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We Talk.
Jesus.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
Bumblebees have been proven to sing to their young.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man. You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning and then watch
everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming,
stop, halt. Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
Oh, because we all need dick jokes.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first
world problems.
Damn it. The city services website is down again. I can't believe this. I'm going to
have to actually call and talk to someone to pay my damn trash bill. This is ridiculous.
Once again, it's time for Ramblings of a Madman.
I believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes before each session.
That needs to happen.
Hey everybody, this is Two Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you for joining in. My
name is Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, how are you doing tonight?
I'm doing pretty good. I had a busy day at work, but you know, that happens.
That's good. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, it happens. I mean, what do you do? You ride the roller
coaster. Whenever it's slow, you do that. Whenever it's busy, you do that. Whenever
it's in the middle, you do that. So, you know, the whole thing is just being generally happy
is it?
I keep moving all the time. That's my problem. I don't get no downtime doing what I do.
You know, my outlet, one of them is this show. This right here is one of my outlets.
Oh no, this is my main outlet.
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
This is where I get away.
Yeah, me too. It really helps. It's very therapeutic. And evidently a lot of people think so or
whatever or enjoy listening to our rants or whatever, you know, because our listenership
is probably quadrupled and it wasn't bad at first. So.
Oh my God, yeah.
I can't believe the numbers we're getting. I'm like looking around, seeing if they like
featured us on something, you know, like, I don't know if they do like a featured podcast
and all these services like like Amazon or iTunes or whatever. But I don't see anything
like that. So I guess, you know, just word of mouth. So anyhow, thank you everybody. Appreciate
it.
Yeah, thank you.
So anyhow, I had an interesting day. We finally we got to do it. First, we met with some of
Val's old coworkers at the post office from the post office and we met them at jalapenos
and and had a really good meal. And then my friends that we've been trying to get with
Jennifer and Andy live in Midtown. We've been trying to get with them forever. They sent
me a message going, hey, any good day for you to join us for dinner? Because we talked
about it last weekend. And I'm like, well, actually, today is the best day. So anyhow,
we ended up getting there about six and that way I was back here at eight to do the podcast.
But it was cool catching up with them. And then they had a couple of really good jam
a thons there. It's this place called the Rock and Walk. And it's in Martin City. And
it's right above R.C.'s restaurant. The people that bought R.C.'s restaurant.
Oh, no way. Yeah. Yeah. It's my understanding that the
people on Thai House, which is a very good Thai restaurant. Anyhow, the Rock and Walk.
Go ahead. Now, for those who don't know, you need to
explain that Thai with overseas and what it means to us.
Yeah. Yeah. These were the owners that we worked for. Jess and Jim's. They were sister
restaurants. Yeah. Jess and Jim's was the first one. And then, you know, they were just
balling hard in the 80s, like eight, nine hundred dinners on a Saturday night. Huge steak
dinners. So they were doing well. Yeah. They decided to open up a fried chicken place down
the road with this lady named Chicken Betty, I believe. And she had this she used to work
at the old Boots and Coats and had this chicken recipe every Sunday. It was just out of this
world. So they hired her. Yeah. They hired her to come down and do that at R.C.'s. Well,
they say the chicken is the same recipe. The people that bought it. And even even when
Dave owned it, he I didn't believe it was the same stuff. I don't know if it just the
the craft got lost over the years or whatever, or they thought they did it the same.
They got very welcome because we were eating it in the 80s.
Yeah. So anyhow, maybe it's me. Maybe my taste buds have changed. But it was still really
good. I just did not think it was the same stuff. And now that the new guys own it, the
Thai place is a place we like to go and a place down below the chicken place is good.
But to me, I go to Stroud's or something like that. Or I guess Gus's is pretty good. But
I kind of like Dave's hot chicken, which is a which isn't fried chicken. It's a it's a
form of Nashville chicken. Nashville Nashville hot chicken. Yeah. Yeah. You keep telling me
you want to take it. When you come up here, that's one of the first places we're going
to go. That stuff is phenomenal. I don't know what they do with that recipe. Yeah, yeah.
Yep. I agree. And then they have this sauce with it. Dave's sauce. It's out of this world.
You just dip the chicken in and it's fantastic. So anyhow, we met with Jennifer and Andy and
they had this this blues band where it was like a jam along. You know how they used to
have just people show up with guitars. That's what they did here. They have the three piece
there. The the guitars is very good. I believe he had a hollowed fret Gibson Les Paul, which
is kind of a custom made thing. You have to have someone do that for you. You got to hollow
out the frets a little bit. It gives you a special bluesy really, really piercing sound
that you need with some of that stuff. And of course, no tremolo. So he's doing all the
finger, you know, all the bending notes with his fingers is just fantastic. And then this
guy come up on stage, joined him. Then another guy come up on stage after he left. And then
there's a couple of people we were waiting on that looked like they were going to be
really, really good. But I had to come here and do that podcast. Jennifer and Andy had
stuff to do. And Valerie is house sitting for one of the daughters and her family. So
you know, no, no, no, no, that's all I needed was a couple hours. And that was it. I mean,
it was great and everything, but I'd rather do this podcast. And besides that, I sit around
there and I'll order another beer than order another beer. You know how it is. I'm like,
yeah, I'm just gonna go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, when you get up, you got to work
tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. You're sweating ham chunks and your head spinning. So anyhow,
the other the other part of the day was I was smoking a brisket. And this all started
like four days ago when we had some I was trying to get bacon for this recipe. Okay.
So anyhow, I buy this huge pack of bacon, I think, right? Turns out to be pork bellies.
All right. I already tore the I already tore the package open. I'm like, hey, how can
this shit? How can this shit isn't sliced? And the Val comes in, she goes, that's because
it's pork bellies. I'm like, oh, shit. So anyhow, I did what any grown man would do.
I smoked it. And I went out there before I came in, took a little piece off of there.
And it is fantastic. You got to caramelize it and add brown sugar and some other spices
on it. And when you sear it off at first, it caramelizes it and then it's all tender
from being smoked. I mean, I think it's I think it's gonna be one of those things by
accident. It turns out to be fantastic. You know, some sometimes you you back into something
and it's horrible. This one turned out pretty good, I think. So anyhow, well, we'll just
go ahead and go on to the first third. That sound good? Sounds good. All right. First
off, no fireworks in Alaska. Instead entered the flying cars. Thousands of Alaskans celebrated
the Fourth of July with their annual car launch. The odd event held in Glacier View, Alaska,
just celebrated its 20th anniversary. This is no joke. Yeah, you can look it up. Let
me keep going here and explain a little bit better. The event welcomed its largest crowd
ever to watch non occupied vehicles from police cruisers to buses being launched from a 100
foot cliff landing on the rocky surface below. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. YouTube it. YouTube
it. They literally launched cars. Yeah, they got this like they got they got this like
spring thing that they put the vehicles on and then they unleash it and it like boof
launches the cars over the cliff. Then they come down and hit rocky ground on the bottom.
It's cool, dude. Yeah, they do this instead of fireworks in in this Glacier View, Alaska.
So how this event actually originated is up for debate from fireworks being too dangerous
with all the fire from the fireworks and melt Alaska. I think that's maybe it. It said from
fireworks being too dangerous to simply a stunt. Who knows? Yeah, they don't seem to
know and they don't seem to really care. They're just having fun with it. It's in its 20th
year and get a chance when you get a chance. Take a look at it. Just put car launch Alaska
or something. Yeah, it's pretty cool. So after that, we're on to the genius of New York mayorship
Eric Adams again. He makes the news. He might have to get another ass paddling. The alleged
slumlord is extremely proud of his new idea to help with New York trash problem. That
brainiac has ordered public trash can bins with lids for storage of the trash. You see,
so most businesses close early in downtown Manhattan because nobody's there at night.
You know, it's all these businesses and stockbrokery and bankage and all that stuff. So they all
leave in the evening. So there's no place to put the trash. They put it out on the curb
and it has to sit there. And then sometimes they have to put the trash out on the curb
during the day because they don't have room for it anywhere else. So it's a very stinky
and horrible problem because rats, you know, all these pests get into it and rodents and
everything and it's an eyesore and it smells horrible. You smell garbage everywhere. So
you know, most businesses that close early are forced to put their trash in. He's the
one that's in trouble with having a vice and rats in his building. Yes. Yes. So you know,
these businesses, they close early because there's, you know, that's it. You know, there's
not enough people to keep them alive at night. So they just do a daytime operation and do
that. You know, the trash service has to run at night because it's so congested during
the day. So they don't have a place. Yeah. They have to throw this trash out on the curb.
Sometimes they're working on their fifth bag of trash. You know, so many people go in these
restaurants and bars and stuff. So they don't have a place to put it. So they have to throw
it out on the curb. So anyhow, he has these new trash bins that plat plastic trash bins
that you roll and you put the trash in there and he is just glowing. He just thinks it's
the best idea ever. You know, what I'm thinking is, is this right here. I'm thinking that
Adams is hoping the rats will leave his problem rentals in lieu of some yummy garbage on the
curb. He sure the hell is happy about this idea. And I don't think it all has to do with
rats not being in Manhattan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, take that for every one.
You can think whatever you want, but I just told you what I think. So my opinion, allegedly
blah, fucking blah. So, you know, looking back, Rob, taking my dog named shark to the
beach was a very bad idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People did not ex they, they really didn't
like the fact that I would scream shark for my dog and everyone would run out of the water.
So, so anyhow, um, the other day I missed my ex, I took hunting lessons. So maybe next
time. Oh, do the duck, do the duck. Okay. All right. Campers in Michigan have a heartwarming
video they generated when the campers were cooking food at the campsite. A raccoon grabbed
a piece of cheese and ran behind bushes to eat his score. The raccoon began choking with
cheese lodged in his throat. The animal immediately came out for, from his hiding spot signaling
to, uh, for help from the campers. One of the men grabbed a raccoon and administered
hits to its back in an attempt to dislodge the piece of food. Luckily he was successful
after a few attempts. It's a very cool video. Look it up. Yeah. I mean, let's face it, a
good bunch of humans don't have enough intelligence to do that. Right? Right. Yeah. This raccoon
very alertly knew that he was in trouble and he went to the humans to help him out and
they did. He ran back in the wild. Yeah. Look, we have a raccoon that comes up to us. Yeah.
So anyhow, yeah, I mean, he's smarter than most, a lot of humans, not most, but a lot
of humans, but we have this raccoon that comes up to us at night. I'll be sitting out there
smoking a cigar, just, you know, looking at the land or whatever. And, uh, he'll come
up and he'll come right between my legs and go get this bowl of food that we leave for
one of the stray cats, eat out of it, walk under my legs and leave. And I mean, yeah,
we don't, we don't frighten him in the least, you know? So, I mean, I think he can understand
by our demeanor. We're not trying to hurt him. What'd you say? Right. Oh no, I, I, I've
seen that happen. You know, they get comfortable with people, you know? Well, Lake Chacomo,
they have a begging thing where the rat, the raccoons form will come out and try to out
beg the other one to get the food. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Like one will jump
in front of the other, trying to look cuter. It's really funny. And then, you know, what
I did at that point is I just throw pieces of food everywhere and then get the fuck out
of there. So anyhow, um, demonstrators in Barcelona, Spain, of course, began, um, marching,
uh, in high tourist areas on Sunday and chanting tourists go home. But wait, there's more Rob.
Yep. The sign bearing demonstrators were armed with their water pistols and were shooting
water at the tourist. Isn't that a bitch? Tourists are walking through, they're like
marching, tourists go home and fucking squirting them in the face with water and shit. So,
um, anyhow, so, you know, they're shooting water at the tourists. The unwelcome shower
was enough for some would be tourists to go ahead and pack their bags. You know, Rob,
I wish you and myself could have been there. And I have a simple solution for all of this
that these fucktards would never, um, wouldn't bother us again. And here's what I propose.
Okay. What do you get me into now? Okay. We're over in Barcelona, Spain, right? And we're
like looking around, we're probably going to look for some good pastries or some shit.
We're probably hung over, right? And then these fucks come up to us and start squirting
us with a, with a water gun, right? And they have signs and they're screaming, go home
tourists. So I would simply have a water cannon armed with liquid ass. Problem solved. No
more loud mouth. Barcelonaians after that one. You're welcome world. You're welcome.
Yep. You are welcome. I'd probably run with the bulls, but you know, well, yeah, that
comes later, but, uh, that's after a couple of twelves and a little mad dog, right? Oh,
no, I'll do that sober. Okay. Afterwards, you'll have a couple of twelves in the mad
dog, right? Well, it, it take me back to the old days on grandpa's phone, right? For the
cows. Oh, oh yeah. You know what? You're right. After I went up and jacked with them, pissed
them off. I had to run for them. Oh, I did too. I remember, do you remember the old bullshit
line about you could cow tip and it was originated country. People did this to freak out people
from the city or didn't really know about farms. They would go up there and try to push
a cow over when they're just sitting there allegedly asleep. And then the cow would like
and they run like hell. Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We used to have people actually do that. We're
going, Hey man, you ever cow tip? No. What's that? And whenever a cow sleeping, they look
like they're awake. They just stand still in the night. They look like they're awake.
You go over there and you push on their neck really hard and they tip over. It's really
funny. And then that doesn't happen. They get kicked at, they do get kicked. They get
fucking moot at and you see them wet their pants running away. And then you let them
know you gave them the good news. Hi, hi. You've been had sucker. So anyhow, um, Rob,
have you ever heard of the great deer penis caper? No. Okay. That doesn't surprise me.
I knew about it just because I seen it, but I had no idea. It went so deep for years now,
someone or maybe a group of individuals have been peppering those deer crossing signs with
giant hand drawn penises. So there'd be a deer, you know, looking like it's jumping
and they would draw a penis about twice the size of his body hanging down. And it's impossible
not to notice it. And this has been going on for, I'd say maybe 12 years or something.
But every time I'm like, Oh my gosh, that kid's going to say, I'll tell you what, I'll
get my B minus for their creative. I know, man. It's actually really brilliant. I'll
give them a B minus. I'm like, man, no wonder today's youth is fucked. We did stuff like
this to them. So yeah, I've seen this on signs for at least eight years. Yeah. So I guess
the Missouri highway department is getting sick of cleaning the wieners off of the deer
signs. You imagine low man on a totem pole. What am I going to be doing today? You're
the wiener cleaner. What? You're the wiener cleaner. Yeah. So it's been peppering our
deer signs with penises. You got to go around with a little step ladder and some pine soil
or whatever and wipe that shit off. Oh man, go do it. Since we hire someone underneath
you, they're doing it. So anyhow, now they're encouraging people who might know someone
who is participating in this act to turn them in. They want them to narc on them. Yeah.
So my thought was when that big Casey scout system, you know, the big boards that they
have up over highways and they got the lights there and they tell you if like there's congestion
ahead or a wreck or a wreck or something. Well, that was taken over by hackers a couple
of weeks ago. I was hoping the giant penises would appear on those, but no, no such luck.
That's right people, two douche bags and microphone. Your dear Dick hub, you're welcome. So anyhow,
we are at the 20 minute mark. Do you want to go to break and you got something when
we come back? Yeah, I do. Actually, I got a warning for all of our female listeners.
Okay. And then maybe we can go to two bands that should have been glam. Should have went
glam, not been glam, but went glam. All right. No, no, no. That went glam that should not
have is what I was. Oh shit. That's right. That was the second one. Okay. We'll still
do it. I'll improvise. Go ahead. All right. We'll be right back. Yeah, sure. Great. Next
time you take a dump, listen to two douche bags and a microphone. It's been proven in
laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no, it's
the island. Horrible jokes. I will find you and I will have my word.
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Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze it cartridge. Not responsible for greasy residue
left on your Bluetooth. No, no. Strange. May you always step in a wet spot after putting
on fresh socks. Two douche bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We
offer you first world problems. My 76 inch smart HDMI, try phoning stereo TV. My remote
won't work unless I'm right in front of it. I can't believe it. This is bullshit.
And we ever wondered where something came about? And you ever looked at something and
said, Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so free. That's why we gave you
the origin of where did podcasts originate? The term was first coined by Ben Hammersley,
a writer for the Guardian in 2004 by combining the words iPod and broadcasting in 2005. Steve
Jobs, founder of Apple, introduced the idea of subscribing to a podcast by building the
concept into the iTunes interface. Who made the first podcast ever? 2004 Adam Curry and
Dave Weiner are credited with the invention of podcasting. Who exactly did what is up
for dispute? But in the end, these are the two guys who got it rolling. The term podcasting
was mentioned by Ben Hammersley in the Guardian newspaper article.
All right, we are back to Deuce Bags and Rikaphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob. All right, Rob, you
got a story you want to go to a warning, I guess? Yes, yes, yes. And that actually, this
goes out to more of our female listeners. Okay. Okay, it used to be that if you know
something weird around you, there would be some kind of funny story to it. But nowadays,
if you see something strange, it always seems like that means you are in danger. There have
been warnings shared on social media about how finding a water bottle in your car or
discovering one F written outside your home could be a sign that you might be victimized.
And now comes an even other warning. If you find a piece of cheese on your car, you might
be in danger. Huh? Okay. A piece of cheese. You heard me right. Okay. It all comes down
to how all the bad people in the world keep coming up with new ways to abduct potential
victims. And one woman is warning others after she found the dairy product on her vehicle.
The woman named Mimi shares her story on TikTok saying it is for all my ladies out there.
And in it, Mimi explains how she came out of church. In that church. Okay. Uh huh. One
Sunday, to find cheese melted on her car. Michael is thinking it was some kid's prank.
She called up a friend to help her scrape it all off. But when her friend arrived, a
white band with men in it, two parking spots, down from her, pulled out and went to a lot
across the street where they similarly parked so they could watch the woman clean off the
cheese. Mimi said it took an hour to get rid of the mess. She stated. I personally had
no idea that they were using this as a tactic to take people now. And if I hadn't told my
friend, I could have easily been taken in the hour that it took me to scrape off the
cheese. And this happened at church. So I can't even imagine whether trying to use this
on people. Okay. Wow. Yeah. This was a, this was an eye heart. I believe it. Wow. How crazy.
Yeah. You put cheese on a car in the sun. It's going to bake on her. Yeah. Take you
a while. Yeah. Oh yeah. And that would give them time to watch you and scope you out.
Yeah. What a weird concept, but I guess it would work. There you go. Lady. You find cheese
on it. And the story goes on to say that if you find this, don't worry about scraping
it off. Just get your car. Get out of there. Yeah. Cause they're going to be trying to
examine you and figure you out. So yeah. And also I would call someone to, I know you're
going to be worried about your paint job. Cause if you're, but don't worry about it.
Your life is more important. Absolutely. And besides that, at that point it's baked on.
You're not going to do the damage has done anyhow. So yeah, I agree with that. I think
that's great advice. All right. Now these are what we're getting ready to do. Is that
it? Did you want to go any further or not? No, no, that was good. Okay. Thank you, Rob.
Do you want to go into a three glam bands that should not have went glam? Let's do it.
All right. You want to be my guest? Yeah. Yeah. All right. My, my, my first two were
the same reason. Okay. Actually they're pretty easy ones, but my last one will throw you.
Okay. My first one, Motley Crue. Are you talking about they start, they started out shock rock
and then they went glam on theater of pain? Yeah. They would, they come out with Too Fast
For Love and then they came out with Shout at the Devil. And they were still shock rock.
And then? A little after that, about the time they came out with theater of pain, they start
to get, get more into the glam. I agree. And here's how I feel about that. Okay. That's
why I was interested on this one from the get go. And thank you again, Ronnie. He's
something else. You start out one style of music and then you go glam. That means you're
putting more of your attention into your look than your music. And that's how I feel about
these. Okay. And my second one, Guns N' Roses. Yeah. They came out with Appetite Destruction
was a certain type of music. Yeah. And then what was it? 1990? Came out with Strange Love
and they really started coming out with the more glam look. Yeah. Then they went to Use
Your Illusion. Pretty much went to hell. Other November Rain. I love November Rain. I can't
remember which one that I liked. There's one of them I thought was good. And the other
one was just a bunch of revenge songs against his ex-wife, against tabloid writers, against
other bands. I can't remember which one it was his one or two. But one of them to me
was pretty decent music. The other one was just Axl Rose spouting off against everybody.
And it's like, dude, it's like, just call them up and tell them they suck. Don't have
us buy your record here to let us know how much they suck. We don't care. So. Yeah. I
think it started about Strange Love and music. Was Strange Love off of the spaghetti incident?
Or was it? I think so. Okay. Because I don't. Yeah. Okay. I don't think it's on, what was
the one with Patience and all that shit? I can't remember that. Used to love her, but
I had to kill her. Use Your Illusion? No, no, no. That wasn't. No, no. No, it was, but
still, I mean, that thing just started going into glam. Okay. Okay. I get it. I get it.
My opinion. No, that's cool. No, this is your opinion and that's fine. And the music went
downhill. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now my last one is a little different. Okay. This band started
out in Texas as a glam band in the mid eighties. Oh, I know who. Yeah. The two of them are
dead. Right. And their name was Metal Magic. Oh, I thought you were talking about Pantera.
Okay. Pantera started out glam. No, no, no. Okay. They started out in Texas in the mid
eighties under the name Metal Magic. Okay. They got to be known for their hard hitting
hammering sound. Pantera. Oh. They were playing their same music. Their music, they would
have made it either way. When they were Pantera, they were ultra glam, but their music was
heavier so it didn't match their look. So when they went with Phil and Salmo and that
tough guy look, that's when they went exploded. Yeah. But everybody already liked their music.
It wasn't about the music or about the look. It was about the music. You know how many
people I know that do not realize that's the same band. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. It's like,
no, that's the same band. I think the lead singer is different. I don't think they had
Phil and Salmo and he really kind of put them over the top with that fucking tough guy,
punch your face out metal stuff, you know, or whatever you want to call it, hard rock.
So, okay. That's a good choice, Rob. I like that. It's just reverse. Yeah. Just reverse.
They started glam and they didn't need to because they were playing that style of music
and they would have took off either way. What was their name at first? Metal Magic. I never
knew that. Yeah. I was like, wow, what a coincidence because Pantera came from Texas and they did
the same thing. Okay. All right. Thank you, Rob. Okay. I did mine slightly different.
I took the whole question. I bet you did. I took the whole question different. The way
I envisioned this, Rob, was this. When they went glam, they didn't look right like Judas
Priest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the album Turbo was a good album. It's just they looked
different and they didn't really fit what they looked. They're kind of like an outlaw
biker band, biker metal stuff. Right. Yeah. Then they went and started dressing themselves
up and stuff and it's like, and they quickly quit it to their credit. They did it like
just during Turbo and then after that they dropped it like they should have. So. Okay.
I didn't think that they dropped it. I just, you know. Yeah. They dropped it pretty quickly.
Yeah. So, oh, I didn't take that question that way. I was thinking that they started
like heavy or whatever and ended up glam. Okay. I took it. I took it in look because
they were talking about. Pantera and turned it around. Okay. That was cool. That was a
great choice for what you're talking about. Okay. The guy we couldn't think of was Tim
Ripper Owens that replaced Rob Halford for a while. Then Rob Halford came back. Okay.
Yeah. Okay. Here is who I had. Lizzie Borden looked absolutely ridiculous with hair stuck
up and makeup. That guy should never get near makeup. You mentioned that. He should never
wear spandex. He should have never, ever tried to go there. It was ridiculous. He looked
like a horrible looking drag queen. One that just couldn't pull it off. Yeah. Yeah. It
was bad. If anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about, put Lizzie Borden glam look into Google
and you'll get all these images of him and how ridiculous he looked. The second one was
a little old band called Autograph. Turn it up. Yes. Yes. They didn't start out glam.
They started out early 80s and they were just a good hard rock band. They started out one
of the bands that helped start heavy metal actually. Yeah. They were on like the AM heavy
metal stations before heavy metal really got going. C Rock AM 1030. Yep. Okay. There was
a buddy of mine that had moved to Arizona. It was there too. They had an AM station out
there and he sent me a mix tape of all this new heavy music before it actually hit city.
Autograph turned up was on that mix tape. I wished I still had it. Let's see if I remember
correctly it was like Crocus screaming in the night. That was like Quiet Riot come up
feeling noise. That was early Ozzy, Blizzard of Oz. Yeah. Yeah. It was a very turning point
in music. Especially metal and all of that. It went to shock rock because a lot of punk
turned into shock rock and it was a really turbulent time in music where things changed
quickly and a lot of bands got left out in the cold because they could not pull it off.
So anyhow my third one is a tie between two because I can't figure out which one was worse.
Jeffree and Great White. Greg Jeffree the guitarist should have never tried to look
glam. He looked ridiculous and Great White was too ugly to look pretty. So I'm just going
to leave him a tie. I definitely give it to you on Great White. Yeah. They were too ugly
to be pretty. Why bother? Look up Greg Jeffree and then look up Greg Jeffree a glam and then
you'll see what I mean. I will. Yeah. You'll be like oh dude almost as bad as Lizzie Borden
but nothing's as bad as the way Lizzie Borden looked. So anyhow do you want to know Ronnie
and Tulsa's question? Email? Yes. Okay. For this podcast and I didn't get a chance to
send you anything because you know my afternoon was real hectic like I was telling you okay.
But yeah why did Black Sabbath not have the same success his predecessor lead singers
did i.e. Ozzy and Ronnie James Dio? How come they exploded and Sabbath kind of just fell
off the face of the earth at least in America? Very intriguing question. That is. That is.
Like I said I didn't. I'm going to let you go first on this one. Okay yeah yeah because
I'm sorry. You read email I'm just now hearing it. I know I did not have a chance to send
you the text like I did yesterday to give you a little you know heads up on what was
going on. So okay here is the way I see it. First Black Sabbath breaks up with Ozzy okay
and Ozzy and Sharon team up and they get this all-star cast of band members. They got this
new young guy in Randy Rhoades. They had Rudy Sarzo, Lee Kerslake at first but then it turned
into Tommy Aldridge and Ozzy of course. Okay well they just came out and they're exciting
and new. They're playing a brand new type of metal this new faster stuff with the with
the finger taps and the hammer-ons and all the gimmicks and all that stuff. He's a little
blonde-haired guy, skinny guy that just fucking ripped and it's like oh my gosh what did
Ozzy do? He really reinvented himself. Everybody wanted him to sound like Sabbath but he said
no I'm going with the new stuff. Ronnie James Dio and Sabbath broke up. Dio did the same
thing. He went to heavier rock. He went to power rock and he did it very well. He went
out and got this European guitarist Vivian Campbell who was not the Randy Rhoades was
not the Eddie Van Halen but he was like a Richie Blackmore type of a player. Okay but
he was doing the newer yeah the newer style of rock. Very good very solid guitar player.
Very good one. And so Ozzy and Holy Diver, Blizzard Vos and Holy Diver, Ozzy, Blizzard
Vos, Ronnie James Dio, Holy Diver their first two solo albums hit big because they were
doing a new thing with fresh faces that were extremely talented. Claude Schnell on the
keyboards, Jimmy Bain on bass, Vinny Appesee fucking fantastic guitarist or not guitarist
I mean drummer. So Sabbath kept doing the same thing and that's what the problem was.
They came out with Born Again but it didn't hit over here because their record company
really didn't promote it that well and there was too much attention focused to these two
guys that just left Sabbath and they were tearing up the charts. So then after that
Sabbath tried to go back to their older stuff you know their real heavy dark stuff and it
just flat didn't work. Unless they would have had Ozzy or Dio with them they could not be
successful with new people. You see what I'm saying? It was kind of like when Gary Sharon
went into Van Halen. They could accept Sammy Hagar, definitely David Lee Roth but Gary
Sharon no. Too many prolific lead singers. The third one's just not going to work. You
need to use one of the old two. So Sabbath was the same thing. They kept doing the same
old thing and then they had to after Ian Gillan and then Glenn Hughes they had to go to unknown
singers like Ray Gillan and they had to go to Tony Martin. Both of them fantastic singers
but they were nobodies when they hired them so it just didn't hit. It just did not hit.
You had the first two albums of Ozzy and Ronnie James Dio burning up the charts. Everybody
running out to see them and Sabbath got left in the dust and I think that's what it is.
Their failure to change and get with the times and to do something different but at the end
it saved them too because when everybody forgot about the stuff in the middle and then Dio
came back everyone embraced it. Then Ozzy came back everyone embraced it. So what killed
them in the 80s and some of the 90s actually saved them in the 2000s. See what I'm saying?
So that's my take. You got something? Go ahead.
Actually you took a lot deeper than I could. I was just going to say the other two went
on to be good. They got their own bands, did their own thing and Sabbath just had a hard
time with singers I think.
Yeah and also they stayed the same formula when you had these new exciting bands of two
ex-lead singers that went on their own and they were doing the new style of music and
they fit right in.
Times were changing.
Yeah it's kind of like the Aerosmith hit because they got young with Run DMC and they came
back because of that. So Alice Cooper came back doing 80s stuff because he actually fit
right in. So Sabbath was still doing the dark stuff, the brooding stuff, the tongue
in cheek satanic stuff.
So even Rainbow came into the top 40.
Yeah Richie Blackmore wanted to do top 40 music. He was sick of all the other stuff.
They kept that style and that's what made it so awesome with Rainbow.
Yeah he moved on from Ronnie James Dio because he didn't want to do the Bach Beethoven stuff
and then incorporate it with old time medieval. Ronnie James Dio did that so masterfully.
So he was like you know what I'm going to get someone unknown, Graham Bonnet. Graham
Bonnet had power. He was a fantastic singer.
I mean I guess what happened is I read, I didn't know this at the time, but he was like
in Europe and he had a drinking problem. Then he kept going on stage hammered and Richie
Blackmore got rid of him but it didn't matter. They got Joe Lynn Turner after that and did
even better.
So yeah and then he rejoined Purple for Perfect Strangers and then after that was House of
the Blue Light. They were two very good albums with Purple. Then he left again and now he
does Celtic music with Blackmore's Night. That's his wife and a band of other people
that just play Celtic music. He has like 20 albums out with him and he's been in that
longer than he's ever been in any other.
Look it up, Blackmore's Night.
Oh yeah I'm going to have to listen to it and now you mentioned it. I'm pretty sure
my brother will want to listen to it too.
Yeah check it out, it's Richie Blackmore with his wife Candice Knight. I guess she kept
her name because she was like a radio DJ in Los Angeles or something that done Celtic
music. He met her, they got married and then now I think they live in England and whenever
they're in America or England they put out albums that are Celtic albums but they also
tour but they don't tour around here. The tour that they just finished up was all East
Coast. So anyhow, I mean if he came to Kansas City he'd probably have 50 people. So yeah
people just don't know about him. So anyhow and also Celtic music is not exactly the next
new thing anyhow. So you know anyhow. Alright let's take our next break and we'll come back
with some more stuff.
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Baseball's third season of the year begins tonight. Yay!
Oh shit what's that over there? Oh no! It's the island of horrible jokes!
Did you know french fries are not cooked in France? They're cooked in Greece!
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America. You can't touch me
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer bitch.
Your mama is like the sun. Big, round and hard to look at.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Can you take me to the hospital? I just broke my leg falling for you.
Hey there fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit
about.
The Japanese man has grown a 63 leaf clover.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
Hey Rob, you like Soundgarden?
Yeah, yeah I do.
They have a few songs that they're getting ready to come out with. They were done with
Chris Cornell. These were songs that were left on the table. I have no idea how good
they are. It could be like Koda from Led Zeppelin or maybe not. They might be really good. But
Chris Cornell's widow and members of Soundgarden have finally settled a year long battle that
years long, not year, years long battle. I think it's been going on for four or five
years now that will release the late rockers songs with the band. In a joint statement
Vicki Cornell, the surviving Soundgarden members, guitarist Kim Thal, Matt Cameron and bassist
Ben Shepard announced that they have reached an amical court resolution following two previous
lawsuits filed by Vicki Cornell. This is the first time that the two parties have worked
together since Chris's untimely death.
Like I said, I think it's three or four songs. It's not a full album unfortunately. But it's
three or four songs that they had that they never did put on an album or nothing. I don't
know if they're proud of them. I don't know if they hate them. I don't know if they were
somewhat unfinished. I don't know anything about them except these were songs that were
left on the table that they could put out because obviously there'll never be another
Soundgarden without Chris Cornell. And so when they were getting ready to put them out,
I guess Vicki Cornell, who never did get along, from my understanding from what I read if
it's true, never did get along with the other members of Soundgarden. And you know, she
blocked it. She said, no, part of this is mine because I'm the widow of Chris and you
guys can't put it out till we figure out something. So and you know what? I agree with her. I
mean, you know, you can't just this stuff was her property because the late Chris Cornell
could not defend himself in it, right?
Right, right.
So I agree with it.
So now...
She's the widow. She has that right.
Yeah, she owns what part Chris did. It was passed on to her when he died. So, you know,
now that they seem to hug it out, how about Cornell's daughter, who is a phenomenal singer
herself, maybe release some music with Soundgarden? I would love to hear that. Probably will never
happen. But have you heard the duet of Black Hole Sum with her and Chris, her dad?
No, I have not. I have not heard her.
She is an amazingly talented singer.
I will have to look that up.
The duet she did of Black Hole Sum with Chris Cornell is...
I love that song.
It is remarkable. It is just a fantastic song. And she is a hell of a singer. And I mean,
I think it'd be a great tribute to Chris to have her do a few songs with him. You know,
who knows? I don't know if she writes music or anything. Probably. I would say probably
if she did, probably not like her dad. But still, I don't know. I wouldn't view it as
gimmicky. I would view it as cool. But I don't know. Maybe other people feel different. So,
anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
I'm writing this down.
Oh, okay.
I was writing down Black Hole Sum with Chris Cornell and his daughter. I want to watch
that.
You know, every time we do the animal sounds, our feed slows down. Our second feed, our
most popular feed of goat noises and duck noises.
Blah, blah.
Yeah.
Everyone leaves our show and goes to that.
So, anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
All right. For Henry Winkler, it was no laughing matter when the FBI showed up at his home.
Okay.
The very actor who started the fawns on Happy Days spoke on the Smartless podcast in an
episode released Monday. Today's Wednesday. And the 78-year-old recalled how he once received
an unexpected visit from law enforcement. So, I'm sitting in my apartment at the Star
Beacon. I have a Victorola because everything was vinyl. I went to Tower Records on Sunset
Boulevard. I bought Dan Fogelberg. And I was listening to Dan Fogelberg on my rented Victorola.
The door knocks.
I get up and said, Winkler, there are three men with baddies. And I said, oh, no, you
do not smell what you think you're smelling. Oh, my God. And they said, we're with the
FBI. There was some weed going on until those Sean Hayes turned in.
Winkler said that as he broke his sweat, it turned out that they had other priorities.
Okay.
We're not here for that, Winkler quoted them. We just want to meet the fawns. I was so happy
that I was stopped being put in handcuffs. And I didn't care what they did.
That's awesome. Here he is thinking he's in trouble. And they're like, no, no, no, we
just want to see you. We just want to meet you.
That's fucking cool. I love that story.
FBI agents.
Yeah. I'd be shitting too.
Wow.
Yeah. I would be shitting also. Absolutely.
Especially if they're sitting there listening to Tam Fogelberg on a big, the world of spoken
pot.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Wow.
It didn't say when that happened.
I bet a long time ago because they're there to meet the fawns. I bet you it was a long
time ago myself, but who knows?
You know, Dr. Pepper boasts 23 flavors, right?
Right.
Right there on their can. 23 flavors.
Right.
You ever know what those 23 flavors are that's in that Dr. Pepper?
Actually, I've always wondered because I would taste one flavor and that's called Dr. Pepper.
I know. It's a brilliant flavor. I love it. I love the one with artesian well water and
pure cane sugar. The kind that you get in Waco, Texas only at their museum. That stuff
is phenomenal. But anyhow, Dr. Pepper's blend of 23 flavors are this. Cola, cherry, licorice,
amaretto almond. All this is allegedly, I mean, I don't know this would be true, but
it was in a online magazine that I was reading. Let's see. Armatello almond, whatever that
is. Vanilla, blackberry, apricot, caramel, pepper, anise, sarsaparilla, ginger, molasses,
lemon, plum, orange, nutmeg, cardamom, cardamom, I think is how you pronounce it, allspice,
coriandine, Jupiter, birch, and prickly ash. Those are the 23 flavors. I only figured out
a couple of them. I only figured out a couple of them. The rest of them was news to me.
You? Like I said, I always figure there's one flavor and it's called Dr. Pepper. Yeah,
because a lot of people- I know there's other flavors, but I'm never worried about what
's in it. I'm drinking it. A lot of people accuse it of being carbonated prune juice,
remember that and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're idiots. So anyhow. All
right, Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do. Okay. Let's see which one we'll go into. Hey,
you'll go into hot tubers, yeah? Yeah, yeah, why not? Your 15 minutes isn't quite up. It's
a new one. It's one I ran across today. Okay. Hayley Welch, now known as the Hot Tube Girl,
is moving on to much bigger things following the street interview that made her famous.
Welch is reportedly a subject of interest among producers who want to make her the star
on a reality TV show. According to TMZ, the 23-year-old is edging towards a TV deal. Okay.
We're told big name showrunners and producers are reaching out to people in Hayley's orbit
to discuss what kind of show they could create as a vehicle for her bubbly personality. What
is that? Okay. I'm not here to argue. Yeah, she has a bubbly personality. Our sources
say her viral fame is not the only factor growing in Hollywood. We're told they also
find her relatable and humorous traits. They say she showcased on a recent post-school podcast
with Brianna Lepaglia. TMZ adds that the Hot Tube Girl is still considering her options.
Her management team spent last weekend discussing her options with producers and talent agencies.
You can become a star. I can see her in some new comedy movies, but it could be TV shows
those were serious but then she throws in something like that.
Yeah.
That'd be interesting.
I think it'd be interesting.
Hey, I don't think it's beyond reason to think she could become one.
I mean, we really don't know anything about her.
I mean, she was actually kind of funny on the Huck 2 stuff.
I mean, I kind of respected that, that she just went ahead and went out and went.
She has the looks.
She has the looks to go with it.
Yes.
Yeah, I could see her doing something.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me at all.
So okay.
Thank you, Rob.
Did you hear about the NFL lawsuit about over their direct ticket?
No.
Okay.
I'm surprised you didn't because you're into football a lot too.
But this is kept in kind of, it was kind of kept down.
I had to look a little bit and find the article because I was looking at rosters.
And remember when we were doing that, top seven quarterbacks?
Right, right.
That's when I found this because I was digging, looking at rosters and trying to figure out
my top seven.
Oh, Ronnie has not sent his top seven in.
He was supposed to.
But anyhow, I'm sure he'll get to it unless, unless it didn't come through.
Oh, no, we just did that last night.
Oh, that's right.
He hasn't heard it yet.
Yeah.
My bad.
Good point, Rob.
If he didn't hear it, he can't do it.
Good evening, Ronnie.
Sorry, Ronnie.
When you hear this, you will, you have already have heard it and you know what we're talking
about.
Well, all day long, I've been expecting and further requests on Facebook, but I'm taking,
wait a second.
I didn't give that info out until last night.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So anyhow, good point.
All right.
A U.S. District Court jury recently ruled the NFL will have to pay nearly five billion
after violating antitrust laws in Sunday ticket lawsuit.
The lawsuit alleged that the NFL inflated Sunday ticket prices and limiting access to
the service to merely a satellite provider, which is true.
You could only go through a direct TV.
So at the time, now it's interesting how games are being plucked from the Sunday ticket umbrella
and being put on Amazon.
So let's see.
You have Sunday Night Football, NBC and Paramount, Monday ESPN, ABC, Thursday Amazon, Saturday
Games and December and January games in January.
You know, that Saturday games in January.
I never understood why people, you know, put up with that anyhow.
You buy this package, right?
And then another thing that I noticed is when I used to work out at town a lot, I did have
the Sunday package and I couldn't, if I was in that market, I could not get on my phone
and get it.
You'd have to go through their channels.
Just like if you're in Kansas City, you won't get the Kansas City Chiefs feed on a direct
ticket.
You'd have to go through whoever is carrying it, channel 41, channel 5 or something.
You see what I mean?
So it was very limiting to me and I didn't care for it.
I did not re-up.
So I still though, I believe that the NFL is gravitating towards pay per game.
First is distributing on all these many sources, right?
So people are getting tired of having to get a game here, get a game there and subscribe
to like 30 different services to get all the games, right?
So they put them out on all these sources and then they come up with this brilliant
idea.
Well, we got one platform where you can get everything.
It's pay per.
So every week you go to your app, your NFL app.
This is the way I think it could happen and I bet you it's been in the works, but I don't
know.
Allegedly, this is my opinion.
But I see them all of a sudden going, okay, well, since we're all spread out everywhere,
what we're going to do is we're going to centrally locate them to our app.
And if you want that game, it's 499.
See what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Yeah, I could see that happening really easily.
We shall see.
Anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
I, this is the worst insult of 2024.
Okay.
Have you ever been scrolling through comments section and knows someone right?
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
I'm not sure if you're going to be able to see it, but it's a response to something
similarly irrelevant and or annoying.
Like you're just trying to take a guy's over behind the counter at your job, but you can't
stop ranting about white people believe dinosaurs are dead when Jurassic Park exists.
Oh, wow.
Well, there's a new, well, well, there's a new fast food related catchphrase.
Okay.
And in case you're wondering why you keep seeing it all over TikTok, we have a quick
explainer down below.
But yeah, I can't.
Yeah.
Okay.
In the case of the phrase, just put my fries in the bag.
I love that one actually.
It's basically like you've ran into an old high school acquaintance working at the drive
through where you're just trying to pick up some blood.
Uh huh.
And they're trying to reminisce with you against your will.
Uh huh.
The phrase which transformed over time from ketchup to fries is typically used as low
blow.
Yeah.
So yeah, you run into somebody at drive through.
That's what you get.
Okay.
I don't know.
I mean, yeah, it's nice to reminisce, but not while you're working.
Yeah.
Working at drive through.
I always got it a little bit different.
I didn't know it would be.
You see, I always like heard it like, I always took it like, you ever have someone go, Hey,
I don't go and shake your slurping machine.
Never heard that one.
That one's great because it insinuates and I'm doing in parentheses, you're a lowly 711
night worker and they go in there and they're shaking your slurping machine.
So someone would say something a little bit smart ass or equip or something online and
they wouldn't like it and they would put, Hey, I don't come down there and slick and
shake your slurping machine.
So don't comment on my shit.
Right?
So I, I, uh, I kind of took it like that, but I had no idea there's different direction.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
Thanks, Rob.
Um, I guess Tom Brady got a lot of flack because he said that he regretted leaving the NFL
watching my home's play and how much fun he was having, you know, and he does my homes
is like a kid in a candy store.
And so is Travis Kelsey too.
I mean, that's part of why he's such a winner is because he loves every inch of the game.
Every second that game he is relishing and he knows it.
Yeah.
But anyhow, people are saying all bullshit to that.
And I think Tom Brady meant it.
I mean, I'm not going to go into it all, but people were saying that like, Oh no, Tom Brady's
never done anything that he never gave much thought to.
And he had to give it a lot of thought, but he wanted to leave the NFL.
This is what they're saying.
And I'm saying, I think I believe Tom Brady.
Why would he lie about something like that for real?
Right.
You know?
He's one of the homes, his biggest fans.
He has been since day one, you know, he admires the way, you know, the way the guy plays.
And he said, this is, it's his NFL now.
It's his league and he's right.
And greatness knows greatness is another thing.
So when Tom Brady, he's come out and said that Patrick Mahomes will remind him of a
young here.
Yes.
He's come out and said it.
Yeah.
And I'll put it like this.
So people that are dogging on Brady, I think are full of shit.
And here's why.
You know how old boxers would train a young boxer and be behind him kind of like Rocky
when Apollo started training Rocky and he said, throwing the punches with him.
The same thing happens in football and the same thing like Tony Romo.
When Tony Romo's calling those games and saying everything that the next team was going to
do, why did he do that?
Because he was playing the game for them in his head.
Right.
Okay.
And I didn't necessarily mind that him doing that.
I thought it was kind of intriguing.
You go now you go and throw a four, three in there and you get the run stopper, you know,
and he do all this stuff.
John Gruden used to do it, but he wasn't as entertaining as Tony Romo.
So when he was doing that, he's reliving the game through that, through his eyes, that
guy's game through his eyes.
And whenever the old boxers that teach a young boxer, that's them fighting.
You see what I mean?
They're sitting there going, all right, yeah.
All right.
Rocky, do a jab.
No, no, no.
Right.
And he's sitting there doing the same punches with him.
It's the same thing.
And it's hard to let go.
And I believe Brady.
I think he was absolutely being honest on it.
So anyhow.
I think he was too.
Yeah.
And I don't know if people are just trying to stir up shit on the internet or whatever,
but I thought what a stupid thing to argue about.
So anyhow.
No, never.
Ever.
Yeah.
Not the internet.
So anyway.
No, nobody stirs anything up on the internet.
No, must have been a mistake.
Must have been a mistake.
So the internet's a holy place.
Nobody stirs nothing up on the internet.
Oh, speaking of internet tough guys, I have not heard from.
Oh, he hasn't heard it yet.
Forget it.
Okay, well, well, well, okay, while we're doing this.
Yeah.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Jimmy.
Love you guys.
Dodge City, Kansas is our hub.
We love you.
I think I got the name.
Yeah, it should have been Grandma, then Jimmy, then Ricky.
Oh, that's right.
We both said it wrong.
Yeah.
See, we said it so many times.
But we do it every show like we promised.
Sorry, guys.
You know what?
I'm sure that Jimmy doesn't give a shit and I'm sure Opal doesn't either.
You know, and we're keeping our promise.
We said from day one when we found out about Opal listening to our show and liking it and
Jimmy, her grandson getting it for her, we said we will never forget them in a show.
And every show we talk about them and say hi.
Yes, we do.
All right, everybody, I think that's it for me tonight.
I got a brisket go tend to and some pork belly that I'm intrigued by.
So everybody, I have a king size bed call of my name with me and my beagle.
So there you go.
But just to be just to be clear, it's plutonic, right?
You and your beagle.
Maybe.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over.
I'm just fucking around.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great night.
They'll be back.
Good night, asshole.
Oh, yeah.