And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
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Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
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Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Every time you put on your tennis shoes, may the laces be tied in a knot.
Have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said,
Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
The Origin of Underwear. The earliest evidence of underwear dates back to 4400 BC in the Baderian culture of Egypt.
Loincloths. The first underwear prototypes were loincloths, called shentii, made from woven materials like cotton and flax that are held up by a belt and worn at the waist.
Panties. The earliest known underwear that resembles modern panties were made from linen and leather.
Linen was used for everyday use while leather panties were used by women when they were menstruating.
Hi all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
Hey everybody, this is Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I am the Mark portion of this.
And I am Rob.
Okay, Rob, you know my Fall Staff sign. You see it on all the promos that I do. You know, getting ready to do the douchebags, watch out for your ear holes and all that, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it burned out the other day. My Fall Staff sign burned out.
Yeah, so I go into it, okay. And I forgot how well made. This is an antique, obviously. It's a very old sign, probably from the 40s, maybe early 50s.
And anyhow, I was taking it apart to see what it needs. It needed a new fluorescent bulb in it, okay. So I get the fluorescent bulb.
And I forgot how, it's number one, it's made, it's a union made sign. I saw the sticker on the side.
Number two, that thing right there is almost like taking a car apart. That's how well stuff was made back then. And this is just a Fall Staff sign.
I have like three different things I have to go through before I even get to the bulb.
I mean, different layers and different little pieces that have been broke, the metal, the sheet metal been broke this way to hold this in and broke that way to hold that in.
And it is one of the best built signs I've ever seen. That thing is something else.
The signs today, you know, they're just like light and there's nothing to them. But I'm having a hell of a time trying to put that damn thing back together.
I just spent an hour and every damn time I thought I had it back together. I look in there, I'm like, oh shit, the bulb's wrong.
Oh shit, I forgot to attach this. Oh shit, I forgot. I mean, it's just, I will get it.
But I just forgot how well built things were back then. And it's just like, it's a whole nother world, dude. I'm just like, the hell, you know.
So I will get it, but I think it's going to thoroughly take another hour or so just to get it because every time I put it back together,
the bulb came out because I had to move it around and go, oh yeah, I got to do this. Oh yeah, I got to do that. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?
No, no. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah. And I'm glad it's built well, but it's very frustrating.
So it drives you nuts.
Yeah, yeah. So I finally, I was using a screwdriver finally. I can't believe it. On a sign that should be this simple.
Well, that's how you know it's good.
Yeah, I had to get the screw gun out. I'm like, look, I'm tearing my fucking wrists up doing this thing.
So anyhow, I'm glad it's built well and I will eventually get it and we'll be back up there looking fine.
But until then, fuck, I'm having a hell of a time with it. So anyhow, how's your evening going?
Oh, it's going good. Going good.
Good. You were talking earlier off of the podcast, we were talking about meals and how you're snacking and everything.
Yeah, I mean, I go from cooking for three to just cooking for me. I'm not used to it.
So yeah, I'll make me a couple bologna sandwiches or whatever. It's not good. I got to start doing better.
Like we talked about.
I got to start doing meal planning again, but just make it smaller portions.
Back in my single days, I had to just start going to making meals and getting those Tupperware containers that are sealable that you can put in the freezer.
And then you pop them out and microwave them and that is as close as you can get to a good homemade meatloaf unless you go to the local restaurant.
But if you're like me.
Exactly. That's what we. Yeah, I mentioned that. I mean, we've got some good local restaurants right here. You know, why not?
Yeah, you know, or area, you know.
Yeah, I made a deal with myself when I was single. OK, two local restaurants a week and that's it.
Yeah, yeah.
Two times. Yeah, the rest of time it's on me. So anyhow, and then I finally got smart.
My mom lived a block away from me, so I paid her to make my meals.
Yeah, you know what? It worked out well. She loved doing it and she didn't want any money for it.
I'm like, no, mom, that's that erases the point of me living away and not sponging off of you.
You know, you don't make the most amount of money in the whole world. I know you're doing OK, but no, I have to pay you for this.
So please respect it. And she did. She let me pay her for it.
But it was good. Yeah, so it worked out well. And plus, I got her cooking another fucking 10 years in life.
How well is that? You know, there you go. Yeah. And your mom was a damn good cook. Oh, gosh.
Remember that Greek goulash? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Her goulash is to die for.
Yeah, it wasn't regular goulash. What it is, it's Greek spaghetti is what it is. That's what it is.
That's what it is. And anyhow, it's their equivalent to spaghetti. But man, that shit was just I'm telling you, I she can't really make it anymore.
You know, she's older and, you know, she has some mobility and eye issues and stuff.
And I tell you what, every now and then I wake up in a cold sweat. Oh, my God. I wish I had one more bowl of that.
One more bowl. Right. And I can't do it. I tried to recreate it. I don't know what the hell.
You know, you know, she's got to have her right there to show you. Yes.
There is something she does that obviously I missed or by talking to her, I didn't catch.
And I'm like, shit. Yeah. I'm like, I just can't do this. And she and she will point it out.
I guarantee you. Yes. If she was at that level to where she could stand there and watch me. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. She would probably go Catholic nun on me and smack me in the hands with a ruler. No, no.
No, you know, no, no, no. That's salt too much. No, no, no. That oregano. Just a little bit more.
Nope, nope. You know, you went too far. Take some that out. I could see it right now.
So the thing is, is a pinch and a dash to her or actually a measurement that she sees by her eyes when her eyes were good.
Exactly. Us, it's a pinch and a dash. Her. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. You're not doing it right.
So anyhow, yeah. So, yeah, I sympathize with you because I was in the same thing and I think the best thing you can do and number one,
you do yourself a favor by buying in bulk like that, because if you buy single items like that, you're paying out the ass.
You know, the convenience fee or whatever on just single servings or the small service of everything is twice as high.
So anyhow, so getting into the podcast here, we all know that this year is rapidly coming to a conclusion, right?
Yeah. Well, did you know that every year they have the top 10 oddest Guinness Book of World Records of the year?
These are the oddest world records that took place within that year.
And evidently you have to say if you want a world record on something, you have to submit it and go, this is what I have.
Does this qualify for a world record? And it goes through some stuff and it goes through all of Guinness and they look through it and all this stuff.
And they figure it out and see if there's anybody else doing that. You know what I mean?
I think it's part interest, part oddity and part they're sure you're the only one.
So anyhow, this is the top 10. They release this every year. And this is the top 10 of 2024 of the oddest top 10 Guinness Book of World Records.
And so the first one, number 10, was the smallest washing machine.
Sabees Sanjee of India broke the Guinness World Records of the smallest washing machine when his minute appliance was officially measured at 1.28 inches by 1.32 inches by 1.52 inches.
What? Yes. Yes. It looks like, I'm not kidding you, you know a case a ring comes in, a ring case?
Yeah. It looks like a ring case. And he has this little bastard working. You can look it up on YouTube.
He threw on a little garment. He threw in a little detergent and the thing is washing it.
And he took it out and it was clean. He had some sort of soil on it to prove his point.
He went in there, he washed it. You can watch it on YouTube. Smallest washing machine, that's all it's called.
So if you want to see, yeah, yeah. How he did it.
I enjoyed stuff like this because my dad always had the Guinness Book of World Records books. So growing up, yeah that's what I did.
I'd grab a book, you know. It fascinated me. I was grounded, couldn't go nowhere. I'd read Guinness, you know.
Rob, I'm the same way, man. You and I are a lot alike on this nostalgia stuff and all that stuff.
And you know, this goes along with it. You know, we're members of children, you know, this stuff going on.
And I was the same way. It just fascinated me. You know, like the guy that could stand on his head the longest, you know, or whatever.
Yeah.
Okay, the next one on this list, number nine, is the largest building in the shape of a chicken.
No kidding. No joke.
I did not know that was a thing.
It is now. Like I said, they have to submit it and Guinness has to go over it and all their talking heads have to look over it in the big wigs and go, okay, all right, this will qualify.
So the largest building in the shape of a chicken is number nine. And it's a, it's at Campoo Hostin or Hostin, Campoo Hostin Highland Resort located in Nigros, Occidental.
So I earned a world record when it happened. Okay. Overseas. Okay. Let's just say overseas.
Well, also you mentioned camping area too. I could see something like that.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
For area like that. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I do appreciate this too. I think that it's pretty interesting.
So anyhow, the building is in the shape of a rooster and it stands at 114 feet and seven inches tall.
Wow. And he uses it for his industry of local game foul.
And this is making things associated with it, like maybe, you know, like the duck quacks or whatever, you know what I mean? The duck calls and also the blanks that they use, the dummies that they use out in the water.
It sounds like this is what he does there and it's shaped, it's in the shape of a rooster.
So this next one's right up our alley, Rob. Longest paddling journey by pumpkin boat.
Now it's not the kind of paddling we normally dish out here at Two Douchebags of Microphone, but it's paddling by a pumpkin boat.
Ashley, I think that just happened recently.
It did. It did. Yep. I would say in the last two weeks it happened because I read it and then it was on here.
I was thinking last year.
No, this is this year.
Oh, you're already beating. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
This is a brand new one. And this was out last year, too. Yeah.
Okay. So Oregon man Gary Christensen hollowed out a pumpkin he dubbed by Punky Loafster and took out forty five point sixty seven mile journey down the Columbia River to break this record.
Christensen, who was for strong winds and unstable waters during his journey, printed the words it's real on the side of the pumpkin to answer the most obvious question that might have been asked by curious onlookers.
Yeah, you're thinking the one last year of the year before this guy beat that. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Yeah. So interesting stuff.
Okay. Number seven, the fastest 10 meters on a skateboard by a cat.
Oh, my God.
Baozhi, an American shorthair cat, belonged to Chinese man, Lecocino Li. He showed off his shredding skills by skateboarding 10 meters, 32.8 feet in 12.85 seconds. Li, a professional dog trainer, said he originally brought Zou Bozai, is his full name, home to help deal with the rodent problem.
But he noticed the feline would watch intently while he was teaching dogs how to skateboard. So he started teaching Bozai to do the same tricks.
Okay, love it. There's more. It goes on to more, but you guys got the yeah yeah yeah you got the gist of it. I'm pretty sure.
This is the highest car bungee jump number six.
Lauren Lasco, a professional stuntman and race car driver sat in the driver's seat of Nissan Quasar e-power vehicle when it was dropped from a crane at the height of 213 feet and three inches.
The car bounced up and down at the edge of a bungee cord before safely coming to a rest and setting the new world record.
So that that record was in existence, too. That wasn't one that they sent in and said, hey, is this a world record here? This is one that somebody already thought of and done.
And this guy simply he just broke the record with the longest, the largest bungee jump in a car.
So number five, most gaming consoles connected to a single TV. Now, if this isn't a waste of time, I don't know what is.
So it's a more waste of time than me taking apart that false staff sign and spending an hour on it, not getting shit done.
So Saudi Arabian gamer Abraham Al Nassar said something like, OK, some guy said he needed to employ the use of more than three, no, 30 RCA switchers and more than 12 HDMI switchers
to hook up four hundred and forty four video game consoles up to his TV. Al Nassar said he needs to use an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of which switch boxes and converters he needs to use to play each console.
Why? Why?
But again, I go back to the false staff sign. I probably made I probably made better use of my time completely fucking up that false stuff, false staff sign than this guy did here.
I'm just saying, why do you need that many consoles to run it one time?
No, can't get the same thing done with a couple. I mean, you can only play a couple at a time, right?
I thought just one.
Well, I think it's just one. But let's say you have another one on another wall, then I would go with, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
But OK. OK. You don't want over to how could you even keep track of you got a friend over? How many people are you going to have over on different walls?
It's got to be a league or something or a club. I guess. Or maybe he simply just wanted to break the record and he thought it was funny.
I don't know. Yeah, it could be. Yeah, it could be. You know, I mean, got more money.
We used to run around White Castle naked because we thought it was funny. Right.
Exactly. I rest my point. All right. That was funny. Yeah, that was funny. It was. Yes. Yep. Yep.
Fastest motorized wheelbarrow. British mechanic. All right.
Dylan Phillips hit the tarmac during straight liners speed week 2024 at Elvington Airfield in Yorkshire and took his custom built vehicle, a motorized wheelbarrow up to a top speed of fifty two point five eight miles.
Almost my man. Yes.
Dylan Phillips, you're my hero.
You are my hero in a wheelbarrow, dude.
That's the redneck shit there. I love it. You know that that beats a lawnmower all to hell.
Yes. Yes. Beautiful work, Dylan. Beautiful work. We salute you here at To Do's Fags and Microphone.
You are the greatest person that ever lived next to Jesus Christ.
So, Phillips said getting the wheelbarrow up to speed is scary, but the real issue is slowing down. I bet it is as the unusual vehicle only has brakes on the front.
Could you imagine that? How easy would that be to tip? You'd have to just tap the brakes over and over and over and you couldn't hit them for very long.
Otherwise, you'd flip over.
Yeah.
Dylan Phillips, we salute you. Amazing work. Amazing. I'm getting teary eyed.
Oh my God. I'm getting teary eyed. I hear trebles and angels on that one. I do too.
Yes. Yes. You know, I mean, we need like a picture of him in the clouds with a wheelbarrow.
Anyhow, most items identified by a parrot in three minutes.
Apollo, a four-year-old African, African gray parrot, almost a gay parrot. It may be. We don't judge here. African gray parrot.
Watch yourself.
You know, whatever you want, gray parrot. That's fine.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Apollo, a four-year-old African gray parrot belonging to Florida resident Dalton and Victoria Mason was able to identify 12 objects presented to him by name in three minutes.
The social media famous parrot who has 2.8 million followers on TikTok identified objects, including a book, a sock, a figure of Super Mario's nemesis Wario.
Well, there you go. Not only could he identify stuff, he was a cool ass parrot.
So yeah. Yeah.
And finally, I don't know why this is number one. I don't consider this number one, but you know what? It's number one.
Helen Williams, who previously earned the Guinness World Record for the longest handmade wig at 1,152 feet and five inches, earned her second title by assembling a wig measuring 11 feet, 11 inches wide, one inch wider than the Mini Cooper car is long.
Williams, a professional wig maker in Nigeria, said she used more than 800 bundles of real hair to make her record breaking wig, which was then decorated 1000 rhinestones and put on display in her office.
That is kind of cool, but I don't consider it better than a wheelbarrow. Do you?
Now the wheelbarrow's got it.
The motorized wheelbarrow is the shit.
Yeah.
Yeah. I still hear trumpets and angels and I'm getting teary eyed.
Just talking about that right there might be story of the year.
I think so.
And I think we do an anti ass paddling on him.
He can never get an ass paddling. I don't care what he does.
He could not get an ass paddling because he did that.
Is that agreed?
Hell, you can't catch him.
That's true.
Old Sparky would have a hell of a time trying to paddle him.
So that is the list.
So Rob, we turn to you.
All right.
Two police departments from the Ozarks will be featured on national television in a new A&E series.
This is cool.
Yeah. It will feature KY3 regarding the death of Erd in a new show called Ozark Law, which premieres Wednesday, January 8th.
A&E says the 10 episode series follows the Lake Ozark Police Department, which is over by Bagnall Dam.
And the Osage Beach Police Department on their daily patrols around Lake of the Ozarks this summer, filming with the departments wrapped in early fall.
We're fortunate to live in a place of natural beauty where people want to visit.
And Osage said Osage Beach Police Chief Todd Davis.
But when the population rapidly multiplies literally overnight, it presents unique challenges for our officers.
The series shows how dedicated we are to serving the Osage Beach community.
One episode will feature footage from KY3, which is out of Springfield, regarding the death of Officer Felicia Carson on January 31st.
And you reported on you reported on this earlier in the podcast.
This is her.
Officer Carson was killed after joining a high speed pursuit when her patrol car began to skid and went off the road, hitting a tree.
The patrol car caught fire.
According to the city of Osage Beach, the production company Lucky Eight approached both departments in early 2024, asking to show the officers.
OK, now I've read in another in another report that they went and asked in April and her accident happened August 31st.
Well, I was listening to the local radio station this morning.
Ninety three five rocks out of Osage Beach, which we have a lot of listeners in Osage Beach.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah.
I mean, we got a shit ton of listeners in Osage Beach.
So thank you.
Anyhow, go ahead.
I'm going to start.
I want to start wearing my Rob Redshirt more often.
You need to go to go to our RSS.
Man, that'd be cool.
Go to Osage Beach.
And on ninety three five, they read a report that said that one of the film crews was just ahead of her when that accident happened.
No shit.
Oh, man.
They were ahead. They were ahead of her filming everything else when her car wrecked. So I don't I doubt if they got footage except for maybe.
Once they got stopped, you know, I don't know, but I doubt if they will show that on national TV.
Yeah, probably not.
I'm trying to figure.
Yeah.
I mean, well, the family wouldn't want that.
Well, yeah, yeah, that's something you really they're going to have to be very delicate.
But you know what?
They will. They will.
You know, they know the rules.
They know, you know, they know it more than we do.
So what they're going to do is they're going to pay tribute to her, which they need to.
Yeah, she's a hero.
She is a hero bonafide.
And I think it's awesome that they're going to pay tribute to her and she should not be forgotten.
That's for sure.
And the way it looks, the little punk's going to do quite a bit of time.
Good. Good.
Yes, they have him on serious charges.
So.
Very cool, man.
Thank you, Rob.
Let's go ahead and take our first break.
And I'm going to come back with some emails that sound good.
That sounds good.
That's what's going to happen.
I do too.
And there's some, you know, I'll just wait.
Be right back.
Oh, Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh, no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's OK.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
This is the origin of two douchebags and microphone.
It all started a couple of years ago when Topher and I realized we can annoy people really easily at will.
We decided to take it a little further and start a podcast to try to annoy more people at a much larger level.
It works so well, we brought our annoying friend Rob in for the whole gig.
So now you have three horrible podcasts out of one horrible podcast.
You're welcome, America.
Harambe used to listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead.
Senselessly murdered because some idiot did not watch her child properly while looking on her phone.
Sadly, Harambe does not listen to our original show, Two Dip Shits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder, or any other show anymore.
Sorry, Harambe.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes and...
Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler?
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Hurry up. King Jong Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay!
Two douchebags in a microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you...
First world problems.
Dammit!
I can't decide between nachos, chili, or wings for the game tonight.
This is bullshit. I should not have to make decisions like this.
Hello. This is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
Two douchebags in a microphone! I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, real quick. I got a report. I got a report. A fallen soldier in the two douchebags in a microphone podcast army.
It is my neon fuck-off sign. It has appeared to have burnt out.
I'm very sad by this unfortunate event that occurred.
I plan on getting another one, but we're going to do a proper salute to it on another podcast.
Fuck-off sign, you did us so well for so long. We salute you and thank you for your service.
For telling countless people to fuck off without me having to say it.
And that reminds me, I need to get my Showtime sign home.
You gotta get what?
My Showtime sign home.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yep.
Yeah, that's for the Duck Pline Studio and this is the Talk is Cheap Studio and Topher's is the No Filter Studio.
So there you go. All these studios. That's why you get all these crazy podcasts.
And there may be more coming. And we have a sponsor coming up. So ha ha.
Yep, yep. There's some people right now going, fuck. Why would someone pay them? They're going to stay around forever now.
So, all right. Mark, this is emails. So we're going to go to it. So this is emails real quick.
Mark, did you tell someone to eat a bowl of unsweetened shit flakes with a fork?
That just killed me. Thanks. Ronnie and Tulsa. Did I?
I wouldn't put it past you. I would not put it past you. That sounds like something you would have said back then.
I do say unsweetened. You probably say that today.
No, he's talking about the podcast. This is Ronnie and Tulsa that said that.
He said, did you did you tell someone to eat a bowl of unsweetened shit flakes with a fork?
That just killed me. Thanks. Ronnie and Tulsa.
Yeah, I do. I do occasionally tell people to eat a bowl of shit flakes.
I added unsweetened in there, I guess, for in a fork just for extra flavor.
So, yeah, I don't remember doing it, but yeah, I don't doubt I did that at all.
So I'm glad you liked it. So, anyhow, I think it was during an email.
I think someone was doing the usual, you guys suck. What?
I think so. Yeah. It may have been the dude about finger tapping.
It might have been. You know what? I think you're right. I think it was a finger tapping.
You went off on him hard, man. Oh, yeah. That fucker kept peppering me with stupid shit all week.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyhow, I don't block him, though.
I let him waste his time. And every time one of his emails comes through, I delete it without even reading it.
So I just let him keep writing him. I'm not going to block him.
Just let him keep writing. That way he can look. Oh, it went through. Oh, good.
No, it didn't. I deleted it before I even read it. So anyhow, this next one's for you, Rob.
Rob, how are you doing on sobriety? I'm really rooting for you, Wayne.
Wayne has asked about you quite a few times. His heart is real. His heart is true.
He cares about you and he wants you to do well. So there's the question, Rob.
Well, thank you, Wayne. And actually, thank you, everybody.
You know how it is. It's day to day. Yeah. There's days I don't drink at all.
But when I do drink, I stick to a six pack.
You know, maybe a couple of days a week, you know, I think that's pretty damn good so far.
Yeah. Compared to where I was. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Baby steps.
Well, not too much in five hours. Yeah. Rome was not built in one day. Keep at it, Rob.
Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. All right.
And I'm old enough. I don't want to put my body in shock. So I'm weaning myself off.
Look, you're doing fine. Don't question it. Just keep doing what you're doing, Rob.
Don't get detoured or distracted. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing fine.
I'm not. I'm not. OK, good.
OK, let's see now. The next one.
All you pod host Rob Topher Mark, would you guys try the mayo drink?
Tamra in Kansas City, Kansas? No. Hell no.
Fuck no. Nope. And I believe I believe Topher would say the same thing.
I'm pretty sure he would say the same thing. You know, better than I do.
Yeah, he would. Yeah, he would not like that either.
That sounds completely disgusting. And whoever did it is an idiot.
Well, I mean, I guess they do it over in Japan.
So, you know what? Maybe they have different tastes or whatever.
I can tell you right now, I would never have an interest in that drink ever.
So the next one Topher, could you please talk some sense into Mark
and have him do a different intro to the music creeps? It sucks.
William and Elgin. Elgin, Chicago area, right? I believe so.
Yeah, yeah, I'm guessing Illinois. Yeah.
Yeah. We have a lot of listeners up there. And thank you, William.
No, we're going to keep doing that. Sorry.
Sorry, I don't have enough load in that show.
Here's what you do, William and Elgin. Here's what you do.
Just go through the first part of it real quick. It's a podcast.
You can just take that little needle and go tink.
Go past the first minute. You won't hear it. There you go.
Back forward, yeah. Yeah.
And all the other people that hate it will still hear it.
So I don't think there's one person that likes it, which means we're going to keep doing it.
OK. And finally, the podcast is supposed to be kind of like a morning radio show live.
That's the description. Yeah, that's what I put on RSS.
That's what we are trying to do. Of course, we're very primitive.
We're not as talented. And we know all this.
We're just doing our version of it as a salute to it.
And we think that stuff like this needs to exist as an outlet.
Not everything has to be politics.
And it's more the content. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. More the content.
Not everything has to be politics. Not everything has to be news.
Not everything has to be serious.
Every now and then you hear it. You need to hear a good dick joke. And that's what we're here for.
So anyhow, I went on to say, well, if that's the case, now we know why that type of show isn't around anymore.
Clint in Clarksville, Arkansas. Clint, number one, I get to Clarksville pretty fucking easily.
So back it down, bitch. I know where Clarksville is. I used to live close to it.
So Clint, come on, bitch.
You know that on the main drag there that like fucking Rusty's Cars or something we can meet there.
There we go. So, okay. Well, okay.
Here is my official rebuttal to Clint.
Okay, Clint, the truth is that idiots like you have absolutely no capital to work with.
That's why they're no longer around.
To try to make a soft minded underachiever by anything over five bucks is simply not accomplishable.
So Clint, the next time we will do a podcast just for you, it will be grunts, clicks and drooling.
I'm sure you'll enjoy that one.
Once again, eat a bowl of unsweetened shit flakes with a spatula.
Now go back to scratching your under folds.
And that's it. That's the that is emails.
Yeah. Yeah. You forget we grew up with shitty radio stations.
Yes. The guy I hear, you know, they do what they think is going to get under your skin, right?
Yeah. You know, I said exactly what he said, but I would like to remind him that we can say anything, anything.
We can make it sound any way and he can't touch it. He can't get on this.
The worst he could do is start another podcast and bash us and try to like get to us or something.
But the thing is, is this right here, I could say whatever.
I chose to go ahead and pull that one out and talk about it because it's true.
OK, number one, Clark's Clarksville, Arkansas, Arkansas is about a po-dunk little fucking mud hole.
OK, and this guy is talking about what we like up here.
OK, so I think he's probably about 20 years behind anyhow.
So, you know, it goes back to this, Clint, don't listen.
Don't download us. That's simple.
So anyhow, you can not like it all you want.
That's fine. But to try to motherfucker me with like four or five emails simply, it just doesn't work.
I don't care. I'm going to keep doing this.
And I hope you keep listening and hating it.
I hope it burns your asshole up. So anyhow, Rob, we'll make you famous.
Yeah, we will. William in Clarksville, Rusty's Cars, two o'clock.
Two o'clock next Tuesday. I'm off next Tuesday.
Two o'clock. Rusty's Cars. I'm in a black Jeep.
Come on down. I'll smack you around for a couple hours and go home smoking a cigar laughing.
Unless you're really huge.
You could be one of those big hay balers and then you probably kick my ass.
But assuming you're not, I ain't going down there. Who gives a shit?
Anyhow, Rob, we turn to you. Please turn this bullshit around.
OK. Because of the hook, I did it all for the nookie.
Fans mistakenly believe the song is more preoccupied with sex than it really is.
I thought that's what it meant.
Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst has pointed out that fans frequently misunderstand the lyrics of the band's 1999 hit Nookie.
Despite the song's chorus where Durst raps that he did it all for the nookie, people frequently overlook that the song could spurn less with sex than it is with love despite its title.
I thought it was about man ass. I guess not. No.
In a new interview with Daze, Durst was asked in 1999, you're doing it all for the nookie. What are you doing it for in 2025?
Prompting him to explain his frustrations with how the song gets misinterpreted.
The funny thing about that, though, nobody listened to the story in Nookie. They just listened to the catchphrase.
Well, the song has so much aggression, I think that you're forced to skip over whatever it might have meant just by the whole outline of the song in everybody's defense. But go ahead.
And he goes on to say, it's like when I say rage against the machine, they listen to fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. They don't listen to the rest of it.
Nookie. Yeah.
Huh?
I said, yeah, that's a good point.
Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Nookie, the first time I had been intimate with someone, it happened later, and I was very much had over heels in love because of that.
And I was just that guy. I was very much a vulnerable person in that world, and I couldn't believe it. Believe it even happened.
So I fell in love, and then this person was sleeping with other people, and people would say, Fred, you're so upset. Why are you staying?
And I say, because we made love. And I found a different way to say it. I did it all for the Nookie.
I found it more fun. So what I did for them was to love.
You know what? I didn't think I was going to like this article because Fred Durst has a known moron.
Actually, I understand what he's saying. I think we've all been there. That one girl that did that thing, whatever the fuck it was, she did that thing, and you couldn't put her down.
We've all been there.
Yeah.
This is before you grew up and realized that you put her in her place.
You know, okay, that was a ho, and I was stupid. Now it's easy to look back and do that. But back then, when you're in the middle of it, you can't.
It's simply impossible for a young man to be like, okay, she was just a bang. That's it. I need to move on. No.
She does whatever that thing is that drives you nuts. She figured you out. She infiltrated. She got you, and you're toast. That's it.
So you know what? I like that, Fred Durst. I actually agree with him on one thing. That's true.
Wow. You got any more on that?
No, that's all I had on that one, brother.
Wow, dude. That was really good because I would have never guessed that would have you.
No, I would not have either, and I agree. I mean, like we have said, the older you get, the more you listen to songs and get into them.
And I heard that song today after I picked this story. I was like, hell yeah, I see it now.
Everybody, any male our age, younger, a little bit older, we all understand where Fred Durst was coming from because we've all been a victim of this.
Like you said, you've got to listen to other than the catchphrase. You've got to listen to the rest of the song.
It is a really good catchphrase because who didn't run around going, the nookie, the nookie? I mean, it is very catchy.
So I get it. I get it 100 percent why he did the song like that.
And wow, I just kind of corrected myself thinking, you know what, you were wrong. That's okay. I get it.
All right. Wow. Okay. Thank you, Rob.
Okay. Since we're on the year end stuff, a lot of people are traveling, right?
A lot of airplanes, stuff like that, what have you. So, okay.
So when people, when travelers finally get to go on a trip, here is a list of what annoys travelers the most.
And I'm on board with probably 100 percent of them, maybe not quite in that order, but I'd see it. I see what they're saying.
Having a cough or cold and not wearing a mask is 27 percent of people hate that, including me.
When you can feel the little wet drops from their sneeze hit you in the back of the head, I want to turn around and smack them in the fucking face.
I've had that happen before. It's like, dude, I don't need your fucking germs.
And why don't you wear something over that face if you're going to be snotting all over me?
So I agree with that. And in a little bitty plane, yeah, I'm not like afraid of COVID or anything like that.
You know, what I am is, is I don't want the inconvenience and the horrible feeling of catching a cold.
It sucks. Just because some moron couldn't put something over their face.
So I agree with that 100 percent. I mean, if you're sick, if I'm sick, I try to wear a mask for the people around me.
It may not cut it down 100 percent, but at least it's courteous and you're trying to do something about it,
except like people that you work with or something going around coughing all over you.
So I agree with that 100 percent. So the next one, and I agree with this even more, and this may be more of my pet peeve.
And you tell me if you feel the same way, Rob, not using headphones to listen to music 15 percent.
I would think I'd be more. I hate people's noise intruding my ears.
And I do a podcast. I hate that. At work in the lunch break, someone's watching something saying,
and I'm like, I want to fucking hear this. I mean, you see where I work, it's a little different.
We're a big steel shop machines running. I got to have mine loud just so I could hear it.
Well, that's different. You're you got background noise. Go ahead.
When I walk out of work, my ear pod goes in. Yeah.
You don't sit there and listen to some loud, kooky zany bullshit that's infiltrating everybody's airspace.
I just want to take the phone and smash against the wall.
And people do that. That is a bigger pet peeve to me than someone sneezing on the back of your head.
That's just one thing that gets me. And I hate it. OK.
Kicking or pulling the back of the seat is 15 percent.
Also, I think I would register that higher. That would be right below the loud whatever.
That sucks. Someone kicking and pulling your seat is very uncomfortable.
It's annoying as fuck. And what's more annoying is is the lack of consideration, whether it's children or not.
If it's children, they the parents should say, hey, you don't do that.
There's someone up there and you were directly affected on with your bullshit.
So stop. You know, I hear this bargaining shit too much.
Jeffy, could you please not mind to stop that?
And he's like, no, well, I couldn't get him to stop. Yeah, you could get him to stop.
Number one, be a fucking parent and not his buddy.
You tell him, Jeffy, you fucking stop that.
And if you don't, when we get off of here, you're going to pay the price.
Plain and simple. Not. Oh, come on. Could you please? No, I hate that shit.
It's like, tell the fucking kid what he's going to do. He's your kid.
You know, so anyhow. All right. Next one.
Reclining without checking or during meals. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I usually have people around me consider and they go, do you mind if I recline this back a little bit?
And usually I'm like, that's fine. I don't mind. And if I do it, I ask why not?
Yeah. I always ask, though. I don't just like, yeah. And then there I am.
You know, but most people comply and they're fine. They're like, yeah, yeah, no problem, man.
You know, and usually you can get somewhat of a friendly little gesture from them.
And, you know, you know, they're cool. And and it makes just everything much easier on a flight.
This one. So true. Standing up as soon as the flight lands.
But I have some stipulations. People that have a bad back and knees have to stand up if it's a long flight because you're so cramped.
You are hurting and you're literally moving around constantly trying to get it not to hurt.
But if someone's just doing it because they think they're going to get a half second on the other people.
No. But if they're doing it because they legitimately hurt and I can tell by the way they're walking and the way they move around,
then I don't have any problems with it because I get it because I'm the same way.
This next one I agree with a lot, but it's not nearly my higher highest is hogging the middle armrest.
That's six percent of people. To me, that's about right, because usually I don't have a problem with the middle armrest.
If someone wants it, it doesn't really bother me that bad. It's like, go for it.
Whatever, you know, little things like that.
I try not to let affect me too much because it just fucks everything up.
Next one, six percent also taking their shoes off.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Very, very rude and usually smelly. They may not think it smells, but it does.
So absolutely 100 percent.
This next one, absolutely. And they need to do the airlines in Newport need to do more about this.
Crowding the boarding area before boarding six percent.
But I think it should be 90 percent because that is bullshit.
People jump up there when they're not supposed to go in.
You know, they know they've got another 15 minutes before they board and they're just sitting there clogging it up.
And it's like, look, I'm in my area. You guys, you'll get your turn in D or whatever, D or E or whatever.
Just go back there and wait. You're not getting in before me.
They're checking tickets. So why do you have to stand up here near me when it's my turn to go in there?
And all you're doing is getting in the way.
And then people constantly tell you from the airlines, could you move back just a little bit, sir?
You know, they need to just be like, all right, if you're not a part of this, you stay over there.
And if not, then we're not going to board you. You do it or you don't get on. That's simple.
So next one, number four.
And I agree with this 100 percent because it drives me nuts to wear in strong perfume or cologne or lotion.
Dude, some of that stuff gives me a flat out fucking headache.
It's so strong and just not it. Not that pleasant to me.
Do you get do you go through the same thing, Rob?
Rob, you there?
Did you mute?
Rob, did you mute?
All right. Hang on. Let me check in on this, everybody.
While I hit pause here, we're going to figure out what's going on.
All right. We seem to have our technical difficulties worked out.
And I think it was on my end, but I don't know what happened still to this minute.
I don't know.
OK. Let's see. Where were I? Oh, strong perfume.
Do you agree with that and clone?
Yes. Yeah, there's just some stuff that especially if you put too much of it on, it's going to turn my stomach.
Yeah. Yeah. And also it gives me a headache.
And also it wouldn't smell that bad if you didn't put on 30 fucking gallons of it.
Believe me, you don't need to put that. It's designed to where you put just a pinch on and it goes for most of the day.
The stuff is designed for that. You don't need to like bathe in it.
And if you bathe in it, it doesn't smell good anyhow. So I agree.
Next. And I agree with this because I've had this happen before.
Someone trying to get to know you when you don't want to get to know anybody.
All you want to do is go your destination, be left alone.
On my old work trips, there's always somebody I just wanted to decompress before I got to wherever.
And usually it's a busy airport and all that shit. So I just leave me alone.
Talk into a fellow passenger who clearly doesn't want to engage. 3%.
I'm higher than that because I've been a victim of that before.
And I'm not trying to be a dick.
The simple fact is, is I just want to be left alone because I got a full day of traveling ahead of me.
And especially if it's for work, if it's vacation, that's different.
I'll be a little bit easier. But when I used to travel for work, no, I could not stand that.
All I wanted to do was be left alone that amount of time because I knew the rest of the day was going to be bullshit.
Going from this airport, going to there.
Getting a rented car, going to here, going to there.
So what about you, Rob? You feel the same way or not so strong?
No, I feel exactly the same way. I really do.
Okay.
Okay, so now the next thing of this traveler's quiz is, are you a window or aisle person?
Okay, so they found that a majority of fliers like to cozy up with a view in the window seat.
That includes me 53%.
While 46% prefer the ease of entry and exit provided by the aisle seat.
Now, to me, it's okay.
Here's why I view it, Rob, and you tell me if you think this is right or not.
Okay, if it's a long flight, I want an aisle seat even though I like to look out the window.
And that's because I know at some point during that flight I'm going to have to piss.
I don't want to have to stick my ass in everybody's face trying to get across to piss.
Yeah.
But if it's a short flight, if it's like an hour, even an hour and a half,
I'll take the window seat because I love the window seat.
I like looking down and going, hey, oh, hey, there's Mississippi River.
Oh, hey, there's Ohio River. Oh, look, there's the Rockies. I love that.
You can usually identify what they are by, you know, about where you're at in the flight
and what you see down there, Salt Lake, you know, Great Lakes, you know,
all this stuff you can tell by looking down the ocean.
So I would rather do that. But if it's too long a flight, I have to take an aisle seat
because I will have to piss at least once during that flight.
So next, as for when they would rather fly, 54% of respondents said they took aim to book
early morning departures, including me, but Val isn't on board with that,
so I have to scale it back a little bit. If it was me, I would leave at five in the morning.
I would wake up at 2.30, get to the airport, leave at five in the morning.
I'd be at my destination, especially a vacation, by nine o'clock usually.
And then you got that whole day to go do whatever. You check into that.
And you got less people to deal with at that time.
Yes. And also, if you're really polite, you can usually get into the hotel earlier.
And if they charge you an extra $10, $20, so be it.
You're still getting a hell of a deal, getting that extra time.
You put all your stuff away. If you're in Florida, a lot of the places that I used to go,
not so much now, but like Ocean Manor, Ocean Sky, the Hilton there on Los Olas,
all these places there, they have a beach right there, and they have all the amenities right there.
So you get there early, and you got all day to lay out, go to the ocean, go drink, sit in the pool, all this stuff.
So I'm with that, especially when you're going on a cruise.
So you get a day before of relaxation, then you wake up, you jump on a boat, and relax even more.
To me, that is fantastic, and that makes me want to go on a cruise right fucking now.
But it's not until the end of April, so it's a little ways away.
Anyhow, let's see.
The survey found that post-pandemic rebound in travel isn't slowing down,
with 54% of respondents indicating that they plan to take more international trips in 2024 when they did in 2023.
The main obstacles for travel are lack of time, 29%, and financial concerns, 25%.
When asked whether they would rather get a $5,000 annual salary increase or two additional weeks of vacation,
56% of respondents said they would rather have more time off, including me.
I would love to go over to Europe, specifically the Mediterranean.
Like I said, I have family over there I would like to see, but above that, I love the area, I love the food,
I love everything. I don't want to live there, but I'd love to visit there.
I would love to go back, but man, those 14-hour flights, I just don't see doing that, Rob.
The way my back feels and my knees and everything, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do that.
I mean, I can't walk for half of a day when I do that.
The 14 hours and the boredom and the only so much you can read and only so much you can listen to,
I mean, I used to not mind them, but now I despise 14-hour flights.
Anything over two hours, I just despise.
So anyhow, we will make it over there sometime, but it's probably not going to be very many times.
I think I'm going to go over there one last time, see the people I want to see, go to the places I want to go,
and maybe take a Mediterranean cruise while I'm over there, and then come back and call it good,
and everything else is over on this side of the world. I think that's my plan. We'll see if it works.
Anyhow, that is the end of that. There was more, but really, I think we got the point across on everything,
about how travelers feel, so Rob, be my guest. Oh no, we didn't take our second break yet, did we?
No, we have not.
Let's take that and we're going to come back with some of your stuff. That sound good?
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Coffee flavored water doesn't sound good, but that's exactly what coffee is.
That is weird.
They used to call it Jump-O-Leave until your mama got on it.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags in a microphone.
Jam X, what the hell happened? You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them. At the field, spoke for you.
Hunk the man, hunk the system. What the hell happened?
The generation of angst, the generation of non-compliance, is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you. Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Mate, your head's going to snap on every door and it's going to snap.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's Island of Horrible Jokes.
Want to hear a joke about paper? It's terrible. It's horrible.
You watched the news. It looks grim. Is this apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the purpose of our lives.
Learn your soils. You will need drinking and bath water.
You must build a reservoir. The key to hold water in the ground are the clays you have at its base.
Research water purification methods and moral game will attract to the water as well.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
We can tell you what you can eat.
Elderberries can be a delicious and tasty treat in the wild.
During the apocalypse, this can be a great go-to food because it is also medicinal.
It helps with inflammation to headaches and also maybe you're sore from running from that radioactive antelope or whatever.
Take some elderberries. Maybe you can run a little bit faster and get away from the damn thing.
Two douchebags of microphone on Mark Gochieff's.
I'm Mark, or I'm Rob Gochieff.
I threw you off of that, didn't I?
Yeah, you did.
I was just reading an article while we were on break there that now they expect Mahomes to play.
But I think we can beat the Texans with our defense and Carson Wentz and Mahomes needs to rest.
So we'll see what happens. Anyhow, go ahead. It's going to be an interesting game.
Yeah, we have some games to play with there.
We have to win two out of three and we can win two out of three.
I think we can do one of them at least with Carson Wentz with our defense being as good as it is.
If we've got to get Mahomes a week off, go for it.
But I can tell you right now from what I read, he was a full participant in practice today and he plans to be the rest of the week.
I guarantee you he's starting. So anyhow.
Of course.
I mean, you're not going to get him out of there. He just won't.
So anyhow, for good or worse, I think that's what's going on.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob, please.
OK.
This came out December 12th, by the way.
OK.
It today hasn't been strange enough yet.
I submit this to you.
This video shared with us by a bystander showing police in Quincy, Illinois, chasing a stolen FedEx truck across town.
OK.
Big. Yeah.
Big thank you to Garrett Glasscock of LaBelle, Missouri, who was kind enough to allow us to share video he captured Thursday of a FedEx truck that was reported stolen, which was being followed by numerous police vehicles.
The pursuit started in Illinois, but ended in Missouri, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Department.
Huh.
OK.
I understand.
My understanding of this is that the pursuit started in Quincy, but ended in Palmyra, Missouri, not long after.
And I believe this video was actually captured on the Missouri side of the chase.
And this video they're talking about is on YouTube.
Oh, cool.
I have to look at it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I actually watched it.
OK.
For one, dumbass of the week.
OK.
Do you really think you're going to steal a big ass FedEx truck and get away?
To me, that sounds like a teenager's dare.
It's a billboard.
Yeah.
That sounds to me like a teenager's dare more than anything else.
You know what I mean?
Doesn't that sound like something like, oh, you'll never do that.
And then the guy does it.
You know what I mean?
That just doesn't sound realistic that anyone thinks that they could get away with that.
Yeah, or somebody it was really hard at.
It could be that, yes.
They lost their job and they got kids they need Christmas for.
I hear stories like that all the time.
I'll tell you what, especially down there at the lake, I've been there's been some reports out saying about people are increasingly going to poverty level because there are no jobs there.
And then the casino got shot down.
The casino, a lot of people.
Yeah, the casino.
A lot of people could have worked there and it could have helped some people out during the winter when there's nothing going on.
But they shot that down, too.
And like they're talking about how a lot of people.
OK.
But living here, I also see the other side of that.
OK.
There are jobs.
OK.
People don't want them.
I got you.
Because they have to.
We could use a couple people right now.
But we need people that actually want to work and show up and.
Don't mind physical labor.
There's not a whole lot of people like that from what I see anymore.
People. Well, people down here, they're used to fast food restaurants and restaurant work.
You know, they don't want to do the manufacturing and I say I do see both sides of that.
You know what, Rob, that's fair because you are down there.
And you would know more than I would.
So right. OK, I get it. I get it.
You know, I mean, and what I'm reading is someone wrote this out and are trying to make it seem like one way.
We don't know what their agenda was or anything.
So, you know, yeah, it could be very much.
Very much, you know, just people not wanting to work.
So anyhow, is there any more to that?
No, that was it.
OK, here's something that people down there could employ themselves on.
People seeking unconventional relaxation message methods are shelling out hundreds of dollars for professional backscratchers, according to the Wall Street Wall Street Journal.
So there you go. All you people down there don't want to build trailers.
There you go. Be a backscratcher.
Tony George, a. Hey, that would probably go over pretty good down here, honestly.
I see it on a summertime weekend. Yeah, I see it.
Yeah, just watch that new TV show.
Oh, yeah, like that, like that police chief said.
You learn that town of Osage Beach is roughly five thousand.
And in the summertime, you wake up on a Saturday.
There's roughly one hundred thousand easily.
You know what I mean? So, yeah, I mean, they got to be ready.
It is the smallest town, big town cop situation.
And I mean, because all these other ones, like they've grown so much that they actually do have a huge police force where Osage Beach is part time.
During the winter, there's nothing going on.
So, you know, they can have a huge force all the time.
So they have to deal with what they have.
And whenever all these people are there, they're probably very short staffed, I would imagine.
Well, what also happens is we also have Camden County right here in Canton across the bridge.
Yeah. And also we have highway patrol that runs out of Jeff City.
Oh, they just come down. Yeah, that's right. They just go south.
Yeah. And they actually use Camden County as a base.
I mean, what they do while they're on route, if they pick somebody up or whatever, they take them to Camden County.
They sit there to do the work.
And they figure out what happens to them when they're processed.
OK. Well, they have a lot of backup law enforcement wise.
OK, that's good.
Tony George, the 55 year old owner of the Scratcher Girls in Miami, charges 130 an hour of scratching using her three inch manicured nails, raking them down her client's back, limbs, scalp and even insides of their ears.
How much?
One hundred and thirty an hour.
And that's probably that's without a tip, I would bet.
Oh, my God, that'd be worth it.
I'll tell you what, back scratching is amazing, isn't it?
I have not had my back scratched in ages.
Oh, it's amazing.
Other than myself.
It's amazing when they apply just the right amount of pressure.
Oh, yeah.
The technique is so euphoric that customers will often drift to sleep or give sounds of euphoria.
Her services are so popular that she also travels to major populations, New York, Los Angeles or Philadelphia to see her clientele.
Soon she hopes to take her practice on tour to Europe.
She said she's never broken a nail, she told the Wall Street Journal, and she files her nails before each scratching session and scrubs her claws with soap and a nail brush.
But the businesswoman insists that scratching is not sexual.
It may not be, but it's almost as good as you know.
Maybe not to her.
Yeah, we don't scratch chests or bellies, George said, adding that she turned down a request for one man to have his nipples touched.
You have those people with their mind in the gutter.
Just my back.
I'm good with that.
I'm good with that, too.
You have those people have their mind in the gutter, she stated, but George isn't the only professional earning a living through non-sexual scratching.
Judy Luther, who opened her Pasadena, California, soft touch ASMR spa two years ago and recently quit her six figure job to pursue scratching full time, offers 50 minute sessions for $110 while slots fill up a week in advance.
She refuses to mail clients after instances of unusual requests.
It's like this very pure touch that's purely for pleasure and nothing else, but not in a sexual way.
She told the Journal.
Right.
So yeah, okay, there you go.
I get it.
I get it, too.
So yeah, you know, they could say whatever, but everybody interprets it different, right?
Yeah, yeah, it's just like a masseuse.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I go every month to have to get massaged and it is not sexual, but it is just it's euphoric because these are places that I hurt and I need worked over.
And the girl that I go to is so good that you have to be and I imagine back scratching the same, you have to be exactly on their same page and level to really benefit from it fully.
No, I mean, your minds have to be working concert together about how you feel and a good masseuse can tell that.
And Tammy, the girl that I go to, can touch in certain spots and go, you know what, this is a problem area, and she knows how to attack it.
And that's why I'll never go anywhere else but her is because of that, because she has this connection with how my body feels.
And it's amazing.
And back scratching, I think, is probably along the same lines to me.
I think it is.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something.
Yeah, I do.
Actually, this is a good story here.
Okay.
And it's another local story, by the way.
Okay.
The U.S. military transported out of Syria an Ozarks native who had disappeared seven months ago into former President Bashar Assad's notorious prison system and was among the thousands released this week by rebels.
Uh-huh.
Travis Timmerman, 29, was flown out of Syria on a U.S. military helicopter, according to a U.S. official who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss an ongoing operation.
Timmerman's family says the military flew him to Jordan.
Uh-huh.
Here's the cool part.
Timmerman is from Urbana, Missouri, about 50 miles north of Springfield in the southwestern part of the state.
He earned a finance degree from Missouri State University in 2017.
Okay.
Urbana is like 15, 20 miles from me.
Yeah, and they don't know why he was over there, do they?
Yeah, they do.
Oh, they do?
Oh, I didn't see that part.
I thought it was just a mystery.
Now, after being rescued, he thanked his rescuers for freeing him, but has told American officials that he would like to stay in the region, according to another person familiar with the matter who was not authorized to comment publicly.
Okay.
Timmerman was detained after he crossed into Syria while on a Christian pilgrimage from a mountain along the eastern Lebanese town of Zile in June.
He told the Associated Press that he was not ill-treated while in Palestine Branch, a notorious detention facility operated by Syrian intelligence.
Hmm.
Oh, okay.
He's coming home.
Wow, okay.
The article I read, they said it was unclear why he was over there.
Now, that makes a lot of sense.
He was on a Christian pilgrimage.
I get that.
Okay.
Well, I'm glad he's on his way home, and I know where Urbana is, and I know what is it, like 100 people?
About that, yeah.
I mean, it is a very smart town.
Urbana, Brandt, it's over on 73 Highway.
Like, it's a cut through from Max Creek to Buffalo.
Yeah.
Instead of going over 65, you run down 73.
Yeah, yeah.
Graves you about 15 minutes.
Yep.
It routinely gets grazed by tornadoes.
Yeah, very, very much so.
Yeah, very much so.
Okay, well.
Oh, and also a shout out.
Oh, okay.
Happy belated birthday.
December 11th, Nikki Six.
I'm not wishing him a happy birthday.
I can't fucking stand him now, but go ahead.
No, no, no, get this.
Okay.
Nikki Six turned 66.
Wow, the six turned 66.
Okay.
That was more meant then, don't you think?
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, it is.
I like that, Rob.
I'm just so, I am so.
I had you in mind when I heard that this morning.
It's fine, I love that.
I am so disgruntled with him and his.
I know, I know you are.
I feel, I feel lied to, his whole schtick.
So anyhow, anyhow, you know what?
I mean, that's for the music creeps.
We read your list today that it will be posted a little bit later about country acts that were one hit wonders.
Loved them.
Yeah.
So come up with another one of whatever you want and we'll read it on there.
I decided to let you have free form, whatever you want to put down.
Okay, well, I was wondering that.
All right.
Yeah, yeah, Topher and I think that's a great idea.
You just do what you.
Actually, yeah, because when it comes to rock and stuff, all three of us think just alike.
We love the country aspect of it.
I love the country aspect of it and you do them what you know, which is far superior to mine and Christopher's intellect on country music.
So please, whatever you want.
And if you don't feel like doing country.
I'll go all over the map.
Do whatever you want and that's what we want.
Just send me whatever once a week.
You know, we record on Tuesdays.
So, you know, sometime before Tuesday, send me your next list and we will talk about it.
All right.
And just so you know, I will obey Tulsa King limit to seven.
Okay, you got it.
Tulsa King is not having no time.
I lost a list of his.
So when you hear this Tulsa King, please send me it again.
I can't remember what it was, but I can't find it.
The emails like I accidentally erased a bunch of them.
I think this is the final week, isn't it?
Grandma, it is and Ricky.
It's not Ricky's final week, but it's Grandma Opal and Jimmy Jimmy.
We're hoping like hell you send me something.
I don't think my email, I think, is working well now.
So I don't think it's that.
But just in case if the other one if one of them didn't go through, please send me another one.
And and I tell you another thing, too, is if you're ever around your grandma or if you just want to say hi,
I will send you the number in an email and just get on there and go, Hey, this is Jimmy.
And Grandma Opal is in here or she is here and she wants to say hi.
We would love that.
So we hope we don't you know, we hope we don't have to dump you guys.
It's been a longstanding tradition, but this is it.
I mean, if I don't get it by next week, we don't mention you anymore.
We just mentioned Ricky.
No. Yeah, Ricky.
Ricky. Yeah. Yeah.
So anyhow, I read where parents are starting to detour their kids from playing high school football
and college football because they are afraid that they might get drafted by the New York Jets.
The United Kingdom, they're having again a short.
I figured you were going to go Cowboys on that one.
That too. That too.
No, I just read this the other day and it was New York Jets.
I stuck to it because of Aaron Rodgers and all that.
But yeah, the Cowboys would actually work better most of the time.
The UK has again a shortage.
I'm not kidding you.
I mean, I can understand, you know, the shit is like liquid calzone.
It's like five pounds of fucking wheat.
I mean, you know, it is so heavy.
It's like eating a loaf of bread.
But they love it over there and they're limiting all these all these bars and pubs to like a case a week.
And people over there are freaking out.
They're trying to get a mail order.
They're trying to do all this stuff.
They don't know what to do.
People are spending a lot of money on the black market to get Guinness because that's how much they love this stuff.
Me, I just find another beer, wouldn't you?
Yeah, yeah, you know, we ran out of Yenling.
I'd be like, OK, well, I guess I'll switch to something else for a little while.
You know, there's other beers that I like, just not as well as Yenling.
But, you know, I mean, I could do another beer for a while till they got it figured out.
But they are flipping out over there.
And, you know, I mean, like I always say, Guinness is like a fucking pizza without the pepperoni and cheese.
So anyhow, the McGrib debacle is still going on.
People are demanding that they resell them and they go online.
And me, I'm like, no, they dry jack me one time.
I'm not doing it again.
Fuck them. I don't want it.
So anyhow, so but who knows?
Maybe that whole thing is manufactured and nobody really cares except me.
So let's see. You got anything you want to say?
Anything you want to go into?
Actually, that's about all I have for now.
All right. Well, then let's go ahead and call this a wrap.
And Rob, I thank you for joining me once again.
And like always, we had a fucking blast doing this.
Yeah, yeah.
So I love the energy we've been bringing here lately.
They've been very good episodes and I've been listening to them.
And really, I mean, when we get on a roll, I personally think it's as good as anything.
I really do.
Oh, yeah. It's like it's like the old days.
We were just hanging out around, you know?
Yeah. Yep.
There's two people I'm trying to get on with us, and that would be Davy and my friend Sandor that I used to go out of town and work with.
He has a lot of stories.
He has a lot of stories that he could speak on that he remembers.
And I probably don't.
So anyhow, he would know the Duke would love to get on.
Sure. Yeah.
Just have him call him when you call in and I'll put him on three way.
The only thing is the reason Topher does not join us is his three way is a hard thing to do when you're podcasting.
So we'll have to like do like a roundtable where like I'll go, da da da da da Rob.
And then you go, da da da da Duke.
Da da da Mark.
We could do something like that because if not, you talk over each other.
It's just natural because three people talking with that delay is hard to do.
So but we can do it any time. It's fine with me.
I'd love to hear from him.
All right.
Well, he's actually coming down Thursday and we're going to go do some Christmas shopping.
So OK, I get off at six thirty shopping for ourselves.
What we're doing. I'm off at six thirty in the evening every night.
So if you want to do it one night like it may be eight o'clock, that would be fine with me.
Just let me know a little bit ahead of time.
Friday night. I I had an idea.
I'll go over it with you. OK. Friday night.
I can't Christmas deal. So anyhow.
All right. Everybody, thank you for listening.
I'm off for two and a half weeks after tomorrow. Oh, cool.
All right. You know what we can do?
We can do a few of them. Whatever you feel like.
I know. OK. We will talk about it off this podcast and figure it out.
All right, everybody. Thank you for listening.
Have a great night.
Good night, assholes. Night, assholes.
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.