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Hi all, this is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah, this is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room.
Wait five minutes and scream.
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Howard Stern just signed a 10 year contract extension.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, you, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you the origin of, the origin of knee-high soft drinks.
Claude Hatcher overheard a route salesman enter the plant one day and described the
competitors tall bottle as being knee-high.
Knee-high originated with the Chiro Cola Company in Columbus, Georgia by Claude Hatcher in
1912.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little bee
bow is listening to this film.
Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at kegs stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Hello everybody, this is two douchebags and microphone.
I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Rob, thanks for joining us.
How are you doing tonight?
I'm doing really good.
That's good.
Life is going good for me lately, man.
That's excellent.
You missed out on those big storms, I guess.
They just went to the north of you.
Yeah, you were just telling me there was one.
We got a little bit of rain.
Well, there's a vicious one.
I don't think there's no rain a little bit right now.
There's golf ball size hail and possible tornado and wind and stuff.
Just to your north near Versailles, what's that?
About 40 miles to the north, maybe?
Something like that?
Yeah, yeah, it's about 30 minutes north of us.
Okay, okay.
Not that far, but far enough to where you don't have to worry about it really, you know,
and it's going the opposite way.
So that's cool.
So we had a couple around here.
I just watched over ahead of me.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, the lake there is completely different too, because you have distinct storm tracks
and Camdenton is really not in one of them.
It's really odd.
You think it would be.
You think it would follow the rivers that come up there and build into Lake of those
arcs, but actually it follows the Osage, I believe, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's like.
They're either north of us or south of us.
Yeah, and then south would be like a little bit of a middle.
So we met a lot there.
Amazing.
Yeah, not Marmonton.
I'm trying to think of what river it follow.
Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
There's one down there like Wheatland and that.
Yeah, Pumdy Tar Wheatland that whole area.
They got a pretty mean one down there too.
They get a lot of nasty storms.
And then Monette, Missouri.
Cross there and head over this way.
Yeah, yep.
And then for some reason it'll split.
It'll split right around it.
And that's because the lake, I do believe.
Yeah, I firmly believe in it.
It does have something to do with the lake.
Yeah, I read an article on it and it's really weird because it's like you think more humidity
from a lake would build it.
And actually what it does is it divides the thunderstorms somehow.
I'll try to look for that article.
It was really interesting.
And they're saying that's how come, you know, like the Kansas River, you know, over here we have the Togonoxy split very famously penned by Dan Henry many years ago, very famous meteorologist.
I guess he was back then.
I don't know, but he had a weather cricket, but he was really accurate and he was a really just a charming, just a real funny old man.
But he had weather crickets and he's the one that said, you know what, when a supercell is coming through Kansas, eastern Kansas, and it gets to Togonoxy, it either goes north or south.
After he said that, everyone, we were in one hell of a pattern in the late 70s, early 80s.
I mean, there's just, you know, we're just getting pummeled by big tornadoes, not like the little pain in the ass bastards we've been getting.
And I hope we don't ever get any of those big ones again.
And anyhow, I got to take Mother Nature away.
No more ass paddling for her because she's really mad at us.
And I'll explain her in a minute.
I think she's really mad at us.
You said it that night.
I gave her an ass paddling and later on that night, we didn't know.
We had three tornadoes in Kansas City, which is rare.
Usually they're around the suburbs or down to the south or up to the north, but we had three of them in Kansas City that night.
But we didn't know it that night.
Nobody noticed them.
Nobody saw it on radar until the next day and they're like, oh, okay, that looks like a pretty tight spun little area.
When there, there's another one there, you know, so it turned out there's one in Gardner, one over on the west side of Mission Hills, like Fairway, Kansas, and all that.
And then another one that was in Prairie Village.
So, yeah, yeah, all three of them.
That right there is unheard of.
Yeah, Prairie Village never hardly really, I mean, they'll get storms, but usually they're not the brunt of a tornado touching down ever, you know.
So I've decided.
I've decided I'm taking Mother Nature off of the list and I'm apologizing to Mother Nature.
I'm sorry I give today we had a couple more tornadoes.
I mean, you know, we didn't have, we had like virtually no severe weather season last three or four years in a row.
And like I thought, we're making it all up in one year.
Right.
So that's, you know, I mean, it seems like seemingly it's a little bit of a mess.
It seems like seemingly every severe system that comes through spawns two, three, maybe four tornadoes somewhere around the area.
So, you know, so I'm going to go ahead and take this opportunity to go Mother Nature.
I'm sorry.
No more ass paddling for for you.
I apologize.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I give myself in Kansas City.
We give we're sorry.
So anyhow, later on that night, our power went out about 1010 30 something like that when the storm started hitting.
And it didn't come back on till like two in the morning.
So anyhow, I turned my fan on.
So so I would know that the power came back on, but I have to sleep with a fan on because my tinnitus, you know, to kind of mask it.
So I was like, shit, what am I going to do to sleep now?
I'm used to the fan and, you know, it kind of knocked it down the tinnitus a little bit.
So I found this app.
It's a fan app for people with tinnitus.
So I turned my phone on sounded just like a fan open up the window.
Nice breeze coming in and I slept like a baby.
It was great, you know, and they have that fan app was good.
It forced me to look for something.
I'm like, man, I don't know, you know, maybe there's something online.
So I went to YouTube and then they had some continual ones and then they have an app too.
So I went to the app and, you know, if ever needed again, there we go.
We got it.
So I was about ready to go grab the generator.
I didn't care what time it was.
Go grab the generator out of the other garage and start that bitch up.
But I was afraid I was going to, there was it poured and there's water everywhere.
And I was just like, you know, I'm just going to wait for it to come back on.
If it's not on by daybreak, then I will address the whole generator thing.
So anyhow, but it came back on about two, fan came on.
I got to turn off my phone is about dead anyhow.
So I'm glad it came on and got to charge my phone.
No, you know, everything was good.
So anyhow, let's go into what you called it the first third.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we break it up in third?
Yeah.
Well, this is the very first part.
This is the first third, even though we're well into the program, you know,
we had a lot of stuff to talk about.
So well, again, in the idiots throwing away money department, the Dow Jones industrial average just hit a record 40,000 plus.
The highest record at close was slightly over 40,000.
So it didn't take long for someone to figure out a demand for hats.
That's right, Rob.
The rage now is hats with 40,000 in large print on it.
And I'm not joking you.
You see these nerds walk around with 40,000 on their hat.
I mean, wouldn't you be tempted just like smack it off their head?
Get out of here.
So someone is making bank off of these fucking nerds and these investment bankers.
I'm gonna get a 40,000 hat.
It's like, okay, dumbass.
Yeah, you wear your three times, then forget about and leave it in the closet.
And thanks for paying 50 bucks for the piece of shit too.
So anyhow, I think I'm gonna make up hats for all occasions though, Rob.
You know, since people seem to throw money at it, right?
How about a unbreathing one?
Did that get work?
People walk by and go, oh, okay, you're breathing.
Okay, good, good.
Actually, I think quite a few people would buy that.
Okay, we need to make one.
I really do.
How about a breathing one probably would.
It probably would, people.
You sell them in gas stations and stuff.
Yeah, that's true.
Right next to the keep on truckin' ones, right?
Novelty ones, yeah.
Yeah, novelty ones, yeah.
I'm looking for a keep on truckin' hat.
The guy with the rubber arm extended, yeah, from back in, I don't know, 19 Dickey 2, 736, whatever.
So anyhow, so it's, you know, so I think the next one I'm gonna probably, how about the DMV line?
You know, you reach for your trusted old waiting in line hat?
Yeah.
There you are in line, but that way people, you can clarify it, right?
And if anyone's wondering what you're doing, they can just read your hat and go, oh, waiting in line.
Okay, all right, good.
Well, I guess I'm waiting in line too, only I'm over here.
Okay, well, good to know.
So that might be good.
Or how about the granddaddy of them all, Rob?
A hat with bold letters pooping.
Yeah, so now you can poop in confidence that if someone does walk in, they can read your hat and promptly leave.
I think that is, that's the best one of them all.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I would, if someone made a pooping hat on pooping hat, I would get it just and wear it everywhere.
Like right now you are, hey, don't judge me, I got to go.
So anyhow.
I'd wear it to work.
Oh, hell yeah.
I might get in a little trouble to wear it to work, but I would try.
I wouldn't.
No, you wouldn't.
You're at a metal shop.
Your boss would come up and ask you where you got it from, right?
He'd ask me if I didn't get any more.
Oh yeah, you're right. He'd be like, hey Rob, will you give me one? How much are they?
Yeah.
Well, you know what? We need to come up with some of these gimmick hats and put them online.
I mean, if people will buy a 40,000 hat, they'll buy an pooping hat or an on-breathing hat or an online hat.
I'm pretty confident, right?
I have a team move to tell some of their stuff.
We can tell.
I'm sorry, did I say that?
Yeah, you did.
Okay, moving along.
Airbnb are having a major issue right now.
Seems that several people who rented out dwellings through the service have died from carbon monoxide poisoning.
So, Ryan Chetsky,
he is the CEO of Airbnb, said it would be difficult to make all hosts put in detectors.
I have a solution though.
You know the ridiculously high-priced service fees that they charge?
They could gather all them and surely pay for all these fucking carbon monoxide detectors,
plus golden fucking doorknobs, because those fees are ridiculous through Airbnb.
So, for an example, like, okay, let's say you're going to rent a cabin like we are.
I didn't rent through Airbnb because I know enough people in Eureka Springs now.
We just deal with them directly and they give us a good deal and we don't have to go to any price line booking or Airbnb, right?
But, okay, let's say we're going to rent a cabin out there on Beaver Lake, okay?
So, it says $150 a night. Okay, that's not too bad. That's pretty reasonable for right on the lake there.
Okay, all right. So, you rent a couple of nights.
So, that $300 turns into like almost $450.
And you're like, well, how the hell did that happen?
Then you look down there, cleaning fees, service fees, all these little tic-tac things that Airbnb puts on there, and it's bullshit.
So, all the money they charge, they could not only put in air, in my opinion, they could put in carbon dioxide detectors in every fucking place they rent out.
They could also put in gold doorknobs, too, because those guys have some of the work.
They're almost ticketmaster bad. That's how their fees are.
That's me, like, everyone better have the days.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. Yeah, the ass splash. Hell yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You better give me a little bit of that if I'm paying that.
Hell yeah. Yeah.
That soft warm water glistening off your ball sack. Can't beat it. Can't beat it.
Okay, so let's see. Where the fuck am I?
Okay, well, it seems as though Bob Rock in AI has written an entire, almost an entire Motley Crew album.
This one will do nothing digitally, digitally, no, no, digitally.
The, you know, the brain deads that like the new garbage are not capable of downloading.
The only loads that that audience knows is what they have in their whitey tighties. Agreed?
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, you know, I mean, I got an email that said Rob and I sound like a couple of bamboo baboons fucking.
I'm saying if he knows what that, I'm serious. I got an email that says you and I sound like a couple of baboons fucking.
I'm saying if he knows, now Rob, now think about this. I'm saying if he knows what that sounds like, someone needs to check his hard drive right now.
Don't you agree?
Yeah, yeah, I don't think we're the problem at that point.
No, Clint, Clint from Maryville, I guess Missouri, if he's telling the truth, this could be the same guy that was given a shit for so long about just stop.
And I kept saying, yeah, you know, it's easier for them to quit listening to us. Remember?
It could be that guy. We sound like a couple of baboons fucking.
Okay. All right. I think that's pretty cool myself.
I mean, I like that better goat noises. Don't you?
I think I'm gonna ask how people do it like that.
Yeah. So, you know, yeah. So Clint from Maryville, we need to come up there and check your hard drive because if you know what bamboo fucking sounds like, you're into some weird shit and we need to check.
So, all right, moving right along.
I ran. So your president was killed.
He died in a plane crash, I think yesterday, right?
Yeah.
And also like the prime minister, a bunch of them died, a bunch of the government officials.
You should go arrest your vice president immediately because he was not on that plane.
Trust us. Sincerely, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
Too soon.
Okay. So,
You should have waited until at least tomorrow night for that.
You know what? You're right. I should. I apologize audience.
I didn't mean to make a Lee Harvey Oswald.
Tomorrow night.
Lyndon B. Johnson, John Kennedy joke. I'm very sorry.
It was just too soon.
So a bear in Colorado was stuck on a light pole.
They tried everything to get the bear to come down.
They even did this and I'm not kidding you.
They played black Sabbath really loud, but the bear didn't seem to mind.
I have a better idea. Animal control.
You should have played YMCA and we built this city.
Those two songs have been known to make all bears come.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
So, yeah, yeah, they did. I'm not kidding you.
They said it on the news and I could hear black Sabbath.
I believe it was Iron Man blaring and the bear is just sitting up there.
Kind of almost head bobbing. He didn't seem to care.
So, I don't know who came up with that idea.
Hey, play some black Sabbath. He'll jump down immediately.
So, to turn the shit up maybe.
What was that? Was that smokey?
What? Down? Up?
There you go.
Security laps in the washing machines network used on campuses all over the country
let students nationwide wash their laundry for free.
They discovered a glitch.
So, they showed students undercover there.
They had an undercover camera and they were taking their laptops in there
and breaking the code and getting their laundry done for free.
And this is a system that's used on all major campuses across America.
The word got out so people are doing it everywhere.
A couple of University of California students discovered the glitch
in the app being used to pay for your laundry machine usage.
You see, so now students are trying to break into the kale vending machines.
Manbun guy would love free kale.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I think now one of them needs to break into some soap dispensers.
Agreed?
Definitely.
Yeah, yeah. And kale vending machines.
I hope that's not true.
Ah, okay anyhow. Burger King was founded in 1954.
Burger King wasn't just popular for their whoppers.
BK used to be the destination for children's birthdays.
The restaurant used to give free birthday cake.
I vaguely remember this when I was a kid.
I remember like neighborhood, this is back when I was in northeast Kansas City
and like maybe five, six, something like that, right?
And I remember like friends down the block going,
hey, we're going to go down to Burger King and get the free cake
and have a couple of, I don't know, whatever junior whoppers.
I don't even think they had junior whoppers
and probably just whoppers or whatever and some fries.
And I remember that a little bit.
I remember a little bit of that.
So it ended a long time ago.
So, you know, they used to give out free birthday.
It was birthday cake for a children's birthday party, right?
So, this may be...
They used to have the crowns too.
Yes, I remember that.
And they used to wear the crowns.
And if you remember this, Rob, I'm going to give you extra credit.
You remember the paper swords they used to give out?
Okay, those I don't remember.
They did it for maybe a year.
And they're like, well, they're cardboard.
They were cardboard swords.
Yeah, and we would like, you know, have like cardboard sword fights and stuff, you know, so...
You know, this made BK a hotspot for children's birthday parties.
Burger King has long since stopped, of course.
So for BK's 70th birthday, it is offering up for a limited time birthday pie for dessert.
Sounds good, doesn't it?
All right.
Yeah.
Snot rags disinfectant and cooties are not supplied.
Cooties. I went there.
That's right.
This is the only program you'll ever hear say cooties ever again.
Cooties.
Look them up.
If you can, I don't know.
So, okay, there's a new prank being played on unknowing cell phone users.
It is the device you could purchase on the internet.
And what it does, you can aim it at a cell phone and it'll make the cell phone screech loudly in the person's ear.
So like, if they're having a conversation and like talking really loud, and it's very obnoxious, right?
Because you don't want to hear what Uncle Jimmy did or you don't care what, you know, but they're talking so fucking loud, you have to know everything that's going on, right?
So anyhow, this device is not cheap, but it works.
You could, it's a small device and you can look up on the internet and you pointed at someone's cell phone and it will screech to where they have to pull their earbud out and stop the call.
I think, I don't, I don't care how much it is.
I think I'm going to get one as long as it's still working.
Yeah.
It will screech someone's fucking ears out.
Oh, okay, it says right here, hang on.
It will set you back 250 bucks.
You know, I'm looking right now is what we're talking.
It would well be worth destroying some idiot's eardrums from afar that doesn't know how to shut their fucking piehole.
So, all right, that is it for the first third.
Rob, we turn to you once again to clean this program up.
Well, I have clean it's gonna be.
Cause I'm going to talk about voice and out.
Okay.
Don't wipe your ass with it and don't eat it.
Do what?
Don't wipe your ass with it and don't eat it.
Oh, that's my advice for the day.
Well, how far would you go to avoid a bash from a common best on heights?
Well, one reporter from the Wall Street Journal has gone as far as the.
Oh, I don't do that.
What?
What's up?
Let's you want to take a break and then come back to it.
No, no, I got it.
Okay, okay.
Well, one reporter for the Wall Street Journal has gone as far as to plant poison out in the smoothies and mix them into salad bowl.
All they need to develop an immunity towards the chemical irritants that are in the plant's leaves.
I get it like snake venom or spider venom.
Brilliant.
Yeah, brilliant.
Really.
Jeff Horowitz, who usually reports on technology, wrote about his slightly mad mission for a feature article in the Saturday newspaper.
I started eating poison oak in January when the first person began to swell on the hazardous plants or steps he wrote.
They explained that he was sick of getting poison oak rashes during mushroom for intrinsic counsel.
Oh, yeah.
And surprisingly, despite some stern written warnings he came across during his research Horowitz's new found habit of eating poison oak seems to have built up a resistance to the shrub and its plant resin.
Your soul, I guess, you are USDH IOL.
Okay.
Also found in poison ivy and sumac and which causes the rashes.
I guess that was the ingredient that causes rashes.
Is that it?
Is that what you're talking about?
Yeah, it's that chemical.
Okay.
After ingesting an increasing amount of poison oak leaves in his smoothies and salads, the taste of young poison oak is surprisingly mild, grassy, and only a little bit tart, he notes.
He didn't get any signs in his body that was stressed out from the experiment except for red rashes here and there.
He also experienced it, but presumably from the moving out.
You know, Rob, that will work, you know.
And here's why.
Okay.
Whenever you have really bad allergies, one of the first things you can do is get locally sourced honey because it has all the allergens in it.
And you digest it a little bit at a time, your system is used to that and no longer allergic to it.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Same thing.
Actually, I was brilliant for that guy to do that, that scientist to do it.
Because I don't think anyone's thought of that before, have they?
It's especially easy.
Well, I do.
I'll eat you there.
I got to watch it really bad because whenever I get it anymore, I didn't use to get it all of my dad did.
I used to laugh at him and he said, yeah, I didn't get it when I was younger either, Mark.
And I was like, I'm not going to get it.
Well, I get it so bad that I have to go get steroids.
So, uh...
Well, I was totally opposite.
I was that way as a kid and now it really don't bother me.
Okay.
Yeah, you say I would have rather have had it when I was a kid because I really probably wouldn't have gave a shit, you know.
I'd scratch myself bloody raw and then run out and go running it again.
So, well, okay.
Well, I mean, is there any more to that article?
At the end of the experiment, or what says, you could rub a poison oak leaf on a skin and not experience any rash breakouts.
Wow.
Great.
Great day and it worked.
I bet it would work on most people actually because that's how your body works is like that.
So, okay, you know, like locally sourced tiny or snake venom, you know, you have to ingest whatever.
That's why if you get bit by a snake, they want you to identify it, right?
And like, you know, you go...
We around here like, you and I know a copperhead, a rattlesnake and a water moccasin, right?
We all know this, right?
Because we grew up around here.
A lot of people don't.
So if they were out in the wilderness and they're from a city or something and they get bit by a snake, they have to ask them.
They go, what did the snake look like?
If we show you pictures, can you point them out?
Because that means they have to give you that venom to counteract your reaction.
So anyhow, yeah, I could see how that works.
So anyhow, alright, thank you, Rob.
Let's take our first break, which we're extremely late on, but who cares?
Because it's just a podcast and we do what the fuck we want.
We're rebels like that, right?
Hey.
And we'll be right back.
Hey, look, I think we found land.
Oh my God, I think we're safe.
Oh no!
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Mesa sent the satellite open to space to apologize to the aliens.
It was called the Apollo G.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
An Idaho man snaps 110 pencils in one minute, beating the old world record of 80.
Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
The generation of angst, the generation of non-compliance is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up and kill someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
No one invited them, but they still linger.
Next time you take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone.
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal.
Sit in comfort.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
Hmm, I may never know.
And I'm Rob.
And he's speaking too.
Rob, do you want to get to our nipple flick, nut tap, and ass cheek bite?
Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of ready for this.
I think it will too.
Okay, this was just devised. It's friendly. It's fun.
We're not trying to hurt the people.
And it's just done tongue in cheek like he he.
Okay, this is nothing mean or nothing like that.
Okay, so this is just random people.
We would like to do it to see their reaction, but you don't do it bad enough to hurt them to where they want to come after you.
They're just kind of like, oh, okay, that was weird, whatever.
And then they walk on or, you know, or ha ha, would you or whatever.
Okay, so now you guys got the premise of this and here's.
So, all right, I'll go ahead and go first Rob.
Cool.
All right.
The nipple flick I would like to administer would be to none other than John Karabi, former Motley crew, the scream.
Who else?
Solo. He was in another band, but anyhow, the singer guitarist for all of those said bands.
Anyhow, I think he would be fun to give a nipple flick to because I think he would chase you, grab you, throw you on the ground and give you one back.
Right.
Yeah, I see him in concert his solo stuff and he he's genuinely a funny and nice guy.
And I really enjoyed him. And I think he would just by that, you know, listening is very intimate.
There's like 50 people there and it was at this place over in independence.
And anyhow, you know, he was pointing this all out.
I was wearing a black Sabbath live evil shirt and he goes, right, right fucking there.
That's 230 pounds of rock and roll.
And he points at me and I'm fucking laughing.
He's a cool guy.
So anyhow.
All right.
The nut tap, I think belongs to Guy Fieri.
Well, he's getting ready to he's getting ready to eat a burn in is walk up there and take a bow guy.
No, no, not mad or nothing.
I like him.
I personally like his show.
He's probably a really good guy, but I just think it would be interesting to give him a nut tap and see what he does.
He might punch you, though, you think he might.
Now, I guess I'm going to have to wear a football helmet.
I'll wear a football helmet and smack him in the nuts, but not hard friendly.
So the nut tap, the nut tap goes none other than Guy Fieri and the ass cheek bite.
I want to administer but hold my nose while I do, Anthony Kitas of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
He'd be a fun one.
Yeah, you definitely want to hold your nose.
Yeah, you'd want to hold your nose and do it really quick and get the fuck out of there.
And I think that he would have probably the weirdest reaction of everybody.
He might love it and ask for another one or he might get pissed or he might just look at you like nothing happened and walk off.
You know, I could see all those scenarios with him.
So, all right, those are mine, Rob.
All right.
My first one, my nipple yanked.
Does Dr. Phil.
I love that one, Rob.
Just so I could look at him and say, analyze that.
Why did you do that? Okay.
There seems to be some sort of issue with this young man.
He came over here and he grabbed my nipple and almost tore it off.
Okay.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, my ass cheek bite.
I have to bow my head and shame.
Uh-oh.
It goes to Taylor Swift.
As my stamp of approval for her music.
Oh, really?
Not her for music. I like her music.
I told you, Shannon, and she's gonna turn me into a Swifty.
Okay.
I like her music.
Okay.
I still don't like her, but I like her music.
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
I'm not really big fan of hers anymore.
Hearing some of the dribble that she speaks and all that,
she thinks she's...
But, um, I've been with her older stuff, her country and stuff like that.
Yeah.
If she was still doing country music, she wouldn't be spouting off like this.
Sure.
Yeah. Yeah, very true.
I'll go ahead.
Okay.
Now, for my Netflix.
Okay.
I'm gonna need the keys to our handy Bandy 2 booth bags and a microphone time machine.
Uh-oh.
Okay.
All right.
They are...
Okay.
Rob, look to the left of your...
Are you in the Duck Blind Studio?
Yes.
Okay.
Look to the left.
Okay.
Do you see a paper bag?
Oh, there they are.
Yeah.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay.
Well, I wanna go back to the 80s.
Okay.
I wanna give my Netflix to Sebastian Bach.
You've gone wild.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because I want him to sound more like Lizzie Hale.
Lizzie Hale is fantastic.
Too bad she's not gonna keep doing that.
Oh, tell me about it, man.
I watched some of the videos the other night.
She's insanely good.
Yeah.
I mean, it could have been Sebastian Bach with a female's voice.
I mean, it just...
I agree.
...so perfectly together.
I agree.
Yeah.
It is fantastic.
As a matter of fact, it was so good.
You hear the word on the street?
It made Sebastian Bach and the rest of Skid Row start dialogue again because they wanted
to have a powerful lead singer like Sebastian Bach.
And they have had no luck with lead singers except for Lizzie Hale, but she doesn't want
to do that.
She has her own career.
Okay.
So...
Well, in one of the videos that I watched the other night, they did the introduction
and then went into the song.
Well, when they introduced Lizzie, they mentioned how Hale Storm had just come out with an album.
And that was May 17th.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, Hale Storm, yeah, I guess Hale Storm just came out with a new album.
I didn't know.
I don't keep up with stuff.
I mean, I keep up with some of the artists that I listened to when I was younger.
But, I mean, I like Lizzie Hale a lot, but I've never bought one of her albums.
I mean, you know, but Hale Storm, I believe, is the name of her band.
And she is Lizzie Hale.
Yeah, I guess from what I read, Sebastian Bach and Skid Row are starting dialogue about getting
back together.
And this was prompted, I guess, Sebastian Bach heard her and he was like, man, he just
like, I guess this is how it happened.
Didn't exactly say Sebastian Bach sent a letter saying, you need to keep her or something
like that.
And they started dialogue.
And now they're talking about getting back together because Skid Row wants somebody
that can handle the vocals really well, prolific like, you know, like Sebastian Bach.
They're not going to have Lizzie Hale forever.
They just have her for a few shows.
So it kind of like made him kind of be like, you know what, maybe we kind of do need each
other and maybe we can get along.
So I think it's going to turn out into a pretty cool thing, really.
So yeah, but I'll tell you what, that'd be awesome if they keep her.
I wouldn't mind either.
And she's a lot nicer to look at than Sebastian Bach.
She's a lot nicer to look at than Sebastian Bach, right?
Yeah.
I remember seeing him in Omaha, opening up for Vince Neil.
And actually, it wasn't Omaha.
Well, it was the Omaha area.
It was actually what is the?
Yeah, Council Bluffs.
It was at the casino just past the Missouri River in Council Bluffs.
And anyhow, they have like an amphitheater.
They're an outdoor amphitheater.
And Sebastian Bach was where, I mean, he doesn't have the same shape that he used to.
He's thick in the middle and kind of lumpy.
And he's wearing these fucking leather pants.
I thought we're just going to have a blowout at any time.
And it was like 90 degrees and hot and humid.
And he was sweating ham chunks.
I mean, he sounded great.
And I was like, how the fuck can he wear those?
I don't know how he moves with those on.
I mean, it looked like he painted on leather pants.
I mean, it was crazy.
I'm like, going, nobody at age should get near leather pants, except share when she
was at age.
Share could have been she could have pulled it off and maybe Raquel Welch.
Nobody else.
Nobody else could do that.
So anyhow, he really needed to like invest in different clothing, but he sounded great.
And I really don't care to ever see him in those leather tight leather pants again.
So it was traumatic.
To be honest, I don't think I'd want to see anything older than that again.
No, no, no, no, no.
Thank you, my friend, Neil.
Come on.
Yeah.
Oh, I saw one of the funniest memes.
And it was Bon Jovi was there.
And and he said, happy birthday to Jamie Lee Curtis.
Take a recent Bon Jovi picture like maybe this year last year and put it up against Jamie
Lee Curtis.
Recent and look identical.
Yeah.
I saw that.
I'm like, oh my God, I wonder how many people looked at that.
Didn't realize it was not Jamie Lee Curtis.
It was Bon Jovi.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
Some people do not age well.
Sebastian Mocky probably could look better if he lost the stuff in the middle.
But anyhow, you know, if they get back together, that's fine with me.
But I would rather see Lizzie Hale.
So anyhow, let's go to our second break and let's come back with some more stuff.
That sound good.
Sounds good.
Oh, I got an email I got to read.
So we'll be back.
All right.
Two douchebags and a microphone because we all need dick jokes.
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I smell bacon.
No, wait, it's just Mark Sweating.
You need protection from fucktoads.
You have people coming and fucking with you constantly.
You need answers, you need solutions.
Smackin' the nuts.
That's right.
Smackin' the nuts is what you need.
Smackin' the nuts get rid of said losers in no time flat.
Smackin' the nuts.
It's available everywhere wherever you buy self-defense items.
There are just a few testimonials from some satisfied customers.
Stupid fucksack come to me.
You talk stupid.
You know, let me go.
Smell like sack of shit.
He spit talk all over.
I remember smackin' balls.
I use shit sack.
Shit sack lie on ground.
I walk off.
Thank you, Smackin' the balls.
You saved me from smelly, smelly spit.
Well I had this stupid son of a bitch come around me.
He would not shut his fucking yapper for nothing.
He gets up on me and he talks all stupid.
And I didn't know what to do.
I could not shake this motherfucker like a burger.
Then I remember smackin' the nuts.
I pulled out old smackin' the nuts and that motherfucker went down like a sack of fucking
potatoes.
Thank you, Smackin' the nuts.
You saved me once again from stupid motherfuckers.
Smackin' the nuts.
Don't leave home without it.
A constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an ariam.
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All right, thanks for hanging in there after all the little ha-ha's in the middle there.
Oh, yeah, Rob, real quick, I'm gonna need to borrow you one of these evenings for about,
I don't know, 40 minutes.
I have some more stuff that I'm working on that I need you saying a couple of things
on.
So we'll figure that out.
We'll probably figure that out after I get back after Memorial Day from Eureka Springs.
Okay, I don't think I'm, yeah, we're probably not gonna have time until then.
So anyhow, I have an email here from someone that I knew quite well, and I guess he's still
living in Harrisonville, but he reminded me of something that we used to do.
Okay, so anyhow, this is Cliff from Harrisonville.
Did you ever know Cliff?
I don't know.
I can't remember if he was around when you were around or not, but Cliff was, he always
wore Wrangler jeans.
He loved them.
He kind of almost had like, okay, you just named three, four, a hair.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Okay.
He had white in his hair and beard when he was like 20.
You know what, it doesn't matter.
Anyhow, all right.
Well Cliff sent me an email and he said it, and all it said was fuck hammer.
And I was like, oh my God, I remember fuck hammer.
And let me explain.
Okay, Cliff was one of the guys that used to go with me to Westport.
I worked nights and I got off at like 11 and we would get down to Westport about midnight
me and him both or a little bit before and we'd try to catch the stragglers or whatever
or have a couple of beers and just hang out for a bit.
And we did this quite often.
I mean, we did this probably four nights a week.
I was single and young.
We was having fun.
So at the time around Westport, there was still a lot of local heavy metal acts or hard
rock acts going on, right?
And one of them's name was sacred, but it was spelled with a K and we used to call them
sacred and they had their damn, they had their, their damn flyers everywhere.
You couldn't walk around anywhere without seeing fucking sacred or sacred all over the
place just peppered the whole place.
And then there was another one called trip hammer.
They were fucking everywhere.
And it's like that's what these bands did was spent like 24 seven peppering the whole
entertainment district of Westport with, with these fucking flyers, letting them know that
they're playing here or they have a new album, you know, and anyhow, did you remember any
of those bands at all?
Rob or were you not around really?
Okay, well, I, I, I remember the name trip hammer.
Okay.
They were big too.
I remember that.
I think trip hammer was slightly bigger than sacred or sacred.
Okay.
But we got tired of these fucking bands peppering everything.
So one night we're sitting there being cliff and I think Steve might have been along maybe
a couple other guys, Jason or somebody, but anyhow, we're all having a beer at buzzer beach
downstairs and I go, you know what?
We're starting to band, but it's not a band.
We're saying we're starting to band and we're going to call it fuck hammer.
Everybody's eyes light up.
Yeah.
Fuck hammer.
Sounds great.
So we, I had a friend of mine that worked at Xerox and he made us up a bunch of flyers
and anyhow, they were fuck hammer flyers and they kept saying they're going to play at
the lone star.
They're going to play at fucking buzzer.
But you know, wherever, I forgot some of the fallout.
What was some of the other ones, the hurricane.
We made all these fucking fake concerts up with fuck hammer.
Okay.
And it never did have a picture of anybody on it or nothing.
It was just a really cool logo that we came up with.
So we peppered Westport with fuck hammer, pamphlets everywhere, fucking flyers and everything.
And everybody was going to these fucking bars and entertainment places and asking about
fuck hammer.
Hey, is fuck hammer playing?
And then when a couple of guys there that like were the bouncers and found out it was
us that did it, man, they were pissed.
They're like, you know how many people, how many people I had to tell them that we didn't,
we were not playing fuck hammer and we didn't even know who they were.
It was funny.
But anyhow, this lasted about a month of people looking for fuck hammer.
Fuck hammer never existed.
We just got tired of seeing fucking sacred and trick trip hammer all over the place.
We would actually put our flyers over them.
We see a trip hammer or a sacred and we put our flyer would staple our flyer over it just
to piss them off.
So those guys are probably looking for a fuck hammer to try to kick our ass.
So probably cliff.
Thank you.
That was fun.
Hell Rob, we we turned to you after that great fuck hammer story.
Rob say it with me.
Say it with me.
Fuck hammer.
Doesn't that sound great?
Hey, I would have been your roadie man.
Hell yeah.
I said a roadie.
Wouldn't you go see a band named fuck hammer?
Hell yeah.
I should.
You know what?
Like to do bags and Mac microphone.
I should have copyrighted that name.
Oh well.
Anyhow, go ahead Rob.
Now someone else getting to use fuck hammer probably.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Okay.
How would after Terry Cruz looks to be heading into the boxing ring to face one of the UFC's
greatest ever fighters.
Okay.
The first bound former NFL star has one of the most famous physique in the world that
has limited fighting experience.
However, he appears to making his first appearance in the boxing ring on June 15th as part of
a massive boxing event in Brazil.
Cruz is best known for his roles in films and TV shows such as Brooklyn Nine-Nine and
White Chips.
He has never competed in the ring or in the cage but has trained in the past and got in
shape as a result of having to fight on the streets as a youngster.
Earlier this week former UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva appeared to be teasing
one final fight which would take place in the native Brazil.
He shared a teaser video for an event called Spaten Fight Fight and teased a surprising
opponent.
The announcement video had a caption in Portuguese which roughly translated Time for the Spider
Man's Ram Finale in Brazil.
Oh wow.
And the farewell of a martial arts legend in his country had become a special occasion.
Every fight night Spaten's new fighting platform June 15th in style, play low and you watch
it live at globe.
You could guess who the opponent is.
And Albersweiner Cruz shared a post on his own, claiming, confirming that he was the
opponent in the video.
Alright Anderson Silva, I've been training.
I'm ready.
June 15th, I'll see you at fight night Brazil y'all.
Cool.
June 15th, let's go.
Anderson Silva, me, you, let's make it happen.
Awesome.
Terry Cruz here, Brazil.
Silva's response was a simple one, writing in the comments of the Bible post, see you
June 15th.
Nice.
June 15th huh?
And, so, and Terry Cruz.
I like that.
You gonna watch it?
Well, it looks like you know, you know, blow.
Oh, okay, then I guess I won't.
It'll pop up somewhere.
Yeah, that was a good one.
You get to watch it on YouTube, 10 minutes after it's done, you can watch it on YouTube.
So, yeah.
Very cool Rob, thank you.
My money, it has to go on then.
I think I agree with you.
So, it might be a good fight though, so.
You never know what it could be.
I wouldn't really look for it, but you never know.
So, anyhow, we'll see.
I mean, depending on how they train and all that.
And also it's a lot about matchups too.
So, all right.
Right.
Okay, this is products that millennials and Zers refuse to buy and they're dying off.
They don't think that they're going to be around in another 30 years.
Okay.
So, these are ones that are like scrambling, trying to figure out how to get the millennial and Z attention.
Because it's not working.
So, these are the products that are in the most danger.
There's a lot of them like Harley Davidson and stuff like that.
Because millennials and Zers don't care about Harley Davidson.
But there's also some other products that are in more critical condition.
Because as the Xers get older and the boomers, you know, a lot of them are gone.
A lot of them are facing it, you know, and the Xers are getting older and we're starting to enter retirement age.
Right.
Then after that, these products don't have anyone to buy them.
So, okay, number one on the list, single use plastic products.
Millennials and Zers do not buy them.
They buy the Starbucks ones that are made out of some sort of recycled plastic that you take with you.
And they give you a discount if you use that.
They give you like 20% off if you use your reusable cup instead of using a cup that, you know, that has been manufactured and go into landfill.
Okay.
The next one is cable television packages.
They're not buying them.
They don't care about them.
And also that's money they can use somewhere else because they all are money starved.
Some of the articles that I said, I don't know, for podcasts for a long time.
Some of the reporting because one of their biggest luxuries of the Z's is groceries.
Instead of spending money on something they don't need, they like they beef up their groceries.
They'd rather eat something nice than save up for a vacation or a better car or even have a car.
So cable television packages are going out of style because they don't want to pay for them.
The next one, disposable razors are in trouble with the younger generations.
They don't believe in them.
They think it's a waste of money and also a waste of resources when you can get an old fashioned razor and refill it.
And then you can have those razors.
You can either sharpen them up again or use them for other purposes.
Or you can get the razor knife like they used to use the straight edge.
And you can use those and you can keep sharpening it with one of those sharpeners and use it indefinitely.
Those things work the best.
Man, they will chop whiskers like nothing.
They're really good.
Next one is non-organic produce.
I believe that because I know a lot of Xers my age that won't buy anything except organic produce.
I mean it's been argued about how much better it is.
It's just a label.
Yeah, anyhow.
So yeah, they don't believe in it.
So it's going to go away.
It looks like the next one.
And this one breaks my heart because one of my happy places is that I enjoy so much to do.
And it's real simple is printed books, especially autobiographies.
I just love them.
There is just a certain, I don't know what it is, that I just sit there relaxation, I guess.
So like if it rains when we're down at Eureka Springs, I'm going to sit on the porch, the covered porch that we got at the cabin and just read.
That sounds like one of the best times I could ever have.
But anyhow, the younger generation doesn't believe in it.
You know, they all have their kindles and stuff like that, right?
The next one, brand name cleaning products.
I could see that.
I could see that because brand name cleaning products are virtually the same as other cleaning products without the name, right?
Right.
Okay, next, traditional banking.
A lot of Zs and millennials only went into the bank to start an account.
Everything else is done online.
And you know what?
I started doing that too.
I rarely go to the bank either.
And this started when I used to go out of town for my old job all the time, you know, and be like, well, shit, I got to cash this check.
Like we're in Massachusetts and I had to get a check from the from the actual ironworks company that I had to work for them to work in Massachusetts.
So they did a little deal where we'd actually be working for that construction company.
And they were giving us our checks, live checks.
And I had to do online banking and that's where you take a picture of the check.
And then you send it in into them via email and then they cash it.
So I can see that.
I mean, and I bet you a lot of people do that or they have it go straight into their account like I do.
So anyhow, disposable coffee cups.
But this goes with what I was saying before about single use plastic products and foam and what have you.
You know, so traditional taxi service services are going away.
And that's a mistake to me because there are certain airports that you cannot get enough single to grab an Uber.
One of them is Nashville's Airport.
I don't know how people get an Uber there.
I everyone was in the taxi line because no one had enough bars to signal an Uber driver.
So, you know, I think traditional taxis should not go away, but oh well, non-refillable.
Oh, that's cool.
You know who does a hell of a business is Eureka Springs taxis.
Man, those guys are constantly busy because one reason is besides people getting plastered is the steep roads.
People don't like to drive on them.
You know, a lot of them are like single lane and they curve and there's houses and there's dogs and there's kids.
Yeah, yeah.
Is that the road down there?
Yeah, so a lot of people they'll drive to wherever they're going like the cabin or whatever and they'll leave their car there
and they'll just Uber the whole time where they're there.
So I get it.
And then non-electric toothbrushes is the final one that the younger generation is not using.
So there's more, but I really didn't want to get into them.
Those are the ones that thought were the most fascinating, I guess.
So, yeah, so anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I knew.
Red Lobster, which filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in Florida on Sunday night, is investigating the role its majority owner, Ty Union, played in the restaurant chains and was shrimp promotion.
It caused 11 million in losses, court documents showed.
Red Lobster said that debacle was part of a pattern of mismanagement by the global seafood company that owns most of its equity and supplies shrimp to its restaurants.
Red Lobster, about 150,000 dining restaurants in the US, had offered a $20 endless shrimp dish as a runtime promotion.
Former CEO of Guinea made it a permanent year round option in May 2023 despite significant pushback from other management team members.
Some red lobster restaurants, which faced major shrimp shortages, around the same time that 11 million two bread shrimp suppliers, leaving Ty Union, was an exclusive deal that led to higher costs.
Red Lobster, with 290 billion in debt, plans to close some underperforming restaurants and sell the rest to a group of its vendors, including fortress investment.
З
maybe three years ago or something.
And I remember why I quit going there
in golden corrals and stuff like that.
The food was inferior.
And I don't know how else to put it.
I mean, the only way they can offer cheap stuff like that
is to have cheap products.
And I went there and I was like, man,
I don't care if it is cheap.
I'd rather buy something that's good.
I'll pay more money that I enjoy.
So it's like a little bit of everything.
And also people just don't go to Red Lobsters.
They like to go to their little corner place now.
Like here where we're at, just down the road
is a Martin City brewery.
They have what they call as a coastal restaurant or whatever.
And anyhow, it's like really well known for their seafood.
People go in there and they buy oysters,
they shuck oysters,
and they have different types of sea fish
that they serve and all that.
People aren't going to Red Lobster.
They'll pay a little bit more and go to that coastal pub
is what they call it.
Or, you know, they'll go to a specialty seafood place
that isn't a chain.
I mean, the same thing is going on with all of the food.
With all of Garden too.
People just don't believe in chain food like they used to.
And I mean, even fast food,
people don't believe in that anymore.
It's just like, you know, the thing is,
is quality and I think people have learned a lesson
that you're going to have to pay more,
but you will get a better product.
I think people are ready to do that.
And I think that's what's going on
besides it being mishandled.
You think?
Oh, I agree with you.
I 100% agree with you on that.
Yeah.
The quality is not there.
No, and also,
the service is shoddy a lot of times.
Olive Garden, the last time I was there,
a couple of years ago.
And this was the nicer one in Lee's Summit, right?
This is the one that's well-capped
and brings in some pretty good revenue for an Olive Garden.
It's an upper-scale area.
So they didn't have any help.
And the help they had was worthless.
We barely got our food and it was not that good.
So right next door was that new Red Lobster
they built on Chipman Road.
Same thing going on there from what I understand.
We never went there, but I, you know,
I was bitching about Olive Garden and they said,
well, yeah, Red Lobster is the same thing.
I think they're owned by the same company, actually.
So, yeah.
That I don't know.
Oh well, anyhow.
Let's see here.
All right, Coca-Cola is celebrating the happy tears
that flow during moments of real magic
with its first drink sold exclusively on TikTok shop.
Coca-Cola, happy tears, zero sugar launches
in the United States and Great Britain on random acts
of kindness day, February 17th.
Yeah, this is a little old.
I'm just now getting to it
because we had so much other stuff.
And I'm trying to clean out the closet per se
and get some of these stories I meant to get to
quite a while ago.
As the first creations dropped for 2024,
the limited edition offering combines a timeless Coke taste
infused with a salty splash of minerals for taste
and a sweet pinch of peach,
drawn inspiration from the tears of joy brought by small,
everyday acts of kindness, such as sending a positive text
to a friend, paying for a stranger's coffee,
leaving a compliment on a post
or sharing a Coke with a loved one.
This is from them.
A little bit of kindness and simple,
unexpected moments of connection can bring you a lot of joy,
says O'Neal Vlad.
Senior director of global strategy,
the Coca-Cola company.
We hope Coca-Cola, Happy Tier Zero Sugar,
will inspire uplifting moments and friendly gestures
that create a cascade of uplifting and optimism.
So anyhow, the rest is talking about how they're going
to soft launch it on February 17th.
And then they're going to roughly about a month later,
it's gonna be the hard launch.
And that's where they like, start inundated places with this.
So it's gonna start out,
they're only gonna have it in certain places
and you're gonna have to really go look for it.
And then after about a month,
you're not gonna have to actively go look for it
because it's gonna be everywhere.
And I've not seen it, have you?
No, I haven't.
Maybe it already flopped, who knows?
So anyhow.
And I got some other stuff I wanna get to,
but you know what, we're not gonna have enough time tonight.
You got anything you got?
I know it's not all I have for the night, to be honest.
All right, well, let's just wrap a bow on this cake.
I have ready.
And also another thing too is,
I've got on this smoker, I've got a really cool smoker.
It is a propane charcoal three chamber propane charcoal
and smoke and wood burning smoke.
So I braised off three ribs and a brisket.
I have a big black Angus prime beef brisket
that is the marbling is beautiful.
That I'm going to make burn ends and slicing beef out of.
And I've got three St. Louis style ribs
on the smoker right now that I need to get to.
So anyhow, ought to be good.
I think I'm gonna make up my own barbecue sauce on this too.
Do you ever do that, Rob?
No, I just buy mine.
Oh, okay.
Well, I like to do it for different
because there's these recipes online.
I think what I'm like Southern cooking or whatever.
And anyhow, they have like really, really good,
sweet and spicy barbecue sauce recipes,
some brown sugar recipes.
And it's really good.
And it's cool just to do that, you know,
just like try a new recipe.
And if it sucks and you grab the old Jack Stack
or Kansas City Joe's out of the fridge
and slop it on there, right?
Yeah, so anyhow.
All right, well, let's go ahead and wrap a bitch
on this thing and call it good.
You want to do that?
Wrap a bow on this.
Yeah, sounds good for tonight.
It sounds like you're wearing down a little there, Rob.
I am.
We're picking up at work.
So.
Oh, okay.
I'm having to pick up the pace a little bit.
So.
Oh yeah, well that always happens, doesn't it?
I mean, here it is May.
Traditionally in manufacturing,
January is the leftover from the year before
that they couldn't get to.
So January is usually pretty busy.
February, about the middle of February, it slows down.
And it's usually fairly slow till about mid-May.
Mid-May, it's gung-ho until probably about November.
Would you say that's probably pretty accurate?
Yeah, yeah, because we consider what they call season,
which is tourist season.
Oh yeah.
Memorial Day to Labor Day.
Mm-hmm.
And this is where people are gonna be buying
the shit out of trailers for their boat.
Do it actually.
That's just a breath of estimate.
It goes longer, you know.
No, I think people got the just to what you're saying.
Yes, and I agree with it.
So, you know, and it's all these Xers that are buying a boat,
as you can tell because we have a skit about that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, the Xers are running out buying a boat.
No more inks for them, huh?
Right.
Yeah, they're like, yeah, fuck that inks shit.
Fuck that apathy shit, I can buy this boat.
So they're well adjusted, happy people now, I guess.
Alrighty, thank you everybody.
And I'm an Xer, so I can say this shit.
Anyhow, everybody, thank you for listening.
Have a fantastic evening, good night.
Oh, hi, Opal, hi, Jimmy, hi, Ricky.
Hi, Grandma, hi, Jimmy, hi, Ricky.
Yeah, we almost forgot tonight.
True, okay, boy, that's the skin of our ass.
Oh, yeah, very loud today.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
thank you.
I got a little tip from somebody in South Central Ohio
that says they know Ruth Ann and she still listens.
I don't know if it's someone playing a gag on me or not.
It don't know how to prove it.
So.
Well, I hope Ruth Ann is still listening.
Ruth Ann, I have nothing to say, I'm done.
Rob is the one that's really hurt by you leaving us.
So Rob, you got anything to say to her
if she is listening, in fact?
I want her to get in contact with us less than she is,
because I'm on your side, Ruth Ann.
See, he thinks I'm an asshole for messing with you
and he yelled at me about it too.
So I don't know why you'd punish Rob because I'm an asshole.
So.
Ruth Ann, send in a text, or not a text, send in an email.
Well, you could text the 517 number, 816-517-7717,
I believe it is, something like that.
Okay, that's our phone number.
You can send a text in there if you want, no big deal.
But if you don't want, send me an email
and let us know that you still listen.
I promise to lay off, I won't say anything
about the Bengals anymore, I won't giggle, I won't laugh,
I won't talk about little Joey Burrow hurting his fingers.
I won't say anything like that ever again.
I've learned my lesson and I'm a changed man, right Rob?
Right.
You can tell, can't you?
You can tell I'm a changed man, right?
Yes, I can.
See, so there, it's safe.
I'm no longer a big meanie.
What the hell did she got?
A meanie, a meanie, I forgot.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm not laughing at you.
It was pretty calico, though.
It was.
Root Dan, we love you, come back.
If you are listening, it could be somebody giving me shit
and just trying to arouse me, I don't know.
But Root Dan, if you're listening, come on, come on back.
I got my arms out.
All right, anyhow, everybody have a good night,
thank you for listening, good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes, they'll be back
invading your earhole soon.