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Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May your spoon always slip and sink into your hot soup.
Hey look! I think we found land! Oh my god, I think we're safe! Oh no! It's the island of horrible jokes!
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I may never know.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark. And I am Rob.
Always. Yep, yep. Live on the edge. That's what I say.
If I can put your mic in a weird position that way you just have to go ahead and move it on air. Yes. Yes.
Yeah, yeah it means should I go ahead and use the bathroom or is that a fart? Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I gambled a lost. It's over.
Gotta take another shower. This is the third one today. Bullshit. So anyhow. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Like I said before, Father Time carries a baseball bat and he has a sense of humor.
Yeah, he does. Oh yeah. Yep, yep, yep. So, yep, everything that our parents told us that we laughed at, we're not laughing at now are we?
Oh hell no. Nope, nope, not at all. Nope, nope, nope. My dad's in the great beyond right now going, uh huh, you little dumbass. You thought you knew everything, didn't you?
Yeah, huh? Yep. So, alright. Let's start off here. Mount Fuji is a well sought out tourist attraction in Japan, right?
Very picturesque, beautiful mountain. Okay. The villages in the mountain's path are erecting a giant 65 foot barrier to block the view of Mount Fuji.
This is a result of bad behavior from tourists, including rude habits and trash being littered all over the area.
No shit Rob, for real. This is not a joke. It's a Yellowstone Tootoo, we decided that. Yes, yes. It's not just over there.
Oh yeah, it's trash gone wild. Go up there with your popsicles and your fucking Dr. Peppers and leave them all on the mountain.
But in a related story, we hear the Las Vegas Raiders are going to put up a protective barrier for any intelligent life form that could accidentally spot the team.
And we thank them. We thank them.
Well, the NFL has not wasted any time trying to make the 3-peat a non-issue for the new schedule for the Chiefs. It's brutal.
I feel the object is to do their best to make KC a wild card team this season. Just to watch Patrick Mahomes have to go through every town to do it again.
So, I mean, just like certain things that happened last season, to me, tailored the whole idea of them not having home-filled advantage.
So, there were certain things that happened that I believe weren't just quite an accident.
So, anyhow, as we all know though, sometimes good teams have horrible years due to injuries and other issues.
So, we'll see. Because, you know, a lot of times we look at the schedule at the first, right? We're like, oh my God.
Then all of a sudden there's three or four teams that have some injuries and they're horrible.
Like last year, you know, we would have earmarked the Jets game. It was like, oh, that could be a loss.
You know, it's in New York and it's against Aaron Rodgers and he's got a hell of a defense.
But then Aaron Rodgers didn't play. He was injured.
Stuff like that can happen all the time and we'll see. And who knows? Maybe we'll have a key injury that'll fuck us out of it.
We don't know. But I'm just saying as of right now that schedule is no joke. That schedule is brutal.
So, yeah, it is. I've seen it. It is.
Yeah, but I would like to add this. Horrible schedules, extremely difficult schedules make champions.
It does. It does. It does. Yeah.
It forges a team in toughness. And once you beat a couple of teams when you're down to the last minute and you do that a couple of times,
you just you kind of get this thick skin. And that thick skin is what you need to get through the playoff run.
And as we saw last year with the Chiefs, they had that thick skin no matter what anyone said, no matter what anyone did,
no matter what anything, they knew they could do it and they did.
So even in the doldrums of the first quarter of the Super Bowl, they still didn't lose faith.
They just kept it up, kept it up, kept it up, and they eventually adapted and overcame.
So we'll see what happens. Tyree Kill was unrecognizable as he went incognito to attend his own summer camp.
Did you see any of that, Rob? I see a couple of articles about it.
Hill attended a summer camp in New Jersey looking like an out of shape old man.
Hill posted a before and after of the prosthetics that were applied.
He revealed himself soon after and was present the rest of the camp to help children try to achieve their lifelong dream.
Great job, Hill, for real. For real. That was good.
You should have seen the look on those kids' faces when he's like, look, it's me.
Anyhow, Hill, you do have some good in you and I do like you.
I just think you have some bad tendencies. Not as bad as Rasheer Rice, but you do have some bad tendencies.
Do you know the Good Doctor series on ABC Network? Yeah.
I've never watched it, but I know of it.
It has a really interesting star of the show. Freddie Highmore is the actor's real name.
He plays on the show what I believe is a doctor with either autism or possibly Asperger's Syndrome.
Something like that. Yeah. He's on the spectrum or something.
He's brilliant, but he has these quirks because he has autism or Asperger's or something like that.
I noticed if you slow his voice down when he plays this doctor with autism or whatever,
if you slow it down a few notches, he has a spot on William Shatner.
Think about it. Why? I don't know why I would possibly do that.
If you slow that down just a little bit, why? Why? I don't know why I would possibly do that.
I mean, it is William Shatner. I told it to Topher today, and he could not quit laughing.
He's going to take some excerpts of the Good Doctor and he's going to slow him down.
I'm telling you, it's spot on William Shatner. I'm not joking.
I mean, it is funny, and that's why I mention it, but it is.
So, Eddie, yeah. Like I said, I've never watched the show, so I don't know.
Try it one night. Watch the show and imitate the doctor, but slower. Bam. There you go.
Oh, no. Watch the show. Watch it.
It's actually a very good show, Rob.
It's a Star Trek or something.
It's a very good show. If you started watching it, most people become addicted to it.
Topher started watching it. He's on his sixth season now, and he's just going nutso on it.
I mean, it's a really interesting show. It's very well written.
And the actor, Freddie Highmore, plays this autistic, I would say, doctor so well.
I mean, the looks on his face, how he speaks, his mannerisms, his confusion in certain situations.
I mean, it's a really good show. Anyhow.
And I don't brag on that many shows because I don't really like network TV. So, anyhow.
Eric Clapton was doing a show in Liverpool when he started playing tribute to Liverpool's soccer team
manager, Jordan Klopp. He played the team's fight song, You'll Never Walk Alone.
One problem, their arch rival Everton was very present in the crowd, and the song was met with massive booing.
Everton is not too far away from Liverpool, but Clapton is not playing in Everton,
so the crowd was well represented with Everton fans.
He did finish the song, there was a few fistfights going down, but the fistfights pretty much subsided after the song did.
Oh, that's the only word in the United States.
Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, trash is trash.
Yeah, no, no, it's true. Trash is trash.
Speaking of trash, garbage lasagna. Does that sound good, Rob?
Yeah, really.
No, it doesn't. This is a term for decades of trash sitting underneath the landfill.
This is a major contributor to carbon in the atmosphere.
These landfills belch methane gas, have hot zones where it's a large area emitting carbon and methane into the air.
The problem? What can you do about it now?
Just to make all our waste disappear? I mean, where's David Copperfield when you need him?
Or even Chris Angel? Yeah, come on, come on. You really can do this? Make this shit disappear.
You ain't heard it. He didn't want him.
No, no, you don't. No, no. Copperfield pretty much is gone. I think, didn't he get in some trouble or something?
He had some accusations or something. I'll have to look. I can't remember.
I thought he might have gotten in trouble and he just kind of, you know.
I say, I take that now that you mention it. I think he did get in some trouble.
Yeah, I can't remember what about now, but...
Anyhow, yeah, I think he got in trouble and he disappeared subsequently after that, so anyhow.
It'll be a future news story for us.
Yes, we'll look it up and we'll get back to you.
I'm running it down now.
Alright, cool. Oh, I think it was sexual accusations from a female on, didn't he own it?
Don't go guessing.
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, just look it up.
Well, update on my phone that was destroyed via the John Deere.
Now I have the fun of trying to figure out who the hell decided to text me.
They're once every three year texts.
I think I'm just going to have a standard text reply.
Mark is a fuckhead. He mowed his phone.
You're not in his contacts because you only text every 30th Sunday of every seventh year.
Please do him a solid and state who you are so he can promptly figure out if he wants to reply or not.
Please and thank you. Then goat noises.
Yeah.
Yeah, it gets pretty good. I think it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know.
I'm very honest with him. I'm a fuckhead.
And you know, since you only text the 30th Sunday of every seventh year, why would I even have you in my phone?
But it never fails.
I'll see you on Facebook.
Yeah, it never fails.
As soon as you get a new phone, that person you haven't heard of in seven years,
Hey, man, what's up? Just thinking about you.
And you're like, oh shit.
Now I got to figure out who this asshole is.
And you don't just want to ask him because then it looks like you don't really give a shit about him and you never really put the number in your phone, which you didn't.
But you know, anyhow, you just kind of look like an asshole, right?
So anyhow, so I think that might be a pretty good little message just to an automated one.
If I don't recognize the number, hopefully it isn't my doctor's office really need me or something.
Anyhow, I'm pretty sure that car dealership records all the middle aged men taking back their loan or Dodge Challenger muscle car.
I bet it's a pretty solid video with all the men looking back like a jilted lover that was sent packing.
I may or may not look.
We got a test on this before the show.
It's a sad day for Mark.
I was looking back.
I wonder if the Challenger is going to miss me like I miss it.
I mean, as soon as I left that car, I was like, you know, my Jeep and on the way there, I'm like one almost dunk in Indian Creek.
Well, luckily, a truck cut me off.
So I didn't try, but I was thinking about it.
I was thinking about it.
So anyhow, Walmart has laid off several hundred jobs at the retail's giant campus offices.
In addition, it plans on relocating the remote employees at the Dallas, Toronto and Atlanta to Bentonville, Arkansas.
Walmart says that they wish they they wish to have a closer network of employees.
Yeah.
So I guess I could always go to self checkout lurkers.
You know, when they were remote working, you couldn't see them anyhow.
I'm pretty sure they'll catch on to hiding from the customers really quick.
So yeah, there you go.
It's a win win.
They'll be nowhere around and they'll be getting their job.
They'll be getting paid just like before.
They'll be right at home.
So Tim Hortons, Canada's answer to McDonald's is coming locally to Blue Springs.
You know, I guess we just don't have enough fast food joints, Rob.
Yeah, but no, we're not.
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go. Get a bagel with a coffee.
That's a brand new concept, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yep.
Don't worry.
It'll go over fine, says the creator of the bankrupt.
Now hot and now drive through burger joints.
Remember him?
The last about two hot and now drive throughs that lasted about two years.
Well, the owner thought that was really cool.
He's like, man, they'll go over well.
Can't wait to see it.
And finally, a California man who was ordered to keep his boat out of sight has had the last laugh by commissioning an artist to paint a realistic image of it on the fence that obstructs the view of the vote.
Local government officials told intimate Constable of seaside California in July that he had to build a six foot fence to hide the boat from view of the neighbors in a lighthearted jib at the official.
The officials Constable decided to follow the directive and which said nothing about how the fence should be decorated and asked local artist Hannah Penney to create a mural that makes it look as if the fence isn't there.
So it's really interesting, Rob.
You look at it and you swear it's that boat that they're trying to keep the image out of.
Because the artist, there's a house behind it.
The artist drew the house of where the house would take up where the fence was.
It just looks like the house never ended.
It just looked like and then the landscape.
You see the ground, you see the gravel, you seen the boat, you seen the other side of the fence, but it was all fence.
And it's pretty unique.
Yeah.
So he got the last laugh.
He put up what they said.
He put up the fence, but to really get to them really good, he had an artist draw his boat on there to where they're still seeing the boat.
That is clever.
Yeah.
Yep.
That guy, I think that guy likes goat noises, don't you?
Yeah.
He's a goat noise fan.
I'm sure.
Anyhow, that is.
That's that.
So Rob, we now turn to you.
Okay.
Well, you had part of the NFL schedule.
I had the NFL Christmas schedule.
Oh yeah.
The NFL Christmas schedule was announced ahead of the pool schedule being unveiled later on Wednesday.
For the first time in history of the sport outside of the COVID-19 pandemic, there will be regular season football on Wednesday.
The games will also be streamed solely on Netflix.
I read that.
Now I don't mind because I have Netflix, but.
I'm going to get Netflix.
Well, actually, Shannon has Netflix.
I'll get hers.
Now here's what I want to know, Rob.
Okay.
You know what?
No, no, no, no, no.
Actually, forget it.
Forget it.
There's one tier of Netflix now.
So, no.
Forget it.
I stand corrected.
I was thinking of Hulu.
Hulu, you would have to buy the live package, the live channel package.
Right.
Because Hulu is essentially kind of like Netflix unless you buy the live TV package.
That would be the local channels and all the networks that have live programming.
It's in real time.
But Netflix doesn't do anything like that anymore.
So forget it.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Okay.
Well, it starts with the two-time defending Super Bowl champions,
Cagliosti Chiefs,
bringing the Pittsburgh Steelers at 1 p.m. Eastern Time.
On Christmas?
On Christmas.
Awesome.
The second half of the doubleheader features reigning NFL MVP Lamar Jackson
and his Baltimore Ravens.
Visiting the CJ Stroud red Houston.
Oh, what a fucking dream.
Oh.
That's going to be a dream.
That's what?
Noon and 3.30.
Like a Sunday schedule.
You know, the Ravens knocked the Texans out of the playoffs last season.
Right.
And CJ Stroud has a brand new revamped defense and receivers,
including ex-Buffalo Bill, Stephon Diggs.
That is going to be a hell of a game because it seems like every other team in the AFC kind of took a step down.
The only team that took steps up, well, the Titans did too, but they don't have a quarterback.
But the Texans took a lot of steps up and they could be in that elite category.
And we're going to find out.
Christmas Day.
Well, we'll probably find out before then.
But that is such a great litmus test right there to see how they play prime time in front of everybody in America
because all they're doing is sitting at home eating and watching the kids run around with the new toys.
OK.
Every eyes, every man's eyes and a lot of women's eyes are going to be on that game after the Chiefs game.
That's going to be excellent.
And then you're going to see how good CJ Stroud is, Stephon Diggs with them and all of this.
So I'm brilliant, brilliant by the NFL.
Yes.
That's two top-knots games right there.
It is.
And the Steelers have their new Russell Wilson and Justin Fields, who are going to be competing for the top spot.
A lot of people think that Justin Fields is going to win because he has all this talent and is younger.
Russell Wilson seems to have kind of jumped the shark with his talent.
He's on the latter side of his career.
Doesn't quite have it like he used to.
But if anyone can bring out out of him, Mike Tomlin can bring out out of him.
And if anyone can bring Justin Fields up to par, it would be Mike Tomlin, besides Andy Reid.
OK.
Is there another one?
Is it a triple header?
No, it's just double header.
Oh, wow.
That's very cool.
Awesome.
Man, that's going to be pretty exciting.
So why don't we take our first break?
I've got some emails.
I've got some other stuff.
But I think first, before we go into anything else, I'm going to reveal the Thursday night schedule, just the key games on Thursday nights.
And then I'm going to reveal the Monday night schedule, the key games, and the Sunday night schedule, key games.
So we'll be back in a couple minutes.
Sounds good.
All right.
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Please enjoy break, shit house, energy drink responsibly.
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Hi, all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh, yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
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A man in Colorado is recovering nicely after being bit by a rat that was hiding in his toilet.
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That'd be cool.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
Hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
This is the origin of the Big Mac.
The original Big Mac sauce was created in 1968 out of McDonald's in Pittsburgh by a franchise owner named Jim Deligati.
To serve with the Big Mac itself.
The sauce first came in two different flavors,
but then they were ultimately combined by McDonald's head honcho Ray Kroc in 1972 in order to ensure consistency.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
Real quick before I get to the NFL, the Monday night and Sunday night schedule and all that.
I would like to address this little scuttlebutt point on the Internet.
And I'm looking into it.
I had an email asking me about it.
But supposedly the scuttlebutt on the Internet, I'm like maybe Motley Crue was on Eddie Tronk or something.
And supposedly their new song, which is horrible, was all AI generated.
Not just the video, but the song itself.
Yes.
I don't know if that's true.
I'm going to look into it.
But I had a couple of emails, two emails that came in today because they know that we've been talking about the Motley Crue situation.
How they did Mick Mars and all that stuff.
And Mick Mars won a couple of judgments against him already.
You know, so anyhow, I'm going to look into that and we're going to figure it out.
We're going to try to unravel it and find out if it's true.
Because if that is true, that is so cheap I can't even begin to describe it.
But actually anymore, that's all I expect from Motley is just stupid shit.
So, yeah, I mean, I used to love them.
I think they're horrible now.
So, OK, now the Thursday night schedules, the key games is, of course, the first one.
And that is the rematch of the AFC Championship game last year.
Only it's going to be at Arrowhead and it's going to be the Ravens versus the Chiefs at Arrowhead.
That should stand to be a good game and a great inaugural kickoff game.
And it's always the Super Bowl champion that takes place in this.
So the Chiefs have done this the last two years in a row.
Week two is no slouch either.
Week two is Buffalo Bills at the Miami Dolphins.
That is going to be a good game.
Miami has taken a step up on their offense and Buffalo Bills have kind of taken a couple of steps down on their offense.
And we'll see what happens.
We'll see if Tago Viola can actually really deliver a handpicked win with the right people.
We shall see.
Let's see here.
Let's see another one.
Oh, here's a good one.
Week nine of Thursday Night Football, the Texans against the Jets.
So you've got the up and comer CJ Stroud against the old timer Aaron Rodgers.
And it's going to be at MetLife Stadium.
So it's going to be in New York and it's going to be CJ Stroud on the big screen.
So that ought to be a really good one, Thursday night.
And that would be week nine.
I read some scuttlebutt about that game.
Oh yeah, what is it? What's the scuttlebutt?
Oh, they're just the same thing.
Oh, like people are excited.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's going to be fantastic, I think.
Week ten is no slouch either.
It's the last two teams the Chiefs played in the AFC Championship games.
It's the Cincinnati Bengals against the Baltimore Ravens.
And it's going to be at Baltimore.
That is going to be a good game.
I mean, can Joe Burrow, if he's healthy, can he just out, what would you call it,
his even kill level play of just stay in the system, just get enough points to win,
don't get crazy, just make the key throws.
Is that going to win against the Ravens?
Or is Lamar Jackson going to pull something out of his ass and beat him?
I think that's a very intriguing matchup to me.
What I'm thinking is that game could possibly clear the path for Kansas City.
Absolutely. That's a good point, Rob.
Because if the underdog beats the, yeah.
Yes, I agree with this.
That could take him.
Go ahead.
No, I'm just saying that could definitely change the season right there.
Kansas City is going to have a few losses this year.
And the fact is, is they've got a horrid schedule.
And also, they took a couple of knocks down, I mean, you know, offensively and defensively.
I mean, like at linemen, you know, offensive linemen, and then also,
Legerius Snead is gone, so you don't have that shut down corner.
So they took a little bit of a step down, too, but they do have the X-factor,
X-factor Mahomes, so they're going to have a few losses.
And this game right here might determine whether they get home field or not.
So it's going to be interesting.
Yeah, they could.
Yep.
That game could make a lot of difference in this season.
Yep.
And then this week 16 is an intriguing matchup, too.
Not only are they natural rivals geographically,
but the Cleveland Browns at the Cincinnati Bengals.
The Browns did really good last year with Joe Flacco, remember?
All 42 years old of them, haven't played in a couple years or whatever.
Okay.
They have Deshaun Jackson.
Okay.
Deshaun, if he stays healthy, is a pretty good quarterback.
Can he rally this team like Joe Flacco did?
Can this team at the end of the year maybe be a 12-5 or something like that,
like they did last year?
Could they be?
There's a chance.
I believe they...
He is not a slouch.
No, no, no, no.
And their team with Joe Flacco did great last year.
I mean, I think they had one more win than the Chiefs even.
So anyhow, and they had a tough schedule.
So that's going to be good.
I mean, they really put up a fight against the Texans,
but I think they went out against the Texans.
They lost, yeah.
Okay, so that's Thursday Night Football.
And it's going to be interesting to see Al Michaels finally get some good games.
Yes, yes.
I mean, let's face it.
He got so bored, he used to make like vague gambling references.
He was just outwardly last year.
He was so bored.
He was just talking about the line and everything.
So anyhow, because they gave him shit games.
This year they got him a few good ones.
And some of them late in the season, so maybe it will keep him interested.
Okay, the Sunday Night Football schedule.
The...let's see.
Week four, the Bills against the Ravens at Baltimore.
That's going to be a really good game.
Yeah, that's going to be a really good game.
Week five, depending on how good the Steelers are,
Cowboys at Steelers might be a really good game with some playoff implications.
Week eight looks like a terrific matchup.
You got the Cowboys against the 49ers on Sunday Night Football.
That's going to be really good.
Yeah, that usually is a good game.
Week ten is a very intriguing matchup.
Detroit Lions at the Houston Texans.
So you got Jared Goff who was on a roll last year.
We'll see what he does this year against CJ Stroud in the upcoming and probably surgeon Texans.
So it's going to be a good one.
Week 13, we have the Dolphins at Green Bay, which is a fantastic one,
because there you have Jordan Love, the up-and-coming Jordan Love,
against Tua Tagovaiola with his revamped, even better offense than it was last year.
We'll see if he can once again pull the win out of his ass and kind of, you know, nut up and be that guy, you know,
the X Factor, you know, the guy that can put the game on his shoulders and do it.
He hasn't proved that yet.
Maybe he can this year, maybe he can't.
That would be a good game to show he could in Green Bay.
Week 13 of Sunday Night Football is a great matchup.
It's the San Francisco 49ers against the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo.
Now, this is December 1st, and this is a warm weather team up in Buffalo.
I like it.
Yeah, I like it.
And I love this matchup, and you already alluded to it because it is the Sunday Night Football crew.
It's the Texans at the Chiefs, and that would be Christmas Day at one o'clock.
And then let's see, oh, okay, Week 16, Buccaneers at Cowboys.
That would be a decent game.
We'll see how Mayfield plays, if he still plays well or not.
And Week 17 is Dolphins at Browns, which could be a very good game because I already spoke about the Browns
and Deshaun Jackson and what he could be.
So here is the Monday Night Football schedule, the key games.
The first inaugural game on 9-9 will be the Jets at the 49ers.
So you have Aaron Rodgers against Brock Purdy and company, McCaffrey and all those guys.
That ought to be a good one.
Yeah, it would be a good game.
I think so.
Number three week of Monday Night Football, Jaguars at Bills.
Now, I don't know how good the Jaguars are going to be.
I haven't really paid that much attention to them.
So I think that will be a good game.
I think the Jaguars will show up.
I think they're probably pretty pissed off about last year and how they plummeted to nothing in no time.
So I look for them to be doing maybe a bounce back.
Week five is an interesting and very intriguing game.
It's the New Orleans Saints at Arrowhead Stadium and the Kansas City Chiefs.
That ought to be really good because New Orleans has a really good defense.
Who was their quarterback?
I forgot.
Oh, Derek Carr with that one guy, Hill, Tyson Hill as the slot guy, the Wildcat guy.
So that ought to be interesting.
Week six, Monday Night Football, Buffalo Bills at the New York Jets.
That has the capabilities of being a shootout and I hope it is.
I would love to witness that.
So you have Josh Allen, young gunslinger against older gunslinger Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers Jets has a great defense and they have more receivers now for Aaron Rodgers.
So there we go.
Week seven is the Ravens against the Buccaneers.
Once again, I go back to Baker Mayfield.
The Buccaneers have a great defense.
Can Todd Voles get this team firing on all cylinders and made the playoffs last year?
They did okay.
They won a game or two.
I think they won one game.
So, so okay, the Ravens are going to be good again.
But are the Buccaneers and Todd Voles going to solidify that they are a good team?
And Baker Mayfield is a guy that can take the team to where it needs to be.
We're going to find that out.
Hopefully, hopefully in week seven, it will be a good game.
Week nine is intriguing because the same reason only at Kansas City at Arrowhead.
The Buccaneers are visiting Arrowhead.
Going to be interesting.
The Arrowhead crowd because I don't believe they've been at Arrowhead.
We've been down there ever since the Super Bowl that we lost to Tom Brady and company.
So it's going to be a pretty rowdy crowd.
Pretty sure.
Week 11 Texans at Cowboys.
This is a natural rivalry.
The Texas Showdown.
Dak Prescott and CJ Stroud.
It's going to be good.
That should be a really good game.
Should be a close game and it should be a game that everybody will be watching.
So then next week 14, the Bengals at the Cowboys.
That again could go different ways.
It could be.
Yeah.
Dak Prescott could have a fucking phenomenal game or he could have the worst game of his life.
We just don't know.
The Bengals, if Joe Burrow does not get hurt again, could be the markings of an epic game.
So we'll see.
I hope it's a good game.
That sounds like a great game that I would have a really big interest in because playoff implications and also I don't like the Bengals or the Cowboys.
So it ought to be, you know, whoever wins is a win, right?
Kind of.
So yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying.
All right.
And then finally week 17 Lions at 49ers, a rematch of the NFC Championship game and it's in San Francisco.
Jared Goff and company feel like they left a lot on the table.
They feel like they let that game go.
They were ahead by so much at halftime.
They felt like they are the ones that failed and they kind of feel like San Francisco.
Yeah, they played well, but they felt they gave that game to San Francisco by choking.
So they got a lot invested in this and also it will be a big playoff game indicate indicator right there.
I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure if both teams stay healthy, they're both going to be in a relatively good spot at the end of year again.
So I think that you're going to see a couple of teams battling for a playoff seed and trying to get the highest one that they are able to by winning this game.
So that's going to be an epic game right there.
So that is pretty much everything right there that I wanted to get to.
Those are the key matchups of every standalone Thursday night, Sunday night, Monday night games.
So Rob, let's turn to you.
Well, you just said the main thing. It depends on injuries and everything else on how the rest of the year goes.
Yes, there have been plenty of times.
How these games turn out.
There have been plenty of times I'm waiting for this key matchup later on in the year.
If someone gets injured, it's like, well, there goes that.
So, you know, anyhow, I mean, like a lot of the games against the Bengals still played well with what's his name?
They're back up. Shit.
Shit. I can't think of his name.
T.Y. Hilton. Is that it?
I think. OK.
Anyhow, they still play well.
T.Y. Hilton. Yeah, I think you're right.
Yeah, I think.
Or T.J. Hilton or something like that.
Anyhow, they played really well and they were still in the playoff hunt.
But those games at the end of the year, like against the Chiefs in that, should have been bigger than what they were because it should have been Joey Burrow in there.
Badland Mahomes or, you know, the Ravens or something like that.
But it wasn't due to injuries. So anything can happen and we'll see.
So anyhow, Rob, you got anything to add to that or you want to go to something else?
I want to go to something else.
All right.
I got to add to that.
OK. I think we covered enough football for this one.
Actually, I have an update.
OK.
A recent update.
Oh.
You know how I just did the report about the Steve Bishimi attack?
Yes.
OK. The man who allegedly sucker punched Hollywood star Steve Bishimi on the street in New York City has been identified by police.
Good.
Search continues for his whereabouts.
Good.
Clifton Williams, Clifton Williams, 50 was identified as a suspect by the New York Police Department on Tuesday amid an ongoing investigation.
No arrests have been made.
Survey footage of the man was released on Monday showing him in a blue shirt, black pants and a black baseball cap wearing white sneakers and carrying a book bag.
Wow.
So they got this guy on camera and the businesses around there.
It sounds like this guy may be the one that did it.
I don't know.
I'll follow it.
OK. Cool.
I hope they catch the guy if he is responsible for it because that guy needs to get punished.
I mean, that is such bullshit.
Steve Bishimi is such a good guy.
Well, I mean, no one deserves to get sucker punched like that for no reason.
But this is particularly heinous because he's such a good guy.
He's mind his own business and this idiot just comes out of nowhere and sucker punches him.
Complete bullshit.
Look at this picture.
This dude's a big muscle bound dude.
I mean, he's shit.
I couldn't.
It's got to be mental illness.
I don't know why he would do that.
I don't know.
I guess he's going to have to answer to it as soon as they catch up to him.
Good.
Excellent.
All right.
Well, you know what?
Why don't we go ahead and take our second break and I got a couple of stories I'd like to get into.
And I'm sure you got a couple you want to go into also, right?
Yeah.
All right.
We'll be right back.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we tell you the origin of.
Where did podcasts originate?
The term was first coined by Ben Hammersley, a writer for The Guardian in 2004, by combining the words iPod and broadcasting.
In 2005, Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, introduced the idea of subscribing to a podcast by building the concept into the iTunes interface.
Who made the first podcast ever?
2004, Adam Curry and Dave Reiner are credited with the invention of podcasting.
Who exactly did what is up for dispute?
But in the end, these are the two guys who got it rolling.
The term podcasting was mentioned by Ben Hammersley in The Guardian newspaper article.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two douchebags in a microphone.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in a grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in ha-
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child!
It is okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything.
Wanna run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and BAM, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little bevo is listening to this film.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In Tulupo, Mississippi, a structural steel company built a small bridge to go over a pothole that had been on the road for three years.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's island of horrible jokes.
I'll find you and I will have my word.
Douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark.
Hey how about-
Alright, how about if I do some emails, does that sound good?
Sounds good.
Alright, it's good to know our listeners are still creative, or the assholes.
Hi Grandma Opal, hi Jimmy, hi Ricky.
Hi Grandma, hi Jimmy, hi Ricky.
Dodge City, Kansas, rah rah, we love you guys. Matt Dillon.
Woo woo.
Yay!
I wonder if they're getting tired of us saying hi to them every day. You know what, if you guys are sick of us send us an email, okay?
Hey we told them we were going to.
You know what, I think he said something like that's great or something, didn't he?
Or no, you know what, I didn't, no, that was an email that he just sent to me that I never did say on the air because it was just, you know, it was just kind of like a confirming like, hey yeah we'd love that, my grandma would love that, stuff like that, so okay.
Yeah yeah, he did specify that.
I'm glad Grandma Opal enjoys it.
Oh she was thrilled is what he said, so that's cool.
So thank you Grandma Opal, you are the best.
Alright, Mark, please, where can I subscribe to 24-7 goat noises?
I have a neighbor I want, this thing is taking the life of its own.
I love it. I have a neighbor I want to expedite his moving. Rod in Jonesboro.
Rod, commercial use is double, sorry. PayPal and Venmo please.
There you go.
That's the rules.
You want your neighbor to leave?
That's okay, let's see. What did I just say it was $9.99 a month, okay, well you know just send her $20 a month.
You can make him leave.
This next one's weird, Rob, and it's for you.
Rob, is there a Red Lobster in the Bagnell Dam area?
No.
I really want some, what?
No.
Okay, well, it said I really want some seafood when I vacation there this summer.
Jamie in North Central Ohio.
Okay, well, it's not Red, we have better places than Red Lobster.
Yeah, there's some local ones, and I don't know if they're doing this just for funny because it is kind of funny.
Is there a Red Lobster there or whatever?
I don't think they really meant it, but if they did, you don't want to go to Red Lobster there.
There's some really good seafood places there on the lake.
Oh, yes, yes.
Just Google them, look them up.
Yeah, I mean, shoot, I can't think, there's one over there in particular that's like really highly acclaimed shit.
Um, Jamie Hooks?
Yes, that's one of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's a bunch of, yeah.
Yeah, just Google them and you can find some better names in Red Lobster if you're serious about this Jamie in North Central Ohio.
All right. Hey guys, just wanted to say that we really enjoy your podcast here in St. Paul.
There are seven of us that listen up here.
No, seven of us.
Yeah, there's seven of them, seven of us that listen up here that I know of.
Is St. Paul up there on the download list?
Just wondering, Becky Field Manager at Timbers and Associates of Greater St. Paul.
I don't know what they do.
That's just, just said Becky and Field Manager.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'll have to look and see how big St. Paul is.
I knew that we had like at least a couple of downloads from there.
I didn't know how many because I was kind of curious how come St. Paul would show up, but nothing from Minneapolis.
I was wondering if it like just takes it all in the same area or not.
I guess not.
It sounds to me like St. Paul's listening and maybe Minneapolis is not.
So anyhow, thank you, Becky.
And I will take a look and I'll get back with you.
I'll just send you an email and tell you what it is.
Mark, I live local and I have a Lyft truck and would be willing to help you get your old bottle vending machine to your studio.
Let me know when I will clear some time.
Love the podcast, Mick and Eudora.
Yes. Yes.
As a matter of fact, Eudora.
Yeah, you do. Yeah.
And he's got I know where you do it is.
I had I worked on a farm out there when a tornado went through.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
Years ago. Yeah, I know where you do it.
Yeah. You do it is like like it's like a bullseye for tornadoes.
It's like, hey, don't go over there.
We're right here. We're Eudora.
You know, over there near the famous Toganoxie split, the Dan Henry, the famous weatherman.
Just outside Lawrence.
Yeah. Yeah. And that's where a supercell will come up to Toganoxie.
We'll either go north to the north or south.
So yeah. And, you know, Dan Henry was right.
I mean, he also had weather crickets and beetles and stuff like that.
He was really good forecaster.
Very interesting guy.
They don't make them like him anymore because number one, they would know program manager would ever let someone come on there and go, yeah, I just looked at the beetles and it's going to be a cold winter.
They just don't do that anymore.
But Dan Henry served Kansas City for a long time and is a legend around here.
So all right.
All right. And then finally, hey, douches on the count of the massive EF 1000 five mile wide, very rare super tornado that leveled our town's one and only grain bin.
We still plan on having you guys over.
True. The Civil War enactment might be canceled, but you are all still welcome to the douchebags in a microphone camping spot.
Chip will still run you an extension.
Oh, so it's still open.
Yeah. So we can still go there.
We just can't do the Civil War enactment. It's canceled because of the very rare EF 1000 five mile wide tornado with thousand mile winds that destroyed their grain bin.
It's been canceled because of that.
So Chip will still run you an extension cord as promised.
You can pick most up.
You can pick up most of the Kansas City channels with a high powered antenna and even one Joplin station if you move the antenna facing south.
How about that?
I used to live in Joplin. I like Joplin stations.
Joplin stations are good for being a smaller market like that. They really are.
Oh, I had some good times in Joplin, but I'm not going to talk about them on here because, well, it's just not a good.
Yeah. Okay. If forget it.
Moving right along.
Yeah. Yeah.
We just revamped the fire pit that was washed away on account of the heavy rain.
Just remember to follow Smokey the Bear's guidelines always.
Of course we do.
Of course.
You think we are a bunch of rogues? Hell no.
We always follow Smokey the Bear guidelines because it's up to us to prevent forest fires.
Isn't it, Rob?
Right. No bonfire over 40 foot.
Yes. Yep.
Oh, did I say that out loud?
No, I heard nothing.
I heard that we're going to have a very small fire and we're going to douse it with water and dirt afterwards until it no longer smolders.
That's what I heard.
Rob, is there any way you could bring us some groceries as well?
I can email the show a list.
P.S. How's the grain silo coming along? Any luck?
Thanks a million, Jeffy and Montrose.
Well, Rob, I guess you're bringing them groceries too.
I'm going to need them semi.
Rob, do you have a list of everything they want you to bring?
Let's see. A car fender, two car fenders.
The car part, it ain't coming out of Titewad.
Yeah, Titewad hates them.
I dare say Titewad does shut off communications to me.
Well, you know, there's been that rivalry between them two for so long that Titewad pretty much just shut the door on Rob.
So we're going to have to get it somewhere else, guys.
I'm sorry, Titewad. I'm trying to help everybody here.
We just got caught in between their war of words.
We have nothing to do with it. We were just getting shrapnel from both sides.
We love both of you guys. We love Montrose and we love Titewad.
Yes, we love everybody.
Yes. So we can't help it. You guys are throwing shade on each other.
We wish you guys would get along.
So anyhow, but yeah, let's see. You need a...
Isn't that a steering wheel wrap, Leopard?
Yeah, Leopard steering wheel wrap.
A fender for Chevy Vega?
The 76 Coupe De Ville.
And the 76 Coupe De Ville, they want a bumper, right?
Yeah. The only one I could find is in Titewad.
Oh, and a backhoe to dig a lake.
I'll have to come up on the day, so I'll do it for free.
Okay, there you guys go. You got that one set up.
Never heard a word. Never heard a word.
You know what? I'm sure the next email will cover that.
They seem to be...
Yeah, well, now I'm back to working 40 hours a week, so...
Well, guys, you missed your chance there.
And also, what about the grain silo? Any luck?
I ain't done one yet.
You know that Super EF1000 with 1000 mile winds, 5 mile wide tornado,
took that grain bin all the way out.
And they have no way to store their corn this year, and it's really sad.
So please have a heart, people.
Think of Montrose. Pray. Pray for Montrose.
And you can find it in your heart.
Hey, what is that? If it come up in Titewad...
Yeah?
Let me check the winds and let me see where that thing went.
Maybe it landed in Titewad.
No, no, it may have landed in Polkamp.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what?
The winds are somewhere in that area.
Yeah, let me see if I can track that thing.
I mean, it was 1000 mile winds.
I mean, it could be an Illinois fall, we know.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
Okay, well, Rob, you're...
I'll see what...
Well, yeah, well, by the time it landed,
there probably won't be much left of it.
You know what?
He might have to bring you the crumpled up remnants of it.
We don't know.
So...
Anyhow, all right, well, thank you, Montrose, for checking in again.
We appreciate it.
Yes, thank you, Montrose.
The Ruby of Henry County.
Where else can you get a...
You know, like the Douchebag Pledge on every one of them,
they say, visit Montrose to take advantage of the power plant,
the campgrounds, and the junkyard within the quarter mile radius.
I mean, angels sing every time you go through there.
It's the perfect land.
Anyhow, Rob...
I'm not going to do goat noises,
so please, go ahead.
I can't even speak to you.
I have eight upcoming sequels that you might not be aware of.
Okay.
And these are movies.
Mm-hmm.
The first one, Samaritan II.
Hm, okay.
Sylvester Stallone.
I don't even think I've seen the first one.
Oh, I have.
Was it good?
It's a great movie, man. It's a great movie.
Okay.
Yeah, you get a chance to watch it,
and they're going to be coming out with the first one.
Okay, cool.
Okay, in the first movie,
Samaritan Stallone portrayed a superhero in Holy Grail,
who is called back to action
when he is recognized by his teenager neighbor.
Anyway, no, it's a great movie, man.
Okay.
Okay, the next one.
I think we've mentioned this.
I think I even mentioned this when you were all back.
Happy Gilmore II.
Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, you did mention that,
and that was when I had Earmark.
Yeah.
Yep, Happy Gilmore II is still coming out.
That sounds great.
The next one, Sister at Three.
Wow. Okay.
Yeah.
That, well, okay.
As of yet, the plot has been kept under wraps.
Cool.
Okay, the next one.
I think I mentioned this one, too.
Face Off II.
John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.
Did you, I think, yeah, I think you did.
Well, yeah, that sounds good.
Yeah.
If not, I meant to mention it here while I'm back.
For some reason, I seem to remember something about it.
So anyhow, well, whatever.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Oh, my God, I can't believe this one.
Lethal Weapon V.
Wow, is it with the...
Yes, with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover.
Oh, okay.
I will be seeing that.
Yeah, I think I will be, too.
I mean, even if it sucks, I don't care.
I will be seeing that.
Yeah, I can't wait.
Number three, I don't know nothing about this one.
Greenland Migration.
Okay, next.
In The Dripping Disaster Drama Greenland,
Gerard Butler brings a
characteristic of his portrayal of John Garrett.
Yeah, I don't know.
You know what? Yeah, yeah.
Moving along.
If you know the movie Greenland, there's a new one coming out.
Okay, there you go.
Okay, the next one.
Dodgeball 2.
Whoa, okay.
Ben Spahn, Ben Stiller, the whole cast.
That's cool.
And the final one.
I Am Legend 2.
Oh, is that going to be with Will Smith?
Yeah.
Cool.
With Will Smith.
Very cool.
There's some of them on there.
Out of all of them, there's some really good ones on there.
Lethal Weapon is the one I'm most excited about.
And also, Michael B. Jordan will be taking on a supporting role in I Am Legend 2.
Oh, okay. I like him.
Yeah, me too.
He's very good.
Didn't he play Apollo Creed's son?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I like him. I like him a lot.
He's a lot of other roles too.
Yeah, he's pretty good. He's been in a lot of movies.
But I just want to make sure I got the same guy.
Anyhow, okay, cool.
Yep.
All right, cool. Thank you, Rob.
All right.
Ryan Reynolds isn't just a charismatic actor known for his quick wit and blockbuster roles.
He's also forged a reputation as a shrewd business owner.
Beyond his Hollywood success, Reynolds has made strategic investments across diverse industries,
showcasing his knack for identifying and growing promise in venues.
Or ventures, not venues, ventures.
One of his most successful investments was Mint Mobile,
a disruptive player and one in the telecommunications industry.
Reynolds' unconventional marketing strategies propelled the company's growth,
cumulating in its recent $1.35 billion acquisition by T-Mobile.
The deal was announced in March 2023 and finalized by May 1st.
I think you reported on that, Rob, didn't you?
Yeah, I think so.
Yep. By May 1st, after receiving regulatory approval,
Reynolds will remain a key figure ensuring the brand retains its distinct appeal within T-Mobile.
Estimates suggest Reynolds could net $300 million from the sale since he owned around 25% of the company.
But Reynolds' interests don't end with telecom.
Alongside fellow actor Rob McElhenney, I think it would be McElhenney,
he became a co-owner of Rexham AFC, a Welsh football club steeped in history but suffering setbacks.
This unlikely investment is chronicled in the popular Welcome to Rexham docuseries.
The transformative approach infusing the club with fresh energy and strategic marketing
has revitalized its fortunes on and off the field.
The due impact reaches the club itself, positively influencing Rexham's community and tourism.
Anyhow, he pretty much did the same thing to that as he did with Mint Mobile.
Mint Mobile was kind of dead in the water until he got a hold of it and started doing the cute little commercials and all that stuff.
And he revitalized that whole thing.
And ended up selling it for a hell of a lot of dough too.
And he's still being hired by T-Mobile to be their spokesperson because he was so successful by it.
So, let's see.
Anyhow, I do think that he is looking into goat noises, Ryan Reynolds is, and maybe putting some money on that.
He's really, really excited about this goat noise channel.
He's talking about starting his own forum of Twitch for nothing but goat noises.
And I, of course, will be the lead.
Oh, of course. Yeah, and me and that one guy, Jim Brewer.
We have two different distinct goat sounds, you know.
He has his, I have mine.
So, I think it's going to be goat one and goat two, respectively.
So, Jim Brewer will probably get goat one because he's more well known than me.
And of course, I'm a douchebag.
I don't know, I think your quality beats his.
Rob, I'm getting teary eyed. Thank you.
I might be a little prejudiced here.
Yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe. I'll take it.
I will take it.
Hey, Rob, you got anything?
Yeah, I do.
Alright.
I got something for you to bed with tonight, buddy.
Alright. Porn?
I got you an American Storm Rider.
Ah, you do love me.
It's a quick, easy one.
Okay. Alright.
Three Rockets that failed atop the charts.
Okay.
Only three of them.
Alright.
The first one, Landslide by Fleetwood Matt.
It beat 51 on the billboard's top 100.
Does it say what year that came out?
I'm just curious.
No, this one does not.
Oh, well, I'll look it up later.
I'm trying to figure out what era that was. I remember the song.
Anyhow, go ahead, I'll look it up.
Okay. And the second one?
Tiny Gangster by Elton John.
Really? That I finally...
It only peaked at 41 on the 100 chart.
Wow.
Wow. I thought that was a huge hit.
Actually, both these I thought were 51 and 41.
Huh. Okay.
And this was a shocker for back in the day.
You can't always get what you want by the Rolling Stones.
I find that maybe the most shocking one out of...
Well, I don't know.
Tiny Dancer.
Tiny Dancer is the most shocking one, but that's close.
Okay.
Landslide was 1975.
It only peaked at 42.
Wow.
Actually, one down from Tiny Dancer.
41, 42, and Landslide was 51.
I find all of those except I didn't...
Wow.
Wow. Okay.
That's crazy.
Landshark didn't really necessarily surprise me,
but everything else did.
Landshark was 1975 when it was recorded,
and it was a good song,
but I didn't think it was solid when they're better songs,
but you can't always get what you want.
It's epic.
It's such a staple on classic rock stations.
And Tiny Dancer?
Yeah.
That's iconic.
Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
That's a really good one.
For only three, that was really good.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
Wow.
Okay.
Thank you, Rob.
I figured you would enjoy that one.
That was solid.
And when you said three, I'm like, hmm, okay.
They were so solid, all you needed was three.
So...
Yeah.
Yep.
All right.
Everybody, thank you for listening.
We're wrapping a bow on this bitch
and getting the hell out of here.
Everybody, thank you for joining us.
We will talk to you soon.
Thank you.
Have a great night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
A lot of podcasts just come from a can.
Here at Two Dish Bags and a Microphone,
we pour our own podcasts.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
We'll be back invading your ear holes soon.