And now it's time for...
The Daily Deucebag Pledge.
Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone.
We are Jesus.
I smell bacon!
No wait, it's just Mark sweating.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
You know, musically, there was.
Cassette tapes. It had an A and a B.
So no wonder the next evolution would be a CD.
Your mama's so fat, when she went out to the pier, people tried to board her.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A California girl just kind of licensed to carry a unicorn.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water, and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
Hm. I may never know.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright, thanks for joining us tonight. Anyhow, Rob, how are you doing?
I'm doing pretty good. Doing pretty good. I had kind of a quiet day.
Got a little work done on the podcast and just a couple other things done. So yeah, it's been a pretty productive day.
Good, good.
Even though I woke up at 5.15 this morning, for no reason.
Well, I didn't tell you this our pre-talk, but I woke up early too.
The storms had already passed us by then, so I didn't wake up because of the storms like you.
They're already passed us, but I just woke up early and I did a little podcast work myself too. That's interesting that we both did that.
Yeah.
I got in here.
The storm was still rolling through when I woke up, so I actually got to sit and watch it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
It was done here about 5 a.m. About 5 a.m. they were all gone and to the east side, probably approaching Warrensburg-ish, something like that.
The other side of Lee's Summit type of thing. So there were still storms per se in some of the extreme Kansas City Metro, but for the most part we're all done.
The Kansas part was definitely done. We were done, you know.
But I just woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm awake and I don't want to fall back to sleep and then have to get back up again all over and I'll feel like shit.
So I was like, yeah, just go get some podcast stuff done. And that's what we're getting ready to get into here real quick.
Okay.
I pointed out to you earlier, I sent you that text that said, Columbus, Ohio is one of our best markets just out of nowhere.
I mean, we always done well there, but you guys just exploded with us and we'd like to send out a thank you just like we did to Boardman, Oregon.
Columbus, Ohio is our second most popular city, a listenership next to Boardman, Oregon.
You guys are third. Well, Purdue Canada is sandwiched in. Yeah, I was, I said in America.
Yeah, I was made in America. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Overall, overall, you're third. Yes.
Purdue Canada is still second and Boardman is first and then Columbus, Ohio out of nowhere just like came in and yeah, boom.
And anyhow, and it's a really this is really to me, it is really an honor because it's my understanding.
I've known some people from Columbus. They have really good radio in Columbus, Ohio, a lot of local talent that's really good.
And what the show we do here, I think is more of something that will compete with a radio show than the average podcast of ghosts or or supernatural or weird.
You know what I mean? This is more to me like more of a old fashioned.
This is the way we want it to be too. This is what we're trying for an old fashioned morning show.
Only we could say fuck cocksucker. All this stuff, right? We could say all that stuff.
They couldn't, of course, you know, they had to either beep out or go around it, you know, and stuff like that.
So this is kind of like us. This is kind of like our tribute to morning radio that has been lost in our opinion.
It's just not around anymore. And, you know, the radio powers that be have squashed it, kicked it, smashed it into nothing.
The art is gone now and you'll be hard to find anything that's really that good.
I mean, Johnny Deere is still good in Kansas City. I mean, he's still, you know, he's still pretty risque.
He's still funny. Greg, his producer, still does some really good skits.
You know, they're still pretty good and they're probably of the morning shows that are still left around.
He is probably one of the better ones. I still listen to Bubba the Love Sponge, too, like I'd said, and he's still good, too.
He changes program so far around. I mean, it's not anything of what it used to be, like shock in the puss and and whatever, you know,
fucking anal expansion, all that stuff. A lot of that stuff I didn't I didn't really care for.
But he doesn't do anything like that. You know, he's got like a doctor on his show and a lawyer on his show.
And he's like really calm down. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, you know, there's still Bob and Tom, but Bob and Tom is theatrical.
Right. I mean, yeah, you know, they're more and we do it too. We do skits and stuff, but we really like our just kind of live programming where we're just talking like this.
And but, you know, Bob and Tom's good. And and I mean, Tom's not there. Well, it's it's a no Bob isn't there anymore.
Bob Kovolian has retired after they went into the Radio Hall of Fame, I believe. And now it's a different Bob.
It's like, I don't know, some new Bob and Tom. And anyhow, it's even not the same either.
But still, they still do what they normally did before, you know, which isn't, you know, they were never cutting edge.
They were kind of like safer. But you know what? I mean, you know, they still do a pretty decent job to I'll listen to them every now and then.
I'll listen to him for about 40 minutes and then and then that's it, you know. And to me anymore, Stern is unlistable.
He is just fucking horrible. I never was a huge fan of his. I always thought he was kind of a pompous asshole.
But his show used to have parts that were really good, like Captain Janks and Stuttering John and whoever else.
You know, there are a lot of different characters on there. Sal, his show was good because he had strong characters on his show.
But now he's just like he's gotten all political. And in my opinion, he's just a nut.
Anyhow, he is exactly like Nikki Sixx. I said they are the exact people they used to make fun of and say they would never be.
So I don't like that. I call that a sellout. So anyhow, thank you, Columbus. I don't know why I went on that tirade.
But oh, OK, because our show is more of a morning show. So anyhow, let's see.
So something weird phenomena happened in Kansas City last night. OK, this doesn't happen very often.
It's very rare. But we had surface winds that were in excess of 80 miles an hour, non-severe.
There was still a storm system coming in from the north and there's one coming in from the south.
And we got in on a little of the south action, which was pretty strong to severe.
And then the ones from the north was like a huge line with a bow echo line where it means the winds are like really strong at the first of the storm.
And so without that being here yet and not really any storms, Independence, they clocked at 82 mile an hour.
So this is weird. OK, we had 70 to 82 mile an hour winds before the storm.
When the severe storm got here, it actually lowered the wind gusts to 65. Isn't that odd?
Yeah. So we had 82 mile an hour wind until the severe storm showed up and then it took it down to 65.
So, uh, uh, Mother Nature, I'm sorry. OK, I took you out to ask, Padlin. I'm sorry.
It won't ever happen again. I throw myself at your mercy, Mother Nature. It was me. I'm sorry.
I don't know what else to do, Rob. We made her mad.
Well, you told me you heard that there was a tornado north of me and a tornado south of me.
Yes. At like 5.45, 6 o'clock this morning, I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette.
I heard what I thought was a train and there was no train around here.
Well, then that was probably a tornado because they're having some problems. They haven't really addressed it per se.
But remember, we had four tornadoes not quite a week ago. I think it's last Sunday night in Kansas City.
There was no report of them at all that night.
They found out the next day when the National Weather Service went out there and they said, no, this was an EF1 and this was an EF0 or whatever.
So there was actually four tornadoes in the Kansas City area, but they did not call one of them.
No sirens, no alerts, nothing. They just said that it was just, you know, severe thunderstorms, but definitely no tornadoes.
There was four of them that night and they found out about the next day.
And this has been happening everywhere where they're just missing them on the radar.
So something is going on with radar, cyber terrorism.
I don't know, you know, like I was talking about the Kansas City, the whole system getting locked up for ransomware.
There's something going on with the radar that they're not as effective on indicating these wind velocities like they used to be.
So I don't know. We're going to see if it gets like it used to be.
It used to be they were able to detect it right when it about started, right?
And they're going, OK, and then they break in and they start showing the winds.
The winds on radar are different colored, OK, so they show a blue and a red and a green really tight in one area.
And they go, as you can see, this is this speed.
This winds this speed and it's all in this tight area.
So this would have to be a rotating cloud, right?
So they don't know if it's actually on the ground or not, but they have to call it a tornado warning because it is capable.
If it's not producing one or a funnel cloud, it's capable of doing it at any time.
So they have to call a tornado warning and they would be able to spot them right when they happen and they break in and go, hey, you know what?
This is so and so from Storm Jack five or whatever.
OK, so Storm Jack five will go all right.
And this one is right over a mission, as you can see, if you're at the mall, take cover.
If you're here, you know, they're missing that for the other night and then they missed a couple down, well, a little bit north of our friends in Montrose.
They've been getting hammered pretty good this year.
Yeah, they have been. Yeah, especially at EF 1000 with that we did, I think is a thousand mile winds and five miles long.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wiped out their own grain silo and we're you know, we should do a moment of silence for that.
Hang on. Here we go.
OK, we all had time to reflect on the grain silo.
Yeah, OK. And Rob coincidentally is in charge of getting another one for him.
Have you had any luck?
They keep blowing over.
There you go, Montrose.
Yeah, there's a shortage on grain silos right now.
Especially this damn year.
All these damn storms. Yeah.
North of us and south of us are going pretty much around.
Yeah, and they've been the boot of God has been kicking the shit out of Montrose all year.
Yeah.
So anyhow.
All right. So.
That's the ones right in north of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Montrose is to the north. So there you go.
OK, so that was an interesting phenomenon that never happens. Hardly. It happened before.
Around Kansas City a long time ago. I remember a little bit about it.
And it's just it's so odd that you can get 82 mile an hour wind and non severe than a severe storm that they have to call comes in.
And they go there's a severe storm, but it actually lowers the wind speeds.
Insane. So anyhow.
I'm going to go on to more of our first third now that wasn't even on it, but we had to address all that stuff here real quick.
We talked about it.
OK, Kellogg's is recalling boxes of his new chocolate cornflakes due to concerns they contain hard lumps that could cause damage to teeth and be a choking hazard.
The cereal brand has asked people who bought the packs to dispose of them as a precaution after the problem was discovered.
They have a full refund at the retailer that you bought it, but they they tell you to throw it away and then you go find your bill and then you get your money back for it.
OK, but coincidentally, the NFL has decided to do that with the Dallas Cowboys.
They determined they're a choking hazard, too.
I can see that. Yeah. Yeah, they're a choking hazard.
Right. So anyhow, the NFL said if you have any Cowboys gear, you're instructed to burn it allegedly and they will reimburse you because they are a choking hazard, too.
So sorry, Mike.
Who's Mike?
Buddy I work with.
Is he a Cowboy fan?
Yeah, yeah, he's originally from Texas.
OK, all right.
Hey, Mike, we love you.
Just jokes.
We give him mail all the time.
OK.
One of the funniest signs I ever seen coincidentally is AT&T Stadium in Irving, Texas.
It remember when the Dicks out for Harambe phenomenon was going on.
Yeah.
OK.
A couple of people in that stadium used to have Dax out for Harambe.
For Dak Prescott his first year, his rookie year.
I just thought it was brilliant Dax out for Harambe and anyone that knew, knew.
OK.
And, you know, it was one of the stories that like people knew about it, but not everybody knew about it.
It originated on the Weather Channel, I believe.
I think this is the first one.
But in colleges, it began began organically, I guess, when Harambe was killed because that stupid fucking Karen was on her phone and didn't watch her little fucking snot nose brat.
So instead of instead of shooting her like they should have, they shot the gorilla.
So anyhow, there was college kids that were around naked and screamed Dix out for Harambe.
And this happened on the Weather Channel.
They're doing a hurricane report.
And you know how they got the chick there and the winds blowing, whether the winds blowing or not, they're going to show you that it's blowing and whether they got big fans or whatever.
OK.
So they're down there being dramatic.
And the winds right now are 110 and we can barely stand up, you know, and all that shit.
Well, a group of college kids come running by naked.
And this is on the Weather Channel.
And it was live.
And they're screaming Dix out for Harambe.
So that is how it originated.
So anyhow, that that that Dax out for Harambe was brilliant.
And they quit showing it after a while because I don't think they knew what it meant at first.
And then I think someone probably went up and said, do you guys know what that actually means?
Like, I don't know.
No. Why?
And then they told me, I think they're like, ah, OK, don't show that anymore.
So anyhow, so we move right along here.
Nashville, Tennessee.
There were numerous power outages.
Was this severe weather?
No.
Was it vandalism?
Nope.
Well, then what the hell was it?
The Russians demand too high.
The grid collapse.
Not it was some curious snakes and made their way into the Henpeck substation in Franklin, Tennessee.
Oh, God.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
And they took power out to thousands of people.
I mean, the snakes are no more.
They were fried pretty bad.
But they were having a problem, the snakes were getting into there for some reason and shorting out the circuitry.
So anyhow, I don't know if it's still going on, but it was going on for a while.
And, you know, those poor little snakes didn't make it.
And there's a lot of people without power because of those poor little snakes that chose to commit suicide via the power grid.
So, yeah.
So anyhow, well, OK.
Well, if you take it back, they probably went there because it was warm.
You know what? You're right, Rob.
Because they sun.
All of the components being warmed up.
Yeah.
When I was younger and a child, we did move to Arkansas for a year.
And the thing that I found out that I had no idea is copperheads and water moccasins both love to sun themselves on the sun porch.
They love concrete.
And they would lie there in the sun because they are cold-blooded creatures, right?
And I would walk out and go, oh, shit.
One time we had a water moccasin and a cottonhead right next to or not a cottonhead, cottonmouth water moccasin and a copperhead right next to each other on our porch.
And I was like, oh, shit.
So I go in, I'm like, yeah, there's a couple of snakes out there.
And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, shit.
So he go get the hoe and he, you know, chop the head off of them.
Of course.
So they love to sun themselves.
You're right.
And I remember that it used to scare the shit out of me because I was just a little turd.
And anyhow, I did not like him sunning on our patio because that meant that I had to stay indoors until someone killed it because I was too much of a chicken shit at that age.
So, okay.
Next.
Okay. There's this, there's a, as part of the melanoma awareness month, Neutrogena developed a one of a kind survey aimed at discovering sun habits of Gen Z.
28% of Gen Z said that tanning was more important than possible skin cancer.
Many prioritized tan skin over sunscreen at an 80% ratio.
71% said that being outside, such as a beach or pool, was very important to them.
Well, I would agree with that.
69% said they prefer a job outdoors as well.
Now that's a big shift.
I know that they have a weird philosophy about they chose to maybe get skin cancer and be out in the sun without sunscreen.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's a little odd.
But think about this. Our generations, it was to strive to be indoors, right?
The outdoor jobs were usually hell, you know, you're like digging a ditch or something.
Gen Z would rather, almost 70% would rather be outdoors working.
That's a big shift.
Yeah, that is.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know why that is. It doesn't go into that in this article.
But 69%, almost 70%, prefer a job outdoors as well.
Now maybe their multiple face tattoos will fade in the sun.
We can only hope.
Yeah, it could be.
I could find that a really good useful tool then, you know.
That's a good tool.
Yep. Duncan has come out with a new 40 ounce wicked large Tumblr.
It retails for just under, you'll see why I said that.
It retails for just under $40, inspired by the famous New England accent.
So now youngins can spend $40 on a glorified mug and remember to call it large.
It is stupid.
They spell it A-A-A-H-H-H-G.
So, anyhow, so you know youngins can pick up a glorified mug for $40.
It's almost as much as a venti frappuccino Starbucks.
Remember to offer to ask for coffee base.
Otherwise it's pretty much a milkshake, right?
Yeah.
It cracks me up.
I see people order it Starbucks and they don't order coffee base frappuccino.
That's a shake.
Why don't you go to Andy's and get a better one, you know, for less money.
I'm sorry man, you know, I'm not going to order any type of frappuccino from Starbucks
unless there's a lot of coffee in that son of a bitch.
If not, it's counterproductive.
So.
Right.
Yeah.
It's going to cost about as much as a large Dunkin'.
So, anyhow, and you know what?
I'm almost tempted to go buy one just so I can say that five or six times really loud in the Dunkin'.
I bet.
Yeah.
I probably won't though.
So, okay.
Okay.
Let's see.
Well, Memorial Day is tomorrow, right?
So everyone be safe and remember the brave men and women that fought for the right to
buy a $40 tumbler or get skin cancer.
Remember those.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You will not be getting skin cancer like you wish and you will not be getting a large 40
ounce tumbler if it wasn't for these fine men and women that served and fought for our
freedom.
So remember that tomorrow when you're drinking your fucking mocha latte and scratching your
nuts or vagina.
So.
All right.
So if you see or know a vet, just go thank them.
That small gesture means so much and I know this to be true because I know veterans and
they don't want money.
They don't want you to go, you know, they don't want worship or praise.
A simple thank you means everything to them.
So if you get a chance, just do it.
It doesn't hurt you at all.
So, anyhow, just something to think about.
Mars has revealed its two twenty twenty four Halloween candy lineup.
All right, Rob, are you ready for these?
I don't know.
Yeah, go ahead.
They're actually pretty good, Rob.
M&M's milk chocolate pumpkin pie.
Yeah.
All right.
I mean, look, I'm not really a pumpkin spice fan, but this is pumpkin pie and a chocolate
M&M.
That's completely different.
Now, that's two totally different things.
Yeah.
If this pumpkin spice M&M, I'd vomit on them because I'm so sick of pumpkin spice.
As a matter of fact, didn't pumpkin spice get a couple of ass paddlings?
Yeah.
And anyone that buys it.
OK.
All right.
So OK.
The pies are in a totally different class.
Yes.
Pumpkin pie tastes completely different.
It's not that cheap spice shit.
So anyhow.
OK.
So how about a Twix ghoulish green, ghouls in milk chocolate?
It's greenish ghouls is what they call it.
So I guess it's a ghoul looking.
There wasn't a picture.
So I guess it's Twix.
This is what I gather from the article.
This is a Twix that is in the shape of a ghoul and it's green, but it's Twix.
But it tastes like chocolate.
Yes.
So there you go.
You can't beat that either, can you?
You could.
I can see that being kind of popular.
Yeah.
You cannot beat that with a hammer.
I'm telling you.
So of course.
And finally, we cannot leave out the pumpkin pie Snickers.
Yeah.
I'm on board.
Pumpkin pie Snickers to help future amputees due to diabetes infection.
Also, in a related story, Levi's has come out with elastic band slacks just for Halloween.
You're welcome.
So eat away.
OK.
That band will stretch.
All right.
And moving right on.
Independent presidential candidate RFK Jr., Robert F. Kennedy Jr., said in a 2012 interview
that a parasite had eaten part of his brain.
Eventually, the parasite, I mean evidently, the parasite was on a diet.
So tell me, did Congress possibly catch this as well?
And the parasite, I think when it attacked RFK, it was trying to slim down a little bit,
the parasite, right?
Because it didn't eat that many brains.
When it went to Congress, it probably starved to death.
So the one that's out there now is probably a new one.
So anyhow, you know, and the parasite would probably perish in the president's skull due
to lack of no food.
Too soon?
I'm leaving that right there.
Hey, you.
Mic drop.
Yeah, mic drop.
Here's the deal.
OK.
If someone doesn't like my Biden jokes, I'll make fun of Trump, too.
I don't care.
So.
Yeah, I don't like either one.
Yeah, you know, I wish we had a different but yeah, anyhow, AI has come up with its
perceived images of different regions of the U.S.
It was surprisingly close in most cases.
Alabama had a rather disheveled man with a couple of teeth missing.
Wisconsin has a typical cheese head complete with a beer in hand and cheese in the other.
Arizona was a well-aged individual.
And Kansas City was a picture of crime tape.
Wah wah wah wah.
OK.
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
You're being brutal tonight, buddy.
I'm trying.
Remember, remember, I'm a little excited.
Yeah.
Remember the first third on the last one and you said you're on a roll.
I said, wait till the next one.
Well, we're at the next one.
Like I said, it was remarkably close.
My favorite was Georgia and it had a rather southern looking gentleman sitting on a chair eating a peach off a off a peach tree.
It was cool.
It was just some guy and he was on a chair underneath a peach tree eating a peach.
And this is what AI thinks everybody in Georgia generally does.
So.
So my my question of the day, Rob, is this right here.
If there's a hell no and a heaven's yes, why isn't there a purgatory maybe?
I think we're getting ripped off.
Yeah, we are getting ripped off.
I never thought that's a good point.
That should be a it should be a purgatory maybe there to leave people in suspense and hanging.
So just saying case in point.
Just saying.
Yeah.
Yep.
Over and out.
So I've had multiple emails about a live stream or a download of goat noises.
I have decided it's such a civil.
I'm serious, Rob.
People caught onto this goat noises thing and they're sending fucking emails about it.
And I'm having trouble sorting through all of them and get into the real stuff.
So I mean, our assholes are good.
They're on it.
I swear.
Yeah.
So anyhow, so they want to live stream or download a goat noises.
So I've decided this as a civil war enactment has been canceled in Montrose, Missouri.
Very sadly, on account of the very rare EF 1000 with 1000 mile an hour winds that destroyed the town's only grain bin.
The 10 best civil war costumes of guests that show up on Douchebag Day in Montrose will receive a free 10 hour download of the much loved goat noises with the occasional duck in the background.
Don't you think that's fair?
So yeah, that'd be fair.
Yeah.
In addition to the download, we were granted special permission from Chet to run a three way cord so you can use a couple of the electric items in your camping spot.
We care at Douchebag Central.
What can we say?
Cool.
Yep.
So Rob, I turn to you once again to make this program legible.
Have at it.
Yeah.
Good luck with that.
No such luck, huh?
If you decide to go to one of the allegedly most haunted cemeteries in Missouri and dare to ask a question, don't be shocked if something answers.
That's exactly what happened recently to some ghost hunters who got more than they bargained for trying to summon a cemetery ghost in Missouri.
Just so everybody knows, this is on TikTok.
Okay.
It goes on to say, before I share the video, Colin Tate from TikTok, a few very important disclaimers.
I have had personal experiences with the forces of darkness and it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Laugh if you want, but evil is very real and wants to destroy you. The good news is, ultimately, they lose.
And that's a topic for a different day.
Okay.
With all that being said, there's an app that Colin Tate used in a Missouri cemetery that many believe is haunted.
It's called Spirit Talker and it's available for Android and Apple phones.
I've seen that.
But they placed their phone with this app active on a great, witty girl named Laura and tried to summon her.
And then it says, this is what happened and it goes into the video.
But let this be a teachable moment for us all. If you go ask evil a question, something will possibly answer.
But it's not really a girl named Laura. It's something much more sinister.
Okay.
I have no doubt that Colin Tate were not seeking evil, but having some investigative fund in a Missouri cemetery.
However, you need to understand the forces you're really dealing with if you choose to go ghost hunting.
Wow.
That's a good point.
Okay.
If you're going to go ghost hunting, you better make sure you're ready for what happens.
Yes.
You never know. You never know.
Well, okay, I got one for you, Rob. Do you know what a divot box is or a spirit box?
Yes. Yes, I do.
People have been comparing that app to a spirit box or a divot box.
They say it's evil and it invites evil into wherever you're at and that evil can get into you.
There's a lot of people that are very much opposed to this app.
They say it is an electronic version of a divot box or a spirit box. Have you heard that?
No, I have not heard that.
Yes. They're saying that this thing is kind of like an Ouija board or something.
You know, a divot box, they say stay the hell away from because you don't bother the dead, right?
You know, you leave them alone.
Right.
Okay. They say that a divot box disturbs them and then they might get angry and enter your body or the house or something like that.
That's what people are saying about this app.
Very interesting. Look it up out there if you want to and Rob, you can look it up personally.
But it's just something to think about.
Okay.
I'm not saying yay or nay. I'm just saying that that is out there.
So we're way late for our first break. So let's go ahead and take it and we'll come right back.
Sounds good.
I got a Tony Ahomi slash Eddie Van Halen story that's really interesting.
All right. Cool.
All right. We'll be right back.
Two douchebags and microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
I can't believe the coffee grinder is broke at the big box store.
There's no way I can be expected to grind my coffee beans every damn morning.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
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Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.
And if you ever wondered where something came from, if you ever looked at something and said,
Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is. Well, so have we. That's why we give you the origin of.
The origin of the hamburger bun.
The family of Oscar Willerby claims the first known hamburger on a bun was served on July 4th, 1891 on Grandpa Oscar's farm.
The bun was reportedly a yeast bun.
Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's Island of Horrible Jokes.
I can't take my dog to the lake. The ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for having a purebred dog.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Great news. William Houn's world tour has been extended.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving.
Just a thought.
Your mom is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Welcome back to Two Deuce Bags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Oh, Rob, really quick. I'm getting ready to go into this Tony Iommi slash Eddie Van Halen story.
But I just wanted to tell you, have you been listening to 101 the Fox online?
No, I have not. Not recently.
They're doing the top 500 for Memorial Weekend.
Oh, okay. They definitely do that every year.
Oh, they do? Okay, I didn't know that. KY used to do it all the time. That's why I mentioned it. It was like, wow, okay.
I didn't know they did it since then. So, okay.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've used to listen to it.
Okay, no, you're probably...
Maybe last day was, huh?
Oh, well, it doesn't matter. I just thought I'd mention that to you.
So, okay. In a recent interview with Eddie Trunk,
Tony Iommi confirmed that there is indeed a recording of him and Eddie Van Halen playing Black Sabbath songs together.
Now, this, I think you're into music, Rob. This has been rumored for a long time, right?
People say, yeah, you know, but they didn't know if there was a recording or not.
Well, people have been saying that there was definitely a recording.
Eddie Trunk asked Tony Iommi, who came on a show midweek last week, maybe Wednesday or something, and he asked him, he said, does this exist?
Tony Iommi said, yes, it was recorded.
And his assistant, his guitar tech, who was his assistant, that was going through all the tapes, he passed away last year.
And nobody's going through the tapes right now because he has boxes of thousands of riffs of tapes and CDs.
Okay. And it's in there somewhere, but he doesn't know where.
And he hasn't had time to look through it to find it.
But he said that there is a actual recording of him and Eddie Van Halen playing Black Sabbath songs.
And that would be phenomenal, wouldn't it?
Yes, that would be.
Yeah, you know, so I'll go ahead with this article here.
This has been rumored of happening for years now.
And now we know it exists.
So how can we listen to it?
Hopefully one day Iommi can locate it in his boxes and boxes of music and riffs and real one off recordings such as that.
He is slowly going through all the material and he's talking about maybe getting another assistant or something to help him.
I hope he does, because I would like to see this sooner than later.
I would love that.
Can you imagine Eddie Van Halen just improvising his shit on how brilliant it was on Black Sabbath riffs?
It would be amazeball stuff.
He also said that his good friend Jimmy Page also had some riffs in storage, too, that had never been released.
Wow.
Hopefully one day for both of those to be released.
That's all we can do, because I would love to hear Jimmy Page's box of riffs.
For a long time now, Tony Iommi is supposed to put together an album with Brian May of Queen of nothing but riffs and how to play them.
Him and Brian May were going to like describe some of their favorite riffs and ones you haven't heard before and put it on, I don't know, a double CD or something.
Did you ever hear about that, Rob?
No, I didn't.
Okay.
They were supposed to do this for quite a while now.
It was actually supposed to come out about ten years ago, and I don't know what the deal is.
I don't know if they scrapped it.
I haven't heard anything about it in a long time.
But him and Brian May were putting together a double CD, if you will, or whatever, download, or whatever you want.
And it's going to be a lot of music.
It's a lot of riffs that Tony Iommi came up with and Brian May came up with and simple instructions on how to play them.
So it's going to be like a music aid, but with some really cool riffs you never heard before.
So anyhow, we can only hope that all the three we just discussed come out sometime, and hopefully it isn't too much longer.
And hopefully Iommi isn't getting any younger, or Brian May isn't.
Hopefully it comes out before anything happens to either one of them.
Because one thing that Tony Iommi did mention to Eddie Trunk is, Eddie Trunk asked about his health.
And he said his health actually wasn't that good here lately.
He had to go see a cardiologist about his heart.
So I hope that was nothing, because we like Tony Iommi being around, right?
Yes, we do.
Yeah, he's in his mid 70s.
He is a master of his craft.
I mean, I was quite taken back in that article I said a couple of podcasts ago about Ozzy, who's worked with the greatest guitarists ever, on a regular basis.
He found him, whatever, you know, Sharon found him, whoever.
He just worked with some of the best ever.
And he said that Tony Iommi was the best guitarist he ever worked with.
That's quite an honor when you look at Randy Rhoades, Jakey Lee, Zach Wilde, Joe Holmes, Gus G., Brad Gillis.
Oh, there's more that I'm not even thinking to.
He was going to work with Michael Schenkner.
Jack Beck, Eric Clapton.
Yes.
Thank you, Rob.
Yeah, so that right there, I don't need to say any more.
So that guy right there, that guy that had all these musicians work with him, he said Tony Iommi was the best.
There you go.
That's an honor.
It's an honor.
All right.
Anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
Okay.
This is Rod Sale season, right?
Yep.
Well.
...back to recording.
Okay.
Since it's garage sale season, here's a little list of five things you should never sell in garage sales.
And some of this is no brainers, just saying.
Okay.
But just to remind everybody, upholstered furniture, wood frame furniture or metal dying furniture.
Metal dying chairs often will sell if it's in good condition.
But if you're trying to dump a ratty old fabric sofa, good luck.
First off, it's likely heavy to move.
And secondly, anything that's got stains, holes or is just completely out of date is probably better off in the dump.
Yep.
Agreed.
Don't even waste your time with fabric furniture.
It's probably not going to sell.
Yep.
Now you can try.
Good luck.
Next, old TVs.
Okay.
Seriously, does anyone really have a need for an old TV set anymore?
Probably not.
No.
You can't even donate those things anymore to goodwill, which is a bad sign that they'll likely not sell anywhere.
I agree.
Man, you know, it has changed so much.
Remember how much value used to be on a TV?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
I mean, there used to be TV repair shops.
Yeah.
There used to be a very valuable appliance or instrument or everyone would call it.
It used to be like the big focal point of every family, you know.
And like you said, they had television repair shops, the old zenith.
The zenith was like a console that you could put stuff on top of it.
And like now you could see a free TV by the side of the road and go, I don't want that.
Where am I going to put it?
I got five.
Right?
Right.
And also the times have changed where anymore people just, I need a TV.
I'll still buy a new one.
Yeah, exactly.
It's very disposable anymore.
And they're a lot cheaper than they used to be.
Okay.
Next, collectibles, vintage jewelry, dishes or designer clothes.
Hear us out on this.
You may possibly get much more money for these items if you get them replaced or go through a consignment store.
Don't sell yourself short just to get rid of stuff.
You may be able to find an appraiser through the International Society of Appraisers.
Hmm.
That's a good thought.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, you know, instead of throwing a ring out there and marketing it for two bucks, you know,
it could be like worth four or five hundred.
You never know.
Yeah.
Why won't you?
Well, just people just clean stuff out.
You know, it's just on the ground sale and they grab everything and throw it in.
You know.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
And they'll go, oh, hang on.
I got this in the corner.
Time to be picky.
If not, it's a lot of work for nothing.
True.
Okay.
Next, anything recalled.
Be especially careful with things like children's items, which often see a whole host of recalls.
It's actually illegal to resell a recalled item per the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008.
You may even risk being fined.
Okay.
That's.
I know it's illegal.
I had no idea about that, honestly.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next, old electronics.
Old landline bones, VCRs, batch machines.
If you don't have a use for something obsolete, why would somebody else?
Instead of sending these items to landfill, look at finding an electronics recycling program near you.
Depending on the item, your local Best Buy may also take it for recycling.
Yeah.
You know, like old computers, whatever, you know.
Yeah.
And another one, I think most people know this, but you take your hard drive out.
Make sure and take your hard drive out because it's always connected to bank accounts and stuff like that.
So I think everyone knows this, but just in case you don't, you take it to be disposed of an electronic disposal, wherever.
Make sure and have your hard drive out of there.
I have a stack of about 30 of them. I don't know what to do with, honestly.
So anyhow, someone said you have to open them up and take out the disk and scratch the disk up to where no one can read it.
That sound probably.
Who knows?
Yeah, I would think it would work.
That's what I've always heard is, is you find the disk inside there.
You scratch the piss out of to where it's unreadable and then no one can get your numbers.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
So it'd be like an old vinyl record.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The same idea. You scratch up the vinyl record.
It's not playing anything.
Yeah, yeah.
You ain't going to hear that.
Yeah. Okay.
Stuff you never think about, right?
Right.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Oh, that was all on that one.
Oh, that was it.
Okay. That's a good article. That's extremely informative because, like I said, being around civil season, I think it's a good time.
Yeah. Yep.
All right. Cool.
Google AI has failed on several occasions and people are getting frustrated with it.
And I'll give you some examples.
It's an odd situation since Google has been testing AI overuse for over a year now.
The feature launched in beta in May of 2023 as a search generative experiment.
And CEO Sundae Pachi had said that the company served over a billion queries in that time.
But Pachi has also said that Google's brought the cost of delivering AI answers down by 80 percent over that same time.
Driven by hardware, engineering, and technical breakthroughs, it appears that kind of optimization might have happened too early because the tech was ready.
A company once known for being at the cutting edge and shipping high quality stuff is now known for low quality output that's getting memed.
One AI founder, which wished to remain anonymous, told The Verge, Google continues to say that its AI overview product largely outputs high quality information to users.
Many of the examples we're seeing and have been uncommon queries.
And we've also seen examples of that were doctored or that we couldn't reproduce.
Google spokesperson Megan Fansworth said an email to The Verge.
Fansworth also confirmed that the company has taken swift action to remove AI overviews on certain queries.
Were appropriate under our content policies and using these examples to develop broader improvements to our systems.
Some of which have already been started to roll out is what she claims.
So basically she's saying that all this stuff is better now, but who knows.
Social media is a buzz with examples of Google's new AI overview product saying weird stuff from telling users to put glue on their pizza to suggesting that they eat rocks.
This messy rollout means Google is racing to manually disable AI overviews for specific searches and various memes got posted, which is why users are seeing so many of these disappear shortly after posted to social networks.
So anyhow, I've seen some other really bad examples of that too.
Besides putting glue on your pizza and eating rocks and stuff like that.
One one AI instructed someone to piss on himself.
And it would help him with his arthritis, I think, or something like that.
Another one told him to hit.
We tell people that.
I know. I mean, we'll need AI for that.
Another one told a guy to gouge his eyes out and he would be able to hear better.
So yeah, there's all these examples.
You can go to Reddit and I think all you have to type in is Google AI fails.
And there's like a list of thousands of them on there.
And they do say if you lose the sense, then your other senses get stronger.
Maybe that's what it meant.
Maybe maybe the AI was right on that example.
Hey, you know what?
No one's saying anything about whether, you know, about being blind or nothing.
There's just talking about being able to hear better.
So there you go. Right. Yeah.
The AI chat bot was right. So there, let's back off of them.
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you for another story, please.
OK, I got you a little American songwriter, buddy.
Oh, you love me, Rob. You love me.
Yes, I do. All right.
This is four of the most underrated classic rock singers of all time.
Oh, OK.
It's just four of them.
And they're not in any certain order.
Because as a first part, I'm going to skip the little reading thing above.
But it does say that they tried to fit every underrated classic rock singer for which would go on forever.
So they just broke it down into four.
OK.
The first one, Burton Cummings.
Burton Cummings is one of the greatest rock singers to come out of the great white north.
This Canadian singer is best known for leading the Guess Who during the late 1960s and early 70s.
His solo career has also been quite successful.
How ever he often gets overlooked for his incredible contributions to classic rock.
Cool.
OK, the second one, Steve Marion.
The late great Steve Marion is known for his killer voice and guitar playing skills.
He was part of the band's Small Faces and Humble Pie.
And his career was honored via induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame back in 2012.
But only as a member of Small Faces.
Oh, I remember that.
I remember that. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
We think he deserves more credit for his voice and influence over rock stars who rose and fell since his untimely passing in 1991.
Even Ozzy Osbourne said that Marriott was one of the greatest singers of all time.
I can believe that. I can believe that.
You know, Ozzy and all of Sabbath's, I don't know about Dio, but all of Sabbath's idols were actually like the Beatles.
They grew up, you know, listening to Beatles and stuff like that.
So I could definitely see how Ozzy would think that he was one of the best singers ever.
Yeah.
OK, third?
Klaus Mein.
Really, the Scorpions?
Yes. Yes.
I figured that'd be a shocker for you.
He does have a great voice, but I didn't think that they would register him that high.
OK, all right. Go ahead, Rob.
Some would say that the German rocker is less of a classic rock musician and more of a hard rock metal vocalist.
We'd agree, but he's still worthy of a place on this list.
Klaus is best known as the singer and lyricist of Scorpions.
He's appeared on every one of the band's albums and he's always on the list of the best rock vocalists of all times.
That being said, we think he deserves more credit for making Scorpions as big as they were and for his unique voice.
Hmm.
I thought that one was interesting.
I did too. I just didn't think that this outfit would think like that.
You hardly ever hear anyone of that hard rock genre being on the best of any singer.
But very cool. I mean, he's a great singer, so yeah.
Well, in my opinion, he does have a one-of-a-kind voice, in my opinion.
Well, you can hear him sing anything and you'll know it's him. Very distinct.
Yeah.
Okay. I have no problems with that.
Okay.
Okay, and finally, Eric Burden.
Eric Burden is best known as the vocalist of the classic rock band, The Animals.
Oh, okay.
As well as the funk outfit wore.
He was a cornerstone figure during the British invasion and is widely considered one of the era's most unique voices.
It's crazy that not many people know his name.
He's definitely an underrated classic rock singer.
Okay.
I have no problems with that either, you?
No, I don't either. I think this is a pretty solid list here.
It's very unique. They went ways I didn't think they would.
Yeah, it's unique.
Huh. Okay, very cool. Thank you, Rob.
We're way, way late for our second break, so let's go ahead and take that and we'll be right back. Sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
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Welcome back to Douche Fags and a Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Um, we got a little article here.
It probably might set.
It might upset some people.
Other people will be like right on.
But like I said before.
Give me something about Trump.
And I'll make fun of it.
Send me in something.
I'll make fun of it.
But, President Joe Biden is known for his blunders and colorful, colorful, uh, turns of, um, you know, to staffers.
And his staffers are like running around backstage.
Um, trying to correct him from what he's saying constantly.
And, uh, one of them, according to this, um, uh, put out a list of some of his biggest blunders that he's done.
What they believe is.
So.
Okay.
So.
What, um.
One was when Biden recalled being Vice President during the pandemic.
Saying.
Barack mean, meaning former, uh, President Barack Obama told him to go to Detroit and help fix it.
But Biden was running for president during the pandemic.
And Obama had been out of the office for three years.
So obviously.
He made that shit up.
Right.
And he couldn't even think.
Oh, wait a minute.
Obama hadn't been in office for that long.
So he just, you know, he came over that shit out of his ass, supposedly.
Okay.
And then the next one was when I was vice president.
Things were kind of bad during the pandemic.
He was never vice president during the pandemic.
He was either, um.
Uh, in Congress.
Or he was president.
The first part of the pandemic, he was in Congress and then later on he became president.
So, um.
So, and then, um, let's see.
Biden spoke about the January, January 6th Capitol riot describing the people who stormed the Capitol as erectionists.
Instead of insurrectionists, erectionists.
Um, anyhow, um, the staffers have a big list.
And they're probably about 40 long.
And this is supposedly from his staffers. If I'm wrong, I'm, you know, I'm sorry.
Someone put a false label on it or whatever.
But I do know that the ones that I just read are true because I looked them up on YouTube and they exist.
But you can like put it in your search Google or Bing or whatever.
And put in staffers list of presidents blunders or something like that.
And you'll get like 30 of the top ones.
But that was just a small little sample size of the stuff.
And like I said, I not picking aside here or nothing like that.
All I'm simply doing is telling you what his staffers supposedly think were his worst blunders.
Because Biden does have a hard time communicating and talking.
Can we all agree with that?
Yes.
Whether you think the guy's doing a fantastic job or hate his guts or don't have an opinion.
I think we can all agree that he is not the best fluid speaker ever or even close.
So anyhow, there you go, Rob. You got something?
Yeah, I do.
OK.
I want to talk about the new Madrid ball.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Down in the boot hill.
Runs all the way.
I want to give our friends down there a shout out.
It runs almost parallel with I-44, doesn't it, I think?
Yeah, it runs all over.
Down.
What is that, 55?
Yeah, yep.
55 goes down towards Memphis.
It's more over towards the state line.
It runs down into northern Arkansas where the boot hill goes in.
The new Madrid ball began 2024 rather quietly.
But it's made up for lost time as the month of May has seen 33 quakes already shake southern Missouri,
including the biggest earthquake of the years so far.
The USGS is quite a database of earthquakes that have been built in May in southern Missouri and northern Arkansas.
I queried the records and asked for a map that shows all the new Madrid quakes of all the magnitudes that have been built in May of 2024.
It revealed a grand total of 33 quakes in the month of May.
Wow.
The biggest Missouri quake of May 2024 by far was the shaker that happened in the morning hours of May 16,
registering at 3.8 on the Richter scale and was felt by several hundred people in southern Missouri.
While there's no way at this point to forecast future earthquakes,
it's believed the release of energy along fault lines could actually relieve pressure building up on these pressure points on these earthquake faults.
The USGS does say that the new Madrid is capable of a 7.7 magnitude quake at some point in the future.
The experts say there's a 10% chance the new Madrid ball will have a major quake of above 7.0 magnitude in the next 50 years.
This is a famous earthquake that made the Mississippi run backwards for what, four days?
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah.
What they're saying is all these little quakes you're having is a good thing.
It's making some of the pressure off keeping us from having the big one.
And the thing about the new Madrid fault line is this, Memphis would be practically destroyed, St. Louis would be half destroyed, Kansas City would get a lot of damage,
Springfield would get a lot of damage, Tulsa would get a lot of damage.
They say that if this happened, there's some major metropolitan areas that would be severely affected by this.
That is what the deal is with this fault line along with the Mississippi River and all points in between.
You there, Rob, you there in Camdenton would probably get pretty, what, probably a lot of rubble and cracks and stuff like that from where you're at, right?
Well, here's the thing. They're a little concerned about the Bagnell Dam.
Oh, I never even thought about that. That could like just compromise it.
Yeah. That thing cracks and we lose the whole lake and everything down river gets flooded.
Oh my God. There's so much water in the Lake of Ozarks.
There's homes. People live down below there.
Yeah. And they would, if they wouldn't have any indication that it was happening, probably not when it happens.
And they'd be instantaneously drowned, all of them. I mean, that, yeah.
It would turn this place back into a river the way it originally started.
Yeah, it would. You're right. Wow. Okay. Well, let's hope that they keep having little 2.0s for quite a while.
And maybe it will take enough pressure off and this won't happen for a long time.
But of course it will probably eventually happen, right?
Well, yeah, eventually. But yeah, I'm just throwing that out there for our friends down in that area, our listeners.
Yeah. I want you to know we think about you. You know?
Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. The whole thing is this right here.
There's nothing you're going to do about it, so don't worry. If it happens, you probably won't even know it happened.
Yeah. Get what I'm saying? There you go. Okay.
All righty. Everybody, thank you for joining us. Hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra-ra-ra. Love you guys. Have a good night.
Everybody, assholes, thank you for listening. Bye.
Bye, assholes.