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First world problems.
Oh shit. Look at that drive thru wine.
Surely wouldn't expect me to actually have to go in.
This sucks.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Hey Rob, how you doing this evening?
I'm doing really good. Doing really good.
Good. Good. Everything's going good here.
You know just family odds and ends and stuff like that.
Like I was kind of describing to you before.
You know what do you do man? You know parents and relatives get older.
You know we'll be there one of these days.
And unfortunately like I said before, father time carries a baseball bat and mortality is a bitch.
The end. The end.
Yes. So I've also got some ass paddlins but we may not get to them because we've got so much stuff.
And we still have the nipple yank and the ass cheek bite and the nuts and the nut flick coming up too.
But we'll probably do that at the end.
Anyhow, so alright.
Rashe Rice. I'm sure you heard more about him.
Right?
Yes I do.
Yep. Not very good either. He strikes again.
Nope.
Rashe is being investigated for an alleged assault.
An unnamed person received facial lacerations and other injuries alleged at the hands of our buddy Rashe.
And this was in a nightclub down in Texas.
Well Rob, I'm getting pretty tired of this guy making headlines like this. What about you?
It was actually Dallas. It was a Dallas nightclub.
Dallas again?
Same town where the accident happened.
He needs to get the fuck away from there.
Well, you know what? He can get into trouble up here too and he'll find the wrong crowd it sounds like.
This guy needs to get his shit together or he's not going to have a second year in the NFL. It's that simple.
My son was talking to me and I walked out and he said, Dad, why don't they just go ahead and get rid of it?
Well, I'm going to go into that.
I'm going to go into that Rob and here's my take on it and I want to hear what you think about it and we're going to do like we have been.
I like the Mahomes headlines, you know, such as charity events or friendly golf tournaments with other talent from the NFL or other sports.
You know, when do the Chiefs throw in the towel?
When do you decide to make a statement?
When does it become a sideshow and a and players doubt his commitment to the game and winning the Chiefs are walking a fine line right now between horrible PR and this possibly disturbing the team's focus.
You see, the problem is, Rashid Rice is a huge talent, but so was Kareem Hunt.
Kareem Hunt was one of the best backs in the NFL.
And they let him go, but they let him go for lying.
Now, this thing's a little bit different because this is a guy that seemingly cannot clean up his act.
So to me, the lying thing, OK, yeah, that was bad.
But this is more serious to me because this is a serious character flaw in my opinion.
And this is this is serious stuff that he's doing.
It's not just playing around. This is stuff that will land you in jail and or prison, right?
Yeah, yeah, it will.
Yeah, I'm now kind of leaning towards if he if he's found guilty, the Chiefs are doing their own suspension to send a clear message that we do not employ people that do such acts without consequences.
What do you think?
Like, do you think that like maybe the Chiefs ought to employ their own suspension to make a statement?
Yeah, I'll explain it.
They make their suspension first before anybody else.
Yeah, say they go, OK, this is this is bullshit.
We're tired of it and we're suspending him for the year or whatever.
OK, let's say that if Phil comes up later and says we're going to suspend him for four games, the Chiefs come right back and go, that's not good enough for us.
We're suspending him eight games.
I think whatever the league does, the Chiefs need to do twice, twice as much.
I think a full year off by the Chiefs with an asterisk that one more incident in your history, but not release him, just put him in purgatory for as long as possible so the enemy doesn't cherry pick him and use him against us eventually.
Agreed?
Like, yes, yes, I agree.
Yeah, anyone could clean up their act after they get, you know, they have a moment of clarity.
They're lying in the ditch, holding their head going, fuck, I had it all made and I pissed it all away.
And then all of a sudden the Buffalo Bulls come up and go, hey, Rashee, we know you had some hard times, but we're going to work with you.
We're going to rehabilitate you and you're going to come back.
Then the next thing you know, he's catching touchdown passes and beating our ass.
So I think that something like the Chiefs, number one, I think they need to take matters into their own hands and say, we're tired of this and we're going to show you how much we're tired of this.
We don't care how talented this guy is.
He is not only on notice, but he's also getting a hell of a suspension, a worse one than the NFL from the Chiefs because we're sick of this and he's not off the hook either.
He is on double fucking double probation.
And if he just flinches the wrong way, you put him in purgatory.
It's like, OK, you're suspended for a while and we'll figure out what we're going to do with you later.
You know, they got him for five years, right?
So, you know, I do believe that there's ways of hiding him and just flat out making an example out of his behavior.
You know, I'll have to look up the suspension rules to see what exactly what I think could be enacted.
You know, you get bumping the third string.
I like that idea, too. I like that idea a lot, Rob.
So, OK, let's say at first you're like, OK, you got nine games off and when you come back, you're going to have to earn everything.
We don't care what you did last year.
We don't care anything. We don't care how you look in practice.
Here's what the problem is right here is we don't trust you and people we don't trust.
They're not first stringers.
You know, and as far as that goes, if I was the chiefs, I would go out and find a receiver that's good.
And they can get us through the season and see if worthy can be the receiver they think he is.
And then they got a tight end to see how these guys respond.
See if you can coach Sky more up a little bit more, see if Kudarius Tony can come back and do anything.
So I think there's other options that you can look at or possibly even a trade.
So I think right now you have to buffer what you have.
You're like right now, if I was the chiefs, I would plan on Rashi not being there next year.
No, I wouldn't plan on him either.
Yeah. And I would go ahead.
He should be too tied up and poor and everything else.
And not only that, somewhere, somehow you have to make an example out of people.
Kareem Hunt was made an example of.
I know people dog Andy Reid and say he's not a disciplinary guy.
Well, this isn't just an Andy Reid situation.
This is a Brett Veach situation.
This is a Clark Hunt situation.
And this is also a Patrick Mahomes situation.
And the reason is, is this right here.
The integrity of the team is at stake in my opinion.
If you let this guy keep getting away with shit like this, you're going to be like, yeah, we know they won the Super Bowl.
But man, you know what? Sooner or later, this is going to implode.
All great teams. Once you let a cancer get in, the whole body's full of cancer and then eventually dies.
So is Rashi Rice possibly this cancer?
I don't yet to be seen.
I think right now he's a radical cell.
He's a free radical cell.
He could turn into cancer.
And they need to figure this out.
They need to figure this out.
Not yesterday, but right now, not tomorrow, but right now.
You know, yesterday he did what he did yesterday, right?
And that was the wreck.
So then this coming up, it depends on what is said about this.
If it was a false accusation, then forget it.
OK, you know, you let the league deal with it and then you deal with it afterwards.
But if this did happen and it's been proven and he has to face charges over this,
then I think you're going to have to seriously start wondering if he's a cancer that needs to be cut out of the body per se.
So anyhow, we can we can move on from that.
I think we probably said about all we could.
We're both on the same page, right?
This guy's getting out of control and something needs to happen.
So anyhow, study about people in restaurant ordering.
People do feel pressured to pick them.
We covered this before about how millennials and and and zeers are freaking out because of they don't have enough money.
And let's say they have twenty five bucks and their entree is twenty three and they don't have enough for a tip.
And they're like, oh, shit, you know, I can't really afford to be out.
And then if everyone gets drinks, I don't know what to do.
So, you know, and they have a real a real fear of restaurant ordering
and also being put on the spot and trying to figure out what covers your budget.
But everybody, it turns out they feel enormous pressured to pick their meal with it, you know,
and and to get people in and out as quickly as possible is the whole attitude of the of the whole restaurant dining situation anymore, isn't it?
I mean, they they do more volume.
They try to get as many people in and out there as they can.
They try to get as many to go orders as they can.
So it's not really as much of a relaxed environment as it used to be.
So people feel that 12 minutes is the time they actually need or possibly a bit longer.
But usually they get half of that. They get about six minutes to order.
So I think that here's an idea that I think I have.
OK, you don't talk to a waiter at first at all. You come in there and you have an iPad.
Now, this may not work with boomers.
This will work with exers. Exers have enough enough of a computer background that this will work.
Boomers probably wouldn't do it unless you ultra simplify simplify it maybe.
But you give them this iPad or maybe a big screen that you and then you go in there.
And this isn't a fine restaurant.
This is your average restaurant down the road.
You go in there and you sit there and you look over everything and you go ahead and order your waters and your drinks on there.
You go ahead and just talk for a little bit and you kind of look the menu over.
And then when you're ready for the actual order, you buzz the waiter.
It has a big waiter buzzer buzzer on there.
And I think that would work pretty good.
And yeah, and it's like, OK, everyone knows what they want.
OK, good. Then the waiter doesn't have to sit there and stare you down.
And no one's looking at you while you're going, I'll take the tender.
No, no, no. Hang on. How's the meatloaf here?
It's OK. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What's the chef salad here? You know, everybody does that right.
And it takes time. And the waiters over there going, fuck man, here goes my tips.
I'm sitting here waiting on this guy to order and everyone else is waiting for their pasta and waiting for their margarita.
You know, so I think that that's a possible way to do it.
There's other ways, too. So anyhow, that was something that I saw that I just wanted to touch base with.
Not really go into that much. What do you think, Rob?
You think that sounds like a pretty good plan, maybe?
Yeah, I do. I think that would be a real good plan.
OK. Well, while we're talking about rest of the day's technology, why not?
Yeah. Yeah. And also, the waiter doesn't have to waste time until you push that button.
And then when you push that button, what you're saying is, all right, we have our orders ready.
We know what our orders are. So now you can come over here and that will free up the waiter for a lot of time right there
from standing there while people are going around the table when, you know, and I do that myself.
You know, you think you know what you want and then someone orders something, you go, oh, shit, I didn't see that on the menu.
Hang on, hang on, hang on, you know.
And that would give them more time to help other customers feel like check on their drinks or whatever.
Yeah. You know? Yeah.
Be better to everybody else.
Yes. It will free up the waiter immensely.
And then you have bussers and people like that that can run drinks.
You have drink runners. You have bar runners, all that stuff.
So I think that might be a possible solution.
And anyhow, a lot of people don't go out anymore because of those pressures.
They don't like it. They're like, you know what? It's too much pressure. I'm just going to order in.
So anyhow, while we're talking about restaurants, a Maryville chef has been caught shoplifting meat from a Knoxville Kroger store.
They believe he's been doing this for quite a while.
He was stealing to get this, Rob.
We sell his entrees at his restaurant.
The chef owned a restaurant and he was in Kroger stealing meat, allegedly, and stealing it for a long time and reselling it at his restaurant.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
So I don't know if they're going to hem him up on everything or not.
But I mean, I thought that was like, wow.
Rob, have you ever heard of the white cut sandwich?
No.
The white cut sandwich is all the rage on the Internet. Look it up when you get a chance.
But anyhow, a guy did this and it was posted on TikTok and other platforms.
It shows a man cutting his sandwich in a wide pattern to make it three interesting slices of sandwich.
People believe that this is a perfect way to eat a sandwich because you have three rectangles or pizza slices like on a sandwich.
So basically what you're doing is you're making this sandwich into like pizza slices by taking and cutting a Y into it.
You see what I mean? You got the yeah.
And people say that this is a perfect way to eat a sandwich.
And anyhow, I'm like, really? Do people really put that much thought into how they're going to cut their sandwiches?
You know, if it's that big, I cut it in half, smash it down and I'm good. Right.
What about you?
Yeah. Yeah, I just smash it.
Yeah. And if I worked at a restaurant, you know, and someone goes, I want my sandwich wide cut, I'm going to make damn sure and not why cut that son of a bitch.
Fuck you, snob. So anyhow, that's why we give you knives at the table.
Exactly. You cut it yourself, asshole.
And if I have to do it, then I expect a 30 percent tip.
Other than that, eat a bowl of shit with flakes. Yeah.
So anyhow, and then finally here, Ozzy's work with the best guitarist ever. Right. Agreed.
Yeah. Randy Rhodes, of course, who was groundbreaking.
You know, he was the new American hard rock metal sound.
Van Halen came up with this new style finger tapping, actually doing chords that are way away from each other on the scale that things that are like when you're not used to it and you learn crazy train or something or something that Zach Wilde does or even Jake Lee.
You're stretching your fingers out so much you don't think you can ever do it.
You know, so he worked with the, you know, it's very talented stuff. The rhythm is very talented. Everything about it is very advanced.
So anyhow, and then the very underrated Brad Gillis, who took over Randy Rhodes after he was killed in that plane wreck.
And, you know, he had to learn these intricate songs, these very complicated songs in like three days.
Because they had to keep their touring going because if not, they're going to owe a lot of money and they're just starting out this diary of a mad man.
They still didn't make a fortune yet. They're still trying to get, you know, trying to get established, trying to make money.
You know, I read a couple of Ozzy books and when he left Sabbath, he was broke.
You know, they were allegedly ripped off by their managers.
And then their last album, Never Say Die, that was recorded with Ozzy.
They spent all this money recording it and made virtually nothing because it flopped.
So, you know, he was out of money. He was broke.
So anyhow, you know, he had to keep this tour going.
So they found Brad Gillis of Night Ranger and he was just starting Night Ranger, but they talked him into filling the rest of the tour.
But they would not, you know, he would not commit to it because he was committed to Night Ranger.
And you know what? It did great. So he probably made the right choice there.
And then it went to J.K. Lee. J.K. Lee was very talented.
And then eventually to Zach Wilde, who was just insanely talented. Agreed?
Right.
He's also worked with others, Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, Joe Holmes, Gus G. and others.
He's worked with virtually all these of the upper echelon guitarist.
So before all of this was Tony Iommi, right?
Right.
Ozzy was recently asked, I think it was on the Madhouse Chronicles with Billy Morrison, the DJ slash guitarist musician guy, and actually one of his best friends, I guess.
He was asked, you know, who was the best guitarist he ever worked with?
He said it was Tony Iommi. Out of all those people, right?
Ozzy believes that Tony Iommi was the best guitarist he worked with out of all of those names that I just mentioned.
From Zach Wilde to Randy Rhoades to J.K. Lee to Brad Gillis to Eric Clapton to Jeff Beck.
All of these guitarists. He says that Tony Iommi is the best.
He went on to say Iommi was the best guitarist ever. Not just his favorite, but he said Iommi was the best guitarist ever.
He went on to say that Iommi was the best. He explained that American guitarists play too fast.
He also explained that Tony had an insane gift of riffs that had iconic sounds and not overplay in the song.
And I felt this way for a long time. I mean, I love Randy Rhoades, I love Zach Wilde, J.K. Lee, Brad Gillis, all that.
Okay, Brad Gillis doesn't really overplay though. If you hear him in Night Ranger, he fits the song.
So we can't really say that about Brad Gillis, but I think Ozzy has a really good point. I've always kind of felt this.
If you do too much, it cheapens the song. It takes away from the meaning of the song.
Good point.
Yeah, Iommi, he could have added all this stuff. Mick Mars, one of my favorite guitarists, he could have added all this stuff.
But they didn't because the song was what it was supposed to be and they weren't interested in flash dazzling anybody.
And that flash and dazzle that was so good in the 80s, the Eddie Van Halen's and all that, it turned into the mechanical shit I can't stand now.
Every guitarist has no feeling, but they're so fast and precise and never miss a lick, never miss a finger, never miss a chord, but it's machine.
It has no feeling. It's fast, it's quick, it's precise and that's it.
Like John Five.
Like all these other guitarists that are so good right now, the only one that's different is Tabochi.
Tabochi specializes in fast rhythms that are lead like rhythms. He's fine, but he's not that popular.
I was lucky enough to see him only because I went to Guitar Gods, I forgot the name of it, it's something else, but it's like five of the best guitarists on earth.
And I think I spoke about it before on this show.
Yeah, I think you have.
Yeah, yeah, but this is like Nuno Bettencourt, Zach Wild, Tabochi, let's see, Inge Weimelmstein and Steve Vai.
Very good show. Generation X was the name of it.
And Tabochi is different because he doesn't bother, he's really good at leads and they have a lot of feeling, they're just fast so it kind of cheapens it.
So I think Ozzy is absolutely correct on that. Your thoughts Rob?
I read that story also and I agree, I agree. Tony just put stuff into it. He took his time with it.
Yeah, and also he has a knack for a song, agreed?
Yes, he does.
Not only can he write that iconic riff, but he knows what not to do.
Me and Topher was talking about this yesterday, kind of like John Bonham.
Jason Bonham, his son, is a much better guitarist, but John Bonham sounded better.
Because it wasn't necessarily what John Bonham did, it was what he didn't do.
He did those odd beats, he didn't add anything, he didn't go crazy.
He just sounded like John Bonham and he sounded like Led Zeppelin needed him to sound.
So he was a fantastic drummer because of what he didn't do.
Now you have the flip side of Jason Bonham who is a fantastic drummer because of what he does do.
And to us that was the best example of what Tony Iommi does if you take it to drums and percussion.
Another one is bass, Michael Anthony.
Michael Anthony is so good at that heartbeat bass, but he's not the best bassist, not even close to it.
But he always sounds great.
Because he doesn't need to add anything, he does what he does in the song and it sounds great.
And he's not worried about any flash or dazzle.
He's not worried about Billy Sheehan stuff or nothing like that.
So anyhow, let's go ahead and take our first break and we're going to come back with your stuff.
How does that sound?
Alright, sounds good.
Alright, we'll be right back.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse.
And you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs, or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds.
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent.
Three leaf foliage growth. Also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor.
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream,
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes!
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with my bare hands.
Hahahaha!
You're all aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids.
It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
Simply hook up to Child Under Six or Psychopath and wait for the running water sound.
This clever machine has three distinct settings.
Babbling brooks, ocean waves, and roaring river for those close calls.
Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It cartridge.
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm, let's see, if a worm could talk, would it be argumentive?
Hmph, I may never know.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts, and who can afford plastic surgery?
Take safe everyone!
Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
NASA sent a satellite up into space to apologize to the aliens.
It was called the Apollo G.
Two douchebags and my convert, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright Rob, as we said before the break, we're going to turn to you and hear what you want to talk about.
Well, I ran across an article that, I always figured peanut butter and jelly was not good for you.
Well, peanut butter is full of protein, but I mean it's also full of calories and carbs, so yeah.
Alright, well, here's seven things that can happen to your body if you eat peanut butter and jelly every day.
First, you might be less stressed out.
Yep, we're starting the mental perk of eating peanut butter and jelly daily.
The mind is part of the body after all.
Eating the same thing daily offers predictability, which might be your jam, especially if peanut butter and jelly is involved.
Okay, wow.
Go on because...
If you're used to eating one every day.
So it has nothing to do with the...
You know, you don't have to worry about it.
It has nothing to do with the nutrients, is that what they're saying? It's a mind thing?
Well, no, this is a list.
Okay.
They mentioned like seven different things.
Okay.
That was less stress.
And next up, you also might get bored.
While some create predictability, others lean into the whole variety as the spice of life idea.
PB&J being as simple as it is, there's not much opportunity to mix things up.
This could quickly lead to a sense of repetition, which you may not enjoy if you prefer more variety or excitement in your meals.
Uh-huh.
Okay, next.
You'll probably stay full longer.
Peanut butter may reduce cravings and actually help you consume fewer calories throughout the day.
Peanut butter has both fiber and protein helping to keep you feeling full for longer, which can reduce unnecessary stacking later.
Cool.
And serving of peanut butter has more than 10 grams of protein and 2 grams of fiber.
I knew it was good on that level. I just didn't know calorie-wise and carb-wise, but go ahead.
They go into other things here.
Okay.
Your digestive system can improve.
Speaking of fiber, peanut butter and jelly can keep your gut healthy and your bowel movements regular.
Not only are peanuts high in fiber, but they also contain a good amount of myosin, which can help aid digestion.
Okay.
This is pretty cool. Go ahead.
Wow.
Yeah.
The next one, you may experience blood sugar fluctuations.
Uh-huh.
So, uh, such as people with pre-diabetes or diabetes, you may need to pay attention to the impact PB&J has on blood glucose levels.
A pattern could emerge with daily consumption, cluing you into the unique way your body responds to the sugar and carbohydrates in PB&J.
This might be helpful for predicting an increase and thus indicating a change is needed for medications or insulin.
Wow.
So that one was one of those be-bitter things.
Uh-huh.
Next, weight gain is a possibility.
Oh, I bet.
Weight gain isn't always a bad thing or cause for concern. However, it could be something some people may need to watch out for.
And unfortunately, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day could drop weight gain.
Well, you know, real quick, Rob, okay, you know that like fighters use peanut butter to bulk up.
They use that protein with the workout and they burn more calories than they take in.
So peanut butter is fine for them.
So I think it depends on your metabolism and how much exercise you get, right?
Right.
Okay.
It's what you do with it.
Yeah, yeah, it can be good for you or bad.
Doesn't do any good to take vitamins if you're not going to exercise type thing, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yep.
Okay, and lastly, you could experience a heart-healthy boost.
Okay.
Peanut butter contains fat, but its nutrient profile may also help protect your ticker.
Okay, so is that the good fat, the LDL, not the LDL cholesterol, the good fat, you know what I'm talking about, there's good fat and bad fat that you can consume.
Right.
Okay.
Healthy fats like mono-unsaturated and poly-unsaturated fats found in peanuts are beneficial against heart disease.
One 2015 study suggested people with higher net intakes had lower risk of dying from heart disease.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
I found this article pretty interesting.
Also, there's stuff like, that's very interesting because I'm reading these articles on beets.
I love beets and I didn't notice, beets are like one of the perfect foods for you.
They actually help clean your arteries.
They help dilate the arteries so it flushes the plaque out better.
It's also a super food because it enhances your healing ability, your immune system and everything.
I mean, do you know about beets?
I think you do, don't you?
I think we spoke about it before.
Yeah.
Maybe not on air, but yeah.
Yeah, we have.
But yeah, peanuts sound like it's kind of like similar to beets.
You know, beets have a lot of sugar in them, but it's not processed sugar.
So it's a little bit different.
You know, it has the good cholesterol in it and it also has ingredients that dilate your arteries too.
Just read about it if you're curious about it.
Just read about it because it's a pretty interesting food.
And I know they sell stuff like super beets and stuff like that.
So you don't have to eat like 30 beets a day, which would like suck and add a lot of calories.
You can get it condensed into a pill, I think, right?
Right.
So anyhow, thank you, Rob.
That was a really good article.
I appreciated that.
Yeah.
Well, I kind of hate to after that, Jim, I kind of hate to go into this, but I was reminded by a friend of mine about a prank that I pulled many years ago.
I'd forgotten all about it, but it was a good one.
So anyhow, my friend Phil, he worked at Burger King in a southern suburb of KC.
Right, Rob?
An extreme southern suburb of Kansas City area.
Yeah.
He didn't have a car, so I would pick him up when I was headed home from my job.
It was right on the way.
He used to float me 10 bucks towards the old Dodge Dart with the reverse out.
Remember that, bastard?
Yeah.
We used to have the Fred Flintstone hit, whatever we had to go in reverse.
Everybody, stick your feet out and push it.
Okay, I walked in one day and I noticed that someone was changing the electric billboard inside the lobby.
This was done on the main counter right behind the special sign.
The sign that said, like, today, two cheeseburgers for three bucks or whatever.
It was right behind that sign.
I saw the guy putting up another message.
I realized I could reach it easily, you know, if everybody was, like, preoccupied.
Okay, his manager I was friends with, he was an odd guy, but nice.
He stuttered when angry and he made me laugh whenever he stuttered, you know.
And anyhow, so I would say something to him to kind of screw with him and he'd go, hey, hey, hey, hey,
and I'd be laughing at him and he'd get even angrier and make him stutter more and, you know,
I was that kind of a bastard.
So, you know, I was in there entertaining myself, getting him mad and listening to him stutter.
You know, so one day I'm in there, I was waiting for Phil.
When everyone was in back putting together a catering order,
remember in the 80s, the late 80s when Burger King started pushing catering?
Yeah.
And they used to have the BK trucks and then, you know, like different functions like,
okay, we're going to take 30 whoppers, 30 onion rings, 30 shakes, you know, stuff like that.
Okay, so that's when they, right about the time they're pushing catering.
So all the way back they're slapping together double cheeses or something for this catering gig at some hospital or something.
So anyhow, I remember, you know, about the behind the counter of the billboard, right?
So I changed the billboard to Rich Eats Ass, $1.99, forward to 10 p.m.
So anyhow, no one noticed.
Okay, so anyhow, for a forward 10 p.m. weeknights,
so when I reached back to change the sign, I accidentally hit the alarm for the armed robbery.
Oh my God.
Yes. I can't believe I forgot all about this.
And anyhow, unnamed guy, you know who you are, you didn't want me to give you even your first name.
Thank you for reminding me about this because it was very scary for a little while.
So they did have one camera at the register, but unbeknownst to me, it quit working.
And they were waiting for it to be fixed.
I was leaving with Phil when the cops surrounded the place.
We got rounded up as well and everyone else.
And I was holding my breath when the cops asked for the camera footage.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
And they're all talking about, yeah, if this was a prank, they're going to jail.
You know, you can't do that.
And I'm like, oh, shit.
All I was doing was changing the billboard, but I accidentally hit this thing.
And they're going to think I did it on purpose.
I'm going to go to jail. So I'm like freaking out. Right.
So anyhow, they go there, you know, and they're like, okay, we got to see the camera footage.
And I'm holding my breath.
And then finally they get the manager, the stuttering guy out there.
And then finally he goes, oh, no, no, the camera's been broke.
We don't have any footage at all, which was my friend.
And I was like, so anyhow, then the next day in the morning, they noticed that, you know, Rich eats ass.
Dollar 99, Monday through Friday, 4 to 10 PM sign.
And he was furious.
And he could never prove I'd done it.
Even though we were friends, I'm sure he would have been very angry at me because I did that.
And all the times I made him stutter because he was so mad, he still liked me.
I don't know why.
But anyhow, unnamed person, thank you for that reminder.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do.
I ran across an article.
How many McDonald's are there in the world in 2024?
I bet a lot.
When it comes to fast food chains, name a more dominant force than McDonald's.
The White Castle is the oldest burger fast food chain.
McDonald's is arguably the most successful one with an empire that spans the globe.
But exactly how many McDonald's are there in the world?
Has the chain reached its, the sun never sets in the British Empire era or what?
According to Statista, McDonald's had over 41,000 restaurant locations across the globe in 2023.
There were 41,822 locations to be exact.
McDonald's has steadily been growing its foothold internationally by combining its menu with local offerings.
Restaurant appeals to regional taste by tweaking its staples like its fries
and offering meals you couldn't find anywhere else.
The restaurant chain has steadily been increasing the number of locations over the past few years.
The chain leads the pack when it comes to world's largest fast food brands, followed by Subway and Starbucks.
McDonald's is planning to broaden its number of locations in 2024.
By the end of 2024, McDonald's will increase the total number of locations by 2,100 with 500 of those locations opening in the US.
Well, does it mention Cosmax? Are they talking about Cosmax and McDonald's or are they just talking about McDonald's?
They're just saying McDonald's and he's saying nothing about Cosmax.
Okay, because Cosmax are spin-off that serves drinks, smoothies, coffees and finger foods, kind of, right?
Okay, so this is just McDonald's, the restaurant that we know of.
The restaurant chain also plans to open more restaurants in France, Australia and Canada.
Apparently McDonald's is active in 118 countries with the US being home to the most.
You know, Canada is Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons are everywhere.
He was a hockey player, but it's like a bagel place and they are at every corner.
McDonald's has a lot of room to grow in Canada. They're not like here where McDonald's is everywhere.
Small town, big town, medium-sized town. McDonald's is everywhere.
I-44, I-70, I-35, I-75, I-95. McDonald's all over there, right?
But you go up to Canada and Tim Hortons is like that everywhere, but McDonald's has a lot of room to grow.
So that's going to be interesting because I bet a lot of stores open up there.
Yeah, there's four McDonald's between here and Bagnell Dam.
Shit! That's not that far, really.
About 20 minutes drive.
And every one of them are packed?
Yeah.
Yep, just like up here. Wow. Anyhow, go ahead.
No, no, I was good on that.
Oh, okay. Let's take our second break and when I come back we can do nut tap, nipple flick,
and then I can go into 80's products that will never come back. That sound good?
That sounds good.
Alright, we'll be right back.
Next time you take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone.
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Get in cover.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Hey, girl. Are you a beaver? Cause damn.
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
Hi, all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. You can't touch me.
Oh, yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
Two douchebags and a microphone remind you that you'll never get this hour back.
Sorry about your luck.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In a remote area in France, an armadillo was found alive and no one knows how it got there.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats,
Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most dangerous place in the world.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Sure wish my inner voice sounded just like Morgan Freeman.
Hmm, that'd be cool.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go, but we can tell you what you can eat.
Dirt and apocalypse, don't forget the nuts. Hickory nuts that is.
Yeah, we know, Hickory wood gets all the glory and all the love.
Everyone loves the Hickory trees. They cut them down and they make great sandwiches out of barbecue and meats.
They smoke them and it's a fantastic deal.
But little does anyone know about the Hickory nuts.
Dirt and apocalypse Hickory nuts could be the best thing you can find.
Hickory nuts can be eaten raw, toasted or added to various recipes.
Their rich buttery flavor and crunchy texture make them an ideal ingredient for both sweet and savory dishes.
You can use Hickory nuts to make nut butter, pesto or even a unique Hickory nut milk.
There are five types of Hickory nuts.
Bitter nut Hickory, shag bark Hickory, pig nut Hickory, mocker nut Hickory and smooth bark Hickory.
Hickory trees are considered part of the walnut species and are plentiful at least around Missouri and surrounding areas.
So, Dirt and Apocalypse, don't forget to grab your nuts.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Before we go into the nut tap and all that, I just want to say someone ripped out the fifth month of my calendar.
I am dismayed.
Rob, go ahead.
Oh wow.
Okay, I'm going with this.
Okay.
A K3 fire engine means business.
Okay.
It's likely on its way to a motor vehicle accident, a serious medical emergency or a structure fire.
Okay.
Consequently, these emergency vehicles and their crews must reach the scene without the ways like traffic and parked cars.
Uh huh.
So, can fire trucks push cars out of the way to reach a burning home or business?
Yes.
Yeah.
Like lane splitting in some states, a fire truck pushing cars out of the way exists in a gray area.
For instance, a close friend firefighter I once served with reminded me that the departments he currently works with don't have formal policies on the subject.
However, he assured me that in the event of a high-stakes emergency, a crew would push cars with a fire truck without hesitation.
Furthermore, when I say push, I mean push.
I've seen it happen, Rob.
I've seen it happen.
Have you?
Yes.
It was midtown and there was an apartment building on fire and there's all these cars parked in front of the fire hydrant.
And literally, the truck just started pushing all three of them forward and got them out of the way to connect their hose.
And then I saw another one where they smashed the windows out, put the hose through the car and connected it to the fire, to the fire hydrant.
Yes. See, this story goes into breaking the window out to gain access to the fire hydrant.
Oh, anyhow. Okay, go ahead. I didn't mean to spoil anything.
Well, no, no. It's fine. It boils down to they're going to do what they have to do.
If they can get around it, they will. If not, your cars are going to get moved or your windows are going to get smashed.
Well, this is only to get to the fire hydrant. I think that's completely different than if a car is just kind of in the way.
And you know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah, well, they will push a car out of the way to get through.
Yeah, I've seen them do that because it was parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And then after they push it out of the way, they called the tow truck and the tow truck took it away because it was illegally parked.
So anyhow, yeah, I've seen that happen, but they did not take the cars in front of it because the cars in front of it were not breaking the law.
Right.
They were just in the way. So they pushed all the cars, but the car that was in front of the fire hydrant, they called the tow truck and got it towed.
So anyhow. Wow. Good story.
So anyhow, do you want to do the nipple yank nut tap and ass cheek bite?
Let's go for it.
All righty. Okay. I'll explain this really quick.
And okay, this is something that we came up with. This is playful and this is just for effect.
So when you'd like to do that, just to see the look on their faces isn't mean.
It's not like hitting them in the nuts to where it hurts. It isn't biting the piss out of their ass.
The nipple yank is just nothing but a little playful one. This is for fun only.
So anyhow, Rob, go ahead.
Okay. My nipple yank.
Jeff Gordon.
He might like it.
Just so I can see how much he will cry.
I think it'll ask for more.
He'll ask for a hot oil next time.
Okay, my nut flick.
Goes to Sam Tennyson.
I want to hear him hit a higher pitch.
Oh, oh, oh, my balls.
Yeah. I bet he hits a higher pitch.
I bet he does too.
Awesome.
And then my ass cheek bite goes to the late, great, Rodney Dangerfield.
The way he jumps around the back and some come up, bite him on the ass.
Oh my God, he'd be all over the damn place.
Oh yeah. Gosh, yeah.
He knocked somebody out.
Yeah.
Well, that was cool. I liked that a lot.
Anyhow, my nipple yank will go to Ric Flair.
I want to hear him go, whoo, after you grab his nipple.
And I also just want to see the look on his face.
Oh, you really got me, brother.
Oh, you got that nipple good.
And then the nut tap, for no particular reason, I want a nut tap, Toe for Grace.
That 70's show, movies, I can't think of that.
That's interesting.
I just want to see the look on his face when you do it.
He does get kind of a dumbfounded look.
Yeah, I want to see that dumbfounded look at him to go,
I don't know why you did that, but I really don't like it.
So maybe if you could possibly refrain from that activity, I would very much appreciate it.
Thank you.
Then you'd probably just walk off, normal.
That's the way I see it, anyhow.
And then my ass cheekbite goes to none other than Jack Nicholson.
And I don't even want him to say anything.
I just want to see the look on his face.
And then just see that Jack Nicholson look, like, ooh, where did that come from?
So hey, I think we both had some pretty solid choices there.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think we did.
Yep, I'm proud of us.
I'm proud of us.
We always bring it on that.
So in a week or two, we'll bring you another one because that's what we do here at Two Douchebags and Microphone.
We come up with fake scenarios that are probably never going to happen,
but we imagine that they do anyhow, right?
Yep.
All right.
80s products that'll never come back.
Bonkers.
Do you remember them?
Yeah.
Yeah, it took me a minute, but I remember them too.
Nabisco debuted a sweet treat in the 80s called Bonkers,
which were advertised as chewable candies containing a fruity center.
They're supposed to be chewy, but what they didn't figure out is after you chewed them up a couple of times, they were breaking teeth.
Remember?
They got really hard.
They solidified in your mouth, and you never could chew one up.
You might be able to swallow it, but you would not be able to chew it up because it would literally probably break a tooth off.
So those are never going to come back because they don't want to pay all the people for new teeth.
Handy Snacks.
Remember them at all?
Not a rare opportunity.
It took me until I read it.
Why?
Because I didn't remember them either.
They weren't real popular, actually, I don't think.
People give guff to Lunchables for being unhealthy, but at least that cheese and cracker product invented in 1985 used actual slices of cheese.
Before all that, we had Handy Snacks, which debuted in 1980 and encouraged you to spread a semi-gelatinous cheese product on fragile crackers with a plastic stick.
Remember those?
Okay, yeah.
You had a plastic stick and that hard cheese and crackers that constantly broke when you took...
And first off, that stick barely got the cheese out of there.
And then you had this hard cheese that you couldn't spread on this cracker because the cracker would crumble when you tried to spread the hard cheese on it.
So all you could do was really take a cracker, chew it up, and take a bite out of the cheese and mix it up like that.
And if anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about, younger folk, Boomers and Xers will know about this.
Anyone else, I don't know.
Because I think it disappeared in 1985 or something like that, or was invented in 1985.
And I think it said something like... No, it debuted in 1980 and it ended in 1985.
So it lasted five years, which kind of surprises me.
But if you're younger, just look it up.
Handy Snacks with an I. H-A-N-D-I. Snacks.
And they were horrible, weren't they, Rob?
Yes, they were.
And the cheese tasted what I imagine plastic would taste like.
Yeah.
It was horrible.
The next one, Hot Pockets.
Remember those?
Yeah, I like Hot Pockets.
No, I did too, but I guess a lot of people did not.
There's an endless number of jokes to be made about the Hot Pockets.
Comedian Jim Gaffigan made them very famous, remember?
He'd do that.
Hot Pockets.
And he'd talk about how they're like little pouches of meat and all that.
Well, I guess they got a bad rap because, number one, the meat in it would get so hot when people microwaved them that it would burn children's mouths, allegedly.
And then also, it was like just a bunch of meat byproducts with sauce.
It was very unhealthy for you, allegedly.
And so people just, they quit eating them because, I mean, it took forever for them to cool off.
And then you try to eat one, and as soon as you would bite through that, now remember this, Rob, think about it, okay?
As soon as you bite through that little piece of dough, what was inside was boiling hot and would literally just burn the piss out of your mouth, right?
Yeah.
So for whatever reason, the product, the meat and the sauce inside of it got really hot and the outside of it wasn't nearly as hot.
So anyhow, people would burn their mouth, and that's the main reason they quit selling them is because they got tired of complaints about little junior's mouth is burnt off, you know?
So anyhow, the next one is Hubba Bubba Soda.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the bubble gum, Hubba Bubba, I don't think it's selling anymore, do they?
I don't know. I don't chew gum anymore.
Oh, okay. I don't very much anymore either.
But anyhow, it was a bubble gum that one, didn't stick to denture work, and two blew great bubbles, and three had unique flavors.
But Wigley's rolled out the Hubba Bubba Gum brand in 1979, it debuted its now signature bubble tape in 1988.
So the Hubba Bubba Soda was tempered after the Hubba Bubba tape, remember it was tape? It was like that fruit tape that kids eat?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but it was bubble gum tape, it was Hubba Bubba tape, and you took pieces off it and ate?
Well, the Hubba Bubba Soda was tailored after that, and that stuff was not very good tasting at all, in my opinion, and probably a lot of other people's opinions.
So it didn't last that long, it lasted about two years according to this, and then it was gone, and it's not coming back.
And they said it's not coming back.
So, next one, Jolt Cola, remember that?
I remember that.
Yeah. Before energy drinks became the norm, we had Jolt Cola, a super caffeinated soda created by CJ Rapp in 1985.
Despite a slogan that now sounds like a warning, all the sugar and twice the caffeine, and a persuasive urban legend about a kid dying after drinking the soda,
it left popularity because people were afraid of it.
They discontinued it in 2011, and the reason was because energy drinks started coming into the market in 2011.
The fable about it killing children because there was too much caffeine and sugar was obviously wrong, but enough people heard it, they wouldn't let their children buy it anymore.
And number three, it wasn't the best tasting stuff, people preferred Monster and Red Bull and stuff like that.
And also, you couldn't use Jolt Cola as a mixer.
It was no good as a mixer, but Red Bull and Vodka, Monster and whatever, it worked well, didn't it?
I used to drink Red Bull and Vodka all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah, so the Jolt Cola, it wasn't a mixer either, so it went bye-bye while energy drinks entered the market.
Next one, and I didn't know they quit selling this because I liked them for a lot of reasons, and Rob, you can say whatever you want, Pop Rocks.
I liked them too.
I did too.
Pop Rocks have a turbulent history.
In the early 80s, just a few years after the fizzy candy powder debuted, rumors popped up perpetrating the product could save, that could cause stomachs to boil.
With another famous urban legend that Mikey Life Cereal Spose Kid died after combining the candy and soda together.
The myth that didn't scare away enough kids as general food discontinued the Pop Rocks in 1983, they later returned to store shelves in the 90s.
I guess they're no longer around though when they came to the shelves in the 90s.
I guess they didn't sell very well, so they discontinued them again.
But I had no idea that Mikey the Life Cereal Kid supposedly died from drinking soda and Pop Rocks together blew up his stomach or something.
I did not know that either.
I mean, I've heard that that could happen, but I didn't know Mikey did it.
I don't think he did.
I think it was an urban legend that got out of hand.
I don't think Michael probably even knew what Pop Rocks were.
So anyhow, the next one, Squeez-its.
Squeez-its were always a questionable purchase, and not just because their name is way too close to Squeez-its.
Introduced in 1985, the fruit flavored juice was mostly high fructose corn syrup, and because of its unique bottle design that had to be compressed in order to consume its contents,
they were not resealable, they were never truly empty and constantly leaking everywhere.
And in that case, you needed a reminder that Squeez-its were closer to candy than juice.
The company once did a crossover with Lifesavers, but it did not save it because, like I said just a second ago,
you never could get all of the juice out of that poorly designed package, and it always leaked.
So you couldn't drink it all, and it always leaked combined into death for Squeez-its.
But if you look at it, it actually spells, together, Squeez-its. Which also doesn't sound that good.
This next one I don't remember, so I'm going to see if you do. Tidal Wave Bubble Gum.
Tidal Wave...
I vaguely remember that. I vaguely remember that name.
Okay, Tidal Wave was like...
Oh yeah, yeah I do.
Okay.
I remember.
You would get into it and some sort of liquid would come out. It could have been like mint or it could have been cinnamon.
It was gross.
Yes. That stuff that came out...
Oh my god.
Yes. That didn't last but a couple of years, and it was disgusting.
Anyone that was around then that knew this, knew it. I mean that tried it, knew it.
It was the weirdest sensation to have this stuff that you had no idea what it was,
and it came out of this thick square piece of chewing gum.
So anyhow, that didn't last very long for obvious reasons. And that is all of it that I have to this article.
So Rob, you got something you want to go into.
Yeah, I pulled up Mikey from Life's Serial.
Oh cool.
According to Google, young Johnny Gilchrist was involved in more than 200 other commercial projects,
but none left their mark as did Life's Serial's Mikey.
After his time as a child actor, John went on to pursue continued education in communications.
He eventually became the director of media sales at Mason Square Garden. That was as of September 27, 2022.
So no, he did not eat pop rocks and coke.
Okay, now on to another one.
Okay.
Everybody pretty much knows what the very first song on MTV ever was.
Mm-hmm.
Correct?
Yep.
Well, I have a list of the first ten songs played on MTV.
Really cool.
August 1, 1981.
Okay.
The first one, Video Killed the Radio Star by the Bugles. A lot of people know that one. That's a big trivia question.
The second one, You Better Run by Pat Benatar.
Oh wow.
Number three, She Won't Dance with Me by Rod Stewart.
I would have not figured that. Rod Stewart was still kind of hip, but I didn't think he was that hip to be introduced to MTV in one of their very first episode. Wow.
Especially that song.
Yeah, yeah. I could see like If You Want My Body or Young Turks or something like that, but wow. Anyhow, okay.
Okay, the fourth one, You Better You Bet by The Who.
No shit.
See, I thought that one came out later.
I thought it did too. You Better You Better. I thought that was Pete Townsend's solo anyhow. I didn't know that was The Who, but okay.
No, it was The Who.
Okay. Wow.
Yeah. Okay, the fifth one, Little Suzy's On The Up by PhD.
Little Suzy's On The Up. The only Little Suzy on the Up I know is the Tesla version of it. Huh, okay.
This one's by PhD.
I wonder if it's the same song.
It might be. Tesla may have redone it.
Yeah, because their song goes Little Suzy On The Up. Huh. Okay, anyhow.
Okay, yeah. Yeah, I know that one. Okay, number six, We Don't Talk Anymore by Cliff Richard.
That's an interesting one that I wouldn't have thought was on there.
Yeah.
Number seven, Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders.
Oh, wow. Okay.
I could see that one.
I could too. The Pretenders were very popular.
Yeah. Number eight, Time Heels by Todd Renger.
Wow. Not one of his more popular songs either. Interesting.
No.
This has caught me off guard because there's a lot of songs. If you would have asked me if it was played in the first ten, I'd say there's no way.
Well, you got to think. They're just putting videos together.
They were just seeing what was sticking.
And then I think they figured out later it wasn't a 25 to 54 audience. It was a 17 to 25 audience.
Right.
You see what I mean? It was probably much younger than they expected.
Okay. Number nine, Take It On The Run by R.V.A. Speedwagon.
I could see that. Yes. Yeah.
And number ten, Rockin' The Paradise by Sticks.
Yes. All right. That's a great song too.
Yes, it was.
Dennis DeYoung.
I'm actually saving that.
That is one of the perfect examples of, like I spoke about this before, Queen, Sticks, there's other bands too.
They have the rocker, guitarist, and they have the flamboyant frontman that is into opera, jazz, and all that.
And it's a constant struggle on how the song's going to come out.
And a lot of times, like Rockin' In Paradise, you get both of them.
You get Tommy Shaw rocking, and you get Dennis DeYoung doing harmonies and melodies.
And like the famous Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, or anything else that Queen had done.
You always had that struggle between the rocker and the melodic guy.
And that is what made the band so good.
Because they were always interrogating this and trying to take over the song.
It was truly a battle of brilliance.
So, yeah, I could see that.
And that was a great song that exemplified Sticks and how brilliant and how talented all the members were in it.
So, I got one here.
Gen Z thinks that all the other generations are nuts because they use a top cover on their bed.
Did you know this?
Really?
Yeah.
I got another one.
Me too.
They think it's ridiculous.
They're like, why?
Once again, the Youngians are flabbergasting the older generations with their disregard of things they deem unnecessary.
There's always something that gets dropped or altered generation to generation.
We learn better ways of technology, making certain things obsolete.
But it doesn't matter how far we've come.
Our beds still need sheets to cover the mattresses.
The debate is on the use of top sheets, also known as flat sheets.
They're the sheets that keep your body from touching the comforter.
Most Gen X and Boomers are firmly for the use, like we are, of the top sheets as a hygiene practice.
The idea being that the top sheet keeps your dead skin cells and body oils from dirtying your comforter.
This causes you to have to watch it more often, which a comforter is more heavy.
It really destroys your washing machine because it's so heavy when it's full of water.
The idea is to wash that comforter as little as you can and to save the stress off your agitator on your washing machine.
Right.
Okay, so apparently millennials and Gen Zers are uninterested in using a top sheet while sleeping.
In fact, they'd rather just get a duvet cover, though they may be cumbersome.
A duvet cover can be washed fairly frequently, while some may opt out for a cheaper comforter that they don't care is washed often because their disdain for a top sheet is that strong.
But why on earth do millennials and Gen Zers hate top sheets?
It turns out it's mostly about practicality.
Many millennials are on the move holding a full-time job and a side hustle or two to make ends meet.
Adding an extra step when making a bed seems unnecessary to them.
Where Gen Zers and Boomers, we have all the time in the world for stuff like that, right?
Right.
Well, they don't. And they deem it just unnecessary.
So that's another one of those little things that you don't think about until you start seeing them on Reddit and other things about, you know, Gen Z millennials going, man, those guys are nuts.
Why would you do a top sheet? That's too much trouble.
So I do it for comfort.
Me too. I love the feel of the top. It's cooler. A top sheet is much cooler than a comforter.
And so on those days where it's a little warm or really muggy and your air conditioner wasn't quite turned up to where it should be when you left in the morning and you come home, you're like, man, there's a lot of humidity.
It's a little warm in here. And let's say you got to go to bed.
You're like, oh, shit, you know.
So anyhow, that's my version of it.
Anyhow, we're running well over an hour. Do you want to end this bitch or?
Oh, hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Dodge City, Kansas.
Rob. Hi, Grandma.
Hi, Jenny. Hi, Ricky. Love you guys.
Anyhow, do we want to wrap this bitch up with a bow and send it on down the river or do we want to keep going?
That's right.
I'll let it work tomorrow. All right, bitches.
You've heard it. It's a done deal.
Thank you for listening again. Our numbers are outrageously good.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
So coming soon. Coming soon.
Our our own thank yous to our top markets.
So anyhow, hey, how did you like the new Gen Z promo I got in the middle there?
I like it. Look, I'm a Gen Z er.
I'm firmly a Gen Z er. So I can say this.
I was one of the young ones that was never going to conform.
I was the ones that never got chased the buck.
What am I doing? All my life I chased the buck.
What I do? What happened to us?
Yeah. Yeah. We were the rebellious ones.
Yeah. Yeah. We were the generation that was going to end the world.
Now we're in corporations. So anyhow, look, that's what we do.
We illustrate through the absurd. We make fun of everything.
We say it at our first.
We're we have no integrity in our journalistic quality at all.
And we know this. We'll lie to make a story better.
And we don't care. So anyhow, thank you everybody for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Thank you, everyone. Good night, assholes.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.