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show from there.
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from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good
the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage
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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong.
At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys.
We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
We Talk.
Jane listener.
Oh Lord!
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no!
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on.
You can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam!
Everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
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to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
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Stay safe everyone.
Our constant
pursuit for a real knee slapper.
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Real hilarity.
Your proof.
The Jane Pool made lifeguards.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
How are you doing?
I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
I'm Mark.
How are you doing Rob?
I'm doing pretty good.
Catching me a little early tonight.
Yes because I promised Tofer the former co-host here.
And one of the originators he's gonna go do this jam session down at RC's.
You know it's the Chicken Now slash Thai food place upstairs.
The Thai food place called the Rock and Walk has a night where everybody comes in and jams
and it's pretty much blues.
And we're gonna go down there and watch Topher play.
He's gonna be doing some drums and maybe some guitar,
but I'm not for sure, but anyhow, it should be fun.
So this is a, what now?
I got a buddy down here that does blues jazz on guitar.
He's awesome.
Oh really?
He's got a band and everything down here.
Oh cool, what's his name?
Give him a plug.
Johnny G and the All-Stars.
That sounds familiar.
Do they play up here ever?
I don't know, they might.
That really sounds familiar to me.
They play a lot of gigs around here.
Okay, well anyhow, they sound cool.
Okay.
He used to be on my, I was captain of a full league team.
And him and his son were on my team.
Oh okay.
He's a good guy, man, good guy.
Cool, all right, well we'll go into the first third here
since we're gonna get as much in as we can
before I have to leave.
We're doing it much earlier than normal,
but Rob was gracious enough to give me
roughly an hour of his time, and then I gotta go there.
Yeah, I'm making the kids cook dinner tonight.
Yeah, see something good did come out of it.
So there you go.
Yes, yes.
All right, Dairy Queen has released its fall flavors
for the upcoming season.
Reese's Pieces, cookie dough, French silk pie,
Oreo fudge brownie, salted caramel truffle,
and new Royal New York cheesecake.
That all sounds good, and anyhow,
I hear angels and trumpets again, Rob, so.
Yes, yes, I do too.
But when reading this article, I didn't know this,
but I gotta go check this out.
The current flavor, which I've not tried yet,
sounds like my favorite ever.
It's called Caramel Java Chip.
This is made from vanilla soft serve,
coffee, and crunchy chocolate espresso.
I definitely heard angels and trumpets on that one.
What about you?
Yes, yes, definitely.
Yeah, the only way they can make that thing better
is if they served it in five gallon buckets.
Agreed?
And hand feed it to you.
Yes.
Well, it depends on who hand feeds it to you.
Come on, I mean, you know.
Good point.
Yeah, yeah, some guy could be over there
scratching his sack and then come over,
hey, they told me to hand feed you this stuff.
No, no, no, that's common.
Take it home, it's to go.
Get out of here.
So anyhow, Ozzy Osbourne and Geezer Butler
can be seen on TV, but only in Birmingham, England area.
The new spot has Ozzy sporting
a Birmingham City Football Club's team jersey
and calling up Geezer to boast
on how they're going to play all their opponents.
This was to support the team's new designs on their jerseys.
I love this commercial, but if it was me,
I would have added Tony Iommi kickin' soccer style,
a bottle of his new cologne, defied.
Or even, yeah, yeah, yeah, see him up there
just kickin' it around or use it as a hacky sack
with some other rockers, you know.
Maybe you could have Joe Elliott there.
You know, he kicks defied to Joe Elliott.
Joe Elliott kicks it to, well,
I guess he could kick it to Rick Allen.
I mean, you know, he's not missing a leg.
He's only missing an arm, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, he'd be kicked ass in a hacky sack, I can't do it.
Yeah, yeah, they could kick it to Richie Blackmore
and then he'd probably set it on fire
and try to kill everybody with it.
Just kidding.
And anyhow.
Um.
So, anyhow.
And then, you know, after he's hacky sacking it,
then they could pan to Bill Ward,
who would be refusing to do the commercial.
Sound about right?
Right.
Yes.
Right, yeah, that sounds spot on.
Recession Pop has made a huge comeback.
You know what Recession Pop is?
No.
I didn't either.
This is a term.
Oh, is that the black and white label?
No, no.
I thought different too.
I thought different too, but no.
I was thinking along your lines,
but this is completely different.
But when I tell you what it is,
you're gonna go, oh, okay, that makes sense.
But I was thinking like.
I probably will.
I was thinking like generic soda.
I get what you're saying.
Recession Pop has made a huge comeback.
This is a term for pop songs that offer escapism
for young adults struggling to get by.
You see now?
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, it makes sense.
It wouldn't be your and I's first thought,
but it does make sense.
So.
Well, I was thinking Recession.
I was thinking we were getting the old black
and white generic stuff back.
Well, I mean, it is kind of a.
Yeah, yeah.
It's.
Yeah, stuff like that.
Yeah.
And yeah, I thought the same thing, Rob.
Many younger people are feeling negative
about the state of their own finances,
but this music offers a glimmer of fun.
Says Casey Lewis, a social media expert.
Although the economy is supposedly in good shape,
the inflation bug has warmed itself into the younger adults.
I can't blame them actually.
Prices are ridiculous.
I mean, see my movie theater rant last podcast,
70 bucks for two people with just popcorn,
small bag of M&Ms and a Coke.
That's ridiculous.
Two movie tickets.
Bag of popcorn, Coke and M&Ms
and a small bag of M&Ms, 70 bucks.
Do you think younger people can afford that?
There's no fucking way younger people can afford that.
So anyhow.
That's why I wait for it to come out on DVD
or I stream it.
Well, we should have streamed it, but we felt like.
I could stay at home in my boxers
and watch a movie, you know.
Next time that's what's gonna happen.
20 bucks and I get to watch it
and I can watch it for 48 hours.
Yeah, I'll do that next time.
Lesson learned.
Yeah.
Okay, so Rob, let's see.
We used to entertain ourselves and others
with maybe an impromptu bonfire and cheap liquor, right?
Yeah.
It only costs a few bucks for us
to entertain ourselves all night, right?
I know kids still do it today.
Down there they do.
Up here they do not.
There's too many regulations and you know,
and all that stuff.
They're gonna burn my house down
and all that bullshit and all that.
Get out and sell the belt.
Yes, sell the belt and anything goes in the fields.
So yeah, so we used to have an impromptu bonfire,
cheap liquor and how about they spike their fancy mocktails
with some Night Train and some of the dirty chicken?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, now we're talking.
A couple of those and you're not giving a shit
about anything, right?
I mean, you can't drink Old Crow and not be happy, right?
Exactly.
Yeah.
I can still feel and smell those horrid
Night Train acidity burps and liver swelling.
So yeah.
Anyhow, a man has reportedly died
after he fell into a vat of coffee.
Don't worry, it was instant.
And.
Oh, that's good.
That's good to know.
It was instant coffee.
Anyhow.
That's all I can say.
I know, I know.
That's all I can say on that one.
I did that for the people listening.
So yeah.
Well, we probably all heard
of the Wyoming doesn't exist weirdos, right?
Remember we went into that?
The people think that Wyoming,
they honestly think Wyoming doesn't exist.
Well, then I have a new theory with proof.
I'm starting my new,
your paycheck doesn't really exist theory.
Every paycheck you earn just vanishes.
That's more proof than Wyoming, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
A paycheck is not real.
It's a lie.
It's bullshit.
Just like supposedly Wyoming.
The new rage for all the Karen's out there,
just trying to keep up with the Joneses are crumble cookies.
Have you ever heard of crumble?
It's spelled C-R-U-M-B-L.
Yeah, I have.
Yeah, they're really good.
These standalone stores for the Karen's out there
have made me a self-admitted Ken.
And you know, Ken is like the male version of a Karen,
but only for these cookies.
These magnificent creations are amazeballs.
The new flavors are cinnamon crunch,
cookies and cream, cheesecake, fruit pizza,
whatever, and chocolate mint chip.
Also in addition are the new Klondike bar flavors as well.
So all the Klondike bars,
they have cookies that the different Klondike flavors
and cookies.
I found out that a crumble has rotating flavors
every week too.
I will keep you up to date on this,
but I would like to keep off the 40 pounds I lost.
So I will not be monitoring that.
Okay.
So.
I'm glad you did not take that any further.
No, no, you know what?
That was enough.
We have a lot of female listeners.
Oh, okay.
A lot, a lot.
I know we do.
What do you think the term?
We're running out.
Do you think the term is enough?
Do you think the term Karen might offend them or what?
Well, but you added yourself as a kin.
Yeah.
I mean, I think.
I think you may have smoothed it over, I hope.
Well, okay.
I would like to think that anyone that listens to our stuff
is very sarcastic and very cynical.
Agreed?
Yeah.
Yeah, agreed.
Yes.
Especially the women.
Yeah.
We state at the first, the very podcast,
after the daily affirmation that when you listen to this,
you know, the daily pledge,
we state that nothing is be believed.
We're all full of shit.
We'll lie and make stuff up to make a story better,
you know, and at least we admit it.
So right there, you know,
I would hope they don't get offended
because they know it's tongue in cheek.
You know, I mean, to me, Karen is a funny term
because it could mean so many different things
and so many different reasons why.
And I've always found it funny just to like make fun of it.
And that's what I thought I was doing.
So anyhow, if anyone's offended, I apologize.
It was meant to be funny.
And if it wasn't, then you know what?
Bad on me.
So anyhow,
Xbox now has a new Deadpool controller
for those who never want to buy a car or house.
In all fairness, why would you need either?
Your mom's basement, a Deadpool X-Box scroller
and a bag of Indica with a Colt 45 chaser, Rob.
Why you need a house on that?
You don't.
But the new Xbox Deadpool controller is pretty cool.
Have you seen them?
No.
Yeah, so they-
Actually, okay, my son grew up with PlayStation.
Uh-huh.
But he had a buddy that had an Xbox
that he'd bring it over, you know,
and they'd play together online.
Okay.
Whatever.
But yeah, but ever, my son gave his PlayStation.
He's not a gamer anymore.
Wow, he graduated.
Good kid.
Yeah, and actually, he don't skate more than my son.
Oh, okay.
Well, anyhow-
Right, and then he worked in it.
He knows that he gets hurt, and it's something stupid.
Oh yeah.
He ain't gonna go to work, and the brother loses the job.
I'm glad he joined the real world.
Okay, so you know a great recipe.
The Bag of Indica, Cult 45 Chaser,
and an Xbox, Deadpool Xbox Scroller
is a great recipe for a person
that will never have communication skills.
Agreed?
Pretty much.
If they're for-
Oh shit.
Hello?
Hang on, we have a system problem here.
Hello, you there, Rob?
I have no clue what just happened.
I think it was the gamer-
I was talking away, and all of a sudden it got quiet,
and I noticed that something got hung up.
I don't know.
I was just as amazed as you are.
All of a sudden, my phone started to ring,
and I'm like, wait a minute.
Wasn't I just talking to Rob?
So anyhow.
So anyhow, but-
Anyway, let's move on.
Okay, so anyhow, in your mom's basement,
you know, if you live there long enough,
she'll become worm food, and the house is all yours.
There you go, Mr. Xbox Maladjusted Dude.
They probably should have made
an Xbox program on job applications.
Then again, do you wanna stay in business?
So maybe forget that one.
Anyhow, we turn to you, Rob.
Okay.
Cruising on the thousands of American highways,
you're bound to see odd things.
Yeah.
But seeing the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile flipped over,
truly unexpected.
Yeah.
Okay.
It all went down or over.
On a busy Illinois highway around 11 a.m. on July 22nd,
when the Wiener Mobile crashed into another vehicle.
That accident caused the Wiener Mobile
to do a hot dog roll in the middle of the highway,
leaving it on its side.
The Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile took a tumble
when it squared off against a Hyundai sedan.
They were both traveling north
when the giant hot dog vehicle
struck the sedan, lost control, overcorrected,
and rolled onto its side.
Per USA Today.
Thankfully, no injuries were reported,
but it did cause at least an hour's work
to traffic back up.
Did you say Chicago that was in Chicago?
Just said Illinois.
Illinois, okay.
I think the whole article said it was Chicago.
It just said Illinois on a highway.
It does not give the highway.
Okay, well, it sounded to me like it was,
I saw the article too, and it said it was in Chicago,
which would tell me that that would be very bad traffic.
They have horrible traffic there,
and I'll bet you it glued things up for quite a while.
But I mean, what are the chances of you driving by
and seeing the Wiener Mobile flipped over?
I know, man.
The rubberneck, the article went in
about all the rubbernecking.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah, dude, everybody's catching it on video.
So, you know, got the phones out.
Hell, you're not driving anywhere.
Traffic's back up.
I'm a little filming.
Hell, yeah, I would too.
I'd be like, this is, I mean, you could take and,
you could take and put that on YouTube
or TikTok or something.
Imagine all the hits you get, Wiener Mobile flipped over.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Yeah, so anyhow,
shall we go ahead and take our first break
a little bit early?
Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
All right, we'll be right back.
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Hello, this is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way
to relax than listening to two douchebags in microphone
by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls
I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Break, shut off, energy drink.
That's right, break, shut off, energy drink.
Make that room a good room.
Chomp on your balls, we're gonna fuck shit up,
run a full scum across America,
break, shit house this or you.
Please enjoy break, shit house, energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere
because of liability issues.
Hi all, this is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah, this is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
We are two douchebags in microphone.
As charming as a leaky sewer pipe.
Two douchebags in microphone
in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems.
My driver's license picture makes me look older.
I'm calling a lawyer.
Two douchebags in microphone, I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Since we're having kind of a lighthearted one,
you know, and this is kind of an abbreviated one,
I'm gonna give some McDonald's hacks
that a lot of people don't realize
that you can do with their food.
That sound okay?
Okay, well, if you want to stay lighthearted,
I'll say this story for another night.
What story is it?
What is it?
We'll just cover, I'll cover it next podcast.
Okay, okay.
I got another one for you.
I got another one to go into, not a problem.
Okay, cool.
Like I said, this is stuff that like TikTok users
and people have found how you can do neat little things
with McDonald's food and make a different item
that they don't sell on the menu.
First off, you can make an ice cream sandwich at McDonald's
and nobody realize, well, most people don't realize it.
In the mood for a treat, make a do it yourself
ice cream sandwich at McDonald's
by ordering two chocolate chip cookies and ice cream.
TikTok user used an Oreo McFlurry in his TikTok.
And honestly, it's a pretty good option too.
The new Oreo fudge McFlurry may make a delicious option also.
Once you get your ingredients,
lay one cookie on some aluminum foil,
spoon your ice cream in the middle
and then top it with another cookie.
Wrap up the whole thing tightly and put it in the freezer
and then you have an ice cream sandwich from McDonald's.
Here is one that I've tried before
and because someone told me that you could do this
and is actually really good.
Fries with Big Mac sauce.
You know the sauce on a Big Mac?
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, yeah, it's good, isn't it?
And all sauces at McDonald's are free.
I don't know if people realize that or not.
So, oh yeah, you can get the meat double.
And add the Mac sauce.
Yes, I have.
And add the ketchup, mustard and all that and that Mac sauce.
Yeah, they don't care.
The sauces are free.
Yeah, I love that option.
And the thing I like is you don't have
that worthless piece of bread in the middle.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, and you only got one patty.
Well, now if you get the McDonald's, yeah, you got two big macs.
Yeah, you don't have that worthless piece of bread in the middle.
So I think that's awesome.
Okay, so this is precisely what it sounds like.
It shouldn't even cost you extra because McDonald's doesn't charge for extra sauces.
Just ask for sauce and you shall probably receive the sauce.
There are tons of other choices like honey mustard sauce,
tangy barbecue sauce, creamy ranch.
So all of these are good with McDonald's french fries.
Whatever you do, you know, just figure out what sauce you want with your fries that day
and ask for the extra sauce and you'll get it for free with your fries.
And like you said, I've done the Big Mac and I've done the honey barbecue sauce on there
and they're both really good with fries.
So.
Yeah.
So another one is a Monster Mac and that's where you order two McDoubles.
You peel off the bottom bun on each one of them.
You get an extra two sides of Big Mac sauce.
You take the Big Mac sauce and you put it between the two burgers.
You know, there's four burger patties.
You put it right in between two and two.
You put the Big Mac sauce in there and you put it all together.
And that's what they call a Monster Mac that you make yourself at McDonald's.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Hash brown.
Yeah, I, you know, I may try that one these days coming up.
Just go there and order a couple of McDoubles, some extra sauce and just,
you know, throw away the buns, the bottom buns to the birds and just smash them all together.
Sounds good to me.
Yes.
Next one is a hash brown McMuffin.
Where other secret menu hacks involve replacing the buns of McDonald's sandwiches,
the hash brown McMuffin preserves the sanctity of the English muffin.
Instead, you can add a hash brown to the middle of your breakfast sandwich
for a crispy surprise.
And that does sound good, doesn't it?
Yes, it does.
Because at City Market Coffee, you know, everyone knows that's my favorite.
That's my favorite coffee house.
It listens and we used to broadcast from right in front of there.
They have a breakfast burrito that has hash browns in it that's out of this world.
So I think that this will work on the English muffin just as well, too.
So, I mean, you get that crispy hash brown in it.
It's really, really good.
So let's see in a Mc, damn it, my printer.
It's off and on so bad.
I don't know what I'm going to get and what I'm not going to get.
An affogato.
McDonald's had, did you ever know that McDonald's had an espresso shot?
The McAffogato can be enjoyed with one of two ways.
I didn't know it either until I read this.
A traditional affogato or a milkshake.
Try it both ways.
Order two shots of espresso, a small vanilla shake and a sundae with no sauce.
Pour one shot of espresso into both the shake and the sundae for the milkshake mix
and the espresso for a coffee milkshake express.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
I didn't know they had espresso there ever.
I'd never seen it on the menu of you.
No, I have not.
But I don't go to McDonald's much.
I don't either.
And chances are I probably won't ever do this because I really don't go there.
And that's probably one of those things you got to go inside to see it on the menu.
I'll bet you you're right.
And how many people actually go inside unless you got kids and you promised like go in, sit down.
Yeah, and I don't think anybody does.
So I mean, unless you have children.
The next one is a cotton candy soda.
This one caught me off surprise.
Okay.
That'd be too sweet for me.
I wouldn't.
I don't like cotton candy at all.
And this doesn't sound good to me, but this is interesting.
Tick tock user hacks 101 discovered that if you put two pumps of French vanilla syrup
in Sprite, it mimics the taste of cotton candy.
This McDonald's secret menu items probably is simplest to order and one of the most budget
friendly.
Yeah.
So French vanilla.
So French vanilla, two pumps of French vanilla in a Sprite in a Sprite.
I wouldn't have known.
Would you have I want to know who discovered that some stoner.
It was somebody maxed out on fucking really good weed and said, man, you know, sounds
good.
Now what, man?
Let's put some French vanilla in our Sprite.
What?
Okay.
Yeah.
So anyhow, the next one is an apple pie McFlurry.
The delectable fall treat includes an apple pie blended into your McFlurry to order.
Ask for a McDonald's pie in a McFlurry.
It's that easy.
You can ask if you can if they can blend it for you or mix this McFlurry up yourself.
So they will even blend it for you in some stores.
It sounds like.
Yeah.
Just put an apple pie in a McFlurry.
I think that sounds fantastic.
Don't you?
Yeah.
That's two thumbs up.
Yeah.
The next one is a McChicken Big Mac.
The McChicken Big Mac or Big McChicken replaces the three buns in a Big Mac with McChicken
patties to get this monster of a sandwich.
Order a Big Mac and three McChickens for a cheaper option.
You can order a McDouble with a special sauce instead of a Big Mac.
Another thing which you won't find on the menu is McDonald's birthday cake, but it doesn't
go into how to make that.
And I don't know why, but do you understand what you're doing?
You're taking the two.
You're taking the middle bread out of the out of the Big Mac and you're replacing it
with a McChicken patty.
And then that's called a McChicken Big Mac.
And that sounds good.
And then if you want a cheaper option, if you want a cheaper option, it says order a
McDouble, open it up in the middle, put that chicken patty there, and then you have a patty
of meat, chicken, a patty of chicken, and a patty of meat with a special sauce.
And voila, there you go.
And the last one is an Orange Dreamsickle Shake.
Remember how McDonald's finally brought back the fan favorite Hi-C Orange?
Yeah.
Well, it turns out that you can get something to taste like that at McDonald's.
Something that tastes quite a bit like Dairy Queen's Dreamsickle Dip Cone.
Order a small Orange Hi-C and a Vanilla Cone.
Then dip the ice cream into your Hi-C.
Once it falls in, mix it with confidence and you'll have an Orange Dreamsickle Shake in
no time.
So instead of having a Dreamsickle Dip Cone at Dairy Queen's, you can get a Dreamsickle
like shake at McDonald's by ordering the Hi-C Orange and taking your ice cream cone and
just dumping it into your ice cream orange, then mixing it well.
And that is your Dreamsickle Shake from McDonald's.
And that is it.
So we turn to you, Rob.
Alright, I know we're having a short night, my friend, but I could not let you down.
Oh, it must be American Songwriter.
Yes, it is.
Yay.
I found five rock covers that are arguably better than the original song.
Oh, this is going to be good.
The first one, Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix.
Agreed.
The first entry on our list of rock covers that are better than the original songs goes
to Jimi Hendrix for his 1968 cover of Bob Dylan's, All Along the Watchtower.
It'd be hard for us to find a song that Hendrix performed badly.
Cool.
Next.
Come on, feel the noise by Quiet Riot.
Yeah, Slay's Virgin sucks.
Yeah, it did.
It was lame.
English rock band Slay'd hit number one on the charts when they released the song,
Come on, Feel the Noise in 1973.
Okay, I'm thinking that was in the UK, though.
I don't think they were very popular or even if they,
I don't even know if they had a record deal over here.
I don't think they hit number one in the United States with that song.
Oh no, they didn't hit number one in the United States.
No, it did nothing in the United States.
Yeah, it had to have been in the UK.
It was in the UK.
Yeah.
However, Quiet Riot breathed new life into the song in 1983.
They put a modern spin on the song that made it stand out without diminishing.
It can't be glory of the original track.
Okay.
Yeah, next, I Love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhawks.
Who originally done that?
I don't even know who originally done that song.
Well, I'm back telling you.
Okay.
When one thinks of the song I Love Rock and Roll,
one usually thinks of the iconic rock star Joan Jett.
However, some may not know that the 1981 cover was originally written
and performed by the British rock band Arrows in 1975.
Okay.
The name of the band was Arrows.
Alright.
You know.
Joan Jett fell in love with the song and covered it often during her live show.
It's a great example of a fame covered song that is even better than the original.
Okay.
I bet it is.
I mean, that's a great song that Joan Jett did.
I mean, I knew it was a cover.
I just didn't know who did that.
So, okay.
Cool.
I didn't know that was a cover.
Huh.
Okay.
The rock rock outfit to Clash popularized the song I Fought the Law in 1979.
However, the song was originally pinned to Sonny Curtis and the band The Crickets in 1960.
Wow.
Okay.
This isn't the first time the song was covered either.
Bobby Fuller Ford covered it in 1965.
However, the Clash's version had a punk rock edge that Americans loved helping the band gain some global attention outside of it.
Okay.
Miss Amanda Jones by the March Velvet.
Okay.
Miss Amanda Jones was originally a Rolling Stones song from the 1967 album Between the Buttons.
Stones fans likely still remember the original song, however, younger fans of the track often associated with the March Violets 1987 cover.
The song was famously part of the soundtrack for Some Kind of Wonderful.
Okay.
And that was that.
Cool.
Wow, I didn't know some of them.
The Come Unfill the Noise, I mean, I think we all knew that because remember they got a lot of shit because they covered Come We're All Crazy Now, Mama, We're All Crazy Now, which was another Slade song.
Well, I got into Slade also.
I did too. I liked him after that.
Yeah, I knew that.
And then Slade also has a really good song, Run, Run Away.
Yes, yes. That's what hit the charts.
Yes, and that was well after Quiet Riot, I believe, wasn't it?
Yeah.
That was a little bit of notoriety.
Yeah, yeah, that's a little bit of notoriety in America and they're like, hey, we're going to capitalize and it was a big hit and it was a great song.
So,
Okay, thank you, Rob.
A US man sues a Powerball lottery after a parent threw $340 million Jackpaw win turns out to be a mistake. So he buys this ticket, the Powerball ticket, right?
And he checks his numbers and he goes there and it says that he won the big prize. So there he is celebrating.
Yay, yay, yay. So he drives all the way to the Powerball. I'm just kind of paraphrasing this because it's a long article.
So he drives to their headquarters, I guess, right?
So he can directly give them the ticket because you don't trust that in the mail.
You don't trust that anybody.
So he drove there and I'm not sure how long it took him to drive there, but he gets there and they look it over and go, oh, yeah, yeah, we made a mistake.
He's like, what? He goes, no, no, no, give me my $340 million you fuckwads. And they're like, no, no, it was a mistake. We can't.
So he said, all right, you're not talking to me next time. So he hired some lawyers and I think he should win that money because that's just fucking cruel, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, I think he deserves that money.
And there should be an update on that because this actually happened a couple of months ago and I never did get to the story.
So anyhow, I can't wait to see how this finishes out because I think they're going to settle out of court and he won't get $340 million.
We know that he might get like $20 million or something like that.
But they're going to settle out of court because this guy has a case.
But then again, you know, although all that fine print on the back of a lottery ticket.
Yeah, it might cover something like this.
But then again, yeah, I think it's going to depend on judges and your lawyers.
But I personally think he's entitled to at least a few million for that because you think that, you know, you don't have to work again and your great, great grandkids are going to be taken care of.
And your debt is paid and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, we made a mistake.
I think that's bullshit. I think they need to honor at least somehow or at least some.
So anyhow, that's about all of that story. I mean, I could take it further. But why?
Go ahead, Rob. Right, right. I have a quick one. I know you're short on time. Yeah.
Before I go into that, I grandma. Oh, hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Grandma. Oh, hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
Dodge City, Kansas. We love you guys.
Okay. And this next story actually was Tuesday, July 23rd. Today's July 24th.
Smokey Bear is turning 80 this year. Oh, wow.
Smokey the Bear was created in 1944 during World War II when Americans became concerned that the war could cause accidental fire damage to its protected forest.
Over the years, he has become a mascot for the U.S. Forest Service, the National Association of State Foresters, and the Adcansion.
Smokey has played a significant role in wildfire awareness and prevention while emphasizing the importance of fire safety for citizens across the U.S.
with his famous quote, Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Yep.
And recently, did you notice they brought him back for a new set of commercials over the last couple of years?
Yeah, yeah, they have. But he's getting old, man. I know. But the thing is, is they didn't update him.
He looks like the same Smokey they used back then in 44. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at a picture of it.
He has not evolved at all. You know, everybody else, even watch Bugs Bunny now and he looks, you know, the newer episodes looks completely different.
Woody Woodpecker was a good example. They update all these characters and they don't look the same on a lot of different, whatever they are,
cartoons or or a character such as Smokey the Bear. Smokey the Bear looks exactly the same. They've never changed him.
So I think that's cool, though. I mean, it works or I think it does. So.
All right. Well, Smokey, happy 80th. Hopefully you have another 80 or so. Happy birthday, Smokey. Happy birthday, Smokey.
We love you here. So you got another story you want to do before we cut out or you want to just go ahead and say, yeah, all right, we're going to throw on some old shit.
Yeah, let's throw on some old stuff. All right, Rob, thank you for doing this abbreviated version.
Anything I else will take, take us like another five, ten minutes.
Yes, same here. Like I said, I didn't do too many articles because I knew this going to be abbreviated. So and I actually went through the first third too quick.
I didn't get to really go into anything that much. But anyhow, that's all right.
Hey, all right. You guys are going to get some old shit after this. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for old shit.
Thank you, Rob. You're welcome. Bye, everybody.
Old shit coming up. Good night, assholes. Good night, assholes.
But still listen. So, OK, I'm supposed to put on a best of, but I got an email from a friend of mine.
Well, actually a message, not an email. And he wanted me to do something like this instead of putting on a best of.
So what I'm going to do is this right here. I'm going to describe some of the stuff that I was going to do and and the story behind it and all that.
So anyhow, and I'm talking about the bits and the skits and stuff like that and the promos that had been done on this so far.
So I'd like to start off with a strange insults from an alien. It was originally going to be peculiar insults from a socially maladjusted person.
And the reason I want it like that is because I wanted a name that you would never forget and you would always remember.
I've heard it done like that on other shows, you know, on on real shows, not podcasts, but, you know, like real morning shows.
You come up with like just the dumbest, longest name you can.
And at first you're like, why the hell did they pick that? And then after a while, you're like, you know what?
I always remember that segment because it's the one that says, you know, so I was going to do that.
So I'm like, OK, I started coming up with some old insults that we used to banter at each other to embarrass someone or fuck with them or whatever.
So I said one of them and I was getting ready to piece it all together.
I already had the first part of the promo of it going, hey, now brand new feature, strange insults from an alien.
And well, actually, it's going to be peculiar insults from a socially maladjusted person.
And instead, and I wonder if I still have that intro somewhere, because anyhow, if I do, if I find it, I'll just throw it on here just for the fun of it.
But anyhow, I did it. I did the first insult.
I think it might have been like Christian Bale or something. No, that's island horrible jokes.
I can't remember which one it was. I think it was like, may all your hangovers.
Oh, no, no, I remember what it was is like.
May you may your mother leave your house with the door slightly ajar.
That way you have to get up and close it yourself or something like that or something really weird.
And anyhow, when I came back to it and I recorded it, I accidentally hit this this effect on audacity tools that I use for this, the software that I use.
And it sounded like an alien is like really sped up.
And I'm like, wow. So I got to get alien. OK, huh. Oh, I got it.
Strange insults from an alien. So that is how that originated.
And I still like strange insults from a socially maladjusted misfit.
I think I don't think this person I think it was from a socially maladjusted awkward misfit.
That's what it was. And it's going to be is going to be odd, weird insults from a socially maladjusted.
Anyhow, you know what? Anyhow, misfit, all that stuff. So anyhow, I'm going to throw a couple of them up here.
First couple that I did. And then I will go on to something else.
A brand new future. Strange insults from an alien.
May your mother come to talk to you and then leave your door slightly ajar so that you may have to get up and close it.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May you forever feel yourself in vibrate in the pocket is not even in.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May your chair produce a sound similar to a heart that only once such that it cannot reproduce and prove that it was just the chair.
Now, the second regular feature that that we that I brought to this program and and Rob and Topher had a lot of influence in this and a lot of help in this too.
So I don't want to take all the credit.
But the second one that that I wanted to do was the island horrible jokes.
And we used to like me and friends used to say some really corny dry dad jokes.
It wasn't even called dad jokes at the time. It was just called horrible jokes.
And I think one night me and my friend Davey were joking around and going, yeah, you know what?
I mean, there's an island of horrible jokes and that's where all these jokes come from.
I don't know. We're probably drunk or something. Who knows?
But anyhow, so this is a pretend island that, you know, you're out on a raft and you're like, oh, shit, man, I don't know what we're going to do, man.
This raft is going to sink or something. We're all going to die.
And then you find this secluded island and you get on it.
But it's the island of horrible jokes. So you can stay on this island, but you keep hearing these jokes over and over.
So that is where that originated. And I was a proud pop on this one.
I just thought it was so cool. And I have a lot more I can do with this because there are so many horrible jokes out there.
And I've got a list of like 50 of them I got to do, but I just don't have enough time to do them.
So this was pretty much my second regular segment because my first one that I did was this isn't podcast is the next generation.
I had a voice guy do it, but I like this other guy, Chad, better doing the voices and and he did swim in talks of masculinity and wipe their ass would politically correct wash rags.
That was like the second like little one off bit that I did, you know, a little promo.
So anyhow, this was the second really, you know, segment that I did that's going to have, you know, be a regular feature.
And here are a couple of the first ones that I can remember doing.
I think one of them was Christian Bale. And then what was the other one?
I think it might have been marooned or something like that, you know, so or maybe it was ducks.
My dog is a purebred or something like anyhow, I'm going to play a couple of these.
And then that's how that originated. And and I'm pretty proud of this one.
I thought this one was pretty unique just because, you know, the promos like where, you know, you hear water and everyone's like yelling and screaming.
And then we find an island that's like, oh, shit, it's island of horrible jokes.
And so anyhow, without any further ado, here's a couple of them.
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church? Christian Bale.
Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with my bare hands.
I think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe. Oh, no, it's an island of horrible jokes.
Someone took the fifth month out of my calendar. I'm just made.
Now, this next one, I really love, but it's going to morph and change into something different because instead of offering you things to eat in your yard during an apocalypse, I'm going to offer you different things you can do and different gadgets you can use in case of an apocalypse.
Because it started out as a joke, but now it might be very serious.
I mean, with everything going on in the world, I could definitely see an apocalypse coming up.
Not saying there will be, but it makes you wonder.
So anyhow, this originated because I was down in Eureka Springs and we're in a treehouse cabin. Love those places. It's a treehouse.
It isn't actually in the trees, but it's on stilts and it's right in the middle of some trees. It's really cool, really serene and tranquil and just sit there with nature.
Nobody's around at night. You can see the stars so bright. I mean, you can't see them here in the city like that.
But out there, the stars are so bright. I was gathering up some little things, a little kindling to start a little fire in the backyard there.
They have a fire pit. I ran across some hickory nuts. I'm like, man, these things smell so good and you can actually eat them.
So I cracked a couple of them open after roasting them and they were very good. I was like, man, this is something that someone could eat if they were hungry or something.
They knew about them. And then I started going, hmm, I wonder if I could make this into a segment somehow.
And I was like, you know what? I know what it is. Survivalist type of thing.
So it turned into things you can eat during an apocalypse. And then the first one was hickory nuts. And then I went on from there.
Then I went on how to open beans, the fuck it, let's go to ground zero and see what's next and stuff like that.
So anyhow, we're still going to have some of these, but the main focus is going to be on things and gadgets you can do to survive an apocalypse and not food.
So anyhow, without any further ado, I'm going to play a few of them for you. And thank you if you're still listening. Thank you. If not, I understand.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse. Don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts, that is. Yeah, we know hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats. They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts. Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique hickory nut milk.
There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mocker nut hickory and smooth bark hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to ground zero and saying fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not?
No food, no shelter, no nothing.
Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what, let's just go to ground zero and see what's for us after.
Just a thought.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
Now if you remember chronologically, but even if not you wouldn't know so it doesn't matter,
but I think chronologically the next one that I came up with was deep thoughts from Mark.
And this one was pretty simple. I was pretty smashed one night and this was in Eureka Springs too.
I get a lot of good ideas down there because I just love the area, love the surrounding, love the serenity.
And I was doing some writing and I was smashed.
So actually I quit doing the writing because I was getting too smashed.
So I couldn't really navigate a pen that well.
So I was thinking, man, wouldn't it be funny if you're the trash man and you would go on the run.
I was thinking if I was the trash man, I got to do it for like a week or something.
This is like invisible ass paddling and stuff like that.
Anyhow, I was thinking wouldn't it be cool just to go on the wrong streets early in the morning
and then everybody's going to be running out going, oh shit man, I can't believe I missed the trash.
You know, they're freaking out thinking, oh my God, now I go go buy some trash tags and a big old,
where do I store it? The raccoons are going to get it and all that shit.
And then you just drive by smiling and laughing and they're out there in their underwear with two bags of trash
screaming at you, screaming at you to stop.
And I got to think about it, man, that's a pretty deep thought.
So anyhow, I jotted down deep thoughts. I was still well enough to do that on my folder.
And the next day I'm like thinking deep thoughts, deep thoughts, what the hell was that?
Then I started remembering, oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Trash man, you know, coming down the road, you know, at the wrong roads at the wrong time,
you know, on the wrong day, freaking people out.
And I was like, all right, that's going to be my next segment.
And then it went on from there.
Most of them are weird thoughts that I came up with, but I did read some on the Internet
that I found worthy of being in this segment.
So, you know, like some of the stuff I came up with, of course, trash and water being watered down.
And if the worm was could talk, would it be argumentive?
And just shit, you would just like, I don't know, think up just like, what?
Where did that come from?
I was like, this could be a great segment. I'm pretty proud of it. I like it.
I just got to, I don't know, smooth out all these all these episodes of it
because it's kind of loud and low toned in places.
I don't like it. It's kind of a it's kind of spotty.
So once I get everything remastered, if you will, or whatever,
it won't be quite so spotty on the loudness and the softness and all that.
So anyhow, without any further ado, I'm going to play you a few of them.
And if you're still hanging in there, thank you again for keeping in there and listening.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Why do they call it quicksand if it takes so slow to sink?
Hmph, I may never know.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer,
then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Hmph, yeah, that sounds like fun.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmph, coffee flavored water doesn't sound good, but that's exactly what coffee is.
Hmph, that is weird.
OK, the next one, I believe chronologically, if I'm correct,
but if I wasn't, you wouldn't know anyhow, is Things Overheard in Hell.
Now, this started, it originated from, I was talking about an alternate universe
and where like one of the names that alternate universe is, is Bob's.
I knew a bunch of Bob's are complete dickheads, I couldn't stand them,
but one Bob was incredible, man. He was like a second father to me, fantastic guy.
Loved him, he's since passed on.
But I started, you know, I was like, OK, I started thinking like that because of him.
I was like, man, every Bob I know is a tool smack, except for this Bob, he's really cool.
So, the cool Bob is from the alternate universe.
And then Mike is another one, I work with a lot of dickheads, especially bosses named Mike,
but I work with a Mike now that's a really cool guy, and he's a boss, and I get along with him really well.
And then I know another Mike is pretty cool in real life, but all the other ones are complete fuckheads.
You know, like my old bosses and stuff like that, I know a few Mikes that are just complete fucking dick smacks.
But anyhow, so these two Mikes are from the alternative universe.
So, you know, this world, they're shit, but the alternative universe, they're fantastic.
So that's where this Bob and Mike came from, in my, you know, in my weird world.
So then I got to thinking about, I'm like, you know what, alternate universe, you know what,
alternate universe like Axel Rose would be a childhood therapist that writes books.
And I was like, okay, that's good. And then I was like, wait a minute, no, no, no, no, no.
That is not an alternate universe. I need to save that for like names and stuff like that. That's sacred.
This is things you overhear in hell. So like, you know, you fall off a building or I don't know,
a piece of space junk smacks you in the head or some shit, I don't know, whatever, overboard, and you die.
And then these are things you hear when you're down there in the fiery pit, along with that noise
that I did a few podcasts ago that I mentioned Rob was the theme song to hell, I think, and the soundtrack in it.
It's just such a weird fucking bit of music that I think it demands being in hell.
So that is how things over and overheard in hell originated.
So I'm going to play you a few of them and if you're still hanging with me, thank you.
Because I know this has got to be boring to some people. They couldn't give a shit.
They're probably like cussing me and shutting it off.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Hurry up. King Jung Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year. Yay.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Well that new Hanson CD is just a laptop. Uh huh.
The next one is ramblings from Madman with Rob. We desperately needed to get Rob in some of these segments.
All of them were me unless they were someone else's voice. And Rob is as much of the show as I am.
So we desperately needed to get him into bits.
So the only way we could do it being two and a half hours away is I would have to come up with something that he could do.
And then he could just do it over the phone and then I record it here and then I blend it in with the promo of it that I have.
You know, the intro, the beginning. And that's the only way we could do it.
So I come up with, well, okay. What can we do?
And Rob just pokes in with something and I'm like, okay. How about ramblings of a madman with Rob Rad?
Great segment. Love it. I love the way Rob is just so authentic by the way he talks.
He's just like, you know, I believe that synchronized tap dancing for Congress before they start session.
Just the way he says it is fantastic.
For all those that believe in psychokinesis, please raise my hand. And stuff like that.
I just love his voice on that and just how, as a matter of fact, he does it.
I think it's brilliant whether he knows it or not. I think he meant to do it like that, but it's brilliant.
And I love that segment. I think it's a great segment and it's really cool because it gets the point across to me.
So anyhow, that's the way that one was. Yeah, I know that's rather boring, but that's the truth of it.
So anyhow, if you're still listening with me, thank you very much. Here's a couple from there.
Once again, it's time for Rambling of a Madman.
I believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes before each session.
That needs to happen.
At age 30, you've spent a month celebrating birthdays.
When you buy and eat half a chicken, you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger.
I believe chronologically, the next one that I was doing was Origins.
And this was because we have a lot of crude humor on here.
I just wanted one to capture people's attention.
Like Nehi and Coke and Pepsi originates from them.
To eyeliner, to socks.
Just stuff that you never knew where they originated from.
It would be kind of neat to know what really happened.
I love this segment because it's not dirty, it's not filthy.
It's just kind of informative and kind of tugs at your brain a little bit. To me it does.
That's how that originated. I know that's kind of a boring answer, but it's true.
I have a bunch of stuff that I have to record.
I have a bunch of origins of a lot of different things.
Like maybe the paper clip or something like that. Beanbags.
Just stuff that people would not have any idea where it came from.
But when you tell them, they're going to go, oh, okay. Never knew that. That's pretty cool.
That's all that was. I'm going to play a few of them if you're still hanging with me. Thank you.
Very much appreciated. Everybody that's been listening to this show and telling other people, thank you.
It is really working. Our listenership is probably quadruple from what it was probably three months ago.
It is growing in leaps and bounds. Thank you all very much.
I had a couple people go, we love the name. Thank you. The name really kind of got us.
So, you know, at first I was like, man, would anyone call their show Two Douchebags and Microphone?
Because no one will listen. I was like, no, that's what you call it.
That way people go, what? And then they listen.
So evidently it's working to some degree. So anyhow, anyhow, thank you.
And here's a few of them.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
This is the story of Dr. Pepper.
Originally made in Morrison's Old Corner Drugstore in Wacoop, Texas,
the drink's unique flavor was a hit when it was first sold in 1885.
Wade Morrison, the drugstore owner, named it Dr. Pepper after Dr. Charles Pepper,
a Virginia doctor who the father of a girl, Morrison, he was once in love with.
You can still go to the Dr. Pepper Museum and still purchase the original formula
with pure artesian well water and pure cane sugar.
It's quite a treat if you're into Dr. Pepper.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origin of Velcro. George D. Mestral found inspiration in his most famous invention
in those annoying little burrs that can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in the woods.
They came from the burdock plant, and when D. Mestral put them under a microscope,
he realized that they made use of little tiny hooks on the surface of the burr
to grab onto whatever passes by.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s, and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville
obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor, preferably whiskey,
so the two developed for your own now known as Mountain Dew.
The next one chronologically, I believe, was news nobody gives a shit about.
And this originated because there's a bunch of stories that we could do,
but we just can't take any further.
You know, like the ballerina one, like they broke a world record.
How far can you talk about that? And does anyone really give a shit?
I mean, I would say no and not much.
Couldn't talk about very long without everyone like losing interest and turn it off
or just not hearing you or whatever.
So anyhow, the whole purpose of this podcast is I want people listen to the whole thing.
So they get accustomed, listen to it instead of just getting a little dab here and there.
You know, I want it to where they download it every time one comes out.
And this is how you do it.
You know, you got to have content that they like and enjoy.
And these little snippets of these stories are not what they really like.
They're after the better juicy ones that you can have two opposing sides.
You can dissect, you can talk. NFL is a good one.
We don't do politics, but you know, anything, you know, anything like that
that you can discuss and have two different waves of thought.
Because Rob and I think very different in a lot of ways.
And it's pretty neat to get his take.
And then people like Ronnie from Tulsa, they send in their thoughts on stuff.
Ronnie asked us a bunch of great questions because he knows us so well.
So anyhow, that's how this originated.
And I think this is going to be the last segment right here because of time constraints.
And I will do the rest of them, which is only about three or four like your mama stuff
and stuff like that, where how they originated.
And you know what? I'll go ahead and tell you your mama stuff,
because that just came up because your mama jokes are always funny and they're rude.
And they're great to just throw in there anywhere.
And people go, oh, you know.
So anyhow, thank you guys for hanging in there and listening to me on this weird,
absurd podcast.
That's what I'm aiming for.
And I think that's what I'm going to get.
So thank you guys, everybody.
Have a good night, assholes.
Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Opal. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Jimmy. Dodge City, Kansas.
Ra-Ra. Good night, assholes.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A belly dancer in Spain.
Belly dance for 48 hours beating the old world record by five hours.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to call the goats in for dinner every night.
Oh no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.