And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
If a fly was de-winged in a horrible accident, would that make the fly then a walk?
Hmph. I may never know.
Have you ever wondered where something came about? Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
The Origin of Velcro. George D. Mestral found inspiration in his most famous invention in those annoying little burrs
that can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in the woods.
They came from the burdock plant, and when D. Mestral put them under a microscope,
he realized that they made use of little tiny hooks on the surface of the burr to grab onto whatever passes by.
They used to call it Jump-O-Leave until your mama got on it.
Two Deuce Bags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Hey Rob. Well, it's kind of a nice day today up here. It's like low 80s.
It's just a little humid because it rained in a few spots, but the temperature's been way down there for July so far.
Has it been the same? Yeah, we were like lower 80s, and then we just got a little shower all ago.
Isn't it nice and cool? Nice breeze blowing all day. Yeah, really interesting weather.
It ain't so bad. Yeah, that's cool.
Alright, well I guess we'll go ahead and get started here.
Finland is the world's happiest country according to a poll. I'm not sure how they did this poll or whatever.
And anyhow, they determined through this poll that Finland is the world's happiest country.
Could the Finnish sport of hobby horsing be a reason, Rob?
Well, this is the sport in tail. Hey, I like hobby horses. I do too. They're cool. Yeah, we both did.
You know a hobby horse. It don't matter how big we get. If we get champion on a hobby horse, we're getting on it.
Exactly. I agree. It's a stuffed horse. I don't care if it's your grandkids or not.
It's a stuffed horse head with a broom-like stick body.
Well, it looks like the Finnish people have a competition for people who jump on a hobby horse and compete with races.
Hurdle jumps and other obstacles. I'm telling you, a sad person could not do this.
So, I completely believe that Finland is the happiest country.
Because could you imagine anyone being sad jumping on a broomstick horse and jumping over hurdles and running and doing all these tricks?
There's no way you could be unhappy doing that. Don't you agree?
Oh, honestly, I see it as an Olympic sport myself. Oh, I'd love to see that.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, come on. I pretty grew up with one.
I'd be good with that. Well, we never know. Maybe the Finnish people will rub off on the Olympics and we'll see this happen.
So, anyhow. Yeah, they're coming up with great, they're coming up with some off-the-wall stuff these days to happen.
Yeah, I think this has been going on a long time in Finland though, which is cool. I think it's awesome.
In Amsterdam, a homeless man handed a wallet over to authorities that he found with 2000 euros in it.
Handler Al-Ali, a father of two, was picking up plastic bottles when he found the wallet.
Officials awarded Handler with a Silver Thumb Good Samaritan Award with a voucher for 50 euros.
The Dutch public was so taken back that they started a fundraiser for the poverty-stricken father of two.
Then they quickly raised 34,000 euros for the honest citizen.
Handler said that the money is going to be life-changing. He is very grateful.
So that's cool. Very cool. I'm glad that, you know, he did the right thing. He's getting rewarded for it.
And since he's picking up plastic bottles, you know, to make extra money for his family, he definitely needed it.
A New Jersey man reportedly flew to Florida just to attack another player over an online gaming dispute.
You know, I personally would have sent the bionic limb guy we reported in the last podcast and have him kick that guy repeatedly in the ass.
Wouldn't that be the best? That bionic leg could just kick the shit out of that guy's ass, you know.
No planes or fussy jail time.
Edward Kang, 20, is charged with attempted second-degree murder and armed burglary with a mask, according to Nassau County court records.
So that dumb-dumb is going to jail.
And I can't believe that the guy got so infuriated because he kept losing. I guess he kept losing to this guy on a game, some online game.
He got so infuriated that he flew all the way to Florida to try to kill this guy, I guess.
And then I guess he stole a few items while he was in his apartment after he tried to kill him.
So, pretty interesting.
And like we said before, the lost podcast from yesterday, which sucks, but at least I saved everything.
We have not explained yet.
We will explain it in a little bit.
Like we said on the last one, that dude's going to get Nass paddling, isn't he?
Yeah, but you haven't.
I know.
Yeah, it sucks, but we'll get to that here in a minute.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
You know what he does, Rob?
What?
He just scares the shit out of it.
According to an online poll, American's favorite cocktails are as follows.
Number one, margarita.
Number two, a martini.
Number three, an old-fashioned.
Number four, a mimosa.
And number five, a Moscow mule.
Moscow mules to me, me and a couple of people I used to go out of town with on my old job,
when these Moscow mules were really big, they served them in a copper cup.
And then when the lady came out, we were in Lincoln, Nebraska doing a job,
and we were at this place called the Rail Yard, and it's kind of like, I don't know, P&L is here and all that stuff.
It's a downtown entertainment district.
A bunch of bars there.
So we were in this bar slash bar and grill place, and my friend ordered a Moscow mule,
and the lady explained to him, said, OK, $20 is going to go on your credit card.
And as soon as we get the copper cup back, the $20 goes off of your credit card because they were stealing them.
I think the only reason Moscow mules were ever big in America is because people were stealing the copper cups.
It became a thing.
So anyhow, another list, according to Markets...
I could see that.
I could too, and I saw it.
They just thought it was a big deal, and people flipped out over it, and I just thought, OK, big deal, a copper cup.
But whatever.
Another, let's see, another list according to Markets.
Boston has a number one, and this is, you know, like cities per city here.
Boston, the number one, is a margarita. Number two is a martini.
Number three is an espresso martini, which will kick your ass, dude.
Have you ever had one?
No.
It amps you up and fucks you up.
Not a good combo.
Number four is a Bloody Mary.
So it'd be like doing meth and...
Getting drunk.
...a shot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And number five, a Cosmo.
Not good. Not good, just saying.
Not a good combination to have all that energy and be fuckered up.
No, no, no.
Chicago, number one, is an old fashioned.
And that doesn't surprise me.
Chicagoans are kind of like whiskey kind of people, really.
So number two is a mosa.
Number three is a martini.
Number four is a Moscow mule.
And number five is a Manhattan.
So I think that one's probably pretty correct.
And in Miami, number one is a margarita.
Number two is a mojito.
Number three is a martini.
Number four is flavored margaritas.
And number five is flavored mojitos.
So that sounds about right for Miami.
I mean, yeah, you know, they're down there in the baskin in the sun.
They want refreshing drinks like margaritas and mojitos.
So I get it.
Well, now to our hometown of Kansas City.
Number one of cocktails is Night Train.
Number two is hams.
Oh, come on.
Number three is buckhorn.
Number five is Boone's Farm.
What flavor, Rob?
What flavor?
We ain't moved out of the 80s.
But what flavor was it?
You said it yesterday, the lost podcast.
Which one?
You said the Boone's Farm flavor that you liked.
Country Quentcher.
Boone's Farm Country Quentcher is number four.
And number five, Old Crow.
So this bar that I used to go to just outside of town,
they couldn't sell hard liquor, it was just beer, okay.
And so what they did was they very ingeniously out in their yard
underneath the trees, they placed bottles of Old Crow.
So people go, I'm going to go outside for a minute and sober up.
They go out there and grab that Old Crow, take a couple of swigs,
then go back in and drink some more beer.
That's what my uncle did in his truck.
It was a great way to do it.
Yeah, they weren't breaking the law.
And it was Old Crow.
Yep, Old Crow is what you do that with.
It's sipping shit, that's for sure.
You don't slam it.
Yesterday I saw a stereo on sale that said the volume knob was broke off.
I said to the man, I can't turn that down.
And next.
Whilst we are the subject of booze, how about a new red wine ice cream?
It's all the rage, and apparently it is easy to make with numerous recipes online.
Got an even bigger sweet tooth?
Then you can check out the recipes for a red wine float,
which sounds pretty fucking good to me.
What do you think, Rob?
Yay, no?
Personally, I'm not a wine drinker.
Well, I'm not either, but I think these sound decent.
So anyhow.
Anyhow, you can check out the recipes online.
And I think personally, I mean, instead of getting a red wine float or red wine ice cream,
I think DQ needs to get in the game with Strawberry Booms Farm Dilly Bars.
That sounds like heaven to me.
Oh, now we know.
Go country quencher.
Okay, country quencher.
I know, because we're repeating some of this.
And we'll get into that after the first third.
So anyhow, yeah, country quencher, Dilly Bars, Booms Farm Dilly Bars are fine, too.
So anyhow, remember, I'm going to go into another story here.
Remember Steve-O from Jackass, Rob?
Yeah.
In a recent interview, he revealed plans to go under the knife for breast augmentation for an upcoming comedy act.
So he's going to get fake boobs, dude.
I believe it.
Me too.
I came up with the idea a few years ago to get a boob job and just film a bunch of legit funny videos, he said.
Hidden camera pranks with me in disguise, then revealing who I actually am.
He said the boobs are only going to be with him a maximum of three months.
Steve-O, come on, man.
Just go ahead.
Be brave and come out.
No one cares anymore.
The boob could even make you more popular.
It's okay, Steve-O.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Come on out.
Go to the other side.
We don't care.
We always kind of question you anyhow.
Yes.
Come on, man.
It's okay.
We're all brave.
Why not you?
Yes.
Just come on out and just no one will care.
Trust me.
And in a related story, Barry Manilow is going to get breast augmentation to sing the female parts of his duets on stage.
And next.
Okay.
You know, I don't know if Barry...
No, no.
I'm just thinking Copacabana.
With tits?
Copacabana.
That's my favorite song by him.
I mean, come on.
That's a badass song.
It's a great song.
You go to a bar, you get into a fight, you know.
I don't know if Barry Manilow came out or not.
I'm not sure.
But I know he's been accused of being gay a long time.
And that's why that was added in there.
I don't know.
I like him.
I don't know either.
He's a very talented...
I don't know either.
Just for...
Yeah.
Allegedly.
Anyhow, he's very talented and I like his singing.
But, you know, there you go.
I've got an observation, Rob.
Why are Americans so obese?
I used to think it was all the cheap fast food.
But now I think it's all the social dinners.
I really do, Rob.
Look, this is kind of a parody, but I really do believe this.
Okay.
I can't believe how many celebratory dinners we are constantly obligated to go to.
A friend's favorite TV series...
No, no.
You have a point there.
It's true.
You have dinners for everything anymore.
Like a friend's favorite TV series we re-upped.
For another season.
Dinner at 7 at the Tex-Mex place.
Your one-year-old sounded like he said mama and dada.
Yep.
Another dinner.
Little Sarah got her driver's permit.
Another dinner at the Italian joint.
Oh yeah.
Definitely got to be for little Sarah.
Yeah.
Little Sarah getting her driver's.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
You got to go to the Italian place.
Get some scatty.
Go where?
Anybody who you are, you got to be there.
That's right, man.
Get Sarah a big pile of spaghetti and some tiramisu because she got her driver's permit.
You know.
It's really kind of ridiculous.
You know.
Larry got rid of his toenail fungus.
Let's go celebrate.
And that is a reason to celebrate.
Don't get me wrong.
Getting rid of toenail fungus is something to be cherished.
But another dinner, dude.
You know.
I think here's what we do instead.
Here's what I propose to America.
Buy a shit ton of TV dinners and every time our new puppy hits the training pad and not
the newly refinished wooden floor, we go to video chat.
And watch each other consume a banquet Salisbury steak with carrots and mashed potatoes.
Isn't that a good common ground, Rob?
It'd get me to eat full time.
Hell yeah.
And then, you know, they go, hey, hey, our little puppy, he just hit the puppy pad.
Oh, no shit.
Hang on.
Let me go get my Salisbury steak banquet and I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Everyone warms it up and you're on video chat.
You're like, rawr, rawr, the little fido.
Yay.
Everybody has their Salisbury steak.
Yeah, well, the problem is with my dogs, I'd starve to death.
They never hit the pad, huh?
Oh, well.
Either outside or inside.
And they never seem to wait to go outside.
And anyhow.
I'm all the time working on my corp.
All right.
And you're welcome, America, for that banquet and then go the treadmill and run that shit
off.
And Rob, ever since I found out what boofing is because of Ozzie's Liquid Death commercial,
you know, boofing is Stevie Nick style.
I keep sending random friend stuff.
I'm going to go boof comment.
I'm going to go boof.
I don't know, fucking grain.
You know, I'm pretty sure everybody's getting pretty sick of me sending them something about
boofing now since I just learned what that meant.
So anyhow.
And I'm getting tired of hot talk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd rather it be boofing.
Come on.
That's a good one.
But it is.
It is.
They're working it out, man.
They're working it out.
Oh, I agree.
I agree.
They are.
So Rob, I hear angels and trumpets.
You know why?
You better.
Oh, shit.
I thought you were going to head to me.
I was going to send them your way.
Oh, go ahead.
OK.
No, I moved on.
Mountain Dew ice cream is coming to Taco Bell.
This will be available in two flavors.
Mountain Dew.
Mountain Dew ice cream.
Yeah.
I hear angels and trumpets, Rob.
OK.
I love the Mountain Dew ice cream.
They are awesome.
Oh, yeah.
That ice cream.
The ice cream enhances the flavor.
OK.
Keep going.
Two flavors.
Mountain Dew.
Baja Blast.
And the regular flavor.
The ice cream was tested in California stores and did so well, it will be in nationwide
Taco Bell restaurants soon.
So, you know what happened?
Jeffy X came up with a list of ice cream flavors that failed the focus panels at Taco Bell.
Yes.
No kidding.
And Jeffy X is...
Don't even ask me if I want you to go into it now or later.
Just go ahead.
I miss Jeffy.
Well, Jeffy X is our sleuth and he always finds these lists of stuff and uncovers them.
And anyhow, he found this one at Taco Bell had focus panels and this is all the ice creams
that was turned down by Taco Bell due to having their focus panels and people saying,
no, that's not good.
So, they throw it away.
And anyhow, Jeffy X...
Go ahead.
What?
Oh, I was just going to tell Jeffy if he's listening.
He's been slashing a little bit lately, dude.
Well, the problem is because he won't...
He's too busy.
Yeah, he's too busy.
He's enjoying the bat suit.
And the Sergeant Pepper's outfit, he won't take off.
So people won't take him seriously.
That's my fault.
That's my fault or he would have been around much more this year.
Yes, yes.
So, you know, what Rob did for him because he always gets us these lists is he embroidered
him some underwear.
It has an X on the back of it and Jeffy on the front of it.
Am I correct?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, I was trying to be a nice guy.
Hey, it was my first year as co-host.
I was trying to be a nice guy.
Oh, you were.
He loves those things.
And...
No, I know he does.
He won't take them off.
Rob is so nice that he even embroidered him a special pouch on the inside, a Steven Pearcy
pouch.
Steven Pearcy of the Glam Band Rat supposedly used to have a patch sewn on the inside of
his spandex so he could fill and fool everybody around, you know, maybe look a little bit
more appetizing to women and gay males or something, right?
So, he supposedly used to stuff these things to look a little bit better endowed.
So, Rob did this.
We're pretty sure that Jeffy X doesn't need any help down there in that department, but
Rob went ahead and embroidered him little pouches on the front of the underwear because
Rob cares about the guy.
I love Jeffy.
Yeah, we all do.
And then he made him a flying bat suit and a Sergeant Pepper's outfit because he was
a huge Beatles fan and he won't take the outfit off.
It was white, of course, his Sergeant Pepper's, but now it's black because he won't take
it off.
And then if he puts the bat suit on...
I had two weeks off around Christmas.
That's when I made all this for Jeffy's Christmas bonus for us.
Yeah.
And me, I'm a much simpler man.
I gave him the monetary equivalent to 80 hookers, five pounds of blow, and he could either spend
it on that, pay up a credit card, buy him some new trousers, whatever, you know.
Which, honestly, I think I got off cheaper than you did.
Oh, you probably did, but you did all this.
You took your time and made it, and it was an effort of love, Rob.
Always.
So, the number one Burrito Supreme ice cream was denied.
I see nothing wrong with that.
Oh, dude, that is my favorite Burrito Supreme.
Yeah.
And an ice cream?
Oh my gosh, you get two of the best things ever on Earth in one.
But the focus panel turned it down.
Can you believe that shit?
I don't think I'm going to like this whole list, honestly.
I'm telling you, I'm pretty disappointed in it right off the bat.
Yeah, Burrito Supreme right off the bat, no.
And ice cream.
Yeah.
Number two, Wild Onion was not passed.
I could see Wild Onion going either way in ice cream.
You know, it could be a little bit overpowering, or it could be okay.
I mean, so anyhow, we'll just take the word for it.
It was turned down.
Eh, yeah, in the right situations, I could deal with it.
I think I could too, but it doesn't matter.
It was denied.
So the number three one that was turned down by the fine people at Taco Bell
and their creative department or whatever, the fire sauce ice cream was sent packing.
And remember the fire sauce that they have, you know, the really, really hot sauce?
Yeah.
Well, this was going to be an ice cream flavor.
And I think I kind of agree with him on that.
I will have to back you on that one.
Okay.
Well, we're in agreement on that one at least.
Number four, carne asada flavor, they started putting on a taco plate,
but it kept melting all over the plate.
So there you go.
You know, you throw carne asada ice cream on a...
Yeah, that one.
Yeah.
That one self-explained to us.
Yeah, yeah.
They put it on a taco plate and it melted everywhere.
So it didn't pass.
So number five, fentanyl flavor.
Everyone's sleepy and then it failed.
Too soon?
Okay, next.
Grilled...
Yeah, we're not even going to go into how Taco Bell got hit, no.
We're not even going there.
Yeah, we're on the street.
Yeah.
Grilled...
We're on the street.
Yep.
I hear so.
They got it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Grilled tilapia was not a hit as ice cream.
I guess so, yeah, yeah.
I guess I can go with that.
What about you?
Yeah, I'm kind of up in here.
I mean, yeah.
Who would have known?
No one likes grilled tilapia flavored ice cream.
Number six, celery flavor was quickly denied.
Yep, yep, yep.
I think I agree with that.
Celery...
Too bland.
Too bland, yep.
Number seven, skull flavored ice cream did really well in Bates County but nowhere else.
So it was denied.
Oh, no, no, no.
Wait a second.
This should have been adopted in Camden County.
Oh, okay.
Well, maybe they didn't reach Camden County.
The furthest...
Yeah, Bates and Camden were not far apart.
Okay, then you know what is probably number one in...
What county is Camden County, right?
In that Camden County?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Camden County.
Just a couple of counties away, so I'm going to go ahead and go Camden County.
Yeah.
That was a favorite, too.
So, anyhow...
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that would be a big seller down here, I'd just say.
Okay.
Well, it was denied, so it doesn't matter, Rob.
We're not getting it, so...
I know, I'm disappointed as you.
So who doesn't like wintergreen with their ice cream?
Sounds like a perfect combination to me, but yeah.
No, no, no.
These snotts over there at the focus groups said no, so we don't get that perfect concoction.
And I'm very sorry, Rob.
Number eight.
Cicada ice cream was not a hit, and they can't get a good supply of the little crustaceans because they're all gone now.
So if they would have passed cicadas, I don't think they could have had them anyhow.
They're all gone.
They all died and went away.
They went ahead and hit them.
I think it made a good thing at the time.
Yeah, they waited too late.
They waited too late, I agree.
Yeah.
Number nine.
Sausage and egg ice cream was good with a couple of slices of bacon, but then again, the whole melting issue...
The whole melting issue kept it away.
They threw bacon on top of it, and the sausage and egg ice cream melted when you put the hot bacon on it, so it was a failure.
And finally...
Well, that's where they screwed up.
I know.
They should have done it differently, but maybe put it...
Okay, if the hot bacon melted it, leave the hot bacon off.
It's still egg and...
Yeah.
Put it in another container.
It's moving.
Yeah.
Breakfast ice cream.
Yeah, you put the hot bacon in another bowl.
Leave the hot bacon off, because that melts it.
Oh, no.
What I'm talking about is take the hot bacon and then dip the ice cream on it really quick and then eat it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that will work.
Or let it cool off and crumble it up and smash it in the ice cream.
But no, no, no.
We could make that one work, but they denied it.
You know, Rob, we have this foresight, but evidently the rest of America does not.
And it's sad.
We have different taste buds.
Yes, yes.
We're able to see these trends before anyone else.
And I'm very proud of us, Rob.
Very proud of us.
All right.
And finally, rice pudding wasn't approved.
It was too grainy.
It made everyone think of maggots.
I agree.
I think I agree with that, too.
So that is the end of the first third.
Our focus email will be coming up in the next section.
But we're awaiting a story from you, Rob.
Well, I'm glad you are.
Cool.
Are you hearing it?
Yes.
Are you hearing it?
Angels and trumpets?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
I got an American songwriter for you, brother.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Four classic rock songs that were never performed live and why?
Okay.
Okay, the first one.
The show must go on by Queen.
That floors me.
That was such a good song.
And it was such a...
It was a staple song.
Right, right, right, right.
Freddie Mercury was dying of AIDS, well, Complications days.
Right.
You know.
This goes into that.
Yeah.
And this was his finale song, you know.
He was kind of like, man.
Oh, I...
Suddenly I just answered my own question.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I know what happened, I think.
Okay.
Anyway, Queen was known for their powerhouse live performances, especially their classic
era in the late 1980s.
After that period, Freddie Mercury's AIDS diagnosis and his subsequent death by hearing
high energy tracks have really made it to their set list in their past couple of decades.
So it makes sense why songs like The Show Must Go On are rarely performed live on stage.
It simply would not be the same without Freddie Mercury.
Yes.
As soon as I said that, I realized what I was saying.
I agree with that.
Yeah.
And also, that was a staple goodbye song.
And you don't want to hear Adam Lambert or whoever else.
I forgot, was it George Michael?
Yeah, George Michael or Paul Rodgers.
You don't want to hear any one of those three singers that played with What's Left of Queen.
You don't want to hear them do that because that was Freddie Mercury's goodbye to everybody
and it was a perfect song.
Yeah.
So I agree.
And nobody could sing it like him.
Oh, hell no.
And not only did he have that voice and all that talent, but he meant that song so much
that no one could possibly come close to the emotion that he put into that.
So go ahead, Rob.
I agree with that 100%.
Yeah.
That was shocking because it was one of their biggest hits.
I'm surprised it never hit live.
Yeah.
It was a fantastic song.
That whole album, Innuendo.
I understand why after reading it.
I understand why.
That whole album, Innuendo, their last studio album was just full of great songs.
Anyhow, Rob, go ahead.
I mean, I could go on all night about it because that is one of my favorite albums ever.
Innuendo is so good.
So anyhow.
Okay. Next.
Firepower is one of Judas Priest's greatest albums.
So it's surprising that Flamethrower never makes it to their live set list.
Hmm. Um.
Song Flamethrower.
It's not super clear why the band hasn't played it live.
Firepower is less than a decade old.
So maybe they just haven't gotten a lamp to it yet.
Um. Yeah, maybe so.
I know they omitted a lot of this stuff with the, um.
Oh, shit.
I forgot the guy that took over for Rob Halford when he left Judas Priest and Foreign Fight and Halford and all those other bands.
Right. Right. Right.
I'm thinking that's what did it.
Yeah. Um. Shit. I forgot the guy's name.
He did a really good job, but it was.
That was actually a good song.
Yeah, it was.
Maybe they're just kind of like Motley Crue doesn't do any of the self-titled album with John Karabi.
You know, that's like an error that they want.
Could be.
Yeah. Maybe they wanted to forget about it.
I don't know. They don't want, you know.
Anyhow.
Um.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay. Next.
Eagles are known for their excellent and chart-topping recordings, but what they're really loved for is their high-energy performances.
Unfortunately, their track, My Man, is one song that never really got any playtime during their live sets.
Um. The Eagles cost too much for me to go to, and I am out of sheer outrage.
We'll not go watch them because of how high their concerts are.
Yeah. We've talked about that.
Yeah. So I would never know because I.
The price list of concert tickets. Yeah. We've talked about that.
Yeah. It's complete bullshit that they let that happen. So. So, okay. Alright.
Okay. And finally, it only makes sense that at least one Beatles song would make it to our list of classic rock songs that were never performed live.
Okay.
Tomorrow Never Knows is a band favorite from Revolver that was never part of the band's set list.
The producer, George Martin, said that this particular song was unreputable as the backing track could not be replicated properly.
The band stopped touring not long after its release, so we'll never know what it would have sounded like live.
Okay. They had so much material that I mean, I don't know what to say to that, you know. Okay. Alright.
Okay. But if you think about it, the Beatles really did not tour that many years.
That's another reason too. When they did tour.
Four or six years is all they toured.
Something like that. It was not very much.
Yeah.
But they were big.
Yes. Yeah. They were, man, I think they had a lot of internal issues.
And I think they did. Yeah.
Even more than what's been reported.
And I think they were very fickle about stuff.
And I mean, you know, you know, like nowadays we have Axl Rose, right? And he's really fickle. If he doesn't like something, he won't do it.
He doesn't care if it takes 30 years to get an album out.
You know, I think they had some of that fickleness, all of them, but it was four of them instead of one guy.
So whenever you get everyone on agreement at that special time, they probably went on tour.
And other than that, they're probably just like, that's all right.
I'm working on a solo project until the record company makes us do another album or whatever.
So, okay, I can believe that.
Okay. Yeah, that was it.
Okay. Oh, okay. All right.
Well, let's take our first break very late and we'll come right back with a featured email.
That sound good? Yeah. Yeah. Let's do the email. All right.
Be right back.
Hey there, fuck stick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.
Now from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Puzzle.
That's right, put Rob back together.
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rain forest is the perfect stocking stuffer.
Order now and get a free Buck Blood keychain.
Two douchebags and a microphone says,
you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Hi all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer bitch.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Harry Bittercress is one of my favorite backyard wild edibles.
It's a mustard so it has that characteristic zing that all the mustards have.
It's common and distributed in areas and all parts are edible.
Eat the young tender leaves which are milder in cooler weather, raw in salads or as an herb.
Larger leaves can be cooked. The seed pods are also good eaten raw and the small white flowers make a nice garnish.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fine apple.
Two deuce bags and microphone and mark.
And I'm around.
Like we said a little bit ago before we went to break, we have a featured email like we've been doing.
This one is Mark. I plan on going on a little romantic getaway with my honey to Key West.
Any hints for me? Yeah I got a lot of them.
Okay so. Yeah you're the Florida person. You answer that one.
Yep. I've been to Florida since like 1982, 83 and I went to Disney World with my parents.
That sounds like fun though. You have a good time?
No it was. Yeah not really. We were in a truck with an overhead camper driving from Missouri to fucking Florida.
What do you think? No you were not having a good time.
And us kids were not allowed in the cab of the truck so me and my bro stayed in the camper.
Yep that sucks.
Okay well first off my plan is, okay.
Gee I forgot the guy's name and I can't find it.
Because all of the, we had all this email. We had a show done last night.
But the problem is what happened is this right here.
We, my computer crashed. I lost everything on it.
I had to get all my backup stuff that I had.
But I didn't have this show on a flash drive like everything else.
So I had to reload everything on the laptop.
And then I got this big computer, this desktop to working again.
So we're doing this show a second time.
So and you know we're not doing all of, we're going over the highlights.
So anyhow I forgot the guy's name.
And when I regenerated this I didn't get his name on there. So I apologize.
So anyhow.
To be honest I deleted everything I talked about last night.
So I'm going with all the same.
I did too but I had the squirrel marks, you know the high points that I was going to go over.
And so I went from that. So anyhow.
But I don't have his name. So I apologize. You know who you are. So anyhow.
Okay. First off if you don't plan on flying into Key West.
Then plan a whole day from Miami to Key West.
It's around a four hour trip at least if there isn't any delays.
Yeah I mean it's one lanes in so many areas.
And you can't pass because you're on a bridge.
Too many people are coming the other way. It's an extremely.
US-1 is an extremely congested highway.
And you go over a lot of ocean that's just two lane highways.
And you can't get around someone slow in front of you.
So plan for a whole day if you're leaving for Miami or Fort Lauderdale.
You're going to want to eat in there sometime.
By the time you get there it's going to be three or four.
That's going to be your first day right there.
So and also if you plan on renting a car from Fort Lauderdale or Miami.
Wherever you fly in from.
Make sure it's a comfortable car.
Because it's a lot of driving.
And if you have back issues or something.
Make sure that it's a good comfortable car.
And you know maybe not a compact car.
You're all squished in there and not feeling so well when you get out.
Second make sure that the resort you book is not a swingers resort.
If you're not into that.
A lot of them are around Key West.
There are plenty of regular resorts.
So don't worry if you're not into that type of thing.
And a lot of them you got to read the code words.
It will say open very friendly adult resort.
And stuff like that.
If you read that read between the lines.
You want to go for something that says family friendly.
Low key stuff like that.
So anyhow so that's a big suggestion too.
Because believe me you don't want to end up in a swingers resort.
And not be one.
Because then they're like a bunch of hungry sharks.
And you're like a piece of fucking roast.
You know lying in the ocean.
So alright.
Third.
Yeah.
Yep.
Third when you arrive to Key West on US Highway 1.
Enter Cuban Coffee Queen into your phone.
Grab a real Cuban coffee drink as it's served with a real cream.
It needs nothing else.
So like it iced or hot.
Either way is fine.
Book all of this well in advance or you will not get in most places.
They are booked to the rim.
I mean they're booked probably 6 months out.
So make sure you book this early.
Key West Rebecca on Facebook is really a great service.
And it's free.
She gets paid from the resorts and restaurants and tours.
And gets nothing from you.
It's already added in the price.
And Key West Rebecca is so good.
She did all my reservations to Latitude's restaurant.
To Better Than Sex dessert restaurant.
To all the places that Sunset Cruises.
She booked the best times to be there.
And it didn't cost me anything.
So I suggest you look her up to book this stuff.
So anyhow.
Okay.
Book Better Than Sex dessert restaurant.
It's all desserts.
The place is all booked up as well in advance.
So again get in early.
It is only open in the evening.
So each table is privately sectioned off with black curtains.
Very private.
I'm going to leave that one alone.
Well the idea is.
No go on.
You could probably get away with a little bit more.
I just had to say it.
I couldn't wait.
I had to say it.
No I think everyone else is thinking this too.
It's a very.
You know what.
Everyone gets the idea.
All I got to say is that better be some damn good dessert.
It was.
It's a very.
It's a very private cozy booth.
The waiter sneaks up on you and asks if you would like a rim job.
And automatically.
Oh my gosh.
Come on Mark.
Could you imagine somebody walk up to me and ask me that.
No you should have seen the look on my face.
I wish I would have had a picture.
I'm like huh.
And they know they do this.
They know they make the person go.
Go for it.
This means would you like drizzled chocolate syrup all over the inside of your wine glass or drink.
But it's funny when the waiter walks up to you and goes.
And you don't see him.
He just goes would you like a rim job sir.
And you're like huh.
No no not a dude.
Not a dude.
Well it's just funny because I think they're probably.
Anyhow anyhow all the dirt all the desserts are named very suggestively.
It's a really unique place and fun a bit pricey but well worth it.
Once in life.
Lou's backyard is a very fun place.
It's a huge Victorian three story house with a private beach and a private cove around back.
Large leather recliner seats that are overlooking the ocean.
In the yard.
And volleyball nets on the beach with plenty of room to lay out or just jump in the ocean.
Loud music and tiki bars.
Go ahead what.
All I'm saying is I would do that out of fun.
Oh it's a great place.
We got to get our kicks.
Yeah.
It don't mean that's what we mean.
No no no.
We're going to call you on it.
Exactly.
No no no I didn't do that.
You asked me if I wanted a rim job.
You know what.
Real answer.
I wasn't too much shocked to make up anything just to be sarcastic or whatever.
I was just like.
So anyhow they got me on that one.
So anyhow volleyball.
Honestly I'd probably be that way because I would not be expected.
No and believe me there's they have two partitions there and he comes from the one that you're not looking at.
So it's pretty weird and there's only leaders there the one a waitresses that I could see him.
So anyhow.
Honestly that might be how they get away with it.
It is.
I'm pretty sure.
You mentioned that they send guys not girls.
Yeah.
Girls they can get sexually.
Yes I think that guys would be all over the girls and possibly guys.
That is what I would be waiting for.
That is probably why they have waiters.
I bet you're right.
You got a point there.
I'll give you that one brother.
All right.
Loo's backyard like I was saying loud music Tiki bars.
It's a lot of fun.
If you can go there and once again call down there.
They fill up early.
So try to get there early.
They don't take reservations of course because well in the house they do because it's also bed and breakfast.
But you probably don't want to stay there because it's pretty pricey.
You stay somewhere else and just go the backyard and have drinks.
So they even got a restaurant there if you want to do that too.
So anyhow Latitude's restaurant is a must.
It promises the best sunset ever and it delivers the outdoor seating.
The tables are under beautiful tall palm trees and the tables are on the edge of the beach facing the sunset.
It is quite an experience.
Food was good a bit overpriced but it's Key West for what you get.
But you're there for the sunset.
Great drinks and a sunset.
I had a large frosty mug a yinling and an outstanding sunset on the beach.
Oh I had a cigar too.
They let me smoke a cigar.
It was outdoors.
All on a private island as well.
So when you book it they tell you where you meet at.
You meet at a wait area and the boat comes and gets you.
Where you meet at is right behind Margaritaville right off Duval Street.
And there's like this dock kind of an area a concrete area there with docks off of it.
And it's kind of almost like a sea.
And down here we call that land shark bar.
Okay yeah.
Yep.
So anyhow you meet there and then at 8 o'clock or whenever 6 o'clock I think is what it was.
The boat comes and gets you and then they take you out to latitudes and your reservations and all that.
The Sunset Cruise is another must do.
Sunset Cruises was a great one.
That's the name of it.
Sunset Cruises.
A catamaran picks you up from the square and drives you out to the ocean a few miles.
Anchors down and then serves drinks until the sunset.
They serve drinks from the bar on the boat.
They got a huge bar in the middle of the boat.
And then they hand out drinks for an hour or so.
And the sunset happens and they turn different angles so you can get all angles of the sunset.
And then after an hour and a half of drinking they head back.
And it was just so fun.
It was a great place.
We ubered to the event so we could both drink.
I actually got so trashed.
The uber coming back had fucking strobe lights in it and I was trashed dude.
And some weird electronic music.
And I'm sitting there thinking I'm going to vomit all over the place.
Because man there's all these strobe lights flashing.
And fucking electronic music and I'm smashed dude.
So anyhow when we got back to the resort I fell on the end table and the lamp and destroyed them both.
And that's the drunkest I've been in a long time.
I've never been fall down and destroy shit drunk.
Probably since I was in my early 20's.
Maybe even earlier than that.
The resort didn't charge me I was surprised.
I remembered you a couple times.
Just saying.
Ah I didn't know you did that.
Well that was in the 80's.
That was in the 80's.
Yes I hadn't done that in a long time but this place brought it out of me.
So anyhow.
Blue Haven is an outdoor restaurant.
The tables are in the middle of huge corkscrew oak trees and a deck.
Free range chickens they roam the whole area.
The food is excellent and this place is a must.
And it's just a great experience.
You're underneath these beautiful shade trees.
It doesn't matter if it's hot they have fans going.
It's nice and cool under there.
And like I said these huge corkscrew oaks that are just beautiful.
It's a great experience.
And the food is really good too.
And they wasn't too crazy priced.
So it was great.
And finally go to DeVall Street for the square experience.
Adam and Eve on DeVall Street is a nude bar upstairs and a regular bar downstairs.
So you must be nude to attend the upstairs.
I of course did not get nude.
I peeked in at the upstairs.
And it looked like a bunch of old Europeans that had no business being nude in public.
So I suggest if you do go to the nude bar upstairs before you peel anything off.
You take a little gander like I did.
And make sure that anything up there is worthy of you being naked for.
So anyhow.
And that's really about it.
So I forgot your name but there you go.
That's my Key West.
Thank you.
Yeah I'm glad he asked because I know so much about the place now.
I'm sure I can help everybody out that's interested in going.
So Rob we turn to you.
You've answered questions for me.
Just saying.
Oh yeah good.
I mean you gotta go Rob.
Honestly you have to go.
So and that and a cruise.
You gotta do a cruise.
So.
I'm working on it.
Alright that's cool.
Alright Rob we turn to you for the next story.
Are you sure?
Maybe.
No go ahead.
Uh social media is buzzing as ex users has found a potential link between the viral hot two.
That's why you asked me if I wanted to go to you.
Okay go ahead.
And the sentence.
Okay.
The sentence.
I really take the sentence.
Yeah.
Senses are a miracle.
They predicted.
They predicted so many things man.
It's uncanny.
Okay well here's this one on the hot two girl.
Okay.
Look it up if you don't know what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah she's hot.
Just saying.
Anyway.
You're a lot younger than me.
Anyway.
This month Haley Welch became an internet sensation after a response to a street interview
question from Tim and DTV about a technique that supposedly drives them wild.
She replied you gotta give it the hot two followed by spit and he praised.
Spit on that thing.
Ex users have pointed out that her technique bears a striking resemblance to one used by Laura,
a character from the Stetsons who Barks had a crush on in season two or season four episode.
Okay.
Wow.
I'm gonna have to look this up.
Both women share a unique method of driving men crazy.
Spitting on their hands.
The episode featuring Barks fleeing in infatuation first aired in 1992.
Towards the end of the episode Laura and Barks are sitting on the pavement when she tells
him she's going to tell his fortune.
Taking Barks hand Laura quickly brings a smile to his face by predicting he will become wealthy.
She even suggests a mansion where they can escort lies and Barks future.
I remember this episode.
Wow.
But Barks is left almost speechless when Laura spits in the palm of his hand.
After she departs Barks places into saliva on his hand and clears I will never wash this
hand again.
Barks takes his vows seriously even claiming this hand is taking control of him after
Lisa Simpson complains to her father.
Cool.
But no.
I'm gonna have to go and look at this.
Did the same thing to him.
The Simpsons stuff is so uncanny it's just so weird.
It is scary.
It is.
I mean they predicted Trump's presidency.
There's been so many other things.
That's just been like one of the highlights.
And you can go see that on YouTube.
The Simpsons are up there with Nostradamus.
Yeah they may be ahead of Nostradamus actually.
I mean you think about some of the crap they come up and they call it.
I know they do.
It's weird.
So.
And here we have the hot two girls.
It is funny though.
I've watched that video several times.
I've been in love with a girl personally.
Anyway.
That's cool.
I mean she's an attractive young lady.
I get it.
Yeah yeah yeah why would she want anybody my age.
You never know.
Maybe you know how to do that thing she likes correctly.
Right.
Maybe.
I doubt it.
Maybe you have a little bit more experience at it right.
You know how to do that thing she likes really well.
When young guy busts a nut and runs out.
You're still there.
Maybe.
She's like 30 I'm 55.
OK.
You know Rob I tried.
I know you tried.
Thank you.
She's cute.
She is cute.
No argument there.
But I think she's younger than my daughter.
So.
That is creepy.
So I agree with you.
OK.
All righty.
We will be right back.
We're taking our second break way late and we're proud of that aren't we Rob.
Be right back everybody.
All right.
Next up.
Things overhead in hell.
Great news.
William Hungs World Tour has been extended.
Now from a center round bunker camped in Missouri.
Stocked full of dried goods.
Canned food.
And a couple of vibrating toys.
And some ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rad.
My mechanic told me I couldn't repair your brakes.
So I made you one.
Good job.
Thank you.
Up and comers.
Atlanta Denver Boulder Olathe Wichita Oklahoma City Fort Worth Texas.
Henrico wherever that is.
Overland Park.
We know where that's at.
San Francisco.
Glencoe.
I guess that's Canada isn't it.
Springfield Richmond Independence New Haven.
For City Council Bluffs Gardner Hackensack.
New York Los Angeles Melbourne London.
And the rest.
Thank you for listening.
Love you guys.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte.
Remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery.
Stay safe everyone.
Why two douchebags and a microphone.
Because two fuck nuts and a recorder was taken.
Two douchebags and a microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you.
First world problems.
I can't believe the coffee grinder is broke at the big box store.
There's no way I can be expected to grind my coffee beans every damn morning.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
I'm Rob.
Rob I got a question.
Well.
Alright.
Okay I just want your opinion.
I just ran across where I could see the Hawk Two girl in a bikini but I can't get there because I don't have Instagram.
It's easy to load Rob.
You can load it from your Facebook.
Hey hey hey I got distracted there.
I got distracted there from the Hawk Two.
Come on give me that.
I'm not arguing with you.
Should I go into the email.
I can't fold up because I don't have Instagram.
You can load it really easily Rob.
You can start an account in about two minutes.
I don't know if I want to.
Okay probably not.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Should I go into the email that the guy that supposedly hates us.
Go ahead I'm ready to call you off.
Okay.
I'm ready to back you down.
Go ahead.
Okay.
We did it last night.
Let's do it again.
Okay.
Alright I wasn't going to read it last night either.
Okay got an email from a guy that says we suck but knew everything about the podcast.
He named a large amount of segments on the show like Things Overheard in Hell and News
Nobody Gives a Shit About plus most of the regular parody bits we do.
I'm afraid of getting John Lennon dude.
I mean you know John Lennon got killed by his biggest fan that knew everything about him.
But then again got weird and hated him or whatever or wanted to wear his skin or whatever.
So anyhow figures all the crappy emails.
You know I get them.
And all the good ones I can't load.
So anyhow I'm going to go ahead and read it now.
Here's what it says.
Mark you seem to be the main host so I'm going after you.
You think you're a morning show on a rock station.
Give it up.
You are not and never will be.
Every time I look down and I don't see a paycheck for this I know I'm not on a rock radio station getting paid for this.
And also I don't think I'm nearly good enough to be on a decent rock radio station on a morning show.
That's the way it is.
I don't know how it sounds to you or how you think it sounds or how you're taking it.
But believe me we know we're not whatever you want to call it professionals or whatever.
You know this Rob right?
I know it.
Okay okay well see here's the thing.
Everybody keeps calling you out and not me because they could tell I'm not a morning professional.
You have that voice Mark and I've told you that forever.
I know and maybe that's why I'm getting all the criticism.
I don't know.
But I could guarantee everybody Mark is not a radio host.
All Mark does is what you hear us do.
This podcast.
Yeah yeah believe me I mean I could have I could have went to.
That's no bullshit people.
I could have kept going to college for broadcasting.
I chose trade school.
Yeah.
So I am not.
Yeah I am not a radio guy.
And that one guy he quit writing me because I kept screwing with him going okay we're going to we're going to announce who I am on the next show.
And then after about five times of doing that he quit writing me.
Well I think he did.
Maybe I'm just not getting him like a lot of them.
I don't know.
This might be him.
You know what.
He's having somebody call you out.
It might be.
That's a good observation Rob.
They're going to feel like an idiot at the end because I know where you were.
Yeah I know.
I know where you were.
Yeah you.
It ain't no damn radio station.
No.
I would love to believe me I love to sit around crack jokes.
I believe it right there brother.
I would love.
Thank you.
I would love to surround crack jokes and eat free pizza every day.
But I'm not doing that.
So anyhow.
Okay.
So anyhow let's see.
Okay.
You know you're not a morning show Rock Radio.
Okay.
Give it up.
You are not and never will be.
No shit.
Thanks for the heads up man.
You use old ideas and try to freshen them up but failed miserably.
Okay fair.
Love you too.
I'm saying fair.
The strange insults.
Stupid not funny.
Things overheard in hell unoriginal.
News nobody gives a shit about should be changed to nobody gives a shit.
Oh my God.
That guy is so good.
Ha ha.
Anyhow.
Deep thoughts should be very little thought.
Oh my God.
There's another zinger Rob.
Oh wow.
He got me again.
Gosh.
Dude.
You should be in radio.
You two sound like a dentist drill.
Wait a dentist drill is funnier.
Go get lost.
Whoa.
Did he add me in on that.
Yes he did.
You too.
Oh.
See now you're getting now you're getting notoriety too.
Dude.
I was at nobody coming into this.
Give me a break.
So was I.
I still am.
Yeah.
We're both.
Yeah.
Dude.
We're doing this for free.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
He says he's skipping Joplin.
So here is my rebuttal.
In Joplin.
Skip in Joplin Missouri.
I think it's Joplin Missouri.
I don't know of any other Joplin.
So now that would be Joplin Missouri.
All right.
Okay.
Number one.
Skip to me.
I think you might be right.
Skip to me sounds like one of the fakest names you could ever fucking give.
If you're going to do it at least use I don't know Randy or some regular name.
Skip to me sounds like you're not original enough to over to to think enough to use a
name that won't make someone go.
Oh that's a fake name.
Skip is not your real name.
I guarantee it.
Number two.
Are you afraid.
Tell me your real name.
Think I'm going to come after you.
No I really don't give a shit.
I'm only reading this because I want to offer this skip.
Okay.
I want to give you your own podcast.
I want to hear how good you are.
I'm sure you're excellent.
So if you call in 816-217-7717 this would be.
I will give up my spot for the night.
Let's skip Bill M for me that night.
Okay.
Same.
Okay.
Yeah.
Be my co-host.
Let's hear what you got man.
I mean I think that's fair right.
He doesn't like us.
He thinks we suck.
That's fair.
Yeah and I'm all man on top of.
I'll step over.
Let's see what he does.
I'll even go better.
I'll give you your own.
I won't have anything to do with it except recording it and posting it on RSS.com on
our feed.
So you'll automatically get a lot of distribution.
We have a lot of listeners.
No joke.
So there you go.
You will be co-host for the night.
I'll step aside and then when you bomb I'll take the fuck over dude.
There you go.
And anything but a yes means you're a loud mouth wimp with no balls.
All you have is keyboard balls.
So if you don't take us up on this offer you are a pussy and you have keyboard balls.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
I'm calling you out.
You are a good job.
Since my email is messed up go to 2 Douchebags and Microphone on Facebook and message us
there to make sure we get it.
And anytime you want to have the free reigns or co-host with me.
The Facebook goes through me.
See.
So if you want to do this let us know man any night that I'm available I will record
your whole podcast and I will put it up there and let's hear it.
Well give me a shot.
But if you do not.
You want my job go for it.
If you do not do this you are a keyboard tough guy and nothing more.
Agreed Rob?
It sounds like he's stepping up on my job.
So that's why I'm taking over.
He's not getting it.
Nobody's getting your job Rob.
What's yours?
I know I know that.
But hey I got to act tough.
Well anyhow.
But anyway.
Yeah.
Skip.
You are getting my job.
Skip you got the invitation if not then shut the fuck up.
Mark and I have known each other since 1985.
Yep.
I guarantee you I like Rob a hell of a lot better than you.
I will move aside for a night.
See.
For you to get on here.
See Rob's such a good guy that he's willing to give you your own shot.
So there.
Yeah.
I'm willing to give you a shot.
Anything else Skip?
You are just a keyboard tough guy with keyboard balls.
Anyhow Rob enough about this loser.
Let's go to you.
You got another story?
See you got me on skip.
I did last night too dude.
I think you might have been more mad last night when I read it to you.
I think I was and I've had time to take over it and that's why I've calmed down a little
bit.
Well I bet he doesn't answer.
I bet you he does not answer.
So anyhow.
I don't think he will.
I've called him.
Well he ain't going to get to listen to last night.
No.
I was called this time.
Man that pisses me off so bad.
I think last night's podcast was so good.
I listened to some of it before I went and did some other recordings.
I did a couple of bits that I wanted to get to and stuff like that.
I put it.
I filed it under mp3s and everything.
And then when I went to it this morning I was going to start editing it to post.
It was gone.
My whole computer was wiped out.
And then I didn't have time to put that on a flash drive with four other new bits.
So that's what I lost.
Everything else is on a flash drive.
I reloaded it on a laptop and my desktop I got to working again.
So it's loaded on two computers.
So we don't lose most of the stuff.
So anyhow last night's podcast was great.
But you guys will never hear it because it's gone.
So anyhow.
Rob?
Yeah.
To be honest I was a hell of a lot harder last night on him.
Last night.
I thought you were going to fucking hunt him down and beat his ass dude.
Hey.
I have two extra brother laws that live in Joplin.
You know what Skip?
We can give you their names.
You can come down there.
I used to.
No no no.
I'll give them his name.
Oh there we go.
Skip give your last name.
They won't even know he's coming.
His name's not even Skip.
Yeah don't give us your last name.
You're in trouble.
His name isn't even Skip.
If you want to make up Skip.
Hey just say it.
If you want to make up Skip.
You just give it a shit.
Just say it.
I'm just giving you guys shit.
I'm not going to show.
Yeah.
You gave us a lot of content.
We'll say thank you.
Go ahead and make up.
But if not.
You're on my list dude.
Yeah.
You know Skip go ahead man.
That was a great email because it gave us a lot of content.
It was.
That is.
I'm sorry.
You know I'm PVP guy.
I'm a camera.
Super included.
I've everyone I'm going to let you know I'm so um, so anyhow.
Well.
um Gold.
going on? For the second time tonight another American songwriter. Oh I hear
I'm really loud and proud right now oh that's cool. This one I kind of like and I
think you will too. Okay. Greek classic rock songs that have been overused in TV
commercials. I am gonna like this because I'm sick of them go ahead. Well no there's
one I understand the other two I really don't. Hmm okay. Okay first of course.
Long to be wild by stepping-wood. To be honest I haven't heard that in a long
time but it was very popular for a long time. Yep. This heavy metal song from
Canadian-American rock band stepping-wood rose to fame thanks to its inclusion in
1969 road trip movie easy rider. But because it is such an iconic traveling
song and one that represents counterculture it has since been used in commercial after
commercial after commercial after commercial. I'm reading the words dude. That's okay.
Okay. From diet sodas to trains to diapers to cars it seems like the song
was actually born to be commercialized. Hmm yeah yeah agreed. Oh yeah the other
two I do. Okay. Second one. Breaking the law. Judas Priest. Yeah. I don't think I've
ever heard that on commercial. No no what's a funny idea for an ad say something
is breaking the law when the thing is actually totally lawful but it's just
going against silly convention and when you're ready to do that know what's a
good song to use. That's right. The Judas Priest hit from their 1980 LP British
Steel the song used to sell water puff pastry and chicken. I don't think I've
heard one of them. Over the years to be sure how could so many things be against the law.
I haven't done these in commercials we did not get to watch them. I know I don't
remember anything like that. Yeah I used to sell water. What the hell is puff pastry?
You know what they're French pastries they're they have a lot of filo dough
stuff like that. No this one hit number two on the list. Okay. And there's last one.
When I read it I did not think you would understand it either. Okay.
Ruster Life by Iggy Pop. Never ever heard that. That's ridiculous. I don't know.
I'm not on this list. No I normally love American songwriter but this no. Let me
let me read this. Okay. See that's the thing. We live in the Midwest it's
probably stuff we did not see. You're probably right. You're probably right. And
I think this and this one. Lust for Life come out 1977. The best way to
have a lust for life is to buy things. That is if you believe a lot of
commercials including this one for a vacation on a cruise ship that seemed to
play every five minutes of ever day on TV for years.
And the Iggy Pop song had been used as ads about a dozen times which is odd since the
guy is Mr. Rebel. But that's just how things work these days. In a world where
album sales are non-existent bank streamers that was in quotations was the
next place. This is what our best have to do to make a good living. Now don't you
feel you own Lust for Life? No I don't. But yeah it was only a cruise ship commercial.
Okay I never saw it like you so okay. Well that's what I'm saying. We live in the Midwest.
And like I said I don't remember the breaking. I don't know I remember a couple of
times here breaking along commercials. A long time ago maybe I don't quite
remember. Yeah. Oh hi Opal. Hi Grandma Opal. This is one of the most popular ones. Yeah I agree with that one.
Hi Grandma Opal. Hi Jimmy. I agree with this list. I don't know about Lust for Life. Yeah and I don't know either.
Hi Grandma Opal. Hi Jimmy. Hi Ricky. Dodge City Kansas. Love you guys. Thank you
Mark. Hi Grandma Opal. Hi Ricky. Hi Jimmy. And anyhow we are well into over the ones
going into other territories on this one. So do you want to go ahead and put a bow
on this bitch and call it good? How do you feel? I don't care what do you want to do?
You want to go more? You're the one that's got to get up early. Yeah after being off for four days.
Yeah you know what we'll go ahead and call it good. Oh no. If you want to we can go a little more. Okay.
All right I got this one that I want to talk about here. Totally up to you. Okay I got it.
Okay I want to talk about this here real quick and okay Rob you know it's very cool.
Look at our hits on RSS.com. There are perfect lines all along I-35, I-70, and I-80.
That means truckers probably caught on to us. Actually I've been thinking that. Yeah I mean.
I've been thinking that. We have a ton of hits. Let me pull out my codes. Okay. So I can go in.
Yeah we got perfect lines on I-80, I-70, and I-35. I've been wondering that because I had a local
ask me that works at national TV down here. Her husband is a truck driver. Oh okay. And she
was asked, she heard I was doing a podcast so she asked me about mine and I was telling her about
it you know. She goes well he kind of wants to get one of his own going. Cool. I said well here's
what you tell it. Go to RSS.com, set one up. Yeah it's not that complicated. That's all I could tell
it you know because I can't give her our information you know. No no no I mean everything is really up
to him. I mean you know if you want to do it. But yeah no he's a truck driver and he's he said
and she told me she said him and all his friends are getting bored. Oh okay well. With regular radio
so they're going to podcast. Well regular radio is so controlled and boring anymore it's no wonder
that people are leaving regular radio in droves. I mean all the talent has been run out of it
and you can't do this you can't do that you can't you know it's just too many regulations. Right.
You come here to the internet and say fuck, shit, piss, motherfucker, whatever you want.
And no one's trying to no one's trying to give you a big fine. You don't have the thought police
up your ass going hey we think you meant this. None of that. Why wouldn't people go to it? They
naturally gravitate to it of something like this. Where you can be honest. You can say exactly what
you want. And also you're free of radio stations control. Radio stations control are horrible
because they don't want anything that could get them any type of flak or any type of cancel
or anything like that. So they're so safe anymore. Radio is sterile. It can't go out of the box.
And if you do go out of the box you'll be run out of the business. That's pretty much it right there.
And to be honest yeah our name is two douchebags and a microphone. You know what you get. Yeah we
cuss but we're not that bad actually. No we could be a lot raunchier but I think you and I kind of
decided since our bits are pretty raunchy. Holy shit dude. What? I just pulled up RSS. Yeah.
I just seen our numbers. Oh my god. This is catching on more than I ever thought it would honestly.
Honestly. Oh my god.
Now I'm down to the cities and the country. Wow. I mean we've exploded in some of it.
I mean it's just very cool. It's so cool. No Borman has jumped like one third since last month.
Yes. And they are in our number two. Wow. Oh hey. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm going to try to pronounce it. You did it. I'm going to try to pronounce it.
Okay. Tappahannock our number four. Yeah out of nowhere. Suddenly everybody in Tappahannock
and surrounding areas. In the last month. I know. And they come out of nowhere. I know.
Wow. Yeah isn't that awesome.
Uh oh and there's our brothers in Harrisonville. I know. Growing. Growing. Like half of Harrisonville
is fucking listening. This is awesome. One two three four five six seven eight nine.
Ah damn it. What? Belgium went down to number ten. I know that kind of hurt me but you know what I
mean. They'll jump back up there. They always do dude. All it meant was some other places got
downloaded us a little bit more. Do what? Okay but our number twelve. I don't think I can pronounce
it. Hang on. Let me look here at number twelve. Dripzak. Weiland. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Hang on. Hang on. Germany. Germany is our number twelve. I know. Isn't that something?
Well I have a cousin in Germany but he is in uh shit I forgot the name of it. It is a big city
but that's not where the hits are coming from. He asked me what the name of the podcast was so I
assume he's gonna listen. Oh wait a second. Twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen
thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen. Oh and get this. Since we. San Jose California.
I know they jumped up. Since my cousin that lives in Germany is going to go back home to Greece for
a little bit. He does every year on vacation. Yeah. Okay I told him I said when you get there
download us that way we'll get a couple of hits from Greece because we don't have any and it's
far as I can remember we haven't had any from there. So we should be. Yeah I'm looking. I
think he's leaving for Greece in about a month so we should start getting some hits there.
We've got all kinds of people. I don't see anything. Hell there's even Hassensack. I know. Isn't that cool?
I'm still like just amazed. Cool. I'm just amazed. All the freeways. And then we got highway 101
in California. We got a straight line all the way up and down the coast. So people are listening to
us there. Going up and down the coast which I find awesome. Dallas is starting to come in big time.
I was going to the cities. Okay. I mean yeah. South Dallas. Oh South Dallas. Fort Worth. Oklahoma
City is doing really good. Yeah everybody's doing great man. Yep. Let's see. Holy shit look at those
wreck dots around the world. Bullshills Lake has a few hits so I guess they're out on the lake.
That's good. That's good. I love that fact. We love Bullshills. It's beautiful.
Yes it's beautiful. Well you go to Eureka. You still live down the road. Okay. Gotta work.
Yep we got a solid line from Lincoln to Omaha indicating that highway there too. So that's
cool. It's great. So all right. Yeah it's awesome. All right well I think we're going to go ahead and
put a can on this bitch and call it good Rob. Because you got to go to bed and get up in the
morning. And also I have some stuff I still have to do before I hit the sack. So anyhow
I'm just really jazzed about what a great RSS report we have. Oh my god yeah. Yeah I
I knew we were building till I just looked right now. I'm like oh my god are you serious.
So I guess Skippy was wrong huh. Everyone else likes us. Skippy go back to our old episodes.
You'll hear how I have a hairy ass. You want to come kiss it?
Just saying. Yep. You're not a little RSS. I am. Yep. All right anyhow thank you assholes for
listening. Have a good night. Good night assholes. Oh no looks like the show's over kids. Mark has
explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not assholes they'll be back invading
your ear holes soon.