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Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
An 80 year old Bulgarian man has the record for the longest nose hair ever at 3 feet.
Ozzy Osbourne. We all know who he is, right?
Well, I guess his days of hard drug use have come to an end.
I know, you're all flabbergasted. Not really. If you've seen recent videos of him, or even over the last couple years,
you can kind of figure that he probably would not be able to do hard drugs anymore because father time.
That's the way it is.
So, this is from People Magazine Online during a September episode of the Ozborns podcast with Billy Morrison.
It's very good by the way. If you ever get a chance, listen to some of it.
I think they charge you for it now, which really pisses me off. They didn't use to.
So, if you can get it for free, or if you don't mind doing that bullshit of paying for it, then go ahead.
I do. I gave them enough of my money.
So, anyhow, still love them, but not giving them another dime.
So, anyhow, the 75 year old Black Sabbath rocker reflected on his years of drug use, how his life is much better today,
and why he's not completely sober.
And I would say there's a lot of people not completely sober.
I know a ton of people that are not completely sober.
The fact is, you need an outlet, whether it's Indica or whatever.
Everyone kind of needs an outlet, whether it's jamming flexerolls down your throat to go to sleep, or whatever.
You know, there's a lot of that going around. Whether it's illegal, legal, whatever.
After reflecting on heavy alcohol and cocaine use, Osborne, who's undergone several surgeries in recent years,
spoke about a friend who recommended he try microdosing ketamine.
I went to the doctor recently because someone I know very well started to have this ketamine.
He said, I go in, I put a tiny bit in me, but that was enough to spark me.
Looking forward, Osborne has no plans to microdose any drugs.
For me, that's lighting the fuse, he explained, recalling a well-known alcoholic's anonymous saying that still rings true for him.
Once too many, it tends never enough.
I like it, that's pretty good.
So they're probably pretty dead on on that one.
So today the crazy trained musician feels happier than he was during the years of drug use,
but I'm not completely sober, he said. I use a bed of marijuana from time to time.
Yeah, I get it. And, you know, I'm sure you are much happier because it doesn't lead to that lifestyle and needing another and needing another.
So, anyhow, despite his marijuana use, Osborne feels lucky his wife Sharon is around to make sure he doesn't do or use anything harder.
My wife kicks my butt all the time, he said. She would fucking make my life so difficult.
For that reason, his life is much easier these days. Even the marijuana, she will find it and she will get rid of it, he joked.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member doesn't want anyone going down the same path he did with drugs and alcohol.
The message is, if you are out there and you are using dope and you want to get off, there's plenty of help, he said.
So, yeah, there is. I mean, AA is a 12-step program that got me sorted out of a certain degree, Osborne added.
I don't go to meetings myself anymore, but I, maybe I should, but I don't know.
Elsewhere in the episode, the Godfather of Metal recalled one risky story from his days of using cocaine.
When he was about to snort some of the drug before spotting a police officer in the same bathroom as him,
he bent down and I see Black Boots standing at the urinal and it's a cop.
I'm standing on one leg with a toot of coke waiting for this guy.
I'm trying to edit out all the cuss words while I'm reading this, I'm sorry.
Everything is an effing, and I mean, whenever you, I don't know, I don't like to say it that excessive.
I'll say it now for effect here and there. But anyhow, this is riddled with effing.
So if I pause for a second, that's what's going on.
I started one leg with a toot of coke waiting for this guy to finish his piss so I could blow it.
It was killing me, but I was determined to do it.
That's a pretty cool story.
Well, okay. Next I have a list of the most popular slang word the year you were born.
So I'm going to not hit all of them because jeez, there's like, I don't know how many of them. A lot.
So this goes up to 2006 and it starts from 1960.
So let's start right there. 1960, the most popular slang word was Dole'sville.
I don't remember that at all. I was born in 66, so I suppose I probably shouldn't.
So, okay. 1961 was bratty.
Okay, well, I guess that would probably mean honorary person or something of such, something like that.
1962 was drop dead gorgeous.
I heard that used plenty of times and I heard bratty used too, but bratty is used sparingly and drop dead gorgeous used to be,
I think before the word fox came in and now I don't think fox is used anymore. People just go, oh man, she's a fox.
That means she was hot. She was good looking.
1963 was Mickey Mouse. So, okay.
I prefer Steamboat Willie.
1964 aw shucks.
That reminds me of Leave It To Beaver.
1965, grody. I remember that as a kid. I remember that.
People go, oh, you're grody. I think that meant gross, nasty, something like that.
Oh man, that spinach is grody.
So, okay, I get it.
1966 is kegger.
Well, I figured that had been in the 80s. God, that's all we wanted to do in the 80s is have keggers.
I mean, it was crazy.
At 8 a.m. night, someone would have a keg in the back of their truck and we'd be whizzing around the gravel roads, smashing that.
We used to go back to this place south of Freeman called the Amarujis,
in which I have a story on them coming up a little bit later, maybe not in this segment, but coming up.
And I guess they formed their own government and want nothing to do with anybody, the people that live back in those hills.
It's a very unique area of, I believe it's still Cass County, of Cass County, southern Cass County.
It could be Bates County. And it's got some odd hills for the area it is.
So it's kind of a different type of a landscape than everything else around it.
And there's people that live there and they're called Amarujians.
And I'm not kidding you, I knew this ever since when my dad moved us out there in the middle of nowhere to get away from the city.
So anyhow, all right, let's see, where was I?
1967, freak flag. I hear that still today.
Hey, let your freak flag fly. So 1968 is Bippy.
1969 was out of sight. I do remember that one.
1970 was dorky. That was used in the 80s. I remember that.
1971 was deadheads.
1972 was guilt trip.
And I'm going to go over a couple of them just because, I mean, look, I mean, after a while, to me, this is interesting,
but only for so long. And I think you guys are probably the same.
Let's see, 1977 is when bruski came out. That was the most popular slang word.
And I think people still say it, especially the guys with the Tommy Bahama shirts and the cap on backwards and their 40 something.
Hey, hey, give me a bruski. Yeah, those those idiots.
Anyhow, let's see, 1982, buff.
That's where that I guess that's when that came from.
1981 was chill pill.
I thought that was mid 80s. Guess not.
I remember this one. Remember this one.
I heard women saying this all the time about guys.
1986 was stud muffin.
Oh, there you go. 1988 was F bomb.
And we all know what F bomb means.
Let's see. 1993, the bomb.
1997, jiggy.
1998, fat with a pH. That's right.
1999 was bling. 2000.
And I know why. I know why this became popular in 2000 because of a Bud Light commercial was up.
2000 was the millennium was what's up.
2001, whitetail. OK, OK, whatever.
2002, hella.
2003, peeps. I still use that a lot today.
2004, at this one, everyone will remember muffin top.
I don't have to say anymore. You know, you have that person in mind right now.
As soon as I say that, you go, oh, yeah.
2005, fo schizzle and fo sheezy.
That Snoop Doggism, isn't it? I think pretty much. 2006 is sick.
So there you go.
Hope you cared.
Probably not. You're probably listening to something else right now, aren't you?
Well, if you are, fuck you. And if not, thank you for listening.
Oh, something I've been neglecting, and I'm sorry about this.
Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra Ra.
So a new study revealed that video games are actually good for your health.
I don't know how they got that, because usually you can't pry someone away from a video game to ask them how they feel.
So I don't know how that became, but I kind of have it in question.
So right now I'm going to go into the term ends meet, the origin of it.
I've been doing these for a while, and I take these old ones that, you know, these old terms like off the hay truck and all this stuff.
And I try to find out where they came from.
Well, today I'm going to focus in on the term ends meet.
This is one that makes most sense to me, and this is one that I believe there's a few of them out there.
But where did the phrase ends meet come from?
We know the phrase is centuries old, and it means to have enough money to live on.
The oldest example may be from a book by Thomas Fuller, The History of England.
It was written around 1660. In one passage, the Duke says, worldly wealth he cared not for, desiring only to make both ends meet.
So what he was saying was, hey, you know, barely making it, but also ends meet. He put it to where both the ends meet.
So, yeah, that was kind of dull, but I believe it, I guess. Maybe.
How about we try another one? Kilroy. Kilroy has been used in all different kinds of sentences, in all different kinds of ways.
Sticks even used it on one of their songs.
And I'm not even sure. I think the song might have been called Kilroy, but it's the famous Domo Arigato. Thank you, Mr. Roboto.
So anyhow, it was their biggest hit, and it ruined the whole band because their legions of fans could not stand it.
And they knew them as a rock band, and they didn't like this new disco stuff.
So they left, and it made them and ruined them, is one of those famous examples of. It was good, but horrible.
So, its origins most likely came from a British cartoon in the name of an American shipyard inspector.
The myths surrounding it are numerous and often center of a German belief that Kilroy was some kind of a super spy who could go anywhere he pleased.
I can believe that. I think that's pretty good.
There's another thing going on with Kilroy too that I found interesting.
Kilroy was here accompanied by a cartoon drawing of a man looking over a wall was a popular piece of graffiti drawn by American troops in the Atlantic Theater and then later in the Pacific Theater.
It came to be in a universal sign that American soldiers had come through an area and left their mark.
Eventually during the war, Kilroy became so popular that this graffiti could be found everywhere on ship holds, bathrooms, bridges and painted on the shells of Air Force missiles.
Its origins most likely came from a British cartoon, like we said, in the name of American shipyard inspector.
It just goes over the same thing. The myths surrounding it are numerous and often center of a German belief that Kilroy was some kind of a super spy who could go anywhere he pleased.
Ryan, the drawing on it however is really unique. I've seen this type of a person before with a long nose looking over what would look like a wall.
If you saw this, you can look it up, but now I know where that piece of art came from.
The other day I went into the store and it was a local store. It wasn't a national chain or anything.
I see on there a sign and it says, we're sorry but we are completely out of sugar maple Pepsi.
Sugar maple Pepsi? I didn't even know it existed. They're already out of it?
So I asked the lady, I said, sugar maple Pepsi? She goes, yeah, yeah, it's been around for a little while and we stocked it and we completely sold out of it and we don't know when it's going to come in.
So I was like, wow, did anyone else know about this stuff? Sounds pretty fantastic to me.
But evidently it's a big secret. I mean, I know of anyone else that I talked to said, what? That exists? Maybe they have it regional or something and they just happen to get it. They got a different distributor or something. I don't know.
It was, yeah, I don't know. So I didn't know what to say about that. I mean, obviously I missed it. I rarely go into that store. It's really kind of out of my way and it's really kind of steep because it's a smaller store, not affiliated with anybody else.
So it would be probably a part of the Independent Grocers Association. They used to have like IGA's and they were Independent Grocers Association. Well, that is part of a big group of independent grocers that buy together.
And anyhow, I believe it's part of an IGA type of a deal. So they may have different, slightly different distributors ship or something. And evidently they were getting sugar maple Pepsi and nobody I know of else was.
So anyhow, but they're out of it. So I can't get it now. And the lady had no idea when more was going to come in. So, yeah, I don't know. You know what? I'll probably look it up on the internet.
I might be able to get it through Amazon or something at a good enough price where I could try it.
So we've been reporting Topher and I about Rashi Rice and his injury. Per Adam Schefter, Rice needs his LCL repaired, but there is a chance that it's only legaments to be repaired.
He's expected to make a full recovery. It's unlikely chiefs wide receiver Rashi Rice will play again this season, but doctors will not know that for sure until they perform surgery Tuesday morning, per Adam Schefter.
So that's, I don't know. That's a big bowl of nothing, isn't it? Probably won't play, but they won't know it for the whole season, for the rest of the season, but they won't know it for sure until they actually do the operation.
Okay. Thanks. Now we all know Tyreek Hill, especially here in Kansas City. He wanted a huge contract and if we couldn't get it to him, we wanted to be dealt. So we dealt him to the Miami Dolphins.
Well, he's having a little bit of an issue again. He is making a move to dismiss his accusers subpoenas, but this is Tyreek's Hill legal troubles with women continue with an influencer gunning for unspecified damages.
Sophie Hall, a plus size model and social media personality, sued the NFL star for battery and assault over a 2023 incident. However, the athlete recently moved to block her move to drag his past cases into their drama.
Now we reported on this quite a while ago when it happened. Tyreek Hill, per legal documents, implored the court to reject his accusers demand for access to investigation records linked to other assault cases against him.
His Vietnamese denied hurting Sophie Hall and blamed her alleged injuries on negligence. What do you mean? She fell down the stairs or something? I don't know.
In his new filing, Hill objected to several subpoenas issued by Hall to the NFL and the National Collegiate Athletic Association.
She asked the organizers for investigation records about the athletes previous assault and battery cases. In June 2023, Hill was accused of slapping an employee at a Marina in Miami, but the case was settled with no charges were filed.
Before this incident, a 30 year old pleaded guilty to domestic assault and battery by strangulation while at Oklahoma State University.
And that's why we took a chance on him as in the Kansas City Chiefs and nobody else did is because everybody knew this guy was lightning fast.
Everybody knew he was a superstar in the making. Everybody knew he can catch the ball.
But they didn't know about his personal, his personality, his, what would you call it? His actions, you know, his actions were in question.
And I think that is the biggest thing. It really kind of held him back. But the Chiefs took a chance on him and groomed him into a superstar. And then they went ahead and let him go instead of paying him, which probably spoke a lot right there too.
But also the Chiefs M.O. is not that anymore. They raise their own receivers. They have the quarterback. They're not worried about it. So they raise their own receivers and they'll pick up a couple of ones that are decent.
I mean, like Juju Schuster, they picked him up for nothing because he was just, he was around not doing anything. Cream Hunt, same thing, both them producing very well and looking really well.
So Worthy, they drafted him out of Texas. And it looks to me like he is another superstar in the making. So it didn't really, you know, that's what the Chiefs do there is they grow their own.
So anyhow, Tariq, I don't know what to say.
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the Post-Apocalypse List.
Stuck up on pantyhose. The hose can be used to filter sediments out of water in any type of stew or soup that requires natural ingredients. The material is also great to cover unprotected areas of skin. You could rub citronella or other compounds on the hose to detract insect bites.
It could also be used for a nice window net. The hose can be rolled together and a form of durable strong rope can be used out of this.
Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe. Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, Hey bartender, I'll have one beer and a mop.
So a new study revealed that video games are actually good for your health. I don't know how they got that because usually you can't pry someone away from a video game to ask them how they feel.
So I don't know how that became, but I kind of have it in question.
So right now I'm going to go into the term ends meet the origin of it. I've been doing these for a while and I take these old ones that these old terms like off the hay truck and all this stuff.
And I try to find out where they came from. Well today I'm going to focus in on the term ends meet.
This is one that makes most sense to me and this is one that I believe there's a few of them out there.
But where did the phrase ends meet come from? We know the phrase is centuries old and it means to have enough money to live on.
The oldest example may be from a book by Thomas Fuller, The History of England.
It was written around 1660 in one passage the Duke says, Worldly wealth he cared not for, desiring only to make both ends meet.
So what he was saying was hey, you know, barely making it, but also ends meet. He put it to where both the ends meet.
So yeah, that was kind of dull, but I believe it. I guess. Maybe.
How about we try another one? Kilroy. Kilroy has been used in all different kinds of sentences in all different kinds of ways.
Sticks even used it on one of their songs. And I'm not even sure. I think the song might have been called Kilroy, but it's the famous Domo Arigato.
Thank you, Mr. Roboto. So anyhow, it was their biggest hit and it ruined the whole band because their legions of fans could not stand it.
And they knew them as a rock band and they didn't like this new disco stuff. So they left and it made them and ruined them is one of those famous examples of it was good but horrible.
So its origins most likely came from a British cartoon in the name of an American shipyard inspector.
The myths surrounding it are numerous and often center of a German belief that Kilroy was some kind of a super spy who could go anywhere he pleased.
I can believe that. I think that's pretty good.
There's another thing going on with Kilroy too that I found interesting.
Kilroy was here accompanied by a cartoon drawing of a man looking over a wall was a popular piece of graffiti drawn by American troops in the Atlantic Theater and then later in the Pacific Theater.
It came to be in a universal sign that American soldiers had come through an area and left their mark.
Eventually during the war, Kilroy became so popular that this graffiti could be found everywhere on ship holds bathrooms bridges and painted on the shells of Air Force missiles.
Its origins most likely came from a British cartoon like we said in the name of American shipyard inspector.
It just goes over the same thing. The myths surrounding it are numerous and often center of a German belief that Kilroy was some kind of a super spy who could go anywhere he pleased.
The drawing on it however is really unique. I've seen this type of a person before with a long nose looking over what would look like a wall.
If you saw this you can look it up but now I know where that piece of art came from.
The other day I went into the store and it was a local store it wasn't a national chain or anything.
I see on there a sign and it says we're sorry but we are completely out of sugar maple Pepsi.
Sugar maple Pepsi? I didn't even know it existed and they're already out of it.
So I asked the lady I said sugar maple Pepsi? She said yeah it's been around for a little while and we stocked it and we completely sold out of it and we don't know when it's going to come in.
So I was like wow did anyone else know about this stuff? Sounds pretty fantastic to me.
But evidently it's a big secret. I mean I know of anyone else that I talked to said what that exists? Maybe they have it regional or something and they just happen to get it.
They got a different distributor or something I don't know. It was I yeah I don't know.
So I didn't know what to say about that. I mean obviously I missed it. I rarely go into that store.
It's really kind of out of my way and it's really kind of steep because it's a smaller store not affiliated with anybody else.
So it would be probably a part of the Independent Grocers Association.
They used to have like IGA's and they were Independent Grocers Association.
Well that is part of a big group of independent grocers that buy together.
And anyhow I believe it's part of an IGA type of a deal. So they may have different slightly different distributors ship or something.
And evidently they were getting sugar maple Pepsi and nobody I know of else was.
So anyhow but they're out of it so I can't get it now and the lady had no idea when more was going to come in.
So yeah I don't know. You know what I'll probably look it up on the internet. I might be able to get it through Amazon or something at a good enough price to where I could try it.
So we've been reporting Topher and I about Rashi Rice and his injury.
Per Adam Schefter, Rice needs his LCL repaired but there is a chance that it's only legaments to be repaired.
He's expected to make a full recovery. It's unlikely chiefs wide receiver Rashi Rice will play again this season.
But doctors will not know that for sure until they perform surgery Tuesday morning per Adam Schefter.
So hmm that's I don't know. That's a big bowl of nothing isn't it.
Probably won't play but they won't know it for the whole season for the rest of the season but they won't know it for sure until they actually do the operation.
Okay thanks.
Now we all know Tyreek Hill especially here in Kansas City.
He wanted a huge contract and if we couldn't get it to him we wanted to be dealt so we dealt him to the Miami Dolphins.
Well he's having a little bit of an issue again.
He is making a move to dismiss his accusers subpoenas but this is Tyreek Hill legal troubles when women continue with an influencer gunning for unspecified damages.
Sophie Hall a plus size model and social media personality sued the NFL star for battery and assault over a 2023 incident.
However the athlete recently moved to block her move to drag his past cases into their drama.
Now we reported on this quite a while ago when it happened.
Tyreek Hill per legal documents implored the court to reject his accusers demand for access to investigation records linked to other assault cases against him.
His Vietnamese denied hurting Sophie Hall and blamed her alleged injuries on negligence.
Hmm what does he mean she fell down stairs or something?
I don't know. In his new filing Hill objected to several subpoenas issued by Hall to the NFL and the National Collegiate Athletic Association.
She asked the organizers for investigation records about the athletes previous assault and battery cases.
In June 2023 Hill was accused of slapping an employee at a marina in Miami but the case was settled with no charges were filed.
Before this incident a 30 year old pleaded guilty to domestic assault and battery by strangulation while at Oklahoma State University.
And that's why we took a chance on him as in the Kansas City Chiefs and nobody else did.
It's because everybody knew this guy was lightning fast. Everybody knew he was a superstar in the making.
Everybody knew he can catch the ball but they didn't know about his personal his personality his his what would you call it his his actions.
You know his actions were in question and I think that is the biggest thing it really kind of held him back.
But the Chiefs took a chance on him and groomed him into a superstar and then they went ahead and let him go instead of paying him.
Which probably spoke a lot right there too. But also the Chiefs MO's not that anymore.
They raise their own receivers. They have the quarterback they're not worried about it.
So they raise their own receivers and and they'll pick up a couple of ones that are decent.
I mean like Juju Schuster they picked him up for nothing because he was just he was around not doing anything.
Cream Hunt same thing both them producing very well and looking really well.
So Worthy they drafted him out of Texas and it looks to me like he is another superstar in the making.
So it didn't really you know that's what the Chiefs do there is they grow their own. So anyhow Tariq I don't know what to say.
Two dish bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
Man my internet is so slow. This is bullshit. How am I supposed to browse or get on TikTok with slow internet.
I'm so pissed off right now. I don't know what to do.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Let's see if a worm could talk. Would it be argumentive?
I may never know.
Two monkey fuckers and a toaster will be right back.
Next up things overheard in hell.
John Wayne Gacy is in charge of human resources.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah we know Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the Hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal. But little does anyone know about the Hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse Hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use Hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique Hickory nut milk.
There are five types of Hickory nuts.
Bitter nut Hickory, Shag Bark Hickory, Pig Nut Hickory, Mockernut Hickory and Smooth Bark Hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So Dirt and Apocalypse don't forget to grab your nuts.
Oh, if you think Baltimore's win over Cincinnati in Cincinnati 41-38 the overtime win, it looked like Lamar Jackson upped his game a little bit.
You're probably right. And let me inform you why, unless you already know.
On Saturday night, Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson grabbed dinner in Cincinnati with teammates Zay Flowers and Eddie Jackson.
A day later he ended up going viral and not just for his heroics, for his 41-38 overtime win over the Cincinnati Bengals, the 1-4 Cincinnati Bengals.
On Instagram, Flowers had shared a video of a woman leaning over Jackson's shoulder, gently ribbing him that the Bengals would beat your ass tomorrow.
Jackson seemed to joke that it would be her fault if Cincinnati lost. And they did lose, so there you go.
Jackson kept his word. He went 26 for 42 with 348 yards and four touchdowns and added 12 carries for 55 yards in the comeback win inside Paycore Stadium,
a performance that on Wednesday earned AFC Offensive Player of the Week honors.
Asked Wednesday about the viral encounter, Jackson said the meal was supposed to be private, but the restaurant's owner just kept letting people in to see the Ravens group.
One woman was a fan of Louisville, where Jackson won his Heisman Trophy and a Bengals fan. The woman Flowers captured was more direct, Jackson said.
We're going to kick your ass, Jackson remembered her saying.
I got mad so I'm like, she's going to be the reason we end up winning. I wonder how she felt after that though.
Jackson joked that one of her grandsons or someone had probably shown her Flowers videos. Just be a fan next time, he said.
Let us play. Let us guys do the talking. You all just be the fans. And I can't agree with him more.
I mean, you do not need to insert yourself into anything like that ever.
If you're at a stadium and you're ridiculing them a little bit, you can't.
Now, don't go overboard and just keep doing it because that just looks it's just not it's not funny.
It's not good. It doesn't do anything except give the opponent more fuel.
I suggest next time, Bengals fan, quit making your run to replace Eagles fan as the worst, worst fans and just be a fan.
Don't be a dick. Don't tell them they're going to get their ass kicked.
Next time, wish them good luck. And then you can you can walk around the corner and go fuck that or whatever.
But anyhow, like Jackson said, I wonder how those women feel now.
They told told the man himself that beat the Bengals.
So now you're one of four Bengals, Bengals fan. What do you think there?
So this has come to my attention. Something I think is really cool.
There's this famous restaurant in Texas called El Arroyo Arroyo.
Probably Arroyo. I can't really tell by the curse of Arroyo is what I'll say.
And it's famous for having the funniest signs around.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to read to you a few of them.
You know, you might agree with it. Maybe you don't.
But anyhow, the first one, the fastest land mammal is a toddler who's been asked what's in their mouth.
Same with the dog. Either one about the same speed.
And the next one, dear taco trucks, please consider cruising the neighborhoods like ice cream trucks.
I agree with that one. Yeah.
Next one, when this virus is over, I still want some of you all to stay away from me.
Amen and hallelujah.
Next one. Cheers to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.
That's pretty good. I mean, I don't know about funniness, but it's true.
Fave way to online shop. I just yell out what I want and wait for an ad to pop up.
That's true. Funny and true.
Did it bother anyone else that the guy from the operation game was clearly awake?
They're right.
Had the big red nose. It looked like he had gin blossom. I think he's a drinker.
And this was true. It's not so much funny. You're only as pretty as you treat people.
True.
Next one. This one is one of my favorite. The first person to hear a parrot speak was probably not OK for several days.
You imagine that parrot just said something and everyone else like, oh, bullshit. It's kind of like the frog.
Honey, my baby, Michigan Jay frog. Yeah. If you don't know what it is, Google it for the youngers. OK.
Walking back to your car because you forgot your mask is a new kind of pissed off.
Why these are during Covid?
Still can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.
And the same way with this strike recently. Oh, my gosh. Couldn't find paper towels or toilet paper anywhere.
And why? That's what I always thought. And I talk with friends mine and they agree.
If shit hits the fan, are you worried about wiping your ass? You can always wipe it with water if you need to.
I'd be worried about more stuff like fuel and heating oil and food, not toilet paper.
It'd be nice to have a good supply, but hey, you know, it just shows you were fucked.
Next one. Pretty wild that we used to eat cake after someone had blown on it.
That's another one. It's a good one, too. A lot of these are Covid.
You're on mute. Most used phrase of 2020.
Ran out of coffee this AM, so I used tequila. Everyone is so pretty today.
They must have the right amount of tequila.
Body trap spelled backwards is party boob. I've heard that one before, but I love it.
I am currently experiencing life as several what the fucks per hour.
Agree. Only they put what WTF. So anyhow.
You can. No, I'm not getting that. That one's stupid.
When Covid finally ends, you'll either be a monk, a hunk, a drunk or a chunk.
All right. I already saw that one somewhere.
Sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I wanted to. That's pretty much true, especially in your 50s.
You don't want to end up to a lot of parties. You want to end up over halfway.
That way you don't have to endure it for very long.
And you make up something like, yeah, I was on my way down here and I saw this old lady with her groceries.
And I went and I helped her and then her door fell off when I opened it up and I helped her put it back on.
And all this took me two hours. And here I am.
They may not believe you, but they can't prove it.
Next one. I never realize how much I swear until I get in a situation where I can't.
100%.
Doctor, you need to listen to your body more. My body. You're old and you want queso.
True.
My personal style is best described as didn't expect to get out of the car.
Agreed.
That one's stupid.
You know, some of these are good. Some of them are horrible.
Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Eat me now.
Too late. Avocados.
There we go. Yeah, they go bad real quick.
I wear the mask to protect those closest to me. Batman.
I didn't know so many of these were COVID related. They're kind of getting boring to me.
All right, 2020, take off the wig. We know it's you.
All right. You know what? I'm going to stop it right there.
I think that's enough.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.