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Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Deucebags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
Anyhow, like a previous, I think it was like the last podcast, I mentioned about the Northern Lights and how they could get them all the way down to Florida, Eureka Springs, Northern California, here. Well, and I also mentioned what a pain in the ass it is too. You got to have night exposure on and got to be really, really still.
Basically have a tripod, you know, and who the hell carries around a tripod for their cell phone, their smartphone. Yeah, that's right.
So, anyhow, I was reading this new thing NASA came out, and there might be hope for people like me that are challenged on this whole deal trying to get it done.
All right, the sun is now in its solar maximum, meaning more aurora activity, which is great for people like me. They're a little slow to the game.
This year has given stargazers plenty opportunities to catch the colorful aurora's.
Other Northern Lights flicker across the night sky, and that's expected to continue as the sun is now in its solar maximum. The peak of its 11-year solar cycle. Representatives for NASA, the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, NOAA, I know everyone saw those initials before, but that's what it means.
And the internal solar cycle prediction panel. Okay, made the announcement at a news conference Tuesday.
During solar maximum, the number of sunspots and therefore the amount of solar activity increases, said Jamie Faber's director of NASA's space weather program.
This increase in activity provides an exciting opportunity to learn about our closest star, but also causes real effects at Earth and throughout our solar system. The peak activity is to expected to last another year, according to NASA.
So that's great. So dumbasses like me have a whole year to get their shit together and figure this out.
Actually, what I'm hoping is, is there's like a get ready to go to Eureka Springs, like I said.
Anyhow, this gives me maybe a chance to where there's not as much light clutter out there in a cabin that we stay at.
Maybe I can go out and witness some of this and you know what, even if I see it, if I can't get a picture, I don't think I necessarily give a shit.
Just as long as I get to see it. I intend to go to New Zealand one day and witness it there, but I just want to see it here because I can if I try hard enough.
So anyhow, there you guys go. Anyone that has not done it and want to do it, you got a year.
Now here's an interesting little story. The Federal Communications Commission, FCC, could go all the way with a proposed fine against ESPN.
Did you like that little, I didn't write it. Could go all the way.
Their proposal calls for a penalty of $146,976 against ESPN for violating the Emergency Alert System, EAS.
All these initials. Rules when the network aired ads to promote the 2023-24 NBA season.
FCC said the tones were used in the absence of an actual emergency, except for the tests.
They can do it during a test because you got to know what the emergency alert sounds like.
So the offending ads contain the unauthorized EAS tune and were aired six times from October 20th to 24th, 2023.
Several complaints were filed on October 20 about the TV spots.
The cable network admitted in response to a letter of inquiry that it used the EAS attention signals in the ads.
Who the hell would go complain about that? Who gives a shit?
You look at the screen and you see someone like bouncing a basketball and you go, okay, this obviously is not an emergency.
You know, you could probably really, I haven't seen the commercial and I haven't seen the spot.
I'm pretty sure you could tell it was a spot. It wasn't an actual emergency.
So who is the idiot that goes and writes letters to FCC? I mean, really?
Anyhow, the SPM will have an opportunity to respond to the proposed fine.
The commission will examine all the evidence and legal arguments surrounding the alleged illegal tone used before making a final decision on the matter.
Yeah, they already made their final decision, in my opinion.
Yeah, if they're even going to look at you, they're going to charge you, kind of like OSHA, in my opinion, too.
If they're even going to turn their head, you owe them at least 10 grand.
So this is the third time the network misused an emergency tone on air.
Oh, so they're habitual. They might even get a little bit more than that.
The FCC issued a one point one two million dollar fine as part of a forfeiture order in 2015 when ESPN used EAS tones of total of 13 times across three of its cable networks.
ESPN violated EAS tone usage rules a second time during the airing of one of its 30 for 30 documents, Roll Tide War Eagle, leading to a 20,000 dollar fine in 2021.
OK. At first, I thought, all right, a money grab.
Now, it seems like they're being habitual in doing this and they probably don't care about the fine.
They're doing this to get effect and they're willing to pay that hundred and some thousand for the effect.
So, you know what? Find a way, FCC. I stand corrected.
Yeah, they have plenty of time to never do this again.
And obviously they are. So, ESPN, you will pay the fine.
Well, turns out there was a huge study. Yes, I know. I know.
These brilliant bastards who did this study was doing a study of children and the amount of screen time they have on a smartphone or the PC on gaming or whatever.
And the amount of temper and tantrums they have.
Well, it seems there's a connection.
The more screen time and the more phone time that your child has, the more tantrums that your child will throw, according to this this whole study.
So, OK, let's examine this. People throw phones at their children when they don't want to deal with them.
Right. So, that is lack of attention.
So, how does a child get attention?
Doesn't matter whether it's good or bad.
They do whatever they need to do to get attention and a tantrum is a great way to get attention.
So, it looks to me in my humble opinion that what is happening here is a classic.
They are not paying attention to their child enough.
So, their child is acting out and the proof is the screen time and the computer time.
These are gadgets and tools that are used to keep your child at bay and busy so you don't have them in your hair.
Such as I'll see a lot of people going through the store with their child with a little game on their phone and they're over there playing.
That way they're not off running grabbing the pop tarts and the sweet tarts and all that stuff.
So, this is the same thing. Someone doesn't want to deal with their child.
So, they're like, here, play this game and then they go talk to whoever or whatever they have planned that doesn't involve the child.
So, that's all it is. I mean, I could have told them that easily.
That any child with more screen time or computer time is going to act up a hell of a lot more than a child that gets the proper attention and the right type of attention at the right times.
So, there you go. I'm glad you guys wasted all that million.
So, all the millions of dollars you probably wasted on this.
And you know, this is one of those things where I could look it up and see who did the study.
I don't give a shit. All I know is it's done and it costs a lot of money.
So, anyhow, that's my opinion.
And now who gives a fuck department. This is a classic who gives a fuck.
All right. It has been determined, again, by studies that there were volcanoes on the moon during the dinosaur age on Earth.
What this has to do with the tea in China or anything, I have no clue.
Now that you know, is your life any different? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Why did they have to do this study?
You know what? Someone needed something to do. Someone needed some federal money coming in and they needed something to do with it.
So, there you go. Someone got paid handsomely for coming up with this hypothesis, I guess it would be.
I mean, I don't know how you'd prove it. So, it would be an educated guess just like anybody else's.
So, thank you for that.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
It seems to me that the whole object of playing golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Jim X. What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them. At the feet. Spoke for you.
Hunk the man. Hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst. The generation of noncompliance. Is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
New research indicates that you can swim right after eating.
Here's a story that, well, I don't think anyone would think they ever heard.
It's just too weird and abstract and anyhow, I'll just get into it.
This is from USA Today. Rock music guitarist, Jakey Lee, a veteran performer who performed with Ozzy Osbourne and founding bands Badlands and Red Dragon Cartel,
was shot several times early Tuesday while walking his dog in Las Vegas.
And that's where he lives, by the way.
The incident is under investigation. Lee's management said in a statement sent to USA Today,
but the police think the shooting was completely random and occurred while Lee took his dog out for a walk in the early morning hours.
Lee, 67, is fully conscious and doing well in an intensive care unit at Las Vegas Hospital, his management said.
He is expected to fully recover.
Las Vegas police responded to a shooting incident at the 1100 block of Elora Street in the southern part of the city,
the Las Vegas Police Department said in a statement to USA Today.
Officers arrived and located a male victim suffering from an apparent gunshot wound.
The male was transported to the hospital. The statement said no arrests had been made at this time.
Police said the incident remains under investigation. No further comments will be forthcoming.
Lee and his family appreciate respecting their privacy at this time, his management said.
Hmm, interesting. Well, they went on to say, who is Jakey Lee?
Lee became well known to rock music fans when he joined Ozzy Osbourne's band for the albums Bark At The Moon and The Ultimate Sin.
After that, Lee formed the band Badlands with former black Sabbath singer Ray Gillan and Eric Singer of Kiss.
The band released three albums. He formed new band Red Dragon Cartel in 2013, which released albums Red Dragon Cartel in 2014 and Patina in 2018.
Lee had been in the midst of a self-imposed absence from public performance because he suffered pain in his right hand
and was working on pain management, he said, in an interview October 9th with music news site Blabbermouth.net.
But I am playing again. I have been for about two months maybe and I want to go out to do a tour, he told the outlet.
I want to finish doing the Pantina tour, which got canceled because of Covid.
I'd like to go out and do that with Red Dragon Cartel, focus on the Pantina record and do some recording.
We'll see where that goes.
Here are some how some fans react. Brad Gillis, I just heard about Jakey Lee. Glad to hear he's doing well. My thoughts are with you, buddy.
Brad Gillis is a very good guitarist too and Brad Gillis was a predecessor to Jakey Lee.
Brad Gillis filled in for the rest of the tour after Randy Rhoades was killed in that tragic plane accident.
Here is the next one. Thinking and praying for Jakey Lee said Mark Strigle. I've heard it all of these. I think it's Strigle.
Host of Sirius XM channel Ozzy's Boneyard and a post on X.
Wish my friend Jakey Lee a full step vastly recovery. Posted agent and promoter David Medea.
And then there's a lot of other people that said a lot of other things. I could go into them, but those are some of the most notables that said something.
One of the really notable things that I read was and I heard this and I saw it before in a couple of articles, but I guess maybe around, I don't know, 2000 something like that.
I'm not for sure in the maybe late 90s something like this.
Apparently Sharon Osmore got a hold of Jakey Lee and was wanting him to come back and do a tour and maybe an album with Ozzy because they were having problems with Zack Wild.
Now this would be consistent with some other people I know that had someone get contacted about it about the same time.
And anyhow, I guess the stuff with Zack got worked out and Jakey Lee said that I think his agent went to bat for him and said, you know, this is all great and everything.
But the thing that I really need and I have a problem with is Jakey Lee does not have any writing credits on Bark at the Moon.
And he wanted that changed before they could go further with any type of dialogue about him coming back.
And Sharon said, you know, I'll call you back.
And this is according to what I read on several sources.
So take it for what it is.
Maybe it's true.
Maybe it isn't.
But she never did call back.
So he took that as a no.
Interesting stuff, especially the shooting part.
But we all wish Jakey Lee well and it sounds like he is doing OK.
And wow, what an odd story.
And now from the truth is stranger than fiction department.
Stanley Kubrick, who was behind The Shining.
Yeah, the famous Jack Nicholson.
Very scary movie.
Thriller.
Bloody.
What have you.
Stanley Kubrick got what he wanted out of Jack Nicholson.
Being that type of a psychopathic, angry character.
By having Nicholson eat cheese sandwiches, which he hates for two weeks to get him into character.
That's.
Portaling insane.
I can't believe that Jack Nicholson went along with this, but then again, you know what I mean?
This movie really did help him a lot.
You know, kind of.
I mean, he is already established, but this movie did not hurt his career at all.
So anyhow, so I don't know what else to say on that, except OK.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
And this is a prime example.
Kubrick, I guess, was a complete prick on this anyhow, because I guess him and Shelley Duvall were all.
Always at it, and he like about drove her to insanity by he kept criticizing her performance and, you know, taking little pokes at her and stuff.
And anyhow, I guess the movie must have been like hell to to be a part of.
Actually, it sounds like.
But I mean, it turned out to be.
One of the classics, honestly, so.
If you didn't know, now you do.
I mean, method actors do some odd stuff, too.
I mean, you know, some method actors actually take it a little bit too far.
One of the ones that I found really interesting was James Gandolfini whenever he had to do.
I think her name was Aida to Turo or something like that.
He this is the actress that played his sister Janice, and he had to really act mad at her.
But he was good friends with her.
And the way he did that was whenever he had a scene with her, he filled his shoes full of rocks and walked on them all day to where when he saw her, he would actually really for real have a pissed off look on his face and really be angry because he's walking on rocks all day.
That I don't know if that's dedication or nuts.
I mean, I guess it worked every every episode that he was in, whether he acted angry with her and it was very convincing.
So I guess that form does.
There's other better examples, too, but I'm not a go go into him.
That was just one I remember right off because I remember thinking, wow, that's interesting that he did that to get that kind of a role.
And it's interesting that Kubrick would feed Jack Nicholson cheese sandwiches for two weeks to get that type of a real nuttiness, craziness, anger out of him.
So.
So a few months ago, Bob's big boy statue, you know, big boy.
The burger place.
And he's the chubby guy that's out there with a big smile on his face with a big cheeseburger in his hand. Double cheeseburger, that is.
Well, it seems like his statue, his head was sheared off because someone hit a fire hydrant in the in the car, hit it so hard that the fire hydrant was projected up.
And it hit it hit Bob's big boy's head and knocked half of his head off the top of his head off.
So recently they gave the Bob Bigs Boy statue a brain for for Halloween and they painted it green for effect.
So and then they're going to have a trunk or treat in the honor of the big boy statue getting a brain and they're kind of making a spoof out of it.
So I think that's pretty cool.
You know, they had the unfortunate problem of having somebody hit that fire hydrant and the fire hydrant, of course, you know, knocked the top of his head off.
So now there you go. They made it Halloween themed and it's working and I'm pretty sure they'll eventually probably put the rest of his head back on.
But until then, looks pretty cool.
Look up the picture if you get a chance.
I think we found land. Oh, my God, I think we're safe. Oh, no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, Hey bartender, I'll have one beer and a mop.
Your mom is so ugly. Your dad takes her to work every day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
I smell bacon. No, wait, it's just Mark's wedding.
Once again, we have the other show on this two douchebags and microphone platform called the Sports Bastards.
It's an NFL show that Topher and I, the original two, do.
And we predict the games coming up and we go over the games that went that were in the previous week and the ones that we got wrong, which are usually more than half of them and the ones we got right.
So we either give give ourselves a kick in the ass or a pat on the back, depending on what we said and what happened.
Now, I'm going to report this on that show, too.
But this is just kind of one of those ones where it could go on either one.
You know, Netflix is getting into the into the NFL game.
And, you know, there's just so many different entities now that have NFL on is just crazy.
I mean, there's just so many Amazon, Paramount.
I mean, you name it. So anyhow, Netflix is going into the business of that this year, too, with the Christmas games.
So just one problem.
Netflix needed people to broadcast it, to commentate and all that.
So Netflix announces its Christmas Day lineup.
I and Eagle, while the Sun Noah Eagle will call the other game, I and will share the booth with J.J.
Watt and Nate Burleson.
J.J. will be calling his little brothers T.J.
Watt's game. The Steelers are taking on the Kansas City Chiefs on Christmas.
Then the Houston Texans taking on Baltimore Ravens.
And that Noah Eagle will be with Fox's Greg Olson for that night game.
So, OK. Has anyone ever heard of Noah Eagle before?
Am I just like, am I behind the times?
I know it's I and Eagle Sun and he's a broadcaster, been a broadcaster for a long time.
And he's a good one. I like him. I think he's pretty good. He's stellar.
Where did this Noah kid come from?
And anyhow, I mean, it's going to be interesting. I mean, he might be really good.
I don't know. It's just this kind of blind side of me.
So, anyhow, there you go.
So if you go to Netflix to watch the Christmas games, that's what you're going to be hearing on each one of them.
So I am always the first one to doggone our local government and say what I think they're doing wrong.
So I got to give kadoos to whatever I think they're doing something right.
So this is what this is. This is a hey, good job.
You don't get a whole lot of them out of me. Trust me. Any governmental anything.
So, anyhow, the Traster Roads Project Program is a really good one, in my opinion.
Traster Roads. Here are the key points.
Collaboration with the University of Missouri, Live Green USA and J.M. Fahey Construction, or Fahey, I guess.
Not Fahey, Fahey.
Three asphalt mixes tested recycled tires, plastics, and a combination of both.
The goal, to divert waste from landfills, extend road life, and reduce maintenance needs.
Part of a broader effort to create circular economy solutions and strengthen supply chains.
All of that's fantastic. I have nothing ill to say about that at all.
The Traster Roads Initiative is one of my many efforts by Kansas City to build a sustainable future
and foster innovation, and the benefits both resides in the residents and the environment.
The city will continue to evaluate the program's outcomes and explore opportunities to expand its use
of recycled materials and infrastructure projects.
In September, residents in the Foxcroft and Glen Arbor neighborhood were invited to participate in a public meeting
to learn about and discuss the Traster Roads pilot program.
Following the meeting, several streets within the neighborhood were resurfaced as part of the program's implementation.
The city is now actively gathering feedback from residents to assess the effectiveness and performance
of the new roadway materials and their perspective.
This community input will help inform the city's evaluation of the program's success and guide future efforts.
So, I don't know man, if that works well, then I think that is something that every city, every metropolitan area,
even out in the country, should look into.
Because so much of these materials are part of our landfills, are taking up all this space
and ruining the ecological environment around there.
I mean, if you could find something like that to do with this, it would be, it's amazing.
So, I hope this project continues and I hope it goes very well and I commend them for doing this.
So, good job Casey, attaboy.
Pat you on the back real quick, alright. Other than that, fuck you.
And for the this really sucks part of the program, it seems like a World War II bomb
that was underneath a Japanese runway in an airport blew up recently.
I don't know if there's any casualties or not, but it just sucks.
You know, there you are, sitting there, you know, World War II, way removed from it.
Everything's back to better now, you get along with America, all this stuff, everything's good.
Alright, your economy's doing well, everybody's doing good, and boom.
I mean, it's kind of like the bat bombs that Harry Truman sent over there.
He basically, him and the military tied hand grenades, or I don't know if it's hand grenades,
some sort of a time release bomb on bats.
Bats would go into people's attics and then they would explode.
Now right there, that is a mean, vicious tactic, but that's war.
So anyhow, this one, I guess they paved over it, didn't realize it.
I mean, it might have been in the ground or something.
I mean, I really don't see how you pave over a bomb, but it was done and it exploded.
So there you go.
And now in the oops department, Coca-Cola recalls thousands of cases of mislabeled zero sugar lemonade
for containing sugar.
That's not good.
About 13,152 cases of mislabeled lemonade, each including 12 cans of mistakenly sugary drink,
were shipped to retail stores in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio.
Hmm.
Thousands of cases of improperly labeled minute made zero sugar lemonade have been recalled
after they were found to contain the regular formula of lemonade with 40 grams of sugar,
according to the Food and Drug Administration.
That's not good.
You know, people that are diabetic could easily just screw up their whole,
it could ruin their whole life.
I mean, really.
About 13,152 cases of mislabeled lemonade, each including 12 cans of the mistakenly sugary drink,
were shipped to retail stores in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio.
In addition to the 40 grams of sugar, regular minute made lemonade contains 30 times the calories
and over 20 times the total carbohydrates of minute made zero sugar lemonade,
according to nutritional facts listed on Instacart.
Coca-Cola issued the recall on September 10th, but a news release was never publicized,
the FDA's enforcement report said.
Hmm.
I wonder how come they, who knows.
The FDA classified the recall as Class 2, which involves a health hazard situation
where there is a remote probability of adverse health consequences from use of this product.
Concerned consumers can distinguish effective cans by searching for the codes.
Feb 172, you know what, just look it up.
Coca-Cola did not immediately respond for a request or comment.
I bet they didn't, because that is a boneheaded move.
That should not have happened, honestly.
And another one in the oops department, but you know, while I'm reading off what Coca-Cola did,
Pepsi has a big oops too, but not quite nearly, not nearly as big, but
Pepsi has voluntarily recalled a total of 322 cases of Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale caffeine free
because it discovered during an internal investigation that cans labeled as sugar free contain full sugar.
The recall was initiated on March 9th.
This is a few months ago, but you know what, it's right in line with what we just told you about Coca-Cola.
So, with the US Food and Drug Administration investigation is going on,
and Pepsi did a recall of all of them, and here's what I look at.
If you have to drink that kind of a drink, I don't even give a shit.
Think of the person that has to have Schweppes Zero Sugar Ginger Ale caffeine free.
You just knocked every inch of fun out of that damn thing.
Why don't you just go drink water? It's better for you anyhow, and that is what you're drinking,
is just unflavored carbonated water.
I mean, I wouldn't, I mean, for me there would be no reason for me to even touch that stuff.
It doesn't do anything for you. It's water.
You might as well go get some, I don't know, some sort of powder and throw it in your water,
like Gatorade Zero is what I like, Zero Orange is a good powder, and just do that.
Or, you know what, or just go have someone kick you straight in the ass.
That's the same thing.
So, anyhow, if you drink one of those, fuck off.
And also, if you drink one of those, I can't be friends with you.
It's just like I stated to Topher the other day, and I think it was on the podcast.
If you're a big Aussie fan, and you have a dog named Mr. Growly, I cannot be friends with you.
Sorry, this is the way it is. No offense.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go, but we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay, it's post-apocalypse, and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it, and it should pop right open.
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is the apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post-apocalypse.
Very important for survival is to know the predators in your area.
Study up on them and grab a few wildlife books to keep in your shelter.
Find information for ways to kill the animal if edible and not damage the meat.
A crossbow is usually most effective. Tools such as a duck call or a moose call could help when to seek out possible food to kill.
Search all uses for an animal after it is killed, such as the pelt, the hooves, or antlers can make a handy weapon if needed.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder. It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe everyone!
Christopher, you were talking about brain maturity the other day.
Yeah, that's something that I saw an article on is a lot of neurologists are saying that a human's brain doesn't reach full maturity until age 25.
Which I thought was rather interesting because there's a lot of consideration of maturity when they're talking about laws.
Is a person mature enough? Can they handle this responsibility? Can they be held responsible for this?
That brings a lot of stuff in question, doesn't it?
Yeah, we say if you're under 18, then your brain isn't mature enough to vote. But 18 you are.
But 18 you're able to fight for your country, which to me is kind of contradictory.
But your brain isn't mature yet for another seven years.
So can you really make the decision to go and risk your life for your country if your brain is still immature?
Well, okay, it used to be you didn't make the decision.
Now that you do make the decision, that's very much up for debate because is it legal? Could someone get out of it with this defense?
That's a good question. There are already people who are talking about not making people under the age of 18 pay any kind of income tax.
Because they don't get to vote yet, so they are not represented.
However, they're being taxed.
That's one of the big parts of this country. Representation has to come along with taxation.
So if you're taxing a 16-year-old or a 17-year-old on their income, they don't get to vote.
That's true.
They should be exempt.
Yeah, I really don't know. I'm kind of on the fence. I see both sides.
But then 25, I think that right there would help the conservatives more than the liberals.
Because it's my belief that people get more conservative the longer they live.
Yeah, and the more they have to lose.
Yes.
And the more often random bad shit happens to them.
Yes.
Like the old joke is a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, and a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.
That's pretty good.
It just depends on your point of view.
Have I ever told you about my prank phone call deal that I used to do?
No.
Well, this is the old quick trip in Belvedere, the one right off the highway, right off of 71 or 49 or whatever, at 155th Street, down there in that little pit there, right off the exit ramp.
There used to be a quick trip.
And one day I'm in there getting a soda or some shit, right, and I notice the phone rang.
Is this probably a drug deal or something?
Yeah.
And some guy jumps out of his car and starts answering.
I'm like, huh, they know those things had numbers.
Not only did I not know they have numbers, I didn't realize that people fucking answer.
Yeah.
The idea of calling into a pay phone didn't occur to me until I saw someone do it on a TV show.
I was like, what?
Yeah.
You can do that?
Yeah.
I thought it's just one way you got on there and said, hey, I'm down here at the quick trip, man.
Whenever you want to come down, you know, I got the I got the pet cage and the and the rubbers.
So so anyhow, so I walk over there and I get a pen from the guy in the quick trip and wrote down the numbers.
There's like three of them.
And they're like, you know, in a little semicircle.
And back in the days, I mean, like you mentioned the other day, how nasty that was.
Yeah.
Some guy get up there and start spitting all over the phone, talking, and then you go pick it up right after.
Yeah.
Jam it right up to the hole in your face that you eat through.
Now when I think about it, I cringe.
So anyhow, it is probably a dirt bag from Belvedere anyhow, with no teeth.
You know, so anyhow, I get these numbers down and anyhow, one day I'm over my friend Davies and we're bored.
I go, hey, man, I got something we could do.
What's that?
See these three numbers?
Yeah.
There's a number to the pay phones in Belvedere Quick Trip.
Oh, really?
Let's just call it and fuck with people.
Sure.
OK.
So, you know, we call up and the first time it took a long time.
I don't think anyone was there.
Someone answered hello.
Oh, you know, this is a pay phone.
I go, hey, you know, you're a dickhead.
You know, just start screwing with them.
Yeah, you're a piece of shit, man.
Hey, you know, I got right next to me who?
Your mom.
Yeah.
You know, people get pissed off.
Fuck you, bitch.
And all this stuff.
So anyhow, we call them up and harass them.
People get so fucking mad.
You know, we get them so mad.
They threaten to kill us.
They're going to come over and we're like, well, you're going to kill me when you don't
know where I'm at, bitch.
You know what?
This is before this is in maybe early 90s at the most late 80s, whatever, somewhere in
the time frame.
And I mean, it was just I mean, we had nothing else to do.
So we'd call up and just get people so mad.
Davey used to do this farmer oppression.
He used to tell a guy that his fucking goats were in his yard and he was mad or your fucking
cattle trampled my fucking sheep, you bitch.
I don't have I don't have no farm.
Yeah, you do.
You son of a bitch.
I know this is you, Mr. Johnson.
You get your ass over here and you get my dead fucking sheep and you better fucking bury
it.
If you don't, I'm going to come over there.
I'm going to slap the stupid out of you.
And that's going to take all day because you're pretty fucking stupid.
And he would just keep railing on him.
And the people get so mad and argue about I don't have a farm.
I ain't got no farm, you dumb son of a bitch.
And he would just keep going.
Ain't got no farm, you dumb son of a bitch.
And these people get so mad.
So anyhow, one day I'm over there.
I'm like, hmm, you know, it's starting to get boring.
People get mad and they hang up.
Then a lot of people just go, fuck you, you know, and hang up.
The smarter ones do.
Yeah.
And although I question them answering a pay phone, you know, this is a pay phone, don't
you?
You know, it's like, OK, I heard that one before.
All right.
Hang on.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, what do you do?
I noticed there's a White House right behind there.
So anyhow, I'm like, OK, all right.
Everyone always wants to know where I live at.
I guess I'm going to live in that White House right behind the pay phone.
So anyhow, you know, most people are just kind of like they hang up and they don't want
to go to that White House.
This one guy that I was fucking with just constantly going, hey, you piece of shit, man.
Yeah, you just don't sound right without a dick in your mouth.
You sound completely different.
You're a bald gargler and all this stuff, man.
You smell like chode.
And this guy's just getting fucking madder than you.
I'm going to beat the shit out of you.
Where you at?
I go, you want to know where I'm at, bitch?
Yeah.
Over there.
Look to your left.
Oh, no, no, not that left.
The other left, moron.
See that left over there?
See that White House?
I'm right here, motherfucker.
I'm looking out the window.
I'm waiting for your fucking fat ass to come beat me up.
I'm going to smack the stupid out of you, and I'm going to do it in front of everybody.
I'm going to call people over to watch me smack the fuck out of you.
And this guy's getting mad.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
I'm going to fucking kill you, man.
And I'm pretty sure the guy went over there.
He was so mad.
So he was so mad that he didn't even completely hang up.
I heard it go click and then it fell on the ground.
So he didn't look back or nothing.
And anyhow, I hear a car peeling out.
So I don't know about that guy in that White House, but I'm pretty sure he got into a pretty good fight.
Yeah.
She looked at the police blotter the next day.
Man in White House beaten to death by outrage.
There wasn't an internet.
So it's like one of those deals for having to wait for one of those little regional magazines like the South Side or whatever.
The Grandview Circle or whatever.
The Grandview Dick Smack or whatever.
One of those stupid little fucking mags to come out.
South Side idiot.
Whatever.
So, hey, I never did find out, you know, and I didn't want to know.
I was afraid someone might have got killed that whole scuff up, you know, but yeah, could be.
It was at the hands of entertainment.
So I justified it.
Yeah.
Were you briefly entertained?
Oh, I was entertained for a while.
I mean, especially the guys that just continue to get mad and just continue to try to insult you and one up you without a brain.
Yeah.
And you continue like Davey just roll over so many insults on him.
And they just keep getting madder and madder.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck you.
Oh, my God.
You got me.
Oh, you went through the F bomb.
Oh, someone get me some iced tea.
Oh, my God.
Oh, the pain.
You know, and anyhow, so the fine.
The finality was I just call it down there.
And this is later.
I got bored with it and I went back to it and this chick answers and I started saying something, you know, just started blathering some sort of
shit to try to piss her off.
She goes, Mark Wallace.
Oops.
Who is this?
This is Danielle.
Oh, fuck.
What are you doing?
Calling a pay phone.
Long story.
She busted me.
Last time I called him like fuck, man.
That's it, man.
So far, it is done.
Yep.
Cancel Christmas.
Yeah.
Pharmacy's closed.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.