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First World Problems
My 76 inch smart HDMI, triphonic, stereo TV. My remote won't work unless I'm right in front of it. I can't believe it. This is bullshit.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay, it's post apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes.
Then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Hey Rob, how are you doing today?
I'm doing pretty good. A little tired.
Still working your ass off?
Oh, always.
Alright, okay. Alright, yeah, that doesn't change, does it?
We get one big order done, here comes another big order.
Well, that's good though. I mean, that's job security, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah it is.
Good. Well, that's what you do in manufacturing such as that is you ride the waves.
It gets slow, you paint walls, do parts that, you know, universal parts that you can make, stuff like that, whatever.
Right, right.
Yeah, and then-
What I do at a much better time.
Yep. Yeah, the parts that every type of a trailer can use, right?
Right, yeah.
So that's good. I mean, if the engineering on it's good, there's several parts that you can use in any one of them.
So that's good. Cool.
Well, I had a pretty busy day today.
Well, anyhow, I went out with Tofer and we had coffee and we had a really good long talk.
And I mean, it was just like always, we was down at City Mark and just bullshitting about stuff and talking about stuff.
And I mean, you know, we pretty much solve the world's problems and then we just go home, right?
Right.
So, anyhow, we had a good time.
And then after that, we had the youngest granddaughter come over.
Val went and got her and brought her over.
Well, I told everybody about the debacle about the koi pond having to be torn out, right?
Right.
Remember that? I had to tear it out.
Well, the goldfish was Lena's, our little granddaughter's.
She loved them. She went out there and fed them all the time.
And my mom loved them, too.
So we released them at this park just not too far from here.
So we told Lena, we're like, hey, OK, let's go feed the fish.
We get over there and there's no goldfish, but there's a bunch of other fish.
So I didn't say. Yeah, I think I think the goldfish were food.
I really do. I felt kind of bad.
I'm like, oh, man, like, damn it.
And anyhow, we're like, good thing those other fish showed up when we threw the fish food in because bluegills love it.
And so do they look like they might have been like, oh, I don't know, maybe smaller catfish.
But they were all eating the hell out of it.
So she was satisfied there's, you know, there was enough fish jumping up and eating the food.
So she is pretty happy seeing fish.
But me and Val kind of looked at each other and said, I don't know if her goldfish made it.
We think they became someone's snack.
So anyhow, so then we came back here and we decided we're going to get Lena and us to some ice cream and salad.
One of the reasons I've lost quite a bit of weight is at night.
I won't eat anything but a salad.
And that's it.
And not with a bunch of croutons, not with a bunch of cheese, not that pretty much rabbit food with some tomatoes, maybe some onions, you know, and a nice vinaigrette type of garlic dressing.
It's called garlic expressions.
It's so good.
And anyhow, I use that on there and it's it's fantastic.
So we're out of salad.
So I had to go get salad and ice cream from Price Chopper.
So while I'm there, I find what looked like a good deal of real sugar Pepsi and it said like five twenty five a carton.
I'm like, wow, that's great.
That is a fantastic price.
Well, I go up there and it rung up and ate something.
And so I pushed the help button and the kid comes over there and he's like, yeah, can I help you?
And I go, well, I go, I'm pretty sure this said five twenty five.
He's like, all right, we'll go do a price check.
So he came back and he like looked really kind of timid and kind of flustered.
And I think that people have been screaming at him so much.
He was like really gun shy.
I felt sorry for the kid.
And he goes, uh, that's if you buy three of them.
It's right. It's right there on the sign.
Then he starts to explain it to me.
So, you know, like if they have a pizza special to pizza place and, you know, if you buy two of them, you get one free or something.
That's kind of what.
And I go, dude, I go, I'm not arguing with you.
He looks at me funny and he starts explaining it again.
I go, it's OK.
I said, I'll go ahead and buy it.
It's fine. No argument.
I said, I read the sign wrong.
My fault. It's OK.
And the look on his face was just like, what?
This guy's not going to scream at me and demand the price that he wanted.
And he kept looking back like there's some sort of a trick or something like I was going to call his his his boss or something.
And go, that guy's a dick.
You know, and I'm like, it's OK.
I'll pay a couple extra bucks and it's OK.
So I just I just thought that was weird.
He's kind of like a dog that I'm not comparing him like he's a dog or nothing.
Don't get me wrong.
But remind me of a dog that you go to pet it like cowards, like someone's been hitting it.
You know, that's the way this kid acted.
Like people have been screaming at him so much that he really couldn't hardly tell me the news without thinking I was going to bite his head off.
Felt kind of sorry for him.
Like, geez, man, these people must be dicks.
So anyhow, or a lot of them enough to make him gun shy like that.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm not arguing with you.
I'll go ahead and pay the price.
I can understand.
You know, yeah, people lash out.
Yeah, they do.
Other people are just doing their jobs.
You know, yes.
And I was like, man, I mean, the people he must deal with must be horrible because this kid, he was frightened in his boots just trying to tell me what the price was.
So anyhow, I went in, got out there and came back home.
And anyhow, we all had an ice cream and then I have my salad.
So did my diet do any good today?
Who knows?
But I wanted an ice cream and I fucking have one.
So there you go.
So anyhow, that was pretty much my day.
I planted the banana tree plant.
Finally, I planted it in front.
Hopefully it will do well there with the cantaloues.
And I think it looked really good.
Really bad.
Geez, I had something else I wanted to bring up, too, but I can't remember what was.
So I'm going to go ahead and go into the first third and maybe I'll think of it.
But if I don't, I'm sure tonight at 12 o'clock, I'll wake up and go, oh, shit, that's what I wanted to say.
Because that's what happens, right?
We all do that.
Yep.
All right, I'm going to go ahead.
The newest trend in space saving technique when building homes are a space saving no hallway home.
So newer homes in an effort to get more home usage out of the square footage of a new home is to leave out the hallways.
Do you know that?
No, I do not know that, but that kind of makes sense.
It does, but I don't like it.
You know, I buy a new overpriced home and I'm not having and I don't have any hallways.
I scream bullshit.
Even double wides have hallways.
I would have to see the layout of it.
Yeah, I mean, here's what I'm thinking.
A bedroom goes straight to the kitchen and the kitchen goes straight to the garage.
You know what I mean?
To me, it sounds like it's so cramped up that you couldn't have any privacy.
I just don't like the sound of it.
Maybe it's fine.
I would have to look at it.
But the way I see it is it's all bunched up with no hallways.
So you got like four bedrooms, three bedrooms stuck together and you paid the price for the new house.
I'm saying put a damn hallway in there, but I don't know.
Maybe it is better.
Maybe the rooms are.
Here's what I'm thinking.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm thinking if you take out the hallway, you could make the rooms bigger.
Uh-huh, and have like two bedrooms on one side of the living room.
Oh, bathroom and bath on the other.
See, you know what, Rob?
Okay, I'm just doing away with the hallway.
Okay, Rob, you know what?
And it would increase the size of your room.
You just made sense of it.
All right.
I had all this stuff I was going to say against it.
I'm just not going to go into it now because I was comparing it to like even a double wide has a, you know, even a single wide trailer has a hallway.
But you know what, Rob, you're right.
Not all the not all the bedrooms have to be stuck.
You just block it off right there.
Just pick doors.
Yeah.
And then you can maybe have more room for closet space in your rooms.
Okay.
You know what, Rob?
You just changed my mind.
You just changed my mind on that whole thing because I was dead set against it.
So that's the way I only way I could see it being done.
I'm sure that is what you said.
I wouldn't like going from one room to get into another room.
Yeah.
Let's say you're knocking boots in one room and then I don't know the grandkids over in another room.
Would you like feel very comfortable?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Oh man, gosh, I really want to do this.
But man, the kid might hear because he's just like this one thin wall away.
If you're a hallway away, you can probably be a little bit more comfortable doing that in the child not hearing or whoever.
You know, maybe have a friend over or something, you know, but anyhow, and it's not just knocking boots.
It's just privacy in general.
So anyhow, I just I sleep better.
When there's like a little bit of, I don't know, a little bit of cushion between me and anybody else, you know, besides my wife.
So anyhow.
Right.
OK, Rob, that would work right there.
You putting it like that, that would work.
So OK, I think I stand corrected.
So all right, Travis and Jason Kelsey were contestants at the charity American Century Championship Golf Classic.
A female spectator was drilled in the back of her great by an out of control attempted long drive by Travis.
Have you seen that?
Oh, no, I have not.
Yeah.
She had a big old blood spot on the back of her noggin.
Oh, yeah.
It had to knock the piss out of her.
And I'm not sure she may have had a concussion.
I hope she went got checked because that thing looked bad.
Look it up when you get a chance.
I mean, it's a big old red spot.
So I think maybe Travis should stick to throwing passes and dump golfing attempts.
I mean, he would have had a touchdown pass added to his resume if that blind and deaf zebra didn't screw him out of the score.
Right.
Remember that?
Yeah.
It would have had a touchdown, but that stupid ass zebra decided he wasn't going to he was going to screw him out of it.
Kelsey should have had a touchdown pass.
So evidently he can throw a football a hell of a lot better than he can drive a golf ball.
So and you know, but so anyhow, I mean, you know, he would have had that touchdown pass.
But, you know, the zebra screwed him out of it.
So I'm offering up my noggin for a couple of selfies and autograph swag because that's exactly what he did is he went over there and he took some selfies with her.
And I guess they drilled another guy, too.
I think his brother, Jason, might have drilled a guy, too.
So anyhow, they were like spending time doing selfies and giving him swag, autograph swag and stuff.
So everybody left happy.
You know, they had a big lump on their grape.
But, you know, they were OK with it because they got selfies with Travis and Jason and they got all this swag that was autographed.
And so the lady and the guy that got smacked with a golf ball were very happy.
So anyhow, I thought it's pretty cool.
So I'm offering up what?
Go ahead.
I think I would have to demand at least one hundred thousand.
You know what?
You're right. And I could just go buy some Travis Kelsey jerseys autographed online or something.
Yeah. You know what?
You're right. Yeah.
OK. Take that back.
If I get if I get drilled in the grape from Travis or Jason, I'm demanding a hundred grand in autograph swag and selfies.
How's that? Yeah. Yeah.
Otherwise, otherwise, I'll go get Mike.
Do you have that commercial down there?
I got this lawyer.
No. OK.
I don't have local TV.
OK. Well, Kansas City TV.
There's this guy here, Mike De Pesquale, I think is his name.
And anyhow, he's on there all the time on daytime TV.
I've got this slip and fall.
I've got this.
You know, I can watch.
I got got this news app for my Roku.
I downloaded. Yeah.
And I can watch like local news anywhere.
Oh, that's cool.
All the Kansas City stations.
Springfield.
I could pick up stations in New York, anywhere I want.
That's pretty cool, really.
You get the local news.
Wow. What is the name of it?
If you don't mind.
It's called Hey, it's called Haystack.
Haystack.
OK. All right.
I'll look that up.
All right. Let me put.
Hang on.
Hey, stack like in a haystack.
OK. Hey, stack news.
All right. Thank you.
I got that written down.
I will load that up later.
That sounds good. I'd love to see other news feeds.
Something's going on somewhere or I'm getting ready to go to Florida on vacation or something.
You know, you could like get a read of what's going on.
So that's cool.
Yeah. All you have to do is download it on your smart TV or your Roku.
Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.
All right. Thank you.
So anyhow, you know, I was offering up my noggin, but now I think I'm just going to have to call Mike after I get smacked in the noggin with a ball.
So because he's got this anyhow, the Internet is all about us when a photojournalist captured a picture of a weasel catching right on the back of a woodpecker.
It's pretty cool.
Look at a weasel caught a ride.
You know how small those weasels can be.
It's a small weasel and he was riding on the back of a woodpecker.
He was getting free airfare.
Yeah.
So anyhow, I mean, sea animals already had a natural Uber before us humans ever drummed it up.
And they're free.
I bet he got better service and more airlines.
I bet he did too.
He didn't get his pretzel mix like Southwest gives you.
But anyhow, you know what?
If I got free rides, I wouldn't give a shit if I got well, I don't eat that pretzel mix anyhow.
I mean, you see, they all dig their hands in it and stuff.
It's just nasty.
And then the stuff they don't use goes back in the back in the bucket.
No, no.
Thank you.
I know it's I know it's all, you know, it's individually packaged, but you've been through that whole airport touching everything.
And now I need to tear that open.
And then you either got to put your mouth around that foil bag to, you know, dump the and I don't like pretzels anyhow to dump them in your mouth.
Or you got to take your hand that's been all over the airport and put them in there and dump them in your mouth.
So no, no, no, and no.
So, yeah, I would take a ride with a woodpecker with no problem if I could fit on one.
So, OK, Taco Bell is opening.
And it has a place called the Cantina's.
It's an early retirement community.
Taco Bell says its latest experiments, which will be located in San Diego, California, will highlight the leisurely lifestyle of a high end community.
Cantina's will open its doors August 17th, inviting guests to indulge in early morning tea times, pickleball, arcades and plenty of other fun activities and swimming pools.
And it's going to be like a big adult playpen.
OK.
And and of course, plenty of Taco Bell food to boot.
And you can scarf down all this Taco Bell food from several different places there.
They have these they have these kitchens everywhere where you can go get Taco Bell food.
And it's like a big resort.
This is not limited to certain ages.
All ages are welcome.
This is a place where all generations can relax and enjoy the easy life.
One early complaint was they need more high volume heavy duty crappers.
I can imagine that.
Yeah.
Bigger, heavier duty fart fans.
Yes, yes.
I bet you that was next after the heavy after they doubled the heavy duty crappers.
I'll bet you the heavy duty fart fans were next.
Yeah, that's real.
I also read there are no negotiations to have Richard Simmons host the aerobics gym.
But well, too soon.
Yeah, too soon.
I don't think the negotiation is good.
Too soon.
No, no, no, no, no.
We ought to put him in the hairy asshole Olympics just because he's dead.
That'll be our tribute to Richard Simmons, right?
Yeah, yeah, we could do.
He may not win, but we can at least enter him, right?
Yeah, he does have support.
All right, I'll enter him.
I'll enter him.
So there you go, Richard.
Actually, I take I'm down.
Oh, are you?
Yeah, I think we're like five to seven or five to eight.
I had a really good I had a really good crop, man.
I just had a like a real a real I don't know, brainstorm about hairy ass people.
And I was going way back like the Allman Brothers and stuff.
I was just thinking, man, the Allman Brothers, you know, fucking Bob Dylan, all these all these people that had that were very hairy.
And you even went John Lennon.
I had John Lennon on mine, so I had to take him off because you said John Lennon before me when he was in his hairiest.
So I went George Harrison, I believe, after that.
Or if I didn't, I'm going to.
So anyhow, all of them were very hairy.
So, so anyhow, finally here, I am currently in the middle of the Glenn Hughes book.
It's an autobiography.
When I came about this story, this story is really.
Gross, but funny.
Day before his wedding day to his first wife, he was maxed Glenn Hughes.
He was maxed out on coke.
He was wearing a fancy robe at the venue and they were, you know, you know how all the families are in the venue and they all stay in different rooms.
The bride and the groom have to stay in different rooms tonight before the wedding and all that stuff.
You know, all these customs, right?
Well, Glenn Hughes was apparently just fucking maxed out on coke because he used to be a coke head.
You know, he used to be a drug addict really bad, but he's been reformed for like 25, 30 years now and he's been doing great.
But back then, in that point in time, he was a junkie.
So self admittedly, so allegedly and all that good stuff.
He was wearing this fancy robe from the venue.
It probably had like maybe Glenn or something engraved on it or a big G, right?
So he thought he had to.
He thought he had really bad gas, but it turned out to be explosive diarrhea.
It went all the way up his back, he said.
So he cleaned himself up in the shower.
Yeah, he cleaned himself up in the shower and he couldn't figure out how to get rid of the evidence.
He couldn't leave this big shitty robe with explosive diarrhea all over it.
So he went out to the Rose Garden and he buried the robe.
OK, it's like, oh, cool. Got out of it. No big deal.
Nobody knows it happened. Great. Fine.
Next morning, his dog went out to the Rose Garden, dug up his shitty robe,
went in the middle of everyone having breakfast and shook shit all over everybody sitting down eating.
With his robe.
Wow.
Is that not a horrible story?
Yeah, it is.
That bag here, boy, it's horrible, but it's funny.
It's funny as hell, but man, can you imagine?
And there's no getting out of it because it has like a big embroidered Glenn on it or a G or something like that or the groom.
You know, it was a personalized robe that the venue had him wear the night, you know, while he was there.
So this dog comes in with a big G on it or whatever or the groom and he shakes it and diarrhea is landing all over the place.
I know. I just love the fact that Glenn's freaking out.
Oh, what do I do? So he's coked out. He's like, oh, I'll go buried in the Rose Garden.
No one will ever find it there except his dog.
He even mourned you in the book and autobiography.
Now, this next story is gross, so I'm just warning you.
I was like, I'll be the judge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's gross.
So anyhow, anyhow, that is the first third.
So, Rob, do you got something you want to go into and then we'll go on a break?
Yeah, I got one here.
All righty.
If you thought scoring Taylor Swift tickets was a bank busting endeavor, wait until you try to book a hotel.
As Market Watch reports, tons of fans made plans to travel to Europe where it is easier and cheaper to nab tickets to Swift's The Heiress Tour.
Finding a hotel or short term rental in the cities she's performing in has been a pricing nightmare.
Availability and sparse and prices for rooms have doubled and quadrupled typical rates.
And it's not just a European issue. The phenomenon known as passion tourism has hit the U.S. as well.
Swift's The Heiress Tour makes its way to Indianapolis in November.
And even though it is four months away, accommodations are already scarce.
Visit Indy's executive vice president, Chris Gall, says that nearly every hotel room in the city has been snapped up with prices soaring to triple the norms of 2023.
An estimated 87 percent of the concertgoers packing the 70,000 seats at Lucas Oil Stadium for each of the singers' three sold out shows are coming in from out of town.
Gall says there's been an Airbnb search search that dwarfs those times to previous Indianapolis events.
A 7,000 percent boost in searches compared to last year's data was the same time frame.
This even outpaces the interest generated by the 2020 solar eclipse.
Oh, wow. And that was a big deal, too.
Yeah. So I had not thought about that until I read this, but that makes sense.
People are trying to catch her and they've got to travel in.
And yeah, I didn't think about hotels and Airbnbs.
And now with this going on, everybody's going to make money in other Dublin, Tripplin, Quadrupling.
Yeah. And that happens not just on Taylor Swift events and stuff like that, but here in Kansas City.
This one, it was just used as an example.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can tell you by personal experience, Val and I used to, but the prices went up so much because there's so much stuff going on in Kansas City anymore.
But we used to book little staycations where we'd stay downtown in a hotel and we go eat somewhere around there and then just, you know, and just hang around the hotel luxury life, you know, maybe go down, get a couple of drinks in the lounge, maybe go next door or something.
Right. We like to stay at the Crowne Plaza and the Lowe's, which are pretty expensive.
But whenever now, I mean, it's like triple because usually there's something going on in town anymore.
You know, they have all these conventions and everything. So if anything's going on at all, you can go ahead and expect that price to triple.
And and people do it. People buy it.
I mean, I'm just like, man, how the fuck can people afford this?
You know, we're just like, you know what? We're just not going to do it because it's so high.
And then on top of that, you have the exorbitant taxes and fees of hotels that they do, you know.
So let's say you book one on Priceline, right? For Memphis.
And it's or Kansas City. Let's say Kansas City. OK, I know Kansas City.
But all of the big urban areas are like this. OK, you book one.
And thank God. Well, I deal with Eureka Springs and people that own places down there, so they may not have some of the fees they have away around it.
But here's what's going on. Like here in Kansas City, you'll let's say you get into the lows for one hundred thirty dollars.
Great price for the lows. OK, brand new hotel overlooking six seventy in the skyline.
Beautiful hotel. OK, you get a room there and it's one hundred thirty dollars by time you get done is close to one hundred eighty.
And that's because of all the taxes and fees that they have tacked on to that price.
And I'm talking about the the municipality. And it's the same in Kansas City.
It's the same in St. Louis. It's the same in New York. It's the same in Wichita.
Any place where they have a downtown environment like that, Wichita will probably be less.
Omaha is less than Kansas City. Kansas City would be less than New York.
You see what I'm saying? But all of them have these exorbitant fees and taxes that they tack on to that.
And also rental cars is another one that they just jack the prices up with taxes.
So people bitch it like enterprise and go, what the hell, man? You know, this this thing's two hundred dollars a day.
It's like, well, no, no, no. Actually, it's eighty dollars a day.
Everything else makes it two hundred dollars a day. You see, so it really hurts people and also hurts the travel industry
because they tack on all these fees because they found a way to supposedly gouge the people from out of town and not the people that live here.
You see, right. So anyhow, well, we really, really, really, I don't know if they still do it down in Branson,
but I know when I was living down there, if you went to a show, a restaurant, a gas station,
you show them your ID and prove that you're a local, they give you like 10 percent off.
That is pretty cool. And actually, you get a lot more off shows.
10 percent. Oh, that's how you get like like. OK, this resort used to do that for us.
We stayed at your in Kimberley City, you know, where that's at right off 13 right down from Reed Springs.
That whole area they used to do that. Yeah. That whole county.
Yeah. Well, I used to go in there to the to the office and I think what was the lady's name?
I can't remember the lady's name, but I like, oh, hey, you got any discount tickets and everything was discounted.
So I think what they would do is they would buy it, the hometown discount, and then give it to us for that price.
Yeah. Yeah. I always wondered how they did that. Yeah. OK. So that's how they do it.
That makes sense, because I was always wondering. But yeah, even a gas station.
Oh, really? You walk in to pay for your gas. And.
You just pull your your license out, say I'm a local and hand it to them.
They look at it. OK. You get like 10 percent off your gas.
Wow. I'll bet you it's like getting your like I said, that's the way it used to be back in like 2001,
2003. You know, I don't know if they still do that.
They do that in Eureka Springs because one of the one of the waitresses at one of these places that we frequent
said something about having a local fill up your gas tank.
Go in and pay. That's it right there. They still they do it down there.
Because I was I wasn't sure what she was talking about. I almost imagine Branson does too.
Yeah, I didn't realize what she was talking about.
I'm just like, oh, OK. And then I was like, OK, well, I'm not sure what that meant.
Now I know what it meant. It meant you get the hometown discount.
If someone around there is going with you, they go in there with their ID and go, hey, man, this is for me.
They knocked down 10 cents. OK. All right. OK.
Thank you, Rob. That's a great story.
And man, I appreciate that because I've been a victim of that many times,
especially when I go out of town to watch a concert, which I've been known to do.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like Nashville, man, we got in at the Omni at a pretty good price.
But by the time it was done, I think we got in for like maybe one sixty.
The Omni that overlooks lower Broadway, which is the main, you know, where Luke Bryant's and all that stuff is
the Redneck Riviera and all that place. It overlooks all of that.
Got in for like one hundred fifty dollars. But then by the time it was done, it's like two hundred and ten dollars a night.
I was like, geez. And it wasn't it wasn't a hotel. Yeah.
Yeah. And that was like the taxes and fees that they tack on to it because we are not hometown people.
And they just completely just devastate you with taxes because they can.
So anyhow, let's take our first break, which we're really late on. Imagine that, Rob.
Yeah, imagine that. Yeah. And we'll be right back.
Well, guess they finally figured out the microphone, idiots.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. You look like you smell like cheese.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Whenever I mow my lawn, then I look back at the front yard and there's always a couple of blades sticking up.
Are those the blades of grass that were smart enough to duck?
I may never know.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Break. Shit. House. Energy drink. That's right. Break. Shit. House. Energy drink.
Make men and women grow. Two-upper malls. Who wants to fuck shit up?
Run a full-scale across America. Break. Shit. House. Energy drink. Or you.
Please enjoy Break. Shit. House. Energy drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere.
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Hello. This is Satan. You might know me from my pet name. Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags in microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If you melt dry ice in a pool, can you swim without getting wet?
I may never know.
We are back. Two Douchebags in Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Ron.
I got an email from Ronnie. From Tulsa. And this one's pretty easy because you didn't need any heads up on this.
Now the next one, I'll give you some heads up on. Because he kind of alluded to the next question and kind of set me up for it.
But anyhow, I don't want to go into it right now. So you and I will talk about it later.
You'll need a little preparation for what kind of a question it is. But this right here is pretty simple and easy and forward.
He wanted to know if we only could eat one food for the rest of our life. What would it be?
Cheeseburgers.
You got mine. That's exactly what I said too. And here's why. Not a... Go ahead.
Oh, it's just something I could eat meal after meal. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Think about it. Cheeseburgers, you can put chili on them. You can put barbecue on them.
You could put anything you want on them and actually have another meal inside a meal.
I know people that put the Jack Stack BBQ beans on burgers. They're great. Put spicy pickles.
Plus you get the bread. Any vegetables you put on there like lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles.
Yeah, you could put french fries on them. Anything. You could make a steak burger.
You could put a steak on top of there and throw some A1 sauce. Yeah.
You and I think alike on that. Exactly alike. Because that was the first thing I thought was cheeseburgers.
Then I kind of thought about pizza. I'm like, no, no, it wouldn't be the same.
Yeah, that's where I first went. No, no, no. I got to go with cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers.
I'll eat cheeseburgers anytime. Yeah, me too. And that is Ronnie's pick too. Is cheeseburgers.
So, oh, by the way, by the way, Ronnie didn't ask us this question, but Ronnie agrees with you.
He thinks there's Illuminati and he thinks it's called the Illuminati.
Yes, but there are different other organizations. Yes, that's what he said too.
They're not the same, but they have a lot of the same people.
Mm hmm. Yeah. And the only reason why I know that is for my friends is let's get to the bottom of that.
Which is a fantastic podcast. And when you get done here, you should go over there and check out their podcast.
It is phenomenal. I love it. And like I said on the last one that hasn't been released yet,
I had my choice of what kind of podcast I was going to do. This is pretty much my baby from the start.
I got with Topher and said, would you like to do this with me? And he said, sure.
And he was really good and instrumental in finding the best way to distribute it and all that.
Topher is just an excellent person and he is the best guy to start this up with because he had so much knowledge about this.
So I had my choice because I was pondering stuff and I was thinking, you know,
is either going to be conspiracies theories or dick jokes? And I went dick jokes.
But you'll hear this on the on the podcast before this because I went into a little bit more detail.
So this stuff is right along my lines. And like I said, in August I will be in their studio as a guest.
And we're going to cross pollinate with them. And you can hear me there.
And hopefully I think maybe we can call Rob, depending on what time of day it is and all that.
And maybe Rob can chime in chime in too. So we will see what happens.
Yeah, it depends on what time of day. But from what I've been hearing,
it kind of sounds like they do it more in the evening like we do.
Then that would be perfect. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Not positive.
But I know there's been a few times they did it more in the evening.
Well, we'll figure it out. We'll work with each other and we'll figure it out because we really want to get this done.
We really want to do the cross pollination. We already are. And I'm not kidding you.
If I didn't know the people and I listened to the podcast, I would be listening to it anyhow.
But I know Jason, I don't know the rest of them. But if I didn't know Jason, I would still listen to this thing because it's so good.
And they're very informed, very educated, very organized. They are really, really good at what they do.
And anyhow, this was my first stream was that. And then I decided to go into dick jokes.
And because of my love for this type of radio that doesn't exist anymore, which I explained in the last podcast.
So, you know, if you haven't heard it, when you hear this, go back to the last one and I'll tell you exactly everything about why I chose to do it like this.
And then when I went with Rob, Rob agreed with me. First, Topher said, yeah, I think we should do that.
And then when Rob came aboard, we both remember I talked with you and you're like, yeah, you said, yeah, that is what we need to do.
So anyhow, that's what we do. That's what they do. And they're and they're really good at what they do. And we're really fair.
What we do. No, hopefully we're getting there. We're getting there. Yes.
Our numbers are just insane right now. So, you know what? I think we're doing something wrong.
You know, all this insecurity I have about, you know, not being as talented and not sounding as good, you know, and I'm talking about production wise and everything.
I don't know if it matters. People seem to really be catching on and really telling people and really enjoying the show.
So maybe the stuff I was worried about. Yeah. Maybe the stuff I was worried about, I drummed up in my own mind out of my own insecurity.
So but you know what? Time will tell. We're not there yet where we need to be.
But we're getting there in leaps and bounds, which I didn't expect. And I don't think you did either, did you?
No, I did not. Not not this fast. Yeah. So.
We have people just come out of the woodwork, man. Seriously.
Well, I've been talking with my friend. He is he was in radio.
Like regular radio. I've known him for a long time. Really good guy. Really down to earth guy. Doesn't really like the industry or radio at all.
But that's how he makes his living. Now he's in podcasting a division of podcasting of this parent company.
And anyhow, well, he's kind of afraid he's going to lose his job, actually, because they're like all these big corporations are cutting so many heads anymore.
But he was the one that told me he said, you have that many people interacting with you. And I'm like, yeah.
He goes, I know radio shows have been around 20 years. They get like two emails a month.
I'm like, what? He goes, yeah. He goes, you have that many people actively participating.
You're keeping an audience and you're keeping them engaged. I'm like, really?
He goes, yeah. He goes, whatever you're doing, you're doing it right.
And he has listened and he has gave me some criticism, which I enjoyed. And he's right on it. And I'm trying to stop doing some of those things that he pointed out, like the ands and the ums and the OKs and stuff like that.
He said that that's not good. It sounds. And when I went back and listened to it, I was like, yeah, I sound really like I don't know what I'm doing.
I understand that. Yeah. He had some other in-depth stuff back in school, you know, in English class.
They when you get up and they teach you how to give a speech, they tell you what don't be saying and and all, you know, all that.
Yes. And he also understand that. He also taught me this thing called the flow.
The flow is where you come up on a high and then go to a low and then you go back up on a high.
You're supposed to stop on the high spot, wait a little bit and then go on the low spot. You know what I mean?
It's kind of the way it's kind of almost like I don't know, like an algorithm thing.
He said that kind of like the dramatic pause thing.
There's people like Paul Harvey that perfected the dramatic pause.
You know, he would he would make his point really quick, then he would stop.
Yeah, yeah, I see what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.
And but this isn't quite what he's talking about, but it's so long, the same lines.
And then Paul Harvey would simply go today and let you let everything he just said soak in.
And then all of a sudden it's coming to you. Oh, my gosh, that was brilliant.
Well, he's already off there. You know, I mean, he's already stopped.
This is something like me saying, then probably sounded like hell.
But anyhow, this is some stuff that he gave me some pointers on.
And I don't want to go into any further than that because some of this is his personality.
And I want to give him away because he's afraid that he might get in trouble because we are a podcast.
Right. Right. Right. He doesn't know for sure, but he doesn't want to find out the hard way because, you know,
I mean, all these radio industries are just like getting just decimated.
People aren't getting offered contract. Yeah.
I mean, even the top hosts, the people that render the best audiences, the best P1s, all this stuff,
they're not even getting offered contracts. Nothing.
Just kind of like, oh, hey, my contracts up. Yeah. OK.
But look, I'm number one in all the demographics. OK. They don't care.
They they're not going to pay for somebody. They're not.
They're they just want a bunch of jukeboxes, I guess, with someone telling you the weather in between.
And then they're doing 50 stations while they're telling you the weather.
So anyhow, anyhow, I rambled on on that. I apologize.
Rob, you got something you want to go into? Yeah. All right.
How about 10 of the country's biggest stars not in the Grand O'Lough?
Hmm. OK. George Strait.
That's right. The king himself is not a member.
Now, before you shake your head too much, Strait was offered membership, but declined.
OK. You have to be in Texas and you have to make a commitment to perform a few times a year at the Opera House.
And it just wasn't something George was willing to do.
I could see that. Next. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, he wants to stay in Texas. You know, God bless him.
He's tired of traveling. Yeah. I think that's great.
Yeah. But it's a shame he's not part of it.
Yeah, I don't mean it like Ed. I mean, it's great because he doesn't really care.
He could get a lot more. I don't know. I don't know.
Like he needs publicity. But anyhow, you know, yeah. Anyhow, go ahead.
Next. Miranda Lambert.
In short, all that could be deciphered here is that Lambert doesn't play the opera enough
and hasn't really expressed an interest in becoming a member.
OK. Chris Stapleton.
Even though he's playing the opera for the first time 11 years ago on September 24th, 2013,
Stapleton is not yet a member.
Well, real quick here, if you allow me to interject a second here, Rob.
OK. Yeah. Straight in Stapleton. I don't know about Lambert.
I'm not sure how big she is, but those two don't need any promotion.
They sell out Arrowhead.
Oh, Miranda Lambert's the same way. Oh, she's the same way. OK.
Well, that's part of it right there. Oh, God. She's a superstar.
Then she doesn't need it.
You know, she's up there with fake pill and all this.
Oh, I didn't. OK. I didn't know that. I'm not like that.
Yeah. Very well versed on the land.
I knew she was married to Blake Shelton. That's really about right.
And they're divorced now.
Yeah, I knew that. But that's about all I knew. OK.
All right. Go ahead. OK.
Cody Johnson. Maybe it's because he lives in Texas, but Johnson has played the opera multiple times.
It's his debut in 2017. It seems as though the entertainment of your nominee should be a part of the history.
But as of today, he is not.
Hmm. OK. Is he huge like that, too?
Yeah. Yeah, he's big on the chart. OK.
Here's one I know you'll know.
Dwight Yocum. Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK.
The only defining reason to be found here is that Yocum does not perform at the opera enough to be worthy of an invite.
Maybe he has an expressed interest, but as one of the biggest performers of the 1990s, his name should be in the books.
OK.
Next, Faith Hill.
She's huge. Yeah.
Yeah. This one seems a little confusing.
Again, no one can really say why the performers are or are not members.
But with the role Hill has played in Chopper Music, the operie was almost assumed.
You know what they say about assuming, though?
That makes an ass out of you and me.
Yeah.
Next, Hank Williams Jr.
I get that, too.
Maybe family history has something to do with this exclusion.
Very well.
Hank Williams was a member and then had his membership revoked for alcohol abuse and not showing up for his performances at the opera.
No public word has been said, but maybe that has influenced Hank Jr. to not make becoming a member of the operie a priority.
I understand that.
Well, plus, uh, it's alcohol abuse and drug abuse, you know? Maybe they don't want us to do it.
Ah, yeah, yeah, that could be.
Actually, that's a pretty good, probably a pretty good, um, um, put together there, a pretty good reason.
So, okay.
Yep.
Okay, yeah, I could see that.
Uh, next, Jason Aldean.
I know his name.
Go ahead.
Oh, yeah, he's had that controversial song here, here all about.
Uh, I forgot what it was.
What happens in a small town.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and people thought it was.
It's a sick name.
Yeah.
It's a sick name.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, here again, it's safe to assume that Aldean just hasn't made enough appearances at the opera to be deemed worthy of an invite.
He made his debut in May of 2005, but has yet to receive the honor.
Okay.
Uh, next, Luke Bryan.
This one is certainly baffling.
Mm-hmm.
Bryan has been on the books and performed at the opera every year since his debut on the stage.
It seems he supports the opera, but hasn't received the invite.
Okay, wow.
That's shocking, too.
That is very shocking.
Yeah.
And finally, Anya Tucker.
As a personal note, anyone who performs horseback at the opera should probably be a member.
She made that history in 2023, and despite all that she has done for and influenced Kepter music,
she took a hiatus from the opera from 1982 to 1997, thus possibly explaining her absence of membership.
Okay.
And that is all on that.
Wow.
That was a pretty interesting list.
It really was.
I mean, a lot of them I see, but some of them...
I thought it was two when I read it.
Some of them kind of caught me off guard, too, to be honest.
I was like, what?
So, okay, cool.
Thank you, Rob.
Let's go ahead and take our second break, and we'll be right back.
That sound good?
Sounds good.
Alright.
At age 30, you spin a mock, celebrating birthdays.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Every sock you wear is slightly rotated, just enough for it to be uncomfortable.
Two thimble dicks in a crash cart will be right back.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in...
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Now it's time for pick-up lines from a loser.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cucumber.
What, what, what, what?
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Well, that new Hanson CD is just a laptop.
Uh-huh.
Hey, look, I think we found land.
Oh, my God, I think we're safe.
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What the hell?
Oh, Lord.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired.
Mm-hmm.
Now, from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle.
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Hey, St. Louis, the other side of our glorious state.
Thank you for listening to Two Deuce Bags and Microphone.
We salute you.
Love you guys.
Two Deuce Bags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Hey, Rob, do you hear that?
That is...
I think I hear a little something.
Yeah, it's angels and trumpets, Rob.
You hear that now?
Now I'm hearing them.
Yes, yes.
They're very loud and proud today.
You know why, Rob?
Do you want to know why?
Why? Yes, I do.
Are you familiar with Turkey Hill Ice Cream?
Yes.
Yeah.
When I first saw it, I thought it was, I got to admit, I thought it was going to be garbage because I didn't consider Turkey Hill a really good sounding name for ice cream, right?
Yeah, I never did either.
Yeah, I was like, you know, Bluebell I can get, Breyers even, you know, it's a name.
Blue Bunny I can get, you know, all these other names, Reese's, you know, all these names you could go, OK.
I get it, even Belfonti here in Kansas City.
It's an interesting name and it's like, OK, Belfonti Ice Cream sounds like it would be OK.
But Turkey Hill, I was not a fan of it because of the name until I got some, it was on sale and it is some of the best ice cream available.
Do you think so?
Yeah, I actually, I think it is.
It is really creamy and smooth.
One of my favorites.
They use really good ingredients in it.
I can tell you that right now.
It is very good ice cream and it caught me by surprise.
Well, you know what they did, Rob?
And this is why you hear trumpets and angels.
They came up with seven new flavors for the summer because they love us.
And this is proof there is a God.
So first one is brownie butter cookie dough.
Oh, oh, my gosh.
Oh, wow.
I hear angels and trumpets so loud I can't even hear anything.
Oh, it's angelic.
It's like out of this world.
It's so celestial.
It's oh, man.
Oh, yes.
But then just in case you're not a brownie batter cookie dough fan, which I would then call you a communist and tell you to leave my site.
Maybe you like cherry chocolate chunk.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds good.
I'm not a cherry person.
OK, well, I am.
So I think that sounds good.
Not as good as brownie batter, but it sounds good.
The next one is now they do have a mint chip, but don't confuse this as a mint chip.
Their mint chip is fantastic.
This is a mint chocolate cookie ice cream.
That sounds good to me.
That sounds good.
That sounds crazy delicious.
So all right.
The next one would be an ultimate cookie overload, which I would think is probably like the Dairy Queen special they have with like I think it's called like a cookie mashup blizzard or something like that.
And they put like chips, a hoy type of cookies.
They put ginger snap type of cookies.
They put snickerdoodle.
You know, they just pull a bit of everything hodgepodge it in there.
Well, I think ultimate cookie overload is probably in that same realm of a product, you know, as you take five different types of cookies.
And smash them into ice cream.
So I think that sounds pretty good, too.
So then buttery Southern pecan pie ice cream.
Oh, wow.
Doesn't that sound great?
I hear angel.
What's that?
The angels and trumpets are so loud.
I couldn't hear what you said.
What do you say?
Did you say something?
I can't hear anything.
All I hear is angels and trumpets.
Huh?
Are you there?
Hello?
OK, I guess I'll go along with the next one.
OK, cool.
OK, they kind of quieted down to let us talk.
Thank you, angels and trumpets.
Well, they're not done yet.
Chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.
What?
Rob, are you there?
Hello?
Oh, my God.
You're killing me.
And then finally, Rob.
Salted caramel chocolate espresso.
Oh, my God.
I'm not going to have any teeth left in my head.
I am crying, Rob.
I am crying because I'm so happy.
I'm crying.
I'm seriously going to be looking for some of these.
Yes, and they're all good.
They should be out right now because they're here for summer.
And I have a suspicion if people really buy the hell out of one,
they'll keep it around.
Why not?
That could be what they're doing.
It could be.
Nice little experiment coming up with summer flavors.
And then all of a sudden, a couple of them do really well.
They're like, you know what?
You guys like it so much, we'll go ahead and keep it.
And everyone's happy.
So anyhow, that was all seven of them.
And yeah, I am in tears right now.
So Rob, we turn to you.
Typically, when Patrick Mahomes comes to the Kansas City Chiefs training camp,
he's all busy.
But this year, it sounds like he's planning to have a little bit of fun
when he's not putting in work on the field.
Cool.
According to Jonah Morgan of Aflon Sports,
Patrick Mahomes is bringing a television camp with him for the first time
in his entire career in order to keep up with coverage of the upcoming
Olympic Games in Paris.
That makes sense.
And do a little bit of gaming.
A little bit of gaming, okay.
The Starfield General is entering his eighth career training camp,
and this will be the first time that he is bringing television with him.
He does this so he can keep up with everything that is happening in the sports world,
as well as getting into gaming.
Mahomes has already established himself as one of the most accomplished
quarterbacks in the history of the game.
Yep.
This early in his career.
But he's earned the right to have a little bit of fun time during training camp.
Very cool.
Yeah.
He is such a sports fanatic.
You know him.
He could be all business when he needs to, you know.
Well, I mean, one of the things that makes him so good is because of his exceptional
wanting to win attitude.
I mean, he doesn't take anything lightly.
He doesn't take anything for granted.
And, you know, he knows how to motivate other people.
I mean, he's like the perfect athlete.
And another thing I love about him is he's a fan of all sports.
Doesn't matter what it is.
Yeah, he's like nuts about it.
So him watching the Olympics does not surprise me at all because he loves
competition, obviously.
He loves watching competition.
And that's one of the things that fuels him into being one of the greatest ever is
that type of mentality.
The want to with a lot, a lot, a lot of natural talent and skill.
So put all that together and you got one hell of a quarterback and plus a really
good person.
So.
Yeah.
Anyhow, I've got something here.
African elephants call each other and respond to individual names.
Something that few wild animals do, according to a new research published Monday.
The names are one part of elephants, low rumbles that they can hear over long
distances across the savanna.
Scientists believe that the animals will would complex social structures and
family groups that separate them from other species.
And they can reunite often because of the sounds, because they actually call
each other by individual names.
So in other words, this goes on to say some other stuff, but I'm just going to put
it into perspective right here and just put it into me and you talk because it's
got like three paragraphs and it's all really good.
It's all really good information.
They didn't blather on about nothing, but here's what it's saying.
OK, like you and I are in a crowded room, right?
And the only way to get your attention is to scream Rob.
OK.
Right.
And I could be like going, and you just be like, I just sound like everyone else.
But the thing that distinguishes you, me wanting to get a hold of you is the fact
that I called out your name, right?
Right.
OK.
Well, that's what elephants do.
They call out the names because they have different elephants and different
families.
And you know, if there's danger, they can call each other.
So let's say that one of the elephants name is Billy.
So Billy's mom is over there in their area and Billy went out, I don't know,
to gather, who knows, you know, whatever elephants do, go find something to drink
or something, whatever.
And all of a sudden, they, you know, there's like there might be a lion out there
somewhere or a couple of them or a pack of them, however they kill them, you know.
So, you know, they go Billy.
And then he knows that they're yelling at him to get back to them.
Does that make sense?
Did I describe it OK?
Yeah, yeah, I understand what you're talking about.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's incredible that they figured that out.
And I also think it's incredible that these unique creatures are that smart.
So, hey, that's pretty much it.
Like I said, I could write, I could read a lot more of it, but there's really not
a reason to.
I mean, you know, they call out each other's names and it's their complex,
intelligent creatures, and they also remember when they've been done wrong.
People that kill elephants for their tusks, the remaining elephants have been
known to go stomp them to death in their tents.
So, yeah, for real, they do this.
Like they kill one of their tribe there, you know, they're all, they have their
family and one of them wanders off and the people there, the natives of that,
wherever they are, kill one to grab their tusks to sell.
And the other elephants took note and they're like, those people over there
killed our son or our cousin or whatever, and they will go stomp them to death
in their sleep.
Happens all the time.
So, there you go.
Hey, Rob, we turn to you once again.
All right.
The worst repo man in Los Angeles is back.
Sorta.
Okay.
Almost 40 years after its original debut in 1984, cult classic repo man,
finally getting a proper sequel from original writer, director Alex Cox.
Okay. It's a sequel. It's not a remake.
Right.
It's a sequel.
I'm all for that.
Variety reports that the movie title of repo man to the wages of beer is backed
by Buffalo eight production and stars T.
W.
Gordon and the lead role of Otto played by Emilio Estes in the original.
According to variety, the film picks up after Otto has ordered his trusty 1967
Chevy Malibu to journey across the attendees of time and space.
And that time he is aged exactly 90 minutes.
Okay.
The first recently spoke to Alex Cox for an upcoming feature repo man.
And while he didn't mention the sequel, he did discuss his previous attempts at
continuing the story of Otto and bud Cox originally planned to release a direct
sequel titled Otto's Hawaiian holiday.
Okay, cool.
When's it when's it coming out? Does it say?
No, it does not say.
Well, I'm gonna keep my eye open now that I know the title of everything.
I'm gonna keep my eye open because I want to see that because it's the same guy
that's doing it.
And it's a sequel and not one of those stupid remakes where they got to make
everybody different.
So excellent.
I love that.
Cool.
There.
There is a new battle going on.
Remember the mayo on on a hot dog?
Yeah.
Well, now people are using fancy mayo and I guess it's like truffle mayo and
some other types of mayo and people are like really getting intricate with these
different types of mayo that are that they're using on a hot dog.
And there's a huge battle because now the people that like mustard are going
further and saying, well, why don't we go ahead and try some brown or grape
poupon mustard or some sort of fancy mustard, you know, to put on this now
because they're going fancy with mayonnaise.
So now I think the next thing is ketchup.
But I don't know how you dress up ketchup.
I mean, and this is stuff like this on the Internet.
People fighting and bickering over what's the best condiment to put on a hot
dog.
Right.
Yeah.
And I've done this what I don't know, three or four podcasts ago.
So now the big scuttlebutt on the Internet is is OK.
It's not just mayo, but it's truffle mayo or it's avocado mayo.
It's one of the new variations that people are saying should go on your hot
dog.
So then the mustard people fought back and said, well, we want to use this.
I don't know, a brandy mustard or one of the fancy brown mustards, a sweet honey
mustard.
So now it's like a big fight.
So the ketchup people aren't even in this.
But I have a feeling they're going to come back with like maybe an alternate
like barbecue sauces because those are close to ketchup.
Right.
Yeah.
And this probably means nothing to anyone else.
But I follow this shit and I think it's funny because people are dogging each
other on their tastes and making fun of them.
And it's just it's a lot of fun to me to watch this stuff.
But anyhow, so Rob, you got anything?
Yeah, let's jump all over this.
All right.
Singer songwriter, Ingrid Handrus, whose performance at Major League Baseball's
homeroom derby was labeled the worst national anthem ever.
Oh, yeah.
And is checking herself into a rehab facility.
Have you heard it?
No, I have not heard it.
I've got it here in front of me.
It's not the worst thing ever, but you can kind of tell that like something's going
on.
OK.
I mean, come on.
I remember the Roseanne Baller one.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that was.
Yeah.
That was.
In a message posted across social media accounts, the 32 year old wrote, I'm not going to
bullshit you all.
I was drunk last night.
I'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help I need.
That was not me last night.
I apologize to Major League Baseball, all the fans in this country.
I love so much for that.
I'll let you all know how rehab is.
I hear it's super fun.
OK.
I'll go back and listen to it later.
It's not the worst thing I've ever heard, but you can tell that something is going on
like that.
I mean, you could tell.
And that's why she came out and said I was drunk.
She's going to rehab and all that.
Real quick, though, we love Patrick Mahomes.
We love Travis Kelsey.
We love Chris Jones.
We love Andy Reid.
All probably every one of them, including Chris Jones, Hall of Fame players.
Right.
When it's all said and done, they'll be in they'll be in Canton, Ohio.
So, OK.
Hall of Fame players.
But here's a sure shoe in off of the Royals that is going to go to Cooperstown, New York.
And I got to give Sal Perez some love.
He's a nine time All-Star.
Four times silver slugger.
Twenty fifteen world title.
Twenty fourteen second almost two outs away from beating the Giants and going back to
back.
But Sal Perez is still sparking a team.
He sparks a team and he commands excellence from a team.
He is such a good player.
He still catches at thirty five and and his he is not descending at all.
He still is on his best game.
And a lot of these games that the Royals have been winning that they normally wouldn't win
because, you know, their team their team is also they had four All-Stars, which is unheard
of in ever since we had the 2015 World Series, you know, champions.
Anyhow, they had four All-Stars and they got a good nucleus for a young team.
Bobby Witt Jr.
I guess I'm giving the Royals some love too now.
Bobby Witt Jr.
Because I checked out of baseball the last few years because I'm so frustrated with it.
But Bobby Witt Jr.
They signed him to a huge contract and he's going to be around Kansas City for a long time.
And Sal Perez is going to end his career here.
And Salvador Perez is going to be a Cooperstown first ballot guy.
And he might be the best catcher ever by the time it's all said and done.
But we don't give him enough love because the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes and Kelsey are that good.
So I just wanted to go, hey, Atta boy, I still looking at you and I know you kick ass.
And a lot of people know you kick ass.
Sal Perez, you're fucking awesome.
Keep it up.
You're going to be in Cooperstown and you deserve to be.
So anyhow, you got anything you want to go into or you want to wrap the bow on this bitch and call it good?
Yeah, I got one more I can do.
All right.
It's touching on political, but it's not about the political side.
It's about this other part.
Okay.
You know, Jack Black's band, Tenacious D.
Yes, I know the story.
Go ahead.
I love this.
Okay.
You understand what I was saying there.
It's political, but it's not about the political.
It's about the band.
No, I agree with Jack Black.
A thousand percent.
So go ahead.
I do too.
Actor and comedian Jack Black canceled the ongoing world tour of his band, Tenacious D.
On Tuesday, after his bandmate, Kyle Gass, made a highly inappropriate remark about Saturday's assassination attempt against former president Donald Trump.
Gass received backlash after he was asked to make a wish for his birthday during a show in Sydney, Australia on Sunday.
The day after Trump was shot in the ear and another man was killed at a rally in Pennsylvania.
And two people in critical condition, let's not forget them.
Yes.
Don't miss Trump next time, Gass remarked.
In a statement on Tuesday, Black announced the cancellation of the rest of the band's tour and claimed he was blindsided by what was said by Gass at the show.
I would never condone hate speech or encourage political violence in any form.
After much reflection, I no longer feel it is appropriate to continue the Tenacious D tour and all future creative plans are on hold.
I am grateful for the fans for their support and understanding.
Gass also released a statement on Tuesday apologizing for his highly inappropriate remarks.
He's good. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
The line I improvised on state Sunday night in Sydney was highly inappropriate, dangerous and a terrible mistake he wrote.
I don't condone violence of any kind in any form against anyone.
What happened was a tragedy and I'm incredibly sorry for my severe lack of judgment.
I profoundly apologize to those I've let down and truly regret any pain I've caused.
He's got to go sit in the corner for a couple of years.
Bottom line. Yeah.
You don't ever, ever, ever champion violence and especially the assassination of any public figure.
I agree with Jack Black 100%. He is absolutely correct.
And I totally agree with Jack Black. And now if Jack Black was to get another member, then he'd go do a show and people are going to hold this against him.
Yes. Yes.
Or the band. That's not fair.
Jack Black's a comedian and also he's in movies. He doesn't need tenacious do to make money.
So he can say see you later that all he wants and he's fine.
And this is something that did not come out of his mouth. So I can't blame him.
No, I can't either. And I support him 100%. I think is the right thing to do.
And I've always liked Jack Black and now I like him even better.
Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. 100% agree.
And that's a great story to end this on right here.
So Rob, thank you. I'm glad you got to that because I was not going to get to it.
And I don't know why, because that is a great story.
And Jack Black is he did exactly what he needed to do. And I applaud him.
So anyhow. All right.
Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas.
Love you guys. Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
And with that being said, now that we said hello to our Dodge City friends like we normally do,
everybody, thank you for joining us and have a great evening.
Good night, assholes. Good night, assholes.