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Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
If you melt dry ice in a pool, can you swim without getting wet?
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Two Douchebags and a Microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems.
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Two Douchebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in.
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, I got a question to ask you.
I didn't ask you off air, but I want to ask you on this program.
Did you listen to the last podcast that I put up this morning?
Not the one you put up this morning.
Okay.
The last two were repeat.
So I know I did.
I took that down.
I found out at work and I was like, oh shit.
Anyhow, I corrected it as soon as I got home and hopefully not.
I should have been the one to say something, but I didn't.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
You know what?
I mean, it's free.
Okay.
So you got it.
You got a repeat.
Just wait till another one comes out.
That's what I did.
And actually, that was a good show.
It was a good show.
Well, I did.
I did something different on this.
That's right.
It's so good.
We had to air it twice.
Um, I did something different on this last one.
What I did was is instead of putting the best of, I did a narration of these bits and where
they came from.
Like my first one was strange insults from an alien.
I told how that came from and how I accidentally sped up the audio when I was telling a strange
insult and I believe it was a, may your mother leave your room or your house.
I think, may your mother leave your house.
And once she leaves, she leaves the door slightly ajar.
So you have to get up and close it.
It just started out as strange insults, but anyhow, it was going to be some name completely
different and goofy.
And I accidentally sped up the audio on it and it sounded like an alien.
I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to go with strange insults from an alien.
And then the reason that alien has all different kinds of sounds, you know, he's got a low
tone, he's got a high tone, he's got a weird tone is because I don't know of anyone that
talked to an alien so they can't tell me what they sound like.
So I'm covering all bases.
And then I, where deep thoughts came up, apocalypse, all that stuff.
And I just kind of narrate and I put two or three of the, what I consider the best ones
on there.
And I did that for about a half hour last night and strung them all together.
And I think it was pretty good, but I want someone else's opinion to go, you know what?
I did like that.
Or you know what?
Next time.
And I mean, honest opinion next time, throw on a best stuff.
Okay.
I did.
And anyhow, so you didn't hear it.
So it doesn't matter.
But when you hear it, I want to hear your honest opinion.
If you think I should throw on a best stuff, let me know.
You're not going to hurt my feelings.
So all right.
Anyhow, a video circulated on social media Thursday of Las Vegas Raiders safety, Trey
Taylor holding a Kermit the frog doll, Donnie and Mahomes Jersey and a wig meant to mock
the Corbett quarterbacks here.
Was you going to tell this story?
No, no, go ahead.
Go ahead.
I left it for you.
Okay.
All right.
First off, I gave them a D minus for originality.
Oh, no, don't bust us up with that old Patrick Mahomes sound like Kermit the frog gimmick.
Who has not?
That has been going around since day one.
He is admittedly.
Oh, yeah.
I sound like Kermit the frog.
They used to joke with him all the time in school.
So this dimwit from the Raiders comes up and has a little, a little puppet that he thinks
funny.
You know, if it was funny, I give him credit, but it wasn't funny because why don't you
come up with something original?
Well, he can't really find anything to dog him on.
So he's got, Oh, he sounds like Kermit the frog.
Ha ha.
No, it didn't work.
Dumb shit.
As a matter of fact, you look stupider than you do when you start an article wall ago.
Just saying.
Uh huh.
Go ahead.
Patrick Mahomes acknowledged it.
He's like, okay, guess what?
You got to face me twice this year, not once, but twice.
He said something about it will get handled when it get handled.
So he's going to shove the ball up their ass is what's going to happen.
So you know, and he also said this, he said, like, I needed more motivation.
He said, fine.
So anyhow, remember how well it happened for them when they did their little victory lap
around Arrowhead Stadium?
And then we did the ring around the Rosie and scored on them.
Yeah.
We shoved that up their ass.
Well, I look for another one.
So you know, um, if you're going to make fun of somebody, the best quarterback in play,
a man that has dominated the whole Western division every since day one, he became a
starter.
He has dominated everyone in the Western division and been to the super bowl five out of four
out of five years.
No.
Yeah.
Four out of five years.
No.
Five out of six years.
And he won three of them.
So you're going to go after that guy with a Kermit the frog fucking puppet.
So I know Raider fan Raider fan.
You thought you ruined Christmas and the rest of the season for us chiefs fans.
I get it.
But all it did was wake us up enough to grab another trophy and to top it all off.
It was won by us, the chiefs on your home turf, the Raiders in Las Vegas.
We won the super bowl on your home turf.
After you thought you didn't, you killed us and buried us on Christmas day.
All you did was wake up a giant.
How do you feel now Raider fan?
How do you feel?
I don't think it's very fucking good.
And this guy here, this fucking safety, this ball is going to be promptly shoved up your
ass and I'm going to watch it in real time and I'm going to enjoy it.
And I don't care.
They made fun of my homes.
What I'm saying is, is watch out who you pick on.
You better watch it out because this guy, my homes doesn't go angrily around and fuck
that guy or nothing.
You know what my homes does?
He shoves a ball up your ass the next time you see it.
So go ahead and expect it because it's going to happen and you might as well wish us luck
on our next Western division championship and maybe another super bowl while you guys
are over there in purgatory trying to figure shit out and get a quarterback.
Good luck guys.
So anyhow, you know, Patrick said it best.
He said, I didn't need any more motivation, but well, see you soon punk asses.
But my homes didn't say that.
He didn't say punk asses.
He just said like I needed any more motivation.
He didn't need it.
He didn't need it anymore.
But you know what?
He's got more now.
You tell me that one overhead drive, it is not plastered everywhere.
What that guy did.
It is.
So yeah, I might've, I might've made that part up about punk asses.
Okay.
Just to be clear, that might've just been me mouthing off and not Patrick my homes.
Right Rob?
Right.
Might've just been me.
Right.
So anyhow, a Canadian Olympic female coach has been kicked out of the sport competitions
for a supposed spying event that happened during practices.
The coach allegedly was spying on competitors teams with a drone she was operating.
Meanwhile, at the chief's mini camp, several drones have been spotted flying over Patrick
my homes.
That's right.
Daddy's back.
All right.
Well now, at Costco, there is a new doomsday bucket available.
It features 80 entrees in size, 30 breakfast servings and 40 drink servings that just need
water to prepare.
The meal options range from teriyaki rice, tomato, basil soup and pasta Alfredo to cheesy
mac and cheese and apple cinnamon cereal.
So it's not just about survival.
It's about maintaining a certain normalcy after the apocalypse.
So Rob, I'm just going to, I'm just going to do this for now on.
I'm going to have, instead of things you eat during an apocalypse segment, I'm just going
to go ladies and gentlemen, go to Costco.
That's it.
Go get hickory nuts and fuck dandelions.
That sound about right?
Yeah.
I mean stock up man.
Yeah.
Stock up.
Go to Costco.
Get the.
Dan pepper.
Instead of eating dandelions like I'm suggesting and hickory nuts, go to Costco.
Get three or four of these.
It would work if you have to.
But I suggest you buy like 30 of these buckets first.
And then after you run out of these 30 buckets, then start looking for hickory nuts and dandelions.
So in Chicago, when a grocery store employee was moving shelves in the storage room, she
found a corpse that had been wedged in between shelving and a wall.
The mummified body turned out, I know the mummified body turned out to be a man that
was missing a little over 10 years ago.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I know.
In the warehouse?
Yeah.
It was in the back of a store.
I have a question.
Okay.
What happened to a thing called inventory?
No one knew how to inventory a dead body.
Once a year, everybody counts.
You should see this shit.
Just saying.
Okay.
Here's what I'm saying, Rob.
I wouldn't know how to inventory a dead body.
I'm up this week, that's why I'm saying that.
Yeah, it's like a story.
You're going through sunflower seeds, you're going through candles, you're going through
coffee creamer, dead body.
I don't see it on the list.
No?
Yeah.
You just go right by, go, okay.
I don't know.
I don't see it on the list, so it's not there.
That's a fucked up inventory.
Yeah it is.
But Chicago has big- That's what it is.
Exactly, that's what it is.
No one bothered to ever clean behind the shelf for sure.
And they definitely didn't count anything, that's for sure.
They move a couple of cans of beans, they'd say.
Ten years.
His body was mummified because of the circumstances in the room.
Yeah.
His body was mummified because of the circumstances in the room.
That's how come they didn't smell like this horrible odor or nothing.
And he was a guy that disappeared ten years ago, and he's mummified behind shelves.
So evidently he bit the big one, he had the, I'm coming little bit.
Or however Red Fox said that.
And he had one of them, he had to grab her back behind the shelves, and no one found
him.
You know, Chicago has big plans for the deceased.
When he gets through voting, they can figure out how to plan for him to pay back taxes
too.
After he gets done voting.
Come on, Chicago knows what to do with dead people.
Yeah.
Alright, back taxes for ten years, he's going to want to.
We're leaving it right there.
Yeah, back taxes for ten years, this guy's going to want to be dead again.
So anyhow, a Chinese military buff somehow buys four books of military secrets for under
a dollar.
A military historian in China appears to have made an alarming discovery after picking up
four discarded books for less than a dollar at a neighborhood recycling center.
He was set to buy Joe Biden's copies, but he hates crayon writing.
Okay.
Joe Biden, he hates crayon writing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll give you that one.
Okay.
So, if you're liberal and you hate that comment, too fucking bad, it's a joke.
And we put this at the very first, at the very first of this show, we tell you it's
a joke.
So if you can't handle the joke, you're in the wrong area.
So to be honest, I'm laughing inside.
Yeah.
So alright.
Let's see here.
I got, you want to go into the email of the week that I didn't even read it yet.
I just downloaded it because I got it.
I got some email this time featured email the week, Rob and Mark.
How much time on average per week do you and Mark put into the podcast?
Thank you, Ronnie and Tulsa.
So do you have a?
Okay.
Yeah.
Let me let me calculate this real quick.
We figured four hours a week just for the podcast.
Yes.
Okay.
Let's see.
We do four hours a week just on the podcast.
I'm going to say I put in eight to nine hours a week, sometimes a little bit more when I
refresh bits or do new ones and stuff like that or come up with different voices or different
writings and stuff.
I'm going to say actually thinking about I'm going to say I probably put in a solid 10
hours a week on this podcast.
You Rob?
Okay.
Well, that's about where I'm at.
Because between saving the articles, reading the articles, going back, you know, and doing
the podcast, I'd say 10, 12 hours a week.
Okay.
Four shows.
Yeah, I knew you were putting.
Because I do a lot of saving and reading that I don't use.
Yes, I know you do because.
I mean, so I got to count that.
You are very particular about the articles that you read because you know the articles
that I go into and it's appreciated.
We don't ever cross over.
We rarely cross over.
We try not to.
Yeah.
Because I don't ask Rob what he's going to talk about.
He doesn't ask me what we're going to talk about.
We think that that works better organically like it has.
And the other guy has just.
We bring it to you as we are.
Yes.
I think that that's the way that it happens the best.
So Rob and I probably put in 10 hours, maybe a little bit more.
And I think that's safe to say on podcasts.
And Ronnie, thank you for acknowledging that we put a lot of time in.
That's why you asked it.
I'm certain.
Thank you.
Thank you, Ronnie.
Honestly, my hours go longer than that because I save a lot of stuff.
The legal on stuff.
Because I think nothing but the podcast.
Well, when I'm going through my news page, whatever, I'm thinking about podcasts that
I'm saving and deleting and whatever.
Yeah, I do, too.
I know I almost go 20 hours a week.
I bet you I could go 22.
And here's why.
I'll be watching the news and a story comes up that I think is interesting.
All of a sudden I'll grab my phone and I'll put it into it and I'll explain what I'm thinking
at the time.
So all of those, I bet you I do put in a solid 20 hours of podcasting.
And then these days that I come up with like some more strange insults or news nobody gives
a shit about or something like that, then I probably put in more.
And Rob, I appreciate all the time you put in because I know because of the articles
that you do, you don't get the ones that you don't skim off the top there.
Sometimes I do if I think they're interesting enough.
I got to dig deep.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's got to get dig deep.
And you do that way.
You don't reflect what I'm doing.
I mean, it's perfect.
I tell you what, it's a perfect combination to me what we got going on now.
You have your stuff.
I have my stuff.
And we each have a slightly different point of view that I think jives very well on this
podcast.
So I have some more first third, but I don't know.
You know what, Rob, why don't you go into something?
And then later on, if I need some material, I got like four pages of the first third because
I kind of went nuts on it this week.
You're fine.
All right.
OK.
Actually, I got a couple I'm going to go into.
All right.
Sounds good.
First off, like I texted you Friday night.
I got me TV tunes.
I know.
I'm good.
Yeah, dude, it's awesome.
Mr. Magoo, other than all the good shows that air very late at night, like midnight.
Mr. Magoo got me when you sent me out.
I'm watching Mr. Magoo right now.
I'm like, fuck.
Well, no, I didn't watch a lot of they they were showing a lot of the.
Bug Bunny, but it's older ones.
And I'm telling you, there was some.
From the nineteen nineteen forty, nineteen fifty.
I'm like, are you kidding me?
When Bugs Bunny looked completely different.
It came out when we were kids, you know, the art looked completely different on Bugs Bunny.
I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, it's kind of like Woody Woodpecker.
I know Woody Woodpecker later on.
I've yet to see that because I can't stay up that late.
OK, the old Woody Woodpecker, he has like his crown goes back.
It doesn't curl over in front.
He's got big legs.
He's kind of ugly.
The second one, he's a cute little guy that's kind of kind of mean.
Anyhow, yeah, but the the old Bugs Bunny was kind of dark, wasn't it?
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Yeah, it was kind of dark in humor and the way it's illustrated, the the drawings.
It was kind of dark on that, too.
And they delved into some stuff that was always I mean, not all of it, but they had some dark
subjects, didn't they?
Well, I also watched a documentary today on that channel on TV.
Oh, OK.
And it was about old Bugs Bunny.
And, you know, it was pretty cool.
It was very informative.
It really was.
That is cool.
I love documentaries like that.
Yeah, right now, the docu.
Oh series, I guess.
The Food That Built America.
I am just in love with.
Oh, I just love that.
Yeah, it is so cool because I mean, they go into like how craft was invented and and Post
and Kellogg's was the same company and its two brothers that got into a fight and, you
know, and like our competitors now, you know, Coca-Cola, Pepsi, all these Frito Lay, all
these famous brands.
And they tell you about how they came about and the interesting stuff.
Some of them came about during World War Two.
Some of them came from fights.
You know, it's really interesting.
So anyhow, Rob, you're going somewhere this I'm sorry.
Oh, no, I was just saying I went ahead and I rented.
I got I found on friendly TV that you could subscribe to for seven ninety nine a month
for a week three.
And that's what I've been watching on TV to friendly TV.
Oh, cool.
I'm getting back to my roots watching cartoons.
I love it.
Cool.
I think that's awesome, man.
What a good service.
And they got a lot of different ones.
I mean, you know, they showed the Jetson's Blinkstone speed racer.
Oh, you name it.
They show it.
Speed racer still at a gadget at the right time.
Yeah.
A speed racer.
Always funny going back and watch it.
I still love it.
But all the they had to do because the differences in the languages.
Ah, Trixie, I think I'm going to go.
Yeah, it's still great.
Anyhow, racer X was his dead brother, right?
When that it.
Yeah, something like that.
Anyhow.
Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
OK, next up, I got another story.
There are necessities to our in travel and now it's partnering with the Norwegian Cruise
Line to hold an 11 day new dextrusion early next year.
Hmm.
Do tell, Rob.
Do tell.
This sounds interesting.
The passing was for the cruise will be easy.
A few casual outfits and a lot of sunscreen.
OK, 11 day trip is being called the 2025 big new boat.
In feels Norwegian boat.
On the Pearl.
OK, I've been on that boat.
It's not the biggest.
But it's a real easy party boat because they have a lot of bars on the aft and on the forward
where people sit, you know, where a lot of people go to.
They want to see the ocean either going forward or backward.
They have a lot of bars on every level there.
And so it's kind of like a party boat.
So I could see that.
Anyhow, go ahead.
You there, Rob?
Yeah, I'm here.
OK, all right.
I have a little bit.
The 11 day trip is being called the 2025 big new boat on CLL Norwegian Pearl.
It will depart Miami on February 3rd, 2025.
Stop include Great Sturrup, a.
Mm hmm.
Then one for Rico.
Do they have to put on clothes when they go to Puerto Rico?
Great Sturrup is Norwegians private island.
Listen, listen.
And Castree St. Lucia.
This will go on sale in August.
OK.
We'll be sailing aboard the lovely Norwegian Pearl, a twenty three hundred passenger ship
with loads of entertainment, lots of open deck space and multiple dining options.
OK.
Especially restaurants and a large buffet area for food, outdoor dining will easily
accommodate a wide variety of culinary tastes.
OK.
OK, so I read this one, but I read another article too about it.
OK.
There will be times you have to have clothes on.
OK.
Yeah, that's not thought because Great Sturrup, OK, they can get away with it because that's
Norwegians private island and they own that island so they can say everybody's nude.
Now well, there's more to it.
Oh, OK.
Go ahead, please.
I'm going to go.
I'm just what I read off another story.
I might go into that.
OK.
If you think that.
That is a thing.
Uh huh.
What do you call it?
What?
Where you trade partners.
Oh, swingers.
I don't have.
Yeah, swingers.
OK.
Swingers are pretty much not welcome.
OK, that's good.
Well I mean, at least to me, unless you're into that.
This is for naturalists.
OK.
It's what they call it.
Naturalists.
OK.
And others do this.
Uh huh.
It's not for.
Yeah.
Actually, I got a story I'm going to go into tomorrow night about cruises.
Uh huh.
And being single.
OK.
But that's tomorrow night.
OK.
No, this is just for Buddhists.
OK.
And you have to have clothes on when you go to your meals.
Stuff like that.
Yeah.
You know.
That makes sense.
That makes a lot of sense.
Hygienically.
And also, do you want to see, you know, people saggy tits, fucking old balls while you're
eating your steak?
No.
OK, that's cool.
Yeah, no, no.
Not while I'm eating, but any other time, why not?
Now, that's a good idea about the no-swingers because that would be a predatory thing that
they could get in on everybody naked.
Right.
Because they're already...
Well, and that's where my story goes in tomorrow night.
OK.
Yeah, because they're already...
Yeah, there's other things I can add to it.
There's...
Yeah, they don't like swingers on cruises.
No, and that's because they lurk.
You go around the bars and they wait and they come up and they act really sweet and nice
and don't act like anything's up and they try to get you drunk and try to get you into
things that they want you to do.
And everybody has had it happen to them and it's annoying as hell.
And it gets to where you're paranoid.
If a couple comes up and just starts talking, you don't want to talk to them because you
don't know if they're fucking hitting on you or trying to get something or...
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
You know, you're trying to get back to your cabin.
Yeah, and you know, and they're hot breath and you...
No, and you've got two people want you to join in.
No.
Look, and...
I just want to go home and go to bed.
Yeah, and they can do whatever they want.
It doesn't bother me.
But whenever they come out there and we can't go to a bar freely...
It's not in the hallways where everybody has to watch them.
Yeah.
If nothing else, then they ought to have a place on the ship where they can all meet
up.
That way they know who all is in it and not.
I mean...
That kind of leads into my story tomorrow.
Okay.
They have like upside down pineapples, I think is what it is.
Upside down pineapples.
And if you ever want to play a mean trick on somebody, get a big upside down pineapple
poster and put it on somebody's door that you want to fuck with.
Because they'll probably get knocks all night.
Hey!
Is this it?
You know.
So, anyhow, we're really late for a first break.
When we come back, do you want to go into the hairy asshole Olympics, Rob?
That's good.
All righty.
We'll be right back in a couple minutes.
I think I'm ready to battle.
No, I'm not sure.
You got some killers, dude.
I know.
I really brought it.
You know what?
I really, really, really took a long time.
I scratched off so many names, Rob.
I was just like, man, this one is going to be epic.
So I don't know what I'm going to do with the next batch.
No, you have nine and I have five.
Two of mine are women.
Okay.
All right.
That's all right.
That's what the wild card's for.
I got something for you tonight.
All right.
We'll be right back in a couple minutes.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cucumber.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my God.
I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a factory that just makes okay products?
A satis-factory.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
During an apocalypse, you will probably need a good insecticide.
Soybean, corn, and peppermint oil are some plant extracts that create powerful natural
insecticides.
They are some of nature's best organic and natural pesticides that when combined can
make a far more superior weapon that growers can effectively use to improve their integrated
pest management on their crops or on their person.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Right, right, cola is the only soft drink available in hell.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State Middle School.
Your mama's so fat, she went out in high heels and struck oil.
Hi everybody, Mark here from Two Douchebags and Microphone, and I'm here with, there we
go.
Alright, like promised, shall we get right into the hairy asshole Olympics, Rob?
Yeah, this is going to be challenging.
Alright.
It's going to be challenging.
I have five to nine.
Okay, alright.
I have five, you have nine.
Alrighty, I'm going to trust the fights to you.
You line them all up against each other.
Oh shit, I don't know how I want to do it.
Okay, alright, hang on, let me find, damn it, I don't know what I did with my names.
I may have put two of mine together because I have the one too female.
Yeah, you know what, start off with them.
I'm looking for my list.
Let's start off with them.
Okay.
We have Mila Kunis versus Yoko Ono.
Okay, there's two, to me there's two schools of thought.
Yoko Ono is probably 80, so she might be losing hair down there, although she probably collected
hair for years.
Mila Kunis is younger and doesn't, you know, just barely washes herself.
She's not giving her kids baths on a regular basis.
Yeah.
Yes, and isn't she like Lithuanian or something?
No, she's Ukrainian.
Ukrainian, okay.
Okay, I'm going with Mila.
Actually?
Yes?
I think I gotta go with her too.
Mila Kunis it is.
The judge hits his gravel.
Yes, you know, he commands all kinds of hair.
You know, he's like, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, I'm going with Mila.
And I just for the sheer fact that Yoko is probably 80 or more and her hair is probably
falling out.
And if nothing else, it's like really gray and you can't see it very well.
So I'm going Mila.
All right, Mila it is.
All right, next.
While we're at it, let's stay in that 70's show.
Okay.
Let's go Danny Masterson versus Robert Torjilo.
This is going to be a tough one because you got a musician that does not give a shit.
You know, he likes being hairy and probably likes to freak out groupies with all that
hair too.
You know, he's probably like, yeah, you want it.
You got to get to it.
There it is in the jungle.
He is an actor in prison for molesting people.
Yes.
I'd be growing it out as a shield if it was me.
Me too.
All right, then let's go with Danny.
Okay, Danny.
Yeah.
Wow.
All right.
Because you're right.
He would have to grow it out as a shield to protect his bunghole.
Yeah.
Yep.
Okay.
I'm good with that.
I can understand protecting one's asshole.
So all right.
Next one.
Okay, let's go.
I've read Fox versus you're Jerry Garcia.
I think Jerry Garcia because he is just he was so hairy and he didn't give a shit.
He didn't.
I'm an emergency.
Yep.
Jerry Garcia all the way.
And I'm not going to bring out Red Fox.
Yeah.
Okay.
One thing that we can only give him and I ain't going to bring up.
Okay.
All right.
Then we'll just we'll go with Jerry Garcia.
All right.
Next one, please.
All right.
Well, my true last one.
Uh huh.
George Clint.
And the P fuck.
Okay.
Yes.
George Clinton.
I'm going to put against your Jason Momoa.
I think the years wins.
George George Clinton.
He's a known he's a known stinker.
People around him says he has a fur the worst funk smell because he that's just what he
is.
He's just like a you know, Rastafarian doesn't care.
You know, he's like grows all this stuff out and you know, let's just flow in the wind.
So yes, George Clinton would win that.
Next one.
Okay.
I'm going to throw a couple of years together.
Okay.
The time out other than pulling my stage of my wild card.
Okay.
Let's go your Hank Williams Jr.
All right.
This is your Claudio St. Chas.
What do you think?
I look him up.
Uh huh.
I think I gotta give it to Hank.
I gotta give it to Hank also.
Southern boy.
Yeah, he don't play.
Just by default.
Yes, Hank.
Hank gets a.
Yeah, yeah.
Alcohol.
Yeah, yeah.
All his rowdy friends would never try to shave him.
Yeah, there you go.
All right.
All righty.
Next one on the docket.
Okay.
Next one.
Let's go.
Del Castro.
Versus your terrorists.
I called him Nola Omar.
The dude that bombed.
Yeah, the dude that blew the planes into the.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go with Castro.
I would have to go to Castro too, because after the old boy flew the plane into the.
Tower.
Uh huh.
His hair was pinched.
That's another great reason, Rob.
That alone makes Castro the winner.
All right.
Sounds cool.
Yeah, I'd add to it.
All right.
Oh, shit.
Yes.
Now you have two left.
I have none.
Just put them against each other.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Oh, you're gonna pull out your wild card, aren't you?
Well, first I'm gonna pull out safe.
Oh, okay.
Good.
I'm gonna say bullwinkle and put him against me and Joe Green.
Okay.
Got any thoughts on this?
Well, I know who I want me and Joe Green to eventually go with, but I don't know if bullwinkle
might pull it for that.
I don't know.
I'm gonna go with me and Joe Green.
Actually, I think I'm gonna have to go there too.
All right.
Me and Joe, it is.
All right.
For my wild card, you'll understand.
Well, that's one of the reasons I decided to go with me and Joe is because I want to
see this matchup.
Okay.
You have one left.
Okay.
Wolfman Jack.
Uh-huh.
I'm pulling my wild card now.
Okay.
I'm calling in two in one night.
I love this.
I'm bringing in Lyle Alzado.
Lyle Alzado, football player, right?
Let me.
Football player.
And when Roland Derby come on, come back in, he was actually captain of the team.
I used to watch him.
Okay.
Oh, he is a hairy guy.
Oh, dude.
I think we're gonna have to go with Lyle Alzado.
Yes.
I hate for Lyle to be a Wolfman Jack.
Wolfman Jack was one of my friend's joys, but I think Lyle, yeah.
Yeah.
Lyle has got this.
Gotta go with him.
He don't care.
Besides that, Lyle Alzado would kick the shit out of Wolfman Jack just to win.
Football, Roland Derby, yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
Roland Derby.
Just get, just Roland Derby alone gets it for me.
But okay, Lyle Alzado wins that.
He wins it in stunning fashion.
He got the knockout in like four seconds.
So.
Somehow we ended up four to four.
See, I knew it would take care of itself.
All right.
Yep.
Cool.
I knew you had saves and wild cards and all that, so I knew it was gonna, it would equal
it.
I had to pull in tonight, and you were far ahead of me.
I had to pull a couple of tonight.
Cool.
Now we're evenly matched up.
I got me, but I got Lyle.
See I like this.
We're evenly matched up for this next round, which is gonna be starting to get to the gritty.
We're gonna have some like painful ones and we're gonna have some we're probably gonna
have to turn over to Topher.
So.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
Yep.
The next round is not gonna be easy.
We're gonna.
There's one I want for the finale, so I may have to mix them up next time.
Okay.
All righty.
I have a finale I'm thinking of.
Oh, I've got some.
I think you are too.
I've got some names.
Trust me.
After tonight, I think you figured out my finale.
Yeah, maybe so.
We'll see if it works out.
Okay.
All right.
Let's take our second break.
We're gonna come back with.
I've got a subject that I want me and you to touch on.
I've been wanting to talk about it ever since I heard about it about a week and a half ago.
So.
All right.
I think it's gonna be great.
Anyhow, we'll be right back.
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Now from this underground bunker camped in Missouri stocked with dried goods canned food
vibrating toys is ramblings of a madman featuring rob rad when everything is coming your way
you're in the wrong one
uh
microphone i'm mark and i'm rob okay rob we've both been big nfl enthusiasts for quite a while right
oh definitely yeah well okay the nfl has recently hinted at an 18 game regular season i'm not sure
about this i mean you know they already have virtually every tv live service and streaming
service uh wrapped up they already have contracts with them all and you know are to me the 18 games
they're going to take another pre-season game away is what they want to do and they want to go to an
18 game season so the difference between pre-season and a regular game is this right here this one
counts so all the um top shelf players are going to be playing but here's the deal one more game
is going to make things to me i mean uh extended by one game a couple years ago i think did take
some of the uh quality if you ask me because of the injuries away from matchups and i think 18
games might just be too much um to where i mean the game is too brutal to have to me to have an
18 game season i love the thought of having another game that counts i love the thought of a more of
a season but i just don't know if that is right for the nfl you're putting your biggest stars at
jeopardy putting them on the field another week and having two weeks less to get yourself in shape
and also it's going to be harder to evaluate personnel because you only have two weeks to do
it in and then training camp so rob what do you think on this
is uh i really don't know man i really don't know well i'm kind of conflicted
i think so too but the thing is is i would love to see more competition and more matchups and
you know that too but not if it's going to be you got to give your players time to get ready
yeah i just uh i don't know how good of an idea it is to have 18 regular season games
and only two pre-season games and also you're putting your players in jeopardy your top players
especially your quarterbacks and your star receivers being injured for the playoffs by
having such a long season so let's say that we you know you play all season okay you get the best
record you can and then you play that extra game that extra game might be coming down to you know
who gets the better seating so mahomes has to be in there so he's trying to win the game and suddenly
he gets a bad injury because he played that extra game he's a little bit worn down and someone hits
him just wrong he blows his knee out what you know or something his shoulder something like that
then your playoffs are ruined because you have that extra game so i don't know if i'm for it or
not normally i would like more competitive games with top players but i don't know for the safety
of the top players if it's feasible so i don't know all right i i mean i don't think it's going
to matter i mean they're not going to listen to us anyhow however we go about it you know whether
we're for it or against it doesn't matter they're going to do what they're going to do so anyhow i
guess if you had to come over and you put a gun in my head i would be against it
Rob? Yeah? You think so too? Okay all right well that was my question you got something Rob?
Yeah i do i'm going to McDonald's. Okay.
Okay. According to McDonald's Lopez Foods has been the company's main beef supplier for over three
decades. Okay. Based in Oklahoma City this company describes itself as a protein processing specialist
on its website. It's just another way of saying they handle all kinds of meat products. Besides
supplying McDonald's with fresh and frozen ground beef they also supply pork and poultry products
just not from McDonald's. The fast food giants pork and poultry are handled by different companies.
All the beef provided is USDA expected and the company regularly undergoes third party audits
from organizations like the USDA round table for sustainable beef. So if you're worried about animal
welfare then it does seem like McDonald's and their suppliers aren't turning corners there. Lopez Foods
or Lopez Dorada Foods to use its full name is also part of the global foods safety initiative.
So the beef is checked to see if it's fit to consumption before it becomes a delicious
McDonald's burger. Okay. So I guess their shit is actually being checked out not bad.
Okay. Now I don't know but that's my opinion.
Okay. All right. Thank you Rob. Is there any more to that or is that it?
No they're saying that McDonald's beat baddies or actually beat baddies. Yeah. Made in Oklahoma City.
Okay. And it does go into the hoaxes and all that about the house can't you remember the pink slime
dilemma. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. To me. Okay. Here's something that I look at and I don't know if
there's something to it or not but there's different ways of wording stuff. Okay. So you get a burger.
I don't know. Let's say I don't know this or not. I'm just making this scenario up Wendy's or Sonic
and you see 100% pure beef patty and then you might go to a McDonald's or a burger bitch
and see made with 100% pure beef. Made with means part of it is 100% pure beef but it's made with
something else. You see and I think that's where a lot of places get people. Oh this is made with 100%
pure beef. Well what percentage of it is made with 100% pure beef? Oh about a third of it.
So what are the other two thirds? You see what I'm saying? The way it's worded is very it's a lot
of trickery and I don't know how is that worded. I'm not saying McDonald's is or isn't. What I'd
like to know is how is it worded? See what I mean? Because they could buy beef from these people all
day but if it's made with 100% pure beef and the rest is sawdust you would know because it tells you
it's made with 100% pure beef. It's doing what it has to do and telling you it's made with
but it doesn't say 100% pure beef patty inside this bun or whatever. So I don't know. Oh well
I mean you know what? I hope they are real beef 100%. I don't eat there enough to really have a
vested interest do you? Yeah. Yeah so all right is that it Rob? Yeah that was it I know. Okay I'm
going to go into Jordan Love. He just got a huge contract. Did you read about that?
Yeah. He's the highest paid player in the NFL. So coming off a spectacular 2023 campaign his debut
as the Pax starting quarterback Jordan Love is now tied for the title and NFL's highest paid player
ever. Agreeing Friday to a four-year 220 million dollar extension with his 155 million guaranteed.
A person with knowledge of the deal told Tom Silverstein, not man, of Packers News and the USA
Today Network the person spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to
disclose financial terms of the agreement. So okay last year was Mahomes worst year he barely had a
receiving corps right? I mean yeah by far it was a subpar season for Mahomes. Okay this is Jordan's
rookie year so I'm going to compare stats of last year. Jordan Love had 4159 yards. Patrick Mahomes
had and this is regular season not playoffs yards 4183. So Mahomes beat him by 20 some yards 30 yards
right okay on the regular season. Completions for Jordan Love was 372. Completions for Mahomes was
401. Attempts from Jordan Love attempted passes 579. Attempts for pass attempts for Mahomes is 597.
Their average pass Jordan Love was 7.2. This would be 7.2 yards. The average pass from Mahomes last
year was 7 yards instead of and you know so 0.2 yards virtually tied but anyhow touchdowns for
Jordan Love is 32. Touchdowns for Patrick Mahomes last year was 27. Interceptions for Jordan Love
was 11 last year and interceptions for Mahomes was 14. The quarterback rating and this is a rating
where they calculate all the stats in together right and they come up with a rating about how
effective they were. The rating for Jordan Love was 96.1 and the rating for Mahomes was 92.6.
Rushing for Love was 247 and rushing for Mahomes was 389 but Mahomes won the Super Bowl. Jordan
Love lost in the not even the championship game the divisional game. So what I'm saying is this
right here. Yeah he had great stats but is that elite stats? That was Mahomes's worst year ever
and kind of an embarrassment for him. Do you think that that guy deserved elite money or not?
I don't think he was worth that much but I think the Packers are committed to him and they
believe in him and they need to give him a big contract and they gave him that contract.
Now another thing is is I know you need to get all the money you can right but Mahomes isn't
freaking out because Jordan Love is making more money than him. You know he would rather win games.
Jordan Love taking that type of money does this mean in five years they're going to be in the same
situation they were with Aaron Rodgers where Aaron Rodgers is taking so much cap space that they had
to go through their drafting system to try to draft somebody and then they got their five years
and not paying him very much and getting everything he can out of him in five years and trying to win
the Super Bowl with those guys because it didn't work too well before. I mean yeah they're in the
playoffs a lot but they never could get over the hump. Someone always beat them and they only made
it to the Super Bowl once or twice during Aaron Rodgers. They won one of them but anyhow
I'm kind of thinking like you know they got rid of Aaron Rodgers pretty much. Well Aaron Rodgers
got rid of himself let's be honest you know he started freaking out because they got Jordan Love
and didn't tell him anything about it but I would think to me that if you're the Packers you'll be
very careful about overextending all your money like you did before. So what do you think Rob?
Yeah I agree I agree. I would not get the money out and watch it and see what happens.
Yeah I think you could have easily pushed him aside for a little bit and gave him a little bit
more change and said hang on hang on we're trying to see how far we can get this team made it to the
divisional round last year. We think with just a couple more players we might be able to make it
to the Super Bowl. Are you in Jordan or are you greedy? So I don't know how all this went down.
They could have went to Jordan Love and said here's your money or Jordan Love could have said hey um
look at my stats I was slightly better than my homes last year give me my money.
So and um I'm going to go ahead and defer and uh don't make your judgment till this year and then
look at it at the end of this year because I think my homes will be considerably ahead of Jordan Love
this season. So anyhow Rob you got something? Yeah I do. Alrighty. I'm going off the wall again
I'm going off the wall again brother. I love it do so please. Oh by the way yeah I know I told you
a couple nights ago uh-huh um I found MeTV tunes on Brunley TV. Cool. $7.99 a month I get all the
old cartoons. Cool. I rent it I gotta I gotta watch my own cartoons. Um that is fantastic.
I love that that is fantastic man I am going to check into that and see what I can do.
I would love to go I would love to have something like that. Mr. Magoo got me I have not seen Mr.
Magoo for how many years? Oh dude I was watching him the other night. Oh he was just fantastic
wasn't he? Yeah but a lot I know it's a lot of the good ones. Uh-huh. Like Speed Racer and Underdog
are like 12 12 30 at night. Yeah. I'm not up to watch it then you know and that's the ones I want
to watch. No I agree. But I'll figure it out a lot of them right now which I'm taking the reason why
they're doing it the way they are now. They're showing a lot of Bugs Bunny and you know stuff
like that and I'm thinking because it's because they're just new ones. Uh-huh. Yeah of course
they're still Bugs Bunny. Give them a little time they'll start showing the other shows. They will
they will. I know what they're doing is they're getting interest with Bugs Bunny. I'm going to
quit pay it $7.99 a month. Man that's fantastic. Rob I got some uh okay number one tomorrow.
I got something else going. Oh you do okay um all right hang on tomorrow do you want to go into two
uh two truths and one lie. It's a big buzz going on the internet people are doing it and they're
playing it on TikTok and YouTube and all this stuff. Do you want to do that tomorrow or do you
want to put it off till next week. Yeah let's do that tomorrow. Okay tomorrow will be two truths
and one lie and Rob and I will try to guess each other's truths and lies and see if we can figure
that out. So anyhow Rob you had something you want to go to. Yeah okay let me write that in.
All right um with the news that Shrek 5 will be released next year. Uh-huh. Some weird and wacky
fame theories are coming out of the Enchanted Forest. Okay. If you are familiar with the Shrek
universe you know I've always thought that Lord Farquaad looks like someone but you just can't
put your finger on it. Uh-huh. Wonder no more.
Wonder no more. Okay. Podcasts just for nobody want to explore Lord Farquaad's family tree
and what they uncovered will make you want to move far far away.
Okay they both have black hair.
Let's start by talking about who Lord Farquaad's mother is. Okay.
There's a theory that his mom is Snow White.
Okay. Can you figure it out? No.
We see in Shrek he has the magic mirror on the wall. Uh-huh. The same magic mirror that Snow White
has and that's exactly how he got the magic mirror. Okay. Snow White. Okay. Okay.
Yeah that really does. Both have black hair. Okay. That's not so uncommon. No no that I would call
that circumstantial. But then they point out that his outfit choice might be an ash may not be an
ashman either. Okay. They both had the same puffed sleeves with the same teardrop dread-outs.
Huh. They do. Yeah that's yeah that's okay.
Okay so now Lord Farquaad's mom is Snow White. Yeah. Now are you ready? Yes. Who's his daddy?
Hmm. So then the real question becomes if his mom is Snow White, who's his dad?
His union liars are about to be peeled. Okay. It's one of the seven dwarfs.
Okay. Who? They're continued. So there's only one dwarf that has the most in common with Lord Farquaad.
Uh-huh. If you look at what he wears you will see that he's always in red. He wears a black belt.
He's not aware of what Grumpy wears. Okay. Lord Farquaad is wearing a mix of Snow White wears
and what Grumpy wears. Okay. Lord Farquaad is evil so it makes sense that Grumpy would make an evil
child. I am screaming while some fans are shocked others don't tell to say that'll do donkey that'll do.
Cool. That's something I told my daughter by the way that'll do donkey that'll do. That'll do donkey that'll do.
But yeah Snow White they're saying Snow White and Grumpy is Lord Farquaad's parents.
And after reading this and looking at the facts I can see it. Boss shut up. I could uh I could see
that too. Thank you Rob. That's pretty cool. Sorry I didn't say something. That's all right. My dogs
are always barking. I'll give a shit. It's free. Well, Suggs go labs with heat again. Just put it that way.
Okay. You know I was robbed by six dwarves today Rob.
You were robbed by what? I was robbed by six dwarves. I was robbed by six dwarves. Not happy.
All right. Happy was a dwarf. I was robbed by six dwarves. Not seven. Not happy. Not happy. So you got
robbed by Grumpy. One of them. I don't know. Okay. I've got. Happy was it. Grumpy had been in on him.
Okay. All right. Yeah Grumpy's always in on him. Isn't he that little bastard. You got robbed from
Lord Farquaad's dad. Why was he Grumpy then? He was getting ass from Snow White.
Lord Farquaad's dad. If I had a son like that I'd be Grumpy too. Yeah I guess so. You're right.
I've got a few questions here. And you and I can both answer them at the same time. Or I mean you
know one at a time. But okay. Would you rather a store where every item is free or a restaurant
where every dish is calorie free? I'd rather go first. Me too. And here's why. I don't care about
calories. I do care about calories. But here's what I look at. I know you do. Every dish that's
calorie free. You don't know how good it tastes. You don't know if you'll be eating it or not. It
could be it could taste like ass. It could be kale. You know. You don't know. So I'm gonna have to go
with every item free and I would be at that store daily wouldn't you? Yeah. I'd be grabbing
everything. I'd be grabbing shit I don't need and throwing it to people outside when I'm walking off.
All right. Next one is. Do you believe in passwords or secret handshakes? Which would
you rather have? So let's say that you're you got a fort okay. And no one. I would rather have
passwords. I'd rather have passwords too. Handshakes are easy to forget and also people
can see them and duplicate them. So okay. Next one. Would you rather have loud neighbors or
nosy neighbors? I think I would rather have nosy neighbors because I would do stuff to to freak them
out. Like I'd have a room. I'd throw red all over like it was blood splattered and have them freak out.
I would play I would play recordings of women screaming and shotguns. Anyhow go ahead. I got
you. I got you on that. Okay. But now that I'm older I think I have to go the other way. Loud neighbors?
That way you could turn your loud neighbors into landlords and get them in trouble.
That's a good thought. I'm gonna go with nosy. You're not getting in trouble yourself. You
you they're being loud. You get there. Yeah. To me there's too much. I'm not saying being noise. No no no no no no. I get what you're saying. If they're being dicks then you got it. Yeah.
Me I'd rather you. You asked my opinion on this. No no no no no no no. I I uh I want your opinion for a reason.
This is we just differ on this one. And anyhow I'd rather have nosy neighbors because I would
constantly fuck with them. Oh yeah yeah yeah I would too but I think I'd rather go with loud
neighbors. That's cool. I can I can respect that very easily. I get it.
Um would you rather have babies dressed as animals or animals dressed as humans?
I'm going to say animals dressed as humans because if you get tired of them you can throw them outside for a little while. Babies you can't do that.
Well see that's why I was going to go with the opposite. No you're you're welcome to do that Rob. This is just opinions. I I would rather see babies dressed up as animals.
Okay. I mean I'm a kid lover you know. No I am too but I you know to me I just viewed it differently when I read it.
I was like well you know what um if they start getting annoying. I have a little lab in here right now with two other male dogs. Yeah I'm a little tired on animals right now.
Okay okay okay I get it. As a matter of fact my beagles in here whining. I completely respect that Rob. They want to come near me because they know.
I can't with me now. I can't lay them out of the room you know. Oh I understand. Um. Beagle on gold lab would not make a good mix.
Um no no um uh. Now when you got another golden lab in the house. Yeah yeah I would keep them apart.
Um okay bad haircut or bad dye job would you rather.
I'd rather have bad haircut too because you'd always get another haircut.
I am all natural. I do not die. I never have. I did when I was younger and had long hair but I don't now. I haven't in a long time.
So I'm going to say I would rather have. Yeah I remember sunning. Oh yeah. Oh not just that. I mean everything. I remember sunning with you and John. Oh yeah.
Oh no I progressed. Did I ever? No I did not. That's cool. Um next one. Would you rather have pineapple pizza or candy corn?
Pineapple pizza all the way. Candy corn. Okay. Next one. Talking pets or talking babies?
I'd rather go with talking pets. I would love to ask them what they're thinking. Talking pets. All right we're good on that one.
My my yeah my my big old boss he's getting to talk to me. Yeah we're getting to know each other.
Okay how about would you rather win the lottery or find your soulmate? Mine's lottery but you might be different.
You better believe I'm different. All right. I'm ready for my soulmate man. Okay. I wish she would come along soon.
Okay well you know what I knew we're going to differ on that one definitely. All right that's cool.
Would you rather have misquoted movies or mistaken lyrics? I would say mistaken lyrics because they're always funny.
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you can always make them whatever you want. Yep. Okay and the final one.
Would you rather have ketchup or ranch if you could only have one of them? Ketchup. Depends on what it's on.
If I could only have one condiment one or the other I'd rather have ketchup. Yeah let's go ketchup.
Yeah because you use ketchup on so many more things than ranch and could you imagine not having ketchup on a burger or a fry or a hot dog?
Hell no. So all right that's all of those. Yeah but I could put ranch on a burger or hot dog too.
Oh okay if you want to go with ranch you have that right. No no no I gotta go with ketchup.
Okay all right final answer. Okay you got it. All right Rob are you ready to wrap this bitch up or you got something else you want to go into?
Actually I think I better wrap it up for the night. All righty Rob thank you. Oh um hello Grandma Opal. Hi Jimmy. Hi Ricky.
Dodge City Kansas rah rah rah we love you guys. All right everybody thank you for listening.
I want some feedback on the podcast that I dropped this morning and I want to know what you people think about it.
If you liked it if you didn't I want honest opinions you're not going to hurt my feelings. If it sucked let me know.
So anyhow. I'll listen to it in the morning I'll get a hold of you in the morning and let you know what I think.
Okay that sounds good. I had it. Although I was part of it I should like it. Yeah yep that's true.
So all right everybody thank you for listening good night assholes. Good night assholes.
Oh no looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.