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Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
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Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State Middle School.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
If you melt dry ice in a pool, can you swim without getting wet?
I may never know.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
The first thing I'd like to say is, this is just totally out of nothing from nothing.
Nike, you motherfuckers.
I swear, you cannot come out with a cool pair of shoes and double E's.
I have Fred Flintstone feet. I need double E's. I can't wear those narrow ass ones that you make.
And the only double E's that I can find that you offer are the ugliest shoes you've ever made in your whole career.
I'm sick of this. If I want a good pair of Nike's, which to me, the Nike's fit better.
It's not like I necessarily really like that company or anything, but they fit my feet so well.
They don't hurt as much as they do when I wear some other type.
I like Adidas. I like a lot of them, but they don't fit right.
New Balance is okay.
Skechers is... I mean, just nothing else.
Pumas are trash to me.
The only thing that really fits is Nike.
And I don't like the shoes that you go personalize because they're so overrated.
I mean, you spend $5,000 on a pair of shoes that's not any better than a pair of Nike's that feels good.
So I have to buy the dumbest looking pair of shoes that Nike's makes just to get a double E.
And I'm sick of it. There has got to be an option. I don't know. I'm going to find it.
There is someone somewhere that creates a decent shoe that fits my foot well in double E and doesn't look stupid.
And I will find you one of these days. It's only a matter of time, I'm sure.
I have not given up hope.
So we go right into this. Oasis.
You remember that overrated English band that some people think are worth buying a ticket to?
Well, they had a huge issue with dynamic pricing.
Dynamic pricing is from the devil. It is evil. It is crap. It is bullshit.
I mean, whoever came up with dynamic pricing needs to burn in hell.
Right now. Not tomorrow. Not two minutes from now. But right now.
They had this huge issue. Worms paying over a grand or much more for a ticket.
You know, I mean, this dynamic pricing is evil.
It's like there becomes a surge in interest in a concert.
Like maybe it's getting ready to sell out or something and everybody runs out to grab a ticket.
And all of a sudden the price shoots up five times.
People get ripped off. And actually, really, I mean, they're letting them do it.
Because people are buying these things for that type of price.
And that's what the problem is. If people say dynamic pricing screw you.
It will go away. If everyone just like left and said no, and I'm not even going to go now.
Because you guys even suggested you were going to do it. I'm not doing it now.
I'm not partaking in that. That's a big ripoff. I think it's bullshit.
If people did that, it would end.
You know, you want to buy an Oasis ticket for that kind of money.
How about you give me a grand that I'll give you a kick in the ass.
And we'll call it good.
I would be more than happy to kick a Brit square in the ass.
I mean, call me silly, but it's, you know, I think it'd be fun.
Nothing against British. Love them. A lot of people. Charming, great people.
But I think it'd be fun, especially for a grand or two.
So Iron Maiden has a 2025 Run For Your Lives tour.
The tour will celebrate the band's 50th anniversary of being a band.
The band will perform from its first nine studio albums.
Ticket resell in the UK will be capped at face value and will not open until closer to the tour start.
So you can't get on there for next year and buy a ticket right now.
And then it sells out and then you're at everybody's disposal about if you really need to go or whatever and spend all that money because someone scalping the piss out of you.
Ticket resell in the UK will be capped at face value.
And like I said, it won't open closer to the tour start.
Iron Maiden urges to only purchase tickets from authorized outlets.
And that's so true. If people buy from these other third, I have before too, not knowing before I learned the industry a little bit better.
And there's some of them where the concert was canceled and I didn't even know it.
And I ended up going to some part of the country.
You know, I mean, the furthest I've flew for a concert has been Nashville.
And that was to see the Dead Daisies with Glenn Hughes because I'm a Glenn Hughes freak.
So I went there to go see them. That's the furthest I went.
I'm not going to go any further to see a band. That's it. That's my rule.
So this dynamic pricing is just complete bullshit.
And if people didn't put up with it, it wouldn't happen.
If people said, you know what? No, I'm not doing it.
Like I said before, it's people. It's people that do it. It's rubes that will do it.
So anyhow, I mean, you know, not like anyone will listen to me.
So anyhow. Oh, by the way, ratings are former ratings.
Our RSS are really good. Thank you.
It's just me now, but I think what's carrying the show is Topher and I's NFL show.
That seems to really be booming. People really seem to be loving that and catching on to that.
So thank you. And then after the NFL season is over, Topher and I decided we're going to specialize in other podcasts, like maybe a music one or maybe a what if that that sounds interesting.
Like what if this happened or what if that happened or what if we did this to this?
And also possibly, I don't know, a music one, maybe movie reviews.
We're going to do some interesting stuff. We're going to do some fun stuff.
So stay tuned after the after the Chiefs win their third Super Bowl in the role row.
And we're celebrating and going nuts and down at City Market.
Everybody's running up to screaming in our headphones.
So after that, we will come up with another podcast.
So fear no more Topher and I will continue this this stretch of debauchery and stupidity.
So a study by the Nuremberg Psychology Online at Nuremberg.
I remember him a long time ago. I didn't know they're still around, though.
So, OK, Nuremberg Psychology Online has determined that 80 percent of Americans participate in a cheat mill.
Like is what you eat a cheat meal?
That's where a person is alone doing business or whatever and grabs a second meal, disposing of the containers and such.
So doing it on the you know, on the on the sly, grabbing a burger and then like taking the wrapper and throwing it in a trash can somewhere.
So you're you have this meal, but you're acting like you didn't or it's an omission of not telling the person or whatever.
Fifty percent of people pulled consider that a huge trust issue.
I don't know. I don't necessarily look at that as a trust issue.
I mean, you know, like here's the way I kind of look at that right here is this right here.
OK, someone's trying to stick to a diet and they don't want to let their partner down too much.
So they went out and they grabbed a burger just to kind of keep them over, but they don't do it all the time.
Yeah, yeah. Now, if they do it all the time and sneak around and do that.
Yeah, I kind of get that because then that would lend to other behaviors maybe.
So so I get that. But it was just like once every once in a while they do it.
I don't think I'd really have that big of a problem with it.
So, you know, I can see this somewhat.
Maybe you're trying to help your spouse lose weight with special meals or exercise regimen,
and it would be at least lying or disrespectful as well.
So I can understand why people are offended or pissed off by it or or that if they're doing something special
like eating, eating well with them, even though they want to, you know, they're eating well, eating less with them,
eating more greens, fiber, you know, whatever the deal is.
And then they go out and do something to ruin it all.
But they don't tell you I could see people having a problem with that.
Yes, 30 percent would consider leaving their partner over this.
I thought that was a large number.
Thirty percent over a cheat meal.
I mean, if it's a bitch will, I think there would have to be a couple of conversations.
It would definitely have to like I would have to say something like, look, if you don't want to die,
it really don't. You want me to leave you alone.
Just go ahead and do it and do it here.
You don't have to run down to smacks.
Only people around here of a certain age would know what I'm talking about.
They're no longer around.
You don't have to go to smacks and get a smackaroo with large fries and a shake.
So and 15 percent would definitely leave with the thought that one lie means more lies.
But I go to this only in America do you have this.
This is first world problems.
Definitely. And maybe I'll even do a little first world problems episode on that, you know, or a little bit.
Maybe. Anyhow, that's interesting.
I don't know. I see points in a lot of them.
I think I just kind of spelled out how I feel about it.
You can have your feelings about it, too.
So anyhow, we move on.
You watch the news. It looks grim.
Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all of our podcasts beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have.
Remember, communication is essential post apocalypse.
You must have two radios that are solar chargeable, have several on hand in case any of them do break.
That way, if one is out guarding the perimeter of your property or out gathering food or whatever.
You could stay in communication and know where the other person is.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Only water that's available here in hell is sulfur well water.
La.
Hey, look, I think we found land. Oh my God, I think we're safe.
Oh, no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
Why?
Can't it be?
Because then it would be a foot.
Oh, in the subject of EVs, electric vehicles, there's a new issue that's coming up.
There are barriers on the road that are not strong enough for electric vehicles coming at them to hold it.
The guardrails are made for a lighter car, I guess.
I had no idea that an electric vehicle was.
I don't know, would have more of an impact than a combustion engine.
You wouldn't think so. I mean, a combustion engine is really heavy.
But evidently, there's guardrails that cannot support an EV coming at them and they will simply go through it.
It won't stop it.
So guardrails may not be able to stop EVs from pushing through them due to the weight of EVs and their low center of gravity.
OK, it's a little bit of both.
Guardrails are typically tested for vehicles weighing up to 5000 pounds, but many EVs weigh up to 30 percent more.
More testing is planned to determine how to engineer roadside barriers to better protect EVs.
OK, so EVs are not getting a gasoline tax.
So the people that are paying the gasoline tax are also going to be paying for these new barriers to put in.
So that seems a little bit unfair.
It seems like the people owning these EVs that you're changing all these guardrails to fit to be able to hold them
maybe should have to bear some of the cost, if not all of it.
So, but I don't see that happening because the government's like, rah rah, EVs, that's it, yeah, rah rah.
And they're not going to do it right now.
What they're going to do is they're going to wait till later when everybody owns one.
And then they're going to go, oh, by the way, we had to do all this infrastructure work.
So you're going to have to pay a special EV tax, you know, once a year, four times a year, every time you're at the charging station.
So whatever. Yeah, I could see that happening very easily.
And I would bet money that it would happen.
So and also charging infrastructure is having a lot of problems, too, besides these barriers.
Lack of charging infrastructures is a major barrier to EV adoption.
Some challenges include this charging speed, slow charging speeds can be a barrier.
Charger access, some chargers may be inaccessible.
Charger cost, the cost of chargers can be a barrier, not to mention the batteries.
Charger compatibility, some chargers may not be compatible with all EVs.
Lack of garages, apartment residents may not have a garage to charge their EVs.
Lack of support centers, there may be a lack of support centers and facilities for EV maintenance and repairs.
So all these put together sounds to me like a class A clusterfuck.
So they have a lot of stuff to work out, but still we're getting pushed into buying an EV.
Not me, not yet, too many questions unresolved, too many things could come up.
Not this guy, I'm holding out.
And now, so per the New York Post, Arch Manning's first career start for the Longhorns
wasn't the only thing people were buzzing about after Texas demolished Louisiana Monroe.
Of course, Louisiana Monroe.
There's not a bigger tomato can than them, I'm sure.
On Saturday, 51 to 3, a young girl was seen repeatedly drinking what appeared to be a can of Micolob Ultra beer
which had an orange koozie over it, while in the stands at Darrell K. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium in Austin
as seen on a viral video on TikTok.
Oh, of course, that old gag, TikTok.
Toddler drinking is really bad, the person who shared the video wrote.
Now, I got one thing to say.
Micolob Ultra? Are they really calling that beer?
I'm sorry, I'm thinking a child could drink 10 of them and be fine.
Micolob Ultra probably contains, I don't know, it's got to be a very low volume or weight of beer in it.
I mean, it takes literally, I don't think you can drink enough of them to even get a buzz.
I mean, to me, it's pretty much water.
So, anytime if anyone offers me a Micolob Ultra after I get them beaten their ass,
I will take the Micolob Ultra, I will avoid the middleman and I will pour it straight in the urinal and not worry about it.
And I'll get something that tastes good, or something that will get me to ground zero
in a little bit quicker than 4,000 of these beers, supposedly.
I'm sorry Micolob Ultra, allegedly, and all that stuff, but not the best beer, not the strongest beer.
Pretty much water for people that want to drink all day and not get a buzz.
So, anyhow, if you're going to drink all day and not get a buzz, I'm sorry.
I think water would work just as well as a Micolob Ultra.
So that little girl drinking it, by the way, I don't think she was really drinking it.
I think she was coached to look like she was drinking it so someone could post it on TikTok
and they knew that the masses, the idiots, would all rub over this.
Go, oh my God, look at this. This little girl is drinking this. Isn't that terrible?
Oh no, it's the poor thing. She's going to be an alcoholic by the time she's seven or whatever.
I can see it now. Someone knew that people are dumb in masses and they knew that if they put it up on,
this is my opinion, if they put it up on TikTok, then idiots would watch it in droves
and they would show their friends and they show the people at work
and they would show the people down at the salon and everyone would go,
oh no, why are they letting her do that? Yeah.
Anyhow, that's my thought on all of that.
So now we go to Brett Favre.
Brett Favre announced he has Parkinson's.
Yeah, I pretty much believe he was concussed quite a bit.
I think that there is probably a definite connection between the two from what I can tell,
from what I've seen, from what I've known.
I mean, not all Parkinson's is like that. I mean, it's genetic too.
But I do think that there's something to people that get concussed, not only CTE, but also Parkinson's.
And I'm not sure if it's Park A or Park B. There's different types.
But I forgot which one of them is kind of linked to it right now.
But I'm saying if you keep, they're going to keep doing studies,
they're going to find out that there is a direct correlation between head trauma and Parkinson's.
And also I think that some park is caused on by maybe like dementia too from alcoholism can do it too.
Now, not all of these are. I've known people that never really dropped a touch of booze in their life.
Get Parkinson's and it is genetic. Doctors say it's genetic too.
So anyhow, Brett Favre of having Parkinson's, yeah, that sucks.
I don't appreciate his involvement in that whole deal down there in Louisiana trying to get,
I think, as a soccer stadium or a volleyball stadium or something at the school that his girl was going to allegedly.
And this money evidently was allocated to the poor.
And he did something like was like trying to champion getting the money or something when he seemingly knew it was for the poor.
So I'm saying this right here. And all this is allegedly.
And I still like Brett Favre. I just don't like what he did here at all.
You know, I mean, he has some shady stuff. Remember the famous famous Weenie Gate picks at the New York Jets trainer or whatever?
His unceremoniously slamming the door out of Green Bay.
There's been some stuff that were was very questionable.
The last game he played at Minnesota in the championship game where he could have ran for the first down,
but he chose to pass and get intercepted. I thought that was to me that was ego related.
Like I could run and get it, but I'm going to show everybody I want to pass it over and win this thing.
In my opinion, he's like, I'm Brett Favre. I'm going to do this. Watch this.
And it cost him the game, the championship and a shot. Another shot at the Super Bowl.
But anyhow, he kind of looks like maybe he threw his influence around or something to and allegedly he knew this money was going to go to the poor.
It was tax money. And instead of going to the ultra poor, which there's a lot of them in Louisiana, I think it might have been Mississippi.
There's a lot of them in Mississippi that are really poor. It's not that affluent of a state. It's a very poor state.
And this was money allotted to help them that he chose to try to get a volleyball or soccer stadium of the school, the high school that his girl was attending, his little girl.
To me, that's pretty wrong, especially when you have a bank account probably the size of his.
If you really want that to happen, why don't you make that happen? Or why don't you do some fundraisers?
Do a couple of fundraisers. Say, hey, I'm Brett Favre. I'm going to be here signing this stuff.
And if you want it, here's a couple of auctions you can get it at.
You know, he could have shot. He could have signed 30 jerseys and helmets, wrote little messages on them or maybe an afternoon with Brett where you go get some barbecue and sit out on a picnic bench and talk football.
I mean, there's all types of things he could have done except trying to throw his influence to get this soccer field or volleyball, I think is volleyball, volleyball field made with this tax money.
So I don't have a whole lot of respect for that. And I don't appreciate that to people really in need.
You know, people that were starving, people that maybe their children couldn't have shoes, maybe they didn't have running water, you know, but, you know, a volleyball field instead, especially when you have the means to me, the way I see it, allegedly, and the way I feel.
And my opinion is this right here, when you can do a couple of fundraisers and probably get that money like that, but you choose not to do that and you choose to try to try to allegedly throw your influence around and get money that's allotted to the poor instead the ultra poor.
That to me is wrong. And I don't think I care for a person that does that very much. Like I said, a lot of the shine of him is gone.
He's been kind of found out on a lot of different issues.
Wasn't his wife battling cancer when this Weenie Gate stuff came out, maybe I thought, or something like that. That to me is real shady, allegedly, if all that did happen.
I don't know. I just think that it's probably not a guy that you think is highly of.
So, anyhow.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Your mom is so scatterbrained. It took her two hours to watch 60 minutes.
Two dish bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
Damn it! The city services website is down again.
I can't believe this. I'm going to have to actually call and talk to someone to pay my damn trash bill.
This is ridiculous.
Now this is interesting. There seems to be somewhat of a feud, I guess, if you will, between the younger bands and the older bands.
And in one case, the first time this happened is an X against a boomer band.
Megadeth is firmly an X, Generation X band, and Peter Frampton is firmly a boomer band.
But now there's a Journey controversy too, and I'll get to it here.
The classic rockers have it out for the metal bands, or vice versa.
Earlier this month, Peter Frampton called out Megadeth for getting his Richmond show canceled by damaging the venue during their sound check.
Megadeth strongly disputed that claim, accusing Frampton of talking out of his ass.
Now Journey's Neil Shown has blamed Avenged Sevenfold for his band's messy recent performance.
At the Brazilian music festival Rock in Rio two weekends back, Journey's set was marred by extremely choppy vocals from frontman Arnel Paneda, or Panada, or whatever it is, who took over for Steve Perry in 2007.
The backlash was loud enough that Panada got on Facebook and offered to quit the band if fans voted him out.
Mentally and emotionally, I've suffered already and I'm still suffering, he wrote.
Implicitly calling on Journey fans to either seize the chance to oust him or shut up with their criticism.
Shown, the only remaining member that's original from Journey, is not having any of that, and a pair of his own Facebook posts Shown came up with Panada's defense in somewhat contradictory ways.
One post includes footage of a celebrity crowd at the fest writing, all this is absolute garbage fabricated bullshit that the AP does.
Associated Press. Does this look like nobody having a good time? I'm asking you. All fabricated, owned and bought blogs. Bullshit.
In a separate post he explains that Journey were extremely limited by the night's headliners, Avenged Sevenfold, which seems that hardly any sound could get through the PA to the audience and he said it was a bullshit move.
In the middle of that post, Shown pivots back to arguing about the show went off without a hitch and the audience had a great time.
We eagerly await Avenged Sevenfold's press release. This should be interesting because it seems to be boomers against whoever, whether it's Xers or millennials.
I believe that Avenged Sevenfold is definitely a millennial band, it is not an Xer band. By the time they came around I gave no shit about it.
It was kind of like, okay, I like what I like and I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else in my life. And most people that I know feel the same way.
This article was taken from Stereogum.com, which is a music online publication, I do believe, and we thank you for that.
And then I go into, you know, I've been all over Eric Adams, the fine mayor in New York, and telling you about his trash cans that he's so happy about.
And his rat infested, allegedly, apartments that he allegedly won't clean up. New York City Mayor Eric Adams has been charged with...
Let's see, how many counts? Five counts. Oh boy, this is going to get good.
Okay, Damian Williams, a U.S. attorney in Manhattan, said Adams accepted over $100,000 in luxury travel benefits.
The mayor insisted he was innocent, saying at a news conference, I asked New Yorkers to wait to hear our defense.
Hmm. Here's the latest on the mayor's indictment. Mayor Eric Adams has been indicted on five federal charges of bribery, fraud, and soliciting illegal foreign campaign donations that prosecutors said began when he was a top elected official in Brooklyn and continued after he became mayor.
The indictment, which was unsealed on Thursday morning following an investigation that started in 2021, has focused at least in part on whether he conspired with the Turkish government to receive illegal foreign campaign contributions and whether he took official actions on his behalf.
Turkey, huh? Hmm.
Ending the news conference, Strauber agreed anyone who knows of illegal contact by any New York City official to contact her office.
We handled this investigation as we would any other following the facts and seeking to hold wrongdoers accountable.
No matter their role or title, she said, our unique access to city records and expertise in matters of city government make us a critical partner in the fight to root out corruption.
So, huh, sounds like he's having some more problems, huh? So, hmm, who'da thunk? But he's the guy that came up with the plastic trash bins, right? Yeah, you know, the ones that he's so proud of.
Boy, that guy's a fucking genius.
Jim X.
What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the field.
Spoke for you.
Hunk the man.
Hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst.
The generation of noncompliance.
Is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in a grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
Looks like this. England has the shin kicking championships going on right now.
Here are the rules of shin kicking.
So you think you're wasting time? Anytime you think you're wasting time scratching your nuts, watching reruns of Three's Company. No.
These guys are wasting time.
Rules of shin kicking.
Competitors will be assigned bouts at random with winners of all rounds gaining entry to a final bout.
Usually there will be a maximum of 12 contestants.
Equipment. Competitors must wear long trousers or tracksuits and may cushion their shins by using straw that is provided.
They will be provided with white coats representing the traditional shepherd's mock.
Footwear may be trainer shoes or soft toed or reinforced boots. I think that's what I'd wear.
Any form of metal reinforced toe on footwear is expressly forbidden. I bet.
This will be checked both before and after your bouts. Failure to comply will result in instant exclusion and barring from future events.
Stance. A competitor begins by holding his or her opponent by the shoulders with arms straight.
The contest will be started, finished if necessary and judged by an arbiter known as a stickler.
The stickler decides the fairness of a contest. A contest is decided by the best of three throws.
Two successful throws results in a win. So a throw is I believe like a round I guess. Probably an increment of time.
The aim is... Okay so here is how to shin kick successfully.
The aim is to weaken an opponent by kicking his or her shins.
Once the legs have been weakened a competitor may throw an opponent off the ground off balance over a leg provided that the grasp of the shoulders is kept.
A successful throw involves unbalancing the opponent in the course of a kick.
It does not involve kicking the opponent to the ground nor pushing the opponent to the ground.
Shins must be kicked before a throw can be achieved. Contact must be made.
A throw is not valid unless a thrower is in the process of kicking and has one foot off the ground.
If the stickler deems that the kicker has made an intentional trip the throw gets to the opponent.
So you'll forfeit that throw. If a kick is above the knee the throw goes to the opponent. Again you forfeit the throw.
The first person to hit the ground loses the throw.
The stickler's decision is final and not up for negotiation or screaming, yelling or intimidation.
So there you go. You think you're wasting time? Maybe. As much as this? Probably not.
And now for the good old head funch darlings. FTX fraudster Carolyn Ellison, sentenced to two years in prison.
Big bad two years. Ordered to forfeit 11 billion which is nice. Good. Let her give it up. How about giving it to the victims?
Caroline Ellison, the star witness in the prosecution of FTX founder Sam Bankman Freid, was sentenced in New York Federal Court.
He might be fried in Manhattan to two years in prison and ordered to forfeit 11 billion.
Ellison, who ran the Alameda Research hedge fund affiliated with FTX, agreed to a plea deal in December 2022, month after cryptocurrency exchange spiraled into bankruptcy.
Judge Lewis Kaplan said a literal get out of jail free card I can't agree to as he sentenced Ellison while praising her extensive cooperation. Yeah she had no choice. Fuck.
Caroline Ellison, the star witness in the prosecution of her former boyfriend FTX founder Sam Bankman Freid, was sentenced Tuesday in New York Federal Court.
Two years in prison and ordered to forfeit 11 billion for a role in a massive fraud and conspiracy that doomed the cryptocurrency exchange once valued at 32 billion.
So there is a whole just of what happened. It took down the cryptocurrency.
The prison term was significantly stiffer than the recommendation by the Federal Probation Department that Judge Lewis Kaplan sentenced Ellison,
who had run the hedge fund Alameda Research, to three years as supervised release with no time at all behind bars.
Defense lawyers also had requested a no prison sentence for Ellison.
Alameda received much of the eight billion in consumer funds looted by Bankman Freid from FTX and stolen money was used for Alameda's trading operation for other purposes.
So do you see a problem here? Whenever these elite get in trouble, they don't really get in trouble.
And who knows if in my opinion who knows if they even give back that 11 billion. You know it might be a wink wink nudge nudge deal right?
Well this is complete bullshit. People like this should be thrown in jail just like anybody down the road that goes into a bank and grabs and has a gun
and says give me all your money. Same thing just done on a little bit different level and a little bit different system.
So there's no difference between it. What they're doing is they're stealing something that's not theirs and it's a large amount.
Matter of fact if they went and robbed a bank they probably won't get over 10 grand anyhow.
These people, how many billions do they, how many lives do they ruin just destroying cryptocurrency?
It's ridiculous. I mean people ought to go to the courthouse here and raise hell about this.
Yeah so to me it looks like another case of the elite protecting the elite.
And how many people now while we're speaking on how many people now that used to have their big smile sitting right next to Diddy now they don't want anything to do with that.
Oh no no no no I wasn't friends with them. Bullshit. There's 500 photos of you and them cheesing it up.
So complete bullshit. Anyhow in my opinion what are they really covering up now that they got this big bad thing going on?
Always seems like there's a diversion doesn't there?
That's what I think. You know what I promise never get in politics on this thing so I will stop it right there.
Dick jokes. That's right. That's what I do here. Used to be we.
Okay so you had a stoplight and some dickhead in front of you isn't going and the reason is you see him looking at their phone trying to make a funny on Facebook or something or post a TikTok video of him in there I don't know whistling or something or doing something except driving.
Well Forbes did a little thing here about the worst drivers in the country.
New Mexico tops the list of states with the worst drivers while Massachusetts is home of the best drivers in the country.
Five of the top ten states with the worst drivers are located in the south including Texas Oklahoma Louisiana Kentucky and Mississippi and I believe Kansas is in there too.
Six of the top ten states with the best drivers are in the northeast including Massachusetts New Hampshire Connecticut New York New Jersey and Rhode Island.
Mississippi has a highest total number of fatal car accidents 31.5.
Okay it's per 100,000 31.95 per 100,000 licensed drivers Montana has the highest number of drunk drivers involved in fatal crashes 9.22 per 100,000 licensed drivers in New Mexico has the highest number of fatal car accidents including a distract involving a distracted driver 10.6 per 100,000 license drivers.
Interesting huh? So let's see what else anything of note here okay.
So here we go here's a list states with the worst drivers New Mexico is number one Wyoming is number two Texas is number three Oklahoma is number four Montana is number five number six is Louisiana number seven is Kentucky number eight is Kansas.
Number nine is Mississippi and I'll bet all of them are in Johnson County.
All right, and anyone around here knows what I'm talking about.
Eight is Kansas nine is Mississippi and 10 is Missouri.
Missouri ranks fourth highest for the number of fatal car accidents involving a driver who's driving too fast for conditions, speeding or racing.
Yeah, we know this people that live here know this. The state also has a seventh highest number of fatal car accidents involving a driver who disobeyed traffic signs, traffic signals, or a traffic officer 1.38 per 100,000 licensed drivers.
It holds the 10th highest number of drunk drivers involving a fatal car accident 6.2 per 100,000 licensed drivers.
So there you all go little list of the the dumb asses of the driving realm.
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Your mama's so fat she went out in high heels and struck oil.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I will question that my mom told me to not burn trash for the beginning.
Well, you know, I got a I got a neat little story here about a little prank that me and Davey, my friend that I refer to often. Oh, yes. Played in the old banister mall. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, that was a that was an area for a lot of fucking fun.
We used to get away with murder at that place. We've done the stupidest shit.
Well, there's a security guard little short little fucker, little kind of little dumpy little guy named Sam. And he hated us long hair. We're in there getting all the chicks and he didn't fucking like it.
Sam used to always try to get me kicked out and Davey too, but more me. He really hated me for some reason.
So he always threw at me. He got me kicked out for about two weeks. Then we went to court and the judge said you can't kick him out. It's a public mall.
Yeah. So anyhow, you know, one of the biggest ways to sell the hoax is to we found this out was to have a setup guy that no one knew.
Just a guy to confirm what you're saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did see that monkey over there. Yeah. Last I saw him, he was on top of that building.
You know, he was throwing shit at somebody. The random witness. You see, we're in the way. Yes. Yes. So this guy. OK, this is a banister mall.
Early 1980s. Me and my good buddy Davey were hanging out and there were crazy long hairs that the average teen would follow, you know, because we're long hairs.
And we're kind of like the Pied Piper teens. Yeah. People like used to look at us and go, well, there's the party. Let's just follow them around until they go to it.
I've done that. Yeah. They used to do it all the time. We'd be like, where are you guys going? Cleveland, Ohio? No, Missouri.
That guy looks like he might have beer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they just start following us. And that's just the way we were.
And then we'd all introduce the day. Hey, I'm so and so. I'm so and so. You know, we'd have a good time. Cleveland Lake or something. Yeah.
You know, slamming beers, doing stupid shit. So Davey and I had certain buddies that would walk up and hear the bullshit that was spewing and then help seal the deal.
You know, they'd sell it completely. You know, one guy that walked around to help us was a punker named Jason.
Jason was really cool because he looked like the type of guy that wouldn't like us. But we got to talking to him.
And we saw eye to eye on everything except music. Everything else, we were the same. Fuck society. Fuck the average guy.
Fuck this. Fuck that. You know, but when it came to music, you know, we're like fucking listening to Motley Crue and shit like that.
And he was listening to, I don't know, the Ramones or even deeper than that, you know, Dead Kennedys, the Germs. Television.
Yeah. Yeah. He was a real punker. So he had an orange mohawk or black spike leather.
And Doc Martens. So, I mean, you know, you got the guy, right? You know, you know who I'm talking about.
So great guy, though. I'd love to know what happened to him. So Jason, if you happen to hear this abortion, please.
Oh, I guess that's a bad word now, isn't it? This atrocity. If you happen to hear this horrible atrocity, then, you know, hey, send us an email.
I forgot what the valid email is. We put so many bullshit ones out there. We can't remember our real one.
There is a valid one and I can't remember what the hell it is.
We also have an actual real phone number. Hell if I know that one either.
Yeah, so I can't even remember the real one. So show prep. Yeah.
Here I was talking about show prep and making a big deal out of it. I can't even remember our email.
So, anyhow, meanwhile, there's this one security guard named Sam that I kind of alluded to or actually went into a little bit.
Sam was a jealous little pussy bitch.
He constantly tried to get me kicked out and barred from all and like I said earlier, he did for a while for a couple of weeks.
And we went to court. I got back in which really fumed his ass because every time I see him, I was like overzealous about it.
Hi, Sam. How are you?
You came over for dinner tonight, little guy. A little tiny bit of authority and it's gone.
You look cute today. I beeped his nose one time. He about went unglued.
So, you know, me and David used to play moon tricks on Sam Costic.
Sounds like he deserved it. Oh, he did, you know.
So we quickly went to Jason to be the casual guy walking by to sell it.
So Jason's over in the corner where the movie theaters upstairs used to be because then they went downstairs for a while and then they disappeared.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid upstairs.
So I think right across from food court maybe, if I remember correctly.
Now in my mind, I'm getting confused with Ward Parkway because their movie theater shifted around a bit too.
OK, well, anyhow, this is when they were upstairs because I remember that part well because people were coming in to go to movies and were screwing with them.
So, yeah. So David and I set this one up perfectly.
You know, we had a buddy that he won a backstage pass to Great White.
Oh, remember them? It's a video shoot. OK, as an extra. Oh, that'd be cool.
Yeah. And he was in it. I don't know if it was once bit or something else, but he was in it.
So and then on the back was stamped used.
Yeah. But on the front, it had an MTV logo. It didn't have a specific band.
It just had it didn't say Great White. It just said extra for MTV video shoot.
And I remember really well it was green with an orange MTV on it with her famous logo.
Yeah, it was really cool looking. And it was like made with some sort of a some sort of a really thick paper.
And it was engraved, I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was raised. It felt great.
It felt like the seal of some embossed paper, raised printing, raised printing, whatever makes a lot harder to counterfeit.
Plus, it makes it look cool. So our friend agreed to let us borrow this for a little while.
We got it back to him, like we said, we didn't we didn't tear it up or steal it or nothing.
So they start waving the card in the air and making fun of me because he got this and I did.
He was like, hey, I'm going to be on this. I'm going to be on this whatever.
You know, yeah. So he's waving around going out to be on the video and you're not because you're too stupid.
You couldn't win. And all this stuff.
So this magical card was supposed to be a freebie to be an extra on the set of MTV.
This is what we set it up to be right. A list of hundreds of bands.
The secret MTV guy walking around when he was walking around the mall.
And this was going to be Sam eventually. So the secret MTV guy that has these free magical passes was Sam, only he didn't know it.
So Davey's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, fucking asshole. Yeah, all this stuff.
So automatically, see people get ready to walk in, right? Get ready to go to movies.
Yeah, just like magnetic. They're just staring at us.
And Davey's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all this stuff. Man, that sucks, man. You get to go and I don't.
So Davey is waving this around, making fun of me and Jason will walk by.
They go, yeah, I fucking 112. I threw it at him because there's no punk bands on it. Fuck that. I don't want to go.
So all of a sudden, these kids are fucking coming over there. What was this?
So that's so clever. Oh, yeah.
We set it up perfect. So the reason the reason that we picked Sam to do this, we to do this on that day was because we had the card for a couple of days.
He's wearing plain clothes and I guess he thought he's going to catch top lifters or something.
Not wearing this little fucking bitch outfit that he normally wore.
You know, so Jason, instead of us goes, yeah, that fucking little douche right there is the one that's the secret MTV guy.
We didn't even say it. He did it. It sold it even more because all these teams are like, you know, fucking their heads but around and they're staring at them.
So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him on the ear to get one.
So the story was, was this, the more outrageous you were, the more likely you were to get a free pass.
Yeah. So automatically he had like 50 teams jumping in front of him, fucking biting his ear, kicking him in the ass.
One guy was clucking like a chicken in the space. Another guy's like, look, look, look, I'm a bird.
Some guy fucking jumped off to one side. Another guy ripped off one of the trees and hit him with a switch.
And Sam was just fucking freaking out, man. He's like, what the fuck? And we're like, we want a pass. We want a pass.
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes. He was losing his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't know what was going on.
He'd get 10 teams away from him, right? And then you have 10 more teams attacking.
So we leave. We let this go on and let it go downhill. And those teams told another one, get the pass from that fucker. He didn't give us anything.
So this just kept rolling on and rolling on and rolling on. So we come back a couple of hours later.
We went to, oh, no, I know what we did. We went to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito.
I remember that. We weren't even old enough to drink, but we still did because they never carted there.
We both had margaritas. We were fucking laughing at our feet on the table and shit.
Davey had fucking flip flops on. So they eventually got mad and kicked us out because you could see his toenails hanging out.
People didn't like that. So, hey, we get back in. Also, we see Sam coming by all the shovels.
By this time, everything was gone. It was all said and done. I go, hey, Sam, do you want to know where all that came from?
Davey pulled out the cart and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just been had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious.
He turned right up. You motherfucker, I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to get you guys kicked out for good.
I go, what for? I didn't do anything to get some all. We didn't get kicked out.
That was one of the best fucking breaks we ever played. I just thought about it the other day. I'm like, my God.
There are some other ones I got to remember that we did to him too.
And then I got another one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm going to tell the story about the nut buyer.
Oh, yes. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.