And now it's time for...
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Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
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Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We are...
Jesus.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Garlic mustard could and should be a go-to food during an apocalypse.
Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere. It is actually an invasive weed.
But it can be very delicious and easily taken from about any pasture.
Garlic mustard can be stewed or even pan-fried for delicious taste.
It can also be added to other ingredients, whether it's a salad or any other type of food to enhance it.
Garlic mustard should be a go-to staple during the apocalypse.
When you buy and eat half a chicken, you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger.
Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no! It's the island of horrible jokes.
Singing in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
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Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to Two Deucebags and Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.
Two Deucebags and Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
How's your day, Rob?
It was good, good. Busy. I mean, work's picked up. That's why I like it, man.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yep, you gotta not be looking at the clock. I know that.
Sometimes getting involved in a big project is the best thing you can do on that type of work.
Because before you know it, it's lunch break and you're like, oh shit, I gotta stop.
Man, I'm just making some headway on this thing and I gotta stop.
And I mean, yeah, as opposed to when it's slow, you just sit there and look at the clock and go,
well, I guess I'll come over here and sweep, grind these things down, you know, stuff like that.
So, anyhow, well, I had a good shitty day. It was a good and it was shitty at the same time.
I'm on them all the time, too.
Well, I believe I told you, I'm pretty sure I spoke about this on this podcast before,
but I had that crown break off in half at my gum line, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, so that's a piece of shit way to go because then you have to have an implant or a bridge.
With all of my crowns that I have, I cannot have a bridge.
So if I have anything, it has to be an implant.
So anyhow, I went, I got the implant and this is like a year later, mind you.
So first off, it takes a long time for them to dig into your gums and attach this
to your bone.
Oh, it's got a, I'm trying to think of the best way to put it.
Okay, it's got a hole.
Your fake tooth screws into it, okay?
You see what I'm saying?
So they put this steel, this metal deal up into your bone and into your gum
and they seal it into that and then they screw your tooth into it.
Well, anyhow, all this work done and then last time about a month and a half ago,
I went in to have my tooth taken in, my tooth put in finally after about six, seven months of waiting
because they have to let all the tissue heal and the bone to grow around it and all that.
So anyhow, that tooth didn't fit.
They made the tooth wrong.
So they had to go back to the lab and wait about a month and a week or something like that,
about five weeks to get another tooth made with that little, you know, with a screw in it
to where they could screw it in to your, you know, into your socket, I guess.
They put this socket with threads on it.
It's a threaded socket.
That would be a good way of putting it.
It's a threaded socket.
And then they, you know, they tighten it down.
Well, the socket broke off away from the bone.
So anyhow, they're like, oh shit, this ain't going to work.
So they informed me that they were going to have to do oral surgery again.
And I'm not real happy about this.
I don't like doing it once, let alone two fucking times,
let alone waiting all this time with this thing they call a flipper tooth.
A flipper tooth is a piece of shit too, because it's fake gums with a fake tooth that you clap over your gums.
And it's just real constrictive.
And if I've been talking a little funny, a big part of it is because I have that thing in my mouth, the flipper tooth.
So anyhow, you know, I, nothing really bad happened.
It was just a pain in the ass day.
That's the best way to put it.
Okay. It's a good bad day.
So anyhow, you're lucky you just went to work, Rob, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
So yeah.
Sounds like it.
Yeah. Okay.
So, well, we're going to get straight to this podcast.
All right.
After all of that.
Well, it's time for another edition of Rubes throwing away their money department.
Tom Brady's pants he wore in his last NFL game ever was just auctioned off for a measly eighty nine thousand dollars.
Did you know that, Rob?
No, I did not know that.
Eighty nine thousand dollars for the last pair of pants he wore in the NFL.
So that Tampa Bay playoff game, I think is in the play.
Yeah.
That they lost that sold for eighty nine thousand dollars.
And I'm not sure who sold it.
It didn't say.
I don't know if it's Tom Brady or I don't know, uniform company or I don't know the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
I don't know how the I don't know how the person got it.
Whoever auctioned it off.
I don't know if it's going to charity or if in someone's pocket.
You know, and like I'm saying, in this country is worried about eighteen an hour.
Looks like there's plenty of money to go around here.
Right.
Doesn't that make you sick?
Someone's buying it for eighty nine thousand dollars and then everyone's up in arms over eighteen an hour.
So anyhow, you know, again, Rob, after that story, I hear trumpets and angels.
You know why?
Yeah, I did too.
OK.
Arby's just brought back the five for five.
So five classic roast beef sandwiches for five bucks.
You think the Mets fans are throwing the hot dogs will start buying Arby's duet?
Oh, I'm loving this.
Oh, isn't it great?
Hell yeah.
You think the Mets fans are throwing hot dogs at each other might just switch to roast beef because a little bit cheaper.
They could get like three five for fives for fifteen dollars and help people roast beef sandwiches all night instead of hot dogs.
Yeah.
I think we're on to something here.
Those pieces of roast beef would make a smack when they get here.
Yes.
Yeah.
You can put a little bit of sauce on them or tartar, whatever you want, whatever you can find.
And you lob them in the air and they smack someone in the back of the head.
Oh, that's perfect.
Right.
So anyhow, you know, the dollar hot dogs were getting kind of tired anyhow, weren't they?
Yeah, you know, just saying or, you know, or maybe how about chili dogs?
Why couldn't they?
Why couldn't they liven it up with chili dogs?
Can you imagine hot chili going across someone's grape?
It's just so useless.
Get that on TikTok videos go viral.
People be going, hey, man, look, this one guy get right in the forehead with fucking hot chili and a hot dog.
Now that would be cool, right?
Yeah.
OK.
Well, anyhow, Brahms, you know, Brahms or Brahms or however you want to call it.
Yeah.
The southern Missouri.
They're big in southern Missouri.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
So the southern Missouri, northern Texas, south Kansas and all of Oklahoma fast food chain is offered a seven dollar sack of their original burgers.
Oh, yeah.
Now, these burgers are too good.
I wouldn't be throwing them at anybody's head.
Oh, no, they are.
No, no, no.
We don't have many of them.
They're great, aren't they?
We don't do burgers, Brahms burgers dirty like that.
They stay in the sack until they are promptly eight.
So and then in completely different news, Italy is offering a three dollar homes to Americans and other affluent people.
It is an effort to keep these buildings from decaying.
The step you the stipulation is you have to fix up these homes after purchasing one.
I think I'd rather buy a sack of burgers.
What about you, Rob?
Yeah, I think I'd rather burgers, too.
Yeah. Could you imagine?
I mean, they're not telling you the full story.
You know that like raw materials and stuff are probably astronomical in Italy.
Not to mention you living over here and that house being over there and you don't know the laws.
Maybe someone can get in there and you're fixing it up and you got to come back to America for a couple of months for something or whatever or come up with some more cash.
And then I'll send someone squats in it, right?
You don't know their laws.
They could say, well, hey, thanks a lot, American.
You fixed up this home for this guy per our laws.
So, I mean, I just don't I mean, I just think there's too many ifs involved in that.
What do you think?
Yeah, there is a lot of ifs.
Yeah, I mean, the three dollars for a house is nothing.
What I'm talking about is a contract that says you have to fix it up.
That's where it's bad right there.
The three dollar house sounds great.
I mean, we did that here in Kansas City, Rob.
Do you remember back in northeast Kansas City, it was decaying bad.
Northeast used to be the pride of Kansas City, you know, right on the river bluff there and everybody moved there.
It was like the new big, I guess, the first suburban area in Kansas City.
Homes are going up everywhere.
So it started to came because that was one of the oldest neighborhoods and people are moving out to the newer neighborhoods.
The, you know, the serb, the Suburbans, you know, they were going out to suburbs and they're staying away from the inner city like that.
Well, Kansas City did this and they started selling the homes on in northeast Kansas City, North Independence Avenue, a little bit south of Independence Avenue to give you a good register.
What I'm talking about that area right in there from pretty much Benton Boulevard all the way down to maybe topping.
Different houses in that area were going for a dollar apiece.
But the stipulation was you had to fix them up.
And this worked very well.
This is one project that Kansas City did that actually really worked.
What happened is people bought these houses and they started making them bed and breakfast with beautiful courtyards.
They started what they call that.
Oh, shit.
Tuck pointing all the brick.
You know what I'm talking about cleaning the brick and making it look new.
Yeah, because there are a lot of brick homes there.
A lot of balconies.
I've done quite a bit of that myself.
OK, then you know what I'm talking about.
Tuck pointing is not easy.
And so anyhow, you know, they tuck pointed the brick.
They fix the balconies up and a lot of balconies overlook the bluff.
And they're having them for bed and breakfasts and they're sold out constantly.
They go for three, four hundred a night.
And people from out of town and people in town rent them because they're so neat.
And then, you know, a lot of it did.
They come out with like a 12 course breakfast for you, you know, and you sit out there in the courtyard, enjoy yourself, you know, do stuff around there.
So that worked really well.
But, you know, this stuff in Italy, I'm not.
You know, I don't know.
I'm not.
Let's just say I'm not convinced on it.
What do you think?
I'm not really convinced on either.
Yeah, I think there's too many ifs.
Now, if someone figured out the laws and everything like that, go ahead.
There could be a lot wrong with that house.
Yes.
Yeah.
As a lot of people found out.
Foundation, all kinds of stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Once you get into foundation issues and plumbing issues and structural, I mean, the, you know, electrical even.
Yeah, you're looking at a lot of money.
So and we don't know what the codes are over there.
And like, I think one of the biggest things is, is probably the raw materials and labor, finding people to do it and having and buying the raw materials.
I don't think they can get them as readily as here.
OK.
Anyhow, in an effort, this completely different.
We're moving on in an effort to show people how obnoxious they are on Facebook.
Every morning, I'm going to highlight. Fuck you.
What do you think of that?
Yeah.
That way, these fucking highlights that I keep getting that I hate that I'm involved in, I'm like, how did I get involved?
Oh, they highlighted the damn thing.
It's like, man, I don't want to look at this.
It comes up, my notification and all that.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Don't highlight me on shit.
Well, every morning, I think I'm just going to highlight everybody's name I know and write, fuck you.
Think I get the point across?
I'll give it a heart.
OK.
Give it a heart.
I like it.
I got a really big.
I'll probably be about one of the ones.
Yeah.
Since I'm talking to you about it, whoever hears this podcast, I'm sure they agree with me because everyone I.
Yeah, we'll be the ones giving you a heart on it.
Yeah.
Everybody's going to be like, what the fuck?
Why do you why do you highlight me to tell me fuck off?
So anyhow, in an effort to show people how you know what I went over that.
What the hell?
You know, I'm on hydrocodone.
Give me a break, guys.
OK.
I have the suggestion of the week, Rob.
OK.
If you really need a privacy fence, but you can't afford one, you know how to get one.
Just garden naked in your backyard every day.
Your neighbor will be more than happy to build you a free privacy fence.
I bet they would.
That is my suggestion of the week.
So you need a privacy fence.
There you go.
All right.
Japan is at it again, Rob.
You know what they're doing now?
What?
They are growing cube shaped watermelons.
That's right.
They're shaped like a cube.
And the reason for this is shipping.
You know, watermelons are round and they roll and everything.
Well, the Japanese want them nice and square so they can stack them.
I appreciate that.
But I want to go a step further with this.
I love to paint them all different colored squares just to make it look like giant rubies cubes.
There you go.
Yeah.
You can have a Rubik's Cube watermelon.
I mean, I don't even like watermelon, but I'd buy one.
I'd be like, hell yeah, man.
Bring that bitch over here.
Let's slice it up.
So anyhow, I got a question for you, Rob.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
I don't know.
An investigator.
Oh, my God.
I don't have a buzz button as of yet, but if I had one, it would go off right now.
So, OK.
I need to get one too.
A couple from Texas has experienced a shocking moment when they were driving through a drive-through zoo.
A giraffe picked up their infant son.
Look it up.
He just grabs him and picks him up.
The giraffe did release him quickly.
Personally, I think the kid just looked like a giant peanut.
That's all.
You know, giraffe.
That's what I'm thinking.
He's like, oh, that's not a peanut.
It tastes like a fucking person.
Probably spit him back.
He's like, yeah, that's not a peanut.
You know, you all see the head on that kid.
I mean, yeah, it could be mistaken as a peanut real easily.
Allegedly.
Just kidding.
All that stuff.
And anyhow, let's see.
I got an email from a woman that wants to know how to let her man know he's kind of boring in bed.
Sabrina from Wichita.
I think this is a fake email.
I think someone's just doing this to get a ha ha or see how I react.
That's why I'm answering it on here and not the regular emails.
OK.
I have the perfect way to let him know right before he is going to penetrate.
Tell him you need to be woken up when he's done so you can watch the local news and weather.
Sound good?
Yeah.
I already tried that.
She may have.
Yeah.
She did.
Sabrina in Wichita, if you are real, let me know if you really tried that and we'll come up with some really good ones for you.
What you can do.
I mean, like maybe a shocker, you know, a shock on his nuts or something.
If he's not doing it right, you shock him really good.
And then you, you know, kind of like a dog, you know, every time he doesn't do it right, you shock him.
He'll learn how to do it right.
He'll get tired of getting his nuts shocked and he will do it right.
Right.
I mean, I would.
Yeah.
Right.
Here's one.
OK.
Good old communication.
Rob, are you saying this for a reason?
No.
Oh, no.
OK.
All right.
Yeah.
No.
You're right.
Exactly.
Why are you writing a podcast?
We're not mind readers.
No.
I know.
I'm pretty sure this is someone just getting I actually kind of helps to show if you think
about it, it really does.
You know, so yeah.
So I whoever you are, I appreciate it.
I don't think.
Yeah, I think they're great.
Yeah.
Montrose sent us a really good one.
That will be probably tomorrow.
So because I got it, I got invisible as paddling.
So we got to get to sometime before they before they like expire.
You know, you got to paddle these people in proper time, otherwise people forget about
them.
So right.
Right.
Speaking of Wichita, like where Sabrina is at, I can't believe I have to go to Wichita
to see Wasp perform their first album in its entirety.
First time around, I had to go to Tulsa.
Now, Wichita, no joke needed here.
Me having to go to a much smaller city is a huge joke in itself.
Speaking of Wasp, I read that Blackie Lawless performed the first show after his recovery
from his back surgery in a chair.
I'm extremely happy he's not coming to Wichita until December because I have no interest
in seeing Blackie Lawless in a chair.
Listen, the guy is great.
They wrote great songs back in the day.
I don't know about their newer stuff.
Probably not that good.
They did have a cap space on them, you know, that.
But, anyhow, I have no desire to see that man in a chair performing.
I want to see him up there.
I want to see the torture rack.
I want to see the Wasp emblem with fire around it.
I want to see the blood.
I want to see him throw raw meat at people like they used to.
This is the first album they're really doing.
I do not want to see him in a chair.
So, anyhow, that's it for the first third.
Rob, we turn to you.
All right.
A published author and YouTuber who claims to have spent three days in heaven following
a suicide attempt has revealed what she learned about the future while in the afterlife.
Okay.
Julie Poole, a self-styled personal empowerment coach and energy healer, now lets others to
engage with her spirituality, but life has not always been kind to her.
A woman who is also a qualified hypnotherapist claims that from a young age she suffered
a lot of trauma and later endured crippling PTSD.
As a result, she took a massive overdose of prescription drugs and went to bed expecting
that she would die.
However, instead, she said, I suddenly saw my guides and my angels around me, and then
they lifted me up and took me up to a higher realm.
I just remember saying, I'm going home, and they said, no, you're not.
It's not your time.
It's good to know that someone can do that drastic and still go to heaven.
I think I still have a chance.
What about you, Rob?
Yeah, I was going to dive into that.
Oh, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Well, the spirits then allegedly told her, we did warn you it would be too hard and too
overwhelming, and now here you are at 21 trying to check out.
Pool said she returned to her normal earthly body three days later, but remembers the last
few words she received from these earth-worldly beings.
She said they promised her that between 2012 and 2032, the world would go through a 20-year
period called the breaking upon the golden age, which would come after 2032.
She said this golden age would see people living from a place of love, sightfulness,
self-awareness, compassion, and kindness, and moving into more truth and openness.
However, they allegedly warned her, will the world be utopian 2032?
No.
What we mean by the golden age is that for millennia now, there has been an enormous amount
of power, abuse, and control, and repression, and suppression, and corruption, and greed.
And all that has been held by the few and has controlled the masses.
The golden age is bringing an equality across the board so that everything which is false
and fake and untrue and corrupt will fall away.
In other words, Pool explained, we are approaching the day of reckoning, or if you prefer, Armageddon
is coming up.
I can believe that.
Okay, I can believe that too.
You see, here's what got me.
Okay.
I'm going off biblical here.
Okay.
In the Bible, it says that the ultimate sin is suicide.
I agree.
You cannot get in the gates of heaven through suicide.
I am debunking that.
I don't know what she saw.
Rob, you know, whenever you get into sleeping pills and stuff, don't you get into hallucinations?
That's true.
As soon as I heard that, that's the first thing I thought.
When she was talking about going and seeing these angelic beings, I guess.
Okay.
That must have been when I was on her...
She was calling it heaven.
I tend to believe with you, Rob, that you're not getting into heaven by taking your own
life.
You have no room for forgiveness.
You're dead.
The last thing you did was, you know, can't be forgiven for that.
So, I mean...
You take your life and you take it.
Yeah.
There's probably other stuff involved too, why it's frowned upon so much from the heavens.
So, okay, there's...
I think maybe this is my take, Rob, is this right here.
Her guilt for killing herself was the last thought on her mind.
So, I think her guilt in this hallucinogenic period pointed her to relieve her.
Go home.
Oh, look, it's okay.
Look, here's the angels.
They're telling you you're in heaven.
It's okay, but it's not your time yet, so go back.
That's my take.
Yeah.
But, you know...
That can't be.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's a book that a guy wrote about taking his own life and he went straight to
hell.
And when he woke up out of it, he wrote a book about it and it was pretty damn frightening.
So, you know what?
Yeah, yeah.
So, people can believe what they want.
I know what I believe and I know what you believe.
Yeah, okay.
That was a really interesting article, Rob.
Thank you.
Hello, you there?
I'm here.
Okay.
I'm here.
All right.
Do you have any more on it or is that it?
No, that was it on that one.
Okay.
All right.
Let's go ahead and take a break and come back with some ass-paddling.
Does that sound good?
Sounds good.
All righty.
Hey there, fuckstick.
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I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
How about some ass paddlings? Invisible ass paddlings. That sound good?
That sounds really good right now for some strange reason.
It's one of my favorite segments.
So we invented this a long time ago, one of the very, like maybe podcast number four.
Christopher and I, the first guy that was on here, and he's doing little segments here and there.
You'll hear more on this podcast.
We decided that there's a lot of people in this world that do stupid shit that require an ass paddling.
So we needed to figure out a way to become invisible.
So this is how it went or the story or whatever.
Topher and I were on vacation, walking along the beach.
The morning sun was lighting up our hair, our hair gently blowing in the wind.
Rob and his brother say we're holding hands. We were not.
It was simply a tender moment until I smacked my big toe on a bottle.
Christopher turned around. He said, haha, it looks like a genie bottle.
I said, no way. I walk over there and go, shit, it looks just like one.
So I pop it open. A genie comes out.
He hated us. He's very condescending. He didn't like us.
He said, you know, you get a wish. Oh yeah, we get three wishes.
He goes, no, you watch two-made TV. He said, you get one wish? One wish only?
So I suggest you make this wish count.
Like maybe, I don't know, world peace and world hunger, pollution problem.
He said, do something real.
So Topher and I looked at each other, kind of giggled and said,
we want to be invisible so we can paddle people's asses.
The genie reluctantly did that. He rolled his eyes.
He couldn't stand us, but he said, very well, I have to because you guys release me.
So once a month, but every now and then, like right now,
not quite a month because people demanded it.
We give you these invisible ass paddlings and the reason they need it.
And Rob, if you have any names, just put them in here, okay?
All right, if you think. Okay.
So anyhow, North Korea gets an ass paddling for the disgusting hot garbage shit balloons they sent to South Korea.
You know, Kim Jong-un is in the Hall of Fame.
He gets ass paddled once a month forever.
So he's in the Hall of Fame.
But this is all of South Korea, their government, everything.
Whoever was behind all of these shit balloons going over to South Korea, all of them need ass paddled.
And I'm considered bare bottom. You think bare bottom?
Yeah, I think so. Since he's already in the Hall of Fame.
Yeah, yeah, I think we got to do something to get a point across.
Like you don't do this. So I think bare ass paddling, bare bottom ass paddling is probably.
Come on, all they did was spread little paper. You spread shit.
Yes. You fed some people who had to fucking put the first person to discover what was in it.
He's probably like, oh, a balloon. Oh, my God.
Oh, anyhow. Oh, OK.
Anyhow, poor Rob Story, a bit back, the one, the runaway groom that you reported on.
We could not find a name to him.
But that guy, he deserves an ass paddling for running away.
He should have been a man has sacked up and said, hey, I don't quite feel this way anymore.
You know, I'm going to go do my own thing. Maybe we'll get back together, but probably not take care.
You know, but instead he just runs off and, you know,
Faked his death. Yeah, faked his death.
That still kills me.
Man, anyhow, no pun intended.
So, yeah, whoever this guy is, he gets an ass paddling and we will find him.
We have ways of finding him, don't we, Rob?
Yes, we do. And we will.
Eddie Vedder, because he is a loudmouth idiot.
I think he should go into the Hall of Fame and I think it should be bare assed, although I don't know if he wipes or not.
So maybe we'll pay someone to paddle his ass. We won't get near his bare ass. What do you think?
Yeah, yeah, I think we'll pay someone for that.
Okay, yeah, yeah. And we'll just we'll watch it being administered to make sure that it was cruel and hard enough.
That sound good? Yeah, okay.
Good. They have to pass our specification.
Yes, yeah. If we see something wrong with it, we will stop and make sure that the person uses more force or whatever it takes to get our point across.
And it's done with Old Sparky.
I told everybody about Old Sparky a few times now, but Old Sparky is sitting in Cass Midway's, or it was, in their trophy case.
He is retired now. Old Sparky is the paddle that was used administering our swats.
My bare bottom was affected, not bare bottom, but my bottom was affected many times by this.
It does not like Old Sparky, but I like Old Sparky now because he's not hitting my ass and he's hitting someone else's ass.
It is an Old Sparky. We couldn't get him, but we got a replica of Old Sparky.
He has holes in himself. He's long and he's got a huge neck on it to where the guy can get a lot of force in it.
So we can get a lot of force when we're paddling asses and that thing hurt.
It's very thick. I'm not sure what wood it was. It's very hard wood, whatever it was. It hurt like hell.
And it was shellacked. So I think the shop teacher built it specifically, probably for my ass.
So, all right, next. New York Mayor Eric Adam for the slumlord status he so deeply deserves.
Rat man. I mean, yeah, I mean, this guy's a mayor and he can't even fucking take care of his houses that he rents out to keep rats out of them, allegedly.
I think that he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. But I mean, I don't know.
You know, I don't know if we do bare bottom or not. I mean, he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame, I think.
What do you think?
You know what? Not yet. Not yet. One property. He has more than one property involved. Yeah, he's in Hall of Fame.
Okay, okay. Bare ass or not?
Well, let's see how many properties he ends up having affected.
Okay, okay. That sounds good. I'll try to look at it.
Right now, right now, there's what I, from what I've heard, there's only like two or three properties.
Okay, that would not be bare bottom. That would just be Hall of Fame status.
But we will figure this out and we will get back with everybody about what kind of an ass paddling he gets.
I'm not making fun of this. We're not making fun of this. It was a horrible tragedy. The guy's a piece of crap.
The Akron, Ohio shooter for being a horrible shot. 30 wounded?
Yeah.
You know, let's be happy he could not hit the broadside of a barn standing inside it. I mean, really.
He had to let that shooting... Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry. What?
I see your thought process on that. Yeah, I agree.
He must have left that shooting feeling like a complete failure when he heard the tally.
Been like, what? Really? Only killed one? Are you sure? Is anyone in critical condition maybe?
Nope, you only got one. So anyhow, I'm not sure for sure if he's dead or not. It would be fine with me if he was.
He's a piece of crap and I'm not making fun of it. I'm not making fun of it.
I'm just trying to provide a little bit of ha ha in a horrible moment. That's all.
So if anyone's pissed off about that, I'm sorry. It's a joke.
Christy Turman for stealing a car and calling the police on herself. Agreed? Yes.
I knew she'd be there. Yep. I think we decided that night she was getting one, didn't we?
Yeah, yeah. Actually, I think we did, yeah.
I mean, you do something that stupid, it's automatic. I mean, it was just kind of like both our eyebrows raised.
Hmm. I think someone needs an ass paddling. So Christy Turman, ass paddling.
Next one, I never reported on this and I forgot to last podcast.
JCPenney for a lost wedding ring here in Kansas City. They were supposed to fix it and they didn't. They lost it.
So special guest. I read about that one. Yeah, I just never got around to reporting it
because we're too busy yakking our gums over something else.
So anyhow, JCPenney gets an ass paddling, but special guest Hellsburg Diamonds should be the swatter for stepping in and giving her a free ring.
Hellsburg, we applaud you. I agree. I agree.
JCPenney, you're getting an ass paddling. Bare ass too, losing someone's wedding ring.
So, yep. So the JCPenney and should this just be Kansas City or the whole chain?
No, just Kansas City. Yeah, the rest of the chain to do. Okay, just Kansas City. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I agree.
You can't blame everybody. No, you're right. Yeah. And also it gets a point across that Kansas City fucked up and no one else did.
So next one, Airheads Candy for the underwater vending machine. Anyone who performs underwater stunts for candy as well.
I know it was a neat little gimmick. Okay. But I think that they need one because they, you know, maybe they don't.
It did get people to talk about him. We talked about him. Other people talked about him. His big hubbub on the Internet.
Yeah. I'm going to take away Airheads Candy from this. Okay. Airheads Candy actually did something that really helped their purpose.
I'm only going to include the people that do underwater stunts for candy. That candy is not that good. And you have to do a stunt for it.
They get the ass paddling, not Airheads. You agree? I agree. Yeah. Earhorn, or yeah, I think that sounds pronounced.
Earhorn, the creator of the sunscreen smoothie, gets an ass paddling. Okay. They created that sunscreen smoothie.
The smoothie is supposed to taste like a, yes. They get an ass paddling. Earhorn is like a yogurt place or something in California that does smoothies.
So that whole chain for coming up with sunscreen smoothies, they get ass paddling. So, and then finally, last but not least,
anyone who buys and consumes a sunscreen smoothie gets an ass paddling as well. You think? There you go. All right.
Well, that is all from the ass paddling. I'm glad we got everybody in a timely manner this time. And everything was fairly current.
So, Rob, we turn to you. All right. I'm going back to last night's list I started last night, the 20 best little known history facts.
Oh, cool. Okay. All right. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other simultaneously. He was ambidextrous.
That's cool. I don't think I knew that ever. As much info that is out about him, I don't think I knew that.
I don't think I knew that either. Christopher Columbus didn't discover that the earth was round. Educated people had known this since ancient Greece.
Yeah. Yes. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. You had the Vikings. You had the Vikings.
Yeah. I always wondered why they accredited him with it because it was common knowledge pretty much. You know, I don't know.
You know, he was also accredited with discovering the New World. No. No, it was discovered way before that. So, I mean.
Well, that and he landed in South America, not North America.
Did he? You know. Yeah. He landed in South America. Who landed on Plymouth Rock? Just Pilgrims did and he never did?
Yeah. Yeah. Why was he supposed to come around down south?
Okay. He was looking for India and that's why the Native Americans are called Indians is because he thought he was in India to trade his ales for, I don't know, products. I forgot.
You know, history was my strong point in school, but it's been so long I forgot. So, anyhow, go ahead.
Okay. Galileo was not only an astronomer.
Figaro!
He was also.
Sorry.
But he also an accomplished musician. He played the lute.
The lute.
Yeah. I'm guessing it's like a flute. I don't know.
Let's find out. Let's do the Google on the internets and see.
I did not look that one up.
Lute.
A pluck string instrument with a long neck bearing frets and a rounded body with a flat front that is shaped like a halved egg. Oh, okay. You see them on all the mid-eagle pick. Yeah. Okay. That is a lute. Okay.
Now we know.
Okay. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was fashionable in Renaissance points to shave them off.
Okay. I'm going to go to images of Mona Lisa, but I believe I...
That I have seen. I have seen that.
I do believe that that is very true. And, oh shit, why did it go back to lute?
Okay.
All right. I got two billion pictures of the lute. It is a cool looking instrument though.
There we go. Mona Lisa.
Oh, there's a bunch of pictures of people drawing eyebrows on her. It's funny.
So she does not have eyebrows.
No, I know, but they have pictures of her with eyebrows and she looks completely different. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Okay. Anyhow. All right. Now that we know that.
The Eiffel Tower was initially intended to be dismantled after 20 years. It was saved because it proved useful as a giant radio antenna.
Oh, wow. Okay.
I do not know that either.
Good thing they needed a radio tower there, otherwise no one would be going to Paris.
Right. Right.
Not for their attitude, that's for sure. Allegedly.
Yeah, allegedly.
Yeah. We love you Frenchies. We're sorry if we offended you.
Moving on. Moving on.
Okay. Okay.
Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined the offer.
He was too intelligent to do it. He knew.
Why do I want that piece of shit job?
No matter what you do, half the people hate you, just like over here.
And then people actively smear your name too. Anyhow, go ahead.
The shortest war in history was between Britain and Zanzibar on August 27, 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
Zanzibar is where Freddie Mercury was born. I forgot the name of the people from there. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. Just my mind.
Yeah, I knew that actually. I knew that.
Okay. The Titanic had a sister ship. The Britannic.
What about its brother, the Britannica?
It does not mention that one.
Oh, okay. All right. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Rob.
Which also sank. However, it was used as a hospital ship during World War I.
It sank too. I would not trust that manufacturer. I'm telling you that.
No, there was a big thing on the History Channel, and they think what went wrong. I think they pretty much proved it. They used two smaller rivets.
It couldn't take that type of pressure. Yeah. So I could see that rivets hold it all together.
So if those gave way, then you're going to have a series of popping and the boat coming apart.
And then that cold of waters, everyone's going to get hypothermia and die even if you do go get them. It's going to take too long.
So anyhow, wow. And that's probably why the other one sank, but not the Britannica. It became a dictionary, and it's alive.
Yeah. Yeah. It's alive and doing well. Yes. Yes, it is.
Well, the technology, it is kind of dying off.
Really? Yeah. There's no use for a dictionary. You know what? He's retired. He's retired. He is in Florida. He's in Fort Myers.
No, he's in Naples. He's in Naples, Florida on the beach right now sunning.
He's enjoying that 85 degrees shark infested water.
The sharks are madder than hell because the coral reefs are being bleached because of the hot and also is pissing them off.
So anyhow, sorry. Didn't mean to bum everybody out. Anyhow, go ahead, Bob. I'm sorry.
Okay. The next one. I knew this. The first computer bug was an actual bug.
In 1947, a moth was found causing issues in the Mark II computer at Harvard University.
Do you think that's where the name originated maybe?
Yeah. Yeah. That's where that's how they came up with the name computer bug.
Oh, okay. Because of this moth.
The way word moth caused that. Okay. Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Okay. The Berlin Wall fell by accident. A bureaucratic error led to an announcement that the border was open leading to a rush of people and the eventual fall of the wall.
Oh, wow. Didn't know that.
Yeah, they were just open in one section and the rush took a rest.
Wow. Interesting.
Neil Armstrong's famous quote, that's one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind was to include a before man.
So he was supposed to say that's one small step for a man.
Yes, and it was rehearsed.
But static obscured it.
Yep.
So that's what everybody heard.
Yeah. I mean, everybody there's a big hubbub about being rehearsed.
Well, think about it. You're on the moon. You're the first man on the moon ever.
You're freaking out. You're like, oh my God, I'm here.
Okay. You're not going to remember what you just did.
So I don't necessarily mind that it was rehearsed.
You see what I mean?
You know, you get up there and you really don't know what to say, you know, and people are like pissed off because it will.
That was such an iconic saying. And I think that he rehearsed it.
It doesn't matter. He said it and it went over well and it was direct and it was great.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
All right. And for the last one in this segment, I love this one.
Okay.
This was one of my first stories that I did on this podcast.
Okay.
The great Emu war in Australia was a real event.
In 1932, the Australian military waged a war against Emus that were destroying crops.
The Emus won.
So they destroyed all their crops, huh?
Well, what ended up happening was the military got called away.
So the Emus finished taking over.
So therefore the Emus won.
Okay.
All right.
I covered that in one of my first.
I remember that.
I do remember where it came from, but I remember the story.
So all right. Thank you, Rob.
All right. Let's take our way late second break and we'll come right back.
That sound good?
Sounds good.
All righty.
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Babies are named Shadow and Sunny.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
This is the story of Dr. Pepper.
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And I am Rob.
Rob, you remember that piece of garbage that worked at the Hereford House
who is now in jail and looking at a lot of prison time by rubbing his genitals on food
and pissing in it and doing God knows what else.
Well, there's more to this. They have new charges on him.
The whole thing has not all came out yet,
but the former employee who allegedly contaminated food at the Hereford House in Leewood
is facing dozens of new charges, including allegations of possessing child sex abuse materials,
according to court documents.
So this guy was a really, really fucked up individual.
Geez. I mean, we already knew this, but even more.
So an amended complaint filed late Tuesday afternoon,
the Johnson County District Attorney's Office has charged 21-year-old Jace Christian Hanson
of Kansas City with 22 counts of criminal threat for allegedly adulterating or contaminating food
and one count of criminal damage.
Hanson also faces two counts of sexual exploitation of a child for allegedly possessing child sexual abuse materials.
All the charges are felonies, according to the court documents.
Hanson's attorney, Dan Miller, said he was unable to comment about the new charges
because he has not received the police reports to compare them to the charges.
The amended charges give a new timeline for alleged contamination of food.
Prosecutors now allege that contamination took place between April 1st and 23rd.
Previously, prosecutors allege that the contamination occurred between March 26th and April 25th,
based on Hanson's statements to police.
Hereford House narrowed the timeline for the alleged tampering to 12 days,
roughly between April 6th and 23rd.
How would you like to be one of the people that got a lawsuit against him, right?
Maybe you went there and ate and you felt a little bit bad afterwards and you thought you were one of the people
and then all of a sudden they narrowed the timeline and you're not in it.
Wouldn't you be pissed?
Yeah, that's true.
You're like, man, I felt like shit for three days.
I know that was him, but really you just had a bug, but you thought it was him pissing in your food or whatever
or rubbing his nasty penis or whatever all over it.
Yeah, yeah, so...
Everybody knows the food ain't that bad.
No, Hereford House is actually really good.
I like their steaks, but I'll tell you where they're kind of like Jess and Jim's.
Their burgers are their unsung hero.
Their burgers are really good.
They're charred over charcoal like the steaks.
I mean, really, with both of those restaurants, you can't go wrong.
They're both just fantastic, been a part of Kansas City.
They're iconic.
So, anyhow, Hereford House, I do believe they will continue to exist.
I don't think this will kill them.
I think a lot of people are standing behind them from what I've heard.
They're saying, you know what?
They didn't know this was going on as soon as they found out it was going on.
They stopped it.
How can you know that someone comes in there and applies for a job is going to do something like that?
You know?
If you knew everybody that was bad was bad, you wouldn't hang out with some people.
You know? Nothing bad would happen.
That female wouldn't get in that car with that guy.
You know? All this stuff.
You know? So, you don't know this stuff.
And then, you know, especially the stuff he did and now this child exploitation, all that stuff.
You know?
I don't think it's generally in someone's mindset to think someone is doing that.
It is so screwed up and so, you know, just out of an ordinary person's line of thinking
that you don't think they're going to do something like this.
But I have heard a lot of people with a sentiment like, I'm going to go there now to show my support.
So, I suggest everybody in Kansas City, if you like steak or even burgers, go there.
Support them.
They weren't behind this. It was that piece of crap.
So, anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
What?
Oh, I said go ahead, Rob. It's your turn.
Oh, okay.
Well, I have an update on somebody we were speaking about.
Here, roll back. I said we were wondering what happened to him.
We thought he died.
Okay.
Well, I found out why we thought that.
Okay.
Okay. The king of four rounders, Butterbean.
Yeah.
Eric, Eric Ash has revealed that his health became so poor that he stopped going out.
Today, weighing 280 pounds with a goal to reach 250 within six months.
Good for him.
The 57 year old got up to more than 400 pounds in his fighting career.
And his health declined to the point that he needed a wheelchair to get around.
Then he became reclusive.
I was inducted into the Alabama Boxing Hall of Fame, and I was too embarrassed to go.
And I've been invited here in the past, and I was too embarrassed to come, he said.
I couldn't get around. I couldn't move.
When you can't move, you don't believe in yourself, and you've lost your self-esteem.
That was my down.
Now I'm going strong. I'm never looking back. I'm blessed.
Butterbean has become one of many high profile success stories who has used DDP yoga to transform their lives.
And he's even been back on the pads with Bricks Olympic bronze medalist, Anthony Ogogo.
Cool.
Butterbean blitzed many a foe, retiring with a record 77, 10, and 4 with 57 knockouts.
And speaking on the International Boxing Hall of Fame grounds, he spoke about being the last to fight heavyweight great Larry Holmes in 2002 when he lost a 10 rounder to the Easton Assassin.
Larry Holmes was such, he is so underrated, he always has been.
That guy they said he had a punch like a mule's kick.
That guy could hit you and it felt the same force.
He was a power now.
Yeah he was. He just didn't have that one opponent like Frazier and Ali.
You know, he didn't have that one powerful opponent that always came around and was always knocking on their door.
If he would have had that other to beat up on, he would have been much bigger.
But Larry Holmes was a very good fighter and he was one of the better fighters but he never is going to get the recognition he deserves.
So, anyhow, that's cool.
I mean, I'm glad Butterbean's doing good.
I mean, you know, if your operating weight is 400 pounds, you're not going to have a long life, right?
No, no you're not.
People are not built like that.
I mean, it's just, you know, if you have that much weight on you, you are not going to do well.
But while we're talking about weight, Rob, I've got one for you.
Kit Kat, you know the candy bar?
Yeah.
Alright.
They'll put a little weight on you if you eat too many of them, probably, allegedly, right?
Yeah, that's what they say.
Yeah, that's what they say, who knows.
Alright.
Kit Kat might soon catch up with fans.
That's right.
The viral trend from TikTok has Heinz introducing the new Kit Kat candy bar flavored ketchup named Kit Kat-chup.
Get it? Kit Kat-chup?
Yeah, I get it.
It's ketchup flavored and its name is Kit Kat-chup.
You know, I'm thinking this is a hard no.
What about you, Rob?
Yeah, I'm going to have to go with a no on this one, too.
Yeah, yeah.
No offense, Kit Kat, but this is a hard no.
This is definite. There is no wiggle room.
No, it's ketchup either.
Just not together.
Yeah.
While we're speaking of Heinz, only at Walmart is there two new Heinz ketchup blends.
Do you know that?
No, I do not know that.
But you can only get them at Walmart.
They are limited edition flavors, Harisha flavored aloe and black garlic flavored ranch.
Now, that black garlic flavored ranch sounds terrific.
Yes, that does.
The other one, I'm probably going to, from what it sounds like, I think I could do without it.
I may not hate it, but I won't run to the store to go grab it.
Now, the black garlic, I would run to the store and grab that.
So, Rob, we...
I think I'm going to have to look for that.
Yeah, me too. It's only at Walmart.
And it's for a limited time.
We have one of them here.
Okay, good.
Yeah, it's for a limited time, so I suggest you get there soon and look.
Alright, Rob.
Alright, I've got your nightly cleaning in front of me.
Okay.
American songwriter.
Oh, yes, Rob. Thank you. You've thought of me tonight.
Yes, I did.
And actually, I kind of like this one, too.
Six of the greatest female basses of all time.
Cool. I like this.
These are not rankings. These are just mentioning.
Okay.
Alright.
Carol Kay.
A list of the greatest female basses wouldn't be complete, dare we say, accurate without mentioning Carol Kay,
an accomplished member of the Wrecking Crew and prolific studio musician.
Kay's invariable grooves are tens of thousands of records of all genres, from Frank Sinatra to Sonny and Cher to the Monkeys to the Beach Boys.
Kay's ability to craft the perfect bass lines for a song she might have only heard for the first time that A made her one of the most sought after session bassists in Southern California.
I'm not extremely familiar. Well, I'm really not familiar with her at all, but okay.
No, I'm not either. I mean, I know the name Wrecking Crew. I just...
Yeah, I know that too, but I don't know really anything about her, so I'll go ahead and take their word for it.
Yeah. Tina Weymouth.
David Byrne might have been the face of the talking heads, but Tina Weymouth was the feel.
As a founding member of the New Wave band, Weymouth solidified the group's unique sound by incorporating elements of punk and funk into her rave.
Despite this, she often faced rapid sexism, both during her time in the band, from fellow bandmates to the decades that followed.
Although she's often pushed to the side in favor of Byrne's larger-than-life persona, Weymouth turned Byrne's eccentricity into something pop-sensical.
Okay. I mean...
The face-player of the talking heads. Yeah.
Yeah. I was not a huge talking heads fan.
So far, I've got a complete strikeout on all these girls, but I believe them. American songwriters always well thought of. They do a great job covering this, so I believe them.
Gail Ann Dorsey is responsible for the infectious rhythms on records and live performances of artists like David Bowie, Tears for Fears, Gwen Stefani, Annie DeFranco, Seal, Boy George, and more.
She's also a solo artist, having released three solo records from the late 1980s to the early 2000s. Bass player magazine awarded Dorsey with a Life Team Achievement Award in 2021, although she had been playing bass since she was a young teenager.
Dorsey originally attended the California Institute of the Arts for filmmaking before focusing on music after just a few semesters.
Cool.
Kim Deal of the Pixies, Breeders, and Amps fan is living proof that the best bassists are felt by her. Deal's consistency and minimalist approach to writing bass parts allow the rest of the band to flourish on a rock-solid foundation, while she often excludes herself from the category of real bass players.
Okay. Hey, here's one. Here's one we've heard of. Okay.
I'm sorry I have no enthusiasm because I know nothing about him. Go ahead. I know, I know. I thought this was going to be a more interesting one.
Actually, we kind of know the next two.
Okay. Okay.
Now, Suzy Quatro. We know Suzy Quatro. Uh huh. You remember her? Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Certainly wasn't the first notable female bassist. Carol Kay was doing session work when Quatro was still in elementary school.
Suzy Qu is one of the greatest onstage female bassists, getting her start in the 1960s garage bands, the Pleasure Seekers, and later, later, Cradle. The iconic bassist was one of the first women to become a forward-faced figure of the rock genre.
She also dove into her creative pursuits, posting a recurring role on Happy Days, among other television, theater, and radio gigs.
Okay, cool. All right.
And finally, this one we know of too.
When Prince says, this is Rhonda and she is funky, you know you've done something right as a bass player.
Such was the case for Nova Scotian-born bassist Robb Smith, which is Prince's bassist, who was Prince's touring and recording bassist for nearly a decade.
Robb Smith has also contributed her undeniable funky grooves to other soul and R&B artists like Chaka Khan, Beyonce, Erika Badu, and rock and roll greats like Jeff Beck.
He received a Juno Award, the Canadian Quo-One of a Grammy, for best contemporary jazz album for work with Jim Hillman and Merlin Factor.
Okay, cool.
Okay, yeah, that one was so exciting. I'm sorry.
No, that's okay though. I mean, if I would have known any of them, I would have been like jumping all over. It's stuff that I'm very interested in.
It's just the fact is, I didn't know any of them. So, I mean, I knew a couple of them, but I really didn't have anything into anyone that I heard.
You know, so.
Okay, well, I know what I'll do next time. Maybe we will further some of it.
Okay, okay, that's cool. No, it was fine, Rob. I enjoyed the segment. It's just I didn't know what to say because I couldn't say, oh yeah, I remember her on that one song because I didn't. So, anyhow.
Right, right.
Let's see, I'm trying to think of a little story here I can do that isn't going to take up too much time so we can get back to our evening stuff that we have to do. Me, I need to take a hydrocodone pill pretty bad. So, let's see.
Chips Ahoy is facing a boycott right now because they are using different chips and it's pissing everybody off.
The chocolate chips that they're using are not the same as they used to. And people think that they're a cheaper chip and they are mad and they're boycotting chips Ahoy.
And I think the chips Ahoy is just going to have to go back and get their old chips back because I don't think people are getting over it.
So, and that's pretty much all I got. You got anything, Rob?
That's about all I have for tonight, buddy. Yeah, I got to go take a hydrocodone and hopefully sleep and hopefully this fucking my gum being toward a hell and stitched up will feel a little bit better tomorrow.
So, anyhow.
I'm going to go take a walk with my dog.
Okay, Hi, Opal. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra Ra.
Hi Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
Love you guys. Thanks for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.