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Now, from this underground bunker in Camden, Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating...toys,
is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
That man would look ridiculous solving crime on a sunny day.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I've seen salads that dress better than you.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Well Rob, we didn't get to talk too much before this podcast, so I didn't get a chance to ask you how you're doing,
so I'm not going to know what you're going to say here, so how are you doing tonight?
Actually, I'm not bad.
Well, we're working nine and a half hour days.
We're going in at six and getting off at four.
And that's Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
Today is Tuesday.
So, yeah, we're on our second day.
And then we get Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off.
With Thursday being paid holiday.
Okay, I got you.
That's why we're putting in an extra hour and a half every day.
It's just, you know, first we work Saturday until noon.
And then all I have is Sunday pretty much.
And I worked my butt off and we did a show that night, you know.
Yeah, I got you.
Yeah, I did, but yeah, my alarm set for four in the morning.
And thank God tomorrow's the last day.
That's cool.
Well, good.
This brings you back memories to COVID, man.
We were putting in 52 and a half hours a week building boat trailers.
Wow, during COVID?
During COVID, yeah, two and a half years pretty much straight.
I have the paycheck stubs to prove it.
I believe you.
You don't have to show me paycheck stubs, but anyhow.
No, no, and those of us that have been there a while, yeah, we still feel it.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I used to work a lot of overtime too.
And I don't anymore.
So, anyhow, I had an interesting last few days.
Let's see.
I went and had an MRI done of my brain.
And this is over the tinnitus that I'm battling.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you told me about that.
Yeah, yeah, there's a benign tumor that you can have near your brain or somewhere in there that can cause tinnitus.
And since my tinnitus is so prolific and, you know, loud, obnoxious, won't go away, had it forever.
They're checking for that type of a tumor.
So if that is true, then they're, you know, if that is what's going on, then they can do something to take that thing out and I can finally get rid of it.
If not, I'm going to have to go to this this place that says they retrain your brain or whatever to to not hear it because I'll have no other choice.
I mean, that's pretty much it.
I mean, the other newer stuff like the tongue stimulation not covered by insurance.
So, you know, so I'll have to do that.
And then if that doesn't work, then I'll look at other methods, you know.
So anyhow, I had a big debacle with my mower and it's still going on.
So I buy a brand new mower.
Yeah, yeah, I buy a brand new mower.
OK, from one of those big box home improvement stores.
You know, the one that really blows.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one that really blows.
Yeah.
Well, anyhow, those stupid motherfuckers, they take and they send me a riding lawnmower craftsman because that's what the guy that fixes them told me.
And, you know, John Deere is moving anyhow, so fuck him.
I'll never buy another thing from them.
So he said, buy a craftsman.
He said the John Deere's that you can buy at Lowe's or Home Depot or whatever.
He said they're not the same as the real ones.
If you're going to buy John Deere, you buy from the tractor company.
They have the real ones.
He said they make some cheap ones that they sell at the box stores.
And he said he doesn't recommend them.
He says he has a lot full of them.
So he said if you want a really good mower, he said the craftsman with a Briggs and Stratton engine is easy to work on and is a pretty durable mower.
So I went to this big box store and anyhow, I bought this mower.
And so they said, all right, we're going to deliver it in three days.
Okay, fine. Great.
Well, they delivered and they delivered in the time they said, great.
So I get on that thing dead.
I'm like, what the hell?
So I'm like, all right.
Well, let's see.
Maybe I need to hold the breakdown more.
Okay, let's see.
Maybe the springs on the seat.
There's something in there that I got to take out.
You know, I'm examining all the options.
So I do everything.
I'm like, all right, time to call him.
I call him and then I get this stupid ass in lawn and garden and I tell him what's going on.
He goes, well, all I can say is we can sell you a new battery.
I said, what?
I said, no, no, no, no, no, that's not that's not in the vocabulary.
That's not even being discussed.
I said, what are you going to do to fix my problem?
He said, all I can do is sell you a new battery.
And I said, all right, well, that's okay.
What is your name?
I got the douchebags name, not a good douchebag, a bad one.
I call up there to the main office and I said, hey, here is what's going on.
You know, I get a mower from you fucks.
And I didn't say fucks, you know, and then it's not even working.
It's dead.
And then I call this idiot in lawn and garden and he tells me I can buy a new battery.
And the lady that's a little bit higher up than him, she goes, oh, no, no, no.
She goes, you can come in, get a battery, take that battery out.
We'll give you a brand new one for free.
Well, I had to go to work, so Val's out there and she removes the posts and everything.
And everything is rusted.
And it looks like maybe there might be some sort of a scratch on the side.
So I called back down there.
I go, hey, guys, I go, here's the deal.
I said, I don't even want this thing anymore because you guys sold me a mower that I think is used.
Or at the very least, number one, you didn't check it out before you sent to me.
And number two, you left it out in the lot to rain and hail and piss all over it.
I said, no.
I said, this is not a new mower.
And then I said, you know, after all the bullshit I put up with, you guys are taking this back and you're giving me a refund.
So anyhow, so they come back.
They said that they can get it tomorrow morning because they said, well, we'll get ahold of you Monday.
OK, so they didn't get ahold of me Monday.
And I told them, I said, you know what?
I said, we have severe weather in the forecast about every damn night.
I can't move this mower.
It's in the backyard.
I can't move it because it's dead.
And I'm not going to take and break my back moving it to the garage for you guys.
I said, so it's like this.
You guys better come get this piece of crap because I'm not liable for it.
I said, if a limb falls on it, then that's too bad.
That's on you guys.
But I'm guaranteeing you, I'm not fucking paying for it.
I said, I'll call it visa right now.
And I'll dispute the charges.
And I said, and I can't wait to get on Google to explain all this.
So they said, OK, OK, we'll buy we'll be by tomorrow morning to come get it.
And I said, OK, so then it turned in tomorrow afternoon.
But at least they're going to come get the piece of crap tomorrow.
So anyhow, the last few days I've been battling that, you know, it's one of those big box stores that really blows.
Yeah.
Well, hey, just just a heads up.
Yeah.
For the rest of this episode.
Yes.
If you hear a dog that's boss, my beagle, he was just let inside my inside duck blind studio.
OK.
Well, my son's moving his girlfriend and her dog in.
Oh, OK.
They know him, but they got their got the door open, moving stuff in.
He said he darks.
He's a beagle man.
The dogs over here.
The dogs over here barking their ass off, dude.
And you're going to hear it on the podcast when you relist it, when I post it.
So I don't think it's a big deal.
And not only that, but aren't the people getting their money's worth?
It's free.
Oh, yeah, they are.
Hey, you want to know what this is part of our real lives.
Yeah.
What you see is what you get.
And you know what?
I mean, it's free.
So you're getting your money's worth.
All right.
Let me go into this.
OK, moving on.
All right.
Last podcast, we inform you about John Deere leaving Dubuque, Iowa and bailing to Mexico.
Well, apparently this tool sack doesn't have enough money.
It's been reported that CEO John May is selling his Illinois ranch.
Rillator.
No, I'm not kidding you.
Rillator.com reported that the 80 acre property hit the market and identified its owner as
the company's chief executive.
Its asking price is 3.925 million, 4 million pretty much, according to its listing.
We can only hope he moves to Mexico and stays there.
Maybe he's afraid to stay there.
A lot of American families are going to really suffer.
In my opinion, this greedy asshole needs more money so he can count it and have it buried
with him.
Hey, rich man, remember this.
We all eventually answer to a higher power.
You know what I'm thinking, don't you?
What?
Ass paddling.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They're already on the list.
Oh, you already got them on the list.
I already got them on the list.
Thank you.
But yeah, you're right.
I'm just out here in this.
No, no, no.
No, it's cool.
Yeah, ass paddling.
That shows you we take a light.
Yes, we do.
And like I said, and I'll say this again, hey, rich man, we all eventually answer to
a higher power.
Good luck.
So anyhow, remember my mowing problems?
Well, I'm looking for a new mower.
Well, I can guarantee you what brand I'm not going to be buying.
And I'm betting most farmers feel the same.
Don't you think?
When their friends are displaced because the plant moved to Mexico, you think they're going
to buy a green and yellow, the all American tractor?
Fuck no.
They're going to buy something else.
If there is anything made in America anymore, we'll see.
But anyhow, better news ahead.
Villa Park Stadium in Birmingham, United Kingdom.
Foo Fighters had a concert there last week when a big surprise happened.
Dave Grohl introduced Giza.
Yeah, Dave Grohl introduced Giza Butler, a black Sabbath to play Paranoid with a band.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I look it up, dude.
Look it up.
It's got to.
I got I mean, almost cried.
It's so good.
I got four days coming up.
OK.
I'll find time.
So Dave Grohl introduced Giza Butler, black Sabbath to play Paranoid with a band with
the crowd roaring.
Grohl said he's never played a concert here.
He's never seen a concert here.
So we thought this would be a very special event.
Ladies and gentlemen, Giza Butler from black Sabbath.
The crowd and social media went into a frenzy.
This was very cool.
Recently, Dave Grohl said that all the grunge bands owe black Sabbath for their sound.
And I agree, don't you think?
Don't you think that's pretty much right on?
Yeah.
I mean, I mean, it's not quite, you know, it's it's improvised and it's, you know,
but you could tell some of their sound came from that that type of music.
Yeah.
So yeah.
But, you know, I mean, Kurt Cobain would have never admitted it.
You know, at least at least Soundgarden did.
You know, they often refer to their music as Beatles meets black Sabbath.
And I agree with that.
I think that's a pretty good assessment.
I like Soundgarden quite a bit considerably.
And Chris Cornell was pretty honest.
And when he said that they wanted to be like black Sabbath meets the Beatles,
I think he's pretty dead on, don't you?
No pun intended.
No, no, I agree.
I agree 100 percent.
OK.
All right.
Here is a list of the highest priced burger chains in America.
They did a survey and they found out what the top five prices.
Well, you know, the better price from the least prize.
The last one's going to be the least price.
The first one's going to be the highest priced.
So five five guys is the most price is at twenty dollars and eighty four cents.
Per person.
Yeah.
I mean, with the fries and everything is I think what they're talking about,
like a value meal type of meal.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, that's still pretty up there.
And I mean, like I said, 13 bucks, you can go get a real meal.
You can get like mashed potatoes and gravy and I don't know, ham steak or chicken
fried steak, meatloaf.
Yeah.
Why would you go to this burger joint, which in my opinion isn't that good,
and spend twenty eighty four.
So get the fried fish, whatever.
Yeah.
Whatever the hell you want, man.
Get a salad, whatever.
Yeah.
So anyhow, then the second price is burger chain is Jack in the Box at thirteen seventy five.
And OK, it may be but Jack in the Box, I think everyone knows you have to.
They load you down though.
They do.
They load you down.
And also you got to look for the sales.
Yeah.
They have sales all the time.
I mean, they'll have like four tacos for three bucks or, you know,
and stuff like that.
And they do have sales.
Whenever they have sales, they have cheaper food.
But like you said, they do load you down and they give you a serving.
So and I'm kind of fond of Jack in the Box.
Are you?
Well, yeah, I am.
I am.
I like their tacos.
Their tacos are incredible.
OK.
We don't have one here.
But when I travel, I got to hit a jack in the box.
Give me tacos.
Yeah, me too.
That used to be the first thing I did before they came to Kansas City again is whenever I was down in Texas doing a job,
the first thing I demanded was we roll into Jack in the Box and get some tacos.
And then pretty soon everyone agreed with me after they had them.
Third is Wendy's at twelve forty one.
And you know what?
Wendy's is actually they have a really good burger.
They have quality fries.
They have really good quality control, at least the one that I go to near my house.
I don't necessarily have a problem with their price.
I think it's worth a little bit more than Burger King or McDonald's.
So so Wendy's comes in at twelve forty one.
But then again, if I have my choice and had time to sit down, I would go up here to Caleb's or go to First Watch or something and get a real meal.
So so anyhow.
So then the next one is Burger King comes in at ten sixty one per person.
And I was surprised that Burger King wasn't cheaper than McDonald's because it seems like Burger King's always having like two junior Whoppers and fries for five bucks.
Doesn't it seem like they're always got some sort of a deal going on?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So anyhow, and then the last and the best price is McDonald's coming in at seven fifty seven a person.
So I don't know what all the scuttlebutt is about McD's, you know, charging more and all that.
You know, oh, there's a big thing about it.
People think that McD's is like, no, no, no, I know.
I know the big thing is just that now they're the lowest.
Give me a burger, fries and a drink for McDonald's.
It's like ten, twelve bucks.
Oh, really? I wonder how they figured this out then.
I don't know.
OK, then.
All right.
Forget it.
I mean, you know what?
I'm going to have to relook all of this, but I thought it was it came from like, I don't know, one of those living magazines that like, you know, that gives you information.
Wait a second.
I know what it is.
What is it?
I had an extra burger.
Oh, OK.
That's what it is.
OK.
Yeah, yeah, the little their little meals don't fill me up.
So I yeah, I have to add the extra.
Yeah, for seven sixty seven, you don't get a lot.
So, yeah, you know, we're way above forty two.
Yep.
Yeah.
And here's another little hint.
If you go to a cafe, like I said, don't get the soda, get coffee or water.
They're cheap.
They jack the sodas up and the orange juices and all that stuff up to make up their money that they're not charging you on the food.
So just a little hint.
Anytime you get a soda at a real restaurant, it's at least three fifty or higher.
So, OK.
Anyhow, let's see here.
There's a survey that found the favorite sock for boomers.
This is generational sock habits, by the way, a survey found that favorite sock for boomers are boot socks when Gen Xers are more in favor of ankle socks.
Millennials have a strong preference for no show socks with Gen Z favoring crew socks.
I had no idea there were so many socks to you.
No, I did not either.
I'm not even sure what all these are.
I don't know.
What is it there's between a no show sock and an ankle sock?
Aren't they pretty much the same?
No, actually, actually, I just seen them.
I just went and bought me a pack of ankle socks the other day.
Oh, so they are different than the ones.
It's hot weather.
Oh, yeah.
I wear I wear like regular tennis shoes and I want something covering my ankles.
You know, yeah, but I've seen these no show socks.
They're the ones that looks like they're going barefooted with their shoes on, right?
Those are the ones for the people that wear crocs.
OK, OK.
Now you're making sense of it.
OK.
Thank you, Rob.
You're making a lot of sense there.
So that's what the difference is.
Yeah, because if you put your foot in a shoe, you know, you want your stuff covered a little bit.
You know, you want your sock up just a little bit above the.
I do too.
I like ankle socks.
Yeah, because they don't feel so weird.
They don't go down into your shoe when you're walking.
But what I've seen, but what I've seen was a no show.
Do you have that extra little bit at the top?
It was like, OK, OK.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
We make a slip, you know.
OK, I got you.
So the no show is a lot smaller than the ankle.
It goes underneath the shoes.
The ankle.
Yeah.
And the ankle comes up to the ankle and you can see it through a shoe.
OK.
Yeah.
So number one, I had no idea there are so many socks to during winter.
I want the over the calf thick wool ones.
Right.
I mean, don't you wear the really the really long, thick one,
stern winter when it's really cold?
I just wear tube socks.
Oh, OK.
Well, I mean, they wear jeans.
I wear tube socks.
They are tube socks.
I wear ankle socks.
OK.
All right.
So all right.
So, you know, and then during the summer, I wear the ankle socks.
I don't look goony when I'm fucking walking around in shorts.
You know, so anyway, 44 percent of millennials think no show socks are a no go.
Sixty eight percent of crew sock loving Gen Zers agree.
Regarding ankle socks, 23 percent and 59 percent believe they're just not in any longer.
Oh, and almost forgot out the greatest generation, the oldest generation alive right now.
Their socks are compression socks.
Sorry, not sorry.
OK, I had to go there.
Yes, I did.
So, so I'm going to go ahead and cut that one short because we're like getting way on the podcast
and we haven't heard from you yet.
So, Rob, please go ahead.
Yeah, this one may get a little winky.
I'm going to try to cut a little bit of it out.
OK.
The water bill at the Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis residence appears to be pretty low after recent revelations
the couple made about the family's bathing habits.
OK.
In a recent appearance on Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert podcast,
they admit they're not that into bathing themselves or their children.
Demetri, four and Wyatt six.
The conversation started when Shepard explained his ongoing disagreement with Toho's Monica Padman.
The two of his sceptic views over whether people should use soap.
OK.
You should not be getting rid of all the natural oil in your skin with a bar of soap every day, he said.
It's insane.
He might.
He might be right.
Shepard was very candid about her bathing ritual.
I don't wash my body with soap every day, she shared, but I wash my pits, tits and holes and holes.
I can't believe I'm in the minority here washing my whole body in the shower.
And Wyatt, who taught you not to wash? Well, Kunis goes into how she grew up in Ukraine and, you know.
Uh huh. Yeah, yeah. I knew she was Ukrainian. I didn't know she grew up there.
And then Kutcher added that he regularly used soap and water just on his armpits and crotch and nothing else.
Wow.
But then later down the line, well, that Shepard's wife piped in, Ruth and Belle.
Yeah, they don't bathe their kids regularly at night time either.
Uh huh. Wow.
Yeah, that's crazy.
OK. OK, wow. But I mean, they are right. It does hurt the oil. You know, it does take the oils away.
It does. It does. I agree. I agree. I don't know, man.
Boy, it's it's lightening a lot out there. Geez. Oh, oh, and I got to tell my story about trying to get to work yesterday.
Did you get very much right? Did you get very much rain yesterday, Rob?
Uh, it stopped about daybreak.
OK, well, we had rain till one o'clock. It started at nine until like one in the afternoon and it was pouring rain.
It was flooding rain. We got six inches of rain within that time frame, about two in the morning to about one in the afternoon.
So I'm headed to. Yeah, it was pretty bad. So I heard that.
So anyhow, I'm driving to work and I start noticing right in front of me on minor drive there.
Cars are stalling out and I'm like, oh, that's not good.
So I turned around and went back the other way towards home and I said, well, I'm just going to have to call into work and say,
I'm either going to be late or not come in because we're having all this flash flooding, of course.
So I go the other way and there's this big dip in a creek before I get to my house.
And it's flooded, too. There's cars there. Stopped, stranded.
And when I started to go down the hill, I could fear I could feel my Jeep starting to sway.
So I pulled in this Avila College's parking lot and I sat there until all the rain stopped and it drained.
And I called my work and I said, look, I said, I can't go either way.
I'm stuck in this parking lot at Avila and it's on a hill.
But I said, when I left the house, the creek down there wasn't flooded and, you know, minor drive was flooded.
And then I go back and the creek's flooded. So all I can do is just sit here and ride this out.
So he said, all right, when you get in, come see me. Yeah, it was it was the most amount of rain and flooding I've seen in a long time.
So I didn't hear it was that bad. Oh, it was horrible.
But the thing is, it was only on the south side.
The north side may have gotten a quarter inch of rain.
Isn't that weird how that happens? So anyhow.
Yeah, I'm thinking more down around Belton, Ericsonville, or Belton, Grand Butte.
They got a lot of rain there, but this particular swath from northern Olathe, extreme southern Jackson County, Morton City,
a little further north to that. Yeah, Lee's Summit all got around six inches of rain or six plus inches of rain.
And yeah, and when I went by Indian Creek, it was all flooded.
And anyhow, I was then Brush Creek was looking really suspect when I went by that bridge.
So I don't know exactly what happened.
But by the time I got through working, everything, everything was cleared out.
But it was getting a little crazy there for a little bit.
And it's storming again, all kinds of lightning out there. So we'll see if we flood again.
Very possible. This year has been very odd. That's for sure weather wise.
But you know, I mean, everyone's been odd. I mean, we got a we got a cat five hurricane in the Gulf right now.
Earliest one ever. I don't know.
I should have never made fun of Mother Nature. Should have I should never gave her an ass paddling. Right.
Right. I think we caused this, Rob. Or I caused it. I'm the one that gave her an ass paddling.
I apologize. I don't know what else to do.
We already determined that.
Well, evidently, she's still not happy with me.
So I don't know what to do, Rob. I mean, should I maybe offer her something?
I mean, what what does Mother Nature like?
I don't know. A Whitman Sand Planner?
Plant a tree.
Plant a tree. All right. I'm on that tomorrow. I'm on that tomorrow. Thanks, Rob.
All righty. Let's take our first break way late and we'll be right back.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
Phoenix, Arizona. Thank you for listening.
Two douchebags and microphone. Suddenly, you. We love you guys.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Let's see here. A package of eight hot dogs. A package of ten hot dog buns.
I would have to buy ten packs of hot dogs and eight packs of buns to even it out.
Should I buy them at once? Should I freeze them?
Or just continue to zigzag them and hope for the best?
I hate adulting.
Oh, shit. What's that over there?
Oh, no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
Well, I just saw two red-breasted birds sunning on a limb.
They must be Baskin Robbins.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink. That's right. Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
Make men and women go.
Chomp your balls.
You want to fuck shit up?
You want to fuck shit up? You want to fuck shit up?
Brick Shit Houses are useful.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone.
Attention! Attention! Harrisonville, Missouri.
Thank you for listening.
Two Douchebags Microphone salutes you.
We love you guys. You know who you are.
Two Douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob Rad.
All right, Rob Rad.
Do you got a story you want to go into?
Yeah, I got one I can go into. I got one pulled up right here.
Actually, it's an update from our last episode.
Hopefully you put them out in order.
Okay.
Just for this story.
I did. I put them out in order.
Okay. Well, I told you about the waitress down here in Campton at Fish Company
that got pushed into the lake by people that were dodging their bill.
Okay. Well, yesterday, I don't know,
it was the same day that I reported that. I hadn't read it yet.
Okay.
On Facebook, there's a Facebook group called Lake Area Happenings.
So anybody that wants to know anything going around Lake of the Ozarks,
check out Lake Area Happenings.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I ran across a post from the woman that actually got pushed in the water.
Okay.
The waitress.
Okay.
And I'm going to read it to you.
Okay.
Says, Hi, y'all. I'm sure a lot of you have seen the post everywhere about a server being ran on,
ran out on, and then pushed in the water.
I am that server and just want to thank all of you for the support.
You are working and obtaining the footage from the Fish Company.
I, we are now obtaining the footage from the Fish Company.
I will now tell you all what happened.
It was about 8.30 when this group showed up and the restaurant was packed.
As soon as I went up to the table, I knew something was off,
and then one of the young girls ordered an alcoholic drink and didn't have her ID.
Uh-huh.
So I told them I could not serve her at the table for a seat until it fit because I would not serve the girl.
About half hour later, they decided to order food.
At this point, we were on an hour and a half food wait.
I did let them know that food would be at least an hour and a half.
They continued to get very angry and their food was not yet out.
They decided they wanted to leave right as the food was about to be taken to them.
So I told them I would give it to them in eight-gold boxes.
When I came back, they came down to the dock.
Usually when this happens and you catch them, they are like, oh, well, we totally forgot, and they give you a card.
Uh-huh.
This did not happen.
They instead grabbed my arm, swam their boat, and pulled me into the water, and I hit the water.
They cheered and laughed.
I had my silver book with all my money and credit card slips as well as earbuds and phone in my pocket.
Thankfully, my credit card slips and cash were able to be salvaged.
My phone is fine, thankfully.
My earbuds were in total loss, unfortunately.
I did get back in the water for about ten minutes as there was no water, and I cannot pull myself that high up on the dock.
Thankfully, I was able to use another boat's swim platform to get up on.
I had a panic attack for about an hour and a half.
Thankfully, I have some awesome co-workers who got me clothing and helped me clean me up and brought me out of a state of panic.
I will hopefully be able to get the pictures tomorrow.
Thank you all for your support.
I love my community here at the lake.
Also, I did file a police report.
Yes, another update on that.
The local police are looking for two people in particular on this incident.
Okay.
Alright, wow.
Yeah, I mean, you don't do that.
That's just bullshit. It is.
Oh, it is. I agree.
There was a bunch of rough people that, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And there's somebody that has two young kids at home, single mother.
Yeah, I'm going to back this girl.
Well, hell yeah. And I think they'll get caught, and I hope so.
Oh yeah, they got them on video, man. There's plenty of video footage.
Cool.
Are you wanting to do the hairy asshole Olympics yet, or do you want to wait a little bit?
I'm ready when you are, dude.
Alright. Okay, you said you have 14 of them, right?
We agree on 14, right?
Yes.
Good. I came up with a couple extra just in case.
I did too, just in case. Just in case you threw me a loop.
Just in case.
Yeah, just in case, because we know how.
The way we run it is whoever calls that person first gets that person.
Yes.
The other one has to, yeah, we can't have the same person.
Yep.
Okay, do you want to lead off, Rob? Who was your first hairy asshole?
Sure.
Okay.
Do you have to guess?
Sasquatch, I don't know.
After my first story, hell no. My lacunas.
Okay, that's good.
Come on.
Okay, I'm putting her against Mick Foley.
Oh, you're bringing him back?
I'm bringing him back. I think he's a great candidate. He's very fucking hairy.
Yes.
Yeah. I mean, I don't have that much to go with, I mean, except like the non-cleaning thing.
So I don't know if she's actually really that hairy, or I'm pretty confident Mick Foley is.
Well, if she don't clean, she ain't shaving.
Okay, all right.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
She is Ukrainian, so, you know, not making fun of her.
She don't use soap that much.
Okay, all right. I mean, we can let her win.
I figured she'd be a good one.
All right, let's put her through. Let's put her through. I want to see her in the next round.
You want Myla to take, you want her to take out Mick Foley.
I just want her in it more, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I can bring Mick Foley.
I can bring her in that story. She's raising her kids that way.
One of us will bring Mick Foley back in the next round, okay?
Oh, yeah.
Let's bring her through, okay? I mean, you don't get a story like that and just let it go.
So, okay, Myla Kunis, you are going to the second round.
And Mick Foley, we're sorry and regretful to inform you that you have lost to a female.
You can go back to writing your children's books. They're very good, I hear.
So, okay, Rob, the next one.
You know where I'm going.
Ashton Kutcher.
You got it.
I'm going Robert Trujillo.
Oh.
Yeah, he is very hairy, dude.
I don't think he showers that often either if you look at his images and he's a rock star and you know he's okay.
Okay, you know what?
What?
Well, just just so you know for this husband and wife.
I actually had to do a battle before we started this between the husbands and wives.
Because of Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell, you know.
Yeah, I got what you said.
So I had to go which one? Yeah, well, these are the two I went with.
Okay.
Damn, dude.
Man, Robert Trujillo.
I think you may have that one.
I think so too. Robert Trujillo is very hairy and a damn good bassist.
So, all right.
All right, Robert Trujillo goes through.
Ashton Kutcher, you're going to have to watch your wife battle someone else next week from the stands.
We're sorry, Ashton.
I'm surprised it's the first time.
Oh, did I say that?
No, I didn't hear anything, Rob.
All right, Rob.
What is your third one?
Well, while we're sticking in to the Dax 70 show, let's go with Danny Masterson.
You know what? He is in prison.
He's in prison. He's covering it up.
Yeah, but he's kind of like in a country club prison now.
Yeah, but you still have a lot of time.
All right, I'm going to go against the late great Billy Mays, but wait, there's more.
Billy Mays is a guy with a really thick beard.
He died from a cocaine overdose quite a few years back.
And anyhow, he's always the one that like sold stuff.
And he's the guy that penned the frame.
Oh, my gosh. Oxy Queen.
Yes, yes, you got it.
All kinds of shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's the wait, there's more guy.
I mean, he pretty much he pretty much came up with that.
And that was his kind of like tagline was.
But wait, there's more.
So, OK, so you're going to go with Danny Masterson against Billy Mays.
Billy Mays is dead.
Danny Masterson is alive.
But we never let that stop us before we put dead people in here.
You know, OK, other than a thick beard, I don't know if I have any evidence that Billy Mays is really, you know, hairy everywhere else.
Where Danny Masterson used to wear his 70s like shirt unbuttoned and he's hairy, you know, his chest is hairy.
So we know that much.
So I don't know.
What do you think?
I. I'm like you.
Yeah, we don't know.
It's going to go to Topher.
Topher, but.
OK, it's going to go to Topher.
Danny is in prison.
He wants that shit covered.
Mm hmm.
And from the pictures I'm seeing, he's looking bushy again.
OK, then let's go with Danny Masterson.
Because I don't actually have proof that Billy Mays is that hairy.
He's just got that really thick beard and I have a really good suspicion.
But he never did wear his.
I will give you credit on that one.
Oh, yeah, I pulled that one out of my ass.
I just don't know if that was the best opponent.
No, that's cool. I can bring him back.
I mean, I already brought Mick Foley back, so I'll bring him back.
All right.
The next one, go ahead.
Mick Mars.
I think he's that hairy.
I don't think he's that hairy, but OK.
He's going to guess another musician.
Used to be.
Jerry Garcia.
Oh, well.
OK, Jerry Garcia.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Billy Mays, thank you.
You can go back to your internal slumber.
Thank you for participating.
Good luck next time.
Yeah, you can go back to the afterlife.
Thank you.
All right.
And Jerry Garcia.
OK, so Jerry Garcia is still alive in our books.
Is that it?
I think Mick, yeah.
I mean, do you see where I was going there?
Yeah.
I think Mars should be very hairy.
I know Jerry Garcia was extremely hairy.
Not Jerry Garcia.
Yeah, and he's a stoner, too, you know.
So, yeah, I'm going to go Jerry Garcia all the way.
All right.
Go ahead with the next one.
Yoko Ohno.
Oh, no one wants to get close to her.
Well, against another.
Well, she's not really a musician.
She thinks she is.
But I'm putting her against sweaty Teddy Nugent.
Uncle Teddy.
Let's put Yoko through.
Come on.
Let's do it.
It's going to be real interesting next round.
I want Yoko to win.
Let's bring her through.
OK.
Yeah, they did not lead the plan of the wife.
No, I'm betting she braids her snatch hair.
Probably probably has like fucking dreadlocks.
To this day.
Yes.
OK, we're going to go with Yoko.
Sound fair?
All right.
Next one.
OK, Derek.
Thanks for having the wives.
Let's go John Lennon.
I have him on my list.
I got to cross him off.
Fuck.
OK, I got him against Hank Williams Jr.
Oh, damn.
That's pretty close because if you take John Lennon at his hair,
Hank Williams Jr.
at his hair is pretty close.
Oh, yeah.
To me.
Let's see.
OK, here's what I think right here.
OK, John Lennon was a hippie.
He probably didn't bathe that often.
Hank Williams Jr. was a hick.
He probably didn't bathe that often.
So let's send that one to Topher because I don't know.
I don't know on that one.
Topher.
OK, that one goes to Topher.
Let's hear your next one, Ron.
First one of season five.
The first standoff that Topher gets.
All right, cool.
All right, what is your next one?
OK, next up.
The ex-universal champion of the world, Roman Reigns.
I have him against Jason Momoa.
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go with Momoa.
He's got a beard like right now.
He's got a beard like down to his fucking elbows.
It looks like he has back hair and the whole fucking gizmo, dude.
Roman Reigns is a good one, but I think that in my opinion,
I think that Jason Momoa beats him.
What do you think?
I don't know.
He's just going off the bat, he wears leather pants,
he's got all the hair up top, why not?
OK, maybe not on the chest, because he's got shirtless,
but from the pants waistline down.
Yeah, but he's also an athlete,
so he would probably have to shave down there, don't you think?
Not necessarily.
OK.
You want that one to go to Topher, too?
Actually, you know, I got thinking.
We mentioned that wrestlers got to wear jock straps and blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I was referring to,
that they have to probably be somewhat...
Well, jock straps aren't dumb, they will go up your butt.
Yeah, but I mean, they're still really constrictive,
but want to send that one to Topher?
No, actually, I think I'll give you that one.
OK. Yeah, I think he beats...
I think Momoa beats him out just a little bit, so...
But you can always bring him back, so...
Alrighty, so let's have your next one.
Sorry, I started speeding.
That's OK.
That shit happens.
OK, here we go.
Fred from Scooby-Doo.
Fidel Castro.
Another one bringing back.
Yep. I'm saying Castro. You see that, Harry, son of a bitch?
OK, here's where I'm at on Fred from Scooby-Doo.
OK.
And yet to figure out why he wore that ascot.
OK.
I take it because they were so busy busting ghosts,
he didn't have time to bathe, so he put the ascot on
to keep the smell down in his clothes so nobody smelled it.
OK.
He's supposed to be a pretty boy.
OK. Well, I think because he had blonde hair,
he naturally didn't have that thick of hair,
and it really was not that standoutish or prolific.
And Fidel Castro's down there in Cuba where it's really hot.
So yeah, OK, so yeah, that would just be bathing practice.
You're right. Yeah. You're right.
Yeah, so I'm going to say Fidel.
All right, let's...
I was trying to sneak a cartoon in on you.
You know what? We'll have cartoons.
We already have cartoons in the contest, so...
Yeah.
All right, next one.
Ryan Seacrest.
Mila Omar.
He is a member of the Taliban, or was,
that was killed before Osama bin Laden.
Real, real, real hairy guy.
You can look him up on your phone if you want.
Oh, yeah, I'll...
Um...
I just figured Ryan Seacrest spends so much time on the air
that they keep him, quote, shaved up top.
Oh, I think they shave for him.
Never mind. Never mind.
I think they shave a little heart pattern in his Netherlands.
I don't even know how to spell that name. You just say it.
M-I-L-L-A, Omar, O-M-A-R. Just look it up.
OK, I went, NOLA.
NOLA, Omar.
Yeah, different guy. That's his brother.
Oh, OK, OK.
See what I'm saying now?
Yeah, yeah, I see what... Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I ain't gonna go there.
I gotta go, Mila.
OK, next. Next, next, next.
OK, next one.
Ray Cox.
Ooh, that's a really good one. I think he's gonna beat my guy.
Osama bin Laden.
Osama bin Laden couldn't bend over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I chose Osama bin Laden because I already had a member of the Taliban,
so I had to get the leader of Al-Qaeda.
And also, he was very hairy, but Red Fox could not move very well,
and he was very hairy, so I gotta give that one to Red Fox.
And Osama had how many wives to do it for?
Good point. Good point. All right.
Good job, Red.
Ha ha ha. OK. That one's pretty clear-cut to me. Red got it.
See? Osama wasn't meant to be around.
Nope, nope. Osama, you can go back to burning in hell.
Just kidding.
Anyhow, Osama bin Laden, you can go back to the afterlife.
Thank you very much for participating, even though you hate us infidels.
Go ahead, please, on the next one.
OK, next.
Freddy Fender.
Freddy Fender? Oh my God.
The whole country's shagging.
Yeah. Well, I got him against Mean Joe Green.
Um.
Yeah. OK, so yeah, we're past the jockstrap, so.
Yeah, yep.
Holy shit.
That one's a good one. You want to send that one to Topher?
Topher. Welcome back, Topher.
He's going to have his work cut out for him.
All right, next one.
Grapeape.
That's a good one.
Grapeape is going against Wolfman Jack.
Oh, bring your model man back.
Yes, I am. He was a solid choice, Rob.
I forgot who he lost to, but he was solid.
Gotta give it to Wolfman.
Wolfman. Wolfman it is.
All right, next one.
Grapeape was purple. You'd see the shit on his ass.
Perfect.
I tried. I tried. I tried.
Grapeape, he tried. I was here. I saw it.
All right, next one.
Michael Richards.
Oh, that's a good one. I got him against Claudia.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, it looked like he just stored an 8-ball come floating into Seinfeld.
Yeah, yeah, yep, yep. That's a solid choice right there.
I have him against Claudio Sanchez, the lead singer of Kohit and Cambria.
Just take a look at him.
Claudio Sanchez.
Because it's a pretty close one.
One second. One second. One second.
What, Google here?
I mean, it's a...
Claudio.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, well.
Pretty solid, isn't he?
I really never cared for Michael Richards anyway.
Okay, Claudio Sanchez it is.
Yeah, I love you that much, isn't it? Oh my God.
Oh, I know. He was the perfect candidate, dude.
All righty. What are we on now? What number?
We're on number 14, our final.
Okay. I've got a few too that I can pop out here, so it depends on who you put up there.
I gotta get my...
Go ahead.
Well, I was going to say, actually, I got like three others in a hole.
I do too.
Because we are a little later.
Yeah, me too. I saved them just in case.
Yep.
All right.
Okay.
The Godfather of Funkadelic himself, Mr. George Clinton.
Ooh. I'm going to put him against Dwayne Ullman.
I think the fucking Funkadelic wins.
He's a notorious, very stinky guy.
Dwayne Ullman's just dust. He's dust right now. He died in the 70s.
So, I'm going to say, George Clinton.
I'm going to say George.
All right. George Clinton, you may go forward. Dwayne Ullman, you can go back to eternal slumber.
Thank you for coming out of death to do us a solid and be on our contest.
Don't get on a bike.
We know what happened last time you were on a motorcycle. You died.
Anyhow, go ahead. Sorry.
That was the last one.
All right. Okay.
Okay. Now.
We have a band to pick two.
But, we're going to keep everybody going on the band until the finale.
Because we only get one band.
All right. Who is your introduction to the band, Harry Off?
Oh, no. No. We didn't say it. We didn't say it until the finale.
Oh, that's right. Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah. That night, I tore one up, you tore one up, and we have a winner.
We only have one band, so why blow it early?
Exactly. All right. I got one. I got a really good choice, I think.
All right. Well, let's take our second break way late, and we're going to come back with some more stuff.
That sound good? You got time?
Yeah, I got time.
All righty. We'll be right back in a couple of minutes.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
Are you an appendix? I don't know who you are or what you do, but I feel like I should take you out.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
There's a small island in the South Pacific where people actually talk with eye movements.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we gave you The Origin of.
The Origin of Knee-High Soft Drinks.
Claude Hatcher overheard a route salesman enter the plant one day and describe the competitor's tall bottle as being knee-high.
Knee-high originated with the Cherokela Company in Columbus, Georgia by Claude A. Hatcher in 1912.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went out to the pier, people tried to board her.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great-grandma Gertrude is crying because her little b-bo is listening to this film.
Two dish bags of microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
My 76-inch smart HDMI, triphonic, stereo TV. My remote won't work unless I'm right in front of it.
I can't believe it. This is bullshit.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I envy everyone who hasn't met you.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If I was to speak into a megaphone backwards, would it then sound like a whisper? I may never know.
Two dish bags in a microphone invade your ear holes in...
Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler?
And that is the sound you hear when you enter the gates of hell, Rob. That sound right there.
Yes, yes, I know. Oh my god.
I've heard something close but not quite like that.
Yeah, I think not only is that the sound when you enter the gates of hell, but I think it's the sound that you keep hearing in the gates of hell.
I think it's the soundtrack to the gates of hell.
Alright, well, we did the socks thing, right? About boomers and everybody, right?
Well, now we're having foods that zeers are obsessed with, but boomers don't even know what the fuck it is, generally.
That sound good? Yep.
Alright, the number one food that zeers and millennials love, and boomers and probably some Xers, and the greatest generation definitely, don't have any idea about.
The first one is acai bowls.
And if anyone's not familiar, it's a berry. It's acai berry.
And it's supposed to be really good, antioxidants and all this stuff.
Anyhow, it's kind of a reddish berry.
So, anyhow, I know about it only because I've been around it. You don't, so some Xers know about it, some don't.
The next one that we don't know about, but they do, is poke bowls.
And you know what poke bowls are? You know what poke is?
Yeah, I've heard of it, yeah.
Okay, well it is like chunks of fish mixed in with all kinds of other things.
I mean, if you have any questions about it, Google it.
The question is, is it cooked or not? Is it sushi or?
You know what, that's a good question because I would never get near it.
So hang on, let me look. Yeah, it's sushi. Yeah, don't get near me.
Okay, let me see here. Let's see, is poke fish cooked?
Waa-waa.
Ha ha ha.
Waa-waa.
Raw pieces of tuna cut into cubes, then marinated with soy sauce and sesame oil and mixed with onion.
So tuna out of the can, so yeah, you'd be alright.
Okay, well alright.
Unless they're talking raw tuna.
Well it said that, it said raw pieces of tuna cut into cubes, then marinated.
Okay, well then you're talking sushi.
Yes, so okay. I'm glad we don't know about it.
But poke doesn't necessarily have to be tuna or even seafood, nor does it have to be raw or cubed.
So, whatever the hell. We don't know about it.
Okay, so the next one is, yeah, moving right along.
Next one, avocado toast.
Um, we've known about that.
That sounds good to me.
It actually is good. I've had it. I've had it. It's good.
Um, yeah, um, okay, yeah.
We know about it and we like it, so I think that one is, uh, yeah.
Alright, next one, kombucha.
Oh, don't have to call you.
Oh, you know what, I could explain it, but I'm not gonna.
Um, I, I hate it. I hate the concept of it. Everything about it. It's nasty to me.
So we're gonna move right along from kombucha and it's like in jars.
But anyhow, uh, chai seed pudding.
And some people announce it chai. Some people call it kai.
But anyhow, however you pronounce it.
I've never tried it.
I don't know what the actual pronunciation of it is, but chai seed pudding.
And I know nothing about it. Do you?
No, I don't have a clue. I've heard, I've heard the name. I've never tried it. I know nothing about it.
Okay.
The next one that the youngers know about and we do not is edamame.
Edamame. Edamame is how it's pronounced.
And let me take a look here. This is weird.
What country did this come from? Cause it's not English.
Um, edamame is a Tuna.
Okay.
Okay. Edamame is a Japanese dish prepared with immature soybeans in the pod.
The pods are boiled or steamed and may be served with salt or other condiments.
The dish has become popular across the world because it is rich in vitamins, dietary fiber, and is of flavor ends.
Okay.
So in other words, everybody's going to oriental food it sounds like.
It does sound like it. Yes. Asian food is like in it.
Yeah. Yeah.
The next one is exactly as it sounds. So just imagine this Rob.
Rainbow bagels.
Yes. Rainbow bagels.
So yeah.
They're rainbow colored bagels.
I'm going to go ahead and pass on that one myself.
I just like a regular bagel. I don't need any type of a pattern in it or any type of a coloration.
I just like my bagels looking like bagels.
Okay. All right. The next one and I have had this and I do like it.
It's rather sweet and they do use it in some sweeteners that are low calorie sweeteners.
Jackfruit.
I never tried it.
I think you would like it. I mean it's not like the best thing ever.
Is it a sweetener?
Yeah. It can be a sweetener.
Okay.
Yeah. All right. I think you'd like it.
Okay.
The next one and I've had them before and they are pretty good.
Oat milk lattes.
It's a different consistency from milk. It's thicker.
No. No.
Okay. All right. That's cool.
My opinion. My opinion.
That's cool. That's cool. You can have your opinion. All right.
Unless you add a bunch of milk to it.
Well you can. I mean that's what I do.
I mean I add vanilla and sometimes I'll put something like I don't know.
I tried a butterscotch one actually with vanilla and it was really good.
And I don't normally like butterscotch that well but I mean anyhow it's good.
I had it recommended at one of the coffee houses I go to.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah. Oat milk lattes are fine I think.
So okay. The next one is dragon fruit.
I don't know anything about it. I've heard of it a long time.
I don't know what it is.
I keep hearing a lot about it. I've heard about it a long time too.
Yeah.
Yeah. I have no idea what it is.
You don't either?
No. No. I've heard of it.
I've never tried it.
Well I mean you know it's a fruit so I really don't have to look it up.
So anyhow so dragon fruit.
Next one is kimchi.
Kimchi is a traditional Korean side dish consisting of salted and fermented vegetables.
And I think it has Napa cabbage in it maybe and Korean radish.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Okay.
Salted and fermented vegetables?
Yes.
Shout me out.
No I don't like it either. I'm just telling you what I know about it.
Just on the word for kimchi.
Let me go to kimchi here.
It's Korean I know that and it's got like Korean cabbage and Napa cabbage and fermented. Hang on.
Okay. Kimchi is a traditional Korean side dish consisting of salted and fermented vegetables.
Most often Napa cabbage and Korean radish and wide selection of seasoning is used including Girkachu, spring onions, garlic, ginger and a whole bunch of other shit.
So there you go. Okay. I don't like it myself.
I stand my ground and it says we're mixing in one part. That's all I need.
Me too. I agree 100% Rob.
Unless it contains the word alcohol.
That's the only fermented stuff I like too so we're on board with it.
Right right right.
Alright the next one is gluten free baked foods.
I have no problem with them. There's a lot of them that are good. It's not my main because gluten doesn't bother me.
Honestly yeah. I really have a hard time telling the difference.
I can't tell you know.
No me too. I mean they got to tell me sometimes. Hey that's gluten free. I'm like no shit. Okay cool.
The next one.
Tastes good. Tastes good. Builds a hole.
Yeah there you go.
The next one is and we know about this. I don't know why it's on the list and even boomers and probably the greatest generation knows about this.
Food trucks.
Pretty safe to say everybody knows about food trucks.
Dude they are everywhere now. Even down here. There's tons of them down here.
It's all the rage. You pull up somewhere and serve a certain kind of food and everyone goes nuts.
Oh yeah we got one. It's a local fish restaurant. Seafood restaurant. They have a truck. There's different barbecue trucks. There's Mexican trucks. Yeah there's all kinds of them.
Oh they're all the rage and all different ages of people enjoy them. So I think they're wrong on this one.
The next one. Sriracha mayo. Haven't that been around for a while?
Sriracha? That's been around for a while.
Yeah that's what I thought too. So I think it kind of struck out on this one too. I guarantee you most of boomers, most all of Xers and maybe some of the greatest generation know about Sriracha mayo.
Okay well yeah. Yeah I mean it's on every grocery store shelf.
Yeah and I didn't.
The ketchup and the regular mayo. Yeah didn't it come out in the 90s maybe and it was like running back for a while.
Wasn't it Kraft that came out with it? Yeah probably. Yeah I remember.
I mean they were a big name at the time. Yeah.
Yeah and I think it went away. Now I think it's back if I remember correctly. And then finally on the list, Unicorn Food. I have no idea and I'm not even going to bother to look it up. So Rob you got anything you want to go into?
Yes something that will make your night. Oh good.
Gotcha it's American Songwriter.
Alright I'm ready.
And that actually this one's kind of an interesting one.
Rob you do love me like I say every time you play an American Songwriter list. Yeah.
Oh no that was that one time it was pretty lame.
Yeah but that's really not using. We both agree.
Yeah we both agree.
Yeah.
Four crazy internet rumors about musicians that were true.
Charles Manchin wrote a song from the Beach Boys.
Uh huh.
Never Learn Not To Love is one of the many top notch songs from legendary Beach Boys. The track is included as a beach side, Bluebirds Over The Mountain in 1968.
Okay.
You see I thought they denied him the song and he was pissed. But no that was a record producer that told him he couldn't. Okay. Alright that's cool.
I wanted to call him.
That's okay. That happens.
The songwriting critics go to Dennis Wilson that not many people know where Wilson came up with the song. Shockling the track is actually an edited version of the song Cease and Exist which is written by none other than cult leader and convicted murderer Charles Manchin.
Okay.
I knew he was a musician before he became a leader of serial killers or whatever you want to call it. Mass murderers or whatever. So yeah. Okay.
I had heard that he had written a song. I didn't know which one.
Well I mean.
This was the one but Dennis Wilson got credit for it.
Okay. Okay.
That's right it's a rumor but it's true.
Okay I did not know that. That's cool.
Oh this one I know for a fact you and I know. Okay.
Ozzy Osbourne snorted ants.
Yes we do know that.
We do know that.
Osbourne has done a lot of wild things in his heyday. Biting the head off like that was just one of many.
Though it's not the most well known incident according to Osbourne he also snorted a line of ants once. What was once just internet speculation attributed to allegedly Motley Crue ended up being verified by the Prince of Darkness himself.
Yep we knew that and we know that he confirmed it he said yeah I think that did happen. Yeah and the rest is history.
Yeah he came out on an episode of the Osbourne family's podcast and admitted to it.
Yes and I got another one that.
Okay here's this quote.
I did I was there I did it Osbourne said it's my nostril I was drunk and I did it.
And Nicky Six said that he was out grossing it you know out crazy in them so he took and he took a piss right there in front of him outside he jumped down and licked it up and he said you do that. So Nicky Six didn't want to be outdone so he pusses on the ground and he fucks and Ozzy pushes him aside and licks his piss too.
And about that time Nicky's like man he won he won.
That's how crazy and me anybody I'm like out at that point what about you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's number three. Oh, okay.
Yeah, they brought him back to life kickstart my heart is about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Nicky Six is known as one of the founding members of our career and he's had no shorts walk stories from the best peak yeah it goes on.
While on a drug binge back in 1986 separate and overdose. He was declared dead for about two minutes before a paramedic revived him with several shots of adrenaline.
The parents was confirmed the story and even said that the experience inspired kickstart my heart.
Also the paramedic really did save his life because everyone gave up on him and that paramedic said bullshit as a female I believe she said bullshit nobody dies in my ambulance.
And she brought him back to life. Everyone else already gave up they thought he was dead. And then Vince Neil got a call.
And, or no, Vince Neil called down there he said hey man, how's Nicky and they said oh he's gone. He goes what he's dead and go no he left.
He got up and did more heroin. He left the, he left the hospital and went and did more heroin. So Eddie out go ahead.
Oh shit.
Okay, and finally.
Mama Cass.
Cass Elliott. And Keith Moon died in the same room.
That's bullshit isn't it.
It's true.
Mama's Apophis icon Cass Elliott died and ultimately death. Untimely death.
Some hurtful rumors have been circulated about her in the years since the entire house book was passed, most of which have been since been disproven.
However one rumor proved true.
Elliott and the Hoos, Keith Moon, passed away at the same age, a few years apart, in the exact same room.
The one the apartment was owned by songwriter Harry Nielsen. Oh hey I know that name.
Who had often ripped the space out to his fellow touring musicians. The apartment has since been sold.
Wow.
So yeah, Mama Cass and Keith Moon died in the same apartment.
Okay.
At the same age, just a few years apart.
Wow. Okay.
Hope you liked that one.
I did. I never believed that. I thought that was bullshit. Okay.
According to American songwriter that is true.
Excellent. Thanks.
You got another one don't you?
No there was only four.
Oh there was only four? Okay. Wow those were good. We knew a couple of them but that was really good. Thank you Rob.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright.
The other two was interesting to find out.
It was. The Nicky 6-1 and the Ozzy Nicky 6-1 I kind of knew about already.
Yeah, yeah.
There's like these documentaries that I watched and some of the books that I read and that's where I got that thing about Nicky saying that you know Ozzy won the out crazy and he did that to him and they said like he was non-stop and that Sharon had to keep intervening and tell them that they couldn't be on the same tour bus because she said if you guys keep up one of you is not coming home.
You guys are going to be in a body bag.
So she had to constantly break them up because they love partying so much.
So.
I have to admit it.
Yep.
So alright you want to go ahead and put a bow on this bitch and wrap it up?
Yeah it's 930 mile long and it's going up to four. I'll take it better.
Alright Rob we will talk to you tomorrow night and thank you.
Hello Grandma Oak.
Why Jimmy? Hi Ricky.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Rob. Hello Grandma Opal. Hi Ricky. Hi Jimmy. Hi of all. Oh hi Jimmy first then hi Ricky. All of Dodge City Kansas. Thank you.
Ra-Ra and I got a story about Dodge City Kansas tomorrow. We didn't get to it.
So.
I can't wait to hear.
Yeah I mean it's topical it just happened so anyhow. Alright thank you assholes for listening. Goodnight assholes.
Goodnight assholes.
Oh no. Looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.