Five from the biggest brick conversion in downtown Kansas City, Missouri.
From the Memphis to the New York City to the New York City.
It's two deuce bags and a microphone pledge.
And now it's time for the Daily Deuce Bag Pledge.
Two deuce bags and a microphone pledge. I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant,
campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Here at Two Deuce Bags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys. We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two deuce bags and a microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay, I have a clown nose.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Wanna run for office? Murder people in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Are you a banana? You look appealing.
Waa waa waa waa
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A store in Amsterdam has a glass-flowing kit for people that want to make their own bones.
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. A padlock is turning a door into a wall.
Yeah.
Two douchebags and a microphone and right off the bat I'm handing it over to Rob because he's got a beef with me, I do believe.
And I am Rob.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy here, Rob, he's got a beef with me. Go ahead, I don't even know what it is.
Rob, our last episode.
Yeah?
You named Mark Burns Rob's loincloth.
Just so everybody knows, the loincloth got worse and it's safely hanging in my closet right now. It did not burn my loincloth.
I couldn't think of anything.
I had somebody contact me about that.
Well, I was getting ready to go to the game. I was going to go get Christopher and go down to City Market and get our coffee and go to the game. I was running late so I'm like, hmm.
And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to burn his loincloth. And that was it.
I pick on the loincloth, dude.
Well, it's better that I'm always picking on you. I mean, yeah, so I was like, I'll just.
Oh, I do. I do. Get ready. I got a bunch of runs of me in the now. So anyhow.
I've just given you our time.
I know you are. I know you are.
Anyhow, all right. Well, let's get to some of these here stories that, oh, Jeffy X has got another list, buddy.
That we heard from him in a while.
I know he's been busy in his bats flying bat suit and the sergeant pepper outfit.
I guess it's pretty much all black now from being white. He won't take it off.
And he's having a hard time. He's having a hard time infiltrating these places because he smells so bad because he refuses to take off the sergeant peppers outfit that you made him.
So he smells so bad they don't let him in. He doesn't blend in like he used to. So he's having a problem getting in.
But he did get into the Gatorade factory and we'll get into that here in a little bit. OK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and it's a story from Missouri that leads right into it.
So not that far from you.
Not that far from you. Thirty minutes from you. So I'll get into that and I'll get into that next segment. How's that after your story? So all right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, OK.
Has something to do with Gatorade, doesn't it? You probably have that story, don't you?
No, no, no. I have something to do with Mountain Dew.
Oh, OK. All right. Forget it. All right.
And it's like 30 minutes from here.
OK. I'm debating on whether to even tell it. Go ahead. Go ahead.
All right. OK. Well, all right. New AI surveillance cameras that have smart detection.
And you also have the option of firing paintballs at the intruder.
So it sees the intruder and you have a button that says hit them with paintballs that when they can be identified easily.
You know, I wonder if you could. Yeah.
I wonder if you could get into the camera's back panel and launch those paintballs of people walking down the sidewalk.
The mailman, the unsuspecting Amazon driver, possibly even nail a bird or a squirrel.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. This just came in, Rob.
Mark is not allowed to have one of these signed. Everyone who knows him.
There you go. I can't have one. All right. Yep.
The people have spoken. Hey, hey, hey, just for the record, I didn't get to vote on that.
So I don't know who did. I was just here with you. I couldn't vote on it.
I would say that probably everyone that listens voted on it real quick and said, no, you can't have one.
So, Rob, a couple of podcasts ago, we decided that if ghosts can pick up vases and throw them, they can also pick up a broom and mop, right?
Yes, yes. Yeah, definitely.
I need that ghost. I need that ghost. Me too. Me too. I'd love to put them to work.
I work 40 hours a week. You know, we do four podcasts a week. Yeah, I don't get much time.
Yeah, yeah, you don't have time to do that. So if we could train our ghosts, it would be awesome.
So, well, I decided that my pet ghosts are going to smack people in nuts at inappropriate times, such as a bar mitzvah.
When someone's making a toast, you can see them up there and going, yeah, yeah.
Little Inva is doing so well and going to acclimate to the world to do.
Oh, shit. Is he having an heart attack? Oh, no, no, that's just Mark's pet ghost. He cracked him in the balls.
Okay. Wedding vows. Let's see that. And now I pronounce Mark got him. Mark got him with his pet ghost.
A college lecture. You see that. And this is how you figure out the corporate.
A very important business merger. Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let's just say Mark is not allowed to have a pet ghost signed all of those.
I can't own anything, can I? Actually, I just stuck a signature on that one.
Okay. Because you know he's coming for you, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He's going to get you at an inappropriate time. We know this. So, yeah, you better shut it down right now.
Okay. So, anyhow, this one. Okay. I was listening a few days ago to an old Rockline segment. Remember Rockline?
Yeah. Yeah. This was a syndicated radio show for the people that don't know from coast to coast.
The show featured band interviews with top rock bands and talent.
So, Alice Cooper said he got a call from Frank Zappa and Frank Zappa asked Alice if he really killed chickens on stage the night before.
Alice said, I did have chickens on stage the night before. And he said, but I didn't harm them.
Then Zappa and Alice both say, go with it. So, from now on, I kill chickens on stage.
I thought that's pretty cool. He never did. But as soon as that rumor came about, him and Frank Zappa both said, because they're good friends, they were both like, you did it.
Everybody's seen it. You did it. Yeah. So, now that he's a chicken killer on stage, more kids buy his records. Such as like the PMRC that we talked about.
Let the media take it.
Okay, I got an observation here, Rob. Now, hang with me. This is a weird one.
Okay, in the movie Anchorman, Ron Burgundy, the main character in the movie, had a dog named Baxter, remember?
Yeah. Okay. I wonder if that dog was named after Ted Baxter, the ultra-popular news anchor character in the sitcom Mary Tyler Moore Show.
Yeah.
Maybe I should have been on a deep thought.
Yeah, that needs to be.
I'm going to make one.
That's a good question.
Yeah, I was like, man, I don't know where it came from. Just all the weird shit, wherever it comes from. It just hit me like a ton of bricks.
Baxter was named after Ted Baxter. I'm sure of it.
They were in the same mold. I mean, I'm pretty sure he watched old episodes of Mary Tyler Moore. Yeah, because Ted Baxter's good night and good news.
Ron Burgundy was stay classy, San Diego. See the correlation? They had their tagline at the end like Walter Cronkite had. And that's the way the world is.
Tuesday, 1974, whatever, you know. So, yeah, so I bet you it was. And I'm going to try to, you know, I'm going to try to Google that and see if I can find anything.
And I will report back. So here we go on this one right here. This one was interesting. This is my featured email. And this is a really good one.
It said, Mark, you said that manufacturing managers are there to get fired. Why is this?
Okay. And Rob, you've been around manufacturing your whole life. So I want you to correct me.
Okay, I want you to correct me or say I don't think that's quite right, because you actually probably I was in the field more.
You were in manufacturing more. So you might know quite a bit more than me. So if you know something, I want to hear it.
So this is the way I see it as it happens. I see managed I've seen many managers get shit can in my day.
So here's what I see. First is the honeymoon. The new guy, the new ways, new system, etc.
At first, the new manager is on the way. The new way of manufacturing, whatever that is, robotics, lean manufacturing, ISO 9000, 9001, and whatever. Right?
All that is like the catch buzz phrases of how we're going to put out more product and we're going to streamline everything. Right?
That's what they all say when they come in. Yeah, we're going to streamline everything and we're going to make this the most efficient production shop ever.
So what happens after that honeymoon? Okay, like all center was happy. Okay, we got rid of the old guy. He was the bad guy.
That's what I mean by you're there to get fired because they need this guy. They need this cleansing guy that when they fire him, they start over with a new way and everybody's happy.
And, and, you know, it's just the way that corporations like that work.
The manager that was let go eventually loses his edge of finding new systems and technology because of the ins and outs of the business.
They have so much to do. They have so much to do. They cannot keep up with it. And this is true with every manager I've ever known in my life.
Employees morale, office help, and all the egos in there. People constantly cutting you down, backbiting, etc.
It becomes too much for a person to keep up with and they get so wrapped up in everything that what is the most important at the place becomes negative profits or much lower margins.
And this so far is to the tenure of, you know, of how it happens. And once it starts happening like that, it's like a, it's like a cave in.
Okay, starts with a crack and then everything caves in and you can't unwind it once it starts happening. And then the guy gets let go.
Then the new guy comes in with all the answers. He is the new Messiah, if you will. Rob, do you have anything to add to that or tell me I'm full of shit or whatever? It's fine. Go ahead.
No, no, no. You're, you're, you're spot on. From my experience and my lifetime, you're spot on, man. That's the way it happens.
Yes. And usually these new guys and they are great out of the gate, but not much for stamina.
And another thing here, Rob, here's what I think too. They are too insecure by nature to hire somebody below them to take care of everything they don't want to take care of because they see that guy taking their job.
If corporate goes, man, this guy's making a third as much and he's doing half his work. Why don't we just get rid of this guy and put this guy in there?
So they only let the second guy in charge only do so much and know so much. And in my opinion, that's why they usually pick a dipshit to do the second in command.
Is because they don't want that guy outshining him. Right. So anyhow, I'm dumb enough to do all the work. Yeah. Yeah. So Bill. Yeah, I've seen it.
Bill in North Kansas City. Thank you. Thank you. That was a great email. Wasn't that fantastic? Thank you, Bill. Yeah.
I loved it because he was listening and he was curious. You know, he was curious as to what I meant. So he just asked me. That was fantastic.
And I tried to send you a reply back, Bill, but it came back to me. My email screwed up. Only certain ones get to me. I can't figure out the code of it.
So I may have to uninstall it and re-install it or reinstall it or something. So anyhow, I could not send anything back to you. Thank you or nothing. So I'll just do it right here.
Thank you, Bill in North Kansas City. That was a fantastic email. And I love the question. Don't you think I was great?
Yes. Yeah, it's a very good question. Yeah. So now many online users of dating apps are feeling burnout.
Here is the generational breakdown. Millennials check in with a whopping 80% feeling burnout. Millennials of dating apps. Because that's probably all they do.
They don't go to bars to meet women. They don't go to clubs or events to meet women. They sit at home and they're burnout because they're always there at home trying to meet people online instead of meeting them in real person.
That's my version. And then who comes in second is Gen Z crowd at 79% and that's for the same reason. They don't go out like we used to and meet people.
Hey, this is a friend of a friend of mine. This is Jenny. Oh, hi Jenny. How are you? And then Jenny's like, Hey, is that guy single? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's single.
Okay. Hey, could you like get us to go out on a couple of you know, like all four of us go watch a movie a couple of times and see how it goes? Oh, yeah, Jenny, no problem. You don't have any of that, right? That's not happening because you're at home doing this yourself.
Just right below generation, the Xers came in at 78%, which surprised me.
That really surprised me that Xers came in that that high at 78%. Yeah, because I didn't think Xers really kind of adhere to that at all. I just thought it was kind of like it. Yeah, that's a younger guy's thing, but I guess not. So,
No, no, I got it. I got it.
Okay.
We're getting too old to go be hanging out at bars and crap.
You're right. You're right. And you don't want to leave your house. So you're like, Hey, I got the internet's right here.
We're tired. Last thing we're gonna do is go hang out at a damn bar.
I'll just do the Google's.
Once in a while, but not to find a spouse, you know.
Yeah, you know what? You're right. You just unraveled it. I didn't I didn't think that far into it. You got it, Rob. Man. Yeah, that is they're tired of going to bars.
Yep.
And finally, the boomers are in at 70%. But that's just because they discovered the dating app two weeks ago.
Right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'll get up there.
And chances are they're not going to go out on a date.
Probably not. So, and the greatest generation.
They just found themselves a new hobby.
Yeah, that's it. They're going to sit at home and talk like they're going to get together. And then at the last minute go, I don't feel like it. Neither do I.
And so anyhow, so two weeks ago, they found this and they're not going to be doing it anytime soon.
And finally, the greatest generation who are all about 100 are scheduled to accidentally find it in a year or so.
You want dating fatigue? Try the old fashioned way that Rob and I had to live through that spend your whole paycheck on a 50 50 at best probability.
That type of money burns. It puts inflation at child's play. That money burn is just nothing compared to the child. It's just nothing to inflation, because we used to go home with about a tenth of our check and nothing to show for it. Right?
Exactly.
Yeah. So I think our way was probably like the that's the worst burnout at all. You get burned on a couple of dates. You're like, I ain't doing that for a while. Fuck that. So and then probably stupid like me. Keep doing it.
I was I was stupid for a long time. Yeah. You know what my thing was is I would find the right the wrong type of woman and think that they were the right type until I discovered that I was doing it wrong.
I think a lot of guys do. I mean, you know, you have this vision. You have this vision in your head of how everything's going to go. But that's not it. You know, and there's no way. Yeah.
Yeah. So and for the most popular dating apps, Tinder is number one at 49 percent. Plenty of fish drops a line in at 38 percent. Get that drops a line. Plenty of fish. He he ha ha. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha. Bumble buzzes in at 29 percent. E-Harmony is humming at 21 percent. Okay. Cupid has an arrow on 17 percent.
Hinge is slammed at 17 percent. Christian mingle checks in at 15 percent but has lost popularity over the rumor that if you strike out on a date, you get to fed to the lions.
Too soon. Too soon. Sorry, guys. Too soon.
Well, I've been out for a while. I wrote this out a couple of days ago when I first found out about that. Topher kind of broke this down for me today. And I agree with him.
Okay, Dave girl, I have a passionate plea for you to not become one of those self-righteous rock stars. I'm shuddering at the fact that you might be headed towards Eddie Vedder or worse yet, Roger Waters status.
First, you say you slam Taylor Swift on your stage pulpit and then you mouth off about foreign wars in the Middle East. The world isn't in need of another pompous know it all. No need at all for a suddenly I think I'm knowledgeable foreign policy.
I think, you know, so please, I beg you. Please, Dave girl, stop right there. I love you and I don't want you to become that guy. I just want you to be my rock star that I enjoy.
So please, give me back my rock star. And then Christopher broke it down today while we were at the game. It was going boring until the eighth inning. It was one to nothing until the eighth inning. They scored a run in the second. The Morlins did.
And anyhow, we scored five runs in the eighth and then shut them out in the ninth and won. But until then, it was a boring game. So we've done a lot of talking.
So anyhow, here's what Topher said and I agree with him now. He changed my mind. He said that Dave girl and Taylor Swift were both in Paris, I think, or something like that overseas in the same town when they did this.
And that when Dave girl said it, Taylor Swift reacted to it just maybe, I don't know, 40 minutes later. She didn't get that news. She knew it was going to happen. It was staged. This little bicker fight. Free publicity. He's right. He's right.
So, so, you know, I mean, why can't Dave girl just do like the rest of the rock stars, you know, go trash rooms and demand a shaman at every show or better yet demand only Brown M&Ms.
Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I'm all the problem every time. Brown M&M solves the problem every time. Everybody says this and we know it, Rob. If you want answers, you go to two douchebags in a microphone. They have answers. Right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they do. Yeah.
Whether right or wrong, we don't know. Hey, we admit it from the get go.
Okay, so now the one burning question that everyone wants to ask. Now it's the cicadas time is almost gone. What do you do with a million of little cicada carcasses?
Well, one gardener expert said to gather them all and put them in your vegetable garden to decompose and it will make a great fertilizer. But Rob, guess what? I have a different plan.
I say take those little exoskeletons and grind them in your coffee grinder to the coarse French press mode. That way they're big flakes. Take the cicada flakes and put them in your friend or enemy's red pepper flakes plastic bottle.
Trust me, they won't know. Make sure and shake the bottle really good and then maybe a year or so, depending on how you feel, let them know what you did and make sure that you have a nice run path for the door.
Nothing's obstructing you and the gate is open because you are going to get an adverse reaction for sure. Yep. Ah, good old pranks. Okay, here's a disclaimer, Rob. If you get smacked with a baseball bat, I'm not responsible.
Right? Right. Yeah. So if you put cicada carcasses in someone's red pepper, number one, it's a joke. Number two, if you get the shit beat out of you when you do this, I didn't tell you to do it.
I'm right now, the disclaimer is saying it's a joke, allegedly. So anyhow, okay. So like I said in earlier episode, I've been listening to Ozzy's Madhouse Chronicles and I'm still waiting on my favorite Zach Wilde store from Ozzy.
He hasn't told it yet to my knowledge and it goes like this. Ozzy was touring in Japan and this was the first tour that Zach Wilde had ever been on and his first time in Japan. The band in Ozzy are in the hotel and Zach grabbed a bottle of wine that was very expensive for the minibar.
He slammed part of it and Ozzy said to him, Zach, how are you going to pay for that? Two grand for that expensive bottle of wine. And it was, it was like two grand. Zach then called the hotel staff, he said, watch this. He called the hotel staff up there.
He took the cork and rubbed it all over his asshole. The staff member came up to the room and Zach told him the wine was no good and he wasn't paying for it. The staffer guy said, no, wine is good.
Zach then took the cork and stuck it in the guy's face that he rubbed his asshole with and he stuck it right up to his nose. The staff guy goes, wine bad, wine bad. He took the bottle and left.
And they took it off his staff. I love that story. I've not heard it yet. I remember hearing that a long time ago and I'm like, oh my God, that's genius. That is genius. He smells that wine and goes, oh my God, I'm sorry, did it poison you? Is everything okay? Then we're kissing your ass.
So anyhow, Rob, I turn to you for the next story. And so does the whole world.
This is kind of sad, but it's weird.
Okay. Riverside Alabama officials responded to report of a fire at a local Baptist church in St. Clair County, Alabama, last Thursday at 1 30 a.m.
A defensive operation was established to expire very quickly throughout the building. Riverside Fire and Rescue Service said in a statement, aerial operations began soon after first arriving units, crews battled the fire through the entire night and into early dawn.
Officials believed that someone had crashed into the church's basement after leaving the roadway about 40 miles east of Birmingham.
The remains inside the vehicle were later identified as 19 year old Anthony Banks Jr.
Wow.
Three days. Okay. Here's where it gets crazy.
Okay.
Three days later, Banks' girlfriend, Jennifer Maldondo, crashed into the same church while trying to evade police just before 1 a.m. Sunday.
Officials said she hit a brick wall and her car caught fire according to outlets. She was driving a 2019 BMW X5, which authorities alleged was stolen from her aunt.
She was determined dead at the scene.
Wow.
In three days time, a boyfriend and a girlfriend drive two different vehicles through this church and die.
I always wondered if the Grim Reaper had a sense of humor. Obviously he does. Or she.
Oh my god. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. The Grim Reaper is probably like, hey, hey guys, hey, come here. All the demons and whatever is around him. Hey, check this out guys. Hey, look what I'm going to do.
Oh no, you can't do that, Grim. Yes, I can. I kill everybody. Watch this.
So they probably ran little bets and everything in the little hell garden or whatever, or the death garden or whatever. Right.
And then like they drew straws and the Grim Reaper said, all right, I'm going to go do it. Watch this guys. And then he did it. And like now he's a hero with the whole whoever the death clan is with him. Right.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll go with that. All right. And we're also going to go with a break and we'll be right back. That sound great?
That sounds good.
All right. Cool.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe everyone.
Now from the makers of the Who Bit My Asshole board game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle. That's right. Put Rob back together. This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rainforest is the perfect stocking stuffer. Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse. Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to Ground Zero and saying fuck it? Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not? No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no. There's a strong argument that says, you know what? Let's just go to Ground Zero and see what's for us after. Just a thought.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about. A man in Manitoba, Canada collects rat traps. He now has 3,421.
Next up, things overheard in hell. Great news. William Hung's world tour has been extended.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If a tomato is a fruit, then does that mean ketchup is actually a jam? I may never know.
That sound, Rob? That sound that we just played? That is the sound you hear when you crash your car or fall off a building or whatever and you die and you're going to hell. That sound is played when you enter the gates of hell, I'm certain.
Okay, now I understand it. Now I understand it. Okay, we have a... Do you want to go into Ask Paddlin's or do you want to go into Jeffy X's stuff? I'll let you decide. Which one do you want to hear? We can't do them both, we don't have enough time.
We ain't heard from Jeffy in a while. We gotta have Jeffy. Come on, buddy. Okay, a woman in Lebanon, Missouri has been charged with spiking her husband's drink. Is that the one you're going to tell?
Well, yeah, that's the one we talked about. That's the same one. That's 30 minutes for me. Yeah, okay, I thought it was 40 minutes. Okay, the charge was spiking her husband's drink with Roundup. I believe the husband lived, didn't he?
Yeah, he's alive. He's the one that turned her in. Yeah, yeah. She spiked his drink with Roundup and well, now she's facing charges, a lot of charges. What charges? Did you happen to see the charges that she was faced with?
Hang on, I got it right here. Actually, what she was doing, she was spiking his two liter bottles. One count of first degree domestic assault and one count of armed criminal action.
Okay, she'll probably get off with parole or probation at parole. Well, he evidently had a camera. He had pictures of him. The husband turned him in to the police.
And well, he had gotten sick, of course, because he had stuffed up in Roundup. And another time, it was insecticide. Well, come to find out, it was all over because I guess he wasn't so appreciative of the 50th birthday she threw for him.
This is the part that I didn't get to because I was writing out to Jeffy Exeter.
Yeah, so she started poisoning his two liter bottles and he's the only one in the house the Greeks don't do.
I'll get you, Jeb. I got you, Jeb, you motherfucker. You'll never take me for granted again. I throw that big shindig for you and the first damn thing you do is you don't even thank me for it. I'll get you good. You know what I'm going to do, you motherfucker? I'm going to spike your Mountain Dew with Roundup.
I was looking at another report that he had like a $500,000 life in shortfall. Yeah.
So, yeah, I believe that was it. And didn't he go to prison, I think, for it? He was at least charged with it, I'm pretty sure. And this is in Columbia, Missouri, which is about an hour and 20 minutes from Lebanon, maybe?
Oh, no, it's a couple hours.
Columbia is an hour and a half from me.
So it's two hours.
Another half hour on the other side, yeah.
Okay, so I mean, in retrospect, I mean, two hours away isn't that far. So it's something going around central, south central Missouri, I guess.
I don't know.
Oh, well, yeah. So that $500,000 insurance policy.
I kept reading that. I'm thinking, man, that's too close to home. I don't know if anybody want to hear that. Although I kept finding it intriguing. It hit my phone probably six times today.
Yeah, it got to where?
I got to talk about that tonight.
It hit me. It hit mine several times too. And I'm like, well, you know what, that on its own is kind of like, eh, now if you add a Jeffy X to it, then it's kind of like a yeah.
So anyhow, Jeffy X is our sleuth that goes into companies and finds out products that failed.
In this case, it's going to be new Gatorade flavors that were denied in honor of the woman from Lebanon, Missouri that spiked her husband's drink with Roundup because she used Gatorade and Mountain Dew both.
So, but they chose Jeffy X, broke into the Gatorade factory to find out the denied ones. He got the paperwork and like always, he grabs them and he gets out of there somehow.
And I was sitting at home and all of a sudden I get a ding on my main email, not the one from here. I'm like, oh shit, that's Jeffy X.
And like always at the end, it said 10 minutes and this email disappears because, you know, he can't have anyone tracing him.
So I just barely get it all written down and poof, it was gone.
So Jeffy X is so good at this that Rob made him a embroidered underwear that has Jeffy on the back and X on the front, right?
Yeah.
It has a special Steven Pearcy pouch that he sewed into the front of it.
Allegedly, Steven Pearcy of the Glam Band Rat used to have a pouch in the front of his spandex to stuff to make himself look more appetizing to some women and maybe some gay males.
Okay, so.
I'm just saying I made his a little wider.
Oh good, good. Well, we're sure he doesn't need it.
I set him up. I set him up.
We're sure he doesn't need it, but Rob took care of him and then he made him a Sergeant Pepper's outfit and he is a crazy Beatles fan.
So it was the Sergeant Pepper outfits are white, right? Well, now it's black because he won't take it off and he stinks.
Yeah, it's really becoming albatross, right Rob? I mean, just like, you know.
I think I ruined it.
Yeah, yeah, I think so too. And then the flying bat suit, which he goes into at night, but he puts it over the Sergeant Pepper outfit because he doesn't want to take it off.
So, anyhow.
I need to know when Jeffy's birthday is.
Oh yeah, yeah. Well, I'm a much simpler man. So since we don't break the law here at Two Douchebags and Microphone, I can't buy him 10 pounds of cocaine and 80 hookers.
So I had to give him the monetary equivalent. So if he wishes to, he can. Or he can pay up a couple of credit cards or whatever. Or maybe, you know, I don't know, go to Mexico or something.
So that's what I did. Rob's a little bit more, I don't know, a little bit like more generous with his time. Me, I'm just like, here's some money. Go blow it.
So, anyhow. And he's very appreciative of it. Like I said, he doesn't take that Sergeant Pepper's outfit out.
So, anyhow, he broke into the Gatorade factory and allegedly this is the new Gatorade flavors that were denied.
The first one that was denied was fish oil flavored Gatorade.
I agree.
I agree, although the health benefits from it would be really good, right?
Okay, yeah. There is health benefits.
That taste, the taste.
I could not drink a whole bottle of it.
Yeah, me neither. And I mean, in Gatorade, you want it to be refreshing, right? You're out working on the lawn.
And you come in, it's like 3,000 degrees like it had been like the previous couple of days.
And you're parched. And then you go in there and you got a fish oil Gatorade.
Nope. Nope. Not going to do it, right?
Nope. Ain't going to happen.
So the focus panel said no.
The next one that failed was Dawn dish soap flavored Gatorade.
I mean, you know, I mean, yeah, it probably keeps your insides clean.
It'd be cool to like blow bubbles out of your nose.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Yeah, you can like blow bubbles out of your nose and your mouth and like go around and like freak people out.
But I think the taste would get to you again like the fish oil, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
The next one, it depends on how you look at it, turpentine flavor.
It does smell piney, right? It smells like the outdoors.
I would say no.
Anything that will take off paint.
It depends on who you are.
Well, I don't know. Pure grain will take off paint too.
That's exactly what I would say to pure grain.
Yeah, pure grain will take off paint.
I don't think it would taste like that.
How I know you don't want to know.
Yeah, you don't want to know.
Allegedly, 40 years ago or so, someone looked just like me, vomited on the side of my parents' house.
And this person that allegedly looked just like me and sounded just like me vomited.
I bet they had longer hair though.
Yeah, they had a lot longer hair.
And it took off the paint. But it wasn't me. It was someone that looked just like me.
So turpentine flavor was denied by the focus panel.
The next one, meat sweats essence.
Oh.
Yeah. I mean, does it smell like steak?
Dude, you just made me gag.
Okay, well maybe that won't work. Okay.
All right. Well, we're just going to go ahead and toss that one aside and say no.
The next one, eggs benedict flavor.
I mean, maybe for breakfast.
Okay, that one might work.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. In a Gatorade bottle.
I'd give it a shot at least once.
Yeah, it's like, hey, Mark, are you going to have some breakfast?
Oh, no, no, no. Look, I got eggs benedict Gatorade. I don't need any.
Oh, wow. That's cool. Good. Good for you, Mark. Man, great call.
Right? You take it to work and shake it up and go, hey, look at this.
I'm having breakfast and my, you know, my refresher, my revitalizer.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to be dehydrated today because I had my eggs benedict Gatorade.
So there you go. The next one.
I like this, but a lot of people don't.
But I like it mixed with regular coffee and a little bit of a little bit of real sugar and maybe a little bit of real cream.
And that's chicory coffee, chicory flavored Gatorade.
I might like it, but I bet you most people do not.
What now? Yeah, because it's chicory.
I like it dressed up. I don't like it on its own.
I know people that like to take a beignet, take a bite out of the beignet and then take a drink of chicory coffee.
And they say that that sweet and bitter mixed together is a really good flavor.
No, I don't like it like that. I like to just, I like to doctor it up a little bit.
But chicory coffee, I can see how that failed. The chicory bark that they make it out of.
Putting it in Gatorade. Yeah.
The next one. Is it? I don't know.
Hang on. I'll do it after we do the Gatorade flavors. I'm going to look that up.
The next one. In honor of the suntan smoothie, suntan lotion Gatorade.
Too soon? No. Too soon? No. Yeah. Yeah, too soon. Too soon. Sorry.
I didn't mean to bring it up. I know it's a sore spot. Too soon.
No, I'm not just bringing it up. Is suntan oil, suntan lotion and Gatorade? No.
And you can't get that shit off of you either, man.
That'd be a slimy Gatorade. No.
No, I don't need to use it anyhow. So anyhow, but no, I really don't. I brown up really quick.
So let's see. Vicks Vaporub. I think I agree with that.
Take your breath away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck, it's gill yet.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think they're right on by denying that.
Yep. They're getting it so far, yeah.
Okay. Nyquil. Depends on how you look at it. Some people love that medicine, the cherry flavor.
I, however, do not. I hate it.
Okay, but your drink of Gatorade, they help keep you going. Didn't you take Nyquil?
You know what? You got a double dose of something good. You're just feeding it to purpose.
Oh, you're right. Yeah. Nyquil, you want to wind down and get better and sleep. You're right.
Yeah. Make your path, yeah. You're just feeding it to purpose.
That's right. I mean, Nyquil knocks you out and you drink Gatorade. What if he pissed the bed?
He knocks you out really bad and you don't get up to take a piss? Yeah. Yeah. There you go.
We just saved you a bedwetting incident that would have been very embarrassing. Yeah, we did.
You're welcome, America. Hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra-Ra.
But I, I, oh no, I didn't get to the Dodge City promo yet. Did you, did you like the promos?
Yeah, I did. Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
Um, and all of Dodge City.
And all of Dodge City, yeah.
Yeah, I love those promos. I use the megaphone. I think it's pretty cool.
I've got like ten more that I've ever put in. I went from number one and worked my way down.
So there's going to be more. There's, let's see, uh, uh, shit. Harrisonville is coming up. Kansas City is coming up.
That's, that's going to be a surprise. Yep.
The next one. All right.
The next one is garlic and onion flavored Gatorade.
Now, I normally love garlic and onion, but I, Gatorade,
I think I, um, think I agree with that for the most part. What about you?
I, I, you see, I kind of see it.
You do?
Don't know, it might be a big bambi.
I, I kind of see it.
What's your take? What do you feel? Why do you think that it would be good?
Oh, hey, here we go.
Okay. You've had a long day at work. Uh huh.
You come home and have spaghetti for dinner.
Oh! And drink garlic and onion Gatorade to refresh.
Brilliant! Brilliant! Okay. You know what? I'm on board too.
I, I wish they would do that, but I guess they denied it.
Damn it. Well, they didn't have our brains.
Yeah, the tortellini I had yesterday and today.
Yeah, there you go.
Hell yeah. I could warm that bitch up and have nice garlic and onion Gatorade sitting there.
Oh, good times. Good times.
Hey, that'd be good if I take what? Dover's for lunch, you know?
Yeah, you could take some spaghetti with you or even Spaghetti-Os.
Yeah, you could get the... No, no, no, no. I'd say to drink with my lunch.
Oh, oh, okay. Okay.
Garlic and onion Gatorade.
I'm talking about spiking up Spaghetti-Os.
We're not going to make it up our own Gatorade.
No, I was talking about spiking your Spaghetti-Os with garlic and onion Gatorade.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hey, there you go. That's a good idea.
Yeah. You're welcome, America. Once again, solving problems.
The next one is shoe polish flavored. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I think I agree with that. As much as I would love to argue with it, I agree with it.
And then finally, cheese-it flavored, which I'm against.
I think cheese-it flavored Gatorade is the epitome of heaven.
I heard angels and harps.
Yes. Yes. There they are. There they are.
Angels and harps.
Yeah. There they are.
They screwed up on that one. They screwed up on that one. And the garlic and onion too.
So, well. Yes.
Okay. Well, there you go. And possibly even the eggs benedict.
Well, mix the two.
Oh, hey, hey. Here you go.
Take the eggs benedict Gatorade with the garlic and onion Gatorade and the cheese-it Gatorade and come up with a neat little snack.
There you go.
Once again, you're welcome, America.
Let's go ahead and take our second break, Rob.
And we're going to come right back with your stuff. How's that sound?
Alright, kids. Yeah, I got something I want your opinion on.
Sounds good. I'll be right here.
When you buy and eat half a chicken, you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my God. I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh my God.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
They used to call it Jump-O-Leave until your mama got on it.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A pet turtle named Sashi is thought to be the oldest one in captivity at 120 years old.
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At age 30, you spin up Mark, celebrating birthdays.
Exit a microphone on Mark. And I am Rob. Rob, the floor is yours. Please proceed.
Yeah, I ran into a technology story a while ago. I kind of want your opinion on this. Okay.
Good. I'm not sure how I feel. Okay.
A bizarre new prison concept sees inmates serving out their sentences in a matter of minutes.
Okay.
The cognitive method would see criminals hooked up to high-tech machines that implant artificial memories directly into their brains.
Instead of the subject's mind or inside the subject's mind, time would pass differently.
Slower than in real life, making them experience years worth of artificial memories in just a few minutes.
Depending on the seriousness of the subject's crime and their sentences, their memories could be tailored to the rehabilitation needs of each subject.
The complex vivid and life-like memories are created in real life using AI-generated content.
Okay. Are these real inmates that they're doing this with? Or people?
Well, that's what they want to do. That's what they're talking about doing. Taking people that are supposed to be going to prison with them on these machines.
And instead of spending like two to five years or whatever, they spend like 30 minutes.
But they still think that they... it feels like they spent 35 years.
Yeah. So you go to prison without actually going to prison.
Okay. I do not agree with that and here's why. More people will be committing crimes because they're like, oh, they're going to hook me up to that machine and then I'm still going to be young when I get out.
See what I'm saying?
Yeah. The criminals would think that way.
You went in at 22 and you're getting out at 22. Yeah.
That's kind of what I was thinking, you know?
Part of the punishment is you do 30 years for murder or something. 30 years of your life is just trash. Just crumple it up and throw it away.
That's part of the punishment and that's part of the touring of crime. So I think that is stupid. But go ahead, Rob.
Yeah. But yeah, supposedly the memories they put into your brain, the worse your charge or the harder the charge, you know what I mean?
No. And also the other things that go with prison like possibly getting butt fucked, getting your ass beat.
Well, I'm thinking they could put that in your memories.
They won't. They won't.
But I agree though. Yeah. That's the way I took it. If you kill somebody, instead of 30 years, you get 30 minutes.
Yeah, part of it is you go in there and like they show like the Scourge Strait.
And you're still young coming out.
Yeah. Yeah, they're still young coming out. And also the Scourge Strait stuff where the gang members, the big ones come up and go, I'm taking you tonight or I'm going to kill you, boy, or I'm going to slice you up in your sleep.
Well, I mean, isn't that probably a deterrent to where you won't maybe when you get out, you'll go straight?
Or better yet, the real ass beatings you'll take.
Exactly. Exactly. It's just like Jared from Subway. Part of his punishment, and I'm pretty sure they knew this was going to happen.
And I'm fine with it is the man that hits him in the face every day and calls him Chomo. Chomo is slang for child molester in prison.
And every day he just slaps the fuck out of him and calls him Chomo. I'm good with that. I think that's fine.
Yeah. I tend to. Well, you know what? I'm not going to say anymore. If something else happened to him, I exactly would not be sad.
So, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you think if Jared from Subway didn't go to prison.
Get out, Jared. Get out, Jared.
What happened?
I said get out, Jared. Let's go somewhere.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You know what? Yeah. He's serving his time. There we go.
I'm pulling in. I'm pulling in. Come on.
Okay. Allegedly. I don't know all that good stuff. Okay. All right. Yeah. I don't like it.
Like I said, I first read it. It caught my attention. But I'm like, yeah, you know what? Let's let them off easy, to be honest.
It is. And also, I can tell you what they're going to say too. Is they're going to go, oh, we're going to save so much money.
We're going to save so much money. We don't have to house these people. And right now, they do have prison for profit.
These private-owned prisons are for money. They're not doing it because they think people should be locked up.
They're doing it to make money. And they want them filled up. It's kind of like a hotel. A hotel wants capacity every night.
They want their no vacancy sign to be on every night. So they do things like, oh, there's a convention in town?
Well, okay, we'll give you a block of them for 25% off. We're going to give you these 30 rooms. Everyone enjoys 35% off.
So instead of it being 100 bucks, it's 75 bucks or something. And everyone's like, hey, let's buy these blocks of rooms.
So that's what happens in the privately-owned prisons, in my opinion. They're looking around and going, we're only half capacity.
Can't we get some more criminals in here? We need to pay the bills.
So yeah, I'm against it. I think it's a very bad idea to set a president like that because then you're going to have more people.
And it's not exactly like prison is a deterrent anyhow.
So, anyhow. Okay. I've got a slightly less dark story. Are you done?
Yeah. I think we took that one as far as we could.
I think we did too. Thanks for reeling me in. I appreciate that.
Okay. Sometimes I go off on a tangent and, you know, and...
No, especially when it's stuff like that.
All of a sudden we're not dick jokes anymore. So thank you, Rob.
Okay. I have read Gieser's Butler's book, Into the Void, and I reported on how good a book it was a while back.
But lately something has come to surface that I had forgotten to talk about.
I was going to talk about it when I was in the middle of the book, but I forgot to.
Anyhow, the band in the early days when they all lived in Birmingham, England, Gieser and Tony Iommi used to have to boil their guitar strings, the bass strings and the guitar strings, to get all the crap out of them because they could not afford new strings.
Isn't that something? They had to boil them.
They also could only record the first couple of albums live within a few hours because that was all the studio time they could afford.
So that's why we boil our podcasts after we produce them, but it's impossible to get all the crap out. We're sorry. We try. We boil them.
Yeah, we try.
I mean that one podcast we boiled for what, three hours?
I was thinking more like three and a half.
Three and a half hours we boiled that and it still came out with crap in it. So we're trying. We're trying.
So Rob, once again we turn to you.
Okay, well that was quicker than I was expecting. You're good, you're good.
Well I've been talking the whole time, I think you're due for a couple of stories.
Yeah, you're right, you're right. Um, let's go with this one. This is kind of an interesting one.
Okay.
The police in China's Hebei province said on Monday that they had confiscated a hand grenade kept by a 90-year-old villager for 20 years as a hammer for everyday use.
The Public Security Bureau of Baokang County posted a video of the grenade's retrieval.
It said the unnamed female villager discovered it in a field decades ago and believed it to be a lump of iron, had been using it to crack walnuts, hammer nails, and pound pepper.
The grenade was only discovered on Sunday when an old building belonging to the woman in town was being demolished, according to the post, on whatever China's version of X.
The police deployed professional bomb disposal personnel to their own, which shows two men dressed in t-shirts, long pants, and red hard hats, placing the explosives in a bubble-wrapped sleeve.
The uniformed officer assisted them as the villagers looked on. One of the men then appears to secure the ends of the sleeve with scotch or masking tape.
Fortunately, this safety hazard has been eliminated and has not caused any harm or injuries. The police announcement went viral with the topic recurring 75 million views in 24 hours after the video was posted.
Yeah, this gal took a hand grenade, put it on a stick, and was using it for a damn hammer for 20 years.
Or no, no, it was, it's one of the long grenades.
She?
Yeah, it was one of the ones that had the handles.
She needs to buy a lottery ticket.
The ones you pull the pins.
She needs to buy a lottery ticket.
I could see where you could take it with the hammer.
And somehow this thing has not exploded.
She needs to buy a lottery ticket.
Geez.
Wow.
Okay. Boy, that's a count your lucky stars, thank the Lord deal, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah, at the sweet age of 91. Or 90, 90, yeah.
Okay. I've got a little bit of a, are you done?
Yeah, that was it.
Okay. This is a weird, somewhat complex question that I have here, and I'm trying to break it down.
Okay. The new Black Sabbath compilation of the Tony Martin era albums that have been remastered all comes in one, except for Forbidden, which was done on like some other record company.
They couldn't get the rights somehow or something.
So all of the Tony Martin era albums, except for one, are on this one box set.
Okay. And it came out not too long ago and it's called Anno Domini.
And I was like, what an odd name.
So I went to looking at it. I thought I knew a little bit of what had happened and I thought it was kind of a biblical thing. Right.
So Black Sabbath has always been known like the occult. I don't think they were really in it.
I don't think any of them were. I always thought that a lot of these bands were doing that to get notoriety, to get kids to buy their records and all that stuff.
There were some of them that were probably really into it, Black Magic and stuff like that.
You could do your own research and figure out who you think it was and all that stuff.
But I'm not going to go into that.
But I don't believe Sabbath was really one of those bands.
They were the band that liked to scare you, hence the name Black Sabbath, over an old Vincent...
No, Boris Karloff or Vincent Price movie. I forgot who.
But anyhow, it was a scary movie.
It was Vincent Price.
Okay. It probably was Vincent Price.
So anyhow, they were more like in the horror side of it.
And I remember when Ronnie James Deal was in the band, they portrayed that.
They had devil horns and all this stuff and everything.
In Ozzy's era, they didn't necessarily do it.
But they kind of kept that dark thing with the Tony Martin era, that dark tone.
So anyhow, I got to looking it up.
And anyhow, Anno Domini means AD or the Christian era.
And its terms of Anno Domini and before Christ are used when designating years in Julian and Gregorian calendars.
The term Anno Domini is medieval Latin and means in the year of the Lord.
But is often presented using our Lord instead of the Lord.
So it's in the year of our Lord most likely.
Taken from the full original phrase, Anno Domini, Nostrid, Jesu Christi.
I believe his house pronounced Christi.
I think it's Jesu Christi.
I've heard that. I've heard that.
Which translates into the year of our Lord.
So okay, I'm not going to go any more into that.
But I think I figured out why he chose to call it this.
This is like a piece of time where this came from.
Like the Julian and Gregorian calendars.
And I think the reason he called it Anno Domini is because I think he's looking at this whole box set as a piece of time.
And kind of put it a little complex with the name.
He just didn't want to go the Tony Martin years.
And I think it's really kind of a brilliant name.
And I don't think it's making fun of Christ or nothing like that.
I think it's a name that people kind of get into and go huh, I wonder why he did this.
This is my thought on why he did this.
I don't know all of this allegedly. I don't know.
But I think he meant it like this was like a calendar of a time of the band.
And then when it was over, then eventually Dio came back.
And then he passed away.
And then Ozzy came back.
And then like they wrapped the whole thing up.
Tony Martin never did do anymore.
He just had that period of time that he was in it in those five or six albums.
So I think what Tony Aome meant was this is a piece of time in the calendar.
And he kind of got kind of like a medieval spin on it, if you will.
Or a dark spin.
Because I think the music and the whole stage presence was dark during the Tony Martin era.
Like it was during the Dio era.
Because Dio albums were mob rules, heaven and hell along that theme.
With Ozzy, Sabotage, Volume 4.
The only thing that was like really kind of demonic was Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.
And that was in my opinion really kind of horrible.
And that was like I don't know.
You know what? I'm not even going to go into it.
But anyhow, you can look it up if you want.
You can look up the album cover and you can take your own idea on it.
But anyhow, that's what I think he did here.
And I don't know. I could be completely wrong.
I could be full of shit. I've been full of shit before.
So anyhow, that was...
No, never. Never.
Never. Not me.
So, Rob, you got anything? I'm pretty much done with that.
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.
I got a little list off Society of Rock for you.
Okay. Oh, cool. Okay.
Ken must watch classic rock documentaries.
I bet I know most of them.
Well, you were talking about somebody a while ago and that went into the first one.
Okay.
It's called Sound City, directed by Dave Grohl.
Sound City dives into the story in a legendary music studio where some of the greatest rock tracks were born.
From its great beginnings to its role in music history,
the documentary shows why old school analog recording was so special.
Agreed. Agreed.
Yep. And like I said, Dave Grohl, you were talking about him all the time.
It's the same importance of me growing up getting...
I don't know. I kind of looked like I pirated it, but it wasn't.
It was meant to be a clear channel.
Well, getting WLS from Chicago at night in south of Kansas City.
I equated that to being a pirate radio type of thing.
It's the same type of thing, the analog and all that.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, next.
Beyond the Lighted Stage.
Rush is a band that started small but became a worldwide sensation.
Beyond the Lighted Stage explores their climb from a local band to rock legends,
interviews with the band, their crew and fans, including some famous ones,
give an inside look at their musical adventure.
I never thought Rush was meant to get big. They didn't mean it.
They were just doing what they wanted to and it worked out very well for them.
I actually think they got bigger than what they expected.
Yeah, because all the era where they're doing...
They're a three-man band. It's hard to do.
Geddy Lee played that bass like a fiend while singing.
Oh my God.
When he used to do the Temple of Syrinx voice, he finally had to quit it
because he couldn't keep his voice up. So talented, all of them.
Alex Lifeton, a very, very underrated guitar.
Neil Peart was one of the best drummers around and he did two different types.
He did the first, the analytical one, and then he did the one with feeling.
He got tired of doing the analytical, precise stuff,
and he started playing with feeling and he was even better.
But he is no longer with us, so he doesn't do it anymore. So, anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, next.
Running Down a Dream.
Tom Petty and his band got a four-hour tribute in this detailed documentary.
It's a weird one.
It's a weird documentary. Have you seen it?
No, I have not seen it. I want to.
It is odd. I like it, but it's really weird.
It captures the band's history with humor and tenacity.
This film keeps you resumed with its engaging storytelling and interesting facts about the band.
Yeah, I think you'll like it. It's different.
So, anyhow.
Okay, next.
The Define a Western Civilization Part II.
That was one of the best. That was one of the best.
It showed like Chris Holmes smashed at his home, fucking screaming out obscenities in front of his mom,
and his mom's over there all embarrassed, shaking her head.
They showed the debauchery at the LA Hollywood clubs, the stuff that happened all the time.
I mean, it was like the den of sin they went into and did a very good,
a very good work.
It did a very good, what would you call it, documentary, docu-series type of thing.
Very cool. I mean, and also illustrating the fact that the people in America pretty much went to hell.
So go ahead, I'm sorry.
Yeah, Penelope de Sifura's extraordinary documentary paints a vivid portrait of the 1980s metal scene.
More than just music, it explores into lifestyle and challenges of metal bands during the decade and eighties,
featuring some famous faces.
Like Fett Hammer.
Like Ozzy Osbourne and Steven Tyler.
Yeah, yeah, that was cool. Like Fuck Hammer was in it, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah.
Moving right along.
Okay, moving along. Tom Dowd and the Language of Music.
This film tells the story of Tom Dowd, whose genius is music production, and acted countless legendary records.
Dowd's work with icons like Eric Clapton and Ray Charles is explored through fascinating interviews and stories.
Wow.
Wow. Okay.
I don't know who he is myself, but...
Um, you know what, I actually got a story coming up about him, so I'm just... leave it right there.
Leave it right there, it's not going to be on this podcast, it's too long. I gotta edit it down quite a bit.
Okay, well, next. The Wrecking Crew. Celebrating the lesser known musicians behind some of the biggest hits of the 60s and 70s,
the Wrecking Crew shined a light on these talented session players.
The documentary filled with interviews and music showcases the unsung heroes of rock and roll's golden age.
Cool.
Next, Anthology.
The Beatles, one of the most iconic bands ever, are featured in Anthology.
This comprehensive documentary uses interviews, rear footage, and music to tell the story of the band from the very beginning to their global fame.
It is good, I agree.
Next, The Kids Are Alright.
This documentary is a dynamic celebration of the who.
One of Rock's most spiritual bands.
Much better than Tommy. I did not like Tommy, I thought it was horrible.
Yeah, I did not either. I did not either.
Compiled with care over five years, it showcases the band's journey through incredible live performances and behind the scenes.
I wonder if they concentrated any on Keith Moon's death.
I don't know.
Also, I don't think it goes to John Epwistle who died Chris Farley style in Chicago actually.
Hookers and blow everywhere. I don't know.
I saw some of it but I don't think it was quite there yet when Epwistle died. It was put out quite a bit before that.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, next.
Don't Look Back.
And no, it is not Boston.
The documentary Don't Look Back.
Bob Dylan's early career is the focus of this documentary filmed during his 1965 tour in the UK.
Don't Look Back, one stunning concert footage with intimate behind the scenes glimpses of Dylan's life is widely praised for its influential style and essential for anyone interested in the evolution of modern music documentaries.
I've never watched it but I understand it to be very good.
Yeah, I think it would be good. I like Dylan.
I do too and not necessarily his music but his composition I guess, how he illustrates stories with music and his voice. I think it's quite brilliant.
Yeah, you hit it on the head there.
Yeah, and one of the best remakes ever where the guy really caught the essence of it was along the watchtower which Jimi Hendrix covered and did it just as well as Dylan. Yeah, very good.
Okay, and finally, Gimme Shelter.
Stones.
Yep, folks are sitting on the Rolling Stones, Gimme Shelter documents their infamous 1969 tour that ended in a historic and tragic concert.
The Hells Angels, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where they hired the Hells Angels to be bouncers and they ended up killing people, right? I think. Yeah.
Yeah, I think that this film is a compelling look at the chaos of the event and captures a significant moment in rock history. It shows the band in a turbulent time and provides insight into the cultural shifts of the era.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a few there I think I want to look into.
Gimme Shelter is, I believe, kind of grim.
Yes, I have not watched any of it.
I haven't seen that in a long, long time, so don't quote me on it, but I think it's kind of grim. I mean, it really focuses in on, you know, how the band, I believe this is what it is, forgive me, it's been a long time since I watched it, but it focuses in how the Rolling Stones hired members of the Hells Angels gang, allegedly, to be bouncers and I think they ended up killing some people is what happened, wasn't it? Some fans.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Yeah, I'll have to look that up, but I believe that's what that was and that's what that was about. But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but I think so. So anyhow.
Wow. Actually, I mean, we've done really good because we did a lot of music on this one.
Yeah. Oh, hey, one other thing I gotta mention.
Yeah.
I was too old around on fake book yesterday.
Fake book. You call it fake book too now. Yeah.
Yeah. Now I have for a long time.
Okay.
And I, and you know how you have the people you might know, your friend suggestion. I ran across the one and only Fred Kroski.
The real one? Because there's another guy named Fred Kroski.
I think that's someone that's a friend of some friends of mine and it's not the Fred Kroski you're thinking of, not the bowling for dollars guy. No, it's some younger guy.
No, it said bowling for dollars on Facebook.
Okay, that's different than what I've been getting in my feed.
Interesting you say that because I'm going to do a report on the algorithms used on Facebook to give you friend suggestions and why it does certain people and how it distinguishes who they're going to think you could be friends with or want to be their friend.
See what I'm saying?
Yeah, see well, he even posts pictures he draws of weather and stuff.
Okay, I guess he's still alive.
I'm thinking it's really him and I went ahead and said what the hell, you know, I grew up watching him and he accepted my friend request.
Very cool. It looks like he's still alive. Okay.
Yeah, I think he said he's like, what, 90, 91?
Yeah, he was really cool. I liked him. Wow. The recent picture of him looks pretty good for being 91. He's hanging in there good.
Are you saying it?
Yeah, yeah, you can look it up right now. I mean, you can Google it or whatever or Bing it or whatever.
And also on a note like that, I found Dick Wilson of Dick and Jay. I found his one because some friends of mine are friends with him.
Well, I tried to friend him, but he wouldn't friend me. And I wonder if he looked on my page and saw that we do a podcast and he's thinking like I'm going to try to give him to pimp it or something.
No, I just wanted to know what he was up to, man. I mean, he was a big part of my growing up and everything, but I'm not mad at him or nothing. It's cool.
But he just said thanks for listening. And he never did friend me. So I'm like, okay.
But I wonder if he didn't do that because he friended other friends of mine. If maybe he looked to find out a little bit about me and like, oh, they got two douche bags and microphone podcast.
I don't he's going to want me to pimp pimp it or something. You know, that's what I was thinking. But who knows?
Anyhow, you just brought that up and just reminded me of it. But it's all right. I don't I don't need to be friends with him. It's okay.
I was just wondering what he was up to. Wondering how he's doing. It looks like he's doing okay from what I could see. So anyhow, and I didn't know this, but Jay Cooper passed away in like 2016 or something of Dick and Jay.
Yeah, I didn't know that. So, wow.
Anyhow, wow, we are going way over. Do you want to go ahead and call this good and wrap it up, put a little bow on it and say, yes, there you are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, I had a busy day. My baby got up and going. So I was busy all day.
Yep. And you'll probably be all busy all day tomorrow too, aren't you?
All right, brother. Thank you again for joining me. And we'll see you all next time, which will be Saturday evening, if God lets us.
Thank you, everybody.
Only if, only if God lets us.
Yeah. So anyhow, thank you everybody for listening. And as always, you are endearingly our assholes. We love you. Thank you, assholes. Have a great night.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.