And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We Talk.
Is a...
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beard, bitch.
They used to call it Jump-O-Leave until your mama got on it.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from a Loser.
There's something wrong with my phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
The very last mail on the Titanic before it went down was lamb with mint sauce.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. This is Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, I understand you've been listening to our new friends. Let's get to the bottom of that podcast.
Yes.
I've listened to some episodes too. They're very, I love them. Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, I just want to say I personally enjoy them. If you are into, they go to where we do not.
We, Rob and I decided, oh go ahead.
Rob and I decided a long time ago, like Topher and I decided, we do not want to be politicking and all that stuff.
We'll jump into a little bit of conspiracy theories because we always think that's cool.
But we just want to be dick jokes. We want to make people happy and throw out stupid shit.
These guys do the real stuff. They go there and they dig deep and they're very good at what they do.
I love that Harp episode that they just done. I thought it was their feature episode but I got to looking at it and it isn't their feature episode.
It's the first one that they had there that I went and saw. But anyhow, it was really good.
I listened to a couple of other ones. The one on Sasquatch, have you heard that one yet?
Okay, what I did was I went to the very beginning and I'm going episode one, episode two, I'm on episode six.
Okay, I'm not sure what episodes they were because I...
I started with their very first podcast.
Okay, I was just going by the description.
Like the Illuminati and stuff like that. It's stuff that really caught my eye when I was looking at it and listening to.
But I think I'm going to do like you did and I'm just going to start from the first and work my way all the way up.
I think that's the best way to do it. So anyhow, they're really good.
That way you can listen to them progress.
Yes, you're right.
Just like you can go back and listen to us progress.
Yeah, or digress. No, no.
Yeah, I'll digress.
Yeah, either one. So anyhow, that's right guys. Dick jokes here, conspiracy there.
Okay, you go there and get your real information there and you get your stupid shit here.
What a better deal. Right?
That's right. All right. Well, let's start this bitch off here.
Let me put a little fucking let me put a little oil and gas mixture in this bitch and fucking light it up.
Okay.
All right. All right.
Okay, we're ready to go. All right.
Rob, here is something that's going around the Internet and I think there's a lot of truth to it.
Is there actually a three month dating curse?
That's been going all around. Tick tock. You better be telling me now.
No, I don't think you and Shannon will qualify that because you both have been around the block a little bit.
Right.
Suffice. Okay. Well, all right. Well, this has nothing to do with your relationship, Rob.
Okay. Don't get it in. Don't put that in there. Okay.
I just got this because I'm laughing.
Okay. I got this because it's the number of hits and the interest that it received is out of the roof.
So I felt we should probably talk about it a little bit because it is pretty valid.
I've been through a lot of these situations and it always happens about three months in.
So is there actually a three month dating curse?
Tick tock creators say that three month rule often starts the beginning of the end of their relationship.
So they went into possible reasons why. This is psychologists.
This is people that have been around the dating circuit for a long time.
And these are just people that just chimed in.
They threw them all in a box, shook them up.
And this is what they came up with on Tick tock and other entities. Okay.
So I can't see this already. Me too.
We've all been there. Okay.
Here are possible reasons why.
And like I said, they took and just shook this up, put a little bit of everything in it.
And this is what they say at the end of the day.
They say three months is around the time infatuation wears off and the person loses interest.
That's probably pretty true, right?
Yeah. That's about when the newlywed stage starts to wear out.
Yeah. And that's when stuff starts...
The newlywed stage.
Yes. Yeah. That's when you're all buzzing and everything.
And then you kind of get used to it. And then it's kind of like, okay.
Yeah. You start feeling comfortable with each other.
Exactly. And that's one of the things.
There you go.
That's one of the things. That's a good way to put it, Rob.
You start feeling comfortable with someone.
And therefore, it goes into this, Rob.
Three months is also a time you begin to see the other's true colors.
So that went right into that, right? You start getting comfortable.
Yeah. I kept my mouth shut. I stated that's where that was going. Yeah.
Yeah. It is. I mean, for instance, let's say like, I don't know.
At first, you like you hold your gas in and you go, I got to go outside for a minute, get something from the car.
And you just lay one out there you like because you're not going to fart all over her.
After three months, you might start farting on her, right? You might feel comfortable to do it.
And maybe that's...
About four or five months, you'd be sitting on her shit or, hey, man, you smell toilet paper.
Bring my smokes, you bitch. Yeah, true.
I need toilet paper.
Give me some shit paper.
Give me some shit paper, my pal Mills, you son of a bitch.
OK, so this is true. All of this, I am complete agreement with.
Also, it could be the time you needed to figure out if your values and morals matched theirs and personally align, which is so true.
OK, like let's say like the person that you're dating is stealing cable and you don't think that stealing is right under any circumstance.
Right. So all of a sudden you're like, well, I don't know.
That just bothers me that they're stealing something and it's not and they don't even they don't even blink their eye.
You see, I could see something like that happening.
I wouldn't say that I would have a problem with it or care, but there's people that are like that.
And, you know, at first they're like, well, hey, man, what kind of cable do you got?
I'm thinking about getting in my house.
Now I got the free stuff. What do you mean the free stuff? Oh, hell, I rip it off.
Then suddenly that little seed gets in you like, hmm, if she's willing to cheat on that, is she willing to cheat on other things?
Right. Yes. Yeah.
Or could it be this is me adding to it?
Or could it be the time you need to evaluate her hot friends and chances of possibly possibly nailing them?
Oh, shit. Did I just break a guy code?
Probably not, Rob. Believe me, they already know this shit.
That was borderline.
No, no, no. Here's why I did not break it.
This is why I did not break a guy code.
They already know this.
Yeah, they already know it anyway.
You can still we hold in it to code.
Okay.
Any girl you've ever went out with in a certain amount of time, let's say six months, okay,
they know every one of her friends that you think are hot.
They can tell you act different towards them. You look different at them. All this stuff.
So in one of the biggest things I'd ever heard from a woman, this chick that I used to date,
she said one of the things that they find out that the guy is attracted to one of her friends is they don't like them two going out like his girlfriend.
And then the hot chick going out. That's how she figured it out.
She said if you're not attracted to that chick, you don't care if you go out with them,
but they don't want you going out doing stuff with a hot friend.
You see what I mean?
Because they know guys are going to be following them around.
I heard that from a couple of women.
They're like, I know every guy, you know, every guy of every day that I know who he thought was hot of my friends
because they always had an issue with me going out with them specifically.
So I thought that was interesting.
So anyhow, like I said, I didn't break guide code at all because they already know this shit. Agreed?
Exactly.
Like I said, it's more rhyme, we'll give you a pass on this.
Thank you. Besides that, look, I had to lighten it up a little bit, right?
Okay. All right. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to get everybody on the after the seat.
Exactly. Right.
Okay. American Airlines released a statement last week that Betty Nash, the longest serving flight attendant and loved person, had passed away.
Oh, I know. She was 88.
I can still faintly hear her up and up and down the aisle saying coffee, tea, burial plot.
Too soon.
Peanuts.
Belvita.
I guess it wasn't too soon. Thank you, Rob.
All right. So I saw a really good...
88A.
God bless her. She had a great time on this work.
She had a great time.
From what I understand from the article, of course, this is a first third, so I don't go too much into anything.
Okay. From what I understand, she was still working up until a week until she died.
I think she felt under the weather.
And then when they found her probably passed away in her pillow or something, that's the way it sounds.
It sounds to me like she worked all the way up and felt great and loved it.
And like I said, she was a beloved person.
So being on the Airlines 88...
Honestly, that is awesome.
It is. It is. So, you know, God bless you.
That's the way I want to be.
Me too. God bless you, Betty Nash.
Yeah, I got that.
Sorry about the burial plot joke.
Not really.
Okay. So I saw...
So I saw a really good quote that has been put on 24 packs of my favorite brew, Yenling.
Here's what it says, Rob.
I was lit down there at Eureka Springs drinking these.
And I look over there and I'm reaching in for another one.
And I see this and I'm like, oh my God, this is so profound.
Because here I am smashed reading this.
It says, please recycle.
Save our planet. It's the only planet with beer.
I almost cried.
I got a... I got a warm feeling and a tear.
I was getting misty.
I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe it.
Yenling.
The more I hear about that company, the more I love them.
Oh, me too. Me too.
They are fantastic and their products are excellent.
I'm glad we finally got them.
Geez, I got tired of having to chase them down in other states.
Yeah.
All right.
Marathon Texas had a big surprise by Mother Nature.
It had severe weather sweep through its town with a 50 degree temperature swing.
But wait, there is more.
There is more.
Yeah.
Seems as though two feet of hail.
Hail.
Ice.
Two feet of it fell during the course of this severe storm.
Holy shit.
Two feet.
Marathon Texas.
You can look this up.
You can see this.
It's crazy.
We had two feet of snow down here a few years ago.
Two feet of hail.
Oh, wow.
This is all ice.
It's not snow.
It's not light.
It's like heavy.
Yeah.
And so I'll go into the rest of it.
Okay.
So two feet of hail fell.
You know, a spokesperson for Marathon said it looked like a snow storm because there
was ice covering everything.
It lowered the temperature significantly and being combined with a cold front made the
temperature even lower.
The city of Marathon had to...
Yeah.
Because snowpack during the winter, anything that has snowpack is about 10 degrees lower
than any place that doesn't have snowpack.
Because it's an icebox effect.
The city of Marathon had to deploy...
Do what?
I was just going to say, it'd be like putting an icepack in a tube.
Yeah.
Everything inside is going to get cold.
That's a great analogy, Ron.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what happened here.
The city of Marathon had to deploy snow plows from the closest cities that had the equipment
to use.
Yeah.
The plow operators were overheard saying, man, even in hail, the guy in front of you
drives two mile an hour and the guy behind you drives 80.
Yeah.
Just like snow.
So, anyhow, public health officials say Mexican cartels and US street gangs are now mixing
in another potent sedative called metatomine.
It's being mixed with fentanyl and other drugs on the street.
The combination triggered a new wave of overdoses that began in late April.
Philadelphia reported 160 overdoses in a two day period.
Michael Jackson was reported overheard in the Great Beyond saying, give me some of that
combination now.
Next.
That's what we do here at 2G bags and a microphone.
We inform you of what's going on.
That's right.
Be aware of that drug.
Be aware of the drug.
Yes.
Methadiene or whatever the fuck it is.
Just make sure you don't get it, okay?
So you taste it.
Forget the Michael Jackson.
Yeah.
You taste your cocaine and you look it through, okay?
If there's any odd colors, any?
Yeah.
You taste it.
If there's any odd colors, any?
Yeah.
You say, no, I'm not taking it.
So there you go.
All right.
Or better yet.
You're a pro.
Come on.
You can do this.
You get somebody you don't like that likes drugs and you have them try it first.
Problem solved.
Yeah.
If said dude drops dead, you don't touch it.
If he's over there smashed out of his skull, fucking flying around laughing, there you
go.
It's your stuff.
And we will not tell you how we know this.
No.
Word on the street.
Rumor has it.
Word on the street.
Yep.
That's it.
New York City.
Rat hating mayor has once again been ticketed for a rat infestation at his Brooklyn property.
But wait, there's more.
This guy again.
Yeah.
Eric Adams, that dipshit.
Yeah.
Mayor Eric Adams latest ticket was issued by a city health inspector May 16th in a row
of houses he owns in the Belford neighborhood.
The inspector observed fresh rat droppings in a rat burrow at the front left base of
the staircase of the property.
The ticket first reported by the daily news was Adams fifth rodent violation since he
became mayor in 2022.
And if you remember, he was the guy that was trying to clean up New York of his rat problems.
Yeah.
How the fuck can he do that when he can't even do it his own property?
So okay.
Hey, we've talked about this.
This ain't the first time we've talked about this two or three times already.
He's been in trouble for this.
This fucktard has been in the news.
Yeah, you know what that means.
He gets an ass pad lane.
There you go.
Thank you, Rob.
Okay.
All right.
Hang on.
I got to write that down.
Anymore.
I'll write them all down.
That way I don't forget them.
Eric Adams ass paddling.
Okay.
All right.
My problem is I forget where I write it.
Me too.
We have like three of them somewhere.
All right.
Yeah, I have a wrote down.
Okay.
Eric Adams ass paddling.
Okay.
Next, Manhattan Ridge is a phenomenon that happens twice per year.
This is when the setting sun aligns with the Manhattan street grid and sinks below the
horizon framed in a canyon of skyscrapers.
It's cool.
Have you ever seen the famous picture of the sun setting in the middle of the skyscrapers?
I think it's overlooking Battery Park.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's really cool and like a lot of artists go there and draw it.
The photographers go there and take pictures of it, try to do different angles.
That phenomenon is called Manhattan Hedge.
Meanwhile, New York Mayor Eric Adams is firmly planted in Rat Henge.
This is a phenomenon known as a slim lord that acts like a kind, gentle liberal.
Allegedly.
Anything else, Rob?
We're just going to let that float off, right?
I have to, brother.
I have to.
All right, brother.
We don't go.
I'm not stealing your show at this point.
You're on a roll tonight.
Yes, I am.
Oh, I had fun writing this shit out.
Let me tell you.
Oh, okay.
Anyhow, Coca-Cola is debuting and finally, this is the last one here and then we'll get
to Rob's stuff.
Okay.
Coca-Cola is debuting a new product.
The new flavor of the iconic drink is Coca-Cola Wazooa, zero sugar.
This is a limited edition flavor.
The African fruit flavored drink is said to provide refreshing Coca-Cola taste without
all that annoying booger sugar.
After all, it was Coca-Cola.
A fourth.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's a couple more.
I didn't see this here.
This is a snake headed fish that's been found in Missouri.
This is concerning to all China landowners.
They plan to take the snake head to court.
This is obstructing their attempts to take us over.
The snake head fish is a very invasive species and is from Asia.
It's like the carp.
It's like the grass carp or whatever they call them that eat everything in the rivers
and then they grow feet and they go to another river and they go to another lake to destroy
everything and eat everything.
This is the same type of invasive creature and it's got a snake head on a fish body.
Basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
So meanwhile.
It looks scary.
It is.
Yeah.
If I saw one of them coming after me, man, I'm getting the shovel.
You know?
Meanwhile, in California waves of layoffs.
I'm screaming like a bitch and running.
I'm sucking my thumb.
I'm sucking my thumb and going mommy, mommy.
Meanwhile in California waves of layoffs and fast food store closures are happening as
a direct result of Governor Newsom's new twenty dollar an hour fast food wage increase law.
Insulin manufacturers are offering to pay the difference in a statement.
In related news, Ozempic stock plummeted overnight.
Fast food chain Dairy Queen has just announced a limited time offering a bright blue Cookie
Monster dip cone.
This dip cone is said to taste like ground up Oreos.
This just in Rob.
Insulin manufacturers and Ozempic just withdrew their lawsuits.
Really?
Yeah.
Not really.
Really.
No.
Hey Rob, we turn to you.
OK.
You lost that one.
OK.
Basically, the just of it was right here.
They did since.
No, no.
You still got me on the Cookie Monster thing at Dairy Queen, man.
OK.
I have a Dairy Queen right up the street.
Come on, man.
It's not quite out yet.
It's going to be out in a couple of weeks.
I might keep my eye on it.
I think it said like June 20th or something like that it's out.
So.
Or it might be June 21st, the longest day of the year.
It is something like that.
Anyhow, I'll have to read the whole article.
That was just the stuff that I scribed down.
Anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
Hey, I'll do what we tell everybody else to do.
Look it up.
Yeah.
There you go.
Look it up.
Thank you, Rob.
Yeah.
Yep.
OK.
Update on Jake Paul and Mike Tyson fight.
Yeah.
You heard that, didn't you?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Here's the thing, they died of a twist.
Maybe.
Oh, maybe I don't know about this part.
A potential brotherly brawl could be on the horizon as Jake Paul is hinted at a possible
fight against his older sibling Logan from the WWE.
Ooh.
Logan Paul.
Yeah.
The younger Paul is on the hunt for a new opponent after his highly anticipated clash
with Mike Tyson was postponed.
I've got a theory on all this and I'll go into it after we get done.
It's postponed.
It's not canceled.
It's postponed.
I know.
Originally, he would set the square off with the legendary heavyweight in a showdown at
the B-Stadium in Texas later for July 20th.
However, bombshell news emerged Friday that the event had been delayed due to Tyson being
medically unfit to participate because of an ulcer flare-up.
The fight is now expected to take place later in the year between October and December.
During a follow-up consultation on Thursday, the medical professionals on his recent ulcer
flare-up, the recommendation is for Mike Tyson to do minimal to right training over the next
few weeks and then return to full training with no limitations, Paul's most valuable
promotion said in his statement.
I bet that time is already booked.
Jake might as well go ahead and fight.
So now he's got to find another opponent.
Why not have a brother versus brother match?
You see, Rob, I think set up.
I think that him and Mike Tyson are going to fight, but I think they set this whole thing
up to go like this from the start.
Get big publicity.
He's going to fight Mike Tyson.
I read different articles before this.
This was the easiest, quickest, easiest to read.
I could be wrong.
Okay.
I read another one.
When this flare-up happened, Mike Tyson had just boarded a plane and they had stopped
the plane and take him off the plane.
You know what?
You're right.
I did read that.
Okay.
I withdraw it.
Because you don't interrupt the plane anymore.
That's federal.
You're right.
Okay.
Sorry, everybody.
I was wrong.
Good point, Rob.
Thank you.
Well, all right.
We get two fights for the price of one, kind of.
No, we'll have to pay for both of them.
But we get two fights instead of one.
I'm good with that.
Are you?
Well, I don't know.
I may have to watch that fight.
Me too.
That's what I'm saying.
Why not?
Two possibly decent fights in a row.
I'm good with that.
So, okay.
Awesome.
Hey, I got my vote for his opponent.
Who's that?
Butterbean.
Let's get Butterbean on the job, dude.
He's still alive?
I don't know.
I don't know either.
Okay.
I don't know.
But seriously, he was awesome in the day.
Oh, geez.
Do you talk about a big tub of lard that you just could not fucking hit?
He was a mess.
He'd get his hands on it.
You were done.
All I know, that was the funny thing, is people hit him all day long.
And it didn't matter.
Finally, he's just kind of like, I'm going to eventually wear you down, and I'm going
to hit you, and it's going to be over.
And it always happened like that.
Watch wrestling.
You'll see it every show on wrestling.
That's right.
The little guys beat the big dudes, and the big dudes just stand there and then, boop,
one hit, they're done.
Yep.
And then like the old boxing, remember the phantom punches that you wouldn't see because
some of them were so quick on the uppercuts, and everyone was saying it was rigged.
And then you see it in slow motion, the guy was just so quick you couldn't see it.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, this is back in the days of the real fighters, the really, really good ones, the
Frazier's, the Ali.
Well, Foreman was never that quick, but he was always a guy that could take a pound and
then just come back and hit you a couple of times, and it's over.
But that elk of a fighter, it was really hard to see.
And everyone was like, oh, man, he just fell on his own.
And then you go back and you look at it in the slow motion, you're like, fuck, look at
that.
He just got him with a left cross that nobody saw.
So, anyhow.
Right.
Anyhow, I miss those kind of fights.
I miss those kind of fights.
Anyhow, let's come back with some emails.
Does that sound good?
Sounds good, my friend.
All right.
We're taking our first break of the day in late as unusual fashion.
All right.
Let's go.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an
apocalypse, and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs,
or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds.
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent.
Three-leaf foliage growth.
Also, be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor.
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
Strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You remind me of a penny.
Too faced and not worth much.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids.
It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying
mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings.
Bablin Brooks, ocean waves, and roaring river for those close called.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo
is listening to this film.
Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
Because we all need dick jokes.
Brick Shales Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shales Energy Drink.
Make men feel like a girl.
She wants her balls.
She wants her shit all over her face.
She wants her balls.
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She wants all she wants.
Run the whole sky across America Brick Shales is for you.
Please enjoy Brick Shales Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
A lot of broadcasts just come from a can.
Here at Two Douchbags and a Microphone, we play our own podcasts.
Alright, like we promised, some emails.
A couple people asked me some odd questions, then they asked us some odd questions, so
bear with me here.
I really liked it because some of these questions are out of left field.
I don't know what made them...
This is what we asked them to do from the beginning.
I know, I know.
I love it.
Yeah.
I love it.
They're kind of like following what we want them to do now.
It's pretty cool.
So...
This is our interaction with them.
Yes.
Until our technology gets better, this is our interaction with them.
Oh, and on a side note, our technology is getting better and we're working with some
people that would know and also Topher.
As you guys know, he's in the last episode and he's back to being a part of the show.
He may not be the live version of it, he's definitely going to record his own stuff and
put them in, and we're going to put them in here.
Well, I've been talking to him about cleaning the audio up, I've been talking to some other
people that sound really good doing their podcast and talking to them about what they
use.
So we're going to be getting better on that level and I'm probably going to have to re-record
all of the bits, but I don't care.
I eventually want it to be that type of a quality and it will be.
So anyhow, here's some emails here.
First one, Mark, you are a cigar connoisseur, correct?
What is your cigar of choice, if I could speak?
Okay, here's my cigar of choice, but don't take me as a snob.
This is what I like and you asked.
It's going to sound snobbish, I'm going to tell you that right now, but I've smoked enough
cigars, I know what I like, and this is what I like, and you asked.
My favorite is a Christoph with a Sumatra South African wrapper, Churchill 60 gauge,
Christoph's, they are made with the ancient art of bunching or also known as intubur.
This method ensures the roll to be tight and the burn even with a strong draw.
The cigar is smooth but has a nice spiciness with notes of cocoa.
The cigar also is rolled with a Cuban pigtail at the end of it so you don't have to cut
it.
You just pull the pigtail off and you have a perfect draw.
That is probably my favorite one right there and my favorite Cuban is probably Arturo Fuente.
If not that, then a really, really good Monte Crisco Cuban is very good.
So, anyhow, I gave you the regular ones and the Cuban ones.
I hope that, Rob, do you think that explained it good?
I have no idea what you are talking about but everybody asked, you got it.
It sounded snobby, didn't it?
Well, no, no, no.
I don't know anything about cigars.
I didn't switch or sweep and stuff like that.
I don't smoke cigars.
Write me back if I didn't answer it.
I think I answered it.
I gave you the regular ones and the Cuban ones.
That sounded like a connoisseur to me.
Alright, good, well, if you have any more questions.
I did understand it.
Yeah, you are doing good.
What the hell is the guy's name here?
Shit, I can't, I told you about my cartridge and I can't find it.
I think it is like Jeremy.
Jeremy in Newsdale or something like that.
Anyhow, if your name is Jeremy from Newsdale, it is him.
But if not, write me back, tell me what your name is and maybe I will print out a little
bit better next time.
Another one that is weird but it is aimed towards me but I love it.
Mark, if Kurt Cobain were alive today, would Nirvana still be popular?
No.
And here is why.
No one in rock or grunge to hard rock is popular anymore.
They wouldn't even be a band anymore.
Dave Grohl saw the writing on the wall and was forming the Foo Fighters.
Kurt wouldn't even be in music if he were alive anyhow.
He despised the music industry.
So no, either way no.
First off, no rock, no grunge, no hard rock, none of it is popular anymore.
If you want to look for a reference, Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains, what do they sell
anymore?
They sell nothing.
And the reason is because rock is not the preferred listening anymore.
It is not and I don't think it is coming back.
That is the dinosaur stuff.
That is me and Rob and you obviously.
Anyhow, Gent in Mitchell County.
Okay Gent, I don't know if it is short for gentlemen or what.
Thank you Gent in Mitchell County, wherever that is.
Thank you.
Okay, and I like that question a lot.
Alright, I actually like both of them.
This is for both of us.
Rob, you and Mark admitting to being Gen X, why the hate towards us?
Oh, oh, okay Rob, it is that promo I put in.
It is the answer.
It is already answered.
The promo.
Yeah, it is the promo.
This is what this guy is asking.
He said why the hate.
Looks like you guys chased the dollar.
Mitch from Portland, full of angst in a little asterisk.
Okay, Rob, do you want to go first and I have my answer.
It is simple.
We grew up.
We realized what was more important in life, eating, eating or whatever and then you have
kids, you get responsibilities.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah, great.
Mark and I had friends that never grew up.
Yes, and it is sad too.
It is sad.
And I still talk to one of them today and he knows it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am just not going to go into it.
Right.
But yeah, go ahead Mark.
Okay, Mitch, first off, it is a joke.
Second, myself or Rob were never youth shaking our fists at a capitalism.
We were not that guy.
No, we were not.
We were not.
We were the ones defending people.
Yeah, we were not full of angst.
We were not out there crying in front of Kurt Cobain's house.
That is not us.
We were the ones out there defending the people that could not defend themselves.
Exactly.
And then Rob understood the assignment, Mitch.
Get rid of your phone.
A capitalist sold it to you.
Get rid of your vehicle as well.
A capitalist loaned it to you.
The money, it is.
Now we need a new listener to replace you, Mitch.
Hope you are happy, fuckface.
Anything else?
I am done with that one.
Thank you, Mitch.
Well, now that I called him fuckface, I am pretty sure we lost him.
Yeah, I mean, he is probably more of a...
He may have sent that one just to get his ass wound up.
He may have.
That could have been the setup, easily.
Just add spice to the show.
It might be what they are doing.
You never know.
Okay, so anyhow, so if he is a Ruth Ann from North Central Ohio, then okay, so be it.
So anyhow.
Oh, North Central Ohio.
Which we are doing very well in, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, we are.
Even without Ruth Ann.
We are doing phenomenal there.
Have you seen our numbers?
How did I know that she was going to work into this one?
I can't leave her alone.
I got to keep fucking, I got to keep smacking her around.
It is just the way it is.
It could be because I have been doing this a year as of last winter.
You know what, you are right, and Ruth Ann was all over you until I mulled off to her
and now she hates us.
You know what, it was a very good one, your anniversary right there.
Good.
Alright.
Happy to piss you off, Ruth Ann.
Come on, Ruth Ann.
Come back, Ruth Ann.
Come on, man.
Rob had nothing to do with it.
It was all me.
I know.
All me.
I could bite him off a little better now.
See?
He is better with his microphone and now he can tell me I'm fucked and everything.
He's a part of the show and he knows it so now he can tell Big Bad Mark to go fuck off.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So, Ruth Ann, come back.
The water is warm.
Stick your toe in.
Come on.
Come on, big hug.
Come on, Ruth Ann.
Come on.
We love you.
Douches.
Don't get jealous, Shannon.
Val wouldn't give one ounce and she doesn't listen to this garbage.
Shannon has this.
Oh, cool.
Thank you, Shannon.
Next one.
Douches.
Is Montrose even a real place?
Just curious.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
And I'm not saying they wrote all of those but they have been writing in.
Yeah.
That's how this whole thing started.
We declared that Montrose was the epitome of the perfect land.
You have a power plant, you have a junkyard, and you have a campground all in a quarter
mile radius.
Which is true.
How can you not get any better than that?
It's true.
We salute you.
We salute you, Montrose.
There is a Montrose, Missouri.
And go to Google Images.
You'll probably see all of that in a couple of frames.
Yeah.
So it is real and they do love us there.
That's right.
And then finally, guess who it's from, Rob?
Montrose.
You're actually right up the road from Clinton, Mark.
It is.
That's right.
It is.
It is from Clinton.
Like we said, Montrose is the jewel of Henry County.
Okay.
And finally, hey D-bags, love you here in Montrose.
But you all seem to be, you all seem to love Titewide, Missouri and our apologists.
We don't see them offering you...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
Let me read this all out.
I want your rebuttal because they're always coming down on you about getting all these
things for them.
So I want you to set the record straight after I get done.
We don't see them offering you a day of your own or have campground spot with Chet's extension
cord to boot.
I speak for all seven of us here.
We need to make a stand and defend our honor against Titewide.
Titewide, not Titewide.
PS Rob, could you find us an old bowling trophy we could convert into a pig tripping contest
first place award?
Chet's brother Garth.
Rob, I'm going to let you answer.
Yeah, I say that.
Yeah, I know where there's that point at right now.
Look, even though, even though you bashed me and Rob, Rob is still going to find you
a trophy, like he said.
Okay guys, come on Montrose.
You guys are favorites by far.
We don't always talk about Titewide.
We always talk about you.
I know.
I'm the one that's been doing the negotiations with Titewide.
I know.
See, and also we don't call Titewide the jewel of Henry County.
Is that Henry County?
I think it is.
Come on man.
You give us our own camping spot.
How can we not love Montrose?
We have never once said that Titewide was the jewel of anything.
We don't dog them, but we don't hail them like we do you.
Honestly, anything I get, not coming from Titewide, so I'm going to go ahead and say
it.
Titewide's assholes.
Okay, there you go.
Are you guys happy?
We just lost all two people there.
I hope you're happy.
So I mean, you know what?
Hey, I got Montrose.
You know what?
You got Montrose.
You got all seven of them.
I got Montrose.
You got all seven of them.
Well there you go guys.
And besides that, what all are you getting now?
Let's see, you're digging them a pond with your own equipment.
You're finding them a grain silo because at EF 1000, what was it?
Titewide, Super Tornado.
Yeah, I mean we can't keep one around.
I mean it's gone.
Every other day another nadir picks it up and throws it somewhere.
So I don't know what we're supposed to do.
Let's see.
What were the car parts?
Then we got the Vega.
Yeah, the Chevy Vega.
You got the leopard skinned steering wheel protectors.
You have the bumper.
I'm not opened up to that page right now.
Okay, 76 Coupe De Ville bumper.
Yeah, the Coupe De Ville bumper.
Oh, and then we got, let's see, the jelly from Lincoln on my way there.
That's right.
Yeah, that's right.
Yep.
See, I'm actually taking this off my memory.
Yeah, yeah.
That little...
That little something else I got.
I'm going to have to go back and look for something else.
That little roadside shop there sells, what was it?
Was it apple butter or...
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And Rob's doing all this.
He's got all this in his brain and he's bringing it all to you.
So I don't think there should ever be a question about...
All out of love.
Yes.
I grew up camping in that campground and fishing on that lake.
See?
I did.
Yeah.
All the radioactive fish tasted great, didn't they?
No.
My dad worked for Kansas City Power and Light.
Oh, okay.
I think we knew about it.
They're owned by Kansas City Power and Light.
I was more into Leicine, but yeah, Montrose.
Oh yeah, we were 13.
Yeah.
Yeah, which dad liked to get away from everybody.
I learned about Leicine because when I was working for the union, the sheet metal union,
they sent me down there when things were slow.
Anyhow, I got to work on the structure in there and it was pretty cool, except for the
time I almost flew off of there.
I didn't know this.
Okay, sheet metal workers, they replace the outside of the boilers.
Boilermakers replace the inside.
Okay?
Right.
So we're out there replacing the outside.
My adopted dad was a boilermaker.
Oh, okay.
Then that's why I worked for KCP&L.
Okay.
No, no, this is my adopted dad.
Oh, okay.
Boilermakers.
KCP&L hires the boilermakers.
Okay.
They hire the boilermakers.
He did not work for a different guy.
Yeah.
KCP&L actually-
My dad and my adopted dad.
They hire boilermakers or when they were a company before they sold out to Evergy, they
hire sheet metal workers and boilermakers to come out and do this contractually.
So yeah, that's right.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So I was out there on contract through the union and I don't know if anyone knows anything
about this.
Probably not because it's such a niche industry, but whenever you're up on the structure and
you're, I don't know, you're like 20 stories up maybe estimate, okay, and you're picking
up a piece of sheet metal to put on the outside of a boiler.
You don't pick it up over your head.
The wind will carry you off and you'll die.
Yeah.
I did that and they screamed, drop it, drop it, drop it, because it never worked out there
before.
I didn't know.
And so I drop it.
I'm like, fuck, I hope nobody's down there.
They said, you almost died.
I'm like, what?
I said, yeah.
They said another couple of seconds and the wind would have taken you off of here and
you wouldn't have lived through it.
Yeah.
I grew up roughing in houses.
It was the same thing.
Oh really?
I didn't know.
The plywood.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
The plywood.
You get up on a roof, you go to pick up a sheet of plywood, big wind comes up, it takes
right off that roof.
You know what?
The plywood would be the same actually.
Yeah.
So it's like flying a kite for a sail, you know?
Okay.
And you had to specific way, probably the same way we're there, that you had to carry
it on your side and to the back.
That's the only way you could carry it.
And they said, if you ever feel like it's starting to take you, drop the son of a bitch.
They said there's less chance of it hitting somebody with all the structure below you
than it is for you to be falling off of this thing.
So
And the one thing you got to remember is with sheet metal, that's going to cut that hell
out of your fingers.
That's another thing too, yes.
But like the rough ass foreman told me, he said, Mark, he said, it's not because we care
about you.
He said, we just care about the fucking 10 ocean people that are going to be here for
three months.
Right.
I said, okay, point well taken.
So
I have to pay a $10,000 fine for you being a dumb ass.
Oh, more than that.
If you die, it's like more like 100,000 or more.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Death is like just fucking significantly.
And then you may have the whole thing shut down.
You don't know.
Yeah, so yeah.
So like, like the very friendly, I'm saying very facetiously field foreman told me, we
don't give a fuck about you.
We don't want that fucking three months of hell of OSHA looking up our asshole and the
huge fines.
And I said, I don't care what the motive was.
I'm glad you told me.
I don't want to die either.
So yeah, so so anyhow, shit, I don't even know.
Oh, I seen that.
But luckily, I got some more work with another company before I had to go to Montrose.
That was the next one was having their boilers replaced.
So you're placing them in the winter is what they do.
And they shut down one of the stacks.
They replace one of them, the metal in at the inside or the boiler makers outside of
sheet metal.
And then they do the other stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
So anyhow, luckily, I found work with a company before I had to do the union work again.
So anyhow, yeah, I was going to go to Montrose, but I never got the opportunity because I
went to Lacey first.
Anyhow, let's go ahead and take our second break.
Oh, what to do?
Answer that question.
Yes.
Montrose is real.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yep, it is.
I've been through there several times.
As a matter of fact, there's a meat processing center just south.
No north, just north of Montrose or south of Butler.
Yeah.
What is that?
I forgot.
Whatever we describe is true.
Yeah.
Is that a highway that goes from Butler to Montrose?
Well, whatever highway it is, there's a meat.
Yeah, I think I want to say A. I want to say A.
That's what I think.
I'm not positive, but I want to say A.
Well, it's the main drag in Butler and then it goes to the south.
It veers off to the south.
Then before you get to Montrose, after Butler and it's really about seven miles south of
Butler and about three miles north of Montrose, there's a meat processing plant there.
Anyhow, they're really good.
They take whatever you got and they'll process it for you.
We've used them several times.
Anyhow, let's go ahead and take our break.
We'll come right back with some stuff.
Now, deep thoughts with Mark.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I may never know.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my God.
I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks with them when they golf in case they get
a hole in one?
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Spam with Spam Helper tonight.
How yummy.
At age 30, you've spent a month celebrating birthdays.
Your mama is like the sun.
Big, round, and hard to look at.
Now, from the makers of the Who Met My Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Fuzzle.
That's right.
Put Rob back together.
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rain forest is the perfect
stocking stuffer.
Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.
Listen to two douchebags and a microphone or I will come over to your house and smack
you one.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
At any given airport in any given 60 seconds you're actually breathing in at least three
farts.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin Of.
Where did podcasts originate?
The term was first coined by Ben Hammersley, a writer for The Guardian in 2004, by combining
the words iPod and broadcasting.
In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, introduced the idea of subscribing to a podcast by building
the concept into the iTunes interface.
Who made the first podcast ever?
2004, Adam Curry and Dave Reiner are credited with the invention of podcasting.
Who exactly did what is up for dispute, but in the end these are the two guys who got
it rolling.
The term podcasting was mentioned by Ben Hammersley in The Guardian newspaper article.
Two douchebags and microphone, I'm Mark.
As promised, Rob, we go to you.
All right, I got another little music list for you, buddy.
Oh, you like them.
Is it an American songwriter?
Yes, sir, it is.
You love me.
And it feels good.
Yes, I do.
It feels good.
Thank you.
I have for years, my brother.
Well, I loved you for years, too.
I just didn't know where you were and what you were doing.
Yeah, well, I feel like this to you sometimes.
I had no idea you hung out with my brother at all.
That's so weird.
I did.
Well, you know what?
At the time I wasn't necessarily.
Just for a short time.
I wasn't necessarily communicating with him at that time in all fairness.
So anyhow.
Yeah, he already had all the rugrats.
Yeah, they were living in Westville.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He had some issues during that period, so I didn't necessarily talk to him that much.
Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
This is four hit rock songs that almost never saw the light of day.
I'm going to like this.
OK, first up Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
I actually knew that.
The record company was so against it.
Anyhow, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
I apologize.
I just kind of.
Sorry, Rob.
One of the most iconic and singable rock songs on the planet to date.
This 1975 hit from Queen almost didn't see the light of day.
Freddie Mercury allegedly didn't like the song at first and suggested that they leave
it off their hit album A Night at the Opera.
Thank the rock gods that he and the rest of the band are convinced otherwise.
That's interesting because Freddie Mercury, not the record company, it was Freddie.
OK, that's fine with me.
I mean, huh, OK, I thought in the movie.
I like about these.
These set the record straight.
That's cool.
Go ahead.
We'll go with that.
That's fine.
OK, this next up, 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins.
1979 was a major hit when it was released in 1995 and the Smashing Pumpkins album,
Bell and Collie and the Infinite Sadness hit diamond status in the US.
In a way, the song cemented the Smashing Pumpkins success as pioneers of grunge music.
Surprisingly, the song almost didn't happen.
The band's producer at the time, Mark Fled Alice, allegedly didn't like the song and
rejected it.
It wasn't until Billy Corrigan played him a demo of the song that Alice considered it
with a complete rewrote.
Wow.
It gave them an identity.
1979 did.
I mean, really, it put them in the alternative category firmly.
So that song was very much a success and gave them a really good identity in that type of
a genre.
So yeah.
Hello, you there?
Rob.
Hi.
OK.
I was going to make goat noises again.
There we go.
OK.
I can't get no satisfaction in Rolling Stones.
Huh, OK.
I can't get no satisfaction is a career defining track from Rolling Stones up there with wild
horses and painted black.
But also came close to never getting a spot on the American version out of our heads.
Allegedly.
God, we love that word.
Allegedly.
I use it as a dick.
I just do it to be a dick.
So anyhow, allegedly.
This is in the article.
OK.
Keith Richards hated the song despite writing the guitar riffs that's so well known today.
That's an iconic riff.
You can't believe the song would find success.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's such a good riff and it's so iconic it really surprises me that he didn't like
it, you know?
Really?
Yeah.
Keith didn't like it.
That's what's weird.
Yeah.
I could see maybe Mick or somebody going, I don't think that's that good.
But Keith was such a, and still is, a legendary guitar player with his riffs, his blues backing
on that.
I mean it really surprised me that he didn't like that riff because I thought it was so
good.
So, anyhow.
OK.
Well it was actually the other way around.
I'll go, I was going to stop it there.
Let me go on.
Oh, OK.
Mick Jagger spoke about Richards' distaste for the song in the documentary My Life as
a Rolling Stone.
Oh wow.
Andrew Oldham said, this is like a number one single.
This is great.
Keith was like, I don't really like it.
I can't come out, or it can't come out as a single.
And it went to number one like instantly.
Wow.
OK.
So Mick Jagger liked it.
Keith Richards did.
So yeah.
Cool.
All right.
I mean, yeah, I just thought that it would be Mick.
But wow.
OK.
Anyhow, go ahead.
OK.
And our final one.
I don't know if you knew it.
I did not.
And man, I don't know what music would be without this song.
OK.
The Black Album was a huge deal in 1991.
And the track Nothing Else Matters is one of Metallica's most well-known songs today.
It's very different from the rest of their harsher music.
One wouldn't expect such a tender ballad to come from the metal band so well-known at
the time for their thrash leanings.
James Hetfield penned the song in 1990, and it was not intended for an actual release.
Lars Ulrich heard it and was convinced it would be worth a spot on their then upcoming
album.
OK.
So it was James' song that Lars talked it into releasing.
And thank God they did it, man.
That's what matters.
It's an awesome song.
I've never been a fan of that song.
You would?
Yeah, I never did like it.
I have it.
I know.
A lot of people love it.
I'm obviously in the minority, I can tell you that.
I know so many people love it.
I never thought it was that good.
I don't know.
But that's cool.
That's America, right?
Yeah.
Hey, how go ahead, Rob.
Yeah, that was it.
That was it?
OK.
And I think I remember hearing something about that.
That whole album, the black album, was real tumultuous because they were all divided on
it.
Number one, their guy, the guy that was like their heart.
Cliff Burton was killed, and Justice were a lot of Cliff Burton song ideas.
OK.
And the black album came out.
It was a completely different, more poppy and almost alternative, well, alternative
later, you know, later in the 90s.
But it was a completely different turn.
And the whole band, they were actually fighting over it, trying to figure out what to do.
And I think they actually have some documentaries about it, about what, you know, that album,
I think, altogether almost didn't come out.
The band almost broke up, I do believe, if I remember correctly.
So, hey, I could definitely believe that.
Well, you're on music.
I've got one here.
Now we're reaching back to 2023, when the whole McMarr's lawsuit was filed.
And this has been like retweeted a bunch of times and on TikTok because they're making
fun of Nicky.
OK.
Because they just lost that lawsuit battle, you know, the first part of it where they
have to pay all of Mick's, all of his lawyers and everything, all of his legal defenses,
because they reportedly were doing trickery and throwing him through the mud and trying
to just drag him out and spend money.
Right.
So now reaching back to 2023, when the whole McMarr's lawsuit was filed, Nicky responded
on Twitter with, quote, sad day for us.
And we don't deserve this considering how many years we've been propping him up.
We still wish him the best and hope he finds lawyers and managers that aren't damaging
him.
We love you, Mick.
And Nicky was overheard saying, we don't have to hire damaging lawyers here.
We have AI do that for free.
See the new song.
That's why everyone's retweeting it is because the words out that Bob Rock and AI wrote the
new music and it's horrible.
And there and Nicky was talking about propping Mick up and all that stuff.
No, no.
They can't even write a song without him.
So yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, really.
So you got something, Rob?
Yeah.
Actually, I have something to finish up from last night.
OK.
Started off as 15 facts read, surprisingly.
Oh, yeah.
People don't know.
Cool.
OK.
First up tonight, the Alt plus tab is the shortcut to change Windows on PC.
Command plus tab for Mac.
Hang on.
What do you say at first on Windows?
What was it?
Alt plus tab is a shortcut to change Windows on PC.
Didn't know that.
OK.
Thank you.
Command plus tab for Mac.
Cool.
I want to do it.
This is what it says.
And I did not do this personally.
I'm just reading it.
OK.
I've worked in plenty of computer based rules and I've never failed to amaze someone with
this handy trick.
I just assumed everyone knew.
If you're someone who has a billion tabs open at once, you could just control plus tab on
Windows and Mac to switch between tabs and find just the one you were looking for.
Cool.
OK.
That is pretty amazing.
I didn't know that and I've been on computers for years.
20 plus years I've been dealing with computers.
Didn't know that at all.
Wow.
I don't know who.
OK.
Well, you're going to start learning once I get this equipment to you.
I can't wait for you to start doing that.
It's going to be cool.
Anyhow, go ahead.
OK, the oxygenated venous blood isn't blue.
It's dark red.
You might have been taught as a child that blood flowing through your veins is blue because
it hasn't been exposed to oxygen.
That however is a myth.
It's actually a dark red color when you look at a vein in your arm, for instance, it only
appears blue or purplish because you're viewing it through layers of fat and skin.
I can believe that.
I mean, you did learn that in school, though, but oxygen change your blood to red.
Yeah, I remember that plainly.
So but then how many other bullshit things did they teach us in school?
Ninety percent of them.
Eight real.
Just saying.
Ninety percent of them.
Yep.
That you shouldn't mix bleach and ammonia.
If you didn't know, bleach plus ammonia equals a toxic chloramine gas that you can't mix
with.
Okay, so that is true because I did hear that.
Yeah, it is true.
Okay.
I know I've done it before.
I've done it before.
Okay.
So that's true.
I did it one time, too, and I had to throw it outside because it was taking my breath
away.
Oh, yeah.
Well, here's a couple other ones.
Bleach and vinegar equals chlorine gas.
True?
Yeah, bleach and vinegar.
Wow.
Okay.
Hydrogen peroxide and vinegar equals a periacetic acid, eye, skin, and respiratory irritation.
Wow.
Okay.
Bleach and rubbing alcohol equals toxic chloroform.
Major organ damage.
Wow.
That makes chloroform?
That's what this says.
Bleach plus rubbing alcohol equals toxic chloroform.
I can believe it.
I just find it amazing.
I've never known that.
Yeah.
That was cool.
I like that one.
But it sounds like vinegar has a lot to do with it.
Do you got to be interested?
I don't know.
The acid and vinegar maybe.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next up.
That your closed fuel gauge has a little arrow next to the gas pump icon indicating
which side your gas cap is on.
Super handy when driving a rental or a new car.
Huh.
Come on.
It's the truth.
They didn't even do an exploration of the thing.
Yeah.
That's what it's there for.
Okay.
I can believe it.
I just never noticed it before.
Yeah.
Pretty much every car these days got a little arrow, a little gas tank maybe.
It tells you which side your gas tank is on on your dash.
You see my problem with...
You don't have to sit there and gas.
Just look at your dash.
My problem with rental cars is this.
Not knowing where the gas latch is.
On every damn vehicle they're in a completely different spot.
Drives me nuts.
That's a little different story.
This is telling you what side you're on.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay.
That sugar hinders your immune system.
Foods that are high in added sugar and that significantly raises your blood sugar can
in fact have negative impacts on the functionality of your immune system by increasing the production
of inflammatory proteins.
Okay.
Here's a good one.
Yeah.
That's a little too doctory for me.
I kind of like this medical.
Okay.
Zebras are black with white stripes.
Though people may look like they're white...
Oh, not people.
Though they might look like they're white and have black stripes at first glance.
Underneath the fur, zebras have dark skin.
They grow both black and white fur.
And black fur gets its color from melanocyte cells.
The white fur has deactivated melanocytes, which means that active melanocytes or black
fur is their default color, thus making them black with white stripes.
Okay.
Zebras are not white with black stripes.
Wow.
Okay.
It does not seem like that, does it?
No, it does not.
And for years I've heard, yeah, zebras are white with black stripes.
You know.
You heard that growing up as a kid.
Yeah.
They're actually black with white stripes.
I wish I could see some of my old teachers so I could rub this shit into their face.
No, wait, I'm saying as much as I trust technology in the past, since I started doing this podcast,
I'm reading more stuff, I'm learning more things.
Yeah.
I'm kind of liking technology a little bit.
No, I'm the same way.
I'm the same way.
Okay, and finally on this list, the amount of men who think women can hold in their period
in the same way you can wait to use the bathroom is so very concerning.
Yes, this story just went there.
I'm sorry.
Well, okay, look, they obviously can't.
That's how come women have accidents.
Well, it goes on.
Okay.
Just in case you are one of these men and you're reading this, it is bleeding.
One cannot hold it in any more than you can hold in the blood coming out from a wound.
I thought that was obvious, but I guess it's not.
Okay.
No, no, they threw that one in for the people that really need to know that.
Well, you know what I...
In the past, I have heard guys talk like that.
I'm like, are you serious, dude?
Yeah, to me, that was just so elementary.
I was like, okay.
You're going to be lucky you've got a bed to sleep in tonight.
What do you mean you spotted?
Couldn't you stop that shit?
Yeah, anyhow.
Okay, go ahead, Rob.
Oh, that was the last one, bud.
Awesome, man.
Thank you.
Yeah, that was actually the last one.
That's serious.
I'll have more.
I'll have more different ones.
Hi, Grandma Opa.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky.
Love you guys.
Dodge City, Kansas.
Hi, Grandma.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky.
Rah rah, Dodge City, Kansas.
Love you guys.
Thanks for listening.
All righty.
And speaking of that, let's go ahead and get the hell off here, Rob.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
Tomorrow's Monday, my friend.
All right, cool.
All right, Rob, have a good night.
I hope you have a good week until I talk to you Tuesday night for another round of these
things.
Sounds like fun to me.
All right.
Everybody, thank you for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.