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And now it's time for...

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The Daily Deucebag Pledge.

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Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.

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Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.

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Two Deucebags and a Microphone.

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We Talk.

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Jesus.

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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

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Does the dictionary actually have the word dictionary in it?

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Maybe I'll go look.

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No batlight here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.

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Two Deucebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes and...

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Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler?

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Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

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In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.

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Hello, this is Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

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I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than...

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listening to Two Deucebags and a Microphone by a nice warm fire at night.

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I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day. Enjoy.

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Jammed X. What the hell happened?

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You were the generation of change.

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You never wanted to be one of them.

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At the feet. Spoke for you.

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Hunk the man. Hunk the system.

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What the hell happened?

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The generation of angst.

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The generation of noncompliance.

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Is now buying a boat.

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You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.

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Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.

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Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.

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And I am Rob.

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Rob, how you doing tonight?

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I'm doing pretty good.

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Good?

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I'm feeling pretty good today.

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Well, we love to hear that. And I'm doing pretty well myself.

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That's good to hear.

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Yeah. Nobody knew it, but we were kind of on a little vacay last week.

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You know, we did all of our stuff Sunday night because Monday I was off to Eureka Springs, me and Val were.

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And I've got a lot of information on there. It's a pretty interesting trip. It's a lot of fun.

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But a lot of things happened that were very interesting, including the weather.

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Right.

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Yeah, the weather was something else. Including me losing another phone.

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So anyhow, you know, yeah, well, I had a friend of mine that asked how the trip was.

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He wants me to give a report because he's been listening on all the phones I've lost.

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He knows of four of them. He knows four of them on job sites I lost.

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And he mentioned a couple of them.

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So I have a full report on what I remember. But anyhow, he's like, dude, you constantly lose your...

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You lost two in like the last two weeks.

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I know. And I lost four out on job sites. I think there was more. I just don't remember them.

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I think I had one in Iowa at one point, too. But anyhow.

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Okay. So, so I got a report of my phones and what happened.

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And one of the funniest ones, which happened in Philadelphia.

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So anyhow, I'll talk about that here in a little bit.

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Okay. Okay. So when I booked this trip, I booked a room in a completely different place.

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In a cabin instead of our usual and very loved place. Flat Iron Flat Suites.

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You know, Flat Iron Flat Suites is a really nice balcony room.

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It's got a balcony overlooking the spring and center streets on one side.

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And on the other side, it looks over the basin park and the whole downtown region.

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It's just beautiful. I like go out there and smoke a cigar.

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You know, just kind of like, just think about life.

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It's beautiful. Watch people walk by. Watch people argue. Watch people kiss.

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Watch people yell at each other. Watch people almost hit each other, you know, with cars.

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You know, it's pretty interesting, very relaxing for me.

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But we opted not to do that because we wanted, I don't know, something a little bit more remote.

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So it worked out well and I'll let you know why.

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A day before our trip, Cassville, Missouri and Rogers, Arkansas were hit by tornadoes.

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And they weren't just hit by it. They were like torn to shreds.

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At least Rogers was and Cassville wasn't much better. They were a little bit better.

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But so on the way down, we went through Cassville and witnessed major damage to homes,

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huge oak trees uprooted and just shrapnel everywhere.

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I mean, just like wadded up metal all over the place.

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It was tore up pretty badly.

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The Cassville tornado then it skipped across the city and went through the hills and woods and it hit Beaver Lake.

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It hit the campground, which I don't know if they ever figured out who all was there or not,

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because it's a campground, right?

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So they found supplies in the lake. They found tents and trees.

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They found food all over the place.

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So when it hit Beaver Lake, there were people. This is Memorial Weekend.

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There were people, there's a lot of people there camping.

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Beaver Lake is a huge camping area and that's where the tornado decided to hit.

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So I don't think the whole word's out on what all happened there and how many people may have perished.

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Hopefully nobody, hopefully they all heard the roar because there aren't any sirens out there.

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It's a campground.

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Right. Yeah. So that may end up being a lot worse than what we know.

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So anyhow, we don't know about that yet.

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There are thoughts and prayers to each and everyone involved.

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Absolutely. And especially Rogers, Arkansas.

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That was horrible.

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I wish I wouldn't went through there now. I knew it was bad, but I didn't know how bad.

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So anyhow, Beaver Lake is around eight miles from Eureka Springs.

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Eureka Springs didn't have a tornado, but it did not escape injury.

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The severe thunderstorms that went through the town had 80 mile an hour winds.

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There is quite a bit of damage to homes and trees, multiple trees and debris blocking the road.

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The town was without power the night before we arrived.

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Then we got the south side. When we got there, the south side of the town had power, was restored.

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And the north side, it was not.

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So luckily, where Flatiron Flats is where we normally stay, Flatiron Flat Suites, where we normally stay,

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is a little bit on the north side of the town and the cutoff for the electricity was the next building.

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So it was without power.

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So we chose to do a more tranquil small cabin this time.

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And luckily, it was on the extreme south side.

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So when we checked in, the power was restored, but barely.

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It came back on an hour before we checked in, Rob.

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So we missed all the storms the night before. We opted to go Monday instead of Sunday night.

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We could have went there Sunday night. We would have ran right into those vicious storms.

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So we lucked out right there.

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And then we get to our cabin and we lucked out there because we didn't have any time without power because of the timing.

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We got there right at about 3 and the power was restored at that particular place at 2.

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And the guy told me when we checked in, he goes, man, you got great timing.

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I go, what do you mean? He goes, we just got power back an hour ago.

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I was like, wow. And I was yet to go into the town yet and see all the damage. I had no idea.

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I was on the south side over Van Buren, over the Bluff.

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They didn't get a whole lot of damage there.

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The north side got pretty tore up.

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And so then he said, you know, there's huge storms that came through and all that tore the power out.

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So, OK, so came on now before we checked in.

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The place we normally book flat iron flats was without power until late the next day after we arrived.

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So the people that were already booked to that site at town without power had to just sit there and do nothing basically.

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So when we went through town, we drove by the place we normally stay at in the Basin Park and all of these places, all these hotels in New Orleans Hotel.

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And there's people standing out on the road.

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And we're like, man, what's going on? How come everyone's just standing here?

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How come everything's closed?

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Well, the power was off and there was only one restaurant open in the whole town because that was the one that was on the same power grid as the hospital is.

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Ermelio's our favorite Italian joint is great place.

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So so we're like, what the hell is going on?

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Then we realized it. These people were inside baking because there's no air.

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A lot of these hotel rooms have no window and they have nothing to do.

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They can't watch TV. They can't even charge up their phones.

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OK, so they're just like sitting there miserable on their vacation because all the power is out to that side and there's nothing open.

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So anyhow, nothing was open is hot inside without air.

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You know, we dodged such a bullet.

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The restaurant we always go to Ermelio's was the only place open and with power due to it being on the same grid as the hospital.

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So they normally are open four to eight every night in the four in the afternoon to eight at night.

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And they stay. And then that night, because no one else had power, people were calling off the hook.

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This is what they were telling us.

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People were calling left and right going, hey, you guys have power like, yeah.

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And all they could do was say, come on down, come on down.

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And they finally got through everybody a little bit after 11.

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And then they probably didn't get to close to like one or something when they're used to closing at like 10.

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And they were all wore out and they were gassed.

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And you could tell. But, you know, they stayed open.

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You know, they have enough money. They make a lot of money out the restaurant.

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They do well. They did this because they give a shit about the people.

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So they stayed open to serve the people.

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So anyhow, there's like a lot of food choices picked from.

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But that night there was only Ermelio's and then we opted to go there the next night when we didn't have to wait in line for hours.

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And it was excellent, like always.

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The Italian and Ermelio's I can confidently put up against any place I know of.

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I'm talking anywhere. I've been to a lot of different Italian restaurants.

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I love pasta and Italian food. It's my favorite food in the whole world.

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And I went to a lot of them. I went to a lot of really good ones.

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And I could put them up against anybody.

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And this family could go to a bigger town and make a hell of a lot more money.

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But they choose not to. They like it there.

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It didn't disappoint us again. It was just fantastic.

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Val had the pan-fried halibut.

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And I had the meatballs with a side of pasta and olive oil.

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It was terrific.

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Now, I don't know if you feel the same way about this, Rob.

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But to me, one of the best things you can have, and it's simple, is pasta like linguine.

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With olive oil.

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And I think some sort of vinegar, I don't know, it's mixed together.

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And it has little chunks of garlic in it. It's so good.

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And it was made just perfect. A little lemon back taste to it. It was just fantastic.

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So all of it was good.

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Val had the key lime pie for dessert.

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And I had the pistachio crusted cannoli.

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What do you think about that, Rob?

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That sounds good.

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Man, I thought it would have made the ride back because we had some shopping to do at the end.

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I would have brought you one and ran it by Camdenton.

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But you know what? I got the taken.

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This is a destination we can both go to.

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So anyhow, we'll get to that later off.

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But I think we all ought to do a trip down there.

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I'll bring my laptop and we could even do a podcast down there.

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Right. That'd be cool.

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Yeah. OK, so back to the cabin.

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One reason I love this place so much is because it had a large fire pit with huge comfortable wooden chairs.

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It had the huge homemade wooden chairs made out of logs and there were shellac.

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It was beautiful. And they have plenty of wood to burn as well.

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It also had a waterfall and outdoor grills to use and a picnic shelter.

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So, you know, I'm sitting there. I'm like, man, you know, I'm going to start a fire.

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I got to show you pictures of this place or send you some. It's beautiful.

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So I find lighter fluid there on this stump.

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You know how they cut a stump off and they use it as an end table?

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Yeah. OK, they have those as end tables and there's lighter fluid on it.

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So, you know, I use the fluid to start up a nice cozy fire.

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So around 20 minutes later, a man walks up and I'm the only one out there.

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He informs me that it's his lighter fluid and I use most of it and he wasn't happy.

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I explained to him that, you know, that leaving it on the stump table, you know,

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gave the impression that was there for everybody to use.

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It looked like community lighter fluid.

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I mean, you know, why in the world would you take it with you if you leave?

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I said to him, you know, I didn't appreciate his tone that he used on me.

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And I also said, look, man, I said, I'm an honorable man.

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If you calm down, I will go get you more to replace the other.

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I had to go to Berryville anyhow, but to get a new phone because I dropped my new phone,

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I had to replace the one I had that I had to replace the one a couple of weeks ago

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that I ran over with the motor, with the mower, the rider.

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And then this one, I dropped a new phone on a rock trying to take a picture of a hilltop.

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So this is my third phone I'm buying in probably about a week and a half.

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I drove to Berryville. I bought a new phone. Disgusted as hell.

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I get back to the cabin and there are people sitting around the pit.

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I bring out the lighter fluid to use and they had fluid.

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I asked, you know, hey, you know, where's that guy so I can give him his fluid back?

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And they all started laughing. And I'm like, what?

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And he did that to everybody. He was nuts.

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He thinks that people go around and steal his lighter fluid.

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And I'm like, what? And they go, no, it's not his lighter fluid.

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He goes, dude, I'm the maintenance guy here. I know the owners.

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This is community lighter fluid. This is not his.

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He's done this to me. I told him to go fuck off.

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He did this to Hattel over here. He told him to go fuck off.

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And he did it to Ben over there. And he told him to go fuck off.

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So I was the only asshole that believed him.

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They all kind of looked the other way, but I knew I was the only asshole that believed him.

221
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,000
You know, the guy's nuts, obviously.

222
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,000
He'd show up the fire pit whenever something new was there.

223
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000
Hey, that's my lighter fluid.

224
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:27,000
You don't question, like I told him, I said, you don't question something like lighter fluid.

225
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:33,000
You know, if it's like a wallet, a phone, something, OK, it'd be like, all right, I understand.

226
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:39,000
But lighter fluid is like who in the hell goes around claiming lighter fluid, right?

227
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,000
You don't think that someone's fucking with you, you know?

228
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:48,000
And so obviously he is nuts. So anyhow, I'm like, well, you know what?

229
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,000
The freak, he disappeared. So anyhow, I wasn't going to give him the lighter fluid anyhow.

230
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,000
But, you know, I needed some lighter fluid at home.

231
00:17:55,000 --> 00:18:00,000
I used it all doing a couple of briskets a couple of weeks ago.

232
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,000
So I needed it anyhow. So I just took it home.

233
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,000
And now I didn't have. Yeah, I didn't have to go to Wal-Mart and get some more.

234
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:18,000
So anyhow, that's a pretty interesting thing that someone would that's totally nuts would go around and do that.

235
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:25,000
So anyhow, let me find my other piece of paper here and I could go on there.

236
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:36,000
OK, so my new first phone pics are of the fourth floor for the fourth floor of the outdoor patio at the Crescent Hotel.

237
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000
I took some fabulous sunset photos.

238
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:44,000
Hopefully I won't destroy this phone, you know, and hopefully I get to keep these sunset pics a little while longer.

239
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

240
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:50,000
You know, I had a few craft brews up there and Val had a couple of pina coladas on the deck.

241
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,000
This wasn't much needed relaxing time, although it doesn't sound relaxing.

242
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,000
It was very relaxing. So yeah.

243
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:05,000
And I mean, I know there's a lot going on in everything, but it was very relaxing.

244
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,000
I mean, the nut bag saying that to me and all that, it didn't mean anything.

245
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,000
You know, I actually it was kind of amusing.

246
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:18,000
The storm, we missed it and we had power every second we were there.

247
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,000
So anyhow, the fire pit was just such a solace.

248
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,000
I just sat out there, held the day we were leaving.

249
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,000
I went out there for three hours.

250
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:31,000
I spilt like a big smoke bomb and we had places to go to some of the stores after that.

251
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,000
And I'm sure I probably went in there like, fuck, what this guy do?

252
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,000
Build a bonfire.

253
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:40,000
But I was just sitting around the fire for about three hours, just sitting there smoking a cigar.

254
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,000
It was fantastic.

255
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:46,000
So coming back home, we opted to go through Rogers, Arkansas.

256
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,000
This was a mess.

257
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:58,000
The NWS National Weather Service determined that it was an EF2 that was approximately one point seven miles wide.

258
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,000
That's a wide ass. Yes.

259
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:06,000
And the maximum wind speeds were around 135 miles an hour.

260
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,000
The vortex pretty much destroyed most of downtown and the surrounding neighborhoods.

261
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:14,000
People were intense on their front lawn because they had nowhere to go.

262
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,000
You know, I was really surprised more people didn't perish.

263
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:23,000
I think it's like maybe six, seven, something like that that they know of that died from this as a result of this.

264
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:27,000
One guy was an old man that his oxygen machine couldn't work without power.

265
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000
So he died.

266
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,000
There is some stuff like that.

267
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,000
And this was a nighttime tornado.

268
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:38,000
It formed over Rogers and touched down, leaving seven miles of destruction.

269
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:43,000
The time that it touched down was 1 46 a.m. and it was done at 2 a.m.

270
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,000
So a little bit under 15 minutes of hell.

271
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,000
Could you imagine that, Rob? Sirens go off.

272
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:56,000
In 15 minutes, this thing is destroying everything you know.

273
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,000
And what time was that?

274
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,000
2 a.m. approximately 2 a.m.

275
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,000
I've been dead.

276
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000
Yeah.

277
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,000
It wouldn't have woken me up.

278
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,000
No, me too. I know what you mean.

279
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:18,000
So, you know, this the not too far away Joplin tornado 11 years ago, Joplin is about 50 miles to the north of Rogers, Arkansas.

280
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000
And 11 years ago, it hit on a Sunday afternoon when graduations were going on.

281
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,000
So more people were killed.

282
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:30,000
That tornado was an EF5 rated at max winds of over 200 miles an hour.

283
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000
So 135 mile an hour winds are no joke either.

284
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,000
That will tear shit up and kill people easily.

285
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,000
Bentonville was already hit with a tornado prior.

286
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
Just a little bit before, about 130.

287
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000
It was from the same storm, but it was not the same tornado.

288
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:51,000
It is believed that there were four vortexes spawned out of that particular cell.

289
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:55,000
Eureka Springs damage was 80 plus mile an hour winds, straight line winds.

290
00:21:55,000 --> 00:22:00,000
There was extensive damage in Eureka Springs all over, like I said, as well.

291
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:07,000
And it was it was quite an experience seeing that.

292
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,000
Anyhow, you know, pray for these people.

293
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,000
If you have a couple of bucks, send it to them.

294
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,000
I already did.

295
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,000
I'm going to send them more.

296
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,000
It was really bad seeing our neighbors and friends be in such dire need.

297
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,000
And I wish we wouldn't went through there.

298
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:29,000
You know, I suppose, you know, maybe I needed to to give a little bit more money.

299
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:35,000
I don't know. But anyhow, so, Rob, it was a great trip.

300
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:40,000
Despite, you know, Rogers being tore up and everything and the campgrounds and all that.

301
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,000
So anyhow, Rob, we turn it to you.

302
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:47,000
Yeah, I want to tell you about my good deed for the day this morning.

303
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,000
Oh, yeah, you said something. Go ahead.

304
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,000
Yeah, yeah.

305
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,000
I had to go to the same lot this morning to grab a couple of things.

306
00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,000
You know, it's only a five minute walk, so I just walk.

307
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:07,000
You know, and I just had one bag with just a couple of things.

308
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,000
And I was on my way back.

309
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,000
And I see this thing.

310
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:19,000
There's a parking lot into the sidewalk, city sidewalk.

311
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:23,000
I see this thing right by the road.

312
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:27,000
And I couldn't tell what it was, so I started getting closer.

313
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,000
It was this giant turtle.

314
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:35,000
What kind of turtle?

315
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,000
I'm basically a snapper. I don't know.

316
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,000
The shell on it was 12 to 14 inches across.

317
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,000
That was probably a snapper, yeah.

318
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,000
Yeah, it was a big one.

319
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,000
Oh, yeah, I would say so, because it snapped at me.

320
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,000
Okay, did you know that their necks can expand out three feet?

321
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,000
I'm not joking you.

322
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,000
They get people all the time.

323
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:06,000
This one come out about four inches, maybe five.

324
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:12,000
It must not have been too mad, because I know a guy that's missing a couple of toes,

325
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:17,000
because he didn't know a snapper could extend that long.

326
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,000
Yeah.

327
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,000
Generally, a snapper, you can look this up online.

328
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,000
It's no joke.

329
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,000
They can extend out probably more like three feet, not four feet,

330
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:30,000
but they will lunge at you and not move their body, but their neck will extend out.

331
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Kind of Rex Reed, Fantastic Four style, right?

332
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,000
Oh, yeah, this one lunge at me.

333
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,000
Okay, anyhow, go ahead, Rob.

334
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,000
I just wanted to point that out, so if anyone didn't know,

335
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,000
these things are capable of doing that.

336
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:50,000
Yeah, well, anyway, like I said, it's a good size turtle.

337
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,000
It's like 12 to 14 inches across the shell.

338
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,000
Yeah, yep.

339
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,000
From one side to the other, okay?

340
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:06,000
And this thing is literally like two inches from Business 5 Highway here in Campton.

341
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000
That's the main drag, right?

342
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:13,000
Yeah, the main drag coming right here.

343
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,000
And it's like 11 a.m. on a Saturday.

344
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,000
There was vehicles going both ways.

345
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,000
It was crazy.

346
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:31,000
So me being the softy that I am, I put my bag down and I took the left to it,

347
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:41,000
and I took my foot and nudged its shell, and that thing jumped around at me.

348
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:47,000
Well, I ended up luring it away from the road.

349
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,000
Wow.

350
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:52,000
Yeah, yeah, well, like I said, it was facing the road,

351
00:25:52,000 --> 00:26:00,000
and as it spun backwards to look at me, I turned back around over by the road

352
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:07,000
to get its attention and spun it back around just by talking to it

353
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,000
and it looking at me and talking to me.

354
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,000
It wanted to snap you?

355
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000
Yeah.

356
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000
Wow.

357
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:18,000
And so as I'm getting away from the road,

358
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:24,000
I'm looking at the road and watching traffic and everything, you know.

359
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,000
And there were people waving at me.

360
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:34,000
This was right across the street from Chuck Wagon Cafe.

361
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:39,000
And right next door is a bump of the bumper-bottles parts.

362
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:44,000
There were people in the Chuck Wagon parking lot watching me.

363
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,000
You know you're on the Internet right now.

364
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,000
I don't know. I haven't looked.

365
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,000
I bet you're on the Internet somewhere.

366
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:59,000
I ended up getting that total over to the grass, and once he hit the grass,

367
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:05,000
he just took off, and the last time I seen Freddy, he was hitting the ravine.

368
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,000
You even named him, huh?

369
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,000
Yes, I named him Freddy.

370
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:16,000
Yeah, he kind of looked a little like Freddy Krueger. He did.

371
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,000
And let me let everyone know here that does not know about a snapping turtle.

372
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:25,000
They have a very powerful beak that can take off fingers or a hand.

373
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,000
They can take off a full hand.

374
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:33,000
These things are nothing to be messing with, and they're extremely aggressive.

375
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,000
They don't like anybody.

376
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,000
They don't like anyone near them.

377
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,000
They don't like you even looking at them.

378
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:41,000
I had one following me because I was looking at it too much.

379
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,000
So anyhow, they're pretty vicious little creatures.

380
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,000
Well, Rob, you did a good thing.

381
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Yeah, I mean, yeah, because honestly, this turtle was so big,

382
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:57,000
I could see it doing some damage to somebody's car if they hit it with their wheel.

383
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,000
Hopefully it didn't go kill a little girl after that, right?

384
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,000
No.

385
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,000
I'm joking around.

386
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:11,000
Last time I seen him, he was heading down into the ravine at the bottom of the hill.

387
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,000
I made sure he made it back down there.

388
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,000
Wow. That's cool, Rob. What a cool story.

389
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:23,000
I mean, most people, to be honest, Rob, most people would not take that time.

390
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,000
They'd be like, oh, well, fuck it. It's just a turtle. I can't get it to do anything.

391
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Yeah.

392
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,000
Cool.

393
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,000
But you could tell this old boy been around a while.

394
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,000
I'm glad you saved it because he's probably...

395
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,000
I want him to keep going.

396
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:43,000
They live a long time, so he's probably old. He's a grandpa. Good for you, man. Great job.

397
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:53,000
And seriously, everybody out there, look up man saving a snapping turtle from getting hit by a car.

398
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:57,000
And I'll bet you Rob is one. In Camden, Missouri, you'll find Rob.

399
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,000
I bet it's already on the internet. I'm not joking. I bet it is.

400
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000
So, all right, let's take our first...

401
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:08,000
I looked like a turtle wrangler.

402
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:13,000
I was talking to it and saying, come on buddy, come get me.

403
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:17,000
I was keeping just enough distance.

404
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,000
Come on, bitch. Come on. That all you got?

405
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:25,000
Actually, I think I did say that at one point. I think I did.

406
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000
You snap like a little girl.

407
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000
Nobody else can hear me.

408
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:36,000
I would have loved it. I hope I find that video, Rob. I really do.

409
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,000
All right, let's take our first break.

410
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:46,000
And I'm going to tell you about just a few stories about how many phones I've lost in the freak show of how I lost them.

411
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,000
Because I sent a message to a friend of mine that I used to work...

412
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,000
He doesn't want to be named.

413
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:57,000
I named his name before and he heard it and he doesn't want to be associated with any of that anymore.

414
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,000
He's got a totally different kind of job.

415
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,000
He asked me not to mention his name.

416
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:05,000
So guy I used to work with reminded me of a couple of times.

417
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,000
And then I remembered some more.

418
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,000
And then he texts back and reminded me of another time.

419
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:16,000
So I'm going to go through a history of Mark's phones and how he lost them.

420
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,000
This is going to be interesting.

421
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:23,000
Oh, shit. Nothing tops the one in Nashville and the one in Philadelphia.

422
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,000
Those two are epic.

423
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,000
Just let me... let's take our break.

424
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,000
I'm going to come back with that. Okay? Does that sound good?

425
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,000
Sounds great.

426
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,000
All right, cool.

427
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,000
The apocalypse just happened.

428
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,000
You don't know what to do.

429
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000
You don't know where to go.

430
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,000
But we can tell you what you can eat.

431
00:30:55,000 --> 00:31:01,000
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.

432
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:05,000
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road.

433
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,000
But you do not have a can opener.

434
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:11,000
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete.

435
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:15,000
You rub the top of the can for five minutes.

436
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:20,000
Then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.

437
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:27,000
Introducing Rob Radd's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.

438
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,000
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you.

439
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:35,000
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.

440
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:40,000
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.

441
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:44,000
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream,

442
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,000
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.

443
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,000
Hey there, fuckstick.

444
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:55,000
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

445
00:31:55,000 --> 00:32:03,000
An Idaho man snaps 110 pencils in one minute, beating the old world record of 80.

446
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:10,000
Snaps 110 pencils in one minute, beating the old world record of 80.

447
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,000
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.

448
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,000
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.

449
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:30,000
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.

450
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,000
It's okay, I have a clown nose.

451
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:38,000
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.

452
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,000
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?

453
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:45,000
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.

454
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,000
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.

455
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,000
Grab one today and make magic happen.

456
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:55,000
Have you ever wondered where something came from?

457
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,000
Have you ever looked at something and said,

458
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,000
Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?

459
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:05,000
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.

460
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,000
The Origin of the Hamburger Bun.

461
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:17,000
The family of Oscar Willerby claims the first known hamburger on a bun was served on July 4th, 1891 on Grandpa Oscar's farm.

462
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,000
The bun was reportedly a yeast bun.

463
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:27,000
Your mama is like the sun, big, round and hardened to look at.

464
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,000
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.

465
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,000
Are you a banana? You look appealing.

466
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:45,000
Now, from a sundered brown bunker camped in Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned food and a couple of vibrating toys.

467
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,000
It's ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.

468
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:55,000
Batman would look ridiculous solving crime on a sunny day.

469
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,000
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.

470
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,000
And I'm Rob.

471
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:18,000
All right. Well, like I promised, I have I don't know how many phones I've went through.

472
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:22,000
I have a horrible way of just destroying my phones.

473
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,000
I don't know why. You know, maybe it's subconsciously.

474
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,000
I don't want to be on them all the time.

475
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,000
And I do it like that. I don't know.

476
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,000
But I do not have good luck with phones traditionally.

477
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,000
And I thought I was over it.

478
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,000
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

479
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:40,000
So like I said, a friend of mine, I sent him a text showed him the old phone.

480
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,000
He's like, yeah, and remember this and remember that.

481
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:44,000
And I'm like, oh, shit.

482
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:50,000
And he goes, I would love a rundown of all of these phones.

483
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:55,000
So I'm going to try to give you a rundown of the most interesting ones, because some of them are boring.

484
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,000
But the most interesting ones are right here.

485
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,000
First off, Nashville, Tennessee.

486
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,000
I lost two phones.

487
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:06,000
The first phone, we were out on a job site and we're in a bucket lift.

488
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:16,000
OK, and I had this block, the steel block that we're welding into, you know, to fasten glass to later.

489
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,000
We were we were welding that steel block in.

490
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,000
Right. So anyhow, it took both hands.

491
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:29,000
And I was trying to look at something on my phone to figure out how to do it and how to how, you know, how to level it off right and all that stuff, because it wasn't quite through.

492
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,000
Sure. So I put it on the ledge of what we're working on.

493
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:39,000
Someone called me and it vibrated off of the ledge and fell down to a step 50 foot down.

494
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:44,000
So that was the first one. Somebody called you vibrate it off.

495
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:48,000
I heard suicide.

496
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000
And then, oh, shit.

497
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,000
I almost mentioned his name. Sorry.

498
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:57,000
OK. Then guy I work with said, dude, that was your phone.

499
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:02,000
It just vibrated off. Oh, shit. I had it on vibrate.

500
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,000
Look down there. Yep, it's gone.

501
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,000
Some guy in a hard hat looking at me like you're throwing shit at me.

502
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:11,000
Oh, fuck. So anyhow, that was the first one in Nashville.

503
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,000
The second one, I'm going out.

504
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,000
We had a couple of days off there because of some things that happened.

505
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:22,000
It wasn't our fault. But, you know, the job got delayed a couple of days.

506
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:27,000
So we had a couple of free days. So I'm on east.

507
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,000
Oh, shit. I forgot.

508
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,000
I forgot the name of the main drag there.

509
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:36,000
South Broadway.

510
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,000
OK. I'm on South Broadway and I'm going to like Luke Bryan's.

511
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,000
I'm trying to go to the Redneck Oasis is what they call it. Right.

512
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,000
It starts pouring.

513
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:50,000
So anyhow, I'm like, wow, shit, man. I'm getting just fucking, you know, I'm soaked.

514
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,000
All of a sudden, I think my phone. Fuck. It's in my pocket.

515
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,000
So I get my phone out. OK.

516
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:59,000
And it starts doing those little pixel things like it's getting ready to die.

517
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,000
I'm like, oh, shit. I don't even know where I'm at.

518
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,000
And I don't know where the hotel is because it's in my phone. Right.

519
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:08,000
So I hit Uber as soon as I could right then. OK.

520
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,000
And there was an Uber right in front of me.

521
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000
And the guy opens it up. You mark. Yeah, I mark.

522
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,000
And anyhow, it already put the directions into him where I was going.

523
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,000
Then my phone went out on me.

524
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:24,000
So if I wouldn't have done that, I don't know what the fuck I would have done to find, you know, where I was staying.

525
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,000
I didn't know. I didn't know the name of the hotel.

526
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,000
We were just there a couple of days.

527
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:33,000
And how I would have ordered an Uber or nothing.

528
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:39,000
I would have been out there on I think it's East Broadway, actually, out there on East Broadway with nothing.

529
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:46,000
So anyhow, I would have figured a way out of it, but it would have been it would have taken a long time and it would have sucked.

530
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:53,000
So all right. So then the next one, this is the most famous one that I remember right off the back that really sucked.

531
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:57,000
I was flying to a job in Delaware one Sunday.

532
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,000
We had to get there Sunday and start working Monday.

533
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,000
I was getting off the shuttle from Philadelphia. I was by myself.

534
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:09,000
The other guy, he was oh, he was flying down from New York because he was at a job in New York.

535
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:14,000
So he was flying down from one destination. I was flying from Kansas City.

536
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:19,000
OK, so I was getting off the shuttle from Philadelphia International to the car rental location.

537
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,000
So I reached for my phone, right?

538
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:29,000
It slipped out of my hand and went underneath the tire of the shuttle, the shuttle that took me to the to the car rental.

539
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Right. I yelled for the driver to stop and almost jumped in front of the shuttle, but he didn't hear me.

540
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:39,000
And he ran over my phone and it was crushed.

541
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:51,000
I had to walk a mile to a Verizon store because I couldn't order an Uber, you know, for that mile to a Verizon store because the app was on my phone.

542
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:59,000
Right. I couldn't have my car reservations because it was an email on my phone.

543
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:04,000
I didn't know the hotel because it was an email.

544
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:10,000
Say it with me. On my phone. On your phone.

545
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:15,000
So finally, I didn't know the job site.

546
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:19,000
No, not finally, but anyhow, I did not know the job site because it was an email.

547
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:24,000
What was it? On my phone. On your phone.

548
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:32,000
And finally, I could not call the secretary from work, her cell phone, because her number was in my phone.

549
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:39,000
So I get the I get the phone from Verizon after a mile of walking.

550
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:44,000
I'm tired. You know, I've been up really early at KCI trying to get on this damn plane and all that stuff.

551
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:51,000
Right. So I sat on a bench in front of the phone store and set up my Google account and and everything.

552
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,000
So luckily, the emails are preserved on.

553
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:58,000
I got a Hotmail account and they're preserved on there through Google.

554
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,000
You know, I don't know how they do it, but anyhow, I got everything back.

555
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:09,000
So anyhow, so I went down, you know, and I got, you know, I had to reset all my passwords and shit.

556
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:13,000
So it took a couple of hours on that bench and I could finally get an Uber.

557
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:22,000
And anyhow, it I got an Uber and I got to the car rental place in about 10 minutes before they close.

558
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000
I was so lucky. So I got the car.

559
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:32,000
There was I got the car in my name and I got to the hotel and all that stuff because but it was it just sucked

560
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:36,000
because so many weird things had to happen for it to all be like that.

561
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,000
Number one, everything had to be on my phone. Nothing printed out.

562
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,000
I didn't have a chance to print it out. They called me up and said, hey, we need you there tomorrow.

563
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,000
You know, we need you on a plane tomorrow. It's like, OK.

564
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,000
So I had to get packed that day and get the hell out of there.

565
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:53,000
OK, so number one, when I picked the phone up, you know, out of my pocket, it squirted out of my hand was weird.

566
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,000
It's just like someone put grease on it, but my hands weren't greasy.

567
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:01,000
It to land underneath the tire like it did was.

568
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,000
Yeah, if I wanted to do that, I could never do it.

569
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:11,000
And then the guy not seeing me when I'm jumping up and down, stop, halt was weird, too.

570
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:17,000
And so that led to the phone being crushed and that led to me having several hours of hell.

571
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:23,000
So and then another one, I was on vacation. No, no, no.

572
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,000
Here first, I'll get to the end of the job site stuff.

573
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,000
There's more on job sites. There's one in Iowa.

574
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:32,000
I can't remember what happened, so I can't even. Yeah, I lost one in Iowa somewhere.

575
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:42,000
But anyhow, we were in San Jose, California, and this is where in the the hotel was in Santa Clara.

576
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:49,000
And we're doing a job in Santa, San Jose, and we're at the swimming pool at the hotel.

577
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:55,000
OK, and anyhow, I have the phone in my hand and I dropped it.

578
00:41:55,000 --> 00:42:00,000
I just dropped it straight into the swimming pool. Yeah.

579
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,000
So anyhow, that's kind of anticloud.

580
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,000
I know it's not very thrilling, but that was my other one.

581
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,000
And then the final one, I was on vacation in New Orleans.

582
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,000
And anyhow, my phone, I lost it. I don't know what happened to it.

583
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:19,000
And I had an hour and a half to get on the cruise ship and get a phone.

584
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,000
So anyhow, luckily, I had people around there was going on the cruise with me.

585
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,000
They drove me to a phone store.

586
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:28,000
But we got on the cruise ship about five minutes before it was debarking.

587
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:35,000
So anyhow, that is a rundown of the most memorable phones that I lost.

588
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,000
Rob, we turn it to you.

589
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,000
Oh, boy.

590
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:47,000
Well, hey, one of the ones I remember the most that I lost.

591
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:54,000
I was doing some property management down here, some maintenance work.

592
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:59,000
And I was we had this leaf trailer.

593
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:05,000
It's like a cage trailer with a big motor and hose and stuff.

594
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:14,000
It's a trailer, you know, well, the hose had like a it's like a four inch hose on it.

595
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:20,000
I see my phone just in time going up to that hose.

596
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:30,000
Well, when the leaves go in that hose, it goes into a chipper.

597
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:35,000
And I thought my phone was in about four different parts.

598
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,000
I found it.

599
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:43,000
Oh, my gosh.

600
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:50,000
OK, that registers that registers on my level, dude.

601
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000
Yeah, I see it just in time.

602
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,000
Stuff right up into that hose.

603
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,000
I like. Oh, shit.

604
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,000
Dude, that's classic. That's classic me.

605
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:10,000
Me watching my phone get crushed by a fucking tire, get it, get it mowed up by a mower, get it fucking vibrated off a ledge.

606
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,000
You can't make this shit up.

607
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,000
So anyhow, go ahead with what you're going to.

608
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:24,000
On another note, if you heard about the propaganda war between North Korea and South Korea that's going on.

609
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:29,000
Are you talking about the balloons? Yeah, go ahead.

610
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:35,000
Go ahead. This is fucked.

611
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:56,000
This comes just days after Kim Il, a North Korean defense minister, warned that the regime would retaliate in response to anti North Korean leaflets flown across the border by South Korean activists.

612
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:05,000
The South Korean activists started this. They flew over and dropped leaflets on North Korea.

613
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Well, our little buddy Kim Jong Un has dropped at least 260 white balloons filled with filthy waste and trash onto South Korea as North Korea officials aim to teach them a lesson in the midst of a never ending propaganda war.

614
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:39,000
The balloons appear to have been carrying various items of rubbish, including plastic bottles, batteries, toilet paper, and what is believed to be manure.

615
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:47,000
Yeah, it's like dog shit, I think is the main ingredient in that muck that they put in there.

616
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:58,000
The authorities have heard South Korean residents to stay indoors as a result after the balloons began to fall from the sky.

617
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:07,000
The South Korean military said unidentified objects have been spotted near the demilitarized zone.

618
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:29,000
The border which separates the two Koreans, the blues which were founded eight of nine provinces in South Korea are now being analyzed and investigated to see whether they contain any North Korean propaganda.

619
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:39,000
If you already found shit, you really gotta dig through it to find a good example.

620
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:08,000
Yeah, and these poor military people are getting up and shitting all of it.

621
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:14,000
This is crazy. And these people gotta clean it up.

622
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:21,000
How do you get on that in air quotations, shit list, Rob?

623
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,000
I, well...

624
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,000
I don't know, do people vote you in?

625
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:30,000
I'm gonna begin kidding Joe Nunes.

626
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:34,000
I mean, do people vote you in or something? Like you're like the biggest asshole around.

627
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:40,000
They're like, hey, I think I think Mark should go clean that and look through it.

628
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Oh man, that little fat man. He just never stops, does he?

629
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:51,000
Yeah, that little fat piece of shit, allegedly.

630
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:56,000
Wow. Thank you, Rob. Thanks for that story.

631
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,000
Alright.

632
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000
I got one slightly different.

633
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:08,000
I found out about this just organically, and I had no idea it was such a big thing right now.

634
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:20,000
So there's this growing cult-like fandom on the internet over the 1994 release of Motley Crue's self-titled album that features John Karabi on vocals.

635
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:26,000
The album at the time flopped horribly, and eventually after a brutal tour that I went to, it fell miserably.

636
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:31,000
It was out at Sandstone at the time, now I think it's at Azure or whatever.

637
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:37,000
And it holds about, I don't know, roughly about 17,000, 18,000 people.

638
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:42,000
There's like 3,000 people there. I mean, there's barely a speck there.

639
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,000
And it flopped so bad.

640
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:53,000
So it felt so bad they had to have Vince Neil rejoin the band on vocals, and they all had to act like they like each other and all that.

641
00:48:53,000 --> 00:49:02,000
I've been a part of these music websites that fans show off rarities and odd merch and limited edition posters and so forth.

642
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:06,000
There's this very rare EP called Coordinary.

643
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:11,000
You could only get it if you bought the self-titled Motley CD like I did.

644
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:18,000
And inside it was this, it was a limited edition EP with six songs on it, okay?

645
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:23,000
And it's a CD, but the only way you get it is buying the self-titled album.

646
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:29,000
And inside it was this little pamphlet that you actually had to mail order it.

647
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:36,000
You give them a check, you put it in an envelope, you write this address down, you tell them where to send it,

648
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:40,000
and then you have to pay a little bit for postage, and they send it to you.

649
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,000
So like three weeks later I get this thing, right? It's called Coordinary.

650
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:51,000
And it was each member had a solo song, and they had two new songs all together as a band.

651
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,000
Mick had an insane solo called Bittersweet that was so good.

652
00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:01,000
John's song is really good, and then it was a very Beatle-esque, influence song with a lot of harmony.

653
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:07,000
And then there's one that they called Friends, which is just a fantastic ditty.

654
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:11,000
It's kind of Beatle-ish too, and great harmonies and chorus.

655
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:17,000
It's a really good little album, and I don't understand how none of it made its way on an official album, you know,

656
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000
because it was so good.

657
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,000
I happened to be one of only maybe 200 people who bothered to buy one.

658
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:29,000
You know, I mentioned people were saying something about Coordinary and what they thought of and all that stuff,

659
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:34,000
so I just mentioned on this music rarity site, I just mentioned that I got one.

660
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:41,000
So then a bunch of people said, take a picture or you're fucking lying.

661
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,000
So I'm like, all right, bitches, I took a picture of it and I posted it.

662
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:49,000
I got over 300 responses in about two hours of people wanting to buy that.

663
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,000
It's not for sale.

664
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:55,000
I do not want to part with it. I don't care what they offer.

665
00:50:55,000 --> 00:51:00,000
It's part of me. It's something that I remember, that I bothered to get, that I love.

666
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:05,000
I could not believe that that thing at one time no one would touch.

667
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,000
They thought it was horrible.

668
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:14,000
And Coordinary, like I said, I think only 200 people bothered to get that little pamphlet out of the CD and actually order one.

669
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:18,000
And now I get like 300 people wanting to pay big bucks for it.

670
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,000
Isn't that weird?

671
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,000
Yeah.

672
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,000
Yeah, I was just kind of astounded.

673
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,000
I'm like, the first couple I thought is a joke.

674
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,000
I was like, yeah, these fuckers don't want it. They're just messing with me.

675
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:33,000
No, it wasn't a joke. They really did want it.

676
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:38,000
So anyhow, anyhow, Rob, you got something?

677
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:41,000
Wait, wait, wait. Let's let's take our second break here.

678
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,000
OK, and then we'll come right back with your.

679
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Because my next one could be a little winky.

680
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:48,000
OK, that's cool.

681
00:51:48,000 --> 00:52:04,000
All right, we will be right back in a couple of minutes, like always.

682
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:08,000
Next up, things overheard in hell.

683
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Hurry up. King Jong Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year.

684
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,000
Yay.

685
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:20,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

686
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:23,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

687
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,000
Real hilarity.

688
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,000
I will rescue.

689
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:35,000
But my mom told me to not burn trash.

690
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:39,000
We need to leave.

691
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:44,000
Hey, look, I think we found land. Oh my God, I think we're safe.

692
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:53,000
Oh, no, it's the island of horrible jokes.

693
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,000
Why?

694
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,000
Can't it be 12 inches long?

695
00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:02,000
Because then it would be a foot.

696
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:11,000
Your mom is so ugly, your dad takes her to work every day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

697
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,000
This is Chicago.

698
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:21,000
I am the most dangerous city in North America.

699
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,000
You can't touch me.

700
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:27,000
Oh, yeah, this is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.

701
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:31,000
Two dish bags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.

702
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,000
We offer you.

703
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:37,000
First world problems.

704
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:42,000
The city services website is down again.

705
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:48,000
I can't believe this. I'm going to have to actually call and talk to someone to pay my damn trash bill.

706
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:51,000
This is ridiculous.

707
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:58,000
And now deep thoughts with Mark.

708
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:04,000
OK, let's say I'm walking through a mall and I suddenly walk through a fart.

709
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:07,000
Does that fart then attach itself to me?

710
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:12,000
And then when I walk around, people think I'm the gassy one.

711
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:25,000
I may never know.

712
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:30,000
Hello, podcasting friends, fellow friends of the podcast.

713
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:34,000
This is Topher with a report live from Topher's desk.

714
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:39,000
And what I have for you today is movies with weird titles.

715
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,000
Yeah, this is going to be good.

716
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:46,000
Now, if you're you will listen to the show, you know that there's language.

717
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,000
So you're not going to be surprised at all the language here.

718
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,000
But there are some words I'm not going to say.

719
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:56,000
So like the N word, there's a couple in here with the N word and I'm not going to say that.

720
00:54:56,000 --> 00:55:02,000
So here we go. Number one, the tale of the voodoo prostitute from 2012.

721
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:08,000
The tale of the voodoo prostitute centers on a rough and rugged venomous gangster.

722
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:14,000
He has the misfortune of meeting the wrong woman that has a few secrets concerning her background and abilities.

723
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:23,000
Top cast is Jade Kelly, Charles Buchanan, Heather McCormick and Martin Ezell.

724
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:26,000
Check that one out. That's bound to be great.

725
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:31,000
From 1975, we have Super Cock. Yes, indeed.

726
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:36,000
American cowboy in the Philippines gets mixed up in cock fighting.

727
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,000
There you go. That's what it. OK.

728
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:44,000
Top cast Ross Hagen, Nancy Kwan, Tony Loria and Logan Clark.

729
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:49,000
I wonder if Nancy Kwan was related to Michelle Kwan, the ice skater.

730
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:50,000
That would be cool.

731
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:57,000
Now we'll jump ahead to 1989 and the over sexed rug suckers from Mars.

732
00:55:57,000 --> 00:56:04,000
Yeah, aliens returned to Earth after 10 million years to see what has become of the human experiment they have created.

733
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:07,000
Only be disappointed by what they find.

734
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:12,000
All right. Top rated cast in over sexed rug suckers from Mars.

735
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:18,000
Richard Monda, Gene Stewart, Billy Bob Rhodes and Bill Monsoor.

736
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:23,000
Yeah, I'm sure that's featured prominently on their resume.

737
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:27,000
Here we go. This is one I remember when it came out.

738
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:34,000
1974, Flesh Gordon. Yeah, rated R, hour and 18 minutes.

739
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,000
At the time, it was considered X.

740
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:42,000
So what it's about. Emperor Wang is the leader of the planet porno.

741
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:48,000
I can't say that with a straight face.

742
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:58,000
Emperor Wang is the leader of the planet porno and he sends his mighty sex ray towards Earth, which turns everyone into sex mad fiends.

743
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:02,000
Only one person can save the Earth, a football player named Flesh Gordon.

744
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:12,000
Top billing for Jason Williams, Suzanne Fields and Joseph Hudgens. Wow.

745
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:19,000
OK, staying in 1974, we have Boss N-Word.

746
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,000
And it's printed out right here in front of me, but I ain't going to say it. It's the N-Word.

747
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:29,000
OK, two black bounty hunters pursuing an outlaw take over a small western town without a sheriff.

748
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:35,000
Stars Fred Williamson, Derville Martin and William Smith.

749
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:42,000
William Smith. Not the same as Will Smith. It's 1974.

750
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:50,000
Up next, from 1996, Don't be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood.

751
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:55,000
Wow. OK, it was a parody of several US films about being in the hood.

752
00:57:55,000 --> 00:58:05,000
For instance, Boys in the Hood from 91, South Central from 92, Menace II Society from 93, Higher Learning from 95 and Juice from 92.

753
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:12,000
Stars, can you guess? Sean Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Keenan Ivory Wayans.

754
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:22,000
It's the Wayans Brothers. Man, those guys can't make a bad movie if they tried. Seriously, if the Wayans Brothers are involved, you know it's worth watching.

755
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:30,000
All right, next on our list, Fertilize the Blasphemy Bombshell.

756
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:41,000
I have no idea what that means. All right, 1990, Sheila Khan is menaced by Satan worshippers on her journey from Brooklyn to Las Vegas.

757
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:45,000
Good Lord, if you're going to leave Brooklyn, don't go to Vegas.

758
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:57,000
In an effort to find out what happened to her twin sister, oh, you got to love a movie of twin sisters, she undergoes many treacherous journeys, a number of Satanist slayings and a number of showers.

759
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:06,000
OK, so I guess that's so they can show the boobies on screen. OK, stars, Bo Hopkins, Rick Hill and Robert Tessier.

760
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:09,000
Might be Tessier. I have no idea.

761
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:20,000
All right, moving along, Horror of the Hungry Humongous Hungan. Did I say that right? Horror of the Hungry Humongous Hungan.

762
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:36,000
OK, 1991, Genetic Experiments Gone Wrong unleashed an ancient voodoo curse that produces a masticating monster with an appetite for terror, narrated by Oscar winning actor Jack Palance.

763
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:47,000
Amazing. All right, it stars Joseph E. Miller, Brenda Moyer and David A. Yocum, not to be confused with Dwight Yocum.

764
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:59,000
Wild Weed from 1949. Wild Weed from 1949, a chorus girl's career is ruined and her brother is driven to suicide when she starts smoking the Marijuana.

765
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:06,000
Oh my God. Stars Lila Leeds, Alan Baxter and Lyle Talbot.

766
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:13,000
Kind of makes me want to smoke some weed right now while I'm doing this, you know, they have a movie called Wild Weed.

767
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:17,000
You just got to smoke weed while you're seeing it, don't you?

768
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,000
I think so. All right.

769
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:29,000
Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies from 1964 starring Ray Dennis Steckler, Brett O'Hara and Atlas King.

770
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:34,000
Jerry falls in love with a stripper. He meets at a carnival. But haven't we all done that?

771
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:42,000
Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. Oh, a gypsy curse.

772
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:45,000
There we go. Good gypsy curse movies. Yeah.

773
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:52,000
Next up on the list from 2016, Don't Fuck in the Woods.

774
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:56,000
That sounds like you're just giving advice, but that's the title of the movie.

775
01:00:56,000 --> 01:01:00,000
A group of friends are going on a camping trip to celebrate graduating college.

776
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:04,000
But once they enter the woods, the group are attacked by a creature.

777
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:09,000
I'm guessing while they're fucking. So, you know, I use the title Don't Fuck in the Woods.

778
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:18,000
Stars Brandy Mason, Scott Gillespie and Brittany Blanton. And I'm sure it features the breasts of all the female cast members.

779
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:23,000
All right. 2017. Izzy gets the fuck across town.

780
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:33,000
A woman at rock bottom must find her way across Los Angeles in order to crash her ex-boyfriend's engagement party.

781
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:37,000
You know, I think I'd watch that. I think I would actually watch that one.

782
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:42,000
Stars Mackenzie Davis, Dolly Wells and Alex Russell.

783
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:50,000
Blood Orgy of the She Devils. Wow. 1973. Times were pretty weird in 73.

784
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:58,000
Lorraine and Mark enter the world of witchcraft where Mara foretells the future and helps them remember their past lives.

785
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:03,000
When a series of mysterious murders begin to occur, they turn to Dr. Heldsford for advice.

786
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:09,000
Stars Leela Zaborin, Victor Isaac and Tom Pace.

787
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:15,000
OK. Followed by 2003. So this wasn't all that long ago.

788
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:23,000
It's called The Man with the Smallest Penis in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him.

789
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:26,000
Take a deep breath before you say that title. Let's go again.

790
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:34,000
The Man with the Smallest Penis in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him. There. OK.

791
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:42,000
2003. One man's pencil dick is another man's hack blammer. Hack blammer.

792
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:49,000
What's a hack blammer? It's written down right there. One man's pencil dick is another man's hack blammer.

793
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:56,000
The truth that Stefan Gutenheim needed to swallow. Of course they put the word swallow in there.

794
01:02:56,000 --> 01:03:01,000
Stefan Gutenheim. Are they implying that he's Jewish and that Jewish people have small penises?

795
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:06,000
I've heard that stereotype before. Never really cared either way.

796
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:12,000
All right. Stars Ariane Brandt and Luke Dinsdale.

797
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:20,000
All right. Moving along. 1990. A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hill.

798
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:25,000
Poor dinosaurs. They got their own hell.

799
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:31,000
That's for all the naughty dinosaurs, I guess.

800
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:36,000
I'm sorry.

801
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:40,000
I'm imagining a dinosaur devil.

802
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:50,000
In the post Armageddon world, a young woman finds herself in the fight for survival against mutant cavemen, dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals.

803
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:56,000
Post Armageddon world. OK. So that's why it's a it's it's hell with dinosaurs.

804
01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:02,000
So it's not hell for dinosaurs. That makes me feel better because those poor dinosaurs didn't do anything.

805
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:07,000
Deserve going to hell. All right. The stars of this one, if you can call them stars.

806
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:12,000
Paul Gutsy, Linda Corwin and Alex Kearney.

807
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:16,000
All right. Here's one from 2001.

808
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:20,000
Should have been 1978, but it's 2001.

809
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:25,000
Avenging Disco Vampires. That's why it should have been in 1978.

810
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:30,000
Starring Jarrett Tate, Casey Jacobs and Carys Waggoner.

811
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:43,000
Jacob and Frank Caesar, two murderous fugitives, have chosen the secluded woods surrounding Rabbit Hash.

812
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:51,000
Oh, my God. The name of this town, Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.

813
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:58,000
Oh, my God. I got to find out if there really is a Rabbit Hash, Kentucky.

814
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:01,000
OK, let me start over.

815
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:18,000
Jacob and Frank Caesar, two murderous fugitives, has chosen the secluded woods surrounding Rabbit Hash, Kentucky to bury their latest victim.

816
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:22,000
One shallow grave stands between them and the freedom.

817
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:26,000
They had no idea what they were about to get into.

818
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:31,000
Oh, my God. I'm going to have to watch this.

819
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:37,000
2001 Avenging Disco Vampires.

820
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:42,000
Oh, my God.

821
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:45,000
Oh, my gosh.

822
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:51,000
I've left myself into a coughing fit. Excuse me.

823
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:55,000
OK.

824
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:59,000
Let's try this next one.

825
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:09,000
From 1989, Chopper Chicks in...

826
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:14,000
All right. I'm going to have to stick a pin in myself or something.

827
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:20,000
All right. Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town.

828
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:23,000
A gang of tough women bikers.

829
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:28,000
And really, you know, if they're a gang of women bikers, you just presume they're tough.

830
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:37,000
A gang of tough women bikers are the only thing that stands between a crowd of zombies which have accidentally been let out of their secure cave.

831
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:41,000
Did you accidentally let the zombies out?

832
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:46,000
OK, they've been accidentally let out of their secure cave.

833
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:52,000
And I guess they're fighting the ones still alive in the town.

834
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:59,000
OK, stars Jamie Rose, Catherine Carlin and Lysia Nath.

835
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:11,000
Excuse me if I'm mispronouncing your name. I'm sure you're a great and wondrous movie star by now with Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town.

836
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:17,000
1997 brought us Attack of the Killer Manatee.

837
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:24,000
In case you weren't aware, the manatee is the only creature on earth that is born without the ability to get angry.

838
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,000
But apparently they can kill.

839
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:31,000
Teens on a camping trip find the old road to a boat ramp has been mysteriously removed.

840
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:35,000
They trek through the woods. Oh, that's a mistake. You never trek through the woods.

841
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:38,000
Until they find a place where the road picks up again.

842
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:46,000
When they get to the end of the line, they find a nuclear power plant now standing.

843
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:55,000
Wow, that went downhill in a hurry. Nuclear power plant stands in the once pristine wetlands.

844
01:07:55,000 --> 01:08:00,000
Oh, wow.

845
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:04,000
This is making Pee-wee's Playhouse look like Shakespeare.

846
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:12,000
OK, this stars Richard R. Aniskay, Bill Laffey, Ben Laffey, sorry, and Sylvia Oakman.

847
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:16,000
Wow, all right. Here's going to be a really good one.

848
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:20,000
From 1988, we have Curse of the Queer Wolf.

849
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:23,000
After being bitten by what he thinks is a transvestite.

850
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:27,000
That's, boy, that word isn't really used anymore, is it? Yeah, OK.

851
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:29,000
Anyway, that's how it's written.

852
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:41,000
After being bitten by what he thinks is a transvestite, Larry starts having nightmares about Hillbilly's ominous visits from an old gypsy woman and having the strangest reactions to the full moon.

853
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:45,000
Nightmares about Hillbillies. Wow.

854
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:54,000
Sign me up. Stars Michael Palazzolo, Kent Butler and Taylor Whitney.

855
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,000
Hmm. All right.

856
01:08:56,000 --> 01:09:02,000
And for a little bit on the lighter side, 1994 brought us Teenage Catgirls in Heat.

857
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:13,000
An Egyptian cat goddess in the form of a statuette commands all the local felines to surrender one of their nine lives so they can transform into beautiful women to mate with and terminate human males.

858
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:18,000
Then prepare the way for the great litter.

859
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:21,000
The great litter.

860
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:25,000
Are they talking about a litter of kittens or the litter box?

861
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:37,000
OK, as Merelda Huffhines, Helen Griffiths and Dorothy Lane got the start of their amazing acting career in Teenage Catgirls in Heat.

862
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:49,000
1989, The Nutzoids at Cannibal Cove starring Bob Rose, Dana Michelle and Gerard Maschioli, an uptight and strange family, goes looking for their missing son.

863
01:09:49,000 --> 01:10:02,000
On the road, they bump into a prostitute and an elderly clairvoyant because, you know, prostitutes and elderly clairvoyants hang out all the time to get her.

864
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:05,000
OK.

865
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:10,000
1973. Oh, that was an amazing year, wasn't it?

866
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:14,000
1973 brought us Please Don't Eat My Mother.

867
01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:22,000
A man, a middle aged man buys a plant with a sexy voice that develops a craving for insects, frogs, dogs and humans.

868
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:27,000
Stars Buck Cartalion, Lynn Lundgren and Art Hedberg.

869
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:31,000
Sounds like somebody who's ripping off little shop of horrors.

870
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:33,000
Big time.

871
01:10:33,000 --> 01:10:38,000
Here's one that's, boy, you're just going to have to use your imagination on this one.

872
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:40,000
There's very little information.

873
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:46,000
Soggy Penis Syndrome from 2004.

874
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:55,000
Released in March 20th, 2004 in the United States in English and it was directed by Rosie Boyer.

875
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:58,000
And it's called Soggy Penis Syndrome.

876
01:10:58,000 --> 01:11:00,000
That's all I got on it.

877
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:01,000
That's all.

878
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:06,000
Nobody wants to give us any more information on that one.

879
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:08,000
Here's a movie that just needed to be made.

880
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:11,000
I mean, there is always a market for this.

881
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:14,000
The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror.

882
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:19,000
Because why can't a terror movie be set in a gay bed and breakfast?

883
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,000
2007.

884
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:33,000
Helen and Luella are just another typical God fearing mother and daughter who happen to bake mincemeat muffins and run a charming, if not a bit faded, bed and breakfast in.

885
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:36,000
Or are they?

886
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:40,000
On the eve of the biggest gay party weekend of the year.

887
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,000
You can use your imagination.

888
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:47,000
Anyway, Mary Marks, Michael Soldier and Georgia Jean.

889
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:50,000
I imagine people probably get things chopped off in that.

890
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,000
OK.

891
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:55,000
The Legend of Charlie.

892
01:11:55,000 --> 01:12:00,000
Substitute in the N-word for the legend of N-word Charlie.

893
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:01,000
Yeah. Yikes.

894
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:10,000
1972. A slave kills a white man in self-defense and heads west towards freedom pursued by a professional slave hunter.

895
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:14,000
Man, they could have given it just about any other title.

896
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:15,000
And you know what?

897
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:18,000
It's got two of the same guys that were in Boss.

898
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,000
The movie we talked about earlier.

899
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:25,000
Fred Williamson, Derville Martin and then Don Pedro Collie.

900
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:31,000
And the last one on our list from 2011. Banana motherfucker.

901
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:34,000
Six adventurers go on a quest for a mystical cemetery.

902
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:40,000
After disturbing the dead, they trigger an ancient curse that will destroy the entire world.

903
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:45,000
Mario Livieri, Pedro Florencio and Luis Henriquez.

904
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:47,000
Henriquez? Yeah.

905
01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:54,000
So I'm guessing this is probably actually in Spanish language.

906
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,000
But there's probably a devil in there.

907
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,000
All right. There you go.

908
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:01,000
Bunch of movies with really weird titles.

909
01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:03,000
And I'm kind of done thinking about them.

910
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:05,000
You know, I want to go watch one or two of them.

911
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,000
But holy moly, those were strange.

912
01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:10,000
OK. Thanks for listening.

913
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:18,000
And if you got any ideas of some lists or things you want me to look into, let Mark know and he'll pass it on to me.

914
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:22,000
And we'll have another live from Topher's desk.

915
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,000
All right. That's it for me.

916
01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:25,000
I'm out.

917
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:35,000
To Douchebags Microphone, I'm Mark.

918
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:37,000
And I am Rob.

919
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:40,000
Rob, you had something you want to get to.

920
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:43,000
But first off, you guys did not see that coming, did you?

921
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,000
Topher's got his own segment.

922
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:48,000
I bet they did not. I bet they didn't.

923
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:49,000
Nope, nope, nope, nope.

924
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:50,000
What a surprise.

925
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:53,000
Just like that, Topher is involved again.

926
01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:54,000
And he's going to keep producing.

927
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:57,000
It's good to hear his voice again.

928
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,000
I love this segment.

929
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:02,000
You know, there's bad movies in their titles.

930
01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:03,000
It's really good.

931
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:06,000
It's standard Topher stuff.

932
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:08,000
I mean, the qualities there and all that.

933
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,000
So it's glad to hear him back in action.

934
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:12,000
And he's going to be doing more of these things.

935
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,000
So you are forewarned.

936
01:14:14,000 --> 01:14:16,000
Topher is still a part of the program.

937
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,000
And you cannot get rid of him.

938
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:23,000
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you for your story.

939
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:27,000
All right, yeah.

940
01:14:27,000 --> 01:14:31,000
I ran across this on BuzzFeed.

941
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:33,000
It's 15 fast.

942
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,000
It's surprisingly like a lot of people don't know.

943
01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:38,000
OK, this sounds good.

944
01:14:38,000 --> 01:14:43,000
And what it was is I wanted to do about half of them tonight

945
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:45,000
and half of them another time.

946
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:46,000
OK.

947
01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:49,000
Because it's a little lengthy.

948
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:50,000
OK.

949
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:52,000
All right.

950
01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:56,000
First off, sign language isn't universal.

951
01:14:56,000 --> 01:15:00,000
Sign languages are their own unique languages,

952
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:04,000
not just a signed version of spoken language.

953
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:10,000
There are, in fact, around 300 different sign languages.

954
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:14,000
Different countries have their own sign languages as well,

955
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:19,000
which vary even if the base language is the same.

956
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:22,000
For instance, both American and British sign languages

957
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:25,000
are based on the English language.

958
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:30,000
But they are two entirely different sign languages.

959
01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:31,000
OK.

960
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,000
I did not know that.

961
01:15:33,000 --> 01:15:35,000
Me neither.

962
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:38,000
I was one that thought sign languages were universal.

963
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:39,000
But they're not.

964
01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:41,000
It's not.

965
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:45,000
I guess I'd have no reason to know that, but it's still weird.

966
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:57,000
Next up, UTIs and the elderly can cause them to hallucinate

967
01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:59,000
or be disappointed.

968
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,000
I actually knew that because I'm just not going to go into it,

969
01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:05,000
but I know someone that had one and did hallucinate.

970
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:07,000
Not my mom.

971
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:08,000
My mom didn't have one.

972
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,000
It wasn't her, but it was something.

973
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,000
Go ahead.

974
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:17,000
Older patients with UTIs tend to have untraditional symptoms.

975
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:23,000
They often experience symptoms such as delirium,

976
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:26,000
tachycardia, frequent falling,

977
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:30,000
or in more extreme cases, hallucinations.

978
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:33,000
Wow.

979
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:35,000
That was something I did not know.

980
01:16:35,000 --> 01:16:37,000
Like I said, unfortunately, I know about it.

981
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:40,000
It's because of not a great circumstance.

982
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:44,000
But anyhow, go ahead.

983
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,000
Okay.

984
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:50,000
The difference between less and fewer.

985
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:53,000
Fewer is used when something is countable,

986
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:59,000
i.e., Bob has fewer apples than Sally.

987
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:04,000
Less is used when it's not i.e.,

988
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:08,000
Bob shows less kindness to horses than Sally.

989
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:12,000
So I've been doing it backwards this whole time.

990
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:15,000
I don't, yeah.

991
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:16,000
Pretty much.

992
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:18,000
I really did not.

993
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:22,000
English language was not my best, we'll put it that way.

994
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:24,000
If it interests me, it was my best.

995
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:26,000
If it didn't interest me, it did not.

996
01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:27,000
It depended on what it was.

997
01:17:27,000 --> 01:17:31,000
Anyhow, go ahead.

998
01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:34,000
Okay.

999
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:36,000
Fruit loops are all just one flavor.

1000
01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:43,000
Despite the various colors, fruit loops are reportedly all one flavor,

1001
01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:50,000
which I blend of orange, lemon, lime, apple, cherry, raspberry, and blueberry.

1002
01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:53,000
Fun fact, tricks and fruity pebbles,

1003
01:17:53,000 --> 01:18:00,000
two other rainbow fruity flavored cereals are also just one flavor.

1004
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:02,000
Especially with tricks.

1005
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:06,000
That really floored me because I used to eat them separately as a child,

1006
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:10,000
and I could swear they have totally different flavors.

1007
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:12,000
I thought they did too.

1008
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:16,000
It's got to be psychological.

1009
01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:18,000
Yeah, Sid.

1010
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:25,000
But they're made with all the flavors combined.

1011
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,000
Yeah, so you pick that flavor out when you see the colors.

1012
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:32,000
There's orange in it, you get an orange one, you're like, oh, that tastes like orange.

1013
01:18:32,000 --> 01:18:34,000
It's so weird.

1014
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,000
That could be a mental thing.

1015
01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:39,000
I think it's part mental.

1016
01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:45,000
I think it's you take one of the flavors and you focus in on that subconsciously.

1017
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:47,000
Something like that.

1018
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:49,000
But anyhow, go ahead, Rob.

1019
01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:52,000
Okay.

1020
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:55,000
A pony is not a baby horse.

1021
01:18:55,000 --> 01:18:58,000
A baby horse is called a foal.

1022
01:18:58,000 --> 01:19:05,000
A pony is a horse that as an adult is below a certain height.

1023
01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:08,000
Wow.

1024
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:15,000
Size-wise, a pony is usually under 14.2 hands high as an adult.

1025
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:20,000
They mature to their full size more quickly than horses do.

1026
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:23,000
Didn't know that, did you?

1027
01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:25,000
Oh, yeah, I did.

1028
01:19:25,000 --> 01:19:31,000
But I've heard a lot of people, like little girls, I want a pony for my birthday.

1029
01:19:31,000 --> 01:19:34,000
And you're thinking, no, you don't.

1030
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,000
No, you don't.

1031
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,000
Wow.

1032
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,000
Okay.

1033
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:42,000
If I ever knew that, I forgot it.

1034
01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:45,000
We grew up in a farming community.

1035
01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:47,000
Yeah, I wish I knew that.

1036
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:51,000
Yeah.

1037
01:19:51,000 --> 01:20:00,000
The fact there are multiple ski resorts in Australia always seems to blow people's minds.

1038
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:02,000
I knew that.

1039
01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:05,000
I said I knew that because of that story we did.

1040
01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:08,000
Remember the ski lift that went over the nudist colony?

1041
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,000
Yeah.

1042
01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:11,000
That was in Australia.

1043
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:14,000
I didn't know it until then, though.

1044
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:26,000
Parts of Australia, like New South Wales, Victoria, and Tasmania, do get snow during the winter months of June, July, and August.

1045
01:20:26,000 --> 01:20:31,000
So you absolutely can go skiing there.

1046
01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:40,000
And, okay, and speaking of Australia's winter months, we descend to the next one.

1047
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:46,000
The winter time in the northern hemisphere is summertime in the southern hemisphere.

1048
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:50,000
January could be the middle of summer or the middle of winter.

1049
01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:55,000
Christmas is always in December.

1050
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,000
Wow.

1051
01:20:57,000 --> 01:21:00,000
Yeah.

1052
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:05,000
Okay, and lastly for tonight,

1053
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:13,000
poison dart frogs are only poisonous if you feed them toxic bugs.

1054
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:18,000
They are perfectly safe to handle if you feed them crickets.

1055
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:19,000
Wow.

1056
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:27,000
A poison dart frog is considered to be one of the most toxic animals in the world.

1057
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:33,000
Scientists believe the bugs poison dart frogs eat, right,

1058
01:21:33,000 --> 01:21:38,000
former siren ants are wet, make them so poisonous.

1059
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:45,000
So zoos feed poison dart frogs a different diet, mainly crickets or fruit flies,

1060
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:52,000
which allows zookeepers to handle the frogs without the risk of being poisoned.

1061
01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:54,000
Huh.

1062
01:21:54,000 --> 01:22:00,000
Oh, and note, there's currently no treatment or antidote for the toxins.

1063
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,000
No kidding?

1064
01:22:02,000 --> 01:22:04,000
That's right, sir.

1065
01:22:04,000 --> 01:22:06,000
That sucks.

1066
01:22:06,000 --> 01:22:08,000
They're cute little dudes, though.

1067
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:09,000
Yeah.

1068
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:12,000
They are. They're cute.

1069
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:13,000
Wow.

1070
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:16,000
Little eggs and oranges. Yeah, they're cute.

1071
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:22,000
Okay, and I'll come back another time with the last half.

1072
01:22:22,000 --> 01:22:24,000
Okay, probably tomorrow.

1073
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,000
Tomorrow we're going to have a really big thing going on, too.

1074
01:22:27,000 --> 01:22:30,000
I got emails also, and there's some pretty good ones.

1075
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:31,000
Oh, good deal.

1076
01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:34,000
There's some really good ones in there.

1077
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:39,000
Anyhow, I want to mention this podcast that I really, really like,

1078
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:41,000
and it's Conspiracy Theories.

1079
01:22:41,000 --> 01:22:48,000
They tackle everything, JFK, the Illuminati, other weird shit, Sasquatch.

1080
01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:54,000
I mean, it's really good, and anyhow, I think it deserves, you know, if you're looking,

1081
01:22:54,000 --> 01:22:58,000
you know, obviously you like podcasts, that's why you're listening to this.

1082
01:22:58,000 --> 01:23:05,000
So it is called Let's Get to the Bottom of That podcast.

1083
01:23:05,000 --> 01:23:06,000
It's really good.

1084
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:07,000
I enjoyed it.

1085
01:23:07,000 --> 01:23:08,000
I listened to a couple episodes.

1086
01:23:08,000 --> 01:23:10,000
They seem like really good dudes.

1087
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:13,000
So I mean, check it out if you get a chance.

1088
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:16,000
I think you guys will really like it.

1089
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:20,000
So anyhow, and you're going to check it out, aren't you?

1090
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:24,000
Yeah, as soon as we're done here tonight, I'm going to check it out.

1091
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:25,000
Yeah, there's some good ones on there.

1092
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:30,000
And let me remind everybody, there is a Let's Get to the Bottom of This podcast.

1093
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:31,000
That's not it.

1094
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:35,000
This is Let's Get to the Bottom of That podcast.

1095
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:39,000
That's the key word, the operative word is that.

1096
01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:40,000
Good, I wrote it down correctly.

1097
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:42,000
Yeah, so check it out if you get a chance.

1098
01:23:42,000 --> 01:23:43,000
They're really good.

1099
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:44,000
I really enjoyed it.

1100
01:23:44,000 --> 01:23:50,000
So anyhow, I got another one more story here I would like to do

1101
01:23:50,000 --> 01:23:54,000
before we hang this fine show up for the evening.

1102
01:23:54,000 --> 01:23:56,000
Sound good, Rob?

1103
01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:57,000
Yeah.

1104
01:23:57,000 --> 01:23:58,000
Okay.

1105
01:23:58,000 --> 01:23:59,000
All right.

1106
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:06,000
This is a Nigerian scammer takes credit for bizarre Graceland auction scare.

1107
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:20,000
So what happened is a self-described scammer based in Nigeria is taking credit for a bizarre failed attempt to auction off Elvis's iconic Graceland property.

1108
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:22,000
People believe this.

1109
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:25,000
They thought it was in foreclosure, dude.

1110
01:24:25,000 --> 01:24:31,000
Earlier this month, a mysterious company with little paper trail,

1111
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:39,000
Nusani Investments and Private Lending contacted this trust company which controls the Memphis estate,

1112
01:24:39,000 --> 01:24:43,000
claiming it owned millions for failing to repay a loan.

1113
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:50,000
Riley Keough, Elvis's granddaughter, who inherited a Graceland after her mother, Lisa Marie Presley, died last year,

1114
01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:55,000
sued Nusani alleging its documents were falsified.

1115
01:24:55,000 --> 01:24:58,000
She also asked a judge to block the Graceland auction.

1116
01:24:58,000 --> 01:25:04,000
The judge granted her request, putting a pause on the sale one day before it was set to be finalized.

1117
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:07,000
Someone almost bought Graceland through the scammer.

1118
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:08,000
Yeah.

1119
01:25:08,000 --> 01:25:09,000
On Tuesday,

1120
01:25:09,000 --> 01:25:10,000
I read about that.

1121
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:12,000
Yeah, wasn't that messed up?

1122
01:25:12,000 --> 01:25:23,000
On Tuesday, the apparent perpetrator of the scheme was revealed when the New York Times reported that an individual based in Nigeria was with a Nusani associated email address,

1123
01:25:23,000 --> 01:25:25,000
contacted them and took credit for it.

1124
01:25:25,000 --> 01:25:30,000
The individual said that he and his associates typically scam the vulnerable and elderly.

1125
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:36,000
The Times also reported that emails were written in Luganda, a language spoken in Uganda.

1126
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:45,000
We feature out how to steal. No, no, no, not feature. I'm sorry, my ink's going out and I'm still trying to find the cartridge that replaces it.

1127
01:25:45,000 --> 01:25:50,000
We figure out how to steal the individual told the Times. That's what we do.

1128
01:25:50,000 --> 01:25:54,000
So anyhow, I could go on, but I think you guys got the idea of it.

1129
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:56,000
Graceland was almost sold.

1130
01:25:56,000 --> 01:25:58,000
Yeah.

1131
01:25:58,000 --> 01:25:59,000
Bottom line.

1132
01:25:59,000 --> 01:26:01,000
Yeah.

1133
01:26:01,000 --> 01:26:05,000
What else do you say to that? Props to that guy, right?

1134
01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:08,000
There ain't really much you can say.

1135
01:26:08,000 --> 01:26:14,000
I mean really, props to that guy. Graceland, what set of balls does that take?

1136
01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:15,000
Wow.

1137
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:21,000
Yeah. Anyhow, Rob, do you have something you want to go into?

1138
01:26:21,000 --> 01:26:31,000
Yeah, actually I have one that's, I have a history lesson and a, well, you'll see.

1139
01:26:31,000 --> 01:26:33,000
Okay.

1140
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:37,000
This is seven canned foods you should never buy.

1141
01:26:37,000 --> 01:26:38,000
Okay.

1142
01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:40,000
And the reason.

1143
01:26:40,000 --> 01:26:42,000
Okay.

1144
01:26:42,000 --> 01:26:46,000
Here's the history lesson.

1145
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:54,000
You can thank Napoleon Bonaparte for the modern pantry staple that is canned food.

1146
01:26:54,000 --> 01:27:05,000
Looking for a way to feed his troops on the move, Napoleon offered a prize for a method to preserve food, leading to the invention of canning.

1147
01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:16,000
While this technique has proven invaluable, making nutritious options like canned tomatoes a kitchen essential, we have gone overboard with canning.

1148
01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:20,000
And some canned foods have no place in your pantry.

1149
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:28,000
Here are the seven worst canned foods you should avoid buying.

1150
01:27:28,000 --> 01:27:32,000
First, fruit cocktail.

1151
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:51,000
Many of us have been tempted when craving an out of the season fruit to reach for the colorful canned fruit cocktail. However, according to studies, this is a temptation you should resist, especially if you're mindful of your sugar intake.

1152
01:27:51,000 --> 01:28:04,000
Fruit cocktails are often soaked in heavy syrup, adding unnecessary sugar and calories to what should be a healthy snack.

1153
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:05,000
Wow.

1154
01:28:05,000 --> 01:28:11,000
So yeah, well, yeah, that sweet syrup. Yeah.

1155
01:28:11,000 --> 01:28:19,000
I used to love fruit cocktail when I was younger. I don't care for it so much now, but wow, I can believe it though. It is very, very sweet.

1156
01:28:19,000 --> 01:28:22,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1157
01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:28,000
Okay, next, canned refried beans.

1158
01:28:28,000 --> 01:28:37,000
Canned refried beans is what happens when you take perfectly good beans and strip them of all dignity.

1159
01:28:37,000 --> 01:29:01,000
Yeah, I kind of like that. These mushy, pasty blobs, enough sodium to preserve a mummy and the added fat often in the form of lard or high hydrogenated oils can increase your intake of unhealthy trans fats.

1160
01:29:01,000 --> 01:29:09,000
Yeah, hydrogenated oils are horrible for people. If you ever see that on a label, do not consume it in my opinion.

1161
01:29:09,000 --> 01:29:12,000
Anyhow, go ahead.

1162
01:29:12,000 --> 01:29:16,000
And then you go to open a can and you see the oil sitting on top.

1163
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:17,000
Yeah.

1164
01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:20,000
That should tell you something right there.

1165
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,000
Exactly.

1166
01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:24,000
Even though I love the shit. Even though I love the shit.

1167
01:29:24,000 --> 01:29:33,000
I gotcha. But man, I'll tell you what, you're so right. Common sense would tell you something's not right with that. So anyhow.

1168
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:35,000
Do we listen?

1169
01:29:35,000 --> 01:29:38,000
Hell no.

1170
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:43,000
Okay, next, canned pre-cooked pasta.

1171
01:29:43,000 --> 01:29:46,000
Aww, the chef?

1172
01:29:46,000 --> 01:29:47,000
Yeah.

1173
01:29:47,000 --> 01:29:48,000
Aww.

1174
01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:49,000
Yeah.

1175
01:29:49,000 --> 01:29:50,000
Okay.

1176
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:57,000
Every American kid who grew up in the 80s and 90s has big feelings about SpaghettiOs.

1177
01:29:57,000 --> 01:29:58,000
Hell yeah.

1178
01:29:58,000 --> 01:30:11,000
Circles of pasta swimming in this especially bright warm sauce. But nostalgia aside, any kind of canned pasta is a bad option for kids and adults alike.

1179
01:30:11,000 --> 01:30:12,000
Uh huh.

1180
01:30:12,000 --> 01:30:23,000
It's an act of sodium preservatives and unhealthy fats. And seriously, cooking pasta is as easy as boiling water.

1181
01:30:23,000 --> 01:30:24,000
It is.

1182
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:27,000
You'd be better off cooking it up.

1183
01:30:27,000 --> 01:30:36,000
I do. I mean, let's face it, we all grow out of the chef after a while, right? When you're younger, the SpaghettiOs and the ravioliOs and all that are good.

1184
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:47,000
But when you get a little bit older, it kind of tastes like, I don't know, watered down tomato paste with, I don't know, some weird object in it.

1185
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:52,000
I mean, to me, that's what it tastes like. It's just simply, it's not that good.

1186
01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:57,000
But when you're younger, it tastes fantastic, in my opinion. So anyhow, I get it.

1187
01:30:57,000 --> 01:31:00,000
Oh yeah, that's top cuisine there.

1188
01:31:00,000 --> 01:31:10,000
Oh hell yeah, I could not wait till I heard that can opening. Hey mom, what's for lunch? Oh! That's what I get for not destroying something today. Thank you, mom.

1189
01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:21,000
Okay, next. White tuna. Which, I'm guessing this goes towards any tuna.

1190
01:31:21,000 --> 01:31:27,000
I'm already out, but go ahead. Okay. Sounds racist to me.

1191
01:31:27,000 --> 01:31:45,000
America loves its tuna with roughly one billion pounds consumed annually, according to the National Fisheries Institute.

1192
01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:58,000
Canned tuna, in particular, is the nation's second most popular seafood product after shrimp. While its convenience and ability to retain flavor and fretness,

1193
01:31:58,000 --> 01:32:09,000
freshness are undeniable, there's a significant reason to reduce your intake. The amount of mercury you're potentially ingesting.

1194
01:32:09,000 --> 01:32:18,000
I've always read that for a long time, that there's so much mercury in fishes. I think I believe it, I can see how they could be.

1195
01:32:18,000 --> 01:32:27,000
But, I mean, I don't know, I'm more concerned about the crabs disappearing, you know, due to some disease and all that.

1196
01:32:27,000 --> 01:32:30,000
Anyhow, the ocean water being 85 degrees.

1197
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:42,000
I just read down a little further, it goes on to say white tuna, commonly sourced from albacore, is particularly problematic when it comes to mercury content.

1198
01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:48,000
So I guess it is the white tuna from the albacore that's higher in mercury.

1199
01:32:48,000 --> 01:32:55,000
Okay, and it could be where they... It's where they fish them from, right?

1200
01:32:55,000 --> 01:33:04,000
Yeah, there was something before there, or some pollutants that was like, who knows? Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.

1201
01:33:04,000 --> 01:33:09,000
Okay, next, another childhood killer.

1202
01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:22,000
Canned Vienna sausages might seem like a convenient snack, but these tiny sausages are packed with sodium, nitrate, and preservatives to ensure they last forever on the shelf.

1203
01:33:22,000 --> 01:33:30,000
High blood pressure, nitrates can lead to cancer, in my opinion. Yeah, I get it. Anyhow, go ahead.

1204
01:33:30,000 --> 01:33:37,000
I mean, there's so much salt in them, you can actually taste the grains of salt in that processed meat.

1205
01:33:37,000 --> 01:33:47,000
They also have nearly twice as much fat as protein, making them far from a lean option.

1206
01:33:47,000 --> 01:33:57,000
Yeah, and how about that jelly they're in? Yeah, yeah. That'll tell you something right there. That's nothing but lard, I'm sure.

1207
01:33:57,000 --> 01:34:06,000
That goes back like the refried beans, the oil floating on top. Yes, common sense.

1208
01:34:06,000 --> 01:34:14,000
Anyhow, that should not be there. Why is it there?

1209
01:34:14,000 --> 01:34:26,000
Yeah, that part always did gross me out, but man, them sausages. They were damn good, I know, I know. But man, that jelly always just got me, it's like, ugh.

1210
01:34:26,000 --> 01:34:30,000
Okay, next, canned soup.

1211
01:34:30,000 --> 01:34:37,000
Okay. Remember when we thought canned soup was a nutritious meal? Yes.

1212
01:34:37,000 --> 01:34:50,000
The sodium bomb, disguised as a comfort food staple, is basically just salt water with a few sad, overcooked veggies floating in it.

1213
01:34:50,000 --> 01:34:57,000
True. I love that description. A few sad, floating veggies. True.

1214
01:34:57,000 --> 01:35:17,000
Why could it be a quick and easy meal option? Canned soup often comes with a hefty dose of sodium and preservatives. Many varieties also contain added sugars and trans fats to enhance flavor and shelf life.

1215
01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:28,000
You know what, I recently ate a can of chicken noodle, and you can tell there's so much salt in them. I can feel my blood pressure rising. I get it.

1216
01:35:28,000 --> 01:35:47,000
Look, they're very low quality. It's made with leftover stuff, chicken broth, a couple little pieces of leftover chicken, chicken asses or something. There's really not anything there except pretty much bad for you.

1217
01:35:47,000 --> 01:35:50,000
Right.

1218
01:35:50,000 --> 01:36:04,000
Okay, and lastly, canned corned beef might bring back nostalgic memories of quick meals, but it's far from a health conscious choice.

1219
01:36:04,000 --> 01:36:25,000
And like the fresh brisket corned beef, you find that the deli canned versions often use lower quality cats and meat. While the term corned might evoke images of sweet corn, it actually refers to the large grains of rock salt used in the preservation process.

1220
01:36:25,000 --> 01:36:42,000
These cats are brined in salt and spices, which not only affects the taste but also significantly increases the sodium content, which is linked and elevated blood pressure and heart disease.

1221
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:47,000
Yeah, think about that. They're just soaked in that stuff.

1222
01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:55,000
Additionally, processed meat comes with an increased risk of cancer.

1223
01:36:55,000 --> 01:37:03,000
All the nitrates and everything else in there. Wow. Thank you, Rob. That was a very good article.

1224
01:37:03,000 --> 01:37:09,000
I got a question for you personally. All right. Do you like the new segment, Your Mama Jokes?

1225
01:37:09,000 --> 01:37:11,000
Yeah, I love them.

1226
01:37:11,000 --> 01:37:13,000
Do you notice how I just don't need...

1227
01:37:13,000 --> 01:37:15,000
30,000. 30,000.

1228
01:37:15,000 --> 01:37:21,000
I've got a ton of them. I'm just inserting in there. I mean, I'm just like, I find a spot and go, oh, here's one.

1229
01:37:21,000 --> 01:37:26,000
There's no introduction or nothing. Just someone telling you, your mama joke.

1230
01:37:26,000 --> 01:37:37,000
Anyhow, I thought you would love them. And you know what? Email me. Great, bad, horrible. You suck. Whatever. Email me. We got some good emails coming up tomorrow. I can tell you that.

1231
01:37:37,000 --> 01:37:48,000
Some of them are really weird because they ask you and me both weird questions, which I love. Yeah. So, anyhow, everybody, thank you for listening.

1232
01:37:48,000 --> 01:38:00,000
Oh, hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Love you guys. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra, ra, ra.

1233
01:38:00,000 --> 01:38:11,000
Alright. Goodnight, assholes. Goodnight, assholes.

1234
01:38:11,000 --> 01:38:19,000
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.

1235
01:38:19,000 --> 01:38:34,000
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.