Recorded live from the historic River Market area in downtown Kansas City proper near the
banks of the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, we give you the sports basket.
Everybody knows Mark is a fucking idiot, but Mark would like to take this moment to remind
you you're listening to this fucking idiot.
And we're off.
Alright.
Sports pastors.
Sometimes you gotta outsmart the machinery so you can get the going.
Yes.
The machinery has officially been outsmarted.
Alright.
Isn't it amazing?
They're still sticking around to listen to us.
Yeah I know.
Yeah.
I'm amazed whenever I see one downloaded.
Yeah.
We appreciate it, but wow.
Really?
I wouldn't download us.
But I do go to other people's computers and download it for them, which everyone is supposed
to do.
Yeah, like I think on the last one I said forcibly make people download it.
What is that?
The douchebag pledge?
Yeah, the douchebag pledge.
Yeah.
I hear my pledge to go to public computers and download it from there.
Go to neighbors and relatives' computers and download it from there.
That's probably what's going on is.
They're like I'm not putting it on my phone, but I'll put it on someone else's.
But one thing I'm quietly proud about is our podcasts have not been found on Diddy's computers.
Yes.
Very proud of that.
Yes.
Believe it or not, we're not a part of that whole elitist pedophile group.
No.
Yeah.
They never sent the invitation.
No, and that's fine with me.
That's fine with me.
Yeah.
So like now what fucking what's his name is in on it or supposedly on the lawsuit now
at least.
New celebrity?
Yeah.
I've heard about him for a while.
Yeah.
It's going to be interesting to see how all this pans out and what type of disaster happens
when the names are released.
Well just the other day in celebrity news, Kim Kardashian announced that she was divorcing
Kanye West and the whole world went.
I thought they weren't divorced already.
Well I just saw the meme about it the other day is like it showed the picture of the two
of them and said, you know, she now sees divorcing Kanye and the whole reaction was and so.
Yeah.
Look, I mean, if you're trying to get an angle, you're both idiots.
That's the only angle I can think of.
And it's really nice to see that these people in particular, Kanye and Kim Kardashian, no
longer command the attention that they could just say or do anything and keep a clock to
them.
Yeah.
I'm glad they're getting shown that their time is over.
Yes.
We're tired of them now.
Yeah.
About time.
They did okay because their dad was a famous lawyer.
Yeah.
They sucked every ounce of they could out of that.
If OJ Simpson.
In the sex tape.
Yes.
If OJ Simpson had never done his white Bronco ride and said stayed home and done himself
in.
Yeah.
Nobody would have ever heard of anybody named Kardashian.
You're right.
It was because of the OJ trial that we all learned about the Kardashians.
Robert Kardashian.
Yes.
So thanks, OJ.
Yeah.
Thank you.
That was almost that was that was an additional crime that was committed that night as he
introduced the world to the Kardashians.
Yes.
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, we should have got more jail time over that.
Yes.
Exactly.
That should have been the main one.
That was a crime against humanity.
Yeah.
That was right there.
It should have been.
Yeah.
Automatic lockup.
All right.
And we're not beatling anyone get murdered.
Nothing like that.
So take that off of your fucking agenda.
This is entertaining.
Yeah.
Yep.
I need to do a sports bastards pledge.
Don't I?
I think we need one.
Yeah.
We do need one.
We have a few complaints about the music creeps intro, which means we're going to do it more.
We're just going to keep making it worse.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Look, man, two listeners that complained about it.
I don't give a shit.
That's why we did it that way.
Yes.
To be irritating and obnoxious.
Yeah.
I'm not going to drop everything because two people were appalled by it.
We're surprised you're not all appalled by it.
They probably are.
They're just smart enough not to write in about it.
Yeah.
They don't want to do anything good.
Those guys can say or do whatever they want.
They can make up whatever they want.
I can't do it.
Yeah.
I'm not doing it.
That's the thing that gets me is this criticism.
You can always reword it and say that's what they said.
They don't have anything to say with it at all.
They said that I like to punch myself in the nuts.
Yeah.
I mean, whatever.
And then whenever we make fun of them, they can't answer back.
No.
It's kind of a one-way street.
It is.
So keep writing in.
Yeah.
We do appreciate it.
Yes, we do.
It gives us something to make fun of.
Yeah.
Besides ourselves.
Something to smile about on a cloudy day.
That's right.
Ellen, the sun's coming out.
Look at that.
Oh, it is.
Pretty soon it's going to be 80 degrees.
They're going to have to open these up.
Fire up the barbecue.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Well, shall we get into our predictions for week 16?
Why not?
All right.
Let's start off with nine and five Denver at eight and six Chargers.
Well, he'd like to think that the Chargers are going to have a comeback game, but not
this time.
I don't think so either.
Yeah.
Denver, let's say 27 to 20.
It'll be one score game.
I was close.
I'm 27-10.
Okay.
I realistically expect the Chargers to score.
I don't know.
I don't expect the Chargers to score more than 10 points at home, but that just popped
into my head, so I wrote it down.
Yeah.
You know what?
I mean, you're probably closer, but anyhow.
We'll see.
All right.
Next up.
That was the Thursday night game, by the way.
Oh, okay.
Sunday.
Isn't there a Saturday game?
I didn't see any Saturday games this week.
I saw Thursday and then Sunday.
I think college is still playing.
I thought the Chiefs were playing Saturday.
That's the next week when we play Pittsburgh.
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
That's on Wednesday.
That's the Christmas Day game.
Yeah.
Hang on.
Let's look.
And my phone goes blank.
I thought they were playing a Texas standalone Saturday game.
Okay.
Oh, you're right.
There are two Saturday games.
I missed that.
Okay.
Thank you for mentioning that.
No, no, no.
That's all right.
Chiefs at noon on Saturday, and the next one is the 3.30 game on Saturday.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
I missed that.
Okay.
That means I'm going to be free Sunday.
That's right.
Yeah.
Who's playing?
That's right.
I'm going to meet KC on Saturday at noon.
Okay.
I'm going to go with KC.
I think that they're going to stick to the script, and they're going to win the next
two games in that last two weeks of the season, the final season, and then the bye week that
they'll have for me at number one.
You're not going to see anybody of note out there like they did before.
Yep.
I'm going to say it's going to be a 23-20 nut tugger.
Yeah.
Because that's what we do.
It is what we've been doing.
I went 23-14.
Okay.
So fairly close still.
Yeah.
Yours sounds more likely this time.
You know, I could see him just like Cleveland just getting off to a hot start and just terrorizing
CJ Stroud.
But I could also see that CJ Stroud's got some pretty good long passes and could actually
connect on a few of them and make us look kind of bad.
I would not be surprised at all for Houston to get out to a lead and maybe score all their
points in the first half.
I could see that happening too.
And then they adjust and all of a sudden it's a different game.
And about the mid-fourth quarter, you see them look at each other going, what happened?
We're not going to win this.
It was right there in our hands.
We snatched a feed out of the hands of victory.
I love that one.
I do too.
I forgot who penned that phrase.
I can't remember.
It was awesome.
Of course it had to be some sportscaster.
I'm sure.
All right.
The second game Saturday is 10-4 Pittsburgh against 9-5 Baltimore.
A good game again.
I'm going to go Baltimore.
Baltimore is going to win this 27-23.
Again, got to score like that.
Yeah.
Man, they always play each other's tough.
They do and Pittsburgh can very easily win it.
But I think Baltimore is that time of the season where you start seeing them put a little
bit more into it.
I think by the time the season is done, they're going to be somewhat of a sexy pick again
because they go through the cycle.
That's it.
Oh yeah, yeah, maybe not.
Well, let's get ready to go the oh yeah, yeah again.
I'm going to pick Pittsburgh, 21-17.
Baltimore is kind of hot and cold.
I just think Baltimore is kind of trending down this week and Pittsburgh is trending
down.
I can see that.
Because they want to redeem themselves from losing to Philadelphia.
So I'm going to pick Pittsburgh.
Okay, all right.
I don't see Pittsburgh losing three in a row either.
So you're probably right.
Because they play Kansas City on Christmas Day.
That will be fun.
Yeah, it will be.
All right.
Sunday games, 3-11 New England at 11-3 Buffalo.
Not much doubt here.
Buffalo, 47-10.
47-10?
Yep.
All right.
I'm going 35-13.
That's probably closer.
Yeah, but yeah, Buffalo is going to have their usual big offense, but this week the defense
is going to be able to handle New England.
Yeah, because you got a guy that quits on the field.
Oh, they traded him to Jacksonville.
Oh, Jacksonville, yeah, that's right.
I forgot.
Yeah, he is the backup for Trevor Lawrence.
I forgot about that.
Okay, anyhow.
Next up, 2-12 Giants at 7-7 Atlanta.
I'm going to have to go to Atlanta, but it bothers me.
Yeah, it's just because New York is that bad.
Yeah, 17-3.
That sounds about right.
Yeah.
I'll go 20-10.
Okay.
Definitely Atlanta.
Yeah.
All right, 12-12 Atlanta.
Yeah.
Detroit at 4-10 Chicago.
Chicago is going to give them a good fight.
They always do, but Detroit is going to win this even.
They have a lot of injuries too, though.
A lot of injuries.
I'm going to say 32-27.
That looks pretty good.
Yeah, I can see Detroit scoring a lot, and I can see Chicago giving up a lot of points.
I do too.
So, I'm going to go for 30 for Detroit and 17 for Chicago.
Sounds good.
Next up, 6-8 Arizona at 3-11 Carolina.
Arizona, of course.
I would think so.
Yeah.
I would go for Arizona below this.
Yeah, I mean Carolina now, wouldn't you be looking for draft picks?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to say 23-17.
I went for a little wider score.
I went 24-10.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
But Carolina has been able to score points.
It's not like they have a-
No, they've been able to score.
This is that time of year where you're going to have the greatest games and the shittiest
games.
Yeah.
No in between.
Yeah.
That's true.
The early college season is like that because they always have a matchup between a super
strong team-
Oh, they got tomato cans to try to get on the up list.
Let's get some victories early to add our record.
Yeah, that would all be in the top 20 or whatever.
Ohio State versus Little Sisters of the Poor.
Yeah, the five-name college, the five names.
Yes.
Ohio State versus Southern Christian Methodist University of South Tampa.
Yeah.
What are these called?
Those directional colleges.
Directional colleges, yeah.
Like Southern Mississippi State.
Yeah.
Eastern Kentucky.
Yeah.
They couldn't get the real bill so they had to settle for Eastern and Southern.
Yep.
All right.
Next up we have eight and six Rams at four and 10 Jets in New York.
Yeah, Rams.
Yeah, I don't see the Rams losing this.
I think it'll be close.
30 to 10 Rams, I don't think it's going to be close at all.
All righty.
I'm going to go 28, 24 Rams.
Sounds good to me.
Both of them I could see happening really easy.
So far we've only disagreed on the Pittsburgh Baltimore game.
Okay.
It's scary.
That is.
But then again, a lot of these are pretty one-sided.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Either the game's horrible or they're going to be a classic.
The next few look pretty good.
12 and 2 Philly at 9 and 5 Washington.
Well, they're at Washington.
I think it's going to be a decent game too.
I'm going to look for Washington to pull the upset.
Why not?
I'm going to say 32 to 30 Washington's going to do it.
All righty.
Well, I'm going to go ahead and pick Philly then.
I don't blame you.
I probably should have, but we'll see.
27, 14.
All right.
Sounds good.
This next one's going to be tougher than it looks on paper.
3 and 11 Cleveland at 6 and 8 Cincinnati.
Oh yeah, you're right.
I'm going to have to go with Natty.
Because it's at home, yeah.
Yeah, it is at home.
I am too.
And Miles Garrett is probably out.
Oh gosh, yeah.
35, 27.
Since he does put up points.
Yeah.
I'm going to go 31 to 20.
Very good.
If Jameis Winston is starting again, I know he was benched last game against the Chiefs.
They brought in what's his name.
The problem is they're back up through an interception too.
But either way, Cleveland's going to throw some picks.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, so either way, yeah.
That's the way I see it too.
All right.
Then we have 3 and 10 Tennessee at 6 and 8 Indianapolis.
I think I'm going to go Indianapolis because Tennessee finds ways to lose.
Yeah, Indian Crappalus.
21 to 20.
I'm going to go 21-17.
All right.
They're both in the same ballpark.
All right.
Three o'clock games.
There are only three of them.
Okay.
First is 12 and 3 Minnesota.
12 and 3.
Yeah.
They won already.
No, they should be 12 and 2.
12 and 2, that's right.
Because they're only 14.
Yeah.
We looked at them last week.
Yeah, they were 11-2, so they're 12 and 2.
I just miswrote it.
It's okay.
12 and 2.
Minnesota at 8 and 6 Seattle.
Minnesota's going to win this even though they're at Seattle.
I'm going to say 27 to 24.
Seattle's going to give them a fight, but it's just not going to be enough.
Yeah.
I haven't looked at the weather forecast.
If it's really rainy and cold, that's going to help Seattle.
Yeah, it is.
I still think Minnesota's going to pull it out.
I think so too.
I don't think Seattle's a team that's going to pull Sam Darnold making him be Sam Darnold.
Yeah.
I'm going to go 30 to 17 Minnesota.
Okay.
Second afternoon game is 3 and 11 Jacksonville at 2 and 12 Vegas.
Kind of the who cares bowl.
Yeah.
I'm going to go Vegas.
Why?
I think they're going to back up until when it's going to be 13 to 10.
Wow.
That does make sense because there's a lot of inept play on both sides.
Yeah.
And it's not like every player on both sides is bad.
They're bad in enough ways and certain positions.
Yeah, it just all falls apart.
I'm still going to go Jacksonville because I picked Vegas once and then burned me.
Every time I've picked against Vegas, I've been okay.
Okay.
I can definitely understand that.
So I'm going to go with 24 to 10 Jacksonville.
Okay.
So we've disagreed on three so far.
Okay.
The last afternoon game is a little tougher to pick.
6 and 8 San Francisco at 6 and 8 Miami.
Yeah.
All of a sudden that looks a little tough to pick.
Yeah.
I'm going to go with the narrative and pick San Francisco.
24 to 20.
They've got some really good competitors on San Francisco's team.
Gosh, I think I'm still going to go Miami though.
They're at home.
I mean, they've been playing up and down.
Both teams have been playing up and down.
So what am I going to pick?
I'll go 21-17 Miami.
Okay.
Sounds good.
All right.
The Sunday night game, 8 and 6 Tampa at 6 and 8 Dallas.
Tampa 32 to 18.
Dallas has had a lot of trouble winning at home this year and Tampa Bay is fully capable
of stepping up for a game like this.
I think that Tampa Bay is starting to see that they can be not just a winning team just
above 500, but they can actually have a good record and I think they're going to start
flying and selling.
Yeah.
And they've got everything to play for.
Dallas really doesn't.
They're my dark horse too.
If someone can sneak in there and do some damage on an unsuspecting team, I think it's
this one, just like Denver is going to be the one in the AFC.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm picking Tampa 30 to 10.
Okay.
Then the Monday night game, 5 and 9 New Orleans at 10 and 4 Green Bay.
I didn't know that New Orleans had won five games.
I didn't either.
No.
I was just taking a look.
But I think they won them early when Derek Carr was healthy.
Yeah.
And then Green Bay, 32 to 21.
Those look pretty realistic.
Green Bay can put up some points.
Yeah.
I'll give them 27 to 13.
27 to 13.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't think New Orleans has much to play for.
Yeah.
And they're on the road.
It's going to be cold in Green Bay.
I agree.
All right.
So we differ on four of them.
Good.
That means better.
That will help.
Yeah, it will.
So, all right.
Should we go into some bullet points?
I love some bullet points.
This I confidently say is the best segment ever in all of podcast UNN Radio.
Confidently, head and tails above everyone else, this is the best segment ever recorded
in modern and ancient history.
As the ancient Sumerians had us beat for a while, but we overtook them.
We overtook them.
And we don't want to, we really don't want to go in that.
It's kind of a sore spot for the Sumerians.
Yeah.
Plus they're capable of projecting curses three times.
Yeah.
And they'll do that too.
So, yeah.
Yep.
All right.
This season and last season in particular, when this current Chiefs run is over, Kelsey
retired having, you know, Abulet people go.
Yep.
Will this team go down as one of the best teams ever or a very lucky streak?
I love that question.
Gosh.
I wouldn't say best teams ever.
I think you could make a really solid argument for lucky, but that's generally, that's usually
not enough.
Luck is generated by actually, luck is generated by.
That's by talent and skill.
By talent, yes.
So, yeah, you make your own luck.
You've heard that expression.
I agree.
I've heard that kind of narrative in the NFL.
I'm going to say they'll go down as one of the greatest teams, especially since that
is way more beneficial to promote from a business standpoint.
The general public will make up their own mind, but I think the NFL stance will be one
of the greatest dynasties of all time.
And I imagine a lot of the general public will go along with that.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I would think.
Yeah.
Like you're saying, you create your own luck, and I'm sticking with that, and it's fucking
true.
Yeah.
Talent and good play creates your own luck.
You put yourself in a position to be lucky.
Yeah.
And that's all there is to it.
And good fortune tends to breed good fortune.
Yeah.
And I got a great example of this, too, the yin and yang.
Okay.
Good luck breeds good luck like this.
Last year at the Super Bowl, we lost the coin toss.
Yeah.
And we won despite that.
The odds of whoever winning the coin toss in a game like that are astronomical.
Yeah.
But we still won it.
Okay.
So that's the yang.
The yang is this year of everything like the block field goal and all this.
Yeah.
You see what I mean?
Either way, they won.
Mm-hmm.
Either way, they won.
So you have the misfortune that you took advantage of, and then you have the fortune that created
your better luck.
Yeah.
So you're optimizing on the gains.
Yeah.
Putting yourself into a situation where good things are more likely to happen.
Exactly.
That's how good luck builds on good fortune.
How come nobody said at the end of last year, oh, that was bad luck?
They lost the coin toss.
Uh-huh.
Nobody said that.
Why?
Because we created our own luck and overcame it.
So I don't believe in that whole thing.
I think that it all comes from somewhere, and it comes from you doing your job right and
being talented and confident at it.
Yeah.
In some cases, that does work out.
You take care of your business, and good things come your way.
That's it right there.
Yeah.
All right.
Mark Davis is letting Tom Brady make more decisions in the player drafting and coaching
areas.
Is this a good thing?
Not as long as he's an announcer.
I agree.
I don't like it.
It's conflict of interest.
It's smacks of insider information.
He's in a position to promote the Raiders relentlessly over anyone else, which is also in his interest,
and he's getting you paid to do that.
You touched on this on the way down in the car.
I told you about this question.
No?
Okay.
Now, you're interested in a player.
Okay?
Suddenly, other people are starting to look at him.
You can influence their decisions on him by what you say.
Yes.
Talking him down.
Yeah.
I think we're interested in him for a while, but I don't... He's missing something.
We don't think he's ready yet.
Yeah.
It kind of depends on whether the NFL is okay with that.
I'm not okay with that, and I would hope the NFL wouldn't be okay with that.
You see, I'm sure that this is the right answer because you're going exactly where I went
without having to say it.
Yeah.
I think the NFL should tell Brady one or the other.
You're either part of the journalism that's covering the sport or you're part of ownership.
Or ownership, yeah.
You can't be both.
I don't think they don't jive together.
They do not jive together.
I think it's okay for players, especially in the bye week, to be part of an NFL broadcast.
Yeah, that's fine.
Because they're playing the game.
They're not in control of it.
Yeah.
Brady will have control, and he will have the ability to influence.
If he doesn't take advantage of that, he's a bad business person.
Oh, yeah.
Also, it's going to be kind of hard to prove too.
True.
If he's not in on any of these trips, I don't know.
For all we know, they're going to say, hey, let's get Tom on a conference call.
But listen, nothing's said about this, right?
Okay.
And he can use his access as a media person for the broadcast to start doing some of his
Raider executive work, like talking to the players, trying to talk him into looking favorably
at the Raiders organization.
Yeah, always.
He'll be on the clock for the network, but he's working as a Raider executive, and vice
versa.
Yeah, I don't like... This sets a horrible precedent.
It does.
It really does.
It's an example of the NFL wants all the benefit of Brady everywhere they can get him.
Exactly.
And now they've stepped in a pile of shit.
And Brady really, really fits well in this because he anointed Patrick Mahomes as the
next, when he wasn't.
So he's kind of got that image of a... He knows players.
He also was the one that said, Brock Purdy wasn't everything he said he was, and he's
not.
Yeah, he's really cultivated the image of, he'll tell you as it is, and he's got enough
grace and humility to say Patrick Mahomes is really, really good.
And he never scoffs that Mahomes is breaking any of his records.
No, he's like, man, that's great.
Yeah, so that's a great combination of telling you what he's really thinking and being humble
enough to not make up shit about yourself.
He was humble enough after they won against us on the championship game at Arrowhead because
of D. Ford's stupid offside, that fucking piece of crap.
Okay, he actually went into the locker room and talked with Mahomes.
So he knows a lot about football, and he could see that in Mahomes right then and go, this
guy is the next guy.
So that right there tells me that you have to be really careful about what role he takes
in actually doing both of them, doing both jobs, because you can really cross the line
and he could do it without even meaning to.
True, true.
So anyhow, all right, we can go on.
We feel the same way.
Next one, is Mitch Holtis regressing?
He is just squeezing the life out of his sweet nectar comments.
Oh my God, he needs to definitely give up on that.
He needs to stop.
Yeah, I mean, it's done.
It was kind of fun and cute for a little bit, but even that first year when he started doing
it, by the end of the year, I was tired of it.
Me too, because he did it for a couple of games.
I'm like, all right, now he's going to go to something else.
He never did it, kept going back to it.
And I was...
I mean, it's sipping sweet nectar has nothing to do with football.
It's like, it'd be like him saying that the Chiefs are having a fancy dress tea party
in the end zone.
I would love to hear that from him.
It just doesn't fit, you know?
It's like a totally different image.
I would rather hear that.
Yeah, I mean, when he says sipping the sweet nectar of the end zone, I picture the Chiefs
players as insects or hummingbirds flitting around from flower to flower.
And that's not how I think of football.
It's just... no.
What it is is that garnered so much attention that he's riding it out and he needs to stop.
Look, if he's at out of gas, then maybe he should step down.
And if he could get away with it and get attention to himself, he'd probably...
The Chiefs are now the cocksucking drag queens of the NFL.
Just to gather attention.
He would say that if he could get away with it just to get attention.
Yeah, that's right.
Because he's floundering now.
He just doesn't have a lot left of the tank.
The Chiefs dildoing another component.
He would say all that if he could get away with it.
Fucking them right on the field.
If that got him an extra $100,000 a year, he'd do it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Once again, the home's done it.
I'm willing to admit that the people making just obscene money for doing ridiculous jobs
are pretty much willing to do whatever it takes to hang on to that job and get more
money.
And if it means sucking the farts out of a dead walrus, they'd do it.
They'd do it, yeah.
Yeah.
I hear that's not a bad gig, if you can get it.
All right.
NBC does a fantastic job of sending out football.
The best by far over the rest.
Would we agree?
Yeah, I would say so.
Okay.
So the NFL tried to keep the event on that network?
Yeah.
I think so too.
Yeah.
I think if you moved it to any other network, it would automatically lose a third of its
popularity.
Yeah.
And that network would not... I mean, they would have success if they were doing Monday
night or whatever.
I've got a great example.
But just leave it alone because Sunday night is doing fine.
They lost Al Michaels.
Yeah.
And they still are by far the best broadcast.
I mean, Al Michaels is great on Thursday Night Football, especially now that they have some
relevant games.
Yeah.
But the thing is this right here, they lost that component right there that was so good
to him and Collinsworth worked so well.
Yeah.
He did so good at the betting line, which Collinsworth doesn't really touch that much.
They brought in Mike Tirico.
It didn't miss a beat.
And they're completely different styles.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah.
And also not to mention the pre-broadcast, the Football Night in America.
The Football Night in America is like one of the premier show us what happened today
in the NFL.
Yeah, they tend to leave out some of the silliness that other shows have, which I appreciate.
There's a show on the NFL Network where the theme is they talk about the pancake block
by the Heimann and it's sponsored by IHOP.
So they bring out plates of actual pancakes and throw them around the studio and punch
their fist into them and play it.
It's no dignity.
No, thank you.
There's no dignity there.
It's just stupidity.
I'm not learning anything watching these idiots pound on pancakes.
No, me neither.
I agree.
And that's the NFL Network.
Yeah.
So anything with a little intelligence to it, thank you.
They're the ones that do that Good Morning NFL, right?
Yeah, it's called Good Morning Football.
Yeah.
Okay, that says it right there.
And the weird thing is if you watch that, they have five people on and they put all
five of them up on the screen or on the little box.
It's that they're sitting right next to each other.
I know.
Because you can see one of them move his arm and it shows up in the screen of the person
next to him.
It's like, why are you acting like they're all in remote locations?
I think that they are trying to be zany and it's not working.
Yeah, it's all about image over substance.
They might as well have a fucking stunt guy out doing shit in Times Square, you know?
Yeah, have their hosts ride in on paper mache unicorns and throw taffy.
It's just stupid.
It's so much that it has nothing to do with football.
Yeah, I agree.
And so I gotta think the people who tune into that just want a fun show and they really
don't care that much about football.
Yeah, I agree.
Will Bill Belichick be as successful as a college coach as a head coach?
I'm saying no.
I would say no because it's a totally different culture.
You're dealing with young men who really aren't getting paid much at all.
And you don't...
The closest would be Nick Saban, probably, when he was still coaching.
Nick Saban was as close to Bill Belichick as you can get, but I think Bill Belichick
was the right combination of him and Tom Brady to do what they did.
So he's not going to be nearly as successful.
He might do well.
But that kind of success, I'm saying no way.
When you think about it, in the NFL, Belichick had 31 other teams he was competing with.
Not just for the great players, but for the fill-in players, the bridge players, the backup
players.
He only had to compete with 31 other.
In college, he's going to have to compete with over 100 other football organizations.
You imagine trying to recruit?
Yeah, I think your son's going to do very well here.
I mean, he'll get some of the stars because he's only competing with 20, 30 other colleges
that are at that level.
At that level, yeah.
But for the middle level and below players, they can go to South Dakota State and be a
star or they can go to North Carolina and never see the playing field.
If I was Bill Belichick, here's what I'd do.
I'd go, all right, I'm here to recruit your son, of course.
Look at my girlfriend.
Shake your tits, honey.
All right, come with me.
Come on my private jet.
We're going to sign you right now.
I'm sure that his 24-year-old girlfriend loves him solely for his beautiful smile.
You can tell by the way she looks at him.
And his amazing singing voice and has nothing to do with all the money he has.
You know he's gassy.
You can look at him until he's gassy.
She has to heat those up every day when she's around.
But you know, I don't blame her in the least little bit.
Nope, nope, nope.
Bill is the one who signed on to that.
He's the one willing to give away everything he has just to please his dick.
You know what?
Why not if you're him?
Yeah, I mean it's like all the guys who complained about the gals on OnlyFans.
Well, if all the guys weren't there watching and paying money, then it wouldn't exist,
now would it?
Yes.
So it's not the women's fault.
There is a demand for it and they are simply feeling, they are being capitalism.
It's the losers lining up to pay them money.
Yeah.
Yeah, they are the problem.
The women taking advantage and making money, they are not the problem.
No, no, no.
The guys participating in it are the problem.
So there you go.
And it's the same way with prostitution.
Yeah.
The guys are like, there's no way I'm fucking paying for it.
No way, no how.
It would disappear.
It would completely disappear.
Just take care of the demand.
It's funny though how people try to portray it on the actual service instead of the people
that want the service.
Yeah.
That's been going on not just in stuff like that, but on everything.
I remember there was an expression about, this could apply to a lot of countries, they
claimed that their women were always virtuous and virginal until they were married.
And once they were married, their women were always faithful to their husbands.
Yeah.
Yet somehow the men were amazing and very skilled lovers.
And everyone said, wait, who are they practicing on?
That's a good point.
I know without really, we don't have to really go into it, but every young man knows that
they had that step up each time.
Yep.
You know, you start living and learning, you know, you get dumped a couple of times and
you're scratching your head and you're like, hmm, wonder what I did wrong?
Oh, maybe that three minutes of my pleasure was more.
It's like the saying goes, you know, it's virginal unmarried, faithful married, and
men are great skilled lovers.
You can have any two.
Yeah, you can't.
You can't have all three.
Yep.
Any two will work.
No, no, they asked each other.
Yeah.
Hey, are you a great lover?
Oh my God.
Oh, the best ever.
What about you?
Oh, the best ever.
Okay, well there you go.
Self-promotion is great, isn't it?
Oh yeah, I am the best.
It's funny we got there from Bill Belichick.
You think he's in the mirror looking at his saggy tits going, I don't fucking care.
Oh, I'm sure he doesn't.
Look what I got.
You know, she probably hooks a couple of battery cables up to him every night.
It looks like a little meat whistle.
Singes all his little tiny great chest hairs off.
It looked like a thimble with a couple of little peach colored walnuts.
And one dangerously enlarging cyst.
It's like the damn thing's bigger every week.
The reason it looks so small is because that cyst.
That's the only reason.
Also, I got trimmed to thatch.
The fucking field's getting a little fucking crazy.
All right.
Okay, again about Belichick.
Could he legitimately claim responsibility over Tom Brady getting the chance he did?
Hey, everybody, I apologize for the road we went on.
No, not really.
Fuck you.
You know, I don't think Belichick really did anything very special.
I don't either.
You know, the team drafted him in what, the third round?
Fifth round, something like that?
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, he was Mr. Irrelevant.
Yeah.
And then he only got in because Bledsoe got hurt.
Bledsoe got hurt.
And then all Belichick did was realize that Brady was good and leave him alone.
He started out as a game manager anyhow.
He wasn't looking for anything special.
He was just like, hey, I got this defense here that's going to do most of it.
Don't fuck it up.
So he did.
Tom Brady was the one who came up with and stuck to his personal training.
I agree.
He's the one who decided to study and learn and memorize.
That wasn't Belichick's doing.
Belichick reaped all the benefits.
Yeah.
I can give Belichick credit for this.
You don't see him doing to Dan Campbell ever.
No.
You don't see him doing to Zach Taylor ever.
You don't see him doing any of that newbie stuff kind of, if you will.
Even Sean McDermott made some questionable calls in a lot of big games.
And I don't remember the Belichick Patriots running a lot of trick or gadget plays.
No, no, no.
They were hard nosed.
Because they knew they could beat you with just regular plays.
Remember, Belichick was a product of Parcells.
And this is the same school of thought.
Good, hard nosed football will win a game, nothing fancy.
That's another guy who could be a mob boss, Bill Parcells.
Oh yeah, he could.
Yeah, he could have been Tony Soprano's little brother.
Yeah, he could have.
He came in.
I want them all fucking dead.
Okay, Bill?
You're going to have it right now.
Start with the commissioner.
Yeah.
And you will get this done today.
Yes, I will, Bill.
I'm working on it right now.
Yeah.
No, he would be a great one.
Yeah, I think he would.
He'd make a great whitey bulger, wouldn't he?
Yeah, yeah.
Because he was kind of a bulging whitey.
Exactly.
He was a great bulger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was kind of a bulging whitey.
Yes, yeah.
Had to be said, sorry.
It had to be said.
You got what I was saying right off the bat.
That's all that matters.
All right.
One more Belichick question.
Yeah.
Why not, right?
Why not?
What a fascinating character, right?
Okay.
Why is it that he did not get another coaching job in the first place?
Why not?
What's the reason for him to not get another coaching job in the NFL?
I think it's because he had the stipulation that his son had to have a position on the
staff no matter what.
I never heard that.
Yeah.
He had a clause where, I forget his son's first name, but his son...
Bill?
Bill Nett.
No, no, no, no.
It might be Chris, I don't know, or Dave or something like that.
Anyway, that was the stipulation, is my son's coming along and he's going to be on my staff
and you don't have a say in it.
A lot of teams are like, uh-uh, not good enough.
Well that's what happened with Schottenheimer. What's his name?
With Kurt Hott Schottenheimer dragged along.
Yeah, yeah. I forgot the...
With Marty.
Yeah, what was...
The owner of the Chargers...
Spanos.
Spanos, yeah, that's right.
Real estate mogul.
Yeah, yep.
Yeah, Spanos is like, no.
Matter of fact, we're gonna go get Norv Turner, which was a bigger mistake.
Yeah, but he sure showed Marty, didn't he?
Yeah, he did.
Oh, Norv Turner. Isn't he still a coordinator somewhere?
You know, I don't know. I would think he would just aged out by now.
I thought, I read somewhere where he's actually a coordinator or, I don't know, something.
Something in football somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah, Norv Turner, everybody's answer at one point.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad they were never the Chief's answer, but...
He really made the rounds, didn't he?
Oh, he did, and everywhere he stuck that place up so bad they couldn't get rid of the flies.
Yeah.
So, but they still loved him.
Yeah, somehow he kept getting jobs. I guess, I mean, to me he just was like better than nobody.
Yeah, I agree. I think he pulled a Lyndon B. Johnson.
He went into that room, he flipped out his enormous penis and hit the fucking table and shook it.
And he goes, this is why I'm the new coach.
And they all said, yes, Norvell, you got it, Norvell.
But at the same time, during that time period, they were hiring people for head coaching jobs like Rich Cotite.
Oh, that's true.
Remember him?
Yeah, Rich Cotite could actually make Norvell Turner look good.
Yeah, yeah. And then like Dennis Green, who did nothing.
Yeah, I heard that Chris Norvercellic changed his name because of Norv Turner.
Norvercellic. That doesn't even work.
That's his good thought there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried. I tried.
I could see where you were going.
Yeah, it did not work. Okay. All right. Felt flat on my face on that one.
All right.
The only way to get away from that is to get away from the question. So here we go.
Currently, who would be the biggest name in the NFL?
I'm still saying Kelsey, probably.
I would say so. He's got more exposure than Mahomes.
And he's got the tie-in with his brother and with Taylor Swift's old cam.
His brother is like almost as big as him.
He's huge.
Yeah, his brother is not so much the Swifties. His brothers are the real football.
We talked about this last part.
Yeah, those good hard-nosed Philly football fans.
Yeah, you know, he's the guy who's driving around that fucking Philadelphia helmet truck and fucking flipped it.
He comes out. Nothing to see here, guys.
Yeah, Jason Kelsey seems like the kind of guy who would drive a beat-up old station wagon just because he didn't care.
Exactly. Yeah, they had a Jason Kelsey look-alike contest in Philadelphia.
Oh, cool.
Yeah. Yeah. And anyhow, it garnered so much attention.
Evidently, there's three million people that look just like Jason Kelsey.
That is kind of the bearded guy look.
It is. It is. Yeah, the bear or whatever. Is that it, the bear, I think?
Yeah.
Yeah, the big hairy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the prototype for the bear.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Muscular ass, hairy face. I don't know.
All right. Who is the best NFL sportscaster or talk show host besides us, of course?
Besides us.
Oh, gosh. I really like Colin Cowhert.
You know what? That is my favorite. He does not tamper with the truth, basically.
I remember him when he was on the radio with The Herd with Colin Cowhert.
Yeah, and now I watch him on satellite TV.
Yeah.
He's fucking awesome. Well, I got stringed him, but a satellite comes from a satellite.
Yeah.
He is excellent. The Herd with Colin Cowhert. I like his assistant guy. He looks Hispanic. I forgot his name.
I can't remember. I'm usually not looking at the screen. I'm just listening.
Oh, OK. Well, I look at the screen sometimes just because I'm there. But he comes up with completely different scenarios of things that Cowhert does.
I love the yin and yang of it. But Cowhert is very well thought of. I think he's really honest with his opinions. And he's not a sensationalist.
Yeah. Everything he talks about is really well thought out. He's not going for a splash. He actually thinks it all the way through and talks it all the way through.
For a show like Jim Rome, as good as it is, it's calculated. Every second is calculated for effect.
Yeah.
Ooh, oh!
It's been ten seconds since we've had something outrageous happen. So to the next outrageous thing.
Yeah. So here comes Willie from KC. He starts singing, oh, he got ran.
Yeah.
It's all of that stuff. It's all gimmick and really not that much substance. You don't learn anything on that show, but you learn stuff on Colin Cowhert.
That's pretty much the way pop music is written these days, is to follow the formula of keeping people's attention.
Have something happen every so seconds, so many seconds, and have a key change here.
Yeah.
You know, have a big shout chorus there. It's just formulaic.
Yeah, yeah.
So it gets boring in a hurry.
Jim Rome is still, you know, I mean, relevant in that type of radio because there is underlying talent.
Yeah.
He's very quick. He's very quick.
He does his research. He does his homework, yeah.
He does his research. He's very good. But the show itself is calculated. I would prefer Colin Cowhert.
There was a time in my life when I would prefer Rome.
Yeah, I listened to him for a few years.
Yeah.
But the attitude eventually got in the way of what I wanted to hear.
At first I loved the attitude, but then it was like, yeah, I'm kind of tired of this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I mean, you know, we all grow up. I thought I would never be one of them, but I don't necessarily want to hear that anymore.
Yeah.
And it's like, OK, it's cool. Yeah, but I just don't, you know, every time I hear it, I hear fake.
Yeah. And you and I have experienced enough trauma and hardship and misery and pain in our lives that we don't want to invite anymore.
And we don't want to listen to somebody manufacturing drama and tension.
It is so easy to see through it.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, actually, I could see through it back then, but I didn't care.
Yeah. But now it's like, man, I just don't want that. I want peace.
Well, it's just like the radio guy that I'm pretty sure more than a fact that he said fuck.
But that was to get attention. They're like, well, pay $12,000. That's better than any advertiser we could put on a billboard.
Absolutely.
We'd probably spend more putting his face on a billboard.
Yeah.
Going, listen to blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. But he says the word and all of a sudden now the advertising is done for him.
And everybody looks at him and goes, hey.
You can't do that.
Now, where was the guy with the eight second delay? Where was he?
Yeah.
Oh, man. Oh, he must have been asleep. Oh, he went to get coffee conveniently.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, OK.
It wasn't premeditated at all.
No, no, no. I knew it back then. I was like, what a brilliant little scheme.
Yeah.
Yep. And then he's the bad boy again. Oh, you bad guy. You watch out. The FCC is looking at you.
Yeah.
And he wasn't one of the guys that got one of the huge fines. So he had to do something, right? You know?
Yeah.
All right.
You and I are getting a lot better at recognizing propaganda when you see it.
Oh, my God. It's kind of a curse.
Yeah, it is.
It's kind of a curse because I have no leeway of believing about anything anymore.
Yeah.
OK. What's the angle? Let's look at it. OK. Here. Right here.
How is it you're trying to get my money?
Yeah. Yeah.
Because you're only paying attention to me because you want my money. So exactly how are you trying to get it? Just tell me.
Yeah. It reminds me of the backup quarterback coming in like Jacoby Percett, how they went completely different.
He comes in and goes, oh, here it is. Here's your expenditures. There's a problem.
Yeah.
Now all of a sudden I look at it and see this spreadsheet and go, oh, here's the problem right here.
They want us to believe this.
Yes.
So. All right. How's it right now? Who should get Coach of the Year?
Hmm.
I'm different from everybody.
Wow.
Andy Reed.
They're 13 and 1 and they lost so many people this year.
That is a powerful argument for you.
Everyone's saying Sean McDermott. No. His defense gives up 40 points or at least 30 routinely.
Yeah.
No.
No. I don't see McDermott's team doing anything they didn't do last year. What's the difference?
No.
But yeah, Reed is overcoming obstacle after obstacle.
I would think Minnesota's coach.
Yeah.
For the amazing start they got off to.
Minnesota's coach, yeah. That would be the other one that I'm considering highly.
Yeah.
But right now because of the everything. Everything has led up to this 13 and 1 start, incredible start of the season.
And Mahomes having the worst statistical career of his life.
Yeah.
And apparently being in a slump except when it counts, that right there all there to me tells me you are probably looking at the greatest coach ever.
So in modern times, I can't speak about the Lombardy's and the Strams and all those guys.
But modern times I'm thinking to me it's hands down.
My question would be do they determine coach of the year just based on the regular season or do they factor in the post?
Regular season because they never.
Otherwise it would always be a playoff game.
Yeah, it would always be those two.
Yeah.
So yeah, okay. So when the regular season ends they pick coach of the year.
Yeah.
I could see Andy getting it. I could see whoever Minnesota's head coach is getting it.
We're so well prepared.
Yeah.
Whoever Minnesota's head coach.
Mike Tomlin. Well, he's being Mike Tomlin.
Yeah, you know what? Mike Tomlin is actually a strong third candidate to me.
Harbaugh in Los Angeles with the Chargers? No.
No, no, no.
Because he's pretty mediocre this year.
Yeah, he's pretty mediocre. He doesn't look that much better than last year at times.
So that tells me that he's got a lot of rebuilding to do.
We'll revisit this next year because he's always apt to do something incredible like that.
So we'll see.
Denver's head coach could be it.
Yeah, so Sean Payton?
Yeah.
With a rebuilding team, he's nine and five. He could be 12 and five at the end of the season.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, and consider where he came from. At the end of last year they let Wilson go. He was a man to despair.
Rookie quarterback who never played in the NFL. Yeah, I didn't expect Denver to have anything but a rebuilding season.
And here they are contending for a playoff spot.
Yeah.
That's pretty amazing.
You see, everyone thought like you since he got Drew Brees from San Diego at the time and he worked so well with him that you can take any quarterback that used to be good and plug him in there and plug and play and it doesn't work like that.
I think Sean Payton is showing he's a better overall head coach than Belichick was.
I think you're right too. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, because Belichick couldn't handle the transition from Brady to somebody else.
Yeah, without Tom Brady Belichick would have had a really mediocre career and nobody would have really heard about him.
I mean he went to the playoffs with the Cleveland Browns, didn't he?
Uh huh.
Was that Tim Couch? Maybe? Gosh.
I don't remember.
Oh well.
At one point they took Carolina's quarterback in the expansion draft when the Cleveland Browns came back into the league and that was, was that Jake DeLonge?
I think it was.
Yeah, so it might have been Jake DeLonge if the timing works out there.
I think Cleveland came back into the league in 96?
Yeah, yeah they split for Baltimore. That was Art Modell and his old fiasco there.
And then Cleveland was promised a replacement franchise and they staggered. It was like Houston and then the new Cleveland Browns.
But they staggered them by a year. So one year every team had to have a buy every week.
So one week there was a team that had to buy on the first game opening week and they had to buy a week.
That suck.
Everybody started the season but us.
Yep.
I think it was Cincinnati that year.
Yeah.
I remember Jim Rome saying I guarantee you whichever team is going to wind up being the head coach is going to pretend it was a huge advantage and he loved it.
Yeah.
And sure enough.
And that was, you see that's some of the sensationalism that makes him so good.
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean that's very clever but there's a lot of truth to it.
Yeah, he knew exactly what the party line was going to be and predicted it and then here it came.
Yeah and that is part of what makes him such a great show host.
So okay.
That was it on the bullet points.
Okay.
And how long we got there?
We got almost an hour.
Okay. Well I guess we can go ahead and end this and then go into the music creeps because I'm going to pee really bad.
Sure. Let's do that.
Okay.
Bye.
Fuck off.
Did you really sit there and listen to all that garbage that was being, do you actually believe one inch of it?
I didn't think so.
Hang on. Game over.