And now it's time for the daily dustbag pledge.
Two dustbags and a microphone pledge. I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from
there. I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from
there. I, Joe, or Jane listener hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes. I, Joe, or Jane
listener hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is. And finally,
I, Joe, or Jane listener promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant,
campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter-mile radius. Here at Two Dushbags and a Microphone,
we don't stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At
least we admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two Dushbags and a Microphone. We Talk. Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new
feature news nobody gives a shit about. A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to call the
goats in for dinner every night. Have you ever wondered where something came about? Have you ever
looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we
gave you The Origin of. The Origin of Coca-Cola. On May 8th, 1886, Dr. John Pemberton served the
world's first Coca-Cola at Jacobs Pharmacy in Atlanta, Georgia. The drink was served as a tonic
for common ailments. Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser. You look so familiar. Didn't
we have a class together? I could have swore we had chemistry. Two Dushbags and a Microphone. I'm
Mark. And I'm Rob. Rob, so you had a pretty good day. We talked before we got on this program here
and we both had some pretty good days. We both had something similar happen. We both got poured on
for a little bit. Yeah, definitely. Mine I got paid for though. You didn't. No, no, but I needed to get rid of all the
furniture out of the garage. And I did that last week and I put it in the middle of the back driveway.
And then today my job was to open up the gate, which is hard to open because we haven't secured
very well. And there are a bunch of vegetation and stuff grew over it, including trees. So I'm taking
my little handheld chainsaws out there and zapping everything down. And it actually took longer to
open up that gate that's never open than just, you know, taking out the furniture. So then I'm
starting to take out the furniture and I'm way away from the house at this point. And it just
starts pouring on me. And by the time I was like, you know what, I could go in, but I'm about as wet
as I can get right now. So I just, I'm just going to keep working through it. But like, yeah, like you said, you got paid for it. I did not. So anyhow, other than that, it's been pretty good day. Spent some day with family, got to see the grandkids a little bit. And anyhow, we ordered some food from Johnny's. You know, Johnny's Tavern here in Kansas City. There's like four or five of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Johnny's. Yeah, of course. Johnny's is still around.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, they have some pretty interesting food there. We got some pretty decent food from there. We're pretty happy. And anyhow, and that's why I got back a little bit late is because, you know, we wanted to get the food and eat for a little bit. And then, and then we came back. And, and then on the way back, we're taking off on 150 Highway going to Holmes Road, right? And
there, there is a car. I don't know what Olympia Highway is. No, 150. 150. 150. No, okay. I thought you said Olympia. No, no, no. I said 150. Okay. Anyhow, 150. Oh, that's why. Okay. So we, we take off on that. On the exit ramp, right? Right in the middle of the exit ramp, there's a car stalled.
With its with its blinkers on his hazard lights on right. So there's nobody in it. The windows are down. There's nobody in it. So we're like, oh shit, what we do. So called the cops, right? The non emergency number because you know, it wasn't 911 situation. So I wasn't getting stabbed or shot at or something. And they never answered.
Is a very dangerous situation. And they never answered because I'm telling you what's going to happen is, is getting nightfall. Now it's nightfall. It's night out there. What's going to happen is, is those lights are going to go out those dim light, the battery is going to go dead. And so it's going to plow right into that full force at probably 50 miles an hour. Right? Right. Right.
So could not get the cops to answer for nothing. So I don't know what to do. Yeah. No, at that point, I'll tell you what to do. What? At that point, call a tow truck and have it towed to do your expense. That's a good idea. It's a hazard. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Okay. Well, I really thought the cops are going to answer, but they did not. So that's why you keep me around. That is right.
That you're the other, you're the other douchebag.
Yeah, but to be a douchebag, you got to come up with quick answers like that.
That's true. Yep. That just proves your douchebag areas in high game.
Yeah.
Yeah. All right. The first thing I got here, and I know you know about this, Rob. Ozzy.
Yeah,
Yeah. I know exactly where you're going. Finally, as a solo artist, as a solo artist, inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and as well he should have. In America, Ozzy Solo has always been much bigger than Sabbath. In England, Sabbath has always been much bigger than Ozzy Solo. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is based here in America. It is mainly for American music, music of America.
The stuff that we like here. So he should have been in it all along. There's other ones. There's other atrocities too, that they that they left people out and stuff. And Iron Maiden is a good example. But, but finally, they listened. And so got a little thing here. Ozzy has been nominated and inductee into the Hall of Fame. Ozzy has sold over 100 million albums worldwide, including 30 million in the USA.
Ozzy's career has spanned over 55 years. Ozzy was fired from Black Sabbath in 1979 for substance abuse issues. Ozzy's career, it appeared to be over. With much help from his wife manager, Sharon, his career was resurrected with all new top notch musicians. Ozzy let the world in on a brand new phenom. And his name was Randy Rhodes. He was responsible for the new 80s style of hard rock guitar.
Yeah.
You know, from George Lynch to even as, even the guy that took over after he passed away, Jakey Lee. I mean, all of these guys got this from something from Randy Rhodes because of his new style. Every young guitarist was trying to emulate him, which spawned many bands with a flat, fast, flashy guitar set the tone for the 80s scene. Randy tragically passed away on tour after Ozzy's second solo album, Diary of a Madman. Randy was in a plane crash that took his life.
Ozzy and Sharon had to keep going on even though their best friend had passed. Ozzy then got a young guitarist named Jakey Lee. Jake was a wizard on guitar as well, carrying the flashy, fast, precise playing style. Ozzy released two albums with Jake and then Jake was fired.
The reason he was fired is still up for debate. I mean, I don't think that Ozzy's really addressed it that much or Sharon has addressed it that much. And I know Jake had some bad feelings because he made sure people knew him.
So enter his new guitar wizard, Zach Wilde. The first album put out by Ozzy was Zach was No Rest for the Wicked. This effort sold just over two million. To Ozzy that was a lackluster selling album.
Ozzy and Zach went back to the drawing board and then released in 1991 his second best selling album and smash radio hits, No More Tears album.
This had two, it was a sensation. This had two number one hits, the title track No More Tears and My Mom Coming Home.
Then other hits in the top 10 and 20. The album stayed like Safety and Numbers or I'm Not Coming Home. It's called Sin. That was a big, there was a bunch of them. Anyhow.
So the album stayed on the charts for over four years. Ozzy became a household name after his MTV's reality show of Ozzy and his family simply titled The Osbournes.
Ozzy cannot tour anymore because of his health ailments and other issues. He still is putting out quality music despite all of his health issues.
Ozzy has his own SiriusXM satellite radio channel, Ozzy's Boneyard. Him and his family also are doing a very popular award winning podcast presently.
Ozzy does a lot of specialty shows on the SiriusXM Ozzy's Boneyard which are very good. He is always active, always doing things. He had a couple of books written.
I think one of them is called Call Me Dr. Ozzy and the other one is called I Am Ozzy or something like that. I'm in the middle of I Am Ozzy and it's a very good, really really good biography or autobiography I guess.
It's very descriptive. It's as good as Gieser Butler's book and Gieser Butler's book was very descriptive. They have very similar experiences of the music scene and growing up in an impoverished post World War II Germany.
Or not Germany, England. They had a really tough time growing up and they had nothing to look forward to except music. Both of these books illustrate so well about what they were feeling, how music had to be it because they had really no other hope of success in life.
And anyhow, Ozzy, one hell of a dude man and he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame and I'm glad he's finally going to get his due. So Rob, you said you...
Well, I'm finally glad. I hope he walks up and accepts it. But from what I read this time he's going to.
Yes, yes. Look, he can't stand up straight but he can walk with his back hunched over. I mean look, he had that ATV accident back in 2004, maybe something like that.
Right, right, right.
He almost killed him. He was messed up and they had to put some things in his back like steel rods and stuff. The problem is he re-injured it in 2019. He fell down the stairs. I understand they're pretty steep.
Right, at a concert.
No, not at a concert.
I remember right.
No, no, no. Not at a concert. It was at his Beverly Hills home.
Oh, was it? I was taking him to visit a concert.
They claimed that the doctor fucked his back up. They didn't do the surgery right. That's what they're saying. So then they went and had to try to have it amended and have something done different.
But when they went in there they discovered that the bone had been bad for so long that it was basically disintegrating. So they had to put rods in his back. He cannot have another back surgery.
And then this last surgery that they did where they put the rods in and they had to dig out a tumor.
So whether he's ever going to walk again properly is up in the air I say probably doubtful. He's probably never going to be able to do a concert again even though he wants to do a final one in Birmingham.
Although he wants to.
Although he wants to very badly.
But I bet you as far as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I bet you he could probably walk up there to accept the award.
Maybe he has help from Sharon. Maybe he has help from his children.
Maybe he just, you know, kind of just scoots over there with a cane.
But I think that he is probably going to do it and he's going to do it because he needs to.
You know what I mean? He needs to.
Well after his last couple albums he deserves it.
I'll tell you what.
We've talked about that. We've talked about that.
What happened is he's got a new producer, Andrew Watt, who is a very good producer, a young guy.
And he produces things like Moses Balone, Lady Gaga, what was the other one.
He just got out of tour.
Well anyhow, he's a very talented younger guy and he has kind of taken Ozzy and brought him back to his original music.
Because there's like four or five albums there where it sounded like Black Label Society and not Ozzy.
With that down tuning and that real heavy thick, kind of almost grungy sound.
Well that would have been Sackwild.
Exactly.
The thing is, the album before last, Ordinary Man, I don't think it featured any of Sackwild.
It had Andrew Watt on guitar. Who's a very good guitarist?
He's not as good as Sackwild but he doesn't do that down tuning stuff.
They wrote songs kind of in the mold of what he used to do.
And it was a really good album. He had a song with Elton John, Ordinary Man, that was very good.
And then this last album, he got to play with his idols and good thing that he got Jeff Beck to do two songs on that album.
Because Jeff Beck died not even a year later.
And I'm sure Ozzy's probably like sad but happy he got to experience playing with Jeff Beck because Cream was one of his favorite bands.
What else? Was it Cream? I forgot.
The Yardbirds was one of his favorite bands and Jeff Beck was in that.
And Jeff Beck was all over the English scene, very renowned and a really good guitarist.
So he got to play with him. And the other guy was Eric Clapton.
He loved that wah-wah pedal stuff that Eric Clapton made famous.
And that was Cream, not Jeff Beck.
So anyhow, Ozzy got to work with those guys and I feel like what we're missing in touring, he made up in albums.
You think? Yeah, I think he did too.
Yeah, I think he had more time to concentrate on him. He had nothing else to do.
And he was really particularly worried about the quality and the consistency of these albums.
And it worked. It worked.
So Ozzy, I hope you get to walk up there and do this.
I think he's living in England now so it's a long plane ride so who knows?
We'll see. I almost bet he hasn't helped up to the mic.
Yeah, and that's fine. That's fine. Just as long as he can go up there and get the...
He would have been sure. I almost bet it would be sure.
I bet it would because she's been there the whole time. She pretty much saved his life.
So anyhow, Ozzy, good for you, man. Awesome.
Let him go out the way he deserves.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
So Rob, we'll go to you and then I have a little thing here that I want to get to before we go to break so go ahead.
Yeah, I got a little one here.
In the original movie Roadhouse, Patrick Slaze's character, James Dalton, famously said,
pain don't hurt.
He apparently never saw Roadhouse 2.
Last call.
I didn't even know it existed.
Just before Jake Gyllenhaal and Conor McGregor were made the 1989 Swayze classic,
there were actually an official Roadhouse sequel released directly to video in 2006.
And watching it sure does hurt.
Wow. Okay.
I did not know they came out with it.
I had no idea either.
I would have already watched it. I loved the original Roadhouse.
Well, that tells you that there wasn't very much money invested in it because there's absolutely no promotion.
One of us surely would have heard about it, right?
Well, actually, I think it goes along with the storyline.
Oh, okay.
The film stars Jonathan Shash, S-E-H-A-E-C-H, as Shane Tanner, a New York City DEA agent,
and the son of the legendary Dalton.
Okay.
This is a DEA agent in New York that is his son.
Okay. Wow. Okay.
I'm going to look for that. I'm going to try it. I'm going to watch it. I'm going to see how I like it.
Yeah. Well, I don't know. They're saying it's probably not worth it.
I'll still do it. I don't care. It looks a bad movie.
Even though we're only 17 years between the films and Dalton never mentioned having a son,
it would probably be best to just accept it and move on.
However, the truly manning aspect of the sequel is that when the movie opens,
the beloved Dalton, the best cooler in the business,
and his valiant hero who brought justice to the double douche bar is dead.
Okay.
So before this one came out, they already killed Dolph Dolph.
Okay. Hmm.
Okay. I'll do one. I'm going to watch it and I'll give a report on it next podcast.
This sounds kind of funny, actually.
It sounds boring to me.
Well, I think it's just going to be cheesy as hell, which makes it fun.
Unless they go in and tell Dalton died, you know.
I don't know.
But I don't know. This sound wise, it's kind of depressing.
Like the... According to Seish, who also had a writing credit on the film,
Roadhouse 2, Last Call, I think gave it to be a remake, nice, equal.
That's when Sony Pictures, Home Entertainment stepped in.
At the time, Sony had been releasing low budget direct to video.
Yes, they did for quite a while.
The popular films, often a little or no connection to the source material,
such as Cruel Intentions 2, Hollow Man 2, and Single White Female 2, The Psycho.
I'm going to watch it definitely.
Okay, I'd heard about Hollow Man 2, but the rest I hadn't heard about.
Wow.
It sounds interesting, but the way this article is reading it,
it really shouldn't waste your time.
Okay, then you know what?
If you're a Roadhouse fan like I am, I'm checking this out.
I am too. So, hey, I've got a question for you, Rob.
Yeah.
You know Sedalia, Missouri, right?
I have an answer.
Okay, you know Sedalia, Missouri, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
A couple hours away from where, maybe?
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Well, you know, that's the famous Ozark Mountain Festival
that went awry many years ago in like 74, 76, something like that.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of history on that.
Well, did you know that they have a Mozart Festival going on now?
I mean, not right now, but in September.
And I knew this because I'm a big fan of Glenn Hughes, formerly of Deep Purple,
Trapeze, Black Sabbath, his own stuff, Black Country Communion.
So he's like, you know, a very accomplished, very good singer and bassist.
So I saw on his website that he updated his tour information,
and Sedalia, Missouri was on there, and the Mozart Festival.
I'm like, huh, never heard of that, but I got tickets because I want to see Glenn Hughes.
But then when I got to seeing the three days this festival is,
and seeing the bands that are on it, I'm like, maybe I'll go for three days.
It has bands like Revisiting Credence,
which is a couple of guys from Credence Clearwater Revival.
I don't know if they're originals, but they were in there somewhere.
Dan McGinnis and Kurt Griffey, lead vocal and lead guitar respectively,
performed, I know it's not John Fogerty,
but I think this guy might have taken over after he left.
There's Low Cash, who is, I don't know what you would call him,
kind of backwards or something, backwards something.
And then they have Starship with Mickey Thomas.
And then this is the one that got me besides Glenn Hughes, Molly Hatchet.
Oh, dude!
Yes, Molly Hatchet.
We don't have to go.
Well, I'm going to the Glenn Hughes one.
Molly Hatchet is the first night, Friday.
So I'll have to go to Friday.
And then Saturday I think I'm going to skip because that's like a bunch of country acts.
So anyhow.
I'm there. I'll take a vacation day.
Hell yeah.
I would love to see Molly.
Molly Hatchet was named after the famous 17th century axe murderess, Hatchet Molly,
who would behead her lovers with a hand tool Lizzie Borden made famous.
Did you know that?
Right.
OK.
Right.
But I just love their music.
Yeah.
Their music is awesome.
Glenn Hughes, he was a very accomplished guy.
He's going to be playing.
Very, very.
He's going to be playing Sunday night.
There's a bunch of other bands there.
Head East is going to be there.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
The Kings of Queen.
I don't know.
We may have to do a weekend and do a live.
Yeah.
Petra is going to be there.
Seven Bridges.
Who?
Petra.
Anyhow.
Yeah, the Christian Rock band.
Yes.
Yeah.
They're very good.
Yeah.
Their age stuff was awesome.
Yeah.
There's a really good, highly.
You cannot tell the Christian Rock from rock on the radio.
No, I know.
Yeah.
There's Black Magic, which is a tribute to Carlos Santana.
It has a lot of really good guitars you probably never heard of, but it's supposed to be a
top notch program to listen or to watch and to listen.
That would be a good one to see too.
They're on Friday night.
Yeah.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
I've been saying that as my life.
Yeah.
Mozart, sounds like a pretty good festival.
I never knew existed.
I never heard of it either.
It's in September, September 21st or 20th through the 22nd, I believe is what it is.
It's Friday through Sunday.
At least it's going to be there Sunday to see Glenn Hughes.
I'm going to try to make it there Friday to see Molly Hatchett.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Anyhow.
Let's do what we can do.
Yeah, let's do it.
We'll talk.
Let's take our first break and we're going to come back.
I got some emails.
Sound good?
All right.
Sounds good.
I hope.
Yeah.
I think they're pretty good.
I hope they're good ones.
They're pretty good this week.
They're pretty good.
All right, man.
We'll be right back.
All right.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Dandelion can be stewed with wild mustard and wild garlic for a very tasty stew.
You could even introduce our old friend the hickory nut for a bit of smoky flavor.
Now, from a center around Funker, Camden in Missouri, stocked full of dried goods, canned
a couple of vibrating toys, and some ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rad.
And my dog brings me the same toy.
Is it because it's his favorite toy or he thinks it's mine?
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent.
That's right.
Smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camden, Missouri.
Go receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
May every empty parking space you see in the distance actually contain a motorcycle.
All aware of the amber alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads, kids.
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Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
And who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone.
Hi all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beard, bitch.
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Wanna run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags
in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
And we are back.
This is Two Douchebags in Microfilm Podcast.
I'm Mark.
And I am Rob Ratt.
Almost forgot to tell my name.
Anyhow.
Which is funny because my permanent work is running around calling me Rob Ratt.
I love it.
He listens time to time.
That's cool.
Awesome.
Cool.
Tell him.
I love it.
I'm eating it up.
Hey, ask him if he's going to buy your jigsaw puzzle.
I need to.
Yeah, you do.
Okay, well like I said, that's awesome.
Yeah, now that we're distracted again like usual.
Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome though.
He calls you Rob Ratt.
That name's catching on.
Yeah, he tells me, what's up Rob Ratt?
Right in front of somebody else.
Tell him to buy your jigsaw puzzle and also you have his pencil shavings if he figures
out a fake story of the week.
Your fake story of mine.
Either one.
He can figure out either one and when he does, tell him that you will bring his pencil shavings
the next day.
Oh, hell no.
We work at a metal shop.
I run the saw.
I'll make him steel shavings.
There we go.
All right.
Well, in case anyone's wondering, we have a fake story each week.
I have one.
I'll make for my foreman, Mark.
Yeah, he shares the same name as me.
Oh, okay, cool.
And honestly, he's a very, very good friend.
He sounds like it.
So, okay, he can get metal shavings, but we promised pencil shavings.
The only one that figures out our fake story of the week.
I'm really going on the second week now, I think as of Wednesday evening.
It'll be two weeks if no one figures it out and I will have one finally.
And you are going to put your out.
You won the last one.
No one caught it.
Yeah, mine's not even out yet.
So anyhow, yeah.
I had 10 awards and it's going to be a good one.
I tried to disguise the last one with Coca-Cola, but someone that worked at the Lenexa bottling plant sniffed it out.
So this time I disguised it.
I'm living in the city.
Yep.
Well, you know what?
I work here.
What do you do?
Okay.
Anyhow.
Hey, D-Bags.
Any way you could get an interview with interesting people?
Just trying to help.
The podcast is great.
Well, the podcast is great.
Why do you want other people on it?
No, anyone interesting will not be on our show.
Go ahead.
Okay.
I was going to go back to you and Topher with some of your other guests that you had live.
Well, yeah, that's when we were doing it.
I'm thinking that's where this person is.
Oh, you know what?
He probably is.
Okay.
Hey, what was his name?
He didn't get one.
Something Sky.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Deep Sky.
Deep Sky, yeah.
I'm thinking that's probably about what he's thinking.
We call him Deep Sky, but he called himself Brandon.
But we know that wasn't his name.
Because I called him Brandon.
He's long gone.
He forgot that he called himself Brandon.
I called him Brandon a couple of times during the interview, and he didn't even look at me.
So I know it was a fake name.
So anyhow.
And we don't know.
I mean, there's just something going on there.
He knows a lot of stuff.
So anyhow, when I called him back and text him and stuff, he really flipped out when I tried to take his picture for the podcast.
And then he kind of excused himself really, really soon after that.
So I don't think he trusts us anymore, which sucks, because I would love to have him on more.
But anyhow, I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, I listen to that one.
Dude, he was.
I like him.
I would have.
I'd like to have him back myself.
Whether you believe him or not, it's irrelevant.
He is a very organized, very intelligent person that gets his message across.
So I mean, and like, you know, like always, you probably believe 70 percent of it and 30 percent think it was added on.
That's what we all do.
So, you know, he's very entertaining, nevertheless.
So all right.
Next one.
Hey, man, I live in Dodge City, Kansas, too.
How about a shout out to me?
Ricky and Dodge City.
Ricky, we love you, man.
Dodge City.
Yeah.
I'm glad to hear from you.
Yeah, thanks, Ricky.
Man, we have half a Dodge City listening now.
Hi, old boy.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, grandma.
Hi, Jimmy.
We love you guys.
Hope you guys are safe.
Nope, nope, nope.
Now we got to add, hi, Ricky.
OK.
It keeps growing now.
So I guess every podcast, we celebrate Dodge City, Kansas.
I guess so.
Since half the town's listening, we have all the Montrose listening.
Hey, hey, hey, grandma and Jimmy, they got to be there, man.
They got to be there.
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, guys.
I'm not trying to bring up a sensitive subject, but how is Rob doing on his sobriety?
Just concerned, Chris.
Actually, I'm doing pretty good.
I'm doing pretty good.
And Chris is a good guy.
He was really concerned about you.
Right, right.
I know who you're talking about.
Yes.
Yep.
Well, you and I have talked off the air, especially tonight.
Yes.
That's going to be a major help.
Yes, I agree.
I agree 100%.
I just can't say anything on the air yet.
You know what?
I tell some of my personal life that I keep most of it out.
I keep my work life out.
I keep a lot of things out because it just works better like that.
And not saying that we're a big, huge podcast or nothing.
I just think it's easier just keeping everything on the surface, and you might do so yourself.
Right, right.
But if I can get going what I'm trying to get going, this could be a big thing.
And I'll be happy.
And it'll help me work on other things like my sobriety.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I felt that too, especially when you told me tonight about how everything is.
I think it's a good thing.
Yeah, I do too.
I hope that you keep going.
Chris, thank you.
He's doing okay.
Yes, thank you, Chris.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
He probably will email you on the Facebook page if you have one there.
Do you have one there?
Actually, I don't think I have the email.
You see, Chris doesn't mind me saying this.
I asked him.
He's a recovering alcoholic, and that's why he took such interest in you.
Well, then he may be somebody I need to talk to.
Yes, that's what I said.
Do you have an email connected to that?
He takes so much into this podcast, and he listens all the time.
You know that.
Yeah, he's a great listener.
Yeah, I would appreciate talking to you, Chris.
I really would.
Yeah, okay.
All right, I'll set it up somehow.
At the end of each podcast, you guys mention...
Oh, wait.
Oh, I skipped over.
Hey, man, I love the show, but I feel the parody skits are a little too raunchy.
Any way you can mulling them out a bit?
Mario in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
No.
We don't get so raunchy on a regular program.
We let the parody bits do it, right?
Well, yes, we started out getting raunchy.
Yeah, but we kind of got a...
But, yeah, we're working on it.
We've got a system here.
We've got a format that we think is going to work better than just constantly saying
fuck and shit and all that stuff.
We think we're adding a little bit of substance to it, talking about real subjects.
So you get the ha-ha's.
Hopefully, I mean, hopefully you have a sense of humor like me
and you enjoy dirty jokes and stuff like that
and strange insults from an alien and moves
no one gives a shit about the new segment.
Hey, what'd you think of that?
I put one in there.
Moves no one gives a shit about.
Did you like that?
The new parody I got on the podcast I talked about?
Yeah, I loved that.
Yeah.
So, and there's some other new ones coming up.
We are going to probably, tomorrow night,
we're going to translate what your cat says.
So you send us in your cat meowing
and we're going to tell you we have a cat translator right here.
And the cat translator is going to translate what your cat is telling you.
So I got a guy right now.
His name is Rich and he's from, you know what,
let's say he's Rich from Adrian, okay?
Let's just say that.
Rich from Adrian is going to send in his cat's meow
and we're going to decode it for him right here on this program.
Sound good?
Yeah, sounds great.
I can't wait for this.
It sounds interesting.
So Mario and Sioux Falls, this is the way we're doing it.
I mean, you know.
Sioux Falls.
And they're not that raunchy.
I mean.
Yeah.
Okay, anyhow, you know what, okay.
At the end of each podcast.
We have really cleaned it up.
And we might even clean it up more.
We're just focusing on a lot of absurd stories
and just talking about stuff that doesn't make sense,
some things that would make sense.
You know, we're just topical guys.
We want to be like the barber shop where people come in
and just start bullshitting about anything,
whether it's sports, music, weather, whatever.
We want to be the barber shop of you guys.
That's all we want to be.
And so anyhow, at the end of each podcast,
you guys mentioned assholes.
Are these people you don't like?
If so, please give us a back story.
Also, who is Johnny and Opal?
Yeah.
I'll tell them.
We'll tell them again.
Who is Johnny and Opal?
That's Jimmy and Opal, not Johnny.
Thanks, K-Dog and Philly.
Okay, it's Johnny and Opal.
And Johnny, Jimmy and Opal, not Johnny and Opal.
He said it's Johnny and Opal.
It's Jimmy and Opal.
And they're from Dodge City, Kansas.
And he got his grandma to listen.
And his grandma loves the show.
So he downloads the show every time we do one.
And he brings the show to her and she listens to it.
That's Opal and Jimmy is her grandson.
And she's like 80 years old.
Over 80, he said.
I don't know.
Somewhat over 80.
Over 80.
Yeah, and we're honored.
We're honored that she likes the show.
And we love that.
And then now we got a new guy.
What was his name?
Ricky in Dodge City, Kansas.
So we got half the town listening.
So anyhow, assholes are our fans.
Yeah.
We got to call them something.
So we call them assholes.
I'm going to go.
We're douchebags or listeners or assholes.
Yes.
It's like you go to any radio station, big radio station,
you have followers.
They have nicknames.
Yes.
Our nickname for our douchebag listeners.
You're not quite the same.
You're not quite douchebags.
You're assholes.
Yes.
So anyhow, that's what assholes are.
And it said a term of endearment is not bad.
Yes.
Very endearment.
And it's not Johnny.
It's Jimmy and Opal.
Anyhow, Mark, I have a really good voice synthesizer for you.
I want you to check out Matt and Casey.
The only reason I put this on here is because, Matt, thank you.
I wanted to thank you on this program here because that is one hell of a one.
And that's going to help me with a lot of parody stuff that I've got coming up.
I've got stuff I really want to do that I'm limited to because I don't have the equipment.
This voice synthesizer deal that he sent me, some of it's AI, some of it's real people, is fantastic.
And I might be able to get some of the much needed kids' voices, older persons' voices.
You know what I mean?
I need different ages of males and females to do these bits because they can't all be like me and you.
Going, oh, hey, you know what I mean?
It gets boring if it's just two people doing that.
And then we got Chad, the voice guy.
And he does a great job.
But if it's just us three doing everything, it's going to get very boring.
So this voice synthesizer is going to go a long ways in helping us sound more professional.
So not that we are, but you know.
All right.
And finally, douchebags.
We just think we are.
Yeah, we just think we are.
Yeah, we're just.
Even though Brussels, Belgium is our number eight.
What did that one guy say that was making fun of me on the email?
He said playing radio.
He said Mark playing radio, something like that.
Yeah, I'm playing radio.
There you go.
Yeah.
You're not.
So anyhow.
Oh, we cannot forget Purdue Canada is our number two.
Purdue Canada is awesome.
We even have more.
Wow.
I don't know where they came from.
Our number one in America is Des Moines, Kansas City.
No, no, no.
Damn it.
Boardman.
The first number two is a UA.
It doesn't tell us where they're from.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not.
Purdue Canada.
Number three is Des Moines.
And then number four is KC Mo.
Number five is.
I just said it.
I can't think of any.
Yeah.
Number eight.
Number eight is Brussels, Belgium.
We got a lot of listeners there and I don't know why.
Dude, that one got me bad.
How did they find out?
I cannot forget.
How did they find out about us?
Number one.
Number two.
How do they find out about us and get like a bunch of people to listen?
It's funny.
Especially looking at the numbers.
Yeah.
Wow.
Someone from Brussels, email us.
Email us.
Tell us about yourself.
We want to know.
OK, let me go ahead and finish this off.
Anywhere outside of the United States.
Email us.
Yeah, email us.
Well, email us from Des Moines.
You guys used to, but I haven't had any in the last couple of weeks from Des Moines.
Yeah.
So keep emailing us Des Moines.
We love hearing from you.
KC, I got my followers.
Jimmy and KC, Matt and KC, Johnny and KC.
I mean, we have our regulars that email us.
Well, Johnny's in Overland Park.
And then the other two are in KC.
But anyhow, we have those three guys that email us, but we want more people too.
So anyhow, this is the final one.
Douchebags.
We're thinking about a band for the Civil War enactment.
What type of music do you want?
Oh, I know where this is coming from.
Well, we're going to have to get together and decide what kind of music.
I think bluegrass.
Oh, definitely.
It's got to be bluegrass.
The Civil War enactment, yeah.
We've got to have picking.
We've got to have very fast picking on this shit.
So could Rob maybe dust off his DJ equipment and spin some tunes afterwards?
What do you think, Rob? Think you got it in you?
Oh, hell yeah.
There you go.
Rob's the DJ.
Okay.
Here we go.
I do happen to have a cork horn that is setting around.
That is the general that plays generally plays DC.
Well, you got to bring that with you when we go to Montrose.
Oh, got to.
I got a feeling they're going to want to buy it from me.
Yeah.
I don't know if I can let go of it though.
If I know Montrose, like I think I know them, they will offer you big bucks for it.
They'll probably offer you a truck shell.
Yeah, it's got like seven different horns on it.
A 74 Ford trailer off the back of a Ford truck.
And let's see what else.
No, 74 Ford.
I want the whole truck.
Well, I'm just trying to estimate what they have to offer you.
I know.
Oh, okay.
Anyhow, well, we plan on a full force takeover of Merwin, Missouri.
You guys in?
I don't know.
We get down there, anything can happen.
I know.
I don't trust Merwin.
I hear banjos every time I go through that little town.
It says they want their dirt track.
They're trying to take over Merwin to have their dirt track down there.
Have you ever been to the Merwin dirt track?
No.
Oh, it's pretty cool.
I didn't even know they had one.
Yeah, they do.
They're not very popular, but they have one.
Anyhow, PS, could Rob find us a tree trimmer?
We have to clean out the campgrounds for the huge event.
Well, Rob, you've got to find a tree trimmer.
Do you think you can get one of them?
Yeah, I can.
But wait, there's more.
My daughter's boyfriend trims trees for a living.
Maybe we can get him to come down and trim everything up for the big event.
You think?
Yeah, we might be able to.
Well, let's see if they're still together by then.
Okay, all right.
If not, we'll...
No, anytime I go over to visit, he's up in the tree.
He's clearing the trees out around the house.
Okay.
All right, we'll figure it out, Montrose.
Yeah, well, for you guys out, you know we will.
And he said, oh, and a good blue tick hunting dog.
Do you think you can get one of them?
We have a horrible raccoon issue.
Chet and Montrose.
I think you can come over to the blue tick.
Sorry, can't do it.
Now, I do have a beagle.
Okay, we'll bring the beagle.
I bet you he'll get off the raccoon.
No, yeah, boss, don't worry.
Everybody will get me, boss.
I cannot leave him at home.
Okay, there you go.
So you got boss, you got boss the beagle.
Boss the beagle will run off all those dirty little raccoons.
So...
Yeah, he'll run off anything.
All right, Montrose.
He's a good little dog.
I can't wait, man.
I'm starting to get stoked for this big Montrose shindig.
What about you?
I know, man.
This is...this is sound fun.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, let's take our second break,
and we're going to come back with your stuff.
How's that?
Sounds good.
All right, we'll be right back.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Whenever I mow my lawn,
then I look back at the front yard,
and there's always a couple of blades sticking up.
Are those the blades of grass that were smart enough to duck?
Hmm.
I may never know.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Well, that new Hanson CD is just a laptop.
Uh-huh.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh, my God.
I think we're safe.
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh, my God.
My wife said I should do lunches to stay in shape.
That is a big step forward.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You have the personality of a soggy newspaper.
Brick Shithouse Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shithouse Energy Drink.
Make men and women go crazy.
Chow on their balls.
Who wants to fuck shit up?
Run for a scum across America.
Brick Shithouses are useful.
Please enjoy Brick Shithouse Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
A ship turning red paint and a ship turning blue paint collide.
They were all moored.
This is a voice guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
People often ask us how they can find us when doing a remote broadcast.
One, smell.
Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark fuzzy urine.
Two, look for the spot absent of patrons.
Three, the most telling sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
Four, just call us at 816-512-7717.
Rob, like promised, we hand it over to you.
Well, I got another movie reboot.
All right.
And it's that, yeah, I think you're going to like this one, too.
Mm-hmm.
Bands of Nicholas Cage are up to anything.
A Wicker Man reboot, that's unintentionally hilarious.
Mm-hmm.
Or a Charlie Kaufman project like Adoption, in which he plays two characters incredibly well.
But Face Off 2?
Uh-huh.
Get ready for it.
Okay.
In a thrilling turn of events for cinema enthusiasts, the much anticipated sequel of the 1997 sci-fi action thriller, Face Off, which for the record was unintentionally hilarious.
Yes.
It is officially incoming.
Cool.
Both Cage and his original co-star, John Travolta, will reprise their iconic roles.
This might come as a surprise given that it's been more than two decades since the first film.
But at the box office, fans probably remember it.
It's audacious plot and the light grain and not over-the-top performances.
Yeah. Cool.
So, yeah, they're saying there is a Face Off, Part 2 coming.
I'm going to be awaiting that. That ought to be good. I hope so.
I still have the DVD.
Cool.
And I watch it time and time.
When I can't find it on TV, I'll pop it in.
That's cool. Rob, you know Gen Z, we talk about him a lot, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
The infamous generation... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We kind of have a fascination for him, wouldn't you say?
Yeah, we do.
Yeah. We have a very curious fascination of you guys and how you work.
So, anyhow, the infamous generation that canceled the thumbs-up emoji is now going after the index finger.
As if Gen Z wasn't spoiling enough fun activities of late, Zoomers are now reportedly refusing to scroll phones with their pointer fingers,
to avoid looking like the old and out-of-touch baby boomers.
That's according to a nationwide poll conducted by the makers of the game Candy Crush,
who set out to shed light on the differences in the ways different generations use their mobile devices.
They found that 80% of Gen Zers that born between 1997 and 2012 use their thumbs to pursue their smartphones.
Jam Press reported.
So, okay. I don't know how well that works.
You imagine using your two thumbs trying to work stuff like that?
Would that be counterproductive?
I would think so.
So they do this to not look like baby boomers, but all they're doing is making their life more complicated, in my opinion.
I mean, you know, it's got to be really hard to navigate that little screen with your thumbs.
They're just not really meant to do that. Your index finger is meant to do that.
Even your middle finger is meant to do that. But your thumbs know.
So, I don't know. Whatever.
And I got a little another thing for you. You hear about Tyreek Hill?
The latest?
Uh, it was really not. I ain't read about him lately.
Well, Tyreek Hill kind of mulled off a little bit.
And he said that he was extremely insulted when the Kansas City Chiefs gave Isaiah Pacheco, Pacheco, Pacheco, whatever his name is, the number 10.
The number 10. Because that was Tyreek Hill's number.
And he felt like out of respect that they, I guess, should retire it.
How many years was he here?
Yeah, yeah. Can I say something to Tyreek Hill right now?
Go ahead. I'm sure he's listening.
The number is not retired, dude.
I know. It's fair game.
Sorry, Tyreek.
Yeah.
Okay, carry on.
Okay. Well, that was just it. Let's see. He spent one, two, three, six seasons with the Chiefs.
Okay. Which is decent. But that's not a lifelong achievement award by any means.
And you also asked for a trade. So why would we even give a shit about preserving your number?
Why should you get put in the Ring of Honor?
Yeah, he shouldn't. And he's never going to be there, I don't think, because of his actions.
You know, he wanted a trade.
Absolutely. You're closer to being in the Ring of Honor in Miami.
Yes. You said that Tua Tegavaiola was this great quarterback, more accurate than Patrick Mahomes,
and you guys were just going to just kill the whole NFL. So go be a part of Miami. Be their guy.
You're not our guy. Get out of here. Quit mouthing off about it.
He talks more about the Chiefs being over there than he ever did here.
To be honest, wasn't it the year he went to Miami? Kansas City played in the Super Bowl in Miami. Was it that year?
No, no, no. He was on that team when they played with Miami, and they won it.
That was the first one against San Francisco in Miami, and that was right before COVID hit.
Yeah. I was saying, he had just left.
The next one was the COVID Bowl. They played in it, but Tampa Bay kicked the shit out of us in it.
And then they didn't go the following year, and now they went the last two years, and they won them both.
So, naturally, should they give Pacheco the number two number, since he won two Super Bowls with us and Tyreek has not?
Yeah. Yeah. There you go. There you go, Tyreek.
Sounds good.
We're going to give Pacheco the number two because he's won two Super Bowls, not like you.
Just saying. Just saying.
Just saying.
That's right. Rob, we turn it to you.
Well, I'm staying in the movies, but I'm going a different way.
All right.
Who hasn't seen Joe Dirt a million times?
Every time that thing comes on, I get nothing done.
I swear up and down, I'm not going to watch them. I'm like, okay, I've seen this two million times. I can recite everything.
And two hours later, there I am. Oh, man, this is great.
Well, you're going to love this story, buddy.
Okay.
If you're a fan of the iconic David Spade comedy, then you'll probably remember Joe Dirt's cluckered car he had in the film.
Well, that car was just sold for a massive fortune.
Okay. How much?
The car in question is a Daytona Dodge Charger, and it was sold for $330,000.
Wow.
A very happy sum for many. Well, this goes into which vehicle it was.
In the film, the particular Joe Dirt picks up the charger at an infant lot.
Yeah.
He's there to collect his Plymouth GTX, which got impounded after he got caught in a hot air balloon in a thunderstorm. Long story.
Okay.
That's what it says.
Dirt is unable to collect the car due to not having enough money.
Wow.
Instead, he buys the Daytona as a loaner car for $450.
Car enthusiasts would find this particularly funny, as Daytonas are fairly rare.
In that, there's 503 of them in existence.
Likewise, only 70 had a 6.9 liter Hemi, like in the film.
Yep.
So it's very unlikely that someone would sell the car for $450.
I miss my 3-day Hemi, Rob.
I bet.
I do. I'm in tears. I'm lost without it. I don't know what to do.
Well, here we go.
Okay.
Joe Dirt's Daytona, the one from the movie, The Piece of Crap, sold at Barrett-Jackson Auto Show.
The show drew car lovers from all over, as well as some deep pockets.
Double cars at the show went for over a million. While the Joe Dirt car didn't catch that much,
it did get several thousand, about a hundred thousand for the car, which is $330.
But here's a little extra. While the car made an acquistage, it's not actually a rust bucket.
In fact, the rough exterior is just a rubber paint job to the movie.
Uh-huh.
Interior-wise and engine-wise, the car is in excellent condition.
Mm-hmm.
After Joe Dirt was filmed, the studio auctioned off the Daytona in 2002.
Okay.
At that time, it went for a small $18,000.
Wow. Okay. Wow.
And now it just turned around and sold for $333,000.
Geez. What a profit. I would like to know what percentage of profit it is.
Just because of the movie, dude. And it was the Clunker vehicle.
Yeah, I know. I know.
It wasn't even the GTX.
Yeah, it wasn't even the Hot Rod. Wow.
Which he brought back in the end of the movie.
Yeah. Um, Rob, I got one for you.
What?
I was just talking about Gen Z's, right?
Yeah.
I'm going to talk about them again.
Why not?
There's a growing movement. Yeah, why not? We might as well just fucking ride this thing out.
We like talking about them.
We do. This is Enduring Gen Z. Come here. Give us a hug. Come on.
We know we're old Xers, but come on. Give us a hug. Come on.
Hey, hey. We are the generation that came out with the Obama, okay?
I'll go again.
There we go.
There is a growing movement among Gen Z's to do away with smartphones and revert back to less smartphones,
like old school flip and slide phones.
Flip phones were popular in the mid-1990s and 2000s, but now seem to be making a comeback among younger people.
A flip phone is actually one of my very first internet phones,
and that's the one that kept connecting to the old man's new Chrysler van.
It was the very first Bluetooth on any phone, and he had the very first Bluetooth on any van,
and I didn't even know what Bluetooth was. It just said it was connected.
So, yeah, those flip phones are like the beginnings of when they came up with a smartphone.
So, anyhow...
Sorry, sorry. I had to mute you on that because I got laughing so hard because I remember that story.
Oh, that story is awesome.
That's the crap we used to do.
Do I dare tell it again?
Nah, nah, nah.
You know what? Listen to old episodes.
Anyhow, basically, I kept connecting to him. I'll just give a rough draft and then leave it there.
Okay. Basically, I used to park next to him under the shade tree where I worked.
He was this old guy that wore a cowboy hat and kind of fancied him a cowboy,
and he used to be like really weird talk, like,
man, you're just a real jokester, aren't you there, Mark?
Boy, man, you're a humdinger.
And he used to say shit like that, right? So he was easy game.
So, anyhow, he'd take his cowboy hat out there and take his backward smokes.
That's what he smoked, backward smokes.
And he lighted it up in his van and just sit back there and listen to country music or something.
I don't know, whatever he did.
So all of a sudden, my Bluetooth kept connecting to something.
I had no idea what the Bluetooth was on my foot phone,
the Internet-ready foot phone that I just got from Sprint, actually.
So I'm like, what the hell is this?
And then I noticed my stuff that was on the Internet was going on his speakers.
So I found a station previously the day before called K-Polk,
and I drove him nuts with that fucking K-Polk.
He actually ended up turning that van in.
He went down there to the dealer and raced hell with him.
He said, man, I told him there was a defect. I saw it on TV.
And it kept like ringing in polka music.
He was so pissed, they almost called the cops on him.
I think they might have almost did a restraining order.
Maybe they did.
He ended up trading it in. He was so pissed off.
So anyhow, okay.
So anyhow, while this may seem like a counterintuitive trend in our technology reliant society,
a Reddit forum dedicated to dumb phones is steadily gaining in popularity.
According to CNBC's new report, flip phone sales are on the rise in the US.
There are very few reasons why, including nostalgia and yearning to an idealized version of the past,
going into a digital detox and also increasingly privacy concerns, which is true.
Because how are all these people getting hacked, right?
A lot of them have to do with your smartphone.
Your information is on your credit cards.
Everything is on there.
So if someone hacks into that somehow, they got everything they need to make your life hell.
So, you know, and steal your money, whatever, you know.
So nostalgia is a complex emotion that involves reconnecting with the happy emotions of an idealized past
by recalling positive moments. And that's true.
Think of all the times you had a bad time when we were growing up.
You had a good friend who was a good chick and she hated you.
I don't know, you gained a couple pounds and people called you fatty.
You didn't have the best clothes, the best shirts.
You didn't have straight teeth, whatever it could be, right?
Your past wasn't as great as you make it in your mind.
You grandize and glorify everything and you skip over the bad moments.
You go, oh, that was so much fun.
You make everything like it was easy when actually it wasn't.
And people try to connect to that by grandizing their past
and making it into this grand thing and this beautiful thing
when actually there's a lot of learning curves, a lot of getting kicked in the teeth by life,
a lot of dick in the dirt moments.
But we choose to gloss over that and glorify everything in the past, right?
Right. Right. Right.
So over the years marketers have realized that nostalgia is a powerful way
to invoke positive emotions so much so that nostalgia marketing
has become a recognized marketing strategy.
It leverages positive memories and feelings associated with the past
to create an emotional connection with consumers.
And I agree with that 100%.
If I see something that lurches me back to the happy time that I see in my mind of childhood,
I cannot resist it.
Pinball machine, I'm going to get one in here.
Oh my God, yes.
That Coke machine, I'm going to find a way.
I'm going to get a lift or something.
That Coke machine is going to be in here.
You see, that's nostalgia.
I cannot quit thinking about that.
I want those things. I want them right here.
I want them in the Talk is Cheap studio.
I feed off of that energy.
I'm all over myself and I ain't got no room for it.
We feed off of that energy. You see what I mean?
That nostalgia, that glory of the past, that being a kid,
not having to worry about anything.
You know, so anyhow, a wealth of research shows that nostalgia can result
in consumers being willing to pay more, enhance brand ties,
increase purchase intention, and increase digital brand engagement.
Nostalgia may be a driving factor behind people purchasing flip phones
because they evoke memories of a previous era in mobile communications.
But nostalgia marketing doesn't just target the younger generations.
It's also a powerful tool for advertising to those who grew up using older mobile phones.
Nokia is an example of a company that understands this well.
A YouTube advertiser from Nokia's 2720B Flip shows how brands can use nostalgia marketing
to appeal to customers.
This goes on for a long time, but I feel I probably covered the just of what I wanted to cover.
And what I've been saying all along, and I believe in my heart,
is to marketing that works better than anything that you can come up with,
better than Lo Quiero Taco Bell, or You Can Call Me Ray, or You Can Call Me Jay,
or Where's the Beef.
This is what works better. Nostalgia and Gorilla Marketing.
Gorilla Marketing, there's a hot chick at Starbucks, right?
And she's playing this new video game on her phone.
And she just walks up and goes, Hey, what's up? Hey, nah, not much. Whatcha doin'?
Oh, I'm playing this cool new game. It's called Zetard. I don't know, whatever.
Oh, wow, man, Zetard is so cool, man. And you love it because that hot chick loves it.
And you think that she's like kind of flirting with you,
when actually she was paid to be there at Starbucks to show all the men that hot chicks love that game.
Just like the Pabst, like I talked about Westport.
You know, we're in Westport and all of a sudden these hot chicks and these skirts,
these denim skirts and cowboy boots started throwing belt buckles and shirts.
And they bought the whole round Buzzer Beach.
They bought the whole bar, upstairs and downstairs, around the Pabst.
And then they started going around talking to people,
giving them shirts, giving them hats, giving them belt buckles.
And next thing you know, Pabst was a big thing.
And it took relatively little money, respectively, talking about corporations here,
to regenerate that band, that brand, and bring it to younger people just like that.
And the other thing is nostalgia.
Nostalgia gets people in the droves because we all appeal to that day of our youth, that glory.
Man, everything's great. Everything's lovely.
So there you go.
Anyhow, we are going well into the evening here.
And I know you've got to work in the morning.
So Rob, do you have anything you want to go into before we say goodnight to these fine folks?
Yeah, I've got one last thing.
All right.
I have a list of a few things to do if you come to Lake of the Ozarks this weekend.
Okay.
Okay, first off, the Dogwood Festival.
I've heard about that.
This weekend, the late April 26th to 28th, that way I put the dates out there.
The annual festival starts on Thursday and takes place in downtown Tandon Town.
A.K.A. Rob's Town.
Yes, right here, right where I live.
I will see Rob walking around in his 76 striped shorts up to his waist and his nuts hanging out.
Because that's the way he rolls with Bobby's socks.
With my two officials, two douchebags and my phone t-shirt.
That's right.
So he has the 76 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shorts pulled up past his belly button on those two straps.
I love those, dude.
I love those.
His nuts hanging out.
Bobby's socks almost up to his knees.
Sandals and a two douchebags and microphone t-shirt.
You can't miss him.
Anyhow, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
With my name on the back, Rob Ratt.
That's right.
And even his foreman knows he's Rob Ratt.
Yes, yes.
There will be showcases, vendors, a carnival, a parade and more.
Nice.
Also around the lake, boat show open house.
Join LFTA 11 Marine and Repower Center for the boat show open house.
Explore lace, bottles, deals and the double rebate offer.
The event is from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday and 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday.
Cool.
Okay, I'm reporting on this because I'm reading it on the internet.
Okay.
And you go Lake Expo to find this.
Okay.
Well, we happen to build trailers for LSK.
Oh, cool.
Pimp away.
I have it definitely filled in there.
Look, they give you money.
They give you food.
Pimp away.
Okay, here's another one.
Okay.
Kids Harbor Barbecue Bash.
This is a good one, Dave.
Okay, sounds good.
Come out to Barbecue Fund and Live Music at high tide to support Kids Harbor,
a local nonprofit that serves endangered and neglected children.
The event runs from 1 to 5 on Saturday.
Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.
Now that, that, yeah, that has a place in my heart right there.
Very cool.
Oh, and then we have an annual Clown Golf Classic.
Okay.
The party starts at night before at Osage National Golf Club
with auctions and complimentary cocktails and hors d'oeuvres on Saturday.
The annual tournament then kicks off at 8 a.m.
only supporting the Driege Factory nonprofit.
Cool.
Yeah.
All right.
That's always a good one.
They usually make a lot of money for the kids.
That's excellent.
Good.
I'm glad you reported on that.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's all I had on that.
All right.
That's what's happening this weekend at Lake of the Ozarks.
Come on down.
It looks like the water's warm.
Stick your foot in.
Okay.
I dare you.
Watch out for the cold weather elevators.
That water's going to be like 50 degrees, dude.
Just jump in.
It's warm.
I tell you.
They heat it around Camden.
Nuts first.
Yes.
They have heaters in the water down in Camden and the water is warm.
You can jump in.
You'll stay warm.
Yes.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
So before some idiot jumps in, allegedly.
So we're going to say goodbye.
Rob's going to say goodbye, but I'm going to make Walt Bodine smacking noises like he
used to on KCUR radio.
God rest his soul.
Yeah.
So you go ahead and say goodbye and I'm going to make the smacking noises that Walt Bodine
very famously used to make as a tribute to him.
Okay.
All right.
Go ahead, Rob.
Say goodbye.
Sounds awesome.
Good night, assholes.
Talk to you tomorrow night.
Oh no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.