And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you...
The Origin Of.
The Origin Of Smoke Detectors.
Different versions of smoke and heat detectors have been around since the late 1800s.
But a key step in the inventions evolution came from a Swiss physicist named Walter Jaeger.
The story goes that Jaeger was trying to create a device that would detect poisonous gas.
It didn't work.
One day he lit up a cigarette in Viola. His failed poison detector became itself an effective smoke detector.
So there you go.
You watched the news. It was grim.
Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all of our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the Post-Apocalypse List.
OK, so you have your bunker set.
And what do you do inside this bunker to give you the readiness if an apocalypse occurs?
Here are some products you will probably use.
Zip ties, duct tape, fishing line, a needle and thread, matches or a lighter, scissors, safety pins, super glue, bungee cords, parachute cord, sugar, salt, pepper, garlic and chicken and beef foil cubes.
Crusty instant pancake mix, jiffy muffin mix or Bisquick or all the above.
Powdered milk, cocoa, instant coffee or other dry beverage mixes.
Canned meats like tuna, chicken, salmon and sardines.
Canned dry soup like Lipton and Noor noodle packages, nuts, peanut butter, jelly or honey, breakfast bars, cereals, packaged oatmeal, low salt crackers, Ritz crackers, ram crackers or animal cookies.
Canned and dried vegetable and fruit and this should get you started.
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer bitch.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark. How is everybody doing tonight?
I just got back from Eureka Springs.
Got a lot, a lot of stories on that. A lot of weird, crazy, odd shit happened like always.
And there's other things, other things.
What the hell? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Was that a duck?
Was that a duck?
That was a duck.
Oh my. I think, you know, I'm not for sure on this.
I'm not for sure on this. Don't hold your breath.
But I think Rob might be back. That's the duck call.
He's the duck.
You know, if that was me coming back, I'd be going.
Rob, is that you?
Rob, where is that?
Ah, there we go. The dynamic duo is back. So good.
Yes, we are.
Excellent. Excellent. So Rob, how are you?
I'm doing good. I'm doing good.
Good. Good.
I got a lot of stuff cleared up and life started hitting me, man.
We've been running strong for a while. Four nights a week was a lot, you admit it.
Yes, we're cutting back on that. Rob and I are doing two shows and Topher and I are doing two shows.
This is my third podcast today. The first one was the NFL show and I did it from the balcony of where we were staying.
Right. Well, it's your day off, too.
Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? I spent over three hours on that balcony doing that show and it was fun.
Right.
And now I'm here.
In Eureka Springs.
Yeah. Eureka Springs is such a, I love that area. So we had a blast and I have a lot of stories going for that.
But so Rob, we left you off at your truck. Do you want to talk about that? Any clarify any of that or not?
It's still work in progress.
Okay. Did you call?
I'll just leave it at that.
Okay. Did you call Bernard's like I told you to?
Yeah. Like I said, I work all day.
Okay. Okay. Okay. They might be able to help you.
I just got to find the right parts and I think I know what went wrong. I think I figured out what went wrong.
Okay. Good.
Looking up the parts. You know.
Okay. Very good. Good. Well, all right. Well, we'll start off on this then. Okay. I went to Eureka Springs.
Just got back about 20 minutes ago. I'm going for my notes. I don't have anything really written down.
Well, everything's kind of bunched together. So I'm probably going to screw some stuff up.
Just, you know, total, total transparency right here. I'm going to screw some stuff up tonight.
Probably probably say some wrong words because my scribe isn't that good.
Some of it was done drunk, which is not advisable.
So anyhow, went to Eureka Springs and did like we've been doing.
Part in a cabin part downtown in the Flatiron flats and Flatiron flats.
We love that place. But in my opinion, they really screwed up this time.
The owner, the owners of the Flatiron flats sold their good parking lot right behind the place and gave us a shitty one way down the hill.
And it's not a lot of fun climbing up, I don't know, four sets of stairs on a hill.
And then where you're parking is muddy because there's a natural stream there or a natural spring there.
And I'm not at all happy with them. And all I could do was voice my complaint.
I'm going to find out who owns it and I'm going to send it into them.
Not not that they give a shit and will ever do anything about it.
But I don't know if I'm going to be going back there because I thought that was rather shitty in my opinion.
And as usual, I have a solution.
Oh, go go ahead.
Call an Uber.
Haven't charged the place.
Well, my solution was this. I parked in front of the Flatiron flat building and it's paid parking and I paid about 10 bucks a day.
And that why I didn't have to have the car way away from me or anything.
And it was easy. Like if we brought something back.
Yeah. Yeah. So I just did that by the time I already figured that in.
And that's a great idea, Rob. But I figured, you know what?
If I'm going to be doing Ubers, I'll just pay this fucking buck an hour or whatever shit.
And then it stops at six and it's free all night on the main drag.
So I just did that 10 bucks a day. Took care of it.
But the fact is, is they should have gave me at 10 bucks back.
They should have gave me that 10 bucks back because to me, that's unacceptable.
Yeah. They didn't say anything to me when I booked it like, hey, wait a minute, partner.
Wait a minute. We moved the parking lot three hours away.
Just letting you know, you know, not it wasn't three hours, but man, it's really, they did a really piss job on us.
I can tell you that. And the guy inside there that was working the second night when I went in there
and talked to him briefly about it, he said, well, you can park up here where we park.
But the way the block is configured, I would have had to walk just as far up the hill around the other side.
Like, that's not going to work either. So anyhow, you know what?
I still love the place and everything, but I don't think I'm going to rent from him anymore
because evidently the owners don't give a shit because they told me this,
that they didn't even tell them that they sold the parking lot.
And when they sold the parking lot, what happened is this right here.
A lady went there to park, OK, because that's where you always parked back behind there.
And they sold the parking lot to the beaver. Shit, what do they call it?
Not the animal beaver. Ah, shit. Anyhow.
Everything down there is called beaver.
Yeah. Yeah.
That beaver lake.
Yes. So the beaver bar, I forgot, you know what, I'm fried.
But anyhow, they sold it to them. And then the lady that was staying at the flat iron flats, her car got towed.
Imagine. Yeah. And they didn't know that the owner sold it.
And they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, you know, they probably thought the car got stolen.
So she worked there. No, she was. She didn't work there.
It was a guest. Oh, yeah. When they get. Yeah.
When they sold the parking lot, they failed to tell the people that work at the hotel there that takes care.
And tell the customers. Yeah, they're they're just going. Yeah.
Yeah. Our parking lots over there around the corner.
So the lady's doing what she's supposed to. OK, here we are.
Here's the parking lot they told me about. No big deal.
And then she comes out the next morning, probably, or midday or whenever.
And her car was gone. Yeah.
So anyhow, I'm probably not. So those are.
Mm hmm. It really is. And they were not.
I mean, look, I mean, they I live at Lake of the Ozarks.
I'm putting myself in that. No, speaking of that, we just.
We just got done talking to some people at the show last night.
We go to this place called the Intrigue Theater, and it is an amazing show.
The guy is an illusionist. Yeah.
He's a big illusionist and he's also a paranormalist.
He he is just right up my alley of what I love.
And he's into teleportation.
This show was a little bit more teleportation. His lovely wife is cool.
Yeah. His wife is a contortionist and the tickets are pretty cheap.
They're only like twenty nine bucks or something. It's one hell of a show.
And then I tell you what, it lasts about two and a half, three hours.
The guy is very accessible. I talked to him for a while, but he came up to me.
And this is an example of what happened that night.
OK, he gave us front row.
And I think he just probably he has a lady screaming in there at the first when you walk in.
And I bought some tickets in back and he gave us front row.
And that's because I think if they look at you and they like, OK, this guy and this lady is going to be good,
going to be entertaining when we incorporate them in the show.
You know, they have they have an eye for this. OK.
And I'm not shy. I mean, obviously. So yeah.
So yeah. So I'm speaking up and I'm giving him good dialogue and we're we're banter and stuff.
And it's very good. But he he started going into things about people.
And he goes, oh, yes. And he walks up to me and he goes, someone here knows someone named John.
He looks around, then he looks at me right in the eyes.
He goes, your brother's name is John.
And I go, I look at Val and Val look at me, both our next snap.
We're like, what? Oh, my God.
If he went on my Facebook, if he found it on my Facebook or something, he had to went back a long ways.
I don't think that happened. But here's the other thing.
I have a good friend named John that I work with for many years.
And and anyhow, he's a really good guy. Love him.
His name's John McIlwain. Great guy.
I don't think he'd mind me telling his name.
And I work with him for many years at the old place.
And and I admire him greatly.
And he goes, you have a really one of your best friend's name is John.
Yeah. And he goes, but I'll go above that.
You have a neighbor named John right across the street from you within walking distance.
And Val and I are like, what the fuck?
How could this guy know? I've never posted John the neighbor's name everywhere.
I don't speak about him very much. He's a great guy, but he's just kind of there.
There is no reason to say anything about him at all.
OK, how in the hell did he know all of these? All of these?
Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
You have to. And what a trick.
Whatever it is, what a trick.
The guy has been on Fool Us with Penn and Teller.
By the way, Teller does talk, I found out. I asked him.
Oh, really? Yeah, I know he does.
Oh, does he? Has he been talking?
I've heard. OK. OK.
Well, I know. Well, he's only spoke on like one or two occasions.
OK, I'd never heard him talk.
But anyhow, he's told me about that.
And he said like he gave a really good story when they were on there.
He said the producer is just a real dick and kept interrupting them.
And everything was going great.
And they're like over there shaking their head going, what? What now?
What now? And he kept interrupting it.
And then Teller spoke up.
He said something like this guy's a stupid fucker or something like that.
Everyone like turn around like, oh, my God, that was stellar.
And, you know, the guy's really great. Go see it.
If you're within 100 miles, if you were within 200 miles, go see it.
I want to, man. Go see it.
It's worth it. It's just to go down there, rent a cabin for a night and go see it.
The guy is amazing.
And I have to I had to leave the paranormal show because it's tomorrow and I have to be back at work tomorrow.
I don't have enough vacation time, but man, I wanted to go so bad.
But he's going to run it regularly.
And he's also talking to the Elms Hotel up here and maybe doing a couple of shows there.
This is a guy. Yeah.
Yeah. He did a Houdini. Looked at.
Looked this guy up. He did a Houdini hanging off the side of the Crescent Hotel.
He did the canister water underneath the in the water where they locked him up.
He almost died.
He did everything. Yes.
The guy is freaking amazing.
I'll tell you what, anyhow, the the Intrigue Theater.
And here, hang on, I'm going to try to give you a little bit more information on it.
OK, that way people will know.
The Intrigue Theater, Eureka Springs. I can look it up.
OK, well, I'm going to give the people out there a little bit more.
Get on his website.
Yes, get on his website.
And his name is Sean Paul.
S.E.A.N. Sean Paul and Juliana Fey.
And anyhow, they they've been to Hollywood at the Magic Castle.
They did a show in Vegas.
They've been on Fool Us.
They've been on, let's see, America's Got Talent.
They've been on some other shows, too, that I'm not familiar with, but they're like in Britain or something.
But he did a Houdini hanging off the side of of the Crescent Hotel.
And like I said, he did the underwater gimmick, which was crazy.
He almost died. The guy is really, really, really good.
He was on U.S. News and World Report.
And they did a big report on him in the the the actual article says it's a stellar night of entertaining
performances at Eureka Springs.
So, yeah, if you get a chance, go see him.
So I had to get that out of the way.
I had to get that out of the way because that guy is amazing.
And also, I talked to him for a while afterwards, too.
I talked to him about a lot of different things, some of the stuff that I don't care to bring up on the air,
but it's some paranormal stuff that I've been a witness to.
I've told you about some of it, but there are some of it that's like really, really dear to me
that I cannot I just I can't I can only share it with a certain amount of people.
And that's it. And that's it.
It takes too much out of me if that makes sense at all.
So I move on. It makes sense to me.
I move on. I move on. So anyhow, Eureka Springs, we get there.
OK, and we checked in at the cabin and I watched a little bit of the first first quarter there.
And we're like, you know what? Let's let's go down to down to the.
Oh, shit, what the hell is the name of it? Gosh, I'm forgetting everything.
I knew this is going to happen.
Anyhow, we went down to Sparrow Grill that we go to all the time.
It's a great place. And to watch the game, we go in there and the game's going on.
And well, there's forty niner fans hooting it up.
That is until Mark from Casey showed up.
So they're there. Everything was going pretty good for him right then.
So I'm sitting there very quietly with my home, my home's Super Bowl jersey.
Well, let's see what happens.
And I could tell momentum, I could tell the chiefs are getting ready to break it open.
So me and Val sat down.
The forty niner crew didn't notice that we were having all kinds of they were having all kinds of fun.
Oh, yeah. And then Brock was intercepted.
And then that's when Mark from Casey with the Super Bowl, my home's jersey stood up clapping and screaming.
Who's your daddy?
You could have heard a pin drop.
You could have heard a fucking pin drop.
They didn't know I was even there.
They turned around with their mouth open.
And I go, that's right.
Daddy's back.
They were like, oh, the game was turning drastically towards the chiefs.
So so, you know, this home slice here, he had to throw he had to throw some more dickness and rub it in.
And at the two minute warning, they split no more forty niner fan.
They were all gone, all gone.
You're in Arkansas.
And they all left.
They were gone because then my home's ran that one touchdown in.
And then they and I'm getting ready to take a piss.
And someone goes, aha, flag.
And it's one of the forty niner guys.
I turn around and I watch.
And then it's gets the forty niners.
I turn around, I go, ha ha.
They were burning a hole through with through me.
And I didn't care.
No, that's exactly.
That's exactly.
I said, come on over, man.
I fucking take all of you at once.
I don't fucking care.
I was drunk.
I was like, come on, bitches.
Come on.
You want a box?
We'll fucking box.
None of them wanted to box.
So anyhow, anyhow, yes.
And I let them know.
I let them know in no uncertain terms.
The chiefs are their daddy.
And they knew it.
So, so anyhow, there's a new revolt against Kyle Shanahan.
And it was funny because I got to look at online and evidently Kyle Shanahan decided he was going to scold Brock Purdy at his locker.
And someone in the locker room, it could have been a player or player personnel or something, videoed it.
And they posted it on X, I believe is what happened.
And people saw this.
They're like that motherfucker.
And like I said, even that night to a couple of guy reasonable fans that weren't either, you cannot throw passes on your back.
And that's what happened to Brock Purdy.
Nobody could have done it.
My homes could do it in the Super Bowl against Tampa Bay.
He was flat on his back.
You cannot throw anything flat on your back.
And that's what was going on.
So it was not Brock Purdy.
So and Shanahan was bitching at him, you know, and then people just erupted on X and they're turning on him because one guy put it in really good perspective.
So Kyle Shanahan has offensive coordinator for the Atlanta when they were in Super Bowl, whatever it was against the Patriots.
They're leading 28 to three halftime and they gave up on the run game and they lost.
This guy is an idiot.
Get rid of him now.
And all of them were sediment like that.
And that guy was right.
Kyle Shanahan is a guy that decided he was going to go to passing when running the ball was working perfectly fine.
And they ended up losing that Super Bowl.
So I think there is some validity to it, but I don't think there's all some validity to it.
The Chiefs are in their head.
They cannot get past him.
And I think like I said today on the other show, the NFL, the sports bastards, this right here, the dynasty was already taken down by the Chiefs before it began.
They didn't have a chance.
There's a lot of teams out there like Stephen A.
Smith said, and I agree with him 100 percent.
There's a lot of players.
There's a lot of quarterbacks that should have been getting rings that are not going to get rings because you got number 15 in there right now.
And he's right.
And Brock Purdy and Kyle Shanahan might be one of those people.
So anyhow, the whole thing is, though, is Kyle Shanahan was a boob for doing that, in my opinion, because I guarantee you after the Super Bowl, we lost to Tampa.
I guarantee you.
Reed didn't go in there and go, what the fuck's up, Patrick?
What's wrong with you?
He knew he was on his ass the whole game.
He knew he was lying on the ground the whole game.
He probably went in there and said, hey, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm OK.
We're going to get back in next year.
Right.
Yeah, I guarantee you he didn't do a juvenile thing like scolding scolding him.
So anyhow, I got more to say about Eureka Springs.
So much stuff happened.
It was one of the greatest trips ever had there because we didn't make hardly any plans at all.
We just we just laid around and then we felt like eating something.
We went to get something to eat or we felt like going somewhere.
We went somewhere.
It was perfect.
True vacation.
Yes.
So, Rob, we turn it to you.
Tell us something, Rob.
It's been a while.
OK, first off, I want to give my friends here,
Riverstone Forest, the haunted forest right outside my door here.
Mm hmm.
I want to give them a shout out.
Cool.
They have two more. This is Wednesday night, the 23rd.
They have they're open two more weekends.
They're open this weekend, the 25th and 26th, Friday and Saturday.
Friday is open to everybody and Saturday, October 26, this Saturday, kids night from six to seven
and regular from seven thirty to midnight.
Cool.
And then they are open November 1st and November 2nd.
Cool and run.
Go ahead.
Friday, November 1st is day after Halloween.
It's a regular hot night.
But Saturday, their last night, Saturday, November 2nd, I want to pay almonds to this.
OK.
It's from dark to midnight.
Half off admission goes to Camp Wonderland, which is a big charity around here for
special kids.
I mean, they do a lot of things with kids.
Good.
They have a big camp over. Oh, it's Lake Ozark.
We'll call it. It's over on the other side of Lake.
Yeah, it's a big deal.
Cool. Cool.
Yeah. So half of what they take in on admission is going to that.
And honestly, last weekend, well, I've been doing this whole thing.
Our apartment complex, Brod Creek, jointed.
There's woods.
I went out.
You're going to love this.
OK.
I went out there one night and we had a.
A corn tree that drops some acorns down in our apartment lot.
And I've been wanting to go over and just mess with people in line and take in line from the woods.
You know what I mean?
Well, I was over the woods.
I kept throwing the acorns.
Well, they got loud music stuff going.
I was telling them the security guard didn't get his thing.
Well, last weekend, I went out there and I took a hammer.
I was doing wooden docks on trees.
Oh, cool.
I was.
That's cool.
It's time to get loud over the speakers.
Yeah. Yeah.
And also, I think you're.
Oh, go ahead.
One point, I was literally like 50 foot from the security guard.
The day you come in, I'm back in the tree, you know, scaring the hell out of people.
It's just him.
No, nobody's hearing me.
They're not.
No, 50 foot from the security guard.
And I reached kind of up in the air because I found out it was a little louder.
The higher up I reached didn't phase him.
Oh, OK.
I misunderstood.
OK.
Yeah.
Nobody looked at me.
I could see all them, but me being in dark with all the lights, they couldn't see me.
It's kind of like being on stage.
You know what I mean?
That's kind of neat.
I get what.
OK, I get what you're doing now.
I misunderstood exactly what your purpose.
I get what you're saying now.
Yeah, I'm back in the woods and I'm just trying to mess with people that nobody see me.
Yeah, I get you.
You know what I mean?
Well, their music is so loud, they're not hearing nothing.
A hammer on a tree, they weren't hearing.
That's pretty damn loud music.
Well, I did that for a while.
I said, OK.
Well, see, I went back.
I walked on and went on to the ticket booth, which is where they sell the gear and stuff.
I actually bought me a pier stone forest stocking cap.
It's for a great cause.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Wow, cool.
Thank you, Rob.
I want to give them a shout out.
OK.
Did you want to go to the American songwriter now or do you want to go?
Is that what you're going to do next?
You know what?
I'll do what you do.
Yeah, well, I can.
See how we're a week before Halloween?
Mm hmm.
Let's stay with some haunted stuff.
How's that?
That sounds fantastic to me.
Yeah, yeah, it's your favorite American songwriter.
Yeah, sorry I spoiled it for you.
I just as you can tell, I'm Jones and for an American songwriter.
So please know you are especially Halloween version.
Yes, even better.
Yeah, these are four haunted.
Four famous albums that were recorded in the studios.
Oh, I love this.
I love this.
First up, That Outta Hell by Meatloaf.
OK.
This 1977 glam rock staple from Meatloaf was recorded at Bearsville Studios in Woodstock, New York.
While working on the album, the hard rock musician had few spooky run ins.
He noticed that a ghostly woman in white had walked past the window while recording,
but just as soon it was a groupie hanging out with his producer.
It wasn't until cupboards started slamming and the cupboards were ripped from his bed that he realized he was dealing with a haunting.
He continued to claim that he could see ghosts long after That Outta Hell was released.
No kidding.
Neat.
I'm just reading.
Yeah, please, by all means, go forward.
Second up, second up.
OK.
Sabbath, bloody Sabbath.
Oh, I think I know this.
Go ahead.
This famous 1973 rock album was recorded at Clearwell Castle in Glockchestershire, England.
Like Sabbath, were never strangers to the creepy and bizarre.
So it kind of makes sense that they would intentionally record an album in the dungeon of a famously haunted castle.
Ozzy Osbourne and Tony Iommi claimed that they saw a person in a black cloak walk by them while staying at the castle,
only for the figure to immediately disappear.
Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple also recorded their two.
And they had some sightings themselves, I do believe.
I've heard that.
It's not focusing in on that, I know, but they backed up Sabbath with those claims.
Yeah, they backed up Sabbath, I'm pretty sure.
You can look it up, Google it.
Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
OK, third, downward spiral by the nine inch nails.
Ooh, Trent Reznor, huh? OK.
Yeah. This example of famous albums that were recorded at haunted locations is quite heartbreaking.
Nine inch nails recorded their 1994 album, The Downward Spiral at Le Pig in Beverly Hills, California.
For the uninformed, that location is where Charles Mantig called murdered several people.
I was unaware of this.
Trent Reznor said he didn't notice any ghosts during this time there, but have a run in with Sharon Cate's sister.
They accused him of exploiting her sister's death by recording and living there, and that opened his eyes to how raw the wounds of those horrible events still were among the people left behind.
I'm surprised Trent Reznor looked at it like that at that time.
He was so angry and really despised most people. I'm really surprised that he adhered to that at all, honestly.
OK, and last up, I have, I don't know who this is.
The Bedlam of Goliath by the Bonce Volta.
I've heard of them. I'm not real familiar with them, but I've heard of them. Go ahead. I mean, I probably won't have anything to add.
OK, I'll go into it. Hey, some of our listeners may know who it is.
Yeah, no, you're right. Absolutely.
This 2008 Mars Volta album was recorded at Ocean's Way Studios in Hollywood, California.
This haunted run-in was the band's own doing.
They started to notice odd, destructive things happening after playing around with a Ouija board.
Oh, yeah, one of those, the porthole to hell.
OK, OK, I see why they're there.
The studio flooded. Music files magically disappeared.
The band's drummer left. Their engineer had a breakdown.
And Cedric Mixler Zavala had a basically relearned how to walk again while in surgery.
Guitarist Omar Rodriguez Lopez ended up snapping the board in half and buried it.
Wow. People think that they're a toy. They really are not.
I like to tell you why they are on that list.
Yeah, I do too. They are not a toy. A lot of people think they are. They are not a toy.
They're not to be played with. But that's just me.
No, no, they are not. They are not.
Coincidentally, that's the list, right?
Yeah, that was it.
OK, I got I got a story for you and everyone else. Tony's book, Iron Man.
OK, this is in there so you can look it up or whatever, or you can find excerpts of it online, audio book, whatever.
But when he moved to Beverly Hills from England, his house in Beverly Hills, he swore was haunted.
He kept hearing noises and seeing like shadows and stuff. And he was like freaked out.
He was on coke pretty heavily, so he didn't know if it was like a cocaine deal.
You know, his mind getting clouded because he's constantly jousting or whatever.
OK, or maybe it's haunted.
It turns out years later, he finds out there's people living in his walls.
Yeah, they were squatting in his walls of this of this mansion.
And the whole time he was like, thinking, oh, my mind's fucked because of coke or it's haunted.
All this other stuff. Who would have thought someone was living in your walls?
It's in there. Take a read of it if you get a chance.
He can say it's so much better than me.
He realized that he's acting real.
I think he did sober up after that.
Yeah, I know I would have been like, no more coke. That's it. No more.
All right. We're really late for our first break.
Like always, no big deal. That's what that's the way we roll, isn't it, Rob?
Let's do it. All right. We'll be right back. Fuckers.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Why can't I just buy a can of thin paint?
Why do I always have to go buy paint thinner?
I may never know.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
All occupants in hell have to be the first to test drive a new Tesla vehicle.
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no. It's silent. Horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church? Christian Bale.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids.
It's the all new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings.
Babbling brook, ocean waves, and roaring river for those close called.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It Cartridge.
Yes, I am.
I'm definitely Rob.
All right. Well, there you go. I'm Mark. He's Rob.
And we are the douchebags that are attempting to entertain you.
Back to Eureka Springs, Rob. You want to hear another cool little story?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Eureka Springs. I want to go back.
You got to go there.
And we'll talk about that off there because there's bear sightings over there at Tall Mountain Ridge and or Tall Pine Ridge, not Tall Mountain, Tall Pine Ridge.
We didn't get a chance to go there, but, man, I want to go there and maybe see a couple of bears.
But it's been really, really dry.
It's come here. We got bear sightings here.
Oh, yeah, you do. Yeah, I did read that.
There's been all over Camden and all over the lake.
And what it is, it's been so bone dry that they're coming in for water.
They're trying to hibernate, but they need food and water to do this.
They have to fill up on everything. Yeah.
Yes, they're docile. You don't have to worry about them.
If you see one, they're getting away from you faster than you're getting away from them.
So, OK, we get back to the cabin.
Tell you go jacking with them.
Well, OK, there's always stupid people that doesn't count.
You know, so.
Like that, why do you think I don't read most of our news?
Yeah, yep, I agree.
And by the way, we were over in your area, but it was a Sunday night and it was way too late to wake you up.
But we were going to go to we were going to Sedalia for that musical festival.
Yeah, and I seen your Facebook post.
Yeah, and anyhow, it was raining out the only time it rained in like the last four months.
It poured the night before the grounds are too muddy.
So my Glenn Hughes Starship, all that stuff was canceled.
And so we're like, you know what?
Val was like, you know, my my parents lake house isn't too far away from here.
So, OK, so we go looking forward and they changed all the names of the roads there because they put condos all over the place.
So it was hard to find. It took us a lot longer to find it.
So by the time we found it, it was really late and it was getting really dark.
And the chief's game was coming on or well, it was on.
So we're like, oh, shit, man, I want to drive back to Sedalia.
That's still an hour and a half away.
So we ended up staying at the the resort of Lake of those arts, which is a new one.
And I think it's called the event or something like that.
The venue, the venue is this huge sports bar that I call Encore.
Encore. Yeah, thank you. Encore.
And yeah, and it is that's that's where I wanted to go.
That's where Molly Hatchet was.
They have an underwater bar.
That is where Molly Hatchet was.
That would be so cool, Rob, because that's a swim up bar where that amphitheater is.
You can sit there in the water drinking, watching Molly Hatchet.
That thing is cool. I posted some pictures.
They have live palm trees, full grown palm trees all over the place.
Yeah, yeah, I see your face. That's how I knew you were there.
Yeah. Yeah. But I couldn't wake you up.
Dude, you're like 20 minutes, 20, 25 minutes from me.
It was nine o'clock and it was Sunday night.
So I yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Well, if we if we could have found her place at the lake earlier
and then we found out we could stay there because some friends bought their house
and she still keeps in touch with them. And she messaged her in Florida,
I think is where they're at.
And she said, hey, the keys are underneath something.
Go ahead and stay. But we're already up at the encore.
Yeah. OK. Well, you know what? That's cool.
It was a great, great experience.
And it wasn't too awful, crazy expensive to stay there either.
And the the hotel in Sedalia, I just we just didn't go.
But anyhow, OK, back to Eureka Springs.
OK, we get to the back to the cabin.
I'm still slamming in links. I talked to you that night.
I think you could tell I was kind of bent, right?
Little bit. Yeah, a little bit. OK.
Well, I was. Yeah, you were worried about me.
Yeah, yeah. So anyhow, I was I was pretty smashed.
And anyhow, I'm still slamming in links.
I'm going out on the deck because Val was already crashing.
So the the Sunday Night Football game was almost over.
And it's almost over just like Aaron Rodgers career.
I'm completely I'm good.
I'm completely smashed and we forgot to bring snacks.
This time we just didn't bring snacks.
It didn't occur to us. We usually do.
And it's getting around midnight, right?
And I'm like, shit, I'm smashed and I'm hungry as hell.
I can't drive anywhere.
So I start Googling pizzas near me, right?
So I find a Domino's.
I order and I'm waiting and waiting. Nothing, nothing.
So I call the store.
The store was in Rogers, Arkansas, 45 to 50 minutes away.
Oh, my God. And I'm like, shit, what happened?
So I got them to cancel. Yeah.
So and a lot, a lot of hills and bending winding roads on the way there.
I mean, even if I was sober, I would have done it at night
with all the deer out there and everything.
Anyhow, so anyhow, I'm like, all right, I got them to cancel the order.
I think it was already made, but they agreed to cancel it.
So I'm still hangry as hell. OK.
And I'm smashing in links. I refuse to put down the links.
So I try another shop.
It's a local chain in Northwest Arkansas.
I order an online Stooges Deluxe with breadsticks.
And if you ever had a Stooges pizza down there, oh, my God, they're so good.
And I'm like, I'm waiting.
OK, well, anyhow, they're they got, I don't know, maybe eight locations in that area, maybe nine.
I don't know. So I'm waiting.
My mouth is watering and waiting and waiting.
So I go down there. This place is in Berryville, Arkansas,
and it doesn't deliver that far to Eureka Springs because it's about 15 minutes away.
They said we only do Berryville area.
We don't go outside. We don't go in the hills to deliver anything. So.
OK, so I call Pizza Hut as a last minute alternative, because I know there's one up on Van Buren on the ridge.
The lady informed me that that that was the Pizza Hut in Bentonville.
And what happens is because they have this all the time.
When you go in the hills, your zip code, your Google zip codes, it does not change
because there's not strong enough signal in the hills.
So when you get to where you're staying, you're going off that zip code.
And when you Google pizzas near me, it's Rogers, Bentonville, Berryville.
It's everybody but where you're at.
So she I believe that. Yeah. Yeah.
So a couple of hours later and you know, she's in Bentonville an hour away.
She connected me with the Pizza Hut in Eureka Springs and they're five minutes from closing.
And I felt horrible. And I begged them. I said, please don't spit my pizza.
I said, please don't. I said, look, and I told them what happened.
And they're laughing their ass off back there.
They go, we got a couple of pizzas made up. How about this?
And they said, will you take a deluxe and breadsticks? Yes, we have them made up.
It was a no show. Send them on down.
Everybody was happy. They didn't have to stay late or nothing.
So I kind of figured it like this.
So this was the universe's way of paying me back for torture and 49ers fan, right?
No, no, no. It was just the Google getting me really good.
Yeah, it was Google. Yeah, I did get my pizza and it was good.
It was just, gosh, by this time, it's like getting on 130 or something.
I guzzled down a bunch of slices and now I got heartburn and the and the room spinning.
But I don't care. I go to sleep and I wake up still room spinning a little bit,
feeling like hell, grabbed another piece of pizza, ate it and started feeling better.
And then grabbed another beer and kind of soothes that.
You know how like if you had a pretty good one the night before and you grab a little bit,
a little touch of alcohol, not too much, and you can simmer everything's down,
everything down by putting that back. That's what I did.
I got a hair of the dog, hair of the dog, did a little that little little little paving over and I was fine.
So anyhow, Rob, once again, we turn to you.
All right. Well, I got a pretty good one here.
A funeral home in Poland issued an unusual apology on Saturday.
After it caught that it was transporting fell out of the hearse and in the traffic.
Oh, my God. That's horrible. But it's kind of funny.
But it's really horrible. Oh, listen, maybe it reported that a man was driving down the street Friday
and Stalawa, a city in southeastern Poland.
When he first saw a sheet on his car window.
When the sheet slid down, he saw a body laying on the road. For a moment, the driver feared that he had hit the person.
Oh, local media published an image of the corpse laying on a white stripe pedestrian crossing where it tumbled out of the hearse.
The company transporting the corpse did this.
Haiti's funeral services.
H-A-D-E-S.
Haiti's funeral services.
Do they know what that means? Probably not. They're in Poland.
Yeah, they're in Poland.
You shoot a statement Saturday taking responsibility for the incident and blaming a technical failure on the horse.
A technical failure like the Dorwin latch ride or something? I think.
It is with deep regret that we inform you that as a result of an unexpected technical failure of the electric tailgate lock,
the electric tailgate lock, during the transport of the body of the deceased,
an unfortunate event occurred which does not reflect the high standards of our company,
our deep empathy towards the families of the deceased and the respect we always show to the deceased.
The company wrote any statement posted on its website.
So yeah, it was an electrical lock malfunction.
Wow. Oh my gosh.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, wow.
Was that it, Rob?
Yeah, that was it.
Okay.
That's about all you can say about that one.
Yeah, I don't know what else. I'm going to go back to Eureka Springs. I have like ten...
Let's go back to Eureka.
So much shit happened on this. It's insane. So like I said, there's a burn ban, right?
It hasn't rained a drop there in like three months, they said. Not one drop. Nothing.
They said not even hardly a cloud over them. Nothing. Three months.
All those hurricanes went well to the east of them. None of them bothered to get them at all.
And I mean everything is just burned up to a crisp. It's horrible.
So there's a burn ban. So back at the cabin, I had a bottle of lighter fluid for my buddy if he came around.
Remember my buddy? The guy that's crazy?
No! You found him?
No. No, I didn't. Because there was a burn ban and no one was out at the pit.
So it didn't matter because I couldn't offer him lighter fluid because you couldn't burn anyhow.
So I didn't see him. I was waiting for him. I had a bottle of lighter fluid for my buddy if he came around.
And you know the burn ban couldn't do it. So no lighter fluid.
I had a brand new jug of fluid I filled with Windex.
Rob, do you remember what Windex does when you light it?
Yes. If Windex will flare up and scare the shit out of you...
Yeah, it will flare up and scare the shit out of you, but it won't burn you.
Yeah.
And I had a jug full of Windex and I was ready for him.
As soon as he's going to come around and accuse me of taking his lighter fluid, I'm going to go,
Oh, I got the wrong one. I'm sorry. Here, I meant to use this one. You can have it since I used yours.
And I was going to give him that bottle of Windex that's hidden in the lighter fluid.
And I was going to sit out there and look out at the cabin until he decided to use it and get a good ha-ha af off it.
But it turns out that nobody can burn anything there because it's been so dry.
So there's a burn ban. No one was out at the pit.
And if nutmeg is still around, I couldn't play that on him because even if I gave him a jar of lighter fluid, why do I have it out there?
Because there's a burn ban. And he couldn't use it anyhow.
So, anyhow, maybe next year we'll probably be going back.
Yeah. And trust me, we feel that here where I live too.
Okay. Yeah.
You got a lot of trees. Trust me, I have fought leaves around in this lake more than anybody should.
Yeah. Yeah.
It gets dry. Yeah.
Forest fires ain't no joke, dude. Yeah.
A fire down here would light this area.
Well, you're just almost as dry as Harika Springs. You're almost as dry there.
And the thing is, is that's what I'm saying. It goes down that way.
You know the trees and everything down there.
Well, then Mark Twain Forest would go up like Kenling. Right. Right.
And Mark Twain Forest has before too. And it's been very bad when we've had dry years like this. I hope it doesn't happen.
Oh, yeah. It could affect many lives. Many lives.
Oh, and so many animals are burnt to death. I mean, it's a bad deal. So I pray that that doesn't happen.
Hopefully we start getting some rain and a regular rain pattern again. You know, so anyhow, Rob, do you have something?
Yeah.
How about some more music?
Okay, sounds good. Do you want to take our second break real quick because?
Yeah. Yeah, let's take the second break.
Okay, and then we'll go into some more music. All right. We'll be right back, everybody.
Two dish bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
Damn it. I can't decide between nachos, chili or wings for the game tonight. This is bullshit. I should not have to make decisions like this.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
If you melt dry ice in a pool, can you swim without getting wet? I may never know.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Chickweed is an edible plant and herbal remedy that can be used in various ways. Chopped chickweed can be added to soups, eggs, pastas or pizzas.
It can also be blended into hummus or pesto. It can also make chickweed into an oil for your skin for burns and minor cuts.
But it could also be used as a tea drink or just much it raw for a tasty, healthy snack.
Your mom is so old. She was a waitress at the last supper.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bevo is listening to this film.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Mary, your grandmother always intruded your thoughts at the last minute while you are masturbating.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A man in Colorado is recovering nicely after being bit by a rat that was hiding in his toilet.
Rob, you have some more music for us. Please, go forth.
Yeah, well, there's something else I got to add first. Something that I forgot to announce.
Okay.
This is Wednesday at 9.03. As of 2.30 this Friday afternoon, I have not had a chew in four weeks.
God bless you. Good. And you're talking about skull dip, right?
Yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah. I spit my last one out at 2.30.
Cool.
Coming up four weeks ago. Yeah, okay. Yeah, my cigarette, it takes, it increased quite a bit.
Well, you can moderate that later. So, yeah, you can work on that later.
Yeah, one thing at a time. One thing at a time.
Yeah. Yep. Very cool. Very good. Congratulations.
I know my mouth feels better and my stomach does too, actually.
Oh, God, yeah, that stuff really hurts your stomach.
Wow.
Okay, well, since it's my first night back, I had to bring you two American songwriters.
Rob, I'm getting weepy as we talk right now. I'm getting weepy. You care. You still care.
Okay, this is five of the creepiest classic rock songs to add your Halloween playlist.
I love this. You're doing Halloween theme.
Yeah, Halloween theme.
Very cool.
I don't know if we'll catch it next weekend time, you know, because I want to put out, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So I'm going to hit it tonight.
First up, Night Prowler by ACDC.
Cool.
The 1979 Highway to Hell classic is definitely on the creepier side of ACDC's playlist.
Unfortunately, the band didn't intend for it to be that way.
The song was originally supposed to be about the sneaky things teenagers tend to do with young and in love.
However, it ended up getting attached to the horrible real life crimes of Richard Ramirez in the 1980s.
Didn't know that either.
Wasn't that the Night Stalker or something? Richard Ramirez?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it was the Night Stalker.
But I see where they parlay that to the Night Prowler.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a serial killer.
Okay, okay, I get it now. Yeah.
Okay, second up, okay, another one of my most favorite bands.
Okay.
Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Iron Maiden.
Oh, real quick, did you hear Paul Diano, the very first singer?
Yes, Iron Maiden.
Yeah, yeah, he passed away.
Anyhow, go ahead. Sorry, RIP Paul, you did very good.
Yes, yes.
The 1984 track Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Iron Maiden is one of the creepiest classic rock songs out there.
This epic shred fest is about a sailor who kills a bird, specifically an albatross and bites in some dire bad mojo.
Yeah.
Yeah, that whole song is brilliant, and then the sound effects they use, yeah, and the rocking of the boat, and then the rhythm break.
And it's what, 10 minutes long?
14.
14 minutes long, okay.
And it's-
Yeah, the next thing you say, it's a 14 minute beautifully orchestrated piece of work.
I love it, it is a work of art, it really is good, and Bruce is singing on that, it's just insane.
Yeah, okay, cool, I agree with that.
Okay, and third, Don't Fear the Reaper by Louis Chico.
I want to hear their take on what this song means because a lot of people have a lot of different theories.
This is an absolute must-have for any Halloween playlist.
Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue or Chico.
I have come out in 1976, but it's one of the best aged classic rock songs.
Heard it on the way home.
It's a stellar song with some creepy vibes, it makes perfect sense why it's been used for horror television and film scores in the last few decades.
They get the point across with the music and the singing and the lyrics.
I remember when we were growing up teenagers and whenever someone had some weed that took a long time to do, they would always sing Don't Fear the Creeper.
Yeah, remember that?
Yeah, they called it Creeper Weed.
It would wait an hour and then you go and do something else and it would come up and smash you.
That's actually some of the best.
Yes, Creeper Weed.
Did you forget you smoked it and then the shit hit you?
Yeah, our friends told us that.
You were in the middle of something.
Yeah, you'd forgotten all about it and then all of a sudden it's like, uh-oh.
But our friends told us about it. We had nothing to do with it, right Rob?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, our friends told us about it.
Our friends told us, yeah.
Yeah, that really is a creepy song, the way it's orchestrated.
And then it has, people say that it has touches of suicidal thoughts.
It goes into Romeo and Juliet, which is definitely like a, you know, let's both kill ourselves because we can't do what we need to do.
It goes into how many people every day commit suicide.
And some people say that it is an anti-suicide song and some people say it is a pro-suicide song.
And I can't really tell. What do you think, Rob?
Well, that's why, just like the title says, don't fear, it's in quotation marks, and then the reaper.
Yeah.
So I think they mean it to be that way. You can take it either way.
Okay, well, you know what?
I want to be pro, but yet, you know, it's weird.
No, it is.
Why it's on this list.
You're kind of like me. You're kind of like, I'm not sure. So, okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's weird.
Yeah.
Okay, next up.
One of these days by Pink Floyd.
Yeah, I guess so. I guess so.
Pink?
Yeah.
Something got a bit spooky with their music.
However, the 1971 track, one of these days, really takes the cake.
I got to see who was on that. Was that still Syd Barrett?
Go ahead. I'm going to look this up.
Seventy-one? Yeah, I would say.
I think it's still Syd Barrett.
I would think so, too. Okay.
This classic rock song starts off in total unnerving silence.
It's more sharp winds and a spooky bass line kick in.
No.
Is it Echolines?
Uh-huh.
No?
No. Waters, Mason, Gilmore and Wright.
Wow.
Okay. Okay, Barrett just departed in 1971.
He spent 82 weeks on the UK tour.
This came out in 71.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
A little disco-grappy deal on this.
And it said that Barrett just departed.
It was right after. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah, it was right after he left.
And if anyone that didn't know is he went insane from doing too many drugs.
And he could never play again.
He just, he had no recollection.
When they ran into him, I think a year later, he disappeared or something.
I believe this is the story.
They ran into him a year later and they said, hey, Syd, do you want to get together and do some music?
He said, yeah, sure.
He went over to play his guitar and it was rusted.
The strings were rusted.
It hadn't been played in over a year.
And he didn't have any clue to what to do.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob. I'm sorry.
Okay.
I want to finish what this article says about it.
Okay.
It's an echoing, somewhat dull and muddy song with one vocal lyric in its entirety.
One of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces.
Okay. I'm not familiar with this song. Wow.
It's the only miracle lyric, I guess.
I don't know this song.
And it's strange because it's Big Floyd.
Well, that's what I was saying.
That's why I thought it was still Syd Barrett because I'm not real familiar with this stuff.
Yeah, it was 71.
Yeah, it's out of my reach too.
Okay.
Okay. And lastly, Nebraska by Bruce Springsteen.
Okay.
And honestly, I had this list of five, but then I ran across a list of seven.
And all these were still on it.
So I went with this one.
The other two, I don't think either one of us knew.
No, I agree.
I agree.
Okay. On this one, Nebraska.
The 1982 masterpiece, Nebraska, isn't really creepy per se.
It's one of Springsteen's best works after all.
But the title track of the album does veer into spooky territory.
The lyrics are from the perspective of Charles Stockweather, a real world serial murderer from the Cornhuskers state who murdered short of a dozen people in the late 1950s.
Wow.
Okay.
Like I said, this one showed up on both lists.
So yeah, it must be worth it.
Okay.
Cool.
I like that list.
No, that list threw me off completely too.
I'm familiar with, like you said, a couple of songs were both like, what?
Cool. Very cool.
I like that.
Like I said, I'm back.
And I love it.
I think you can tell by how energized I am tonight.
And I just got back from a great vacation.
I'm still energized.
So that says a lot.
Yeah, you're asked to be a man.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I also did three hours of podcasting earlier today from the balcony of our of our stay.
So yeah, I should be burnt out.
But no, man, you coming back.
But this I could not wait.
So you and I have known since Sunday.
So everybody knows.
Yeah. Yeah.
And also I knew we're going to figure this thing out because honestly, we both needed breaks.
We both needed breaks.
Yeah, we did.
We were we went hard at it for over a year.
Yeah, we did.
And I mean, I and then doing the other podcast too,
is just killing me and working.
But anyhow, you know what, man, we were just starting that.
I know. I know.
It didn't overlap too much, thank God.
But you know what?
Now, you guys are still getting four shows.
Just two of them are the sports bastards.
And we're working our way into the sports creeps after the NFL season.
And Rob will be a part of that too.
We're hoping we can figure out a way to incorporate him.
We're going to try to do it when you're available is what we're going to try to do.
Right, right, right.
But anyhow, this the the music creeps is going to be a music show.
And Rob is very knowledgeable about music like Topher and I.
And I and on the podcast that I said today, one of my ideas of the sports creeps and Topher loved it is alternate universe bands.
OK, now you know how like I say, like there's one really cool Bob and like three Bob's that are just complete idiots.
Right. The alternate universe Bob was a cool Bob.
OK, so these are bands that are in another alternate universe that mimic the bands from this universe.
OK, so are you familiar with the band Nashville Pussy?
No.
OK, neither was Topher.
I guess I'm the only one that liked him.
OK, yeah, Nashville.
Check them out.
They're cool.
They're Southern Fried Acid Hard Rock.
They're really good.
So anyhow, OK, I'm right.
Is Nashville Pussy?
That's the name of it.
You know, you'll have to say it again.
I got it.
OK, so their alternate universe band to me would be this.
It would be the Memphis Beef Drapes and their song would be Pork Tenderloin.
I don't know that either.
OK, no, no, no, their alternate universe song.
This is a make up.
OK, their alternate universe band would be the Memphis Beef Drapes.
OK, instead of Nashville Pussy, it's Memphis and instead of Pussy, it's Beef Drapes.
OK, so the Memphis Beef Drapes and their hit song, well, their biggest hit song, Fried Chicken and Coffee.
It would be Pork Tenderloin and Fresca.
You see, you see where that's going?
So every week, every week we come up with like three or four alternate universe bands.
You just had to pick one of the hardest bands.
Yes.
That's the best way to describe it.
You reach out.
I don't know.
I've never heard of them.
Check them out.
You're going to love them, dude.
You're going to love them.
I will check them out.
I'm going to check them out.
I think I think they're still around.
I will give a report.
OK, please do.
Check out, I think, is their first album, their inaugural album.
I think it's just called Nashville Pussy, I believe.
And their hit, well, their closest to hit ever was Fried Chicken and Coffee.
It's a great song, but you'll like all of it.
I'm surprised they ate fried chicken and waffles.
I like OK, I think you're referring to truck stops, Fried Chicken and Coffee.
OK, but the song doesn't make any sense.
It's just Fried Chicken and Coffee.
But anyhow, OK, I discovered over the weekend because I've been getting a lot of robo calls,
a lot of sales calls.
And then we got these vacation fuckers.
Dude, dude, I'm getting at least eight a day.
Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And they're letting me voicemails.
And they're actually talking to me.
And are you there?
Yeah, yeah.
It's voicemail.
It tells you it's voicemail.
Yeah, it pisses me off to no end.
So whenever I get a live call, here's what I want.
I'm in dire need of a phone slam app.
The smartphone is taking that phone away from us.
Yeah, because I mean, it takes up our time.
We've got to go back and look at our missed calls and...
And figure out what it is.
...and listen to these voicemails.
It was a lot of fun.
My phone does, some of mine does, say scam risk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I mean, if someone's live on there trying to sell you something,
wouldn't you love the ability like we used to do
to slam the phone on them and hurt their eardrums?
I wouldn't get a chance because I'd get them all in motion.
Oh, OK, well, I'm talking about if it's live.
I've had a couple of live ones where I answered.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I would love to answer one.
I want a phone slam app.
I want an app to where when someone calls up,
you tear their eardrums up with that fucking sound.
We all know people of a certain age will remember the phone slam.
You get mad at somebody, you slam the phone down in their ear,
and they're like, oh!
That's what we need.
We are in dire need of a phone slam app.
It's been taken away from us by the modern phone.
So...
Do what my dad used to do.
What's that?
Get a whistle.
Oh, I got one better, dude.
I can't do this too loud.
I know you do.
Hang on a minute.
Let me find it here.
It's here somewhere.
You got the megaphone.
Oh, no, it's not even that.
Oh.
I can't do it very loud.
Oh, what the hell?
It's an Aztec death whistle.
You can buy it on Amazon.
Imagine a deer step on your chihuahua's nut.
I can't really do it that loud.
Damn!
That sounds like he stepped on your chihuahua's nut.
Imagine Mayans coming after you making this sound.
You can buy it on Amazon.
I think it's like 12 bucks or some shit.
But my friend Steve, he'd come up to me and blew that thing.
And also, I'm not sure.
Maybe his man cow or something on one of his shows had it at first.
And I was like, and initially put that in my register.
Man, that's fucking cool.
Then my buddy Steve produced one.
He's like, hey, check this out.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember that.
So anyhow, got one.
That's what you need to do to someone's eardrums.
That would destroy them.
So anyhow, we need one.
OK.
Next up.
OK.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Dodge City.
Yes.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Jimmy.
Dodge City.
No, Jimmy is her grandson.
I had to say.
Yeah, Jimmy.
Yeah, Jimmy's her grandson.
Yeah, Ricky.
If he's still there, we don't know.
Yeah.
Well, anyhow, I haven't heard from him.
I hope they're still there.
I mean, like I said, my email's still screwed up and I've still done nothing about it.
So if you're dying to say, I think I've been neglecting it and I feel horrible if they're
still listening.
I deeply apologize.
You did.
You called a time or two.
Oh, did I?
OK.
Yes, you did.
Yeah.
OK.
I've got to.
I heard you got something you want to go into right now.
Yeah, yeah, my bed.
Oh, OK, OK.
I just got some I got something I want to address here real quick.
OK.
And this is something this irked me to no fucking end.
And is it Wal-Mart?
This is right before we left.
I was up at Wal-Mart getting some drink mixes like Gatorade Zero and stuff like that.
And I see a Mad Magazine.
Remember those?
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Yeah.
I love those things.
How could you forget?
Yeah.
I saw Alfred E. Newman on the front of them.
What me worry?
Yeah.
So I see this thing and it's beautiful.
And I grab it.
I didn't think it still exists.
And I'm like, ah, the Holy Grail.
And then I saw and everybody wonders why we're two douchebags.
That is a great reason.
Mad Magazine is a very, very great example of why we're warped right there.
Yes.
I was going to grab it and I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Where's the price?
It was fourteen dollars.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
I'm like, no fucking way.
For God's sakes, Biden, stop fucking wiping your ass with our money and throwing it everywhere.
Maybe it'll be worth the fucking cent.
Geez.
My God.
And Congress, you too.
My gosh.
Fourteen bucks for a Mad Magazine.
No wonder people don't have shit.
No wonder people are losing everything.
I'm sorry.
That irritated me to no fucking end.
I'm like, this is just a magazine I didn't need.
Thank God I was able to put it down.
Right.
But what foods the same way.
People need that.
And anyhow, you know what?
I could go into a lot more, but the elite assholes are wiping their ass with freshly painted money.
And it's fucking us.
The next episode, I want to go into Alex Van Halen's new book, Brothers.
It came out yesterday.
Yes.
And I'm reading it.
Yes.
It is.
It is fantastic.
And I'm reading reports.
OK.
Do you know who they want, who Alex Van Halen wants to record with them on their unreleased material?
I don't think I've read that yet.
I'll save it for the next podcast.
I'll tell you what.
It was like I would love to hear that guy do it if they'll still do it.
So anyhow, we'll talk about that next time.
There's a lot of excerpts from it that I haven't read all the book.
I just read the intro.
There's a lot of excerpts for that that came out in this book is phenomenal.
I mean, it goes into why David Lee Roth really left the band.
It goes into some of the inner circle, the Sammy Hagar deal, the Michael Anthony deal.
I mean, that his brother's inability to owe something else to about Michael Jackson and him working with Michael Jackson.
I found interesting.
You might have seen it already.
But I want to cover some of that on the next podcast because some of that is very interesting.
That I did see.
Yeah.
We'll go into that and we'll discuss that further on the next podcast, which will be next Tuesday.
So next Tuesday works for me.
Works for me.
Everybody.
Thank you.
Thank you for listening.
Have you seen our numbers, dude?
No, I have not.
Oh, geez.
I've been ashamed.
Look, we have a lot of episodes and people are going back and grabbing them.
And I thank God they're still listening to the newer ones, too, and to me and Topher, too.
But we have enough of a catalog to where people discover us.
They've got like miles of material they can listen to them, listen to us as.
But man, this this thing is no joke anymore, man.
I'll tell you, I we have gained a lot of steam.
And thank you, everybody.
We appreciate it.
And we're going to keep at it.
This is what you're getting right here tonight.
Rob and I, two douchebags and microphone.
And thank you guys for listening.
Your brothers in arms.
That's right.
Your brothers in arms.
We are.
Thank you.
And hey, Rob, I had a lot of support for you.
A lot of support.
A lot of people wondered how you're doing.
You told me that.
Yes.
You told me that.
It was really good.
Thank you, everybody.
A lot of good people.
A lot of good people listen to us, Rob.
A lot of really good people.
I got to jot down some of them because some of them I think you're going to really be
impressed with about what they said about people that were in your shoes, about people
that had family members in your shoes, people that I just had a lot of stuff hit me that
week and weekend, you know, and some of it didn't directly deal with me.
It had to do with my kids, you know.
Absolutely.
Yeah, one thing got to me and well, what happens?
I know, when you told me about that and you know what, man?
The even takes over.
You know what?
We needed our break.
I wish I would have known that a little bit sooner because I would have called you a little
bit sooner if I would have known that.
So anyhow.
I didn't.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anyhow, we don't have to get into anything right now, but thank you.
There's there's three dickheads that are blocked to fuck them anyhow.
And I strongly encourage them to never listen again because they're assholes.
All right.
Thank you.
Good night.
Not good assholes, bad assholes, not like the assholes that listen to us that we love.
Thank you, assholes.
Have a good night.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.