Hi there, this is your ears.
Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends.
I'm sorry Harambe.
We are the music creeps.
Yes, yes, we are the music creeps.
Let us begin.
Alright, it's time for another exciting addition after that fantastic, fantastic intro of the music creeps.
I sat here in my little home studio, the no filter studio, and I spent about an hour and a half working up that audio for that intro.
I'm pretty proud of it.
You did very well. You did very well, Topher. Very well.
I couldn't even keep a straight face.
Today is Thanksgiving night and we decided, well, we're losers, so here we are doing a podcast, right?
Yeah.
But I have decided today that pumpkin pie is apple pie's bitch.
That's the way it is. Pumpkin pie is apple pie's bitch and yam pie is pumpkin pie's bitch.
So, and then like this group text with some guys at work.
That's where you find that.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyhow, the program stopped and in the middle of there I said, and then one of the guys at work in a group text said, well, where's cream pie at?
And what did you say, Topher?
Yeah, that's, you find that on the porn site.
Okay, there we go.
So anyhow, yeah, Thanksgiving, yeah, it fits along Thanksgiving and pies, right?
Yeah.
And I just got a text from my sister down in Florida. She got a Costco pecan pie and she says she is lapsing into a sugar coma.
They are good. Those Costco pecan pies are good, but not as good as their apple pies.
Yeah, yeah, that apple pie is something special.
Oh, that's off the hook. They're apple pies. Geez, and no gluten either.
I mean, how do they make it taste so good with like absolutely no dairy in it?
I'm not sure.
Oh, no, I think it's a touch of love. They put a little slice of love in each one.
Yeah.
That's what it is. I'm sure.
And the soul of a 12-year-old virgin.
Well, that too, allegedly.
Allegedly.
So anyhow, okay, I wanted to start off with something that just resurfaced its ugly head again.
Back in 2019 on Eddie Trunk's show, Jakey Lee mentioned that he was asked to join Motley Crue several times.
And I can back this up because I remember reading in Circus or Hit Parade or one of those magazines back then,
Nicky defending it and going, we never seriously offered him that. We were all drunk.
So he admitted it happened.
I remember that article and I probably still have it somewhere in my closet with all my Hit Paraders and Circuses and all them, metal edges.
So right there, he's admitting that conversation happened.
Well, I guess in 2019 when Eddie Trunk did the interview with Jakey Lee,
Nicky Six dropped a couple of tweets after that criticizing certain people he felt were coming out of the woodwork around the time of Motley Crue's The Dirt Movie.
He noted, has-beens never wass's and washed up people with small careers.
Six also addressed a rumor that Motley Crue had supposedly asked Lee to join their guitarist as their guitarist in the early 1980s.
In an interview with Tone Talk, Nicky got his panties in such a twist over it, I had I said in the last one,
which all I said was they wanted me to join Motley Crue is what Lee said, Jakey Lee, which is just fucking true.
They did. Lee responded to the claims.
So number one, why is Nicky Six getting so pissed off about it?
Why didn't he just say, it never happened, this guy's a bozo, that's it?
Why does he have to tweet stuff and make it valid if it's not valid?
That's the way I feel about it. What do you think?
Yeah, that struck me too that he could very easily have chosen to either not react or say, oh yeah, I heard that, whatever.
And that would probably go away.
Yes.
The fact that he's reacted to it so violently means that Jakey Lee struck a nerve about something.
Maybe not exactly that, but something has got Nicky Six in a panic with this coming out.
So it's the wrong tactic to take if you're trying to hide something.
And he really seems like he has something to hide, doesn't he?
Well, yeah, that's true. And I agree with that 100%.
And that's exactly how I feel. But another thing that Lee went on to say is he said, you know, I didn't say anything mean.
I didn't say anything disparaging. He said, all I said was what happened.
I didn't say they suck. I didn't want to join them. I didn't say anything.
He said, I just told what happened and I thought it would be a neat story for people to know about.
And that's it. And I agree with him.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, right after it happened, he didn't go around telling everyone, hey, Motley Crue wants to join them.
Wants me to join them. You know, he kept him mum for a long time.
And the reason he would say it now is because why not?
It's so many years later and Mick Mars is not a part of the band anymore. Why not?
You know, and also Mick Mars was kind of pissed off about that, too, because back then he knew it happened.
He knew it happened. And I don't know if Vince Neil told him or someone in the room,
but he knew that they were asking Jakey Lee to join them.
And as a matter of fact, Ozzy was not thrilled with that either and especially Sharon.
Yeah. So something that also that I've noticed is nowhere in this does it say they asked him to replace Mick Mars.
So it sounds like they were going to add him as a second guitarist. Is that how you see it?
Yeah, that's that's the way I see it. Exactly. Mick Mars, the reason he would have been upset about it is he doesn't feel he needed another guitarist.
True. And then you have to start sharing songwriting credits or even songwriting chores.
I mean, if Mick Mars wouldn't be able to write the song the way he wants it, if Jakey Lee is writing to.
Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying.
And I think that's the control that goes along with it. The two guitar bands were pretty popular in the 80s, weren't they?
There were plenty of one guitar bands as well.
So I don't really know that it would be pressure from the label or anything.
Maybe it was an idea on the part of Nicky that they would make more money if they had two guitars playing off each other.
But it is they've never been happy with Mick Mars and that goes back to a long time ago about him and Nicky not getting along before they were in a band together.
Well, yeah, it seems more likely. Yeah. Yeah.
And also, another thing is, is I think that Nicky was saying this stuff with no intention of actually doing it.
Yeah. It would take so much.
In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I think the record company would tell them, no, you guys have your sound and people love it.
You leave it the fuck alone. Yeah, that does make sense.
You know, you don't mess with the winning formula, especially record company record companies look at sales and they go, don't you fucking dare do that?
I mean, they looked at sales and they demanded Vince Neil come back and they said if Vince Neil doesn't come back, we are tearing up your contract.
And there's not a damn thing you can do about it because it was written about you for people in the band, not another person.
And so they had them legally.
They said, you know, you want your contract ripped up or do you want to fulfill your contract and still make your money?
So then that's when they shit all over John Karabi's head and acted like he sucked and he wasn't good enough when they acted like Vince Neil sucked and he wasn't good enough.
I mean, to me, it started back then with some of that stuff about, you know, Motley Crue grabbing John Karabi and then shitting all over him when they were shitting all over Vince before.
And to me, I was thinking, what a bunch of hypocrites. What a bunch of hypocrites.
You know, and Tommy Lee, here's what a hypocrite he is.
I'm not defending Donald Trump in any means.
OK, but he was he was saying stuff like to Donald Trump, like, dude, what the fuck's wrong with you?
All Donald Trump had to do was turn around and go, dude, who has all these assault and battery cases on women?
It's not fucking me. You know, I mean, yeah, you see, he's throwing glass houses.
And I think it Nikki is quite a bit the same.
And maybe that's why they get along so good.
It's kind of like Nikki needs a fucking hobby, in my opinion.
If he's reading this stuff and get in, react to it, he needs something else to do.
Maybe he needs to write more songs. I don't know. Yeah.
But he needs to get busy with something when they got screwed over by the record label.
Do you think that's when Nikki Six went full bore into this is just a business and I'm going to get every penny I can?
Yes. And kind of his turning point.
Yes. And I can tell you something I know for a fact, because I was there.
The Generation Swine Tour did not do too well.
Generation Swine did not do well at all.
Their song, well, is during the height of grunge.
And they tried to kind of grunge it out a little bit there.
You know, they they they made it kind of a weird alternative grunge thing, like maybe the Smashing Pumpkins meets Nirvana.
It did not work. So they didn't come by Kansas City because they wouldn't sell enough.
They went by Topeka, a smaller venue.
And I went to Topeka to watch the show.
And Nikki Six was fighting with the record company then.
And it was still, you know, Vince was back in the band and everything, but it's about the type of music they were releasing.
They weren't staying true to themselves.
And he was calling up this lady record executive.
I forgot her name. And he go, all right.
He goes, we're going to her voicemail right now.
I want you guys to scream fuck you because she said they weren't relevant anymore.
So Nikki Six got on the phone, called her up and he goes, hey, this is Nikki Six.
We've got some people wanting to tell you about us being revelent.
And then he put the phone to the audience and everyone would scream fuck you.
And my understanding is he did that at every show.
So all this stuff, I think you're right.
I think what it did was it had an effect on him like this, this, this industry is shit and I'm tired of getting fucked over.
But to me, it kind of seems like his answer.
All this is allegedly, of course, we don't know any of this for real.
But it seems to me like he's like, you know what?
I'm going to just start being fucking hard edged and I'm just going to do what I want and fuck everybody else.
I mean, that kind of what it seems to me.
And, you know, the thing that gets me is, OK, Mick Mars was a quarter of that band.
Give him his fucking money and leave him alone.
Yeah, I mean, it's so simple. Yeah.
Yeah, you guys have enough money.
You're doing it to be a dick, in my opinion.
Leave him the fuck alone.
He was doing that just to maintain the image that they're super tough and nobody better mess with them.
That could be. That could be.
Well, a lot of Lifeline fans, it started crumbling back then and then it's gotten worse.
Now I got to where whenever I hear their name, I get detested.
I'm just like, and that's sad because I once I once practically worshiped that band.
I was just like I was all about them.
I thought they're the best thing ever. Now, like going, dude, you know, I still love Ozzy.
I still love all these other bands that I grew up with.
But whenever I hear their name, I'm like, I don't know.
And it's just everything that they've done has left a bad taste in my mouth.
And I know I'm not the only one. You seem like you're the same too, right?
Yeah, yeah, I think it's going to take until Motley Crue is all done and they're not doing anything anymore.
And then a few years after that, we can go back to liking the early Motley Crue and feel good about it.
I agree. I agree.
It's going to take it's going to take some time for the smoldering to go out and then we'll come back.
I mean, that's happened with other bands before that have done stupid shit, you know, and then it took a few years.
And then you're like, OK, all right, I don't hate them anymore.
So anyhow, well, Topher, did you did you have anything in mind you wanted to start on?
No, I don't think I have anything new that I didn't say on the on the first half that we reported.
I've kind of been busy with Thanksgiving plans and activities.
So yeah, the same here. I have a lot of time to think about music.
OK, well, I got this little story that I'm going to tell on this podcast I told on the other podcast.
And anyhow, it refreshed me because somebody sent me a message yesterday and he said I have he goes, dude, I got to find it.
But I have a fuck hammer flyer. Do you know the story of fuck hammer?
No, I don't. OK.
Back in early 2000s, maybe somewhere ish, maybe late 90s, something like that.
I was going to Westport often. I was a regular there.
Buzzer Beach. I can't remember if Lone Star was still open or not, but at least Buzzer Beach.
And I got tired of these two bands pepper and every place around.
Say sacred or sacred was one of them.
And the other one was I can't think of the name of the other one.
But everywhere you went, the flyers were on there. We're playing it here. We're playing it there.
You know, we're playing here. I'm like, motherfucker, I can't go anywhere without seeing these fucking flyers with these dickheads on there.
I didn't like either band anyhow. I thought they both sucked.
So I went home. I was like, you know what?
I'm going to come up with my own band, a fictionary band, and I'm going to pepper the place with flyers.
So I start and someone remind me of this. I forgot I did this.
But I went to the back of one of those metal edges and I found one of the ugliest, nastiest death metal bands, maybe with the crazy makeup, maybe a la King Diamond or something.
Right. And I took their picture and I put it on a piece of paper.
And I wrote in, you know, and I had it copied.
And then I named this band Fuck Hammer.
I peppered all the Westport with Fuck Hammer everywhere.
I even said they're playing at places. I think I said, what was that one place where all the bands played at back then?
If the Lone Star was open, I sure I said they played there, but I can't remember that one on Broadway that played a lot.
Was it Kelly's? No, it wasn't Kelly's. It was right down from it. You're really close there.
Well, the Beaumont Club, too, because the Beaumont Blaney's. No, that's jazz.
That was more of a blues club. It was a blues club.
Shit, I can't think. You know what? I'll think of the name sooner or later or Davies Uptown or one of those places, you know.
And I had this Fuck Hammer playing at all these places. Right.
And a friend of mine, he told me about this later that there was an all out bulletin to catch the fucker that's peppered the flyers of Fuck Hammer
because these bars were getting pissed off because everybody's coming in to see Fuck Hammer and there's no Fuck Hammer.
A friend of mine has he has a flyer somewhere. He said he's got to find it.
It was the ugliest fucking death metal band, I think, that I could ever find.
And they used to have them in the back of Hit Parade or Metal Edge.
Enjoy Fuck Hammer's new album, Fist of Love, you know, or something like that.
And I mean, they were fucking ugly as is a sin in a church.
I mean, it was nasty. And I took their picture and they were Fuck Hammer.
And I'll be damned if a lot of people did not want to see Fuck Hammer.
That reminds me of your prank when you were telling people to go ask the security guards for tickets.
Sam. Yeah. Oh, that thing works so well.
We all know. You know, I was such a bored fucker back then, you know, I had to find unique things to entertain me.
And that was one of them. Yeah. Fucking with people.
You got to understand these were the raging years. I mean, it was dismal.
Yeah. Yeah. There was nothing else going on. That's why I call quick trip and fuck with people.
Nothing else to do. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.
And Sam kept screwing with us. He deserved what he got. That little fucking short stack motherfucker.
Oh, my God. He didn't like us. We're long hair and everyone followed us around.
Like I said, we were the Pied Piper of teenagers.
Everyone would follow us around thinking like we had beer and drugs, you know, those guys.
And where the party is, I'm a fall on. Just keep talking to them.
And they would. We'd have up with 30 fucking teenagers following us around Bannister Mall.
And we didn't know any of them. Yeah. It's like.
And like I said, our our buddy Jason, he would always he would come up there and he looked he looked like he would not know us.
But we really liked him at first. We didn't know, you know, but he had like he wore leather and he had a long mohawk.
And it was orange, I believe, or reddish, something like that.
And he is like, really cool. We soon discovered that we were the same people.
We just didn't like the same music. You know, we're like, society sucks.
People suck. Fuck all of them and all this stuff. But he like punk and we like metal.
So anyhow, and he sold it so good because he comes up there after we're, you know,
after we had that little MTV patch, you know, that our friend went to, I think is a great white show.
He wanted in a contest somehow. And he got to go backstage like once bitten twice shy or whatever or rock me or whatever.
OK. And he got to watch that video being filmed.
And that was, you know, that was the present, the the the contest that he won.
So he let us use his embossed piece of paper is like I remember is like green and orange.
It was like a green piece of paper embossed with MTV orange logo on it.
And it was really cool looking. And, you know, and Davies having it going, ha ha, I won and you didn't fuck you.
And automatically, you know, everyone's like, hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. And then when Jason came by and goes, yeah, the motherfuckers right down there and pointed to Sam.
That's the secret guy right there. He gave me one. I fucking gave it back to him. They didn't have any bands.
I told him to go fuck himself. So all the kids are like, oh, that guy, if if you do enough tricks around him, he'll give you a free pass.
Yes. Yes. Any any video you want to see, he'll give it to you.
And motherfuckers are biting him on the ear. Someone like pulled apart a switch from one of those trees and smack him on the ass.
It was funny. And he's he's like he was like just blindside. What what the fuck?
That that might have been the best prank we've ever pulled.
That might have been the best one ever because that one just it went flawlessly.
Nothing could have happened better for the rest of his life.
Why the hell is that one day all these people suddenly started doing this weird shit to him?
He knew it was us. We told him we made sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
We're like, we're like, by the way, we did that.
He yeah, he very quickly.
Well, he tried to get me thrown out of Bannister Mall.
It was his problem. And I went to court. He didn't think I'd go fight it in court. Right.
So he thought I was just going to leave and never come back.
He never did like me. You know, there's people doing worse shit around there, but he was always picking on me,
always fucking with me and always bringing me in the office there and always.
You need to quit this. This is your second warning.
You got one more and you're out of here forever. And, you know, and all that shit.
And like I used to say, are you arrested me? No. Well, why not?
Well, I'm not a police officer. That's what I'm saying. Fuckface.
And anyhow, you know, he was mad because we knew our rights pretty much for a couple of dumbass long hairs.
We knew our rights. And so finally he went there and he had a couple of cops with him like they're going to enforce it.
And, you know, he's like, oh, you're kicked out of this mall for good.
If you ever come back, we're going to, you know, we're going to get you for trespassing.
So anyhow, I came back and they tried to get me for trespassing.
So the cops came there and there's a little bit longer story than what I told before.
And they said, well, we're not going to take you into jail, but don't ever come back here again.
And then that's when Sam said, well, we're going to get a court date for you.
You're going to have to, you know, you know, for for trespassing. Right.
So I'm like, OK, so I'm like, OK, fine. He thought I wasn't going to show up.
I can guarantee you. We thought I wasn't going to show up.
So me and my friend BJ both went in there and in that case came up.
And the judge looks at Sam and he goes, this is a public mall.
This isn't a private mall. Yeah.
You cannot kick a man out of a public mall. You don't have that authority.
You're like, yeah. So anyhow, I go to the judge. Can we go?
You guys can go. And so anyhow, after that, Sam would not pay attention to me,
which really pissed me off. So I had to get to him somehow.
And that was one of the ways.
The other way is I used to be overly nice. Hi, Sam.
How are you today? Are we friends today?
Do you want to hold my hand? Come here. Come here. Do you need to hug him?
I used to ask him, does your tum tum hurt? Is that it?
Do you need some roll aids? Is something wrong with Sam today?
He just he couldn't really do anything, you know, I can make fun of him,
but he could not take me to jail over it.
He could not kick me out of the mall over it.
All he could do was try to ignore me, which was even more fun sometimes.
So did you ever send him flowers? No, I should have, though.
Yeah, that might have been a good touch when you're being super nice to him
and send him flowers.
Damn it. I wish I would have thought of that.
I needed to be around then. Yeah, you did.
The funny thing is, is I mean, it would have been so good
because he probably would have thought is from some chick or something, right?
Like, oh, I got a secret admirer.
It's like loves from Mark or something like that, you know,
a big hug and a kiss, Sam.
Oh, my God. Yeah, he was he was.
I he's probably dead now. I don't know. He was he was. Yeah.
He got so I don't know, worked up and stuff.
I just didn't see him living a long life.
He's so worried about a couple of long hairs, you know.
Why are you worried about a couple of long hairs? Do what?
Yeah, hypertension probably got him. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Because if you got that worked up over a couple of long hairs, having some fun,
then you're getting worked up over anything.
Someone cut you off in traffic. You're probably pissed off for a week.
You know, yeah.
So, yeah, he he probably fucking burn his heart out one day.
Fucking had a fucking grabber right there at the mall.
Or something. So anyhow, hey, earlier,
we decided that we were going to do the top 10 best album covers
and the top 10 worst album covers.
And you said you have 10 of each.
Man, there's so many to choose from. I know it was really hard to narrow it down.
It was hard to narrow it down, but I think I've got my top 10.
But, you know, I mean, we could do a more extensive list later.
OK, yeah. But these are the ones that just kind of struck me
like they needed to come in front of other people.
But after I written this out, I thought of more bands that deserve it, too.
So I'm just going to keep my list like it is right now, and then I'll revisit it.
Maybe on the next Music Creeps. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyhow, there's so many so many bad ones out there.
That was really tough to just, you know, when it was down to 10,
you could easily make that list of 50. Easily.
There's so many bad ones out there.
And the thing is, is you can make a list of 50 just off the off your head.
Now, if you went like digging on the Internet of stuff,
I guarantee you could find like 300 of them.
I mean, just. Yeah, really. Yeah.
And I got one music.
It would be a lot easier to get albums made just on a shoestring budget.
So a lot of a lot of those album covers never went through a marketing department.
No. You know, record pressing.
Like one of them was a band Raven. You remember them? Yeah.
They always had a guy in his underwear, but it was like armored underwear.
And then they had the other guys who like spiked stuff and like makeup.
They were the most weirdest looking band ever.
I know they're trying to look like ultra metal or something.
But that guy in that underwear, he did not belong there.
You know, it's like they were acting out a five year old drawing.
Yeah. Well, that's basically what all their albums look like.
Like one of them start raven mad and it's got that guy in his underwear,
like really fucking crazy looking clenching his chin.
And it's like, what?
Anyhow, Google it. Just Google it.
If anyone really wants to know, if you don't know, Google Raven's album album covers and look at them.
You'll see what I mean. It is like, what? Yeah.
So anyhow, so would you like to go into some of your lists?
Yeah. You want to start with the best or worst?
Let's start with worst.
All right. I'll start with my honorable mention.
I love that.
It's right up here on the screen in front of me.
Billy Joel, River of Dreams.
Oh, God. Yeah.
The cover was painted by his wife, Christie Brinkley.
And it's really crappy artwork.
You've got a naked Billy Joel with his eyes closed.
And over his left shoulder is factory and tenement housing with a father and daughter looking at it.
Over his right shoulder is Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
And a tiny cheetah perched on his shoulder.
And then his head becomes a river.
And on the other side of the river is the Great Wall of China, a field with a bunch of dead people,
another field with men jousting on horseback, volcanoes, fancy yacht in the distance.
It's just a mess. It's just a mess.
In fact, it's so bad that Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel divorced a year later.
And Billy Joel never made another studio album.
That's how bad the artwork was.
You are correct on that, too.
I think that led to their quick demise.
And also, Billy Joel saying, I may play concerts, but I'm never putting out music again.
That album. Yeah.
I mean, he was like the laughing stock of the music industry.
I mean, she was like the new Yoko Ono.
Yeah. Yeah.
Anyhow.
OK. Let's see.
So these aren't necessarily any exact order.
But the first one on my list is an album by Queen called The Miracle.
Yeah. And it's the one where all four faces are blended together.
So you have this mutant four-chinned, six-eyed monstrosity.
Yeah. Actually, there's only five eyes.
There's four noses, five eyes and four chins.
It's just kind of weird. They're all blended together like some mutant flower.
Oh, I know. Did you hear the story, the theory on why they did that?
Uh-uh.
Freddie Mercury was pretty bad off with AIDS, I believe. Right.
And his face. Oh, yeah.
He was 89. Yeah. He would have been ill.
Yeah. He was very ill.
But they wanted their faces on the album.
And the only way they could do it without giving away his illness, which he didn't want people to know.
He announced it the day before he died.
That he was sick, even though everyone kind of knew it.
They wanted to put his face on the album, but they couldn't do it as it was.
So they blended him all together so you couldn't tell he looked so frail.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, that was the whole theory on the album.
And someone came out with that from inside the band somewhere.
Maybe not the members, but a producer or something.
And I tend to believe that. That makes sense.
It does, yeah.
And then on all his other photo ops, he wore a lot of makeup and a lot of baggy clothing.
So I believe he was trying to hide it very much.
Yeah. Which is a shame because he didn't need to.
No.
I guess in the time that it was, people looked at...
Yeah, AIDS had the stigma.
People looked at AIDS sufferers like a plague carrier.
Leopards or something.
There was so little humanity for people with AIDS. It was sad.
I didn't understand him hiding it, but what a shame.
It is what a shame because I didn't think, oh my God, that was gay and he did it to himself or nothing like that.
I thought, man, I am sad because that guy was a fucking genius and I love listening to his music.
I think most people were like us. They didn't give a shit about sexual preference.
All we gave a shit about was his music and himself.
He was a very likable guy.
What he did in his private life is whatever.
It didn't affect me or anyone else except him and whoever.
So to me, it was...
Freddie Mercury and the way he lived his life was pretty instrumental in helping me overcome the homophobia that I was taught by my parents when I was a kid.
I am so glad you went into that.
I am so glad you went into that. Go ahead. Keep going.
Yeah. I remember everybody in the family getting icky chills when you talk of gay people or drag queens or anything
because that is what our parents taught us.
Gradually over time, when I went to college, I was there with a lot of gay people and all sorts of our variety of people.
I started realizing my parents didn't know what they were talking about.
But Freddie Mercury, I kind of figured he was gay from the way he was photographed.
His mannerisms. Yeah.
I started thinking, you know what? It really doesn't matter because this is awesome music and he is a wonderful entertainer.
He is a terrific songwriter. What the hell does it matter?
That really helped me overcome what my parents had taught me.
Well, you know, the kids, not necessarily my parents, they didn't really have an opinion on it that I know of. They didn't really seem to care.
They weren't bigoted against them or anything that I know of that I ever knew about.
But it was kids in school. Hey, hey, are you meet gays and you're gay.
And then say the F word and all that stuff and punch you in the shoulder and all this stuff.
So it was automatically kind of like a stigma. Like, oh, if you're gay, you're weird.
OK, so yeah, and usually that's at its worst when you're going through puberty and just after.
Yeah, yeah. You know, really defensive about your sexuality.
Yeah, I think that's something that I know American teenagers go through.
I don't know about other countries, but it's pretty common here.
Well, what I've learned to discover is these people with tiny penises have to go around and call you gay to make themselves feel better.
Yeah, in my opinion, a lot of time in high school, that's the first time you have to get naked in front of other guys.
Bingo. Showering gym class. Yeah.
And, you know, then you're you're really got to start thinking about your sexuality and your.
Yeah, it's a whole mess. Oh, yeah.
But I remember when I really first noticed that I didn't give a shit about it was I was watching Don Kirschner's rock concert.
Do you remember that? Yeah, that used to be good.
Yeah, yeah. It was on Saturday nights about one o'clock or something.
I saw Queen. I think it was the Jazz Jazz Tour, something like that.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I seen Freddie Mercury come out and he you know, he was his mannerisms were very gay, even as a younger man.
You know, well, not even probably not quite even puberty yet.
I knew it was something like that, you know, is kind of like, you know, it's like, OK, I think that guy may may have a different preference than me.
But, you know, I didn't give a shit. But the crowd, the crowd was a bunch of guys instead of a bunch of women all over, you know, you know, fretting over Freddie.
Then I got to think about I'm like, wow, OK, they do that, too.
You see what I mean? It brought it. It brought it to the man and woman part to me is like they do the same thing.
They react like, you know, it's just like they're people, too.
You know, and like I said, this comes from a stigma of older guys hitting you in the shoulder and calling you gay and a meatgazer and all that, you know, is because is because they thought they were cool or they had to or whatever.
So anyhow, OK, let's go ahead and go back on our list there.
So up next, they have Corey Feldman's album Angelic to the Core.
I forgot that one.
Damn it. A goth looking Corey Feldman being dragged out of a burning pit by two chicks in white lingerie and fake halos. And then you've got this big, goofy looking gold banner over the top saying Angelic to the Core.
It's just so spectacularly bad.
I forgot all about that one. That would have made my list, definitely.
Yeah. And you still touring that album that came out.
When was that?
Twenty nineteen eighteen. Twenty sixteen.
Oh, wow. That long ago.
I'm on that album.
God, I didn't realize it was that long ago.
Wow.
Yeah.
Almost.
He's getting there. He's milking every little bit out of that cow, isn't he?
Yeah, he is. I mean, the album's almost nine years old and it doesn't seem like it.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay. Anyhow.
Next one I have is Billy Squires Signs of Life.
Oh, yeah.
The album cover looks like one of those old Trapper Keeper notebooks.
And like somebody snipped out some pieces of photographs and just threw them down there.
You've got this ragged piece of paper with his lips on it and then this weird piece of paper with a blue nose on it and a couple of torn out pieces of paper with eyes on it that don't match.
It's just the ugliest looking mess.
It really does look like one of those old Trapper Keepers that you used to take to school.
And with all these, it's like these were approved by a whole marketing department.
People who make lots of money said, yeah, this is great.
This is like Billy Squires fourth or fifth album, right? Something like that.
Yeah, that was the one that kind of damaged his career with his video where he's dancing and prancing around in a frilly bedroom.
Yes. And you know, that took his rock audience and threw him out the window.
Because Don't Say No is one of the very best rock albums ever made.
I mean, that thing is just brutal from start to finish.
There are some In the Dark, My Kind of Lover, The Stroke.
I mean, all of these great songs are on there and that's just naming four of them.
Every song on there could have been a hit and most of them were a hit.
And the thing is, it was hard rocking.
And then he started going into a more pop direction and then he went into that artsy direction and he lost all his rock audience.
All of a sudden he became a laughing stock of the rockers.
And he really kind of screwed his career up doing that.
That was kind of his Bud Light moment, wasn't it?
It was. And like you said, I cannot believe a record company let that happen.
You would have thought someone said, wait a minute, wait a minute.
This is a guy that put out Don't Say No, one of the best selling albums and The Stroke and My Kind of Lover and In the Dark.
This guy, it really surprised me that they didn't go, no.
Billy, not only are you not putting out this album, but you're not putting out that single either.
So I don't know. I mean, he must have had a lot of creative control. That's all I can think of.
Yeah. Just threw his whole audience away.
He did. He did.
All right. Next up I have Van Halen, Balance.
That is horrible. That's a two-headed quinn.
It's on the sea-sauce.
Yes. It's a great album.
Everyone's pulling the other's hair.
Yes.
It's a great album. Ugly, ugly, ugly album cover.
Ugly. I've got a theory on the song Humans Being that's on Balance.
Mm-hmm.
You remember that?
Okay.
Yeah.
It's Sammy Hagar, obviously singing the lead, but it sounds like David Lee Roth on the backing tracks.
And I could swear it is him. And I wouldn't put it past Eddie and Alex to do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
The next time you listen to it...
They might have been working on that song since before Sammy was in the band.
They could have been.
Maybe David Lee Roth had already recorded some backing vocals for it way back when.
I wouldn't doubt it. It's a harder rocking song like it used to do with David Lee Roth.
They went more poppy with Sammy Hagar. So I wouldn't doubt it.
And I was just like, that sounds suspiciously like David Lee Roth.
Yeah.
I don't know. We'll probably never know now, but that's just a theory of mine.
When I first heard it, I'm like, wait a minute.
So anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah. And it's also notable that this is the last album that Sammy Hagar was on.
And there's one girl trying to pull away and the other is pulling her back by her hair.
And the way they're splitting apart looks like the bee in Van Halen.
And it's, I don't know, it is just kind of clumsy and odd in my opinion.
I think they were sending a message.
Yeah. It was kind of like signaling the breakup of Eddie and Sammy.
Yeah. And the thing is that's so tragic about it is Gary Chiron is such a great lead singer.
Front man. Very charismatic.
And he never did get a square shake from anybody because nobody wanted to see a third singer, Van Halen.
Everyone was done with it. They're like, you know what?
Next album I think you're pretty familiar with is the Scorpions Love Drive.
Oh, I got that on mine.
Yeah. Yeah. They're sitting in the back of a limo and the chick's top is pulled apart.
And one of her breasts is exposed except the guy's got like a handful of chewing gum from his hand to her breast covering up the nipple.
And it's like why in the world would two very well dressed people be playing with an enormous wad of chewing gum in the back of a limo?
And there's another Scorpions one that I'll get to too.
That one made my list. And then there's another one from back in the same era, Scorpions.
It could have been Yulie John Roth. I'm not sure if it was a Rudolph Schenkner yet or not.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, they had some real questionable album covers there for a while.
It's like all these 80s bands were trying to outdo each other.
Yeah. Yeah. And the Scorpions were trying to be cute or clever and just like really creeped them up.
But I'll get to mine later. I got that one. I'm not going to repeat it, but I'll get the other one.
So go ahead. Yeah. When we do the best album cover, you go first since I'm going first this time.
Okay. No, that's cool. I just wanted to hear your worst ones first because I knew you're going to come up with some doozies.
Well, here's my next one. There is a band called Orleans. The album is called Waking and Dreaming.
And the album cover is all five members of the band who have dark hair and lots of it. And they're standing around draped all over each other, totally naked.
You can only see them from the belly up, but they're all hugging on each other and grinning and have arms around each other.
And their big old hairy chests are out. And it's like, what kind of message are you exactly trying to tell us?
Yeah, look, hey, we're cool with you and everything. But, you know, hey, if you want to say something, go ahead.
It's called Orleans. I'm going to look it up because I'm very unfamiliar with this.
I think, you know, maybe they were trying to get the band to appeal more to the gay market.
That could have been. They came out in 76. So that was why disco was already kind of dying.
It was getting kind of mainstreamed. So people were kind of moving away from it.
Very possible. What was the name of the album? Waking and dreaming.
OK, anyhow, go ahead. I'm sorry. Waking and dreaming.
Yeah, a lot of record labels in the 70s and 80s. Oh, my gosh.
They look like the Bee Gees. They look like the Bee Gees with dark hair. Uh huh. With no tops.
Oh, my gosh. Yep.
Now this could be my search history. Fuck.
Well, it was no different than the top porn.
I had to look up some of the porn references when the election night.
You know, I did this on two douchebags and a microphone.
But I did like a rundown of the top states that did porn during the time that, you know, they were tallying the votes.
Because there it seemed like a lot of people chose to go to porn for relaxation before they found out who won.
And they had a state by state. Pornhub came out with a state by state list of what porn was the most, you know, favored in that state.
And Missouri was like blow and go or something like that. Right.
So I'm like, oh, let's see what it means. It's like some dude that services like ten guys.
And I was like, after I did that, I go, hey, Rob, I got it. Here's what it is.
I'm like, oh, man, Missouri's a bunch of filthies. I'm like, oh, shit, that's in my search engine now.
So anyhow.
Oh, well, you know what? People just go, well, that's Mark. Whatever.
We love him. We love him anyhow.
Yep. Anymore. That just makes you blend in.
You know what? You're right. Oh, he's a freak. Oh, cool. All right.
Anyhow, go ahead. Sorry about that. I just had to look at that.
Hello, you there?
Topher.
All right.
So, OK, where were you at? We had a little malfunction there.
Yeah. Well, I'll start.
It's the band is Three Dog Night and the album is called Hard Labor.
It features a delivery room, circa mid 70s, and the creature giving birth has giant chicken feet and a weird pig face.
And there's all the members of the band dressed up like doctors.
And there's a bunch of surgical instruments and microphones lying about.
And the baby they're delivering is a 12 inch vinyl record.
Oh, my gosh.
It is so aggressively ugly, it will cause nightmares if you look at it.
I mean, just the surgical instruments hanging out on the floor. Oh, my gosh.
They're enough to make you cringe. I see it. I see it. I just looked it up.
I encourage anybody listening to this, be near your PC and look this shit up.
They're so bad.
OK. Yeah, you ready for the next one?
Yes, I am.
I've got three left. They're kind of getting worse as I go along. I got to admit this.
OK, this is Ted Nugent. So you know it's going to be bad.
And the album is called Love Grenade.
All the Ted Nugent's albums were horrible because it always had him in a loincloth doing something.
I mean, like one of his hands were guitars.
One of them cat scratch fever where his chest was all scratched up.
He may have done something without him on it. But the ones I remember is, is that.
You know, the one where he's in a loincloth there doing something crazy. But anyhow, go ahead.
Well, I kind of wish he had put himself on the album cover because what you've got is like the back seat of a limo.
And there's a giant roasting pan.
And in the roasting pan is a naked woman trussed up like a turkey with her arms tied behind her back.
And she has a grenade in her mouth.
What kind of an acid trip was he on?
I don't know. There's guitar picks strewn around and a little part of a guitar in the foreground.
It's just it's like a horror nightmare.
Oh, my gosh. Is there any type of LSD or something or heroin that would make. Oh, geez.
And even even this even though this woman is crouching in a roasting pan full of vegetables with a grenade in her mouth, she doesn't look very upset about it.
She looks kind of casual. Yeah, it happens.
She's like, yeah, whatever. No, no problem. No big deal here. Everything's good.
Oh, my God. Oh, golly.
All right. Then the next one I have is Crosby, Stills and Nash.
No young album is called the album is called Live It Up.
Maybe it's why that I don't know. Maybe it's a live album.
But let's see in the album cover, you're on the moon looking at the earth in the distance, which is and you've got the lumberjacks climbing up and with their, you know, climbing rigs.
And on the end of these tree trunks are giant, enormous grilled hot dogs.
This is Crosby, Stills and Nash.
And what was the name of the album again? Live It Up.
How that has to do with anything like that. I have no fucking idea.
That sounds like a fuck hammer flyer.
It's ugly enough to be on anybody's flyer. Yeah.
One of the lumberjacks has even cut his tree trunk and the top part with the wiener on it is falling away.
Even better.
Oh, and you know, Crosby, Stills and Nash, you knew that, you know, they're like acid, heroin, you know, combos.
Yeah, they were. Yeah. Any drugs.
Yeah, that does not surprise me.
Yeah, I'm not wondering why they did that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
But I mean, the whole thing looks like it was put together with a really, really crappy early version of Photoshop because everything you can clearly see, nothing belongs together.
They were just pieces cut out and dropped down on top of each other.
Oh, it was that bad, huh?
It's a real cut and paste kind of thing.
Before smartphones. Yeah.
All right. My last one is Limp Bizkit.
Chocolate starfish in the hot dog flavored water.
With the weird people like, yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. That thing is. Yeah.
It's like you've got five weird creatures that kind of look like Gollum.
Yeah. They're naked and lounging in a big pile of hot dogs.
And one of them is holding a starfish out to you that has a great big rectum on it.
Of course, that's what a chocolate starfish is. It's your butthole.
And the hot dog flavored water. Well, you can guess where that is.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I remember that album. It's dreary and these creatures are distorted and malformed.
And yeah, it's just it's awful.
Even if you like Limp Bizkit, I think you would have to agree that that is a horrible album cover.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's crazy. It's one of those what were they thinking kind of moments?
Yeah. It's like Fred Durst obviously had creative control.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, Fred Durst has happily adopted the nickname asshole.
Yeah. Yeah. Somebody gave him that nickname and he's real happy with it.
So that's kind of where the chocolate starfish came in. I guess that's his nickname.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He he gets off on pissing people off and just being against the grain dick.
Yep. So anyhow, oddly enough, there is two episodes of the medical drama House that Fred Durst is on.
And he plays a bartender. Didn't know that.
Yeah. It's two connected episodes. The first one is called House's Head and the second one is called Wilson's Heart.
I'll have to look that up.
And Fred Durst plays the bartender as House tries to piece together a blackout night and what happened and what he did.
He does an OK job as the bartender, but it was just kind of odd to see him show up there of all places.
Yeah. White House. He must have had a friend that worked on the set or something.
Hey, can you do me a solid, man? I'm kind of out of work right now.
He played House. He is a musician and since retiring from acting, he's doing a lot of music stuff.
So why he liked Limp Bizkit, I'll never know.
Me neither. But they've had a resurgence. Do you know that? Limp Bizkit?
Yeah. They're out on tour with Corey Feldman.
Yeah. And they headline some festivals. They've had some festivals this year and last year.
And I don't know why they're popular again. It doesn't make sense.
I mean, they should have been popular in the first place, but oh well.
Nostalgia. Nostalgia, I guess. Yeah. With Corey Feldman of all.
And on with you. The guy was joking and it hit. He was just having fun.
And then all of a sudden he was like, haha, this is a big joke.
And then he's like, I'm just going to stick with it. I'm going to keep playing it. Fuck it.
Yeah. As long as he's getting paid. Why not? Yeah. Hell yeah. I don't blame him.
He's like a comedian sticking with his aim routine. As long as they want to hear it.
Yeah. He's not getting it from royalties, so he might as well.
He got fucked on all them, didn't he? I'm pretty sure he did.
Oh yeah. Everybody got screwed on the record deal. Yeah.
All right. My worst albums. Number one, Lover Boy, Get Lucky.
Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a tight red pants. Yeah. On the back behind there over his asshole.
He's got his fingers crossed. Yeah. And it's like I saw that today on a music channel.
They were playing one of the Lover Boy songs and that album cover popped up.
It was like, oh, nasty, fake red leather glued to his ass. It's just the stupid. Go back to Canada, man.
Yeah. Loving every minute of it.
Okay. Working for the Weekend became an icon because of classic rock radio stations.
They do the Yabba Dabba Doo, Fred Flintstone, Five O'Clock Friday.
And then it would be followed by Working for the Weekend and then maybe Joe Walsh.
And they do this collage of all these songs together with a couple of quitting time horns and all that stuff.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how come it was always kind of like an icon working for the weekend.
It's because it became kind of like a parody of itself.
It's like he was on they were virtually on every classic rock station in America at five o'clock at their time,
somewhere in that collage of song. The next one I have here is Scorpion's Animal Magnetism.
Oh yeah. Animal Magnetism has a guy with pants on and this chick on her knees looking like she's getting ready to give him oral.
But the thing that's wrong with this picture is this right here.
There's a doberman pincher right next to the chick with his nose right there.
What the fuck is a doberman pincher doing there in that situation?
And what are they planning? They're going to have a three way with the dog.
Yes. It is nasty. It's like, okay, I get this. I get this. It's rock. It's like, you know, it's taboo.
Look at this, man. I got animal magnetism. This chick just jumped on her knees for me.
And then there's a dog there. It's like, wait a minute. What the fuck you guys.
What the fuck you guys got planned here? Get that dog out of there.
So anyway, yeah, it is the biggest. Why the fuck did they do that?
When, you know, it's like that would. Yeah, that was just wrong. Whatever they were doing.
The next one, I didn't go quite as absurd on a lot of years like a lot of years.
I'm just going once. It didn't make sense on some of them. Some of them are absurd, but Rush permanent waves.
Oh, yeah. That was really stupid.
Yeah. It was like this town just destroyed and a lady with a stress on this being blown up in her white underwear walking.
Yeah. And it's kind of like a fifties style hairstyle or something. Yeah. Yeah.
Like almost like a Jackie Kennedy or something. Yeah.
And it makes no sense at all no matter how you look at it. It's like, what does this mean?
I mean, I get it. The album is permanent waves and the woman's got like a perm and she's got wavy hair.
But I mean, that's kind of childish analogy, isn't it? Can't you go any deeper?
Yeah. Why? Yeah. Yeah. For a band is in depth as a rush. Why would you do that?
And then, you know, like the skirt blowing up, her dress blowing up, the one to skirt, her dress blowing up in her white underwear and walking in a town that had been demolished by a flood or something.
Yeah. Is that supposed to be like the famous picture of the Marilyn Monroe standing over the steam vent and the blows her skirt up?
It kind of has that feel, but it's not it's not enough of that feel to make you think that or, you know, you can get the correlation, but it doesn't really someone couldn't walk up and go, oh, I get it. Marilyn Monroe.
You know, yeah. So, yeah, it is kind of that like that, but it's not enough of it to convince me that that's what they were trying to do.
Yeah. So the next. I'm looking at the album cover and there's like a tsunami coming in behind her and her dress is blowing up enough to show you where her panties and she's giving you a very sexually inviting look.
Yeah, but she's in a town that had been destroyed. There's rubble everywhere.
It's like it's leveled by a flood or something. Yeah, something like that. So, okay, you just survived a flood. So what do you think this chick all of a sudden just gets horny? Man, floods make me hot.
The street with his arm up trying to get her attention. It makes no sense at all. You know, she'd be like you think she'd be wondering is my family okay, but no, no, no. Look, I'm going to entice this guy.
Anyhow, okay. The next one is Pantera. This is before their hard rock tough guy stuff when they were glam metal is called metal magic.
And it is a very primitive cat that's muscular and has a man's body in like in underwear type of thing, you know, like a competition bodybuilder and a very see that I'm looking at it.
Yeah, how would you describe that? Yeah, it's like a feral cat head on top of a bodybuilder's body, but he looks also kind of demonic. Yeah, got a tail and long fingernails.
And he's got like some sort of a weird ass sword. That's kind of a dagger. Yeah, like they didn't know how to draw a whole sword and dagger. So they started out with a really thin dagger and then added a giant sword blade on the end.
Yes.
This is another one that makes you go what the fuck.
Even the colors are nasty. I mean, yeah, the colors are awful color palette.
Now you know why they didn't make it in glam and they had to go to power rock or power. I don't call it metal power hard rock. So, well, the first song on the album is called ride my rocket.
That should tell you something.
And let me see this album cover here I'm trying to find it to describe it right.
See if you can help me with this. It's like a very weird looking grim reaper with people with like these Mulan Rouge mass and pig mass and white ghost mass and baby.
And, and some sort of a, I don't know, ghost dog, all on the, all on the front of this album for no apparent reason. Do you have that up. Do you see what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's, there's a famous painting by her on a mishposh called the. Oh my is three paintings that go together it's like heaven and hell and purgatory and there's all sorts of bizarre imagery and I think they were trying to kind of recreate that a little bit that
would make sense because I really didn't get it, and I'm not familiar with that painting, but that would make sense of why they would do it in this type of, you know, because Iron Maiden is a very well thought of band, everything that they've ever done or, well,
minus Paul Deano and Blaise Bailey the guy in the middle, when, when Bruce quit to work for British Airlines. Everything with Bruce Dickinson has been a concept album about periods in time.
And this would make sense. I would think like maybe like times. Yes, something like that and I think they chose that painting to kind of recreate it. This would be something Iron Maiden would do with Bruce Dickinson and it was done with Bruce Dickinson I do believe.
Yeah, it was out in 2003. Brave New World was to that yeah Bruce was back in the band. Okay. It was not their best seller even close to it obviously. Yeah, so what you said would make sense of why they would do that because like I said Iron Maiden is a very educated well thought of band.
Even though people think that they're like, oh, they're metal. No, actually they're really educated and they chose to play this type of music because they like it. So, yeah, and it's very intricate.
And it's a lot of pieces put together, and the guitars they have are amazing along with Steve Harris the bassist is insanely good.
And then Bruce Dickinson is a fantastic musician himself plus a hell of a lead singer. A top 10 fencer in the world at one time and also a pilot and a novelist and a performer.
What else can he do, you know, I know it's amazing you have time for all this stuff.
Yeah, I know I don't know how you had time for it either and he hates Sharon Osbourne.
A lot of people do. Yeah. Yeah, I guess Sharon Osbourne paid one of the opening bands when he was on Ozfest.
When Iron Maiden was on Ozfest she paid one of the opening bands to egg Iron Maiden.
And Bruce Dickinson went out there and made fun of her and shit and she didn't like it because he felt like he was getting fucked over somehow.
Look up the whole story is pretty interesting. Yeah, well, yeah. So this happened quite a while ago, but the full story came out much later as one of those things.
So anyhow, the next one that I have is Black Sabbath. Born Again.
All right. You ever see that one. It's the one with Ian Gillan of Deep Purple in it. I know they've had several Deep Purple singers.
Yes, but this had Ian Gillan, the most prolific Deep Purple singer, the one you hear on Smoke on the Water and Highway Song and all that stuff.
That guy right there, you know, anyhow, he was on this album. But the album is a devil baby that's on fire.
Yeah, it's nasty. It's all like orange is red. Yes. It's got green eyes and long yellow fingernails and like this screaming demonic baby that just got born.
Yeah, it makes no sense at all why they would like do this type of artwork on this album.
You know, yeah, they're trying to get back to their what would you call it?
Quasi Satanist. You know, they weren't they weren't really but they they're like a lot of those bands that like to portray that image because that's what 15 year old boys liked.
You know, yeah, you know, they heard about Alistair Crowley and all the occult stuff and Black Magic and Voodoo and, you know, that intrigued younger males.
Yeah, there are a lot of times throughout musical, you know, pop music history where it became cool to be Satanistic.
Yeah, yeah, because the bands, a lot of them had nothing to do with it. Some of them did.
Some of them did. But a lot of them had nothing to do with Satanism, but they portrayed it to sell albums just like backmasking.
So, oh, it says Satan is your Lord backwards. It doesn't really it doesn't really say that it sounds like something because everybody's language backwards occasionally says something else.
So in another language, so it they did that so people would spend their records backwards ruin them and buy a new one.
It was brilliant. And so they had people go out and say, hey, did you know that Led Zeppelin says Satan is my Lord, you're all going to die. What? Yeah, it's backwards.
Which song? I don't know. One of them on physical graffiti, Side 2.
You know, and it worked, man. Kids go through all the albums and play it backwards, destroy them, then go buy another one and probably destroy that one trying to find them.
So your turntable, too. Yeah, you would. Yes. And probably a lot of turntables were screwed up because of it.
So Black Sabbath did this to try to get back to that roots, you know, I think so.
Kind of like, oh, we got to go back to the devil worshiping image because that's what sold.
But really, they were kind of like Van Halen. People were tired of lead singers.
They're like, look, you had Ozzy, you had Dio, two of the best, you know, Ian Gillan, as good as he is. Still, it didn't work.
Now, you know, people are that's deep purple. That is not Sabbath. So don't do it.
So anyhow, it'd be like Ozzy going to deep purple. No, no.
So anyhow, and not only Ab and Richie Blackmore probably hated him because he was not Ozzy was far from a perfectionist.
So yeah, so yeah, he was probably like Dio that considered Ozzy kind of a joke.
So anyhow, the next one, you might be familiar with this one, you know, ministry, right?
Dark Side of the Spoon. Have you ever seen that? I'm bringing it up. OK.
It is a fat lady. Oh, good. Yeah, it is a fat lady. I think she's sitting on a giant spoon.
It's hard to tell. It's kind of dark. But yeah, yeah, only naked.
Life of Butkleavage. Yes, it is horrible, horrible.
And I understand the parody Dark Side of the Spoon, Dark Side of the Moon.
But why would you choose to have this very pale-ish, very unattractive looking,
at least from the backside, probably from the front too, with all these like overhang and cottage cheese on a spoon?
So I'm trying to figure out what she's writing on the blackboard.
She's got a dunce cap on her head. Yes. Writing something on the blackboard.
I can't read it either. I know. Look, man, look, everybody's a fan of curves.
Everyone has a everyone loves Chunky's. No big deal.
This thing here should not be on it. So anyhow, I wonder if they picked a woman
who would be considered by most people not sexually attractive as a way to get away with having a naked woman on the album.
I believe so. If she was like model thin with a great bod. It would be a big hubbub.
And probably would make them put a sticker over it. I agree. I agree.
But because it was done like this, no one gave a shit. Yeah.
It was like no one's going to get a boner over that. Who cares? Kind of their thought. That might be their reasoning.
Simple as that, you know. Yeah. Well, it's not sexually provocative because nobody likes that.
We took we took ten teenage males in a room and they all looked at her.
None of them got a boner. OK, leave it on there.
All in the name of decency. Yes, yes.
And they are the purveyors of what is decent and what is not.
Thank God they're doing it for us, right? Yes. Yeah. Fuck those guys.
Coincidentally, going to see was next week.
One of the people that bought the PMRC, Vietnam and destroyed him, destroyed him.
Anyhow, on the one that I watched, oh shit, where was Owen Tulsa, the was show there a couple of years ago.
He had all of these Frank Zappa and John Denver and all these guys tearing up the PMRC on a big, huge screen.
And it was just so funny revisiting that because Frank Zappa was speaking in such terms that Tipper Gore and all those idiots were just sitting there with their mouth open.
They did not understand how he was making fun of them.
They did not have the intelligence to understand that this guy was so much more intelligent than them that he could make fun of them right in front of their face.
And they had no idea. It was funny. Yeah.
They did. It is a perfect example of how people look when they realize they seriously misunderstood underestimated somebody.
Yes. Way out of their league.
And they all did it for buzz. They named themselves the Washington wives and they thought they're all going to stop this indecency.
They weren't worried about murder. They weren't worried about drugs. They were worried about a fucking album cover.
Idiots. And they figured everyone would pay attention to them. Yeah. Because they were cute, mostly blonde, white women.
Yes. That was the other thing. Husbands were powerful politicians.
Look, you can trust us. We're Aryan. Fucking assholes. Yep. Anyhow.
They're no different from the people who try to horn in on their spouse's military rank.
Yes. Yes. Yep. Same thing. Same thing, only a little bit different done a little bit differently.
This next one, I'm pretty sure. Like we elected your spouse, we didn't elect you. So shut up and go away.
And a lot of us didn't elect your spouse. I did not like Al Gore. I couldn't have voted for him anyhow. I think he was Tennessee.
But I thought he was one of the biggest fucking idiots I've ever seen standing straight up. So.
Yeah. What he was was a very good ventriloquist dummy.
That was it. That was it. Yeah. He would say whatever he was told to say and be kind of convincing about it.
And that's it. That was his job. Yep. He had Bill Clinton's hand up his ass and he spoke.
Yeah. He had to make room for Bill Clinton's hand along with China's hand.
China too. Yeah. You know what? That's a whole other story.
You know, maybe we'll do a political show and go into some of that shit. I mean, I wouldn't mind doing that.
A non-denominational where we take both sides and give the absurdity of them.
I wouldn't mind doing something like that one day.
So and some of the tricks have been portrayed on the American public and some of the nasty things that they've done towards certain groups of people.
Anyhow, that's a whole other thing. OK. This next one. Yeah.
Ministry. Oh, no, not ministry.
Rob Zombie. Mom, do sex head. Have you ever seen that one? Rob Zombie.
What is it called? Mondo sex or Mom, though, Mom, though, sex head.
And hang on, I got to revisit this because it's horrible to remember everything that's on there.
Mom, though, sex head.
By Rob Zombie. Oh, yeah, I got it. It's a cute little kitty.
Oh, you're talking about the original cover art. Yes, the original cover art.
The replacement cover art was a cute little kitty with one red demonic eye. But yeah, the original cover art.
Yes. Let's see. But there's also which which original cover art are you looking at?
From the vinyl release, it shows a almost naked woman.
OK, there's one before that standing up and you see her standing sideways.
There's one before that that has like arrows pointing towards something that looks like a vagina.
But it has a human eye over on the side of it looking towards the vagina looking thing.
And it has a hand on the other side reaching towards the vagina looking thing.
Now, I only found that one time, but that was the original release.
And that's when I'm that's the one that I'm referring to because the kitty's stupid and all that.
You know, the original artwork, I don't think that bad because that's his wife.
And that was the one that played in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's her.
And anyhow, that's kind of like her image, you know, she's kind of scantily clad and kind of tough and kind of, you know, kind of hot, tough, tough, hot or something like that.
I think that's a pretty I think that's a pretty good image.
I don't think that's bad. But the original image I found only one time and it's the weirdest thing.
And I don't know how to go back and find it again.
So anyhow, that that was that one.
And I don't have any way of really describing that, except like I did.
If you ever find it, you'll see what I mean.
OK, the next one, Pantera vulgar display of power.
You remember that one? Yeah. Yeah.
It's a picture of a guy's fist smashing a guy's nose.
And it's just corny. It's corny as fuck.
Yeah. Like I said, it's power hard rock.
And they were like getting the lowest common denominator pretty much.
I mean, it's like, you know, they're getting these people out on the street.
They're like wearing their wearing their fucking what would you call them?
Gym shirts or whatever or their tank tops.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Tough guys.
Yeah. All those in Pantera because they punch people in the face.
That type of thing. It's just stupid.
Oh, go ahead. It's not that different from an album covered by Anthrax where they had a.
It's exactly the guy whose head was being held by one hand and was erupting through his mouth.
Yes. And actually, I think they got the idea from them, even though they didn't ever say that I know of.
Yeah. And anyhow, it was just corny because, like I said, it appealed to dirtbags.
Yeah. Yeah. It was probably how they spent their party nights. Yeah.
Beating up people. The next one, Metallica Load.
I like to call it load of shit. It was a horrible album.
That's when everyone started calling them alternative because they did horrible music that was nothing like their roots.
But the album cover is just stupid. It looks like a water painting almost of kind of fire looking stuff, but almost water looking stuff.
But almost like an amoeba looking thing. Are you looking at it?
It's like they spilled something on a pane of glass and it kind of mottled red and clear and gloopy.
And yeah, it's like maybe somebody had bloody diarrhea on the top of the glass coffee table.
That's what it is. I think Lars, after a night of heavy sex, yeah, probably had some bloody diarrhea.
Yeah. For whatever reason.
I imagine what they were going for was that's the load you just blew into a virgin and that's why there's blood.
Ah, I think you hit it. I think that's it. Okay. Well, all right.
Doesn't that sound like something Lars would come up with?
Yes, it does.
You've got little man syndrome?
Yes. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. You know what? I think you're right. That was Lars going, hey, and then we're going to do this.
We're going to make this thing that looks like a virgin blood would come and a dark anus. Yeah. Yeah.
I can't stand Lars.
He was probably so happy when he got his way.
His tiny little fists are going, yay.
And James Help is thinking, how did I go through life not beating the shit out of this little bitch?
James Hempfield, the sheepdog. He looks like a sheepdog. He really does.
He kind of does. Yeah.
He does. Okay. And then the final one I have is Hole. Remember Hole? Courtney Love. Remember that lovely lady? Yeah.
Married to Kurt Cobain. Looks like a horse.
They had this album called Live Through This, which Kurt Cobain did not. Kurt Cobain did not live through that.
But. No. Yeah. Live Through This has this ugly looking prong queen looking thing like squinching her eyes and appearing to be happy but in pain.
Let's see. And her eye makeup is all smeared under her. Her mascara is all smeared under her eyes.
She kind of looks like a half ass Alice Cooper. Yes.
And she's got her mouth open kind of screaming and that stupid looking crown. Yeah.
A bouquet of flowers. Yeah. Yeah. It's it is a nasty looking album cover by probably someone in my opinion.
I don't know. Has some miles on her. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Retreads.
She's prom queen. You know she had to do what she needed to do to become prom queen. We all understand that.
I think we've all been there in our life. Yes.
All right. And that's such a not only is it an unattractive picture but it just has nothing to do with the band or the album as far as I can tell.
No. Not at all. It had nothing to do with anything. And it's like hey let's gross people out with this shit.
And like you said she's like an Alice Cooper wannabe with the eye makeup.
The one eye looks like Alice Cooper and the other eye looks like Alice Cooper's first get up.
Have you noticed that. Yeah. Where he just had like yeah yeah the eyelashes prolific and you know painted on.
And then the other one looks like almost looking they could almost look like she has a couple of black eyes too.
It could almost be that it could be that also. So well yeah whatever that is it's not right and they should have never done it.
So yeah. And she's got her mouth open Kim Kardashian style or for me to accept the sausage.
Yes. If you look in there enough you can see some white dots. I wonder where that's from.
Yeah. Oh yeah. Teeth or maybe a little gum or maybe. Oh oh oh. Well never mind.
I got it. I got it. She looks like she didn't. She wasn't given that courtesy tap.
Yeah. Yeah that's it. No courtesy tap. Yeah. She had to take it. She had to take it.
No courtesy tap. We're sorry. All right. Now these are my best album covers.
My first one and I think you might agree with this I don't know is Alice Cooper from the inside. Oh yeah.
That's a good one. That thing was magnificent. If anyone that's unfamiliar is it's a picture of Alice Cooper.
He's got like a bluish face right. Yeah. Yeah. And it's of him like really crazed looking because this is the album he wrote in the insane asylum.
And everything that he wrote was about people and experiences in that insane asylum with a very power ballad that really should have deserved a lot more credit than what it got.
How are you going to see me now. He wrote to his wife when he got home. Yeah. That was awesome. Yeah.
He even filmed it. Yeah he did have a video way before that. You're right. And yeah he was basically saying how is she going to look at me now that I come out of this insane asylum and I'm sober.
Is she you know she gonna love me when I come home. Is she going to look at me like he was already a hardcore alcoholic when he met her. Yeah.
They've never been together with him sober. No he didn't. Yeah. He really was questioning everything.
And plus he's coming down from everything and he was quitting you know. So anyhow but like he had very famous songs like Billy and Millie was it.
Yeah. Oh Billy Oh Millie criminally insane. I'll cut up the title of a bag. I was glad it lasted longer kind of cut off right in the middle.
It did seem like a song that had needed a second act. Yeah it was about a lady that like killed her husband and cut him up in baggies and this Billy guy was her lover and helped her.
This is someone that he met in the insane asylum but it said Billy and Millie criminally insane. I'll cut up and seal tight in baggies because love makes you do crazy things.
So anyhow this album it opens up. OK. And it's got his crazy makeup and he's got this crazed look in his eye.
I mean he just looks insane. You open it up and it has pictures of him in a in a rubber suit in a straight jacket and has pictures of people that are portraying the people that he met in there.
I don't think it was that. Yeah. Millie and Billy and Johnny and Jack Knife Johnny was a good one. Yeah.
Nurse Rosetta never let her peer in numbers down her sweater. Yeah that was it. Yeah yeah. And she was like this nurse that was like really kind of a sex pot.
But she get mad at you if she caught you looking at her tits. Yeah. Anyhow brilliant brilliant. Yeah. To me is the most brilliant concept album ever.
The I think when you pulled the vinyl disc out the sleeve on that showed a picture of him clutching his discharge papers and yes through the door. Yes. Yep.
Yeah that thing was brilliant all the way through not only the music the concept the artwork everything was perfect.
They spent a lot of money on that because it was supposed to be a comeback album.
And it did well and it did get attention it just didn't do as well as it should have done. Yeah. That album was so good.
I consider it one of the best albums he's ever done with like billion dollar babies or something like that.
I put it up there with those. I don't know if everyone does but I just I have a love for that album that's insane.
And ironically he would have to wait another 10 years for his comeback album which was 89 trash. Yeah. Yeah trash it had poison on it right.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ten years later he actually had a comeback album but he was like in the glam metal thing now.
But he wasn't glam. He was shock rock still he is the same guy. But the glam metal loved him.
You know especially when he was singing. Both albums featured a lot of guest appearances from other musicians famous musicians and songwriting credits with a lot of other musicians.
So they're really team efforts both both of those albums. And did Desmond Child write anything on that or not. I cannot remember.
I can't remember either. I think Desmond Child he wrote Aerosmith Kiss Def Leppard. He wrote for everybody.
Desmond Child was an unsung hero. He wrote he wrote hits for bands and whenever they needed a hit they went to him.
And I think I think Alice Cooper might have went to him for maybe poison or something like that. But anyhow it doesn't matter.
Anyhow the next one I have is Kiss Alive. Oh I've got that one. That thing. Yeah it is the perfect image of their shock rock big stage.
Ace Freely is jamming over there. You know Gene Simmons over there with his tongue out blood you know fire.
Paul Stanley is being the lover with his hairy chest and the guitar. And Peter Chris is you know the cat man back there is just a perfect image of what they were.
And it is a poster for all ages. That thing was yeah it is just it brought them on the map. The artwork brought them on the map.
And then the music. They did not get big until Kiss Alive. They did not have anything until Kiss Alive.
And Kiss Alive is when they rediscovered rock and roll all night. And go ahead what. I was going to say have you heard the controversy surrounding that album.
Yeah it was recorded not live. Is that what you are talking about. Yeah. They kind of admitted it. They said that a lot of it was added in. But a little bit of it.
And then Gene Simmons even pointed out on the cover Ace Freely has got his guitar flipped over and he is playing on the back of it.
And that was kind of a nod to yeah this isn't really a live album. That's right. I remember that. Yeah.
Yeah and he was trying to justify it. No no no no. Yeah. I mean. No Gene Simmons pointed it out. He said well you know look you can see he has got his guitar flipped over. That should tell you something.
No. I mean I understand what he is saying but no. That's not why they did that. I don't think so. No. They weren't given a clue.
But the album cover itself was a stage picture taken in an empty theater. They set them up on stage and got all the stuff going. That was not an actual picture from a concert.
No I know and that's the other thing that I found disappointing when I found that out. Yeah. Because it really looked like a live shot of maybe in Detroit or something you know they are on stage.
And you know back then I really gave a shit now. I'm like okay whatever. But you know what I mean. Being a younger man and watching this and being mesmerized by it.
And I'm like they faked it like that. Kind of leaves a you know an empty feeling. It's like man. Yeah. Nothing sacred.
But you know what you got to hang on to is it gave you a lot of joy at the time and that was real. No it was. That was real.
And actually who cares if it turns out it wasn't you know the genuine article. You still really felt that joy.
This is one of the albums that brought me my love of music. Yeah. Plain and simple. That wasn't fake. No. No no no. I owe a lot of stuff to Kiss.
Listen. There's a lot of this selling and all that stuff and Gene Simmons, Pompous, the mouthing off about Ace and Peter and all that stuff.
The fact is if it wasn't for Kiss I wouldn't have gotten into the music I love. I would have never picked up a guitar.
I would have never went to these concerts that I love and cherish. I wouldn't be going to see him wasp in Wichita in a week.
None of this if it wasn't for Kiss and this album. So Kiss I owe them a lot because of this. Their imagery and songs and everything made me love music.
So. Yeah. You too right? Yeah. A lot of guys have a lot of people have bands like that. For me it was Alice Cooper quickly followed by Pink Floyd.
Yeah I could see both of them too. Anytime a new album came out from either one of those I was all over it.
It really got me into not just listening to music but how is it made and how are the instruments sounding and how do you put this all together just to really dive into the guts of how you create a song and get it out to the public.
Pink Floyd really got me because you know Sid Barrett and then you know he flipped out eventually died but they got they had to get rid of him by default.
You know he went insane probably from taking acid they think too much or wrong kind or something. Oh yeah he heavily overdid the acid.
Yeah but when they brought David Gilmore in the sound was a winning sound. Oh yeah. When before it wasn't in my opinion I thought the music was okay.
But when Gilmore came in there and I think didn't Gilmore replace Barrett. Yeah they initially brought Dave Gilmore into supplement because Sid Barrett was sometimes he'd just stand on stage and stare off into the distance and not move a muscle because he was high off his ass.
So they had Dave Gilmore started coming to all the gigs to fill in because they never knew what they were going to get with Sid and eventually they just quit going by to pick Sid up and just weren't just quit taking him to the gigs.
Yeah and their music really kicked in when Gilmore had more of a say in their music. Yeah he became a much better songwriting partner for Roger Waters.
Sid Barrett wrote some good songs early but then he destroyed his mind and he came up with nothing after that absolutely nothing. He cried and it was garbage.
Yeah he fried himself and his plain and simple but the whole point I'm getting at is I mean I like that David Gilmore led to David Gilmore writing more and I think David Gilmore was the secret sauce in Pink Floyd after.
Yeah you know and that's when they really boomed it wasn't under Sid Barrett but anyhow I remember looking at that and going wow how interesting because that was back when I thought like if one guy left the band it was over you know what I mean.
Yeah. Yeah you know when you're younger you think like that you're like oh well they can't go on and then it's like wow they did go on and they're might be even better.
Yeah. Oh to me they were better. Isn't it funny how we got here from talking about the KISS the live album. Oh it is we always do this.
Here since we're well into this podcast. Playoffs. Yeah.
Oh there it goes they all tuned out they all shut it off.
Okay the next one I have is the cult sonic temple.
Oh yeah that thing is just a great rendering of a metalish looking guitar guy with this symbols around.
I mean it was kind of like a patch you'd put on your shoulder. It was just a perfect looking album cover. The guy is obviously a rocker he strummed the guitar and he's got that rock pose.
He looks great he's got long hair and but you can't really make out a whole lot of detail. It's just a very cool looking album cover.
The next one goes back to in the line of kiss and Alice Cooper and this is Ozzy Osbourne Diary of a Madman.
Oh yeah that thing is so cool because it shows Ozzy there with his fringe jacket spread out you know giving this look and then the back of it it shows a zombie Ozzy and the real Ozzy laying there presumably dead on the table.
And it's a great concept because it's like oh my god you know there he is and then on the back of it there he is laying with his head on the table and this zombie Ozzy is over there you know looking at the camera kind of growling.
Yeah, yeah it was just great for a young man with the imagination that I had.
This is just really cool I was like wow that is fucking cool and I got to listen to this guy. So I actually got into Diary of a Madman before I got into Blizzard of Oz because I didn't really catch Blizzard of Oz until afterward you know they both came out really close to each other.
And it was kind of hard to get stuff like that KY didn't play a whole lot of Ozzy back then. They did later on, but back then they did not play a whole lot of Ozzy because he was considered fringe.
They're kind of like, I don't know man that guy's, you know, so he wasn't really like a mainstream guy yet.
So anyhow next one Iron Maiden somewhere in time. I love that yeah Eddie to me that was such a cool Eddie because he's got this space kind of gear on and he's got this symbols of time behind him and different, different periods in time and he's a time traveler.
And it actually it represents Eddie their mascot so well because it shows him looking like he's traveling in time and all the songs are so complimentary to that somewhere in time.
Stranger in a strange land. I mean it was just, it was a great album with some fantastic artwork.
This next one I love because it's Macabre and Gore which you guys probably figured out that don't know me. That's what I love. Okay Ozzy Osbourne Speak of the Devil.
That thing.
He is sitting on this throne.
With his mouth open vampire teeth and blood coming down his chin.
And in the back he's got a midget or a little person in a cloak back there glaring at the camera.
It's just fantastic.
Looking up if you don't know what I'm talking about.
And he used to have the midgets go by and like throw raw meat at the audience.
People come out with like blood all over their face going it was so cool.
This midget or this little person ran around hitting people in a cloak and dagger throwing meat at us.
Raw meat.
What a gimmick.
Okay and then the next one is Led Zeppelin 1.
Because it is a sketch portrait of the Led Zeppelin preferably like the Hindenburg or something like that.
Blowing up in the air with a big fireball. It is cool looking.
Just looking up if you don't know.
It was great imagery. Great everything.
The next one.
Especially for the 60's that was really you know fit in with the style of bold stark images and highly defined edges.
Yeah yeah it was brilliant.
It really fit in with the 60's style.
The band was going to be called the New Yardbirds.
And then I think it might have been John Bonham.
He goes oh that is going to go over like a Led Zeppelin.
Everyone looked at each other. Led Zeppelin.
Hey that is our name.
So Led Zeppelin like Def Leppard without the A.
LED. Led Zeppelin.
And that first album was such a the artist work on that is just amazing.
I mean it is almost like a photo.
It could be like a sketch photo of the Hindenburg from an angle.
I don't know. But it is very cool.
Really classic album. Like you said the imagery and the sketch artists and all that that they had back then.
It fit the time so well.
And then it also fit the album. That's Dazed and Confused was on that.
I mean it was really kind of like one of those long hard driving albums.
Very good. Yeah.
And then the next one I have is Black Sabbath Live Evil.
This is their live album with Ronnie James Dio.
And it is so good because when you look at album there is so many different things in it.
It's got the neon night at the front of it.
You know with almost like this.
Oh shit. Saber.
Lightsaber looking thing in his hand.
It has like the paranoid crazy guy in a straight jacket in the back.
It's got the mob rules with like the cloaks over their head and the ropes and the daggers.
It's got all this stuff. It has a devil running.
It has all this stuff that Black Sabbath is saying in their songs.
And it's all in the cover of this album somewhere.
And it's really cool.
Yeah it looks like it's really designed so you listen to the album while looking at the cover.
Yes. Yeah.
In that way it was kind of like a concept album.
It's like you're going to see everything in here that's in this album.
You can see the paranoid guy.
You can see the neon nights.
You can see the mob rules.
You can see the devil which would be like Sabbath bloody Sabbath or something like that.
You can see all this stuff in that album cover.
And it's done very uniquely.
It's in the dark and you have to look at it closely to see a lot of it.
It's very cool.
Yeah.
Then the next one is a very underrated guy as in a mascot.
He is Vic Rattlebone of Megadeth.
That is the name they name their mascot.
This skull looking kind of guy.
Megadeth piece sells.
That thing is really unique.
It really accentuates Vic Rattlebone and his presence of Megadeth.
How he was Megadeth.
You know what I mean?
You've seen Vic Rattlebone and he was like Eddie.
It was kind of like oh there's a Megadeth guy.
And on this it was just a perfect pose of what they have.
It has like the uranium in the background.
It has like the atom bomb going off.
It has all of these stuff that accentuates piece sells but nobody's buying.
And the concept was on this is politicians.
And how it's war for money.
And how they come out and they preach peace and everybody buys in.
And then all you ever get is war.
War for profit.
War for money.
The military industrial complex is what they were accentuating when they did this album.
But you only catch it by looking at the album cover.
Because the album cover.
You'll notice behind them there's a line of flags.
It really seems like the United Nations.
Yes.
And it shows that whole thing.
Anyone with any knowledge at all about world history would get this right off.
They would go oh I get it.
Piece sells but who's buying?
Now wait a minute.
Okay what is the biggest industry in the United States and the world?
Military.
Yeah.
And what did Eisenhower preach the great general and then great president on his way out?
The military industrial complex.
He coined that phrase.
Yeah he said they were a bigger threat than Russia or China or anybody.
And he was fucking right.
Absolutely.
He's been in their grip ever since.
Yes.
And this is what this album talks about.
But you wouldn't guess it with the songs.
Because the songs are so grim and dismal and hard and heavy.
You don't really catch the anger towards them.
You just catch anger.
You know what I mean?
You know some of the songs.
Like piece sells but who's buying?
You wouldn't really get that that's what it's aiming at.
But it really is.
And the only really get at it is if you look at the album cover and understand that.
So that's the end of my...
I want to startle me.
Okay.
I'm downstairs in my studio.
Oh are you on the...
I'm downstairs on the hardwood floor.
You're in the no filter studio?
Yeah I am.
Alright I'm in the talk is cheap studio.
Alright.
Overlooking my fuck off sign.
Love it.
Drinking from your microphone mug.
Yes.
Yep.
Thank you.
That a listener Ed sent in to me.
That was pretty nice.
It was really nice.
I'll post a picture of that online.
Yeah I am gonna.
Yeah it is a very cool mug.
And Ed is a very cool person for doing that.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
Topher you have some best album covers to come up with.
Yeah.
We only had one overlap so that's good.
That was the Kiss Alive album.
Yep and you know what I mean I could understand that one too because that was so prolific and
cool and so.
Anyhow go ahead I'm anxious to hear yours.
Alright first one I have is Pink Floyd album Wish You Were Here.
Oh.
Go ahead.
And when I bought it it had a dark blue plastic sleeve over it so you couldn't see the album
cover.
Basically it's two guys well dressed guys standing in some like outdoor storage facility
like a e-storage thing and they're shaking hands except one of the guys is on fire.
Yep.
He's just standing there nonchalantly burning up and shaking this other guy's hand.
And it was not done with special effects because there were a series of photos taken and they
were included inside.
You could see extra photos and it showed the guy at one point turning away and taking a
couple steps and then a guy appeared with a fire extinguisher and was blasting him with
it.
So they actually set this guy on fire to take the picture.
I didn't know that.
That was pretty awesome.
I did not know that but that is very freaking cool.
And very Pink Floydish by the way.
Yeah I'm trying to remember the name of the person or the company that designed that.
I think it was called Hypnosis.
It was designing a lot of the Pink Floyd album covers for a while.
Okay.
Well it was very cool I agree with you.
Yeah it was awesome.
I think the back showed someone doing a handstand under water and all you could see was from
their waist down to their toes sticking up out of a very extremely still pool of water.
It's like how the hell did he do that without making a single ripple.
I'll have to revisit the back of that album.
That sounds cool.
Yeah.
Alright the next one is the New York Dolls and it was their self titled album and the
whole band was on the cover in total drag.
Tons of makeup, wigs, wild clothes, high heels, big platform shoes and they were trying to
the record company was trying to get them to just pose in front of a bunch of department
store mannequins.
But they said nope we're doing it our way.
That was David Johansson right?
Yeah and I think Lou Reed.
Yeah okay.
David Johansson and Lou Reed if you've seen them without makeup you would see why they
don't look good with makeup.
That's all I can say about that.
It's interesting that some of the stuff they're wearing would be revisited again in the glam
metal days.
Yes absolutely and all the glam metal artists quoted the New York Dolls as one of their
influences.
Yeah yeah.
The band wasn't really all that popular as the other day but it was very influential
because they started so many things like that.
Yeah and I imagine they were kind of the idols of the people who eventually started the punk
movement.
I believe so.
Yeah yeah yeah.
David Johansson was on the bottom of that and Lou Reed I guess yeah you know he did
have interesting weird stuff so yeah.
Alright next one I got is Big Brother and the Holding Company and the album is called
Cheap Thrills.
That was Janis Joplin's first album.
Okay.
The whole front of it is like this really crazy comic book and it's a really interesting
drawing style and you can sit there and just like read the whole album cover and entertain
yourself for half an hour.
It's really fun and again it's like all of the songs on the album are kind of depicted
on the cover.
Oh Johnny Thunders is I think I just said a wrong name.
Johnny Thunders is the guy I was thinking about.
Anyhow go ahead.
Oh yeah.
Yeah Johnny Thunders sorry.
Go ahead.
But anyway I thought the album cover for Big Brothers and the Holding Company was pretty
clever and really creative and I imagine it cost a lot extra to print that because it
was so finely detailed.
So for a first album they were given a lot of creative license.
Yeah hang on I gotta clarify something.
I was talking about Johnny Thunders solo stuff.
Yeah.
Is very odd.
So anyhow go ahead.
Alright next up on the list is Judas Priest, British Steel.
That's it.
That's where the hand is holding that giant razor blade.
Yeah.
And then he's holding it into the hand.
That's a pretty bold statement on the album cover and the music inside backed it up and
then some.
You know it was just one of those albums that changed everybody's life.
Yeah.
Yeah that was like kind of like their they weren't super popular but people started raising
their eyebrows in America to them.
Yeah.
So they let's see was Break the Law on there maybe.
I'll look that up.
Okay let's see.
I forgot they have one song on there that hit kind of big.
Okay Point of Entry, Breaking the Law, Living After Midnight.
Okay.
So Living After Midnight was the other one Breaking the Law and Living After Midnight.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah and that was like one of their coming out albums and then it wasn't let's
see I think their biggest one was Defenders of the Faith.
I'm looking for the discography.
Okay but British Steel had.
Yeah 78 it was Killing Machine, 1980 British Steel, 81 Point of Entry, Screaming for Vengeance
after that, Defenders of the Faith in 84.
Yeah Screaming for Vengeance I think was their big album in America and then followed up
by Defenders of the Faith but British Steel was one that kind of introduced them to American
airwaves.
Yeah.
Screaming for Vengeance had you got another thing coming on it and that was a monster
hit.
That's when they started headlining in America.
Yeah.
Very cool.
Alright next up the Sex Pistols first album Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols.
It's just a perfect punk album cover.
And also.
The colors are ugly and the lettering on the name Sex Pistols is all janky and weird and
it looks like somebody just ripped off a piece of construction paper and they wrote stuff
on it.
It's the perfect punk album cover.
It's awesome.
And also it says Bollocks which is not an American word.
No.
That is an English word which lets you know that it is English punk.
I mean it was perfect.
And like you said it looked like they had cut out words on that whole thing.
Yep.
Like a ransom note kind of thing.
Yeah.
You gotta love that.
That album was just.
Yeah.
Anarchy in the UK.
Did they do God Save the Queen on there?
Yep.
I think so.
Yep.
Anyhow yeah.
Alright next one I have is Fleetwood Mac Rumors.
And this is the one where Stevie Nicks is on the cover doing kind of a ballet pose with
Mick Fleetwood and tights holding her hand.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
And it's just a perfect picture.
I mean the photographer caught just the right moment and just the right angle of everything
and everything that looks so perfect.
It's almost like it was painted instead of real life.
And that was a big breakout album for him too so that didn't hurt.
Next one I've got, excuse me a little dry here, is Black Sabbath's first album Black
Sabbath.
Oh.
Where they're posed out in front of the old mill and there's that green witty looking
woman posed in front.
Yeah kind of like maybe I don't know a witchy looking chick or whatever kind of like I don't
know.
Almost could be like almost like the undead or something just standing there.
Really kind of an eerie picture.
Yeah.
She kind of looked like an apparition you would have in a dream.
You'd look twice and she's gone.
Yeah.
So it was the whole album cover is kind of disturbing in more ways than you can really
put your finger on.
And it really sets the tone for the album well without being like overt and having your
parents go get that filth out of my house.
That's a great point.
It was really brilliant.
It was and that's a great point too is because it was very scary without actually being
scary if that makes sense.
Yeah.
It was so great when they leave it to our imagination because we can always scare ourselves
a lot more than somebody can scare us.
Yes.
And that's what their songs did too.
You know it was really weird because Tony Iommi you'd say was he lucky for getting his
fingertips cut off.
Maybe.
Well the rest of us are really lucky.
We really enjoyed his playing style and the music he created and the genre he created.
He freely admits it.
He was a member of Jethro Tull and he quit.
If you listen to his guitar it sounds completely different.
That's when he had his fingertips I believe wasn't it?
And then he had that accident at his mom and dad's steel mill or whatever.
It was his last day of work.
This is in Iron Man, his autobiography which I love and I highly recommend.
His mom said he said you know what I don't think I'm going to come back after lunch.
His mom said oh silly just go finish your day out.
You know have some pride.
He goes back finishes his day out in an ambulance.
He cut his fingertips off and he was like so depressed he thought he was never going
to play guitar again.
And I think it was a neighbor that developed these little wooden fingertips at first.
And then he came up with something else that was better later.
But he had a way of putting them over his fingers.
And making them stick which I don't quite understand.
I don't understand.
I'll never understand that.
But he had to hold the note longer.
So when he held the note longer he made sure that that was a deep disturbing note.
I mean it really invented what he perfected.
And this was what they call heavy metal.
It was really an accident that kind of caused this type of sound and this whole genre of music.
And he had been tried to be duplicated by many people.
He had been imitated but they could never get his sound ever.
Yeah absolutely.
You can hear someone playing his music and you know it's not him unless it's him.
Then you go oh that's Tony Iommi.
And you can't put your finger on it.
All you know is it's a tone that you hear when Iommi's playing.
Yeah.
Yeah amazing.
Anyhow I'm sorry I commandeered that.
That's okay.
Okay.
The next one I have is Nirvana's Nevermind.
Little naked baby.
Yeah.
That guy's like trying to catch the dollar bill on the fishing hook is like such a perfect middle finger to the record company.
I know.
It's like we'll make your record but we hate you.
Yes.
And remember when they refused to join Guns N' Roses as the opening act?
Uh huh.
And all the record band Geffen who were they were.
Yeah they were both signed to Geffen and David Geffen wanted them to tour.
He was like oh man it's going to be a perfect thing for me.
And Nirvana said fuck you.
We're not going with those guys.
Those are the guys we hate.
Yep.
Yeah they gave a big middle finger to David Geffen too.
But it didn't bother him any.
Geffen did not get rid of him.
I was going to say Nirvana could really afford that because Kurt Cobain really was kind of the band.
And he didn't care if he ever made money doing that.
He didn't want to play big concert halls and be a rock star.
So if the record label said oh well we're just going to kick you to the curb then he's like fine I'll go play in a coffee shop.
He didn't care.
So there's no way he was going to bend on anything.
No he didn't either and I respect him for that.
You know you ever hear the term I'm sure you have tortured poet?
Yep.
That's him.
That was him.
Definitely.
He was so tortured that this great music came out of him but he knew no other way to live.
You know that was him.
I mean what you saw in that album that was him.
So I agree that was a horrible album cover but it will live in infamy forever.
Well I actually made my list of best album covers.
Or I mean best I said worst.
I'm fucking up stuff.
I don't know man.
I need some more caffeine.
The Naked Kid eventually grew up and sued because he said hey that's my little wiener out there for everyone to see and I never agreed to that.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
His lawsuit never went anywhere.
No it didn't and I think he's like 35 or 40 now.
Isn't that insane?
Yeah.
He did like.
The fact is your parents had the full legal authority to make that decision for you.
Anyway my last one is another punk one it's The Clash and their album London Calling.
And it's a slightly blurry live shot of the band on stage and it looks like the bass is about to get smashed into the stage.
The bass player has got his arms stretched out and his head down and his legs spread apart and he's just about to smash the fuck out of that guitar.
Whether it's a bass or a guitar.
And it's a really good punk image of you know we played the show and now we don't care anymore.
We're just going to trash everything and if it all burns down tomorrow whatever.
They really got the point across on that album cover.
Yeah and the fact that it was a live shot.
You know the first thing you thought was oh hell yeah I'm going to go see these guys live.
It was the perfect hook.
I agree.
Yeah.
I love your top two Nirvana and The Clash.
I mean because that wasn't any you know earlier you know we're talking about like Kiss Alive and stuff like that.
This was like the anti that.
This was like yeah this wasn't like the big glam shock stuff.
This was like the fuck you world stuff.
Yep.
And which are both great.
So on the next.
I've got one honorable mention.
Oh OK.
And that's The Who Who's Next and you're in the middle of this like quarry and there's a giant concrete pylon sticking out of the ground.
And the members of The Who were walking away buttoning their pants because they just pissed against it.
And the album is called Who's Next.
Oh I love that.
And you can see the pee stains running down the sides of this concrete monolith.
Fucking awesome fucking awesome.
Oh man Roger Daltrey is looking off into the distance while he's pulling this fly up.
Keith Moon is trying to do his belt.
It's pretty fun.
Pete Townsend is looking at Kitty Porn.
Oh wait a minute.
No no no no no no no no no.
He got he got permission.
Let's see.
Allegedly.
Yeah.
Yeah yeah no that was a great album.
That's my honorable mention is The Who Who's Next.
Cool.
Coming up though I don't have it this time because I didn't have a chance to print it out.
But the top 10 longest songs ever.
And number one is not who number one nobody knows is number one.
It's weird.
I'll just go.
I'm thinking Inna Gata De Vito is pretty damn long.
It is actually it's 43 minutes long and it's Jethro Tull.
Oh I know.
OK.
I know what it is.
Yeah the whole album is one song.
Yeah but you had to flip it over.
So when it came out on CD they could finally do it as one giant track.
Yeah but before you had to flip the record over.
Yes.
Yeah.
But it is classified as the longest song ever.
It's 43 minutes long.
There's some songs on there that you didn't realize were that long.
Yeah.
Yeah it is interesting.
I was waiting.
I was going to let you say the name of the longest song.
Oh shit.
Hang on.
Like I said I didn't print it out.
Thick.
Thick as a brick.
That's it.
Yeah.
Thick as a brick.
Yep.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yep.
Thick as a brick and it's 43 minutes long.
And I remember the DJs used to have a formula if they you know wanted to go do coke or get
a favor from a chick or go take a dump.
And it's like Free Bird.
Free Bird, Enigada De Vida and something else took like an hour.
Yeah.
They had to remember to stick a station ID in there after the first two.
Legally.
Let's see.
I remember there was a German synthesizer band called Kraftwerk and they had a song
called Autobahn.
Oh.
And then took up one whole side of the album.
It was about 20, 23 minutes.
That's probably on this list I bet.
Like I said I didn't have a chance.
Probably so.
Well there's a lot of lists that does not have like Thick as a Brick and the other ones.
And there's a lot of ones that I don't know why they didn't consider it or whatever.
But there's a lot of lists that aren't correct.
Because legally that's one song and that is the longest song ever recorded in rock.
As Thick as a Brick.
But there's like other songs on there you know I mean not like Free Bird or Enigada De
Vida or something like that.
But there's songs that like you didn't realize were longer than them.
And I'll have to look it up.
It's just like kind of amazing when that song's longer than Enigada De Vida.
And it was.
So.
Yeah.
And I'm guessing these are going to have to be songs that were released on you know
some kind of media.
Because I think there's some composers that compose intentionally long songs that take
like several days to perform.
Yeah.
And they're full of like hours of silence which is supposed to be part of the song.
But you know that I don't count that because that's not that's not something you release
for the public to listen to on streaming or disc or whatever.
No I agree.
I agree with that 100 percent.
I mean you know like Enigada De Vida is a record playing song.
I mean it's been on radio.
Thick as a Brick.
I don't know.
Do they play that on radio or did they play that on radio?
Somehow there was an edited version that came out that was like three four minutes long
and it contained sections from most of the album.
OK.
Kind of like a like like a trailer for a movie.
You know.
And that was the version that they played on the radio.
Yeah.
Because I've heard that version.
There's a starts out with that guitar and flute.
Uh huh.
And you know he's singing kind of lightly about about whatever he's singing about.
But yeah apparently there's you know that's 46 minutes of music broken down into a few
snippets.
It's like 10 percent of the 8 percent of the album of the album.
That's funny.
Yeah.
But I would have never got that if I didn't look up this list and I was like wow I had
no idea because I was used to the radio play one.
You know four minutes didn't realize that that was just like a trailer to the true song.
Yeah.
I didn't either.
Yeah.
Pretty cool.
When I heard that it was like you know forty six minute long thick as a brick I thought
oh is this an alternate version.
You see I didn't know that at all.
You did know it.
I didn't know that at all that there was like forty six minute thick as a brick.
Yeah.
It's so weird.
You know side one is out is the first part.
Flip it over.
Side two is the second part.
That's cool.
Yeah I had no idea.
I just thought that it was it was the song that you heard on the radio.
And let's see it was from 1972 and it was their fifth studio album.
Wow.
Yeah.
I didn't know that there was this is their fifth studio album.
You can buy the album right now for sixteen dollars and seventy two cents on eBay.
Just let you know.
They have thick as a brick part one and part two on the Internet.
And then they have them all at once.
They probably got off a CD at once and have been remastered in 1997.
Oh nice.
So there you go.
You can get the remastered thick as a brick all forty six minutes of it.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I don't think I've ever listened to the full version.
I'll have to put that on my list of things to do.
Definitely.
I'm going to too.
I think it's going to be a hot tub night.
Yeah.
I'm going to sit out in the hot tub and have the headphones on and sit there and relax and listen.
That sounds like fun.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Yep.
Many how well should we wrap this bitch up.
Sounds like a plan.
All right.
We're well over two hours so all right.
I'm sure everybody else probably tuned us out about I don't know 40 minutes.
Yeah.
Now we're background noise so we can say fuck you eat shit.
Wake up Dicks Mac.
You look funny without a dick in your mouth.
All right.
Thank you guys for listening.
Have a good night.
Night.
Oh no.
Looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not assholes.
I'll be back invading your ear hole soon.