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Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said,
I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of...
This is the origin of the Big Mac.
The original Big Mac sauce was created in 1968 at a McDonald's in Pittsburgh
by a franchise owner named Jim Delegati to serve with the Big Mac itself.
The sauce first came in two different flavors,
but then they were ultimately combined by McDonald's head honcho Ray Kroc in 1972
in order to ensure consistency.
Two Deucebags and a Microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the Deucebags get stung by a scorpion beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free Deucebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a Deucebag looking at you.
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Hi all, this is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm.
If at first you don't succeed,
maybe you shouldn't try skydiving.
Just a thought.
Hmm.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
Hello everybody. Two Deucebags and microphone. I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Thanks for joining us.
Rob, you know Crocs, right?
You know those crazy...
Yeah, yeah I hate them.
Well there's a new Crocs out.
And it's Pringles Crocs.
Pringles Crocs.
Yeah, Pringles as in the chips.
Yeah.
It's a collaboration of both of them.
This did not surprise me.
On Thursday, the Crocs shoe company announced all new set of kicks with Pringles.
And no, it's not just slapping mustaches on everything.
But rather it's making footwear that's actually useful to everyone who can't go a single step without their chips.
In total, the two companies have come together.
You see this is going to go well with what you have coming up Rob.
We got two...
Yeah, we're off the wall tonight.
Yeah, yeah. That's cool.
I like ones like this.
Where we just got crazy stories after crazy stories.
So...
Okay, so you know.
It's not just putting mustaches on everything like the crazy Pringle bastard that they have on their cans.
In total, the two companies have come together to create three limited edition Pringles inspired designs.
With a suite of Pringles themed gibbets charms to help you fully deck out the look.
The new drop includes the Pringles...
And they're using these new words on here like kicks and drops and stuff like that.
I'm not doing this. It's this article.
I don't use kicks and drop. I would say shoes and the news.
But anyhow, the new drop includes Pringles X Crocs Classic Crush Boot.
Made with the classic Pringles red and a stacked crisp heel.
The boots also sport a first of its kind custom holster to store a grab and go Pringles can.
So fashion...so fashion it is...or what they call it.
Fashion...you know what? Fuck them.
Alright. Anyhow.
I'm not going to read anymore of that stupid article because the writer there...
He thinks he's too smart. Anyhow. He's fucking boring.
So...anyhow.
And there's all the food and wine.
Let's see. What the hell?
Shit.
I guess the name of the...the name of the website is Food and Wine.
Anyhow, whoever wrote this, fuck you. It's stupid.
But anyhow, it's as stupid as Crocs.
Crocs and especially Kringle or Pringle...
Crocs. You see, he's got me fucked up now.
Okay. For one thing, Crocs are dangerous on wet pavement.
Yes they are.
Once too many people get hurt because they're slick.
Wait. You get hurt.
Yeah. Yeah. People talk about how comfortable they are.
I talk about how dangerous they are. They really are.
Yeah. Me too.
I watched my ex break a couple bones in her body wearing Crocs.
Walking on wet floors.
Crocs...yeah. They're not...and they have absolutely no foot support at all.
It's like walking around barefooted.
So if you want fucked up feet and ankles, go ahead and wear them.
And also very possible slipping on something wet because they don't have good traction.
I am not a Crocs fan either. I hate them.
I think they're stupid as slipping shoes and worthless. My opinion.
Okay. Well, no, no, no, no, no. I got to back you off on that.
Okay.
There is one good use I had found for that.
You know what? I want to hear it. I want to know.
Jail.
Jail?
Yeah. You go to jail, instead of shoes, they give you Crocs.
Oh, they do?
At least the last time I was in jail was like 10 years ago.
You're serious? They give you Crocs so you can't hurt anybody with your shoe, I guess.
They do down here.
Wow. Okay.
Okay. Truth be told, I was wanted on a child support warrant out of Cass County, which is up there.
Yeah.
Our home area.
We know where Cass County is.
Home to go.
Yep. We do very well in Harrison, but who knows it?
I got arrested down here. I was being held in a red shirt pod with the killers and rapists.
And I was just waiting next to this dude for like three days.
Oh, shit.
And they had me with these people. I get all the way to Harrisonville.
Harrisonville won't even put me in population because I'm on a civil case, not a criminal case.
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
I had to spend the next, what, six, eight days in a damn holding cell when I got to Harrisonville.
At least I got to talk to people down here, you know.
Wow.
I like that, dude.
Okay. Crocs are kind of like the nerf of shoes.
You know how you play nerf football so no one gets hurt, lightweight.
That's the whole, that's what crocs are. They're the nerf football of shoes.
Well, if you're walking around jail, it's about all you need.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
If you slap somebody with one of them, all it's going to do is piss them off and they'll knock the shit out of you.
Yeah. And then the fight's on and everybody gets locked down, whatever.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyhow, so that's about the only use for crocs I've ever heard of, Rob.
I appreciate that. So Rob Radd, there you go. Rob Radd tells you the only use for crocs.
Besides clogging up someone's toilet that you don't like.
Yes.
That's the other use. That's the other use.
Okay. All right, Rob. Well, let's go right into your story that you told me about.
Yeah. I'm going to go into the first one I told you about.
Yes, exactly.
As just about every American adult knows and is dreading, Monday, April 15th is Tax Day.
Each year-
I'm already doing this.
This is hilarious. Each year taxpayers scrounge together each income statement the government requires
and any other random receipt that may result in a modest deduction in the amount they're expected to pay.
The IRS wants taxpayers to know that if you made money from anything illegal last year,
stealing, selling illegal drugs, taking bribes, then that's taxable too.
Last year Americans spent $6.5 billion to hours doing their taxes,
which translates into roughly $260 billion in lost productivity.
That's in addition to the $104 billion they spent in direct costs on the actual tax filing and preparation.
Much of that complexity stems from the amount of deductions and callbacks the tax law allows
as well as types of revenue required by the treated as taxable income.
Okay, here's what it says.
IRS publication 17 covers the general rules for filing a federal income tax return.
In its most current edition, the IRS advises income for illegal activities such as money from stealing illegal drugs
must be included in your income on schedule one form 1040 line 8C.
They get technical on this shit, dude.
Or on schedule C form 1040 if from your self-employment activity.
So put your illegal drug activity on your self-employment.
Here's what they're saying.
This is crazy, dude. I read out there, this is perfect.
Wow.
Yeah, the IRS, you just collect money on your illegal debt.
Well, Joe Biden did hire a bunch of more IRS agents when he took office, so there you go.
Well, here's the one thing you've got to remember.
Okay.
IRS is not a government office.
They are subcontractors.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Let's leave it right there.
Yeah.
Let's leave it right there.
Okay.
Let's not get political.
Oh, no, I didn't say anything.
But I have heard that.
I always say.
I have heard that as a good story.
All I did was speak the fact.
Joe Biden hired a bunch of.
Right, right, right.
You too.
So in my opinion, there's so many of them, they come up with stuff like this.
Anyhow, okay.
Yeah, so everybody, if you're drilling, if you're healing illegal drugs, make sure you
claim it on your taxes.
Yeah, what's wrong with you guys?
Come on.
Yeah, come on, man.
I mean, if you don't, it's illegal, right?
Do they think that we're that fucking gullible?
Obviously, they do.
Yeah, definitely.
All right.
Moving on.
Okay.
Target is introducing cameras to identify shoplifting as self-checkout machines.
The new system will be rolled out all Target stores by the end of 2024.
It's called TruScan.
It reportedly can identify unscanned items and repeat offenders and it's artificial intelligence
that's doing it.
So obviously, they're getting ripped off a lot, right?
Yeah.
So now, they're going to have artificial intelligence monitoring this.
And here's what I got to say.
Amazon just got rid of all its walkout stores and this is stores that you take a bunch of
groceries, right, or whatever, and you just walk through the doors and it automatically
tallies everything up and takes it from your Amazon card, right?
From your Amazon credit card.
So, what happened is they ended up having to close them all down because first, the AI
did not work correctly.
It was overcharging, undercharging, or not even noticing people going through the door.
It was erratic, it overcharged, it undercharged, all this stuff.
And then sometimes, it just flattened and didn't work.
So then, they had to subcontract a bunch of call centers and then the demand was so big
that they couldn't keep up with it.
So, it was just as bad as AI doing it to where they kept having all these problems.
So, they ended up shutting that down too and now they're back to square one.
And what they're looking at now is in the basket technology.
Not AI, but it's something with cameras and monitors inside the basket.
So, if you throw it in the basket, it checks it for you.
Okay, so the thing I want to know is, is what if you were looking at something, okay, and
you're like, hmm, hey, you know what, I don't need that.
That is an impulse purchase.
I'm going to put it back.
So, once you put it back in there, does it deduct it if you take it back out?
A lot of people do that.
I've done it before too, right?
You get something and you walk down the aisle and you're like, you know what, man, I'm going
to have a huge bill.
I really don't need this.
I can get it next time.
You know, is some sort of an impulse buy, you sit there in the corner, I don't know,
let's say it's a boombox.
Okay, you're like, wow, $59.99, that thing looks cooler than shit.
So, you grab it and then you get a couple of aisles down.
You're like, man, I can't do it.
It may be a great deal, but I just can't afford it.
So, you take it out of there.
Does it deduct it when you take it out of there?
Because a lot of people do that.
A lot of people will put something in their cart, then they'll take it back out going,
you know what, I'm buying more than I anticipated.
I just can't do it this month.
And then the other thing is, isn't that an invitation for people to stick stuff in their
pockets and in their coats and stuff?
Because if all you're worried about is the basket, you're not worried about anything
else, right?
No, no, no.
Yeah.
I wouldn't be.
Yeah, I'm going to be very interested to see how all this turns out.
Target stuff with their AI because it didn't work with Amazon.
And Amazon stuff with their new basket technology that they're going to roll out with on all
their Amazon stores.
And I'm talking about brick and mortar stores.
I'm not talking about online stores.
These are...
Right, right, right.
So, I think it's going to be very interesting to see what happens.
I know that Sam's Club stopped a lot of their walkout technology because it wasn't working
correctly.
And in the walkout technologies where you throw everything in your basket when you walk
out, it scans it and says, all right, you owe us $562.
And then the Sam's card is a credit card too.
It'll deduct...
I would say, fuck that, my personal...
Yeah, yeah, it will set...
I wouldn't trust it.
I wouldn't either.
And then what do you do?
You go to...
Well, now, what you do is do like most adults, you keep track of what you're spending as
you're going to the store.
And then when you have a difference at the register, then you have something to complain
about.
Yes.
Yeah.
When there's a person there or if the price is wrong, then you go, wait a minute, man.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Back there it says $4.
How come you're charging me $12 here?
How are you going to do that with a walkout technology?
You can't?
There has to be a human somewhere in that store.
Yes.
The same.
Yes.
And Amazon, I don't know.
I've never been in an Amazon store and I don't plan on going into an Amazon store.
Anything I want from Amazon, I get online.
I have them put it on my front porch.
Bam, I'm good.
I don't need to go to an Amazon store.
So yeah, I mean, it's going to be interesting if you see something.
And then how hard is it to take it back?
Do you got to go to customer service like the Sam's Club walkoff technology?
Do you have to go to the customer service and then argue with them if you do that and
it's wrong or whatever?
You know, if you do that, you need to really keep track of your bill and the price of everything
because I could see them being gouged really easily.
You know, you just go through there and go, okay.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
All that was $500.
Okay.
All right.
Well, let's go.
So yeah, anyhow.
All right.
Hey, let's take our first break and let's come back here in a couple of minutes.
Sound good, Rob?
Sounds good.
All righty.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Garlic mustard could and should be a go-to food during an apocalypse.
Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere.
It is actually an invasive weed, but it can be very delicious and easily taken from about
any pasture.
Garlic mustard can be stewed or even pan-fried for delicious taste.
It can also be added to other ingredients, whether it's a salad or any other type of
food to enhance it.
Garlic mustard should be a go-to staple during the apocalypse.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in, hey, who took a dump in the
cooler?
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm.
I wonder what my dog named me.
Hmm.
I may never know.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Dishwater has the top 10 spots on Billboard Hot 100.
Two douchebags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the man shitter accusations.
I didn't do it.
I'm not the man shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
Strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are the human equivalent to a participation trophy.
Dogs, right?
You know, yeah, they got them here and there.
At ports they have a lot of them.
In other places, airports, they definitely have a lot of them.
And these dogs sniff out drugs, okay?
Well, Switzerland are rolling out drug detecting chickens.
Yes, you heard right.
Bok bok.
Chickens.
Swiss police announce the newest weapon in their war on drugs.
Sniffer chickens.
The new flock of, it's a Swiss word, Drogensphurin or drug detecting chickens
join the squad after a successful testing phrase, according to police.
Cheaper to train and keep than dogs, the chickens also lay a daily egg,
police said, contributing to their cost effectiveness.
So I guess one of them grabs an egg and they eat it, right?
Yeah, one egg, come on.
That ain't gonna feed many.
You know what, I agree with you.
I'm a three egg omelet guy and I'm pretty sure you are too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, at least three.
If not four, five.
I mean, to me, a one egg omelet is worthless.
You might as well give me...
I can eat eggs all day long and not fill me up, just saying.
Yeah, they're not very filling.
You give me one egg and it's like having three peas on a plate.
It's like, okay, there you go.
I mean, like, what the fuck?
Okay, that was the appetizer, barely.
So now give me the main omelet.
And then they also have service cats too now.
Putting the cat amongst the chickens,
Zurich police also announced felines will be joining their canine unit.
After a period of long planning, you can't make this shit up.
No, this is not the fake story.
This is not my fake story.
You guys can look it up.
It's everywhere.
Yeah, we're in that mood tonight, and mine actually ain't my fake one either.
And I'll tell you what we're looking at.
A lot of these stories we have tonight could be our fake story, but they're not.
We're telling you these are not.
Zurich police also announced felines would be joining their canine unit.
Okay, I already read that.
After a quiet velvet paws and compact body mass are ideal for use in confined spaces,
the cats, but also house searches and peaceful man-trailing, they said.
So man-trailing, I guess, is being on someone's, you know,
you're looking at someone thinking they might be, did something wrong.
So they say cats are easier, you know, to trail people, you know.
I don't see it. I don't see it.
This is, I own cats. I don't see it.
No, I don't.
I mean, the old saying is, and I think there's a lot of truth in it,
you don't own a cat. A cat owns you.
Exactly. My cats lay right the fuck here.
Don't do nothing.
And you don't pick a cat. A cat picks you.
A cat looks at you and goes, no, that's-
You want to send them after criminals.
Yes. Yeah.
No, I don't see that.
You know how a cat looks at you and is like, okay, he's a human, I know,
but I'll go ahead and take him because I need a food source.
Isn't that the look you get?
Good point.
Yeah. It's like, okay, that's a food source.
I think he's kind of stupid and goofy looking,
but he's going to give me food so I'm going to have to put up with the stupid shit to get food.
That's the way I see a cat looking at me.
Then I see if there's like, if you have more cats,
they get in the corner and they talk about us. You know they do.
You know, they're like-
Oh yeah, we got three of them. Yeah, they talk about us humans all the time.
Yeah, you know, they're going in there and going, man,
that guy is a dumb fucking piece of shit, isn't he?
Man, he's as stupid as a box of rocks.
But he gave me my food, so I'm going to stick around.
What about you, Ralph?
Eh, you know what? I'm going to have to go find a new owner,
so yeah, I guess I'll stay here.
I don't like him, but I'm just going to stay here because there's food here.
So anyhow, where a dog looks at you and a dog's like,
I love you, you're the best, you're my best friend, you're awesome, man, you're awesome.
And a cat's just kind of like, yeah.
So anyhow, go ahead, Rob, with yours.
Are you ready for this one?
Yes, I've taken that about as far as I can, so it's your turn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, and this one is not my fake story either.
Okay.
And you can find this on Daily Mail.
There you go. So if you think he's making it up, look at Daily Mail.
I'm not. This one is not my fake, but it sounds like it very well could be.
You know what? We need to really just quit telling them they're fakes.
That way they got to look up everything if they want to catch us.
Yeah, but this is one of those ones that I want people to know actually happened.
I'm not making this up.
I get that. I get that. Okay.
A woman has died after using a hemorrhoid ointment laced with toxic metal.
The patient who lived in Sacramento, California, had purchased a treatment on Facebook,
which was then mailed to the U.S. from Vietnam.
But after using the cream, she suffered from severe lead poisoning, official said,
which in serious cases can cause seizures, swelling in the brain, and organ failure.
Wow.
The test revealed the product contained 4% lead several thousand times above the safe limit.
Rob, does it say, and you may be getting to it, I hope I'm not spoiling it.
I have the name of it.
Okay, was it from China?
I have the name of it.
Was it from China, maybe?
Huh?
Was that product from China?
Vietnam.
Oh, Vietnam? Okay, okay. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Okay, it comes amid recalls for a range of products painted with lead in the U.S.,
including applesauce patches for babies, syphilis, and even warnings over dark chocolate.
Okay, well those were the warnings here in the U.S.
This is coming from Vietnam, and I have the name, and I'm not even going to pronounce it.
I'm going to spell it, and it's six different words.
Official urging people not to buy the treatment called COCAO.
Chow?
E-O-I.
Bay?
T-R-I.
I don't know what that would be. Try?
Try. C-A-Y.
Okay.
T-H-A-U.
Okay, whatever that is.
D-A-U. Like I said, you can look this up.
Okay.
Try, boy, try, okay. Oh, no, I don't know.
You know what? If you want it, look at this product so you don't buy it. Just type in the story.
It is like a flash container of like a fake appointment with a green cap that has this name on it.
And it says, indispose of any of the product they have at home.
And this product is easy.
It's for hemorrhoids.
It's easy to identify because of the name.
I don't know.
Wow, that's crazy, man. Well, you know what? China puts a lot of lead in their stuff, too.
I mean, they're leading their nuclear waste. They send over a heater in their stuff.
That's a concern.
Yeah, that's crazy.
And now a woman has actually died from putting ointment on her ass, dude.
Wow. Probably had bad hemorrhoids and was like, fuck.
Hemorrhoids cream. Ass cream.
She might have been wanting to be discreet so she didn't want to go down to Walgreens and get some hemorrhoid ointment.
So she's like, you know what? I'm going to... Here, there's some on Facebook.
I'll get it here. The guy doesn't know me. He's going to mail it to me.
You think it was probably something like that?
Because I'm sure it's probably really embarrassing to walk in a store and buy Preparation H just like it is, I don't know,
like something for genital warts or herpes over the counter, herpes medicine.
Or even a prescription one, you know, like Valtrex or something.
I think that would be embarrassing to have to go get, right?
Okay, but I would rather drive 10 minutes to Walmart or wherever.
And do the self-checkout.
And wait a week in the mail.
Yeah, you see, I would do...
And still suffer in that all week.
That's it right there. I'd go to Walmart and get my Preparation H and I would go through self-checkout.
Just so I didn't have to look at the person, look at me thinking I got a burning asshole, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. So there you go.
I would rather... Yeah, I'd probably get something done now.
Well, yeah, yeah, me too. That's the way I would...
I'll run the store.
So don't suffer in silence. There's a commercial that says that. So anyhow.
Right, right.
Don't suffer in silence. Just go down to Walmart, buy your Preparation H or whatever treatment you like,
and go through self-checkout so you don't have to look the person in the eye.
And then he looks at you and he has this kind of look like, you got a burning asshole.
So anyhow, wow, that's crazy. You got to watch products from overseas.
Yeah, you do.
Like China, Vietnam, all those places.
Allegedly, China puts all of their hazardous stuff in our babies' toys and a lot of other products too.
And then they send it over here. They got rid of their hazard and it's over here.
And Joe, consumer's like, hey, look at my little trinket I got from China. Isn't this cool?
So there you go. You know, when I was younger, I knew a lady that had to go to the hospital
because she put Preparation H on her dentures.
And I know that was like some kind of an old joke or something, but this is true.
Yeah, but people actually did it. I know.
Yeah, she put it on her dentures and it did something to her like her gums and stuff.
And she had to go to the hospital and they had to like scrape her gums or something, I think is what it was.
Yeah, it was like a horrible deal.
If I remember the stories, it burns your gums, gives you like blisters and shit.
That must have been what happened to the woman.
If I remember right.
Because I remember her husband, you know, what's wrong with your wife? What's up?
And he very sheepishly said, well, he goes, here's the deal.
He goes, you know, she was not looking. It was in the morning. She's putting her dentures in.
And she accidentally put Preparation H instead of the denticrip or whatever it is or denture grip or whatever that stuff is.
And it did something to her gums.
And she had to go have her gum scraped, I think is what the terminology he used.
But this is a long time ago, so I could be remembering a little bit wrong.
So, yeah, so there's dangers in that, too. I mean, even, you know, even stuff that's not from overseas.
So speaking of stuff like that, like assholes, burning assholes, sustainable toilet paper company, who gives a crap, is launching a toilet roll into space.
All the way to Uranus.
This is not a fake story.
Or at least I didn't do this fake story. If this story is fake, it came from somewhere else, not me, from this website.
So, with billionaires chucking cars into space and taking their midlife crisis to the moon, we thought it was time to do something truly meaningful, the company said.
The 3.2 billion kilometer journey will take about nine years and names for spacecraft are being crowd sourced on Instagram.
Current front runners are high plyer and also crap.
C period, R period, A period, P cosmic, real, Aerospace program.
I love that. It's like a man from Uncle. Remember that? You know, it is an acronym. This is like crap.
And it's an acronym for the company. So anyhow.
How would you like to be that pilot? Fly nine years in outer space just to deliver a roll of toilet paper?
Let me tell you, Rob, if that's the only work you could get, I think I would be in the unemployment line.
Honestly, you'd probably go down in history books. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, there's a crap guy right there. Are you sure? Yeah, I saw a picture of him in space monthly.
Oh, my gosh, you're right. That is the crap guy.
Well, if not, we will be talking about you for years to come. That's true. And imagine if something happens, if something happens, he'll become a shed hero.
I want this dude to land on that. I do too. Just so we could talk about it.
Yes. I want the footage of him planting a toilet paper, a roll of toilet paper, an American flag going in the middle of it to keep it steady. Right?
On Uranus. On Uranus. Yeah. And that's what makes it bad.
While we're talking about weird shit like that, Love Island is the latest reality dating show looking for contestants if Aldi is to be believed.
This happened on April 1st, okay? The supermarket chain invited potential applicants to tell them why they deserve to find love in the aisles.
But in a follow-up post after midday, when the opportunity for playing April Fool's Jokes traditionally expires,
the company said it was canceled the show as it had not been shown to the legal team.
It added, because of this, our bosses now confirm the show cannot go ahead and that although we gave off the vibe that we love court cases,
they're incredible, costly, and going forward with this plan would not be within our best interest.
So in other words, it was a April Fool's joke, but they tried to come up with some bullshit to get out of it.
So there you go. Aldi, good job. Because from what I understand, people instantaneously applied online for this.
They wanted to be a part of this love aisle dating show. And I guess it's like, you know, I don't know.
I think the premises was you get 30 males, 30 females, and they walk down the aisles and try to find love. Okay.
I wish I would have heard about it. I would have showed up anyway.
What would have been your first thing you bought? Were you bought like extra large condoms? XL?
Oh, no. The biggest banana I could find. No, just kidding. Just kidding. No.
Actually, I'd probably buy some meat or something. That way they know I'm going to provide, you know.
Oh, there you go. Meat and charcoal. You can't go wrong with that.
Yeah. That way they know I'm going to provide.
Yeah. Look, I got the charcoal for the heat and the cooking and I got the meat for the nutrition.
And with that, you'd probably have to like throw in some asparagus or something, right? To show that you're cultured.
Well, no. Well, yeah. But I'd also have to go to the candle aisle and buy a candle.
Yes. If I'm doing that, you got to get romance.
And then at the very end, you got to go to the XL condoms and take them out real slow so every girl in there can see you buying extra large condoms, right?
Whether you need them or not.
Yeah, whether you need them or not. And also flowers.
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, yeah. So, okay. So let's go.
Well, no. I got it wrong with me telling you. They really don't like flowers because you buy them some and they'll die.
No, Val doesn't like it either. She'd rather me buy something else.
They want something that's going to last forever.
She'd rather me buy her a plant that she can plant outside and it'll live for a long time, hopefully.
Yeah, that would be more better. A plant, not flowers.
Her crate and murder is alive, we found out.
You buy her a couple roses, they'll be dead in two, three days.
Okay, so Rob, refreshing this. You're in Love Island, okay? So you're walking into Aldi, right?
So the first thing you're going to do is you're buying meat, right?
Yep, meat.
The second thing?
Go with the meat.
You're buying charcoal, right?
Charcoal and then potatoes. Got to have potatoes.
Got to have potatoes. And then you're going to buy some sort of vegetable.
And then you mention asparagus. Asparagus sounds good.
Yeah, yeah. You can grill that and it's very good.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, you need a little butter for the asparagus to show them that you're not bland, that you add butter and it should taste great.
What about steak sauce? Do you go the steak sauce route or are you just like, no, we're just going to eat the meat like it is because it's good?
No, no, hey, I'm from Kansas City, we grill, dude.
Yes, so no steak sauce.
Yeah, no, it's all, yeah, just the flavor of the meat cooked.
Okay, so then you go over... It's good enough on a first date.
If they know you can do that, they know you can add sauce.
That's right, okay. So then after that, you go straight to the condom aisle, right?
The home and beauty or whatever? And you buy the XL condoms and then on your way...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Then, no, then you go buy the candle.
Oh, you buy the candle, yeah, that's right. You buy the candle.
Yeah.
Okay, so...
And then you go to the XL condoms.
Okay, all right. And then you buy flowers on the way out and not for the chick, but for the table.
Yeah, for the table.
Yeah, all right. Okay, so...
Then you're about to wipe out, am I?
Do you put white cloth napkins down?
Never mind, I'm going to shut up.
Do you put white cloth napkins down or not?
It don't matter.
Okay, all right. Okay. All right, Rob, you got something.
I squeezed all the juice out of that motherfucker, so it's your turn.
Okay. Do you know who Mara from the Progressive commercial is?
I do, but probably a lot of people don't.
She's the one that everybody says is annoying.
She's actually pretty cute. I'm on your side.
Yeah, I think so, too.
She's the one that talks you into getting a policy even though you didn't want to.
She's like, oh, okay, boroboroboroboring. You don't want to save all this money in the new car.
Yeah.
Ah, you're right. And then also...
She has something to say at every moment.
Yes.
That's part of what the problem people have with her.
Yeah, she's actually... They're still developing her character a little bit.
Like, it took them to develop Jamie quite a while.
He's this skittish, weird guy.
Right, right, right.
And then they had that one commercial where he's like king in the castle,
and he's got all these women in his harem and all these people,
these famous people coming up to him, a huge pool.
And then he went back to being a nerd and nobody likes him.
Right.
So it took him a long time to develop his character fully.
So Mara is still being developed,
but she's kind of a quirky, off-balance chick
that is like really good at selling insurance, I guess.
Is that what you would say she is?
Yeah, well, I'm about to go in and explain who she is in real life.
Oh, okay, that's cool.
Well, I would just said that so people would know who we're talking about.
Compared to the character, yeah.
Yeah, she's short. Anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
Mara is the character everyone loves to hate,
the one who makes you want to reach through the screen
and shake some sense into her.
Not me. I like her.
I do too.
But who is she really,
and why has she become the target of so much fight for it?
I had no idea.
I guess I thought you meant it.
I don't know why.
I don't know what she does except talking people into policies.
Well, let's go into who she actually is, and I'll go into that.
Okay.
All right?
Okay.
Mara is a fictional character played by comedian Natalie Palamati.
Wow, she's Italian.
In a series of the, huh?
She's Italian, I guess. Okay.
Or maybe Mary.
In a series of progressive insurance commercials.
Palamati is a talented actress and comedian
known for her work on shows like A, A One Man Show,
and The Powerpuff Girls.
Oh, okay. Okay.
But it's her betrayal of Mara that has made her a household name,
for better or worse.
While Palamati's commitment to the bit is indeniable,
not everyone is one over by her character's stick.
A quick scroll through social media reveals a feed of anti-Mara sediment
that would deem to decline her as annoying, irritating, and the worst.
But she's just an actress.
Yeah.
You know?
You'd think some of it people are just tugging cheek in it.
You'd think maybe that they don't really hate her like they say.
They're just kind of like, you know, because there are flow traditionalists
and they love flow, right?
So they think all the rest of them are a waste of time.
People think that they should have just kept flow and that was it.
Because I know a couple people, they think flow is hot,
they think she's cool, she's mod and all this stuff.
Well, I thought her character got old a long time ago
and they needed these ancillary things that kind of turned into bad things.
They needed to keep upgrading.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I like all the work that they put into each one.
And I mean, while you're talking about progressive,
then they have the guy that writes the book,
people who are becoming their parents and it's like unbecoming your parents.
Right.
Yeah.
And they kind of nail that straight on, I mean, you know,
with a lot of the stuff, you know, like,
hey, are you ever going to use that fascia board?
No.
Throw it in the dumpster.
You know, what about this crayon molding?
You're never going to use it.
Throw it in the dumpster.
You know, hey, how about these butter dishes make really great tupperware?
Throw it in the dumpster.
I mean, it is true.
Personally, I need him to come visit me.
I need him to come visit me too.
I need him to go, Mark, no.
No.
But then I'll be busy for a while.
Yeah, me too.
I better have some vacation time.
That's all I got to say.
So, hey, that OK, was that it or you got more?
No, that was it.
I just wanted to explain who Mara is and that she gets an actress, you know,
so you can hate her all you want, but I like her because she plays a good part.
There you go.
And that's what this article goes into say.
Get off your ass.
She does good at playing her part.
Get off her ass.
All righty.
Let's let's take our son with her like me.
OK, cool.
Did I say that?
You can say that I can't.
So all I can say is she's very intriguing.
She's got a very complex character that I really enjoy immensely.
So anyhow.
All right.
We are going to be right back.
We're taking our second break.
That sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
You do bags in a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a swarming beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the man shitter accusations.
I'm not the man shitter.
Now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off today with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited.
So act now.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
It's an island of horrible jokes.
Oh, no.
It's an island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church?
Christian Bale.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than listening to two douchebags
in microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Now, from his underground bunker in Camden, Missouri, stocked full of dried guts, canned
food, and a couple of vibrating toys, is ravellings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong line.
You're in the wrong line.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
Make men and women go.
Two hundred balls.
Who wants to fuck shit up?
One of the most gun-a-crossing America.
Brick Shit House is for you.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere.
Because of liability issues.
Now, it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
You know what, I'm not going to do that.
I'm going to do this.
It's like, okay, call 1-888-blah blah blah, right?
You call it.
For new subscribers, okay, different programming,
the platinum package, if you wanna cancel,
hit this button, and then you're on hold hell, right?
Because they're gonna have maybe a couple people
handling like 30,000 cancel calls.
So maybe a lot of times these people are like,
they remember to cancel, they're like,
you know what, I don't have time, man.
I've been on hold for 20 minutes,
and I don't know what to do, but a lot of times,
I do know this, if you download the app or whatever it is,
a lot of times there's a feature on there
that they don't tell you about,
that you can go up there and go to settings,
and it'll say like manage my account,
and then on manage my account,
it will say cancel your service.
And then it'll ask you again a couple times,
are you sure you want to?
Okay, once again, are you sure you want to?
And you go, yes, yes.
So anyhow, most people forget to cancel their service.
Soccer fan Neil Mahoney,
when he subscribed to NBC's Peacock streaming service
last year, has watched a single game of the Premier League,
but he wound up paying for extra time.
When I signed up last fall,
I intended to cancel at the end of the season in May,
Mahoney recalls, but of course,
when it came to the summer, I forgot to cancel,
and I realized I paid for extra months.
It's a familiar mistake,
given the explosion of subscription services
in recent years, Americans are increasingly signing up
to buy everything from bottled water to razor blades
to pay by the month basis,
but often forgetting to cancel
when the subscriptions are no longer even,
and I got one too, Quip, you know the toothbrush?
Yeah, it was hell.
I had to shut the fucking card off.
Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I couldn't figure it out,
but it seems to me like you can't find anything online
on a cancel number.
I mean, once you sign up online,
it seems like, man, they're gonna get that five bucks
a month from you, or whatever the hell it is,
but I started using a different type of toothbrush
because in my opinion, the Quip didn't work as well,
that ultrasound technology or whatever,
at least on my teeth, it did seem to work well,
maybe I did it wrong, I don't know,
but anyhow, I was like, well, what the fuck do I do now?
So I look up on the internet,
I couldn't find a number to call to cancel,
and then I tried calling the Quip number,
and it kept taking me to this and that,
and I couldn't figure it out,
so finally I needed a different credit card
for some fraud and stuff that was, I forgot,
it was like some gas station I went to,
so they said, no, we're not gonna extend this credit card,
we're gonna cut it off right now,
we're gonna send you a new one,
and that's the only way I got to shake those fuckers is that,
and I'm not saying it's their fault, maybe it was my fault,
but I had hell trying to quit them,
so anyhow, I get coffee beans delivered
from my favorite roaster in North Carolina by subscription,
and by the way, Quip is coming up
with a subscription service too to his coffees.
Carly, good, good, good, good. Yes, yes.
Yep, and he wants you for the cover of his ExpressOs,
the Mining Ground, no, it's the Mining Ground coffee,
not the ExpressOs, he wants you to wear the loin cloth
that's featured on the jigsaw puzzle, right?
Yeah, well, he's gotta get a hold of me.
Okay, all right, he says he's point two.
Okay, so this is typically convenient,
but I go on vacation, I have coffee piling up on my doorstep.
Mahoney, who's an economist, wanted to figure out
how often people are paying for subscriptions
they no longer want, and their monthly charges
pile them up for magazines and food box deliveries,
and customers would gladly cancel if given opportunity.
He and two colleagues at Stanford and Texas A&M University
scrolled through the millions
of anonymous credit card records,
and they discovered a kind of a natural experiment.
The ha-ha moment for us, Mahoney says,
when we realize that when your credit card expires
or you lose your credit card,
and you get a new one in the mail,
you're going to get an email from the companies
where you have a subscription that says,
can you log in again and update your payment information?
When that happens, and people have to make
an active decision whether to renew a subscription,
they cancel for about four times as often
as during the other months.
So basically, people don't cancel until you're, like me,
I told you that my card, I had to have a different card
because the gas station, and I'm not gonna say who it is,
there are a chain of gas stations around Kansas City,
and there was fraud, and I was told in the mail,
hey, you know what, and this is my credit card company,
and then I found out the company that they hacked into,
and that's the only way I should have quit was that right there.
Other than that, like I said, maybe I'm stupid,
maybe everyone else can figure it out,
but, and I guess that's how everyone else
cancels their credit cards too,
they wait until they get updated or whatever,
and then they send you something in mail saying,
hey, you need to update your information,
and they just don't.
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you, you got any more stories?
Yeah, I got one more.
Alrighty.
And I hope it's not too early.
Well, it could be too early.
It's not about OJ Simpson, it's about the white Bronco.
Oh, in case anyone's wondering, OJ Simpson is still dead.
Yeah, as far as we know.
I checked, I checked, he's still dead.
Yeah, you never know.
Yeah, you're right.
This is about the famous Ford Bronco in the police chase.
Okay.
It's the Ford Bronco behind one of the most
jaw-dropping moments in TV history,
transporting OJ Simpson and his friend Al Colling
during a wild 90-minute police chase back in 94.
But the infamous vehicle's no longer in the pass lane,
and it's simply on display at the Alcatraz East Crime Museum
in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, where visitors
can get a close-up look at the ride
at the day of the country.
It's been a bumpy journey, though,
going from LA's Port-au-Pyre freeway
to his final resting place in Tennessee.
The J-PAT bet was detailed on a 2017 episode of Palm Stars.
I didn't know it was detailed on there.
OJ Simpson's former sports agent
acquired the notorious Ford Bronco,
German owner Colling, following the infamous freeway chase.
Yep, I think anyone old enough remembers
that famous part of time where every channel in the nation
was showing the white Bronco going slow with,
and I don't know why they needed 10,000 cops behind him.
Oh my God, dude, yes.
Why in the hell would you have like 50 cops behind him?
If I was a criminal, I would went around looting right then.
Every cop was following OJ on a slow speed chase.
I think people were.
Oh, okay, they probably were, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean.
Okay, well, here's one last little tidbit.
Okay.
The cars fixed between other notorious getaway cars,
such as gangster John Dillinger's 1933 Essex Terraplane.
Oh, I'd love to see that.
Bonnie and Clyde's death car from the 1967 film.
Really?
Oh, from the film, okay.
And serial killer Ted Bundy's Volkswagen Beetle.
Wow, isn't that.
I guess this is the museum where they keep everybody's cars.
Okay.
That's cool, that's cool.
It is cool, and I'm into stuff like that.
I'd love to go see them.
I mean, just because.
Yeah, I would love to see that.
Does it say where this is at?
Where, what city it's at?
It is, let me run back.
I don't know if I just didn't hear it,
or if I don't remember.
Pigeon Forge.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, right?
Yeah, Pigeon Forge.
Okay, very beautiful part of the country, by the way.
The Smoky Mountains, it's over there
near the Smoky Mountains.
They're kind of in the Smoky Mountains, really.
So there you go.
I love it over there.
Yeah, I do too, it's beautiful.
So you can rent a cabin, the Smoky Mountains,
and then you can go see Dillinger's getaway
and the white Ford Bronco of Al Cowling's,
and OJ in the back hiding, you know,
and all that good stuff.
So, all right, thank you, Rob.
Okay, this is an Eclipse story.
I know it's a couple weeks ago, but I didn't get to this.
And I'm trying to do a little cleaning here
and get some of these stories I didn't get a chance
to get with.
You get in because we got whatever, you know,
side track or whatever.
Okay, as the moon blocked the view of the sun
across parts of Mexico, the United States of Canada
on Monday, the Celestial Event managed,
and is a couple Mondays ago now,
the Celestial Event managed another magnificent feat.
It got people offline.
According to CloudFair, a cloud computing service
used by about 20% of websites globally,
and that traffic dipped along the path of totality
as spellbound viewers took a break from their phones
and computers to catch a glimpse of the real life spectacle.
The place with the most dramatic views
saw the biggest dips in traffic compared
with the previous week in Vermont, Arkansas,
Indiana, Maine, New Hampshire, and Ohio,
and actually probably Arkansas too,
and the Boothill, Missouri.
I didn't mention them, but they were at 99.5% or something,
I think, Cape Girardeau, and then just to the south
of Eureka Springs on a slant downwards
southern Oklahoma and Texas.
I can see that.
Yeah, we were gonna go to Eureka Springs and watch it,
but then we decided that we wasn't going to
because everything's inflated so bad because of that,
and there were rooms available in Eureka Springs
because it wasn't 100%, it was really close to 100%,
but we're like, you know what,
it's close enough for us to go down there,
but like anything, if they think there's gonna be a rush
of people getting it, everything's jacked up,
so we're like, you know what, we'll wait,
and just we'll watch it around here where it's not as good,
and then we'll go down there later sometime
when it makes more sense.
So I got another story here.
This is a newer one though, it just happened.
If you ever tried to hold an abdominal plank,
you know what a plank is?
Yeah.
Yeah, you lay flat during a workout,
you know how challenging it can be even for a few seconds.
For many people doing a plank,
which is you support your body weight
with just your arms and toes for a minute or so,
it's a legitimate fitness goal for a lot of people.
That would be Child's Play for Donna Jean Wilde.
Her last name is Wilde for real, W-I-L-D-E.
The new world record holder for a female
with the longest time holding an abdominal plank position
on March 21st, Guinness Book of World Records
officially declared Wilde the new women's planking record,
and she's a grandma with a time of four hours
and 30 minutes and 11 seconds.
Now don't get this confused with regular planking,
which is lying on the ground.
This is an abdominal plank,
which is different than just planking.
Planking's where you lie on the ground
and you dead weight and you try to not let people move you.
They come up and try to.
It was a whole thing for a while.
Remember when everybody was planking
and they just thought it was cooler than hell
and I was sitting there shaking my head going,
who the fuck will waste all that time doing that?
Anyhow, Rob, you got anything?
I'm looking here.
I'm looking to see what else I got.
Okay.
I've got a couple stories here if you don't.
Yeah, I have some.
I just haven't really went over them yet.
That's okay.
Like I said, I'm kind of.
If you've got something.
I've got a lot of stories.
I mean, I'm trying to clear,
I'm trying to clean everything out.
Okay, sleep tourism is a new thing.
Have you ever heard of it, Rob?
Sleep tourism?
Yes.
I would say that's when you let your spouse drive
and you just kick back.
Yeah.
No, these are destinations where people just go to sleep
as much as they can.
It's a new thing.
You know, let's say that like the kids
and work and normal life keeps you up,
wait past your bed hours
and all you want to do is go somewhere away from everything
and get a good night's sleep or like maybe five in a row.
So.
I could see that.
I could too.
To sleep perhaps, perhaps to dream or if not to dream,
at least to feel vaguely rested the next day,
especially on vacation.
Is that too much to ask?
No.
For many people, yes, the United States is tired
and I agree with that.
We're all tired all the time.
We work hard.
We keep things moving.
There's so much stuff we have to do in this world
and this society.
It does wear you down.
According to the Natural Sleep Foundation
and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
and the National Institutes of Health,
that there is a link between poor sleep and depression
and NSSF Sleep in America poll found.
In the hospitality world, that's a business opportunity.
Hilton's 2024 Trends Report,
revealing that the main reason people currently travel
is to rest and recharge.
Well, you see, okay, this is described in a sleep.
I go to rest and recharge
by sitting on the porch and watching nature.
I actually sleep less during vacation,
but I feel more rested because-
Oh yeah.
I'm the same way.
I'd rather sit and listen to nature
than just be so quiet.
Me just getting away from everything
and being down in nature, you know,
or the beach or whatever,
I don't sleep that much during vacation
because I try to soak in every second of it
that I can, right?
So to me, I come back with less sleep,
but I feel rested because I just simply got away from work.
I got away from traffic.
I got away from household duties.
I got away from everywhere and a change of scenery.
I totally understand what you're saying.
And when you should be going to bed early,
you can't go to bed early
because you're enjoying it too much.
Yes.
So to me, I understand what they're saying
about sleep tourism,
but to me, it would be resting or anything,
but not as much sleep.
So I guess other people are geared differently.
Well, I'll put it like this.
We used to go on cruises with a lot of people
as a pack of people.
And there was a couple of people there
that liked to sleep almost all day.
And I'm like, man, what the hell?
They come back with no tans.
And I'd be like, why do they go on a boat just to sleep?
Well, it turns out that it was this,
that they didn't get very much sleep on their regular lives
and on a boat rocking.
That's where they slept the best.
So they chose to sleep a great deal of their vacation
and they loved it.
That's what they wanted to do.
Me, I was like, no, I'm gonna go upstairs.
I'm gonna get me a pina colada
and I'm gonna lie on the recliner up there
and I'm gonna get a tan and soak in the rays
and listen to music.
So anyhow, it is two different things
but I do understand what they're saying
about resting or anything.
I just don't do the sleep part.
So, okay.
And then I got another one here
I wanna throw out there while we're here.
A guy that used to work in the film industry,
he took and he added a commercial.
So what he did was he wanted to propose to his fiance
and since he used to work in the film industry,
editing, what he did was while they're watching a movie
in the middle, it broke into the movie
and he was on his knees and he asked her to marry him
and then when she turned and looked at him,
he had a ring in his hand
and I thought that was pretty cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So he actually edited a movie and put himself in there
proposing to his soon to be wife
and I thought that was neat because a lot of people
try to do different things for proposals
and all these weird things and maybe, I don't know,
skydiving or something or out in the middle of the woods
or I don't know, scuba diving proposal.
There's been all these things
but this guy just broke into a movie, edited it
and filmed himself asking her for her hand in marriage
and I think that was very tastefully done and awesome.
So Rob, did you find any other stories
or do you want me to keep going with the stuff
I'm trying to clean up?
Yeah, no, no, I got one more.
Actually, it's another recall, believe it or not.
Oh shit, okay.
I found this on my friend's KHMO AM1070
that I repeat that I come up with every now and then.
Is that the one out of Warrensburg
or Sedalia or something?
Yeah, I think it's Sedalia.
I'm just gonna read what it says
and yeah, I'm gonna read off the products
and this is in their words, not mine.
Okay.
I checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't April 1st.
This is not the fake story.
I said this is not a fake story.
Go ahead, Rob, I just wanna make that clear.
Okay.
Yeah, this is on KHMO AM1070.
Well, you see, if you do a recall,
some people may think it's a fake story
so I think we have to probably make sure that.
No, this is not a fake.
This, you don't understand.
Oh wow, I just found some alternative insults
that I did like, I don't know, two months ago
and I never told them I'm here.
Well, that'll be tomorrow.
Okay, anyhow.
Yeah, let's do that tomorrow.
Yeah.
Oh, and the Herc Vassal Olympics too tomorrow.
Yep, definitely.
And how about an ear tug, a nipple yank,
and a cheek bite?
I wanna do that too.
I need to write that down, shit.
Sorry.
Then you can do the rest.
I've got the rest ready.
Okay, so we're gonna do a, what was it?
An ear yank, a nipple yank.
No, nipple yank.
A nipple yank.
Ear tug.
And an ass cheek bite.
An ass bite.
Okay, all right, we'll do that tomorrow
with the hairy asshole Olympics.
And alternative insults.
So go ahead with the very serious recall information.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, now that you've distracted me.
I totally destroyed you.
All right, now here we are, here we are.
I had to check the calendar
and make sure it wasn't April 1st.
Okay.
There was an early target pods in Missouri
and the danger is serious injury is no joke.
No joke.
Okay.
The bulletin comes from
the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission.
The wide reaching recall affects 8.2 million
detergent pods from fracture and gamble.
Okay.
And it's due to a problem with the packaging
that caused them to release and result
in serious injury.
The packaging?
Yes.
Okay.
Here's the problem.
All right.
The outer packaging is supposed to be child resistant.
But there's a flaw that can cause a tear
that's inaccessible to young children.
Okay.
They can ingest it and suffer serious contraglupus.
Okay.
Here are the affected pods
that are commonly sold in Missouri and most other states.
Okay.
Gain three's original type, simply pods plus oxy boost.
Okay.
Next, gain three's moonlight-free sand.
Three's moonlight-free sand,
type pods clean breeze sand.
Okay.
Pods, alpine breeze.
Simply dry.
It's like a dainty light there.
It's like a type of light.
It's on the bottom of the barrel.
Bottom of the barrel shit, huh?
If you learn that you have the effective products,
you can transfer them to a child resistant
but proctoring gamble.
Okay.
Thanks, Rob.
Very much appreciated.
So, all right.
Well, I had no idea there's so many type.
New type pods were gonna be a problem for a while now.
Well, yeah.
Ever since the TikTok thing made kids want to go eat them.
Now it sounds like just the seal is bad on them.
Yeah, yeah.
This is completely different.
Maybe they got the kids to quit eatin' them
but still the seal in this one is a...
Now you got the young kids that's gonna wake them up.
Yep.
All right, well thank you, Rob.
All right, well we're well into the next hour.
So, you wanna go ahead and wrap this bitch up
and put a bow on it?
Yeah, let's put a bow on it, buddy.
All righty.
Have a good night, assholes.
Thanks for listening.
Good night, grandma.
Good night, Jimmy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Grandma Opal and Jimmy.
Love you guys.
Dodge City, rah rah rah.
Thank you, Rob.
You saved us.
Yeah, we did not forget.
We did, we cannot forget them.
Nope, they're the best and thank you for emailing me
and letting me know you guys are okay.
We're starting to worry.
Yes, thank you for letting us know everything's fine.
Jimmy, you gotta have something you wanna ask
or something you wanna say, man.
Send me anything, whatever.
Or if you wanna call in.
If you wanna call in, I can do three-way calling.
I'll figure it out.
But anyhow, we'd love to hear from you, Jimmy.
Even Grandma Opal, she wants to get on, that's fine.
Oh, yeah, I'd love to have grandma on this.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, so please, yeah.
At least send me an email.
I mean, you just tell me about yourself or whatever.
We don't care.
We love you guys.
Yeah.
And we love Dodge City, Kansas.
That's Matt Dillon's home.
That's all you need to know about Dodge City, right?
Yep.
All right.
Everybody, have a good night.
Love you guys.
Good night, assholes.
Oh no, looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.