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Two Deucebags and a Microphone, raw and uncensored. See behind the smoke show. Watch as the Deucebags
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And I'm Rob. Alright, hey Rob, how you doing tonight? I'm doing pretty good, doing pretty good.
That's good to hear you say. Life's doing good right now, brother. Good, that's great brother,
I love to hear that. You know, you sound chipper. That's excellent man. You know, I'm one of the
people that like if my good friends hurt, I hurt. And I think you're the same way, aren't you? Oh
yeah, definitely. I've always been that way. Yeah, I mean, I can't be truly happy unless most of the
people that I know are relatively happy. There's always just something a little bit that bothers
me whenever I know someone is not, you know, doing as good as they could. But I'm glad you've,
everything is going well and it sounds like Shannon, right? Yeah, yeah. Sounds like Shannon
has quite a bit to do with that, so I'm very happy for you. I believe so. And all you other
chicks out there, you missed it. I gave you the opportunity to grab Rob. He's gone, like I said.
Like I said, man, you know, he's gonna be gone one day and then you're gonna be going, damn it. So
anyhow, Rob is snapped up by Shannon and we're very happy with that. I got a few things here.
There's a new Jif peanut butter flavor. Okay. It's called Jif to go and chocolate flavored
spread. I'm all in. Yeah, sounds pretty damn good, don't it? Hey, anything chocolate and peanut butter,
you got my attention. Yeah, yeah. I decided to go a little bit lighthearted on this one because I
listened to podcasts the other day and all this stuff with Bruce Dickinson and all that stuff,
calling that person as see you next Tuesday and all that. I was like, man, I wish I would have
just shut that down. But it's there and everything. I was just like, you know, that's the kind of
thing that makes people like turn it off, you know. But we're really trying to dissect it like the guy
did. The guy that sent me the email was genuine about it and he was right. But I should have shut
it down. I should have just been like, yeah, the guy's bigoted. Let's just go on. But anyhow, okay.
KC area stores are all ordered to stop selling illegal fabuloso disinfectant products. These
apparently are fakes of the real product and contain some ingredients that might be harmful.
17 area grocery stores in all. The products were illegally imported into the US. These products,
according to the FDA, contain gluclortorite that pose several health risks, including throat and
lung irritation, asthma and difficulty breathing, dermatitis, nasal irritation, sneezing, wheezing,
burning eyes, and various other problems. The grocery stores are ones that serve the Hispanic
community. Other products that are on the stop-sell list are antibacterial Clorox, Royal Pine, Golden
Essence, multi-purpose antibacterial wipes are another one, and various other Hispanic cleaning
party products. A man in Arizona is very frightened. Well, hang on. You know what? Before I go into
that, okay, what that sounds like to me, and correct me if you think I'm wrong, Rob, is I think that
those are products that they can sell in Mexico, but not here. Yeah, that's what it sounds like.
Yeah. And I think that's all it was is I don't know if someone did it for more profit because
they bought it cheaper there, or if it was actually a mix-up, but it seems to be as of right now just
the Kansas City stores are affected by these illegal products because of what they contain in
them, you know. So anyhow, it's just like in California, they can't have FD&C number. Is it
yellow or something like that? Or red? No, it's red. Yeah, I think it's yellow. Yes, yeah. So,
anyhow, it's the same type of thing, only, you know, America won't let that stuff in. Oh, no,
no, wouldn't it? Red? Yeah. Because it was like the red skin. It was red. It was red. Yes, it was
red. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, because I remember we were talking about that. Okay. Right. Okay.
A man in Arizona had a frightening experience with a giant snake crawled from under his hood of his
car and onto his windshield while he was on an interstate. He managed to stop and get the snake
off his windshield without crashing. Apparently, there is a lack of bathroom poultry in the stall
walls. I'm like doing like a lightning round here. But anyhow, you know what, real quick,
we'll go into that a second too. Okay. Imagine that you're driving on a freeway and a giant
snake all of a sudden just pops up from the inside of your car on your windshield. Oh,
shit. Yeah, he didn't wreck. He got it to the side and he got the snake off. I imagine he probably
got a, I don't know, a stick or something and just grabbed the snake and tossed him to the side,
I guess. It didn't really go into exactly what he did, but you know, he managed to, you know,
to stop and got the snake off his windshield without crashing. So that's good. Apparently,
there is a lack of bathroom poetry on the stall walls. Hardly any jokes or drawings, insults,
and etc. This is due to cell phones, they found out. Seems that most people that are sitting on
the crapper would rather browse their cell phones and sketch drawings and poetry. Remember when it
was all, yeah, yeah. They say there's like virtually no poetry on walls and drawings and all that stuff
like there used to be, you know, someone would draw like a penis. Another guy would say someone
does something for my, you know, and all this stuff. But I guess they're just not doing it anymore
because everybody's too browsed, too busy browsing the internet while they're taking a dump. You know,
I kind of miss the old shitty house poetry such as here I am a broken hearted. I came here to shit,
but only farted. That was one of my personal favorites. What about you, Rob? Yeah, yeah.
Yep. That was a classic. And then the random live phone number of an ex with instructions to be as
explicit as possible in a purr voice. Yeah, it never worked out. I think what happens is the people
change their number. Someone's like really mad at their ex and then they like give the live number
out on a shitter wall. And then like the next day they change their number. So when you call us like
neeh er neeh, and it's like, oh man, I got here two days late. So anyhow, but I wouldn't do that
anyhow. It's like, yeah, I was too afraid of getting caught. You know, when I used to do those,
when I used to call quick trip, I got caught. Yeah. Danielle caught me. You know. Right. Oh,
of course, Danielle. Yeah. Remember the last time that we were going to revisit it, me and David
were, and they're like, oh, we're bored. Let's call quick trip again and fuck with people.
Then as soon as, you know, hello? Yeah. I don't know what I said. Like, what are you wearing or
whatever? Or, Hey, uh, I'm scratching my balls or something, you know, at least like Mark Wallace,
huh? What? This is Danielle. I'm like, oh shit. Sorry. I'm like, forget everything.
Okay. Why are you calling a pay phone? No, no, just, just move on. You don't need to know.
So anyhow, um, okay. So anyhow, the, you know, um, there's like no more shit house poetry
or horrible drawings or anything at, so now I found an app that changes the channel on most
TVs and internet TV services. It's fun to wait until someone's starting to fall asleep and then
change the channel to QVC. Then tell them, then tell them something like the channels pay the
subscription services to change the channel to QVC during the night hours. And some people believe
it. Some people won't. Um, John in Kentucky thinks our show would be more entertaining if I make
goat noises continually instead of our regular talk. John, that is a premium service that is 9.99 a
month PayPal or Venmo. The only get the goat noises the whole time, unless you do the premium
subscription. I'm sorry. Other than that is this crappy show. This crappy show is for free.
Yeah, come on now. We all know the goat noises are what's in. So I mean,
yeah, that's right. I gotta, I gotta make a buck somehow. Rob's always out of his puzzle. I mean,
him in a loincloth in the rainforest. I mean, they went like hotcakes. They're in the middle.
I gotta get a new shipment out of it, man. Yeah, me, I gotta do something. I mean,
what I got going for me? Goat noises. There you go. So, all right. Anyhow, yeah, see, I gotta be
good at it. Just like when I was on that cruise and the hillbillies were next to me and we had
our light off and we're out there on the, on our patio, on the, um, on the balcony and they just
have partitions, but you can hear them and everything. And they'd be over there drinking
and smoking. And all of a sudden I go, and you hear them talking. All of a sudden they shut up
and you hear them trying to hear it again. So I'd be really quiet and not do anything.
And then I wait for them to start talking to go, and you can tell. And you hear some
whispering like, Hey, did you hear that? What? What? It sounded like a goat. What's that? What
that was? All we could do is like, do our best not to crack up laughing because they're, they're
like freaking out thinking they heard a goat and they're smashed. So anyhow, so 999 a month.
What the hell was his name? John in Kentucky. I imagine it felt pretty good because every time
I did that, they went in from the balcony eventually. So, um, okay. Nearly half of all
China cities are sinking. I'm thinking of starting a mud and poly jacking service in China. What
about you? Yeah, that'd be a good idea. Hell yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. I go around and go, um, um, yeah,
yeah. All the, I can raise your property here. I'll know about everyone else's, but you'll be up
where you're supposed to be. Everyone else will sink. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. Um,
anyhow, um, there's raspberry spice. Sprite is the newest flavor for them.
It's supposed to be refreshing and still be lemon lime flavored. Now, Rob, correct me if I'm wrong
on this. I've never thought Sprite actually tasted like lemon lime. Have you? No, no, it's good. I
have not either. It's good, whatever it is, but it's just not lemon lime. It's just like olive
garden is good, but it's not Italian food. You know, Taco bell is good, but it's not real Mexican
food. You know, it's something. I don't know what it is, but it's good. I like it all. Well, to me,
Sprite has never, I've never considered Sprite lemon lime. I just, some sort of sugary magnificent
neficiently carbonated drink. So anyhow, uh, so anyhow, it's supposed to refresh it and still
be lemon lime flavored. Uh, so anyhow, I, you know, I do drink it here and there, but I've never
considered lemon lime. So anyhow, most Starbucks cups are made with 75% plastic. I wish they could
same for their coffee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I have just more and more have become not a fan of
Starbucks. The more I try other coffees and, and do other ways of brewing coffee and all that,
the more I find out that Starbucks is really to me, I don't think it's that good of a product.
I think it's very overpriced and not as good as they say. So any, I went, I went to scoops the
other day and it was pretty good. Who was it? Scoops. Oh, uh, scooters, scooters, scooters.
Or scooters. Yeah. Yeah. Scooters is really good. I like their coffee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Scooters
is good. We got one here in Campton. Oh, you do in the little drive-through thing. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
They're popping up everywhere. I like scooters too. They're really good. But my favorite is Dutch
brothers. And when you come down, I'll take you there. There's one in Belton. Um, but there's
only like a couple around Kansas city right now. I think they're from the coast, the west coast.
So they haven't made it all the way. Do what I've heard of them. They're really good. They're my
favorite right now. Um, so, okay. So anyhow, um, more men are now getting faceless according to
the medical board. I believe it. Man bun guy really hates his chin. So it needs to be corrected.
So when you see a new go fund me, so when you see a new fund me for a new chin, you know why
man bun guy needs a new chin. You know, I'm a real man. Just busted his,
the real man came up there and made fun of him. So now he's got to start to go.
Just best him right now. I had my feelings hurt. Well, why is that man bun guy? A guy came by and
made fun of my chin and then he busted me in the jaw. His name was Rob, but I did get his calendar.
He's in a loincloth. Okay. Gen Z are in more debt at the same age than millennials.
Ziers have more lines of credit, higher delinquency rates, and a higher debt to income ratio
than millennials did at the same age. Today's 22 to 24 year olds have an average debt of income ratio
of 16% compared to 12% for millennials of that age in 2023. One huge difference is the escalating
cost of avocado toast and Starbucks new juicer drinks. That seems to put them in the, uh, put
them in the red. Yeah. Yeah. Avocado toast, by the way, may or may not be getting an ass paddling
coming up. Just saying. Okay. Okay. And anyhow, so, um, you know, so avocado toast, go fund me for
any Zier page near you. That is the end of odds and end bullshit for today. Rob, we look at you
to clean this program up. All right. Um, we have a new resort coming to like in the Ozarks. Oh, really?
Yeah. Okay. It's a new seven million dollar plus bass fishing resort is on its way to the Lake area.
That's according to the OCEA beach administrator, Jenna woods, who says all new anglers outpost.
That's the name of it. Anglers outpost will be located on the parkway on the west end of town
near the KK intersection. Project mastermind Tom Roy jr. Says the entire campus of the resort
is designed by fishermen, built by fishermen to serve fishermen. You see, I love that. I love that.
Finally, a bass, you know, an actual real like a fisherman's like lodge deal instead of these, um,
um, um, food places, right? Where you just go there to get smashed. Right. Because they have them down
at table rock. Go ahead. I'm sorry. The resort will include suites, sleeping rooms, garage space,
and other amenities and is expected to open for business within the year. Um, the garages are 12
by 60. Uh huh. Yeah. This, this sounds nice. It really does. Located a half mile from public beach
number two. Which one is that Rob? What is that? It's the one like right in the heart of OCEA beach.
Oh, okay. Uh, on the west side. Yes. The one that you can see from the strip really well, right?
Is that it? No, it'd be the other one. Oh, the other one. Okay. Yeah, this one's on this side,
more this side than the other. Okay. Okay. It's in OCEA beach, uh, by KK, close to KK,
which is around the tan tar of the area. Okay. Okay. On down. Okay. I got you. Yeah. Yeah. It's
down on the OCEA beach parkway is what they call it, which used to be business 54. Yeah. Okay. I
know what you're talking about. You see, I love that idea, Rob, because actually a fishing area,
the lake has been taken over by everything else, right? And people actually want to go there and
fish because there's great fishing there. You know, they can actually go there. There is awesome
fishing. It's some of the best fishing around there, but the problem is, is everybody partying.
So people go down to Table Rock Lake where they actually have bass camps, you know, where people,
you know, they have actually have bass hotels and bass resorts, like they're opening up there.
You can go there and like you said, rent a slip, rent a garage and real fishermen,
they'll like rent it out for like a month and stay there and just fish the whole time and then leave.
And that's a great idea. I think that is going to do well. A lot of retirees. Yes. I could see me
doing that if I ever fully retire, but I don't know if I'll ever fully retire. I could, I could
see me and you both doing that probably together. You know what I'd like to do though is one of my
favorite places to fish is the back waters of Truman Truman reservoir. That is a fun,
you take a paddle boat, you don't want to take a motor boat. You're going to ruin your motor over
there. But I mean, a lot of that water is just waste high, if not a little bit higher, but there
are some of the best fishing in those near those logs and those trees that haven't been cut all the
way down. You know what I'm talking about, right? Like, yeah, yeah. What off at 13 there,
what's over there? Like maybe a deep water or something like that. Yeah. The Grand Lake arm,
I think is what it is. Yeah, that is a phenomenal place to fish. But like I said, you can only take
a paddle boat out there because you'll probably destroy a motor in there. It's something will get
tangled in it. So cool. I like that a lot. Well, let's go ahead and take our first break. And when
we come back, I got some ass paddlings. How's that sound? Oh, I'm ready, man. All right. I am too.
I mean, this used to be a monthly thing, but so many people are screwing up that we have to do it
like every two weeks now. There's just too many people screwing up. And we there. I mean, I got
another 10 ass paddlings there in two weeks. I mean, and then I've already got three for the next
one. So anyhow, we'll be right back with some ass paddling because people need it. Right? Right.
Two douchebags and a microphone says,
you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking.
Hi, all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me. Oh, yeah. This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
Jim X. What the hell happened? You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them. At the feet. Spoke for you. Hunk the man. Hunk the system.
And what the hell happened? The generation of angst, the generation of noncompliance
is now buying a boat. You're really fed up to kill someone. Dangle the dollar near you.
Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Next time you take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone.
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Get in somewhere.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink. That's right. Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere
because of liability issues. Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double
mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can
afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone. And I'm Rob. Well, Rob, it was funny when you
text me today and you had the same idea I did about this guy that really needs an ass paddling.
And he was the first one on the list. And anyhow, very rightly so. But first I'll go into the origin
of the ass paddling. So anyhow, started with me and Topher probably about the fourth episode.
We decided to give out invisible ass paddling to people that need it. So we were walking along the
beach. We were both on vacation in Florida. And the sun was glistening off our hair. It was rising
and the wind was blowing and blowing our hair back. And we were walking along but we're not holding
hands like Rob and his brother say. It was a tender moment, yes, but we're not holding hands.
And until I stepped on that genie bottle and stubbed my toe really bad. And yeah, I fell down. I'm
like, Ah, shit. Oh, man, that hurts. And Topher's like, haha, that looks like a genie bottle. I'm
like, No way, that is not. So I hobble over there. And I'm like, I think it is a genie bottle. So I
pop out the cork and this genie comes out. And he's real condescending and he could not stand us. He
thought we're a couple of rogues, right? So yeah, I'm like, Hey, we're both like, Hey, we get three
wishes. He rolls his eye goes, No, you guys watch too much TV. Get one wish, one wish only. I
suggest you use it well. World peace, an environment, something, you know, health. And me and Topher look
at each other and look at him and say, Hey, we want to ask paddle people invisible. The genie very
reluctantly, he rolled his eyes, he said, Very well, I have to give you your wish. He sighed and he
made this happen. So once a month, and now, and now Rob has, he has special permission to attend,
to attend these events, right? And we use old Sparky, which is a replica of, of the paddle that
was used on many bottoms, including mine at cast midway high. It was a very rugged piece of equipment,
a very thick board, it was with holes in it and a long handle on it. So our principal would not get
his hand anywhere entwined in your ass and made sure it was all wood and hurt like hell. So we use
a replica of old Sparky because I believe old Sparky has been retired and he's still in the trophy case
with all the championships that we won back during the day. And he's right in the middle.
And, and so I believe it. Yes. Yeah. Old Sparky got around. So old Sparky is in that case, as far
as I know. So we use a replica of old Sparky. Old Sparky is a mean son of a bitch. I can tell you
that. Ask my ass cheeks. They're not happy with old Sparky. They're not happy with it.
No, no, no. It's just like old Sparky. So, yeah. All right. The first guy to get old Sparky
administered to him while we're invisible and he can't do anything about it.
Excuse me. We had to break into the jail to do this is Jace Christian Hansen, the fuckhead that
allegedly can, oh, go ahead. What? Yep. The fuckhead that allegedly contaminated customers food at
Leewood, Hereford house with bodily fluids or feces. Well, I don't believe it was feces now from
an article that I just read. So I think I still have to be the mad shitter. I don't think he took
the title from me. I think he was urinating in people's food. Yeah. And rubbing body parts.
Oh, okay. Then maybe he did. Maybe he is. I heard that on KCTV5. Okay. Then all right. Then all
right. Maybe he did take the crown of the mad shitter. I am. Yeah, he did urinate and did
something. He did. Okay. So you know what? He can have that title. I don't need it anymore. I wore
it since 95. So all because he didn't like his job. Is that what it was? That report on KCTV5.
That's what they said. You see, since it was Leewood, I thought that like maybe someone was
rude to him and he's all I'm gonna get them all back. What a dick. He just didn't like his job.
What a dick. Oh my gosh. Well, that guy's looking at prison. He's going to do a lot of prison. And
I think that's awesome. Anyone that would do that deserves prison for a long time. Excuse my allergies
and summer cold. Still working on a cough button, but you know what? Probably won't get one because
nothing from nothing is nothing, right? Right. Yeah. And the next one, Clarence Yoder, the idiot
that Rob pointed out to us with his brilliant article that kicked a bison. And him and...
That yellow stone ass of a boy. Yes. He gets a bare ass one, don't you think? Yeah. Now,
Jace Christian Hanson should have got a bare ass one, but we didn't want to see his ass naked.
So we're just going to go ahead and forego that. And we're going to go ahead and let the inmates
deal with his asshole, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm sure they have plenty to say over his ass.
So Clarence Yoder, the idiot that kicked the bison for no reason, gets a bare ass paddling
and he deserves it. The next one that gets it is True Moo Company for producing and selling blue
milk like featured in Star Wars. Yeah. Talk about cheap... I agree with that. Cheap,
rain-dead rubes that will fall for anything. Grab your Kettacards and buy some overpriced milk
with blue food coloring in it. Go ahead. It's there. Go ahead and spend 80 bucks on that thing
or whatever the hell it is, idiots. So anyhow, they get an ass paddling for doing it. And then
after that, we followed up with all the dumb shits that ran out and purchased the idiotic blue milk
and they get a bare ass one, don't you think? Oh, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. Because...
That just goes along with the cheeseball dude in New York. Yes. Yes. You know what? You're right.
We got ass paddling. It's only fair. I think they sit next to each other in the ass paddling
holding cell. What do you think? Yeah, we just put all four of them in a line, just walk on down.
And we'll just draw straws because they're all equally as idiotic.
Right. Okay. That sounds good to me. I think we're on the right track there, Rob.
So, all right. And then the next people to get an ass paddling is anyone who highlights her post.
So myself and everyone on their friends list gets a notification of said dribble. You want to guarantee
that I'll never check out your post? Highlight it, fuckheads. I can't stand it because it's like
all of a sudden it gives you a notice. So-and-so highlighted their post and it's like, I don't give
a shit about this post. I'll see it when I see it. Don't highlight it like it's priority. Because
when I read it, it's something stupid like, I don't know, check out my new line of socks or I don't
know. And it just irritates the piss out of me because I waste time reading that shit. And, you
know, it's one of the things that I really have something against right now. So anyone that does
that gets an automatic ass paddling. And- Yeah, I know somebody that's selling bitcoins and every
post they make on Facebook, they're highlighting. Oh man. Look, stop it man. Oh yeah. Yeah,
I- yeah, that's so annoying. It's like, look, we'll get to your post and we'll read it, but don't try
to make like it's like life altering because you highlighted this thing. I know it's not. Right.
So anyway, yeah, it's bullshit. So anyhow, so if you highlight it and me or Rob or Topher catch you,
we're grabbing you and ass paddling you. And that goes from here on, right? Right. All right. A lot
of fuckheads are going to get ass paddling. The next one to get his ass paddling and maybe not so
much down there, but definitely up here. Spin up tornadoes, get an ass paddling. Four hours of
continuous wall to wall coverage every other fucking night for two weeks. Yeah, they're going
north of us. Yeah, they're going right in our backyard. So we can, so we could not enjoy any
show that we were going to watch that was on a local channel. Not that there's that, not there's
there's that many anymore, but you know, I mean, I don't know. I'm just not into the American Idol
and the voices stuff and all that. Are you? Uh, every now and I don't follow them, but I'll sit
down. I'll watch an episode every now and me too. But man, to me, I, it's not something, if I got
something else to do, I'll do that. So then, and uh, anyhow, I'm still laughing over this.
Ozzy quit in acid when a horse told him to fuck off. That is one of the funniest fucking things
I've ever heard. I imagine sitting there in the chair looking at all the colors and also a horse
comes up. Hey, hey Ozzy. Oh, what the fuck? Fuck off. Whoa, what did I do to you?
So yeah, I made him quit taking acid. Anyhow, so anyhow, the spin up tornado is getting ass
paddling and they deserve it. But I would like to add a, a little note to that, a side note.
I'm glad they're not EF threes or fours or fives or even twos. I'm glad they're little spin up
bastards because those things usually come down and then go back up. Although the spin up that
went in grain Valley went, was on the ground for like six, uh, six miles, which is a pretty good
track for a tornado actually. Yeah, it is. Isn't the F one is like around a hundred mile an hour
wind. So if you get caught in that, you're going to get fucked up, you know, or it could kill you.
I mean, it lands a board on your head or something, you know, easily. So I mean, it's nothing to laugh
at the spin up tornadoes, but at the same time, it just interrupts everything. And you know, so
anyhow, I shouldn't even bitch about it really. I mean, did two Oklahoma, um, Tennessee, Alabama,
those guys should bitch about it. Cause those guys get the shit tore out them by the huge tornadoes,
the big super cell ones. So any, but if I didn't ask paddle anything, we wouldn't have this, uh,
segment, right? Yeah. So we got to have stuff to ask paddle the next one. Mother nature gets an
ass paddling. See above comments.
Agreed. All right. Now who's going to grab mother nature and who's going to ask paddle them?
Should we flip the coin? Oh shit. All I know is we're going to, that's going to be a chore.
This is, excuse me. This is for all the boomers and exers. It's not nice to fool mother nature.
So imagine if you ask paddler.
Uh, yeah, you might have a point there. Yeah. Do you get what I'm referencing? Yeah. Yeah.
What was that? Was that parquet? Something like that. Okay. So anyhow, mother nature gets an
ass paddling. However, it works out local news channels cannot be left out as well for the above
comments again. Agreed. All right. That'd be great. Seeing them like, uh, auto reporting it and like,
you know, showing the spin up on the big board and all of a sudden they just like get picked up
invisibly and all of a sudden you see old Sparky hitting her ass. Yeah. Yeah. But not three,
three or four straight hours of it. Come on. No, no. I can see some local media,
meteorologist there also and just like, just seemed to float in the air and a bit old Sparky
smacks him in the ass live on air. Would that be great? Yeah. Yeah. So, and if they listen to show,
they'll know it's us. All right. The Pentagon for trusting AI to jet fighters. We're all bone dude.
Get John Connor, get John Connor on the phone right now. Let's go ahead and preempt this bullshit.
Agreed. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. So John Connor needs to get here pronto. So yeah, we're all bone, Ben.
You know, we got to get John Connor out here because pretty soon there's going to be what?
3000 of them. I think the article said jet fighters with AI, AI at the helm. Yeah. Well, anyhow,
anyhow, you know, our feelings if you'd listen to the show at all. So, and finally, Bruce Dickinson
of Iron Maiden for the bigoted comments, plus a 3000 word essay slash apology. That sounded about
right. Never thought I'd see it. Yeah. I got to agree. I still love Bruce Dickinson, but the fact
is like, I forgot, God, I can't remember the guy's name, but he was absolutely right. Yeah. That
comment was bigoted, very bigoted because he didn't have to make a description about them being a
Greek. See you next Tuesday. He could have said just to see you next Tuesday, but the fact that
he brought Greek into it means that he has something against that. So I agree with him. So Bruce
Dickinson, I'm sorry. Love your music. Um, got to see your spoken word. It was excellent, but
you get NASPATHLIN. Yup. I only abide by the rules. I don't make them. So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you.
All right. I ran across an article. How can we get Hollywood to stop getting these six things wrong
about grenades? Cool. Okay. The first movie air pulling the pin with your teeth.
The safety pin of a grenade is deliberately made difficult to remove, especially when bent.
If it were as easily extracted as shown in films, the grenade would neither be safe nor practical weapon,
nor would it be dependable. While a soldier technically could use their teeth to pull the pin,
this would likely lead to an unpleasant trip to the dentist, which nobody wants, especially in battle.
It's probably kind of hard to find a dentist there. It is much easier and safer for soldiers to use
their hands to remove the pin. Oh yeah. And you see that a lot of time on TV. Oh yeah. You see it all the time.
And that's true. It's just like firing a gun sideways, a pistol. You can't do that with accuracy.
So the same thing with a hand grenade. Okay. Movie error number two, a massive fireball explosion.
In many war movies, characters are depicted throwing grenades, resulting in a dramatic explosion
followed by their slow motion escape, as is typical in Hollywood. However, this portal is not
entirely accurate. Grenades are not designed to generate massive fireballs, rather they are intended
to propel shrapnel in a wide radius around them. The typical casualty radius of a hand grenade
ranges from five to 20 meters, within 10 meter range a grenade can barely enter by standards,
while serious injuries can occur up to 20 meters.
Despite the potential lethality of a grenade explosion, the weapon lacks the force
necessary to produce the immense fireballs seen in movies. Oh wow.
The third movie error. Okay. The effects of shrapnel.
Under grenades currently in use, the M67 fragmentation grenade stands out as one of the
most common. These devices are designed as defensive weapons that break apart upon detonation,
scattering shrapnel in every direction. Even improvised grenades like the incendiary Molotov
cocktail use a similar fragmentation approach to maximize damage, which would be the glass bottles.
Okay. However, in movies and TV shows, the video games, the shrapnel aspect of grenades
is often ignored, with the focus instead on the explosive blast. There they go on that again.
Okay. Movie error number four. Throwing the grenade like a baseball.
When soldiers throw a grenade in movies, they usually throw it lightly over the shoulder like
a baseball. In reality, grenades are much heavier than the average baseball.
Weighing around 400 grams, depending on the model, while a baseball only weighs 141 grams.
It takes time and practice for soldiers to properly throw a grenade, which is not forced to evolve.
Avoid falling victim to the 20 meter wide casualty rates.
Wow. That's something I never even thought about, but yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. The weight difference. So you would have to throw it different.
You couldn't throw it like a baseball. Yeah.
You'd have to get more arch, you know. Yeah. I never even thought about that.
That's stuff that you wouldn't know, you know. And you would have to put a lot more power into it.
Someone did a really good job with this article. This is stuff that a regular
person would not catch. Okay. I move here. Number five, projectile grenades are not missiles.
Grenade launchers, also known as projectile grenades, have become one of the most easily
recognizable weapons in the world. They were first used in modern combat during World War I
and were constructed from items like crossbows and catapults. As such, they were less effective
than the ones used today. Today, projectile grenades are so sophisticated that they often
get mistaken for missiles and rocket propelled grenades. RPGs are much larger and use larger
ammunition that's equipped with its own internal fuel supply, while grenade launchers of smaller
rifles that use external fuel to launch fragmentation grenades, which slightly reduces the risk of
getting blown up. Wow. This is interesting stuff.
Yeah, yeah. And the final movie error, you can't actually throw grenades back.
One movie trope that likely bothers many soldiers and military enthusiasts is when characters throw
back unbinned grenades, especially when they've been sitting on the ground for more than a few
seconds. While throwing the weapon back can be accomplished in some circumstances, it's incredibly
difficult and inadvisable unless one has a death wish. There's only a few seconds of space between
the pin being pulled and the grenade going off. And that's the only way soldiers could even
successfully rob the weapon back is if they were to catch it straight out of the air.
Oh, wow. This hardly ever happens. The most likely scenario is there a roll and bounce on the ground,
not giving someone enough time to run up to it, grab it and throw it back before detonation.
Man, what a good point. I ran across that on War History Online.
That's very cool, Rob. I love that one. This is stuff you wouldn't think about. Only people in
the know would know. And then once you explain it, you're like, oh yeah, I get it now. So wow. Thank
you, Rob. All right. Let's go ahead and take our... Oh, go ahead. What?
All right. Thank you, Rob.
Okay. Let's go ahead and take our second break and we'll come right back with more stuff. How's that
sound? Sounds good.
All righty. As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum,
two douchebags and a microphone.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Okay. It's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete. You rub the top of the can for five minutes.
Then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh no. That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything. Want to run for office? Murder people
in public? Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Have you ever wondered where something came about? Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you the origin of.
This is the origin of beer. The first beer in the world was brewed by the ancient Chinese around the
year 7000 BC. It is known there as Kui. In the West, however, the process was recognized as beer
brewing began in the Mesopotamia at the Gadan Tempent settlement now in modern day Iran between 3500
and 3100 BC. It's not entirely clear whether he had a light version or even a craft beer version of
this. Just saying. And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
I wonder what my dog named me. I may never know.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark. I'm on the up.
Got some good news if you like McDonald's and if you like cheap food.
McDonald's reportedly planning to launch a five dollar meal deal in the U.S. to attract customers
deterred by rising fast food prices. According to a source who spoke to Bloomberg anonymously,
the value meal will offer a choice between McChicken or a Mcdouble accompanied by fries
and a drink. That's a good idea because McDonald's has gotten crazy expensive.
I mean, I go by there and get a Mccafé on the way to work and that's usually all I get from there
because I don't really necessarily care for their food that much, do you?
No, not really. It's not like it used to be. It may be my taste buds but I don't think, I just
think it doesn't taste the same but anyhow. The value meal is like 12 bucks now and when you go
to a sit down restaurant and get a much better meal for 12 bucks at most places. I mean, I'm
talking about cafes and stuff. You know, you wouldn't go into a fancy restaurant and get that
but you would go into a place that has really good food and get a really good meal for that same
price and I'm pretty sure it's hurting customer base because people are like, you know, I'll just
go in and I'll just go in somewhere and get some good food and not pay these high prices for fast
food. So anyhow, go ahead Rob if you got something. Yes, I do. Alrighty. I have one of your favorites.
Oh, American songwriter? Yes, sir. Excellent. Three bands that Jimi Hendrix dislike. Cool.
Given that Jimi Hendrix is an undisputed rock king not getting his stamp of approval,
must have stunk. He wasn't afraid to share his opinion on his fellow musicians good and bad.
The first band, Pink Floyd. Hendrix was known for being a front runner in psychedelia.
When thinking of trippy summer of love music, Hendrix often comes to mind.
Pink Floyd was also known for the foray into the weirder, most experimental sides of the music.
Some might call their band, their brand of music, a form of psychedelia as well. Hendrix did not agree.
Hendrix had a problem with bands branding themselves as psychedelic, but were really only adding
flashy light elements to their set and playing classic rock. Hendrix characterized Pink Floyd
as one such band. I heard they have beautiful lights, but they don't sound like Method, he once said.
Okay, I never viewed Pink Floyd as psychedelic either. I mean, I like their music. It doesn't
sound like he did though, but they were really kind of blues. David Gilmour had been those notes
like he did and everything. I never once thought they were psychedelic. Other people might have,
but I didn't. That's just because most people, to me, most people attributed acid taking and
drug taking with Pink Floyd, right? Right. And I think that's why I got the psychedelic term,
I'm not for sure. Yeah, so anyhow, go ahead, Rob. Okay, the second band, Led Zeppelin.
While Hendrix did submit to saying that Jimmy Page was a good guitarist, which is high praise
coming from him, he didn't think much of the other members of Led Zeppelin. His main commentary on
the band was that they rarely crossed his mind. Somehow that feels like a harder hit than dragging
their artistry with specifics. But Zeppelin did borrow from others, renowned drummer,
Harmon of Peace once said. Jimmy Hendrix personally told me that he didn't like Zeppelin
because they were like excess baggage and that they stole from everybody. Huh, I've heard that.
Wow. I don't know. Lastly, Jim Morrison and the Doors. Okay. While the first two bands might have
received flack from Hendrix because of their musicianship, his new site for Jim Morrison was
more personal. As the story goes, Morrison and Hendrix play together in a packed club. Morrison
deeply enablerated, makes bolder gestures and generally made a mockery of Hendrix.
The guitar legend didn't take kindly to that. When Morrison tried to perform with Hendrix again,
he reportedly said, that's okay fella, I can handle it myself.
Wow. Yeah, he definitely spoke what was on his mind. I didn't know that, but you know, that's
okay. Well, I mean, I get what he's saying. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I liked all the subjects that he
talked about and I don't necessarily have a problem with, but I do understand what he was saying.
All right. Thank you, Rob. That was really good. You're welcome.
Let's see. Lay's new honey butter flavored potato chips have to hit Costco stores in the US for the
first time ever. Like so many great Lay's flavors, the honey butter chips have previously been
available in South Korea and Canada. We know we're scratching our heads too. Yes, Lay's and Pepsi Co
are the US based companies and yet we get out of so many, many great lunches. It doesn't make any
sense why they always snub the US on these treats. I don't know. I mean, it sounds okay to me, but
not that great. Anyhow, I don't know. To me, it doesn't sound really that good. What do you think?
Honey butter chips? No, not really. I don't know what the big deal is really. All right, Rob, what
do you got for us? Okay. The 1982 action classic First Blood occupies a unique place in cinematic
history. Even compared to the other films within its franchise. While the Rambo sequels turn
Sylvester Stallone's particular protagonist into a patriotic heroic action hero who fought to
preserve the American way of life, the first entry in the series is a grounded character drama about
trauma and loss. The film served as a representation of post-traumatic stress disorder that a generation
of soldiers dealt with in the aftermath of the Vietnam War. While fictionized, First Blood tackled
a series systematic issues about the mistreatment of veterans. While Stallone played a major role in
shaping the direction and tone of both First Blood and sequels, the first entry in the series is
based on the novel of the same name by author David Morel. The differences between the film and
the novel are exquisite. The novel features even more brutality, a much darker tone, and more time
dedicated to examining Rambo's past. The realism and sensitivity within Morel's reigns is
understandable as First Blood was loosely inspired by the story of the World War II veteran
Audie Murphy. Born in 1925, Audie Murphy was an American soldier who received national recognition
for his service in World War II. Like many young Americans, Murphy joined the fight against the
Nazis after the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941. While he was too young at the time to officially
enlist in the military service, his sister opened falsified records so that he could serve his
nation. Despite being turned down for service by both the Marine Corps and the Navy, Murphy was
able to enlist in the United States Army. He served in many of the most critical campaigns of the
conflict, including the 1943 invasion of Sicily, the 1944 Battle of Angio, and the successful
liberation of France. By the time that Jeremy and Japan both officially surrendered to the Allied
forces in 1945, Murphy had received every Bauer award allocated by the US Army and additional
honors from Belgian and French services. So yeah, John Rambo was supposed to be betraying him.
So yeah, that's what that movie was about. It actually brought some awareness to it.
I remember that.
All right, I think we're going to cut this program down because I'm having a coughing fit
and my allergies are out of control and it's just not working out.
I'm gonna yeah. So anyhow, we got most of it in. I mean, so all right, Rob, thank you for joining
us. Oh, hello, Opal. Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Ricky. Love you guys. Thank you all for joining us. Have
a good night. Night assholes. Oh, no, looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.