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Hello, everybody.
This is Two Douchebags and Microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Hey, everybody.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
I had a bunch of stuff happen today.
I had to take the day off work because I had to go out and get a rental because I said,
I think on the last podcast, part of the rear end of my Jeep went out.
So anyhow, I'm waiting for the bumper to bumper to approve it.
They got to have someone go down there and take a look at it.
So anyhow, I couldn't really get a rental car until this afternoon.
So I went in and took the day off.
But obviously I needed it because I feel great.
You know, I didn't go to work.
And I'll be back there tomorrow doing what I normally do, working and trying to be happy.
So anyhow, and I always am happy.
Don't get me wrong.
It's a great job.
I got a great life.
I have nothing to be unhappy about.
I know you do.
I know it is.
I'm happy for you, man.
Well, thank you.
And Rob, I think you're slowly getting yourself in that place where you need to be.
I am.
It's been challenging for you, I know.
But I've been listening to you and talking to you and hearing you.
And I feel that this podcast has some sort of effect on you to where you have a therapeutic
experience by getting to vent and talk and having people listen to it and enjoy it.
You know, it's therapeutic to you, isn't it?
Yeah, I get to talk to people.
I mean, you have your choice.
You can listen or not.
I mean, I am for you.
In real life, people I know, including my own kids, do not listen to me.
You know, I have things that could help them through life, you know.
Rob, I can put it like this.
Remember back in our heyday?
Oh, God, yeah.
Did you listen to anybody?
No, no, no.
We knew everything because we were teenagers.
We knew everything.
And, ah, fuck that.
I'll get to it later.
All that stuff my dad told me.
I'll get to it later.
I wish I would have got to it then because I'll tell you what, I mean, I'm doing all
right.
But man, how good I could have been if I would have just shut my mouth and listened to my
dad.
Oh, tell me about it.
No, I knew everything.
So why would I listen to him?
Yeah.
Anyhow, you know, I'm...
I know, it had to be a union job, you know.
Well, I was...
I was...
I was working by the hour.
I did listen to my dad on that part because, like I said, I went to...
I tried.
I, I wish, I wish you and I wouldn't have lost touch because I could have got you in.
It was really easy to get in.
They were looking for people everywhere in the 90s and they just couldn't get any help.
I mean, they were...
I would have done it.
They're probably at the wrong union is what I would say.
There was so much work and the type of work that I did back then that they were just there
trying to get people...
No, my problem was I was never union.
Yeah, I know.
You could have got in it though is what I was saying.
But that's neither here nor there.
You know, and...
Anyhow, you know, broadcast school and all that stuff and, you know, it was...
And my dad, they had a lot to do with that.
You know, I talked to him about it.
He's like, you know, he said, I understand.
He was very, you know, he listened to me.
And he knows that your dreams are your dreams and he didn't try to take a shit on it, you
know.
He was like, look, I know that you would love for this broadcasting thing to work out, but
you know what?
The things that I know about it and things that you know about it is your chances of
actually doing anything in a very minimal...
And you're going to have to work basically for free for probably seven years.
You can go into the school right now and make 20 something an hour and have full insurance
and dental and life and everything.
And get, you know, and learn a trade that's going to do you well for life.
And he was right.
I don't think I made the wrong move, you know.
So anyhow, you know, I was glad I was...
I had enough smarts, I guess, enough brain to listen to him on that.
I didn't listen to him on a lot of stuff.
And let me tell you, I should have.
But that one he got through on and I'm forever in his debt.
And in the great beyond in heaven, I would like to thank that my dad is right now smiling
one.
Yeah.
Glad you learned.
I'm glad you finally learned your little knucklehead.
So anyhow, I know he doesn't cost him.
My dad's looking down on me saying the same thing.
And honestly, as much as I've been hearing the scorpions lately, you think my brother,
right?
I hear the scorpions, dude, your brother's trying to tell me something.
I hear it.
I've heard that song four times today.
You are...
And I've listened to my music like maybe four or six hours.
You know...
Like what the hell?
He's trying to talk to me.
Yeah.
I would have no doubt about that at all.
And I think I know what it has to do with.
And he's right.
Yeah.
You know what?
And I'm working on it.
If you could say anything, you could learn from his experiences, couldn't you?
Oh my God, yes.
Yeah.
So right there, that will tell you something right there.
He would have a lot to say about your experiences and would probably give you a lot of really
good advice according to his experiences and where everything went wrong.
So...
Yeah, seeing how the last time him and I seen each other, we were experiencing the same
thing.
I know.
And I had no idea.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was bad.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
We both worked out of it.
Yeah.
You know what?
We are where we are.
And that's it.
You're not going to change that until you change it.
You know what I mean?
If that makes sense?
Yep.
Yeah.
And you've got to be the one to change it.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
So...
Okay, hey, why don't we start off with Aaron Rodgers?
You know that Aaron Rodgers ended up at the very bottom of the NFL performance-based pace
system?
The star quarterback whose debut season with the New York Jets ended just minutes after
it started thanks to an injury.
He raked in $81.14 for his performance on all games.
According to a report from ESPN's Adam Schaeffer, he raked dead-lasted earnings from the league
system.
As Schaeffer phrased it on X, formerly Twitter, the pace system rewards all NFL players based
on their playtime and base salary.
If a player has a low base salary but plays a significant number of snaps, he earns more
through the system, the reporter explained.
So because Aaron Rodgers played very little, like two snaps, I think, he got $81.14 from
his performance.
Now, mind you, those are normally in the millions, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got to take it out in the first quarter, right?
Yeah, I think he was on his third or fourth snap.
Yeah.
So...
That dropped your pick a lot right there, dude.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hey, you want some Wynonna Judd...
Ugh.
Wynonna Judd news about her daughter?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wynonna Judd's daughter, Grace Kelly, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure.
Kelly 27 was booked into the Elmore County Jail in Alabama on Friday, April 5th at 5
p.m.
Fox News Digital confirmed.
In addition to the indecent exposure charge, Kelly was also booked on obstructing governmental
operations charges by Millbrook Police Department.
Yeah.
A bond was set at $1,000.
Well, that's not much.
Kelly is due in court April 11th.
$1,000?
I mean, this thing kind of made it like somewhat of a big deal.
A $1,000 bond is not a big deal.
So would she have to come up with $100 or something like that?
Or maybe even 10?
So, according to AI.com, charging documents allege Kelly exposed her breasts and lower
body at a busy intersection of Interstate 65 and Highway 14.
When officers tried to arrest her, she would not identify herself and sat on the roadside,
refusing to comply with police outlet reported.
Representatives for Judge did not immediately judge.
Judd.
I can't ever say Judd without saying Judge.
So anyhow.
She ain't saying Judd.
Well, you know, maybe her mom, I could say that, but on her.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
If that's your mom, that's what you're saying.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Let me put it like this.
Her daughter's striped outfit, as in a jail outfit, does not do her justice.
So I can't really tell.
So anyhow, representatives by Judge did not immediately respond to Fox News.
Did you request for comment?
Judd had two children with ex-husband Arch Kelly, the third, Elia and Grace.
So I don't know a whole lot about her daughter, but that sounds like drugs or mental illness
or quite possibly both.
Wouldn't you say?
I read that story.
What did you get from it?
The story's similar to it, but it led into, yes, there was drugs.
She has a history of being in trouble.
So yeah.
You know what?
It's been a while, but I think you're right.
I think I do remember that.
It was quite a while ago, but she was in some trouble back then, maybe like 15 years ago
or something like that.
Yeah.
I don't have a full-up in front of me.
I'm my first one full-up in front of me.
Yeah, she's been in trouble because I read that same thing just a couple days ago.
I just kicked it out.
You know what?
I mean, it's too bad.
This is all I got to say.
I'm not laughing at her.
Right, right.
No, no, no.
It's sad because she could have been the next judge.
Yes.
It's a very sad situation when things like this happen to people.
You know, I try not to look at them anymore.
I used to look at them as weak, but I don't look at them like that anymore because I think
we can all have things that we've done in our past that we're not necessarily proud
of or maybe even ashamed of.
Oh my God, yeah.
Plenty.
I'll put it like this, being very transparent and very honest here.
My brother growing up and me growing up.
The only thing that went wrong in my brother's life was he started hanging out with the wrong
crowd.
I could see him hanging out with the wrong crowd being the younger one and knowing I
didn't want to do it.
My brother was much smarter than me at everything, and I'm not joking.
He used to build rockets with my dad.
My dad was a chemist, and he used to build rockets with my dad.
Remember?
He used to build rockets at one way or another.
He was smarter.
He was extremely intelligent.
I was over there eating dirt while he was building rockets.
My brother should have been the one that went on to do great things, but he got into the
wrong crowd, and that's what happened to him.
He started listening to the losers and thinking that, hey, do drugs, do this stuff, drink,
all this stuff, and it led to what it did.
I don't think of it like that anymore because anybody, it doesn't matter how smart or talented
or whatever you are, you can fall into a trap like that, and it doesn't take a whole lot,
especially when you're an impressionable 13, 14, 15-year-old kid.
Quite frankly, he was the smart one.
I was not.
People even told me this around the town we lived in.
They said, you know what?
They said, Mark, we always thought that your brother was going to be the one to grow up
and do something, and we thought that you're just going to probably not do anything.
They were very respectful about it, and I agreed with them.
I didn't take offense to it.
They said, but you know what?
It turned out the other way.
You did really good, and he did not.
I was like, wow.
I was like, that's exactly the way I felt about it too.
Anyhow, Rob, I turn it to you.
There's really nothing more to say about that.
No, no, no.
We're going to be all right.
John, we love you and the great beyond.
Always forever, always my brother.
Always my brother.
Yes, brother.
You're always in my heart.
Yes, brother.
Rob, I turn to you.
Okay.
I came across the 2024 highest concert ticket prices.
Oh, boy.
This is going to be good.
There's 20 of them, but I'm just going to give who they are and what the median ticket
price is.
Okay.
Quick, easy one.
Okay.
All right.
Sounds good, Rob.
Okay.
Number 20 comes in pink.
Median ticket price, $399.57.
Wow.
How in the hell do those bebop girls get that kind of money, Rob?
Yeah, but pink is different, dude.
Dude, she swings on ropes and shit above the stage.
Oh, is she more of an adult?
She's amazing.
Okay.
All right.
Well, she did.
Yeah, she's getting her long in the tooth for that stuff.
She's like, I don't know much about that.
She's very talented.
I'm not dogging her at all.
She's very talented and deserves what she has.
A lot more than some of the other ones, so I can tell you that.
So anyhow.
To be honest, I never liked her till I watched that concert.
I respect her.
I watched her do that and she's singing, hanging upside down, 30 foot in the air.
I'm like, oh my God, man.
From having DJ karaoke and stuff, you learn how to use your voice and your breathing while
you're singing and stuff.
The diaphragm.
I could not imagine her hanging upside down.
That's been incredibly fit and incredibly well trained.
Yes.
Unless she was voice tracking.
That does happen a lot.
Well, yeah, it could have been.
I don't know.
I'd have to watch it.
I have distinct ways of telling voice tracking now and it's very easy.
I'll show you when you and I get together.
It's a real easy system that you can tell if they're voice tracking or not.
But anyhow, go ahead, Rob.
Okay.
Number 19.
Tadashi Trucks Band.
Okay.
Median ticket price, $409.53.
Are they country?
I don't know.
I've never heard of them.
Okay.
But it says the number events this year, 13.
Okay.
So they don't do that much.
Concerts a year, but they make the money.
Billboard Hot 100 hits.
Oh.
NA.
Okay.
Total time on Billboard Hot 100 NA.
Yeah, they're not answering that.
Okay.
They answered pink, but not that one.
Okay.
Number 18.
Sweet Token.
Median ticket price, $427.61.
Number of events, 11.
Wow.
To be honest, I don't know.
I know nothing about that's why I just said wow.
Yeah, yeah.
But they're worth it.
Number 17, John Batiste.
Median ticket price, $438.58.
Number of events, 22.
Wow.
Asian piano player.
I feel so out of touch.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Well, here.
Number 16 will bring you back in touch.
Okay, good.
Santana.
Carlos.
Yeah.
Number 18, median ticket price, $444.57.
Rob, really disappointing.
Number of events, 16.
Really disappointing because Carlos Santana came from very, what would you call it, not
very much money.
I think that he of all people should recognize that you should not sell tickets at that high
of price.
He came from meager means from what I understand.
And I can't believe that he lost touch with people that much to sell his tickets for that
high.
And you can go on, Rob, because that's just the way I feel about it.
Okay, okay.
Number 15, Madonna.
Median ticket price, $456.17.
People like watching a piece of ribbon.
Number of events, oh, listen to this.
Number of events, 16.
Listen to this.
Number of events, this year, 42.
Wow, that old hud could actually do 42 concerts.
That piece of leather.
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
Boy, she did not age well.
Did not age well.
No she did not.
Wow, she was rode hard, put away wet.
Yes she was.
By many a men.
Allegedly.
Yeah, she looks like a pile of fried shit.
So, we move on.
Okay, number 14, Drake.
Median take at price, $463.73.
Number of events, 32.
Well, Drake, of course I know and you know,
and that doesn't surprise me because he's been a big name for a long time in the hip hop rap industry.
Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I get it.
Number 13, Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Yeah.
Median take at price, $463.73.
So they're not giving it away, giving it away, giving it away, are they?
Wow. I said they're not giving it away, giving it away, giving it away, are they?
No, they're not.
And after that cheesy line, I shall shut up and let you talk.
Even though I don't have a clue who this next one is.
Okay.
Noah Kahan, A-H-A-N, I don't know who this is,
but his median take at price is $488.
Wow.
And the number of events is 40.
He made a lot of money, didn't he? Whoever he is.
There, he's still going.
Okay, God bless him.
Number 11, Bruce Springsteen.
Okay, I expect that. That's all East Coast.
Nobody really cares for him around here.
Bruce Springsteen is meh to me.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
His median take at price, $507.46, with 25 events.
He's supposed to be a working man.
He's supposed to be like one of us.
You know, blue jeans, cap backwards,
guy that fucking works on his muscle car on the weekends,
spits on the sidewalk, bullshit. Bullshit.
Everybody wants my paycheck for a kicky.
Yeah, man, I've never been a Springsteen fan.
One weekly paycheck.
And that's part of it. He's such a fake to me, allegedly.
But the other one is Billy Joel.
I cannot figure him out for nothing either, but go ahead.
Thanks.
Okay, at number 10, Andrea Bocelli.
Andrea Bocelli, yes. That guy has the best voice ever.
Median ticket price, $519.67, 14 events.
I would maybe pay that to see him.
To me, that would be almost a bucket list.
That guy has such a natural voice.
It's really neat. You know who he is, right?
The blind...
Yeah.
Yeah, okay. Anyhow, yeah.
I kind of agree with that.
I mean, I wish tickets weren't that high.
But out of everybody that you said,
if I was going to pay that kind of price,
it would be for Andrea Bocelli.
So anyhow, go ahead.
It's kind of funny.
You just mentioned this person a minute ago.
Billy Joel?
Number nine, we have Billy Joel.
I go back to what I said before.
Don't understand it.
I don't know. I mean, he's...
Do you think he's that good?
He's had a lot of hits.
He's had 42 Billboard 100s
for total time on Billboard Hot 100,
595 weeks, man.
Here's what I'm saying.
Name three of them right now, Rob.
Oh, there's so many.
So you remember him? You remember his hits?
Yeah, I...
Okay, all right.
Okay, then it's probably just me.
I apologize.
I follow Billy Joel.
I have a little bit of softer side to him.
Okay, that's cool.
Yeah.
He has good songs.
I just don't think he was that big.
Yeah.
Okay.
Number eight, Garth Brooks.
Yeah.
Median ticket price, $545.76.
Number of events, $36.
I wouldn't pay that much to see him.
To me, he's kind of a one-sided trick pony.
But...
Okay.
Number seven, Morgan Wallen.
Okay.
Which I guess is a new country artist.
Okay.
Median ticket price, $619.58.
Number of events, $26.
I wonder if Chris Stapleton is in there somewhere.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Since you said country, I'll bet you he is.
We'll find out.
Okay.
Actually, I think Morgan Wallen is coming to Candidate.
Really? Someone that big?
Well, I thought I...
I'm gonna double check.
Okay.
Forget I said that.
Okay.
I'm gonna look into it.
Okay, that's cool.
Okay, number six, Bad Bunny.
Okay.
He's...
What do you call him?
Wrapped?
Oh, okay.
All right.
He's known to be getting into the WWE.
He's known in the WWE.
Median ticket price, $661.
Okay.
Number of events, $47.
Wow.
He made a lot of money.
No, this is what he's making this year.
Oh, okay.
What he's doing this year.
Okay.
That per ticket, brother.
Okay, if he doesn't drug overdose, he makes a lot of money.
All these I mentioned is per ticket issue.
Wow.
Okay.
Okay, number five.
Another one we love.
The Eagles.
Yeah.
See maybe 20 podcasts ago.
I don't love them at this price.
Look, Iconic Band, so many people came from there.
Don Henley, Glenn Fry, Vince Gale.
Joe Walsh.
Iconic Band, yes.
But worth that much?
Hell no.
Okay, I haven't even given the price yet.
Oh, no.
Okay, I'm sorry.
But I know it's going to be at least six because you're in the sixes.
Oh, no.
Okay, medium ticket price, $731.59.
Fuck you, Eagles.
That's all I got to say about that.
Fuck you.
I remember seeing tickets of the Eagles for 20 bucks.
Yeah, me too.
People waiting down at 7th Heaven.
Back in the 70s and 80s.
People waiting at 7th Heaven at the back door, line going around.
Yeah.
They were going around the side, I forgot the numbered street that's there.
And people in those houses actually coming out and giving us soda pops.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
But it wasn't for the Eagles, though.
I don't know who it was for, but anyhow.
Oh, hell, it was pretty much every concert.
Yeah, it was.
The people in that first house there were really cool.
They brought out drinks.
They were?
Yeah, they were excellent.
Anyhow.
Okay, number four, somebody else I've never heard of.
Olivia Rodrigo.
Okay, I would say that's pop.
Yeah, I'm guessing it's like maybe Latino pop.
I don't know.
Yeah, probably.
Probably.
I don't know.
I don't have a clue.
Yeah, okay.
But her ticket prices, I definitely ain't gonna go see her.
$734.17.
Wow.
Okay.
Oh, now we're getting big.
We weren't big already?
Oh, no.
Yeah, we were.
$734 there.
Number three, YouTube.
Mm-hmm.
Median ticket price, $1,182.16.
Bono cares about everybody, Rob.
Why would he do that?
I'm brokenhearted, Bono.
Dude, that's like two of my pay.
That's half a month's pay for me.
Bunch of fucking frauds, in my opinion.
YouTube's another one I'll never go see.
And then he's up there, they're flying their private jets to each fucking concert.
Then they're telling us how bad we are.
Fuck them.
Yeah, I just wait.
Okay.
Okay, number two, Adele.
That doesn't surprise me.
Okay, we're out of my monthly wage here.
Well, now it's right at.
Median ticket price, $2,079.36.
Fuck.
She's not that good to me.
No.
Nope.
She has talent, but no.
Okay, Mark, I have a question for you.
Okay.
Who do you think is the number one on this list?
Let me think here.
There's someone obvious that I'm not thinking of.
Highest dollar ticket.
You know what?
I don't know.
I can't think.
I don't know.
It's just not coming up.
Okay, I'll tell you, but you're going to snap yourself.
I mean, for me to think of it, it would be a really boring show because it'd take me 10 minutes.
I might come up with it anyhow.
Go ahead.
Yeah, well, you're going to smack yourself.
Okay.
Taylor Swift.
Oh, shit.
See, I said it was somebody obvious.
I just couldn't think of it.
Speaking of someone lecturing.
Yeah.
Now, you want to know how much she loves her chiefs fans?
Yeah, yeah, how much does she love us cheese fans?
Medium ticket price.
$3,525.42.
Until I see half of that money go towards the environmental cleanup, I don't want to hear a fucking word from her.
Stat.
That speaks for itself, everybody.
I don't have to say any more than that.
Right.
We've done a report about her planes.
Yes.
And how much they're polluting the air.
There's been a guy getting in trouble.
She's suing the guy to try to get him to stop.
So, you know, let me just to let you just to so anyhow, allegedly all of this.
So, yeah, yeah, let's stop there.
Yeah, that's all I had on that one.
All right, we're going to take our first break.
I got some emails.
You want to go into some emails?
Sounds great.
All right, cool.
We got some good ones.
I'll be right back in Montrose.
Montrose answered again, Rob.
I'm scared.
Well, yeah, I took a little read of it.
Yeah, they're asking for more stuff, Rob.
They're asking for more stuff.
I got my notebook ready.
Get it ready.
All right, we'll be right back in a couple of minutes.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no, it's island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
A ship telling red paint and a ship telling blue paint collide.
They were all moored.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
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Babes, your mother called you during every orgasm.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, shit.
What's that over there?
Oh, no.
I'm in horrible jokes.
Ugh.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church?
Christian Bale.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Next up, things over heard in hell.
Oh, wow, look.
The Wayne Newton Channel is the highest rated network.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh, my God.
I think we're safe.
Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh, my God.
I'm afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
I should have never taught that damn dog how to read.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
I can tell you what you can eat.
OK, it's post-apocalypse,
and you're walking down the barren wasteland that used to be a city.
You find an old can of beans lying in the middle of the road,
but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete,
you rub the top of the can for five minutes,
then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze it, and it should pop right open.
It tells you what kind of life I got because we're doing this on a Friday night.
I never even thought about that.
Dude, I have no life.
I work and I come home.
That's all I do, man.
My excuse is I'm married.
I can't go do anything.
No, I could.
Yeah, well, I'm single.
I can't get out.
I just don't, which is honestly probably best for me right now.
You know what?
And best for me too.
Oh, I know what it is.
You know what?
It's like Marty Schottenheimer, I believe, used to say,
everything good happens after 2 a.m.
So, all right.
We got some emails here.
Hey, guys.
I just thought I'd let you know how funny your new bit is.
It's the coffee grinder bit.
I can't stop laughing at that.
I love the show.
Annette from Phoenix, Arizona.
Thank you, Annette.
You know what?
I'm going to reveal where that came from.
Another woman.
Yeah, I know.
I know a lot of women like this type of humor.
I beg to differ.
I think there's a lot of women like this type of humor.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm going to reveal...
Thank you, Annette.
Yeah, thank you, Annette.
I'm going to reveal the origin of it real quick, Rob.
This came from, that coffee grinder bit came from somewhere,
one of my experiences.
And no, I didn't get my dick caught in a coffee grinder.
Okay.
But anyhow, I mentioned before that, you know, I went to trade school.
The old instructor of the metal cutting department was a guy named Gary.
Gary, he looked like an old farmhand.
You know, he had like scraggly lopsided hair, like a weird cowlick or something.
It kind of went to one side and was like all kind of curly and matted.
He didn't care, you know, he didn't care about taking care of his appearance at all.
You could tell, right?
He had some weird fucking teeth going on, like one jagged, one way, one...
But I tried not to look too much, I'm not sure exactly what it was,
but it was something weird going on.
So myself and other students were in his department.
They had these large stand-up sanding jacks.
You know what I'm talking about?
A sanding jack.
Yeah, it's a belt machine that stands up and it's a belt that goes around and around.
It's about four foot tall and it's a belt that spins
and you deburr metal parts and sharpen metal parts on it, right?
So it's pretty dangerous.
So I used to burn a metal part that I was getting ready to TIG weld.
Old man Gary walked up behind me and he kept yelling,
boy, hey boy, boy.
I turned around and I said, who me?
I said to him, my name's Mark, you know, you could use that
and I would know who you're talking about.
You know, if you said Mark, I would turn around and find out,
but you know, saying boy, I don't know who you're talking to.
He said, I don't do names.
I call all you boy and you will answer to that is what he said.
He was kind of an old dickhead because he knew he had the upper hand.
I wouldn't answer him.
Yeah.
So, hey, I would.
Oh, go ahead. What now?
I was just saying I would not answer him.
Fuck you.
Well, I answered him very little, but I kind of had to
because he's the one that like graded that class.
Oh, yeah.
So what'd you do?
Someone said he was a Marine and he got kicked out.
You know, I turned around,
but I didn't even remember that he wanted something by this time.
So then he calls out boy again and I turn around and he says,
don't get your wiener caught in that.
And I was like, I just turned around and started to be burned stuff at this point
because I'm like, I'm going, what the fuck?
Because at this point it wasn't even funny.
It was like, don't get my wiener caught in that.
A fucking horse, you know?
So anyhow, you know, I guess Gary did that to everybody.
Any student using the sanding jack, he would come up to the room
and he'd make, you know, he would say that to just about anybody on the sanding jack.
Hey, boy, boy.
And then he'd say, don't get your wiener caught in that.
And then, you know, I guess, I don't know if it's supposed to be funny or whatever.
That was just him. Whatever.
So anyhow, he would walk by through the room.
He would pace the room constantly making odd smacking noises with his mouth.
He always wore these old key bib overalls.
You know, the key brand, Rob, they're made in Fort Scott, Kansas still, I think.
And they were high quality, yeah, they were high quality bib overalls.
They're the best you could get in the business.
They were expensive, but they were very good.
He wore the stripe ones, the ones that look like a conductor.
Do you remember those? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he walked around with those stripe ones.
You're talking about my town, Fort Scott, Kansas.
Okay, yeah.
Well, he wore those stripe ones that look like a conductor every day.
I don't know if it's the same pair or not.
Didn't care, didn't want to look at him that much.
So I remember there was this really hot chick named Heather.
She was a secretary.
Her fiance was supposed to take her to lunch one day,
but ended up breaking up with her.
She was crying and just melting down really bad that day.
So anyhow, let me, I'm going to tell you, the part that I got about
don't get your generals caught in the coffee grinder,
well, that's my version of what Gary said, old man Gary said, right?
Okay, so now I'm going on to the story that a buddy of mine played on him, okay?
So we all got her checked into a hospital.
She had a mental breakdown.
She had a nervous breakdown because her boyfriend was supposed to take her to dinner.
And I guess in the car, he like fucking threw the ring at her and said,
get out of here or something.
And it freaked her out really bad.
And she was like just hysterical.
And she was a really nice girl.
She was hot, but she was a really nice girl.
And we're all freaking out.
We didn't know what to do.
So we called her some help.
And the EMTs came over, talked to her.
And they convinced her to go to this hospital for a little while.
So she came back to work a few weeks later, doing well.
So a couple of weeks later, a guy I worked with decided to send Gary a note from Heather.
It said something like, can you keep a secret?
I'm really attracted to you, but we can't do anything here or let on.
It has to be a secret.
I can't get fired.
I need my job.
Josh, this guy, is responsible for this trickery.
He actually stole Heather's stationery to send the said love notes.
He saw Gary's address on his letter with his check in it when he was off for minor surgery,
for a bunion or something.
So he took and he jotted down Gary's address that they were going to send his check to when he was off.
So that's how he got Gary's, old man Gary's address, Josh did, my friend that I worked with, right?
So Josh was sending these letters to Gary's house.
Gary might have been divorced or never married.
We didn't know the story on him.
We just knew that he was alone at the time.
We just knew that he lived alone.
Josh sent these without a return address so he could not reply.
We didn't think it would work at all, but it did work.
After two letters, Josh told Gary that he needed to change his wardrobe
so she could see him cleaned up and all handsome.
Well, next thing we know, one Monday, he came in wearing a polo shirt,
expensive golfing shorts, and a high dollar Adidas steel-toed sneakers.
Remember those?
Yeah!
Yeah, those things were like $400 back in the day.
They were actually Adidas with steel toes in them.
And he was wearing those because we had to wear steel toes, right?
I was like, man, are those steel toes?
And he took and hit it with a bar.
What are you thinking?
I'm like, okay, it is.
Then after he started cleaning up, haircut, nice clothes, etc.,
Josh said to him, I got back together with my ex-litter.
I have a feeling afterwards that old bastard Gary probably knew it was one of us.
But he was unbearable after that.
He was such a prick because he thought he was going to get together with this Heather chick.
But Josh kept egging him on, egging him on a little bit more,
and then went, oh, I got back with my ex-boyfriend.
Meanwhile, Heather knew nothing.
The secretary, she knew nothing about this.
Soon after was my field training, so I got away from the old bastard Gary.
I ran into Josh three or four years ago, right before COVID.
It was at Logan International Airport.
I was waiting to come back to KC, and someone kept yelling Mark way down the hall.
So anyhow, I'm like, okay, I keep hearing Mark.
I know it's Mark.
It can't be Mark or something else.
Someone is screaming Mark.
So I turned around and I see this guy waving his arms, and he goes, it's Josh, Josh from the metal.
And anyhow, so I go there and I meet him, and anyhow, Josh is doing,
so anyhow, it turns out that he owned a craft brewery somewhere in north Boston.
And he wanted me to go buy that, but I couldn't because I never made it back to that area since then, since 2019.
Yeah, and anyhow, every now and then he sends me an email or a text or something.
Well, usually it's on Messenger and like, hey, what's up and all that stuff.
He told me that Gary had a stroke and was forced to retire, but the next guy was an even bigger asshole.
And I don't know how that could have been because Gary was a huge fucking asshole.
So anyhow, that was my first email.
And I'm sorry I had to go into that story, but I really needed people to know.
I really needed people to know why I come up with that, you know, don't get your generals caught in a coffee grinder.
And that's because old man Gary used to tell us don't get your wiener caught in that sanding jack.
So anyhow, a tribute to the old bastard.
All right. My first one here.
You know what? I'm going to do that last because this first email here actually has a rebuttal from Jeffy X.
Why? Yes, a rebuttal from Jeffy X.
It's our old friend that keeps telling us to quit.
OK. All right.
So I'm going to go down to the next one.
I want my pencil shavings now. I've been checking my mailbox every day, but no, you guys owe me some pencil shavings and I want them now.
Billy in Madison, Wisconsin. Rob, do you remember me or you?
I thought Billy was you, wasn't it?
Was it? Oh, shit.
Well, he wants his pencil. He wants his pencil savings, Rob.
They're in the mail. They're in the mail, Billy. They're in the mail.
The fuck? No, I need to shave him down for you, dude.
I never once thought anyone was going to email about not getting them. I thought they're just going to thank God we didn't send them to them.
Only on me. Only on me.
Yeah, I'm glad it was you and not me.
Even though nobody has got my second one.
You won. You won.
When we get done with emails, I will give up.
OK. Are you going to reveal it to everybody what it is?
We've had two weeks. Yeah, you won.
Yeah, let's get done with emails and I'll let everybody know what my fake story was.
Yes, and I'm still irritated that a guy from Coca-Cola Bobling got me.
I love it. I love it. Especially with mine, it was so easy.
I know. And mine, that was hard. They got.
Mark, is the podcast service you're looking into a mostly sports podcast and online streaming radio service?
I think I know which one you might be going to. Thanks, man.
Ron and Warsaw. I'm not going to confirm or deny it because it.
I've been talking to them regularly and I don't feel that they want me to talk about.
I think that all this is just, you know, preliminary stuff if it does happen.
So anyhow, I'm not going to say yay or nay.
I appreciate your concern, but I'm just I'm just not going to go there.
I hope you can appreciate it. Not until everything's in writing.
Yeah. So Ron and Warsaw, thank you. I think Warsaw, Missouri.
I don't think Poland. So anyhow. With Warsaw is an hour from me.
Oh, yeah, it is, isn't it? Yep. Right up to 65.
Pretty close to me. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Ron.
But you know what? I can't really say that much about it right now.
We're still talking to them and they're really good people and I don't want to break that trust.
So this excellent. Hey, guys, this is Jimmy, Opal's grandson.
You wanted to hear from us. Yeah. Yeah, I know.
You want to hear from us. So here I am. I'm still listening.
And so is my grandma. She loves a new origin of segments. That's good.
I don't know if anyone would like him or not. She likes him.
Because they're not necessarily funny bits. They're just informative, right?
Right. Anyway, I'm glad she likes him. I keep up the great podcast. Thanks.
P.S. All the big storms have been going around us.
We're extremely dry around here, worried about the planting season.
So I guess they haven't been getting those storms. I thought they were. They're going around them.
That sounds like here, man. Yeah, it does. Everything goes around us.
Yeah, that's what's been going on for what, three years now?
And I don't see any end to it. It doesn't look like it, at least.
All right. Mark, do you have any advice for someone who wants to be a clown that juggles fire?
Thanks in advance. Tony.
Hey. Okay, Tony. Hey. I'm glad they asked your opinion.
Okay, Tony. Great choice. Great choice.
Not many clowns that juggle fire anymore. You'll have plenty of work.
My advice is practice, practice, practice. There you go, Tony. Do it. Do it.
Not many clowns do that anymore. No. I think there's a hell of a market for it.
So, all right. What a career choice, Tony.
Birthday parties. Yeah, everything. We might even hire you.
Like we do a remote somewhere. Like, oh, when we go to the Filthy Bean in Nashville,
maybe Rick would want you to juggle fire in front of his business.
Is he rebuilding from the fire? Yes. Yes, he is.
Yeah, he ain't gonna want fire in there. Oh, you know what, Rick? I'm sorry.
Come on, man. Rob, you're right. You're right. Sorry.
Oh, he does want you. But, you know what? We could have one of our grandkids' birthday parties and have it show up.
Okay, we can do that. And also, Rick wants you to pose for his new stone ground coffee Mayan.
His Mayan coffee stone ground. He wants you to be in your loin cloth and a stone grinding coffee on the front of the bag of beans.
You think you could do that? Like you are in the jigsaw puzzle.
I'll talk to him about it. All right. Well, we gave him a jigsaw puzzle and he loved it.
And now he wants to see that on the bag of stone ground Mayan coffee.
Which, by the way, my book sales are up, too. Oh, good. Good. How to clean raw sewage and track your enemy by scent.
Oh, man. What great books. I mean, it was sterling from first to end, I tell you.
I've got plenty of time in my spare time. So, yeah.
I hear you're writing a follow-up. Yeah, I'm getting ready to. I'm getting ready to.
Good. Good. And finally, hey, D-bags, we're doing spin outs on Chet's souped-up lawnmower. You know who this is.
Oh, Chet. Yep. Yep. Man, that old green machine can set the pavement ablaze.
We have the GoFundMe for Natty Light for you guys when you come down. Oh, good. Good.
I'll get you a GoFundMe. Yeah, yeah. For Natty Light. I'm trying to lay off, guys.
Oh, shit. Yeah, you know what? Hey, get a GoFundMe for Natty Light and Coca-Cola. No, no, no. Sweet tea. Sweet tea, right?
I'll bring my own. Okay. Then have a GoFundMe for your guys' Natty Light. I'll bring my own drink, okay?
Yeah. Have the GoFundMe for the gas for the motors. There we go. There. Yeah. Just change it. Yeah, let's have some fun.
There we go. Just change it a little bit. I don't have that.
Okay. So, the Civil War enactment ain't that far away. Will you use Rob? Maybe pick it. Okay.
Also, could Rob maybe pick us up a few jars of peach preserves from the country store just outside of Lincoln, Missouri?
Thanks in advance, William Montrose. So, he wants a couple of jars of peach preserves from that store.
You know the store that's right off the highway there in Lincoln, Missouri, just four ways back? Yes, yes.
I'd have to go a little north and come back and cut back across, but I could do it.
Okay, guys. There you go. You're getting the preserves from that little Lincoln store.
From where I'm coming from, I hit Warsaw to cut that way before Lincoln. So, I'd have to go up, hit Lincoln, come back to Warsaw to go back up, go to Taiwan and into Montrose, Clinton, Montrose. Yep.
Cool. Well, all right, then. I could do it. You guys are going to be getting your peach preserves, too.
Do you have all this written down, all the stuff you're supposed to bring them? Yeah. Okay, good.
Rob is a man of his word, so when we come down, he will have all of those above-set things.
Okay, okay. Now, maybe not the tarp bars. Oh, that's right. That's right. He doesn't know. I'm still having troubles out of Titewad. Come on, Titewad. Evidently, you guys don't listen to us.
You know, yeah. You know, I think that Montrose thinks that you can get anything, and I mean, they've got to realize that they pissed Titewad off, and Titewad may not give them those.
What was that, peach preserves? Peach preserves from that little country store just outside of Lincoln. It's on the east side of Lincoln. It's right off the highway there.
Gotcha. I know what you're doing. It's just past that old folks home. Yep. Yep. Right. Well, you got your peach preserves, and he's going to try to get all your car stuff for you, but you got to know.
You pissed Titewad off because you're constantly badgering them, and they just may run out of whatever you want, you know? So.
I'm starting to think we jumped into the Hatfields and McCoys is what I'm thinking. That's the way I see it, too. They act like they really don't care for each other, and the sad thing is we're in the middle of it.
We like both of you guys, and you know, we didn't. Yeah. We like everybody. Yeah.
You know, we would like to arrange a truce between you two if we could. Well, you know what? Maybe that's another day. Let's take our break. We're going to go to a story of yours.
Maybe we could get the leaders down here to Lake of the Ozarks one week, you know, on my turf.
That would be good. Get them off their turf. Put them on my turf.
You know what? Yeah. Yeah. We'll like feed them some psychedelic mushrooms and put them all in a room.
Oh, no, no, no. No. I just want to hash things out.
Well, that's what I said. Some psychedelic mushrooms. Oh, come all in a room.
They would be able to fight. They'd be laughing and pointing to shit. Yeah. They probably just like develop a dependency on each other to not fall down. Right.
I don't know. Let's take a break. Yeah. Yeah. This is going straight to hell right now.
We'll be right back. Come up with psychedelic mushrooms. I don't fucking know. My mind's fucked. You know that.
That's why I love you. Yep. Yep. And that's why I love you, too. Your mind's fucked also. But we're different kinds of.
You're right. Two douchebags and a microphone reminds you that you'll never get this hour back.
Sorry about your luck.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser. Hey, girl, are you a beaver?
Because damn.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
The brand new kale cola started selling nationwide yesterday.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
So if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
I may never know.
Two douchebags and a microphone says you ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking. Since we haven't a budget here at two douchebags and a microphone, here's a random guy on the street to promote our show.
Hi, everybody. I'm Freddy. I love listening to two douchebags and a microphone, and I get all my pertinent information from them.
They are incredible and I love them, though.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Should I record frog sounds in the summer, then play them when it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy?
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents job.
Two douchebags and a microphone. Because we all need dick jokes.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, Rob, you got something you want to relay to us?
Yeah, yeah, I got one here for you.
Alright.
And this is another one I found. Oh, oh, first off, first off.
Okay.
For those that want to know what my fake story was.
I'm going to go back.
The one you guys didn't get?
Yes, that Mark is so upset about.
Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah. Not happy.
Okay, well, it was a story that I mentioned in MCIS after Scott Batchelor was charged over the January 16th going into the Capitol building.
It was not Scott Batchelor.
It was an MCIS actor, but it was actually Nolan Freeman, which I have, he was on the rookie too. I don't have a clue who he is.
Me neither. But anyhow, you guys didn't catch it.
Well, they mentioned Scott Batchelor. He was on New Orleans. Hey, that's my, that's my MCIS. I don't watch any of New Orleans. That's it.
Yeah, well, okay.
Sorry, guys.
He won that one.
Hopefully you catch me next time.
I've got one I'm working on. I think I'm going to get everybody on, but I thought I was going to do that with the last one. So, I did.
I'm going to move on into something else.
This comes off our site, Society of Rock.
Okay, cool.
Seven cheesy guitar solos of all time.
I want to hear this.
I figured you would.
And this is no certain order.
Okay.
All right.
First one is Mother by the Police.
Yeah, that is a cheesy solo.
Andy Summers of the Police, question mark. Absolute legend, but every legend has that one moment they'd rather not talk about at the parties. Enter the guitar solo in Mother.
Wow.
Good point. Good point.
Yep.
Some of these you just got to listen to. I'm cutting out a lot of words.
There's time here, but okay, second one.
You're going to like this one too.
Unskinny Bop by Poison.
100%.
Air metal, a genre known for shredding solos that make or break careers, then there's CC DeBille's work on Unskinny Bop, which, well, let's just say it won't be winning any awards.
And yeah, I'm reading this online.
Not my words, but I agree.
Third one.
Lenny Kravitz, American Woman.
I don't know if I agree with this one.
I think...
Yeah, I don't see either, but...
Okay.
His Attempted American Woman was supposed to be homage, maybe.
What we got was a solo that freaked of trying too hard without actually getting anywhere.
I think he was trying to kind of copy the song, but not too much.
And that's what he came up with. I didn't take it like anything else, but I don't know. I mean, it's all subject to opinion.
Well, it also says it's almost as if he thought, and then it says in quotations, what would Hendrix do, and then he did the opposite.
Well, I guess he didn't light his guitar on fire, right?
Good point.
Yeah.
He saved his guitar.
I don't know how they get all the Hendrix comparisons. They are two totally different sounding and types of guitarists and singers.
Okay.
I've never gotten it.
Hendrix was from the 70s. He was black.
And nothing racially. Nothing racially.
No, I get what you're saying.
He was a little bit of black.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
But then here comes Lenny, what, 20, 30 years later, known for being outrageous on the guitar. So he would be like the next Hendrix.
Okay, I guess so. I thought Prince would be...
I'm going to skip that.
I think Prince would have been a better comparison is what I feel. Prince had more of a type of a Hendrix attitude.
Now music-wise.
Oh, I thought it's music-wise because of his guitar capabilities and his sound.
Well, yeah.
Prince was one of the most underrated guitarists. He was one of the most underrated guitarists ever, Prince was. That guy, he was fantastic on guitar.
Yeah, we've agreed on that.
Yeah. So, okay. All right. Go ahead.
Okay, next up.
The Rolling Stones, Ain't Too Proud to Beg.
I'm trying to hear that song in my head. I don't remember it.
Peter Richards. Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to take a word for it. I can't really...
The riff master himself occasionally misses the target. Ain't Too Proud to Beg might just have given Mick Taylor the push he needed to say,
that's it, I'm out of here. The solo kicks in and suddenly you're left wondering if he forgot there were strings on his guitar.
Well, to be fair...
I'm just reading what's on my mind.
Okay, you know what? Go on. You know what? They weren't known for guitar solos, but that's okay.
No, they weren't. But that was their attempt.
Okay.
Next one. She Shook Me Cold, David Bowie.
Yeah, I'm familiar with that song. And yeah, from what I remember, it was a rather simple solo that didn't really go anywhere, so I think I could agree with that. Yeah.
Mick Ronson and some hero behind many Bowie hits usually dazzles. But on She Shook Me Cold, the saddest ass-ass guitar actually got switched to autopilot.
Okay. I don't think I want to hear that.
Oh, here we go.
Okay.
Song I haven't heard of in a while.
Okay.
Cover of the Rolling Stone by Dr. Hook.
Yeah. That's a good song, and the solo is rather simplistic and probably kind of cheesy, yeah.
What do you think?
With some titles like You Make My Pants Want to Get Up and Dance, they weren't exactly flying for lyrical profanity, a la Bob Dylan.
The once-full, cheeky approach is all part of the charm until you hit the train wreck nestled in the heart of their hit song, Cover of the Rolling Stone.
Okay. All right, I'll go with that. I don't think I have anything much to argue with.
I will, too.
Okay.
I thought that was one of the best ones.
I thought so, too, but okay, I can go with that.
This ain't my opinion. It's somebody else's.
No, and that's why I'm just like, okay. I mean, I really don't have any basis to argue with anyhow, so okay.
Okay. You ready for the last one?
Yes.
Some Kind of Monster by Metallica.
Oh, absolutely. I'm so glad they did that. 100% without a doubt. That solo is garbage.
Eric Hammett can do so much better than that, but he doesn't care anymore. None of them care anymore.
They throw out shit just to see if people will buy it, and they do. My opinion. Allegedly.
All right. Well, let me read what the article says.
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Metallica's St. Anger album.
Speaking of St. Anger.
It's a gem racked up in a riddle, especially for a band that has Kurt Hammett, a veritable electric guitar virtuoso in its ranks.
Yet in a move that puzzles many, the album is strikingly devoid of the soaring guitar solos that have defined much of Metallica's legacy.
Ted Hammett is regulated to the role of rhythm guitarist chugging by James Hatfield's vocal carattas.
Mm-hmm.
You're right.
Yeah. To me, this is what I think goes on. I think they don't feel like writing anymore.
They've been through rehabs and all different types of fights and their bassist being killed.
They've been through all this stuff, and I think that they really don't feel like doing music anymore like a lot of bands, you know, a la Motley Crue or whoever's out there right now.
Most of them don't do music anymore. Aerosmith hasn't done music in quite a while.
Wow.
You see, they don't really feel like writing songs anymore. The only guy that still does it is Ozzy.
But all the other ones, they don't come out with albums anymore, generally.
So I think that Metallica is just having fun, putting out bullshit and seeing how many people will buy it. That's what I think is going on.
Where's Ingve?
Ingve, he hasn't put out anything in a long time, but he still tours.
That's what I'm saying. He needs to.
Yeah, Ingve was touring.
Ingve would wipe, yeah, Ingve would wipe them up.
I saw Ingve with the Generation X Tour a few years back at a town theater.
That would have been awesome.
Oh, he was still fantastic. He was still the flamboyant showman. He played perfectly like he always does, did all the melodic fast stuff. He was excellent.
Ingve hasn't put out an album in quite a while, but he just tours. He came by with like, really the star of that show was Muno Betancourt and Zach Wilde.
Those two stole that show, Generation X, the one that I saw.
Before, the first guy was a guy named Taboshi. He's got a new style of rhythm lead that's really excellent.
I forgot what band he plays in, but he's really good. He's interesting.
But then Muno Betancourt came out and he sang almost just like Gary Sharone.
And he did more than words and he did some other stuff.
Really?
Yeah, and then him and Zach Wilde got together and did a couple of Hendrix songs.
And Zach and him sang together in harmony so well, and they both played spot on.
And to me, Zach and Muno were just like the stars of that Generation X.
And yeah, the rest of them were good. Steve Vai was really good. Ingve was really good.
Who was the other guy? I think it was Phil Collin from Def Leppard. He was good.
No, no, no, he wasn't on that one. That was on the other one.
I forgot there was someone in between there too, I think.
But the thing is, they stole the show to me. It was really good.
So anyhow, yeah, the answer is Rob, none of them really put out music anymore.
Right.
Yep. Well, we are getting late in the show.
Do you want me to do the email of the dickhead and the replies that Jeffy X gave him?
Or do you want to save it till tomorrow?
No, I want to hear it.
Okay. Alright, this comes from our un-fan that loves to send us messages to tell us to quit.
And like we always say, it's easier for you to quit listening than for us to quit.
So anyhow, he's still angry.
When he keeps hack on us, then he keeps listening to it.
Exactly. So Jeffy X got with me and he said, hey, let me do some stuff for this bastard.
And I said, okay, Jeffy X, it's all yours. So, hey Mark, you think you're a radio guy.
It's just a shitty podcast. Please quit, you suck.
Sir, every time I look in my wallet, I know I'm not a radio guy.
I am self-aware. This is a podcast and not a really big one.
And I know this. I'm having some fun.
But anyhow, it's like I said, it's easier for you to quit listening because we're not going to stop making these shitty podcasts.
No, we are not. We are not.
So Jeffy X intercepted this email and he had some stuff.
He said he did some looking around and he found out some podcasts that he thought would fit you very well.
And Jeffy X is a snoot.
And I'm not going to go into all the Jeffy X stuff because of time constraints.
But everyone that listens knows who Jeffy X is and all the stuff we're going to do for him and all that stuff.
So anyhow, the first one is the Micro Penis Podcast is right up your alley.
It is Jeffy's first suggestion.
And I think I would agree with that. What do you think, Rob?
Yep.
Yeah.
That's what I can do.
The next one that Jeffy X sent us is the How to Dress Fashionably in a Hide Man Boobs Podcast.
Yes, I would agree.
I can see that one, Jeffy.
Yes.
I can see that one.
I think Jeffy got a look at this asshole and he thought, you know.
Hey, you're talking about my buddy here.
Yep.
The next one that Jeffy X suggested, podcast that he should listen to it, is the How to Wine and Throw a Fit Podcast.
You don't really need any help with this, but you can identify with it at the least.
I would agree.
Does there even need to be a podcast about that?
No, because this guy demonstrates it every day. He wakes up and hates us.
He ain't the only person.
This next one. I guess they gotta have somebody to talk to each other.
I guess so.
All right. I'll get them now.
All right.
Next one. Your dad hates your mom for not aborting you podcast.
Jeffy, I love you.
You know what?
Oh my God.
I'm predicting this asshole will never send us another email after this.
I think he's gonna really be done.
Thank God we don't have the FCC on our ass.
Exactly. Oh my God. No, we would have been. Yeah.
Oh my God. Right now, our parent company would be getting all the fines and like calling us up at this hour telling us to get in right now.
Just because of Jeffy, our sidekick, our side worker.
Our side worker. He's awesome.
Yeah. He does all of our footwork for us.
He does. He's amazing.
The next podcast that Jeffy X suggested for the Said Loser is the Selfish Lover podcast.
Yeah. Yeah. You know he's a one. You know he's a two stroke genius.
You know he's a three stroke pump and dump. Right?
Yeah. I can see that. That's all I'm saying. I can see that.
Yeah. I can see that too.
The next one that Jeffy X suggests for Said Loser is the Extremely Low IQ podcast.
Yeah. Oh yeah. We've known this.
Very good choice, Jeffy. Very good choice.
Jeffy, once again, you're spot on with everything that you've come up with.
Yeah, he is.
Yeah. The next one that Jeffy X suggested to Said Loser is the How to Hide Your Incompetence podcast.
I think he's right on with that one too. What do you think, Rob?
Yeah. They're spot on with it. They're spot on with it.
He's just amazing. He just gets this stuff.
The How to Shower Correctly podcast, but you'll need a book with pictures as well.
Nice job, Jeffy.
Nice, nice job, Jeffy. You got him in the corner. He's getting ready to fall down.
You're about to knock it. You're about to take him out, dude.
He's got the dumb look and he's spinning all over.
And then finally, the easy way to remove gerbils from your rectal canal podcast will greatly benefit you.
And we have the knockout.
Boom. On the floor. No standing eight count here. He's on the ground for all of it.
And he ain't getting back up. He's got his threat through me and loaded into an ambulance.
All right, Loser. You got anything else to say? Email me so we can bash you again, fuckface.
But we love you. Yeah. You know what? Actually, his stuff has been very...
You're fun to play with. You're fun to play with.
It is. Every time he says us something, you and I start laughing and smiling. It's fantastic.
And he's eaten it up.
And I don't even know if he's for real. He could be just...
I still have a feeling that he's a friend of ours that's fucking with us.
I still think that. Yeah, but evidently he got Jeffy's attention.
Oh, Jeffy didn't like him at all. Jeffy's like, you know what? Oh, yeah.
He said, you don't bash my boys. He said, you bash my boys and that's it. You're done.
So, Jeffy... Love you, Jeffy. Love you, Jeffy. Hang in there, man.
Alrighty. Well, Rob, do you have anything you want to add to this said podcast?
Or do we want to go into the sunset with that?
Let's go into the sunset with that. Seeing how this was an extra episode.
Yes, it was.
Hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy.
Even though we read your email, I don't think we officially said hi to Opal and Jimmy, did we?
Oh, yes. Love you, grandma. Love you, Jimmy.
Love you both, man. And thanks for the email. Thanks for letting me know you guys are okay.
And we hope it rains there, but no big storms.
So, anyhow, everybody, thank you assholes for listening. Have a good night.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.