And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
KZ.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
At any given airport, at any given 60 seconds, you're actually breathing in at least three farts.
Your mama's so fat, Dracula, bitter neck, and got diabetes.
Now, from his underground bunker camped in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. That needs to happen.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man. You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically, in the morning, and then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming, stop, halt.
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob, from deep in my bunker.
That's right, in Camden in Missouri, with a stockpile of what? Canned goods, surplus, and vibrating toys, or something like that.
I can't remember what the fuck I...
There might be one or two around there, you never know.
I've got so many bits now, I'm trying to think of what's what. And then whenever I go to put one in...
No, you nailed it. You nailed it.
Okay, okay, cool. All right. Anyhow, I just got done having some mac and cheese with brisket. The brisket was apple and cherry smoked, and brined in orange juice.
Oh, it's so good. Have you ever brined a brisket, Rob?
Yeah.
Oh, it's so good. I mean, you just leave it in a big tub. You know, it's got to be a pretty good tub if it's a good size brisket like this was.
You leave it in there for about, I don't know, you got to have it cooled though, you know, you can't let it, you know, get too warm.
But you leave it in there, oh, I don't know, about 12 hours, and it soaks through the pores of the meat. And this is a prime brisket, so it already had great marbling.
And I'll tell you what, and then I just put it in some really good mac and cheese that we bought, and man, it was just frickin' fantastic. So, anyhow.
Is that what you needed the lighter fluid for?
Yes.
That you brought back from Arkansas?
Yeah, yeah, where that guy thought, well, the nutmeg, he did it to everybody, so I can't take it personal.
What a weird thing. I want to go back there just to see him again. I mean, it's a great place to stay and everything, but I just want to see that nutmeg again.
And I want to go to him and go, hey, did you take my charcoal fluid? And see what he does.
You need to, man.
I do. If I see him, if I stay back there again, which I think we will, we got something booked in late October to see the leaves, but we're staying at Flatiron Flats, our normal place, for a couple of days.
I think I'm going to book a day ahead of time at that place, just because it's a really good place. I want to sit out there in the fire pit and just enjoy nature and all that good stuff.
But, anyhow, I hope that guy walks by. I want to screw with him.
And then just, I don't know, say other stuff, like say something like, turpentine.
And then if he looks at you weird, look at him like you didn't say anything.
And then come up with another word, like, I don't know, sock puppet.
I want to see if I can make crazy crazier, I guess, right?
Hey, you're a pro, buddy. You're a pro.
Oh, I can do it. I can do it. The question is, is hopefully he doesn't have a weapon. So, anyhow, which coincidentally,
You are in Arkansas.
This is true. And it may not be a traditional weapon. It may not be a gun. It could be an axe. It could be an axe handle. It could be a rock bar. It could be about anything.
Pocket knife.
Pocket knife, you're right. For woodland, for woodland, right?
Anyone that doesn't know what woodland is, look it up.
And picking his teeth.
Oh yeah, yeah, and his nails.
Yeah.
You're right. You're right. And also any on-spot circumcisions that have to be done.
You know, he's got a knife there.
Yeah, pocket knife is a multi-tool.
Yeah, that's right. Yep, yep.
And I found out that those little rings that they take off of your penis when you're young, they're actually Funyuns.
Yeah.
Oh, I see that.
Yeah, you have them deep fry them and put some seize on them.
Those are little cock rings from circumcisions.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
I see it now. I see it now.
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Anyhow, we'll just go ahead and go over this program because I don't know where I just took it, but I apologize to everybody.
Okay. Anyhow, all of this is allegedly, so if you go to the Funyun people, the Frito-Lay people, and say, hey, two douchebags said that your Funyuns are made out of cock rings, then they'll come back and shut us down or something stupid.
So get us canceled.
I mean, out there picketing outside the Duck Blind Studio and the Talk is Cheap Studio.
I'd spray them with a hose. That'd be cool.
Wherever they walk in.
Yeah.
Alrighty. Okay.
It appears that a bat bit the Pretty Reckless singer Taylor Momsen on stage during a concert in Seville, Spain.
A bat actually bit her on stage.
Look at the footage.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
A person close to the band said that she will have to get a series of rabies shots for the next two weeks.
A phone call.
Yeah.
I think they're still very painful. I don't think they made very much progress in rabies shots.
You know what I mean? Like a lot of stuff they figured out how to, oh no, make it not be as abrasive or painful or whatever.
I think rabies shots still suck.
So a phone conversation was overheard quickly after the incident.
Someone that sounded just like Ozzy Osbourne said, no, you have to bite the bat. Not the other way around.
All right. Next.
Okay.
Ozzy bit the bat, bit the head off a bat in Iowa.
Yeah.
Well, Ozzy called her and said, no, you did it backwards.
Okay. Anyhow, hey, look, they're not all gems. Okay?
They cannot all be gems.
So, okay, anyhow, the bat really wished to bite the pretty reckless career, but it couldn't locate it.
Gone?
Too soon?
Uh-huh.
Too soon?
Okay. Well, you knew this sooner or later this would happen.
A divorce registry is now up and running and is in an in-thing.
This is like a thing, okay?
So, Rob, let me put it like this. I think you can get the gist of it, too.
I think I can see the logic because when you divorce, you generally pick items and property to divide between the two, right?
Yeah.
This would mean like one of you guys get the toaster, one of you get the blender, one of you get the coffee pot, the coffee maker, whatever, right?
So...
Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about that, yeah.
Okay. Well, I know a two, you know, I'm divorced also, but okay, anyhow...
Or three or four.
So, people end up needing some household utensils, whatever, like...
So, this is a way to help them out.
So, now they're doing divorce registries like one of these things I read on the internet.
Help the bitch took everything, whatever you can give, please.
Yes.
And then he was like registered with Walmart, Target, all these places.
There were some pretty clever ones, too.
Home Depot, O'Reilly...
Yep.
I thought that was... It's really actually a pretty good idea, really.
I mean, because, you know...
Why not?
Yeah, that guy doesn't have a toaster. He just gave all of his foreseen future checks to her.
And he's like, fuck, I still need a toaster and a coffee maker.
Well, that's when your friends come in.
And they see on your Facebook, oh, he's got a divorce registry.
Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Okay.
Well, let's find him a coffee maker, you know.
So, anyhow, I thought that was a pretty good idea, so...
It's another bachelor party.
Yeah, exactly.
Everybody brings gifts. Yeah.
Yeah.
And this is not toward you, Rob, because I didn't know until recently
that you were divorced several times.
Actually, when we started getting come back...
When we started doing the show together, that's when you told me.
So, you know, I have many friends who have divorce as a hobby.
One friend, we're thinking about an over-under on the Vegas line
over his property that he's going to own this year.
So, anyhow, yes. Yep, yep, yep. Ah.
Okay, next, Airhead Candy has just created an underwater vending machine.
It's a full-size swim-up vending machine.
So, this would be problematic because your dollars would be wet, right?
Yeah.
And how could you use Apple Pay underwater?
I mean, your phone would be dead, right?
Right.
Well, the people at Airhead's decided to receive some...
Airhead.
Yeah, Airhead. It's Airhead Candy.
Yep.
Yeah. So, anyhow, the people decided that you can receive some candy
from this newly developed machine, but you have to pay for it with fun.
Not kidding you. This is with fun.
Okay, I kind of see...
Okay.
I think my mic knows where this is going.
I think you do, too.
Well, apparently, you swim up to the machine underwater
and say, I would like a snack.
Then the machine will ask you to perform a stunt to get the treat.
Yeah.
Yes, the machine will have a set of cameras to record you doing the stunt.
As soon as the stunt is performed, it projectiles out of the candy hatch.
So, it has a candy hatch and it just kind of like shoots it out at you.
You grab your Airheads and you're on your way, I guess.
So, I'm thinking, you know, one candy...
I don't give an ounce of shit about it, and especially Airheads, right?
Yeah.
You know, I'm not going to be a part of this unless the fucking machine is spitting out gold watches.
Agreed?
Right, but I think the technology is kind of cool, honestly.
Yeah, it is really cool, but you know, here's the deal right here.
Okay, now, I think here's where the money is.
A live stream that you pay for monthly of these idiots performing these tricks.
I mean, to me, you know, for cheap candy, to me, that's cigar and single malt scotch time with my friends.
Don't you think?
You know, everybody's going to end up online anyway.
Oh, yeah.
You know, imagine it's like, yeah, you're going to be on YouTube or TikTok or whatever.
I just like put out on Insta and Facebook and stuff.
Hey, tonight in the Talk is Cheap Studio, live Airheads candy stunts.
Man, everybody, everyone would be over.
I mean, hell yeah.
It's like, hey, just, you know, bring some beer, M&Ms, whatever.
So, yeah, I mean, it's actually a pretty good gimmick and a lot of people are talking about it.
And I mean, who knows how long it'll last?
You know, someone will probably get hurt and hit their head or something.
Then it's going to be over with.
But I got to give Airheads a prop because, number one, no one really gives a flying shit about Airheads anymore.
Don't you agree?
Yeah, it's just not really.
It's not really even.
I really don't many kids even.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Nobody really gives a shit about them.
Yeah.
So, you know, I mean, it's a good way to get cheap publicity and they did it well.
So, Airheads, good job.
Look out like this.
Here before long, we'll have another list that you remember.
That's right.
And by the way, the ass paddling list is filling up quickly.
I think we're going to have to have another one here pretty soon.
The latest one I'll just go ahead and spill the beans on.
It's the Akron, Ohio shooter that shot 25 people and only killed one.
That guy's a horrible shot.
I'm not making fun of it.
Yeah, I'm just saying.
Yeah.
So, OK.
Anyhow, Sonic is selling its fries all month long for a dollar.
This was created for the Airheads new invention that will salute the number of brain cells in any participant.
The new potato features a crispy outside and fluffy inside, according to the chain.
But wait, there's more.
Dipping sauces.
Yes, dipping sauces.
Rob, I hear angels playing harps.
Don't you?
These dipping sauces.
Yes, I can hear it right now.
Honey barbecue.
It's signature sauce, which it doesn't tell you what it is.
And it's groovy sauce, which is a blend of ranch with herbs and sriracha.
Now you can hear it.
Now you can hear that.
Do you hear the angels now?
Yeah, I hear the angels and the trumpets.
Yes, trumpets.
It's great.
So, anyhow.
So, you know, scrape together Buck.
Go get it.
Salute all these idiots doing this, you know, all these people doing this stuff at the vending machines.
So you can have your Sonic Buck fries and you can watch.
And at that price, everybody in the room can get one, right?
You can spend like ten bucks and get ten orders of fries.
Yeah, you can all sit down and watch people go into a vending machine and doing stupid stunts all night long.
Doesn't that sound great?
That sounds like a fun night to me.
Yep, it sounds like a great night to me, too.
So, anyhow, moving right along.
A new sleep apnea drug is being introduced to the market.
This will also be known as the Replace Jimmy Kimmel to Fall Asleep Slumber Drug.
Because if you ever want to fall asleep, all you got to do is put on that god awful Jimmy Kimmel Tonight Show and you'll fall asleep.
So now that people have this...
I don't know.
I'm always asleep before he comes on.
Well, now that I work different hours than I ever did in my whole life.
Well, except when I was in restaurant work with you.
I get to scroll right past his show every night.
So, anyhow, this is going to affect Jimmy Kimmel's ratings because a lot of people just turn it on so they can fall asleep to his boring show.
Well, now they don't need to.
There's a sleep apnea drug.
They don't, you know, they don't have to wear the fighter pilot mask.
So, anyhow, I honestly, on a serious level, if that works, that is the most fantastic drug in the whole world.
Because I know plenty of people with sleep apnea and no one I know can wear those fighter pilot masks.
It's impossible.
Right.
You can't keep them on your face.
You tear them off at night.
I know a few people that do sleep with it.
Do you really?
Okay.
I guess there are some people that do.
Because they have to.
Well, a lot of people go ahead and have heart attacks because they rip them off every night.
Because I, you know what, before I got the dental dam, I was tearing my CPAP off every night and not remembering an inch of it.
So, and I talked to other people.
That would be me if I had to have one.
I talked to other people too and they all said, yeah, they said, I can't keep it on.
And it's not something that you can control because you don't even know you're doing it.
You wake up and it's gone.
It's like, what?
Exactly.
Yeah.
I do all kinds of crazy stuff in my sleep.
Oh, hell yeah.
Damn it.
You can't blame me.
No.
It was his sleep.
It's not your fault.
Yeah.
You can't blame me.
So, 85 to 90 percent of people are undiagnosed.
I think you offer someone a pill cure.
They just might get tested for once, right?
Instead of the people that don't really want to know.
If you offer them a pill, you know, hey, we got a pill that'll do it.
So, go get tested.
See if you have it.
Then they go, OK, I have it.
Give me the pills.
You know, anyhow, a dental dam I mentioned a little bit ago that I wear, it can be annoying too.
I can have it in for most of the night, but I'll wake up with a jaw ache and I'll spit it out.
I do remember that.
So, you know, let's see.
There is a Oreo blast, Oreo fudge brownie blast.
And this is at Dairy Queen.
So, anyhow, I'm about ready to rip out.
If I had my dental dam in, I would rip it out and go grab one of these.
So, anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
All right.
I got one quick little thing and a little update actually.
And then I got another little something I want to go into.
OK.
First off, do you remember me telling you about Freddie the Turtle?
Yes, but we think he's a snapper, but we're not for sure.
No, he was a snapper.
OK.
I guarantee he was a snapper.
OK.
Yeah, you remember how I tell you there was people across the street walking?
Uh-huh.
And there was a younger couple with a bumper and a bumper auto parts.
Yeah.
Auto parts and auto parts.
Yeah, I remember you stating that, yes.
Yeah, he's in my son's bedroom right now.
He's a friend of my son.
OK.
He looked at his girlfriend and he goes, hey, that's Robert's dad.
He said, man, that was cool watching you do that.
I'm telling you, you're on.
I asked him, did you get on video?
He goes, no.
I said, damn it.
Someone did.
You're on the internet somewhere.
No, I mean, he said it was cool, man.
He said you had everybody watching you.
That is cooler now.
I mean, you did what could be very dangerous or downright impossible.
I mean, these things are mean and they're very aggressive.
I mean, they and like I said, I'm not kidding you.
You can look it up online.
They can extend their neck out close to three feet, right around three feet, and they don't move their body.
So people get too close and they get their toes bit off or their hand bit off or whatever the snapper can get a hold of will get bitten off.
So anyhow, you were.
Yeah.
All I'm saying is I'm so glad I'm a lot sober these days.
What were you done if you were smashed?
Drunk ass would have picked him up and tried to carry him down.
Oh, that would have been bad.
Hey, hey, come on.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
All right.
Okay.
Did you know that Dennis Weaver was from Joplin, Missouri?
No, had no idea.
I did not know either till I read this article just a while ago and this came out today out of Joplin K.O.A.M.
Uh huh.
Today marks 100 years since the birth of actor Dennis Weaver, a famous Joplinite.
Uh huh.
He died in 2006 at the age of 81.
Well, he was that old?
He was an acclaimed.
Yeah.
Okay.
I didn't think he was.
Oh, anyhow, go ahead.
Weaver was an acclaimed actor of generations almost past.
A lead actor in a long running series Gunsmoke.
Mm hmm.
What?
It cut out.
He was killed off the show in 1964, but during his nine year run, he received an Emmy Award in 1959 for best supporting actor.
Cool.
He and his wife had three sons who all became involved in television and film in one form or another.
He has a grandson, Travis Weaver, an editor known for The Watcher in 2022.
Uh huh.
American Horror Story in 2011 and American Horror Stories in 2021.
Wow.
Yeah, the editor was his grandson.
Oh, I'm an M. Huh.
Okay.
But yeah, like I said, I thought I knew most of the famous people in Missouri.
Well, you.
I never knew Dennis Weaver.
I've been through Joplin plenty of times.
I've been in there.
I've been at that Cheddar's.
I've been to that Mexican place on what the hell, Beltline.
Is it Beltline Road?
Yeah.
Ridgeline.
Yeah, thank you.
I've been over that place and I never seen anything.
I lived down there for like a year and a half back in the early 90s.
Yeah, I actually like the town.
I like the town.
There's a lot to do.
It's a long time ago, but I seen this chick from Joplin and I was there every weekend.
And anyhow, I got to know that place pretty well.
And Ridgeline Road, I mean, is the heart of the city, wouldn't you say?
Yeah, yeah.
And anyhow, I didn't see one plaque or nothing that said anything about that.
You'd think there would be, right?
Maybe it's at the visitor center.
I lived down there for a year and a half and I never heard back about it.
Maybe it's at the visitor center.
And I was there in 95, 96.
Wow.
Okay.
All right.
Well, man, that's cool to know.
Thanks, Rob.
Let's take our first break and we're going to come back with more stuff.
That sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
We'll talk to you guys in a minute.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
This island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
I can't take my dog to the lake.
The ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for having a purebred dog.
Ha ha ha ha.
And now, the brand new feature, strange pencils.
It's a
strange pencil.
May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are doing all televised and radio games of the NFL this year.
Night is what we've been watching.
So free, that's why we call you The Origin Of.
Where did podcasts originate?
The term was first coined by Ben Hammersley, a writer for The Guardian in 2004, by combining
the words iPod and broadcasting.
In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, introduced the idea of subscribing to a podcast by building
the concept into the iTunes interface.
Who made the first podcast ever?
2004, Adam Curry and Dave Reiner are credited with the invention of podcasting.
Who exactly did what is up for dispute?
But in the end, these are the two guys who got it rolling.
The term podcasting was mentioned by Ben Hammersley in The Guardian newspaper article.
Hi all, this is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beard, bitch.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay, first off, I'm still writing this out, but my friend listened to the show about the
phones.
He says he has two more instances or incidents involving my phone being destroyed that he
remembers perfectly.
He remembers the one in Iowa and then I thought he said there's another one in like Denver
maybe.
And that sounds about right.
That sounds about right.
A lot of shit happened in Denver.
So including a huge snowstorm while we were there.
It was fucked.
But anyhow, he told me about a couple of them and I got to write them out and stuff, but
there's two more that I'd forgotten completely about.
And remember I said I thought there's one in Iowa.
Well, I forgot about the one in Denver.
So anyhow.
Rob, I hear angels and trumpets and harps again.
You know why?
Again.
Twice early in this show.
I know.
This is a very angelic show, I guess.
So Panda Express adds new hot orange chicken to its menu.
Now me?
Oh, I hear him already.
Yes.
I personally really like Panda Express.
It's nothing fancy.
It's not the most intricate food.
It just it's good and it's not that high priced.
And it's kind of like the Olive Garden.
Yeah.
It's like the Olive Garden of basic Chinese food.
And it works and it's good.
So this to me sounds great.
The new hot orange chicken is basically Panda Express's original orange chicken with an
added sweet heat of six scoops of crushed chilies and a ladle full of dried chilies.
The chilies used in the dish are the same ones used in the company's famed Kung Pao
chicken, which is very spicy.
Have you ever had their Kung Pao?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
Yeah.
It's good.
Yeah.
The dish is best described as sweet and tangy with a heat level that gradually builds.
So the new hot orange chicken comes with an added heat of six scoops of crushed chilies
and the dried chilies, like I said.
Panda has a new variant of its beloved chicken and it's on the menu for a limited time.
The fast food restaurant has revamped the most popular dish with a spicy new twist,
giving birth to the new viral hot orange chicken.
The company's latest offering will be available nationwide until June 23rd.
So if this sounds good to you like it does me, I suggest you go out and get it because
it's only going to be around for another 20 days.
So go get some.
Sounds good.
Rob, we turn to you.
All right.
Have you ever wondered, OK, you know how Popeye eats the spinach and gets all scrum and everything?
Why didn't Bluto do that?
That's a good question.
You think you'd look over there and go, OK, that little scrawny motherfucker opens up
that can of spinach and he fucking eats it and then he kicks my ass.
I think I would even catch on.
I'm going to kick his ass.
Yeah.
You'd be like, it's been a long time question.
Yeah.
You know what?
I would load up on spinach and I go out in the middle of the road and wait for him to
come up to me.
Yeah.
Be like, all right, bitch, come on.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Well, I came up with the answer.
Oh my God.
I can't wait to hear this because honestly, really, that's a valid question.
I did not come up with the answer.
Yeah.
OK.
Well, you found the answer, which is fine.
Yeah.
Let me change the wording on that.
OK.
Popeye cartoonist Randy Milholland has an official explanation which he offered up on
his personal ex, formerly Twitter account.
OK.
The first entrance of Popeye's powers appeared in the June 11th, 1929, Symbol Theatre comic
strip, the storyline of the time that Popeye pretending to whipple him.
The what?
The magical whipple.
Oh, OK.
W-H-I-F-F-L-E.
Uh-huh.
A magic bird that granted incredible luck to those who petted it.
For the sale of man, this mecha vessel has amazing strength and invulnerability.
Two years later, on June 26, 1931, he replied, I eat spinach when asked how he managed to
win a fight against multiple opponents.
Uh-huh.
However, Milholland believes this was meant to be a joke rather than a little truth.
Uh-huh.
Popeye in the comic strips does not pull out cans of spinach to eat when he's getting beaten
up and then powers up.
Like the cartoon notes Milholland, since it's part of his diet, he is pretty much always
super strong.
Still, the question remains as to why Bluedo doesn't partake in the iron-rich vessel.
Uh-huh.
Milholland theorizes that it is a combination of the Whipple Inch Magic and a spinach-rich
diet that grants Popeye some super strength.
Uh-huh.
If that is the case, eating spinach would never help Bluedo because he didn't also stroke
the feathers of the Whipple Inch.
Uh-huh.
Milholland also notes that the Whipple Inch is hard to catch even if Bluedo were to make
the attempt.
Even then, it seems unlikely that a bad guy like Bluedo would take a simply fat, a magical
animal.
Okay.
So, yeah, that's how his superpowers started.
Uh-huh.
And that new spinach, he caught this magical bird and fed it.
Okay.
Um, all right, I do remember that bird being in some comics.
Not very many, but some comics.
So that's it.
Okay.
So let me ask this.
Where the spinach ashloat spinach cans popped up is when it moved to TV.
Okay.
That's when they started popping it up.
Yeah, they had to do it differently.
I get it more, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I think that Bluedo needs to find that fucking bird and pet it, right?
I think he needs to find that bird and barbecue it.
Pet it, then barbecue it.
That's cool.
Thank you, Rob.
Made his life miserable.
Yeah.
Well, I know that's what I'm saying.
Why couldn't he do it?
Why couldn't he get some of that magic, right?
And go over there.
And then he's going to eat a can of spinach in front of Popeye, and Popeye's going to
laugh.
But then he's going to kick his ass because he didn't know.
Anyhow.
All right.
Have you ever heard of the Grandma McFlurry?
Oh, hang on.
Hi Grandma Opal.
Hi Jimmy.
Hi Ricky.
Hi Grandma.
Hi Jimmy.
Hi Ricky.
Dodge City, Kansas.
Rah rah.
Love you guys.
Okay.
The Grandma McFlurry has its own syrup and mix-ins.
This is really a new thing that's come out.
And it's not on menus, but it's like going around the internet saying, if you want a
Grandma McFlurry, you can get one.
So it has its own syrup and mix-ins like I said.
And like the other McDonald's McFlurries made with only one mix-in, the special edition
treat is blended with two tangy ingredients.
Grandma McFlurry syrup and Grandma McFlurry crumbles.
The result is a mustard colored soft serve speckled with crunchy crumbles.
So butterscotch crumbles are mixed throughout.
And you know what?
It's not a perfect flavor for a Grandma McFlurry butterscotch.
Yeah.
Yeah, because what do old people love?
I used to get butterscotch in Indies from my grandma all the time.
They love butterscotch.
It's kind of like a, it's a, it's a generational thing.
Nobody nowadays likes butterscotch, but they loved it back then.
You know?
And so anyhow.
And then butterscotch syrup is blended with soft serve to help out with this thing.
And then the McFlurry has different toppings that you can put in it if you want.
It gets two pumps of syrup.
And let's see, what are the toppings here?
Damn it.
I am unprepared as hell.
Because I had to dismantle the koi pond today.
Oh shit.
Yeah.
Yep.
I'm just getting rid of it.
I'm, anyhow.
So I didn't get to go through everything like I normally do.
And I've forgotten some of the stuff I downloaded.
So you know what?
I don't know what the toppings is.
You know what guys?
Fucking look it up.
Go ahead Rob.
Okay, I'm going to move to the music world.
Sounds good.
I'm going to turn this thing all the way around for you there buddy.
I got your back.
Thank you.
I was frozen with fear.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know which way to turn.
I didn't know what to say.
I couldn't even swallow.
Okay.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, moving on.
Okay.
Thank you, Rob.
Cindy Lauper is retiring from the road.
Time after time she is.
Sorry.
The girl just want to have fun singing songwriter and that's a farewell to her Monday morning.
Setting one last national job that will take her to the arenas in 23 cities in North America
this fall before she calls her a day as a touring artist.
She did not release any statement explaining her reasons for deciding to do a full world
tour now.
Although she is expected to talk about it later this week as she promotes a new documentary
about her career.
Let the Canaries Sing that premieres on Permount Plus Tuesday.
Cool.
Her tour will begin October 18th in Montreal and end on December 5th in Chicago's United
Center.
Okay.
I'm a huge Cindy Lauper fan.
I have been for a long time.
What about you?
Oh yeah.
Oh hey, she is hitting Mass at Square Garden one last time.
Good.
Good for her.
October 30th.
Day before all of me.
Always found her so refreshing.
She is a good singer, a really good singer, but she is so entertaining.
You know when she came out she had like Captain Lou Abano there on her first video.
We all just want to have fun and I mean she just took like some really cool elements and
put them together and it was just really, I thought it was brilliant, but then the next
thing you know you see the softer side of her with time after time and then you know
and then after that it was a mixture of you know some regular stuff and some sentimental
stuff and she just did it perfectly.
I just thought she was fantastic.
So anyhow go ahead.
I do too.
Oh no, that was it.
I want to go see her myself.
Yeah, I'd like to too honestly.
I never have so I really do want to.
I'd like to see her one time before she hangs it up.
I've always liked her personality.
Yes, you know what Rob?
She's bubbly and active.
Rob, you know what, that's the best way of putting it actually.
Thank you.
Her personality is excellent.
So yeah and like you said bubbly, upbeat, happy.
You know she doesn't sing a bunch of songs about how a guy did her wrong or nothing or
you know it you know she's saying fun stuff.
So and the whole time that I really respect it is when she was singing girls just want
to have fun not one did she refer to men as being not nice or doing her wrong or nothing.
She just went at it like girls are having fun so you know no big deal you know this
is what we do.
I really respected that you know it's just kind of like I don't have to say we have to
have fun because you guys are ruining it or nothing like that.
So you know I really enjoyed that.
So anyhow, alright there is Mexico's federal archaeology agency on Monday accused the conservative
govern city of Guadalajara of mistreating one of its country's famous mummified 19th
century bodies.
Uh oh.
I know, I know.
Those ones caught my eye.
I'm like hmm what the hell did they do to it?
So your mind races.
You know that Mexican joint on southwest boulevard I told you about El Pequeno.
Yeah yeah it's really close to the place I used to go.
Yeah.
Yeah they're from Guadalajara.
Okay okay alright well part of my family is from Guadalajara so.
Okay the National Institute of Anthropology and History, INAH, said that during recent
renovations at the museum where the mummified bodies are on permanent display the arm of
one of the mummies came off.
One might think the complaint is, oh go ahead what?
No no I just oh damn.
Yeah one might think the complaint is all about the dignified treatment of corpses
buried around the early 1800s and dug up starting with 1860s.
Well okay number one is there any dignity with digging up corpses and putting them on
display first?
Not in my world.
Not in my world either.
I think that's hideous to do that.
Leave them alone.
I mean you know I guarantee you if they was on this earth they'd be like hey get the get
the hell out of here man.
That's my body there quit fucking with it.
Don't put me on display where everyone come in or someone can like tear my arm off.
But anyhow.
But in fact the mummies have been on a somewhat grisly display in glass cases in a museum
in Guadalajara.
The capital of the state of the same name and touted around to tourism fairs for decades.
Some were exhibited in the United States in 2005.
So anyhow in response to this this was just came in in response to this Rob.
The White House is just outlawed grabbing the president by the arm.
Alright.
Let's take our second break and come back and recover from that horrible pun.
How's that sound?
That sounds like a very good idea.
Listen Rob they're not all gems right.
They're not all gold.
Hey hey.
You tell them that all the time.
That's right.
Unfortunately I do.
Anyhow we'll be right back.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Does a straw have one hole or does it have two?
I may never know.
Two dish bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you.
The world problems.
Dammit the city services website is down again.
I can't believe this.
I'm gonna have to actually call and talk to someone to pay my damn trash bill.
This is ridiculous.
Hey there fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
The very last meal on the Titanic before it went down was lamb with mint sauce.
Next up things overheard in hell.
Man Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes more books.
Introducing Rob Rad's new book.
How to track your enemy by scent.
That's right smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton,
Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book.
How to clean raw sewage for food.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Can you take me to the hospital?
I just broke my leg falling for you.
Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob you got something you want to go into.
Yes I do.
Actually I think we are setting a record tonight.
Oh yeah?
Do you want to hear trumpets and angels again?
Yes I do.
I have you an American songwriter my friend.
Thank you Rob.
Like I said you prove you love me with every one of these.
And actually I kind of like this one.
I do.
I like all of them.
So you like this one a little bit better right?
Yeah.
Yeah I mean it's got some detail and honestly it's shocking to me.
It is very shocking to me.
Okay.
Okay this is four of the most covered rock songs of all time.
Okay this is going to be interesting.
Yeah it is.
Wait till you hear this.
Okay first up which would be number four.
Okay.
On this list.
Your Song by Elton John.
That is?
This hit from 1970 was Elton John's first global top ten single.
It's one of the most iconic releases of his career.
This song has been officially covered 363 times and counting.
Artists like Rod Stewart, Ellie Goulding and even Ellen McGregor for the film Mulan Rouge
have covered it.
Okay.
Okay all right.
363 times.
That's all I'm going to say this is where that list gets shocking.
Wow okay that's.
They keep going up from there.
Really okay.
Okay next.
Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers.
That's a surprising one too.
Bill Withers classic from 1971 has been officially covered 376 times.
Wow okay.
It's been covered by Michael Jackson, Paul McCartney, Temptations and more.
And Zach Wild did.
Zach Wild did?
Okay cool.
Well it may have been with Black Label Society.
Okay.
Yeah no I think it was with Black Label Society.
He did it.
I'm not so much on a Black Label Society as I am Zach Wild himself.
So anyhow I could believe that.
So okay and next up Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms.
Yeah I can believe that one can't you?
It's been covered 447 times.
Believe it.
Yeah it is too.
Totally believe it.
And finally Let It Be by The Beatles.
Okay that one is odd because I don't think I know one cover and that's one of my favorite
songs ever.
Can you remember any?
I can't remember any but let me do a little reading here.
Okay.
It's been covered 577 times.
You know I was going to Google look it up but 577 times.
No thank you.
I'm just going to go ahead and just go with everybody did it.
It's been covered by Aretha Franklin.
Okay.
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.
Okay.
Joe Cocker.
Joe Cocker did?
John Denver and more.
I don't think I've heard one of those.
I have not.
I thought that was it.
Wow that's.
Yeah 577 times.
And it's not just the fact that I haven't heard any of them.
It's the fact that there's 500 and some and I'm unaware of any of them kind of bothers
me.
What about you?
Yeah it's like wow okay.
You know I think I'm going to search some of these like Joe Cocker doing it.
I'm going to search that out and see how good it is.
Yeah yeah because I think that's kind of what I want to hear that one.
I think that may be pretty good.
We'll see.
So wow.
I am a Joe Cocker fan.
Me too.
I like his style.
He's just got his own tempo rhythm.
He's got a flare without a flare.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Like him a lot.
So okay cool.
He's more like Animal the Muppets.
Yes that's a good way to put it.
Which I love.
Animal the Muppets is what I love.
Oh yeah.
Yep yep.
If you don't love Animal the Muppets you're brain dead.
So alrighty.
A Thai town run rugged by its ever growing population of marauding wild monkeys launched
an offensive against the Simeon Raiders on Friday using trickery and ripe tropical fruit.
Have you seen some of these videos Rob?
No I have not.
These monkeys are jumping up and biting people.
They're grabbing women's purses and throwing them all over the place.
They're grabbing kids and hitting them in the head.
Here's the story and I don't know if it's true or not.
They said that the monkeys have been doing this ever since COVID.
I'm not kidding you.
Look it up.
This is what a lot of people are saying.
They're saying that these monkeys started doing this after COVID hit and they've been
like really aggressive ever since.
And these monkeys also form gangs like people do right?
And the gangs will fight each other.
Yeah I know that.
The gangs will fight each other and also go in and steal everything food wise out of people's
kitchens out of restaurants and everything.
And they're having a hell of a time when they can't really stop them.
These monkeys are quick.
They're clever and they get in and get out and also they're extremely aggressive.
And you have a monkey, these types of monkeys here are really strong so they're really hard
to get off of you.
And also they bite and they have big teeth.
So anyhow, so they, several high profile cases of monkey human conflict recently convinced
authorities in Labari, Central Thailand that they had to reduce the animals numbers.
If all goes well, most will end up behind bars before starting a new life elsewhere.
The first stage of the plan instituted Friday is to bake cages with the animals favorite
food then wait for hunger to get the better of the natural caution that they usually exude.
There was early success for the catchers on one street with three of these Macaw monkeys
following the ruse and ending up trapped because they had a fancy the taste of rambutan fruit.
The cage had been placed on the street earlier in the week so the monkeys got used to them
and found them less threatening.
There are thought to be around 2,500 monkeys running around the town.
The capture of the unlikely trio of around 30 others trapped under other parts of the
town.
So the effort will go on for five days this month, then it's likely to be repeated.
Some of the monkeys will be left free to maintain Labari's image as Thailand's monkey town,
but no one is expecting it to be easy.
With the monkeys intelligence, if some of them go into the cage and are caught, the
others outside won't center the cage or get the food because they've already learned of
what's happened to their friends.
So anyhow, monkeys are smart.
So a couple of monkeys get caught, they send word to even the monkeys that were not there
when they got caught, they send word to all the other monkeys and all the other monkeys
somewhere else are like, oh okay that thing right there, that's what they're catching
us with and they won't go near it.
So to catch all these monkeys they have to outsmart them and evidently that's kind of
hard to do.
So anyhow, go ahead Rob.
Okay, let me jump in, I was checking another store out, let me jump into another store.
Okay that's cool.
Let's see here.
Let me just hit this one.
Let's go for a four, let's do another song.
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
Okay, four of the best rock one hit wonder bands from the 80s.
Oh cool.
First, Kicks, these glam metal one hit wonders from the 1980s rose to fame with their 1988
hit Don't Close Your Eyes.
The band started with Humble Beginnings in Maryland before the song launched and into
the spotlight.
The single album, Blow My Fuse, resonated with the audience after three previous albums
failed to find footing.
I kind of disagree with Kicks being a one hit wonder.
Blow My Fuse had four-
Yeah, I kind of do too.
Yeah, they did very well for a few years and Blow My Fuse just happened to be their biggest
selling album.
Don't Close Your Eyes was a ballad during a very ballad heavy time.
Right.
That Blow My Fuse was a big one.
Good Lovin' is All You Need is another one.
Let's see, they had four or five hit songs.
They may not have been number one, but they were in the top 20.
And so I understand what they're saying, but I really kind of disagree with it like you.
So anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, next.
Do you remember the band After the Fire?
Vaguely.
Star Commissar.
You remember that band?
Yes.
Uh oh, the Commissar is in town.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Was technically a cover of a German song by Falco.
Yeah, the Rock Me Amadeus guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Actually, I knew that.
Go ahead.
It wasn't until After the Fire released the song in English that it found international
fame and the band along with it.
UK based rock band went on to open for the wife of Van Halen in 1982.
No kidding.
Yeah.
What does this say?
Hey, this is on your group, dude.
Cool.
They're not going to lie to us.
No, no, no.
I have no problem with what they're saying and I believe them.
I'm just like, wow.
Anyhow, go ahead.
And Star Commissar hit number five on the Billboard Hot 100.
Unfortunately, the group struggled with personal drama and they disbanded in 1983.
OK.
OK, the next midnight oil.
OK.
Beds are burning.
Kicked off this Australian rock band's international career in 1987.
They were super popular in their home country, but it wasn't until Diesel and Dust came out
that they got some global attention.
Beds are burning is a politically loaded track that criticized the Australian government
and a lot of people resonate with that.
It was their only OP 17 song in the US and they haven't reached that level of international
fame since.
OK.
Yeah.
That was a big hit.
And you really didn't hear anything from them after that.
So I think they nailed it.
Yeah, I agree.
It does also state that they're still considered legends in Australia.
Wow.
OK.
I guess it's only song got leaked to the United States.
I guess so.
OK.
And next up, we can see this one coming to everyone in their mother knows the song.
Come on, Eileen.
Yep.
It just takes one listen for it to get stuck in your head.
However, a few might remember the band, Dixie's Midnight Runners, or at the very least, their
pop rock outfit from the UK peaked internationally with Come on, Eileen and it was their only
US hit.
They're still occasionally performing today in their home country.
OK.
All right.
There you go.
Pretty cool.
Thank you, Rob.
That was like all the rest of them.
Very good.
Thank you.
Yep.
Going back to hearing Harps, Trumpets and Angels.
We're going for five and one night.
And you will agree with this, Rob?
Yes.
Five of them.
This is such an angelic show that I feel heavenly right now.
Do you?
I'm going to have to post this on Facebook.
Absolutely.
OK.
Jack, in the box, has a new Munchies menu, everything under $4.
Can you hear the angels and the trumpets now?
Yes, I do.
You're right.
It's five tonight.
It's five of them.
Jack in the Box is joining fellow fast food joints and offering its fans more deals.
Its newest addition to the menu features a variety of options, all for under $4.
Choose from items like the 100% Beef Junior Jumbo Jack, which is a fine sandwich, five
piece bite sized tiny tacos with a side of creamy avocado lime sauce.
Five.
Five of them.
Four piece chicken nuggets or three piece French toast sticks.
All of those you can't beat.
You can't beat that with a mallet or a hammer.
So other deals include chili dogs.
Oh, chili dogs.
Oh, shit.
I just ate mac and cheese and brisket.
And you said chili dogs.
And suddenly, even though I'm full and can't hardly move, suddenly I'm hungry again.
Chili dogs are awesome.
Hey, it's podcast night.
It was a quick, easy night.
And Shannon came over for dinner too.
So yeah, we just sat there and sat.
Like there's anything wrong with chili dogs.
I went to a party one time.
They had a...
I'm still working on this car.
I went to a party one time that had a chili dog buffet with all the fixings and chili
dogs.
It was fantastic, dude.
Getting hammered and eating chili dogs all night.
Now the next day, the car smelled a little bit bad going home, but I mean that night
it was great.
That's when we peppered a couple of friends of ours with that they were really trashed
and we put live rat traps all over their bed.
Why my friend had so many rat traps around that place?
It was clean.
I didn't see any rats.
I don't know.
But it was funny because his roommate, I'll go to bed and we all like looked at each other.
Okay.
Is he going to make it to his room?
Also snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.
Fuck.
Yeah.
He made it to his bed.
So yeah, there was also a brand new sourdough grilled cheese stuffed with American and Swiss
style cheeses.
The elevated spin on the childhood favorite is guaranteed to bring some serious nostalgic
vibes.
You also have options if you're a fry fan and who isn't choose from value curly fries
or the classic value French fries and wash it all down with a value drink.
So and also in addition, you can get the bacon cheeseburger and or two crunchy tacos for
a slight additional charge or you can take them separate.
So you get a cheeseburger with ketchup and mayo or you can get it plain or you can get
with anything that you want, including their favorite, their their own barbecue sauce,
which I remember was pretty good.
Wasn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
So there you go.
I still hear trumpets and angels.
Wow.
Yes, I do.
Yep.
Anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
Okay.
I like the enthusiasm.
I was debating on whether to go in this or not, but what the hell?
Okay.
You know how my hometown is built in Missouri, right?
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
Know it well.
Do you know what this weekend, this last weekend was?
No.
Kerry Nation days.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a big celebration they have downtown.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
So, you know, when I lived there, we call it fight continual days.
Wow.
I think I remember that.
I'm going to get my hometown shipped right now.
That's when they it was at Belton Park.
And then they moved it to down.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, anyhow, go ahead.
Well, it's their yearly carnival, whatever.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Well, they changed the name of it to Kerry Nation days, which you can look.
Feel free to look it up, everybody.
Kerry Nation was a woman back during even before prohibition.
We would go around to businesses that served alcohol with a hatchet and kill people.
Now my hometown and that I read I read this on Newsbreak, but for some reason I could
not save it.
I wanted to save it.
So I had no idea.
I'm just going to add Libra.
I had no idea that they changed by Centennial Days to Kerry Nation.
I knew there was Kerry Nation days and their downtown, but I had no reason.
I didn't know that they moved that one from the Belton Park, which is by Centennial Days
to downtown to be Kerry Nation days.
I heard a Kerry Nation days, but I thought there were two separate things.
So I guess not.
Well, maybe they are.
Maybe they are.
But still, I know.
Yeah, they're they're saluting us.
Here was part of the lineup for Kerry Nation days.
They had a beer garden and axe throwing.
Oh, OK.
Now number one, that's what Kerry Nation was about.
Welcome to Belton.
Kerry Nation killed people because they had alcohol.
So they're serving alcohol and they're throwing axes.
Yeah.
Oh, she killed them with hatchets.
That's fucking awesome.
And not only that, but let's.
Seriously, I do.
Let's not forget that you have drunk people with hatchets and they're throwing them.
From Belton.
Yeah.
I have a problem.
Uh huh.
Oh, oh my God.
Yeah, I know a lot of them, too.
Oh, I'm glad I was nowhere near there.
I can say that.
I'm glad I'm two hours away now.
Yep.
All right, man, you got anything?
None of them could throw a hatchet this far.
Not even with that Belton Knight strength.
So wow.
Yeah, yeah, we'll leave that one right there.
I didn't say any more.
I just went ahead and left that one floating in there.
So Eddie out.
All right, let's go.
You want to wrap this bitch up, Rob?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I've got some stuff I got to get to.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So anyhow, thank you everybody for listening.
Thank you for listening, assholes.
Good night.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.