeah, I got a quick one. OK.
Actually, this was Sunday. OK.
The Denver Buffalo game. Oh, yeah.
OK. I was in the sports bathroom.
And I heard you calling for Denver.
You said they would be dangerous.
I was wrong. I understand.
OK. They were the first men.
But this goes into more than just that game.
OK. That game was Jim Nance's 500th game commentating.
Did he announce that or did you read that?
Yes. No, no. It was announced. Yes.
And his first name was in 1988.
Wow. Yeah. It was a 500th commentating game.
Wow. Congratulations, Jim Nance.
Yep. Congratulations, Jim Nance.
And congratulations on putting up with Tony Romo that long.
Or not that long.
Actually, it was Tony's damn day.
When they announced it.
Yeah, they do Tony Romo and Jim Nance as their number one crew.
Yeah. Yeah.
Excuse me, man. My Gatorade went down the wrong pipe.
So, OK, cool.
No, I couldn't have been more wrong about Denver because I had that theory that the Chiefs...
No, I agree with you when you said it. That was a dangerous combination.
Yeah, because they were amped up.
They're like, we beat the defending world champions, two-time world champion, back to back.
We beat them 38 to nothing.
I would think that their mindset wouldn't be like, these are the backups.
I think their mindset would be like...
Yeah.
But Buffalo just figured them out because it was actually a good game going into halftime.
It was 10 to 7 at halftime.
It should have been 10 to 10, but the guy missed the field goal.
He missed a chip shot.
So it should have been tied at 10.
But what happened is when Buffalo went in there and studied the tape, they figured something out.
Denver, they might have figured something out, but they didn't have the talent to do something about it.
You know what I'm saying?
They might have been like, well, we need to expose this.
Well, who's going to do it to expose it?
Like, I don't know, like in pass protection, which they obviously didn't have very much of.
Sir Tan looked great in the first half.
Second half, he looked non-existent.
So they figured out a way to get by certain elements.
And Denver didn't figure out a way to get by certain elements.
You know what I mean?
And I kind of chalk it up to Denver not having quite all the talent that they need.
So, you know, when they went in and made adjustments, you know, it was a great game plan until Buffalo got to go sit down for 15 minutes and talk about it.
And then they're like, all right, well, we're going to have to do this and this and this.
So when they did that, they had the game figured out and that was it.
And there's probably really once you go on that level to where you haven't figured out the talent wasn't there for Denver.
So, you know, but still the game that's going to be really good here and I got to think about it.
And I don't know if Denver beat Buffalo, if I would want to face them.
They'd be on such a high because, oh, we beat the Chiefs and the Bills.
Here's what I think.
What's real? Number one, I think we can handle anybody and I'm not afraid of anybody.
And I encourage anyone to come on.
Come on, man.
Come on and get a piece of this champion.
OK.
Number two, you're going to have the Ravens and the Bills in a fucking fistfight.
It's going to be a nasty, nasty fight because both of these teams.
Yes, I think that that might be better to sit there and watch them knock the piss out of each other.
And and also the Chiefs are not going to have an easy run either.
I'm getting tired of people saying this and people disrespecting the Texans.
The Texans are a better team than I thought they were this year.
Their defense is really coming around.
They got some pass rushers that are insanely good and they are going to get into a really big fight with the Chiefs.
And it's going to take all the Chiefs have to win.
I mean, that's the way it is.
Oh, go ahead.
Earlier in the year, we mentioned we wanted to see C.J. and Patrick.
Yes, and we're going to see this.
In a playoff game.
Yeah, in a playoff game.
And this is one of the ones.
This is the up and comers that we were talking about, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And this is one of the ones that we looked about like the commanders.
We're going to see we're going to see them against the Eagles.
We're going to see Jalen Hurts and Shaquan Barkley against Jaden Daniels and the commanders, the newcomers.
Jaden Daniels looks fantastic as a rookie.
You know, C.J. Stroud is a second year guy.
He looks fantastic.
I mean, these are the up and comers that are going to be challenging Mahomes and Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson.
For years to come.
Yes.
And this is going to keep going on.
Some of them are going to fall off.
Maybe Burroughs is going to fall off.
I mean, look, Burroughs had a great year.
But did you, you heard the stats that I read off, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
None of them were close to Mahomes' best.
None of them.
And he's supposed to be a better quarterback.
And he's never won anything.
He went to the Super Bowl one time, one time.
And one because he pulled it out of his ass is because Mahomes took the team on his back.
And when he did that, he threw an interception.
He made it.
He made a mistake trying to win the game for us.
And Burroughs didn't do that.
Burroughs didn't come out and launch some fucking throw that was incredible.
He didn't do it.
Mahomes made a mistake.
He had nothing to do with him winning.
He had nothing to do with it.
So I'm getting tired of the little skip-tard ballists over there fucking mouthing off at little mealy-mouthed bitch.
Over there, crawling up Burroughs' ass.
That little bitch, he is a counter programmer.
I'm telling you, you could go, that car over there is in the left lane.
No, no, no, that's in the right lane.
That's because the motherfucker has no talent.
All this allegedly, in my opinion, all that good shit.
But yeah, motherfucker has no talent.
The only thing he can do is counter program.
That's it.
He can't say anything intelligible to make people think.
All he can do is go against what everybody knows.
I think that's what he gets paid for.
It is what he gets paid for.
That's his job.
Go against everybody else.
That's the only reason he's employed at all.
Not because he's knowledgeable.
Not because of anything.
Except he's a good little fucking banterer about stuff.
He'll try to come up with the assert and try to prove it right.
So anyhow, alright, we can go ahead and go on from a little skip-tard.
Although we love talking about him.
Oh, we love talking about that little bitch.
Him and his little bitty tiny fist raising the air.
I'll bet you he likes kale.
You think he likes kale?
We've said that many times before.
Yeah, he likes kale.
And he probably wears a man bun when no one's around.
You know, the only way you can tell if he's ovulating is his man bun's really tight.
Other than that, you...
I almost bet he puts on a wig to get a man bun.
I think so too.
That little fella.
That little guy.
Okay, alright.
Now, let's see.
Oh, we got some ass padlins.
Okay.
And oh, guess who made an appearance.
He came back from Argentina, wherever he is.
Jeffy X is back.
Yes, he is.
Right on.
If we get to Jeffy X, great.
We'll do what?
No, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Oh, we'll see if we get to Jeffy X.
We've got a lot of stuff to cover until then.
But Jeffy X is back and he came back.
He has a facial transplant, so no one knows what he looks like.
He's still wearing the Sgt. Pepper's outfit.
I figured that.
Oh my God.
It is just black and kind of greasy.
Oh God.
Yeah, he refuses to change it.
That's over a year old, man.
I know, and he keeps getting kicked out of places because he smells so bad.
People are like, hey, you've got to go take a shower.
But he won't take it off.
I told him to go through the car wash.
Maybe that would help.
I don't know.
Just close his eyes.
Yeah.
Put his fingers in his ears.
I told that too.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
Maybe you will one of these days.
So, you know.
Okay, one note.
One note.
Okay.
On our last podcast, you and I did, you came up with a name or names we cannot pronounce.
Okay.
You remember?
No, I don't.
Is that a name you were using?
Yeah, whatever it was.
Okay.
Well, I came up with my names.
Okay.
I'm going old school.
Okay.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Okay, go ahead.
When I cannot pronounce a name, I want to say Joe Blower, Jane Blow.
Okay, I know what you're talking about.
I'm going old school.
Yeah.
I come up with so much weird shit in my mind, I forget it.
Oh, and before I forget this, I had a, not a correction, but someone reminded me of something
that happened, like they always do, like the Westport stuff and all that.
I always have a friend go, hey, you know, fuck hammer, you named after Tripp Hammer.
Okay, and all this stuff.
This is stuff I forgot.
The flyer was Legs Diamond or something, I think is Legs Diamond is a glam band from
LA that like looked hideous and had makeup on.
And I forgot that I use them as fuck hammers look as the band members.
And I got reminded of that.
Well, okay.
I told the Big and the Ball Biter story, right?
And I'll tell you at the end of this, okay.
I'll make sure, remind me, Big and the Ball Biter.
Okay.
His family actually got a welfare call, a division of family welfare, because of the bite marks on his nuts.
Yes.
They wanted to know what happened.
Yeah, they gave them a rash of shit over it and they're like, we didn't do it.
It was a kid at school.
They were playing football.
And I'd forgotten all about that.
Yeah, they got a lot of shit over that.
And they're like, dude, no one here bit his nuts.
We're his family.
This fucking idiot at school bit his nuts, not us.
Anyhow, Trev, thank you.
I forgot.
I would have blamed it on himself.
You know, he did it himself.
Yeah.
So anyhow, Trev, my friend from back then, he sent me a message going, hey, I was listening to some old podcasts.
And he goes, you remember what happened to that family?
I go, no, I don't.
Yeah, they got in a bunch of shit.
I forgot all about that.
And they didn't have anything to do with it.
So anyhow, I guess they had to come up with a report from school, being in bit his nuts, whatever.
I don't know how ever they did that.
So let's go to our first break real quick and then we're going to come back with some stories.
That sound good?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
So I did put together a small list of singers with other bands.
Oh, cool.
You got the big ones.
Yeah, OK.
I've got those too.
All right, cool.
I got like seven of them.
So I kept under Tulsa King's rules.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I kept under Tulsa King's rules too.
Let me see here.
Yeah.
Well, let's go to break.
We'll get to it later.
OK.
All right.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
This is the story of Dr. Pepper.
Originally made in Morrison's Old Corner Drugstore in Wicom, Texas, the drink's unique flavor
was a hit when it was first sold in 1885.
Wade Morrison, the drugstore owner, named it Dr. Pepper after Dr. Charles Pepper, a
Virginia doctor who the father of a girl, Morrison, he was once in love with.
You can still go to the Dr. Pepper Museum and still purchase the original formula with
pure artesian well water and pure cane sugar.
It's quite a treat if you're into Dr. Pepper.
Harambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchig Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchig Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchig
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone.
Sadly, Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and Enchig Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder or any other show anymore.
Sorry, Harambe.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
The Scott Thayel, Aaron Moran comedy hour with special guest star Art Carney is coming up
tonight for mandatory viewing.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
Would you grab me by the shoulder?
That way I can tell everybody I was touched by an angel.
Mm-hmm.
Jammed X.
What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the feet.
Spoke for you.
Hunk the man.
Hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst.
The generation of noncompliance.
Is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers.
Everything's ruined.
Introducing Rob Radd's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
You watched the news. It was grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post-apocalypse list.
One of the most overlooked post-apocalypse need is first aid.
Have several kits in metal canisters, one in your bunker and the rest buried near natural markers such as odd trees or natural clearings.
Gauze, salve, ointment, antibiotics, sutures, thread, needles, sharp knives and scissors should be in all of the kits.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two deuce labs and a microphone.
Kicking your ass with size 15 clown boots and a deep tracing hat.
About as pleasant as a jackhammer at 4 a.m.
That's right. Yesterday's technology today. It's not radio. It's podcast.
Mark.
And I'm around from the other side of the middle of America.
Yeah, just two and a half hours to the south but still middle America.
America's Heartland. We like to be called that, don't we?
We are.
Yeah, we are America's Heartland. That's right.
So next time you eat your fucking sandwich, thank us. That's what we do here.
And make terrible podcasts, right?
Yeah, some nights. It depends on what night it is.
It depends on the nights, you're right.
We're 50-50.
Yeah, we're a toss up at best, yes.
Oh, tomorrow night I think I'm going to be free for a podcast if you want to do another one tomorrow night.
Okay, because I think we're going to do restaurant week in the afternoon because of how KC every year,
well you know this, you lived in KC, every year they do a KC restaurant week
and Val and I are going to go try someplace we never tried before.
That way you don't have too much invested in it if you don't like it. You know, you got a good deal.
So we think we're going to do that in the afternoon as opposed to the evening because...
Okay, well that worked because I got enough saved up. I could do another show tomorrow night.
Okay, yeah, because I think I left you hanging. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to or not.
Well, I wasn't feeling good Sunday so that kind of blocked that.
No, I know. So I think I'll be able to do that. If it changes I'll text you in plenty of time.
Let me know.
Okay, well. All right, well I also have some emails.
Do you want to go into the alternate universe one? Just kind of keep it kind of fun, fun filled right now?
Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
Yeah, let's get them out of the way.
Okay, let's do that. All right, alternate universe lead singers are.
I came up with this theory on everything about alternate.
Okay, from alternate universes, the alternate universe theory.
Sorry if you heard some clipping. The program shuts off on me every now and then for who knows why.
But anyhow, alternate universe like I had a great friend named Bob.
All the other Bob's I knew were complete tool bag idiots.
But the one Bob, you know, he's kind of like a second father to me after my father passed away. He's a great guy.
He was alternate universe Bob because all the other ones were complete idiots, but he was cooler than shit.
Mikes, like you said, they can go, they go either way. All the mics that I worked for before.
Yeah, mics go either way.
Yeah, the mics that I worked for before were complete fucking cocksucked, dick suck fuckers.
But this guy is awesome. The one I work for now, he is the alternate universe mic.
All the other ones I work for are just fucking complete fucking idiot douchebag fucktards.
So anyhow, so this guy is the alternate universe mic.
So what we did here is we have alternate universe bands.
And what it is is it's an alternate universe singer.
So in the alternate universe, these singers join these other bands.
So for instance, I'll give this one. Axl Rose is in Devo in my alternate universe.
Okay.
Yes.
So okay, so you see where we're going with this.
Okay, I didn't quite go that deep this time.
But that's okay. That's okay.
Go ahead and like you said, in respect to Tulsa King, which we have some emails,
and he does have a question for us like he always does.
Good.
Ronnie from Tulsa asked for seven and seven only because he likes to be a hard ass on us.
So anyhow, Rob, go ahead.
No, it's not being a hard ass. It gets us thinking, man.
We could throw down ten. Hell, we've been known to go up to fifteen and twenty.
Yeah.
It's narrowed down. I understand it.
Okay, no, I do too. So all right, this is Rob's top seven.
Alternate universe lead singer and a different band.
I just threw some together. They're not my top. I just threw some together.
Okay, these are just some thrown together, and we will do this periodically.
Yeah. Okay, let's start off with Rick Okasek of The Cores going to Chicago.
I like that one a lot. I don't even know how to...
I think they could have done... I don't know.
Rick Okasek had different... I've heard him doing some other stuff before. He didn't do it much.
He had different styles. It wasn't just with the cars. It was solo stuff.
Yeah, he was a talented singer. He had that.
And that's what got me to thinking Rick Okasek could have fit in to Chicago.
Yeah, he did that kind of talk weird kind of sound because it fit the cars.
Not that he couldn't do anything else.
Right.
So yeah, yeah. Okay, that's cool. I like that one.
Okay, Elton John to REO Speedwagon.
Huh. Okay. Kevin Cronin sounds completely different than Elton John.
Actually, if they hadn't...
That's what I'm saying. It'd been different. It would have been different.
I would have liked to have heard that. You see, I focused on absurd.
You're focusing on stuff that could have worked maybe. So anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I have one that the timing wasn't exactly right.
Okay.
Well, let's go ahead with that one.
Okay.
Michael Jackson to The Three Tops.
Uh, yeah. I would like to hear that.
He was the only one that Three Tops was big. But he was still young and singing.
He sang great when he was young. So...
Yeah, and adding the three...eh.
Yeah.
That was just one I threw up.
That's interesting. If nothing else, Rob.
Okay. Let's go Mike Reno of Loverboy.
No.
To Duran Duran.
Okay. Now that would be interesting because Duran Duran was kind of New Wave, would you say?
Yeah, it was Simon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I would say that Loverboy was kind of like rock, pop rock.
They were album rock.
Yeah, they were like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So, okay. That would have been interesting too.
Yeah, I, I, I, that's kind of what I thought.
Cool.
Okay.
Scott Stapp of Creed to Nickelback.
Wow. Okay.
I could see him pulling that off.
Stapp, Stapp, Stapp. Not Stapp, Stapp, yet.
What is it?
I got Scott Stapp. I said Stapp.
Oh. He's called by boat. I don't know which is the correct one.
I think it's Stapp.
Yeah, okay.
I think it's Stapp, really. But, whatever. The guy from Creed.
To Nickelback.
Yeah, to Nickelback. Because when Creed broke up, all the rest of the band except for Scott formed Alter Bridge with Miles Kennedy.
So, yeah, the guy, the singer in Creed, you can say that. So, Scott Stapp or whatever.
Yeah.
So, okay.
I could see that that could work.
I think that would work well because he has that kind of a voice that could fit that style of music easily.
Yeah, yeah.
I call it the post-grunge. The post-grunge voice.
Right.
Yeah, where it wasn't like over singing or under singing. It was kind of like a statement singing, maybe, if you will.
So, anyhow.
Okay. And my next one? Ozzy to Rainbow.
Okay, that's interesting. Because actually, Richie Blackmore was a fan of Ozzy's even though he was such a perfectionist.
Matter of fact, in an interview they did with Richie Blackmore, he said the preferred voice in America is Ozzy.
Don't you find that interesting?
It was.
Yeah, yeah, it was. And probably still is to a degree with rockers, at least.
So, I was really surprised because Blackmore was such a perfectionist.
I thought he would be like Ronnie James D, don't think Ozzy was a clown, didn't have any talent or whatever.
No, he was friends with Ozzy and he really kind of, he had a respect for Ozzy.
He didn't think he was a clown or a boob or nothing.
And he stated before, and I didn't know this until I started reading into it, I started reading some articles that he'd done a while back.
Richie Blackmore, he said, no, he said the preferred voice in America is Ozzy and that's all there is to it.
And he was right. So, anyhow, that might have worked.
That might have worked. I mean, I don't know about Ozzy singing Kill the King or Gates of Babylon.
The only thing I could, he would be a hiccup was Ozzy's drinking and drugs. That would be the only hiccup.
Yeah, that would not fly with Richie Blackmore, no. He was too much of a...
Right, right.
I mean, that happened with Graham Bonnet and stuff like that. So, you know, he didn't have a toleration for that.
When he was younger, he did a lot of that.
But imagine Rainbow with Ozzy, that would have been awesome.
I would love to, but you know, the one I wanted to hear was Van Halen wanted Ozzy to be their lead singer.
And Ozzy and Sherri popped it out. They decided not to.
That would have been aw... I mean, you want to top David Lee Roth, you're not going to top him by glamming him.
So you can out shock him and that would be Ozzy.
Right.
So, wow.
Okay, and for my final one.
Okay.
How about Peter, Paul and Stevie?
Stevie Wonder?
Stevie Nicks.
Oh, okay.
Peter, Paul and Mary.
Actually, I could see...
Peter, Paul and Stevie.
I could see that one. I think that one would work well.
She had that kind of a tin can kind of voice, I would say.
Right.
Kind of monotone. Yeah, I could see that. Okay.
I think it would add another element to Peter, Paul and Mary's music, definitely.
Oh, yeah, it would. It's Peter and Paul were a bit higher.
Yeah, yeah, a little bit.
All right. Well, mine are absurd.
Okay, so I want everyone to know these.
I imagine that.
And I have more than seven, I'm sorry.
So, Tulsa King, I'm sorry.
Ronnie and Tulsa, I apologize, but I have a few of them.
He's used to it. He knows he will phase the rules.
Yeah, he knows it. I'm a rule breaker.
So, and that's how come he's a bigger fan of you than me.
I can tell you that right now.
He fucking worships you. He's probably like, I got to deal with Mark.
I get to hear Rob, but I got to deal with Mark. So, whatever.
So, anyhow. All right. Glenn Danzig in the Beach Boys.
Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, you did go absurd.
Dirty Blast Summer.
And you can hear them fucking do, do, do, do surf music.
Yeah, that would be a beautiful disaster, wouldn't it?
It would be fun to watch.
Oh, this one I love.
Remember Thomas Dolby?
Going to walk through electric.
You just crossed my mind on this one.
He really only had like one hit and that was Electric Avenue.
I remember they used to play that on the Montgomery Ward's Electric Avenue commercial.
Remember Montgomery Ward's had their new electronic section called Electric Avenue?
They used his music.
And well, they're out of business now. So, well, there you go.
All right. The next one. Wayne Newton in Rush.
Oh, my God.
I know, dude. I know.
You want to talk about some slow music.
That would be some messed up shit right there.
That would be people scratching their head going, why?
So, anyhow, hang on. I got to move your. I hope this works well.
I'm going to turn you up a little bit. I had to move.
You know what? Hang on. Hang on. OK.
The Bluetooth. I'm going to move back down because I think it's got enough juice for the rest of the podcast.
So hang on. Sorry about that.
OK. Let's see. Where was I?
Tony Bennett in Megadeth.
Wow. You are reaching. You're reaching.
I know. I know.
This is stuff like what? What the fuck?
This is stuff that just make you go, no way.
Come on. Why do you think of that? I don't know.
The next one. Brian Johnson, of course, of ACDC in Steely Dan.
Oh, shit. That would not work.
They would hate each other. They'd probably get in a fistfight.
They'd be like, get, get, get, get that stuff out of here.
Whatever the hell it is, get it out of here.
We're trying to we're trying to do music for God's sakes.
What's your name? Brian? Phil? Jimmy?
What? So I think Steely Dan was a little bit maybe stuffy and pompous, too.
So that would add to it. That would make it more fun because Brian Johnson be in there drinking fucking Natty like, hey, come on, boys.
Come on, let's do some music, you know, in a Scottish accent or whatever.
Hey, where's the sheep?
Sheep? What's he talking about?
Oh, this next one's good.
Well, you know, the Eagles had Vince Gill, right?
And then he went solo. Vince Gill, the country act. Right.
Yeah. Well, how about Vince Neil in the Eagles?
I mean, they could say Vince Neil and everyone would think it's Vince Gill.
And they'd be like, oh, oh, yeah, Vince Gill's back with the Eagles.
Then they get there.
The only problem is Vince Neil didn't play an instrument.
No, no, no. He'd be on the tambourine.
Big fat lump of shit fucking playing on a tambourine.
He'd be perfect for it. He'd be perfect for it.
And all the rest of the Eagles are looking at him going, who the fuck invited him?
The next one. You know Cher, right? Sonny and Cher.
Do you believe in love, Cher, all that stuff?
OK. Cher, half-breed, let's see, anyhow.
Cher, how about her in The Cure?
I don't know if I had somebody in The Cure today, but I didn't.
They were something, weren't they? Robert Smith in The Cure.
Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, that would be different.
That would be a fistfight, too.
Next one. Dave Mustaine.
There's been a lot of people getting sued over that.
Oh, gosh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
How about Dave Mustaine? You know, Meganeth, you know.
Oh, my God.
How about if we put him in ELO, Electric Light Orchestra?
Oh, my God.
Look, Dave is a good musician. He's a really good musician, a good songwriter.
But I could just see Jeff Len going, what the? Who's this guy? What band's he from?
Who brought him here? I can see that right now.
I did see a video of him. Actually, it was this morning I watched it.
Who, ELO or Dave Mustaine?
It was Dave Mustaine. He was at like a kids basketball game or something.
He was at a school. It was a bunch of kids, dog.
And he was sitting up in the stands, but he had paint on his face.
And it was titled, Dave Mustaine Hands Out Picks.
At a school?
He was sitting in a seat in an auditorium, handing out picks to kids and his parents.
He was sitting in front of him.
I don't think anybody realized it was Dave Mustaine.
He got off and walked off.
He had throw paint on his face.
He had like white paint on his face.
Yeah, it was a cool video.
He really doesn't look the same after his cancer. He looks quite a bit older.
Yeah.
But yeah, okay, wow.
I can see Dave Mustaine in yellow. Evil woman.
Yeah, awesome.
Evil woman.
Anyhow, alright.
Chubby Checker in Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Oh my God.
Give it away, give it away, give it away now.
No, I don't know. I can't do it.
Alright, how about?
Oh no, no, no. It would be a battle of the dancing guitars between him and Fleet.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fleet would be doing that funky bass.
Chubby Checker doing it.
Chubby Checker is doing his foot thing.
He's dancing.
Oh yeah, that'd be wild.
Oh yeah, he'd do the foot scoot.
And then depending on what era it is, it could be...
Shit, I forgot. The two guitarists now.
One from Jane's Addiction and then the other guy. Oh fuck it, you know.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
Alright, how about Frank Zappa?
How about if you put him in Motley Crue?
Probably not.
I almost did that one.
Did you really?
Seriously, I almost did that one. I thought of that one today, yeah.
He would make Motley Crue much more interesting. I can tell you that.
Yes, it would. Yes, it would.
Yeah. I actually, I kind of like that. I think that that would be...
I would love to see him getting all over Nicky Sixx going,
Can't you play a little bit better?
What the hell?
Going to Tom Millean going, What the fuck's your problem?
Calm the fuck down, guys.
Gosh, dude. Are you always an idiot? What the fuck?
Yeah, he is.
Yeah, he is always an idiot in case...
Just saying. Just saying.
Just to be truth in lending, yes, he's always an idiot.
Allegedly. Allegedly.
Yes. Everything here is allegedly. You hear the disclaimer at the first.
We have no journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong, and we will lie if it makes the story better.
We tell you this right off. We're not to be believed at any time.
So, there you go.
Anyhow, finally, Robert Plant in the Beastie Boys.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
I'd go out and buy one of their shitty albums if Robert Plant was in it.
I would too.
Hell yeah.
You're like, fuck yeah. How about it? Go at it, Rob.
Do those high screams while they're doing these fucking little simple note chords.
Hey.
1-2-3. 1-2-3. 1-2-3.
1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-2-3. 1-2-3.
You'd probably get pretty bored.
Well anyhow, Robert Plant could play better guitar than any of those guys anyhow.
I mean Robert Plant's really a good guitarist.
There's just no room for him.
There's no room for him in Led Zeppelin.
Jimmy Page, you know, you didn't, you needed no more.
And then Robert Plant was such a prolific lead singer anyhow with the standout and he
had the famous bat wings, the white pants, you know.
So he had the old bat wings going on, trying to figure out, yeah, split up the nutsack
some way.
It kind of looked like a couple of puppy ears, right?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, those tight white pants looked like a couple of puppy ears because that fucking
inseam went right up his ball sack.
Crazy.
Yeah, they did.
Yep, yep.
Not very nice.
Anyhow, I don't know how he walked around.
I'm sure he was chafed.
Don't you think?
Oh, I'm sure he was chafed.
Oh, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.
All right, okay, that puts the end in that madness.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
All righty, Rob, please straighten this bubble of shit around.
Well, since we're talking music, I'm going to stay on music.
Sounds good.
And we've been lacking music groups.
Some of the most iconic guitars in rock history are going on display in London.
That's where they go under the hammer at auction.
Okay.
Auctioneer Christie held a preview on Tuesday, which was today, for the collection of the
late Jeff Beck.
Ooh.
Who died in January 2023 at age 78.
Starting Wednesday, which is tomorrow, the public can view 90 guitars and dozens of other
items that belong to Beck, who Christie calls the ultimate guitar hero.
Okay.
And they are to be sold on January 22nd.
That would be really cool.
One of the, one of a group of 1960s guitar heroes that included Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page,
Jimmy Hendrix, Beck was twice inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with his 1960s
band, Yellowbirds.
And as a solo artist, renowned for his unique sound and improvisational still, he played
over the years with everyone from Rod Stewart to David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, to the Internet
and Johnny Depp.
You see, I thought he might've been enlisted with Rod Stewart also because he was normally
the guitarist of Rod Stewart.
I mean, as a matter of fact, he's the one that found Rod Stewart and put him in the
faces.
He actually found him and was like, hey, we need this guy in our band.
Rod Stewart actually started out as Jeff Beck.
He didn't start out as Rod Stewart, but then he got so big to where it was Rod Stewart.
And then Jeff Beck was doing most of his music, which was interesting the way that panned
out, but he actually could have been inducted there too.
But I think Rod Stewart was inducted, but by himself, was it maybe?
Yeah, I think it was.
Yeah.
Because most of Rod Stewart's songs that were anything except for Hot Legs were Jeff Beck.
Hot Legs was John Peake, I believe.
I'll have to look it up.
Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Valued at more than $1.2 million, the collection includes an ox blood, 1984 Dixon Les Paul
that Beck bought in Memphis in 1972 and played for the rest of the decade.
It's all which is featured on the cover of Beck's premium winning 1975 Jazz Fusion album,
Blow by Blow.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Is expected to sell for between $425,000 to $610,000 by itself.
That would be cool to have.
It's Billy Peake.
I think I said John Peake.
Billy Peake was in Hot Legs.
And he plays a mean guitar too.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah he does.
How well is it on that?
Oh, okay.
Very cool, man.
Yeah, that would, man, if he had the money, wouldn't that be cool?
Oh my God.
Yeah, there's, and they have all kinds of different memorabilia.
I gotta ask you, I gotta ask this, Rob.
Okay.
You've been playing like metal and hard rock, right?
Did you not really understand Jeff Beck until later on in life?
I didn't.
No, honestly it was later in life I started understanding him.
Yeah, I was like, man, this guy's really good.
But he's not the same.
He's completely different, but he is out of this world.
And yeah, I had to understand music a lot more than I used to to understand how good
that guy actually was.
And it's too bad because he might still be alive, but viral meningitis set in and got
him.
So that's too bad.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
Two dish bags of microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems.
My 76 inch smart HDMI, triphonic, stereo TV.
My remote won't work unless I'm right in front of it.
I can't believe it.
This is bullshit.
Continuing our quest here at two douche bags and microphone to be constantly funny.
Once again, we offer you strange insults from an alien.
When you're out there from your computer, when your head goes so attached.
These guys are inviting as a used hypodermic needle.
They used to call it jump-o-leave until your mama got on it.
Hey there fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A pet turtle named Sashi is thought to be the oldest one in captivity at 120 years old.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
The origin of smoke detectors.
Different versions of smoke and heat detectors have been around since the late 1800s.
But a key step in the inventions evolution came from a Swiss physicist named Walter Jaeger.
The story goes that Jaeger was trying to create a device that would detect poisonous gas.
It didn't work.
One day he lit up a cigarette in Viola.
His failed poison detector became itself an effective smoke detector.
So there you go.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bevo
is listening to this film.
Hey there fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
There's a small island in the South Pacific where people actually talk with eye movements.
And now for the brand new feature.
Strange Pencils from an Alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
I'm Mark.
And I'm still in the ice and spiral on well.
Same here.
Yep.
The frozen tundra known as the heartland of America.
And anyhow hopefully soon to maybe be on TikTok.
Taking out some logistics and we'll have to get you a camera.
Do you have anything opposed to being on camera Rob?
No.
No as in no on the camera or no as you're not opposed to being?
No I'm not opposed.
Alright we'll figure it out later.
That's a little bit down the road but I mean really if we want to take this ball of shit
a little bit further we're probably going to have to do something like TikTok or YouTube.
TikTok is the main thing and that's the one that like really gets you a lot of notice.
YouTube is good too but TikTok is probably the biggest.
There's other ways too.
I'm researching all of this stuff and that's what I've been doing.
I've been putting out some solo cast but I've been doing some other stuff.
I did a lot more of the skits.
I have some new ones and stuff but I was also analyzing different ways we can get the show
out.
And there's Facebook.
You can do one on Facebook but I hear that might be highly censored.
YouTube is not censored but there's a lot of weird copyright rules that you got to know.
TikTok is basically the Wild West right now.
It will eventually get to where it's you know there's some type of rules or regulations.
There is but not much.
I guess I need to join TikTok then.
I think we're both going to have to but we will figure that in the coming months.
And also on TikTok our sponsor could do that even better of what he wants to do when we
get around to that.
And I told you what's going on with that and it's going to be a little bit of a work in
progress but I spoke with him about that.
I said how about something like TikTok and he goes you know he goes with the investors
and all that.
I might be able to swing that a little bit easier.
And don't get me wrong it's not going to like not happen.
It's just it's a threshold thing.
They have to hit so much and that will happen but anyhow we'll forget all that.
We have some emails.
You want to hear them?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Hey aren't season of podcast episodes supposed to be uniform?
Your show is all over the damn place.
What are you saying Raggedy Andy?
Is he meaning?
Okay your name is Raggedy Andy.
Come on.
Yeah I know.
Is that the Andy we know I wonder?
That would be something he could maybe go by Raggedy Andy.
No.
I doubt it.
He would have said.
I doubt it.
No.
It's not that Andy.
No.
It's not that Andy.
Yeah he would have said who he was.
I think this guy is talking about how I will like one season have like 72 episodes and
another season have 35 and another season have you know 30 right?
I don't even see the seasons anymore.
I just listen.
What I do is here's actually how it works with me.
I get to where I forget what number we're on and I just start a new season.
That's how it works.
Okay I started in season 3.
What are we up to?
Season 28 or what?
I don't know.
I think I just recently went to season 9.
That's really how it works Andy is that right there.
I forget where we're at and I'm like I'm just going to start another season and this
will be number one.
Now I know I'm on number 3.
I will know this for about 12 or 13 and then I'll get tired of looking back and just start
another season.
No we're past 3.
I started like season 3.
Oh no I'm talking about the episodes on 9.
Oh okay.
Hell I don't know.
You know what I think it's 3.
I don't know.
What happens is when I take and I convert the podcast over it takes like 15 minutes
and then it tells me I repeated the episode and it won't go.
Then I got to go back and look at the episode and then I got to go back and I got to resubmit
the show and then it takes another 20 minutes.
It's a pain in the ass.
So if I don't know and I don't have time to do anything go back and look.
I'm just like okay new season.
It's going to be season 9 and it's going to be episode 1, season 30, whatever.
So alright Rob do you like living in the Lake Region?
I'm thinking about moving that way.
Dallas and St. Charles County.
Oh dude I love it.
If you like laid back living there's not the city hustle and bustle here.
I love it.
Well if he lives in the St. Louis area then yeah I would say he would probably really
enjoy it.
Now where you're going to have a problem is wages and rent and all that stuff.
Yeah it's not bad.
It's a nice area to live in.
I love that area.
If I could get away living there I would but I mean I just you know.
I want to go fishing or I got to go any direction.
I can go fishing.
Man that sounds perfect to me.
Okay well there you go Dallas.
I'll be happy to welcome you to Lake.
Okay hey Dallas email us back or I'll give you Rob's email or something.
Is that cool Rob?
Yeah that's fine.
Actually I've thrown it down on the air before.
Oh okay good.
Go ahead if you want.
Go ahead and give it to him.
Okay.
Go ahead and give it to him.
Sawman.
There you go.
Dallas sent him an email.
He'll clean in on all the Iggy down there.
So there you go.
Well now there's a guy I look for Dallas looking up on Facebook.
There you go Dallas.
Rob Radford.
Robert Radford.
Oh Robert.
And in parentheses it says duck.
There you go.
Send him a message.
That's good of you Rob.
Thank you for doing that for Dallas.
Yeah.
Yeah I mean we down here we take care of each other.
We try to take care of each other usually.
That's another thing I like about down there too is I mean it's just people just living
and not really trying to get by on you or nothing.
It's just you know more laid back like you said.
It's a very laid back atmosphere.
I love it down there.
So alright.
Well that the party's on.
The party is on though.
You're out.
Yep.
You got to get used to it.
That is a party area and especially if you go towards Bagnell Dam and Sunrise Beach.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Bagnell Dam is the yeah that's the party spot.
Yeah but ma'am we have a lot of...
We have a couple of good well you've been to the Encore.
The Encore is excellent.
I spoke about that on the podcast.
It is a fantastic place.
They have a bar with their own amphitheater.
Yeah which is an underwater amphitheater.
You sit in the pool and watch the band.
And there's an underwater bar there.
It's fucking fantastic.
And they have real life.
They have grown up palm trees all over that whole area.
I have pictures of it on Facebook and Insta.
It's a really cool place.
It's called the Encore and it's the only authorized Chiefs bar.
The only authorized Kansas City Chiefs bar in all of the Lake area.
Very cool.
The owner's really cool.
I told you about how he sat there with a megaphone and pissed off the Atlanta Falcon fans because
we were playing Atlanta when Val and I ended up there.
It is a complete fluke.
We went to look for her old lake house when she was a child.
We found it but it took us a lot longer because they renamed the rows and put condos in front
of them and shit.
It was night and the concert that was canceled in Sedalia.
We were like you know what we're going to have to stay around here somewhere.
We just ran into the Encore.
The games get ready to come on here in about 10 minutes.
We went to the Encore bar there which is a huge sports bar with glass windows and glass
everything.
You can see out there's a thunderstorm in the distance.
It's beautiful.
The owner of the bar who has pictures of him with the Beatles and all different kinds of
stuff.
Cool guy.
He had a megaphone and he was pissing off the Atlanta Falcon fans that was in town by
every time the Chiefs would do something he'd go, Kansas City scores.
It was funny.
It's a cool place.
This is a Kansas City lake.
It is.
It's not a St. Louis lake so much.
It's a Kansas City lake.
People from Kansas City go there.
St. Louis is the only other football team.
That's true.
Also, there's a lot of...
Now baseball, oh yeah, there's big Cardinals around here.
Yeah, they love the Cardinals.
The Royals were the ones that went to the playoffs last year and won a series.
The Cardinals haven't done that in a while, but I won't say...
Yeah, but you don't hear about them down here much.
No, no.
You hear about the Cardinals.
The Cardinals have been around forever and it was WLS, I believe, was the station that
carried them for years.
They may still, I don't know, but WLS carried them and it went all over Mid-America and that's
how all of them became Cardinal fans is that booming station at night, WLS out of Chicago.
They carried the Cubs and they also carried the Cardinals.
Yep.
All right.
Next one.
Why do you say the dumbest shit on the show's description?
I and I'm sure others would like to know the content before deciding to invest an hour
on the podcast.
Jellyfish.
Guy's name's Jellyfish.
Jellyfish.
Ooh.
Your name's Jellyfish and you're questioning the name of my description?
I don't know if that's valid.
What do you think?
Well, you've covered that before on the podcast.
If they go back and listen, they'll know why.
It's just to grab their attention.
And it does too.
I've had a lot of complaints, so it actually grabbed the attention.
So yeah.
Yeah, but your dumb asses sit there and listen to the whole show.
That's true.
It's like the guy that listened to us for 40 minutes and motherfucked us.
It's like, you listen to us for 40 minutes and you hate us?
Yeah.
Yeah, and then they want to smack you in the head with a microphone.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, let's not go.
Let's not get on that.
Yeah, who cares?
Yeah, let's not go.
Yeah, that idiot from Oak Grove or Green Valley or whatever, man.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, Oak Grove, yeah.
He's too busy gargling nutsack right now to answer, so that's okay.
Anyway, let's move on.
All right.
Mark and Rob, if you could only have one drink, non-alcoholic, forever besides water, what
would it be?
Ronnie and Tulsa, aka Tulsa King.
Sweet tea.
Mexican Coca-Cola in the bottle, ice cold.
All right, there you go, Ron.
There you go.
There you go, Tulsa King.
Thank you, Tulsa King.
You're awesome.
Oh, and send me those other two emails that got destroyed in the great email fire or whatever
happened.
So yeah, I lost a bunch of emails and there's two of yours that I skimmed really quick and
I can't remember what the hell they were, so please resend them.
Thank you, Ronnie.
All right, and finally, Mark is a chiefs homer.
What a pussy.
Okay.
All right.
Whatever.
Who cares?
Mark is?
Yep, yep, yep.
No, I was born at St. Luke's Hospital in Kansas City.
Mark was not even born near Missouri.
No, I was born in Missouri.
I was born in Kansas City, dude.
Oh, were you?
Yeah, yeah.
Were you?
Yeah, no, I wasn't born in Greece.
Everybody thinks that.
No, I moved there with a family.
Okay.
But still, I've been around all around Missouri all my life.
Yeah, no.
No, I just, I think it's funny.
I mean, the guy doesn't leave his name or nothing and he just calls me, he says I'm
a chiefs homer, calls me what a pussy.
I remember watching them back in the 70s.
Come on.
Yeah.
Yeah, what the?
The years, okay, I was born and that year they won their first Super Bowl.
There you go.
I was born in 66.
I was a few years, no, they were still a great team then.
66 is when they actually came to Kansas City at the old municipal stadium.
So, you see, you got the first Super Bowl under your hat and I have when they moved
to the city under mine.
So, there you go.
All right.
Yep.
So, yeah, I know, I know everyone's surprised I'm not 27.
I'm sorry.
I'm a little bit older than that.
Yeah.
So, all right.
Should I go into the ball-biter or you got something you want to go into before we do
that?
No, I have one about that was special here.
Oh, go ahead.
We got to hear about the King.
Fans of Elvis Presley, okay, this is a light one.
Okay.
This is a story I pulled up two days ago and now it's too late.
But yeah, fans of Elvis Presley could get their hands on a personal piece of the King's
package.
Huh?
Literally.
Okay.
Right now online, Doc Tom can reveal the Rock Legends used Jock Strap is now up for auction
in Great Britain just a day after what would have been his 90th birthday.
All Frasier Correctables is currently offering a bedazzled beauty as part of a larger rock
and roll auction.
Huh.
It's as low as $42,000.
But experts expect that number to grow.
I want to find out what this thing brought.
I do too.
According to Farrar, as one of the originators of rock and roll, Frasley created a music
style that changed the world and inspired generations of artists from the Beatles to
the present day.
Wow.
Okay.
On the Jock Strap.
This is a description of the Jock Strap itself.
Yeah, I want to hear this.
The shiny limestone Jock Strap bears Frasley's initials spelled out in blue beads on the
waistband.
The cup itself is littered with dozens of bright, clear gems.
The underwear was once housed in the Elvis Frasley Museum collection in Memphis.
It reportedly was given to him by a fan.
According to the auction house in Jock Strap, it is housed in an attractive display frame.
It's not clear if he ever actually wore the clothing.
So what?
Okay, if he never wore it, then why do people want it?
Or they don't know if he ever wore it.
I don't understand what the hubbub is.
I don't either, but you ought to see the picture.
This is a classic people...
It's bedazzled.
I bet it is.
It was Elvis's.
It's a bedazzled Jock Strap made back in the 60s or 70s or whatever.
Wow.
Yeah, I don't doubt that at all because he was flashy.
He was glamish.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what, I'll screenshot a picture of it and send it to you.
Yeah, please do.
I want to see that.
Thank you, Rob.
Well, you know what?
Before I go into Bigan's Ball Biders, which the Ball Bider is kind of related to Jock
Straps and stuff, because the Jock Strap is actually mentioned in the story, right?
But before that, I've got a man whose routine visit to the doctor turned into a nightmare
after physicians discovered that his penis was turning to bone.
As detailed in a study published in Urology Case Reports, an unnamed patient who was in
his 60s had reported to the doctor's office for a trauma of the knee per the study.
During the visit, he also alerted medics of pain in his penis.
Upon examination, physicians didn't find any prostate swelling, unusual discharge, or any
of the unusual markers of phallic agony.
So they conducted an x-ray to look for possible pelvic fractures.
According to the images that revealed the truth, the patient had extensive plaque-like
calcification along the length of his manhood.
Doctors diagnosed the poor soul with penile ossification, in which calcium salts amass
in the organ's tissues, forming an extra skeletor structure, much like a bone, which
this diagnosis, the patient became just one of 40 patients to be diagnosed with the condition.
Isn't that something?
Yeah, it is.
It didn't say anything about a cure or anything, but it did say the condition can also be treated
through shockwave therapy, where doctors use sonic pulses to break down the calcification
mass.
The patient's abrupt departure left the cause of his calcification phallus unclear.
However, medics believe he could have suffered from Peyronie's disease, a condition that
causes the penis to inflame and form scar tissue, which makes your penis curve.
The hardened plaque reduces flexibility and can cause the phallus to curve during an erection
or appear shorter when erect.
Wow.
Okay.
That would suck.
And I guess the guy took off out of embarrassment, it sounds like.
Yeah.
Sir, your penis is becoming calcium bone.
We're sorry.
Okay.
Well, anyhow.
You got anything you want going to, or you want me to do the big one, ball bite?
Well, yeah, I do have one more.
And yeah, like I said, tonight I was covering music creeps.
Yeah, that's cool.
Oh, you know what?
I have some ass paddlers we can go into also.
So go ahead.
Okay.
Before I read this, there's one thing I got to say.
Yes.
Hi, Ricky.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, Ricky Dodge City.
Thank you.
Yep.
Okay.
The childhood home of Malcolm and Angus Young was accidentally demolished by developers
who claimed they were unaware of its cultural significance.
Young family moved into the Sydney house located at Oro Street in 1965, and eight years later,
the brothers found an ACDC in the very same house.
According to Australian news outlet, news.com.au, the building was recently bulldozed after
developers purchased it in February 2023 for $5.8 million.
It was listed on the National Trust of Historic Homes in 2013.
But Overwood Square ETY Limited says they were not informed of its significance before
taking it down to build a $28.7 million residential site.
Wow.
We regret that the previous long-term owner did not share the vital part of the property's
background with us.
Overwood Square Limited General Manager went on comoditon.
We're worried about this connection after our plans were already underway.
It shocked us.
We are generally sorry for this oversight.
We went on to pledge that the team plans to salvage materials from the site and honor
this historic property by erecting a special space like a cafe or bar where ACDC fans can
gather to celebrate the band's enduring legacy.
Okay.
Wow.
So they're going to take material from the house and build something for the fans to
have since they can't go by and see the house anymore.
Okay.
They just weren't told it was on the historical registry, which I did not know.
Me neither.
Wow.
And I guess in Australia it was, but they did it in.
Okay.
Wow.
Thank you, Rob.
Do you want to go into Ask Paddleings here real quick?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
Well, Ask Paddleings, those of you that have been listening to us for a while know what
they are.
We Ask Paddle people usually about once a month.
Every now and then the genie will let us do a couple if there's an inordinate amount of
idiots, which has been quite a few lately.
But we've been missing this because we've been in like some transitional stuff here
and there, stuff going on with each of our families.
Me, Rob, and Topher has been keeping us from this podcast.
So we have been doing Ask Paddleings for a while.
So the story is this right here.
Topher and I were on vacation and we were walking in the sun.
The sun was rising.
We were walking on a beach.
And anyhow, Rob and his brother insist we were holding hands.
We were not.
We were just walking along.
The Duke.
The Duke, yes.
The Duke and Rob both say we're holding hands, but I'm saying two men can have a tender moment
and not hold hands.
We're not holding hands.
We're just having a tender moment until I stubbed my toe on something that seemed like
a genie's bottle.
And I was like, oh, shit, what was that?
And Topher turned around and goes, oh, it looks like a genie's bottle.
I'm like, oh, you're full of shit.
And I turned around and I'm like, hey, that looks like a genie's bottle.
He's like, oh, really dumb shit.
So we went over there.
We popped the cork and the genie came out.
And we were like, yeah, yeah, we get three wishes.
And the genie is very condescending.
He couldn't stand us.
He's rolling his eyes.
He goes, no, no, no.
You guys watch too much TV.
You get one wish and one wish only.
I suggest you pick wisely.
World peace, maybe an answer to the environment, maybe Russia blowing itself up, something.
Make this stuff.
Make this count.
And Topher and I looked at each other and said, man, we want to be invisible so we can
ass paddle people.
And the genie very reluctantly, he was rolling his eyes.
He goes, very well, I have to give you your wish.
He's pretty much saying we're idiots.
And he gave us our wish.
He granted us once a month.
We turned invisible.
And one of us holds down the subject.
And the other one grabs old Sparky, who I'll get to in a minute, and paddles the ass, the
said ass.
So old Sparky is a record.
And just saying, just saying, Mark's probably lucky that Topher was with him.
Because if I was with him, it'd been, oh, it's hard to tell what we would have ended up
with.
Yes, it would have been a hell of a lot more brutal than that.
A lot more brutal than that.
Maybe chainsaw, I don't know.
So old Sparky.
Metal spoons for everybody.
You know what I mean by that.
And tongs.
Metal spoons and tongs.
Okay.
Old Sparky is the, this is a replica of old Sparky.
Because old Sparky is hanging at Cass Midway High School.
Or the last I knew it was hanging in their trophy case where all the state championship
trophies were stored on display.
And old Sparky was right in the middle of them.
They retired him.
He was this big, huge board with a long, long stem on it, I guess.
A long, you know, a long stalk to where you get a lot of, a lot of heat.
You could get a lot of, a lot of speed through the air with this long stalk.
And it was a long piece of hardwood that was shellacked and had holes in it just so it
could hurt your ass more when it hit it.
So this is what we're using as a replica of old Sparky.
So anyhow.
All right.
The first adling, ass paddling, adling.
The first ass paddling goes to Antonio Pierce.
The now unemployed Oakland Raider, not Oakland, Las Vegas Raider coach.
I can't speak suddenly.
The head coach was very pompous and talking about how, you know, you knock the head of
the snake.
He was talking about Mahomes.
He was also saying that he gave, he gave the NFL the blueprint to beat Mahomes and he hasn't
won since against him.
And anyhow, the guy's just a big blowhard and anyhow, he is an unemployed blowhard now
and he deserves an ass paddling for all his gum bumping.
So he gets an ass paddling.
Did they even make the wild card?
No, they did not.
No, they didn't make anything.
You know what they made?
They made like the third round, the third.
Yeah, last place.
Yeah, they got the third pick in the NFL because they sucked that bad or maybe a second.
They won four games all year.
So there you go.
By email, crotch the old St. Prick.
They want him to have an ass paddling.
But I'm telling you, that guy's too mean.
He'd take the paddling.
He would take the paddle from us and beat us with it.
Don't you think?
Oh, I bet.
I'm his best friend.
Oh, you love crotch the old St. Prick?
All right, we're not paddling him then.
Forget it.
No, no, no.
I'm only because I'm scared of him.
Oh, OK.
Yes, me too.
I'm afraid of him.
He's a bad-nosed son of a bitch.
I say all you good side.
He fucking, he takes kids' horses and turns them into glue.
OK, that's one of those.
OK, that's one of those where we have to have stand it.
But then the old man, we put him up to it.
So y'all are screwed either way.
We're not getting near him.
He's mean.
He cut up a girl's hamster.
I mean, jeez, he made a stew out of it.
We don't want anything to do with him.
Yeah, we're out.
The next one, all Bengals fans that signed the online petition.
Every fucking one of them getting ass paddling.
That was my favorite one right there.
All of you motherfuckers.
That's going to be years worse, man.
I know.
We got a lot of ass paddling to do, Rob.
We better eat our fucking Wheaties.
We better do some calisthenics.
All right, next, Michelle.
She's only known as Michelle.
She is the Lindsay Buckingham stalker.
Did I ever tell that story or not?
I may not have even told it.
What?
Yeah, Lindsay Buckingham.
No, I don't think you did.
Okay, Lindsay Buckingham and family have a stalker that they had to go to court over
and to get a restraining order.
And she threatened...
Okay, okay, I know the story.
I've read it.
Okay, now I know who you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, Lindsay Buckingham, formerly of Fleetwood Mac,
some crazed chick who was wanting to harm him and his family.
He had to go get a restraining order.
So, Michelle, don't know her last name.
We only know her as Michelle.
Gets an ass-paddling for the stalking.
Next one, Jerry Jones for screwing Cooper Rush out of a $100,000 bonus
by sitting him the last game.
Oh, yes.
What a dick.
And then now he tried to lowball Mike McCarthy and try to give him less money.
Mike McCarthy said, you see this middle finger?
This is for you, Jerry.
Jerry Jones, he should get a lifetime of paddling from now on.
What is he, 107, 150?
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, he should have been out of football years ago.
Yeah, and after he dies, we dig him up every year and paddle his ass again.
How's that?
His problem is he's too controlling.
He wants control instead of handing it to other people.
And he's insane.
He's kind of like Kim Jong-un of the NFL.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, he's nuts.
Nice terminology. I like that.
Yeah, Kim Jong-un of the NFL, Jerry Jones.
Oh, the next one.
This guy is another Kim Jong-un of the NFL, but not quite as bad.
Robert Kraft for firing his head coach after one fucking year.
But he hired Mike Brable the other day, so that's probably...
Exactly. I was going to bring him. Okay. Thank you.
Yeah, so Robert Kraft gets it because...
Mike Brable can do something. Yeah.
Yeah, I get hired Mike Brable, but man, that was kind of cruel one year.
And then get out of here.
Yeah. Yeah, that was.
Now, last time, last time I got to mention this,
last time we gave Mother Nature an ass pat when she got us back.
Remember all the tornadoes?
Do not go to Mother Nature, please.
Don't do it. Okay. Okay. Mother Nature.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
I think we exempted her, didn't we, after that, after she got us back?
Yes, yes, you did.
Okay, Mother Nature...
Because you realized you screwed up.
Yeah. Yes.
Yep. Okay. So Mother Nature, you're fine with us.
We love you. No ass pat links to you.
Yeah. Yeah. Mother Nature and Father Time, we don't touch.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Because they both carry baseball bats.
Because Father Time will make it short.
Yes. Yep. He's like, oh, okay, guys. Okay.
No problem. Gotcha. Ten-four.
All right.
Next one. Kim Jong Un for no hot dog laws.
Did you hear that?
Oh, yes. Yes. I was the one that told that story.
Okay, yeah. Can't have hot dogs over there because it's too westernized.
So...
Yeah. It's too American.
But besides the hot dog laws, he gets a lifetime achievement award
of ass pat links for being a little bitch constantly.
Yeah.
So, yeah, he gets a lifetime achievement ass pat links,
which is in that once a week we decided, or is it once a month
where we pull him out of the Hall of Fame and peddle their ass?
Actually, it was whenever we decided to.
Okay. Okay. So there you go.
You get an ass pat link whenever we feel like it.
There you go, Kim Jong Un, for being a little bitch constantly.
And you did it over hot dogs? You got it, buddy.
Yeah. Anyone that does away with hot dogs...
All right. The fury of our paddle will be going towards their ass.
So...
There we go. All right. Next one.
P. Diddy and all his guests. All good ass paddlings.
Um...
Um... um... um... um... um...
I don't know if that's a good idea.
Yeah, you're right.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not a good idea. No, no, they like it too much.
Yeah, you know what? You're right. That's right.
And Justin Bieber... Sorry.
Justin Bieber being like, pulling his pants down, going,
oh, I want it bareback.
So... and then finally, and this is from the summer,
but I just caught the... I caught the story the other day.
I'm not going to tell it because it's so old,
but because of poop gate, James Houston, a linebacker,
um, shit his pants,
and there's proof of it by pictures on the field.
Yes. Yeah.
Yes. Yep. So James Houston gets an ass paddling,
but after, after he changes his, uh, his drawers.
After. Yeah, yeah, yeah, after you get out of the shower.
Yeah, after you get out of the shower.
We'll catch you in... yeah, we'll catch you coming out of the shower.
Yeah, yeah. We'll let you drip dry while we paddle your ass.
So there you go. And that is all of these,
right there, of the ass paddlings.
So... um, I got a bunch of stuff more, but I mean,
do you want to go on or do you want to cut this bitch
and then we continue it tomorrow?
I say, I say we continue tomorrow. I need to get to bed, dude.
That sounds good. And like I said, man,
usually over an hour, an hour and ten minutes has wasted any more.
Yeah, yeah, and the last time we got to split up doubles.
Yeah, I mean, our friend...
We kind of did that on purpose, so...
Our friend special tells podcasts, and he's the one that told us.
He said that people's drive time is usually 45 minutes to an hour,
both ways, and then once they get done with, you know,
once they do that, the next show, they don't listen to the rest of it.
They go on to the next show.
So it's usually wasted, is what he's saying,
after an hour, hour and ten minutes.
So we're going to cut off here.
Thank you all for listening, assholes,
and we will be right back at you tomorrow night.
Have a great night. Thank you, assholes. Thanks for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.