And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys. We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
Invisible ass paddlings, new douche flavors and horrible pranks. What the fuck is wrong with these guys?
Two Deucebags and a Microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you...
First World Problems.
My 76 inch smart HDMI, triphonic, stereo TV. My remote won't work unless I'm right in front of it.
I can't believe it. This is bullshit.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.
Your mama is like the sun. Big, round and hardened to look at.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob.
You know what? I'm kind of jealous. You have an ultra cool name, Rob Rad. But I'm just Mark with a K.
That was your choice.
I think I need to change my...
I made a shirt with Mark on the back of it. Come on.
Alright, maybe not.
Actually, I'm going to be seeing that gal next weekend if we want more.
We'll talk, okay.
You want some for your family? Whatever you get on me.
Okay, alright.
We get some good discount.
Okay, that sounds good. Yeah, I think I need to change my name to something very spicy.
Marco.
How about Mickelson Durango Turlington? You like that?
No.
That's too much on the back of a shirt.
I think it just blows off the tongue. Plus, if you heard Mickelson Durango Turlington, it automatically screams out, fun.
Right? No? No?
No, no, no.
Okay, and next. Fun fact.
Marco. It is going to be your next shirt.
I'm just going to go with Mark, Rob. I'm just going to go with Mark. It works.
Okay, fun fact. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
I believe it.
I do too.
Chuck Norris can do anything, dude.
Hell yeah, because he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris would defeat AI if we wanted to.
Hell yeah. AI shuts up when he comes in the room.
Chuck Norris or Tom Connors is he too damn old.
You know, cell companies are such a pain in the ass by design. I swear to this, Rob.
I've spent the last three days attempting to switch my phone to a new carrier.
Now, you know what? If you want to give up your old number, it's relatively easy.
But God forbid you'd like to keep the number you've had for over 20 years.
Matter of fact, I don't think I've ever had another number. I think it's always been us.
Tell me about it.
Yeah.
You know, so, well, to transfer your number, you need your account number, in which I don't think I've ever had.
I've been enrolled in AutoPay since I went to them, and the online statements only have the last four digits.
I had to call customer support to get it after several attempts at trying to locate the number.
Now, every time you call, you're subject to 10 minutes of key pushing,
doing everything in their power to keep you from a live representative.
You know, it'll go like, if this is about your phone, press 1. If this is about the service, press 2.
If this is about international roaming, press 3.
You know what I mean? You've got to go through 10 minutes of bullshit just to get someone live.
You know, they do everything in their power.
Yeah, trust me, I know.
Yeah, they do everything in their power to keep you away from a live representative.
I finally, after an hour, I get a live person after a couple of security texts.
You know, the person finally gives me my account number.
So let's face it, they know you're leaving, so they just screw with you, right?
Once you want your account number, they know you're...
Oh, trust me, I know. I have a story after you're done.
Okay. I'm never going to enroll in AutoPay again.
It's just a fucking ruse to make life tough on you when you want to quit them.
So, anyhow, I go back to the phone transfer page with this information, okay?
And I put in the information, I put in my account number.
Looks great until the very last. It asks me for my PIN number.
No problem, I have it written down right here.
Okay. Should be ready to go, right? Right, Rob?
Yeah.
Hell no. I tried three times to put in my PIN number, but it won't accept it.
I have to call again.
That's what's going to take me to Stacey.
I have to call again.
What's it on?
Okay, that's cool. We'll go into that.
I have to call again, so an hour later I find out I need a transfer number
that only your current provider supplies to you.
Right.
I find out I exceeded the number of attempts in 24 hours.
So, I quickly write down the time.
It's 8.30 p.m. That way I'll know when 24 hours is up.
Next evening at 8.30 p.m. I try again, but it denies me.
The message via text says, once again, I have to wait 24 hours.
I'd call down and they wouldn't budge.
I'm currently waiting this bullshit adding on 24 hours.
I have everything wrote down and I'm sending this information to the Missouri Attorney General.
They are fucking rip-off pieces of crap and I'm sick of it.
The Attorney General is going to...I've got everything detailed to what they did.
I have everything detailed and the Attorney General, that's what they're there for.
They're there to protect the consumer from bullshit like this.
And every day that I don't quit them is every day they get to charge me for phone service.
When I have this other service I already paid for, already,
I should have been there in a half an hour, should have been done, no fucking problems.
But this place here, let's see, I'm not going to give their name,
but all I can say is it's a lot of bullshit on the horizon.
You know?
Right, right, right, right. Now trust me, I know what you mean.
Yeah, a lot of bullshit on the horizon.
For over a year and a half.
Well anyhow, you know, today's Father's Day and we're doing this because we're good people, right?
And I...
I would not be doing anything different for our fathers.
Absolutely. I think they would...
Even though I've had a shitty day, there's no reason for them to have a shitty day.
I'm telling you right now, my dad wouldn't listen to this filth, but he would support me.
He'd be like, you know what, that's what you want to do, do it good, do it the best you can.
So anyhow, I read this, Hunter Biden offered his dad a laptop for Father's Day.
Uh-oh.
The Secret Service quickly declined it.
Calm down liberals, it's just a joke.
I'm going to let you go.
Since I'm in my mood, I'm going to let you go.
Rob, I got a show for you in October...
I know you do.
October 6th.
No, no, no, really. I got a real show for you.
October 6th, Lampy, Missouri, ZZ Top at the Black Oak Amphitheater.
Oh God.
Yeah, we should consider going to that.
I'm getting ready to buy tickets to Molly Hatchet here at the West.
No, that's Molly fucking Hatchet.
Yeah, Molly fucking Hatchet.
And we're not going to discuss who's going with me.
I know who it is and I'll just put it like that.
Yeah, you do.
Yep.
Now that would be a fun show because the last time we were there, we were with some friends from the Springfield area.
We saw Skinnerd.
The show was short.
Are you going to come down? I messaged you July 3rd. Are you coming down?
I'm not sure yet because it's contingent on some...
You talk to the wife and you let me know.
Okay, I will.
I'll buy you tickets either way.
Okay.
There's 25 tickets for general mission.
No, I already saw that. That's not how...
If the table comes open, I've already talked to an employee.
Okay, alright.
Actually, it's the manager.
Okay, we'll talk about...
If you find a table open, you can sit down.
Okay, alright. We will talk about this off air.
So, the last time we were at Black Oak Amphitheater, we were with some friends from Springfield area.
Oh, yeah. I love that place.
We saw Skinnerd.
I never went to a concert there, but I've been by there. It looks like a cool place.
It's very cool.
I told you about... The show was short and okay at best.
Skinnerd really didn't bring it, but I think they were just vacationing and decided to do a show.
But the real show was the chick fight right behind us.
It was a chick in a prom-looking dress and the other one cut off jorts in an ACDC Highway to Hell tank top.
Both were as fugly as sin on a Sunday service.
I mean, they were nasty.
So, you know, I got to relax.
I got to relax and enjoy the fresh sounds of an all-out bitch brawl.
Security took around 10 minutes to get there, but it was after Johnny Van Zandt pointed out the fight from the stage.
You know, I'll bet you anything that fight is on YouTube because multiple people were filming it.
I'm going to check these chicks out. I might be able to find me a middle.
Just put up Skinnerd concert, Black Oak Amphitheater, a bitch fight or something.
Yeah, I didn't want to miss a second of that masterpiece, so I did not film the event, but I did not watch Skinnerd.
And I think the reason Johnny Van Zandt, Skinnerd's singer, pointed it out was he got tired of everybody not looking at them and looking at the fight.
This was like in the fifth row.
The first four rows were turned around looking at them.
Everybody was.
And it was crazy.
I mean, they were just hauling off and beating the shit out of each other.
And the other time...
That's why we've been having this conversation why the older fans don't deal with shit no more.
They call people out on stage.
And thinking about it in retrospect, talking about that could have been why Skinnerd didn't play that long a show.
They might have just been like, you know what? Fuck this.
They're up there trying to play a gig and everybody knows it's interrupting. Come on.
You know what? You're right.
And that's probably... that wasn't fair. That's probably why they left.
They're probably like, fuck this. These guys are too busy drinking and fighting.
So, you know, they went ahead and...
Well, that's a lot of our stories lately.
People, you know, these fan members are getting pissed because people keep interrupting them.
No, it's true.
I mean, you can't really watch a show anymore because everybody's trying to be the show for you.
It's like, Saturday...
Fuck you. I'm the show. I've been here 35, 40 fucking years.
I mean, I didn't pay a ticket to see them be the show.
I paid a ticket to whoever's on stage.
That's why I pay for it.
Yeah, exactly.
And the only other time I was in Lampe, Missouri, it was still the Swiss Villa amphitheater before it was the Black Oak.
But they redesigned it since then so people couldn't do this.
They had these probably 60-foot cliffs.
They were all rock. You know, down there, the mountains are rock.
I know. I've seen them.
Yeah. And they had no barrier or nothing.
So that was the cheap seats up there. That was the lawn.
Everything down below was seats.
And, you know, these people, these...
I'm going to call them hill jacks. Lovingly. Lovingly.
I grew up in the sticks, okay? So no one get offended.
But these hill jacks started jumping off of there to get to the premium seats.
The first one, he runs. Boom.
He lands on his feet and takes off in the crowd.
Second one. Boom.
Lands on his feet, takes off in the crowd.
Third one, no problem.
Fourth one, he went away in an ambulance.
Fifth one, he went away in an ambulance.
Sixth one hobbled somewhere and I think he might have crawled up and died.
But it was so bad that they had to go up there and actually form like a guard section around the cliff
to where people couldn't jump off trying to get to the good seats.
So that was my only other time there.
So I'm telling you, ZZ Top is going to be a treat. One way or another.
I'm glad you went into this because that's going to bring me into my first story.
Alright. I can get to...
Go ahead. You're doing the first story.
Okay. Alright.
Brand new kind of theft in the metro area around here.
Grandview had a series of home showing thefts.
You know, whenever they show a home, they have everything open for you to where you can get in there and watch.
I mean, it's probably happened before, but it's relatively new and people haven't seen it around here for a while.
I bet you it's been done before, but it kind of caught everybody off guard.
So this, you know, it's probably happened before, but all the Grandview realtors had to put on a red alert.
I myself plan on taking all my old electronics you have a difficult time disposing of
and placing them in every room of a showing.
Think about that.
Take all your garbage, the electronics that don't work anymore, like maybe it's a charger, maybe it's an old monitor,
and clean it up really good and put it in the rooms they're going to go in and steal from.
And then there, they throw it all in a bag, they take it home like, shit, now how am I going to get rid of this?
This stuff doesn't work.
So that's problem solved right there.
So anyhow, you know, Denmark has just banned a type of spicy ramen noodles.
Danish officials have pulled from the shelves, Buldak three times spicy and hot chicken, two times hot chicken, two times.
So it was Buldak three times spicy and hot chicken and two times spicy and hot chicken stew.
All made with South Korean brand Samyang.
Residents have been urged to throw the noodles away.
It's believed the high level of spice is what made the children in Germany sick prior to the recall.
There is also speculation that the spice was also used in the One Chip Challenge
that may have led to the death of a teenager.
Remember that? The One Chip Challenge?
Yeah.
I think it was in South Carolina or North Carolina.
The kid ate it and he died right after.
Actually, we've talked about that a couple times.
Yeah, yeah, they believe it's the same spice that's in that only more of it.
And it made a kid a bunch of kids sick in Germany.
So because it was too hot.
So South Korea, I have a solution for a rebuttal of North Korean ship balloons.
You know what it is, Rob?
Oh, that's here.
You got it. Spicy hot balloons.
I don't know if you're a top that man.
Spicy hot balloons that shower them with hellfire.
Hellfire like heat.
Spicy hot balloons?
Yeah.
You put those.
Yeah, you sent us ship balloons.
Yeah, yeah, you sent us ship balloons.
We're going to burn your eyes out with spicy hot balloons.
I got you.
I think that's a pretty good rebuttal.
I'm in more than most days. I agree.
North Korea or South Korea, you're welcome.
You are welcome.
Oh, hey, before we go any further.
Yes?
Happy Father's Day, everybody.
Yes. Yeah, I touched on it and I can't believe I didn't say it.
Happy Father's Day.
Yep, the fathers, the fathers that took the place of, the fathers that stepped in when nobody else would.
Whatever. Yeah, anybody.
Yeah, the single fathers, everything.
And while we're at it, hi Grandma Opal, hi Ricky, hi Jimmy.
Oh, awesome. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Rob.
Hi Grandma Opal, hi Jimmy, hi Ricky. Love you guys. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra-Ra.
Oh, I got an email from Dodge City, Kansas. It's not any one of the three.
Thank you.
I don't have it with me. I got to download it. I've got other emails.
This one came in today. I'm going to probably play it Tuesday.
Anyhow, they kind of got me in a corner now, but I'll explain it a little bit later.
So, anyhow, these fuckers, I swear, they're like cobras.
They're coiled up in the corner, just ready to strike. I love them.
I want to help you out of it, but sometimes I don't know what I can.
I don't know if you can help me out of this one.
I mean, I pretty much got to say the whole town's name now, and so do you.
I'll get to that.
You're the one that had Ricky.
I know, I know, and I shouldn't have done that because now I opened a can of worms.
It was because of Grandma and Jimmy.
I know. We'll get to that. We'll get to that Tuesday.
So now we have a whole town following us, so we've got to add everybody.
I don't even know if they live there. It's probably someone else screwing with me.
I don't know. Anyhow.
Hey, Rob, did you ever want a grand tour of your county's back roads?
Do what?
Did you ever want a grand tour of your county's back roads?
No.
Well, I have an affordable answer.
I've already done that on my own.
Well, okay, let's say you didn't know them all, okay, and you didn't want to drive them all yourself
and use all that gas.
Here's what you do.
You ride with a friend with a suspended license.
They will take you to all the roads you never knew existed.
Correct?
Very true.
Yeah.
Very true.
Yeah, I got that from personal experience.
I just read that on the internet and I'm like, man, yeah.
I'm not saying it works.
Yep.
I disagree.
And a woman is suing Cold Stone Creamery over their pistachio ice cream
not containing any pistachio nuts.
Well, I mean, you know, doesn't the ingredient list cover that, right?
You read in the ingredients, okay, and it doesn't say anything about pistachio nuts.
Well, you can pretty much bet that pistachio nuts aren't in it, right?
Right.
Okay, so anyhow, you know, and what about people that are allergic to nuts?
Maybe this could be a way they can enjoy the nuts without an EpiPen.
Cold Stone is also famous for their mix-ins.
One could probably mix in real pistachios if they wanted.
They probably have them right there at Cold Stone, I bet.
So one Reddit writer wrote, really?
Someone's concerned about food not being real?
Stay tuned for millions of lawsuits.
Yeah.
You know, Reeses has a new Jumbo Peanut Butter Cup.
No, I do not.
Yeah, they do.
It's on the market, ready to purchase.
The size is equivalent to Manbreast size.
You might want one of those children's play scoop shovels to eat this thing.
It is huge.
Yep, it is huge.
And then next, and finally, I would like to apologize.
Oh, yeah, by the way, I did see a picture of that rich taco thing at Taco Bell.
Oh, really?
You mentioned here a few podcasts back.
Uh-huh.
That thing is huge, dude.
It's huge.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought by the picture.
It looks like a full meal to me.
That sounds good to me.
If you guys watch the video today on it, it looks so good.
I'm convinced already, Rob.
Yeah.
And finally, I would like to apologize to the Kansas City Royals.
I bought tickets, and I should have known the curse lives on.
As soon as I pick the tickets, four-game losing streak.
Sorry, everyone.
I'm the reason the Royals started sucking.
It ain't your fault.
I should have never bought their tickets.
I'm the curse.
I know.
You tried.
Give me a chance.
I started losing.
It's not your fault.
Yeah.
Oh, well, anyhow, Rob, you said you had a story because of what I was going into.
You want to go into it?
Yeah.
Let me bring it back up.
And then I've got some emails after that, after we take our break.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Let's go ahead and take a break.
Okay.
And then you can find your stuff, and then we'll come back with your story.
That sound good, Rob?
Sounds good.
All right.
That's what we'll be doing here when you don't hear us.
I've had a bad day.
So, yeah, give me a few minutes.
I'll get my story.
Rob, it's fine.
Take as long as you want.
All I do is cut this part out anyhow.
Yeah, I've cut it out.
Everybody knows me.
No, no, no.
I mean, I cut it out to put in the skits and bits.
Oh, so we're pausing.
Yeah, okay, we're pausing right now.
Honestly.
Swim.
All right, good.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an
apocalypse, and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs,
or leaves or stems.
Pods were bulbs, beans, or seeds.
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent.
Three-leafed foliage growth.
Also, be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor.
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
So let me see.
Let's say I was offended by people being offended.
Then would people being offended all the time have to not be offended around me because I was
offended by them being offended?
Hm.
I may never know.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is
listening to this film.
Hi, all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
You can't touch me.
Oh, yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old
sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Jim X.
What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the theater, spoke for you.
Hunk the man, hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst, the generation of noncompliance is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up to kill someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers.
Everything's ruined.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Well, that new handsome CD is just a laptop, uh-huh.
Two douchebags and a microphone on the Mark portion.
And on the Rob portion.
Rob, do you have your story?
Yes, I do.
All righty.
On Thursday, the Kansas Chiefs had their most recent ring ceremony.
A just reward for winning the Super Bowl and their third Super Bowl win in the last five seasons.
The ceremony was great, and the rings are singularly impressive.
They include the depiction of the Tom and Jerry play that won the game in overtime.
That is so cool.
Yeah.
It's on the ring.
But if you look at the ring a bit more closely, there's an unforeseen typo.
And this is on all the Chiefs players that just got their ring as a typo.
The ring has a final score of the Chiefs' playoff wins and the playoff seeds for their opponent's hat.
Mm-hmm.
The Miami Dolphins lost 26-7 to Kansas City in the Wild Park round.
Remember?
Oh, I remember.
Well, it's shown as the FC 7th seed, which they were not.
They were the 6th seed, weren't they?
Yeah, they were the FC 6th seed.
Oh, okay, okay.
And the Pittsburgh Steelers were the 7th seed.
So the ring says that they were the 7th seed, not the 6th seed, the Miami Dolphins.
Right.
Oh, okay.
And Kent, the FC, and the Pittsburgh Steelers were the 7th seed.
Yeah, so the Super Bowl ring is wrong on that account.
Hey, I think the Steelers would have been a tougher opponent on that day.
They might as well have just put the Miami Dolphins didn't even show up.
I mean, really.
I wouldn't even be worried about that.
They played so shitty they didn't show up.
I mean, I'd be like, you know, leave it at the 7th seed.
But I'll tell you what, that's going to make that ring worth some money.
Yeah, there's a fuck-up on it.
Yeah, it's going to be worth a lot of money.
Are they reordering the rings, or are they going to just status quo?
They said. They said.
I would think the NFL would probably want to do it right,
so they're going to reorder them all, I bet.
Well, it's through Jostens, which is known around Kansas City for pictures.
I mean, that's through old school.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they've been around here forever, and they're very trusted.
So they must have got bad information.
Yeah, so I don't know.
I don't know if they're going to make it right, that's something I'll keep an eye on.
That's something that maybe insurance.
They've got the Super Bowl ring.
Now, every Super Bowl, everybody that was in the Super Bowl, their ring is incorrect.
Wow.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm going to put my nose down and figure this out.
Rob, that was a cool story, geez.
Well, do you want to get to some emails?
Oh, I'd love to hear emails.
Okay.
I want to hear from our fans.
All right.
Well, I don't know if these guys are fans, but we're going to hear from them.
I don't care. I'll give them shit anyway. I'm in one of them.
Oh, you may want to.
Hey, douchebags.
We here at Montrose never lied to you about the power plant still being open.
We were embarrassed.
Mark really hurt us with that bailing delay scene power plant comment.
I didn't mean it, guys.
I didn't mean it.
It was a joke.
Everything here is a joke.
We state that at the first.
Okay.
Rob, and you back in Tidewad made us feel like you never cared about us in the first place.
Bullshit.
I contacted people in Tidewad.
They're doing heat reversal.
That's all they're doing.
They're the ones that have nothing to do with anybody in Montrose.
They're doing heat reversal.
They're trying to act like we did them wrong.
I'm not falling for it.
Well, guess what?
What?
I'm going to go up there.
I'm going to take a drive through your munch checks. That's that.
I'm going to go piss on their tore down, rumbled up style.
Well, anyhow, it said we are still hurting over the EF 1000 that ravaged our only grain bin.
And all you can do is think about yourself.
Listen to this, Rob.
Montrose might join Ruth Ann with the boycott.
Sorry, not sorry.
They're threatening the Ruth Annas.
Okay, well, here's the point.
All seven of them, Rob. The whole town.
Here's the point.
Yeah?
We got one email that said everybody was lying.
They were not from Montrose.
We need proof.
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
We need proof.
You guys send us a picture of you standing next to where the power plant used to be, just the lake or the campgrounds or the destroyed grain silo or whatever, you know, or just the what is that highway that goes through Butler and goes to Montrose?
I can't think of the name of it.
Anyhow, yeah.
Is it 52?
Could be. Yeah.
No.
No, no. Wait a minute.
52, you come off 13 or off 7.
You go through what is it, Yurich cut down into Montrose.
I think it is 52. You're right.
So.
And it's out on a country road.
And as you go on that road and it brings you straight into
Montrose, 52 that brings you in off 7 and 13.
I think it is 52 thinking about it.
That's a four way light in Clinton.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm pretty sure it's 52.
You're right.
So anyhow, it says, by the way, Chet took back his power cord.
If you go camping, you better have a lighter.
Willie, Jeffy and Chet in Montrose.
All of them ganged up on us.
OK, well guess what, guys?
Guess what, Montrose?
Go ahead, Rob.
I have a generator.
Well, I don't even think we should go camping there now.
Let's go camping in Taiwan.
Are you even going to save our spots?
Doesn't sound like it.
We're trying to back you, but we get one email saying all of you are lying.
Come on.
The room is different.
Yeah, actually their power plant is gone.
My friend Richie sent me the video of it being destroyed.
I've been watching.
See, I know the power plant's gone now.
Richie, we thank you so much.
That was funny.
And I had no idea you listened.
Thank you, Richie, for listening.
Come on, Montrose.
Be truthful with it.
That's all we ask.
Be truthful.
We will still come.
Camp in your campground.
Go on your way.
As long as you want to be friends.
Yeah, we don't necessarily need the power plant.
You keep doing this shit.
I'm going to go camp in Tai Wai.
Yeah, me too.
Anyhow, Rob, you'll like this.
Because Tai Wai has been kind of nice to me.
Other than Montrose.
Rob, you'll like this next email.
Listen to this.
Alright, let's hear it.
Rob, you've come a long way since you started being a co-host.
I agree with Mark.
You have become your own and your articles are unique and spot on.
Renner and Fort Lauderdale.
I agree.
I've said this all along.
I'm glad that Renner here feels the same way.
Thank you.
I told you, he's saying the exact same thing that I've said.
Okay, I'm trying.
I'm coming off, just so everybody knows, and everybody knows this.
I'm coming off a long relationship.
Just coming into this co-host.
I've been trying to work it out.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was a 20 year old relationship.
I've got to become myself.
I'm becoming that.
Thank you, everybody.
Everybody is listening.
Thank you.
I have a feeling other people feel the same way Renner does.
Because there's just no doubt.
Anyhow.
I've just got to watch myself.
I guarantee you, you keep doing what you're doing.
And you take it a little easy on the sauce.
And you're going to keep growing.
And you're going to keep getting better.
I am.
Okay, good.
Good.
Next one.
Mark.
You are a huge Sabbath fan.
Plus you love Deep Purple.
I love this question.
What is your favorite out of the two?
I'm liking this question now.
It's a good one.
What is your favorite out of the two, Mark and Olathe?
Okay.
Mark and Olathe.
I don't know any Marks in Olathe.
So I don't believe I know this guy.
Thanks for quizzing me on this.
Because I do have a favorite.
And it's Sabbath.
And a very close second is Deep Purple.
And the only reason I like Sabbath a little bit better than Deep Purple is because of
Ronnie James Deal.
Those years with him in were just superb music.
I like all their music.
But it was so much better when Deal was in.
And to me that's iconic enough.
Deep Purple has great ones.
But Sabbath just nudged it by a bit.
What do you think Rob, which one do you like better?
Or do you?
Honestly I think I'm trying.
I'm going to have to edge towards Sabbath.
Okay.
I mean it's so damn close.
It is.
It is isn't it?
Yeah.
I mean it's really close.
Especially when you grew up with them.
Yes.
But I think I have to edge it to Sabbath.
There have been many nights I sat there staring off into space.
Smashed.
Listened to Sabbath.
Questioning life.
Good times.
Next one.
Rob, do you play any musical instruments?
I've heard Mark talk about his guitars before.
I'm pretty sure he plays guitar.
What about you?
Yolanda in Vancouver.
Vancouver?
Probably Canada.
Yolanda?
A female?
Yolanda.
Vancouver of course is Canada.
Duh.
Here's my answer.
Yeah?
No, I do not play musical instruments.
But I have DJ.
I have a good sound.
A good ear for sound.
I can set up sound.
I can do all that.
But as a musical instrument, no.
Okay.
I'm more behind the scenes.
Sound like I am on the show.
Yolanda, what a great question.
And also I don't play as well as I would like to.
I really lost the art by not doing it for so long.
And I'm really disappointed with my skill set on that now.
I really need to dedicate more time to get better.
Because there's something about creating music, your own songs, that is just so self-fulfilling and satisfying.
And it fills your soul.
So I'm not very good at it again because I have not practiced it so long.
I can't find...I've got to make time is what it is.
So anyhow, thank you Yolanda in Vancouver.
Yes, thank you.
And just throwing out there, Rob Ratt single again.
There you go Yolanda.
Just a small plane ride to Camdenton.
Go into Camdenton's huge international airport on the south side of town.
I'm not saying I'm in it, Nodder.
I'm saying I'm single again.
That's all he's saying Yolanda.
But hey Yolanda, hey if you're interested, I'm here.
But he's not saying anything.
Right?
Nope, not at all.
Alright.
Next one.
Mark, you find some really interesting stories.
Where do you get these?
Is there a service you use?
Teddy in Harrisonville.
And Teddy, I know who you are.
Don't call yourself Teddy.
Oh yeah, I know the name.
We've read his name.
Remember we used to call it...
Yeah, okay.
You know what?
I know who you are.
No, I don't.
Teddy, I love you man.
Yeah, I do not.
I do not use a service.
I use Google and Bing to my advantage.
The stories I search for is the stories that it starts tending to trend to.
So I find interesting stories right off the bat now when before it took me a long time to look for them.
Now they come to me because that's the way Google and Bing works.
They take what you look at.
They know that you like to look at a certain thing.
And then they just pretty much...
That's what you get when you go to their site is the stuff that you're interested in.
They want you to read.
They want you to see the ads.
So no, I don't use a service and I don't feel I have to.
Okay, that brings me into mine.
Okay.
Alright, go ahead.
No, go ahead.
I'm done.
No, finish your...
No, I was done.
A lot of mine comes off my iPhone off Newsbreak.
Newsbreak, is that a service?
They have to have the iPhone to get Newsbreak.
And that's where most of my stories come from.
I'm not reading to you anything that you cannot read.
I just bring up the fucked up shit.
You know, Teddy in parentheses, I think he's just wanting to know the way our system, how it works.
And just pretty much what we find anyone else can get.
It's nothing special.
What we try to do is...
It's just one of the news we read on the internet that comes to our phone.
The only thing is we try to make it just the interesting stories.
And we try to where we can have a sense of humor and maybe make a little fun of it.
That's all we do.
And Teddy, thank you for writing.
Write again.
Alright, this next one, Rob.
This guy don't like us.
Okay?
Uh oh.
Yep.
Should I get on the extension?
No, we're just going to make fun of him and just follow my lead.
Just follow my lead.
We're going to ridicule him.
Rob and Mark, you both have trouble with words.
Just saying.
Jerome.
Jerome is a fucking rocket scientist.
Oh my God, man.
Can you believe that he caught that?
That we have trouble with words?
Can you believe that?
That guy is a genius.
Man.
I told you I'd know if I even wanted to say a word on this.
Jerome, man, you need to come join the podcast.
We need someone intelligent like you to be on the podcast.
Somebody that can read these words and pronounce these words like you do.
Like the name.
Yes.
Jerome, you're awesome, man.
You're going to play about the name.
You read them.
You pronounce them, dude.
Just saying.
We try our best, just like anybody else in the podcast world.
Listen.
Nobody can get names for us.
Like Topher and I said when we first started this here shitty little show.
You get your money's worth.
It's free.
So until you start paying a subscription, don't listen.
Jerome, if you...
And we are totally free because we don't make a damn dime.
Nope.
And probably will never.
So anyhow.
Okay.
Here's the deal, Jerome.
I know.
Our ratings keep going up.
Oh, geez.
Dude, I know.
I got to figure out...
Let's go into that next show.
Yes.
I've got a lot of stuff I've got to figure out because I need to figure out how to harness
this information and send it to different people because I think that we're getting
to the point...
Where do weird come up listeners out of the woodwork?
I could not ask for it to have been like this.
I mean, I'm just really impressed.
Wow.
I'm shocked.
Look how we talked about it.
We texted today about it.
We're in shock.
And our numbers are off the charts.
I'm really humbled by it that people want to listen to me.
I mean...
And Rob too, of course.
Especially me.
Especially Rob.
Yeah, I'm fucking down here in the lake of Ozarks.
I'm a nobody.
Yeah.
Rob, you want to hear what I think is going on here?
What?
I think that you and I are yin and yang.
Okay?
I'm completely different than you.
You're completely different than me.
And it works on a show.
It's kind of like the odd couple.
Agreed?
Kind of like what we were in this and this.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think that's why it's doing so well.
You're on the right side.
We made perfect.
Yeah.
We each come at it from a different angle.
And I think that a lot of people enjoy that.
And also, us fumbling through words, I think, is like something that people grimace over
and kind of flinch, but they still want to hear it.
It's like someone that goes, oh, I don't want to hear about what happened.
And then next thing you know, they're listening to what happened.
You know what I mean?
I think that there's a certain degree of that.
People want to hear us fumbling our words.
Yeah, we're fumbling our words.
But yeah, I agree with you.
People want to hear it.
Yeah.
But I think they also realize we're human.
Yes.
We're doing this on the fly.
You know what I mean?
Well, Rob, you said it perfectly the other day, and I don't even realize, I don't think
you realize how brilliant it was.
You said that we sound like the person down the road.
We're Mr. Jones.
We're Mr. Smith.
We're the guy down the road.
We're just two regular guys trying to have fun.
Yes, and I think that people enjoy that, especially in today's world where you need an escape.
And like I said, there's people on the internet that do political much better, much better
than us, much more informed, know what's going on.
I listen to a lot of them.
I mean, I think a lot of them are great.
I mean, some of them I followed for years, you know.
So, but I don't think I could ever be in their league on that.
So I'll let them do it.
Now, being a smart ass, I think I can kind of get in their league.
Yeah.
Which brings us to our friends.
Let me check into that.
Those guys are awesome.
Yeah.
Let's check into that.
Oh shit.
What the hell?
I forgot.
I got right here.
Okay.
Let's get to the bottom of that.
That's it.
Thank you.
To the bottom of that.
I'm telling you what, they are great.
I'm going to send them the deep sky.
I'm going to send them the deep sky stuff that I have.
I got to shut off since I looked it up.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to get.
I'm about to send them a message.
They're awesome.
I want to let them know how much I like them.
I'm telling you, man.
I already told them.
I listened to our show.
I listened to theirs.
But they are totally different to ours.
They're fantastic.
They do their research.
I love them.
They do their research.
Yeah.
And they sound smooth.
I love the way they sound.
They sound great.
Believe me, if you want another good podcast, listen to that.
It is excellent.
That's great.
And Rob's obsessed with them.
Me, I don't have enough time to be obsessed with anybody.
Okay.
When we do not have a new episode out in the morning, I listen to them.
I don't blame you.
They're great.
I'm catching up.
I listen to.
Yeah.
I don't listen to podcasts while I'm at work because I miss out on so much.
Yeah.
I remember those days.
But when I'm home and when I'm just me, I don't listen to podcasts.
Oh, I do it in the car.
I mainly listen to podcasts in the car.
Oh, dude.
I'm telling you.
These guys, they're amazing.
And I cannot wait to let them know how I think.
I know you tell Joe Jason how Jason knows Jason knows.
But I cannot wait for them to read on air.
You know, yeah, they're fantastic.
I love them.
I think they're great.
I have been.
That's the thing about them.
They are conspiracy theorists, but they come at it from a, we'll say biblical, a Christian point of view.
I really enjoy it.
But they do not hold nothing back.
No, no, no.
And everything they have has evidence.
Anyhow.
All right.
We need to move on.
But those guys are great.
All right.
I've got another one here.
I've got two more emails I need to read and then we'll take our break and then come back with what you want to talk about.
That sound good?
Sounds great.
All right.
What do you guys this is just the way the email was written.
I'm just reading it like it is.
I downloaded it.
What do you guys think of Netflix?
Is it worth it?
Do you all watch it much?
What is your favorite show or movie on it?
Um, Ozark was my favorite.
I think it's worth it.
Yeah.
I know a guy that quit a coffee shop and went down there.
I mean, you know, City Market Coffee.
I like to go there.
We used to our podcasts out in front of it.
I know a guy that went there when Ozark was going on to be a barista because there's big money there because there's a lot of Hollywood people there at the time.
But then they started filming it in California, I believe.
But like Georgia.
Oh, Georgia.
OK.
And then the next two seasons, they film there and it really spice that whole area up.
And I see him in a store not too long ago.
He's doing well.
He's not there anymore.
But anyhow, anyhow, I think that we're going to get down here looking.
I will.
If he goes back.
Yeah.
Anyhow, I think that Netflix is worth it.
What about you, Rob?
I really don't know.
OK.
I think what I want is on other channels, other streaming services.
I've said this for a long time and I firmly believe us.
Netflix is the only true journalism anymore because they don't adhere to advertising.
You pay them for the service and they write.
They still they sniff out order.
You know, they sniff out stories like you would never got the McDonnell Douglas stuff from any of the big four.
So anyhow.
But then at the same time, there's rumors that WWE is going to move over to Netflix.
I think that's all.
I think that might be true because if you look at it, Netflix.
Just so everybody knows and it's been on my mind.
Yes, I have not done a Rob's Rasslem Roundup lately.
I'm surprised I didn't get any bitching about that through the emails.
People love that segment.
That's because I ain't had time.
He'll get back on it.
No worry.
I actually have to sit down and watch the paper views.
Yep.
And make notes.
He'll come out with more.
And his girlfriend.
Blah, blah, blah.
Life happens.
Yep.
I am not feeling catch up.
All right.
And finally.
I read paper views.
I have to sit down and watch myself.
And he will get to it.
So I can enjoy it.
All right.
And finally.
Mark, you mentioned a few times about the Sopranos ending being brilliant.
Do you have a theory on what happened?
Ronnie in Midtown.
Okay.
You've already said it.
Yeah.
I don't think he heard that podcast.
It's whatever you want.
If you want him with a hole in his head laying on the ground, blood everywhere, dead.
That's what happened.
If you want him skating off into another life somewhere or still being the mob boss or whatever.
That's what happened.
You want him going to prison the rest of his life.
That's what happened.
That's the brilliance of it.
So you pick it Ronnie.
Yeah.
Sure.
Go ahead.
And I have him watch it.
That's why the screen goes black.
Yes.
Use your own imagination.
Yes.
Show's over.
Done.
Just saying.
Well David Chase.
I already know that.
David Chase said he had no idea what happened because he didn't write it.
It was done.
Show was over.
So I believe him.
He's the one that wrote it.
Anyhow.
There you go.
Yep.
There you go.
All right.
We're going to take our second break and come back with some Rob stuff.
That sound good Rob?
Sounds good.
All right.
That's what we're going to do.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
Oh Lord.
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no.
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam.
Everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origin of Socks.
Believe it or not, the ancient Egyptians are responsible for knit socks.
From around 300 to 500 AD were the first recorded knit socks worn by anybody in the world.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
If you were a spice, you would be flour.
Hey look, I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
I'm afraid for the calendar.
It's days are numbered.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Hey girl, are you a beaver?
Cause damn.
What, what, what, what?
Hello, I'm Mark.
Hey, I'm Rob.
Rob, we turn to you to get us going again.
Okay, I have a question for you.
Okay.
Can you have a beer on a boat?
Oh.
Here's what Missouri law says about boating and drinking.
Okay.
Well, you know, it's late season in Missouri and the boats are out and about across the state.
While you might be inclined to crack open a cold one.
I know I am.
Huh?
I said I know I am whenever I'm on a boat.
Oh, everybody is.
That's what you do.
Well, why work the helm and blast Jimmy Buffett and Alan Jackson since it's five o'clock somewhere?
Isn't it illegal in Missouri?
Here's what law says.
If you will need to, you will need to put down that hurricane even if it drives you insane.
Got that. Got the lyrics there.
Yes, yes.
Hurricanes are tough.
Well, it was Jimmy Buffett's song.
Oh, a hurricane, they specialize it in New Orleans.
Yeah, in New Orleans they make a mean hurricane.
Anyhow, go ahead.
That's not a joke.
They have hurricanes down there.
It's a drink.
That's in New Orleans.
Yeah, so if anyone thinks I'm making fun of Katrina, no.
Their drink is a hurricane like you just said and it is stout.
That and a hanger name.
Anybody who goes barting know that.
Yes. Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
Well, Missouri law prohibits operating a vessel while intoxicated due to alcohol or any combination of alcohol controlled substance or drugs.
Uh-huh.
It's a Class B misdemeanor and is possible by up to six months in jail and a maximum of $1,000 fine.
Oh, wow.
If your blood alcohol level is 0.08 or more or if you use drugs, you're considered to be under the books and you aren't legally allowed to drive.
It's the same limit as if you were driving a car.
That makes sense.
So if you're driving a boat, consider your blood alcohol is the same as driving your car.
Okay.
It's illegal for someone under 20 and one to drink.
But if they have, they can't drive the boat if their blood alcohol level is 0.02 or more.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I think that paragraph contradicts itself.
Yeah.
You got to be 21 to drink, but you can be under 21 and your blood alcohol 0.02.
Okay, yeah.
By driving a boat on Missouri waters, the state highway patrol says you're consented to be tested for alcohol or drugs if a law enforcement officer asks.
If you are convicted of boating while in Toxtead, you're required to attend a certified boat safety course before being allowed to operate a boat again in Missouri.
Passengers can drink while on the boat as long as they don't drive it.
Okay.
So you just got to make sure your driver's sober just like a car, you know?
Well, you know...
See, I live here like the Millazars. I got to bring this up.
Okay.
But yeah, no, that's all I'm gonna go...this story goes deeper, but that's all you need to know.
I like that.
If you drink it, don't drive a boat.
Thank you, Rob.
It's just like driving a car.
That is really good information. Thank you.
Now people know.
No, trust me, a lot of the court cases down here, not only do you have your DWI, you have what you call your BWI, which is boating while in Toxtead.
And trust me, down here at the lake, there's as many BWIs as there are DWIs when you step into court.
Oh yeah.
Trust me, I know.
Alright, Rob, do you want to know the top psychologists say there are nine things you should keep private?
Do you want to know what they are?
I probably broke every one of them since I started.
Oh, well, don't worry about it. I mean, everybody does. That's why they come out with this.
This is a list of things, a list to help your life have a smoother life is what they say, top psychologists.
Number one on it is personal goals and aspirations.
One reason you shouldn't mention this is when we share ambitions with others, it can create unnecessary pressure on you and them.
It's best to leave that alone. And I think I agree with that. What do you think?
Honestly, you don't want to ask my opinion on that right now.
Okay. Alright, we'll move on.
The number two thing that top psychologists say that you should not do, you know, broadcast in public, personal life challenges.
This can alter people's perception of you. 100% agree. 100% agree.
I've had people tell me a little too much and I don't view them the same.
You know, like I had one guy tell me that he hit his wife in the face.
Now whenever I look at him, I think, piece of shit. I wish he would have never told me that.
Yeah, that's, yeah, I agree with that.
That's a piece of crap. I'm sorry.
That's where you, that's where we'll leave in a different conversation.
Well, I told him too and he doesn't speak to me anymore and I think completely different of him.
That's him.
Yeah, no, I don't care. Best thing it couldn't happen.
At the same time, I'm finding out that nowadays you try to talk to anybody about your personal life, they don't want to hear it.
So they'll start talking about theirs.
That's the way it is.
Yeah.
No, that's the way it is. Nobody wants to talk.
That's the way, okay, back in the 80s, 70s, 80s when we were growing up, we used to talk about relationships with our friends.
It wasn't a big deal then.
And our friends would help us through relationships.
Yeah.
Nowadays, nobody wants to talk to you about your problems.
Okay, we're like 30, 40 years later and I have a problem. I woke up.
I went through a 20 year relationship. I woke up.
And now people don't want to talk.
True.
And help each other.
Other than people like me and you, we've been friends for like 40 years.
Yeah, that's different.
You make your friends, you want to talk to them, but I say, oh, I don't want to hear it. You do you, I do me.
Yeah.
You do you, you do me.
Yeah.
All right.
The next one is philanthropy.
Broadcasting your good deeds can come off as self-promotion or could put pressure on others to do the same.
I agree.
I mean, if you give to something, the first thing you should not do is tell everybody how much you gave and make a big deal about it.
I mean, that should be private.
If you give to something that's very near and dear to your heart, keep it like that.
The next one, family issues.
I have a problem with that.
Oh, go ahead.
We're going to skip it.
Okay.
Because of my, because of my thing.
Okay.
Yeah.
The next one is family issues.
When shared openly, they become subject to scrutiny and judgment.
I agree.
Everyone says, oh, yeah, yeah, I understand.
Yeah, that would suck.
But then they leave and they think, man, he has got a screwed up situation.
It happens all the time.
The next one of the top nine that psychologists say you should not broadcast to the public is acts of kindness.
This could be taken as a competitive tone to others.
You don't tell people about your acts of kindness.
Like you helped an old lady across the street.
I agree with that.
You don't go, hey, you know what I did this morning?
No.
And then you go, no, it wouldn't work.
Oh, I helped an old lady across the street.
There's no reason.
Okay.
Well.
Yeah.
I see it, but yet I don't.
I'm not going to go into my arguments on it.
You know what?
If you save somebody's life, I don't know, gave them CPR or something, I could see talking about that and go, oh, my God, it was so crazy.
I felt down and, you know, and I had to do chest compressions.
But, man, thank God he's probably going to be okay.
I could see talking about that.
But, you know, like, hey, I hope that old lady across the street, man, I'm a good guy.
No one believes that.
Anyhow, there's like, you know, if you did, you just did it so you could promote yourself is what people think.
Depends on the conversation.
Well, Rob, this is different.
You're talking to your buddy.
Yeah.
What do you do?
Well, I help the old lady across the street.
Yeah, it's fine.
I mean, just like the snapping turtle incident, man, that was great.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.
The thing is, is you want to hear what I did, what they're trying to say is, is people, they they take it as competitive.
Now they got to go out and be nice to somebody because you did.
So, you know, I get that.
OK, OK, OK.
Well, here's where I'm getting.
OK.
Then people are wrong.
Don't take it competitive.
I agree.
You asked me what I did.
Don't take it.
No, no, no, Rob.
I'm glad you told me.
I wanted to hear.
That's why I asked you.
So just say you asked me.
Yeah.
Don't take it competitive.
Yep.
Next one.
Personal hygiene habits.
Opening up about such habits can lead to unsolicited advice, judgment or mockery.
Yeah.
You know, you could go to someone, go, man, only shower once a week.
They might secretly judge you and they might go around the corner, go, hey, Mark's a stinky fuck.
He only, you know, he only showers once a week.
He told me I get that.
So.
OK, well, we're on this.
Yeah.
Mark.
Yeah.
I need to shave my nuts.
All right.
Hey.
Thanks for letting me know, Rob.
Hey, be careful.
Let's move on off that way.
OK.
Next one.
Your guilty pleasures.
This can take away from your actual experience once revealed.
I agree.
I agree too, even though as a human you feel impelled to mention your accomplishments.
Like.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I mean, everyone has guilty pleasures, whether it's buying a candy bar and scarfing it real
quick or whatever you got going on.
That's a good pleasure.
Yeah.
Your friends didn't do shit all weekend, but said at home, but you went to new.
You know.
Yeah.
And you've got to brag about.
Yeah.
I understand.
All right.
Next one.
Personal financial situation leads to comparison, judgment and envy.
I agree.
It makes me highly uncomfortable when someone tells me about how much they owe and how in
debt they are and how they might lose this or that.
And like, I don't know if I can eat and stuff like that because you can't go around and
help everybody.
We all know this, but it's almost to me makes me in the corner and feel like, oh shit, this
guy's just telling me like, yo, they may not eat next week unless I do something about
it.
You see what I mean?
I get that.
100%.
Yep.
And then finally, self-improvement goals.
Grow at your own pace.
Make mistakes without fear or criticism.
I don't know if I quite believe that.
I think it is good to broadcast to people you trust, not everybody, but the people to
trust your goals.
Like I could go Rob and go, man, I want to lose 30 more pounds.
And then Rob would be like, you know what, man, that's, you know, I support you.
Yeah, do it, man.
Yeah.
Let's go exercise.
Yeah.
You know what?
It's going to be great for your health.
You're going to look better.
You're going to feel better.
Hell yeah, Mark.
You know, I'm all for you.
Now people you don't know.
I'm going to back you 100%.
Yeah.
Now people you don't know very well, you don't want to tell that.
Sorry.
That was my son's fault.
All right.
I'll shut the door tonight.
I'm letting them all hang out.
Yeah, that's all right.
That's cool.
All right, Rob, you got something you want to go into?
I'm done with this list.
Let's see here.
Let's go into this one.
I've been dodging this one for a while.
Okay.
Why?
I don't know.
Is this one of those stories that didn't sound cool?
Wait, sorry.
I got people walking in.
I'm shutting the door.
Okay.
I'm just going to go into this one.
I've been dodging this one for a while.
I'm going to go into this one.
I got people walking in.
I'm shutting the door.
Uh-huh.
I was the only one here and then all of a sudden my son's girlfriend walked by.
Walked out back.
Okay.
Let's see here.
What's the story about this?
The Phil's Native American prophecy, the birth of the calf, is both a blessing and a warning.
Okay.
Yeah, I know.
Great white bubble.
Oh, yeah.
That's where the story comes from.
That's where Uncle Ted got it.
Sweaty Teddy?
Love him.
Yes, Uncle Ted.
Uncle.
Uncle Teddy.
I've seen him four times, dude.
Yeah, he's great, isn't he?
He's Uncle.
He's got so much charisma.
So much energy.
Yeah.
Charisma, energy, yeah.
And the finale.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Yep.
You've got to see the concert to know it.
Yep.
A rare white buffalo calf has been captured by a white buffalo calf.
White buffalo calf has been captured on camera in Yellowstone National Park.
You hear?
It's excitement and a warning from one of the largest Native American nations.
KNWZ.com has learned that the animal in question was part of the horror that impeded traffic
as it crossed the road, creating an unexpected photo opportunity for park visitors.
Uh-huh.
I'm just going to say Erin.
It gives her a last name, but I'm going to say Erin.
Okay.
The animal was in one of the vehicles with her family and had her camera on hand when
she first spotted the calf and heard across the Lamar River.
Uh-huh.
The animal drew near and eventually passed in front of the vehicle, leaving no doubt
in the viewer's minds about what they were witnessing.
I looked, and it's a white bison calf.
Oh, wow.
And I was totally, totally for it, Erin told Associated Press.
After the herd crossed the road, the family repositioned the vehicle and continued observing
the singulatory for another 45 minutes.
And then she, the mother calf, kind of wetted through the willows.
It was pretty amazing, she said.
Yeah, come on.
You see a white bison calf, which is rare.
Let me read down a little bit here to go into the white bison calf.
Okay.
Well, you hear so much.
Well, the white bison calf and the, oh, well, the sighting may have been merely a good viewing
opportunity for the first visitors.
That day, the significance runs deep below the Coda Nation, which is American Indians.
You know, the bike, this white bison is supposed to mean something.
Somebody's coming back and going to take over.
Uh-huh.
Okay, so in the Indian nation, it means kind of the same thing as Jesus.
Oh, okay.
Well, from everything I've been reading, this calf is supposed to come out and they're supposed
to see good, do good, and the world is supposed to be bad.
Uh-huh.
Cool.
Well, let's see.
Let's see the way the world's going.
Mm-hmm.
It's sad.
But that was it.
Okay.
So, after all of white bison being born, which is a sacred thing, I'm just wondering, from
here on out, let's see what happens.
All right.
Sounds good, Rob.
Thank you.
Um, I think that's probably going to be the end of the podcast here.
That sound good, Rob?
Yeah.
Uh, yeah, it's getting late.
I got to go work tomorrow.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking here.
We're already well over an hour, hour and 15 minutes, so anyhow, everybody...
Oh, I don't know, but we made it.
I knew you would, Rob, I knew, and you feel much better, don't you?
Uh, six weeks off, 20 minutes, boy, we on air.
Yeah.
I feel a lot better.
That was a good talk.
Thank you, brother.
Yeah, absolutely.
I heard you ironing, when you were talking about it, I could hear you ironing them out
in your head.
You know what I mean?
I could tell you're like thinking, and when you're talking, you're like, oh yeah, that's
what I need to do.
I could just tell.
So I'm very happy that you...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
And I know what I need to do, and I'm going to do it.
Yeah, you always will.
Um, all right, everybody, thank you for listening.
And just so you know, if anybody wants to be a female, you're welcome.
I'm single again.
There you go, snap him up before he's taken, guys.
Come on, man.
Not guys, women.
Although I had...
No, no, I gotta tell you about this one.
Okay.
I had one hit me up on...
Okay.
They hit up our...
She put a light on our two-shoe-bag-in-a-microphone.
Uh-huh.
Facebook page.
Her name is Lori.
I'll tell you about her.
I told her to keep listening even though I turned her down.
She told me...
Yeah, we were...
She messaged me.
She said, you're kind of cute.
That's cool.
And I looked at her Facebook page.
I said, yeah, you are too.
Which I could tell she was a little younger.
Uh-huh.
Well, then, a while ago, she messaged me back.
She said, do you know I'm under 15?
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
No, no, no, no.
Let me read the message.
Okay.
She goes, I'll turn 15.
I said, I have sources.
I can check you out.
LOL.
See?
You freaked out.
Okay, sorry, but please keep listening to our podcast.
That will land me in prison.
My youngest son is 19.
She messaged back.
I understand.
Uh-huh.
Lori, you're cute, but you are way underage for somebody that's 55.
I would say.
I'm 55.
And then you tell me, I'll turn 15.
Thank you for telling me to begin with.
So I do not end up in trouble.
Yep.
Because you are cute.
I could tell you were young, but I didn't know that young.
Ah, yeah.
Yep.
Okay.
Just saying.
All right, everybody, thank you for listening.
I'm all out of lines.
I'm stupid.
All right, everybody, thank you for listening.
Thank you, assholes.
Have a good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.