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And now it's time for...

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The Daily Deucebag Pledge

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Here at Two Deucebags in a Microphone, we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.

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Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.

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Two Deucebags and a Microphone

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We Talk

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Jesus

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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark

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Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?

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Yeah, that sounds like fun.

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Hey fellas, remember to wipe away from the twins. Stay fresh ideas from the Deucebags.

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Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

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A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to call the goats in for dinner every night.

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And have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of...

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The Origins of Beignet

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Beignet was first made in appearance in New Orleans in the 1700s when French Creole colonists settled the land. According to NewOrleans.com, also known as French Arcadians, they moved to the Bayou lands in Louisiana after they were forced from their homes in the Nova Scotia area by the British. Reports Britannica.

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This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Deucebags and a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.

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1. Smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing. Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.

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2. Look for the spot absent of patrons.

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3. The most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.

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4. Just call us at 816-512-7717.

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Two Deucebags and Microphone, my name is Mark.

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And my name is Rob.

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Before we get to any of the normal crap that we put on here, Rob has an announcement for everybody.

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Well, it seems like I am now off the single list. I have started seeing somebody, my friend.

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You ladies had your chance. Too late now.

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Yep. Somebody I've known for a little while and we just started getting to know each other and everything and everything seems to be working good.

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I'm kind of liking where this could hit. We'll see. We'll give it time.

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Very good, Rob. Very good.

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Yeah.

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Alright. Very happy for you.

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Okay, well we had a whole program that was going to slip into you a day ago, but it got erased.

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I was in Bluetooth hell. It switched to Bluetooth that I didn't need it to, therefore it did not load up on my computer.

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So that's lost. So we're going to try to replicate this the best we can of the lost episode.

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And then maybe even go into some other stuff too.

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So anyhow, you ever heard of the Interstate Mullet Toss, Rob?

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No, I have not.

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Okay. The tradition of the Interstate Mullet Toss began as an occasion to party on the fourth weekend in July 1985.

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Over the years, the celebration has grown into the Gulf Coast's greatest beach party and attracts thousands of people from all over the nation and world every year.

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The celebration is quite simple. Participants will toss a dead mullet over the state line between Florida and Alabama to see who can reach the furthest.

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It all originated in the iconic beach bar Florida-Bama located on the Florida-Alabama border in Perdido-Key.

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Or K-ey. Or however you want to pronounce it.

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So the venue is still the spot where the celebration takes place.

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It became popular after the former University of Alabama and NFL quarterback Kenny Stadler threw a mullet across the goal line.

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Many records were set in the Interstate Mullet Toss.

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Josh Sertom had a record of 189 feet and 8 inches in 2004.

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Ronald Bradstock, a former Olympic javelin thrower, participated in an attempt to break the record in 2008, but he fell short by almost 20 feet and 169 feet and 9 inches.

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The Interstate Mullet Toss even is held at a roadhouse or beach bar, so there are also no restrictions whatsoever on alcoholic beverages.

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There is a large full bar on the beach, so you do not even have to leave the beach to get drunk.

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The only true victim of all this is the scaly baitfish called mullets that they fish of choice.

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Yeah, you all thought hair.

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So when we're saying dead mullet, we're talking about a fish.

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Do you get it, Rob?

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I got you.

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Do you think of hair, right? A dead mullet?

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Yeah, originally.

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Okay.

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So the first one is toss a fish.

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The best thing you can do to celebrate the Interstate Mullet Toss is by participating in it.

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Yes, the very point of the day is to have fun by throwing mullets and partying, so why not?

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Plan a trip.

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Plan a trip and invite all your friends and family together to go to the iconic beach party.

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The important part of this is to spend quality time and have fun.

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Share your story on Insta and Facebook and Twitter, formerly known as X or vice versa.

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I'm starting to do that. I'm starting to call it Twitter, formerly known as X, just to be a dick.

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There will be.

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Why not? Why not?

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Yeah, I'm just going to do it backwards, just being an asshole.

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Okay.

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There will be a bikini contest.

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There will be epic bikini contests each year on the beach, and you better get your seats ready.

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Flaunt your ink.

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There is a great place to flaunt your tattoos and talk to other folks about your ink.

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Alcohol flows like rivers.

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All right. People over 21 can enjoy all kinds of alcohol on the beach.

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Locals stay home.

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Surprisingly, the locals tend to stay home anyhow. They're pretty fucking sick of this stuff, so they're not coming out and they're not getting in your way.

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So everybody enjoy the interstate mullet competition coming up soon near an Alabama, Florida line near you.

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Sounds like a good time for all.

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All right. I turn to you for more crap.

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Well, seeing how the NFL draft pick is going on, and this is one of the stories I had the other night that we lost.

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I'm going to go ahead and reread it.

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All right.

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Employees of the company passed each year with rapidly personalizing joseys for each first-round NFL draft pick as they are announced don't need to travel very far for this year's player selections in Detroit.

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Well, headquarters in St. Clark St. Clair Shores, Michigan, sits 17 miles from the stage where NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will inform players in the world that they have been selected by an NFL franchise.

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The draft coming back to Detroit is extra special for us said Brent Kisha, the company's vice president of strategic sales.

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The forels team has under two minutes from the moment each pick is made until Goodell greets him to personalize the jerseys backstage in the Nike jersey room at the NFL draft theater.

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That's quick. I know. Two minutes. I know.

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That's crazy. Well, think about this and I'm getting ready to go into this story, Rob. Okay, the Bills and the Chiefs swap picks, right?

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So everyone thought that Worthy was probably going to go to Bills. So I'm pretty sure they had a Bills jersey made out with Worthy on the part because both teams were in dire need of a wide receiver.

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And that guy is the fastest one on record right now of the combine. He runs the fastest 40 yard dash Xavier Worthy, who is now a Kansas City Chief.

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So when that switched, I imagine they already had those. They already had a couple of the jerseys I bet already made up.

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And I'll bet you when they traded up, they're like, oh, shit, get a Chiefs uniform over here now. But that that is amazing. They can do that so quick, isn't it?

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I didn't have this on the last part, the last episode, but I'm going to go ahead and do it now because it happened since then.

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Chiefs trade up with Buffalo to get Xavier Worthy.

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Cannot believe Buffalo traded with us. Stephon Diggs trade Diggs, not Diggs. Stephon Diggs trade clause was no trade to the Chiefs.

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So you get this young guy that is the fastest ever speed time, the 40 yard dash. It was recorded at four point twenty one seconds, which is just ridiculous.

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Think of that 40 yard dash in just a little bit over four seconds.

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Think of how blazing fast that's got to be from start to finish.

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Hello, Rob. Right. Right. Right. OK.

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Buffalo is it? I thought the Bluetooth went out. Sorry. OK. I'm here. I'm here. I thought it was Pullman's regular shit again.

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So OK. So if I'm a little cautious today, I'm sorry.

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Buffalo is in dire need of a receiver and they let this piece of gold go through their hands.

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Casey's MO is get receivers young and coach them up.

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Buffalo needs to look over the Chiefs and maybe try this approach. You know, the Chiefs, when Tyreek came to them and said, hey, I want more money or to be traded.

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The Chiefs said, fine, no problem. And then then when he found Miami, Chiefs were like, done.

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So, you know, they didn't hold on to Tyreek Hill. They wasn't going to overpay him.

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They're like, now, you know what? We can we can win without him. And they have two Super Bowl sets.

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I can only guess that Buffalo has already thrown in the towel for the next couple of seasons.

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What do you think that Rob says? I'm not going to. Yeah.

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Yeah. Not going after Xavier worthy. I think that they need the extra draft picks because they know they're not near winning a Super Bowl.

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So they're just going to sit back for a little bit. You know, they got Josh Allen.

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They're going to keep him there. They're going to, you know, and they're going to go, all right, let's lay low.

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Build our team up again. And then we're going to try to figure out a way to beat that guy over there. Number 15.

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And so I think there's a lot of that going on this season.

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So anyhow, Brandon Bean, Bill's, uh, uh, Brandon Bean, Bill's GM took his ball and went home.

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Here's to being self-aware or with a talent like Josh Allen.

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Maybe they should treat every year as a potential Super Bowl year.

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I mean, isn't that the old, uh, isn't that the old thought? And probably still, if you have a guy that can put a team on his back every year is a potential Super Bowl year.

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Wouldn't you think? Yeah, you would think. Yeah. A guy like Josh Allen. He isn't a Mahomes.

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No, Mahomes can just will a victory as we've all seen.

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Um, the only problem with Josh Allen is, is he has to run up against number 15 every year. That's what the problem is right there.

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If he didn't have to run up against number 15, he might've already had a couple of Super Bowls.

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So, oh well, thanks Brandon Bean. This kid will fit in right away.

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Chief's second pick was Kingsley Sumatra Tia Sumatria or something such as offensive tackle from Brigham Young.

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He looks really good. He was looked at as the Chief's possible number one if Texas Longhorns Averworthy wasn't taken before the first pick.

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When Sumatria, that's how you pronounce it, Sumatia, was still on the board, San Francisco 49ers helped their cause with a trade to move up to get him.

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So, so okay Rob, think of this. The team we beat in the Super Bowl and the team we beat in the divisional round both helped us get our guys to win more.

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Don't you find that absurd? Yeah, I do. Yeah. I mean what happened to, we don't really need them but we're going to block these guys from getting them?

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I mean, you know what, they're probably also going to win, we're also talking about Mahomes. And also Andy Reid, he deserves a lot of credit too.

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Alright, so the 49ers helped us with a move up to get him. Two teams would beat them both season, you know. I guess there's no hard feelings, right? I guess that's why they traded with us?

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Um, yes and no. Yeah, so anyhow, thank you San Francisco and thank you Buffalo Bills. Thank you for clearing the way and knowing the Kings are here. Right?

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Right. Okay, Rob, we turn to you.

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Alright, federal regulators on Tuesday enacted a nationwide ban on new non-compete agreements, which keep millions of Americans from minimum wage earners to CEOs switching jobs within their industries.

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The Federal Trade Commission on Tuesday afternoon voted 3-2 to approve the new rule, which will ban non-compete for all workers when the regulations take effect in 120 days.

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For senior executives, existing non-compete can remain in force. For all other employees, existing non-compete are not enforceable.

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The Antitrusting Consumer Protection Agency heard from thousands of people who said they had been harmed by non-competes, illustrating how the agreements are robbing people of their economic liberty.

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For non-union workers, the only leverage they have is their ability to quit their job. Non-compete don't just stop you from taking a job, they stop you from starting your own business.

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Yep.

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I kind of agree with it.

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I agree with that a thousand percent.

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I really do.

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I always thought it was bullshit that a company can do that. Now the only part that I agree with it on is my union had that.

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Well, now that I don't work in a related field, I was working in what was covered under my union jurisdiction only the last 16 years that I worked.

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It was not in a union company, okay? It was a non-union company.

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So because I was working directly against them, one, I couldn't receive my pension, and two, they can deduct a little bit out of your pension each year that you're working against them.

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And the reason that is is because of this right here. They paid for my schooling, right?

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Right.

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So I think they do deserve something because I would have had to pay a lot of money going to a trade school that wasn't union sponsored, right?

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Right.

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So that's kind of like their way of getting their money back going, well, if you're going to work against us, we're just going to.

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And I don't, to be honest, I don't know if they even actually did. I just know that there's a clause in there that they can.

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Because the way it's figured up, because I'm getting, I'm starting to get my pension now.

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But while I work, which is excellent, but I have no way to tally it up. So I don't know if they did or not.

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So they may not, for all I know, they might, they may not do that anymore, but I can understand why unions do that.

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So anyhow, I think it's a great thing. And I'm glad that the United States government took some interest in that and finally got it done.

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So. Yeah, me too. Me too.

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I have my Wiener World in Oberlin Park.

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What would you call it? Rating?

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Review? Review, yes.

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Yeah, there you go.

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All right. Wiener World in Oberlin Park has a pot dog.

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It is described like this.

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Fatty bombatti Mexican green chorizo Verde Brat.

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Dark poblano cream cheese.

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Pickled onion and oregano shake. That means they shake it on it.

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Toasted hemp hearts.

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Roasted pumpkin seeds.

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And Valentina hot sauce with 100% THC infused brat.

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I did not have the pot dog, but I had a gourmet dog with Gouda cheese, peppers, special sauce, jalapenos, and topped off with Italian meatballs.

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This was the best hot dog I've ever had by far.

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So it was excellent.

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Now the pot dog I have not had, but I know some of that's going to try it.

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And they at least are going to write me a review, if not do a little segment for this podcast, about how good the THC infused pot dog is.

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So anyhow, I was going to give my review of that a long time ago, but somehow I spaced it off.

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And anyhow, the pot dog sounds tasty too, right?

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Yeah, it does sound good.

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But a gourmet dog, I mean with a Gouda cheese, peppers, I don't know what the special sauce was, but that special sauce was good.

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I mean, if it was jizz, it was fucking good. I don't know what to say. It was good stuff.

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So anyhow, and then to top it off with the Italian meatballs, at first I was like, what the hell?

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How can you disgrace Italian meatballs like that, right?

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You know, there's like meatballs, and then there's Italian meatballs, which are on the Mount Rushmore of food, right?

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Right, right.

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Yeah, it's like, you mean to tell me you're going to put these beautiful fucking Italian meatballs on a hot dog?

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They did, and it worked perfectly. I don't know what to say. I'm rather embarrassed.

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I was like, wow, I loved it. I thought it was great.

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And then they toast it. That was, oh, I forgot to get into that.

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It was run through a toaster, Rob. So.

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Oh wow.

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Yeah, the bun and everything was all caramelized, toasted over, and it was fricking delicious, man.

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I saw them run it through the toaster and I got wood. I'm like, woohoo! Yeah.

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So anyhow, I advise anyone that likes food, not just hot dogs, food.

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And number two, if you like food in pot, go get the stamp thing. It sounds great.

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And if you're not into pop, then get the gourmet dog that they have on the menu, which is so fricking good too.

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So anyhow, either way, you can't go wrong. And then they had other stuff too.

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They had some sort of kettle chips that they cook themselves. They look great, but I wasn't that hungry.

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And then they had like, I don't know, it looked like maybe cheese fries with chili. Their chili looked fantastic.

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But like I said, I wasn't that hungry. And then they do a chili dog. They do a New York dog.

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They do a Chicago dog. They'll do whatever you want.

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You know, if you want anchovies on it, I don't know why you would, but I do believe in them.

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Yeah, that'd ruin it.

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Yeah, I do believe they have anchovies.

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No, no, no, me too. I hate anchovies. They're nasty.

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But I do believe they even have anchovies. So they have like a toppings bar that they throw on there and there's like 30 or 40 different toppings.

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And now I'm not going to read them all off, but just go on on their website, go down there yourself, whatever.

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And go get one. Good shit. And it's not like they're hurting for business.

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They were extremely busy when I went there. So people know about them, you know.

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So anyhow, Rob, you want to take our first break and then we'll come right back. Sound good?

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Sounds good.

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Okay, we'll be right back, people.

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Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.

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Spam. With Spam Helper tonight. How yummy.

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Hey, look, I think we found land. Oh my God, I think we're safe.

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Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.

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What do you call a factory that just makes okay products?

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A Satis factory.

221
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Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.

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There's something wrong with my phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

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Once again, it's time for Rambling of a Madman.

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I believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes before each session.

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That needs to happen.

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The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

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Okay, it's post-apocalypse and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.

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You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road, but you do not have a can opener.

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What you do then is you find a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can for five minutes,

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then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it and it should pop right open.

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Brick Shit House Energy Drink. That's right, Brick Shit House Energy Drink. Make men feel a girl. Two hundred balls. You want to fuck shit up? You want to fuck America? Brick Shit House is for you.

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Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly. It's not readily available anywhere.

233
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Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

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Hey, your chair produces sound similar to a fart, but only once. Such that, it cannot reproduce any proof that it was just the chair.

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Not aware of the Amber Alert, right? Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids. It's the all-new Amber Heard Alert system.

236
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This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.

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Simply hook up to child under six or psychopath and wait for the running water sound.

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This clever machine has three distinct settings. Bablin Brooks, ocean waves and roaring river for those close called.

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Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renuze It Cartridge.

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Okay, so you know that you go into a guitar center, right Rob? Right. Okay. And anyhow, there's songs that people play, right?

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Right. Okay. And when we were doing this, it was like Smoke on the Water, maybe some Sabbath.

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I mean, Smoke on the Water was the number one one because a lot of people learn how to do that. It wasn't that complicated.

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And then you'd have like maybe Iron Man or try to think of some other songs.

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But anyhow, there's like some basic rhythm songs that people went in there and played mostly.

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So this is changed a little bit since you and I were doing this. Okay. So I imagine it has.

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Yes. So this is songs that employees at guitar centers can't hear anymore due to hearing them hundreds of times a day.

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And they did a study. This is not a joke. For real. They don't hear this. Their mind turns it out.

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It blanks it out because they've heard it so many times. Someone comes in and plays one of these song licks or the rhythm and they simply don't hear it.

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They heard it so many times. Most of them just, you know, whenever someone plays it, they just don't hear it.

250
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So does that make sense? I can see that. Yeah, me too. I think I do the same thing. I blank it out. I'd be like, oh no, it smells like Teen Spirit again.

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What the fuck? So anyhow. I hear a song on the radio for the fifth or sixth time in an eight hour period. Yeah, I tune it out.

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Oh yeah. Rock radio. That's what it is anymore. Yeah. Okay. The number one song.

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And this is weird because I did not expect this to be on there. But this is how much guitarists have advanced over the years and how much better they are precise.

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Crazy Train by Ozzy. Randy Rhoades famous, you know, lick there that like spreads your hand out like it's going to break.

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And anyhow, those are number one. But that just shows you how much better the guitarists are today.

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Next one can't stop by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And that was it. I mean, for foreign, a newer guitar player that is like pretty.

257
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I would say in depth, a little bit complex, a little bit. You have to have quite a bit of rhythm and you got to have a good dexterity on your fingers to get that one.

258
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Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. I mean, it involves some lower notes and then coming up a little bit higher, lower.

259
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Yeah. Or higher notes and then coming up a little lower. You have to be on that fretboard pretty good to play that.

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So they're pretty good when they play that. So. Okay. Next one is Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes.

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And, you know, there's so much bass in that song, right? I don't know how they even tell. You know, it goes, don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't.

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You know, I don't know how you can even tell because all that backing is just like some sort of what an E chord maybe.

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Nothing special. I don't even know if I could recognize it by itself. Someone just playing it there with an amp and a guitar. So anyhow, this next one is not going to surprise you, Rob or me.

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Iron Man by, of course, Black Sabbath. Tony O. Yeah. Yeah. That one is.

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It's pretty generic. I mean, you got to have a little bit of a little bit of dexterity and rhythm to come up with that. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not just like, I don't know, the scale.

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It's it's got a little trick to it. It's good. So next one. I have no idea. This song. And I don't you probably don't either. Psycho by Muse.

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Any idea, Rob? I don't have a clue. I don't have a clue. Me either. OK. Anyhow, if you know what that is, you're probably young.

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OK. And finally, and this one I know because it's pretty simplistic rhythm. Very catchy.

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Very good song. Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. Those are the top songs. Yeah, I knew that one would be in there. I do too.

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And it's actually it's a great riff. I mean, it's very catchy. It's not that hard to do. It's simple.

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And I'm not calling Kurt Cobain a horrible guitarist or nothing. He had a lot of feeling in what he did, of course.

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So anyhow, I could see that. I see people coming in there and doing that. So that was a list of the guitarist, the guitar songs that if you walk into a guitar shop,

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most of the people that have been working there for a while can't hear anymore because they played it so often. So, Rob, we turn to you.

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Well, shit, Rob just cut out. He should be calling back here really soon. I hope so, unless his phone died.

275
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Well, shit, maybe I should call him. Huh, guys? Let me see here. All right. I'm going to sit here and I'm going to make fart noises till Rob answers.

276
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I don't know what the hell happened. Okay. Well, I saved the show. I think I dropped the call. I want you to know I saved the show by making fart noises.

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Good. Good. Good. Okay. You're welcome. All right, Rob, we turn to you.

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All right. The Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources shared a photo of a sturgeon that traveled the longest known distance on record.

279
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The Missouri Department of Conservation encountered a sturgeon with a Floyd tag. A Floyd tag is used on fish to track them and manage wildlife.

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The sturgeon was found in the Mississippi River near Alton, Illinois. Alton, Illinois is just across the river from St. Louis, Missouri.

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Yep. You don't want to stop there. You keep going. Yeah. Yeah. Anyhow, go.

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When they found the fish and the tag, they contacted the Wisconsin DNR to share the exciting find. This fish swam a long way down river.

283
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The fish was originally tracked on the Chippewa River. The Wisconsin DNR calculated the distance and figured out that the fish swam at least 651 miles.

284
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That's insane if you think about it. That's the longest known distance a Chippewa River Lake sturgeon has traveled.

285
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Wow. Yeah. Wow. That's insane. That's a long way for a fish.

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I mean, you know that, okay, down there, it's like mud water, right? All the farmland.

287
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Yeah. It came down from Wisconsin. Yeah. A lot of farmland down through there.

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You know that the food that it eats has to change, right? Because there's different, you know. Right.

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That's interesting that he was able to come down there and survive. I wonder if there's more sturgeon around there now because of climate change or whatever you want to call it.

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Or maybe they're getting bored up in Wisconsin. I don't know. But I would say there's probably more, wouldn't you?

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Yeah, I would. They may not be very good. If one made it, there's going to be more. Yes.

292
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So anyhow, what an interesting story. Thank you, Rob.

293
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Okay. I got an announcement to make and I sent you the text yesterday. Montrose was hit by a tornado yesterday. No kidding.

294
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Yes. I heard. I heard. Yeah. It did a little bit of damage. So I'm sure the next email will contain some information about that. No one was hurt.

295
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I hope so. It tore down like a barn structure and maybe a couple of trees or something.

296
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But our friends in Montrose had a tornado hit them yesterday.

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And then now our friends down in Lynn Valley over there near Lecine, they got hit by one a little bit ago. Oh, did they?

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Yeah. And then yesterday, Omaha, Iowa just got destroyed by tornadoes. I mean, just all over the place.

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So anyhow, everybody just say a prayer for them or whatever you do. You know, happy face, whatever.

300
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So anyhow, there's a lot of people displaced. Some people injured, some people killed. But Montrose was hit, but everybody seems to be okay.

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I think our campground is okay, but I want them to clarify, you know, in the Civil War reenactment that they want you and me to participate in.

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We got to make sure that that's still on. So anyhow, Montrose, our thoughts and prayers are with you through this devastating time, even though it did barely any damage.

303
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Okay. Hey, for that area, that's a lot of damage. You know what one structure when there's seven in town, a seventh of their town was wiped out by a tornado.

304
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Right. Come on. A seventh of their town. Come on, people. That should go for a national emergency. I think so, too.

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If you have any heart in you at all, you're going to go down there and you're going to volunteer. Bring down a bottle of water, things to charge people's phones in,

306
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because I'm sure there's no power and their batteries have been drained on their phones. Maybe some food. Okay.

307
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I understand they like fried chicken, right? That's one of them. Yeah. What else do they like? Oranges. They love oranges in Montrose.

308
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Yeah, they definitely mentioned that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think Tootsie World Pops, they need those. And let's see, what else?

309
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Potato salad. They love potato salad in Montrose, right? Oh, and don't forget zingers. Any flavor. Zingers. Any flavor. Thank you, Rob.

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So anyhow, if you have a heart in the world, just think of our good friends in Montrose and their devastation.

311
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A one-seventh of their town was wiped out by a mean, nasty tornado. An EF-50, I believe, right? They never had an EF-50 before. Yeah, it's like 10 miles wide.

312
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Seven thousand mile winds. It's just crazy. Just crazy. So anyhow, these right here, what I'm getting ready to tell you, are the top four hotel no-nos.

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This is stuff that you do not do. So, all right. Number one, make sure the hotel is not on the bedbug registry. Look it up. No kidding.

314
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And I love that idea. Very good point. You look at a database, kind of like a pedophile or something, you look at a database and you look on it and go, oh shit.

315
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That's on there. Okay. You get the price line. Okay. Can I cancel it? And then you get another hotel.

316
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Or better yet, before you book the hotel, look it up on the registry and make sure that it's not in the bedbug registry.

317
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Because that means that they've been treated for bedbugs, which means they could still be there because they're really hard to get rid of.

318
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So, the next thing they say, do not handle the remote unless you dose it with an antibacterial cleaner or like I do in a hotel.

319
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I can tech, well, most hotels have this. Most of the TVs are newer and Bluetooth compatible.

320
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I go for whatever app. If it's a Sanyo, I go for the Sanyo app. If it's Sharp, I go for the Sharp app.

321
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And then you just connect it with your own phone and you don't have to touch those nasty, cruddy ones that they have there.

322
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Because you know, there's all kinds of shit on there. Right?

323
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Probably fecal matter because most hotels, you can see the TV in the mirror that's placed just outside the bathroom.

324
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I could see someone taking a dump with their remote, getting fecal on it, jizz, everything.

325
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So, you know, at least clean the remote off really good if you're going to do that.

326
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Do not use the soaps and shampoos. They're loaded with perfumes and ingredients to make smell great, but are very low quality and not good for hair or skin.

327
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And that's 100% true. I'll tell you what, I've ran out of my regular shampoo and my body wash before and I left the hotel itchy.

328
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My hair was like kind of matted up because it was really low quality stuff.

329
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And so, yeah, I think that's 100% correct. So watch that.

330
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Then next, it says, and this does work, but it doesn't always because sometimes there's no one near you.

331
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Or sometimes people just want to be left alone. They don't want to make eye contact. They just want to go in there and go to sleep.

332
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But it says here, try to catch your neighbor if one is next to you and say hello.

333
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This makes people calmer and at ease. And I believe that, yes.

334
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But also, there's people that don't want to be screwed with. Wouldn't you agree?

335
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There's people that have been on the long road trip. That is true.

336
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Or maybe they got to go see their great aunt off to the great beyond and they're halfway there of a nine hour trip and they're really tired and they're sad and they just don't want to look at anybody.

337
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So I think, yes, you got to read the room per se. You got to look over there.

338
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If that person looks like they're acceptable, say hi. How are you doing? But if not, leave them alone. Don't try to force it. Wouldn't you say that?

339
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Yeah.

340
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Alright, Rob, we turn to you for the next story.

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Okay, well, I came up with another one of my lists and I'm going to split up into different nights because there's so many of them.

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Can I give you an applause?

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Sure.

344
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Yay! I love your list.

345
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This one's a little different.

346
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Okay.

347
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We'll see how it goes.

348
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Shakespearean insults to take down your enemies and crack up your friends.

349
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This is going to be good, people. If you're not familiar, this is going to be good. Go ahead.

350
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What this is, it gives a line out of anything Shakespeare ever wrote and it gives which one to act in the scene, where to find it.

351
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I love this. Just love it.

352
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Okay, the first one. How now thou crusty batch of nature?

353
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You can find that in Troleth and Crissata at five, scene one.

354
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Go ahead, Rob, that was good.

355
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The next one. I'll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.

356
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Timon of Athens at four, scene three.

357
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Great.

358
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Zineface is not worth sun burning.

359
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Henry's effect at five, scene two.

360
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Some of these are pretty good.

361
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I love them.

362
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Next, thou lump of foul deformity.

363
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Richard the third, act one, scene two.

364
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To me, that's my favorite.

365
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That is just so...

366
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thou lump of deformity.

367
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Go ahead.

368
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Thou subtle, prejured, false, disloyal man.

369
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That's a good one, too.

370
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The two gentlemen of Rona at four, scene two.

371
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Wow, very cool.

372
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Next, thou whoreson zed thou unnecessary letter.

373
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King Lear at three, scene two.

374
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That's a good one, too.

375
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:12,000
That place in this bunch back toad.

376
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:20,000
Richard the third, act one, scene three.

377
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Zeldammed and luxurious mountain goat.

378
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:31,000
Henry the fifth, act four, scene four.

379
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,000
Awesome.

380
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:40,000
Thou elvish, marked, abortive, rooting hog.

381
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,000
What was that now?

382
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,000
Richard.

383
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:51,000
Thou elvish, marked, abortive, rooting hog.

384
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:55,000
Like it? Another good one?

385
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:59,000
That's from Richard the third, act one, scene three.

386
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:03,000
And the final one for this evening.

387
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,000
Thou sudden-witted lord.

388
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:13,000
Thou hast no brain that I have in mine elbows.

389
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,000
Charles and Crisata, act three, scene four.

390
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:20,000
In my elbows.

391
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,000
That's beautiful.

392
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,000
I love the-

393
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,000
Me too, Rob. Those are fucking awesome, man.

394
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,000
Alrighty, and there's so many of them, too.

395
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,000
I mean, there's like thousands of them people come up with.

396
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,000
This is a list of 35.

397
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:41,000
And like I said, I just did the first 10 tonight.

398
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,000
We'll do more in other episodes.

399
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:50,000
I mean, evidently, Shakespeare was very quick-witted about insults.

400
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:55,000
Anyhow, let's take our second break.

401
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,000
And we'll be right back with some stuff.

402
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000
That sound good?

403
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,000
Sound good.

404
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:06,000
Alrighty.

405
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:16,000
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two deuce knives in a microphone.

406
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,000
Hello, this is Satan.

407
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:24,000
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.

408
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:35,000
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two deuce bags in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.

409
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:40,000
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.

410
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:44,000
Enjoy.

411
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Next time you take a dump, listen to two deuce bags in a microphone.

412
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:52,000
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal.

413
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,000
Get in some.

414
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,000
A lot of podcasts just come from a can.

415
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:05,000
Here at Two Deuce Bags in the Microphone, we pour our own podcasts.

416
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,000
Have you ever wondered where something came from?

417
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:12,000
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?

418
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:13,000
Well, so have we.

419
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:17,000
That's why we give you the origin of.

420
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,000
The origin of Coca-Cola.

421
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:28,000
On May 8th, 1886, Dr. John Pemberton served the world's first Coca-Cola at Jacobs Pharmacy in Atlanta, Georgia.

422
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:32,000
The drink was served as a tonic for common ailments.

423
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:35,000
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

424
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,000
It's strange insults from an alien.

425
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Real hilarity.

426
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:56,000
I will roast you, but my mom told me to not burn trash.

427
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,000
Hi, all.

428
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000
This is Chicago.

429
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:06,000
I am the most dangerous city in North America.

430
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,000
You can't touch me.

431
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:09,000
Oh, yeah?

432
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,000
This is Kansas City here.

433
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:12,000
Hold my beer, bitch.

434
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:19,000
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

435
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,000
Man, I sure wish I was the garbage man.

436
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,000
You know what I could do if I was the garbage man?

437
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:29,000
I could go to the wrong parts of town on the wrong days periodically in the morning,

438
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:35,000
and then watch everybody run out of their house in their underwear with two bags of trash screaming, stop, halt.

439
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:50,000
Yeah, that's what I'd love to do.

440
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,000
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.

441
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,000
And I am Rob.

442
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:55,000
All right.

443
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,000
Well, this morning was pretty cool.

444
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:03,000
I was getting ready to go to work, and all of a sudden I hear my mom screaming in the other room.

445
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,000
And I'm like, what the hell is going on?

446
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:11,000
So I go in there, and she is fucking just pissed, furious at her little pug.

447
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:15,000
Well, the pug kept jumping up right next to her and sitting next to her Otus.

448
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:21,000
And I guess he was farting all over her, Rob.

449
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,000
Earlier he'd done it to me when I was getting ready, but I had to leave him.

450
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:27,000
I'm like, oh my god, I don't know what the hell he got into.

451
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,000
But it smelled horrid.

452
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:39,000
I mean, it smelled like fried shit with Tabasco sauce and maybe some foot fungus and pus.

453
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,000
It was fucking horrible.

454
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:45,000
I was running around, and I'm like, what the hell is going on, mom?

455
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,000
She goes, Otus keeps farting on me, and he won't leave me alone.

456
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:54,000
And every time she'd push him off, he'd get his feelings hurt, and he'd come back and try to come over and make it up to her.

457
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:59,000
And Otus all the time, he's just farting.

458
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:02,000
Anyhow, it was classic, man.

459
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,000
It was classic.

460
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:10,000
So, anyhow, along those lines, we promised a new segment where we decode your cat.

461
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,000
Remember, Rob?

462
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,000
Yes, yes.

463
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
Okay.

464
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,000
Well, we got a...

465
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,000
Let me see here.

466
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000
Let me find his name.

467
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,000
Luke.

468
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:27,000
We have Luke from West Plains, Missouri, that wants us to decode what his cat is saying.

469
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,000
So here it is.

470
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,000
Hey, human.

471
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,000
I'm pretty damn hungry.

472
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,000
So you best get to stepping and fetch me a plate of food, bitch.

473
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:48,000
I remind you, I have booty of you roughing up the witness.

474
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,000
No wonder your girlfriend says you have micropenis syndrome.

475
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:56,000
Your constant flocking of your junk has obviously stunted its growth.

476
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:03,000
Well, Luke, I think you better do what your cat says.

477
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,000
He kind of has you by the balls now, doesn't he, huh?

478
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,000
He's got a little bit of material.

479
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:09,000
Yeah, I would say so.

480
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:10,000
Yeah, yeah.

481
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:15,000
Do whatever he says, Luke, because he's got the skinny on you, man.

482
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,000
I mean, he could send it to your bosses, whoever.

483
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,000
And sorry...

484
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,000
I think he's got you on there, somebody.

485
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,000
He does.

486
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:29,000
And also, I'm sorry for what your girlfriend said about your penis, okay?

487
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,000
I mean, look, shrug it off.

488
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,000
Not everybody thinks...

489
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:33,000
Yeah.

490
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,000
There'll be a woman out there that does not think you're small like that, okay?

491
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:39,000
You just got to find her, right?

492
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,000
Right.

493
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,000
So keep your chin up, Luke.

494
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,000
It'll be okay.

495
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:49,000
I'm sorry about your cat being such an asshole, but he's kind of got you, okay?

496
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,000
So do what he says.

497
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,000
Alrighty, Rob, we turn to you.

498
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,000
Alrighty.

499
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,000
I found another off the wall one.

500
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,000
Okay.

501
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:11,000
A former NFL player is heading to prison at 84 years of age.

502
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:18,000
Former New York Giants player Cly Hall has been sentenced to five years in prison.

503
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:23,000
He's been charged with narcotics distribution after getting arrested in Manhattan.

504
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,000
Wow.

505
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:34,000
The ex-New York Giants player was arrested for allegedly selling drugs outside of his apartment.

506
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:41,000
Hall was previously released from prison due to his old age.

507
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:44,000
However, he didn't stay out very long.

508
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:51,000
The former NFL player will be spending his golden years behind bars.

509
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,000
Wow.

510
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,000
Yeah, 84 years old.

511
00:52:55,000 --> 00:53:00,000
All I got to say is CTE is no joke.

512
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:04,000
That's the brain disorder from getting your head bashed in.

513
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,000
I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up to that.

514
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,000
What do you think, Rob?

515
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,000
I'm hoping that's how old he is, but wow.

516
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,000
I'm going to get on the benefit of the doubt.

517
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,000
I mean, he could have been doing it for a long time and just never got caught.

518
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,000
I don't know.

519
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:21,000
So wow.

520
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:25,000
Awful late in life to be going to the poke, don't you think?

521
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,000
Yeah, and he had just got out of prison.

522
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,000
Oh, okay.

523
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:30,000
Okay, fuck it.

524
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:36,000
Yeah, they had just let him out because of old age, and then he turned around and got

525
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,000
busted for selling drugs outside of his apartment.

526
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,000
You know what?

527
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,000
At 84 years old.

528
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,000
Okay, forget it.

529
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,000
Yeah.

530
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:47,000
Yeah.

531
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,000
Yeah.

532
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,000
He deserved what he got.

533
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:53,000
Yeah, that's more than what you deserve.

534
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:57,000
Yeah, I thought that this was the first time he got in trouble.

535
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,000
I don't know that he just got out for it.

536
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Okay, you know what?

537
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:02,000
Yeah, he... Okay, good.

538
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:05,000
I'm glad he's going to be locked up then.

539
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:06,000
Okay.

540
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:15,000
I have some words here and phrases in the origin and where they came from.

541
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:19,000
I could have done this on our origin series, but I'm trying to keep that in products and

542
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:26,000
stuff like that, like the Big Mac sauce, Dr. Pepper, socks, stuff like that.

543
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:30,000
So, anyhow, you wonder where the phrase diehard came from?

544
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,000
Yeah.

545
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000
Besides the movie?

546
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,000
All right.

547
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:39,000
While it typically refers to someone with a strong dedication to a particular set of

548
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:44,600
beliefs, the term diehard originally had a series of much more literal meanings in its

549
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,000
earliest incarnation in the 1700s.

550
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:52,000
The expression described condemned men who struggled the longest when they were executed

551
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,000
by hanging.

552
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:54,000
Oh, wow.

553
00:54:54,000 --> 00:55:03,720
Oh, man, as soon as they're batting about, we got us a diehard here.

554
00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:09,520
The phrase later became even more popular after 1811's Battle of Albuera during the

555
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:11,720
Napoleonic Wars.

556
00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:17,280
In the midst of the fight, a wounded British officer named William Inglis supposedly urged

557
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:22,760
his unit forward by bellowing, stand your ground and die hard.

558
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:29,960
Like the enemy paid dear for each of us, Inglis 57th Regiment suffered 75% casualties during

559
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,760
the battle and went on to earn the nickname the diehards.

560
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:35,760
Oh, okay.

561
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:36,760
Yeah.

562
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:37,760
Well, you know what?

563
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,040
I mean, you stand there and refuse to give and retreat.

564
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,760
That's probably going to happen, right?

565
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,760
Yeah, I would say so.

566
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:48,760
Yeah.

567
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:49,760
White elephant.

568
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,360
You ever hear of white elephant gifts and stuff like that, right?

569
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:53,360
Yes.

570
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:54,360
Yeah.

571
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:55,360
Okay.

572
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:56,360
Well, white elephant is a pretty common phrase.

573
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:57,520
I mean, I think it still is.

574
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:03,600
I don't know if the Xeners and the Alphas and the Millennials like it, but we know what

575
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:04,600
it is.

576
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:05,600
Us and boomers.

577
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:09,360
So, anyhow, white elephants were once...

578
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:14,080
Man, that storm front brought in so much pollen.

579
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:15,080
I'm just...

580
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,080
Sorry, I apologize.

581
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,080
Okay.

582
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:23,120
So, white elephants were once considered highly sacred creatures in Thailand.

583
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:30,080
The animal even graced the national flag until 1917, but they were also wielded as a subtle

584
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,080
form of punishment.

585
00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:38,560
According to legend, in an underling of rival, angered, Asaimi's king, the royals might present

586
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:42,320
the unfortunate man with a gift of a white elephant.

587
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:49,000
While, obstinately, a reward, the creatures were tremendously expensive to feed and house,

588
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:54,240
and caring for one often drove the recipient into financial ruin.

589
00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:59,720
Whether any specific royals actually bestowed such a passive-aggressive gift is uncertain,

590
00:56:59,720 --> 00:57:07,800
but the term has since come to refer to any burdensome possession as white elephant.

591
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:08,800
So there you go.

592
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:13,480
So that's how come if you get a white elephant gift, they're gag gifts, right?

593
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,480
So that would be why.

594
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,960
You ever hear the phrase, paint the town red?

595
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:19,960
Yeah.

596
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:20,960
Yeah.

597
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:21,960
Okay.

598
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,560
I always thought it was something like this.

599
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:27,000
They talk about, hey, do you paint ceilings?

600
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:33,720
Okay, that was a mob term for blowing someone's head off.

601
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:36,200
There's red all over the wall on the ceiling.

602
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:38,960
I thought it was like that, but it's not really.

603
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:44,920
The phrase, paint the town red, mostly owes its origin to one legendary night of drunkenness.

604
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:51,840
In 1837, Marquise Waterford, a known lush and mischief maker, led a group of friends

605
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,880
on a night of drinking through the English town of Melton-Mobye.

606
00:57:55,880 --> 00:58:02,420
The bartender culminated in vandalism after Waterford and his fellow revelers knocked

607
00:58:02,420 --> 00:58:06,880
over flowerpots, pulled the knockers off the doors, and broke the windows of some town's

608
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:07,880
buildings.

609
00:58:07,880 --> 00:58:11,880
To top it off, the mob literally painted a toll gate.

610
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:18,560
The doors of several homes and a swan statue and red paint, the Marquise and the pranksters

611
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:24,520
later compensated Melton for the damages, but their drunken escapade is likely the reason

612
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:30,000
that paint the town red became shortage for a wild night out.

613
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:34,240
Until yet, another theory suggests the phrase was actually born out of the brothels of the

614
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:40,360
American West, and referred to men behaving as though their whole town was a red light

615
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:41,360
district.

616
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:44,360
I can see that one, too.

617
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:45,360
Yeah?

618
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:51,000
Yeah, you come riding in on a horse after six months of riding on a horse, you want

619
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,640
to go get a little relief in, right?

620
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:55,200
Yeah, you do.

621
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:58,560
Yeah, so there you go.

622
00:58:58,560 --> 00:58:59,800
All right.

623
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:02,000
Read the Riot Act.

624
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:05,800
This is one I still hear quite a bit today.

625
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:11,440
These days, angry parents might threaten to read the Riot Act to the unruly children,

626
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:16,760
but in the 18th century England, the Riot Act was a very real document, and it often

627
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:19,080
recited aloud to angry mobs.

628
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:24,140
Instituted in 1715, the Riot Act gave the British government the authority to label

629
00:59:24,140 --> 00:59:28,460
any group of more than 12 people a threat to peace.

630
00:59:28,460 --> 00:59:33,600
In these circumstances, a public official would read a small portion of the Riot Act

631
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:40,320
in order for the people to dispense themselves and peacefully depart to their habitations.

632
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:45,280
Anyone that remained after one hour was subject to arrest or removal by force.

633
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:51,480
The law was later put into a test in 1819 during the infamous Peterloo Massacre, in

634
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:56,760
which a cavalry unit attacked a large group of protesters after they appeared to ignore

635
00:59:56,760 --> 01:00:00,120
a reading of the Riot Act.

636
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,120
I didn't expect that one, did you?

637
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,840
No, I did not.

638
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:07,840
That was pretty interesting.

639
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:08,840
Okay.

640
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:09,840
Next.

641
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:10,840
Crocodile tears.

642
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:11,840
All right.

643
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:18,840
Okay, this will be interesting.

644
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:21,080
I haven't read this one, so I don't know.

645
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:25,400
Modern English speakers use the phrase crocodile tears to describe a display of superficial

646
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:31,240
or false sorrow, but the saying actually derives from a medieval belief that crocodiles shed

647
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:35,880
tears of sadness while they kill and consume their prey.

648
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:40,480
The myth dates back as far as the 14th century and comes from a book called The Travels of

649
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:41,960
Sir John Manville.

650
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:49,120
While it's popular in its release, it's a recount of the brave knight's adventures

651
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:52,080
during his supposed travels through Asia.

652
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:57,200
Among its many fabrications, the book includes a description of crocodiles that notes, these

653
01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:04,960
serpents slay men and leave weeping, and they have no tongue, while factually inaccurate,

654
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:11,800
Manville's account of weeping reptiles later found its way into the works of Shakespeare

655
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,320
and crocodile tears, what you were saying earlier, right?

656
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:16,320
Right.

657
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:17,320
This is right.

658
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:18,320
It worked its way into Shakespeare.

659
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:25,280
It became an idiom as early as the 18th century, so it's been around a while.

660
01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:31,040
And then this one I've always wondered about because I don't get the correlation.

661
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:32,040
Resting on laurels.

662
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:33,040
You've heard that right?

663
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:38,640
Yeah, I've heard it, but I've never known where it came from.

664
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:39,640
All right.

665
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:45,800
The idea of resting on your laurels dates back to leaders of athletic stars of ancient

666
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,280
Greece and Hellenic times.

667
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:53,640
Laurel leaves were closely tied to Apollo, the god leaves, and the plant eventually became

668
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,920
a symbol of statues and achievement.

669
01:01:55,920 --> 01:02:02,520
Victorious athletes at the ancient Python games received wreaths made of laurel branches,

670
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:07,720
and Romans later adopted the practice and presented wreaths to generals who won important

671
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:08,720
battles.

672
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:16,360
Vulnerable Greeks and Romans, or laurelites, laurelites, were thus able to rest on their

673
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:17,760
laurels.

674
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:23,560
By basking in the glory of past achievements, only later the phrase took on a negative connotation,

675
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:31,700
and since the 1800s it has been used for those who are overly satisfied with past triumphs.

676
01:02:31,700 --> 01:02:34,360
So that's your Uncle Rico, right?

677
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:35,360
Yeah.

678
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:36,360
Yeah, yeah.

679
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:37,360
Yeah.

680
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:45,720
Back in 19th-dickety-two, I threw seven touchdowns and one quarter resting on your laurels.

681
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,720
So Rob, I turn to you.

682
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:49,320
That is interesting though.

683
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:50,320
It is.

684
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:51,320
That is interesting.

685
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:55,480
I had no idea that it came from that area at that time.

686
01:02:55,480 --> 01:03:01,560
It just doesn't sound like something ancient Greece would come up with, does it?

687
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:02,560
No.

688
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,560
All right, Rob, we turn to you.

689
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:06,920
All righty.

690
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:10,240
I've got one of your favorites.

691
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,240
American songwriter?

692
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:12,240
Yes, I do.

693
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:13,240
Okay, hang on.

694
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:20,240
All right.

695
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:24,720
Okay, group 10 nights.

696
01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:27,640
What five classic rock songs for baby making?

697
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:30,640
Just for the record, I have my wiener out.

698
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:36,120
Well, five classic rock songs for baby making.

699
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:38,120
Funny you said that.

700
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:39,120
Wiener's back in.

701
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,120
Go ahead.

702
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:50,160
Okay, first up we have Kiss by Prince.

703
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:55,360
If there's one rock artist who understands the language of love, it's the purple one

704
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:56,360
himself.

705
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:57,360
That's right.

706
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:07,160
Prince was seemingly always writing about lure, affection, and plain old animal attraction.

707
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:15,800
And in this 1986 hit single, he brings all of those traits to one post-lipped offering.

708
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:22,440
His voice in that is so... I don't know how he could have done it live.

709
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:24,440
I've never heard him do it live.

710
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:26,360
But do, have, be, reach.

711
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:32,440
I mean, he just... The high notes that he hits and he keeps his voice at that level,

712
01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,440
insane.

713
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:37,360
He's a talented, what a talented guy, very underrated guitarist too.

714
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:39,360
Yes, he was.

715
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:40,360
Extremely underrated.

716
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:42,360
That guy was fantastic on guitar.

717
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:45,240
And I don't think most people even realize it, but...

718
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:46,240
No.

719
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:54,560
Okay, next up, Crazy On You by Heart.

720
01:04:54,560 --> 01:05:02,600
This 1970s song from the Seattle born sister rock band Heart is all about carnal passion.

721
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:09,120
It's about the desire, circumstances of the world outside your door, pushing you to focus

722
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:15,480
deep on your romantic partner and explore all your explosive feelings.

723
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:16,480
Wow.

724
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:20,200
And let's face it, what a classic song, isn't it?

725
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:21,200
Yes, it is.

726
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:29,680
The way that Ann sings while Nancy hits those lower notes or those lower chords on guitar,

727
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:30,680
it's just perfect.

728
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:32,800
I mean, it's a masterpiece.

729
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:35,800
And then she goes higher and then the guitar follows her.

730
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:39,880
I mean, it's just a really good song with a lot of feeling.

731
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:40,880
So anyhow.

732
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:41,880
Right.

733
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:48,840
Okay, next up, The Look of Love by Dusty Springfield.

734
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:50,960
I didn't see that one coming.

735
01:05:50,960 --> 01:06:00,680
Written by the acclaimed songwriting duo of Orc Baccarat and Hal David, it was the British

736
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:04,920
born Dusty Springfield that made this alluring song famous.

737
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:14,640
Released on the 1967 soundtrack for the James Bond film, The Sino Royal, this is a titillating

738
01:06:14,640 --> 01:06:20,680
track that gets the hiz on the back of your neck standing at attention.

739
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:24,840
Okay, cool.

740
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:25,840
I can see it.

741
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:28,400
It kind of surprised me that that was on there.

742
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:29,400
Yeah, yeah.

743
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:30,400
That one shocked me too.

744
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:31,400
That one shocked me too.

745
01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:35,440
I can think of others that they...

746
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:36,920
Kissing crazy on you.

747
01:06:36,920 --> 01:06:38,600
Yeah, I see that.

748
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:39,840
You know, okay, go ahead.

749
01:06:39,840 --> 01:06:41,240
I mean, this is just...

750
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:42,240
It's all opinion.

751
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:43,240
Yeah, yeah.

752
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:49,000
This next one, I see it.

753
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,440
Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix.

754
01:06:51,440 --> 01:06:52,440
Yeah, Foxy.

755
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:59,880
Only a few words from Jimi Hendrix' mouth and you know what this song is about, lust.

756
01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:01,880
How about the way he says it?

757
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:02,880
At least it...

758
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:03,880
Go ahead.

759
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:04,880
Yeah, go ahead.

760
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:05,880
He goes, ooo, Foxy Lady.

761
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:10,400
And then he just goes off on the guitar and doo-doo, it's great.

762
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,400
Anyhow, sorry.

763
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:12,400
Yeah, yeah.

764
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:15,400
And finally, Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin.

765
01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:20,400
Mm-hmm.

766
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:27,440
Outside of plants, Led Zeppelin showcases the power of the pelvis, perhaps better than

767
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:28,440
anyone.

768
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:36,800
Released in 1969, this song from the band is a whale of passion from Jimi Tate's guitar

769
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:39,840
to Robert Plant's singular voice.

770
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:41,840
Well, I agree.

771
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:48,840
The notes that he hits with his voice, you know, way down inside.

772
01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:52,840
I mean, it's just woman, you need me.

773
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:59,680
And then he just like just belts out these incredible notes that are like almost a passion

774
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:02,680
and pain put together.

775
01:08:02,680 --> 01:08:03,680
Beautiful song.

776
01:08:03,680 --> 01:08:09,640
I mean, yeah, yeah, lustful, but yeah, I mean, just, I mean, one of the best songs, just

777
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:10,640
really.

778
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:11,640
Wow.

779
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:12,640
Bob, that was excellent.

780
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:13,640
Yeah.

781
01:08:13,640 --> 01:08:14,640
All righty.

782
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:17,360
Do you know that, you know cicadas, right?

783
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:18,720
They're really bad this year?

784
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:19,720
Yep, yep.

785
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:23,960
It's like one of those 14, 16 year bullshit stuff that they always come up with every

786
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:24,960
other year.

787
01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:31,120
And it's like, how can every other year be the 16th year of the cicadas or whatever,

788
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:32,120
right?

789
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:33,600
Remember hearing that here?

790
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:37,720
Oh, this is the seventh year after the 16th year.

791
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:40,480
This means cicadas are going to be horrible everywhere.

792
01:08:40,480 --> 01:08:44,840
I keep hearing that, but I guess this time it's true.

793
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:50,560
Cicadas are making so much noise that residents are calling the police in South Carolina.

794
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:52,760
Huh.

795
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:53,760
Not kidding.

796
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:54,760
All right.

797
01:08:54,760 --> 01:09:00,360
The Newbury County Sheriff's Office posted a message on Facebook on Tuesday, letting

798
01:09:00,360 --> 01:09:07,520
people know that whining sound is just the male cicadas singing to attract mates after

799
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:10,040
more than a decade of being dormant.

800
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:16,240
Some people have even flagged down deputies to ask what the hell the noise is.

801
01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:21,040
And Newbury County Sheriff Les Factor said, the noisiest cicadas were moving around the

802
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:25,480
century of about 38,000 people, county, not century.

803
01:09:25,480 --> 01:09:30,880
Sorry, I need my glasses on it and the new ones that I left in the other room again.

804
01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:38,840
So anyhow, the county of about 38,000 people about 40 miles Northwest of Columbia, prompting

805
01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:44,080
calls from different locations as Tuesday wore on, Foster said.

806
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:49,800
Their collective songs can be as loud as jet engines and scientists who study them often

807
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:52,240
wear earmuffs to protect their hearing.

808
01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:53,240
Isn't that crazy?

809
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:54,240
Yeah, that is.

810
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:59,600
Yeah, a jet airplane, they're that damn loud.

811
01:09:59,600 --> 01:10:00,600
That's crazy.

812
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:07,000
You would never think cicadas could be that loud.

813
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,920
Interners have celebrated Jell-O and its forms for generations.

814
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:16,560
Certainly the 130 years the company's name has become synonymous with gelatin based salads,

815
01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:18,400
pies and molds.

816
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:27,920
We still adorn our holiday tables with retro gelatin salads of all shapes, colors and sizes.

817
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:34,280
Layered lemon cherry lime Jell-O salad for one, shows up at many Easter celebrations

818
01:10:34,280 --> 01:10:37,480
as does nanny's lemon lime gelatin mold.

819
01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:40,120
Occasionally with cottage cheese.

820
01:10:40,120 --> 01:10:41,120
Never saw that.

821
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:43,960
Never, never thought that looked good to you.

822
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:46,200
No, no.

823
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:51,160
For the gravy texture with warmer weather and porch picnics, the present guests with

824
01:10:51,160 --> 01:10:57,720
Jell-O pie and strawberry pretzel salad, both nostalgic, crowd pleasing concoctions, you

825
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:02,160
might say in the least.

826
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,360
Jell-O had some big news last year.

827
01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:08,960
Unveiling a facelift on their logo for the first time in a decade.

828
01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:11,880
And it wasn't that dramatic, Rob.

829
01:11:11,880 --> 01:11:15,680
It took me a while to look at it and go, okay, I guess it is a little different.

830
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:20,040
So anyhow, I thought it was like a big nothing.

831
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:24,720
Now with a recent announcement, they're adding to the list of firsts.

832
01:11:24,720 --> 01:11:29,480
Jell-O is releasing two brand new refrigerated ready to eat pudding flavors, including the

833
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:33,120
brand's first ever fruit pudding cup in its history.

834
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:37,880
N, now this does sound good, Rob, and you tell me what you think.

835
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:40,880
Jell-O churro delic-o-so-so.

836
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:41,880
Deli-co-so.

837
01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:45,880
Does that sound good?

838
01:11:45,880 --> 01:11:46,880
Churros?

839
01:11:46,880 --> 01:11:49,120
Yeah, churros sounds good.

840
01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:52,160
Yeah, Jell-O churro delic-o-cio.

841
01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:57,600
N, Jell-O mango sem-bros-o.

842
01:11:57,600 --> 01:12:01,120
Jell-O mango sem-bros-o.

843
01:12:01,120 --> 01:12:04,720
I did okay without my glasses, I guess, on that one.

844
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:05,720
Yeah.

845
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:06,720
Yeah.

846
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:07,720
So either one of them sound pretty worthy to me.

847
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:08,720
What do you think?

848
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:14,560
Yeah, I would look into either one of those, I think.

849
01:12:14,560 --> 01:12:15,560
Yeah.

850
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:16,560
All right.

851
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:19,560
Well, I think we're going to wrap this bitch up and put a bow on it.

852
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:21,560
What do you think, Rob?

853
01:12:21,560 --> 01:12:30,360
Yeah, and say a prayer for me because just to inform you, Shannon has already vowed to

854
01:12:30,360 --> 01:12:32,360
turn me into a Swifty.

855
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:33,360
Oh, no.

856
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:34,360
Oh, no.

857
01:12:34,360 --> 01:12:35,360
Yeah.

858
01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:36,360
Hi, Opal.

859
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:37,360
Hi, Grandma.

860
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:38,360
Hi, Grandma Opal.

861
01:12:38,360 --> 01:12:39,360
Hi, Jimmy.

862
01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:40,360
Love you guys.

863
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:41,360
Dodge, say hi, Rob.

864
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:42,360
Hi, Grandma.

865
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:43,360
Hi, Jimmy.

866
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:45,360
And what was the other guy's name?

867
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:46,360
Mountain Dodge?

868
01:12:46,360 --> 01:12:47,360
Rick.

869
01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:48,360
Ricky, was it?

870
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:49,360
Ricky.

871
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:50,360
Yeah.

872
01:12:50,360 --> 01:12:51,360
Okay.

873
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:52,360
So, we got some of the rain we got.

874
01:12:52,360 --> 01:12:59,080
We got about three, four inches in about two hours without all those pesky tornadoes.

875
01:12:59,080 --> 01:13:05,200
So I hope you guys got some rain because Jimmy did explain on an email that it's been pretty

876
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,200
dry there.

877
01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:07,680
All the big storms have been missing them.

878
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:11,000
So they've been missing us too, but this time they got us dead center.

879
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:18,640
So anyhow, I mean, it's all runoff, but hey, next time I won't even know it rained because

880
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:20,280
that's what rains this fast do.

881
01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:24,080
I mean, they fill up the reservoirs, but they don't sink into the ground.

882
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:29,360
So anyhow, and that's what they call, if it keeps doing that, they call it a wet weather

883
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:30,360
drought.

884
01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:31,360
And I'm not kidding.

885
01:13:31,360 --> 01:13:36,840
A wet weather drought is when you get every rain you get is so hard and fast.

886
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:37,840
It's a downpour.

887
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:41,140
It runs off and does not soak into the ground.

888
01:13:41,140 --> 01:13:45,000
So if you didn't know that, today you learned something and you learned it on two douche

889
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:47,000
bags and microphone.

890
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:49,760
And I'll say a prayer for you if you needed us to know that.

891
01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:53,380
So anyhow, everybody, thank you for joining us again.

892
01:13:53,380 --> 01:13:56,040
Have a fantastic evening.

893
01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:57,840
Have a good night, everybody.

894
01:13:57,840 --> 01:13:58,840
Night assholes.

895
01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:01,840
Good night, assholes.

896
01:14:01,840 --> 01:14:05,960
Oh no, looks like the show's over kids.

897
01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:10,400
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.

898
01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:11,840
Fear not, assholes.

899
01:14:11,840 --> 01:14:27,480
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.