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Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob. Happy Christmas Eve everybody.
Yeah everybody. This is Christmas Eve now. It's early afternoon and Rob and I are doing this podcast right now.
But before we get into anything, I want to leave a little note here about the regular podcasts that come on here.
This week, I'm relatively sure that it's going to go like this.
I'm going to be doing a solo cast on the Sports Bastards and relaying what we got right and what we got wrong.
It's all going to be a solo cast and I don't know if we'll even get to the music creeps unless Rob wants to do one with me.
We can, but Topher has some things going on. He'll be back, but he'll he's at least sitting out this week.
I'm sure. And maybe next week too. We'll see what happens.
So right now that's where it stands.
You told me all about it last night.
Yeah, yeah. And anyhow, everything's going to be fine. Everything is fine.
It's just going to take a little bit to get through this deal here.
I tell you about it, but it's his business, not mine. So I will not tell you about it.
So anyhow, Christmas is tomorrow. Christmas 2024 is already here.
And well, I mean, what do you say, Rob? Gosh, I mean, you can always go home by went by so fast.
Well, it really did. It really did.
I mean, I kept hearing when I was younger constantly, oh, time goes faster as you get older.
I'm like, ah, fuck you. Yeah, I'm thinking that. Yeah, I didn't say that to him.
I'm thinking, oh, bullshit. Old people just have their ways of saying stuff.
And, you know, like I walked uphill to school both ways and 30 foot snowdrifts, you know,
you know, that type of stuff. So you don't really believe them.
Well, this one is actually true.
And I attribute it to having so much going on that you don't have time to look at the clock.
And this is daily. You know, this isn't like once it's daily.
And that's why time goes so fast. I'm certain it's because you're so busy.
And lately, well, actually for last year and a half, I've been trying to stop and smell the flowers, if you will.
Look around, observe, enjoy and try to be in the moment instead of next week.
I got this coming up. I got this cruise coming up in April.
You know, I can't wait to go see this show. I can't wait to do that.
Trying to not do that so much and just enjoy right now because there's nothing wrong with right now.
Everything's fine. You know, I mean, as far as I know, we're all doing. Yeah.
Yeah. And Rob, you sound great, by the way. And I can tell you're doing that.
I can tell you're doing well. Yeah. You have a whole different sound.
I'm kind of in a good mood right now. You know, tomorrow is Christmas.
Yeah. My grandson just turned four on the 17th.
So yeah, pop off. I went over the top Christmas.
Yeah. Go ahead. I want to get a lawsuit against the company that made it.
False advertisement. Yeah. Oh, this is allegedly.
Allegedly, we got to throw that in. Allegedly.
I got him a little. Yeah, allegedly. OK, go ahead. Sorry.
More than little 12 volt electric four wheelers.
You know, you plug it in, charge it. Oh, man, I love them.
I love them. I love them. I love them.
It's for three years and up and on the box, it says easy one, two, three assembly.
I have a lawsuit, dude.
13 parts and that don't even include having to connect the front steering mechanism together.
That sounds like hell.
No, no, he's going to love it. I love it.
You know what? It's worth it.
But still, I know what you mean.
It pisses you off because they make it look like it's nothing.
And then when you don't get it done in that amount of time, it has you kind of questioning yourself like, you know, what the hell?
Well, yeah, this has been a nightmare. I had wrapped up.
That's wrapping job I ever did. OK, all the corners tight.
Everything was perfect. You actually did that.
You actually did that. You made it all look good.
Like a real wrapping job. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, dude.
I first time ever did my stuff.
Normally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Me too.
I usually get a bag. There's a pillow in there.
You know, I buy a shopping bag, one of those decorated ones with you'll type shopping bag, throw the shit in there and I'm done.
Yeah. Well, I was sitting here last night, had it done.
I was sitting here in the studio, go, you know, doing some final work on this week's music list.
And my daughter calls me because I had sent her a picture of it in the box, you know, and then I wrapped it.
And she goes, you know what, Paw Paw, you know, what would be best better?
I said, what's that? She said if it was put together and charged up and ready to go when he sees.
No pressure there. No pressure there, Rob.
Stop me. Stop me. You know, how am I going to fight that one?
No, no. And actually, she's right.
Paw Paw's been in the morning putting this thing together.
And she's right, too. You can't just sit there and go, well, hang on a minute, Junior, let's get these instructions out.
No, he's going to be like, I want to write it.
And you're going to be like, I'm going to need a good five hours.
Can you take him down to the park? Yeah.
So we're going to my son's to open presence.
And so I'm going to have to haul it over there. OK.
So she's right. You know, she's right.
It'd be better off being put to eat.
We could take it right out right there in the parking lot.
He can jump on it and go, you know. OK.
I even got a guy in a cool little helmet. That's cool.
Yeah, that's good.
You know what? You got to fill me in whether we're doing another podcast or not.
You at least got to call me and let me know how that goes.
I want to hear that because I know that he's just going to be flipping out.
Yeah. So, yeah, that's cool. Good, Rob.
You know, you are a fantastic pop off for doing that.
And that dad took the birthday present.
Pop all gets Christmas. OK. OK. All right.
That's cool. I went to the city market today.
No podcast, like I said, you know. Yeah.
And I was writing out some material and I came across this.
I'm going to go to the article here in a little bit.
But how Norad Santa Tracker became it was just an accident, right?
So I'm upstairs because a little chilly out there in the breezeway.
We're usually do our podcasts.
I went upstairs at the city market where they have coffee
and I was in the balcony or whatever you want to call it after whatever.
And I'm writing out some stuff for today and maybe another podcast or two.
So this gentleman walks up there. Very nice guy.
Ex-Marine. Really, really nice guy. His name is Gabriel.
And anyhow, he was he was having a little bit of difficulty with his son.
His son was being a little high strung, you know, holidays coming up, you know, a public place.
And so I quickly kind of identified it.
And by reading this article right there, I had the number to Norad Santa. OK.
Right there when I was getting ready to write it out.
And I go, hey, sir, did you know that I have the number to Santa?
And he goes, what? I go, yeah, sure do. Right here. Oh, really?
Then he looks at I forgot his kid's name and goes, hey, let's just say it's Jeffy.
Jeffy, would you like to call Santa? And all of a sudden his eyes lit up. Yeah. Yeah.
So I read him the number. He puts it in. He calls Santa right there.
And they informed little junior that Santa was over Laos and he's a little bit ahead of schedule.
He'll only be over Kansas City about nine p.m. So we we looked at him and said, hey, you better be in bed.
You better be asleep by nine p.m. So you can get your toys.
And he quickly agreed with that and was like, yes, yes, I will.
And it was just really cool the way that panned out, because right when he was having a little bit of difficulty,
I was like, man, this would be a good time to just say the number.
And I got to witness it live. It was really cool.
It was meant to happen. And anyhow, when he was leaving, he shook my hand and he goes, hey, thank you, man.
You know, everything is great. And I was like, hey, I'm Mark. And I said and he asked me the name of the podcast.
I said, well, I go, don't judge it. It's two douchebags and microphone.
And he started laughing. I saw. Hell no. He goes, that'd be something I listen to.
So I was like, OK, then that's it. I said it'll be the latest one probably up tomorrow or something.
He said, all right. So anyhow, Gabriel, if you listen, I hope you do.
Hello to you is very nice meeting you and your son. And and thank you.
I had a great morning and part of it was because of you and your son. So anyhow, that's great.
I'm glad you did that for Gabriel and his son. That was it was nice of you, man.
It was a perfect opportunity is all it was. And, you know, I mean, you can call it God if you want.
I kind of do. I think it's kind of a godly thing. Yeah. You know, I say the man needed it at that point in time.
And boom, there you were. God was nice enough and kind enough to offer it to me to give to this gentleman and his son.
And I was honored to do so. And it turned out very well. And I mean, it's a homework movie.
Yeah, yes, it is. You know. Yeah. So anyhow, I was feeling all good inside.
Then on the way home, someone cut me off and I flipped him off and told him to die. No, I didn't.
No, I didn't know. I'm joking around. Anyhow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. On my way out, I'm pretty sure I seen an ex-girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure she's seen me and we did the smart thing and turn around and walk the other way.
So perfect day. Perfect day. So yeah, it's not that like we didn't get along, you know, or anything.
And it ended horribly or nothing. It's just the fact that we didn't feel like saying hi to each other.
And we both acknowledged it and turned around and went the other way.
Both of you went your separate ways then. And, you know, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't anything bad.
We weren't like, oh, fuck off or, oh, there's that asshole just kind of like, OK, I'm going to go to the soda shop and she's going to go to the bakery.
You know, that type of thing. So, anyhow, it was a perfect morning. It was great.
And even if I would have said hi to her at Winderow in my day, but still it was just like it was interesting that we're on the same page with it.
So, OK, I got this story about NORAD. OK, you know, the Santa Tracker, right? Right.
OK. NORAD Santa Tracker started by accident. The 69 year old tradition happened by mistake.
This is a really cool story, Rob. The Cold War tensions between the U.S. and Russia were high.
Their Continental Air Defense Command, CONRAD, or yeah, CONAD or something like CONAD, I think, had a special line set up in case of an imminent attack.
On Christmas Eve, 1955, that phone rang. U.S. Air Force Colonel Harry Shoup feared the worst because there's only one reason that phone rings, right, Rob?
Right. That means missiles are coming at us. Launch yours.
You know, the call was coming in on a top secret line, which could only be one thing.
But when he picked up the receiver, the voice on the other side wasn't wearing a Russian missile, wasn't worn another Russian missile attack.
It goes, Is this Santa Claus? A tiny voice asked.
Lieutenant Shoup, who was the man on call, was very annoyed and demanded to know who would play such a prank on our nation's national security.
And that's probably what I would have thought, too. One of you thought that, Rob, someone's playing a prank. Yeah. Yeah.
The little voice is now crying. You know, he goes, Is this one of Santa's elves, then?
So, you know, how on earth had a child, you know, get a highly classified number?
Well, it turns out from a Sears ad that had run that very day. Oh, my God.
That very day with a big picture of Santa Claus urging children to call him.
I encourage you to check out the Sears ad online. It's a pretty cool piece of history.
Yeah. Just look it up when you get a chance. It has the old sketch art, the detail, you know, the 1950s stuff.
It's just it's really cool. And if you're like me and Rob, you're going to love it and you're going to go, Wow, that's cool.
I might even print it out and put it up here on the talk is cheap studio somewhere.
The what that might that's an idea. I am putting together the Dutch blind studio. There we go.
There we go. And I'm like, since my fuck off light neon light burnout, I got to find a place for something else
because it seems to be that they don't really have them right now when I tried to order one.
So I'm going to have to do with the fuck off sign for a little bit at least. So I'm going to have to fill it with something.
So the ad reminded reminded children to call the right number, but it was actually Sears that had the wrong number.
The phone number advertised was one digit off.
So instead of calling the North Pole, children were actually calling NORAD, which is what it is now.
It caused a bunch of kids to call NORAD asking where Santa was, where Santa was.
Major General Constance Jenkins told told a news outlet about this.
It all could have ended there. But instead, as the phone line started ringing off the hook,
Schupp decided to play along. He grabbed the nearest airmen to start answering the other lines.
So Conrad became NORAD in 1958 and every year since NORAD puts hundreds of volunteers to answer phone lines for Santa every year.
You or your children can call this. I will have this up today.
So if you're if you're dumb enough to listen to this podcast on Christmas Eve, you can.
It is one eight seven seven high NORAD and NORAD just like it sounds.
That's how it's spelled one eight hundred high NORAD.
So if you get this in time, call it up. Make your kids smile.
It'll make their day and probably the rest of the year.
So anyhow, Rob, we we turn to you on this heartwarming episode.
Yeah, I'm staying in the Christmas theme on this one. Oh, good, good.
I have more Christmas stuff. All right. Yeah.
The Grinch is a creature invented by Dr. Seuss for his stories.
The author wrote in writing books about the Grinch who wants to run the Christmas celebrations of the people in Newville
and the visual representations.
The Grinch is green, his figure resembles a pair and his face has something cat like about
the character was also recreated in this way in the live action film in which Jim Carrey took on the role of the Grinch.
Yeah, that was good, too. Yeah, that was a good.
Since the creation of the Grinch, the character has become known and loved worldwide.
The name Grinch is often used as a synonym for people who don't like Christmas or grumpy around that time of year.
Yeah, it took over for Scrooge. Did you notice that? Yeah.
Nobody says Scrooge anymore. They say Grinch. And it's fantastic, too.
So go ahead. I'm sorry.
OK, well, what kind of creature the Grinch is was not always the same, by the way.
They changed it. I didn't know that.
And in earlier work by Dr. Seuss, scramble scrambled eggs super.
The Grinch was an invented bird species, a beagle build bald Grinch, to be precise.
OK. Yeah, I didn't know that.
Wow. I've never seen anything.
You know, usually stuff like that you'll see like an illustration or something somewhere.
You know, someone will go, hey, did you know there's an original Grinch or something and you'll see it online or something, right? Normally.
I have I have never seen anything like that.
And now I'm going to have another thing to look at. So that's cool. Maybe I'll print that out.
It's in scrambled eggs. Super.
OK, thank you. I will check that out.
The name of that one.
And like right now, what I'm doing is I'm looking at old concert tickets online and I'm making a printout to them.
I'm going to have a wall full of old concert tickets. They're going to look just like the tickets only cut out.
You know what? Not everyone will like it.
But you know what? The people at count will like it.
So anyhow, let's go ahead and go to our first break and then we'll come back to I'll tell you how M&M's have superpowers.
That sound good? Oh, that sounds good.
Yeah, yeah, they do. I think you already know this, right? That M&M have superpowers.
Yeah. OK, we'll be right back.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. May raccoons chew up your trash bags every trash day on the curb, just enough to where you have to read by them and enough to where the trash them won't pick them up.
And you have to pay for extra bags the next week.
Next up, things over heard in hell.
Cocks with socks are the only footwear allowed in hell.
Your mama's so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
Harambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking on her phone.
Sadly, Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder or any other show anymore.
Sorry, Harambe.
These guys are inviting us in used hypodermic theater.
Next up, things over heard in hell.
Howard Stern just signed a 10-year contract extension.
Fags and a microphone. I'm Mark Portion.
And I'm the Rob Portion.
We have some emails too, by the way, but we can get to them a little bit later.
Anyhow, I got a little story before this thing I'm going to go to about M&Ms.
The other day was Val's birthday, the 21st.
And you know where we went, Rob?
Happy belated birthday.
I will tell her.
Anyhow, do you know where we went, Rob, for the celebration?
Where?
Jess and Jim's.
Oh, awesome.
I just got off work and we didn't feel like going back to the city, so we're like, hey, let's...
I was like, you know what, I've been craving one of their twice bakes.
And she's like, you know what, yeah, that sounds good.
And some of those beets that they serve with the steaks.
So anyhow...
That was always awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
I munched down on beets, bread, homemade bread, the garlic bread, and the potato, and everything was fantastic.
And it was just, it was a fun night.
You know, I had a couple of yinlings.
She smashed down a cranberry something margarita.
And it was really good.
I just had to mention that.
It was a great time and we enjoyed it.
So here's my M&Ms have superpowers and I can prove it section.
OK?
All right.
Val had bought a large personal size bag of M&Ms.
You know, it's not like the like family share size, but it's a larger bag of the personal sizes, right?
They're about twice of the smaller ones.
You know, these M&Ms, this was for her to make cookies for the new neighbors.
They're really cool.
And, you know, and we wanted to do something for them because they watch the house when we're gone.
And in trade, we do the same and they're just easy to work with.
They cleaned out the fence really good.
They're just good people.
The bag lasted approximately three weeks because we, you know, we're really busy and she didn't have time to make them.
So we're in the middle of a bunch of projects.
So when I around 3 a.m., I jumped up to use the bathroom.
And anyhow, I'm not thinking, you know, I had a little too much Gatorade Zero after 9 p.m.
So, you know, I was up a couple of times.
I'm headed back to bed when I suddenly remember the peanut M&Ms, the peanut butter M&Ms.
Of course, I destroy them quickly and I feel horrible.
Right. That's what you do.
Right. I just destroyed them and I felt terrible about them.
I'm like, shit, why did I do that, man?
I mean, you know, I know they're for the neighbors.
I know they're for cookies.
So anyhow, I'm like, OK, I know what I'll do.
I'll buy another bag just like it and I'll replace it and hopefully she didn't look over there on the counter.
So the next day I stop and I buy a bag and I got the wrong ones.
Instead of the peanut butter ones, I grabbed the peanut M&Ms.
So I was busted. I was busted.
But I blamed I blamed it on the M&M superpowers and I'm sticking with it.
They have superpowers. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do.
They make you eat them. There is nothing.
There's nothing I can say.
I mean, people that know this know this. Right.
M&Ms have superpowers and I could not resist.
So there you go.
Anyhow, Rob, go ahead, man.
All right. I'm going into a totally different world.
I'm getting off the Christmas thing for a minute. All right.
A new study has found that Pink Floyd inspired the most rock band tattoos followed by Guns N' Roses and Ramstein and second and third.
Wow. I could have guessed the first two would have been up there, but Ramstein.
Yeah, I wouldn't guess that is probably overseas or really huge overseas.
So yeah, yeah, this is out of Switzerland.
Okay. Yeah.
There you go.
The tattoo shop LL Tattoo in Switzerland conducted the study by examining search volume data from Google Keyboard Planner.
In first place with over 13,000 monthly searches worldwide, Pink Floyd, whose album covers were The Dark Side of the Moon, Animals, etc.
Guns N' Roses came in second with just over 10,600 searches.
And there are more the artwork of Appetite for Destruction.
Which was designed by the late tattoo artist Billy White Jr.
Okay.
And German industrial metal band Ramstein took third with over 10,500.
Okay, yes, Switzerland. That makes sense. Over here. I'd be like going what? No way.
Okay. All right. Ramstein is always huge overseas.
Go ahead. And I also have the rest of the top 10.
That sounds great.
And number four came in Metallica.
I can believe that.
Number five, Nirvana.
Okay.
Number six, Linkin Park.
Number seven, Slipknot.
Number eight, 21 Pilots.
Number nine, Iron Maiden.
And number 10, Tool.
Okay, I can see most of them. Tool?
Yeah, that's a little in there.
You know what though? The people that are into them are really, really into them. So, you know what? It's probably true. Well, I guess it is.
Well, this was out of Switzerland.
Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. Wow.
All of the American ones, you know, the ones that we know of, not the Ramsteins and all that, were pretty predictable.
Yeah.
Like I knew Metallica would have to be on there. And here's why. The fans that they have are rabid. Rabid fans.
And I'm not talking about like the Metallica that, you know, everyone caught on in the 90s with that alternica stuff or nothing else matters or none of that stuff.
What I'm talking about is the rabid Metallica fans that love the first four albums and hate everything else.
Those guys are the ones that got the Metallica tattoos. And there's not nearly as many of them.
So virtually probably three out of 10 Metallica fans, real Metallica fans, probably went out and got tattoos.
So that's cool. All right. Do you want to go into some emails here?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay. Mark and Rob, how about a list of your favorite rock faces? How about seven of them? Ronnie and Tulsa. Tulsa King.
I got mine right here.
All right. I will have mine here. Right. Go ahead and I will get mine.
Okay, Ronnie and everybody else. There you go.
Okay.
Coming in at number seven, I have Pete Agnew of Nazareth.
Interesting choice. I love him, but I didn't expect that.
Well, on Hair of the Dog and a lot of their other songs, his bass stands out and I love it.
No, I agree. I would agree with it.
Yeah.
Okay. Coming in at number six, Michael Anthony of Van Halen.
Yeah. I mean, some of those noises he made, especially on the first four albums. I mean, yeah, I agree.
Running with the Devil, for example.
Yes. That's all bass too. None of that's guitar at the first. It's all bass, which is remarkable to me.
Okay. Coming in at number five, Francis Buckholz of Scorpions.
You know what? Yeah, because he was the one that did the albums with the bass like it was.
Later on, they got a different bassist and it wasn't the same. It was more of the heartbeat stuff.
The zoo.
Yeah. Yep. Yeah. That thing. That beat on there. That is something incredible.
That guitar riff too.
Yeah. Yeah. That guitar riff was awesome too.
Yeah. That is like one of those perfect metal sounding songs. You know, if someone goes, hey, what's metal?
Heaven and hell, you could point to that one and go, hey, this is metal. So very cool.
Okay. Coming in at number four, Geddy Lee of Rush.
We doubled over on that one.
Number three, Steve Lang of April Wine.
I almost got him in there and I decided not to. And it's because of body of work.
I mean, I know they have 20 albums out, but we only know of a few of them, right?
They're the only ones that like really hit down here. So I didn't put him in because of that. But anyhow.
Well, he passed away too.
Oh yeah. I forgot.
That I forgot. Yeah, that's right. He did.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay. Coming in at number two, Johnny April of Stained.
Interesting.
So you like the way that...
Tell me why you think... I mean, I'm not arguing with you or nothing, but I just want to hear why you think this.
I mean, he's really good.
Mud shovel. Mud shovel.
Okay. All right. Makes sense.
I mean, if you don't know, listen to the song.
I'm not basing an octave one song on each of these. I'm just giving examples.
No, that's a great example. It makes me describe it.
Mud shovel.
Yeah.
Self-explanatory.
Yeah. Yeah. I get it. All right. I wasn't questioning it. I was just asking why.
Yeah.
Okay.
And my number one, Robbie Merrill of God's Map.
I find that interesting.
I like their music and it just, yeah, it flows with me.
Okay.
Everything. Yeah.
So you just like the back beat that he provides. It's not like it's anything crazy. You just like...
Right. Right.
Okay.
Yeah. It just flows and just goes with everything else.
Well, Ronnie asked for our favorite. He didn't ask for the most complicated or who we think was the most talented.
Right. Right.
He was asking for our favorite. So there you go.
And these are my top seven favorites.
Who could argue with them? They're fantastic. So all right.
Okay. Number seven. I have John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin.
All right.
Not only does his bass provide a guitar feel in many, many songs, and he didn't even have the Tom Peterson of Cheap Trick,
you know, the bass that you could turn upside down that has what? Let's see. 12 strings, but they're both together.
You play it right side up and it's bass sounding. You play it upside down and it's octave sounding. Really unique thing.
Yeah.
And what's his name from Pearl Jam plays one. Jeremy is a good example of that being used.
It's like, is that bass or guitar? Well, kind of both maybe.
So anyhow, John Paul Jones provided that kind of sound without any trickery or any type of a different instrument.
He did it very well just with the way he plays. And not only that, but after Led Zeppelin IV, I believe, he wrote most of the music.
All the rest of them were like busy, I don't know, doing drugs or something. So, allegedly.
Number six. I have Geddy Lee of Rush. And I mean, the complicated songs that they provided and the way that they composed them
and the bass and the feel that he did to them to make them have that sound and that feel that they wanted from Tefl's to Syrinx
to Permanent Waves to Power Windows. I mean, all of those songs, 2112, they're all different, but they all are the same because of the bass.
And that's not a bad thing. What it means is the familiarity between the songs are glued together because of the bass,
even though they're completely different songs and they're not a repeat of the other one. They're exactly what he does only in that song.
That make any sense? Yeah. Yeah. You can hear him and go, oh, that's Geddy Lee. And that's what I love.
And he's very talented and I love the songs that they wrote. So number five, Les Claypool of Primus.
Now, I'm not a huge Primus fan. I'm not a huge Primus fan, but I can listen to his bass and just lose myself at it.
I mean, Stinkfist to, shit, what was the last one? I know the pieces fit. Shit, I can't think of it. Oh, well, I can't.
I can't either. I know what to talk about. And I see where you're going. I understand that.
Yeah. I mean, I'm not I'm not a huge Primus fan, but I'm not either. His bass, I see where you're going. His bass, though, I could listen to.
I could listen to. And actually, a lot of those songs, I'd rather just hear the bass, actually. So.
Right. OK. Number four, I have Flea, of course, Red Hot Chili Peppers. Right. His bass is insane.
Really, really insane. It's not the fact that he used to wear whitey tighties on stage only.
He's not the fact like he looked like a German military guy or nothing like that.
I mean, you know, you had the blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, slender. It's nothing to that.
His playing, his playing was just insanely good, very rhythmic. He did invent stuff in there.
He didn't always follow the rules, which I love. And every time he didn't follow the rules, I called it Flea because that's what he did to me.
He was almost Eddie Van Halen, a bassist. Incredible. Yeah.
Number four was Flea. I'm sorry. Number three, Tony Franklin.
Most people would know him not from his folk songs, his English folk songs or anything like that.
They would know him as the bassist in the firm. Right. That would be Paul Rogers, Jimmy Page's project.
After Zeppelin, of course, Tony Franklin was in that band.
I'll tell you what, you don't have to listen to his other stuff. Listen to both the albums that they put out, especially the first one.
And you hear that bass in there. The guy is just insanely good and really, really unique.
So anyhow, it's signature sound, just like Flea, just like Les Claypool, just like Geddy Lee and John Paul Jones.
They all have their own sound and I love it.
Number two, he is a really he's almost a guitarist in the way he plays Steve Harris of Iron Maiden.
He Steve Harris is insane.
I those songs like Rime of the Ancient Mariner to Two Minutes to Midnight to Revelation to Seven Son of the Seventh Son.
I mean, all of that stuff. I mean, he just he plays it like a guitar.
He's flowing. He puts these pieces together in orchestrational order.
The songs that they've done Iron Maiden back in the day were, I don't know, 12, 15 minutes composers together.
Steve Harris, he was the glue that held that whole thing together.
He's been there the whole time and he's fantastic.
And coincidentally, Nico McBrain just retired.
He was not the original drummer, but he was the drummer of Iron Maiden.
He is a one of the faces Iron Maiden and his signature sound helped make Iron Maiden what they were.
He retired and I didn't get any word on who's going to replace him because I think Iron Maiden is still going to go on, at least for a little while.
They're all getting older.
Bruce Dickinson's busy on a solo tour overseas with Supporting the Mandrake Project, which is a fantastic album.
Number one on my list.
And I'll tell you what, I tell you why it's number one is because his playing allowed Black Sabbath to sound the way they did.
OK, this is a multiple thing here where I'm going to go into.
OK, I think we all know by now that Tony Ahom, his fingers were cut off or his fingertips, not his fingers, his fingertips were cut off in a saw blade accident and a steel plant that his parents owned, I believe.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. OK.
Well, he had to change the way he played.
So we had to hold the notes longer and make them thicker and heavier and darker. But the only way he could do that is he need a bassist play like a guitarist in the background to hold those notes, to make those notes mean sense with something in the back.
You see, without that bass, the songs would not sound the same, not even close.
Think about if you took Black Sabbath, just a song Black Sabbath, you took away the bass.
The song would not be nearly as dynamic as it is, not as scary.
No, it would not. No.
To me, Geezer Butler was the best bassist that I liked, my favorite ever, because of what he did to make the music sound the way it did.
And without Geezer Butler, I think we all know that there would not have been a Black Sabbath because that guy's bass is insane.
And if you haven't listened to a lot of people don't because Tony Iommi's, his heavy riffs are so prolific.
That's what people think about.
Sometime listen to the bass and you'll see what I'm talking about. I mean, he used to, he used to put all these different, I don't know, these note bending and these different stacks of really kind of jazzy kind of a bass.
And he put them up against that heavy, heavy riffs that I only did. And it was perfect. I mean, it fit. It was great.
So that is my number one.
So I knew, I knew, I knew that would be your number one.
Yeah, I mean, I know you. Yeah, I know you.
Well, I mean, that is some of the music that I, I mean, it was my stuff, man. I loved it.
That's awesome. That's awesome.
Yours was too, dude. You come out of left field three or four times. I love it.
So yeah, that's my favorite, you know.
Yeah, that stuff is awesome.
That's what he asked for. That's what Tulsa King asked for. That's what Tulsa King got.
Yep. I think we need to ask Tulsa King some questions.
Ha.
Next podcast. You have warning, Ronnie. You have warning.
We will. We are going to ask you some questions and we want you to answer them. That sound fair?
Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.
That's fair to me.
All right. All right. We were on emails.
So, Mark, I seem to have issues downloading your podcast from iTunes. Is it me or are they having issues?
Thanks, Terry.
iTunes isn't a problem. I went there right after I read this email and it downloaded for me fine.
I've never heard any issues with iTunes.
So if iTunes is not working out for you, Amazon, RSS, Spotify, I mean all the major outlets for podcasts, all of them were on.
Let me throw a couple more in. I listen on TuneIn and iHeart.
TuneIn is a great outlet. You just have to put up with some commercials.
iHeart is another great outlet. I mean, without them, we would not have nearly as many downloads. They are two of our top providers of ours.
So either one works great. All of them work great. It doesn't matter. Stitcher, all the way. I think Rumble might be another one.
There are so many of them. I literally don't know the names of all of them that carry us.
So, don't have to go iTunes if you don't want to. You can just put in the name, Two Douchebags Microphone Podcast, and Google will simply send you a list of everything that we're on.
Or ask Siri. I hear she doesn't like to talk about us, but she has to if you ask. Isn't that the word on the street, Rob?
Oh, she's pissed at me.
Yeah, she don't like me either.
She found out I'm co-host. Siri don't talk to me no more.
Siri does not care for us. I asked Siri a couple of questions about us and she did not want to answer. So, we know where we stand in that world.
I thought I had her to the point where I could ask her to marry me and ask her to talk to me.
Rob, I'm sorry. I didn't know that this podcast would destroy your love life. I'm very sorry about that.
Well, at least I had a woman to talk to, you know.
I understand.
The next one, well, Topher's off for a little bit. So, I'll just go ahead and read it because it's on here. But okay.
Topher seems like he plays several instruments. I can say yes, he does, but I don't know all of them. So, I'll let him answer it when he comes back if I'm right.
What all does he play and if he's in a band, what's the name and do they have released music? Tone in Orlando.
Okay, so we'll get to that when we get to that. I sent him a message, but he's very busy right now. So, when he answers that, that's fine. We'll let you know.
The next one.
Mark, you said you lived near Clarksville, Arkansas. Is that true? I'm just curious if you said that or not. No, I did. I did.
Well, close enough. It's a little bit of a drive, yeah.
Yeah, I lived outside a little town named Lamar, which was about, I don't know, 20 miles from Clarksville, maybe something like that.
Yeah, so anyhow, it was only, I don't even think it was a year. It was one of the times that my dad wanted to move to the country, you know, out of the city, which was a great idea.
But also, it was, he had different ideas of where we should live, including Greece, Canada, Arkansas, Missouri. And so, this was like a very brief time. I can't really claim it that well.
I mean, I think it's about a year. It may not have even been a year. But yes, I did live there, or close. So, there.
Okay. All right. Mark, who do you think farted more on stage? Pat Sajak or Vanna White? Bernie and Oak Grove? Neither. Ryan Seacrest farts more.
Yeah, Ryan. Yeah, he is, to me, he looks like a habitual farter. He's a crop duster. He'll sneak up on you. He'll hug you. He'll tell you he loves you, and he'll fart all over you and leave. That's the way I see it. Okay. Allegedly.
Okay, but I want to answer this one. Okay. I got it. I want to give it to Vanna. You think so? Pat was on microphone the whole time. That's what it was not. Okay. Do you think that Vanna? You don't know what was going on over there.
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. And then actually, Ryan Seacrest is on a mic too. So you're right. It would have to be Vanna farting it up. Yeah. Yeah. I stand corrected. Thank you, Rob. Okay. The answer is simple. Vanna.
All right. Thank you, Rob. I'm glad you straighten that out. Now I feel much better about the serial farter on the Wheel of Fortune. I tell you, the fucking our emailers are funnier than us, Rob. I swear.
They always. The funny part is, we keep coming up with these answers for us. I know. Okay. Well, there you go. It's been proven. It has to be Vanna.
Next one. Mark and Rob, what is your favorite barbecue in Kansas City and what is your favorite outside of Kansas City? Go ahead, Rob, and I'll tell mine. I know exactly what mine are.
Okay.
Seeing how I haven't had barbecue in Kansas City for over 20 years. Okay.
I'm going to have to go with wobbly boots down here in Osage Beach.
Really? Okay. You know what we've done good barbecue. We're going to be down there. I'm certain next year, probably at Val's old lake house and maybe at that at that resort place that we stayed at. We accidentally happened when we're supposed to watch a concert.
So that'll be good to know wobbly boots is the name of it.
Yeah.
Okay, not not far from Walmart and Osage Beach. I know about where that's at. Okay.
It's like heading towards the Grand Glades Bridge.
Yeah, I know about where you're at. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
All right. It's actually the old showny.
Oh, okay. I don't remember the showny.
Yeah, well, yeah, if you remember. Yeah.
Okay. Is there anyone out of town that you know of that you are fond of?
About it. You know, other than the old ones from the city, you know.
Okay, you know what? That counts for both because it's out of town here and it's your favorite there. So there you go. He answered both of them with one with one answer.
Let's see, my, my favorite in Kansas City.
Right now would be let me think here. Gosh.
I love gates if it's done right, but you have to have to have to get to a good one. And they're not always good because a lot of them like to burn the meat. They have the fire too hot, in my opinion.
But I mean, to me, it's great if it's done right.
But it's not always done right. If you want consistency, jack stack. If you always want to know what you're getting and it's good, it's jack stack. It's not the sexy one.
Q39, meet Mitch is another one. I would say right now Q39 is probably my favorite.
And they're fantastic. And there's other ones. I mean, there's slabs. There's meet Mitch. There's a hog jaw. There's, oh, shit. What's that?
Anyhow, so I'm gonna go ahead and say Q39, Kansas City and out of town. I'm gonna have to go with Nashville. And this is probably because I spent a lot of time there on vacations and working.
And this would be Jack Calhoun's barbecue. If you go on lower Broadway, the entertainment districts, it's just Jack's, but it's the same place.
They just call it Jack's there. If you go to one on the south side of town, it's Jack Calhoun's. And they're my favorite barbecue outside of here.
There's one in Memphis I can't think of the name of that's really good. So outside of Kansas City, I seem to like Memphis or yeah, I guess they call it Memphis style barbecue, Tennessee style, whatever.
Yeah, it's got kind of a.
Memphis style is good.
Yeah, it's good.
I'll give it to them.
Yeah. And also they know how to cook the meat right, you know, a Burn End is actually a Burn End. You can put a fork on top of it and it will almost go through it.
They do that. They know how to do the beans. They put them back on the pit. They know how to do all that stuff. The cornbread if they have it is great.
So I'm gonna have to go with Jack Calhoun and the place in Memphis that I can't think of. But I'll tell you what I'll do a search for barbecue in Memphis.
And when I see the name, I'll know it and I'll tell you guys on the next podcast if I remember.
Okay, well to go back. Okay. You went into Gates.
Uh huh.
As you were starting your you went in Gates and that is when Jack stack popped in my head for Kansas City.
Jack stack is amazing. I mean.
I've always been a Jack stack fan.
I just haven't been up there to try any of the new ones.
You know what I mean? And actually just because I have different tastes because I've had barbecue my whole life and full disclosure.
I worked at Jack stack doing the pit a couple of times when I was younger.
And so I'm really used to their barbecue.
They probably are the best barbecue in Kansas City. They're just not the new sexy gourmet barbecue.
They're the steady eddy old. So actually I love Gates. I love the sauce and everything. If it's made right, it's great.
But Jack stack is probably a little bit above them because they have menu items, all kinds of menu items, and they are consistently great.
Where Gates, like I said, man, I'm not always happy with them. I've had stuff I felt was burnt and not done right and I didn't care for.
So anyhow, so I'm going to have to do Jack stack. Thank you.
So so you would say Jack stack would be Kansas City's then, right? Yeah. OK.
All right. Well, we're both in agreement on that. And then the other ones are out of town ones. So OK.
Then the final email here is from our old friend Clint from Arkansas, Clarksville.
Do you want to hear it, Rob? Yeah. Hey, douchebags.
This is Clint from Clarksville, Arkansas. I want to explain why I'm so angry at a podcast.
All this anger started many years ago when I discovered that all my body grew except my genitals.
I look I look in the mirror and scream. Why me? Well, I better get back to collecting aluminum cans for recycle money.
I'm saving up for that penis transplant. My job as a flyer hander outer does not offer health insurance, as you all know.
I also have to dumpster dive after the dollar general closes.
Every now and then I can find a good dress to wear.
I wear one because I know the douchebags could kick my soft ass at will.
By the way, just look for the eighty seven pinto with a dented up cord quarter panel,
two donut tires and an IE ass sticker on the back of it. That's me, Clint.
He said he said that Rob, he said that in the Christmas spirit.
Oh, my God. Now I feel bad for the guy.
OK, I think everybody knows. Oh, I don't know.
No, no, no, me neither. No, no, no. That's what he said.
I'm sticking to it. No one can prove it. You started it, Clint.
Yeah, I couldn't believe that he was so honest with me about his extremely small penis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do kind of feel sorry for him.
Well, imagine that, you know, your body keeps growing, but your penis doesn't.
When you feel cheated. That's where you had me, dude.
Yeah, I started feeling bad for him.
Yeah, we're sorry about your micro penis syndrome.
We hope you can save up enough aluminum cans to get that very badly needed penis transplant.
So, Clint, we wish you the best. We love you. We hope you get a real penis soon.
Right. Can we say that, Rob? Right. Yeah, yeah.
Yes. Everybody, everybody, let's let's send some love to Clint in Clarksville, Arkansas.
He he gets a lot of cans from Rusty's.
Rusty's used cars on the main drag there. You know that?
He gets a lot of beer cans from the back of there. So I bet he does.
Yeah, yeah. They like to sit down there and watch cars go by and drink beer.
So, yeah, he very alertly goes over there right after he grabs aluminum cans.
And one of these days he will have him a brand new penis.
So let's go ahead and take our second break and come right back.
Yeah, I think we need it after that. OK.
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church?
Christian Bale.
The day of apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse. Don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is.
Yeah, we know Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the Hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They make a lot of good stuff. They make a lot of good stuff.
And it's a fantastic deal. But little does anyone know about the Hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse Hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
They're even a unique Hickory nut milk. There are five types of Hickory nuts.
Bitter nut Hickory, Shag Bark Hickory, Pig Nut Hickory, Mockernut Hickory and Smooth Bark Hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, during an apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
At any given airport, at any given 60 seconds, you're actually breathing in at least three farts.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Are you an appendix? I don't know who you are or what you do, but I feel like I should take you out.
And now, a brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Welcome back. This is the Two Douchebags and Microphone podcast operating in the middle of America at the Talk Is Cheap Studio and the Duck Flying Studio where Rob resides, two and a half hours away from I.
I'm Mark. And I am Rob.
Okay, Rob, you got something. Yeah, I do. Okay.
Let me ask you something, Mark. Okay.
What would you do if you were sitting in a tree stand hunting deer and a mountain lion or a cougar crossed your path? What would you do?
Okay. If it was not coming after me or acknowledging me, I wouldn't do anything. I'd let it go.
Now, if it was coming after me, I wouldn't want to do it. But if it got too close, I would have to shoot it.
Because if it's down to me or that beautiful animal, it's me. I'm going to be the one living because I have a weapon. Right?
Good answer. Good answer.
I think that's the only answer with anybody saying, but go ahead.
Well, some people tend to take them as a threat, you know, like a coyote or whatever.
They're not. They're more docile. I mean, the shit you see on TV is completely wrong. They run from you. They don't like us. They know we're bad.
So let me go into this. Okay.
A Missouri deer hunter who shot and killed a mountain lion as it passed beneath his tree stand last month has been charged with a misdemeanor.
Should be worse than that.
According to KY3 News, we're going to call him Joseph, the Solge Missouri informed the Iron County Sheriff's Department on November 16th that he had shot a mountain lion or cougar while in the tree stand with his partner.
Missouri does not have an established cougar population, but a handful of sightings are reported each year.
The protected animals can only be killed in self-defense or to protect pets for livestock.
The cougar that he killed was wearing research tags from the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission and walking away from the elevated stand when it was shot.
That's bullshit. But you know, in Kansas City, we have a lot of cougars and you can go down to the Green Lady Lounge, the Jazz Bar.
Yeah, we got quite a few cougars down there too.
Yeah, there's a lot of cougars in the lake area too. But anyhow, go ahead.
No, that was it on that.
Oh, that was it. Okay.
Yeah, in the state of Missouri, as long as you're not being attacked or your family or pets are not being attacked, you cannot kill a cougar or a mountain lion.
I would have to agree with them 100%. That's bullshit. You don't have any reason to attack them because they're not going to hurt you, I guarantee it. They don't like us.
Well, I'm just saying that because I'm sure we have quite a few listeners that hunt.
I think any true hunter knows better.
I'm just telling it out there.
Don't you think that any true hunter knows better? Not some poacher fuck?
Well, if you live in the country, you may not, you know.
If you're not going to eat it, you don't kill it is what I say.
Well, I could see where a farmer or somebody would go ahead and kill it just to keep from future problems.
If your chickens are disappearing and you see that thing come around, I get that.
If your dogs are disappearing, your cats disappearing and you see that, yes, I get that.
So there are stipulations. Thank you, Rob, for saying that because I was not thinking that.
I'm just pissed off at this guy for shooting it for nothing.
Right, right, right. He did, he did. I'll give you that.
Okay. I got a little thing here. This was interesting, okay?
So I was talking to some younger friends. I would say they're probably 30ish, somewhere like that.
And we're talking about, you know, having drive and a will to excel, right?
About how it escapes a lot of people anymore. You know, a lot of people.
You do your job with vigor, right? You do your job the best you can.
And you take pride in what you do, right, Rob?
Right. Yeah, I do.
You thrive on being the best at what you do, like I do. Like, people, you know, people,
it looks to me like a lot of that drive is kind of gone. I could be wrong.
So I use the term gusto and all of them looked at me and they thought I just made up the word.
You remember gusto, right?
Yeah, you go with your gusto, everything you got.
Yeah. You know, I guess that word isn't used by younger generations.
I remember when Schlitz beer was balling hard in the 70s.
Virtually every pub had a Schlitz sign in front of it.
I remember the TV commercials that said Schlitz has gusto.
This meant if... Yeah, it did.
Yeah. Yeah. This meant if you drink Schlitz, you're a go-getter, a stud, the man, right?
Okay, so I mean that was pretty much, you know, they didn't understand it.
And now I understand where, you know, what's going on is gusto is an outdated term now, right?
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah, it was kind of depressing.
I mean, we were using it in the 70s, 80s, you know.
And Schlitz used to have that famous commercial. They had the Bull Schlitz malt liquor Bull.
And then they had the regular Schlitz that said, gusto, if you drink Schlitz, you do what?
I remember having a Schlitz shirt wearing at the school, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. They didn't like it too well, did they?
They never said anything.
Yeah, I don't think they could actually because that's, I believe that happened in Midway too, Cass Midway.
I think they were... I remember correctly.
Well, they can now. They can now. They couldn't then.
They just didn't like it and kind of frowned upon you.
So anyhow, so I bothered to look up the term gusto in the Cambridge Dictionary and it had this offering.
Gusto was taken from Latin.
It means that great energy, enthusiasm, enjoyment that is experienced by someone taking part in activity, especially a performance.
So if you're looking at it like this, Schlitz was saying that drinking their beer was an activity and you do it with vigorous and joy and entertainment and happiness, right?
Yeah.
Okay. So here's how they described it.
Okay. The energy and enthusiasm, enjoyment that experienced by someone taking part in activity, especially a performance with gusto.
Erwin joined in singing with great gusto.
I guess we've been kind of slightly misusing that because Schlitz kind of slightly misused it too.
But I guess they didn't really because it's not...
Not really.
No, because I could see that you translate that to drinking beer and it's done with vigorous, you know, excitement, joy, enthusiasm.
And what do you normally do when you get drunk?
You're enjoying the hell out of yourself.
That's right.
You're singing.
That's true.
Okay, Rob, you know what? You just put it in perspective for me.
Thank you.
So, okay, okay, Rob, I'm going to go with this on it.
Okay.
So let's have a podcast with gusto.
Or how about let's start giving us the slogan, two douchebags and microphone, the only podcast with gusto.
That's right.
Just like Schlitz beer.
Google it.
Hey, we could use it.
Yeah.
Well, good.
I already have it.
We could use it.
That's good because I already have it made up.
Good.
Yeah, it's going to be in this one.
So there you go.
We have gusto.
All right.
We turn to you, Rob.
All right.
Well, I have some unfortunate news.
Uh-oh.
Yes, yes.
I just saw my app to tell everybody.
Okay.
A crocodile dundee legend has passed away.
Okay.
Bert, the 5.1 meter, 700 kilogram crocodile from the 1986 comedic adventure movie died in captivity in Darwin, Australia.
Oh.
You know, the crocodile that's known for the picture.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
Oh, go ahead.
The huge crocodile was estimated to be over 90 years old.
Crocosaurus Cove, who had kept the croc in captivity since 2008, announced the news on Monday in a social media post.
Bert was passed away peacefully over the weekend, estimated to be 90.
He'd become an animal attraction.
Oh, I'm sure.
That's what he did.
If I was down there.
And he was on a crocodile farm.
You know.
So that's good.
He is doing what crocodiles do.
Oh, but it does say here, Bert was a confirmed bachelor.
He's gay?
No, he was a bachelor.
No, that used to be code for a man being gay back in the like the fifties, the golden era of Hollywood.
They used to say he is a confirmed bachelor because they couldn't come out and go, um, well, he's gay.
So anyhow, it doesn't mean anything.
Anyhow, go ahead.
It says an attitude he made clear during his early years at a crocodile farm.
Okay.
All right.
So, you know, when he got pissed, he got taken out of the spotlight.
He's used to them rich crocodile women.
And now, you know, he's down home.
You know what?
You're right.
He got tired of their shit and he said, none of you are getting me.
How about that shit?
Right?
Yeah.
I'm too good for you.
That's awesome.
Well, R.I.P., you lovable crocodile.
We hope you're in that.
We're sure you're in that crocodile heaven up in the sky somewhere, aren't we?
Yeah.
Yep.
Thank you.
That's a pretty cool story.
All right.
I've got this.
I got this full disclosure.
I got this from Fox four Kansas City.
They do some pretty neat stuff in the mornings and they have some neat little, you know, some what would you call them?
Funny or interesting articles, not just all, you know, someone shot somebody stuff, right?
So, yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
They have a list here and I looked it up and I got a little bit larger detail list of these are the grinchiest cities in the country.
OK.
Number one, they rank seventy one point two out of a hundred for Christmas spirit is Minnesota.
Too much snow, maybe they're mad.
Yeah.
That's how I'm going to go with too much snow.
Too much snow.
Yep.
Yeah.
Too cold.
Yeah.
It's cold.
Yeah.
I see why they'd have an attitude.
Yeah.
I would too.
Well, the next one is a cold weather city too.
It's on the coast, but still it's a cold weather city and that's it's on the Upper East Coast, Northeast Hartford, Connecticut, where I've been a couple of times on jobs.
And it's a beautiful city and the ocean up there, contrary to popular belief, is beautiful.
It's just a different type of a color up there.
You don't have the teals.
It's more of a crystal blue, kind of like what would be up in Alaska and stuff like that.
They rank 67 out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
Or actually it's like this is number seven or something like that.
And actually I have another page here.
Los Angeles was the grinchiest city in the country and it didn't give how bad they were.
So Los Angeles, Minneapolis is second.
Third is Hartford, Connecticut.
Fourth is Riverside, California, which is really close to Los Angeles.
So I think the it bled over into Riverside, right?
Yeah.
So they rank sixty one point seven out of 100.
And if you're wondering what Los Angeles was, it did not give what Los Angeles came in at on the Christmas spirit.
However, they do this thing here.
Atlanta, Georgia, ranked sixty one point five out of 100, whatever that means for Christmas spirit.
Atlanta, I don't know.
I guess just the fact that they're in Atlanta, maybe that's why they're mad.
Maybe.
Yeah, could be. Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
The next one is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which the chiefs will be there tomorrow.
Hopefully kick an ass.
Rank sixty one point four out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
Orlando, Florida is next.
I don't know what they have to be bummed about.
So sixty one point four out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
Buffalo, New York, ranked sixty point nine out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
Providence, Rhode Island, ranked sixty point five out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
Salt Lake City, Utah, ranked sixty point three out of 100 for Christmas spirit.
And I know why they're the Mormons, probably, right?
They probably don't believe in celebrating Christmas too much.
Yeah, probably not. Yeah.
They're like, oh, that's a pagan holiday. Get away from me. You guys are the devil.
I don't want to burn in hell. So don't I will not look you in the eyes.
So there we go. And finally, Cincinnati, Ohio.
And that's because the Bengals. The Bengals, would you be in Christmas spirit?
Yeah, you know, yeah, no, that's it right there.
I blame the Cincinnati Bengals and nobody cares about the Reds, so I can't blame them.
So there you go. Cincinnati Bengals, you are the reason there's no Christmas spirit in Cincinnati.
And I hope Ruthann is listening, but I'm sure she's not. Remember, Ruthann?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember Ruthann. Yep. Oh, hi, Ricky.
I wish she would come back to us. I know if she is, she's not. She's not sending me emails.
She's talking to you and not me. Oh, she was mad at hell at me.
She liked you, but you plead with her. You said, hey, I didn't do it. Listen for me.
But she no, no, no, no. Rob, I'm sorry she betrayed you.
Yeah. Yeah. So Ruthann, if you're listening. Yeah. Yeah. I heard where you were going.
Yes. Hi, Ricky. Yeah. Hi, Ricky. I heard that. Dodge City, Kansas. Love you guys.
Or him. Love you. Thanks for listening, Ricky. All right.
And then here are the cities in the United States are known for their Christmas spirit.
Number one is Austin, Texas. This is according to Thumbtack, which is online magazine.
Austin is the most festive city in the U.S. for 2024.
It's known for its many places of worship, charitable giving and family friendly activities.
OK. All right. I can see that.
Wallet Hub named. Now, this is how much these things vary. OK.
Atlanta was on the Grinch, his city. Well, Wallet Hub is saying that Atlanta, Georgia is the second
most jolly city, if you will.
So I don't know how you can be the Grinch is in the jolly is all in the same breath.
Unless it's a percentage deal, you know, like have to survive.
I think they're bipolar. That's it right there.
Yeah, they got to be. Yeah, they're bipolar. OK.
I got it now. Yeah. And the rest of these are Wallet Hub are saying these.
The next one is Telluride, Colorado. And that's because it is beautiful there.
Oh, my gosh. If you don't know Telluride and I'm not talking about the key SUV.
Telluride, Colorado is one of the most beautiful places on earth.
It is gorgeous. So I would be happy as hell there, too.
So this town is known for its Victoria Victorian style buildings,
which are decorated with Christmas lights and snow.
No night on the first Wednesday of December is a celebration that includes train rides,
holiday movies, ice skating and that that that that that.
And horse driven sleigh rides.
Middleburg, Middleburg, Virginia is the next one.
This town is Virginia's horse and hunt country is known for its old fashioned
Christmas visitors can enjoy a parade of hounds shopper holiday decor and drink hard cider.
That's it right there. The hard cider is it in it.
Another Hallmark movie. There we. Yes.
And finally. No, no, no. There's two of them.
OK, Cape May, New Jersey.
This Jersey Shore town is known for its family friendly activities, architecture and sweet treats.
During the holidays, the town is decorated with garlands and festive lights.
And finally, the Kadesh, Louisiana.
If you look if you look it up, you're not going to recognize the spelling.
But anyhow, the Kadesh is how it is pronounced.
Family friendly festivities and boat parade.
Is a star event that features string lights and fireworks reflecting on the Cane River.
So all you have to do if you want to look up the Kadesh, Louisiana is just a Google Voice or series.
The Kadesh, the way it's pronounced and it will give you the real name of it,
which is looks like it should be buggered about Louisiana.
So that is it right there.
Rob, we turn to you.
OK, I have another Christmas one for you.
All right. Sounds good.
And this is according to US. USA Today.
OK, these are 10 of the worst Christmas songs.
This goes hand in hand with the Grinch, the city is in the in the Jolly and this is awesome.
OK, they have number 10 in sync.
They never knew the meaning of Christmas.
Agreed. Agreed, Rob.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
I thought I said that higher up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Fringe worthy. Definitely.
OK, number nine, Neil Diamond, Cherry Cherry Christmas.
That should have been higher, too.
OK, OK. Number eight.
Number eight, I think should have been number one.
OK, the killers don't shoot me, Santa.
Perfect. Perfect.
I've never heard it just by the name.
I haven't either, but that's what I'm going by is the name sounds perfect for what they're talking about.
Yeah. OK. Number seven, the Pussycat Dolls Santa Baby.
I've heard that one and I actually love the Pussycat Dolls.
They are shocking, would you say? Interesting.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
They are different and I love them.
OK, number six, Lou Monte, Dominic the Donkey.
Oh, gosh. Dominic the Donkey.
That's that's a good one. That is a good one.
And it's really hard to find that song even online.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.
Number five, New Kids on the Block, Funky Funky Ixmus.
Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that.
Anything new kids should be totally thrown away.
Yeah, it should be on the top five worst.
Yeah, they all need punch in the face for even trying.
But that's OK. Number four,
Jessica and Ashley Simpson, the little drummer boy.
Oh, I've never heard it, but I can tell you right now, I agree with that 100 percent.
You? They nailed the sisters.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Anything that those two do. Yeah. Yeah.
OK, number three, new song, The Christmas Shoes.
I don't know this. I don't either.
I'll have to look it up. Hmm.
Oh, my God. No way.
What's that? What?
Number two, Elmo and Patsy, Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer.
No way. That's one of the best songs.
Yeah, they have it as a number two worst.
Man, this this this list was perfect until then.
I could not disagree more with that.
Yeah. And actually, number one, I don't agree with either.
OK.
Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Don't Be Late.
That is not Elvis Alvin and the Chipmunks best Christmas song,
but it should not be on there. It should not be on there.
No, there are a million songs.
We can grab all alone, dude. Yeah.
Grandma alone. Yeah.
I mean, what are they going to do next?
John, John Lennon. So this is Christmas.
Are they going to throw that on there?
You know, Billy Squire Christmas is time to say I love you.
Is that going to be on there, too? What the hell?
You are messing with classics, whoever you are that came up with this list.
And we are not happy. Right.
I agree with most of the last two.
Yeah. The first ones were perfect.
The last two were completely wrong.
So wow.
You ever hear about Dyer's Burgers in in Memphis?
I've heard of them. Yeah. OK.
This, too, I got from Fox four in the morning.
And like always, they tell a little bit about it.
They can't go in depth.
So what I do is I simply look up what they're talking about and report it more in depth because I believe they're interesting stories.
And I think they are. So anyhow, back in 1912, the late Elmer Doc Dyer opened his own cafe and began to develop a secret cooking process for the uniquely delicious world famous burgers.
We still serve here today on Beale Street.
Now, I went right by that place several times.
I never went in there and I thought about going in there because it does have, you know, since 1912 and I knew there's some sort of gimmick to it.
I just wasn't sure what the gimmick was. Right.
I didn't read up on it. So therefore, I didn't know.
So legend had it that the secret was Doc Dyer's ageless cooking grease.
This famous grease, Strain Daily, has continued to produce our juicy Dyer's burgers for almost a century now.
One of Doc's original employees, Mr. Con Aaron, bought the establishment in 1935 and continued the Dyer's name and tradition of famous burgers.
The Dyer's legacy continued to this day over the years.
This famous cooking grease has been transported to our various Memphis locations under the watchful protection of armed police escorts.
And they're not joking.
Finally, settling here on historic Beale Street, home of the Blues and the world famous Dyer's.
World famous Dyer's burgers, 205 Beale Street, Memphis, Tennessee.
I've known this because New Orleans and they use grease over 100 years old.
They never clean out their pans. They just scrape them out.
So whenever they cook something in those pans, it's of enough hot temperature to kill any germs that are in it. Right.
Yeah. So they're able to scrape out the pans, but you do not wash them.
You don't wash them because all that seasoning is in that pan. You simply scrape it out.
So what they're doing is they're cooking grease is like the New Orleans pots and pans.
Katrina ended some of those traditions because it took their pots and pans from over 100 years old that they've been cooking on that whole time.
The cast iron ones. And they went somewhere bottom of the ocean or something.
So some places closed down over it.
I believe that one of my favorite places, Willie May's Scotch House, Great Chicken.
I believe it's now an old church in the Ninth Ward.
But the original place, I think, is gone. I think Katrina wiped it out or something.
I'm not for sure. But something like that. I haven't been there in several years.
But they lost a majority of their pots and pans during Katrina.
And if this is true, I read about this. So if it's wrong, I'm sorry.
But anyhow, they they shut down briefly not because they couldn't open back up, but because they didn't have the pots and pans.
So a lot of these a lot of people that went there virtually every day for food went out on a mission to find old pots and pans with similar seasoning
and gathered them up and gave them to the Willie May's Scotch House so they could continue.
So as far as I know, that's true. And anyhow, their food is amazing. And that is probably one of the reasons.
Like I said, I think it's true. If it's not, I apologize. But Willie May's Scotch House, you got free advertisement with the douches because you guys rule.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do. All righty.
I didn't eat lunch and. So I got a food story here. OK.
It's going to make me hungry. Domino's has been dishing out pizzas for nearly 65 years and they're good again.
My daughter delivers for. Oh, OK.
Yeah. Yeah. I'll be canton here right at the street from. OK.
So, yeah, I got to give him a shout out. They're good.
Any fan? Yeah, they are.
Yet many fans are just now uncovering the secret behind their iconic logos.
Three dots. This is good. This is going to be good.
Yes. It has the domino there with three dots on it.
Yeah. One on one side, two on the other. Yeah. Everybody that sees it.
That the first thing you think is dominoes. Yeah.
The Monahan siblings, Tom and James launched their first pizza shop initially named Dominic.
Goodbye. In Michigan back in 1960.
A year later, Tom swapped his pre-owned 1959 BW Beetle to buy his brother's steak in the business, which he subsequently rebranded as Domino's Pizza.
There are now a staggering six thousand eight hundred eighty seven chains nationwide.
Wow. Are they the largest chain in America or does it say?
This does not mention that. I think they took over pizza had a few years back in Papa John's. I think they did. Yeah.
Despite being the go to pizza spot for many of us, the story behind the brand's three dot logo has remained a mystery to many for all this time.
Turns out the logo represents Tom's initial goal of opening three stores.
Oh, wow. But this plan was quickly shelved due to the franchise's explosive growth.
Domino's is the largest pizza chain in the United States by sales and number of units.
In twenty twenty three, Domino's had nearly nine point three billion in sales, which is more than any other pizza chain by far.
Domino's has over six thousand eight hundred fifty four restaurants nationwide, which is quite a few more than Pizza Hut and Little Caesars.
Sorry about that. I had to tell that. Go ahead, Bob.
No, no, no. That's that. That's all I had on this one. Oh, OK.
What the three dots mean is because his main goal was to open three stores.
That is pretty pretty. Look what they have become today.
That is pretty freaking cool, Rob. I love that story.
That is stuff that I'm really interested in.
You know, it's like, what do those three dots mean?
Nobody really knows, you know, I got that.
I just figured the dice, you know, is less ink.
Yeah. Yeah. Better than putting 20 on there.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You put 20 in there. Yeah.
OK. Do you want to keep going, Rob? I got a couple of stories I'd like to put in if possible.
Yeah. Go ahead. And then I got to get busy.
My daughter's waiting on me. So we go shopping for Christmas dinner food.
OK. Are you sure you're OK to go? I can shut this off at any time.
No, go ahead. OK. I got a few more, man. OK. Cool. JetBlue is at.
I don't think I have anything else. That's all right.
I got a couple of them that I've had for a while now that I want to get rid of.
I mean, because I want to talk about it. OK. JetBlue to add domestic first class seats called
Mint, Mint, or Junior Mint in twenty twenty six.
JetBlue is prepared to add a new class of service to its domestic fleet,
dubbed Mint, Mint, or Junior Mint.
Their line announced in a note to employees on Thursday.
The new class is aimed at planes that do not feature Mint, JetBlue's highest
premium offering, while the standard Mint option includes fully lie flat seats
that go all the way down, fully lie, measuring six and a half feet long.
Many Mint, many is expected to offer more upgraded experience than the airlines
lower level fares, though without fully lie flat seats.
So you can get an in-between without having to spend three times as much.
The move reflects a broader trend in the airline industry as carriers look for
ways to attract the growing population of premium travelers.
And I always try to buy the wide seats and the extra foot room and all that
if it's not too crazy.
Delta Airlines recently launches third Delta One Lounge, an exclusive space
for highest paying guests and has also leased plans to segment its main cabin
at another option above the standard fare.
British Airways announced it will retrofit its A380 fleet with all new first
class offering.
JetBlue, which already offers Mint suites and Mint studios, had previously
unveiled plans for its first ever airport lounges specifically for these kinds
of guests.
JetBlue is also trying to capture the more international market expanded
its global route map with two round trip flights from Boston Logan International
Airport to Madrid and Edinburgh.
So now that I spit all that out there, I love that because you don't have to
spend like an enormous amount of money.
You can like level up and be a little bit more comfortable without having to
spend a ton of money on it.
You know what I mean?
You're not there, you know, slumming it, you know, elbow to elbow with somebody.
You can spend a little bit more and get a little bit more elbow room and leg
room.
And I like that.
So anyhow, you know what?
The other ones can wait.
So we can go ahead and say goodbye on this thing.
You can go about your Christmas plans.
And anyhow, thank you, Rob.
Thank you for the great stories and joining me today.
Yes.
All right.
So thank you.
Thank you for us doing it.
Yeah.
You know what?
I love it.
It's this.
This is fantastic.
We love doing it.
And I think it shows.
So anyhow, everybody, thank you for listening.
Goodbye, assholes.
Have a Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, sorry.
Merry Christmas.
And we'll talk to you before New Year's.
Yeah, we will.
Yeah.
Yep.
So anyhow, bye.
Bye.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.