And now it's time for the daily douchebag pledge.
Two douchebags and a microphone pledge.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the
show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show
from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good
the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage
of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong.
At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys.
We can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
We talk.
We listen.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Why can't I just buy a can of thin paint?
Why do I always have to go buy paint thinner?
Hmph.
I may never know.
Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
In New York, 500 ballerinas break the ballerina dancing record of all time.
Jam X. What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them.
At the feet.
Spoke for you.
Hunk the man.
Hunk the system.
What the hell happened?
The generation of angst.
The generation of noncompliance.
Is now buying a boat.
You're really fed up to kill someone dangled a dollar near you.
Great job, Xers.
Everything's ruined.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Hurry up.
King Jong Un is playing Santa at the mall again this year.
Yay.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
Hey Rob, how's it going tonight?
Oh, guys are going awesome, actually.
Life is good right now, brother.
I can tell.
You sound joyful.
Not frustrated anymore.
You sounded really frustrated there for a while.
And I think you know you did too.
Well, for the last year, I've been working on myself.
And this podcast has really helped me through that.
And now I have found something to move on.
But I'm still doing this.
I'm still working.
I'm still podcasting.
But I happen to have a girlfriend now.
Yeah, you know, I'm married and I still love the podcast.
I mean, you know.
Right.
And she knows.
No, I told her from the get go.
I said, I want you to know.
You have to not only share me with my best friend so many hours a week, but you have
to share me with the world.
That's cool.
She has worked with me and she said, I think I could do that.
So perfect.
She knows.
Perfect.
This podcast means a lot to me, you know.
I know.
I know it does.
And I'm glad it does because it means the same to me.
I love doing this and we'll see where it goes.
We're having some severe weather around here in Kansas City tonight.
If the sirens start blaring, you guys won't know because I'm putting this bitch on pause.
But Rob will know because I'm going to tell him I'm going outside to see if I see the
motherfucker.
If it's really close, I'm jumping downstairs.
And if not, then I'm going to sit here and try to watch this bitch from wherever angle
I got.
So we'll announce it on the next podcast because he has all the equipment at this point.
I can't tell you what he's doing.
So I'll be on pause.
I'm hitting the pause button.
Just like everybody else.
I'm hitting the pause button and hopefully the power does not go out.
And that's it right there.
The good thing is I know Mark.
Mark ain't no punk.
He'll sit there for a while.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
So we have to get mom and Val out.
Well, okay.
Val is away on a task right now.
So she's, she is not driving in it now.
She's where she's at the place that she's supposed to be right now.
So that's cool.
I think it's not too bad around the Casey Metro right now.
And hopefully it doesn't turn that way.
But there was some tornado warnings out towards Topeka and then out just north of Lawrence
getting dangerously close to our area when it gets to Lawrence.
Yeah.
So it's closer than the 435 loop.
Do what?
Yeah, it could run a little north.
Okay.
Cool.
I think the worst part of it is a little bit north.
Yes.
But anyhow, it's so far so good.
We're going to keep doing what we're doing.
So like I said, you guys won't know until the next podcast or no, no, no, you'll know
on this podcast because I'll come back and unpause it and go, all right, Rob, let's go,
man.
Tornado is gone.
So unless it wipes us out.
Yeah, but at that point, Rob worked today and Rob may be snoring.
Okay.
Then you know what?
But there's always a chance.
Because I'm sitting down here, it's beautiful, dude.
This isn't going to reach you.
It's going to stay beautiful down there tonight.
We're still like 78 degrees.
It's not a cloud in the sky.
We made it like 83 or 84 today and it's very muggy and windy.
So, you know, no wonder some stores boot up.
So anyhow, you know, if it wipes us out, then all bets are off.
Okay.
You know, then I'm looking to rebuild everything.
So, you know, I guess you'll get a pocket podcast then.
Right.
When people record on their cell phone with what is that anchor or something like that.
There are.
Yeah, they are called pocket podcasts.
And I was going to do that on the ship when I was on a cruise with Rob.
But I cannot figure out how to do the anchor app and then go to two way calling to record them both.
It will record me, but it will not record Rob.
So you did not get one while I was on the cruise.
So until I figure that out or come up with a smaller tablet that can handle the software that I have to use,
I won't necessarily need earphones.
The noise you get is noise you get.
And, you know, I have to clean it up a bit.
I have to clean it up a bit.
But hopefully the next cruise we take, which will probably be next year sometime,
because I think later on this year we're just going to do an all inclusive or something.
So hopefully I'll be able to have a smaller tablet that will handle that because they're getting to where tablets are getting smaller.
That can handle more of the software that I have to do to make this podcast.
So anyhow, we'll see where we're at.
And, you know, and I even forgot how this all originated.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If we get wiped out, then I'm going to podcast for that's right.
OK, so all right, let's just go ahead and begin.
So, Rob, you ever hear about cheeseball man?
No.
There's probably no reason in the world you should hear.
Making me a little hungry here though.
Yeah, cheese, cheese balls are great.
Oh, God, yeah.
You're talking about good eating.
I love cheese.
Cheese is awesome.
Cheese loves you, Rob, and cheese loves me.
Cheese loves everybody.
Osiola cheese.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, my gosh, that shit is good.
Anyone that does not know that doesn't live around Missouri.
And if you live around Missouri, you probably do know about Osiola cheese.
It is getting near what, the tip of, is it that Truman Reservoir or is that like in the
Missouri?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the southern edge of Truman.
OK, yeah, Osiola is.
Well, it's not the middle of Truman actually.
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of.
Then you go a little further and you go a little, what is it, east?
A little east.
And you head back to Palm Duterte.
Yes.
So, yeah.
Osiola, Missouri is a big Amish and Mennonite area.
And they do fantastic cheeses that they take to this Osiola cheese company.
And if anyone is interested in it, look, they're not advertising here.
And I doubt the Amish would never probably advertise on one, a podcast which is from
the devil and two, two douche bags from the microphone, which is definitely from the
devil.
Agreed?
So, what does that say on this?
Yeah, definitely.
It just said I've been going there for almost 40 years.
Oh, it is fantastic.
It's a great place.
So, anyhow, we're telling you this.
There's no benefit in it at all.
You know, we're not.
No, they have no clue we're talking about.
No, no, I guarantee you they do not listen.
So, anyhow, Osiola Cheese, looking up online, I think they're online.
I mean, I don't know.
They're Amish.
Maybe they're not.
So, maybe we'll look.
No, they're not.
Because they have a hot rod.
Oh.
It sits out front.
They take the coals, shows.
Do they buy their cheese from the Amish then?
Is that it?
I'm guessing they buy the cheese from the Amish, but the people are actual people.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah, no, they have a street rod, like a panel rod type thing that is decked out, customized.
Yeah, they go to shows and stuff with it.
Oh, okay.
Well, then, you know.
Oh, and anybody, and I don't know about now, but the last time I was there for years, they
carry the Watkins product.
Like Watkins saws and all that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, which is, yeah.
Which is, yeah, I grew up with my mom and dad.
I wore the Watkins saws.
Very old product line.
Very quality product line.
Anyhow, if you don't know about it, just look it up.
That's a cool thing, too.
Right.
So, Oceola Cheese and the Watkins product line, both of them.
So, Cheeseball Man I was talking about.
Yeah.
This happened in New York City.
A masked guy enamored a huge crowd by eating an entire huge jar of cheese balls.
I'm not kidding you.
He has a mask on, he's an unknown person, and he enamored thousands of people in New
York by eating, you know, those big jars you get at Walmart or wherever of cheese balls.
Yeah.
He ate one of them.
So, I guess to these people in New York, that's a big deal.
We call that a Friday night around here, right?
I'm looking at one of the big cheeseball jars right now.
That's my change jar.
Everybody has one of their change jars.
I'm looking at it as you're talking about this.
Yeah.
So, this is a Friday night.
So, the thing I got is this right here, man.
Look, okay.
We have some people in New York listening, and thank you very much, and we like you guys.
Yes.
We all like to have a little rivalry with you guys and make fun of you and all that.
So, you guys fancy yourself as the intellectuals.
Especially your football teams.
Yes.
You guys are high brow, and we're low brow here in Missouri.
Bunch of dirt-footed hillbillies, right?
Okay.
Yeah.
We're not watching some asshole on the corner eat a fucking jar of cheese balls.
Let me remind you that, okay?
So, you tell me who the Neanderthals are.
Just saying.
In Missouri, the cheeseball eaters do it in private.
Yes.
We do not.
We don't feel like giving anybody cheeseball envy.
We're more conscious of people's feelings than that, right, Rob?
Yeah.
Okay, Rob, save this program.
I'm turning it over to you.
Okay.
I'm going to bring a little story about Lake of the Ozarks here.
All right.
And this is a monumental day.
Actually, that's how the story starts out.
Actually, that made the news up here.
That made the news up here, Rob.
So, go ahead.
Yeah.
It's a monumental day at Lake of the Ozarks, especially for those who are in the habit of using the community toll bridge.
The day the gates are removed and it's clear sailing back and forth over the bridge.
Where the community bridge transportation development district is going to lift the gates a little bit before lunchtime.
As part of the ceremony that's going to begin at 10 a.m.
And this is tomorrow, May 1st.
And then it's going to be a free use facility.
Says MoDOT Central District Area Engineer Danny Roguer.
He tells KRMS News while the bridge will be free, the posted speed limits are not expected to change right away.
Okay.
We're 50 miles an hour on the bridge.
Okay.
And when you approach the toll booths, it reduces to 35 and it's going to remain posted at 35.
As long as we don't see any safety concerns or issues with congestion or traffic issues.
Okay.
The ceremony at 10 a.m. marking the transition of the bridge being free to use will feature several different speakers and be held at J.B. Hobe's parking lot.
Okay.
Okay, but I'm telling you, I know the toll bridge.
Uh huh.
Anyway, if they just lift the arm, you're not going 35 through there, dude.
You're going to want to slow down.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Okay.
But no, the speed limit is the same.
Okay, cool.
It's free now.
Yeah, that's a cool thing.
They actually honored what they said they were going to do.
Once it was paid for, they said it's going to go to being free and it's paid for.
They brought it to being free, so I commend them for doing that.
Excellent.
The funny thing is, this old bitch should have been paid for 15 years ago.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, that's a different story.
Okay, all right.
Well, all right.
I didn't know that.
Rob?
But it's going to save everybody now.
Good.
Rob, a thousand dollar investment in Coca-Cola 10 years ago would have yielded over 300,000
today.
Isn't that something?
Yeah.
10 years ago, if you had an extra grand.
And you can do this right now.
I mean, people are wondering about gold and all that stuff and everything, but here is
what I've always said.
If shit hits the fan, what's worth more?
A can of beans or a little bar of gold?
What are you going to eat?
If shit hits the fan, are you going to sit there and look at this shiny gold and not
eat?
No, you're going to do whatever you can to get that can of beans to eat and stay alive,
right?
Yeah, everybody is.
Yeah, I think people are missing the point.
You couldn't even take that gold and trade it off because nobody's going to be able to
afford it.
No, I mean, if it's that bad, gold's not going to do anything at all.
Unless you're going to take that bar of gold and trade it for a can of beans.
Which you might do.
You might very well do if you're hungry enough.
So, okay, this is, you know, people investing gold.
Gold is only good as long as we have some sort of a system that it's worth something.
I mean, other than that, I mean, you know, people are walking around starving.
No one's really going to give a shit about that bar of gold.
So, anyhow, this is my opinion, mine only.
So that's what I think.
That's the way I think.
So I think you're right.
I agree with you and that's my opinion.
Okay.
So anyhow, a thousand dollar investment.
So there are several, you know, companies that are doing well and have a lot of upside.
You just got to find out what is really doing well, you know.
And anyhow, I thought this was pretty interesting.
I read this article in Fortune.
I was like really kind of impressed with it.
Over 300,000 a day, a thousand dollar investment.
Now, I've had people, I've talked about this with friends of mine.
And I've had people go, well, how come my portfolio didn't yield that?
I have stock in Coca-Cola.
Okay.
It balances out with the losses and the gains.
Okay.
I'm talking about if you had this thousand dollars just in Coca-Cola stock, how much it's grown.
Okay.
But people don't hedge their bet on one stock.
It's foolish too, right?
Because if you put all your beans in one pod and that pod goes to hell, you lost all your beans, right?
Exactly.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm talking about right here.
And it was a really cool article.
But, you know, I mean, if you can find out what everything, what is going to be the need for the next 20 years, you're on to something.
And I mean need.
Not, you know, not pleasures.
Not something to occupy your time like TV shows or whatever, you know, something of substance that's going to help generations in the future.
That's what you're looking for right there.
Okay.
So anyhow, that was pretty cool.
I read that and I was like, you know, so anyhow, let's see.
Did you know that Rob, okay, this is another thing too I wanted to go into.
This is kind of a weird program because I'm jumping around here.
I have a sheet of stuff that I want to do, right?
But some of the stuff I'm not feeling like talking about and other stuff I am.
So, okay, this may be a little bit more of a serious program for some reason.
I don't know why.
It's just my feeling right now, right?
Or who knows, man, we might start telling a bunch of dick jokes here in a minute.
But do you know?
Yeah, you never know about that.
You never know.
Okay.
So whenever people are on vacation, a fifth of the people are already going on to their next vacation.
They're already planning it.
And that's true because I do that too.
I'm one of those fifth people.
I was in Key West, I think it was, a couple years ago.
And I'm like, man, I got to go back in a couple days.
This sucks.
I want to stay here.
This is beautiful.
I love it.
I love the weather.
Let's bring everybody I know and love down here and we can just relocate here and always get these thoughts and everything,
but then always end up back here because all the family's here.
So anyhow, I did this in Key West.
I was on the beach and I was like, man, I'm not waiting a year to do this again.
I want to, and this was, I don't know, maybe September, something like that.
So I booked Fort Lauderdale.
Let's see.
Shit, what was it?
It was like in September, October, November, December, January, February.
Okay.
I booked Fort Lauderdale in February the next year while I was on the beach.
And the reason is because people have this thing about being on vacation where you want to stay there longer than you are.
And I get it because I'm one of those people.
Oh, everybody does.
Everybody does.
Yeah.
So I get what people do.
And anyhow, people are like, well, really a fifth of people.
I'm surprised it's that low.
I would think that 90 percent of the people on vacation are already dreaming or planning their next getaway.
Wouldn't you say so?
Yeah, but at the same time, I could see a lot of people thinking about, okay, this vacation's over.
It's time to go home, time to get back to the normal, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
I could see that.
And a lot of that in me.
We'll worry about the next vacation later.
Yeah, you know, and I get that too.
And here's another problem with me, though, is because I'm enrolled in all these different travel deals, right?
My phone tells them I'm on vacation because I know where I live.
My phone tells them I'm on vacation.
So what do they suggest?
Another vacation.
So Priceline will send me a deal.
Booking.com will send me a deal.
Some other travel entities will send me a deal because they are going to, you know, they're like, oh, hey, Mark's on vacation.
He wants to stay on vacation.
So, hey, let's get him now.
So anyhow, I thought that was interesting.
And I also thought that that was, you know, anyhow.
OK, sorry.
Sorry, I just got a text.
And anyhow, it was something I'm getting ready to go into is from Davey.
You know, Davey, Davey.
Yeah, we're talking about the New Motley crew.
And I will tell you said hi.
I'll be listening.
You'll hear me personally.
OK, I'll tell you to listen.
So, you know what?
Before we go to break, let me go ahead and do the review of the New Motley since Dave just sent me a thumbs up.
Dave just sent me a thumbs down on the New Motley.
He said he hates it and I was driving.
And and Snyder hates it.
And but Joe loves it.
And I liked it at first.
And then I listened to it a couple of times.
I was like, no, this is garbage.
So anyhow, here's my review.
OK, the new song is called Dogs of War.
And it's a I generated.
It's an AI generated video.
And it's all them with like prosthetic limbs and stuff like that.
It's really kind of odd.
So anyhow, anyhow, I'm not even going to waste time describing that piece of garbage.
The only reason these idiots even record anything anymore, including this abortion, is so they can kind of legitimately tour again.
They go, well, we got a tour. We just got a new song out.
That way people aren't going, well, weren't you supposed to retire in 2014, you fucking assholes?
You know, that's why people, you know, the the the video is the entire video is AI.
Like I said, my opinion, AI could have wrote a better song than this.
You know, it's it's kind of like this.
Vince Neil is a fat oaf.
And it's a little bit.
McMars. So, but I don't know.
It's got to be those guys working together, though, because McMars is album was OK at best.
This Motley song is horrid.
So there's something about McMars working with Nikki Sixx and and and probably Tommy Lee, too.
You know, there's something about those three that core people working together.
They used to have some sort of magic that could do great songs, but they obviously lost that over the years.
So even with McMars, I have I had no no assurance or no faith in them coming up with a good song ever again,
because they have not shown this in a long time.
So anyhow, this this is no different.
And it's just garbage. It's just garbage to placate people, in my opinion, so they can tour again,
even though they swore it and they and they were tired.
And no, we're not like those other bands. We're not lying.
We're never going to be back. This is it.
Here's the contract. And what are they?
They've been touring for fucking three years now.
So anyhow, let's take our first break, Rob.
And we'll come back.
I'm sure you got some stuff. And guess what I got my hands?
What emails? Oh, can't wait.
Yeah. So actually, there's one.
There's a couple I've been waiting to hear from.
So, yeah, you're going to hear from at least one of them.
I know that you're waiting for.
So, all right, we'll be right back, guys.
We'll talk to you in a minute.
Oh, shit. What's that over there?
Oh, no. It's Island of Horrible Jokes.
The difference between a numerator and a denominator
is a short line.
Only a fraction will get this.
Hey, look. I think we found land.
Oh, my God. I think we're safe.
Oh, no. It's the Island of Horrible Jokes.
Oh, my God.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosaur.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in.
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Now it's time for pick-up lines from a loser.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fine apple.
What, what, what, what?
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series,
we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an apocalypse,
and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you
the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic
usually might have milky white sap,
thorns, spines, or fine hairs,
or leaves or stems,
pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds,
stems or trunks that have an almond scent,
three-leafed foliage growth,
also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor,
foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
Now, from this underground bunker in Camden, Missouri,
stocked full of dried guts, canned food,
and a couple of vibrating toys,
and some ramblings of a madman featuring raw bread.
When everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong office.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of...
This is the origin of beer.
The first beer in the world was brewed by the ancient Chinese
around the year 7000 BC.
It is known there as Kui.
In the West, however, the process was recognized
as beer brewing began in the Mesopotamia
at the Gadan Tempent settlement
now in modern day Iran between 3500 and 3100 BC.
It's not entirely clear whether he had a light version
or even a craft beer version of this.
Just saying.
Swimming in toxic masculinity
and wiping their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in...
3...2...1...
...
Two douchebags in a microphone.
I'm the Mark portion of it.
And I'm the Rob portion.
Rob, let's go ahead and go into a story you want to do
because I'm going to take up some time with these emails.
I got a few of them.
So, be my guest.
Alright, I'm going to get a pullback up here.
On the break. I probably went bright.
So...
Uh, okay.
Okay, this...
I'm going into the wrestling world, okay?
This is not a Rob's Wrestling Roundup, but it should be.
Uh, the WWE Draft continued on this week's episode of Money Night Raw.
And Logan Paul announced the second round draft picks alongside I Show Speed.
Mm-hmm.
Who came out at WrestleMania.
Um, as they were announcing the picks,
it was confirmed that Braun Strowman had been selected for Raw,
which Braun Strowman is coming back from a neck injury.
He's a big bad dude, man.
He's a big bad dude. That's all I can say.
Uh, and that...
After announcing the draft picks,
Logan Paul called out Jey Uso.
And Jey was then ambushed by Logan Paul,
Ben Bauer, and JD McDonough,
which Ben Bauer and JD McDonough are part of Judgment Day.
Uh-huh.
Here's where it gets interesting.
Okay.
Patrick Mahomes gave Logan Paul three Super Bowl rings,
and he tried to punch Jey Uso with the rings.
As JD McDonough was restraining him,
Logan ended up hitting McDonough instead by accident.
Braun Strowman then made his way down to the ring to make the save for Jey Uso,
and he took out Ben Bauer and Logan Paul escaped.
Braun Strowman then got in the face of Patrick Mahomes.
Mm-hmm.
But Jey Uso told him to back down.
Jey Uso and Braun Strowman then celebrated together as they made their way to the back.
I wanted to see, um, Roger Goodell come out there in tights and fight for Mahomes.
Go, you can't touch my golden boy.
That ain't great.
Uh, that ain't gonna happen.
He come out with some numb chucks and start beating the shit out of us.
That ain't gonna happen. That ain't gonna happen.
He accidentally hits Mahomes and paralyzes him.
He's gonna send out the whole NFL.
He's gonna get himself through there.
Just saying.
Oh, yeah, touch football. Yeah, flag football.
Anyhow, go ahead.
That was it. That was it on him.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I saw that.
But yeah, I, I, I, I, I heard you'd appreciate since Patrick Mahomes got involved.
Uh, yeah, I thought it was really cool because, uh...
I just don't, same jumping on Lovan Paul's side, uh.
That's what's weird.
Well, that's the way, that's the way wrestling works.
You know, Patrick Mahomes is kind of like...
I'm a golden, he's a golden child everywhere else.
He's probably like, man, let me be a villain.
You know?
And then I could see Travis Kelsey coming in and being a villain too.
But, I mean, really, I mean, the whole story and everything was cool.
It, it brought a lot of excitement.
You know, Mahomes just did that time, he was on the cover of Time Magazine, you know?
He was one of the most interesting people in the world.
Okay, so, I mean, he's already been uber popular.
He's more popular now than ever before.
He has three Super Bowl rings. He isn't even 30 yet.
He is the phenom of the last, I mean, there's Tom Brady.
And now it's Patrick Mahomes.
Mahomes is like the big deal.
He's the guy that is defining what everybody at NFL wants to accomplish, wants to do, wants to be.
Okay?
So, it only makes sense that the WWE would capitalize on it
because they've been doing this for a long time now.
Right, right.
So, anyhow, I thought it was cool just to see him there.
And then the Super Bowl rings and hitting the people with them and all.
I mean...
Yeah.
I mean, it was cute, but those were not his real Super Bowl rings, I guarantee you.
Oh, you know they were. You know they were.
So, anyhow, it was cool though.
Them Tom Bages are locked up.
Oh, yeah, yeah. He didn't bring them there.
So, anyhow, like I was saying...
Those were like... I have one Patrick Mahomes Super Bowl ring.
Yeah, it ain't weird near that.
No, no, no. I'll tell you what. It's probably locked up with armed guards at his house.
So, anyhow...
He's got like four or five Doberman Pinschers around it, you know.
Yeah.
So, yeah, yeah. That's not going to go to WWE and punch someone in the face with it and get blood all over it.
No.
Yeah.
So, anyhow.
All right. Let's... This weird little program we got today, let's go to emails.
Want to go to emails? Maybe it'll straighten us up a bit.
Yeah, let's go to emails.
I don't know, man. I'm just... This is going to be a weird one when I listen back to it, I think.
What do you think?
It's going to be interesting. That's all I got to say.
Hey, it's free.
Let's hear what the fans have to say.
We will.
Okay. Emails.
Hey, guys. Really appreciate you never getting political.
We all need an outlet with adult-themed humor.
Nate in Des Moines. Yes. Yes. Yep. Thank you for...
That's what it is.
I love hearing that because I have people that I know, that I consider friends, going,
hey, this is going on right now. You really need to report on this.
I'm like, you know what? There's people much smarter than me reporting on it.
Especially on the internet, you know.
There's people a lot more qualified than myself to report on stuff like that.
And you know who they are.
And you can go there and find their stuff relatively easy.
You know who they are.
So, you know, we're just like... We're just dumb humor. That's what we do.
And I'm glad that Nate appreciates it.
And I think Boardman jumped in front of Des Moines as their number one market now.
Boardman, Oregon...
Wow.
Yeah. Yeah.
But you see this...
Like I said, I have not looked. I have not looked.
Rob, when you go there to the map, it's a shooting range.
I looked.
Boardman's shooting range.
I looked two days ago.
Okay. Boardman's shooting range is listing.
That's where the pings are coming from, around that area.
Wow.
They're like shooting off rivals and listening to us, which I'm all for.
So that's awesome.
Oh yeah, definitely.
So, Boardman, great job. Des Moines, we still love you.
I'm working on some promos to thank our main markets.
So... And Kansas City must be tired of us.
We're kind of dwindling in Kansas City. I guess they don't give a shit.
I even did that great promo about We Talk Kansas City.
You know, the little spoof of KY We Rock Kansas City.
I was very proud of it.
What'd it do? No? Nuh-uh. People are like, no thank you.
No. Nope. Nope.
I'm getting douchebags here. So, all right.
Next one. Douchebags.
How is Christopher doing?
I haven't heard an update on him in a while.
Well, I actually talked about last podcast.
We had coffee and we sat in our magical spot and bullshitted for a long time.
He is doing well. He's doing very well.
He is very supportive and hyped up about the program, like always.
It's just that he does not choose to have this outlet for a lot of different reasons.
And I support him 100 percent.
And he's a great guy and he still has some creative stuff that he gives to me.
And it's great. He'll throw me some stuff online or if I'm in person, he goes, hey, how about this?
How about that?
So, Topher is still a part of the program, although you don't hear him.
He has a lot of influence and he also does the tiebreakers of the Harry Asshole Olympics.
And anything else that we have a tie on, we give it to him.
Oh, oh, oh, did we ever announce the winner?
Oh, no, we didn't.
I don't think we did.
We did not.
Okay.
And it's been, we've done a few podcasts.
Rob, will you announce the winner right now?
The winner of season four Harry Asshole Olympics is Sasquatch.
Topher reminded me in the text.
He said his Dingleberry game would be epic and beyond comparison to anything else.
And I think he's right the more I thought about it.
I agree.
He sits on logs. He sits on poison ivy.
I mean, he's got, it's all entangled there, you know?
And he gets into garbage probably, so he's got the shits all the time.
So I agree with Topher.
So anyhow, Sasquatch is the winner and he will go against more people.
So next one.
Hey, man.
Oh, in other words, I think I said Topher's doing well.
Thanks for asking about him.
Yeah.
And I know he will enjoy that.
So hey, man, I was just going to tell you I love the new segments like news, news no one likes.
I can literally hear Mark, I think, production getting much better every show.
Jerry and Tupelo.
Jerry, thank you.
I'm trying to get better.
I'm buying programs to get better.
I'm learning this stuff at a little bit at a time to get better.
I know the first ones I did were a little cheesy, but it was so primitive.
Now I'm starting to advance a little bit and I'm starting to do better things.
I'm starting to do more things.
And some of this creativity that I have, I can direct and actually make it sound a little bit better produced.
And so thank you for noticing, Jerry.
I think I'm getting better too.
All right, next.
Do you all have a way of taking live calls?
If so, could your Facebook page let us know when to call in?
Jimmy on a long distance call.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just so you know, Shannon's going to help me with the Facebook page.
Cool.
I'm going to have her help.
Yeah, she already said she will help me.
We're going to set up messenger.
People are going to be able to message and everything.
Excellent.
Well, there you go.
Okay, as far as live call-ins, okay, you'll have to monitor the page.
816-217-7177 is the number.
And we'll have to let you know on the Facebook page because, you know, we don't have a live stream going.
But that is something that we're looking into, of having a continuous loop.
And then just tell the times that we do the show live and you can, you know, tune in there.
So, oh, go ahead.
Because we do have a following on Facebook.
Yes, and we got a lot of them for summary.
We're reaching out.
I just, I take it slowly.
It's just a lot of our followers are people on my friends list.
Yeah, and also.
But we do have other people, like I mentioned.
What was her name?
Capica.
Damn it.
Hi, Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky.
Dodge City, Kansas.
Ra-Ra.
We love you guys.
Thank you for listening.
My favorite season.
Okay, and another Jimmy that just did this email, he was on a long distance Bluetooth from Alaska.
So awesome.
Alaska.
He might be in a naval base is what I'm thinking.
I think he's like in like some sort of an Eskimo listing.
You know, so anyhow.
All right.
And finally, douchebags.
As you know, us here at Montrose were decimated by a large EF 1000 super tornado the other night.
A large, rare 10 mile wide twister with 5,000 mile an hour wind speeds.
Our one and only grain silo was destroyed, Rob.
Destroyed.
I know the silo.
You don't know it anymore.
It's gone.
Oh, shit.
It went to silo heaven.
They're going to be decimated, man.
With only seven structures in this booming metropolis with my math, one seventh of our community was destroyed.
Okay.
Seven structures.
Yeah, seven structures.
Okay.
Yeah, I guess.
All right.
I think your math is close.
Okay.
With tremendous sadness, our civil war enactment and Douchebags Day are canceled.
Oh, talking about- Maybe we'll get up there and help them clean up and get things.
Well, they do have a request, Rob, and I'll get to that.
Oh, shit.
I'm going to get my pen and paper, really.
Go get it, Rob.
Right here.
Write it down.
We are doing this out of respect to our hundreds of pounds of corn that have now been displaced.
We vow to rebuild and we will pay back better than ever.
PS, could Rob look for a green silo?
We are in desperate need of one.
Please and thank you, Willie and Montrose.
Willie?
We've been here for them in a while.
Well, I don't know if the other ones, I don't know if Jeffy and them were hurt in the 1,000 mile an hour, 10 mile wide super EF-1000 twister or not.
I don't know.
So, I mean, he might have been hurt or something.
He might be laid up in the hospital and can't respond.
So, I guess Willie might be-
Actually, you know what I think is going on?
What's going on?
I think Willie is working off his phone data and I think the Wi-Fi is knocked out.
So, I'm thinking Willie is the only one that can get through it because of his phone data.
You know what?
You're right.
That's my opinion.
I bet you you're right.
That's what is going on.
All right, Willie.
I'll do my best to find you a green silo.
Come on, I'm going to need to stop moving the damn thing.
You guys strap this in.
Do you guys have like an extra long trailer maybe to where we can lay this green silo down?
I mean, I don't imagine we could strap it.
You know, we couldn't truck strap it and have it standing straight up because it would probably be very dangerous when-
No, no.
We would have to lay it down.
But I do work for a trailer company.
We do all things.
If you have a lot of yellow and red tape, please donate it.
We're going to need a lot of it to end of the green silo because it's going to be hanging over the trailer a considerable amount.
And we need to warn people coming up on it that it's out a ways, right?
Yeah.
Seeing how it's only a 24-foot trailer.
Yes.
So, Rob, you're in charge of getting a green silo.
All right.
Well, guys, I guess you got-
Well, let me tell you.
If I get this damn green silo, guys, it's a civil war or not, but it better be on.
I agree.
If you get that green silo, it better be on.
And campsite number five better be ready for two douchebags.
I don't think the campsite was touched.
They didn't say anything about the campsite.
And I think Chet's-
Well, they better make sure after this.
Chet's double wide is probably okay because they didn't say anything about-
I'm hoping everybody else is all right.
I really am.
Because, remember, Chet is the one that's going to lend us an extension cord out of his double wide so we can have power.
Right.
Yeah.
So let's hope that Chet is okay and his double wide is okay.
From what I understand, the thousand mile an hour winds only hit the green silo.
So we're very fortunate about that.
But a seventh of the town is decimated and you have hundreds of pounds of corn that are displaced.
So, I mean, you talk about a tragedy, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
On that note, we'll be right back.
We're going to do a moment of silence for Montrose while we're off.
We have to.
Yes.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. Let's see.
If a worm could talk, would it be argumentive?
I may never know.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two deuce lives in a microphone.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist.
I hope he writes notebooks.
Hi, all. This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh, yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
Two deuce bags and a microphone, says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Continuing our quest here at Two Deuce Bags and a Microphone to be constantly funny,
once again we offer you strange insults from an alien.
When you Oatse it from your computer, will your head go so attached?
That's right. Yesterday's technology, today.
It's not radio. It's podcast.
Now we go to the amazing Mark the Palm Raider.
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Mark the Amazing Palm Raider.
First in line, please step up.
Let's see, young lady. I see a long lifeline.
I see success, happiness, love, fortune.
I also see a bit index finger.
Twenty dollars, please.
Two deuce bags and a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the deuce bags get stung by a fork of bees.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the man-shitter accusations.
I'm not the man shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free deuce bag calendar.
Mark off the day with a deuce bag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
Now, from this underground bunker in Camden, Missouri,
stock full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys,
is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rad.
My mechanic told me I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made you one rather.
Good job.
Two deuce bags and microphone. Mark here.
And Rob here.
Alright.
Okay, well, I've got a little story here that's interesting.
You want to hear it, Rob?
Sure. You know I'm always in for interesting stories.
Okay, this one's good.
A South Korean woman lost $50,770 in a romance scam
after she fell in love with a deepfake version of Elon Musk.
Yep. This is not a fake story. Look it up.
Honestly, I bet there's some Americans that's done that too.
Probably. I mean, Elon Musk?
That guy looks like an alien.
Come on. Why would Elon Musk be asking you for money?
Hell, I...
Go into your story. Go into your story.
Yeah. I mean, look at all the idiots that get catfished.
But anyhow, according to an April 19th broadcast on KBS,
that's a Korean broadcast system,
the woman was befriended by a fake of Elon Musk's account on Instagram.
The article did not say if any of her scam money was recouped.
At least she didn't try to romance an AI knowingly like the loser did in a couple of shows ago.
She fell in love with that guy and he still wants to date AI
even after the AI turned him in for all the dick pics and everything.
Went rogue on him. He's still in love. He still wants to patch things up with it.
Just everybody out there, just go back and listen to a couple of shows.
Yeah. So I can say that about her.
She is not knowingly in love with artificial intelligence.
So anyhow, Rob, I turn this whole shit show over to you and good luck.
I think I might have you topped, brother.
Okay.
I'm going back to my new segment because I'm telling you, I got some good ones tonight.
I'm going back to get old Shakespeare.
Oh, good.
I have some good ones. Oh, man, these are good.
Okay. These are Shakespearean insults to take down your enemies and crack up your friends.
And this is a segment I went. This is my third segment right now.
Okay.
Okay. Here we go.
I do wish that were a dog that I might love thee.
Cool.
Ten minutes of Athens, Act Four, Scene Four.
And I'll tell you what, so far out of these what I've read, I'm going to have to watch this ten minute Athens.
That is the best one I think.
Okay. Next.
That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water on a starved snake.
Titus and Drannicus, Act Three, Scene One.
And that's actually...
That kiss is comfortless as frozen water on a starved snake.
Yeah, that's pretty low, dude.
Yeah. These are brilliant.
So, Eddie.
Yeah, this is Shakespeare for you.
Okay. Next up.
Truly thou art damned, like an ill-roasted egg all on one side.
As you like it, Act Three, Scene Two.
It's like...what would you call it? Condescending poetry?
Yeah.
Yeah. I love it.
And he knew you had to make jabs at people. That's all I love about it.
He made jabs at people that certain people may not have caught. You know what I mean?
Yeah. A lot of people would not have caught it.
That's like the greatest insult you can ever do to somebody is insult them without even realizing you insulted them.
Because I used to do it all the time.
Alternative insults.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. That was cool, too. Alternative insults. I always loved that.
So, Eddie, go ahead.
Oh, my God. This one's a rolling.
You straddling, you eel-skin, you dried meat's tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock fish-oe for breath to utter what is like thee.
You tailor's yard, you chef, you vile case, you vile standing cut.
Wow.
That's the words it says. Henry IV, Part 1, Act II, Scene 4. Dude, he was pissed at somebody.
Man. Geez.
Okay. Okay. Next up. Heaven truly knows thou art false as hell.
Okay.
Can you guess which one it came from?
Uh-uh.
Attila.
Oh, cool. Okay. That would make sense.
Act 4, Scene 2. Make sense now?
Uh-huh. Yes, it does.
Okay. Next up. Out of my sight, thou dost infect mine eyes.
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2.
Cool.
Oh, my God.
Okay. Next up.
I'll go another one or two.
All right.
It is the babe as loathsome as a toad.
Oh, my God.
Tyrus and Draticus, Act 4, Scene 3.
Cool.
Next. Like a toad, ugly and venomous.
As you like it, Scene 2, Act 2, Scene 1.
Okay.
Okay. For tonight's final, I must tell you, friendly ear, so when you can, you are not for all markets.
Cool.
Oh, my God.
Okay. As you like it, Act 3, Scene 5.
Very cool. Thank you, Rob.
This must be good because you and I are both laughing at these.
I want to hear from our listeners.
I want to see what they take about these.
Yeah. I would love some emails on this.
To me, this could be a regular segment if you can get enough of them. I would love that.
Well, unfortunately, I only have one more for tomorrow night.
Okay. Well, all right.
Here is something that a study was done.
Boomers versus Gen Z in the restaurant tables.
So you're in a restaurant, right?
Yeah.
And you're eating and you get ready to leave. Okay.
And who do you think leaves the tables in worse condition?
People with kids.
Boomers would not have kids. They would have grandkids. So maybe that's part of it.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay. Well, actually, boomers are a lot sloppier than Zs.
Really?
Yes. They did a study.
And boomers, they talked to, you know, restaurateurs and waitresses, waiters, you know, servers of all kinds.
And they did a big survey and everybody agreed that boomers are horrible at leaving tables.
Like, so in other words, they said one of the things here they said was they'll walk up to a boomer table after they left and there'll be half eaten food.
There'll be like snot rags in the water, you know, like someone blew their nose, put it in the water.
There'll be stuff all over the floor. There'll be stuff all over the table like, I don't know, applesauce, some old pie, some gravy.
But Zers, when they came up to a Z table, all the dishes were stacked neatly to where they could pick it up usually with one load.
And the table was somewhat cleaned up and everything was neat and tidy.
So why do you think that is, Rob? I've got a theory on it, but I want to hear what you think first.
Honestly, I really don't know. I really don't know.
Okay.
What's your theory?
As long as I've been buying my own food at restaurants, I've noticed the older generation above me really despise tipping.
Would that be agreed?
Yeah.
Yeah, they think that tipping is bullshit.
Like, you know what, those people should, the owner charges enough for his food so they should be paying him more and not looking at me to pay this guy.
They should not be dependent on me to pay his salary. That's the way they look at it.
So here's what I think it is. I think the boomers look at it because they're getting a tip that they could just leave it in horrible condition.
That's why they're getting that extra money.
Alright.
So I think Z's...
Yeah, I can see that.
Z's just kind of like think it's just kind of the way it is. They don't question it.
They're like, okay, well, this is part of it. You got to leave some money for the guy giving you the food or whatever.
Okay.
So I think Gen Z's have been accustomed to it and it's just a non thought.
Where I think boomers still hold on to a little resentment, they feel they're paying that guy's wages and that the restaurant isn't paying them anything.
You see what I'm saying?
That's what I think it is.
And I really was not surprised when I read that article. It was a big article.
I decided not to read it because the whole thing goes into stuff that nobody needed to know.
I just told you the bullet points of it and wanted to get your thought on it, Rob.
So anyhow, that's what I think. Who knows what the real reason is.
But it's pretty much unanimous. People agreed that boomers tables were filthy and Gen Z tables were kind of tidy and neat.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I'm getting back to it. You were going into something. I was looking for something. I didn't find it. So I'm going to back up and go into something else.
Okay.
Um, you got something to throw out real quick?
Yes, I do actually. Yep.
Um, the estate of late rapper Tupac Shakur is threatening to sue Drake over a diss track using Shakur's likeness with the help of artificial intelligence.
So, okay, remember our theme of artificial intelligence and how we've been talking about the slippery slope and how it's coming upon us, right?
We're talking about this for a long time now.
Well, now we're starting to see it happen.
The lady that was duped in South Korea out of a lot of money thinking that Elon Musk was real.
That was a deep fake. So now we're talking about another AI that was made of Tupac.
Okay. So last Friday, the Canadian rapper released a diss track on Instagram titled Taylor Made Freestyle, which was directed at Kendrick Lamar.
It uses an AI generated voice of Shakur as well as Snoop Dogg.
The fake voices of the rap giants are heard urging the Compton native to protect the legacy of the West Coast hip hop.
Prominent entertainment attorney Howard E. King is represented Shakur's estate, according to Pitchfork.
In a statement obtained by the site, King called the diss a flagrant violation of Tupac's publicity and the estate's legal right and a blatant abuse of the legacy of the one of the greatest hip hop artists of all time.
So here we go again.
Two stories that I ran across are AI generated and are, well, one of them, I don't know if the lady's got in litigation or I don't think she's probably going to ever get her money back.
But this is litigation actually happening over AI.
Taylor Swift has litigation over AI.
So I see a big pattern here that we went ahead and caught on to ahead of the curve, in my opinion.
So, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, is what it is, right?
Yeah, I'm actually trying to get Taylor shot right now.
I don't know. I'm not dissing Taylor. I'm glad she's suing the people.
Whoever put the fake images of her nude need to be there.
No, no, no, I totally agree with that.
Yeah. So.
We have other issues with her.
And now my new girlfriend's trying to get me to like her.
Well, my only issue is her is throwing out her political influence.
I've never liked. And remissions and all that.
Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
Yeah. But, you know, I mean, I can't deny her talent and her Taylor Swift's talent and her ingenuity on how to make money and how to use her her voice and her image to generate a lot of income.
Very good. She is a business person. Absolutely.
Yes, I will give her that.
And a very good one. So anyhow.
Anyhow, Rob, you had something you want to go into before we turn out the lights on this bitch?
Yeah, I got one there. And this is something for everybody.
Before you go out and pay a tip, here are some tipping habits you may want to review that could be coming off more literally than you expected.
We're just talking about tipping too. So this goes right into it.
Yeah, it does.
First one, you tip on this stomach cost.
If you're trying to make your paycheck search further, you may be going out to eat with coupons or finding other discounts to help you save money.
True.
These could be great ways to lower your bill.
But you should still tip on the pre-discount cost.
And not the final price.
Just to clarify, if it's 30% off, you tip on the 100% of what the meal was worth before the discount.
Exactly. Exactly.
Okay. All right. I can see that. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, next up.
You may have a few quarters of dimes that you think are an easy way to tip on top of your cash.
However, some experts in restaurants and services say it's difficult for workers to deal with loose change in addition to paper cash.
It coins way more and can be easier to lose.
You know, and another thing is, is I think it's degrading to leave change.
You leave real money, as in paper money, up there.
You leave change to me, it's just kind of like an ear, have what's in my pocket.
That's what you give to a client if you want to take the call.
I totally agree with you.
Yeah. Yeah. I just think that that's just low budget kind of.
Okay, next.
It's difficult to know exactly how much you should tip, but 15% is considered the minimum and not the average.
Yes.
Did you know that?
I did know that.
20% is more like the average, and 25% if you really liked the person and thought they did an overwhelming job.
Yeah, it goes on this article and states, servers and other people who rely on tips usually have to do so because they get paid less than minimum wage.
Which is why 20% has become the standard to tip and help workers earn cash.
Uh huh.
Okay, next.
You might bring gifts to your favorite waiter at a local restaurant or baked goods to your favorite hairdresser when you get a haircut.
But cash is still king no matter how friendly you are with different workers.
Plan to pay cash and put a tip on your charge code whenever you're out and start dipping with gifts.
Cool.
Yeah, I agree with all these so far.
Okay.
Next, one of the biggest frustrations you might have is going to a restaurant and waiting for food that takes forever.
Uh huh.
Are you ready to list them?
I think I know what it's going to say, but go ahead.
However, the delay could be out of your servers control.
Servers are not responsible for the kitchen or behind or staffing issues.
Remember to still give them a tip and don't use what they'll only tip as a way to punish workers for things they don't have power to change.
Okay, and I've got a little tip for people if they're wondering here.
Okay, number one, look to see how many people this server is serving.
Lots of times waiters and waitresses do not show up for their shift.
It's a very fluctuating deal.
People don't stay at it very long.
They don't consider it a real job.
They're hung over.
A lot of times they don't show up.
They call in because they don't really care if they keep the job or not.
So number one, you look around the whole restaurant and see if that poor woman is serving the whole damn restaurant and the bar.
If she is, give her a break.
Number two, if you can see the partial kitchen or the full kitchen dependent on the establishment and you can see your food sitting up there.
You're like, man, I just ordered the linguine and there's linguine and Val here ordered the mushroom burger and there's a mushroom burger up there.
And then I don't know, some friend ordered the, I don't know, eggplant parmesan.
It's all sitting up there and she's like sitting there talking, you know, at the bar to some guy.
Then yes, you should be like, hey, but most of the time that food is not there and they're waiting for it because the restaurant inside the kitchen is short staffed.
So remember these little tidbits when you go and you into a restaurant before you get mad at the server.
Like you said, Rob, like this article said, it's not always, most of the times it's not the server.
Most of the times it's short staffed everywhere else.
So.
Anyhow, you got more?
Okay. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, there's a few more here.
Okay.
Next up, you can't afford the tip.
It could be frustrating to make dinner at home every night or drink beer with your friends in your backyard and stay going to a bar.
But make sure you budgeted for tips before you go out and consider staying in or finding ways to save more cash.
If going out means skipping a tip.
Yeah, I agree. If you don't have enough money to tip, don't go out.
Exactly. I mean, the people are serving you deserve something.
Yes.
Next up, the only tip if you sit down and eat.
The pandemic made food delivery more popular and you may be using sites like DoorDash or Club Hub more often now for the minions.
Your delivery drivers should be tipped for their services even if you aren't sitting down at a restaurant to eat their food.
Consider giving a tip to drivers who usually use their own cars that they need to pay for to deliver your food.
Yeah, yeah. But the kitchen staff.
Okay. Now, whenever since post pandemic that started during the pandemic because people are literally, you know, risking their lives to go in and prepare your food and to work.
Okay, because as an essential job and they were supposed to be there and they showed up there.
So, yeah, they deserve a little bit extra money. But now that the pandemic is supposedly over, they still keep that tipping on there whenever you order pickup, which I don't necessarily agree with.
Because number one, I doubt if that money goes all of it goes to them. How can they tell? It's on the website. It's just, you know, it goes through the Internet.
I bet you a lot of restaurants are just kind of like, give them a couple of bucks and they won't know.
Yeah. Number two, I don't think it's really viable to do that. I mean, why would you do that?
I mean, those people get paid a wage and they get paid higher than the waiters and waitresses. So anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, next. Tipping has become more convenient with credit card slips, including a line just for a tip.
You may just write a number on the total line and skip doing the math. But it's a good idea to clearly state tip when signing the bill.
There were some issues with that. People were adding to them because people were not doing the math. Everybody has a cell phone with a calculator on it. Do the math.
Okay, next up. Sometimes it's nice to reward good service, but perhaps you have extra cash to tip 25% instead of the typical 20%.
But there is such a thing as over tipping and that can cause your server issues. You might think tipping $40 on a $20 bill is a nice gesture,
but I could be perceived as too extravagant or your server may worry that you didn't mean to tip that much. If you want to over tip, use cash.
Okay. I can see that. I don't necessarily have anything against that.
Right. Okay, and my final one tonight. Tipping at restaurants is considered normal, but what about other locations?
It can be best for them to carry cash when they're used to paying or tipping with a credit card. Make sure you have extra cash to tip when traveling.
Consider leaving it up to hotel workers to clean the cleaning service that tends to your room and show a few dollars for those drivers at long-term parking lots who handle your suitcases and get you back to your car.
Very good. I like that one.
I do too. And also another one is the sky cap.
Sorry, this is so long, strong.
No, no, no. I love that segment, Rob. It was really good. And also I talked on it a lot too because I have a lot to interject in this because I agree with so much of that. I think it's a great article. Okay.
That's his morals. That's his morals.
It is. And also sky caps. I see a lot of people not tipping the sky cap out in front of the airport. Those guys don't get paid a whole lot to do that. And they depend on tips to get by.
And those are the guys that print out your boarding pass, tell you where to go. Make sure, you know, hey, here's TSA over here. I see that you're a pre-border, or TSA. Okay, that line's over here.
Here's your boarding pass. And by the way, it's no longer B15, it's B12. So make sure you go there. And then you take your luggage. Then when you walk into the airport, you're free. You don't have anything, man. You just walk right through TSA, you know, and then go to your area and then, I don't know, get a burger or something and relax before your flight.
Sky cap. Yeah, sky cap. I always tip them well because I love those guys. I look for them. So, and then like you said, I mean, the tram workers, they don't get paid a whole lot.
Let's say you parked at Satellite Park and at KCI. Okay, and then the tram comes and gets you from the areas. That guy's not getting paid a whole lot. And a lot of times, they will deviate from their normal route to come get you because they've seen their, I've had them do this a lot of times before.
They see you sitting there for a long time and there's no one else coming. So they'll just cut across when they're not supposed to get you and they'll come get you anyhow. So remember them. So anyhow. Yeah, I love that article. Well, you think we ought to call it a day on this bitch and wrap it up?
Yeah, I think so. All righty. Everybody, thank you for listening. I did not get maxed out by a huge tornado. So there was no pauses on this. So anyhow, have a good night, assholes. Thank you for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.