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And now it's time for the daily douchebag pledge.

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Two douchebags and a microphone pledge.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the

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show from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show

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from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good

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the show is.

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And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage

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of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.

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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.

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Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong.

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At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys.

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We can and will lie if it makes the story better.

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Two douchebags and a microphone.

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We Talk.

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Jane listener.

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Oh Lord!

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That man just saw a puppy in half.

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Hey there.

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Don't worry.

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I have a clown nose.

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Oh no!

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That drunk guy just hit my child.

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It is okay.

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I have a clown nose.

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Clown nose.

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Just put one on.

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You can do anything.

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Want to run for office?

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Murder people in public?

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Just grab a clown nose and bam!

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Everyone laughs.

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Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.

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Grab one today and make magic happen.

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Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember

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to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.

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It really hurts.

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Who can afford plastic surgery?

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Stay safe everyone.

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Our constant

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pursuit for a real knee slapper.

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It's strange insults from an alien.

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Real hilarity.

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Your proof.

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The Jane Pool made lifeguards.

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Two douchebags and a microphone.

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I'm Mark.

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And I am Rob.

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How are you doing?

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I'm Mark.

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And I am Rob.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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I'm Mark.

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How are you doing Rob?

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I'm doing pretty good.

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Catching me a little early tonight.

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Yes because I promised Tofer the former co-host here.

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And one of the originators he's gonna go do this jam session down at RC's.

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You know it's the Chicken Now slash Thai food place upstairs.

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The Thai food place called the Rock and Walk has a night where everybody comes in and jams

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and it's pretty much blues.

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And we're gonna go down there and watch Topher play.

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He's gonna be doing some drums and maybe some guitar,

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but I'm not for sure, but anyhow, it should be fun.

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So this is a, what now?

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I got a buddy down here that does blues jazz on guitar.

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He's awesome.

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Oh really?

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He's got a band and everything down here.

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Oh cool, what's his name?

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Give him a plug.

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Johnny G and the All-Stars.

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That sounds familiar.

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Do they play up here ever?

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I don't know, they might.

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That really sounds familiar to me.

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They play a lot of gigs around here.

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Okay, well anyhow, they sound cool.

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Okay.

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He used to be on my, I was captain of a full league team.

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And him and his son were on my team.

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Oh okay.

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He's a good guy, man, good guy.

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Cool, all right, well we'll go into the first third here

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since we're gonna get as much in as we can

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before I have to leave.

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We're doing it much earlier than normal,

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but Rob was gracious enough to give me

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roughly an hour of his time, and then I gotta go there.

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Yeah, I'm making the kids cook dinner tonight.

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Yeah, see something good did come out of it.

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So there you go.

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Yes, yes.

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All right, Dairy Queen has released its fall flavors

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for the upcoming season.

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Reese's Pieces, cookie dough, French silk pie,

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Oreo fudge brownie, salted caramel truffle,

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and new Royal New York cheesecake.

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That all sounds good, and anyhow,

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I hear angels and trumpets again, Rob, so.

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Yes, yes, I do too.

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But when reading this article, I didn't know this,

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but I gotta go check this out.

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The current flavor, which I've not tried yet,

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sounds like my favorite ever.

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It's called Caramel Java Chip.

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This is made from vanilla soft serve,

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coffee, and crunchy chocolate espresso.

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I definitely heard angels and trumpets on that one.

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What about you?

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Yes, yes, definitely.

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Yeah, the only way they can make that thing better

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is if they served it in five gallon buckets.

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Agreed?

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And hand feed it to you.

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Yes.

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Well, it depends on who hand feeds it to you.

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Come on, I mean, you know.

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Good point.

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Yeah, yeah, some guy could be over there

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scratching his sack and then come over,

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hey, they told me to hand feed you this stuff.

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No, no, no, that's common.

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Take it home, it's to go.

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Get out of here.

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So anyhow, Ozzy Osbourne and Geezer Butler

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can be seen on TV, but only in Birmingham, England area.

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The new spot has Ozzy sporting

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a Birmingham City Football Club's team jersey

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and calling up Geezer to boast

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on how they're going to play all their opponents.

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This was to support the team's new designs on their jerseys.

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I love this commercial, but if it was me,

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I would have added Tony Iommi kickin' soccer style,

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a bottle of his new cologne, defied.

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Or even, yeah, yeah, yeah, see him up there

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just kickin' it around or use it as a hacky sack

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with some other rockers, you know.

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Maybe you could have Joe Elliott there.

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You know, he kicks defied to Joe Elliott.

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Joe Elliott kicks it to, well,

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I guess he could kick it to Rick Allen.

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I mean, you know, he's not missing a leg.

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He's only missing an arm, right?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Oh, he'd be kicked ass in a hacky sack, I can't do it.

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Yeah, yeah, they could kick it to Richie Blackmore

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and then he'd probably set it on fire

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and try to kill everybody with it.

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Just kidding.

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And anyhow.

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Um.

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So, anyhow.

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And then, you know, after he's hacky sacking it,

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then they could pan to Bill Ward,

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who would be refusing to do the commercial.

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Sound about right?

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Right.

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Yes.

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Right, yeah, that sounds spot on.

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Recession Pop has made a huge comeback.

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You know what Recession Pop is?

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No.

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I didn't either.

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This is a term.

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Oh, is that the black and white label?

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No, no.

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I thought different too.

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I thought different too, but no.

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I was thinking along your lines,

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but this is completely different.

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But when I tell you what it is,

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you're gonna go, oh, okay, that makes sense.

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But I was thinking like.

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I probably will.

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I was thinking like generic soda.

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I get what you're saying.

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Recession Pop has made a huge comeback.

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This is a term for pop songs that offer escapism

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for young adults struggling to get by.

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You see now?

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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Yeah, it makes sense.

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It wouldn't be your and I's first thought,

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but it does make sense.

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So.

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Well, I was thinking Recession.

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I was thinking we were getting the old black

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and white generic stuff back.

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Well, I mean, it is kind of a.

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Yeah, yeah.

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It's.

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Yeah, stuff like that.

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Yeah.

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And yeah, I thought the same thing, Rob.

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Many younger people are feeling negative

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about the state of their own finances,

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but this music offers a glimmer of fun.

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Says Casey Lewis, a social media expert.

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Although the economy is supposedly in good shape,

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the inflation bug has warmed itself into the younger adults.

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I can't blame them actually.

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Prices are ridiculous.

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I mean, see my movie theater rant last podcast,

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70 bucks for two people with just popcorn,

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small bag of M&Ms and a Coke.

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That's ridiculous.

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Two movie tickets.

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Bag of popcorn, Coke and M&Ms

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and a small bag of M&Ms, 70 bucks.

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Do you think younger people can afford that?

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There's no fucking way younger people can afford that.

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So anyhow.

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That's why I wait for it to come out on DVD

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or I stream it.

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Well, we should have streamed it, but we felt like.

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I could stay at home in my boxers

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and watch a movie, you know.

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Next time that's what's gonna happen.

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20 bucks and I get to watch it

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and I can watch it for 48 hours.

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Yeah, I'll do that next time.

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Lesson learned.

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Yeah.

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Okay, so Rob, let's see.

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We used to entertain ourselves and others

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with maybe an impromptu bonfire and cheap liquor, right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It only costs a few bucks for us

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to entertain ourselves all night, right?

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I know kids still do it today.

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Down there they do.

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Up here they do not.

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There's too many regulations and you know,

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and all that stuff.

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They're gonna burn my house down

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and all that bullshit and all that.

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Get out and sell the belt.

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Yes, sell the belt and anything goes in the fields.

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So yeah, so we used to have an impromptu bonfire,

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cheap liquor and how about they spike their fancy mocktails

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with some Night Train and some of the dirty chicken?

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Well, yeah.

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Yeah, now we're talking.

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A couple of those and you're not giving a shit

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about anything, right?

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I mean, you can't drink Old Crow and not be happy, right?

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Exactly.

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Yeah.

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I can still feel and smell those horrid

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Night Train acidity burps and liver swelling.

273
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,960
So yeah.

274
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,500
Anyhow, a man has reportedly died

275
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,380
after he fell into a vat of coffee.

276
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,880
Don't worry, it was instant.

277
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:24,220
And.

278
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:25,060
Oh, that's good.

279
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,780
That's good to know.

280
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:28,100
It was instant coffee.

281
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,260
Anyhow.

282
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:30,860
That's all I can say.

283
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:31,700
I know, I know.

284
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:32,780
That's all I can say on that one.

285
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:35,140
I did that for the people listening.

286
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:36,220
So yeah.

287
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,060
Well, we probably all heard

288
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:40,380
of the Wyoming doesn't exist weirdos, right?

289
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:41,980
Remember we went into that?

290
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,220
The people think that Wyoming,

291
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:45,820
they honestly think Wyoming doesn't exist.

292
00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:48,380
Well, then I have a new theory with proof.

293
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:50,260
I'm starting my new,

294
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:53,500
your paycheck doesn't really exist theory.

295
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,460
Every paycheck you earn just vanishes.

296
00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:59,260
That's more proof than Wyoming, right?

297
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:01,820
Yeah.

298
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:02,660
Yeah.

299
00:12:02,660 --> 00:12:03,740
Okay.

300
00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,180
A paycheck is not real.

301
00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:07,420
It's a lie.

302
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:08,960
It's bullshit.

303
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,560
Just like supposedly Wyoming.

304
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:15,560
The new rage for all the Karen's out there,

305
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:20,520
just trying to keep up with the Joneses are crumble cookies.

306
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,520
Have you ever heard of crumble?

307
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,600
It's spelled C-R-U-M-B-L.

308
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:28,640
Yeah, I have.

309
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,040
Yeah, they're really good.

310
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,160
These standalone stores for the Karen's out there

311
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,480
have made me a self-admitted Ken.

312
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,880
And you know, Ken is like the male version of a Karen,

313
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,360
but only for these cookies.

314
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,440
These magnificent creations are amazeballs.

315
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,560
The new flavors are cinnamon crunch,

316
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,520
cookies and cream, cheesecake, fruit pizza,

317
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,360
whatever, and chocolate mint chip.

318
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:58,360
Also in addition are the new Klondike bar flavors as well.

319
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,400
So all the Klondike bars,

320
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,080
they have cookies that the different Klondike flavors

321
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,920
and cookies.

322
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,720
I found out that a crumble has rotating flavors

323
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,480
every week too.

324
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,960
I will keep you up to date on this,

325
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,520
but I would like to keep off the 40 pounds I lost.

326
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,160
So I will not be monitoring that.

327
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,000
Okay.

328
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:20,840
So.

329
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,000
I'm glad you did not take that any further.

330
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,640
No, no, you know what?

331
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,480
That was enough.

332
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,880
We have a lot of female listeners.

333
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:32,680
Oh, okay.

334
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,520
A lot, a lot.

335
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:34,920
I know we do.

336
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:35,760
What do you think the term?

337
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:36,600
We're running out.

338
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,440
Do you think the term is enough?

339
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:43,200
Do you think the term Karen might offend them or what?

340
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,600
Well, but you added yourself as a kin.

341
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:50,320
Yeah.

342
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,160
I mean, I think.

343
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:56,000
I think you may have smoothed it over, I hope.

344
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,440
Well, okay.

345
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,360
I would like to think that anyone that listens to our stuff

346
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:04,120
is very sarcastic and very cynical.

347
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,200
Agreed?

348
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,040
Yeah.

349
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,280
Yeah, agreed.

350
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,120
Yes.

351
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,600
Especially the women.

352
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:10,440
Yeah.

353
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,680
We state at the first, the very podcast,

354
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:17,680
after the daily affirmation that when you listen to this,

355
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,560
you know, the daily pledge,

356
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,320
we state that nothing is be believed.

357
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,560
We're all full of shit.

358
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,360
We'll lie and make stuff up to make a story better,

359
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,680
you know, and at least we admit it.

360
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,960
So right there, you know,

361
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,040
I would hope they don't get offended

362
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,720
because they know it's tongue in cheek.

363
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:43,440
You know, I mean, to me, Karen is a funny term

364
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,840
because it could mean so many different things

365
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,800
and so many different reasons why.

366
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,200
And I've always found it funny just to like make fun of it.

367
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,560
And that's what I thought I was doing.

368
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,920
So anyhow, if anyone's offended, I apologize.

369
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,120
It was meant to be funny.

370
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,080
And if it wasn't, then you know what?

371
00:14:59,080 --> 00:14:59,920
Bad on me.

372
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:00,760
So anyhow,

373
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,240
Xbox now has a new Deadpool controller

374
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,160
for those who never want to buy a car or house.

375
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,880
In all fairness, why would you need either?

376
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,840
Your mom's basement, a Deadpool X-Box scroller

377
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:18,560
and a bag of Indica with a Colt 45 chaser, Rob.

378
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,040
Why you need a house on that?

379
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,600
You don't.

380
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,040
But the new Xbox Deadpool controller is pretty cool.

381
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:25,960
Have you seen them?

382
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,880
No.

383
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,280
Yeah, so they-

384
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:35,280
Actually, okay, my son grew up with PlayStation.

385
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:38,520
Uh-huh.

386
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,240
But he had a buddy that had an Xbox

387
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,840
that he'd bring it over, you know,

388
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,840
and they'd play together online.

389
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:51,520
Okay.

390
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,360
Whatever.

391
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,840
But yeah, but ever, my son gave his PlayStation.

392
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,080
He's not a gamer anymore.

393
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,040
Wow, he graduated.

394
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,520
Good kid.

395
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,360
Good kid.

396
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:10,360
Yeah, and actually, he don't skate more than my son.

397
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,160
Oh, okay.

398
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,080
Well, anyhow-

399
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,520
Right, and then he worked in it.

400
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,520
He knows that he gets hurt, and it's something stupid.

401
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,360
Oh yeah.

402
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,680
He ain't gonna go to work, and the brother loses the job.

403
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,240
I'm glad he joined the real world.

404
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,040
Okay, so you know a great recipe.

405
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,360
The Bag of Indica, Cult 45 Chaser,

406
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,080
and an Xbox, Deadpool Xbox Scroller

407
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,480
is a great recipe for a person

408
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,680
that will never have communication skills.

409
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,160
Agreed?

410
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,720
Pretty much.

411
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,560
If they're for-

412
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:50,920
Oh shit.

413
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,760
Hello?

414
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:57,760
Hang on, we have a system problem here.

415
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:58,920
Hello, you there, Rob?

416
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,920
I have no clue what just happened.

417
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,040
I think it was the gamer-

418
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:09,040
I was talking away, and all of a sudden it got quiet,

419
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,720
and I noticed that something got hung up.

420
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,560
I don't know.

421
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,240
I was just as amazed as you are.

422
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,640
All of a sudden, my phone started to ring,

423
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,480
and I'm like, wait a minute.

424
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,640
Wasn't I just talking to Rob?

425
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:23,680
So anyhow.

426
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,880
So anyhow, but-

427
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,040
Anyway, let's move on.

428
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,120
Okay, so anyhow, in your mom's basement,

429
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,880
you know, if you live there long enough,

430
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,320
she'll become worm food, and the house is all yours.

431
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,080
There you go, Mr. Xbox Maladjusted Dude.

432
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,760
They probably should have made

433
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,440
an Xbox program on job applications.

434
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,560
Then again, do you wanna stay in business?

435
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,600
So maybe forget that one.

436
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,880
Anyhow, we turn to you, Rob.

437
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:56,600
Okay.

438
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,600
Cruising on the thousands of American highways,

439
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,480
you're bound to see odd things.

440
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,320
Yeah.

441
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,680
But seeing the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile flipped over,

442
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,440
truly unexpected.

443
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,280
Yeah.

444
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,200
Okay.

445
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,760
It all went down or over.

446
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:26,600
On a busy Illinois highway around 11 a.m. on July 22nd,

447
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:31,120
when the Wiener Mobile crashed into another vehicle.

448
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,640
That accident caused the Wiener Mobile

449
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,520
to do a hot dog roll in the middle of the highway,

450
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,120
leaving it on its side.

451
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,920
The Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile took a tumble

452
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:48,920
when it squared off against a Hyundai sedan.

453
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,800
They were both traveling north

454
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,600
when the giant hot dog vehicle

455
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,800
struck the sedan, lost control, overcorrected,

456
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,960
and rolled onto its side.

457
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,120
Per USA Today.

458
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,960
Thankfully, no injuries were reported,

459
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,120
but it did cause at least an hour's work

460
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,280
to traffic back up.

461
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,000
Did you say Chicago that was in Chicago?

462
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,800
Just said Illinois.

463
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:21,880
Illinois, okay.

464
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,520
I think the whole article said it was Chicago.

465
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,480
It just said Illinois on a highway.

466
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:31,240
It does not give the highway.

467
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,040
Okay, well, it sounded to me like it was,

468
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,840
I saw the article too, and it said it was in Chicago,

469
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,080
which would tell me that that would be very bad traffic.

470
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,600
They have horrible traffic there,

471
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,760
and I'll bet you it glued things up for quite a while.

472
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,120
But I mean, what are the chances of you driving by

473
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,280
and seeing the Wiener Mobile flipped over?

474
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,240
I know, man.

475
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,640
The rubberneck, the article went in

476
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,920
about all the rubbernecking.

477
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:01,760
Oh, wow.

478
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:06,360
Oh, yeah, dude, everybody's catching it on video.

479
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:10,280
So, you know, got the phones out.

480
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,680
Hell, you're not driving anywhere.

481
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,960
Traffic's back up.

482
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,280
I'm a little filming.

483
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,840
Hell, yeah, I would too.

484
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,200
I'd be like, this is, I mean, you could take and,

485
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,280
you could take and put that on YouTube

486
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,920
or TikTok or something.

487
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,240
Imagine all the hits you get, Wiener Mobile flipped over.

488
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,680
Yeah, that's pretty cool.

489
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,880
Yeah, so anyhow,

490
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,600
shall we go ahead and take our first break

491
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:41,600
a little bit early?

492
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,640
Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

493
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,200
All right, we'll be right back.

494
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,400
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?

495
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,200
Well, get rid of your disinfectants

496
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,720
and rubberbed spreads, kids.

497
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,720
It's the all new Amber Heard Alert system.

498
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,760
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry

499
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,840
and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.

500
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,680
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath

501
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,960
and wait for the running water sound.

502
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,280
This clever machine has three distinct settings,

503
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,800
babbling brush, ocean waves,

504
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,600
and roaring river for those close calls.

505
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,680
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It Cartridge.

506
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,520
Hello, this is Satan.

507
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,480
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

508
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,000
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way

509
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:40,000
to relax than listening to two douchebags in microphone

510
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,120
by a nice warm fire at night.

511
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:45,800
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls

512
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,280
I burned that day.

513
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,000
Enjoy.

514
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,600
Break, shut off, energy drink.

515
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,640
That's right, break, shut off, energy drink.

516
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,480
Make that room a good room.

517
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,000
Chomp on your balls, we're gonna fuck shit up,

518
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,120
run a full scum across America,

519
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,280
break, shit house this or you.

520
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,120
Please enjoy break, shit house, energy drink responsibly.

521
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,280
It's not readily available anywhere

522
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,880
because of liability issues.

523
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,480
Hi all, this is Chicago.

524
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:24,120
I am the most dangerous city in North America.

525
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,560
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

526
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,680
You can't touch me.

527
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,360
Oh yeah, this is Kansas City here.

528
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:31,480
Hold my beer, bitch.

529
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,000
We are two douchebags in microphone.

530
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,360
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.

531
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,520
Two douchebags in microphone

532
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,320
in an effort to keep everything fresh.

533
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:55,400
We offer you first world problems.

534
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,840
My driver's license picture makes me look older.

535
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,440
I'm calling a lawyer.

536
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,440
Two douchebags in microphone, I'm Mark.

537
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,680
And I am Rob.

538
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,320
Since we're having kind of a lighthearted one,

539
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,360
you know, and this is kind of an abbreviated one,

540
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:27,960
I'm gonna give some McDonald's hacks

541
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,560
that a lot of people don't realize

542
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,720
that you can do with their food.

543
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:32,920
That sound okay?

544
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,520
Okay, well, if you want to stay lighthearted,

545
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:40,440
I'll say this story for another night.

546
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,400
What story is it?

547
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,240
What is it?

548
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,120
We'll just cover, I'll cover it next podcast.

549
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,880
Okay, okay.

550
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,720
I got another one for you.

551
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,080
I got another one to go into, not a problem.

552
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,600
Okay, cool.

553
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,960
Like I said, this is stuff that like TikTok users

554
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:04,760
and people have found how you can do neat little things

555
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,400
with McDonald's food and make a different item

556
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,560
that they don't sell on the menu.

557
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,680
First off, you can make an ice cream sandwich at McDonald's

558
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,560
and nobody realize, well, most people don't realize it.

559
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,800
In the mood for a treat, make a do it yourself

560
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,400
ice cream sandwich at McDonald's

561
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,360
by ordering two chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.

562
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:29,800
TikTok user used an Oreo McFlurry in his TikTok.

563
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,680
And honestly, it's a pretty good option too.

564
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:37,320
The new Oreo fudge McFlurry may make a delicious option also.

565
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,000
Once you get your ingredients,

566
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,480
lay one cookie on some aluminum foil,

567
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,080
spoon your ice cream in the middle

568
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,240
and then top it with another cookie.

569
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,800
Wrap up the whole thing tightly and put it in the freezer

570
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,240
and then you have an ice cream sandwich from McDonald's.

571
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,080
Here is one that I've tried before

572
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,840
and because someone told me that you could do this

573
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,040
and is actually really good.

574
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,680
Fries with Big Mac sauce.

575
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,840
You know the sauce on a Big Mac?

576
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,400
Oh, I love that.

577
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:10,280
Yeah, yeah, it's good, isn't it?

578
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,840
And all sauces at McDonald's are free.

579
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:14,600
I don't know if people realize that or not.

580
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,320
So, oh yeah, you can get the meat double.

581
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,560
And add the Mac sauce.

582
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:25,160
Yes, I have.

583
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,320
And add the ketchup, mustard and all that and that Mac sauce.

584
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:30,760
Yeah, they don't care.

585
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,760
The sauces are free.

586
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,360
Yeah, I love that option.

587
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,280
And the thing I like is you don't have

588
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,120
that worthless piece of bread in the middle.

589
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,520
Right, right, right.

590
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,600
Yeah, and you only got one patty.

591
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,440
Well, now if you get the McDonald's, yeah, you got two big macs.

592
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,920
Yeah, you don't have that worthless piece of bread in the middle.

593
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,120
So I think that's awesome.

594
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,760
Okay, so this is precisely what it sounds like.

595
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,800
It shouldn't even cost you extra because McDonald's doesn't charge for extra sauces.

596
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,640
Just ask for sauce and you shall probably receive the sauce.

597
00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:10,920
There are tons of other choices like honey mustard sauce,

598
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,560
tangy barbecue sauce, creamy ranch.

599
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,080
So all of these are good with McDonald's french fries.

600
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:21,240
Whatever you do, you know, just figure out what sauce you want with your fries that day

601
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,640
and ask for the extra sauce and you'll get it for free with your fries.

602
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,960
And like you said, I've done the Big Mac and I've done the honey barbecue sauce on there

603
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,560
and they're both really good with fries.

604
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:34,440
So.

605
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:34,940
Yeah.

606
00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:43,100
So another one is a Monster Mac and that's where you order two McDoubles.

607
00:26:44,300 --> 00:26:46,380
You peel off the bottom bun on each one of them.

608
00:26:47,580 --> 00:26:50,780
You get an extra two sides of Big Mac sauce.

609
00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:56,460
You take the Big Mac sauce and you put it between the two burgers.

610
00:26:58,140 --> 00:26:59,660
You know, there's four burger patties.

611
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:01,900
You put it right in between two and two.

612
00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:05,340
You put the Big Mac sauce in there and you put it all together.

613
00:27:05,340 --> 00:27:09,980
And that's what they call a Monster Mac that you make yourself at McDonald's.

614
00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:13,260
Yeah, that sounds good.

615
00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:14,860
Hash brown.

616
00:27:16,940 --> 00:27:19,500
Yeah, I, you know, I may try that one these days coming up.

617
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,860
Just go there and order a couple of McDoubles, some extra sauce and just,

618
00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:28,860
you know, throw away the buns, the bottom buns to the birds and just smash them all together.

619
00:27:28,860 --> 00:27:29,660
Sounds good to me.

620
00:27:29,660 --> 00:27:30,700
Yes.

621
00:27:31,260 --> 00:27:33,100
Next one is a hash brown McMuffin.

622
00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:39,580
Where other secret menu hacks involve replacing the buns of McDonald's sandwiches,

623
00:27:39,580 --> 00:27:43,980
the hash brown McMuffin preserves the sanctity of the English muffin.

624
00:27:44,780 --> 00:27:49,180
Instead, you can add a hash brown to the middle of your breakfast sandwich

625
00:27:49,180 --> 00:27:50,620
for a crispy surprise.

626
00:27:50,620 --> 00:27:52,060
And that does sound good, doesn't it?

627
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:54,460
Yes, it does.

628
00:27:54,460 --> 00:27:59,100
Because at City Market Coffee, you know, everyone knows that's my favorite.

629
00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:00,460
That's my favorite coffee house.

630
00:28:00,460 --> 00:28:03,100
It listens and we used to broadcast from right in front of there.

631
00:28:05,180 --> 00:28:11,100
They have a breakfast burrito that has hash browns in it that's out of this world.

632
00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:14,940
So I think that this will work on the English muffin just as well, too.

633
00:28:14,940 --> 00:28:18,060
So, I mean, you get that crispy hash brown in it.

634
00:28:18,060 --> 00:28:19,580
It's really, really good.

635
00:28:19,580 --> 00:28:27,420
So let's see in a Mc, damn it, my printer.

636
00:28:27,420 --> 00:28:28,780
It's off and on so bad.

637
00:28:28,780 --> 00:28:31,180
I don't know what I'm going to get and what I'm not going to get.

638
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:33,340
An affogato.

639
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:40,780
McDonald's had, did you ever know that McDonald's had an espresso shot?

640
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:44,620
The McAffogato can be enjoyed with one of two ways.

641
00:28:44,620 --> 00:28:46,380
I didn't know it either until I read this.

642
00:28:47,340 --> 00:28:50,140
A traditional affogato or a milkshake.

643
00:28:50,140 --> 00:28:51,580
Try it both ways.

644
00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:56,780
Order two shots of espresso, a small vanilla shake and a sundae with no sauce.

645
00:28:56,780 --> 00:29:02,300
Pour one shot of espresso into both the shake and the sundae for the milkshake mix

646
00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:05,500
and the espresso for a coffee milkshake express.

647
00:29:07,420 --> 00:29:08,220
That sounds good.

648
00:29:09,820 --> 00:29:10,060
Yeah.

649
00:29:10,620 --> 00:29:10,860
Yeah.

650
00:29:12,060 --> 00:29:14,460
I didn't know they had espresso there ever.

651
00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,220
I'd never seen it on the menu of you.

652
00:29:17,820 --> 00:29:18,860
No, I have not.

653
00:29:20,220 --> 00:29:22,780
But I don't go to McDonald's much.

654
00:29:22,780 --> 00:29:23,820
I don't either.

655
00:29:23,820 --> 00:29:27,420
And chances are I probably won't ever do this because I really don't go there.

656
00:29:27,420 --> 00:29:32,460
And that's probably one of those things you got to go inside to see it on the menu.

657
00:29:32,460 --> 00:29:34,060
I'll bet you you're right.

658
00:29:34,060 --> 00:29:40,300
And how many people actually go inside unless you got kids and you promised like go in, sit down.

659
00:29:40,300 --> 00:29:43,180
Yeah, and I don't think anybody does.

660
00:29:43,180 --> 00:29:45,100
So I mean, unless you have children.

661
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,940
The next one is a cotton candy soda.

662
00:29:50,540 --> 00:29:52,140
This one caught me off surprise.

663
00:29:52,140 --> 00:29:52,940
Okay.

664
00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:55,340
That'd be too sweet for me.

665
00:29:56,220 --> 00:29:57,260
I wouldn't.

666
00:29:57,260 --> 00:29:59,260
I don't like cotton candy at all.

667
00:29:59,260 --> 00:30:02,220
And this doesn't sound good to me, but this is interesting.

668
00:30:03,180 --> 00:30:08,460
Tick tock user hacks 101 discovered that if you put two pumps of French vanilla syrup

669
00:30:08,460 --> 00:30:11,660
in Sprite, it mimics the taste of cotton candy.

670
00:30:12,140 --> 00:30:16,940
This McDonald's secret menu items probably is simplest to order and one of the most budget

671
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:17,420
friendly.

672
00:30:17,420 --> 00:30:17,980
Yeah.

673
00:30:18,460 --> 00:30:19,660
So French vanilla.

674
00:30:19,660 --> 00:30:26,060
So French vanilla, two pumps of French vanilla in a Sprite in a Sprite.

675
00:30:29,820 --> 00:30:31,020
I wouldn't have known.

676
00:30:31,020 --> 00:30:41,820
Would you have I want to know who discovered that some stoner.

677
00:30:41,820 --> 00:30:51,180
It was somebody maxed out on fucking really good weed and said, man, you know, sounds

678
00:30:51,180 --> 00:30:51,500
good.

679
00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:52,220
Now what, man?

680
00:30:52,940 --> 00:30:55,180
Let's put some French vanilla in our Sprite.

681
00:30:56,460 --> 00:30:56,780
What?

682
00:30:57,820 --> 00:30:58,140
Okay.

683
00:31:00,140 --> 00:31:00,460
Yeah.

684
00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:06,300
So anyhow, the next one is an apple pie McFlurry.

685
00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:11,900
The delectable fall treat includes an apple pie blended into your McFlurry to order.

686
00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:14,220
Ask for a McDonald's pie in a McFlurry.

687
00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:15,500
It's that easy.

688
00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:21,100
You can ask if you can if they can blend it for you or mix this McFlurry up yourself.

689
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,420
So they will even blend it for you in some stores.

690
00:31:23,420 --> 00:31:24,060
It sounds like.

691
00:31:26,460 --> 00:31:26,780
Yeah.

692
00:31:26,780 --> 00:31:28,540
Just put an apple pie in a McFlurry.

693
00:31:30,060 --> 00:31:31,820
I think that sounds fantastic.

694
00:31:31,820 --> 00:31:32,220
Don't you?

695
00:31:32,940 --> 00:31:33,180
Yeah.

696
00:31:33,180 --> 00:31:34,620
That's two thumbs up.

697
00:31:34,620 --> 00:31:34,860
Yeah.

698
00:31:34,860 --> 00:31:37,980
The next one is a McChicken Big Mac.

699
00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:45,500
The McChicken Big Mac or Big McChicken replaces the three buns in a Big Mac with McChicken

700
00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:48,460
patties to get this monster of a sandwich.

701
00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:52,140
Order a Big Mac and three McChickens for a cheaper option.

702
00:31:52,140 --> 00:31:55,500
You can order a McDouble with a special sauce instead of a Big Mac.

703
00:31:56,460 --> 00:32:01,260
Another thing which you won't find on the menu is McDonald's birthday cake, but it doesn't

704
00:32:01,260 --> 00:32:02,460
go into how to make that.

705
00:32:02,460 --> 00:32:05,580
And I don't know why, but do you understand what you're doing?

706
00:32:05,580 --> 00:32:07,100
You're taking the two.

707
00:32:07,820 --> 00:32:13,980
You're taking the middle bread out of the out of the Big Mac and you're replacing it

708
00:32:13,980 --> 00:32:15,580
with a McChicken patty.

709
00:32:18,780 --> 00:32:22,140
And then that's called a McChicken Big Mac.

710
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:23,420
And that sounds good.

711
00:32:23,420 --> 00:32:28,460
And then if you want a cheaper option, if you want a cheaper option, it says order a

712
00:32:28,460 --> 00:32:34,620
McDouble, open it up in the middle, put that chicken patty there, and then you have a patty

713
00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:39,500
of meat, chicken, a patty of chicken, and a patty of meat with a special sauce.

714
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:40,620
And voila, there you go.

715
00:32:41,580 --> 00:32:44,780
And the last one is an Orange Dreamsickle Shake.

716
00:32:46,220 --> 00:32:50,620
Remember how McDonald's finally brought back the fan favorite Hi-C Orange?

717
00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:52,400
Yeah.

718
00:32:53,180 --> 00:32:58,060
Well, it turns out that you can get something to taste like that at McDonald's.

719
00:32:58,060 --> 00:33:02,300
Something that tastes quite a bit like Dairy Queen's Dreamsickle Dip Cone.

720
00:33:02,300 --> 00:33:05,260
Order a small Orange Hi-C and a Vanilla Cone.

721
00:33:05,260 --> 00:33:08,380
Then dip the ice cream into your Hi-C.

722
00:33:08,380 --> 00:33:14,940
Once it falls in, mix it with confidence and you'll have an Orange Dreamsickle Shake in

723
00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:15,980
no time.

724
00:33:15,980 --> 00:33:25,500
So instead of having a Dreamsickle Dip Cone at Dairy Queen's, you can get a Dreamsickle

725
00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:31,420
like shake at McDonald's by ordering the Hi-C Orange and taking your ice cream cone and

726
00:33:31,420 --> 00:33:34,780
just dumping it into your ice cream orange, then mixing it well.

727
00:33:34,780 --> 00:33:37,820
And that is your Dreamsickle Shake from McDonald's.

728
00:33:38,460 --> 00:33:39,260
And that is it.

729
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:40,780
So we turn to you, Rob.

730
00:33:43,020 --> 00:33:48,220
Alright, I know we're having a short night, my friend, but I could not let you down.

731
00:33:49,340 --> 00:33:51,100
Oh, it must be American Songwriter.

732
00:33:52,220 --> 00:33:53,420
Yes, it is.

733
00:33:53,420 --> 00:33:54,220
Yay.

734
00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:54,860
Yay.

735
00:33:56,460 --> 00:34:02,540
I found five rock covers that are arguably better than the original song.

736
00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:03,660
Oh, this is going to be good.

737
00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:11,820
The first one, Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix.

738
00:34:12,620 --> 00:34:13,180
Agreed.

739
00:34:14,700 --> 00:34:20,700
The first entry on our list of rock covers that are better than the original songs goes

740
00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:28,060
to Jimi Hendrix for his 1968 cover of Bob Dylan's, All Along the Watchtower.

741
00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:32,940
It'd be hard for us to find a song that Hendrix performed badly.

742
00:34:34,380 --> 00:34:34,880
Cool.

743
00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:38,800
Next.

744
00:34:40,620 --> 00:34:43,660
Come on, feel the noise by Quiet Riot.

745
00:34:43,660 --> 00:34:45,500
Yeah, Slay's Virgin sucks.

746
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:49,420
Yeah, it did.

747
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:50,700
It was lame.

748
00:34:50,700 --> 00:34:57,020
English rock band Slay'd hit number one on the charts when they released the song,

749
00:34:57,660 --> 00:35:00,620
Come on, Feel the Noise in 1973.

750
00:35:01,980 --> 00:35:04,380
Okay, I'm thinking that was in the UK, though.

751
00:35:06,620 --> 00:35:09,340
I don't think they were very popular or even if they,

752
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:11,500
I don't even know if they had a record deal over here.

753
00:35:13,660 --> 00:35:18,700
I don't think they hit number one in the United States with that song.

754
00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:21,020
Oh no, they didn't hit number one in the United States.

755
00:35:21,020 --> 00:35:23,180
No, it did nothing in the United States.

756
00:35:23,180 --> 00:35:24,940
Yeah, it had to have been in the UK.

757
00:35:24,940 --> 00:35:25,980
It was in the UK.

758
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:28,000
Yeah.

759
00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:35,580
However, Quiet Riot breathed new life into the song in 1983.

760
00:35:35,580 --> 00:35:41,180
They put a modern spin on the song that made it stand out without diminishing.

761
00:35:41,820 --> 00:35:44,780
It can't be glory of the original track.

762
00:35:44,780 --> 00:35:46,780
Okay.

763
00:35:50,780 --> 00:35:56,780
Yeah, next, I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.

764
00:35:56,780 --> 00:35:58,780
Who originally done that?

765
00:35:58,780 --> 00:36:00,780
I don't even know who originally done that song.

766
00:36:00,780 --> 00:36:02,780
Well, I'm back telling you.

767
00:36:02,780 --> 00:36:04,780
Okay.

768
00:36:04,780 --> 00:36:08,780
When one thinks of the song I Love Rock and Roll,

769
00:36:08,780 --> 00:36:12,780
one usually thinks of the iconic rock star Joan Jett.

770
00:36:12,780 --> 00:36:20,780
However, some may not know that the 1981 cover was originally written

771
00:36:20,780 --> 00:36:26,780
and performed by the British rock band Arrows in 1975.

772
00:36:28,780 --> 00:36:30,780
Okay.

773
00:36:30,780 --> 00:36:32,780
The name of the band was Arrows.

774
00:36:32,780 --> 00:36:34,780
Alright.

775
00:36:34,780 --> 00:36:36,780
You know.

776
00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:40,780
Joan Jett fell in love with the song and covered it often during her live show.

777
00:36:40,780 --> 00:36:50,780
It's a great example of a fame covered song that is even better than the original.

778
00:36:52,780 --> 00:36:54,780
Okay.

779
00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:56,780
I bet it is.

780
00:36:56,780 --> 00:36:58,780
I mean, that's a great song that Joan Jett did.

781
00:36:58,780 --> 00:37:00,780
I mean, I knew it was a cover.

782
00:37:00,780 --> 00:37:02,780
I just didn't know who did that.

783
00:37:02,780 --> 00:37:04,780
So, okay.

784
00:37:04,780 --> 00:37:06,780
Cool.

785
00:37:06,780 --> 00:37:10,780
I didn't know that was a cover.

786
00:37:10,780 --> 00:37:12,780
Huh.

787
00:37:12,780 --> 00:37:14,780
Okay.

788
00:37:14,780 --> 00:37:24,780
The rock rock outfit to Clash popularized the song I Fought the Law in 1979.

789
00:37:24,780 --> 00:37:34,780
However, the song was originally pinned to Sonny Curtis and the band The Crickets in 1960.

790
00:37:34,780 --> 00:37:36,780
Wow.

791
00:37:36,780 --> 00:37:38,780
Okay.

792
00:37:38,780 --> 00:37:42,780
This isn't the first time the song was covered either.

793
00:37:42,780 --> 00:37:46,780
Bobby Fuller Ford covered it in 1965.

794
00:37:46,780 --> 00:38:00,780
However, the Clash's version had a punk rock edge that Americans loved helping the band gain some global attention outside of it.

795
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,780
Okay.

796
00:38:04,780 --> 00:38:12,780
Miss Amanda Jones by the March Velvet.

797
00:38:12,780 --> 00:38:14,780
Okay.

798
00:38:14,780 --> 00:38:24,780
Miss Amanda Jones was originally a Rolling Stones song from the 1967 album Between the Buttons.

799
00:38:24,780 --> 00:38:42,780
Stones fans likely still remember the original song, however, younger fans of the track often associated with the March Violets 1987 cover.

800
00:38:42,780 --> 00:38:48,780
The song was famously part of the soundtrack for Some Kind of Wonderful.

801
00:38:48,780 --> 00:38:50,780
Okay.

802
00:38:50,780 --> 00:38:54,780
And that was that.

803
00:38:54,780 --> 00:38:56,780
Cool.

804
00:38:56,780 --> 00:39:00,780
Wow, I didn't know some of them.

805
00:39:00,780 --> 00:39:14,780
The Come Unfill the Noise, I mean, I think we all knew that because remember they got a lot of shit because they covered Come We're All Crazy Now, Mama, We're All Crazy Now, which was another Slade song.

806
00:39:14,780 --> 00:39:20,780
Well, I got into Slade also.

807
00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:22,780
I did too. I liked him after that.

808
00:39:22,780 --> 00:39:24,780
Yeah, I knew that.

809
00:39:24,780 --> 00:39:28,780
And then Slade also has a really good song, Run, Run Away.

810
00:39:28,780 --> 00:39:34,780
Yes, yes. That's what hit the charts.

811
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:38,780
Yes, and that was well after Quiet Riot, I believe, wasn't it?

812
00:39:38,780 --> 00:39:40,780
Yeah.

813
00:39:40,780 --> 00:39:44,780
That was a little bit of notoriety.

814
00:39:44,780 --> 00:39:52,780
Yeah, yeah, that's a little bit of notoriety in America and they're like, hey, we're going to capitalize and it was a big hit and it was a great song.

815
00:39:52,780 --> 00:39:54,780
So,

816
00:39:54,780 --> 00:39:56,780
Okay, thank you, Rob.

817
00:39:56,780 --> 00:40:10,780
A US man sues a Powerball lottery after a parent threw $340 million Jackpaw win turns out to be a mistake. So he buys this ticket, the Powerball ticket, right?

818
00:40:10,780 --> 00:40:18,780
And he checks his numbers and he goes there and it says that he won the big prize. So there he is celebrating.

819
00:40:18,780 --> 00:40:28,780
Yay, yay, yay. So he drives all the way to the Powerball. I'm just kind of paraphrasing this because it's a long article.

820
00:40:28,780 --> 00:40:34,780
So he drives to their headquarters, I guess, right?

821
00:40:34,780 --> 00:40:39,780
So he can directly give them the ticket because you don't trust that in the mail.

822
00:40:39,780 --> 00:40:41,780
You don't trust that anybody.

823
00:40:41,780 --> 00:40:50,780
So he drove there and I'm not sure how long it took him to drive there, but he gets there and they look it over and go, oh, yeah, yeah, we made a mistake.

824
00:40:50,780 --> 00:40:58,780
He's like, what? He goes, no, no, no, give me my $340 million you fuckwads. And they're like, no, no, it was a mistake. We can't.

825
00:40:58,780 --> 00:41:10,780
So he said, all right, you're not talking to me next time. So he hired some lawyers and I think he should win that money because that's just fucking cruel, isn't it?

826
00:41:10,780 --> 00:41:14,780
Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, I think he deserves that money.

827
00:41:14,780 --> 00:41:20,780
And there should be an update on that because this actually happened a couple of months ago and I never did get to the story.

828
00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:29,780
So anyhow, I can't wait to see how this finishes out because I think they're going to settle out of court and he won't get $340 million.

829
00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:33,780
We know that he might get like $20 million or something like that.

830
00:41:33,780 --> 00:41:37,780
But they're going to settle out of court because this guy has a case.

831
00:41:37,780 --> 00:41:44,780
But then again, you know, although all that fine print on the back of a lottery ticket.

832
00:41:44,780 --> 00:41:48,780
Yeah, it might cover something like this.

833
00:41:48,780 --> 00:41:52,780
But then again, yeah, I think it's going to depend on judges and your lawyers.

834
00:41:52,780 --> 00:42:03,780
But I personally think he's entitled to at least a few million for that because you think that, you know, you don't have to work again and your great, great grandkids are going to be taken care of.

835
00:42:03,780 --> 00:42:08,780
And your debt is paid and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, we made a mistake.

836
00:42:08,780 --> 00:42:12,780
I think that's bullshit. I think they need to honor at least somehow or at least some.

837
00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:19,780
So anyhow, that's about all of that story. I mean, I could take it further. But why?

838
00:42:19,780 --> 00:42:29,780
Go ahead, Rob. Right, right. I have a quick one. I know you're short on time. Yeah.

839
00:42:29,780 --> 00:42:37,780
Before I go into that, I grandma. Oh, hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Grandma. Oh, hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.

840
00:42:37,780 --> 00:42:41,780
Dodge City, Kansas. We love you guys.

841
00:42:41,780 --> 00:42:53,780
Okay. And this next story actually was Tuesday, July 23rd. Today's July 24th.

842
00:42:53,780 --> 00:43:00,780
Smokey Bear is turning 80 this year. Oh, wow.

843
00:43:00,780 --> 00:43:12,780
Smokey the Bear was created in 1944 during World War II when Americans became concerned that the war could cause accidental fire damage to its protected forest.

844
00:43:12,780 --> 00:43:24,780
Over the years, he has become a mascot for the U.S. Forest Service, the National Association of State Foresters, and the Adcansion.

845
00:43:24,780 --> 00:43:36,780
Smokey has played a significant role in wildfire awareness and prevention while emphasizing the importance of fire safety for citizens across the U.S.

846
00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:44,780
with his famous quote, Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Yep.

847
00:43:44,780 --> 00:43:51,780
And recently, did you notice they brought him back for a new set of commercials over the last couple of years?

848
00:43:51,780 --> 00:43:59,780
Yeah, yeah, they have. But he's getting old, man. I know. But the thing is, is they didn't update him.

849
00:43:59,780 --> 00:44:07,780
He looks like the same Smokey they used back then in 44. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at a picture of it.

850
00:44:07,780 --> 00:44:16,780
He has not evolved at all. You know, everybody else, even watch Bugs Bunny now and he looks, you know, the newer episodes looks completely different.

851
00:44:16,780 --> 00:44:28,780
Woody Woodpecker was a good example. They update all these characters and they don't look the same on a lot of different, whatever they are,

852
00:44:28,780 --> 00:44:35,780
cartoons or or a character such as Smokey the Bear. Smokey the Bear looks exactly the same. They've never changed him.

853
00:44:35,780 --> 00:44:42,780
So I think that's cool, though. I mean, it works or I think it does. So.

854
00:44:42,780 --> 00:44:53,780
All right. Well, Smokey, happy 80th. Hopefully you have another 80 or so. Happy birthday, Smokey. Happy birthday, Smokey.

855
00:44:53,780 --> 00:45:04,780
We love you here. So you got another story you want to do before we cut out or you want to just go ahead and say, yeah, all right, we're going to throw on some old shit.

856
00:45:04,780 --> 00:45:11,780
Yeah, let's throw on some old stuff. All right, Rob, thank you for doing this abbreviated version.

857
00:45:11,780 --> 00:45:15,780
Anything I else will take, take us like another five, ten minutes.

858
00:45:15,780 --> 00:45:26,780
Yes, same here. Like I said, I didn't do too many articles because I knew this going to be abbreviated. So and I actually went through the first third too quick.

859
00:45:26,780 --> 00:45:30,780
I didn't get to really go into anything that much. But anyhow, that's all right.

860
00:45:30,780 --> 00:45:36,780
Hey, all right. You guys are going to get some old shit after this. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for old shit.

861
00:45:36,780 --> 00:45:41,780
Thank you, Rob. You're welcome. Bye, everybody.

862
00:45:41,780 --> 00:45:47,780
Old shit coming up. Good night, assholes. Good night, assholes.

863
00:45:47,780 --> 00:45:53,780
But still listen. So, OK, I'm supposed to put on a best of, but I got an email from a friend of mine.

864
00:45:53,780 --> 00:46:00,780
Well, actually a message, not an email. And he wanted me to do something like this instead of putting on a best of.

865
00:46:00,780 --> 00:46:09,780
So what I'm going to do is this right here. I'm going to describe some of the stuff that I was going to do and and the story behind it and all that.

866
00:46:09,780 --> 00:46:17,780
So anyhow, and I'm talking about the bits and the skits and stuff like that and the promos that had been done on this so far.

867
00:46:17,780 --> 00:46:30,780
So I'd like to start off with a strange insults from an alien. It was originally going to be peculiar insults from a socially maladjusted person.

868
00:46:30,780 --> 00:46:36,780
And the reason I want it like that is because I wanted a name that you would never forget and you would always remember.

869
00:46:36,780 --> 00:46:43,780
I've heard it done like that on other shows, you know, on on real shows, not podcasts, but, you know, like real morning shows.

870
00:46:43,780 --> 00:46:47,780
You come up with like just the dumbest, longest name you can.

871
00:46:47,780 --> 00:46:51,780
And at first you're like, why the hell did they pick that? And then after a while, you're like, you know what?

872
00:46:51,780 --> 00:46:56,780
I always remember that segment because it's the one that says, you know, so I was going to do that.

873
00:46:56,780 --> 00:47:05,780
So I'm like, OK, I started coming up with some old insults that we used to banter at each other to embarrass someone or fuck with them or whatever.

874
00:47:05,780 --> 00:47:09,780
So I said one of them and I was getting ready to piece it all together.

875
00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:16,780
I already had the first part of the promo of it going, hey, now brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.

876
00:47:16,780 --> 00:47:21,780
And well, actually, it's going to be peculiar insults from a socially maladjusted person.

877
00:47:21,780 --> 00:47:32,780
And instead, and I wonder if I still have that intro somewhere, because anyhow, if I do, if I find it, I'll just throw it on here just for the fun of it.

878
00:47:32,780 --> 00:47:36,780
But anyhow, I did it. I did the first insult.

879
00:47:36,780 --> 00:47:40,780
I think it might have been like Christian Bale or something. No, that's island horrible jokes.

880
00:47:40,780 --> 00:47:45,780
I can't remember which one it was. I think it was like, may all your hangovers.

881
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:49,780
Oh, no, no, I remember what it was is like.

882
00:47:49,780 --> 00:47:56,780
May you may your mother leave your house with the door slightly ajar.

883
00:47:56,780 --> 00:48:01,780
That way you have to get up and close it yourself or something like that or something really weird.

884
00:48:01,780 --> 00:48:16,780
And anyhow, when I came back to it and I recorded it, I accidentally hit this this effect on audacity tools that I use for this, the software that I use.

885
00:48:16,780 --> 00:48:18,780
And it sounded like an alien is like really sped up.

886
00:48:18,780 --> 00:48:23,780
And I'm like, wow. So I got to get alien. OK, huh. Oh, I got it.

887
00:48:23,780 --> 00:48:27,780
Strange insults from an alien. So that is how that originated.

888
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:33,780
And I still like strange insults from a socially maladjusted misfit.

889
00:48:33,780 --> 00:48:39,780
I think I don't think this person I think it was from a socially maladjusted awkward misfit.

890
00:48:39,780 --> 00:48:51,780
That's what it was. And it's going to be is going to be odd, weird insults from a socially maladjusted.

891
00:48:51,780 --> 00:48:59,780
Anyhow, you know what? Anyhow, misfit, all that stuff. So anyhow, I'm going to throw a couple of them up here.

892
00:48:59,780 --> 00:49:03,780
First couple that I did. And then I will go on to something else.

893
00:49:03,780 --> 00:49:09,780
A brand new future. Strange insults from an alien.

894
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:20,780
May your mother come to talk to you and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you may have to get up and close it.

895
00:49:20,780 --> 00:49:29,780
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

896
00:49:29,780 --> 00:49:34,780
May you forever feel yourself in vibrate in the pocket is not even in.

897
00:49:34,780 --> 00:49:42,780
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

898
00:49:42,780 --> 00:49:50,780
May your chair produce a sound similar to a heart that only once such that it cannot reproduce and prove that it was just the chair.

899
00:49:50,780 --> 00:50:00,780
Now, the second regular feature that that we that I brought to this program and and Rob and Topher had a lot of influence in this and a lot of help in this too.

900
00:50:00,780 --> 00:50:03,780
So I don't want to take all the credit.

901
00:50:03,780 --> 00:50:09,780
But the second one that that I wanted to do was the island horrible jokes.

902
00:50:09,780 --> 00:50:15,780
And we used to like me and friends used to say some really corny dry dad jokes.

903
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:19,780
It wasn't even called dad jokes at the time. It was just called horrible jokes.

904
00:50:19,780 --> 00:50:23,780
And I think one night me and my friend Davey were joking around and going, yeah, you know what?

905
00:50:23,780 --> 00:50:27,780
I mean, there's an island of horrible jokes and that's where all these jokes come from.

906
00:50:27,780 --> 00:50:30,780
I don't know. We're probably drunk or something. Who knows?

907
00:50:30,780 --> 00:50:38,780
But anyhow, so this is a pretend island that, you know, you're out on a raft and you're like, oh, shit, man, I don't know what we're going to do, man.

908
00:50:38,780 --> 00:50:40,780
This raft is going to sink or something. We're all going to die.

909
00:50:40,780 --> 00:50:44,780
And then you find this secluded island and you get on it.

910
00:50:44,780 --> 00:50:50,780
But it's the island of horrible jokes. So you can stay on this island, but you keep hearing these jokes over and over.

911
00:50:50,780 --> 00:50:54,780
So that is where that originated. And I was a proud pop on this one.

912
00:50:54,780 --> 00:51:00,780
I just thought it was so cool. And I have a lot more I can do with this because there are so many horrible jokes out there.

913
00:51:00,780 --> 00:51:06,780
And I've got a list of like 50 of them I got to do, but I just don't have enough time to do them.

914
00:51:06,780 --> 00:51:14,780
So this was pretty much my second regular segment because my first one that I did was this isn't podcast is the next generation.

915
00:51:14,780 --> 00:51:28,780
I had a voice guy do it, but I like this other guy, Chad, better doing the voices and and he did swim in talks of masculinity and wipe their ass would politically correct wash rags.

916
00:51:28,780 --> 00:51:33,780
That was like the second like little one off bit that I did, you know, a little promo.

917
00:51:33,780 --> 00:51:43,780
So anyhow, this was the second really, you know, segment that I did that's going to have, you know, be a regular feature.

918
00:51:43,780 --> 00:51:47,780
And here are a couple of the first ones that I can remember doing.

919
00:51:47,780 --> 00:51:51,780
I think one of them was Christian Bale. And then what was the other one?

920
00:51:51,780 --> 00:52:00,780
I think it might have been marooned or something like that, you know, so or maybe it was ducks.

921
00:52:00,780 --> 00:52:05,780
My dog is a purebred or something like anyhow, I'm going to play a couple of these.

922
00:52:05,780 --> 00:52:10,780
And then that's how that originated. And and I'm pretty proud of this one.

923
00:52:10,780 --> 00:52:17,780
I thought this one was pretty unique just because, you know, the promos like where, you know, you hear water and everyone's like yelling and screaming.

924
00:52:17,780 --> 00:52:21,780
And then we find an island that's like, oh, shit, it's island of horrible jokes.

925
00:52:21,780 --> 00:52:25,780
And so anyhow, without any further ado, here's a couple of them.

926
00:52:25,780 --> 00:52:31,780
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.

927
00:52:31,780 --> 00:52:44,780
What do you call a bundle of hay in church? Christian Bale.

928
00:52:44,780 --> 00:52:59,780
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.

929
00:52:59,780 --> 00:53:15,780
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with my bare hands.

930
00:53:15,780 --> 00:53:30,780
I think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe. Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.

931
00:53:30,780 --> 00:53:39,780
Someone took the fifth month out of my calendar. I'm just made.

932
00:53:39,780 --> 00:53:55,780
Now, this next one, I really love, but it's going to morph and change into something different because instead of offering you things to eat in your yard during an apocalypse, I'm going to offer you different things you can do and different gadgets you can use in case of an apocalypse.

933
00:53:55,780 --> 00:53:59,780
Because it started out as a joke, but now it might be very serious.

934
00:53:59,780 --> 00:54:03,780
I mean, with everything going on in the world, I could definitely see an apocalypse coming up.

935
00:54:03,780 --> 00:54:06,780
Not saying there will be, but it makes you wonder.

936
00:54:06,780 --> 00:54:18,780
So anyhow, this originated because I was down in Eureka Springs and we're in a treehouse cabin. Love those places. It's a treehouse.

937
00:54:18,780 --> 00:54:26,780
It isn't actually in the trees, but it's on stilts and it's right in the middle of some trees. It's really cool, really serene and tranquil and just sit there with nature.

938
00:54:26,780 --> 00:54:33,780
Nobody's around at night. You can see the stars so bright. I mean, you can't see them here in the city like that.

939
00:54:33,780 --> 00:54:42,780
But out there, the stars are so bright. I was gathering up some little things, a little kindling to start a little fire in the backyard there.

940
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:50,780
They have a fire pit. I ran across some hickory nuts. I'm like, man, these things smell so good and you can actually eat them.

941
00:54:50,780 --> 00:54:58,780
So I cracked a couple of them open after roasting them and they were very good. I was like, man, this is something that someone could eat if they were hungry or something.

942
00:54:58,780 --> 00:55:04,780
They knew about them. And then I started going, hmm, I wonder if I could make this into a segment somehow.

943
00:55:04,780 --> 00:55:08,780
And I was like, you know what? I know what it is. Survivalist type of thing.

944
00:55:08,780 --> 00:55:16,780
So it turned into things you can eat during an apocalypse. And then the first one was hickory nuts. And then I went on from there.

945
00:55:16,780 --> 00:55:22,780
Then I went on how to open beans, the fuck it, let's go to ground zero and see what's next and stuff like that.

946
00:55:22,780 --> 00:55:31,780
So anyhow, we're still going to have some of these, but the main focus is going to be on things and gadgets you can do to survive an apocalypse and not food.

947
00:55:31,780 --> 00:55:41,780
So anyhow, without any further ado, I'm going to play a few of them for you. And thank you if you're still listening. Thank you. If not, I understand.

948
00:55:41,780 --> 00:55:52,780
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

949
00:55:52,780 --> 00:56:01,780
Dirt and apocalypse. Don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is. Yeah, we know hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.

950
00:56:01,780 --> 00:56:11,780
Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.

951
00:56:11,780 --> 00:56:20,780
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.

952
00:56:20,780 --> 00:56:25,780
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.

953
00:56:25,780 --> 00:56:32,780
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.

954
00:56:32,780 --> 00:56:38,780
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique hickory nut milk.

955
00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:41,780
There are five types of hickory nuts.

956
00:56:41,780 --> 00:56:49,780
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mocker nut hickory and smooth bark hickory.

957
00:56:49,780 --> 00:56:56,780
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.

958
00:56:56,780 --> 00:57:00,780
So, dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.

959
00:57:00,780 --> 00:57:10,780
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

960
00:57:10,780 --> 00:57:17,780
Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.

961
00:57:17,780 --> 00:57:21,780
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.

962
00:57:21,780 --> 00:57:24,780
You ever consider just going to ground zero and saying fuck it?

963
00:57:24,780 --> 00:57:31,780
Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not?

964
00:57:31,780 --> 00:57:34,780
No food, no shelter, no nothing.

965
00:57:34,780 --> 00:57:41,780
Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what, let's just go to ground zero and see what's for us after.

966
00:57:41,780 --> 00:57:43,780
Just a thought.

967
00:57:43,780 --> 00:57:53,780
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

968
00:57:54,780 --> 00:58:00,780
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.

969
00:58:00,780 --> 00:58:07,780
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.

970
00:58:07,780 --> 00:58:15,780
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,

971
00:58:15,780 --> 00:58:21,780
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.

972
00:58:21,780 --> 00:58:26,780
Now if you remember chronologically, but even if not you wouldn't know so it doesn't matter,

973
00:58:26,780 --> 00:58:31,780
but I think chronologically the next one that I came up with was deep thoughts from Mark.

974
00:58:31,780 --> 00:58:37,780
And this one was pretty simple. I was pretty smashed one night and this was in Eureka Springs too.

975
00:58:37,780 --> 00:58:42,780
I get a lot of good ideas down there because I just love the area, love the surrounding, love the serenity.

976
00:58:42,780 --> 00:58:47,780
And I was doing some writing and I was smashed.

977
00:58:47,780 --> 00:58:51,780
So actually I quit doing the writing because I was getting too smashed.

978
00:58:51,780 --> 00:58:55,780
So I couldn't really navigate a pen that well.

979
00:58:55,780 --> 00:59:02,780
So I was thinking, man, wouldn't it be funny if you're the trash man and you would go on the run.

980
00:59:02,780 --> 00:59:08,780
I was thinking if I was the trash man, I got to do it for like a week or something.

981
00:59:08,780 --> 00:59:13,780
This is like invisible ass paddling and stuff like that.

982
00:59:13,780 --> 00:59:18,780
Anyhow, I was thinking wouldn't it be cool just to go on the wrong streets early in the morning

983
00:59:18,780 --> 00:59:22,780
and then everybody's going to be running out going, oh shit man, I can't believe I missed the trash.

984
00:59:22,780 --> 00:59:27,780
You know, they're freaking out thinking, oh my God, now I go go buy some trash tags and a big old,

985
00:59:27,780 --> 00:59:30,780
where do I store it? The raccoons are going to get it and all that shit.

986
00:59:30,780 --> 00:59:35,780
And then you just drive by smiling and laughing and they're out there in their underwear with two bags of trash

987
00:59:35,780 --> 00:59:38,780
screaming at you, screaming at you to stop.

988
00:59:38,780 --> 00:59:43,780
And I got to think about it, man, that's a pretty deep thought.

989
00:59:43,780 --> 00:59:48,780
So anyhow, I jotted down deep thoughts. I was still well enough to do that on my folder.

990
00:59:48,780 --> 00:59:52,780
And the next day I'm like thinking deep thoughts, deep thoughts, what the hell was that?

991
00:59:52,780 --> 00:59:56,780
Then I started remembering, oh yeah, yeah, that's right.

992
00:59:56,780 --> 01:00:03,780
Trash man, you know, coming down the road, you know, at the wrong roads at the wrong time,

993
01:00:03,780 --> 01:00:05,780
you know, on the wrong day, freaking people out.

994
01:00:05,780 --> 01:00:08,780
And I was like, all right, that's going to be my next segment.

995
01:00:08,780 --> 01:00:09,780
And then it went on from there.

996
01:00:09,780 --> 01:00:13,780
Most of them are weird thoughts that I came up with, but I did read some on the Internet

997
01:00:13,780 --> 01:00:17,780
that I found worthy of being in this segment.

998
01:00:17,780 --> 01:00:23,780
So, you know, like some of the stuff I came up with, of course, trash and water being watered down.

999
01:00:23,780 --> 01:00:26,780
And if the worm was could talk, would it be argumentive?

1000
01:00:26,780 --> 01:00:30,780
And just shit, you would just like, I don't know, think up just like, what?

1001
01:00:30,780 --> 01:00:31,780
Where did that come from?

1002
01:00:31,780 --> 01:00:35,780
I was like, this could be a great segment. I'm pretty proud of it. I like it.

1003
01:00:35,780 --> 01:00:41,780
I just got to, I don't know, smooth out all these all these episodes of it

1004
01:00:41,780 --> 01:00:44,780
because it's kind of loud and low toned in places.

1005
01:00:44,780 --> 01:00:47,780
I don't like it. It's kind of a it's kind of spotty.

1006
01:00:47,780 --> 01:00:51,780
So once I get everything remastered, if you will, or whatever,

1007
01:00:51,780 --> 01:00:56,780
it won't be quite so spotty on the loudness and the softness and all that.

1008
01:00:56,780 --> 01:01:00,780
So anyhow, without any further ado, I'm going to play you a few of them.

1009
01:01:00,780 --> 01:01:06,780
And if you're still hanging in there, thank you again for keeping in there and listening.

1010
01:01:06,780 --> 01:01:14,780
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

1011
01:01:14,780 --> 01:01:20,780
Why do they call it quicksand if it takes so slow to sink?

1012
01:01:20,780 --> 01:01:27,780
Hmph, I may never know.

1013
01:01:27,780 --> 01:01:33,780
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

1014
01:01:33,780 --> 01:01:36,780
Should I record frog sounds in the summer,

1015
01:01:36,780 --> 01:01:42,780
then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?

1016
01:01:42,780 --> 01:01:49,780
Hmph, yeah, that sounds like fun.

1017
01:01:49,780 --> 01:01:55,780
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

1018
01:01:55,780 --> 01:02:03,780
Hmph, coffee flavored water doesn't sound good, but that's exactly what coffee is.

1019
01:02:03,780 --> 01:02:10,780
Hmph, that is weird.

1020
01:02:10,780 --> 01:02:13,780
OK, the next one, I believe chronologically, if I'm correct,

1021
01:02:13,780 --> 01:02:19,780
but if I wasn't, you wouldn't know anyhow, is Things Overheard in Hell.

1022
01:02:19,780 --> 01:02:24,780
Now, this started, it originated from, I was talking about an alternate universe

1023
01:02:24,780 --> 01:02:28,780
and where like one of the names that alternate universe is, is Bob's.

1024
01:02:28,780 --> 01:02:31,780
I knew a bunch of Bob's are complete dickheads, I couldn't stand them,

1025
01:02:31,780 --> 01:02:36,780
but one Bob was incredible, man. He was like a second father to me, fantastic guy.

1026
01:02:36,780 --> 01:02:39,780
Loved him, he's since passed on.

1027
01:02:39,780 --> 01:02:46,780
But I started, you know, I was like, OK, I started thinking like that because of him.

1028
01:02:46,780 --> 01:02:50,780
I was like, man, every Bob I know is a tool smack, except for this Bob, he's really cool.

1029
01:02:50,780 --> 01:02:54,780
So, the cool Bob is from the alternate universe.

1030
01:02:54,780 --> 01:02:58,780
And then Mike is another one, I work with a lot of dickheads, especially bosses named Mike,

1031
01:02:58,780 --> 01:03:04,780
but I work with a Mike now that's a really cool guy, and he's a boss, and I get along with him really well.

1032
01:03:04,780 --> 01:03:09,780
And then I know another Mike is pretty cool in real life, but all the other ones are complete fuckheads.

1033
01:03:09,780 --> 01:03:15,780
You know, like my old bosses and stuff like that, I know a few Mikes that are just complete fucking dick smacks.

1034
01:03:15,780 --> 01:03:20,780
But anyhow, so these two Mikes are from the alternative universe.

1035
01:03:20,780 --> 01:03:25,780
So, you know, this world, they're shit, but the alternative universe, they're fantastic.

1036
01:03:25,780 --> 01:03:31,780
So that's where this Bob and Mike came from, in my, you know, in my weird world.

1037
01:03:31,780 --> 01:03:39,780
So then I got to thinking about, I'm like, you know what, alternate universe, you know what,

1038
01:03:39,780 --> 01:03:45,780
alternate universe like Axel Rose would be a childhood therapist that writes books.

1039
01:03:45,780 --> 01:03:48,780
And I was like, okay, that's good. And then I was like, wait a minute, no, no, no, no, no.

1040
01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:54,780
That is not an alternate universe. I need to save that for like names and stuff like that. That's sacred.

1041
01:03:54,780 --> 01:04:02,780
This is things you overhear in hell. So like, you know, you fall off a building or I don't know,

1042
01:04:02,780 --> 01:04:08,780
a piece of space junk smacks you in the head or some shit, I don't know, whatever, overboard, and you die.

1043
01:04:08,780 --> 01:04:14,780
And then these are things you hear when you're down there in the fiery pit, along with that noise

1044
01:04:14,780 --> 01:04:21,780
that I did a few podcasts ago that I mentioned Rob was the theme song to hell, I think, and the soundtrack in it.

1045
01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:28,780
It's just such a weird fucking bit of music that I think it demands being in hell.

1046
01:04:28,780 --> 01:04:34,780
So that is how things over and overheard in hell originated.

1047
01:04:34,780 --> 01:04:38,780
So I'm going to play you a few of them and if you're still hanging with me, thank you.

1048
01:04:38,780 --> 01:04:42,780
Because I know this has got to be boring to some people. They couldn't give a shit.

1049
01:04:42,780 --> 01:04:45,780
They're probably like cussing me and shutting it off.

1050
01:04:45,780 --> 01:04:49,780
Next up, things overheard in hell.

1051
01:04:49,780 --> 01:04:58,780
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.

1052
01:04:58,780 --> 01:05:02,780
Next up, things overheard in hell.

1053
01:05:02,780 --> 01:05:08,780
Hurry up. King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay.

1054
01:05:08,780 --> 01:05:12,780
Next up, things overheard in hell.

1055
01:05:12,780 --> 01:05:17,780
Well that new Hanson CD is just a laptop. Uh huh.

1056
01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:24,780
The next one is ramblings from Madman with Rob. We desperately needed to get Rob in some of these segments.

1057
01:05:24,780 --> 01:05:29,780
All of them were me unless they were someone else's voice. And Rob is as much of the show as I am.

1058
01:05:29,780 --> 01:05:32,780
So we desperately needed to get him into bits.

1059
01:05:32,780 --> 01:05:38,780
So the only way we could do it being two and a half hours away is I would have to come up with something that he could do.

1060
01:05:38,780 --> 01:05:47,780
And then he could just do it over the phone and then I record it here and then I blend it in with the promo of it that I have.

1061
01:05:47,780 --> 01:05:50,780
You know, the intro, the beginning. And that's the only way we could do it.

1062
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:54,780
So I come up with, well, okay. What can we do?

1063
01:05:54,780 --> 01:06:00,780
And Rob just pokes in with something and I'm like, okay. How about ramblings of a madman with Rob Rad?

1064
01:06:00,780 --> 01:06:07,780
Great segment. Love it. I love the way Rob is just so authentic by the way he talks.

1065
01:06:07,780 --> 01:06:14,780
He's just like, you know, I believe that synchronized tap dancing for Congress before they start session.

1066
01:06:14,780 --> 01:06:16,780
Just the way he says it is fantastic.

1067
01:06:16,780 --> 01:06:21,780
For all those that believe in psychokinesis, please raise my hand. And stuff like that.

1068
01:06:21,780 --> 01:06:28,780
I just love his voice on that and just how, as a matter of fact, he does it.

1069
01:06:28,780 --> 01:06:32,780
I think it's brilliant whether he knows it or not. I think he meant to do it like that, but it's brilliant.

1070
01:06:32,780 --> 01:06:40,780
And I love that segment. I think it's a great segment and it's really cool because it gets the point across to me.

1071
01:06:40,780 --> 01:06:45,780
So anyhow, that's the way that one was. Yeah, I know that's rather boring, but that's the truth of it.

1072
01:06:45,780 --> 01:06:49,780
So anyhow, if you're still listening with me, thank you very much. Here's a couple from there.

1073
01:06:49,780 --> 01:06:53,780
Once again, it's time for Rambling of a Madman.

1074
01:06:53,780 --> 01:07:05,780
I believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes before each session.

1075
01:07:05,780 --> 01:07:08,780
That needs to happen.

1076
01:07:08,780 --> 01:07:14,780
At age 30, you've spent a month celebrating birthdays.

1077
01:07:14,780 --> 01:07:27,780
When you buy and eat half a chicken, you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger.

1078
01:07:27,780 --> 01:07:38,780
I believe chronologically, the next one that I was doing was Origins.

1079
01:07:38,780 --> 01:07:42,780
And this was because we have a lot of crude humor on here.

1080
01:07:42,780 --> 01:07:45,780
I just wanted one to capture people's attention.

1081
01:07:45,780 --> 01:07:50,780
Like Nehi and Coke and Pepsi originates from them.

1082
01:07:50,780 --> 01:07:53,780
To eyeliner, to socks.

1083
01:07:53,780 --> 01:07:56,780
Just stuff that you never knew where they originated from.

1084
01:07:56,780 --> 01:07:59,780
It would be kind of neat to know what really happened.

1085
01:07:59,780 --> 01:08:03,780
I love this segment because it's not dirty, it's not filthy.

1086
01:08:03,780 --> 01:08:08,780
It's just kind of informative and kind of tugs at your brain a little bit. To me it does.

1087
01:08:08,780 --> 01:08:15,780
That's how that originated. I know that's kind of a boring answer, but it's true.

1088
01:08:15,780 --> 01:08:18,780
I have a bunch of stuff that I have to record.

1089
01:08:18,780 --> 01:08:22,780
I have a bunch of origins of a lot of different things.

1090
01:08:22,780 --> 01:08:26,780
Like maybe the paper clip or something like that. Beanbags.

1091
01:08:26,780 --> 01:08:29,780
Just stuff that people would not have any idea where it came from.

1092
01:08:29,780 --> 01:08:35,780
But when you tell them, they're going to go, oh, okay. Never knew that. That's pretty cool.

1093
01:08:35,780 --> 01:08:40,780
That's all that was. I'm going to play a few of them if you're still hanging with me. Thank you.

1094
01:08:40,780 --> 01:08:47,780
Very much appreciated. Everybody that's been listening to this show and telling other people, thank you.

1095
01:08:47,780 --> 01:08:56,780
It is really working. Our listenership is probably quadruple from what it was probably three months ago.

1096
01:08:56,780 --> 01:08:59,780
It is growing in leaps and bounds. Thank you all very much.

1097
01:08:59,780 --> 01:09:04,780
I had a couple people go, we love the name. Thank you. The name really kind of got us.

1098
01:09:04,780 --> 01:09:11,780
So, you know, at first I was like, man, would anyone call their show Two Douchebags and Microphone?

1099
01:09:11,780 --> 01:09:14,780
Because no one will listen. I was like, no, that's what you call it.

1100
01:09:14,780 --> 01:09:17,780
That way people go, what? And then they listen.

1101
01:09:17,780 --> 01:09:21,780
So evidently it's working to some degree. So anyhow, anyhow, thank you.

1102
01:09:21,780 --> 01:09:23,780
And here's a few of them.

1103
01:09:23,780 --> 01:09:25,780
Have you ever wondered where something came about?

1104
01:09:25,780 --> 01:09:29,780
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?

1105
01:09:29,780 --> 01:09:35,780
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.

1106
01:09:35,780 --> 01:09:38,780
This is the story of Dr. Pepper.

1107
01:09:38,780 --> 01:09:42,780
Originally made in Morrison's Old Corner Drugstore in Wacoop, Texas,

1108
01:09:42,780 --> 01:09:47,780
the drink's unique flavor was a hit when it was first sold in 1885.

1109
01:09:47,780 --> 01:09:52,780
Wade Morrison, the drugstore owner, named it Dr. Pepper after Dr. Charles Pepper,

1110
01:09:52,780 --> 01:09:58,780
a Virginia doctor who the father of a girl, Morrison, he was once in love with.

1111
01:09:58,780 --> 01:10:03,780
You can still go to the Dr. Pepper Museum and still purchase the original formula

1112
01:10:03,780 --> 01:10:08,780
with pure artesian well water and pure cane sugar.

1113
01:10:08,780 --> 01:10:11,780
It's quite a treat if you're into Dr. Pepper.

1114
01:10:11,780 --> 01:10:13,780
Have you ever wondered where something came about?

1115
01:10:13,780 --> 01:10:18,780
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?

1116
01:10:18,780 --> 01:10:23,780
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.

1117
01:10:23,780 --> 01:10:28,780
The Origin of Velcro. George D. Mestral found inspiration in his most famous invention

1118
01:10:28,780 --> 01:10:33,780
in those annoying little burrs that can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in the woods.

1119
01:10:33,780 --> 01:10:38,780
They came from the burdock plant, and when D. Mestral put them under a microscope,

1120
01:10:38,780 --> 01:10:42,780
he realized that they made use of little tiny hooks on the surface of the burr

1121
01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:46,780
to grab onto whatever passes by.

1122
01:10:46,780 --> 01:10:48,780
Have you ever wondered where something came about?

1123
01:10:48,780 --> 01:10:53,780
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?

1124
01:10:53,780 --> 01:10:58,780
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.

1125
01:10:58,780 --> 01:11:00,780
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?

1126
01:11:00,780 --> 01:11:06,780
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.

1127
01:11:06,780 --> 01:11:11,780
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s, and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville

1128
01:11:11,780 --> 01:11:14,780
obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor, preferably whiskey,

1129
01:11:14,780 --> 01:11:19,780
so the two developed for your own now known as Mountain Dew.

1130
01:11:19,780 --> 01:11:24,780
The next one chronologically, I believe, was news nobody gives a shit about.

1131
01:11:24,780 --> 01:11:29,780
And this originated because there's a bunch of stories that we could do,

1132
01:11:29,780 --> 01:11:31,780
but we just can't take any further.

1133
01:11:31,780 --> 01:11:34,780
You know, like the ballerina one, like they broke a world record.

1134
01:11:34,780 --> 01:11:38,780
How far can you talk about that? And does anyone really give a shit?

1135
01:11:38,780 --> 01:11:41,780
I mean, I would say no and not much.

1136
01:11:41,780 --> 01:11:46,780
Couldn't talk about very long without everyone like losing interest and turn it off

1137
01:11:46,780 --> 01:11:48,780
or just not hearing you or whatever.

1138
01:11:48,780 --> 01:11:53,780
So anyhow, the whole purpose of this podcast is I want people listen to the whole thing.

1139
01:11:53,780 --> 01:11:57,780
So they get accustomed, listen to it instead of just getting a little dab here and there.

1140
01:11:57,780 --> 01:12:00,780
You know, I want it to where they download it every time one comes out.

1141
01:12:00,780 --> 01:12:02,780
And this is how you do it.

1142
01:12:02,780 --> 01:12:05,780
You know, you got to have content that they like and enjoy.

1143
01:12:05,780 --> 01:12:10,780
And these little snippets of these stories are not what they really like.

1144
01:12:10,780 --> 01:12:15,780
They're after the better juicy ones that you can have two opposing sides.

1145
01:12:15,780 --> 01:12:18,780
You can dissect, you can talk. NFL is a good one.

1146
01:12:18,780 --> 01:12:24,780
We don't do politics, but you know, anything, you know, anything like that

1147
01:12:24,780 --> 01:12:27,780
that you can discuss and have two different waves of thought.

1148
01:12:27,780 --> 01:12:29,780
Because Rob and I think very different in a lot of ways.

1149
01:12:29,780 --> 01:12:31,780
And it's pretty neat to get his take.

1150
01:12:31,780 --> 01:12:36,780
And then people like Ronnie from Tulsa, they send in their thoughts on stuff.

1151
01:12:36,780 --> 01:12:40,780
Ronnie asked us a bunch of great questions because he knows us so well.

1152
01:12:40,780 --> 01:12:44,780
So anyhow, that's how this originated.

1153
01:12:44,780 --> 01:12:48,780
And I think this is going to be the last segment right here because of time constraints.

1154
01:12:48,780 --> 01:12:53,780
And I will do the rest of them, which is only about three or four like your mama stuff

1155
01:12:53,780 --> 01:12:56,780
and stuff like that, where how they originated.

1156
01:12:56,780 --> 01:13:00,780
And you know what? I'll go ahead and tell you your mama stuff,

1157
01:13:00,780 --> 01:13:07,780
because that just came up because your mama jokes are always funny and they're rude.

1158
01:13:07,780 --> 01:13:09,780
And they're great to just throw in there anywhere.

1159
01:13:09,780 --> 01:13:11,780
And people go, oh, you know.

1160
01:13:11,780 --> 01:13:16,780
So anyhow, thank you guys for hanging in there and listening to me on this weird,

1161
01:13:16,780 --> 01:13:18,780
absurd podcast.

1162
01:13:18,780 --> 01:13:21,780
That's what I'm aiming for.

1163
01:13:21,780 --> 01:13:23,780
And I think that's what I'm going to get.

1164
01:13:23,780 --> 01:13:25,780
So thank you guys, everybody.

1165
01:13:25,780 --> 01:13:27,780
Have a good night, assholes.

1166
01:13:27,780 --> 01:13:35,780
Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Opal. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Jimmy. Dodge City, Kansas.

1167
01:13:35,780 --> 01:13:38,780
Ra-Ra. Good night, assholes.

1168
01:13:38,780 --> 01:13:40,780
Hey there, fuckstick.

1169
01:13:40,780 --> 01:13:44,780
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

1170
01:13:44,780 --> 01:13:47,780
A belly dancer in Spain.

1171
01:13:47,780 --> 01:13:54,780
Belly dance for 48 hours beating the old world record by five hours.

1172
01:13:54,780 --> 01:13:56,780
Hey there, fuckstick.

1173
01:13:56,780 --> 01:14:00,780
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

1174
01:14:00,780 --> 01:14:10,780
In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.

1175
01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:12,780
Hey there, fuckstick.

1176
01:14:12,780 --> 01:14:17,780
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

1177
01:14:17,780 --> 01:14:28,780
A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to call the goats in for dinner every night.

1178
01:14:28,780 --> 01:14:31,780
Oh no. Looks like the show's over, kids.

1179
01:14:31,780 --> 01:14:35,780
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.

1180
01:14:35,780 --> 01:14:48,780
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.