We are the music creeps, yes.
We are the music creeps.
We are, yes we are.
We are the music creeps.
That is what we are.
Yes, yes, yes.
Wow, that was awful, wasn't it?
Oh, yes it was.
So that's your new beginning right there.
Yeah.
Get used to it, bitches.
Yeah, we rehearsed that about 20 or 24 times.
Yeah, and I love it.
It was actually recorded live here at the City Market.
A new intro to the sports creeps.
The music creeps, not the sports creeps.
It could be sports creeps.
It could, yeah.
We had Ted Templeman come and do the production.
Yeah, yeah, and then he hit us in the face.
So we got a couple of little things that we want to do this time.
We could go straight into them or if you've got something you want to talk about we could do that first.
No, you go ahead.
Alright, well this is a little game that we'll probably do periodically.
This is what prolific lead singer would flop in another band.
So you take this lead singer, you know, very well known,
and you put him in another band and it just would not fly.
Yeah.
So, you have a list?
I can come up with some on the fly.
Okay, alright.
Did I tell you? I thought I told you about it.
You mentioned all the way down.
Oh, shit, I never did tell you, did I?
No.
That's okay, I can come up with some.
Alright. Oh, no, I thought I told you during the game.
Oh, you did, that's right.
Yeah, okay. Anyhow, that's okay.
Hang on, let me find it here.
We'll do Rob's real fast and then we'll do yours and then we'll do mine, okay?
Does that give you a little minute to go ahead?
Okay, so these are taking a guy out of a band, like a really well known frontman,
and putting him with a band that he would not work with.
Okay, on here, Rob has John Morrison, the band company.
Did he mean Jim Morrison, maybe?
Jim Morrison was the doors.
Yeah, John Morrison.
Bad company was Paul Rodgers.
So who's John Morrison?
I don't know.
Morrison.
We'll look it up in a little bit.
Alright.
Next one, David Bowie to Kansas.
That would be horrible.
That would be awful.
Wow.
Oh my God.
That would be a disaster from one.
Yeah.
His number three would be Tom Petty to Skid Row.
Yeah, yes.
That would, yeah, the whiny, nasally voice.
I'm trying to do metal.
Imagine him doing Slave to the Grind.
Tom Petty, oh my God.
I mean, even I remember you wouldn't work.
That's a ballad.
Number four that Rob has is George Clinton to Cool in the Gang.
That would be a complete disaster for us.
That's a good one.
I love this next one.
Number five, Stephen Tyler to Aerosupply.
They call it Aerosmith Supply.
Aerosmith Supply.
Oh my God, I can only imagine that.
Oh gosh.
Alright, number six that he has down here is Ted Nugent to REO Speed Wagon.
Oh, wang dang, I wanna keep on loving you.
Or was it what, Thunder Thighs?
Even though she's twice my size, she's still gonna get her exercise.
What song was that that he sung?
Oh, I don't know.
I think it's called Thunder Thighs.
Yeah, I stopped paying attention to Ted Nugent back around 1980.
Everybody did, I just knew about that song.
John Bon Jovi to Motley Crue.
That would be horrible.
It would work just enough to where he could get on stage and then you'd be like,
Oh, this is not working.
Give me the plastic bag.
Next one he's got is Eric Clapton to the Doobie Brothers.
That would be good.
He wouldn't be able to keep up.
He's too slow.
Oh my God.
And then you get pissed off that the bass player was black because of all those damned immigrants.
Yeah, he refused to play with them.
They shouldn't be over here.
Written for the British.
Paul Revere.
Alright, number eight.
I know Paul Revere would be the band that Paul Rogers was first in, Paul Revere and the Raiders.
Oh yeah.
That's right.
Okay.
Sorry, Eric.
Nope.
Alright, number nine.
Joe Elliott to Nirvana.
Rock of Teen Spirit.
Yeah, that would probably hit.
Next one.
Janis Joplin to the Mama and Papas.
I would like to see that.
Even though it wouldn't work, I would love to see that beautiful disaster.
Oh, that would be funny as hell.
Just like I would like to see Rosie O'Donnell and Danny Bonaducey on Naked and Afraid.
I would be afraid to watch it because you know those little things that they blot them out with.
What if they missed?
Oh yeah.
Oh my God, you'd like to talk years of therapy.
Yeah.
Excessive vomiting.
Not to mention risking your sight.
Oh God, yeah.
Yeah.
That would like just shred your retinas into shards and be done.
Alright, next one.
Number ten.
Oh no, no, no.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Number eleven.
George Thorogood to 38 Special.
Oh yeah, that's a winner.
That's a winner.
Oh my God.
Okay, number twelve is Pat Benatar to the Go-Go's.
Oh yeah, that would have been a disaster.
That wouldn't work at all.
That would be a disaster.
Oh, number thirteen I really like.
Robin Zander, of course, a cheap trick to fast way.
Say what you will.
That almost might work.
I could see him pulling it off.
Yeah, because he can get those high notes.
He can do the high register.
Yeah, that still wouldn't work.
Oh, this next one is horrible.
Number fourteen.
Bruce Dickinson to Guns N' Roses.
Oh.
You know, he does that kind of operatic stuff.
Yeah.
Number fifteen, anyone to Milli Vanilli.
There we go.
All right.
Okay.
I came up with six of them.
All right, you want to go ahead with yours?
All right, Rob Halford of Judas Priest to Third Eye Blind.
I would pay to see that.
What's her big hit, Third Eye Blind?
I forgot.
How's it going to be?
Semi-Charm Life.
Yeah, Turbo Lover Semi-Charm Life.
Baby, baby.
Okay, James Hetfield from Metallica to the Smashing Pumpkins.
That is awesome.
The world is a vampire.
Tonight, tonight, tonight.
Yeah.
You imagine him singing in 1979.
Oh my God.
That would just be weird.
Oh, it would be great.
Okay, Johnny Cash to Van Halen.
Could you hear Johnny Cash singing Running With The Devil or You Really Got Me?
I would love to.
Pound Cake.
Okay.
Roy Orbison to the Bullet Boys.
Smooth Up India.
Oh my God, you imagine him.
I can't do his voice.
So high warbling.
Smooth Up India.
Okay.
Gwen Stefani, new lead singer of Slayer.
Just a girl.
Let me think of a Slayer song.
Or you just do a No Doubt song like four times faster.
Yeah.
And the last one I have is Bruce Springsteen to be the new lead singer for Queen.
That's the wrong kind of voice.
Oh my God, yeah.
And then he's like a storyteller too.
You imagine I'm Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my God.
I was in New Jersey and I was working on my car and nobody told me.
All right, here's the ones I got.
Let Me Kill Meister, of course, of Butterhead.
And Poison.
That would be funny.
Talk dirty to me.
Every rose has its thorn.
Or we could do it like Wife Swap where they change bands.
Oh yeah, yeah.
So that way Poison's singer has to go to Motorhead.
To Motorhead.
Brett Michaels and Motorhead.
Oh my God.
Celebrity singer swap.
Brilliant.
That's awesome.
Next one I have is Jerry Garcia and Slayer.
Oh.
Well, would he slow them down to his speed or would they speed him up to their speed?
I think he would have to slow them down to his speed.
I don't think Jerry Garcia was capable.
No, it's like trying to make a turtle run laps.
Yeah, it's just not going to work.
No.
He's fucking cranking down a dupe and wanting an acoustic guitar.
Dropping a couple of pounds of acid.
What's this song South of Heaven about?
I don't get it.
You know what a Grateful Dead fan says when they run out of drugs?
What's this awful music?
Turn that shit off.
That's not far from the truth.
No.
Not far from the truth.
My next one, Bruce Dickinson and the Eagles.
Of course it's Iron Maiden.
You imagine that.
They would be lucky to have Bruce Dickinson.
Yeah, they would.
Because it turns out the guys and the Eagles aren't even singing anymore.
No, they're not.
They're using pre-recorded track.
The Roobs are buying the piss out of it.
Don Henley comes out and sings desperado all by himself with no music or anything.
The guy has taken a recording of that and several other concerts where he's done it.
And the notes that he's hitting are exactly, exactly identical.
Oh, fuck.
All that money that people are playing.
Down to the last little squiggle of his voice.
It's just the recording over and over.
The thousands of dollars is glorified karaoke.
It's not even karaoke.
Karaoke, you're singing.
It's lip-syncing.
Lip-syncing, yeah.
Wow.
The Eagles and how they charge and they're out there faking the harmonies, faking the lead vocals.
I'll bet you the Roobs don't even care.
I don't think they do.
Okay, yeah.
So I still see them up there.
Yeah, that's disappointing as hell that they can't even do that.
Yeah.
All right.
Vince Neil swapping places with Alice Cooper.
Oh.
Can you imagine that?
Wow.
Oh.
I could see a big bowl of suck on that one.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't see Vince doing any of Alice's, too.
Yeah, come on.
Mr. Knight.
Yeah.
That one's so bad, I just need to let that fly in the air.
Next one, Billy Idol and the Ramones.
Wow.
The Ramones were fun, but they were about as musical as a chair scraping across the floor.
Yeah, that was about it, but they were fun.
They were a lot of fun.
Yeah, they were pretty good.
And even to this day, there are people who think that they're really all family members.
Yeah, and they're not.
No, it's just you joined the band, you changed your stage name to something Ramone.
Which Ramone died?
And then you dyed your hair black.
Was it Mark Ramone?
Joey.
Joey Ramone?
Yeah.
When they said his real name, people were like, what?
Tommy and Dee.
Dee.
Yeah, you joined the band, you changed your last name to Ramone, and then you dyed your
hair black.
Yep.
And that was the band.
That was it.
Yeah.
And you're not very good at whatever you do.
Yeah, yeah.
They were a quintessential punk band.
Yeah.
All right.
So, what would you say to the band?
Billy Gibbons and the Backstreet Boys.
That would be fun to hear the Backstreet Boys trying to keep up with him.
With Billy Gibbons?
Little blues riffing.
They'd be like, what do we do here?
They'll be looking at each other.
I don't know what to do, neither do I.
Is his auto tune broken?
What's going on?
Oh, I know what to do.
Just start snapping your fingers.
Yeah.
And every four beats, they...
Yeah, that's it right there.
The next one.
Trent Reznor swapping places with Jelly Roll.
Now, we're talking the Trent Reznor bold.
Yeah, we're talking about the pissed off, angry one.
Yeah, the 90s Trent Reznor.
Yeah, yeah, the Pretty Hate Machine, the downward spiral, the one in between.
What other one?
Broken.
Broken, yeah.
Those ones.
Yeah.
In Jelly Roll.
Yeah.
I only talk to God.
When do I need a favor?
I can't even do his angry fucking...
Oh, gosh, depressing.
Yeah.
Okay.
All righty.
Ozzy joins Fleetwood Mac.
Wow.
Other harmonies, can you imagine?
Oh, where were you even fitting?
Nobody could sing with him.
No, no, you couldn't.
It'd just be...
It'd be like, let him go ahead and then we're going to doctor the...
We're going to doctor the sound a little bit later, okay?
We're going to kind of take him out of there a little bit.
Can you see them live and Ozzy's over there trying to get Lindsay Buckingham to climb on his shoulders?
Yeah, yeah.
He's over there clapping, yeah, come on everybody, yeah, let's hear it.
And Fleetwood.
Drum solo.
Yeah.
He's up there.
There's his.
It's all gone.
Everyone's looking over at Ozzy when he's clapping.
Come on everybody, let's see you get crazy.
And they all stop their instruments and just turn their head.
What are you doing?
Well, I came up with a good one.
Bong Scott joins the Beatles.
Their songwriting would have improved.
Yes, yes.
Instead of talking about I want to hold your hand, it's more like I want to scratch your ass.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't care what flavor you are.
Even though he was not bisexual.
I think you're the one that brought me up to that and then I read about it and that was their intention.
They want to be ambiguous and kind of risque and like I don't know, I couldn't do anything.
And it was mostly the lead singer before Bong Scott.
He was the one that was ambiguous.
He was the one that was pretty, yeah.
Yeah, they didn't know about him and they wanted Bong Scott to follow that same trait so he did it very well.
And that's why they kept the name, yeah.
But then eventually it just meant electrical power and everything was cool with that.
Yeah, so I don't think it was very easy to get accepted into that type of rock if you were at that time.
So and maybe even now, I don't know.
All right.
Next one.
Ronnie James Dio in Chicago.
Funny.
Oh gosh, he's a great singer but man, not like that.
No.
Not like that.
Speaking of that, last night at work I got the luxury of a couple hours of listening to my music because I was alone.
And I heard the old stars.
It was the Heronade Project.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, song goes on for like 10 minutes.
There's like 30 guitar solos in there.
And then there's like really good lead singers like Jeff Beck, Rob, not Jeff Beck but Jeff Tate.
Yeah.
Rob Halford, Ronnie James Dio.
And it was cool because I could still tell who they were.
Yeah.
And even the solos.
Like when Inve came on it was like, I'm like, oh, that's Inve.
That's Inve.
And then when all the finger tap, that's George Lynch.
You know, and you could tell who they were by their style.
Yeah.
Eddie Ojeda, you could tell him, or Heyo, whatever.
You could tell him to twist his sister because he always used a wangy bar.
Yeah.
It was cool.
I could not believe it.
Everyone, I was like tagging in my own mind.
I'm like, okay, that is, okay, that right there is of course Inve.
That right there is, let's see, you know, who I forgot, but anyhow, Adrian Vanderburn or whatever.
So, okay.
Pretty sure you can always tell a Kirk Hamlet solo because it's got a wop pedal on it.
Yeah, that's another one too.
He never solos without that wop pedal.
No, he never does.
And that tells me that he doesn't really understand solos.
Yeah, it's a crutch.
It is, yeah.
He should be able to get the tones he wants without that.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So, you know, I mean, the poor man's tremolo that Jeff Beck was talking about was his hand.
A lot of people didn't get that.
What's this poor man's tremolo?
No, he's saying you don't need that.
You do it yourself.
Yeah.
Ace Freely, the same way.
Ace Freely, all this stuff people thought is a wop pedal.
No, he did it with his fingers.
Yeah.
So, anyhow.
So, him doing it with his fingers, no one else could do it.
Yeah.
So, Wayne Newton and Def Leppard.
I like that.
They go from one side of Vegas to the other, you know, where the residents see and then
Wayne Newton just comes over there.
Hey, guys, I got the memo.
What?
Oh, you didn't hear?
I'm going to be singing with you.
Huh?
That would be interesting.
This next one I love, Johnny Rotten and Emerson Lykken Palmer.
Yeah.
Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols.
Oh my God.
They'd all walk out, fuck you, and fuck this.
They'd probably light the building on fire.
Fuck you.
We're talking about perfectionists against screamer.
Yeah.
All right.
Next one, Shakira in ZZ Top.
Yeah, that would work.
That's an acid one.
I was not on acid, but that's someone on acid would think of that.
Yeah.
Come on.
Billy Gibbons over there fucking Wayne doing his blues scale.
Here's one.
How about Frank Zappa in Pink Floyd?
Oh, yeah.
You know what's weird?
That might in some form work a little bit.
I think he and Roger Waters would probably get along.
I think so too, yeah.
I could see them maybe changing their music up a little bit and maybe getting it okay.
But for the most part, yeah, no, no.
Frank was too fond of throwing xylophones in his music at weird points.
Yes, and maybe like that.
Frank, get rid of that, whatever the fuck that is.
Plus Frank wrote absolutely everything down on paper.
Yeah, he had too much control.
He would not let that happen.
This is like you play every note I wrote for you and you don't play any I didn't write for you.
And Gilmore, look at him go, what?
It's like they're English words, but I don't get what they're saying.
What?
Yeah, he's like, what are you going for with this?
I don't understand it.
Yeah, just from personality wise, they'd never get into the studio.
Yeah, they wouldn't make it past the door.
They'd be like, oh, yeah, well, it's very nice to meet you.
Well, I was thinking, no.
How about no?
Frank would have 500 pages he'd be handing out.
Here's what we're going to play.
Learn them now.
And David Gilmore would go, I was molested as a child.
I'm not doing this.
I'm making fun of anybody that has been.
Frank Zappa would write a song about it.
Yes.
He writes songs about everything.
Here's a lesson I learned from having my pee pee touched at an early age.
There's a Zappa song called Baby Snakes.
Have you heard that one?
Everybody thought I was singing about penises, but it's not.
I had no idea what it was singing about.
If you listen to the lyrics, he's talking about the low level background hiss that you hear when you have a bunch of audio equipment turned on.
Oh.
And that hissing reminded him of a snake.
Of baby snakes.
And so he gets the line in there, pink and wet.
He describes the baby snakes as pink and wet.
Okay, pink is a type of noise.
You have white noise and pink noise.
And wet refers to a signal with effects in it as opposed to a dry signal which has no effects in it.
But of course, pink and wet, what do people think of?
Yeah, exactly.
He's obviously talking about penises.
I read in a book that's what he was talking about.
And he says late at night is when they come out.
So he's in the studio late at night.
He's sitting there waiting for inspiration and he hears this background hiss.
And he starts thinking it sounds like a snake.
And then he's got a line, they live in a hole that is usually empty.
I think he's referring to silence.
When the silence is there, you hear the hiss of the baby snakes.
And then he says they live by a code that is usually SMPTE, S-M-P-T-E,
which stands for Society of Motion Picture Intelligent Engineers,
which designed the SMPTE code, which is the basis for a lot of audio recording.
It relies on that code for indexing and synchronizing.
People read into it what they want to.
I mean, that's just all there is to it.
And of course, it was intentional.
He wanted you to think it was something different.
He was that kind of guy.
But it was all about that pink background noise
that was kind of pervasive in analog equipment
that you can never really fully get rid of.
So we wrote a song about them called Baby Snakes.
I love that.
Yeah, it's a cute little song.
It is, I remember it.
Okay, the next one, Phil Collins in Death Leopard.
Wow.
Those pop sensibilities.
Yeah.
Who gets so lost?
I have a couple of Death Leopards.
I don't know why.
Yeah, I just thought they'd be...
Death Leopard's a good recipient.
It is a good recipient.
And I can see Phil Collins in there.
Tonight, tonight, tonight.
Hi, Romania.
I know, I know.
Oh.
Yeah, that would be fun.
That would be fun.
I would go and watch that.
I would watch Phil Collins singing,
Pour Some Sugar On Me.
I don't think anyone wants to pour sugar on Phil Collins.
No, no, no, no, no.
Him and his oblong head.
Oh my God, all four head.
He's got a seven head, not even a five head.
Yeah.
He's got like a 20 head.
That's a 20.
Yeah, he's like one of those melty guys
you see in those old flight tests where they're,
you know, put under extreme acceleration
and they squish down into a little humpty dumpty.
That's kind of how he looks.
I want to hear him sing,
Hot Sticky Sweet from my head down to my feet.
Oh my God.
I think the FCC would just keep that off the air.
That would frighten the children.
We rarely band songs, but we kind of,
we all got together and we kind of decided
this song right here, no one can hear it.
It's horrible.
For vanity, that's okay,
but this is a crime against humanity right here.
Yeah, right here, we cannot have this.
All right, the next one is David Lee Roth
in Stone Temple Pilots.
Wow, that would suck.
Sex type thing and he's like, whoa, I am, I am, I am, I am,
I'm going to get close to you, whoa.
And then he jumps and does the splits.
Yeah, he does the splits.
The rest of the band's like fucking looking at him like,
what the fuck are you doing?
This is really like celebrity wife swaps.
Like you throw them into the lead singers and deal with it.
We didn't do this segment often because it's so fucking good, man.
Wow.
Okay, the next one is Randy Travis in Dream Theater.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Pull me under, pull me under.
Or Trace Adkins in Dream Theater.
Trace Adkins would be better.
Mr. Low Voice Mumble Monotone.
There we go.
Trace Adkins.
Trace Adkins in Dream Theater.
Poor Dream Theater, they just put out a new album.
Yeah.
And now we're saddling them to Trace Adkins.
Oh, I know, now we got them to Trace Adkins.
If they hear this, they're going to go.
We quit.
Yeah, we quit.
Hurry up.
What is her name?
What's her name?
The Music Creeps?
Hurry up and get the copyrights, man.
Right now, on my desk.
Let's buy their show and fire them.
Yes.
We'll do an Elon Musk on them.
Yeah.
I'm going to fire your company so I can fire you.
Yeah.
Nanny, nanny, boo boo.
Anyhow, all right.
And then finally, I have Vince Neil in Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.
You've got to put Neil Young in there because he'll be outranged.
Oh, yeah.
Who would Neil Young go into?
Neil Young would be a good addition to a band like Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Trans-Siberian Orchestra, yes.
Yes.
Neil Young is the new lead singer for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
Take that, Christmas shoppers.
Now, I don't know if you did this or not, but Rob doesn't have one because I let him
know too late.
But anyhow, and I let you know on his short notice too, so I apologize.
It was during the football game.
Yeah.
Okay, Axl Rose looks like somebody, okay?
And this is my lead-off one.
He looks like either Dutch Paint Boy guy, Dutch Boy Paint, or Buster Brown, okay?
So like these lead singers, or well, I mean it could be any rock star at all.
They end up looking like something completely different.
Axl Rose used to be the long-haired, kind of red-haired, gingerish-looking guy, really
tight, fucking white spandex or whatever the fuck it was, you know, big boots, flamboyant.
Now he looks like Buster Brown.
He really has just cut his hair and forget it, you know?
Bruce Springsteen looks like Woody Allen.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah.
John Bon Jovi looks like Bea Arthur.
Oh, I had him as Jamie Lee Curtis too.
He looks like both of them.
Yeah, Jamie Lee Curtis is another one.
Yeah, both of them.
Yeah.
So during Alice Cooper's cocaine period from like 79 to 83, he basically looked like a
dead crack whore.
Yeah, he did.
He just looked, I mean you look at him, he's like, how is this guy still even alive?
His face was distorted.
It was like funny.
It was just skeletal.
Yeah, it was skeletal.
It was awful.
Yeah, he looks better now than he did back then.
Yeah, he looks like Steve Carell now.
He does.
Someone did a poster and said, this is your brain, and showed a picture of Steve Carell.
This is your brain on drugs.
It showed Alice Cooper doing the same kind of smile.
Here's one for you.
Vince Neil looks like John Lovett, but he gained too much weight now to look like him.
Now he looks like the bumble on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
He so does, especially when he's running across stage and he's got the four chins.
Oh my God.
And then the puffy cheeks, it just does not work for him.
And you know, I wonder at all the people who still look at him and think, oh he's so cute,
he's so sexy, I just love him.
You think he still draws?
Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right.
I think he does.
I think there are a lot of people that look at him and see the 1982 version in their head
and they don't care.
I guess so.
You know what, I'll bet you you're right.
Have you seen pictures of Steven Tyler lately?
Oh my God, I got one of him.
He looks like an anorexic homeless woman.
Uh huh.
Good.
Oh I have him down being a marionette.
He looks like one of those marionettes with the really sharp features that they control
with strings.
He looks like a marionette.
He is so decrepit looking.
You remember that show, I think it was a guy who did like the in-betweens of a show, a
movie, and they do commentary on it and he had this little hand puppet called Madam or
something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's who Tyler looks like.
Was that a, yeah he does.
That little hand puppet.
Was that Hollywood Squares maybe?
I think he was on there but he also had some other things.
He was kind of hot for about six, eight months.
Yeah, yeah, yeah and he did the Madam thing.
Yeah and this puppet that he had on his hand had a swooping voice and acted like an aging
drag queen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was that aging drag queen puppet, hand puppet, was kind of like the first spot the
insult dog.
Yeah.
You know where all this drag queen looking thing did was make fun of people.
Yeah.
And that's it.
Yeah there's a ventriloquist now, Jeff Dunham, who does that.
It's all about whatever ventriloquist apparatus he's got.
His guts, all the funny lines, all the inappropriate things.
Yeah and all that stuff but it wasn't him.
Yeah.
I love that concept too.
It goes back to what I told you, how Davey used to walk up to smack a friend in the back
of the head as hard as he could.
And he'd go, ow, why'd you do that?
And he goes, it wasn't me.
And I go, yeah there's nobody else here.
No, the guy ran off.
It wasn't fucking me.
You didn't see me do it.
Yeah.
That's what you say, did you see me do it?
No.
Well then how do you know I did it?
And then just be like, oh fuck this, they walk off.
All righty.
Okay, I got Axl Rose, Dutch Boy, paint guy, or Buster Brown, either one of them.
He looks like both of them, almost identical.
So.
Yeah.
Vince Neil in the right light looks like Chef Boyardee.
Oh, he does.
Wow, I can see that.
Put that little chef hat on him.
Yeah.
A little bit more white.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like Chef Boyardee.
Only he might have a couple more chins, I don't know.
Yeah.
All right.
Dave Lee Roth looks like a modern day crypt keeper.
He does.
Oh my god.
He's scary looking now.
Oh my god, yeah.
He looks like somebody's uncle that you wouldn't want to hang around with alone.
When he was young, he kind of had that winning smile.
Now it's just a bizarre grimace.
Yeah, he had pizzazz.
He had charisma.
Yeah.
He had that it.
But not now.
He can't pull it off.
He just does not look that good.
You see him in a pair of spandex, you go, oh my god.
Yeah.
I mean, dude's older than me.
Yeah.
And he's still acting like a hot 19-year-old.
I know.
He's one of those people that somebody needs to go, Dave, how long we been friends?
Yeah.
Sit down.
Now you trust me, don't you?
You really trust me.
He needs to have that talk.
Yeah.
I'd say so.
Steven Tyler, of course I went in this, were those classic old marionettes with the really
sharp angled features.
Yeah.
Or like you said, Madame, the hand puppet drag queen.
Yeah.
It actually looks more like her, but the marionette would be more, people would understand.
It all goes a step further, the mad marionette, the one that goes insane and starts killing
people.
Yes.
It looks like that.
Yeah.
David Byrne from the Talking Heads.
What's that, Puppet Master?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
David Byrne from the Talking Heads also has a marionette look.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah.
Yeah, he does too.
Almost as bad as Steven Tyler.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's a good one.
Jimmy Page, have you ever noticed his striking resemblance to King Charles?
Oh yeah.
You're right.
He really does.
I thought it was King Charles and I'm like, wait a minute, it's Jimmy Page.
And most of the time when I see a picture of Jimmy Page, the first thing I think of
is, oh, who's this Asian man?
He didn't used to look Asian.
No, he looks Asian now.
And I think it's because he had plastic surgery on his eyes and it didn't work out well.
I think you're probably-
And now it kind of simulates the way Asian people's eyes look, but not very well.
I tell you, if you, everyone looked like King Charles, do years of heroin abuse and satanic
worship.
Which is what King Charles did.
Of course.
Allegedly.
Yeah.
It drank the blood of young babies.
Yes.
And virgin sacrifices, right?
Yes.
And yeah, and what else?
All this allegedly, don't anyone get mad, you like the king, he's fine.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Next one.
Bad news for all those terrorists who've been promised 72 virgins in paradise.
Well, it was men.
Those 72 virgins are going to be the guys that are sitting home alone playing World of
Warcraft online in their parents' basement.
Those are the virgins you're getting.
What is this?
It's your virgins, dumbass.
We didn't say women.
Yeah, we didn't say women.
There you go.
Or they'll trot out some skank and say, it's up to you to find the virgin spot.
There's some place on her that has never been penetrated.
There is some sort of a crease or hole that has not been fucked.
Good luck.
It's a pore on her nose.
Listen, that's all we could find on her, okay?
So just deal with it.
All I can say is try to fuck it, okay?
We threw her in the volcano, the volcano threw her back out.
And it threatened us afterwards.
Yeah, what the shit?
You're trying to pull, man.
I said, do you really want me to erupt?
Do that again.
All right, the next one.
Now local people will get this, other people won't.
Steve Miller looks like, striking resemblance to Dick Wilson.
He does.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah.
And it's weird, Steve Miller for a while, he looked different on every album cover.
He did, I know.
And now- Who the hell is this?
Oh, that's Steve again, okay.
And you might look at one of his pictures and go, no, you have to look at the certain
pictures that he looks just like.
He has a few of them.
But like you said, I don't know how someone could change their looks so much with seemingly
doing nothing.
Yeah.
So- Either that or somebody who was picking the photographs to send out to the press were
trying to find ones where he looked the most different.
That could be too, maybe.
Yeah.
It would garner a lot of interest, like what is he doing?
How come he looks, you know, and you take angles from different areas and stuff, you
can get quite a bit of difference really, some fluctuation in how they look.
I think on Fly Like an Eagle album, he had long hair, it was kind of an action shot and
his hair was flying around and it was slightly blurry.
And he looked like a rock and roller.
And then the next album, you see he's got short hair and a pudgy face and he looks like
the guy who sold you insurance last week.
Yeah.
You're like, wait, what?
Do?
It's just like Ian Gillen looks like a dentist now.
Yeah.
He really does.
I mean, he can still sing decent, but my God, it looks like a dentist is up there singing.
Yeah.
Eric Clapton looks like Bill Gates.
Oh my God, he does.
He really does.
Eric Clapton has such a weak chin.
I mean, when he had the facial hair, it really hit it, but his chin is just like being sucked
back into his face so hard.
He's a guy that always needs facial hair.
Yeah.
That's it.
He's a guy that needs to let go of his hate of immigrants.
Yeah.
I assume it's still going on.
All things change.
He's never retracted it.
You remember in Pink Floyd's The Wall album, there's that song on the first side where
they're called In the Flesh, Soja, Thoughtcha, might like to go to the show.
There's a second version of that late in the album where the character Pink is getting
all disillusioned with everything and is turning neo-Nazi.
The rant that he says on the album is very close to what Eric Clapton said on stage in
76.
So you think they borrowed that?
Roger Waters heard that rant that Eric Clapton made against, where are the immigrants?
Stand up, show us where are, get them out of here.
Look at that one over there.
Get them out.
We don't want these immigrants here.
What a piece of crap.
That was just like the Pink Floyd song.
So Roger Waters used that as his inspiration.
He was making fun of the idiot.
Yeah.
Good.
I mean, I can't believe that nothing more has been really made out of it.
It was in the 70s, I guess, and no one gave a shit.
It cropped up again in the 90s.
I thought it was a second incident, but it was the same.
No, it was the same one.
And they were just talking about it.
And I think people were like, oh, who cares?
That was 20 years ago.
Get out of here.
I think the amount of goodwill that Eric Clapton has built up throughout his career apparently
is enough to overcome his bigotry and hatred.
I love his guitar and everything, but him as a person, I cannot stand him.
No, he's a slime bag.
Yeah, he's a slime bag.
I mean, you know, a bigoted fucking slime bag.
Yeah, I mean, there's Ted Nugent songs I like.
But when I hear them, I think of what a jerk he is and how he conned some people into appointing
him guardian of their 14-year-old daughter so he could take her on the road and have
sex with her.
Yes, I know.
And that has not been mentioned.
Enough.
Enough, yeah.
The people that know know, but most people don't know that.
They're like, what, sweaty Teddy?
Uncle Teddy?
The pedophilia in the entertainment industry goes back well over 100 years.
Well, you notice Ted Nugent is not speaking out about Diddy, is he?
No.
Yeah.
The people who are keeping their mouths shut about Diddy are the ones who are going to
be implicated.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know if sweaty Teddy is going to be implicated or not.
I want to make that clear.
All I know is what has happened, happened.
You can draw your own conclusions and all that shit too.
Okay.
All right, the next one.
Robert Trujillo.
Really good bassist, Ozzy, who else?
Metallica.
There are a lot of other ones.
He looks like Jason Momoa now.
He does.
Yeah, he does.
Wow.
Even when he wears the braids, the crazy ass fucking pippy long stocking braids.
Yeah.
Looks like him still.
Wow.
Jason Momoa with pippy long stocking braids.
John Petrucci.
Yeah.
Guitar player for Dream Theater.
Yeah.
He looks like Hagrid on Harry Potter, the big giant furry guy, the groundskeeper.
I'll have to look.
I haven't seen him in so long.
He's not big, but he's just like a mass of black hair.
You can see his eyes and his nose and everything else, his facial hair and head hair.
He's just like he's disappearing into his own hair.
Oh, I love that.
It's like they had a Grizzly Adams, but most people don't know who Grizzly Adams is.
Yeah, that's right.
Dan Hagrid.
Grizzly Goon.
The next one I have is John Bon Jovi.
Of course, I said Jamie Lee Curtis.
You said Bea Arthur.
That is Maude.
Somebody said he looks like the fifth Golden Girl.
If you don't know Maude and Golden Girl, look them up and then do a comparison.
A recent picture, not an old picture.
I saw side by side.
They were both wearing black turtlenecks, had the same hairstyle and were looking in
the same direction.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, he is Bea Arthur.
He even likes women the way Bea Arthur did.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I don't want to speculate, but Bea Arthur is pretty good at fucking, you know, at the
lunch box maybe.
That's word on the street.
Yeah, all right.
James Hetfield looks like Ray Walston.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
And if they wouldn't have known, Mr. Hand on Fast Times of Ridgemontaheite or My Favorite
Martian.
Yep.
Those are his two famous roles.
He had a recurring role on a couple of the Star Trek spin-offs as groundskeeper Boothby
at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco.
Yeah, that was later, quite a bit later.
He showed up as himself, as a character.
He showed up as a hologram version of it, and then he showed up again as a simulated
version that a different alien species was using to try to do a matter of.
Yeah, and now he does nothing.
Is he even still alive?
No, he's dead.
Oh, that's why.
He does nothing.
Just like Bill Bixby.
You said that perfectly.
Yeah, yeah.
Bill Bixby is no longer the Hulk.
Yes.
Well, why is that?
Well, he's dead.
Yeah.
What's his name?
He's no longer Roadhouse.
Patrick Swayze.
Yeah, he doesn't do Roadhouse anymore.
Why?
Well, because he's dead.
It's like Harambe.
Yeah, like Harambe.
Did you ever hear the one I was talking about?
No, I haven't heard it yet.
Okay.
Well, I'll put it first on this one, okay, on the Sports Bastard's very first one, but
it is so annoying.
It makes people like, I'm sure we lost downloads because of it.
Yeah.
Maybe I should put it on the back of it.
I think so.
How many times can you say two dipshits and a cheap and handy Radio Shack recorder in
one bit?
Well, I'm going to show you how many times you can say that.
At least three more than you think.
Yeah, and it annoys me, so I know it pisses you off.
So, anyhow, that's the end of my list.
All right.
Is there anything you want to go into?
What was I seeing recently?
I'm noticing a trend that's getting bigger and bigger for musicians who are recording,
especially guitar players, is they're completely getting rid of their amplifiers.
And what they do instead is they have a box that simulates different amps, an amp modeler,
and then it will either have a built-in guitar cabinet simulator or you can run it into a
guitar cab sim.
And then you run that right into the PA system, which they call front of house now.
Now, it's what they call a silent stage.
A silent stage.
Yeah.
Everything is mic'd up and sent directly to...
I mean, the drums are mic'd up, but the bass amp is going directly to the PA.
The guitar amp's going directly to the PA.
The vocals going directly to the PA.
The keyboards directly...
Everything's directly to the PA.
So you have a central sound where it's all coming out of.
But if you're standing on the stage and listening, all you would hear would be the drums.
Wow.
Everything is coming in through the in-ear monitors for the musicians.
So the stage itself, there's no music.
They don't hear anything.
And the people sitting in front of the stage are not hearing any sound coming off the stage.
It's all coming from the PA speakers.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Now, what is the purpose?
Well, the amp modelers and things like that are way more reliable.
You don't have to worry about a microphone failing or a cord failing.
It doesn't take up time to key in the EQ just right.
It's always exactly right.
It's super clean feed and there's never any bleed over from other instruments.
It makes it super simple for the sound engineers to get a great sound.
And that's really where it is in concerts is you want the visual appeal and it's going
to just got to sound great.
And anything that makes it sound great, they're going to do.
I remember the other question.
I didn't write any down now, but we can come up with like maybe one on the fly.
Yeah.
Okay.
If you could have one band get back together, who would it be?
Wow.
Boy, that is so fast.
Yeah.
Huh.
I'm trying to think of some bands that like broke up after one or two really great albums.
Yeah, me too.
I would like to see Pink Floyd if they could get back together.
I mean, go back in time and keep them together.
Yeah, keep them together.
And also they have to be willing to write good music together.
Because I could see them both just like, you know, we have to do this.
Fuck you.
I think Faith No More would be another one.
It would be.
Because they put out three, four, I think four really good out.
Introduce Yourself, The Real Thing, Angel Dust and King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime.
I think those were the four Faith No More and then they disbanded and they...
The problem is, is they lost all radio play.
Yeah.
When they went into Angel Dust, they went into a different direction completely.
And a lot of people didn't like, didn't get it.
I loved it.
I thought that album was excellent.
That was the first album where the guitar player refused to participate in any of the
songwriting, besides maybe one or two tracks.
Oh, that's what the difference is.
So the bass player and the keyboard player pretty much wrote that whole album.
Okay.
And the guitar player was just kind of added in and then they dumped them after that album.
Oh, okay.
Mike Patton did a different type of singing.
Yeah.
And yeah, I could see that.
I think that...
And now he's gone on to Mr. Bungle.
Yeah.
And they've been enormously successful, even though most people have never heard of them.
They're enormously successful.
Faith No More's never getting back together, by the way.
It sucks, but no.
I loved the drummer, Mike Borden.
Yeah.
He played for Ozzy on a tour and he's played for some other people.
Yeah, he did.
At the time he was in Faith No More, he and I had the exact same drum set.
I mean, I had a few more drums, but it was a black Yamaha maple custom with the gold
hardware.
And I remember seeing his kit and it's like, wow, that's just like mine sitting down in
the basement.
It's the exact same drums, which tells you how much I spent on those damn things.
Let's get to that list next time.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because that's going to require some thinking, but the Jakey Lee shooting.
Yes.
Well, there's some more stuff coming out about that.
We'll go over the particulars.
Okay.
How you doing?
Good.
Trying to figure out where that hardware equipment is.
Oh, no.
It comes in our bones really heavy.
I think it might be a no.
It's not a no.
It kind of sounds like it's directly behind the drum.
I was hoping I could maybe block the mic a little bit, but oh well, people are just going
to have to put up with it.
Yeah.
Just like us.
Yep.
Yeah.
That's if they do.
They probably already turned it off.
They heard our intro and went, nope.
Which you're going to hear a lot more of.
We may perfect it a little bit better, but that's what you're going to hear.
Yeah, it's pretty much it.
Right there.
Okay.
So Jakey Lee.
Okay.
Well, there's a lot of things being disputed now about it.
Okay.
For a long time, he'd been rumored to be seen smoking crack.
Yeah.
Okay.
That was pretty much the whole MO on him is, yeah, he's pretty much a drug head.
Okay.
He was asked on Eddie Trunk, okay, said, yeah, somebody said they saw me smoking crack in
an alley in Vegas.
He goes, Vegas doesn't have alleys.
He did not say I did not smoke crack.
That's like what Prince Andrew said, I don't sweat.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
And Clinton said, my wiener doesn't have that bend in it.
Yeah.
When there'd already been testimony about the bend.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
That right there, questionable, 2.45 in the morning, walking your dog.
Call and BS on that.
Six or seven shots fired.
Yeah.
Two of them got him.
One pierced his back and his lung.
So he was running away.
Yeah.
And his other is the arm.
And where it supposedly happened is a residential area.
It looks rather somewhat, maybe not a flume, but upper middle class at least.
Yeah.
Okay.
So all this put together, people are screaming bullshit.
Yeah.
They think it was a drug deal gone wrong.
Yeah.
And JP Lee almost got killed because he either didn't have the money or they wanted to steal
the money or something.
Yeah.
Or he owed some people that money for something he'd already got.
Yeah.
There's people that Googled the area of where the shooting supposedly happened.
Number one, you can't tell.
Nothing there.
Yeah.
No police markings, no tape, nothing.
Yeah.
No blood anywhere that you could see of, nothing on the grass, nothing.
And like I said, it looks like an upper middle class area.
So did it happen?
Yeah.
And he's just saying that?
Probably happened somewhere else.
I want someone to get over the, get the police records because there's been several video
casts on the internet that showed the area and people that are calling bullshit on them.
Yeah.
And to me, it sounds very, very suspicious.
What's odd is right away, apparently the police department released the statement saying,
yeah, it just seems to be random violence, no motive, et cetera.
Why in the world would the police department buy into it?
No, they're not supposed to say anything like that.
Yeah.
They got it.
They just go, yeah, there's a shooting there.
It was Jake E. Lee.
He's okay.
He's in the hospital.
That's it.
So that makes me think it was Jake E. Lee's publicist who was pretending to speak for
the police department.
And put that out to try to do some damage control.
But yeah, it's starting to sound like he knew who was shooting at him.
Yeah, definitely.
And he was trying to run away and then decided to lie about the circumstances to protect
his image.
Yes.
The other thing is, is I went into this with you and you kind of agreed with me there.
Okay.
The statement that Ozzie and Sharon gave about the shooting is very sweet, wasn't mean at
all even though they're at odds with each other and have been for a long time.
So really sorry to hear about this.
This is another classic example of gun violence in America.
We wish you the best and hope you get better soon.
And said something about for your beautiful daughter, Zaya or something like that.
Now why would they include his beautiful daughter unless they wanted to point out to him, what
are you doing Jake, without saying it?
Yeah.
That's the way I took it is I'm like, that's fair.
Why would you bring up his daughter?
She had nothing to do with the shooting.
Yeah, it's a way to remind him of what is on the line and what he's got to lose.
Sharon and Ozzie are that type of people, especially Sharon, where she's thinking about
what she's going to say and trying to get a point across without really saying it.
To me that was it.
And I think the kind of people who would shoot him running away in the middle of the night
are the kind of people who would go shoot his daughter if he owed them money.
Oh, that might mean another one.
Their Osbournes are probably telling him, today they shot you, next week they're going to
shoot your daughter.
So whatever you're doing, stop it.
Yeah.
Well and also, have you seen any recent pictures of them?
No.
Does it look all cracked out?
No.
You know that look.
Yeah, that kind of cracked head look.
Yeah.
It's nasty.
Yeah.
It's not from age.
Well, some of it is.
American musician.
There's a lot of glamour shots.
Glamour shots.
Here's one he's looking older and not so good.
Yep.
Here's one Jake E. Lee now.
Yeah.
Check that out.
Yep.
See what I mean.
Oh, he's going full Cripkeeper, man.
Yep.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's somebody who used up his body at a young age.
Yes.
Yep.
Okay.
So yeah, I think that all of these things are, I mean to me it seems very possible that
this is what's going on.
I mean, I don't wish any ill towards him.
I mean, a great guitarist with man.
You know, is that what happened in Badlands?
Ray Gillan, he died from AIDS.
He said he got from a female groupie.
Yeah.
Man, intervening to drug use.
Yeah.
About 90% of the new AIDS cases worldwide are through intervening to drug use and not
sex.
Yeah.
We're not saying this is what happened.
I mean, I think that when you know it could be, I mean, you know, with the story and how
it was given and everything, it would not surprise me at all if this is the way it went
down.
Yeah.
Imagine being Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne and you've got so much tied up in the Ozzy brand
and the music rights and everything.
And then Jakey Lee turns out to be a crack addict and you can't trust him and he might
get you in debt to the crack dealers that he's involved with.
You'd want to get rid of them.
Yeah.
And another thing is they were so bummed about his firing.
Yeah.
They really said a whole lot of nothing.
They said nothing basically.
All you knew is they were looking for other guitars and then they found Zach Wilde.
Really the only two reasons to do that are one, you don't want to hurt the guy's chances
of more employment or two, you're planning legal action and you can't talk about it.
It could have been both.
I know they'd keep up on it.
So yeah, found that everything, all of that interesting about how it turned out and how
it, you know.
Yeah.
I was telling somebody the other day a story about Vanilla Ice and how he had to sign away
his music contract.
Yeah, because they hug him over the edge.
Oh, Jakey Lee claimed that they-
Same thing.
Yeah, the same thing.
And the person I was telling it to, I could see in their eyes that they really didn't
think it was true at all.
It's like, no, I'm sure that doesn't happen.
And I thought, man, are you innocent.
Yeah.
I bet that does happen.
Yes.
Whether it happened to Vanilla Ice or not, who knows?
Yeah.
But that does happen.
Yeah.
And I could see that happening.
Supposedly, Jakey Lee said that, and this was in the same article that I read, said
that Sharon hired a bunch of big guys to go and take and hang them over a ledge to sign
some sort of agreement or something.
I don't know if I believe that.
I can believe that Vanilla Ice won just because it just sounds like something was going on
at the time.
Yeah.
Vanilla Ice was not really all that welcome in the music scene that he found himself in.
Oh, they would revel in doing that.
They'd be like, I'll go get him.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I don't know what else.
I'm very suspicious.
Keep your eye on this story.
If it goes any further, I think you're going to find out different stuff.
Yeah.
All I know is there's a lot of people on the internet really doubting this and looking at
it too.
Yeah.
Did we already talk about Randall Smith getting fired from Mesa?
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's a good one, though.
That's a good one.
No, no, no.
That's a good one, though.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Three years ago, Gibson bought the Mesa brand amplifiers and swore up and down to everybody
that nothing was going to change.
They weren't even giving it hands-on.
They were just going to let Mesa be in themselves and Gibson was just going to be their parent
company from afar.
Well, last September, Randall Smith, the guy who founded Mesa amplifiers, was fired.
Now, Gibson is playing it off as a mutual decision or that he retired or something like
that.
No, because Randall Smith has not said one word in public about it.
No quote from him on the press release or nothing.
They basically threw his ass out and said, don't say anything.
Okay.
So, they must have bought his silence because imagine getting thrown out of the company
you started back in the 70s.
Maybe earlier and now all of a sudden you get bought out and thrown out.
Yeah.
That I found very suspicious.
I didn't know that until you told me that.
That was a payout of some kind.
It happened.
The golden pair sheet.
Yeah.
It's kind of like, oh, you're going to give me, okay, all right.
I'll just go away peacefully.
Yeah.
It also protects you from any type of a lawsuit situation.
Yeah.
Much easier just to do that and move on.
And in the press release, Gibson said, you know, we're going to continue to build on
the many years of inspiration and ideas of Randall Smith, blah, blah.
Sure.
Basically leaving Odor wide open for doing exactly what everyone said they didn't want,
which was Gibson interfering and turning Mason into something it's not.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And that's what they did and that's what they're still doing.
And this is what everybody feared, like you said.
People are like, oh, well, it's going to be mass produced and just like cheaply operate.
Yeah.
Because currently there is no budget line of Mesa.
There's no import line.
Everything is American made and I'm sure Gibson is going to introduce a Chinese made budget
version of Mesa and amplifiers.
And for the people who enjoy the fact that Mesa always means quality, it's going to suck
because now Mesa is going to mean, well, it could be quality, it could be their cheap
jacket Chinese stuff.
It's like John Deere.
Yeah.
John Deere the same thing.
You used to buy John Deere and go, yeah, this is a good machine.
Yeah.
Now, who knows?
Yeah.
In the 50s when Gibson bought Epiphone, Epiphone was making a superior product.
Yes.
So Gibson bought them to knock off the competition and then to smear their name, they turned
Epiphone into a budget guitar brand.
Yeah.
So they have the Les Paul that is not as good.
Yeah.
But the thing is, there are a few guitarists that like that.
They like the Epiphone.
Yeah.
In the last 10 years or so, Epiphone has really turned it around.
Gibson has let them-
Oh, okay.
Since then, okay.
Put more into quality.
And there are a range of Epiphone's now that are made in the USA where they weren't before.
Okay.
Well, I think that maybe they saw a line that they could make more money on and they said
instead of making this a shit line-
Yeah.
They said, we're going to go ahead and make this a quality line and just give it another
quality product.
Plus they needed something for the in-between because you had the Epiphone which ranged from
a couple hundred to maybe 600.
And then the first Gibson's were starting at like 2,400.
Yeah, that's right.
So they needed something in between in the 900 to $1,200 range.
Yeah.
And rather than making a cheaper Gibson, they elevated a few Epiphone's to that level.
And that's a smart idea actually.
It really was.
Yeah.
And then you've got people who are endorsing Epiphone now as their preferred brand.
Yeah.
And even before they were doing that, there are still a lot of players that play the Epiphone.
They're liking it.
Yeah.
Look at some of the old footage of the Beatles recording in like in the Let It Be or what
something.
You can see Epiphone guitars in John Lennon's hands.
Oh yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Doesn't Malcolm Young-
He's a Grach.
Oh, he's a Grach.
He plays Grach.
And Angus Young.
Angus Young plays Gibson.
Gibson.
Okay.
That's a Gibson.
Okay.
Tommy Thayer plays an Epiphone.
A Gibson SG, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's right.
Okay.
I thought it was an Epiphone for a second there.
What about Tony Iommi?
Is that a Gibson SG?
Yeah.
Okay.
In fact, he's got a signature model now.
The weird thing, the Tony Iommi signature model is available mostly in right-handed.
Really?
Even though it's his signature model and he's left-handed.
Yeah, he's left-handed.
Most of them are in right-handed.
Wow.
Do they come complete with fingertips?
No.
No fingertips.
Okay.
If you know, you know.
Yeah.
Wow.
Another weird thing Epiphone has done that Miranda Lambert now has a signature acoustic
guitar.
It's all blue.
And basically what they did is they took the Epiphone Dove model and the studio version,
which is a $350 guitar, and they colored it blue and they put a different design on the
pickguard.
That's the only difference.
And now it's $350 more.
It's an $800 guitar.
Okay.
Just because they colored it blue for Miranda's name on it.
$350 markup.
That's nuts.
Half of that's probably going to Miranda Lambert.
I imagine so.
I didn't know she was that big, number one.
Number two, I didn't even know she played an instrument.
Yeah.
They have some signature model or artist model guitars and basses and things.
And some of them, I was like, oh, that guy?
Yeah.
But I remember when the Miranda Lambert, they called the Bluebird instead of the Dove.
The Bluebird, that makes sense.
Yeah.
When it came out, the very first article I saw on it said, this is just the Epiphone
Dove Studio, a $450 guitar that's been recolored and it's the exact same instrument.
Now they went $800 for it.
So basically it's a ripoff.
I'm glad they did that.
They were cold right off the bat on that one.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah.
Good.
You know, if they'd added like $100 to the price, people would have been okay.
But you're paying $800 for just a mediocre acoustic guitar.
Yeah.
And if you want a blue one, you can find blue ones.
Yeah.
That's for suckers.
Yeah, it is.
People would think if they buy a Miranda Lambert guitar, they can sound like her.
Yeah.
Do you remember those Keith Urban guitars that came out?
Vaguely, but yeah.
Those actually turned out to be not so bad.
Really?
Yeah.
I remember that one house and a Keith Urban brand guitar, and it's not that expensive.
It's worth picking up because they're not bad guitars.
Pretty much every other artist's brand name guitars.
I just barely remember it.
I saw one in a used guitar shop and I played it and it played decent.
It's cool.
And I played the Hello Kitty one and it was a piece of shit, which explains why Machine
Gun Kelly used it because he's a piece of shit.
He's a piece of shit.
Yeah.
Machine Gun Kelly, overrated, overrated, overrated.
I remember when he came out and announced, well, I'm done with rock music.
It's on to something else.
That's because you couldn't play it, idiot.
I remember thinking, wow, is that what you do now?
You announced to the public when you quit something that you're no good at?
Yeah.
And seriously, who's even heard one word about him in the last year?
Yeah, nothing.
Crickets.
Yeah.
It was a short trip for him, up and down.
Hope he saves his money.
Yeah.
I think his claim to fame was playing Tommy Lee.
Yeah.
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I think anything else he does is not very redeeming.
It's nothing, not memorable, nothing.
No.
When he had his 15 minutes of fame, he spent them being as weird as possible.
Which did not help his cause because it didn't help him with mainstream at all.
People are just like, who?
And there was no consistency to his weirdness.
It was just one random thing after another.
So you could tell right away you were being played by this guy.
And another thing is, here's another, and I mean this, if Tommy Lee likes you, doesn't
that automatically make you think that I don't know about this guy?
Yeah.
Tommy Lee is one of the most questionable fuckers around.
Yeah.
It's just like, look, I'm not pro-Trump or pro-anybody, okay?
He is saying all this stuff about Trump, what the fuck is wrong with you, was his statement.
It's like, what the fuck is wrong with you, Tommy Lee?
It's like, how many fucking domestic batteries do you do?
Shut the fuck up.
I mean, if I was Trump, I'd been like, look at his prison record there.
Yeah.
And like I said, I'm not defending them at all.
No.
Not doing any of that, not getting wrinkled.
What I'm saying is, is this true?
You throw a brick in a black house, not a black house, a glass house.
Glass house, yeah.
And someone's gonna throw them back.
Yeah.
And yeah, so that was, if Tommy Lee endorses you and thinks you're great, it's not a good
thing.
No.
Yeah, so.
Yeah, celebrities getting on a soap box and camping in a cause or a person or a fence
or something.
It never works out.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just really not such a good idea, because if you don't like the celebrity, then you
don't like what they're sponsoring.
I think someone got ahold of Bono and told him to shut the fuck up.
Oh, thank God.
Because he finally did.
Self-righteous idiot.
God.
Like I've always said, like him and Roger Waters, if you think America's so fucking
bad, then why don't you do something about it?
Get into your bank account, help us pay up the national debt.
Yeah.
You want to do something, do something.
And like.
Don't sit here and chide us about shit.
And Bono and Roger Waters are not citizens of this country, so it's none of their damn
business anyway.
Exactly, I agree.
Just like when one of the networks hired a Canadian to come across the border and tell
us how we should all get rid of our guns.
Yeah.
Like Sam Donaldson.
Oh yeah, I remember that idiot.
Yeah.
Oh wait, he's dead, isn't he?
It's like, why are you importing people from outside the country to tell us how to run
our country?
That just is wrong from the start.
Nope.
I have a lot of Canadian relatives.
They don't feel the same way.
Like, America gets roasted for going over and telling people how to run their countries.
Okay, you're doing the same to us.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.
Because we always do get shit about that.
It's like, you can't come over here and throw your influence.
Well, same way with you guys.
You know, it's none of your business because you don't have a say so in it.
Yeah.
It's like if you're part of a company, you can speak about it.
But if you're not, I don't know if you can necessarily speak about it, you know?
Or the inner workings.
People got upset about the idea of Russians interfering with our election and telling
people how to vote.
What about when an Irish person like Bono comes over and tells people how to vote?
That's a great point.
Foreign interference is foreign interference.
It doesn't matter.
No, what it is is the narrative.
Yeah.
And this is both sides, everybody, but the narrative.
If they speak your narrative, it's fine.
Yeah.
If they don't speak your narrative, it's an outrage and they should shut up.
It all comes down to if I like them, then they can break the rules.
If I don't like them, they better follow the rules.
Yeah.
That's how everybody works.
It is so elementary.
Everybody does that.
That's it.
I do that.
You do that.
Everyone.
It's part of humanity.
That's why I always try to separate it whenever I hear it.
I'm like, okay, who is this?
What did they say?
It's just like Tommy Lee when I heard him saying all that stuff.
I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let's back up.
Yeah.
Let's look at Tommy Lee for, oh, crumpled up, thrown away.
He's like, you do not get the opportunity to tell me about someone else's questionable
character.
Yeah.
Here's the question.
If a weightlifter uses steroids, that's cheating, right?
Yeah.
He's disqualified.
If a bicyclist uses steroids and electric motor in his bike and blood doping, that's
cheating.
He could be kicked off.
Yeah.
If a singer is using auto tune and lip sync, that's cheating.
The problem is the public is so stupid and spoon fed, they don't care.
Now here's the question.
When a woman in a beauty contest wears makeup, that's cheating.
It is.
Just like using steroids or putting a motor on your bicycle or lip syncing, why are they
putting makeup on?
It's their own personal beauty, not how attractive their makeup is.
There's some women that I know that they are much prettier without the fucking more paint.
Oh yeah.
So much prettier.
I want to tell them that, but it's not my place.
The one makeup item I would get rid of first, lipstick.
That is the most disgusting gross thing.
I've kissed women with lipstick on.
It's revolting.
It's like some sort of waxy shit made from oil or dead whales or horse bones or something
and you're spreading it on your lips.
Disgusting.
I've always hated lipstick.
Usually it is just so screaming red or whatever.
It's like, what the hell?
Then they paint it outside their actual lips.
They have this giant mouth.
They make them look more voluptuous or whatever.
It's like, no, don't do that.
Just go with your lips.
They look the way they do for a reason.
When my wife wakes up first thing in the morning with no makeup on, she looks awesome.
She doesn't need anything.
Occasionally she'll put some makeup on, but I guess that's to give the other women a chance
to hide some of her natural beauty.
I feel the same way with Val too, but I understand them when they go out trying to look a little
bit better because I go without makeup.
How's my hair look?
I'll go in and check my hair if it's something important.
Other than that, it's like hair.
I don't care.
Yeah.
When I'm out in public, I don't want to be pointed and laughed at because that's going
to interfere with what I'm doing while I'm out in public.
But beyond that, I don't care if people walk by and think, whoa, that guy looks stupid.
I don't care.
Not me either.
Yeah.
There's plenty of people I think look stupid and I'm never going to tell them because they're
having a happy life.
Yeah.
Here's where I look at it right here is, who is this?
I don't know.
Okay then.
Yeah.
Here's this person who's walking by and is never going to be in my life again, but I'm
going to stop them and tell them all the things they're doing wrong.
I'm worried about it.
No.
Oh, that would be funny.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, come back here.
What's your name?
I got to let you in on a few things.
That jacket?
No.
Yeah.
Here's the way I want you to live your life.
Here's the music you're supposed to listen to and if you don't, you're an idiot.
Let's see how well that goes over.
All right.
Congratulations, Pilgrims.
You've made it to the very first ending of the very first standalone episode of The Music
Creeps.
This is so new that we don't even have an ending.
So this is pretty much the ending.