And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in 3...2...1...
Hi all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer bitch.
Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse. Don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah we know. Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it is a fantastic deal. But little does anyone know about the hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse hickory nuts could be the best thing you could find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique hickory nut milk.
There are five types of hickory nuts.
Bitter nut hickory, shag bark hickory, pig nut hickory, mockernut hickory and smooth bark hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, dirt and apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Two douche bags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob Radd, you sound a little tired tonight, are you?
Oh, I'm worn out, dude.
Yeah, we just worked three, nine and a half hour days.
And then that was Monday, Tuesday and today's Wednesday.
Uh huh.
Well, we had Sunday off but we put in five hours Saturday and worked 40 hours. Yeah, I'm a little wore out.
Yeah, yeah, you sound like it and I bet you are.
But the good thing is my alarm clock is turned off right now.
I have four days off.
Excellent.
If there's any vacation I'm going to relax, enjoy it, get some stuff done around here that I need to.
Excellent. Good, good, glad to hear that.
Thank God nobody bothers me.
Okay, the only bother you might get is me calling you for a podcast, that's probably about it.
No, no, no, that's fine. I have not heard from my daughter.
Oh.
So that's the scary part.
Okay, well, I hope everything's...
You're about to get me up and go laugh at me, go watch fireworks or something. I don't know.
Yeah, you know what?
Or if she made it, I didn't talk to me. Who knows?
Who knows? Yeah, you know what, I mean, it's kind of like this.
They're kids, that's what they do, you know.
That's why we call it gift time.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yep, yep.
So anyhow, I finally got a mower and what I did was I bought a used mower because these places...
Yeah, and it's a really, really good mower and I got a really good deal. The guy's a great guy.
If I have any problems with it, he'll come out and look at it here and try to fix it or have me...
Or tell me over the phone what to do.
And the reason I went ahead and bought a used one is this.
Nobody takes care of their mowers. Nobody does, it sells them.
They let them sit out in the rain and they rust.
And then another thing they do is whenever they have these delivery services like drop off your mower,
they take the good battery out and put a bad battery in there.
The only thing that screwed up on this this time was this right here.
And they thought it had juice, but it didn't.
I would have not known if they would have scrubbed it up really good.
I would have not known that it was an old battery.
But when it didn't start and anyhow, Lowe's still dropped the ball on everything that they did.
And they were complete idiots in my...
Oh, I mean, blows.
And anyhow, I look, I mean, there's a lot of Lowe's that do a great job.
I felt the one up here did not do me right several times by the way they acted and talked and everything.
And it was all rusted and everything and it looked like it had a scratch on it.
I felt like they sold me a used mower.
Allegedly, I don't know if it was, it could have just sat out in the rain for a long time for like maybe all last season.
And then this was like the last one they had or something, you know.
So anyhow, whatever it is, I was like, you know what?
And I hear that all the other places do it too.
And I talked to some people that would know that used to work at some farming places and they said, you know, they all do that.
And I was pretty much told, you know what?
You might as well just go buy it.
If someone knows how to fix up mowers and that's what they do for a living, go buy one from them.
You're going to know that it's taken care of.
The guy put a brand new carburetor in this.
He brand new pretty much everything.
It's pretty much a new mower for a used mower price.
And also it's a better mower than probably anything I could buy out there on the market.
So that's the way I went.
And, you know, I've done business with Lowe's for a long time and I'm not really bagging on them.
I think this is just the wrong couple of people that I ran into.
So anyhow.
Very well could be.
That's what I think.
I got to thinking about, you know what?
And they've always been really good.
So anyhow, that's what I just like to say.
And I will do business with them again, but not with the people that I talk to.
If I see them there, I'm turned around and leaving.
So anyhow, you ready to go into the first third?
Let's do it.
Alright.
Hey, hungry for a sandwich with pickles?
Well now all you have.
Who isn't, right?
Well now all you have to do is go to New York and order a pickle bun sandwich.
That's right.
The bun is a hollowed out pickle, Rob.
Me personally.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
It looks really good.
They put everything in there for meatballs, to lunch meat, to shredded beef.
I mean it is neat.
I mean I think.
Me, I hear angels and trumpets whenever I saw it.
Do you think I'm much of pickles like I do?
Oh yeah.
Oh, I've always been a pickle fanatic.
Me too.
I've always loved them.
So hopefully they will work their way to the Midwest and we can have this pickle delight too.
And we won't have to travel halfway across the country to go get one.
You know?
So anyhow, Rob, I got a tip for everybody, okay?
Is everybody tired of boiling your water every time you serve pasta?
I got your answer.
Next time boil a couple of gallons more and then freeze it.
What?
Next time boil a couple of gallons extra and then freeze it.
That way all you got to do is de-thaw it and you got boiled water.
Alright.
Okay.
Alright.
You're welcome, America.
Okay.
Now, tired of stuffy, tired old museums?
Well now you have an option.
Hey, hey, hey.
I already told you.
I'm tired.
No, no, no.
It's okay, Rob.
It's okay.
You were tired.
You can just ask me quick tonight.
Just saying.
No, no.
And it was like at the other night too.
The one that I posted, the right one that I posted.
You could hear that you were just out of gas.
Oh yeah, dude.
Just the heat and everything.
Yeah.
No, I understand.
And we're pushing a lot of big trailers.
Yeah, no.
I understand.
Well, anyhow, you're tired of stuffy, tired old museums.
Well, now you have options.
Let's all welcome the new free Puseum.
The Puseum in Williams, Arizona.
Yes, no shit.
Figuratively, not literally.
This is a museum full of fossilized shit.
Dinosaur shit to turtle shit to all shits in between.
Sorry guys, you can't hold the pool and take a picture of it.
But you can stand next to the shit case and smile big.
And again, no shit.
All right.
That's something I'm supposed to come up with.
How did you get that?
Okay, first Fox 4 reported on it.
Anyway, anyway.
And then I went and I looked it up and I was like, okay, this is worthy.
So anyhow, I was pretty impressed by the Puseum.
So you got to look this up.
Maybe not tonight because you're too tired, but maybe tomorrow.
Okay.
Now listen to this.
This kicks ass.
Ozzy has a brand new commercial out.
Liquid Death is the item he is pimping.
I've seen something about that.
What is Liquid Death, you might ask.
Liquid Death original form is a 100% mountain water source from beneath hundreds of feet of stone.
It contains natural minerals and electrolytes, canned for your convenience.
Ozzy is pimping the new Liquid Death powder packs, the mixer to your beverage.
The commercial starts with Ozzy in the back of a limo.
He slides up to a couple of teenagers and they got this, you know, they got this little packet of Liquid Death and they're getting ready to tear it open.
And Ozzy tells him, don't snort it, the powder or free base it or inject it.
And they're all like, free base, inject powder?
What?
You know, they're all like, they don't know what the hell he's talking about, right?
And then he goes, for God's sakes, whatever you do, do not boof it, you little perverts.
And they look at each other, they said, boof?
And then Ozzy goes, yeah.
He goes, you know, you take the powder and you stick it up your, and then it cuts off.
He's talking about Stevie Nicks style.
I guess that's called boofing.
It is a great fucking commercial.
So anyhow, when you get a chance and you feel like, you know, you feel a little bit more refreshed probably, Rob.
Yeah.
Go to YouTube and look at that Liquid Death Ozzy commercial.
It is a great one.
I will.
Yeah.
I will.
I was really surprised that he'd done a commercial.
I mean, because I mean, he couldn't, the last I knew he couldn't travel.
They told him he was at some, going to be at some function in California.
And his doctor said, advised him not to travel.
So I, you know, he's, he's by all accounts, not really doing that good.
So I was surprised to see him in a new commercial, but it could have been done quite a while ago for all I know.
They could have, you know, filmed it a year ago or something when he was doing better.
I hope he's doing all right.
Anyhow, I've got this neat little article.
Well, recently video footage of a home revealed the cause of the fire that destroyed part of the house.
The culprit was a combination of boxes on a stove top and a family pet dog jumping up on the stove.
I have an announcement to make.
Are you behind on your mortgage?
Are you upside down on your money?
It's time for Mark's dog training school.
That's right, kiddos. Get rid of that mistake in a couple of hours.
Just bring little Fido in for a free consultation today.
Act today and get a free 12 pack of thick lighters.
This is a joke.
A joke.
And nothing but a joke.
Stuck, kids.
Oh yeah, yeah, I think I'm more looking to it.
Yeah, I think I do too, man.
You never know when a dog's gonna, you know, things go wrong in a house or something.
Yeah, you know, need a little help here or there, whatever, you know.
We don't know what happened.
Nobody knows the word, you know, stuff like that.
So I've got a cupboard.
Oh, go ahead. What did you say?
I just said yeah.
Oh, okay.
I got a couple of featured emails.
And Rob, I want your opinion on this because I think the reason this is,
this is Ronnie in Tulsa who we love.
Did he add you yet or not?
All right.
Huh?
Did he add you yet or not?
No.
Oh, okay. All right.
Not that I know of.
Okay. Well, you might look.
He plans on it. I know that.
He sent a couple of emails. I love them both.
He goes, hey, guys, I recently, he knew that we, you and I, you know,
he's listened to the show since day one.
Okay.
Yeah.
We talked at a steak house and we know steaks, right?
So he's got a really interesting question here.
Okay.
He said, I recently had a filet mignon.
I always have been told that was the best cut of steak available.
What is your thought?
You want me to go first or you?
Don't matter.
Your choice.
Okay. I'll go.
Never trust a steak. You have to wrap bacon around for extra taste.
Think about it.
Yeah. We served them. Yeah. We know.
Yeah. You have to wrap bacon around it for extra taste.
That tells me that that steak is not as good as a ribeye or even a strip steak to me.
All those have flavor.
If you have to wrap bacon around it and also have filet mignon and to me it's boring.
It doesn't have a whole lot of taste.
If I eat a filet mignon, I have to use some sort of steak sauce with it because to me it doesn't have that much taste.
Rob?
It looks like it's got a cookie.
They cut out with a cookie cutter.
It does, don't it?
You know?
Yeah.
I made it. Now honestly my favorite and I do that.
I took one of these every year on the grill for my own birthday.
T-bone.
Oh, how could I forget about a T-bone?
I think a T-bone might be my favorite too actually.
No, no, no, no.
T-bone is a second but I'll tell you my favorite.
And a lot of people don't know about it.
You probably heard about it because you've been around farms your life.
Okay?
Yeah.
My favorite is a cap steak.
Most butcher shops won't touch it because they don't like to cut into a ribeye.
So what it is is cap steak comes from the end of the ribeye.
It contains the most tender ribeye meat.
Filet mignon style but it has a string holding it together.
Bacon would hurt the taste.
So you don't put bacon around a cap steak.
They put a little string, they tie it together.
And it's these fantastic little marbled pieces of meat that come from the loin side of a ribeye steak.
And they put them together, they bunch them together and they tie them together with a string.
And like I said, you can't find them at most butcher shops because nobody wants to cut into a ribeye that they can charge a good amount of money for.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, the only place I found it at regularly is Costco.
Costco is not afraid to do it because I'm pretty sure they ground their hamburger out of the steak trimmings like Justin Jim's does.
So anyhow, they will do it.
And I've seen it there regularly but I have not seen it anywhere else regularly at any butcher shop.
And I've even asked a couple, I'm not going to mention their names, but they told me, they said, no, we won't do it unless you want to pay $100 a pound.
And I said, of course, I don't fucking want to pay $100 a pound.
So yeah, so in other words, they're not doing it.
So anyhow, so a T-bone I love because a T-bone, you know, you get the strip part and then you get the filet.
You get the loin part over on the left side.
To me it's cooked just right. It's so juicy.
Yeah.
And I still believe in aging steaks. It's not in right now.
Well, actually it is. But if you want to get a good aged steak, you can't go to any steakhouse.
You have to go to specialty ones like Stock Hill has them here, wet aged and dry aged steaks.
I think they have like a 72 day dry aged steak they do with salts.
And then they have a wet aged that they do with cryovac.
I've never had the wet aged yet, but I have had the dry aged.
And to me that is just such a fantastic steak.
And what they do is controlled spoilage. Right, Rob?
Right. Yeah. I was just going to add that, yeah, we have a lot of butcher shops down here.
I bet you they would do a cap steak.
Yeah. They'll do whatever you take them.
You know what?
They do deer processing. And then we got one here in town. They smoke meat. Oh my god.
You know what? I might want to use them. They smoke meat and everything.
So they'll cut it up and they'll smoke it too?
Oh dude, they have this smoker that they use in vegetables and stuff.
It's in the shape of a train.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah. You can't actually climb up on it and step in the driver's seat, whatever.
And the back part where the coal bin and all that would be is the smoker.
It's awesome, dude. It's awesome.
Hey, when you go down there.
It's right up here, right straight here.
When you go near there, will you please send me a picture of that? I want to see that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right there beside my tank, you know.
Cool.
Right here in the middle of town.
I need to go there. When I come up, let's go there, okay?
Okay, okay. Check out the butcher shop in Camden, Missouri. That's the name of it.
Okay, you know, I'll do it later.
The butcher shop.
The butcher shop. Okay, hang on. I put it, okay. Here we go, the butcher shop.
And actually they may have a picture of the train.
All right, the butcher shop. Camden, the butcher shop.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. They do, Rob.
You got the picture?
Yep, I got it. You don't have to show me a picture.
Oh, dude, it's badass. It's badass.
It's a little bitty place, but man, it looks cool.
Yeah, it's on the corner right, yeah. Dude, they do a lot of business.
Yeah, they've got a couple of American.
You could go in there and get sandwiches. My bank is literally right across the street right there.
They have a little patio there outdoors, it looks like, and then they have the smoker back behind it.
Anyhow, go ahead. What now?
Oh, they got, yeah, you could go in there and buy just like sandwiches for lunch and stuff, you know.
Cool, they got broadleaf.
By the time we get out of the bank, we don't have time.
They have ground camel, which is broadleaf venison. That is hard. You don't find that in any place in the city.
Yeah.
Yeah, interesting.
Oh, yeah, they're the only place like that down here.
These rib eyes they have on there look incredible.
These are the people that do a lot of the deer processing down here.
Oh, you can tell. And they have a nice amber bear, could be inling, right next to the two rib eyes.
Yeah, I have not, honestly, I have not walked in the door I want to so bad.
Oh, they got a big, they got a big cowboy steak there too, which is like, what would you call it, a club steak with a tail with the bone still on it. Really neat.
Or actually, I think it might be a rib eye with a bone. It's a bone in rib eye, I believe.
Very cool, dude. Thanks for letting me know about that. I'm going to have to check that place out. The butcher shop in Camden, too.
Oh, dude.
Excellent.
Yeah, good stuff.
I mean, we, they, for our Christmas parties, they have ordered a lot of our food through them.
Okay, well they are.
Yeah, I've ate there. Yeah, oh, it's so good.
Very cool. Well, thanks for the heads up on that, dude. I'm going to definitely, I'm going to check that out.
We got another featured email. Do you want me to go, let's take our first break and then I'm going to come back with it and we can both discuss it.
I like the second one really well too. Okay. All right. We'll be right back.
Dodge City, Kansas. That's right. Dodge City, Kansas. You show up on our radar. All you guys are listening. We love you. Thank you, Opal, Jimmy, Ricky and all the people there.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Okay, let's say I'm walking through a mall and I suddenly walk through a fart. Does that fart then attach itself to me?
And then when I walk around, people think I'm the gassy one. I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity. What doesn't kill you disappoints us.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser. If you were a vegetable, you would be a cucumber.
Lake of the Ozarks. Rob Rant's playground. We salute you. Two douchebags and microphone has left its imprint on the lake. Love you guys. Thank you for listening.
Two douchebags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
Oh shit! Look at that drive-thru line. Surely wouldn't expect me to actually have to go in. This sucks.
And I am Rob.
Alright Rob. This again is from Ronnie in Tulsa. He had two emails that I...
I kind of like this guy man. I'm liking this guy.
He's one of us and you'll see it. I mean not only with the steak question because we used to work at Jess and Jim's, but all the other questions that he asked us that like, you know, we're dead on, right?
So this one, this one I wrote. Look me up on Facebook. I will accept your printer request. I thought he said he did. On my personal.
Oh maybe he went. Okay, okay. I'll clarify that. Well he'll hear it. But anyhow, I'll clarify that with him.
I'm still developing two douchebags and a microphone. I bet you went to that thinking that was yours. Okay. Alright.
Well they're both mine. Well yeah, but yeah, you know what I mean. You know what? Well you might check it and see if he left you a message.
I'll check it out. Okay. Alright. His second email is this right here.
Mark and Rob. I know you guys were into a lot of rock 80s rock and all that.
In the mid 80s, a lot of the old metal bands started trying to go glam and to look glittery. Some of them could pull it off. Some of them could not.
I want to hear each one of your bands that you thought couldn't absolutely could not pull it off and they looked ridiculous.
And I have one. This is Ronnie saying I have one. He said he thought Judas Priest looked ridiculous.
Mark, Mark, Mark. You need to start giving me a heads up on these.
Well I didn't look. I didn't. That way I could have some time to think about. That's why I sound stupid because I still think. I'm like wow.
Okay next time he sends us an email, I will get with you first. But I didn't have any time because I was out with a mower. I apologize.
No, no, no. You're alright. You're alright brother. Wow.
Yeah I agree with him on Judas Priest. What do you think? Because remember during Turbo? They did all those colors and they had the hair.
You know they tried to have the hair. They really couldn't. And I mean they might have even put on a little eyeliner or something.
And let's see. The Scorpions tried to glam it up too. I mean they were okay at it though.
Okay I think he's right on with Judas Priest. But let me think about this.
Actually, actually. I think I got to go with that one too. I really do.
Yeah. Oh. I got one.
Just being caught off guard here. Yeah. I mean yeah. I definitely got to agree with Judas Priest.
Well I didn't have one picked out either. I really didn't think about it that much because I've been busy all day. I've got one. I've got one.
Lizzie Borden. He looked horrible. Oh my gosh.
Okay. To me he takes the cake. Because he was this big kind of burly guy with kind of long curly-ish hair.
Kind of a flat nose. Kind of, I don't know, kind of a rough ass looking Neanderthal kind of looking guy. Yeah.
And he carried a baseball bat and his gimmick was taking a baseball bat and beating the shit out of stuff on stage. Kind of, you know.
You're right. Yeah. So I saw him at the Lone Star after he glammed it up.
And it just did not look right. This big burly guy with his hair kind of stuck up. All aquanetted down.
And a little bit of makeup. And kind of flashy clothes and this fucking baseball bat. It was wrong dude.
I'm going with Lizzie Borden as my number one person that should have never went there.
But I agree with Judas Priest. I think that's a pretty good second right there. But I'm going.
I'm not seeing that. I think I'm going to have to go with Ronnie on this with Judas Priest. Okay.
If you ever look at it you'll see what I mean. The dude looked ridiculous. Right. Right. Right. Right.
I'm just going off what I know. There's other ones too. Oh yeah. Yeah. Man I can't even think of her right now.
Man that is such a. That may be a better question than the state question.
Yeah I know. Yeah the state question. No the state question. That's nothing at all. I know what I like.
Yeah this one is like really. You know what. Wow. Think about it Rob. Okay. And I'll think about it.
Let's try to come up with like our top three. Does that sound good? Top three. Bands that should have never tried to look glam.
Gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. I know they're there. I just can't think of them on the spot like this. I was lucky. Right. Right. Right.
Especially when we're live and going here. Yeah. I mean I was lucky to pull Lizzie Borden out of my ass.
But man he is the best example I ever saw live. It was just. He was just ridiculous looking. So anyhow.
But I mean he's still a fun concert though. So anyhow you got something you want to go to Rob?
Yeah I got something here. Alright. Hey I'll finish it right in my homework down there. Okay that's cool.
Okay. A dozen employees say they watched a large ditch shaped craft hover above a Colorado concert venue and then vanish.
What? What? What's even crazier is that as soon as we all started noticing it and stopped what we were doing to pay attention to it
the craft tipped at an angle and slowly started moving belly first to the east.
An employee reported to the National UFO Reporting Center about June 5th sighting at the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison.
At Red Rocks? Yes. This was. This supposedly happened above Red Rocks.
Then it started fading away until it was invisible. It didn't shoot off into the distance. It simply dissolved into the ether.
We all watched it vanish. The silent hovering object was long about the size of a three story office building with three levels of windows and lights according to the National UFO Reporting Center.
Wow. Yeah and there are several eyewitnesses to this. Several reports of people.
Oh and it's. Okay it's Fox News. Oh that's. Okay that's a good source. On the internet. Uh huh. Yeah. Wow.
Is there any video or do you know?
Uh. Well I hadn't read that far into it. You know what I'll look it up. It's cool.
Yeah. Yeah just check it out if you ever read. Check it out. Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado. Uh huh.
Well Red Rocks is such a famed venue. I think virtually everybody knows what we're talking about. It's a beautiful venue in the mountains and you too film there. I forgot what song there.
And anyhow there have been a lot of bands that filmed music there because it's such a cool. It has huge rocks everywhere. A lot of them are red of course.
And it's just a beautiful place. It looks like paradise. And then you get music venues. You know. Then you get good music there too or you know sometimes good music.
Yeah. Yeah. So okay very cool. Um.
There is a new prosthetic that can be controlled by your mind.
So if someone has an artificial limb like a leg. They can put this thing on there.
And it can be controlled by like on their mind like your feet do right. You know you just don't think about your feet move.
Oh so it's not just a certain limb. They can do this to any limb.
No. It sounds to me like they can do it to any limb. So.
Okay. Okay. Because I could make fun of that.
Well I am going to make fun of it because I do have a pretty good idea of what I would like to do with it.
Okay. Anyhow I'll go into this and then I'll go into my idea which is probably not the best idea. I'll go ahead and just say that right now. Okay.
Um. What? Mind controlled prosthetics use brain computer interfaces BCIs to connect the brain to a machine and allow the wearer to control it with their thoughts.
When the wearer wants to move the prosthetic their brain sends the signals to their muscles which are then detected by sensors and relayed to the device.
The device then interprets and translates the signals into control signals that make the prosthetic move.
So this could be anything. This could be an arm a leg a hand fingers.
Asshole man. I don't know. Probably not an asshole but you know.
That'd be cool. But you know what I'd like to do. I would love to intercept this technology.
And then just like you know whenever someone has this and they're like walking along the street. Just have them start kicking people randomly.
That'd be great. Walk up and kick someone right in the balls.
I'm sorry man. I don't know. It's defective man. It's a mind control one. I don't know what happened.
That'd be horrible. The guy already is missing a limb right. And then he gets his ass kicked by someone because he cracked him in the balls.
And he had nothing to do with it.
Dude. Yeah. A prosthetic leg.
Yeah. Or if you were like really. If you were like really.
If you kicked somebody so hard and you were not feeling.
Yeah.
Oh better yet a fist.
Oh yeah. You know what. Have a glove on. Have a glove on and get into a bar fight.
Not that we're making fun of nobody.
No no no no. This is a great invention.
We're not making fun of anybody. No. We're just saying in our works minds.
If you could see this and we would like that.
I actually envision this. I envision you being able to break into this code.
Oh go ahead. What?
Go ahead.
And make the person skip. Make him tap dance. And make him kick people in the ass at any random time.
Oh my god. And then the person that gets kicked in the ass he couldn't hit him back because then he'd be hitting a cripple right.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It wouldn't be right.
I don't know what that's going to help. I got to kick.
It probably hurts so bad you would hit him back.
Oh man. You know what. I mean.
Dude. You brought a weapon to the fight.
Yeah. Yeah.
Anything goes.
Oh man. There could be a lot of fun had with one of those.
Oh hell yeah.
I don't want to be missing a limb to have one. I want to find someone that's already missing a limb that has it installed.
Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
And then talk them into doing it.
Yes. Or either that or find a way to break into the electronics and you do it yourself with him having no say so.
But it does have a cool little video here. A guy with a robotic arm. He is drinking a bottle of water.
It's very cool. I mean it all looks it all looks robotic. It is neat looking.
And he just like he just raised it and drank it fluidly like you would your own limb.
That is pretty fucking cool. All joking aside.
Honestly. No. Yeah. All joking aside. That is cool.
Yeah. And that's going to help a lot of people like you know people that were injured in Iraq Afghanistan in the line of duty.
You know all this stuff man. And I also wonder how far they can take it.
If someone is paralyzed could they possibly give them new limbs that will move if they wanted them.
I don't know.
Something to think about. I don't know. We'll see how far this goes.
Well they have came out with like the body shoots.
Yeah. That's true.
Exoskeleton thing you know.
You reported on that didn't you.
I think yeah. I think that was a while back.
It was a while back but I remember that. Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Wow. Okay. Well anyhow that's pretty much all I have with that one. You got something.
Yeah I do. Okay.
King Arthur's magical sword is in the stone maybe the stuff of legend and many a film and TV adaption.
But France has its own real life Excalibur for centuries.
Okay.
Okay. Now since we have France listeners I may get called out of this but this is what I'm reading.
We actually have quite a few to my surprise.
Yeah. Yeah. They might be able to back me up on this.
Yeah maybe so. Hey if you're from France and you know I will get my email fixed.
DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com
And I hope I don't butcher these names.
France if he butchers a name you have more than you can do whatever you want. You can call up and call us stupid asses or whatever.
Because I guarantee you I won't know the names either. But anyhow go ahead Rob.
But just tell me that I was correct in the story.
Okay.
The Durandal sword has earned its own mythological credit asyl having been embedded high up in a rock in the south central village.
Okay. Here's one more get in trouble.
Okay.
Rock a monder. I just say A M A D O U R. Yeah that sounds about right.
Go ahead. Look I'm not going to get it right either. So just go ahead Rob.
Right. For some one thousand three hundred years and yet on Saturday June 22nd the sword suddenly vanished from its rocky bed and no one can work out how the thief took it.
Durandal was the legendary sword of Roland a renowned warrior and the protagonist of the 11th century epic poem.
Richard Sean Dave Roland.
Okay.
According to the. I'm trying my best here.
No it's cool go ahead. It's all right.
I know I know. According to the story which is the oldest surviving major work of French literature Durandal was the sharpest sword of all time capable of slicing through boulders with a single strike.
The myth also states that within its golden hill was embedded a tooth of St. Peter the blood of St. Basil the great the hair of St. Innis and a piece of Virgin Mary's clothes.
Okay.
The indestructible weapon was said to have been brought by an angel to then King of Frank Charlemagne who subsequently equipped it to Roland.
You remember that name from history Charlemagne.
Yeah sure do.
Yeah.
Before his death at the Battle of.
We're not half.
Well that's not my day.
Okay.
Roland allegedly tried to destroy the sword on the rocks to prevent his enemies from taking it.
But his efforts were in vain.
Eventually he hurled it into the air and they last catch a tip to save it from the clutches.
Miraculously it traveled hundreds of miles before it embedding itself into the cliff face of the Maldives.
Okay.
I suppose they do this sort of thing here and this is the legend.
And it flew hundreds of miles.
What did it say 3800.
Oh yeah.
No it doesn't say.
Um okay I think I got the gist of it what you're saying.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah someone cut that I can tell you that right now.
Well how the hell did they get out there.
I don't know.
I mean.
Yeah that's the question.
That's what they're trying to figure out.
Um there there has to be a way.
I mean it was obviously taken right.
I think.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Um let's uh let's take our second break and I got another update on the John Deere story we did.
Last episode that I accidentally posted and then took back down.
So yeah we'll be right back.
Yeah I thought I thought it was kind of strange that work.
There wasn't any promos.
Yeah it wasn't a beginning wasn't an end and no promos.
You hear me flipping through pages and stuff.
It was just me and you talking.
I know.
It's like it was like damn it.
And I didn't notice this till way later because I've been running around doing a little bit of everything today.
And anyhow I noticed it like three hours later and they're always like there's already like a hundred hits on the fucking thing.
I was like great.
So anyhow.
Well everybody knows you know everyone that downloaded it knows I screwed up.
So there you go.
Anyhow we'll be right back.
I almost texted you about 5.30 this morning to say.
It would have been great because before I left.
I got up at four.
I was already listening.
Wow yeah I posted it last night.
You're right.
I forgot.
Wow okay.
Well um yeah.
Oh well you know what.
It was still a good show.
This here is fucking blathering in between and papers turning and coughing and scratching our nuts and all that good stuff.
So it was kind of like a little live section or something.
Anyhow all right we'll be right back.
Thank you.
Up and comers Atlanta Denver Boulder Olathe Wichita Oklahoma City Fort Worth Texas.
Henrico wherever that is Overland Park.
We know where that's at San Francisco Glencoe.
I guess that's Canada isn't it.
Springfield Richmond Independence New Haven Fort City.
Council Bluffs Gardner Hackensack New York Los Angeles Melbourne London.
And the rest.
Thank you for listening.
Love you guys.
Hey there fuck stick.
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Hi all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah.
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer bitch.
Hi, I'm Rob.
I've got a little update on the John Deere story that I went into a little bit ago before we went to our skits and bits and stuff.
Okay.
John Deere seems to have purchased 234 acres of land in Northwest Indiana.
This will eventually be a distribution center.
So Mexico builds them and the USA houses them and ships them is the way it looks.
I'm still out.
They take good paying American jobs and send them away and America gets the scraps.
No thank you John Deere.
I don't think I'll be doing business with you anymore.
Rob?
Yeah.
They've been a big part of this country for many years.
Anybody that's informing or even long mowing, anybody that knows John Deere products, they're good products.
But you move them out of the country?
Yeah, and the thing is I think they're trying to...
You're going against everything that you stood for all these years, American name.
Rob, that is very well said.
I agree with that 100%.
My grandfather was a farmer, I know.
And he loved John Deere, didn't he?
Yes he did.
Yeah, all the farmers I know, it was international and then after international kind of went away.
I think first it was Ford and then it was international and then after that it was John Deere.
Anyhow, I've got a little story about John Deere.
Oh go ahead, what now?
Well he had a couple of the...
Back when I was really younger and I got to really first start driving tractors, he had a couple of the Ford 9600s.
Oh yeah, I like those.
I like those a lot.
With cabs and AM radio, yeah it was badass.
That's back when AM was great radio too.
Yeah, yeah.
That was in the early, early 80s.
I've got a weird John Deere story, okay.
And I know this to be a fact because this guy that I used to know, he's since passed away, he was a farmer his whole life.
And when he passed away they had an auction, getting rid of the stuff that he would never use again because he was in the great beyond.
So in the 60s, I think mid 60s, International built some new tractor to rival the John Deere's smaller tractor, like a lawn mower tractor.
So John Deere in response to that, you remember International's colors, they were kind of a, I don't know, almost like a puke red or something, kind of a dull reddish brick color.
That was International color, right?
John Deere came out with International colored mowers.
They were that brick red color.
Well, needless to say, it went over like a lead balloon.
Nobody wanted anything to do with that.
So what happened is, is all the dealers had already bought these thinking they were going to sell good.
They started painting the mowers themselves and selling them in the regular colors to try to fool people.
And then what happened is in a couple years they get a couple of scratches and people realize they've been had, but by that time you're not taking the mower back.
Not back then, you know.
So, yeah, yeah, that was pretty interesting.
But back to this.
Okay.
I think John Deere is trying to justify, to me, the way I feel in my opinion, I think they're trying to justify this by adding jobs.
They're not going to say, hey, we took away jobs.
They're going to go, what are you talking about?
We just added a bunch of jobs in northwest Indiana.
You see what I'm saying?
It's kind of a heat reversal deal.
They're going to be like, well, we just added a bunch of jobs.
What are you guys talking about?
Well, no, they're not assembly jobs.
They're not jobs that take some skill.
What they are is people are going around in forklifts, putting these things on trucks and moving them.
So I'm sorry, but I don't think that's the same classification or pay scale of the jobs they took away.
Your thoughts?
No, I agree.
I totally agree.
Yeah, that's, yeah.
Yeah, to me, it's cheap and I don't like it.
That's about all I can say.
In my opinion, it's cheap and I don't like it.
All right, Rob, I think I'm done with that.
I spoke my piece and so do you.
So you got something?
That's what I was doing.
I was trying to come up with my next one.
Okay.
Oh, hang on.
I got some.
Okay, go ahead.
Here's a little something I ran across a while ago.
All right.
I ran across this on Branson News and it's just like one short little paragraph.
A giant salamander like creature with a toilet shaped head and huge fangs was a top predator 40 million years before the first dinosaurs evolved.
New research reveals.
Okay, I try going further.
You can't go any further into it.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, just stop.
First off, Hi Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky Dodge City, Kansas.
We love you.
Hi, Grandma.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky.
Now I have a dog city story that I promised on the last podcast or the last one you'll hear.
So right before this part of the roof at the Cargill Beach.
The Cargill beef plant in Dodge City collapsed over the weekend after the area got more than four inches of rain in a short period.
Cargill says no one was injured.
The company is not running production Monday as it deals with the mess.
A spokesperson says Cargill is working with structural engineers to stabilize the roof.
The company is also beginning to implement contingency plans to safely resume operations as soon as possible.
All of the processed beef in our coolers and distribution center was unharmed and we will be shipping it to customers this week.
The spokesperson said we will leverage the broad footprint of our supply chain to minimize disruptions to customers and producers if necessary.
So that was my that was my dog city that I promised.
And I got another little tidbit here.
You know, Redbox.
Yeah.
Check the Bluetooth.
That's going fine.
OK.
I heard a couple of things.
It just started to start sound different.
That's my computer.
That's my computer updating and I don't know how to stop it.
Otherwise I would.
Yeah.
Well, it changed the sound coming to me too.
So yeah, now we're back normal.
OK.
Well, Redbox founded in 2002 is best known for red colored self-serve machines that sit outside pharmacies and grocery stores to rent or sell DVDs.
In Friday's filing, Chicken Soup for the Soul noted and that's their parent company that it currently operates about twenty seven thousand kiosks across the U.S.
Down from thirty six thousand Redbox acquisition was finalized in August of 2002.
Chicken Soup for the Soul also operates ad supported streaming and video on demand offerings.
That includes Redbox Live TV and Crackle, a streamer that Chicken Soup for the Soul of the Soul acquired from Sony.
So basically, here's what the deal is.
The old concept of it.
You go up there outside of 7-Eleven or whatever and you go rent a movie or buy a movie from it.
That's gone.
Their streaming part of Redbox is still going and doing OK.
So Chicken Soup for the Soul, the parent company, probably, in my opinion, bought this knowing they're going to go for the streaming and didn't really give a damn about the other part of it because that's not the thing anymore.
Nobody goes out there and gets a physical DVD and puts it in the DVD player and watches it.
They just stream it.
So I think they did this Redbox deal to have a Redbox streaming service and that's all they wanted.
So now this other one's going to be out of the way so they can add to that and make that a better product probably, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So you got anything Rob or not?
Yeah, I do.
OK.
I got a little across the list here.
I'm kind of interested actually.
OK.
The top 10 illegal pets to own in the United States in 2024.
This is going to be good.
Number 10, hedgehogs.
Hedgehogs may look like the perfect pocket pet, but it is illegal to own them in many states, including California, Hawaii, Georgia, and Pennsylvania.
Some cities like Washington, D.C. and New York City also have laws against owning them.
OK.
Number 9, ferrets.
Ferrets are illegal to own in California, Hawaii, and many individual cities, including Washington, D.C. and New York City.
I wonder why that is.
The most common reason for banning them in those states is the changes that could cause harm to the ecosystem if they are set loose or lost in the wild.
Ferrets are escape artists, so that may not be an unreasonable fear.
OK.
This is all new to me.
I mean, I like it.
Well, ferrets are actually kind of common in Missouri, though.
Yeah, I've known a lot of people that owned ferrets over the years.
But it sounds like as long as you keep them under control, you're all good.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
And also the only other thing is they do have kind of a stink to them.
You can have the glands removed.
Right.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
Number 8, monkeys.
I bet.
Go ahead.
I said I bet.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
It is illegal to own a monkey in 19 states, including California, Colorado, Connecticut, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Utah, Vermont, Wyoming, and Hawaii.
We can own one.
I just read up that fast.
You did.
We can own one, Rob.
How did I come up with the energy to do that?
I don't know.
Other states have a partial ban from owning a monkey as a pet, while others like Florida require you to volunteer with monkeys before purchasing one and pass a written exam.
OK.
Yeah.
So you have to, like a driver's test.
So like a driver's test, you have to pass a written exam to own a monkey.
Yeah.
I can believe it though.
In some places, yeah.
They can get very rowdy and very mischievous, so I believe it.
Well, that and you should be trained on the diseases that they carry.
That's a good point, too.
You're right.
Yep.
Yeah.
Do not bang a monkey.
Anyhow, go ahead.
OK.
Number seven, sugar gliders.
They're cool.
They look like little chipmunks, don't they?
Yeah.
They're cute little dudes.
And they've got a flowery scent to them, believe it or not.
They smell flowery.
They kind of look like a little chipmunk.
Yeah.
Yep.
Just different markings.
Yeah.
Sugar gliders are a fat pet that many choose to own.
But owning one is illegal in many states, including Alaska, California, Hawaii, and Pennsylvania.
They are also illegal in some cities like St. Paul, Minnesota, and New York City.
Huh.
I wonder why.
What the hell is it with New York City not wanting to have pets?
Oh, too many damn people.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got room for pets.
Yeah.
OK.
Especially Zari.
Yeah.
OK.
I get it now.
All right.
Number six, bangles.
Bangle tigers?
Yeah.
OK.
I think I'd have to agree with that.
Well, it's obvious why big cats like lions and tigers are banned as pets, but it is also
illegal to own a bangle in at least 19 states.
Others have strict laws saying that you must prove that the animal is at least four generations
removed from its wild ancestors.
Cool.
So, yeah, at some states, as long as you can prove that, you're good.
OK.
Number five, this one's intriguing.
OK.
I'm going to have a hard time with the name.
I had never heard of them or seen one, but I'm looking at one and I'm in love.
I want one.
OK.
Chalcis?
C-H-A-U-S-I-E-S.
Wait a...
C-H-A-U-S-I-E-S.
I'm going to look this up.
Yes.
In at least 19 states, it is illegal to own a chalcis, that's what I'm calling.
These hybrid cats are created by breeding jungle cats and domestic cats.
They are about twice as big as a typical house cat, but are very active.
It takes time to walk your cat.
Regularly, I give them other forms of exercise, or they can become destructive.
Many develop gluten allergies, so the food can be costly.
Wow.
Check this out though.
I was trying to look up that animal, right?
That cat.
Instead, I came up with a charris.
You know what a charris is?
Charris are large, venomous insects that live deep in the lightless caverns and chasms beneath Skyrim.
These are evil looking fuckers.
They have been domesticated by the Falmer and often live and fight alongside their masters.
One should be sure to improve one's resistance to poison with antibodies, potions, or enhancements when facing them.
What the hell?
Anyway, Rob, I'm sorry, go ahead, but look up a charris when you get a chance.
C-H-A-U-R-E-U-S.
C-H.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
It's a fucking video game.
It's a video game.
Sorry everybody.
I was wondering about Skyrim.
I'm like, what is Skyrim?
Anyhow, okay.
False alarm.
Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
C-H-A-U-S-I-E-S.
They look like a cat, but they're a whole lot bigger.
I see them now.
I got the right one in there.
Okay.
Number four, turtles.
Okay.
You cannot own a pet turtle in North Dakota or North Carolina, and many other states have bans on selling them if their shell measures less than six inches.
Still, other states ban the sale or trade of turtles unless certified as free of salmonella.
They carry the salmonella germs on their outer shells.
Huh.
Yeah.
Did know that.
Yeah.
Isn't it like a, a, aardvarks?
No, not aardvarks.
Oh, shit.
Armadillos.
What?
They carry leprosy.
Armadillos carry leprosy, I think, or something like that.
Let me look it up.
They've been known to, I think so.
I think they've been known to, but I think the armadillos we have down here, I, I don't know.
Oh, yeah, you have them there.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People run them all the time down here.
Leprosy.
Parasitic worms and rabies.
Wow.
Leprosy.
Yeah.
Wow.
That would, yeah, that could fall in on armadillos.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
They're crazy little bastards, though, because I know a buddy of mine had one plow up his
lawn overnight, and that's what an armadillo can do, right?
You know this because you live around him.
They'll plow up your whole yard in one night.
It'll look like someone took a disc.
If you know what a disc is, it's taking that dirt and make it into almost like a powder
for planting.
It looks like they disc your whole lawn.
They plowed it and disc it, and anyhow, he went out there and he saw it, and he shot
it, but all he did was wound it.
And he said that thing freaked out on him, jumped up six foot in the air and came at
him.
He said he ran in the house, and then it went back down.
He didn't know that they could jump up that high and come after him.
I mean, it was so mad because he hit it.
So then he had to sneak up on it and shoot it, right?
He had to stick the shotgun barrel right inside of there of his protection, his armor,
and had to blow his head off.
He said it was horrible.
Anyhow.
Yeah, I don't think he was screwing with me.
I really don't.
He said that this thing jumped up six foot in the air and came at his face.
It was so mad.
And luckily, he was near his house door and he ran in his house.
So, anyhow.
Actually, I can believe it.
I could believe it, yeah.
I've never been around him that much.
They're not up here.
Yeah, six foot, that might be a little exaggeration.
Three-four foot, maybe.
Maybe three or four.
I don't know.
Anyhow, he could have been exaggerating.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, number three.
Skunks.
If you have thought that a pet skunk would make an ideal pet, do not be quick to buy one,
especially if you live in 17 U.S. states, including Alabama, Florida, Indiana, Iowa,
Massachusetts, and Michigan.
You could own anything in Missouri.
I swear.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah.
The bands include animals that have been domesticated by having their sink glands removed.
Don't they consider it cool?
They consider it cool because it has no protection.
Right.
It's kind of like declawing your cat.
If you declaw your cat and let it outdoors, you're stupid.
Right.
I've known people that have pet skunks.
I did too when I was younger, and it was pretty much a cat to me.
They even kind of purr.
Do you notice that?
Yeah.
They probably are a feline.
I'd have to look it up.
So anyhow.
Okay.
Number two.
Okay.
Lemurs.
Yeah.
I can believe that too.
Yeah.
You could thank that Madagascar cartoon for that.
Good point, Rob.
If you think it would be fun to own a lemur, be careful where you choose to live as there
are illegal pets in Ohio, Nevada, Florida, and North Carolina.
Additionally, the sale or transfer of lemurs are highly regulated in many other states.
Okay.
I get it.
Yeah.
So yeah, watch what you buy for your kids.
Yeah.
Good point, Rob.
Yeah.
You know, some kind of be screaming for one because of Madagascar.
Right.
That's why I mentioned it.
Yeah.
Number one illegal pet to own in the United States.
Zebras.
I didn't know you could own one.
Okay.
All right.
A zebra is an illegal pet in Nevada and many other states.
It is impossible to domesticate a zebra.
Their kick can hurt or kill a human and they use it often.
It can be hard to earn the trust of a zebra, even one that was born in a domesticated environment
and had the best care possible.
Most owners report that they spent many months sitting with a bucket of grain in front of
them before they could even pet their animal.
Many are very hard to keep in fenced areas as they are always looking for a way to escape.
When they do, they will often run themselves to death before letting a human coax them
back into where they belong.
Okay.
I wanted to read that whole paragraph there.
Yeah.
That went everywhere.
Not only they could escape, but they could kick you and kill you.
I could see that because I've seen them on those animal shows and they can get pretty
rough.
Especially if you try to round them up.
They get pretty freaky and I don't blame them.
So, wow.
Yeah, it'd be like an oldest way of life, I would say.
Rob, I don't know where you found the energy, but that was a fantastic list.
I like that.
Yeah, I'm trying to figure that one out myself.
Yeah, you got like a second win, dude.
All right, well, you want to go ahead and wrap a bow on this bitch and call it good?
Let's please do.
All right, brother.
Thank you for joining me, Rob, and thank you assholes for listening.
Have a good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.