And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone
We Talk
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark
Let's see here. A package of 8 hot dogs. A package of 10 hot dog buns. I would have to buy 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns to even it out. Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them? Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best? I hate adulting.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
1. Smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing. Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
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3. The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
4. Just call us at 816-512-7717.
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America. You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beard, bitch.
Now, from the makers of the Who Bit My Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Puzzle. That's right, put Rob back together. This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rain forest is the perfect stocking stuffer.
Order now and get a free Buck Plug keychain.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob Rad.
Hi Rob Rad, how are you?
Hello?
Actually I'm doing pretty good. Doing pretty good.
Good? Good to hear.
Yeah.
Well, I'm doing alright too, so that's good. I mean we're still standing straight up, so that's a big plus. So anyhow, I mean...
Yeah, I'm literally standing straight up at this very second. So yeah, I'm doing pretty good.
See? See, I'm a psychic. I knew that.
Now I'm going to sit down.
Do you want to hear my other psychic ability?
Yeah, I do. I do, Mark. I think everybody else wants to hear this too.
I'll bet you if you go outside and you look to the west, there'll still be a little daylight.
Yep.
That's my psychic ability right there.
I don't know how to feel about that. That might be right.
I bet you it is, but you know what? We got a podcast to do, so we're not going to even try, right? Trust me.
I'm back in the studio in the very back of the bunker, so yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, he has all the electronics and stuff, you know, and all the cameras and everything in the front.
It's very hard to navigate around, you know, because he's got to make sure his bunker is people-proof, you know?
So anyhow, yeah. So in his command center there, he has all these cameras everywhere.
You can literally look around all around Camdenton and see if there's any infiltrators.
So anyhow.
I could tell you, okay, I live like a mile from Walmart. I have it on my camera right here. I can show you what's going on.
What's going on at Walmart? Tomfuckery?
Yep. Yep.
A bunch of Tomfuckery. All right.
But it's Labor Day weekend. A bunch of teenagers out.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Out there being doing Tomfuckery.
So that's my word of the day. Like we used to do. Yep.
I'm not damning them. I know how it is, man.
I know exactly. Yeah.
Wear rubber and don't trust any drugs anyone gives you.
That's it. That's all I got for him.
All right. A bizarre phenomenon in China made the sky appear to have seven suns.
Yep. Nope. Not seven sun of a seven sun. No, seven suns.
Turns out this was not a real astronomical event.
Many people witnessed the occurrence through a hospital window.
It was determined that the extra sun images were illusions created by smog in the window layers.
So immediately meant by layered windows for the random dick pic.
I mean, yeah. Hey, look, I got seven wieners.
Think that work? No, probably not.
All right. Probably not.
Well, guess you can't do that over here. You know, there's not enough smog.
So anyhow, you're just going to have to settle with your regular dick pic, right?
No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Let's see. Bar carts are mostly used by millennials or ex or boomers.
Gen Z and younger would rather have bar carts.
Yeah. What they are is a cart with all the bar, you know, gin. Yeah.
So millennials, exes and boomers like bar carts or if they're going to have one, it's going to be like a bar cart.
Gen Z and younger would rather have a coffee station instead of a bar cart.
The Z's cannot afford coffee, house coffee every day.
So this would be a more practical, you know, for their house, considering Z's alcohol consumption is much lighter than any generation older than them.
They love mocktails so much. I'm really surprised they don't have a mocktail cart.
You know, I mean, really. Yeah. Yeah.
So I can understand part of it. Some of them are still under the age of 21.
So they're not even a drink. That's true.
They're drinking coffee that gets. Yeah.
Well, I mean, that never stopped us.
But you know what? They're a different brand of people, too.
So anyhow, I'm just leaving it right there.
There you go. There you go. That's it.
That's it right there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, they've grown more than we did.
You know, yeah, yeah, I hope so, too.
But, you know, part of that ass kicking that we took when we needed it was growing up.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I think as Benjamin Franklin said, don't let your schooling get in the way of your education.
So that's that's pretty true.
Anyhow, you know, the main reason I go out for coffee is to enjoy the patio or at the city market, the tables out in front.
Topher and I just love hanging out and people watch the city market coffee houses, some of the best coffee anyhow.
But coffee houses are also a great way to socialize.
People enjoy drinking, job and talking.
Ziers probably drink their coffee at home and then probably FaceTime groups of coffee drinkers.
I'll bet you anything, don't you think? Yeah.
You know, they have like a little coffee thing.
Hey, remember, seven in the morning, we got our coffee group FaceTime.
All right, I'll be there.
So anyhow, anyhow, let's see, where am I?
You know, I would actually benefit from a coffee station myself.
I rarely drink anymore unless on vacation or a cruise.
We get the all in cruise inclusive drink package.
So I tend to go overboard trying to get my money's worth.
I usually load up on extra drinks.
You know, I couldn't I couldn't handle and I go get beers.
You know, at the end of the night, I'm smashed and I'm like, you know what?
I can't have any more. I need to go to bed or whatever.
I'll go get the rest of whatever I had left that day that was allotted to me on the on the package.
I would go get beers and take them to my room.
And then what I do is I leave the beers to the room steward when we leave.
I put them in the fridge and and anyhow with the tip.
Yeah. Yeah. And I leave right on, man.
Yeah. Yeah, they seem to like it. That's for sure.
So what I do is I leave I leave a tip on top and I say BTW, check the fridge.
So anyhow, they know. All right. Cool.
And I've heard through other room stores that they love that.
Like you said, you know, they have to buy beer on on these ships.
They don't get it for free. So, you know, they really appreciate that.
They're like, hey, all right. Party on deck one. Got some booze.
So anyhow, Taco Bell Cantina in Las Vegas has now started hosting weddings with a nice venue right there on the spot.
Book your wedding well in advance. The spot is already popular.
I would check all the crappers to, you know, first to stock them well with toilet paper and of course, wet wipes.
We are talking about Taco Bell Cantina.
So you go in there, make sure they have at least three restrooms.
And they're all stocked hardly with toilet paper and wet wipes.
That sound fair? Yeah. Yeah.
All right. A rather new invention I find very cool is a backpack that converts to a chair.
This is pretty cool, but I like it to be able, you know, to examine the durability of one before I bought it.
I couldn't find any reviews on it yet.
You know, this this contraption has a bag that transform into a seat.
It has an exterior water bottle pocket, exterior zippered pocket, five interior pockets, a laptop compartment.
The chair load bearing is one hundred seventy six pounds.
Well, that takes me out. So a bigger person not be able to use the chair.
I have to admit, this is a very durable and useful looking product.
So, I mean, if you get a chance, look it up, the backpack seat, they make a cheaper one on Amazon.
I don't think I'd go with that if you're in the interest of having a backpack seat.
I would probably go ahead and spend one hundred and twenty or whatever it is on this durable one and make sure you don't weigh over roughly one eighty.
So Morris, the cat is still around.
Of course, not the same one from the 70s, but his later version is still a tabby looking cat.
Morris is running for president, according to the TV commercials.
Your cat could be Morris's vice president.
The Morris president presidency will focus on pet adoption.
You can enter fluffy to be his running mate at Morris for president dot com.
No joke. Go there. You can enter your cat.
The winner will receive a thousand. Oh, go ahead.
What? No, no, go ahead.
Go ahead. The winner will receive a thousand dollar prize and the chance to choose which animal shelter received thirty five thousand dollar donation.
Instagram's famous Doug the Pug will serve as Morris's campaign manager.
I love Doug the Pug.
Yeah, I mean, he's on Instagram and they always have him doing, you know, doing different things and stuff.
He's a cool little pug and they just kind of chronicle his life and wherever they go and they're kind of they kind of make you look at it.
What we would think he would see when he looks at everything is pretty cool.
So anyhow, Doug the Pug's going to be his campaign manager.
So that's great. You know, I had I had no idea Morris was still around.
Did you, Rob? No, I did not.
But when you mentioned that, I was imagining my cat as vice president.
Send him in. No, no, no, no.
Hey, happen. OK.
She just laser quiet.
Oh, like somebody else.
All right. OK, let's move this up.
Yeah, OK. OK.
Corn sweat is real.
You ever hear that corn sweats?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, we've all heard it.
But it's. Yep.
But it's detailed a little bit more in this new report.
Corn sweat is real and it contributes to the humidity level.
I didn't realize that. Did you?
OK. Yeah.
Not only are I that part of it.
OK, not only are Iowans sweating, but and also Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri,
places they have a lot of high high corn yield.
Yeah, high humidity.
Not only, you know, are Iowans and everybody around them,
but the corn stops are sweating as well.
Besides, you know, the people that live there.
I was seeing temps in the 90s with heat indices over 100 degrees
and corn sweat is contributing to the humidity.
The millions of acres of tall corn in the state are part of the reason
it feels so sticky and same here and other ones.
Crop crops pull moisture from the ground
and then push that into the atmosphere through evapotranspiration.
It's what they call it. Evapotranspiration.
You know, when I was a kid, Rob, you'll you'll probably know this
because you grew up around here.
When I was a young and I used to pull corn tassels for extra money
during the summer. Yeah. Yeah.
And what it is is corn tassels.
The corn would not produce fruit back then.
You would not get corn on the cob from it unless you pulled the tassels out.
And every time I go in there, it would feel you could feel water everywhere.
And I'm like, man, it is a hot, dry day.
How come this is all wet?
Well, it's because of the corn sweat.
And I heard that corn sweats. I'm like, OK, all right.
So it made sense.
But you I mean, whenever you did that, you got out not to sweat,
but water all over you, right? Because of the corn.
Right. Yeah.
So, I mean, anyhow, that's that's the reason.
And anyhow, so, you know, it adds to humidity and that makes sense.
But I never really knew that before I read this article.
And I was like, you know what? That makes a lot of sense.
You know, the only time I thought corn was wet is whenever it saw a bottle of boiling water, you know.
But anyhow, do you know what Starbucks?
Moon drink is.
No, neither do I.
I'm not sure what the hell it is, but it's a but it's if you know, you know thing.
The moon drink apparently has a cold mixture of Starbucks is forty five minutes for me.
OK. On the other side of the way.
Oh, Rob, let's be honest. I'm not big on Starbucks.
As Gary say, if it was right next to you, would you go?
Probably not. Right. Probably not.
Because, yeah. Well, it's no secret how I feel.
I'm not giving seven, eight dollars for a damn cup of coffee.
Yeah. Yep. Yeah.
I have better things to throw my money away on, you know.
So yeah, but I do like a good cup of coffee a couple of times a week.
I don't go overboard on it, but you know, I'll go to the city market or something.
Well, my stomach can't handle coffee like it used to either. Oh, dude.
Yeah, I know. I'm a one one cup and it's a good size cup a day.
It does. It does.
It's a sad fact, but Mother Nature carries a you know, Father Time carries a crowbar.
And he ain't afraid to use it.
Oh, yeah. He's like, hey, hey, Mark. Yeah. What?
Bam. That's just because. OK. All right.
Are you done? No, I'll be back tomorrow. I'm going to do it again.
Yep. OK. All right. That's the way it is. I do it all the time.
Yeah. Yep. Yep.
Father Time gives us ass paddling, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep.
He must have found a genie a long time ago because he gets to battle my ass every damn day.
So the moon drink apparently.
I think I think he created the genie to help people like us.
Yeah, I think he did, too.
He was the original maker of the ass paddling. Yes.
He's like, hey, Genie, watch this shit. Bam.
So, yeah, you know, this working for a living thing, you know, kind of sucks, but it's money.
So anyhow, watch it. What?
What is Genie? He just turned 55.
Watch the hair grow out of his ears. Yeah.
Yeah. Every every day you got to look for that random.
You got to look for that random crazy hair somewhere every day.
It's like, OK, it's sad when you got to shave your ears.
Yeah. And it's like, how the hell did this wasn't here yesterday?
Did it grow like that overnight? You know, but but you have other parts of your body that's always had hair that now has this ball.
You know, it's like it moves from one area to another.
Yeah. Once again, Father Time does what he wants.
And a lot of it kicked you right in the balls.
Yep. Then he wants and then he just points his finger at you and he says, I'm going to be back tomorrow and you're going to fucking take it.
And you go, yes, sir, I'm going to take it.
So anyhow, the moon drink was described on social media that it's like drinking on the moon.
So anyhow, now it's a part of the Starbucks secret menu.
I'm still sticking to moon pies. That's all the moon I will be needing.
But thanks anyhow, Starbucks. Aren't moon pies great?
Hell yeah. Yeah, I don't need any moon drink.
Give me moon pie and I'm happy. Those delightful little things are just delightful.
They are. I hear angels and trampets that marshmallow.
Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep.
Oh, yeah. That chocolate. It doesn't matter whether it's chocolate or banana.
Either one. Either one of them rule.
I mean, I like chocolate a little bit better than banana, but I would not yell if you brought me either one.
I'd be like, OK, thanks. Yeah.
Hey, only the true brave ones do it. But put a banana on top of the chocolate.
Oh, now you're speaking my language.
You want to talk about some sugar.
Yeah. You know, the inventor of the Ferris wheel in the Mer...
That's a teat lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
You know, the inventor of the Ferris wheel in the merry-go-round inventor.
They never met. They traveled and they traveled in different circles.
True story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
A rare worn down pencil belonging to William Shakespeare has been unearthed.
Experts are not sure if the pencil is to be or not to be.
And we turn to Rob. Rob, you got something.
OK. Yeah, you're making me laugh and I have a service I want to go into.
I think I know what it is. I've heard about it already.
Yeah. It's Labor Day weekend, everybody.
It's Saturday night, Labor Day weekend.
And Lake of the Ozarks has already had a death.
And it's a major one. Oh, boy. OK.
Osage Beach Police Department confirmed an officer was killed in a line of duty early Saturday morning.
There's an Osage Beach Police officer down here. Yeah.
Yeah, I read that earlier. Yeah.
It's a female, wasn't it? The officer died in a traffic crash during a police pursuit.
Wasn't it a female cop? Yes, it was.
OK. I'm going to go into that. OK, sorry. I didn't mean to.
I am doing this out of respect to her. Yes, you will see why.
Crash occurred just before 2 a.m. on State Road A and Toronto Springs Park Road,
which is down on the river. It's out in the country.
Missouri State Highway Patrol are investigating the circumstances and the crash scene.
Wow. No, no, no.
Chief Todd Davis of the. You had to give me a second there. No, no, no, that's fine.
This is deep. This is a serious subject. So go ahead, Rob. Yeah.
Chief Todd Davis of Osage Beach Police Department releases more details in the press.
The officer was identified as Felicia Carson, 33.
She has been employed with the department since June of two thousand twenty three
and leaves behind a husband and six children.
Wow. Oh, my God. Her her her husband is a Miller County Sheriff,
canine deputy, Grant Carson.
Yeah. So he is like he works for the canine unit and one cat up around like Eldon.
Oh, OK. In that like the northern end, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. She.
The pursuit ended further down the road as a suspect fleeing crest
and candy county sheriff's deputies took them into custody.
Oh, wow. OK. Start out that that pursuit started on Y Road, which is the north side of 54.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 54 went down a road and started heading like down towards Richland,
head down towards 44. OK. I got a question, Rob.
And it may be later on in the article or it may not even be there at all.
But what I read, they didn't say anything about the suspect.
Did they apprehend him?
No, no, it just said.
Where is it? Because that piece of shit should get manslaughter charges immediately.
I just. Oh, no, I haven't read it yet.
Oh, OK. The pursuit ended further down the road at the suspect fleeing crest
and candy county sheriff's deputies took them into custody.
OK, good. Good. At least I got the piece of garbage.
I guess it's probably too early to tell about the charges.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't have a clue yet. I would think manslaughter.
Lieutenant Governor Mike Tehoe throughout his condolences.
Good. Good. I could read that whole.
Well, I'm glad that I'm glad that Kehoe took notice.
I mean, yeah. Yeah.
Even Kehoe went into it. This woman had six young children.
Yeah. All because some idiot didn't want to inconvenience himself by going to jail for the night.
I mean, I heard through the grapevine, I heard it was a female and she was flipping out metal, whatever.
Oh, OK. Officers were chasing her. Yeah.
OK, I got it. Here's that. Here's that. OK. Allegedly. Well, yeah, I mean,
this officer was 33 years old, we bought six children and husband.
Wow. Thank you, Rob. I hope I hope she rests in peace.
Yeah, I mean, and the children.
Your mom is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
Hey, look, I think we found land. Oh, my God, I think we're safe.
Oh, no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was too tired.
Break Shithouse Energy Drink. That's right. Break Shithouse Energy Drink.
Make men and women go.
Chow on your balls.
You want to fuck shit up?
You want to fuck shit up? What the fuck is going on in America?
Break Shithouse is for you.
Please enjoy Break Shithouse Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said,
Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
The origin of socks. Believe it or not, the ancient Egyptians are responsible for knit socks.
From around 300 to 500 AD were the first recorded knit socks worn by anybody in the world.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If I were floating in outer space, if I was to paddle my arms and legs, would I float faster?
Hmph. I may never know.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
I, Wright Cola, is the only soft drink available in Hell.
This is Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I hope everybody's doing well tonight.
Rob, how are you?
I'm doing good.
Great. That sounds awesome.
I have an update. No, you know what? Hey, Rob, let's go to the top seven rhythm guitarists. Do you have that?
I have it.
Alright. Rob, be my guest.
This is from Tulsa King, aka Ronnie.
Yeah, Ronnie.
Love you, guy. Hope you're doing well.
Go ahead.
Okay. This is our, yeah, who we think is our favorite rhythm guitarist.
My number seven, I gotta go with Joe Perry from Aerosmith.
Ooh, solid. I should have had it. I'll stick to mine, but man, that's good. Great.
Yep.
And I had to have this gentleman on one list or another that we've had, and I think he fit better on this list.
Okay.
Mr. Les Paul.
Ooh. Okay.
This is the guy the guitar is named after, and for good reason. Les Paul is a fantastic guitarist.
I think he lived a long, long time, didn't he? He didn't die all that long time ago, I think.
No, no, he lived a long time, yeah.
I think he was in his hundreds, and I didn't know he was alive when he was still alive, and most people didn't.
I talked to other people, like, I thought he probably died years ago, but no, he...
Yeah, no, it was like 80-something, 90-something, yeah.
Oh, I thought it was his hundreds, but it was probably 90s, actually, but anyhow, yeah, that's a solid choice.
And like I say, like on everything, if you don't know what this guy does, just Google him and listen to his stuff. Very good.
Yeah.
Okay, now my number five.
Lindsay Buckingham, Lee Woodmapp.
Aha! Yep, we do overlap on one.
Awesome music, awesome music.
Yeah.
And more than just, I mean, yeah.
Yeah, Lindsay Buckingham is amazing.
Okay, now for my number four.
Malcolm Young, ACDC.
Cool.
We overlap on that one, too.
Yeah, yeah, he fits right in, man, he does.
My number three.
Alex Leisenthal from Rush, once again on a list.
Gotta be, man, gotta be.
Oh, I agree with this 100%, your list is fantastic.
And my number two, and I'm shocked that this band has not hit my list yet.
Okay.
Although I got a few that have always been right there, just can't quite cut it.
My number two goes to Nancy Wilson of Heart.
Oh, solid, she is fantastic.
Oh my God, dude, on some of, oh.
She's what brings that music, you know.
Oh, I agree.
Man, that's a solid list, thank you, Rob.
Oh, no, I still have my number one.
Oh, I thought that was your number one, I'm sorry.
No, that was my number two.
Okay, sorry, I heard wrong.
My number one goes back to a band that I mentioned that the whole band just melts together and just brings it together.
And they are an underrated band.
Okay.
My number one goes to Brian Greenway of April Wine.
I considered him.
Ed, that's a great choice.
I mean, their music, it took everything for them just to fit together and they did so perfectly.
I mean, their bass, their rhythm, their drums, their lead, their vocals, everything.
Oh, yeah, I'm just as big a fan as you are, Rob.
Yeah.
I still can't believe they have 20 some albums out, but okay.
I know, man.
I know.
I got to start going through them.
I'm sure there's great music we missed out on.
Yeah, I do too.
I haven't had time yet, but I need to.
Yep.
What is your, I'm asking this.
I still love their top hit stuff, you know.
Oh, I do too.
I want to ask this, just me asking you, what is your favorite April Wine song?
I'm going to have to say, I think, Sign of a Gypsy Queen.
That's my favorite too.
Excellent.
I mean, I love so many of their songs, but I think Sign of a Gypsy Queen, it was the
song that brought my attention to them.
Me too.
And then I also love Running Round.
They still play it on the air today, you know.
Yeah.
Do you like Running Round?
I think that's a great song too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That is, that's such a cool rhythm.
High Roller.
High Roller is great too.
Yeah.
Oh, come on, dude.
Yeah.
They jam it out now.
They are, they are my number one pick.
I think it was like Eddie Trunk was doing like bands that should have been big and people
were calling in.
I didn't get a chance to call in, but my number one pick of bands that should have been big
and didn't was April Wine.
They should have been much bigger.
They have a following, but they should have been much bigger.
They were, they were, yeah.
I mean, I guess they're still together, so they're still fantastic.
I guess it's the same people.
I don't know.
I'd have to look.
So, all right.
My number seven, and he's often overlooked because he's also a singer, is Dave Mustaine,
a Megadeth.
I could see that.
Oh, he has fantastic rhythms.
I could see that.
Yeah, he does.
I mean, he has kind of simple, complicated rhythms.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
He breaks them down and puts them together like no other.
The song structures.
To me, he's a genius.
So, I would say Dave Mustaine.
And yes, yes, over James Hetfield.
He's not on my list.
Number six, Mick Mars.
Mick Mars was more of a rhythm guitarist than he was a lead guitarist.
I love a lot of his leads, too.
He never overdid it.
He just did what the song required.
But his rhythms, I mean, that he did on the iconic songs, not the bullshit that they've
done lately or the bullshit after.
For me, Dr. Feelgood, they started going downhill.
But there was some good stuff on Dr. Feelgood, too.
Not the stuff you heard on the radio.
And then girls, girls, girls.
There's so many, let's see, like dancing on glass.
That rhythm right there is amazing.
Looks of kills good.
Simple, great.
Shout out to devil.
Simple, great.
I mean, he reminds me of Malcolm Young because it's simple, but it's great.
It's just great guitar.
So.
That's why I had to have Malcolm on mine.
Malcolm's on mine, too.
Number five, Lindsay Buckingham, like you.
Yeah.
I mean, again, he was great on lead, but that's not what he accentuated.
He accentuated.
He went from an acoustic to an electric.
So being acoustic, you are more rhythm.
Yes.
And he's got a lot of leads on acoustic guitar.
Yeah.
The genius of Lindsay Buckingham is not even being recognized like it should be.
People just gloss over him and don't think that much of him.
But if you really looked at his work and the complexity of his rhythms and the chords that he put together that are so unique.
I mean, you'd be like, gosh, man, how come that guy doesn't get more pub?
He should.
But anyhow, he's amazing.
Number four is Malcolm Young.
Again, he's kind of like he was kind of like the Scottish McMars.
For Australia.
I think he's Scottish.
Anyhow.
Yeah.
Malcolm Young.
Anyhow.
Yeah.
Nothing he did screen wizardry, but everything he did was toe tapping and really catchy.
He didn't overdo anything.
He just did.
He is kind of like the job.
It was to the point that he made his point and that was good enough.
Yeah.
He's kind of like the John Bonham of guitarist.
You know, John Bonham is what he left out more than what he put in.
Made him genius.
Right.
Same way with Malcolm Young.
Number three, and he's a good lead guitarist, too.
But Richie Blackmore.
Richie Blackmore.
Yes.
He made the songs feel like he wanted you to feel.
Whether it was Dungeons and Dragons with Dio to, oh, I want to bang this chick with Gran
Bonnet to.
Yeah.
To Eerie.
Nice way of putting it.
Yeah.
Crotch Rock, basically.
I mean, hit Crotch Rock.
Yeah.
Then he went in to Jolin Turner.
That's not even mentioning Deep Purple.
Deep Purple, there's so much stuff on there.
The iconic Smoke on the Water.
Highway Song.
Man, that right there.
That Highway Song is such a cool rhythm that kicks out.
It comes back.
It goes forward.
Comes back.
Goes forward.
Comes back.
I mean, you know what I mean?
I'm not really kind of simply putting it.
Genius stuff.
I consider him more of a lead.
That's why I did not put him on rhythm.
Yeah.
I consider him more of a lead.
Anyway, go ahead.
Okay.
I understand that.
That's cool.
Okay.
Number two is, hang on.
What did I do with number two?
My number two disappeared, dude.
I love my computer.
Shit.
You know what?
I'll get back to you about my number two.
I don't know what happened to it.
Thank you.
My number one is Tony Iommi.
And once again, he is great on lead.
Fantastic on lead.
Oh, my number two, I believe, was, hang on.
I got it on my phone too.
Hang on.
That way I don't miss anything.
And I can't believe I don't quite remember it.
Let's see.
Okay.
Keep the ducks.
Keep the ducks going, Rob.
Keep the ducks while I look.
Quack, quack.
Quack.
Quack, quack.
Shit.
Did it go out of my...
I don't know what the hell I did with it.
Quack, quack, quack.
Okay.
Oh, Paul Stanley.
Paul Stanley.
Okay.
He didn't overdo songs either.
Yep.
He worked so well with Ace.
Yeah, he did.
He did.
Yeah.
And we praised him on that.
Yeah.
And they had something magical the way they did.
I mean, it was just out of this world.
Their musical talents coming together.
You don't see that every day.
You don't see that.
It's like generational talents that come together.
Amazing.
And number one, Tony Iommi.
And everybody thinks of him.
Yeah, I know he does great leads.
Yep.
But the rhythms that he came up with and actually, honestly, thinking about it, I don't know.
Richie Blackmore should probably be number one.
Tony Iommi should probably be number two.
And number three should be Paul Stanley.
So I'm going to switch him around because Richie Blackmore, the rhythms that he came up with and how he made you feel were amazing.
Tony Iommi was scary.
I mean, he was a guy that invented power in kind of metal rock.
And here's why.
All these other people are going as fast as they could.
He was like, no, power is this.
It's the slow music you put before the heavy music.
It's setting your ears up.
It's setting your mind up.
You know what's coming, but you don't know when.
And then comes that power chord.
And then you hear like Dio with that famous majestic voice.
Like think of like Sign of the Southern Cross.
I mean, what a song.
But you can hear him like, you know, he's coming in, coming in soft, soft, soft.
And then also the music just explodes and this heavy.
Then he goes soft again.
Then he goes heavy.
It's genius.
And that is how a heavy, heavy song should be written as opposed to going as fast as you can using power chords.
That's not heavy.
Yeah.
I mean, that's just most of its noise.
But anyhow, you know what?
If you enjoy it, sorry, but most of its noise, that is it.
I've switched it around.
So, OK, I got Tony, I owe me two.
I got Richie Blackmore one and I have Paul Stanley three.
And actually, I almost want to switch as long as you got seven at the other time.
Yeah.
Yeah. You know what?
There I'm overthinking it.
I'm overthinking it.
OK, Rob, you ought to go to the story.
Please do.
Oh, by the way, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Anyhow, so if I sound a little bit off and a little bit sporadic, there you go.
So I'm on a four day weekend.
So, oh, cool.
Yeah.
No, I didn't get I didn't take vacation into July.
So, oh, but they gave us four days for the Labor Day.
OK.
Which will take me to Thanksgiving.
So anyway.
Oh, cool.
Now into my story.
And I'm going to stay a little bit into the music world.
Cool.
Artie Kornfeld is a music business legend, perhaps best known alongside his friend
and his best partner, Michael Lang, as one of the founders of the 1969 legendary Woodstock Festival.
Kornfeld is also an accomplished songwriter.
His songs have been recorded by Cher, the Bengals, Dusty Springfield, and many more.
A musician, a hugely successful and art executive, and the former vice president of rock music
and capital records.
Over the years, he was responsible for either signing or promoting artists such as Pinkfoy, Kiss, Neil Young,
Aerosmith, Tom Petty, Blondie, Bruce Springsteen, and more.
Cool.
He also has distinction, if that's the appropriate word, of once being pissed on by former Beatle John Lennon.
Does it go into that story at all or not?
Yes, it does. I knew you'd want to hear it.
Yes, I do. I want to hear that.
I was at New York Recording Studio, the hit factory, and my engineer, Shelly Yakus, and I were there with my musician pals.
Excuse me, Kraken, and David Sanborn, and all my friends, and all of a sudden, it's like three in the morning,
the 81-year-old industry veteran recalls. He's 81 now.
Okay.
So I said, guys, let's take a break for a half hour, and I ran into the bathroom like crazy and put four lines of pharmaceutical cocaine
on the back of the urinal. That's what it said, pharmaceutical cocaine.
Okay.
This is a true story, and I'm making it public because it's hysterical. It shows the sickness of cocaine.
Okay.
So I go to the urinal, and I start the four lines, and I feel a wet stream going down my left leg, cornfield continues.
Mm-hmm.
I look over my shoulder, and I see John Lennon's head. I knew John Lennon was in the next studio with Jack Douglas doing the Double Fantasy album,
so he looks at me, and he goes, I can't see a thing without the specs, and I left them in the studio.
Then he says, who are you? And I go, I'm Artie Kornfeld. Then he goes, that's amazing. You're Artie Kornfeld. I know who you are.
What he said next blew my mind, cornfield told Goldmine. He said, do you know that first record I ever bought was the Pied Piper by Crispin and St. Peter's?
I couldn't believe John Lennon just told me I wrote one of his favorite songs.
After he peed on it.
I love that story, Rob. Love that story.
Oh, because he left his spectacles in the studio.
All right.
Then come find out the first he peed on wrote his favorite song.
Fucking awesome.
I figured you'd like that one, Mike.
I did. Thank you. All right. We need to lighten this up, so you did so, Rob.
Yeah, we did.
All right. Let's take our second break. I'm going to come back with a revised story.
I made fun of the robot marshal, the robot, a couple episodes ago that is the security guard.
Well, I didn't really know what I was saying because I got a new version of Marshall and I don't think I take a pipe wrench to him.
I think he kicked the shit out of me, but we'll be right back.
Yeah, I'm going to stand corrected here real quick. So, yeah.
All right.
He bags a microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems.
My 76 inch smart HDMI, triphonic stereo TV.
My remote won't work unless I'm right in front of it.
I can't believe it. This is bullshit.
I wonder where something came from. Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we gave you the origin of.
This is the story of Dr. Pepper, originally made in Morrison's old corner drug store in Wacoop, Texas.
The drink's unique flavor was a hit when it was first sold in 1885.
Wade Morrison, the drug store owner, named it Dr. Pepper after Dr. Charles Pepper, a Virginia doctor who the father of a girl, Morrison, he was once in love with.
You can still go to the Dr. Pepper Museum and still purchase the original formula with pure artesian well water and pure cane sugar.
It's quite a treat if you're into Dr. Pepper.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Dishwater has the top 10 spots on Billboard Hot 100.
Introducing Rob Radd's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you. Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone says,
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream,
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Oh shit, what's that over there?
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of A in church?
Christian Bale.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Well, like I said before, Rob, I was making fun of Marshall and talking about, you know,
taking a pipe wrench to problem solved, right?
Well, you want to hear about Marshall?
Yeah.
A five foot tall, six hundred pound security robot named Marshall is making waves at
Briwood Center in Kansas City by reducing crime by fifty percent.
You know where Briwood is, right?
It's Raytown off at three fifty.
Yeah.
Yeah, there used to be like the dollar movies there and all that stuff.
It's pretty run down now, or at least it was.
I never go by there.
Marshall built on a smart car frame, is equipped with cameras in every direction and records
24 seven.
It is the only unit of its kind and public anywhere near Kansas City and can read license
plates and even recognize individuals as they walk by.
Despite not carrying weapons, Marshall has successfully assisted in catching criminals.
Marshall was able to provide the IP addresses and license plate of the getaway car, said
Amanda Bellemere, the property manager.
Jalen Lewis, a shopper, feels safer with Marshall around, especially when leaving the gym late
at night.
I feel safer with it.
Most definitely when I'm coming out of the gym at night to have Marshall there.
Shoppers have warmed up to the idea, Marshall, despite initial awkwardness.
Oh, I bet.
I bet it was awkward.
Don't you come up?
Hi, I'm Marshall.
I'll be watching over you.
So anyhow, this this area has always gotten a bad rap.
So no, no, it earned its rap.
Said one shopper, Bellemere believes the days of high crime rates are over and hopes Briwood
Center will become a destination spot.
No, especially for tailgaters heading to the games for the or the World Cup.
Keep dreaming.
That part of town's toast.
Maybe after the nuclear Holocaust, it might rebuild, but not in this century, unless there's
a nuclear Holocaust in this century.
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
OK, well, I just got an update on that.
OK.
They have somebody in custody.
Good.
Good, good, good, good, good.
23 year old.
I'm going to make this boy famous.
All right.
23 year old Christopher Aaron Bishop Weimer.
W E H Y E M Y E Y E R.
So it wasn't a chick.
No, it was a 23 year old dude.
Has it officially been charged?
But just this past Wednesday, a new law went into effect across Missouri, classifying fleeing
from law enforcement as a felony.
If Weimer is officially named as the pursuit suspect, it should also be charged with a
second degree murder charge.
Hallelujah.
Yes.
Yep.
Piece of crap.
Yeah, and you can find this on KRMS.
OK.
Thank you for that day, Rob.
I've got a story.
It just came across, dude.
That's why I got quiet on your last instance of reading that.
I knew you were reading something I could tell because it went from ha ha ha to nothing.
OK.
That's what it was.
OK.
Well, thank you for that update.
Hey, that hits hard down here, man.
Of course it would hit hard.
The Brady guy from Brady and Fox is such a good citizen.
Right, right, right.
Getting getting murdered by younger kids, by younger teenagers is unimaginable.
Right.
We should not have a society like this.
Yeah.
And they should be held as adults because they did an adult act.
So.
Yes.
Everyone knows this Thursday, the inaugural NFL kickoff game is going to be Kansas City
Chiefs because they are the now defending Super Bowl champions.
And it's going to be against the Baltimore Ravens, who they had to beat on their way
there in the AFC title game.
So it starts off like this.
Ex-Packer star claps back at luxurious need for shutting off CJ Stroud, Patrick Mahomes
comparisons.
Now, I think CJ Stroud has a hell of an upside and I think he's going to be one of the really,
really good quarterbacks in this league by the time it's over.
Will he be a Super Bowl winner?
That remains to be seen, but I think he's going to be a force to be reckoned with.
But on March 29, 2024, the Kansas City Chiefs made a difficult decision to trade luxurious
need to the Titans.
He was traded as a franchise player for a fully guaranteed 19.8 million.
However, despite it being five months, a Snead seems to have a soft corner for his previous
team and its quarterback, Patrick Mahomes.
Probably that's the reason when he was asked to compare quarterback CJ Stroud and Patrick
Mahomes, Snead showed his loyalty towards the three time Super Bowl champ during a recent
appearance on the Pivot podcast, whoever they are.
The Post tried to push the narrative that Stroud is comparable to Mahomes.
However, Snead was quick to reply.
He's not like Pat.
I respect his game.
He has some games, but I'm not concerned about any of that right now.
While Snead had a rather direct response to offer the NFL star, Greg Jennings had a different
take to make.
So in a recent episode of First Things First, whoever they are, former Packers wide receiver
Greg Jennings joined this show with other hosts.
Nick Wright.
Oh, okay.
Nick Wright.
That's a legitimate one then Kevin Wilds and Chris Broussard to talk about the recent comparison
made by a luxurious need on Patrick Mahomes and CJ Stroud during the show.
Jennings made sure to give a subtle nod to what the former chiefs corner said.
However, he was also clapped back at him for bringing in a different perspective.
The 40 year old agreed with Snead's comments by making it clear that no one is like 28
year old quarterback Patrick Mahomes.
And it's not a fair comparison because Mahomes is a gold standard in the NFL.
He said that even Stroud would admit that he's trying to be Mahomes as they play different
styles of football.
And they do.
Yet Jennings gave another perspective to this.
He emphasized, I'm worried about Snead.
He is a great corner, you know, but he's a really, he's a really, he said he's a great
corner, you know, this he's a really good corner.
I don't know why he said both of them, but when you have CJ Stroud at quarterback, he
doesn't give, he doesn't have to be Patrick Mahomes like because he is CJ Stroud.
He's creating and blazing his own trail the way he wants to do it.
Jennings made sure to highlight that CJ Stroud is a problem in his own right and Snead will
realize that soon enough.
So it didn't, do you see what's happening here?
CJ Stroud had nothing to do with this.
And people are already picking fights with him against, you know, Pivot and Snead against
CJ Stroud because they're in the same division, right?
So, yeah, I know that was a rather lengthy article, but I kind of had to read all of
it to get it through.
So anyhow, I think that stuff like that is going to shake out in the season.
And right now, everybody has something to say.
I love Legerrius Snead and I wish he was still in Kansas City, but I understand why people
are comparing him to Patrick Mahomes because he has a great deep ball he can throw on the
run.
He can throw either side of his body.
No big deal.
He's got the athleticism, all that.
So the thing that we don't know is here right here.
Is he going to win Super Bowls?
Is he going to do any of this?
That's remaining to be seen.
The problem is...
You gotta get past our boys.
That's what I'm getting ready to say.
The problem is, like everyone else, they have to get past Patrick Mahomes and company.
And that is not an easy feat as we see that right now.
I'm not patting them on the back for being our boys.
We're from Kansas City.
No, I'm not doing that.
It's the truth.
Little Skippy Bayless and those idiots, they just like to counter program.
But the fact is, Patrick Mahomes is a gold standard.
And to compare C.J. Stroud to it, I see the comparisons because even I did that.
I think you and I did that, didn't we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Actually, we cannot wait to see that matchup.
I think, oh my god, that's going to be a killer game.
I think it's going to be an epic battle and I can't wait to see that.
And that is also how you're going to gauge C.J. Stroud, too.
It's the way it is.
Right.
Comparing to the best.
Yep.
Everyone compares Josh Allen and everyone knows that Mahomes is the one that always beats him in the playoffs.
Josh Allen might win during the regular season, but when the game's really on the line, Mahomes always ends up on top.
Especially the famous 13 seconds.
So anyhow, that's going to be an interesting matchup that I can't wait.
Topher sent me an article that I wanted to get into, too.
I wanted to do a little bit of NFL stuff because it's coming up here quickly.
OK.
Supposedly, a few people on the NFL Jets team said that Aaron Rodgers is not a team player and they're already sick of him.
And he's caused division among the team.
And it's going to be interesting to see how well they play.
When Topher and I did our picks, I picked the Jets winning their division.
Topher says they're going to fall apart and he may very well be right after what I read.
Actually, I think that, yeah, I think they're going to fall apart.
I'm starting to think that, too.
But I'm going to stick with my pick. I'll race at it. So anyhow.
All right. Yep. I'm going to stick with it.
Although I think you guys changed my mind.
So all right, Rob, we turn to you.
OK, well, I'm going to stick a little bit into football here.
All right.
The Kansas City Chiefs, world's largest tailgate, will return on Thursday, September 5th, ahead of the back to back defending Super Bowl champions regular season opener against the Baltimore Ravens.
And what that is, it's a tailgate party outside the stadium.
Oh, like they did last year, where they formed like the biggest tailgate.
Yeah.
If anyone hasn't been here to tailgate, I mean, hate the Chiefs or whatever.
You got to experience it. It is like no other.
The tailgating is just insane.
Yeah.
It's especially here in Kansas City.
That's where you find true fans right there.
You walk through the aisles, you know, the parking lot and barbecue smell everywhere.
It just smells fantastic from homemade sauces and smoking with pecan and cherry and plum.
People just hand it out.
Yeah. Yeah.
It is a very unique experience.
They hand out beers, too.
Plenty of beers to go around.
It's just a very fun environment.
And even if you don't like the Chiefs, I suggest you go try it one time.
This is a bucket list thing, in my opinion.
So, yeah.
Yeah. So anyhow.
Yeah. Probably recommend and leave the kids at home.
Yes. Yeah. Yep.
It's just like people who take their kids to the game.
I don't recommend that.
I mean, unless you want to hear them seeing people drunk and swearing.
I mean, but do you want that?
Well, that and getting trampled and yeah, no, it's not a good time.
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
You carry on.
Oh, no, no.
Actor and comedian Rob Riggle and broadcaster Haley Lewis will co-host the event.
Riggle, a well-known Chiefs fan, has consistently shown his love and support for the franchise.
This year's world's largest tailgate, Tailgate Games, features Arrowhead Stadium's iconic tailgate experience.
The hour-long livestream begins at 5 p.m. Central, bringing unique tailgate-themed competitions
and pre-recorded segments with Chiefs players to digital platforms across Chiefs Kingdom.
And worldwide for free on ChiefsLive.com.
Cool.
The tailgate games lineup includes the Sauce Rally, Two Minute Drill Coaches Cheeseburger Challenge.
Cool.
And Chiefs Cup.
And what? Cheese?
Chiefs Cup.
Cheese Cup?
I don't know.
Okay.
Oh, Chiefs.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't have a clue.
I might don't either Google it.
I'm not gonna.
The Broadcast Boys podcasters Lucas Brody and Nelson Bergara will serve as special tailgate games correspondents.
The stream will also feature guest appearances from YouTube star Funny Marco, comedian and actor Desi Banks, actor and comedian Heidi Gardner,
Chiefs Hall of Famer Dante Hall, and others.
Cool.
Yeah.
Good to see Dante's making an appearance.
Okay.
Very cool.
Rob Riggle has always loved Kansas City.
He's from Kansas City.
He never dumped us.
Yeah, we have a lot of.
That's why I brought this story.
I'm glad you did.
Because I love him because he's like me.
I don't live there, but I still have my Kansas City love.
You know, always will.
Same here.
Let me find this story here that I was going to go into a while ago.
But a husband got a bizarre penis infection after dinner and vigorous sex.
Doctors in Lebanon, not Missouri, Lebanon, as in the country, say they treated a 38.
If not, you probably drive down there.
Sounds like something happened there.
I don't argue that at all.
Don't argue that at all.
Doctors in Lebanon say they treated a 38 year old man who got an unusual bacterial infection in his penis after eating rice and having vigorous sex with his wife.
A few hours after being intimate, the man suffered diarrhea and vomiting with penile swelling and redness.
Oh, poor guy.
I'm sorry I'm giggling, but God, this sounds horrible, don't it?
Do it.
OK.
I got to hear it.
OK.
So for about a week before seeking medical help, he had all these symptoms, which is stupid.
Why would you wait a week?
A week.
Yeah.
Doctors at the American University of Beirut Medical Center examined his scrub, his scab, not scrub, his scab penis, took a swab and discovered the culture of the penis.
The scrub and discovered the culprit, Bacteria Sirius, a bacterium found in soil, vegetation and contaminated food such as reheated rice and vegetables.
With 63,400 cases a year in the US, the condition is known as fried rice syndrome.
I've heard of that before, have you?
I've heard of it.
I didn't.
I really didn't know what it was.
I didn't either.
I just I just knew it was something and I didn't know if it was true either.
I thought maybe as a gag or something.
I think it's true.
So so you eat.
So you sleep with a woman that ate rice and you can get a disease.
Yes.
The syndrome.
Yeah.
OK.
So fried rice, if it's left out room temperature, it can produce toxins that cause diarrhea and vomiting.
Yeah.
Reheating does not destroy the toxins.
The bacteria can attack any part of your body.
But this poor guy had his shlong infiltrated.
He had to.
What?
What horrible luck.
That's all I can say.
Wow.
What a horrible luck.
He had to refrain from sex and masturbation for a month.
Oh, oh, gosh.
That poor man.
Nothing for a month.
You know, he was bursting at the seams.
Oh, a month while applying topical cream to his penis hourly.
Oh, it reminds me of the bowl we will clap way back in the first season.
And go at the end of this program here.
I will describe you what the whole evil clap is, because every time I go to an old segment, I will explain what it is.
Like I, you know, I explain big in the ball biter.
Well, explain the bowl we will clap.
So, Rob, you got something you want to go into?
Yeah, I got one here.
I got another one about a bald eagle.
Oh, OK.
Yeah, this one didn't gorge himself on a raccoon.
But it is out of Valley Park, Missouri.
Of course.
A bald eagle is slowly recovering after surgeries in Missouri.
The victim of a shooting that experts say is far too common for a symbol of America and other raptors.
The male eagle was found injured July 11th in central Missouri.
A volunteer with the World Bird Sanctuary picked it up and brought the seven pound adult back to the sanctuary in suburban St. Louis.
Roger Holloway, the sanctuary's executive director, said the eagle's upper beak was nearly split in half by the bullet.
Oh, what a fucking dickhead.
Somebody shot it, yeah.
It also had an injured left wing and suffered from lead poisoning.
Oh, just to top it all off.
The eagle designated number 24-390 because it is the 390th injured bird treated at the sanctuary this year.
As undergone three surgeries, Holloway said an operation in August was to further repair the severely damaged beak, a serious injury that would be life ending if it doesn't heal.
The good news, suture sites from earlier surgeries are healing well and so are jaw fractures caused by the force of the bullet, Holloway said.
Another procedure is likely early septic.
Wow.
But it goes unsaid, but even if all goes well, number 24-390 will require months of care, perhaps even a year, before it could conceivably be released back into the wild.
I'm just glad.
I mean, it sucks what happened to it.
I swear, I would probably beat that piece of shit to death.
You don't harm animals.
A bald eagle on American earth.
That person right there that did that is a fucking psychopath and doesn't need to be on this earth in my opinion.
Yeah, what bullshit.
That infuriates me.
Well, they catch you, just saying, if they do catch you, you're in big trouble.
Oh, you're going to prison.
You don't get out of that.
You're going to prison flat.
That's it.
And I think it's a solid five years, isn't it?
There's no wiggle room.
You can get the best lawyer in the whole world.
There's no wiggle room.
You go for five, I believe.
At least five.
Yeah, yeah.
So, and I back that a thousand percent.
So, but anyhow, anyone that abuses animals, I think, should see prison time just like that.
So, anyhow.
Yeah.
Yeah, we feel the same way.
All righty.
Well, should I go into the bow bow we will clap or you want to keep going for a little while?
If that's what you want to do, my friend.
All righty.
Well, like, like always, like I said, whenever I mentioned something from a past, you know, a story that was on the first season or whatever,
I promised to repeat it because I had a couple of people give me some shit going, well, you say all this stuff, you don't explain it.
So, OK, then this is I told this to Topher on a show, I don't know, really, really early in the podcast.
So there's a guy I used to work with.
He went to Vietnam.
First off, he was really agitated at his neighbors.
He didn't like him.
And when he got his draft papers, he said, congratulations, your friends and neighbors have elected you to serve them in Vietnam.
And he said, I don't even like those assholes.
So so they they threw his ass over there, and they almost got shot.
Some people there around did get shot.
A couple of them died.
There's blood everywhere.
They're in a foxhole.
And he was like, shit, you know, him and his buddy said, you know what?
They got a little furlough and they go, you know, they're only 18.
And and they look at each other, go, we're not going to die virgins.
Let's go get some pussy.
So they go to town, wherever that was, you know, in Vietnam.
And they go there and they bang a couple of hookers.
Why they did not use well, they probably couldn't get rubbers.
So they both come back and anyhow, this particular guy that I knew, he said they started like he felt like he had to piss really bad, but he couldn't.
And then he noticed his dick was changing different colors, like kind of bluish black and started agonizing pain.
He's like, oh, my gosh, what is happening?
And then his buddy, same thing happened to him.
And he's like, oh, you know, I mean, it's I wish I could describe it as well as he did.
He said it's the worst pain ever.
If he'd had a gun with him, he probably would have blew his head off and hurt that bad.
And, you know, and this is this to me like to be like kidney stones.
Yeah, probably even worse.
Sounds like to me. Yeah.
So like little shards of glass.
Yes. Yeah.
And he's just agonizing, so they have to go to their superior and he kind of knew what it was, but he didn't say, you know, and they're like, uh huh.
And you guys just got back from furlough.
Yeah.
OK.
So, you know, they go and see the medic and the medic goes, oh, no, he goes, he goes, those hookers.
What they do is they they fill them with bold, we will bold, we will clap.
And then when you go over there and you bang them, you get it.
And this is what happens.
So they're like, oh, man, I got it.
And he goes, well, he goes, good news is it's curable.
The bad news is you see this glass rod.
I'm going to rub this down your penis hole and I'm going to smash it with this here rubber mallet.
And I'm going to do that for hours because if you leave one bit of infection, it will come back and and probably be worse.
So, you know, they had to sit there and have their dick smashed with this fucking rubber mallet with that glass rod.
And then he had to take his penis away.
He described it was horrible.
He had to like squeeze it like silly putty and squeeze all of that infection out.
And then when he was satisfied with all the infection being out, he had to put something in there to kill that bull weevil clap stuff.
And I guess that felt like they were taking his inside of his dick and just tearing him out.
And he said, there's no amount of pain, no amount of pain, pills, nothing, morphine, nothing would cure that horrible, horrible pain.
So then after that, he said, you know what?
I don't care how long I'm this miserable hellhole and I may die, but I ain't touching another hooker.
Could you imagine that, though, the only cure back then?
I'm sure they have other stuff now.
And I'm sure it's it's not the bull weevil clap.
It's probably called something else.
But this was a name for it in battle.
You know, they really didn't know.
They're like, oh, what is it?
Oh, it looks like the bull weevil clapped me.
OK, we're going with it.
You know, so my dad was in the Navy during the Army.
He told me stories.
I've heard of the bull weevil clap.
It was some bad shit.
And then there was like ass rot.
Did you did your dad ever tell you about that?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, it's caused from not wiping really good and being sweaty.
And it was very hot in Vietnam and they're wearing their camos.
And after a while, not not not not being clean enough.
Yeah, yeah, after a while, your asshole develops an infection that starts literally.
If you don't catch it soon enough, it can rot your asshole.
I believe it. Yeah.
And some people, I don't know how they went to the bathroom after that because they had a rotted asshole.
But the whole thing was is you had to try to clean as good as you could.
There wasn't a lot of clean water over there.
A lot of times you'd have contaminated water and washing it on your ass to get it out.
And that was even worse.
So, you know, the whole moral of the story is all the class in the bag.
Yeah. Oh, unfortunately.
Yep. So a lot of it.
Rob, you got to. Oh, hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
We hope all this wasn't too graphic for you, but we love you guys in Dodge City.
Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
All right. I guess we're going to end this program on the Boa Weevil Clap.
You got anything? I've got another one.
Oh, OK. Go ahead, please.
Let's not end the show on the Boa Weevil Clap.
No. How about let's end it on a possible reunion?
Oh, please tell.
Oh, wait, the Gallagher Brothers, the Gallagher Brothers.
Yeah. A hugely popular band in the 1990s and 2000s that sold millions of records
before splitting up because of the notorious volatile relationship of brothers, William and Noel Gallagher,
announced it will reunite for a tour next summer.
Oh, that's news.
This is it. This is happening.
The band posted on social media early Tuesday morning.
In another post, the band says the guns have fallen silent.
The stars have aligned.
The great wait is over.
Come see.
It will not be televised.
OK. OK. Is it just a one off or are they going to tour?
I'm not sure. OK.
The band says tickets for the 14 date tour.
Oh, OK. It's a 14 day.
OK.
We'll go on sale 9 a.m. Saturday.
The tour begins July 4th and 5th, 2025 in Cardiff, Wales
before moving on to tour dates in Manchester, which will be in England,
four at London's Wembley Stadium, two at Edinburgh, and two in Dublin.
The tour will conclude on August 17th.
You know why they're overseas doing these? Because they're not that big in America.
Yeah, they did good. They had some big hits,
but they would not sell out even T-Mobile's T-Mobile Center here in Kansas City.
There's just not that big of a demand for them here.
They were a good band, but not a great band.
They never deserved the new Beatles title.
And that's quite frankly, that's a horrible thing to hang on a band
because that's so much to live up to.
You couldn't ever feel good about your performances.
I mean, you know, so anyhow, last night.
So Wembley Stadium would be about the equivalence of, let's say,
what's the big one in New York?
Madison Square.
Oh, Madison Square Garden.
Wembley is about the same as Madison Square Garden.
Okay. Yeah, that's huge. So, okay.
They have four dates at Wembley.
That's insane.
I guess, last night I went and I had a cigar with my buddy at work,
Orin and his friend, down at Outlaw Cigar Company, which is a great place.
They have a couple locations. We went to the one in Overland Park, Kansas,
and we smoked a cigar and bullshitted and watched the Royals fuck up in the ninth.
Well, actually, yeah, ninth inning, the bottom of the ninth,
and watched a couple of college game blowouts.
But he was telling me that Chad Kroger, there is a documentary out on it,
but Chad Kroger and Nickelback went through a really dark time
because nobody recognized anyone else in Nickelback but him.
And all the negative stuff, people hated him, made fun of him and all that stuff.
He heard so much of that that it got to him.
It got to his psyche.
It made him feel horrible about himself.
And he went through a really dark time.
I mean, hell, even in Canada, the town that they're from took down their sign
and never put one back up.
So I thought that was interesting. I'm going to find that.
It's on Netflix. He told me about it.
Anyhow, so I'm going to find that and watch it.
I find it pretty fascinating.
I was always joking around about Chad Kroger.
I've never had a problem with him per se, but it's fun to just make fun of him.
He's just one of those people, he had the mullet and everything.
He was fun to make fun of.
So anyhow, it's too bad that it happened like that and that got to him.
But anyhow, since we're talking about music, I think I wanted to add that.
So, all right, should we go ahead and wrap a bow on this bitch?
Yeah, let's wrap it, buddy.
Everybody, thank you for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.