And now it's time for the Daily Dishbag Lunch.
Two douchebags and a microphone pledge. I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant,
campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter-mile radius.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys. We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
We talk.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm, let's see. If I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on,
could animal control come by and pick me up?
Hmm. I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first-world problems.
I can't believe the toffee grinder is broke at the big box store.
There's no way I can be expected to grind my coffee beans every damn morning.
Next time you take a dump, listen to Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Get in cover.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A belly dancer in Spain.
A belly dancer for 48 hours beating the old world record by five hours.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Good evening, Rob. How you doing on this fine Saturday night, rather toasty Saturday night?
Oh, God is it toast. I'm toast, dude.
Yeah, it's putt weather.
I'm in the everywhere store. I'm out and about today.
Oh yeah, let's check the putts weather.
Yeah, I'm doing good.
Real nut drencher.
Why is this going good?
That's good to hear.
Good.
All right. Yeah, today was a real nut drencher because not only the heat, the humidity too.
Both of them all together makes a nut drencher.
So anyhow, and we'll have plenty more.
We got more rain coming in for the week.
Yes, it is swamp ass season in case anyone knows.
So anyhow, swamp ass is the sweat that you gather on your ass.
And it sucks. It can chafe you. It's just annoying and all this stuff.
So bring out your gold bonds, whatever you got to do,
because you have to do everything you can to battle swamp ass.
You know, the butt sweat, baby powder, the butt sweats are horrible.
And I don't wish that on any man.
So, well, there might be a couple I wish it on, but most men I do not wish that on.
So anyhow, the butt sweats is horrible.
You get swamp ass and your day is ruined, isn't it?
Yeah, definitely.
All right. So let's get into this.
So it appears that Bob Rock, the famous producer of many huge 80s bands,
was hired to help Motley with their new music.
Bob had some help from AI, allegedly, according to many different sources.
No wonder it doesn't sound like anything Motley ever would compose.
Rumor has it they are.
You can tell just by listening to it that it's not from them at all.
Even with Mick gone, you think there'd be some resemblance of their, you know, decent music.
But no, rumor has it they chatbot already took out a restraining order against the music.
A restraining order against Tommy Lee.
All right.
What?
Rumor has it.
Repeat that.
Rumor has it the chatbot AI already took out a restraining order against Tommy Lee.
Well, that wouldn't be the first person.
It would, but no.
It would not.
Just in a long line of just in a long line of restraining orders.
So, I think this is the first one and only time I will read for AI.
Me too.
I was just sitting there waiting for it.
As soon as you heard it and let it sink in, I'm just sitting there going, wait for it, wait for it.
And you're like, what?
So anyhow, so.
Okay.
All right.
So as I told everybody.
Good times.
Yep.
There's going to be a humdinger of a show, right?
A humdinger?
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, well, whatever.
Whatever the hell a humdinger is.
Yeah, go on.
Okay.
As I told everybody last podcast, I was going to the audiologist in hopes of helping me either
rid myself of tinnitus or significantly reducing the noise level.
Okay.
So there are many options.
One is retraining your mind to not hear the ringing.
You see, I'm thinking this therapy could really help Motley fans right now.
They could train.
Yeah, they could train themselves to not hear it.
Like I'm going to attempt to train myself not to hear tinnitus.
No, on a serious level, this is what a lot of people are doing now because insurance
doesn't cover the newest stuff, the tongue stimulation and all that.
Not yet, at least.
So it's like really pricey.
It's like you have to rent this thing for like over a thousand dollars a month.
And it's been working, but it doesn't work all the time.
So you spend all this money, it doesn't work.
You're screwed, right?
So they have different sorts of therapies.
They don't have a way to get rid of it per se, but they have this therapy and it works
really well with most people where you train your mind, just bypass it.
You don't even know it's there.
It's there, but you don't know.
And I found that very interesting.
And the success rate on that is about 70%, which I consider very good.
I will try it for a 70% success ratio.
And insurance will cover that, so I'm not out that much if it doesn't work.
So anyhow, but yeah, if you've been a victim of the new Motley crew,
I suggest you hunt these people down that we train you to not hear something
and put in that song and make sure that they train you not to hear it.
That's my best suggestion.
What do you think?
Nah, I totally agree.
If you were subject to accidentally hearing that garbage,
please consult an audiologist immediately.
And that's because we care here, two douchebags and a microphone.
So I'll say I'm taking your word for it.
I haven't listened to it.
You don't want to.
You said not to.
Yeah.
Don't waste your three minutes or whatever the hell it is.
Don't waste that three minutes of your life.
You can pick your nuts and get more out of it.
So yeah, don't waste your free data.
Yeah.
There you go.
That's an even better reason.
Don't waste your free data.
Someone in Africa needs that data right now,
and you're wasting it on that Motley song.
Yes.
Definitely.
So I want you to think about that next time you have a handful of data
and nothing to do with it.
Yeah.
People in Africa need to listen to us.
Yeah.
Sally Struthers.
Everybody around the world needs to listen to us.
Sally Struthers is going to be on this really soon, the data.
Yeah.
Yep.
Anyhow, I hear she's a listener.
I hear she's a listener.
Is she still alive?
I don't know.
I'll check in a minute after the monologue, OK?
Well, if not, she's doing it in depth.
She listens in depth because that's what kind of program we have.
Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
She would definitely love us.
Yep.
So that's how come my dad quit speaking to me from beyond.
Why wouldn't she love us?
Yeah.
Anyway, that works with Rob Reiner, that greasy toad.
Absolutely.
All right.
They would love us.
Do what?
I said they would love us, yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
Do it.
Hell yeah.
And Carol O'Connor, if he was still alive,
and who the hell was Edith Bunker?
Damn, I can't think of her name.
They would all love us too.
Uh, yeah.
Damn it.
She is so famous.
Lost it.
OK.
Anyhow, them both listen to us in the great beyond,
and have by a really, really good source in the great beyond.
So there you go.
Meanwhile, Chief Speedy first round draft pick Xavier Worthy
was not fast enough to catch the thief who stole his car.
That's right.
I did not hear those things.
It's true.
That's right.
Mr. Worthy's car was stolen.
Now he has to compete in the obstacle course while criminals
are shooting at him, and he will officially be a Kansas Cityan.
Then he will be Kansas City ready.
You know?
And you know, I mean, you know, just act like there's not really
a high number of shooting victims, and you kind of keep
your head down.
If you get through that, then, well, there you go.
You are a Kansas Cityan.
I heard that Rashi Rice might have taken Xavier's car
because he cannot rent cars for right now.
Just speculation.
All right.
Speaking of Kansas City short.
I'm sorry.
I had to mute you on that one.
Did you spit out your drink?
Was that what that sound was?
Oh, yeah.
I had to mute you on that one.
I'm sorry.
I laughed too hard.
Yeah, you know, Rashi Rice, he can't rent a car.
So he probably, it's probably a misunderstanding.
Wow.
Dude, that was the metal spoon to the nuts.
Yes, it was.
Oh, no, no, it was tongs.
You know what I'm talking about.
Metal tongs to the nuts.
Whatever.
Oh, those little metal crabbers.
Oh, shit, they're bad.
Oh, yeah.
Those were the big old, the big metal spoon.
The metal tongs.
What I like to do back in the days,
I take a tong to the nuts
and a metal spoon to the ass.
Depending on which way they're facing.
Yeah.
Yeah, if they're facing me, then they get the tongs to the nuts.
If they're not facing me,
they get the metal spoon to the ass.
Then when they turn around to say something to me,
then they get the tongs to the nuts.
Perfect crime.
All right.
Speaking of Kansas City shortcomings,
seems as though the ransomware attack
got a lock on the property deeds.
And I'm not joking you.
This is not a joke.
I know we're goofing around here.
But the ransomware locked up the property deeds, Rob.
The property deeds.
And you know how they wash these things?
Yes.
I was telling about the ransomware
last week, I believe.
And they locked up Kansas City.
They, um,
and anyhow, they're online hackers
and they want money to give us
our website back.
Okay. So.
Yeah, yeah. I remember you mentioning that.
Yeah. They got the property deeds section
of this website.
Oh, God.
You talk about some fucked up stuff, dude.
Oh.
Nobody has heard nearly the end of this yet.
No one has.
Unfortunately.
You know, the criminals really
need to check Jackson County
tax code before trying to steal someone's house.
Don't you think?
I'm staying out of it.
They go somewhere.
They go, how much tax?
I'm staying out of it.
They're going to go, let's see.
We steal this house here and we got to pay that many taxes.
Fuck you guys.
Let's go to Cass County.
Alright, let's go lock up their shit.
But they're too smart to let it happen.
Jackson County? Well, yeah.
Okay.
The crimes they would have to commit.
You see, even the criminals don't want to
commit that many crimes to pay
the taxes in Jackson County.
They're smart enough.
You know how many banks we have to rob?
So they're like, no, we're out.
So, Pepsi has come out with blue.
Yeah, you guessed it.
The Star Wars blue.
Like all the other reeds.
You're whipping all the way around, aren't you?
Well, you ought to see tomorrow's monologue.
There's a lot of it written out already.
Tomorrow might be worse.
Yeah, be ready for it.
Pepsi with blue food coloring.
So is Pepsi with blue food coloring in it?
Damn it, you're making me laugh, Rob.
Alright, okay.
Pepsi with blue food coloring in it
is what it is basically.
This is a salute to the famous blue milk in Star Wars.
Okay, Star Wars nerds,
me and the cool kids are going to catch you after school
and give you a swirly and a silly
and a silly
that will crush your chickpea looking balls.
Right?
We've already given them a mass battle.
Yes, yes.
We're going to give them a snuggie
where the underwear band is wrapped around the back of their head.
And then while they're battling their underwear,
we're going to stick their head in the toilet
and give them a swirly.
Because they're nerds.
We're going back to the 80s.
They're nerds and we're not.
We beat up nerds.
We're going back to the 80s.
Yes, we are. Only a certain amount of people will get this and I apologize.
Alright.
Oreo is jumping on the blue bandwagon as well.
Yep, you guessed it.
Wait for it.
Blue Oreo filling
in the middle.
Filling.
So I'm buying stock in FDC blue food coloring.
I can see the writing on the wall right now.
They're going to use quite a bit of it.
And you know,
because there's a lot of rubes out there.
We'll buy anything with blue food coloring in it right now.
Because they want to be trendy Star Wars guy.
And finally,
Blue Bell has a new flavor coming out soon.
It's an A&W Float flavored ice cream.
Mmm.
It sounds good, don't it?
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Instant fucking wood on that one.
So wow.
Do you remember the A&W that used to be in Belton?
Yes.
Yes, I do.
It was on North Scott down towards the end.
Yeah, that place was good.
I was a little...
Right down there by Wolf's Holy Dation.
Yes. Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, I was a little kid, man.
Yeah, so was I.
I remember my mom and dad taking me there all the time.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We would get root beer float and an order of onion rings.
And I was in heaven.
Didn't they have the...
I just needed root beer float.
I got them both.
What can I say?
I yelled enough.
Yeah.
I probably got my ass beat too.
But, oh well.
At least I got the float and the onion rings.
So, okay.
So, wow.
I don't have to spend 40 seconds out of my life
actually making a root beer float.
You know what, Rob?
I smell a brand new First World Problems
coming right up.
Alright.
Having to make your float.
And that is all of the opening monologue,
if you will.
Or we can call it the first thoughts
or the shit
or the steaming pile of shit to start things
or whatever.
So, Rob, we turn to you.
The first third.
There we go.
And once again, we turn to Rob
to save the program.
Okay, I think I have
found the douchiest dude
pretty much ever.
Wow. Okay.
That takes a lot of douchiness.
No.
He's not...
He's no douche.
Wow.
A woman on Reddit was
devastated after her boyfriend
of nearly seven years
abruptly left her,
moved
hundreds of miles away,
and refused to talk to her.
However, in my...
I blame it on feminine
odor. That's what I blame it on.
No, go ahead. No.
No. Okay.
I'm blaming it on him.
Okay.
However, a month
after a month,
he reached out to her and
claimed that he simply panicked
and ran away.
Okay.
Apparently, I was asking
too many questions about the
future.
If he ever wanted to get married,
what he thought about children,
etc.
I also pushed him a lot
to finally finish his degree
and get a job.
And all that's bad?
His main
source of income
are still his parents.
He said he just
couldn't handle it
and saw his life
as being over
and needed to get away from it
all straight. Okay.
I smell a zeer
or millennial here all over this place.
It just reeks of
millennial or zeer,
doesn't it?
Uh, yeah.
It's not giving us age.
Okay.
Well, that would be my guess in my book.
Yeah.
I think I found a look.
Like the zeer...
After seven years of being together.
Wow.
Okay.
You start asking about marriage and kids.
Seven years, man.
For some things, that's common law marriage.
I would expect
that to be asked
after seven years.
I would not be like, oh, wait a minute,
boy, you're getting a little too quick there.
I think she's had plenty of patience.
And then
he ran off.
Yeah.
Did she take the idiot back or not?
No. He's hundreds of miles away.
Oh, okay.
What a dumbass.
It scared him off.
Seven years. It scared him off.
Um...
I...
To be honest, I think this guy
needs to go see a doctor.
Hang on. We can put him on the next
Ask Padlin list. How's that?
Do you have a name?
No.
It does not give names to this whole
thing. Okay, I'm just going to put him down as
guy who ran off on marriage.
So he's going to get an Ask Padlin.
Do you agree?
Yeah. I found this on
Pop Crush.
Okay. Let's see.
Padlin...
guy
that
took
off.
Hopefully I remember what that means.
If I don't, he will not be on the Ask Padlin.
Speaking of Ask Padlins, you know I have some here.
We may or may not get to them.
Yeah. We can get...
Yeah.
We'll see how the rest of the program goes.
Let's go ahead and take a first break.
I'm a little honoree tonight.
Just saying.
Yeah.
The way the opening monologue took out
I think that we're both in a little
honoree. All I gotta say
is if this one was honoree, the next one's going to be a lot
worse, I do believe.
Okay.
Anyhow, we're going to take our first break
and we will be right back.
Now, from his underground bunker
camped in Missouri,
stocked full of dried goods,
canned food, and a couple of vibrating
toys, is
Ramblings of a Madman featuring
Rob Rad.
My mechanic told me I
couldn't repair your brakes.
So I made you one ladder.
Good job.
Have you ever wondered
where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you
The Origin of...
This is The Origin of
Beer. The first beer
in the world was brewed by the ancient Chinese
around the year 7000 BC.
It is known there as Kui.
In the West, however, the process
was recognized as beer brewing began in
the Mesopotamia at the Godin
Temple settlement now in modern
day Iran between 3500
and 3100 BC.
It's not entirely clear whether he had
a light version or even a craft beer version
of this. Just saying.
Hey look,
I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no!
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Look at that!
Elevator music is horrible.
On so many
levels.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all, this is Mark here.
I'm usually the one telling you what to eat
during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to
go the other way.
You ever consider just going to Ground Zero
and saying fuck it? Do you really want to be the guy
running around looking for radioactive
deer, guessing whether
water is not contaminated or not?
No food, no shelter, no nothing.
Oh no, there's a strong argument
that says, you know what, let's
just go to Ground Zero and see what's
for us after.
Just a thought.
Like stated before,
if you believe anything
we say or think this
podcast anything other
than hyperbole,
parody,
and just plain stupidness,
you're dumber than us.
And that's hard to beat.
Two douchebags in a
microphone invade your ear holes
and, hey,
I took a dump in the cooler.
And we are back. This is
Two Douchebags in a Microphone Podcast.
Okay, well, they did a study about
people working, okay.
And one of the biggest complaints
that people have is
passive aggressive behavior.
And I think
passive aggressive is where you're
acting like
something isn't a big deal
and you're acting on it, but you're acting like
that's not what you're doing
whatever for, you know what I mean? Kind of
passive aggressive.
It's like, oh, it's okay, and then they secretly
do some stupid shit behind your
back or something like that.
Right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So, it's one of the biggest complaints
about workplaces,
okay.
So, anyhow, they did a little study here
and they said passive
aggressive behavior
can make others very uncomfortable,
create tension, and even jeopardize your job.
Some signs of passive aggressive
behavior include
giving you a backhanded compliment.
Like, let's say
you're really overweight,
okay.
And anyhow, someone goes,
oh, I see you lost a little
weight.
That could be kind of a backhanded compliment.
Or, that's the nicest thing I've seen
you wear, and it's not that
great, you know what I mean? And then
the reason I do that is, if you come
back at them, they're going to go, I was
just giving you a compliment, I don't know what the problem
is, right? That's what they do.
If someone's passive
aggressive, when you call them on to go,
oh, I didn't mean it like that, right?
Right.
Okay. So,
like I said, backhanded compliment,
giving you the silent treatment,
indirectly refusing your
request,
sarcasm,
gossiping behind your back,
procrastination,
and missing deadlines.
Now, I've worked with all forms of
That's me. Procrastination, that's me.
Okay. I admit.
No, you're not doing it passive aggressive, though. I know
you. If you've got a problem with someone, you're going to say it
to them. You're going to go, hey man, can I speak to you?
No, you better believe it. Yeah, you're going to go, and I
do too. You're like, hey, can I speak to you?
You don't do it in front of people. Yeah, you
don't do it in front of people. You gather them
aside, and you have to be kid gloves,
and act like you don't think
it's passive aggressive. Just go, yeah, hey,
this just bothers me, you
know, and you just kind of leave it like
just the way it is. And that's
the best way to deal with it, I've found.
Because I've been around these motherfuckers
all my life. Luckily, I don't work
with people like that right now. Everyone's
pretty civil and good, and they don't
do that, but in my last job, there was
a lot of bullshit like that going on, a lot
of fucking idiots, and I'll go into that a little bit later.
Here are some tips for dealing
with passive aggressive behavior.
Speak to them privately.
Okay, I already said that.
Give concrete examples of the behavior
you've witnessed in them. Yes.
Yeah, and don't fluctuate. Go, this is
what you did, and then
let them, and then if they try to weasel
out of it, go, okay, that's fine and dandy, but
this is what you did. So could
you not do that anymore instead of telling
me, oh, I'm sorry, you know, I
didn't mean to. Now, I don't want to hear
you didn't mean to. I want to hear you say
you're not going to do it again, right?
Because
whether you meant to or not is irrelevant.
As long as you stop it is what's relevant.
So, tell them
how you interpreted it, and that goes
with that right there. Go, look, okay, you say
you didn't mean it, okay, leave you.
Don't do it again. Now you know.
So, leave out
any accusatory language.
Yes, that's very important.
You kind of just blame
it on yourself. Then that
person feels like, oh, okay, well, he didn't
catch on, or whatever passive
aggressive people do. You know, they're
kind of like, okay, alright, well, I guess I'll drop
it then. He, you know, he's blaming it
on himself. No harm, no foul.
Don't label them
or their behavior as passive
aggressive. I learned that.
I learned that. You don't ever call it passive
aggressive, because then
they get real, oh,
they get real defensive and pissy
because they know you're right, and
they know you caught them. So,
okay,
ask them
direct questions, which is so
true. Go, the other day,
did you say this in front of
everybody? Yes
or no? And if they say no,
then, you know, you can take it however you want.
You can go to the people and go, hey,
you know, well, let's go talk to these people
because they said that you said it,
or whatever the deal is.
So, acknowledge
the underlying issue, which is true.
Give them an opportunity
to explain their behavior and tell
you any needs that they
may have. So, you give them an
opportunity to go, yeah, I've been like
this, and here's what the problem is. Can we
work together and figure this out?
And then, you know, it's up to you both,
and a lot of passive aggressive people
actually like that. They're like, well,
he's working with me. Okay, this is cool.
We're talking it out. So,
that's a good method. And then, finally,
say something like, you made a good point
in that exchange, and that is
positive reinforcement,
and that makes passive aggressive people feel
good, and they back down
quite a bit on it. You go, you know, that's a good point,
but here's what I'm talking about, or whatever.
So, you don't just pooh-pooh what they're saying
off, and you don't act
like they're all of it. So,
I think this is great advice. So,
anyhow, there was this certain HR
lady at my old job. She
was the most passive aggressive person
I'd ever met in my life.
I was just flat ignoring it for quite
a while, but I eventually figured out that
the key to handling her was, if
it was something you really needed, he had to
feed her huge ego.
I would go in and blame an issue on me
and not her. For example, a
misrequest for vacation, I
would blame myself for forgetting to turn it in.
I wouldn't go, hey, I turned this in, and
you didn't, you didn't
get it back to me,
and now I can't take off, and now I got this,
you know, I got plane tickets, or whatever.
Okay? You go, man,
you know what, I think I must have done it.
And then, she would go, okay,
and then grant it. But if you went in there
and said, hey man, you missed this?
Oh no, that did not happen.
So,
I would act like it was the
check service, if they
missed some payroll stuff,
like
like, no,
missing overtime was a big issue,
and then she'd be like, oh,
I didn't see that, or whatever, and go, yeah,
I'm sure it's a payroll check, they
didn't catch it. And then, that would
work really well. And then, she'd go off
thinking, haha, you know, but
I know different. Okay,
you know, so I would do something like
that, you know, and then,
if you went further and said, you know what, this
has happened three paychecks in a row,
you missing my overtime, or whatever
it is, and then, I went to
school for this, and it's like,
fine, could you maybe work a little
bit better then, and act like you learned
something in school? But, I would never
do that, I learned how to deal with her.
I felt talked down to, but the funny thing
is, I always got what I needed to have
done, ego stroking,
that simple.
So, you know what,
you guys can deal with it however you want, but that's
my experiences with it.
And, like I said, at my old job, that was
a big issue, because this
person was very, very sensitive,
and talked, and didn't
think that you knew nearly as much as her.
As a matter of fact, when
you walked into the office, you could feel a big,
oh no, one of the peons is in there.
So,
anyhow, so,
alright Rob, we turn to you.
Alright.
Uh,
I'm gonna go up into Canada
here, but it
has to do with McDonald's too, so.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
A teen visit to a McDonald's
to collect what he thought
a free meal was
less stunned when he was hit
with a fine for hundreds
of dollars.
Mason Prima, 18,
uh,
Saskoon,
Saskatchewan, right? Saskatchewan.
Yeah, well
no, it's not
Saskatchewan.
Oh well, um, Northern Canada,
just say Northern Canada.
Told
CTV News, he was
pulled over while going
through the drive-through at
a McDonald's.
I'm barely
even moving.
I pulled up my app and
looked at my rear view mirror
and there's a motorcycle
cop behind me,
he told the outlet.
He initially didn't
think twice about using the app
on his phone while
at the window at, while
he was in the drive-through.
And he needed
to show proof he had
earned enough reward points
for a free meal.
When the officer approached him
at the window, Prima
said he showed him he was
on the fast food chain's
app in the process
of pulling up
a code.
But
the cop still issued
a
$580
fine,
which is $426
United States dollars.
Wow.
Are you kidding me?
Uh
You're in, that
private property, ain't it?
Um, yeah, I would not
think that the, that the policeman
would be able to enforce a ticket there.
For using the app
while in the drive-through.
Um, I hope that guy has enough money
to get a good lawyer.
Because I would not only sue them,
but I would sue them for damages. I would be like
you know what, I had to miss today's work.
I'd even go, you know what,
now whenever I see a policeman, I start
crying. I'd make shit up.
Oh my god.
Any asshole that would do that does not
need to be in a uniform.
Bottom line.
So, wow.
That's a rookie looking to make a name for himself.
Yeah, which is bullshit.
Or you're bored.
Yeah.
Yep. Uh, May, do you want to do some
ass paddlins or do you want to go into something else?
What do you think?
After that? I think I'm ready after that.
Alrighty. And how about if we do a
nipple yank, a nut flick,
and an ass cheek bite tomorrow?
You feel like doing that tomorrow?
Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night.
You're on. Alright, you got it.
Spit shake?
Pfft.
Alright, there we go.
Alright, ass padlins.
Well, I gotta tell it.
And this is what happened.
Okay, this happened like maybe the fourth
episode ever. I'm not gonna say
a word tonight. Okay.
Anyhow, Topher
and I came up with it and we're pretty proud
of it. We're giggling. So anyhow, what happened
is, is him and I was on
vacation in Florida.
We were on the golf side and we're walking along
the beautiful beach.
And the gentle
breeze was blowing our hair back.
And the sun was glistening. The sun
coming up was glistening off
of our hair. It was just beautiful.
It was a tender moment, but
Rob and his brothers say we were
holding hands. We were not. It was a tender
moment, yes, but we were not.
We were not holding hands.
So we're walking
along and I stubbed my toe
on something. I look back and
Topher goes, dude
that's a genie bottle. And I go, hey it is not.
There's no such thing as genies.
Then I walk over there to see it
and it's like a genie bottle with a cork
in it. I go, dude it looks like a genie
bottle. So I undo the cork.
Poof. This genie comes out.
So it's like, alright, cool, alright.
So the genie was very
condescending. He could not stand us.
He thought we were just heathens. And he
was rolling his eyes as soon as he saw us.
And we're like, hey we get three wishes. And he goes,
nope, no you do not. He said,
you guys watch too much TV.
You get one wish, one wish only.
I suggest you use it wisely.
So Topher and I automatically
go, we want to be invisible so we can ask
paddle people that need it.
The genie rolled his eyes
and very reluctantly
granted us that wish once a month.
But lately we got the genie to
agree because people are so stupid
anymore that we can do it
actually as
much as needed. So if we do it four
times a month, the genie said that's fine.
So we're just having a lot
of people needing to ask padlins and we've got
to cover this. So.
Alrighty.
All men that get faceless.
Agreed?
Does that actually happen?
Yeah, I went into that
article a couple of podcasts
ago.
More and more men are getting faceless.
I'm a man.
Every man that gets a facelift.
I don't do nothing.
Gene Simmons got a facelift.
It was on his stupid show, right?
He gets an ass paddle.
Well, he's got money.
Well, anyhow, any man
that gets a facelift gets an automatic
ass paddling. And I'm debating
on whether to do it bare assed or not. What do you
think?
Bare assed.
Oh.
Yeah, what the hell.
I'm in the one with the mood, yeah.
Alright, next one
that gets an ass paddling. Avocado
toast. Just because
it's snobbish attitude.
Don't you agree?
Yeah.
Yep. Yep.
Avocado toast gets an ass paddling.
Well, I mean
we don't have to bare ass it
in one paddle and it will be smashed.
Yeah.
So, the next
one. I'll tell you what. I'll give you the honor
since you brought it up.
Yep, any avocado toast around me
gets an ass paddle. One shot is
done, it's your shot.
This is everybody's morning that likes avocado toast.
You better eat it because if not I'm going to smash
it with a board. And by the way
this is a replica of Old
Sparky which impacted
my bottom quite a bit during my high school
years at Cass Midway.
It is sitting in, or
at least it was, sitting in the trophy case
of our numerous
state championships, 1A.
And it's hanging
in there the last I knew. And Old
Sparky, he had a really good workout
with us idiots. I mean, you know, us guys
did a lot of stupid shit. So we
got our asses, yeah
we got our asses beat quite a bit.
It has got a big old long wooden handle
and a big narrow long
piece of wood with holes in it. Old
Sparky could gather a lot of steam
for your ass cheeks.
And it did not feel good.
So, we do all this with Old Sparky
so avocado toast
doesn't have a chance against Old
Sparky, wouldn't you say?
The problem is you guys are
bored.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean we're out there in the fucking
sticks, there's nothing to do.
Yeah, you're bored. I know.
That's why I love you so much.
Right on cool. Well, you're a victim of it too.
You grew up in Belton, that's the sticks basically too.
No, no, we had
Rizgabar. I mean, we had
culture.
Oh, Cimarron Trails, yeah
that's right. Yeah.
Yep.
Alright, next on the list is Copper...
Now one of my exes lives in
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it used to be...
Anyway, let's move on.
Let's move on.
Okay, okay, you're right.
Copperhead snakes get an ass paddling.
Agreed? Since they eat
cicadas and they're all over the place now,
they get an ass paddling.
So,
I mean, who's going to grab them and who's going to ass paddle them?
Do we got that figured out?
I mean, we are invisible.
I ain't grabbing them.
I wonder if they can... I think they can feel
heat. I don't know if being invisible is going to help us
on that one.
I ain't grabbing them.
I'm doing the paddling. I ain't grabbing them.
Okay, you know what?
Maybe we'll just go ahead... let's just go ahead and leave
Copperhead snakes alone for now, okay?
Seriously, I don't like
snakes. Okay.
Go ahead and leave Copperhead snakes alone
on the count that nobody wants to grab them
and no one wants to get close to
enough to ass paddle them. So,
Copperhead snakes, you're fine.
Just stay out of my fucking yard.
Yeah, just stay away from us.
Next,
next, that gets an ass paddling.
Any halfway house that takes
in that sick fuck Robert Courtney,
the guy that diluted the cancer drugs,
if a
halfway house accepts
in,
they get a forever ass paddling
that never stops.
And Robert Courtney,
that piece of shit...
Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
You know what? I'm just going to reserve
what I'd like done to him
to myself.
But I know what I would like seen done
to him.
Yeah, piece of crap.
Alright.
He's being freed.
Right now they haven't found a halfway house
that wants him because
there's a lot of people that had a loved one die.
This sick fuck
was diluting cancer
drugs and people heard about that
and they were raising hell.
I don't know how he did not escape
the death penalty himself.
I would have been all for it.
Had to do this whole system?
Yeah, well,
you know what? Right now,
right now that bag of crap
cannot get in a halfway house
because these halfway houses, my understanding is
they're afraid to take him in because people
are going to be out there practically rioting.
So, in their loved one's
name that passed away because they
weren't getting the right cancer drugs.
That motherfucker.
Alright, next. NFL for completely
screwing the Chief's schedule up.
Can we agree with that even though they're in the Hall of Fame?
The NFL is
already in the Hall of Fame of ass paddling.
We have to pull them out and give them an ass
paddling because they earned another one.
Agreed?
I'm hearing trumpets.
I'm hearing hands.
Alright, what do you think?
Bare-assed?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, bare-assed paddling. There you go, NFL.
I don't know. I don't know.
I...
Well, no. Actually,
I think I may have to
withdraw that.
Okay.
Can't see, Chiefs.
Want to go for a
three-peat? Yes.
If you want the
three-peat, you gotta earn it.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Alright, I withdraw this.
Them and the Copperhead Snakes are...
Okay, the NFL and the Copperhead Snakes
are exempt in this one. Okay.
Alrighty.
Next one.
That's it.
Right there.
Pepsi for coming out with Pepsi Blue to
salute the Star Wars saga.
That's bare-assed right there.
Bare-assed paddle right there.
Agreed?
I thought they were on the
last one, too.
I don't think so.
No, that was the milk.
Oh, yeah, that was the milk.
Yeah, that was the blue milk.
Yep. And then, anyone
who purchased Pepsi Blue?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. We can't let you guys
get away. I don't drink
anything blue.
No, no, it's not right. Anything blue
will make you sick pretty much, right?
Yep. Yep. Yep. Alright.
Producer Bob Rock
for co-signing with Motley Crue and making
an AI-generated embarrassment.
And, of course, Motley Crue is
already in the Ask Paddlin' Hall of Fame.
They get pulled out for another round
with old Sparky. And this is because
they're treatment of McMars.
And we don't like it.
So. Amen. Yep.
So Bob Rock and
Motley getting ass-paddling.
Next up,
City of Kansas City for allowing internet
pirates to seize the whole system.
Yes.
You mission that me off
the air? Yep. Yep.
Yep. They get it.
And then, finally,
the internet pirates that are
that have done this
horrible deed,
they get an ass-paddling and bear-ass
as well. I hope they washed up.
So, that is
the end of ass-paddling for this
show. Let's go ahead
and take our second break and we're going to come
right back.
Unless the power goes out or something
or one of us strokes out or something.
Other than that, we'll be back.
I don't plan on it.
I don't either, but
you know what?
I just had to...
Yes.
Our constant pursuit
for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Hey, you're sure? Are you
aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants
and rubber bedspreads, kids.
It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert
system. This fantastic
early warning device helps one stay
dry and rid of all those annoying
mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to child under six
or psychopath and wait for the running
water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings.
Bablin Brook, Ocean Way,
and the
Roring River for those close calls.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.
If a 10-pound bag of shit
could talk, this is what it would sound like.
Now it's time for
pick-up lines from a loser.
Are you a parking ticket?
You got five written all over you.
Now, from this underground
bunker,
you can get a free
Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.
From this underground bunker,
camped in Missouri, stocked
full of dried guts, canned food,
and a couple of vibrating toys
and some ramblings of a madman
featuring Rob Rad.
My mechanic told me
I could repair your brakes.
So I made you one ladder.
Good job.
And now,
Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Whenever I mow my lawn,
then I look back at the front yard
and there's always a couple of blades sticking up.
Are those the blades of grass
that were smart enough to duck?
Hmph.
I may never know.
Hey, look! I think we found land!
Oh my god, I think we're safe!
Oh no!
It's the island of horrible jokes!
Oh my god!
I dreamt I was a muffler.
I woke up
exhausted.
Hehehehehehehehe
The apocalypse
just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all, this is Mark here.
I'm usually the one telling you
what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided
to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to
Ground Zero and saying fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy
running around looking for radioactive deer
guessing whether water is not
contaminated or not? No food, no shelter,
no nothing.
Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what?
Let's just go to Ground Zero
and see what's for us after.
Just a thought.
Hello, this is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than
listening to two douchebags in microphone
by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the cells I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Two douchebags in microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Oh, I've got some great news, Rob.
You want to hear it?
Yes, I do.
Pizza Hut is coming out with a cheeseburger.
What?
Pizza Hut is coming out with a cheeseburger.
Actual almond bun cheeseburger, not cheeseburger pizza.
Well, just hang tight.
Well, they already have a cheeseburger pizza.
Yeah, they do and it's good. I like it.
Our next Pizza Hut meal is about to get even more portable
in a crossover. Hang on.
I need my eyeballs. Thank you for making me go get them today.
You're welcome. Yes, everybody.
Just so you know, before we come on here, I made him go get his eyeballs.
He demanded I go get my glasses and he was right.
So now I can read this because of that.
I love you, Mark.
I love you too, buddy.
Okay, so I'm going to start over.
Our next Pizza Hut meal is about to get even more portable.
In a crossover that you probably didn't see coming,
Pizza Hut is launching a burger called the Cheeseburger Melt.
According to the chain's official announcement,
this pizza inspired sandwich starts with a Parmesan crusted thin crust bread
that's folded to encase beef, bacon, onions, mozzarella and cheddar.
A dipper of the chain's own special burger sauce is served on the side.
The new dish is a little bit pizza, a little bit cheeseburger
and a new entry point for the pizza chain.
Of course, no cheeseburger dish would be complete without French fries and a drink.
So how about that, Rob?
Not only do you get this cheeseburger concoction,
but you can also get fries at Pizza Hut. Isn't that good?
That's awesome.
We have a Pizza Hut in Campton, but they don't have near the menu.
Then they probably won't get it. That sucks.
The new burger is available as part of the My Hut...
That's alright. Jim City is an hour away. I'll run up there.
There you go.
It would be worth it.
Yeah, it would.
I want to try one.
I do too.
Hey, let's both give a review when we try one, okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
The new burger is available as part of the My Hut box package still,
which can include fries if you so choose or wings.
Ooh. So if you don't want fries and get wings, huh.
I'm going to cry, Rob. I'm getting weepy.
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
Oh, man. I hear angels singing. I hear trumpets.
Yeah. There's twice this show.
Two trumpet sections. We're on it tonight.
Yeah. This is awesome here.
The cheeseburger melt itself starts at $6.99,
while the My Hut box package starts at $8.49.
That's pretty cheap.
That's cheap.
Yeah, that's $8.49.
Not nearly as expensive a McDonald's, is it? $8.49.
There's your Happy Meal.
There's your fucking Happy Meal sucking McDonald's.
I got your Happy Meal right here.
Take a bite out of it.
All right, Rob, we turn to you to class this place up a little bit.
Let me spray some Lysol in my department here. Go ahead.
The hell with it. I'm going to Egypt.
I'm just spraying Lysol. Never mind me.
Just so you know, I found this on the Independent.
Okay.
Archeology.
Sorry.
Was that a goat?
Yes, it was. Every program needs a goat sound. So there you go.
Hi, Opo. Hi, Jamie. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra, ra, ra. Love you guys.
Hi, Grandma. Hi, Jamie. Hi, Ricky.
You guys are awesome. All right, go ahead, Rob. Sorry.
Archeologists believe they may have discovered the secret behind one of the wonders of the world.
Some 4,700 years after the construction of the Egypt's Pyramid began, including the Great Pyramid of Giza.
Okay.
Researchers have found they may have been built along an abandoned branch of the River Nile.
Uh-huh.
New evidence suggests the lost 40-mile branch of the Nile was used for transporting construction material to the pyramids, which were built over a thousand-year period.
This could explain why the pyramids were concentrated in what is now a narrow, inhospitable strip of the Saharan Desert.
Many of us who are interested in ancient Egypt are aware that the Egyptians must have used a waterway to build their enormous monuments, like the pyramids and valley temples.
Nobody was certain of the location, the shape, the size, or proximity of this mega-waterway to the actual pyramid site.
Okay. Well, they then used eophysical surveys and sediment cores to confirm the presence of river sediments to form channels beneath the modern land surface.
Oh, wow.
You know what they're saying? Everybody is thought that people dug all these stones and built these pyramids.
Uh-huh.
And everybody said it's impossible, and there's been many myths. Well, water would be one way.
Yes. Yep. Yeah. And that's where the Nile was in a different location.
Yeah, and this, yeah, and this, and supposedly there was a waterway running right by there, and it was a tributary of the Nile.
Yeah, yeah.
That's been dried up.
Well, to give it a reference for people over here in North America or in the Middle West, okay, the Mississippi River used to be to the east of where it's at now by, I don't know, maybe half a mile or something.
They have found ships in the earth that used to go down the Mississippi.
Now the Mississippi wasn't that much larger than what it was, was it had a different path. So what they're talking about this here is they're talking about the same thing.
Over years, this is what happens, you know, they change course, rivers change course for different reasons, you know, they build up sediment and they have to go another way and all that.
So that was pretty interesting because I'm familiar what you're saying is, and they're saying what people thought they'd done, you know, grabbing all these huge blocks and all that actually really didn't happen.
They thought they drug them through the desert. No, they didn't.
No, they had waterway right there.
They had some waterway.
Yeah. So that was pretty interesting.
What was that or ET had something to do with it? Let me see.
I don't know. The landing strips. You think about it. However you think about it.
Well, I have a question for you personally. What do you think about the landing strips they have there?
They're obviously landing strips from the air. So why would there be landing strips if there wasn't something coming down from the sky?
How would they even think about that?
I'll tell you what I did in the extra. I do too. So who knows what happened.
Maybe I might start bringing more stories.
Yeah, why not? I think our audience would really like that. You know what? Email us. Let us know.
Before I go.
They want off the wall stuff from us.
Yeah, obviously they do. Obviously. Okay. We have a new number one, Rob. And then I'll go into the story that I want. Okay. You know who our new number one is?
Who?
Boardman Oregon.
It took over NA.
It took over. Oh no, it did not take over NA. NA, we don't know what it is. So we, you know, it's undisclosed locations.
Okay. All right. All right.
Boardman Oregon is number one. Pretty solid.
Purdue Canada is now number...
I don't know anybody in Boardman, but I love y'all.
You guys are awesome. How much you've been picking up our program up there. Thank you so much.
The second is Purdue Canada now.
The third is Des Moines, Iowa.
I love all of you.
You guys are awesome.
Des Moines, Iowa is the third one.
I mean, besides NA, NA is actually the first. So it'd be technically it would be the fourth one.
The fifth one is...
There's our boys, Des Moines.
Our hometown, Kansas City is our fourth one.
Ashburn, I believe North Carolina is number five.
And Harrisonville, Missouri is number six.
And Brussels, Belgium is right after that.
So anyhow, some markets that have really, really picked up is St. Louis, Denver, San Jose, California.
And let's see.
You know, the rest are pretty much going how they always have.
No really big increases. So they're still steady, the other ones.
So anyhow, I just wanted to say thank you to Boardman and everybody else.
Yeah.
Can I add something here?
Absolutely.
I noticed Camdenton hit the list too.
Yes. Okay, you are getting it. Okay. Yes.
Camdenton has done really good and we know why.
But it's not just you and Camdenton, it's other people. So thank you Camdenton.
Osage Beats too is showing up.
Oh yeah. Osage has been there. Camdenton just showed up on the list.
Yeah. And that was pretty cool.
There we are.
Yep. So thank you Camdenton. That would be Rob's hometown.
And thank you Kansas City. That would be where I am at.
So anyhow, let's see.
Yeah, we love everybody.
Yep. Kind of disappointing. Chicago died down considerably when they were really a hot market for a while.
So anyhow, Chicago, we still love you even though you don't like us.
So, alright.
AI.
You even put up for him in that promo.
Yeah, I know. I put it on about every episode. And I just don't know. You know, Chicago is just pretty much, they are audio.
They are not that bad. They are not that bad.
Yeah, they are audio flipping us off is what is going on.
So, alrighty.
AI was used to make a person's boss look racist.
Now we have been talking about AI for quite a while, right? And we have been talking about the slippery slope that has been going on with AI.
Well this here, this...
Come on, John Connor.
We can't have you quick enough.
This right here, what I am getting ready to read to you, is exactly what Rob and I have been talking about.
So, a Merlin High School athletic director is facing criminal charges after police say he used artificial intelligence
to duplicate the voice of Pikesville High School principal Eric Ezwert.
Leading the community to believe Ezwert said racist and anti-Semitic things about teachers and students.
We now have conclusive evidence that the recording was not authentic, Baltimore County Police Chief Robert McCullin told reporters during the news conference Thursday.
It has been determined the recording was generated through the use of artificial intelligence technology.
Dozan Durean, 31, was arrested Thursday on charges of stalking, theft, disruption of school operations, and retaliation against a witness after a month-long investigation from the Baltimore County Police Department.
Attempts to contact Durean or Ezwert for comment were not successful.
The wild headline making details of this case aside, it emphasizes the serious potential for criminal mischief of artificial intelligence, which we have been saying all along.
The experts have been warning about sometimes, so I guess we are experts, Rob.
So, anyhow, this is exactly what we are talking about.
So, in case anyone didn't quite catch it, I think you probably did. You are all intelligent.
So, okay, so it sounds like this guy did something wrong maybe in school.
So, the principal had to go against him, had to report him and administer, probably administer punishment right.
So, this guy that did whatever wrong before to get this principal on his list retaliated by using AI to make him look racist and anti-Semitic.
So, a Semetic, not Semic, anti-Semitic.
So, this is what Rob and I are talking about right here.
And as AI gets better, the harder it's going to be for anyone to realize what's fake and what's real.
And that's going to be a damn shame.
In other words, us, Tom and folk, are fucked.
Yes.
Just so.
Because someone did that to us, we don't have enough money to like take it to court.
People are just going to think we did that.
So, yeah.
I worked to pay my bills.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I mean it is really.
I'll go to prison for something I didn't do.
That's right.
So, anyhow, this is exactly what we're talking about and I really don't know where else to take it.
So, Rob, go ahead.
Okay, I'm going to, yeah, well I'm going to lighten the mood.
How's that?
That sounds good.
Are you a Reba McIntyre fan?
Who isn't?
Even Satan is a Reba McIntyre fan.
Yeah.
I'm talking about her TV show.
Yeah, her TV show I could do without.
Okay, well, I was a fan.
Okay.
I know.
Okay.
I'm pretty sure some of our listeners are fans.
Okay, here's the deal, Rob.
I'm sure the show's good, but I generally don't watch network TV.
I told you about The Good Doctor.
That is one rare show that I watch on network TV and then some game shows.
So, I mean, it's probably a fine show.
Yeah, you never really have been a TV watcher.
No, I've never really cared for it that much.
I just thought it was a waste of time and I'd rather read a book anytime.
So anyhow, even though I'm a very slow reader, I don't care.
I love it.
I savor it.
So anyhow, go ahead.
All right.
Well, Reba McIntyre is set to return to comedy TV as her new sitcom, Happy's Place,
got the green light and dropped its first trailer on Wednesday.
The actress, 69, who recently revealed she was not initially attracted to her boyfriend,
I don't know where the hell that came from, got her latest series ordered by NBC on May 7.
Okay.
Her original sitcom, Reba, went by the name Reba Hart, but now she's playing a character called Bobby.
In the show's official description, Bobby inherits her father's restaurant
and is left to discover that she has a new business partner and a half-sister she never knew she had.
Okay.
Her multi-camera show will be executive produced by the multi-hyphenate alongside her old Reba crew.
Uh-huh.
So, okay, here's what it boils down to.
Okay.
I'm going to break this down as a lot of reading.
Okay.
Everybody that was part of the Reba show is now part of Happy's Place.
Okay.
They're playing different parts.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Kind of like Newhart.
Uh-huh.
Kind of like Newhart in Bob Newhart's show.
Yeah, it's kind of, yeah.
Happy's Place is set to premiere sometime this fall on NBC taking the Friday slot at 8, 7 Central.
Okay.
Yeah, even Mr. Peterman's going to be on there.
Cool.
They're all on there.
That's awesome.
Very cool.
Let's see.
I'm trying to think what kind of story I want to go into.
You did.
You lightened it up quite a bit and that's fine.
I like it.
Let's see.
Okay.
Here's one in this pre-light, but I feel for the guy I really do.
Okay.
There's this gentleman that has an emotional support alligator.
I believe we talked about him before on this program, haven't we?
Yeah, we have.
Okay.
I kind of like him.
Well, somebody stole his alligator.
Oh, what?
Yes.
Okay.
So he kept getting threats, evidently.
People thinking that it was inhumane to keep an alligator indoors.
Okay.
And all the famous pictures, I think you see them too, the guy holding the alligator, the
alligator's hugging him, you know, got his head right next to his and all that.
Well, there's people in this world that think that he was being cruel for having that alligator
outside of nature.
Okay.
When, I mean, to me, it looked like the alligator was doing fine.
I mean, he's hugging the guy instead of trying to snap his head off.
Okay.
Well, while he was gone, he went to some friend's house.
He came back, someone broke in his house and stole his alligator.
He thinks they let him off in the wild.
So he is like devastated that he doesn't have his, his loving pet anymore.
And, you know, as stupid as it sounds, as dumb as it might sound, I think that's horrible.
I, that poor guy is probably grieving because he really loved that animal.
And here's what it is.
No idiot should have the right to determine whether he can have that alligator or not.
If, if the cops don't do anything about it, if the law doesn't do anything about it, it's
not your fucking business.
So, I hope they catch him because...
As long as you keep it under control.
Yeah.
Well, it ain't under control.
This sounds to me like those do-gooders.
You know what I mean?
The do-gooders?
Yeah.
Those guys go, Oh, I'm going to help out.
Yeah.
Fuck you guys.
Leave us alone, man.
You know what?
Someone wants a pet alligator.
Let them fucking have it.
It's not on this...
You're not on this earth to try to straighten out people you deem need straightened out.
I, you know, if you ask me, you fucks are the ones that need straightened out.
So anyhow, um, but I thought that kind of sucked.
And I know we, we're ending this program on a sad note.
So you got something to bring us up?
Uh, not the story ahead.
Okay.
Uh, he was going to tear down a share station in Iowa.
You want to hear about the guy that got trapped in a shitter?
Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
Let me, yeah.
Tell me about him while I come up with a different one.
Okay.
A guy in Argentina, I guess, like dropped something in a port of shitter.
So he went to go get it and he fell face first in the shit.
And he was stuck there.
He was screaming for hours and finally someone heard him screaming, went in there and got
out of the shit.
Isn't that horrible?
He was face first in the shit and all he could do was scream.
He was probably about ready to drown in it actually.
Oh shit.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
That's the best way to put it.
Oh shit.
Oh man.
That's all you can say at that point.
I remember when we used to throw smoke bombs in those port of potties, like we'd be at
a concert and there'd be a bunch of port of potties and we'd wait until my brother gets
in there or somebody else and we'd throw a smoke bomb in there.
Good times.
Oh definitely.
Remember that one time we had a guy back his car up so John couldn't get out of the
shitter?
Uh, I think that was more than once.
Yeah.
I think the guy's name was Clint.
He had that cutlass.
And anyhow, we're just, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we're just choked around and we go.
Yeah.
And then he put his car up to it and then he left.
So we could get John out for a while.
Then finally we had to end up scooting the port of potty.
Four people had to scoot it gently away from Clint's car because he took off and didn't
come back.
And we thought he was going to go get a beer or something.
He never came back.
Poor John was stuck in there for quite a while.
Were you present on that one or not?
I can't remember.
It was at some festival.
I told him to park there.
You did?
Okay.
Yep.
You did have a role in it.
I just didn't know he was going to come back.
Yeah.
Am I right with his name?
Was it Clint?
Yeah.
Clint.
Yeah.
He had the cutlass.
Oh really?
You know Clint still?
How's he doing?
Yeah.
Oh he's doing great.
That's cool to hear.
Well tell him I said hi.
Okay.
He's still up around there.
Yeah.
Are you talking about big muscle bound Clint?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Yep.
You remember him.
Yeah.
Tell him I said hello.
That's cool.
He's on my friends list.
Oh I'll look him up then.
All right.
Thanks.
All right.
Hey.
Okay.
All right man.
Let's go ahead and shut this bitch down.
How about that?
We're going to put a pretty little bow on it and kick it down the curb.
Thank you everybody for listening.
Good night assholes.
And we'll get back to you tomorrow night.
That's right.
You're warned.
Good night assholes.
Oh no.
Looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.
Oh no.
Looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.