And now it's time for...
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Two Deucebags and a Microphone
We Talk
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Jam X
What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the feet.
Spoke for you.
Bunk the man.
Bunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst.
The generation of non-compliance.
Is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up until someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...
The Origin of Socks.
Believe it or not, the ancient Egyptians are responsible for knit socks.
From around 300 to 500 AD were the first recorded knit socks worn by anybody in the world.
Two douchebags and microphone. My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
Okay. I'd like to start out real quick with a neat little article that came across my board today.
Yeah, because we are podcasters. I get a lot of podcaster news.
And this is a big thing.
Wilson, the ratings people, they're the people of great radio, right?
Well, Wilson Edison Report, podcasts had 20% of ad-supported audio listening time in Q1.
So this is ads that supported the audio. You see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
For Americans 18 and older, one every five minutes spent consuming ad-supported audio is from a podcast.
That rate is even higher among the other listeners.
Nelson Medicine Research have partnered with a new quarterly report called The Record,
which focuses on audience consumption trends.
It shows that among 18 to 33 year olds, 34 year olds, hang on, hang on a second.
Okay. 18 to 34 year olds, podcasting accounted for 37% of their total listening time
and ad-supported audio during the first quarter.
The report says that the breakout mostly used by ad buyers 25 to 54 year olds,
a quarter of audio listening time goes to podcasts.
Broadcast radio is the biggest majority, but is way down.
I could go into all the statistics, but you know, honesty just went bankrupt.
And that idiot George Soros just bought him, so no wonder,
no tell him what the fuck he's going to do with him.
So anyhow, you have all these conglomerates failing because they've had all these big time radio jobs
or no more.
And I mean the industry is going to podcasts.
And now you see the Nelson people or the ratings people,
they're the people who give the great cards to radio, to terrestrial radio, right?
They're now giving the great card to podcasts.
Do you see what I'm saying?
That.
Yeah, that's exactly what he's done.
Yeah, that is a major trend right there.
Because once Nelson started going, okay, terrestrial radio is cool,
but this podcast thing, we're going to have to start reporting more on it
because it's really become a thing.
So anyhow, I just wanted to start off with that.
And I mean we don't have to go too deep into it.
It's just something that I'm going to mention here
because I believe it is very noteworthy.
And I think it's the way that everything is going.
Everybody wants their – they want to be able to load the stuff that they want
and take it wherever they want and listen to it wherever they want
with the eventual Bluetooth and all that they can.
So once again, terrestrial radio is in trouble.
And right now there is a law that is going through Congress
that is trying to make new car manufacturers carry AM radio
because they quit a couple years ago.
Were you aware of that, Rob?
Yeah, yeah, I was. Yeah, I was.
But I had not heard that they're going to try and make them bring it back.
Yeah, yeah.
They're trying to make them bring it back.
And that, if they fail, most of the cars will not have an AM radio in it.
I know that you can pick up all these AM radio signals online.
I know this.
I know that everybody has a broadcast live button or streaming or tuning in or something.
I know this.
But what about the people that don't have – I don't know, that can't get bandwidth where they're at?
Let's say they're out in the middle of Kansas, middle Oklahoma,
and their cell phone is out raining.
They don't have an AM radio and there's severe weather coming up.
Let's say great food-size hail and tornadoes.
Right, right.
How are they going to know?
They don't know that.
Yeah, it very easily could happen out there.
It's been happening out there and it's happening, I think, again tonight.
So I pose this question.
I know that they're kind of like we're going up against them or whatever, if you will.
I mean, not really, but you know, they're kind of a little bit of a competition there, you know,
with a lot of the new money like the Rogan's and stuff like that going to podcasters.
So I guess there is a little bit of a competition probably.
So my question is, should they save AM radio?
I think so.
Go ahead.
Look, here's my thought.
Okay.
AM radio, well, I don't know about anywhere else, but around Kansas City,
that's where you went to listen to your talk radio and it was some of the best shows.
Yes, I agree.
So yeah, I mean, I say save it.
That's my vote.
Well, I vote to save it too, just for the people that cannot get.
And let me reiterate this too.
Okay, I know you have emergency alerts on your phone.
I get them.
I've got them the last few weeks because all the severe weather we had around here, you know,
it sounds like an amber alert or whatever.
You get that tone.
Then it says tornado has been reported in your area, tuned to local, you know, programming or whatever.
Okay.
Now, if you're bandwidth, if you can't pick up a signal out in somewhere nowhere, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas,
even Arkansas in the hills, okay, how are you going to pick up an emergency alert?
Exactly.
Yeah, where AM, you can pick up AM about anywhere.
I mean, AM was, that's why they still have clear channels on AM dial is because, you know,
it's still nationwide.
You can get it.
Well, if there's a national emergency, AM is the best form of radio to get anything out.
You know, FM is a shorter, a smaller market, you know, where AM can go across the country if they turn the power up.
There is a national emergency and there isn't really any internet going on because of circumstances like,
oh, no, the grid going out or being blown up or something.
Okay.
You can turn down all the AM stations and put on two megawatt AM stations that are designed to do that.
And you can cover all of America no matter where anybody is at, no matter where they're at.
You can cover it with an AM station by simply doing what they used to do to clear, well, they still do to clear channel stations.
Like, let's say there's a station, like the way I used to listen WLS at night from Chicago, the 890 signal here in Kansas City had to turn down at sundown.
They had to turn their signal down so the clear channel 890 WLS AM could get through to here because that was a clear channel station.
610 is a clear channel. I think 810 is a clear channel here in Kansas City.
So, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of clear channels. I mean, still left.
So, yeah, I think AM is essential even though it's not used every day.
I think if there was some sort of emergency, it might be the only form that you could get any type of news out there for everybody.
So, anyhow, I just wanted to go into that and talk about that a little bit.
You know, podcasting has picked up so much that it's really an, you know, Odyssey is bankrupt, Soros bottom.
The rest of the radio stations aren't doing all that hot.
You know, what used to be billions of dollars in ad revenue are not now.
I mean, you know, even these high price morning shows and the afternoon shows and everything, they don't get the money they used to because the ad revenue is simply not there.
So, anyhow, yeah, I'm with you, Rob. And you know what? I mean, you got any thoughts on it?
Douche B66, Yahoo.com. Douche B66 at Yahoo.com.
Send us in your ideas. Tell us what you think about AM radio. Tell us we're full of shit. Tell us you're rah rah. We love you guys.
Whatever. It doesn't matter. But just send us some feedback, man. We'd love to hear from you. Where you're at.
What do you like about the show? What do you not like about the show?
So, anyhow, Rob, I turn it to you.
All right. Well, I know you and I are going to love this.
All right. I know we're excited to get this out there. Whatever.
And I'm hoping a lot of our listeners are going to love this.
Okay.
Okay. Fans of classic cartoons might have a new favorite channel.
MeTV Toons.
Ooh.
You know MeTV?
Yes, I do.
Now they're going to have Toons.
A new TV network dedicated to animated favorites like Looney Tunes, Scooty Doo, Tom and Jerry, and more will debut this summer.
Nice.
TV Line has learned. And that's where I'm getting this. A site called TV Line.
Okay.
The new channel for MeTV parent company, Wise Old Broadcasting Company, which will be available on over the air broadcast television.
Yeah.
As well as ad supporting streaming services.
Will air beloved Warner Brothers discovery cartoons like Looney Tunes, Scooty Doo, Tom and Jerry.
Mm hmm.
The Flintstones.
The Jetsons.
Uh huh.
Yogi Bear.
Popeye and More along with.
Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Bullwinkle was a finalist in the Harry Asshole Olympics by the way. Anyhow go ahead.
Yes.
Casper.
Awesome.
Betty Boot.
Mm hmm.
B-Racer and others.
MeTV Toons will officially launch on Tuesday, June 25th.
Sold.
I read this. I had to air this tonight.
Dude. That's great news. Now the only thing I want is them not to fucking edit them.
Because they did some of this, I forgot, on maybe TV land or something. And they were edited.
Anything that was a little bit controversial. Like the Japanese pop bottle glasses, you know. All of a sudden they're not there anymore.
Stuff like that. I don't want them edited.
No editing. In their entirety. Like they are.
So.
Right.
Anyhow. Very cool. I mean, you know, I don't support making fun of any type of race or nothing.
But man, these are cartoons, man. I mean, they accentuate everybody being on the absurd side.
That's why it's a cartoon. So I hope they don't take it too seriously. And I hope they just, you know, put it out there like it was originally formatted.
So, excellent man. That sounds great. Thank you Rob. I love that.
Alright. Yeah. I ran across that last week today. I said, man, we gotta talk about this one tonight.
That's going up first.
Thank you Rob. That's awesome. Man, that's great news.
Yeah.
And it's MeTV Toons is what it's called?
Yeah. MeTV. Just like the channel MeTV. But it's Toons.
Okay.
T-O-O-N-S.
Yeah. Not Toons as in music. Toons as in cartoons.
Yeah. And the old ones. Just like MeTV shows the old shows.
And when is it going to debut?
Uh. June 25th. Tuesday, June 25th.
Not that far away guys. Alright. Cool. Man, thank you Rob. Great news.
You're welcome.
Bruce Dickinson, Chastide fans who were smoking during his April 27th concert at the Opera Hall in Brasilia, Brazil.
The Iron Maiden frontman who was out toured in support of his recent solo album, The Mandrake Project, which is excellent,
became arrayed when air quality began affecting his performance.
Now remember, he just beat cancer. Okay. So before he starts getting on him, thinking about it too bad there, you got to put yourself in his shoes.
Here he is touring. He might be 70. I'm not sure. He's somewhere around 70. He's older. Okay.
And anyhow, he beat cancer so he's probably a little bit sensitive to stuff like this. I'm just preempting this right now.
I can't fucking breathe. Tanya O'Callaghan, Bruce's bassist, can't breathe. The singer declared as transcribed by Blabbermouth.
The metal legend then directed by his attention to one fan in particular. You were the fucking vape over there.
Yeah. It's not you, but please fucking do that outside alright.
You know, if you can't stay for five minutes without having a fucking audition, then don't come.
I do apologize for coughing. Some of you fuckers are smoking. Dickinson continued.
I can't sing if you're going to smoke. Alright. Tanya's coughing her guts out. I'm coughing. My fucking wife is going blarg in the back there.
Alright. It's kind of disgusting. Alright. But if you want to be disgusting, do it outside. Alright. Not in here.
My throat's got work to do. It's got work to do. You pay good money to hear me fucking sing, not go blarg blarg.
So, okay, and this isn't the first time he's scolded fans and I'm going to go into that, but I do think I agree with this.
And it's because he was, he beat cancer, right? Right. Okay.
He's in his latter years of his life, okay. He's worried about his health.
And also, if it's a small venue, that vape stuff is very overpowering and it does suck to have to listen to, to have to smell it.
It sucks bad. I mean, I've smelled it before and cannot stand it. I mean, it's...
Right. Especially when you use so many flavors mixed together in one area.
Oh, it's so preparing. And also I can feel it hurting my lungs.
Yeah. Do you have the same? Yeah. You can feel it penetrating in there and not doing something good.
So, I mean, I agree with Bruce Dickinson 100%. I'm not a prude.
You know, if it's an outdoor venue and someone's got a little bit of weed or want to do a little vaping in back, I don't give a shit.
But if it's in an indoor venue and it's a smaller venue and you're vaping like all nuts and a couple other people are, it's going to be rather overpowering.
And it's very insensitive, rude, not giving a shit, selfish.
So, anyhow, after the performance MCA concert, the promoter behind the show told Brazilian journalist Igor Miranda that the incident was due to a fan's vape pen accidentally exploding.
They also added that the pepper spray was not used in the concert as Dickinson had suggested at another point.
And this is another show that this happened at.
This isn't the first time the singer had admonished his fans during Iron Maiden's 2022 concert in Athens, Greece.
Dickinson called a fan as a Greek cunt and a fucking cocksucker for lighting a flare in the crowd.
Well, OK, maybe his choice of words wasn't right.
A Greek cunt is probably not a good word to use at all.
But that idiot did light a flare that could have really seriously injured or killed people.
So I understand his outrage, but I think he could have used a little bit different language, right?
Right.
Later that year, he called out fans for smoking weed during an Iron Maiden show in California.
Dickinson said it affected bassist Steve Harris as well as himself.
If you want to get completely stoned out of your fucking mind, go out the back and do it there, he said.
Well, to not be hypocritical, I guess so.
An outdoor venue, like I said, I don't necessarily care.
But you know what? He's having the concert. It's his throat. He beat cancer.
OK, I think I get it. But what do you think, Rob?
His concert, he's the boss.
There you go. You know what? That's a great way of putting it, Rob. I don't know how else to put it, man. His shots.
Yeah, he's the boss. It's his show.
Yeah, OK. All right, hey, we will be right back. And guess what I've got, Rob?
What you got, brother?
Invisible ass paddlings. It's about time, isn't it?
Oh, I'm ready.
Me too. Some people are long overdue and we are going to get to them.
I'm in a frisky mood tonight.
Me too. I'm ready to paddle some asses. What about you?
I'm ready.
All right, we'll be right back with said ass paddling.
I'm going to enjoy Brick Shithouse energy drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Hi, all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North America. You can't touch me.
Oh, yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
The wild violet is an unsung hero. Most people don't realize that the flower can be stewed to make a delicious vinegar for the fresh greens that can be picked in your front yard.
The violet soap can be easily made as well. The flower is full of many essential minerals as well as vitamin A, C, and E. It is literally one of the first super foods.
Two douchebags and a microphone. My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
Rob, you got a neat little story and it's going to be followed up by some invisible ass paddling. So, Rob, be my guest.
I ran another one. Actually, at lunchtime today. Imagine that.
You've heard about all the cicadas coming.
Yeah. There's a way to remedy that.
The cicadas are almost here and that means stow bellies for many animals.
And that includes, could include you.
People have been eating cicadas for centuries.
Let's dive into the history.
Cicadas have been on the menu in ancient Greece, China, Malaysia, Burma, Latin America, and the Congo region.
Cool.
Now, I'll tell you where to find this. This is on Columbia Daily Tribune. Anybody that wants to read it.
It goes in how to safely prepare the cicadas.
But here are six little recipes.
Spicy popcorn cicada.
Think of popcorn shrimp, but just a little buggier.
Pour the bread, some cicadas, and fry in oil until crisp.
Dip in cocktail sauce.
Well, why wouldn't it work, Rob? Right? Why wouldn't it work?
Because I could see it.
Can you really taste popcorn shrimp anyhow? All you really taste is the breading and the oil and the spice.
That's why you fry it. Yeah, yeah. So I could see that.
Okay. Not that I will eat it, but I'm just saying I could see that.
Okay, next.
Actual cicada popcorn.
Who doesn't love popcorn? Everybody loves popcorn.
Cicadas and season with paprika, garlic, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, and a little lime and add a bowl of popcorn and soy with a good movie.
Okay. Yeah. Sure.
Okay, next. Cicada cookies.
All love sweets. Add some protein to your sweets by boiling and finely chopping cicadas.
Add them to your favorite cookie recipe to turn your cookie into a meal. Kind of.
It does make sense. It's just like the lionfish that's destroying the Gulf of Mexico. It's an invasive fish from Asia.
Well, they found a way to combat it. It tastes pretty good.
So they're encouraging everybody to serve it on their menus. That way hunters will go out and gather it.
So this is the same thing. It's like you want to stop the cicadas? Make them a delicacy.
People run out and catch the shit out of them and thin them out, right? Yeah. Yeah, makes sense.
Especially in today's economy. This could help. Yeah, it could. Yeah. Hell yeah.
These next two are some pretty good recipes, I think.
See the price of shrimp anymore? A cicada is free. You go out and grab a couple and fucking deep-fry them. Yeah. Anyhow.
Okay, next up. Stir-fry night.
Stir-fry is a healthy dinner and you can make it even healthier by replacing your protein choice with cicadas.
You can even make a Cajun stir-fry. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Boil the cicadas first and prepare your stir-fry as you normally would.
I wonder how come they have you boil them first. Okay, and all these pan-fried stuff, they have you boil them first.
I wonder why that is. Because you're cooking them again in the skillet.
Yeah, but you want to make sure they're cooked. Oh, okay. Okay, gotcha. Yeah.
Okay, that's what it is. Yeah, that's true. Okay.
Okay, next up. Here we go. Taco Tuesday with a Buzz.
You know where this is going. Yes, I do.
Oil, seasoning, and then fry up some cicadas to make taco night for your family.
Do you eat the wings at all or does it specify?
It doesn't specify. I wonder if the wings burn off. I bet you the wings burn off.
They're really thin. Yeah.
I'm just wondering. Yeah, I have not read the whole thing.
Yeah. But I have one more recipe.
But then I do have to go in. Yeah, there is one other thing I have to mention.
Okay. All right. Okay, next up. Cicada egg rolls.
Why does that sound tasty? That sounds tasty. Why does that sound tasty and nothing else?
Everything else is kind of questionable. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no.
This one takes more effort as you'll need to make your own egg rolls, but well worth it.
Look up your typical pork egg roll recipe and replace the pork with stir-fried cicadas.
Wow. Okay. Okay, now here is a warning. Okay.
If you are allergic to shellfish, you might also be allergic to cicadas since they contain similar proteins.
Well, okay. Okay, you know what?
So if you're allergic to shellfish, you may not want to try.
I'll bet you anything they taste similar to shrimp then.
I bet most bet. I bet they do. They have a shell and the proteins are similar.
I'll bet you there's not that much difference.
I mean, you know, I mean, if anyone that's listened a long time remember my cat burrito story, right?
All right. Well, that night we thought it tasted pretty good until the next day when I thought about it.
And I was like, but I can tell everybody that later after you get done here.
I'll let everyone in on my cat burrito story for the people that have not heard of it.
No, no, that was all I had. Oh, okay. All right. Well, that was the end of that.
I'll bet you this would work because it's in the same category as shellfish and the same type of protein.
So I bet it would work. So, okay.
What I've got here is I'm pretty sure me and my buddy Steve had cat burritos one night, but we didn't think about it till the next day.
We're at this bar down on Southwest Boulevard. I believe it's called the Oasis.
And me and Steve got I thought Steve it was Steve's night to stay sober and Steve thought it was my night to stay sober.
So anyhow, they're kicking everybody out. And I'm like, all right, man, here's your keys. What?
You're driving. Huh? I thought you were driving. Oh, shit.
So anyhow, it's the type of area that Steve didn't want to leave his truck in, you know, so we had to get the truck home at night.
So, you know, if not, we would have called an Uber or whatever, a taxi.
And took that home and been fine. Right. So they were like, oh, shit.
Well, so we're walking towards the truck and there's this guy at the corner selling burritos.
Okay. And he had hot sauce and all this stuff. So I'm like, hey, man, I got an idea.
Let's go over here, buy some of these burritos, get the hot sauce on it, eat it.
And by the time we're done, the hot sauce will price sober us up quite a bit.
So he's like, all right, good idea.
So we go over there and the guy, you know, took a couple of burritos out of the cooler, threw some of that little green sauce on it.
Just burnt the hell out of you. So anyhow, we eat it's really good.
And anyhow, like, wow, that was that was really good. I wonder what meat that was.
And we're like, I don't know, man. So go home at night, wake up the next day.
Talking to Steve, I go, man, that was a weird texture, wasn't it? Like, yeah.
Well, I remember seeing in the in the alleyway there, a little hibachi and a BB gun.
So, is it rat, cat or pigeon burritos? You take your pick.
But I'm pretty sure that's what it was. I could see all three down there.
You got the pigeons up in the highway bridges. Yeah.
Yeah. How much that guy took him and just shot whatever he could, whether it was a rat or a pigeon or a cat, cut it up,
seared it into their hibachi, made the burritos and sold it to idiots like us.
Because after after the fact, we got to thinking there's nobody else buying from him.
Only us. So everyone else knew.
Hey, look, look at Amigo over there. He's buying the cat burritos.
Ha ha ha. And we're like, you know, oh, my God, this stuff is so good, man.
This is so good. So anyhow. All right.
Excuse me. My allergies are horrible. I don't have a cough button.
Everybody is. Yeah, we're too poor to afford a cough button here at two douchebags and microphone talk is cheap studio.
So you're just going to have to hear me cough and gag and wheeze.
So anyhow, like promised a little bit before, we have invisible last palanquin.
That sound good, Rob? Oh, that's awesome. All right.
Well, OK, I'm going to tell the story of this because a lot of people just started listening.
Listenership has probably tripled in the last month, if not quadrupled.
And thank you, whoever spreading the word. Thank you.
Places like Purdue, Canada, Canada, Boardman, Ash Ashland, Des Moines, all you guys.
Kansas City is still doing decent. Harrisonville is off the hook.
You guys tune in so much. Thank you all.
You're getting a promo for every one of you guys, each individually.
We appreciate you guys. So, OK, here's what happened to the new people.
Christopher and I started this podcast a couple of years ago now.
And about four deep, we decided to do an invisible as paddling section.
And this is where people that need as paddling's we turn invisible.
We grab them and we paddle their ass because they need it. OK.
We deem who needs it. And then we go out and seek these individuals out and we paddle their ass.
We use Old Sparky, which is a replica of the one that was used at my high school.
It was a huge paddle with holes in it that hurt like hell.
I know. I've had it administered to me enough times.
Very painful. So this is a paddle that we use, a replica of Old Sparky.
Old Sparky is in the trophy case at Midway High, I do believe, still.
So a lot of bottoms have been really, really affected by that.
So anyhow, with that Old Sparky replica paddle, here's how we started this thing.
Christopher and I was walking along the beach. It was in the morning.
The sun was rising. The slight wind was blowing through our hair and the sun was glistening on top of our hair.
And we were not holding hands, although Rob and his brother keeps swearing we were.
We were not holding hands. We were just simply walking on the beach.
Suddenly...
Listen how you just told that story.
It was a delicate moment. It doesn't mean we had been holding hands.
I could see you staring in his eyes the way you told it.
No, it was a delicate moment. And I stubbed my toe on this bottle.
I'm like, oh shit, oh man. And I fold down. I'm screaming.
And Topher's like, hey, that looks like a genie bottle. I'm like, no, it isn't.
So I get up hobbling around and I go over there and I go, oh shit, I think it is.
Looks just like a genie's bottle. So I uncork it and poof, this genie comes out, right?
So the genie's very condescending. He hates us. You could tell he couldn't stand us rogues.
He's like, ugh, you know.
So anyhow, me and Topher are like, hey, man, we get three wishes.
And he rolls his eyes and he goes, no you don't. You get one wish.
You guys watch too much TV. And one wish and one wish only.
And I suggest you use it wisely. He pretty much said use it wisely, idiots.
So he said like maybe solving world peace, maybe the environment, something, you know.
He said do something that makes a difference.
Topher and I automatically looked at each other and said, we want to turn invisible
so we can ass paddle people that needs it.
The genie looked down at the ground, sighed, very well, I have to give it to you.
He shook his head and he reluctantly gave us that power.
So once a month, Christopher and I can turn invisible.
And now Rob is doing it with me.
So we turn invisible and we hold these people down and we paddle their ass because they need it.
And this is where this list comes from.
So, alright, invisible ass paddlings. They've been on this before and they're coming back
because their tour is winding down and I got to looking at the ticket prices
and it's just fucking astronomical and ridiculous.
The Eagles, as in the band, for ridiculous ticket prices and pricing the average fan out of the venue.
They get it again. I mean, I know I've given ass paddling before.
This time they're going in the Hall of Fame, don't you think?
Alright.
Alright. So anyone that's with the Eagles currently, it's not like Joe Walsh or Glen Fry's gone,
but the people that are with the Eagles currently that decided to just completely fucking fleece the fans
for those outrageous prices, they all get the ass paddling.
So next will be JP Morgan Chase for using existing customer's information, allegedly,
to form a new company, allegedly, and sell said information to sell to, allegedly.
They have a new company, supposedly from what I read, that they are going to be introducing this information to ads.
They're like, okay, well, Mark is a 50-something male, Midwest, so we think he likes trucks.
So they're going to target me for these advertisements and they're going to sell my info the way it sounds like, allegedly.
So they get ass paddling for that.
Okay.
Yep.
I'll do that.
Yeah. Number three, Sean Ono-Lennon and James McCartney, that would be Paul's son and John's son, for putting out music that tarnishes the Beatles family.
Horrible new song. They should have never even bothered. They should have left it alone.
They put out horrible music. It tarnishes all of the Beatles family. They should have left it alone.
I read a story about that today.
Okay. Yoko's garbage is actually worse, but no one wanted to get close enough to her to paddle her.
Understood, right?
Oh, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she might start singing and like, you know, blow your ear down.
I think I might pass on that one.
Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. So, Yoko should have gotten an ass paddling, but no one wants to get close enough to her.
Yeah. We can't handle that.
No. No. So, we left it alone.
Bulls GM Brandon Bean for having a no trade clause in Stavon Diggs' trade request, but then trading to the Chiefs
so we could get this speedy worthy out of Texas who we wanted all along.
And besides that, we don't overpay for receivers. Ask Tyreek Hill.
You know, he's wanting all this money and we got rid of him.
Subsequently, won two Super Bowls ever since.
So, that Brandon Bean thing, it was just stupid to even do that.
We were not going to overpay Stavon Diggs. He wanted a big payday. We were not going to do it.
That is not what the Chiefs do.
Patrick Mahomes makes receivers, not the other way around.
So, anyhow, he gets an ass paddling.
Almost put him in the Hall of Fame, but he needs to fuck up one more time.
If he screws up one more time, he gets the Hall of Fame. Is that agreed?
Agreed.
All right.
Next on the ass paddling list, Chief, no, not Chief, Chef, I spelled it wrong.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, people.
Chef Zach Lamon for coming up with cicadas menus such as apple, almonds, blueberry, vingourette
with roasted cicadas, and Cajun mustard and soy sauce sautee once again with cicadas
and once again, parting rooms with their credit card money.
So, this isn't the same, we talked about we had an article that was similar, right?
It's not the same article.
Yeah.
This is one of the chefs that came up with the cicada menu, and he gets an ass paddling just for doing it.
But whoever did yours, I kind of, I think that that's a little bit more in line, like the popcorn cicada and all that.
So, he doesn't get an ass paddling.
Zach Lamon does.
So, all righty.
Then next, college students that hate America, but then want to pay off America to pay off their student debts.
Hey, idiots, it can't be both.
No.
You know, I could protest for rocks and garner 3,000 college students.
They're that fucking brain dead.
They're that stupid.
They're that big of rubes.
Anyone that says death to America enchants the end of America and then wants us to pay for their college,
fuck you.
Go to Russia and do that.
See how easy that is?
Go to China and do that.
Go to China and protest and then demand they pay off your student loans.
After they behead you, you know, it's fucking ridiculous.
Fuck everyone, you idiots.
Okay, anyhow.
Ticketmaster Live Nation for again astronomical ticket prices and the bullshit dynamic pricing.
Have you heard about the dynamic pricing?
Yes, I have.
Yeah, so they could they could say one day, well, you know what?
This event is coming down to two days away.
Tickets are going really fast.
So we're going to raise it by 100 bucks.
If you want one of these tickets, it was $50.
Now it's $150.
Dynamic pricing is bullshit and Ticketmaster is bullshit.
And I've got a story we'll go into either this podcast or the next about bands that are standing up to Ticketmaster.
And I agree with them 100 percent.
They're trying to find alternative ways of selling venues.
The problem is is Live Nation and Ticketmaster are the same organization now.
They've been bought and Ticketmaster is bought by Live Nation, I believe.
So now they have a powerhouse.
They control it all and it's bullshit.
So allegedly and all that good shit.
Okay.
Cheeseball Man in New York and all the brain dead rubes that watched this idiot for hours.
You knew that was coming.
Cheeseball Man.
People watch this guy eat a whole jar of cheese balls with a mask.
You know what?
Yeah.
Okay.
We're going to get every fan that was there and paddle them to.
How's that?
Okay, not only Cheeseball Man.
Yes.
We're going to get facial recognition from the streetlights and we're going to find every one of them and ask paddle them in the next month.
So.
Okay.
Next.
John Five for even thinking he could fill mixed Mars shoes.
Motley Crue was in the Hall of Fame for their new horrible song Dogs of War.
Is not.
So Dogs of War should be in the Hall of Fame too and Dogs of War their song gets an ass paddling and John Five gets an ass paddling for even thinking he could even start to fill mixed Mars shoes.
Agreed.
Okay.
And the song itself gets an ass paddling.
We're going to figure out a way to take the song and sequester it and ass paddle it.
It's going to be the first time it's ever been done that a song has been ass paddled.
But we're going to figure it out Rob.
I guess I may have an idea to talk about.
Okay.
All right.
Oh, real quick.
Have you had any luck on that silo that Montrose is looking for?
No, I have not.
Okay.
All right.
I just want to.
Those are hard to come by.
Okay.
And then finally.
Oh, I know silos are hard to come from come by anymore.
They don't make them really anymore.
They have the big bands and that's it.
Anyhow, so finally, and you probably would have known this if you listened to last show,
the Korean women that lost hundreds of thousands of dollars to an AI deep fake of Elon Musk.
How stupid can you be?
She gets an ass paddling and she's broke and gets ass paddled.
So we got a trip to North Korea.
That is the end of said ass paddling.
Once again, you're welcome America.
You're welcome.
As part of the obvious people that need it.
And there's a bunch more that I did not get to that's going to be on next month's because
there's a lot of idiots running around out there that deserved ass paddling.
So let's take our second break Rob.
And let's come back with more stuff.
Sound good?
Sounds good.
Alright, we'll be right back.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
I may never know.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
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Hey there fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In Tulupo, Mississippi, a structural steel company built a small bridge to go over a pothole that had been on the road for three years.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey I wonder what the origin of that is?
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That's why we give you The Origin Of.
This is the origin of the Big Mac.
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Hi Rob.
Rob you got a story you want to go into?
Because right after then I have 16 experiences that boomers went through that millennials have no clue about.
Alright, yeah that one right in front of me.
Alrighty.
And this is from our friends at KHMO 1070.
We love them.
We're most in September.
Alright.
Okay, I may like to speed now and then, okay more than I should probably, but I am just going with the flow of traffic.
At least that's what I tell myself, but I have never gone over the speed limit like one motorist did in Missouri.
Okay.
People get speeding tickets all the time but nothing like what's on record as the fastest speeding ticket so far that was given in Missouri.
Okay.
Back in April 2020 the driver of a Dodge Charger was caught speeding over 78 mile an hour over the speed limit.
Wow.
Okay.
I get scared when I go over five miles speed limit, but could you imagine 78.
Now you know why I didn't want that challenger that they ran and gave me the letter on.
I'm like this is too much temptation.
I got you Rob, I hear you.
Go ahead, I'm sorry.
Okay, this driver was caught doing 148 mile an hour on Missouri Highway 65, Pettis County around Sedalia area.
Oh wow.
On average Missourians are pulled over daily for going over 100.
It doesn't say what the drivers' ability was, but I can imagine it was pretty hefty ticket.
Does it say if it was on 50 highway or I-70?
I bet you it's on 50 highway because I-70 you can't really do that.
The truckers have that block constantly.
It was on 65.
Oh okay, that makes sense.
Okay.
Yeah.
65 is a pretty good run there, four lanes, north and south.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, the maximum speed limit is 65.
He was doing 148.
That required jail, didn't it?
You would think so.
I mean that's what I've always heard.
That should actually be a felony.
That's what I'm thinking.
I thought in Missouri after so many miles which he obviously would have hit is a felony
and you go to jail as soon as that happens, as soon as they catch you.
Wow.
Okay then, you know what?
I mean he should have had his radar detector on, right?
I don't even know if they work anymore.
Someone told me that radar detectors don't even work anymore because they have a new system that you can't locate it.
Do you know anything about that?
No, but I've always had a problem with them.
Yeah, I've never had them work with me either.
I was actually sitting there one night.
Cop had me might kick it when my radar detector went off.
What did he do?
Was he laughing?
That's not bullshit.
That was up at like 88th and Blue Ridge.
Oh, okay.
Right up by Loma Vista.
Yeah, yeah.
How fast were you going through that stretch?
Just wondering.
Oh, he got me for like 15 over.
Oh, okay.
Dude, it was like 89.
Oh, I remember my Monte Carlo.
I used to do that all the time.
That was driving slow through there.
Remember my red Monte Carlo?
I used to get all the tickets out.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that thing ran like a striped ass ape, whatever that means.
You know, I'm going to look that up.
What does a striped ass ape mean?
I've got to look that up.
I wonder.
I'll ever report that.
I've been wondering that myself.
Yeah.
I've got to look at some of these little sayings that we used to have, you know, like striped
ass ape and stuff like that, because I wonder if there's actually any origin or if someone
just said that one day and everyone was like, haha, I kind of like that.
So, anyhow, all right, Rob, is that it?
Yeah, that was it.
Wow.
Okay, thank you.
And again, one of our favorite outlets, that's 1070 Sedalia, home of Mozart Fest in September,
which I'm going to be at to watch Glenn Hughes and Head East and a couple other bands.
I mean, that ought to be pretty good.
And Rob might be there too.
You're thinking about attending, aren't you?
And also home of the Missouri State Fair.
Yes, it's going to be excellent.
It's going to be at the fairgrounds at that arena there, that amphitheater that they have,
the outdoor one.
It's going to be there.
Right.
So it's actually going to be on the fairgrounds, but the fair isn't going on in September.
It goes on in August.
So, but it's, you know, it's a three day fest.
It looks pretty cool.
And I'm going to talk about it more coming up.
But anyhow, all right.
Twenty one experiences.
Actually, I narrowed it down to 16 because the other ones were like they were too obvious.
So I just X'd them out.
Right.
Everyone knows.
Okay.
Here is basically I think 16 is what I got here.
Sixteen experiences that boomers went through that millennials have no clue about.
Number one, a Walkman.
How would you explain a Walkman to a Azir or a millennial?
It was a portable tape player that had very primitive speakers and a cord that went from
the tape player to your head.
Yeah.
It was a horrible system now looking at all the Bluetooth stuff and all that.
But it was awesome in the day.
Yeah, it was.
It was great.
And the thing is, everybody could tell what you're listening to.
Horrible on your ears because they were just speakers.
There's nothing cuffed around you.
They're just speakers that were really loud over your ears.
And you walk up and go, hey, man, what are you listening to?
Ted Nugent.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
That's a great song.
You know, so that one, a lot of ones, a lot of millennials and definitely Xeris and Alphas
would have no idea about.
Next one.
Dial up Internet.
How bad did that suck, Rob?
Oh, my God.
First off.
I got up.
Whenever you were online, your phone would, and we didn't have cell phones, your phone
would be busy so you couldn't receive calls.
And it was slow.
Half the time you would try to dial and it would have an error and you couldn't even
connect.
Then the other half the time it was interrupted.
You couldn't hardly watch any movies or nothing because it would stop.
It would buffer Internet radio.
You couldn't, the primitive Internet radio.
You couldn't because it would buffer constantly.
And it really sucked.
Dial up Internet was horrible.
So.
And this back in the Windows 95 and T kind of day.
So anyhow.
Next one.
A fax machine.
What would you call a fax machine?
A letter that sent letter, a machine that sent letters.
It photocopied it and sent it.
Yeah.
That's about the only way you could.
Yeah.
It was a very primitive email.
If you needed something to get somewhere really quick, the only way to do was to find a place
for the fax machine that you could use.
So.
Next one is a floppy disk.
Now how would you describe a floppy disk Rob?
Um.
Um a little.
I don't know.
I always felt like I'm paying the ass.
They were.
They were little plastic disks with a little disk in the middle.
A little like what would be a disk now or a CD-ROM back then.
A very small one.
And a little plastic clip that you pushed into your computer to put information on and
then took it back out.
Really.
Yeah.
They were really bad.
They sucked.
So anyhow be glad.
Look it up.
Any of this stuff just look it up if you have any questions about.
Um.
Phone directories.
Remember the yellow pages?
Yes.
Yeah.
Um.
Phone directories.
There used to be this thing called the yellow pages.
And they sent it to every household in every city that had a phone.
And literally someone in a truck or a van would drive up.
And this big phone book would be thrown out of there.
Hopefully it didn't hit you or your cat or something because it would probably kill you.
This phone book was bigger than any encyclopedia.
And it was in a plastic bag.
And they threw it in your yard.
And then you're going hey hey hey I think the yellow pages are here for this year.
And you run out there and you grab it.
And then this is the only way you could find phone numbers.
Like if you want a number to somebody a residential and you're like hey man what's Chet's number.
I don't fucking remember.
Oh okay let me look.
What's his last name?
I don't know.
Blanket Chet.
Okay.
And then you look it up and go oh there's four of them.
Does he live in Parkville or Gladstone or does he live in South Kansas City?
And then you'd have to do that.
So it was like a really big pain in the ass just to get someone's number.
Oh yeah.
Restaurants.
You had to look through them like RC's down here or Jess and Jim's or Jack's Deck.
You'd have to literally go to the R's.
Okay Reggie.
No no no.
Reginald.
Okay Riley.
Oh hey here it is.
RC's.
You know you'd have to do that.
And there's thousands of pages in these things.
And it was very time consuming.
And it sucked.
So in-house cordless phones.
Remember those?
Yes.
These things were awful.
Because after they had about a couple of months usage on them they wouldn't work as well.
So anytime you tried to get a private call in like you're calling a girl or something.
If you didn't want your parents to hear and you tried to go upstairs or around the corner outside.
It would break up so you have to go back within their listening range.
So you couldn't get anything by them.
You know we used to have code words like me and Davey.
And his mom later on in life told us she knew what our code words were.
She just let us do it because that's you know it was our experiences that we had to go through.
There was these little bitty eight ounce Paps blue ribbons that we got from a liquor store in Martin City.
It's no longer there.
Okay.
And there were 35 of them.
So Davey we knew that his mom would listen in on our phone calls to find out what we're doing.
Davey would go hey Mark you got that 35 cents?
You owe me?
Hang on let me check.
Yeah yeah I got that 35 cents.
Alright cool.
Well I'll meet you I don't know downtown or something.
Okay.
And she later on told us every one of these ones and what they were.
She said I knew what they were.
I knew your code words.
I just had to let you guys go through your experiences.
I couldn't stop you.
You were going to do it one way or another.
But I knew you guys never got over on me.
You knew Davey's mom right?
Yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah she pretty much let us know.
She knew all of them.
So anyhow we had to have code words and all this shit and half the time they knew anyhow.
So anyhow the in house cordless phone sucked.
VHS tape.
It was a huge tape that you stuck in this box a VCR and it would play a movie.
They would unravel.
Also good for slacking your brother upside the head.
Oh yeah oh they were fantastic for that.
Oh if you get them with a corner it would hurt so bad you'd want to fucking cry.
And sometimes maybe I did I'm not admitting to it.
So the VHS tape was a piece of crap.
Half the time they would like get all garbled and scrambled.
And then you try to take them back to Blockbuster and hopefully they wouldn't notice or airway.
Yeah yeah.
You'd be like okay rewind it really quick just enough to where they can't see the garble.
And maybe they won't know we ruined it.
So anyhow half the time worked half the time it didn't.
How about a beta tape?
Beta was supposed to be.
Oh those were garby.
Yes they were they were supposed to be the big hot deal because they were much smaller than a VHS tape for movies.
And you would put them in there but their quality wasn't they just sucked.
And they went nowhere they fell flat on their face.
Yeah VHS took out beta.
Yeah yeah beta went yeah plunk plunk.
Yeah.
So how about the big RCA Victor TVs without a remote.
We were the remote remember.
Oh definitely.
Yeah.
Robbie go over there and turn to channel 5 the news is on.
Yes dad.
Yeah.
Yep yep yep.
Marky get off your ass go over there and turn it to channel 9 the weather is about ready to come on.
Right Rob.
What?
Nothing.
Sure thing dad.
Yeah.
Yep and if not you may got hit over the head with a VHS tape right.
Yeah.
Which hurt like hell.
Just over and reach a dad's chair.
Yes sir oh yeah yeah.
Yep that or the belt.
I was just telling I was just telling the grandson about about how we used to get the belt administered on us.
And I remember really this one we lived in northeast Kansas City and I was just a little turd.
OK.
And I was the only one with my mom because the two elders were in school.
I wasn't quite in school yet.
I was like four or five.
I do all this stupid shit and my mom would get so fed up she go.
Wait till your dad gets home Marky.
I'm like oh shit.
Oh man I took it too far.
Oh my God.
I'm going to die.
It's over.
It's done.
Oh no.
OK.
So all day I do this like I don't know midday and then I had till 430 to think about.
It and distress about it.
OK.
So all right.
If I couldn't talk her out of it and be nice and talk her out of having my dad belt me.
If it was absolutely going to happen I used to look through the curtains in the front and when he pulled in the driveway I would rate the look on his face.
If it looked like he had a horrible day at work and his boss punked him all day I knew I was going to get murdered and I'd be over their mom.
Dad's already mad.
He hadn't even come in here yet.
Please please please man.
I swear I won't do that again.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Please mom please.
He's going to kill me.
Look at the look on his face.
He's already mad.
So sometimes it will work.
Sometimes it wouldn't.
Sometimes like no no no you're going to get murdered.
And I come in and I hear that I'd be in the other room and I hear a little Marky did and all of a sudden you hear that sigh.
What did little Marky do?
And then next thing you know you hear the door crack open in your room and you're toast.
So anyhow.
I forgot how I got the other remote.
Twice a day mail.
Remember when mail used to run twice a day?
No I don't.
You don't remember that?
That was back in the days of the milkman.
The milkman ran twice a day and so did the mail.
Okay I remember the milkman but I don't remember the mail being twice.
It was.
It used to be twice a day and then they went it to once and now it's like whenever you're lucky enough to get it.
Yeah.
Here's one for you that's really odd because as up to 15 years ago I was working in Broken Arrow Oklahoma on a job and they still had smoking in the cafe.
Because that little town that was next to Broken Arrow that the cafe that we went to allowed smoking in public places still.
And this is like 15 maybe 17 years ago something like that.
And we'd go in there to get like I don't know our chicken fried steak or something and the place would just reek of smoke.
And people like smacking their dentures and smoking I don't know fucking Lucky Strikes or whatever Winston or whatever.
And oh man.
But people used to smoke in public everywhere movie theaters restaurants cars everything.
Everything used to just be all smoke filled all the bars used to be all smoky.
That's something that the younger generation would not get.
Wow people used to smoke like in here.
Yeah this movie theater.
So next one paper maps at gas stations.
Remember you'd be headed out towards the lake or Arkansas or wherever.
And be like man I better go into the Sinclair here and grab a map because I'm not quite sure what road we turn on we turn on F or we turn on Z.
You know that we have to go in there and get a map and then come out there and start looking over it all figure out where we're at all that.
OK we're near Centralia.
So OK let's see let's look over here.
OK here we are.
This is a corner Z and F you know.
So hey that's all for me.
Oh Centralia.
Yeah yeah it's not too far.
The next one.
Now they may remember this the younger ones because they're still there still are some pay phones pay phones.
You used to have to that if you were lucky you found one that you could pull your car up to and then roll down your window and talk from there.
But everybody used to stick their face up to that receiver and spit all over it.
It was so nasty and half the time the receiver would be broke because someone's mad at somebody and smashed it against the phone.
Anyhow I'm glad there's no more pay phones those things sucked.
OK and then finally.
Oh yeah yeah that happens a lot too.
Hey watch this.
And then your car broke down and you're like oh good there's a pay phone I got a quarter you go up there and the receivers missing motherfucker.
So yeah and then finally the Cold War era.
The Cold War era was particularly scary because it wasn't actually a war.
It was a bunch of chest puffing and threatening and everybody in America was on ease.
They were building bomb shelters selling them.
People are swearing up and down that we're going to end up in a nuclear holocaust with Russia which may still happen.
But this is back in the 60s and 70s and people were literally skilled scared to death because the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Russia and I think it's Brezhnev and all those guys threatening us constantly and us threatening them and you know it's a pretty scary time in America.
So anyhow that's what I got.
I think we're running pretty late here aren't we Rob?
Yeah yeah we are getting there.
Alright you got anything you want to cover before we put a bow on this bitch and call it good night?
Not actually I'm good I'll save the rest for next time.
You know what I got a bunch of stuff for next time too we didn't get two so anyhow everybody thank you for listening.
Have a fantastic night.
Keep telling your friends it's working.
It is working.
Our numbers are just going nuts.
So thank you.
Good night.
Hi
Yep hi Opal, hi Jimmy, hi Ricky.
Love you guys Dodge City Kansas.
Ra Ra.
Half the town's listening.
Three of you.
Love you guys.
Matt Dillon.
Ra Ra.
Have a good night.
Good night assholes.
Oh no looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not assholes they'll be back invading your ear holes soon.