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Hi all. This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals caught in a grinder.
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
We talk.
Jesus.
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Oh Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry, I have a clown nose.
Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay. I have a clown nose.
Clown nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two douchebags and microphone. Thanks for joining us tonight. My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
Alright. Well, Rob, how you doing today?
I'm actually doing pretty good, believe it or not.
I know, yeah. I heard a little bit about this guy.
Yeah, I got kid bullshit, but who don't?
Yeah, who don't? You're right.
Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood despite of it.
But you know, that's just my attitude.
I'm going on my life, dude.
Hell yeah, man. That's what you got to do. Just keep on plugging along.
I'll play it to you off the air.
Yep. Yeah. So let's forget about all that bullshit and let's go into some douchebaggery, shall we?
Alright, man. Have a good time.
Alright. Well, first off, the volcano in Italy put on a show for visitors by emitting a rare smoke ring, actually smoke rings, onto the sky earlier this week.
It's really cool. You've got to look this up when I get done with it or later tonight.
This volcano was blowing smoke rings. It hit like you do out of a cigar. Yeah.
Yeah.
Tourists filmed the phenomenon at Mount Etna in Sicily on April 6, four days after the rings were first spotted.
With footage showing clues as to where it was.
At Mount Etna?
Yeah.
I've heard of that place. I have.
Yeah, it's in Sicily. I think it's fairly famous. You probably did hear of it.
Yeah, it is.
With footage showing plumes of smoke emerging from the summit, which some later were forming into rings.
The rings, however, are not technically made of smoke.
Their instead a combination of condensed gases, mainly water vapor, that have escaped the magma and rush upwards from the volcano's vent.
Dr. Boris Bekny, a volcanoologist from the National Institute of Geophysics and Volcanology, said,
Well, okay, with a title like that, I guess I believe him, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay. But I'm still going to pretend they're smoke rings and this volcano smokes cigars, right?
It sounds like smoke rings, yeah.
Yeah, no, it looks like smoke rings. It's really cool looking when you see it.
Yeah.
So, and then I got a little odds and ends here I want to get to here real quick.
Friday, June 7th is Pat Sajak's last day. Goodbye, Wheel of Fortune. Nice knowing you.
Yes.
It will be interesting to see how Ryan Seacrest handles that because Pat Sajak has one of the best wits of anyone I've ever seen.
He is a natural with puns and just little ad-lib stuff. It's going to be hard to believe.
Oh, yeah, he's a natural. He really is.
Yeah.
So...
Probably one of the best game show hosts ever in my opinion.
I would agree.
My opinion.
My too. And anyhow, he's just such a natural. So it's going to be interesting.
If I was Ryan Seacrest, I don't think I would try to do the same thing as Pat Sajak.
Ryan Seacrest is great at what he does, but it's not what Pat Sajak does. So we will see.
But then on to other things. Buy one, get one free. Blizzard's at Dairy Queen. I'm getting weepy to see...
What?
Buy one, get one free. Blizzard's right now. Rob, I'm getting weepy just thinking about it.
If I would have known that, I would have been up there just a few minutes ago. I got Dairy Queen right up to three years.
Oh, shit.
Come on.
Damn it.
I didn't know it.
Well, you'll know it tomorrow.
Well, tomorrow I'll be at work.
But when you get off work, have a blizzard.
I can. I got to get ready for Tuesday night's podcast.
Okay. All right.
Trust me. You already know. You already know. My Monday night is booked.
Yes, I do.
Because I have another half of something I got to go over.
Yeah. And the first half is coming up. And I can't wait for it.
Because I heard just in the break room a little bit about it.
Dude.
Yeah, I heard. I was like, whoa.
Yeah, well, yeah, let's move on.
Yeah, yeah. We'll get to that.
We'll cover it after a while.
Believe me, it'll be worth waiting to listen to.
Yes.
Free Fries Friday at McDonald's.
Free Fries at Burger King with the purchase of a regular entree only in the mobile app.
Popeyes, all you can dine meal for 12 bucks.
Six tenders or six wings plus three chicken tenders plus two sides and biscuits.
Wendy's $1 Dave's single and $2 Dave's double.
Any size soft drink for a dollar as well and one or two dollars off any combo meal.
And finally, $6 build your own Cravings box at Taco Bell.
Choose especially like a crunch wrap plus a taco or a beefy five layer burrito aside and a Greek.
So those are all the fast food specials going on.
And you'll just have to go to your local whatever and find out how long it's going on.
Because the article that I read did not say how long it's for.
It just told you that these are the specials going on right now.
So and then another thing I'd like to get to is you love brats, right?
Oh, who don't? Yeah.
Do you like summer shandies? I do. I mean, they're not my regular drink, but yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It'll work in a pinch. I like them every now and then. On a hot day. On a hot day. Yeah.
Yeah. You'll feel like a thick beer.
So yeah. So April. Well, anyhow, Johnsonville has solved that problem, Rob.
Brats in Shandy beer.
April may have just begun a kick of the spring season, but summer is right around the corner.
And that means it will soon be time for warm weather and cookouts,
as well as the drinks and eats that make every good cookout memorable.
This year, as weather warms up, two brands synonymous with summer are teaming up for a truly iconic grilling season.
This week, Lenin Kugel and Johnsonville announced their partnership.
The Lakeside link up with all new summer Shandy beer brats.
That's exactly what you think. It's a beer and bratwurst collaboration.
Now, Lenin Kugels has been a long time now. My favorite summer Shandy.
And Johnsonville is my favorite brat.
So I can't wait to try this. I think it's going to be really good because both of them put out quality products, in my opinion.
I mean, you've had Lenin Kugel before, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good. All their stuff is pretty good.
So, and then Johnsonville, who hasn't had that? It's great brats.
Oh my God. It's the best.
So they went on to say...
It's number one in bratwurst.
Yeah, I agree. They are fantastic.
Some things just belong together and beer and bratwurst are no exception.
Johnsonville owner and chairwoman Shelly Steyer said in a statement,
As a family-owned company that takes great pride in our products,
developing a beer brat with Lenin Kugels to bring the flavor of summer Shandy to our fresh grilling sausage is a match made in Wisconsin.
We'll play on words there. Not having, but Wisconsin.
Because both of them are from Wisconsin.
Lenin Kugels teaming up with Johnsonville for the ultimate beer and brat pairing was only a matter of time.
Tony Bunker, B-U-G-H-E-R...
I can't say that without laughing.
Those are these names. These names, yeah.
If anybody notices, we both have a hard time with names.
Yeah. Tony Bunker... I'm laughing at this. I was going to try to not laugh.
Tony Bunker, the president of Lenin Kugels said,
We're thrilled to bring folks...
Okay, we're douchebags. We're leaving Alamo.
We're douchebags. We're supposed to make fun of stuff like this.
We're leaving Alamo.
We are literally Beavis and Butt-Head, but we just don't sound like them.
So...
No.
Heh, heh, heh.
Alright. Anyhow, let's see.
Okay, Tony Bunker, president of Lenin Kugels said,
We're thrilled to bring folks the Summer Shandy Beer Brat,
which adds a new flavor to our fans.
Lakeside Get-Togethers this year with your strong, innovative history.
The Summer Shandy Beer Brat emerges. Everyone is happy.
Summer Shandy is in a whole new way.
Alright, Rob, we look at you for the next little...
Dude, dude, dude, just you pronouncein' that name brightened my whole day.
Bunker.
It did. That was hilarious.
I'm sure he got shit in school.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't you think? Don't you think he got some swirlies and some fuckin' sunburns?
Bunker.
Some, what were you, scout burns?
The old knuckle on the forehead or the top of the head?
Did we decide his name was Bunker?
Yeah, we decided his name was Bunker. It's a little different.
It's like B-U-G-O-G-R.
But it's close enough to Bunker to where...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so it's Bunker.
That's where the two douchebags move in.
Yeah, you know what? It's like on the last podcast I found that old bit.
You just wait, you know, this is an hour of your life.
Sorry about your luck.
So there you go.
Yep.
Oh, no, I know what he said.
You'll never get back this hour of your life. Sorry about your luck.
Right, right.
I had a...
Chad knew that a long time ago, and I just found it going through some stuff of like,
what the hell is this? And I played it. I'm like, oh, I remember that one.
I had it labeled wrong. I forgot what I had it labeled as.
And I'm like, you know, I don't remember this.
Honestly, man, I've said that forever.
I don't know how many moments in my life I've stopped to say,
well, that's a couple minutes of my life I won't get back.
I say that often. I say it often when I was jacking up my house.
And now look at it.
And I'm at the crawl space for three days. And every day I'm like,
no, I'll never get these three days back.
Yeah. Yep.
Anyhow, all right, Rob, we look at you for the next story.
Are you ready?
Yeah, I got one. I got an update on Danny Masterson.
Oh, the That 70s Show breakfast?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
He's not doing as bad as you think.
Okay.
Danny Masterson was found guilty of two counts of rape
and was sentenced to serve 30 years behind bars.
According to the source, the convicted felon
isn't having the worst time in prison.
Huh?
Okay, he was, but then he got transferred, remember?
Oh, that's right. That's right. I remember you saying that. Yep.
Yeah, wait.
Damn ads.
The disgraced sitcom star turned 48 years old on Wednesday, March 13th
while he was visited by his estranged wife,
Bayou Phillips, and their daughter, Fiona.
Ten several days later, their divorce proceedings are still ongoing.
So Bayou Phillips came by there to visit him?
With their daughter.
Even though they're getting divorced.
Okay. Wow. Okay.
Masterson's horrific crimes cost him his marriage
and his ability to raise his only child.
But the source spilled.
He is actually quite the popular celebrity in prison.
Inmates know him from that 70s show,
and he knows how to use that to his advantage.
And they're fucking marking out on him. Oh my gosh.
As a longtime Scientologist,
he's learned the ways to manipulation and control.
Allegedly?
Allegedly, yes.
Yep.
Well, that was in quotation marks.
Yeah, no, no, I know.
But still allegedly out of our mouths.
Yeah, yep.
The word is he has people protecting him there.
The guards are good to him,
and he's putting together his own squad, the source is added.
Wow. What the hell?
Okay, previously reported,
Master was transferred to California's men's colony
in San Luis Obispo.
Mm-hmm.
And has much more comfortable living arrangements
than he did at Corcoran State Prison.
Which, if you're my right, was a prison that I mentioned he was at
that housed Charlie Manson and all the bad dudes.
Yeah.
At the movement security facility,
the actor has access to academic and career slash technical education,
cognitive behavior therapy,
substance abuse education,
anger management, and family relationships.
Wow.
But yeah, he sounds, according to this,
and I found this on OK Magazine,
it sounds like he's using the new prisoners
to protect himself.
Wow.
I'll tell you what, if I was in his position,
I'd probably have to do the same thing.
I'd go up in the name of who I was
and try to make it a position.
But see, you're in there for the wrong thing.
Yeah, I'm not saying that's not the best thing for someone to do,
but I'm just astounded that they moved him,
and then now he has this glorious life in this new institution.
Well, he's in a minimum security.
Yeah, when he was in a medium or less.
So the prisoners aren't going to be as hardcore.
No.
And they're, they grew up watching him.
Yeah, I thought that he did.
Hey dude, you're my hero, you know.
Okay, well.
Even though you raped a couple girls.
Yeah, allegedly, even though he's convicted.
Allegedly.
Okay, so, all right, I understand him doing that,
but was the old prison, I can't remember, you reported on it.
Do you remember whether it was Maximum or a medium?
No, Corcoran was Maximum.
So he went from Maximum to Maximum.
Billy Manson and a lot of other big names.
Yeah.
Big name, hardcore.
So the system got him out.
It was questionable whether he should be there,
but according to when he was in court,
he wasn't supposed to end up there,
he was supposed to end up somewhere else.
But then they transferred him from county to there,
and it became another story that I came up with.
Yeah, okay.
Like, why is he there?
You know, he was in for raping a couple girls.
You know, it's more, you know,
we're going to see you in court type shit,
compared to Charles Manson, you know, and other harm criminals.
And that's where he was.
Okay.
So, and the story went out, yeah, he was scared of him,
but now he's in his place.
He's banked, he's banked.
He's got guys taking up for him.
He's starting his own clan.
He's got it figured out.
He's, yeah, he's protecting himself just off his stardom.
Wow.
Okay.
I wish him luck,
because he's got 30 fucking years to think about it.
Wow.
Okay.
Wow, thanks, Rob.
I love these updates you're giving.
Thank you.
Okay.
Yes, I like Danny Masterson on that 70s show.
So do I.
He's acting.
He's on the ranch.
I love him.
Uh-huh.
It's his personal shit that got him in trouble.
Yeah.
Like other people we know right now.
Mm-hmm.
And it's the Chiefs.
Yeah.
Oh, and also.
Yeah, yeah, somebody we all grew up watching.
No, I know.
He's not here.
I mean, one of them.
And then he goes and gets in his bullshit.
What about Bill Cosby, dude?
That was fucked.
Yeah, Bill Cosby.
America's dad?
And that shit had been going on forever according to people.
I met Bill Cosby as the voice of Pat Albert in a cartoon a year ago.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
And then I learned who Bill Cosby was, you know.
I know.
And look at the shit he got into.
Yeah.
I think he did every one.
Let every status go over your head.
Didn't he do every voice on Pat Albert?
He did Mush Mouth and all of it.
No, no, no.
He didn't do every voice.
He did some of them, right?
No, he wasn't every voice.
He did a few.
Yeah.
Okay.
Not all of them.
Yeah.
But that was quite a shock when I heard about that.
I know, I know.
Yeah.
Plus he had the Cosby Show for 20 some seasons.
Yeah.
You know.
Plus he's known for Jell-O pops.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I forgot about that.
Yeah.
Let's see, what was that joke?
Why did Bill Cosby go to jail?
Because he put his Puddin' Pop where it don't belong or something like that.
Oh no.
Okay.
All right.
It was a joke like that, but anyhow.
Hey, let's take a first break and we're going to come back.
Oh, go ahead.
Go ahead, Rob.
No, no, no, no.
Let's take the break.
All right.
We're getting serious here.
All right.
Well, I mean, we've got some ass paddling to come up.
If you consider that serious, then yes.
Ass paddling?
Always serious.
That's right.
This is real business, guys.
They deserve it.
This is real business.
We are doing it justice.
We're making an injustice a justice.
We're making an injustice a justice by giving invisible ass paddling out.
You can thank us later.
We'll be right back here in a couple minutes.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving.
Just a thought.
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.
That's right.
Smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton,
Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
That's right.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
Make men and women grow.
Come out to the malls.
You want to fuck shit up?
Run for a step across America?
Brick Shit House is for you.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere.
Because of liability issues, you can't buy it.
You can't buy it.
It's right in front of you.
And, the source code.
handful.
I'll get you the dress if you get anything wrong.
Alright..
I just drink one more drop.
Drink was speaking.
You'll be okay soon.
Enjoy.
Look, they have free tickets on student day.
Catch them.
Look, these girls just day why上天成 被被逼吧
Sofia,,,
Funny,
Sorry about your luck.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find.
It can be stewed with garlic and onion, which is both wild, which can be easily found,
in a very tasty post-apocalypse food.
You can make this into a delicious stew.
And this will hold you over, at least for a couple of days, until you can find some other food.
Two douchebags and microphone on Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright. Well, we're going to get down to some ass paddlings, Rob, right?
We've been needing them. We've been mentioning them the other night.
Yeah, it's been wild.
Well, I keep jotting down names.
We have a lot building up.
Yeah, there's quite a few.
And then there's more waiting for the next list, too, because we just couldn't do them all at once.
So, we got a good start on next couple of weeks, month, whatever it is,
depending on how much stupid shit happens.
If it keeps up like this, then it'll be here real soon.
So, alright.
Well, for those people that don't know, that have not been following the program very long,
Invisible Ass Paddlings probably appeared in the program, Two Douchebags and Microphone, what,
maybe the Quartz episode, Rob?
What did you say? Something like that?
Yeah.
And this is Watofa, the old host.
Yeah.
And so, anyhow.
God love him. God love him.
Yeah, he's awesome. He still does some contributions.
Thank you, Topher. Thank you, Topher, for opening the bridge to me.
Yes.
Good thing.
And anyhow, he still contributes to the program and everything.
We have the straight from Topher's desk.
We do every now and then, and we have other stuff.
And he gives us a lot of show ideas, so he's still a part of the show.
He's just not this part of it.
Right, right, right, right.
So, he chose not to do this part of it, and that's fine, and we love him.
So, anyhow, the story is...
Hey, Mark, you're gonna have to let me get...
I haven't talked Topher since we talked on the air, man.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll go by him.
I would love to talk Topher.
He's a cool guy. You'll love him. You'll have to go...
No, no, I want to get his opinion on how I'm doing, or taking over for him.
You know what? That's a great idea. I will let you talk to him directly.
I want to talk Topher.
Okay.
And also have him take you down to the basement of his house with all his musical equipment.
It's the ultimate man cave, dude.
He's got toys galore down there.
So...
That sounds scary.
No, no, no, no. You'll love it.
No, no, no, no. Let's go. Let's go.
Okay. All right.
Well, the story is this right here.
Me and Topher will walk along the beach in the morning,
the sunlight running through our hair, a slight breeze.
Our hair is blowing back in the wind.
We're not holding hands like Rob and his brother keep trying to suggest.
We're not holding hands. We're simply walking as friends.
Yeah, you were.
Okay. You know what? I'm never going to win this thing.
So...
Oh, wait till my brother gets on here.
I stub my toe on something. I turn around and I look back and I'm like,
that looks like a fucking bottle.
And Topher's like, dude, that's a Genie's bottle.
I'm like, no way, dude. There's no such thing as Genie's.
I walk over there and I'm like, dude, this looks like a Genie's bottle.
He's like, yeah, no shit.
So, anyhow, I'm like, yeah, let's pop it open. Pop it open and Genie pops out.
And we're like, yeah, yeah, we get three wishes.
And the Genie was very condescending. He couldn't stand us.
He's rolling his eyes. He goes, no, you watch too much TV, assholes.
He said, here's the deal. You get one wish and one wish only.
I suggest you pick wealth. Maybe like world peace.
Maybe like end to hunger. Maybe end to pollution. Maybe save the ocean.
Something like that.
And me and Topher look at each other and go, dude, we want to be invisible so we can get people ass paddling.
The Genie very reluctantly, he rolled his eyes again and he said, very well.
I have to do this because you guys did let me out of the bottle.
So he granted us once a month to turn invisible.
And we catch these people we deem ass paddling worthy.
And one of them holds them over their knee and the other one paddles them.
So that is where invisible ass paddling came from.
So, alright, the first one.
Well, since the Chiefs got an ass paddling for trading Sneed for an IOU and a piece of gum,
we'd be hypocrites if we didn't give the Bills an ass paddling.
They traded Stephon Diggs for basically a worn out fucking sock, right?
Yeah, yeah. Stephon Diggs of all people.
And they're going to get another ass paddling too.
This is a double edged ass paddling. After they're done with it, they get another one because they said
that you can go to any team except the Chiefs.
Was in their claws when they gave them the trade permission.
So they get another ass paddling.
I read that. I read that.
Evidently it's true.
You know what? If I was him, I would have said, fuck you.
I'm going to the Chiefs.
Well, how much is left on his contract a year maybe?
If they don't re-sign him, I would look for something like that.
I mean, why wouldn't he?
Yeah, but if the Chiefs sign him, he'd have a new contract.
Exactly. Well, we'll see. The Chiefs aren't really into older receivers by then.
Right, yeah, but still it'd be nice to throw that name around.
You know what? They drafted Tyreek Hill. They drafted Arashi Rice.
They drafted Kelsey.
They really go for the draft and go for the younger people that they wing up on the homes.
Now, Kelsey was winged on Alex Smith at first, but...
and Hill was winged on Alex Smith for one year.
So, you know, they like to raise these people themselves and teach them how they want them to be.
So we'll see what happens. Maybe they will get bigs.
I mean, they just got Hollywood Brown, so they could.
So we'll see what happens.
I'm going to monitor and see if he gets a big contract with his team or not, so we'll see.
Okay. Next one.
KISS gets an ass-paddling for selling their entire catalog, once again grabbing cash and dashing.
Three hundred million.
I had a story when you brought up, you did not mention numbers.
I mentioned. Three hundred million.
For three hundred million. Look, that's a great deal of money.
I understand that part of it.
But this is something they worked their whole life for.
And I just, you know, they have enough money. They have plenty of money.
I just don't understand why they would get rid of it unless maybe they know that this company is going to pop, what was the name of it? Pop something.
Anyhow, maybe this company is going to be.
Okay. I can understand why they leave the Avatar part to them.
Okay. I can understand that. That's their future. That's their retirement.
But they signed everything else over.
Yeah. The rights to their makeup. The name, the makeup, the logo. Everything.
And I can also understand them leasing that to them, leasing not selling it for the holograms.
Because like I said, I went to the Johnny James Dio hologram and it was pretty good.
Okay, go ahead. What?
I have a question.
Okay.
Does that take my kiss casket from $20,000 to like $50,000 or $100,000?
I think with a company like Epic, I want to be buried in a kiss casket.
And they were priced at $20,000.
Okay. I think they ought to be able to mass produce it since they're a big company. So maybe it will go down to $7,000 or something.
That would be nice.
You remember hearing about the kiss casket.
Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Did you buy it through the journal?
It was a big joke.
I said I want to be buried in, man.
You know what? I can't blame you.
I don't know. I don't know. The more we talk about, the more I'm changing my mind.
Okay. Me? I think I want to be buried in an ace.
I'm not so much of a fan anymore.
A space ace. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If it was ace, yeah.
Yeah. All right. Next one.
Ace needs to come out with his own casket.
Yes, he does. And I think he could. I mean, I don't know. Oh well.
And I still want to know. They would have had to sell the whole thing.
And I know that ace was getting money for letting him use his trademark grease paint.
So he would have had to turn his over too, I think.
So maybe he couldn't do a kiss casket or a space ace casket now. I don't know.
Okay. Anyhow.
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk are trying to make the moon a new sexy spot for their overprivileged assholes.
Why not a moon Ferris wheel next?
Got to have a Starbucks there, right? Yeah.
Yeah. The moon's just going to be one big fucking playground.
No, you don't. No, no, no. Yeah. I agree. Put a Starbucks on the moon.
Yeah. Oh, well it's coming. Trust me.
That's pretty much money they make.
With the train and all that? Yeah. Next there's going to be a Ferris wheel.
A Ferris wheel with zero gravity. Yay.
You could better get the employees to show up now. Put them on the moon.
Let's see if those employees show up there.
Hey, if you're up there, they have nowhere to go.
I've known some Starbucks employees just saying.
I agree with you. I've known some too.
All right. Next one.
I'm playing X-Box. I'm playing X-Box. Leave me alone.
I ain't got no time for any fucking moon. What the hell's wrong with you?
Next one.
TMZ for following Taylor and Travis around constantly.
They need to find someone else to badger.
They're a bunch of no-lifers and it's fucking sickening.
I can't even glance past that on the channels without seeing
Taylor or Travis doing something like scratching their nuts
or fucking sitting and looking at something.
I mean, it's really, it's become such an obsession.
I think if they get, okay, Kiss gets some bare-ass paddling.
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk gets a bare-ass paddling.
And I think TMZ gets a bare-ass paddling.
Now, we take it a step further with the bare-ass paddling.
We tried to do it with pants on or a skirt or whatever, you know,
whatever they're wearing.
But if we find what they did to a gracious,
we have the right to take their pants down and give them a bare-ass paddling.
So that's what...
I'm trying to come up with something different for this.
Off the top of my head real quick.
Okay.
No, it's bare-ass at this point, but I'm trying to.
Bare-ass.
Yeah.
We can come up with some other gimmicks too,
but right now it's bare-ass, you know.
Yeah, it's bare-ass.
Yeah, so, all right.
The next one that gets an ass paddling is a bird clue.
I'm taking bare-ass in the middle of Arrowhead Stadium.
That sounds fine with me.
Spit Shake?
TMZ says, we're tired of hearing about Travis.
And Taylor are also known as Traylor.
Yeah.
Yes.
We're tired of it.
Yeah, yeah, and this is nothing against them.
But they keep stubborn it down our throat.
Yes.
All right.
Yeah, bare-ass in the 50-yard line at Arrowhead Stadium for TMZ.
My vote.
My vote too.
You got a deal.
Got it.
All right.
Next, the bird flu gets an ass paddling for infecting millions of birds
and now making our prices soar even more.
Agreed?
I think the bird flu deserves a bare-ass paddling too.
What do you think?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll give you that one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Although I think media makes out more than what it is, but yeah, I'll give you that one.
But millions of birds have been destroyed, so.
Right, right, right, right.
Yeah.
But who said that bird flu other than humans?
I don't know if humans quite get it yet or not.
I think they might have been in one case.
Yeah, yeah.
It looks like they're saying it's bird flu.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Well, that's a whole different subject.
The bird flu that infects birds.
Oh, no.
We'll give it to them for now.
Yeah.
The one that infects birds, that's the one we're going for because that's going to make
our eggs and chicken prices soar, so those are the ones that are getting a bare ass paddling
right now, so.
Right.
All right.
The next one on the ass paddling list is P. Diddy for alleged sex trafficking ring.
In my opinion, a scumbag that has more money than brains or talent.
For many years, I read it.
Yeah.
I read it.
Yeah.
Really disturbing stuff.
I'm just going to leave it there because I could make a bunch of jokes about how we need
to give him an ass paddling and take it really far, but the truth is the stuff he's accused
of is fucking sick, so he gets an ass paddling.
Okay, right here.
Yeah.
I say we make an agreement.
Okay.
Anybody that gets accused of that and we give them an ass paddling.
Uh-huh.
We chain them up by the ceiling.
Okay, and bare assed.
You got a deal.
We invite 40 to 50 of our best friends.
Okay.
And we have a bat.
Okay.
They're chained up in the middle room.
Everybody takes turns.
You got my vote.
I'm all for it.
If you rape women, if you molest kids, we're two douchebags, but we have more of them.
Yeah, and also the torture rooms and all that stuff that's been alleged, too.
They're just been...
Yeah.
That's bullshit.
Too much.
Okay.
Enough on that, scumbag.
All of Diddy's friends that most likely knew of the possible sex traffic ring and never
telling on the slime ball.
You can't tell me that people of his help did not know this?
Okay, we'll give them the ass paddling, but P. Diddy gets extra.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Fair enough.
Yeah, fair enough.
Fair enough.
All right, you got it.
All right.
Okay, the judge in Oklahoma for making the...
Oh, yeah, my...
Yeah.
Yes, because remember you said it gets an ass paddling?
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
The judge in Oklahoma for ordering all the death row workers to work constantly on killing
people and frying them out.
They did double duty on executions and it fucked them up, but he didn't care.
He made them keep doing it.
What the employees wanted was instead of killing somebody every 60 days, they wanted to move
it to 90 days.
Give them 30 days to recuperate.
Yeah.
The judge was like, no, suck it up.
That's where my...
That's how we go on that conversation, and then you started reading into where I was
coming from.
Because I was reading the story, I'm like, no, dude, this is wrong.
Because my brother worked as a corrections officer, and he knows people that have had
to put people to death.
Dude, 60 days is not enough.
Well, like I said-
You are human.
Now people know who put someone to death.
I'm stopping right there.
Okay.
Now people know who put people to death.
You can positively identify them.
Before they used to fire in squad, you had like seven or eight shooters.
Right, right, right, right.
All of them had blanks except for one guy.
So they never did know who actually killed the guy.
So when you went to bed at night, you couldn't think, wow, I did that.
I put someone to death.
So now the people know who they are, and they know who's responsible for it.
And I'm sure it fucks their psyche up every time.
You have to look that person in the eyes.
Yeah, it does.
And then your boss tells you to suck it up to kill somebody.
Yeah, keep killing more people quicker.
I would tell that boss, fuck off.
Okay, I'm going to stop right there.
Next one.
This is my personal-
Promotional.
Okay, this is my personal one, Rob.
My personal one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All the assholes are lovely listeners for not catching Rob's fake story, but busting
me on mine.
Now Rob is up one to zip and gets to make another story because the two week time limit
was up.
So they can never get that story.
They can't get it now.
It's done.
I'm irritated.
My fake story was so good, I thought it was foolproof.
I'll make up another one, but when I make up the other one, in that timeline, I'll tell
them what my fake story was.
Okay, that's cool.
So anyhow, all of you getting ass-paddling from me because I'm pissed that Rob's up
one to nothing when I thought my story was fucking foolproof, but that one asshole-
I love you, asshole.
That one asshole that works over there at the Coca-Cola Bobbing Plant-
You trust me.
He works at the Bobbing Plant in Lenexa.
He fucking caught me.
Okay, moving right along.
But yet, anybody in the world could have caught me and they haven't yet.
I know.
No one's even- nothing.
Not a damn thing.
I'm here to tell- The world literally, you've seen already.
Yeah, they're doing really good.
Okay, that final one.
Whoever came up with the lame-ass PowerPoint parties that I reported on the other day,
and anyone that attends, remember, it's a party that you go and you tell them about
what you do at work in a PowerPoint presentation.
They call them PowerPoint parties.
Don't all- I don't know nothing about them.
I'm pretty sure I reported on them.
I can't get anybody interested in what I do because that means they have to do my job
and they don't want to do it.
You're right.
Yep, you're talking about that hard physical work.
No, thank you.
Not on board.
All right, Rob, why don't we come back with your rasslin' roundup?
How's that sound?
Yeah, I'm going to need a couple minutes breather because this is a while.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
When we come back, we'll go to a story that I have.
Yes, yeah.
Okay.
Let's take a break, go to the story, and then I'll go into it.
Okay, we'll be right back.
Yeah, this is going to be a long one.
Okay, that's cool.
We told everybody, but it's going to be- I'm late.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in.
Hey, who took a dump in the cooler?
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You have more dick in your personality than you do in your ass.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm.
If at first you don't succeed, maybe you shouldn't try skydiving.
Just a thought.
Hmm.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Curly dock, also known as yellow dock, can be eaten raw or cooked, although it contains
high levels of oxalic acid, which inhibits the bodies of the body's blood and blood cells.
It inhibits the body's ability to absorb calcium and forms kidney stones, so it's best to eat
it in moderation.
Use only the smaller, younger leaves, as bigger leaves tend to be bitter and tough and contain
more oxalic acid.
Curly dock can be eaten in salad soups and as a cooked green.
Have you ever wondered where something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of...
The Origins of Beignet.
Beignet was first made in appearance in New Orleans in the 1700s when French Creole colonists
settled the land.
According to NewOrleans.com, also known as French Arcadians, they moved to the Bayou
lands in Louisiana after they were forced from their homes in the Nova Scotia area by
the British, reports Britannica.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong room.
Hi all, this is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beard, bitch.
Hey look, I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no!
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Singing in the shower is fun.
Until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
Two douchebags and microphone.
This is Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright, well while we're waiting for the wrestling roundup, I got a little report here.
The fastest cities in America that are declining, that people are leaving in droves.
Probably because of crime and stupid, you know, other stupid things, taxes too high,
paying for everybody, all this stuff, big burdens on people.
So, the number one city in America that is declining by population leaving is San Francisco,
California.
I can see that.
That's.7 minus.
I'll explain once you get further down the line.
Minus 7.11%.
Next one, and I have no idea how come this is declining so bad.
Lake Charles, Louisiana.
Minus 6.78%.
Declining.
Yeah, that one I don't see.
San Francisco I see.
Lake Charles, I don't know what's going on there to make people move.
Number three, Reverse City, Massachusetts, Boston area.
Minus 5.39%.
Number four, New York.
New York.
Minus 4.63.
I think that's pretty obvious, isn't it?
I can see that.
Actually, I was hoping it would be more than that, but I can see that.
Yeah, it's going to keep happening, so yeah.
Then number five, our friends to the east, St. Louis.
Minus 4.64%, or 6.2%, not 4.9.
4.62% of St. Louis.
Moving out.
Yeah, moving out.
Families and people moving out because they're fed up with whatever.
Now, you want to hear the ones that are...
Well, I know a lot are moving down here.
Yeah, yeah there is.
Okay, the number one city is Austin, Texas at 7.6%.
This is faster growing.
Number two, Riley, North Carolina at plus 6.5%.
Number three, Orlando at 6.3%.
Charleston, South Carolina at 6.2%.
Houston, Texas at 6%.
Number six, Sarasota, Brandonton, Florida, 5.9% gain.
San Antonio, Texas, plus 5.8% gain.
Nine, Dallas-Fort Worth, 5.4%.
Phoenix, 5.3% on 10.
And that rounds off the top 10 of fastest growing cities.
So Rob, we look at you.
Are you ready for the wrestling roundup?
I don't know if I am or not, dude.
Okay, we can go to another one.
No, no, no, no, I'm ready.
Okay.
I watched the whole thing today, the first night last night.
Okay.
And just what I watched, it's amazing.
I can only imagine what's coming tomorrow.
Okay.
All righty, okay.
Now we go to Rob Raj's wrestling roundup, the wrestling rundown for the week.
Which we were broadcasting, so I could not report on it last night,
so I got to report on it tonight.
And we're gonna break this up.
It's two nights since WWE did.
Cool.
And I got a lot, dude, I got a lot, got a lot.
Just off night one.
Okay.
Okay, WrestleMania is happening in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at Lincoln Financial Field.
Okay.
First night in attendance, 72,543.
Shit.
Yeah.
Oh, it gets huge, dude, it gets huge.
That's freaking amazing.
This was just the first night, and I got like eight pages.
Wow.
But I'm gonna shorten it up, but I got a lot of big handwriting, so it's not as big.
Okay.
Okay, the first match of the night, it was the women's championship.
It was the man Becky Lynch versus the champion Rhea Ripley.
Okay.
But here's the thing.
All right.
Okay, Rhea Ripley took the belt one year ago at WrestleMania.
Okay.
So she's held the women's champion for up to a year to now.
We'll see how it goes.
Cool.
Becky Lynch coming into this match.
And right off the bat, they mention how she's been struggling with strep throat all week.
Uh-huh.
With a 102 fever, strep throat, you know how it is.
Yeah, it sucks.
Yep.
Well, Becky Lynch got in the ring with the champion.
Okay.
I would not expect anything less.
Cool.
But Becky started attacking the left arm of Rhea.
Which Rhea was wearing a brace on Friday.
So that day, that day, it hit up.
This was a tough fought battle.
But in my opinion, my opinion, it could have been a tougher fought battle.
I really think Rhea Ripley backed off because of Becky's strep throat.
Uh-huh.
Knowing she didn't feel good.
Because at that point, we should have had that match done in five minutes.
It felt wet.
Wow.
But it went on.
Becky kept coming back.
Becky somehow kicked out of everything.
At the first part, going into it.
Yeah.
She was kicking out of everything.
Anytime Rhea would go for a pinfall, Becky would kick out.
We didn't know why.
But then it got very interesting, which kind of leads us into the rest of WrestleMania.
Okay.
Rhea Ripley did her whip tide to Becky off the turnbuckle.
But she dropped right on her head is what's due.
Uh-huh.
But she turned her into the turnbuckle and then turned her around
and did another whip tide in the middle of the ring for the pin.
Cool.
Rhea Ripley retains the belt.
But I'm telling you what, for somebody with strep throat, you've got to watch this match.
I will.
Somebody running a 102 degree fever with strep throat.
Everybody was amazed she was in there.
But I'm telling you what, my opinion, my opinion, we kind of backed it off a little bit.
Why do you think that is?
Knowing that.
Compassion?
Codacy, man. Codacy.
Okay.
You know, it's codacy.
That's cool.
All right.
Okay.
But yeah, Rhea retained the women's championship.
Okay.
That stuff screwed me up for a little bit until I figured out what was going on.
Mm-hmm.
It ended up being a six-pack ladder match.
Okay.
Which is six tag teams.
So you got 12 guys in.
All right.
And this is a six-pack ladder match.
Uh-huh.
For the undisputed championship.
Okay.
Tag team belt.
Which is you have two belts for smackdown for tag team.
Mm-hmm.
You have two belts for wall.
Okay.
So there's four belts.
All right.
It's kind of like Roman Reigns right now.
We talk about how Roman Reigns is the undisputed champion.
Mm-hmm.
That's because he owns the Raw and Smackdown championship.
Yeah, it's like the old WBC and WBO boxing titles.
Right.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Well, here's what they did for this.
They took the two smackdown tag team belts.
Okay.
So they took the two smackdown tag team belts.
Uh-huh.
Hung up on one hook.
Then they took the two smackdown belts hung on the other hook.
Uh-huh.
They got Raw and Smackdown.
The undisputed.
There's four belts there.
Wow.
Which the judgment day held.
Okay.
Okay, let's look there.
Held.
Okay.
So it's kind of like Roman Reigns with the world heavyweight.
It's undisputed.
It's Raw and Smackdown, so they put it all in the one.
But if you beat them for one belt, you got that belt.
They still got the other.
Or like in this match, all the belts were hung above the ring.
Okay.
With six tag teams.
Uh-huh.
So at any point, one person climbed that ladder, and it was a ladder match.
He had to climb up, grab them off.
They did it.
Yeah.
You know how they hang them over the ring.
Uh-huh.
Well, all four belts were hanging over.
Wow.
Raw was on one side, Smackdown was on another.
Okay.
Well, first up, they entered the new group, the Awesome Truth, which is The Men's and
R-Truth.
Dude, you got to watch R-Truth.
You'll get a kick out of this, dude.
He's a nerd.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's a badass.
He's like 40 years old.
He's a veteran.
But he's like, hey, the dude fucked up shit.
Okay.
I got you.
But they have become attacking, and they are called The Awesome Truth.
And then they introduced New Catch Republic, which is Pete Dunn and Tyler Bates.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
But here's my car, and you catch it on the internet.
Okay.
When they, okay, R-Truth and The Men's went to the ring after their introduction.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Well, New Catch Republic, music started playing, and they come out.
But it still said Awesome Truth on the back screen, on the screen behind the jumbo screen
as they come out.
They still had them up, but Pete Dunn and Tyler Bates come out.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, their music was playing, but on the screen it was there.
Yeah.
But then here come Grayson Waller and Austin Theory.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't like either one of them myself, but hey.
They serve their purpose.
And then the number, yeah, they serve their purpose.
They got to have the villain, so there you go.
And then number 14, one of my favorites, Toby Keaston and Xavier Woods, The New Day.
Okay.
And then, yeah, actually, I like these came in earlier.
Okay.
I'm going to put them in number five, I think they were like the first ones in, I missed
it.
Oh, oh, oh.
They're called DIY.
Okay.
Hashtag DIY.
Okay.
It's Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gordano.
Okay.
They're great.
You got to watch them, they're great.
I will.
I mean, I'm starting to get back into wrestling, so I can chime in a little bit better.
But I know everybody you're talking about.
I'm familiar with most of these people.
Watch DIY.
I will.
I'm not familiar with them, but I will get familiar with them.
And then the last in, the undisputed tag team champions, Ben Bowler and Damien Priest of
the Judgment Day.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm not going to go into everything that happened, but I'm going to let you know right now.
Brace and Waller and Austin Theory got the SmackDown Championship.
See, here's what the thing is.
They got it?
They had the belts in the air, there was many ladders.
Whoever climbed up, took the first belt, got that championship.
Wow.
So in other words, the undisputed championship could be split up, which went since I just
ruined it, Brace and Waller grabbed the belt.
They took the SmackDown Championships.
They are the new tag team champions.
Wow.
SmackDown.
Cool.
Which means it is no longer undisputed.
We'll get into that later.
Okay.
Jay McDonough of the, not New Day, Judgment Day.
Okay.
Interrupted, drugged R-Truth off a ladder.
New Day takes out Ben Bowler.
JD was, which Ben Bowler was up on a ladder too.
JD McDonough, who was not even part of the match, was still at top of ladder, trying
to get Finn up there while they got Finn out there.
Yeah.
And JD is still up there.
Well, the New Day comes up after JD.
Wait to see what happens there.
Okay.
But then, Damien Breece comes up, they chop the New Day, climbs in, climbs the ladder,
Mids comes up, drops Breece, Damien Breece top of ladder.
But see, here's the thing.
That ladder that Damien and the Mids was on, one of the legs was buckled, dude.
Oh, wow.
It was like there was a three-legged ladder.
And they were up top, they battled.
Yeah, dude.
That's interesting.
And they come down and Damien Breece.
Oh, right there.
Has glided.
Okay.
Breece takes out Mids, changes the ladders, and then our truth comes in, which actually,
if you watch it, our truth sent the other ladder in to Damien Breece.
Okay.
That's how stupid Damien, that's how stupid our truth is.
Wow.
He acts stupid, but dude, he's like 40 years old.
At least he's making money for it.
No, it's his thing.
That's what I'm saying.
It's his story in the WWE to be stupid and that, you know.
Yeah, it's excellent.
You probably plays it very well, doesn't it?
Oh, dude, he's awesome.
He's awesome.
Cool.
Well, Breece ends up taking out the Miz.
Breece changed the ladders.
Truth come in to take out Damien Breece.
Austin Truth is the new Rawg tag team champion.
Okay, wow.
Okay.
No, it was a tag.
Okay.
This was our truth very first being 40 years old.
It's very first WrestleMania win.
Wow.
They won as tag team.
But see, that's the thing.
That there was two tag teams built up to get going.
Okay.
Wow.
Yeah, that's how it went.
Okay.
Yeah, Grayson Waller took the SmackDown Championship.
Mm-hmm.
Our truth took the Rawg Championship, which means Judgment Day lost every time.
Wow.
They lost both.
Some may depend on which.
There was a lot of speculation on the Internet.
They're going to break up anyway.
So might it?
Okay.
All right.
Oh, okay.
Next up, third match of the night.
It was a tag team match, Dominic Mysterio of the Judgment Day versus, oh, and St.
Josette Escobar.
Okay.
Versus Ray Mysterio and Andrade.
Okay.
So you have father and son, Dominic and Ray, which I've been talking about.
Well, Santos has recently betrayed Ray.
Yeah.
And he's had people like Carlito and a couple others behind him.
Mm-hmm.
But Andrade is a big player, but left, and I'm thinking he went to AW for a while.
Okay.
Or AW.
But he came back.
He's now back in WWE.
And he took up for Ray.
Dude, it was a badass battle.
I mean, you had father and son against each other.
That's pretty cool.
You had four different Lucha Libre's together.
It was a badass battle.
Mm-hmm.
But this is where things get interesting, and you're going to want this.
Okay.
Dominic was on the rope with a struggle against the Ring Post.
Okay.
I don't know.
Okay.
Well, okay.
Well, no.
I got to go back.
Okay.
This is a big, big mess.
But while Dominic was against the Ring Post, against his dad, his dad was the one that put him against the Ring Post.
Oh, wow.
So his dad whips off his belt right there in the middle of the ring, while Dominic was over the ropes like he was going to spank his ass.
Mm-hmm.
Everybody was waiting for it.
Everybody was camped for it.
In fact, Dominic come around, took Ray's belt, ran through it out the crowd.
Okay.
Well, the battle kept going.
Santo's S-bar had Ray in a corner hanging over the ropes, told Dom to get a chair that would bash his brains out.
Uh-huh.
And you could hear it.
You watched it.
You could hear it.
But this right here is where the game changes, and you, my friend Mark, are going to love it.
Okay.
As Dominic went over to the announce table to grab a steel chair, he got in his hand these two huge guys.
Come out of the stand wearing masks.
And one of them takes the chair out of Dominic's hands, and the other one puts Dominic's head into the ring post.
Oh, wow.
And then they help Ray out, Ray Mysterio.
Well, Ray and I are doing a flash by Frog Splash off the top rope.
Uh-huh.
There's Santo's S-bar for the win.
Okay.
But here's the shocker.
Okay.
When the match was over, these guys cowered over them.
They were big.
You could tell they were white guys.
Uh-huh.
They got in the ring.
Guess who it was.
Who was it?
Well, seeing how this took place in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Oh, yeah.
Lane Johnson.
And wait.
Just wait.
I know.
Jason Johnson.
Yeah.
Yep.
They took out Dominic and helped Ray Mysterio to win, and yes, yes, they got in the ring
after the match.
They dropped their shirts, and Jason did his, uh, you know, yeah, he muscleed up.
Yeah, it was awesome.
It was a fun time.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was the part that everybody was talking about at work.
And they were waiting.
Wow.
They were waiting.
That's awesome waiting.
Well, everybody, there was, there's been speculation whether Jason was going to make an appearance.
Okay.
But there was other people.
There was other people.
Meek Mill, Coco Jones, Lil Wayne, and a few others.
Cool.
But yeah, that was, that was a great match.
That sounds awesome.
If you have V-Con, what?
Yes, I'm going to watch it.
Go to WWE Network and watch it.
I'm going to.
That's why I'm doing it for those that don't have WWE.
You know what?
That's very good of you, Rob, and I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that really
appreciate the, uh, the updates on wrestling.
I got a long way to go.
We're only a massive four.
Okay.
And there are seven.
Wow.
Okay.
Just for tonight.
And I'm going to try to make, hurry it up.
This one could be kind of right, too.
Okay.
Anyway, uh, match number four.
Starts out with Lil Wayne.
Oh, wow.
You know the musician?
Yeah.
You know the rapper?
Yep.
Starts out with him backstage.
He comes out stage.
They come to find out he's amassing the first opponent in the next match.
Okay.
Which is a huge match.
Okay.
Saturday night at WrestleMania was the third time ever two brothers met each other face
to face in a ring.
Oh, wow.
The first one was Owen Hart and Bret Hart.
Yep.
Alright, take it to Owen Hart.
The second brother battle was Jeff and Matt Hardy at WrestleMania.
Okay.
The third time, which was last night, you had the Usos.
Okay.
Which it comes off, well, they are twins from Rikishi, if you remember that name.
Yeah.
They are his sons.
Uh-huh.
They're part of the bloodline, which is Roman Reigns.
It's a big...
Okay.
I do know some of that.
Go ahead.
Well, see, here's the thing.
J-Usos got away from all that.
Yeah.
Jimmy Uso is still in the bloodline.
Okay.
They're twins.
Jimmy Uso happens to be nine minutes earlier than Jeff.
Okay.
They've grown up wrestling against each other, with each other, you know.
Dude, it was a badass battle.
And it kept going on to say, Jay never wanted this battle.
Okay.
Jay Uso did not want this.
Jimmy did because Roman Reigns in the bloodline is feeding.
But then, Jimmy, Jay had him down in the ring, and Jimmy started apologizing.
I'm sorry, brother, you know.
Bah, bah, bah.
He suckered Jay.
Okay.
And they went at it.
Jay kicked out.
Jay Uso wins the Uso Civil War.
Wow.
The younger brother wins the battle.
That's interesting that they went at it.
Meanwhile, Jimmy, who was stuck with the bloodline, who Jay escaped to make his own name.
Mm-hmm.
Jimmy has to go back and enter Roman Reigns and everybody else involved.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, see what happens there.
Yep.
But still, man, think about it.
If you and John ever win WWE and you had, as a tag team, you were always together, and then something happened where you got split up.
And you had to go in the ring and test each other, what would you do?
Or?
It's your brother, man.
I wouldn't do it.
I wouldn't step in the ring with my brother.
I wouldn't.
Oh, yeah, that's you guys.
No, I know, I know.
This is a show, and it's different.
If I was doing a show and him and I got together and it's choreographed and all that, that's different.
But like you're talking about a real one, I wouldn't have done it.
I would have said, no, you know what?
No, neither of you were John Woods.
No, no, we loved each other too much for that, so.
Okay, next up, I'll make this quick.
Okay.
There was a six-woman tag team.
Nice.
It was three on three.
Three on three.
All right.
Bianca Belair, Jade Cardale, which I've just been talking about.
Yep.
Just signed with SmackDown for Men XD.
Okay.
And Naomi, who happens to be married to Jimmy Uso.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I'm a little aligned.
But Naomi is on the good side, Jimmy's on the bad side.
Okay.
Anyway, they took on damage control, which is Dakota Kai and the women's tag team champions,
Oscar and Kyrie Fink.
Okay.
Known as the Kabuki Warriors.
Okay.
This was a full battle, man.
It was.
Three on three is a full battle.
But here's the highlight that caught me.
Bianca went off the ropes into a moonsault.
But somehow all three of the women were laid, the Kabuki Warriors were laid down in the
middle of the ring.
Yeah.
Well, you got to watch it.
You got to watch it.
Okay.
Bianca took them out, laid them all down.
She ran off the corner, the moonsault, off the ropes.
And landed on all three of them to pin them.
But unfortunately they all kicked out.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Jay Cargill, that's somebody that you got to watch.
Okay.
Jay dropped kick the Dakota interface and pins her through the net.
Wow.
Jay Cargill is a badass.
Yep.
And these three super women, they be sticking together.
Okay.
Sticking together.
Yep.
Okay, next up for tonight, I'm trying to make this, these next two men.
No, Rob, you can go as long as you want.
I'm just worried about you because you have to work early in the morning.
I mean, it doesn't bother me anymore.
Well, I ain't worried about working early in the morning.
I still have to get together tomorrow night.
Yeah, that's true.
Because they're probably about done by now.
No, you're kind of like warning me and I'm like, I'm fine here.
You're the one that has to work in the morning.
That's what I was saying.
I appreciate you going extra.
Oh, I ain't worried about work.
Okay.
I ain't worried about work.
If you watch these matches like me, you'd be into it.
I'm going to start.
Okay, next up was for the Intercontinental Championship.
Uh-huh.
You had the underdogs, Sammy Zane.
Yeah.
Which tried to become the bull line, but they kicked him out, blah, blah, blah.
Plus, he's best friends with Kevin Owens, both Canadian.
Unfortunately, not from your side.
They're from Quebec.
Okay, that explains a lot.
Yeah.
But Sammy Zane took on Buter, the ring general to international champion.
Yeah.
Okay, the first thing that caught me, okay, let's go a little bit further.
Before the match, Sammy's wife and young son was in the back and he was talking to them, blah, blah, blah.
Uh-huh.
But then I found out Goethe has held the belt, get this, 666 days.
Wow.
666.
Uh-huh, I got you.
Okay, behind the scenes, Goethe just had a new baby, blah, blah, blah.
Uh-huh.
But I'll tell you what, Goethe come out and he was dominating Sammy Zane.
Uh-huh.
But Sammy needed to pick up the pace.
Does Goethe like the control of the speed of the match?
Yeah.
Well then Sammy got the piss and Goethe off.
And no, Goethe was beating the hell out of Sammy.
But Sammy would not stay down.
But his wife was in front row.
Yeah.
Well then Goethe went to get frustrated.
Uh-huh.
Started yelling stuff at Sammy's wife.
So Sammy, during the interruption, gives a halubic kick to Goethe, which is a special kick.
Uh-huh.
And Goethe ended up with Sammy.
He kicked out.
Sammy White tells Goethe, it's over.
You can see her in the front row.
Wow.
He looks at Goethe and says, it's over.
He's coming back.
Wow.
Just saying.
Okay.
While he's beating the hell out of Sammy.
Oh, real quick.
And he got to where Goethe was just having fun.
He was just prolonging it.
Real quick.
Hi Opal.
Hi Jimmy.
Hi Opal.
Hi Jimmy.
Yeah, we can't forget to do that.
No, no, no.
We love you guys.
All right.
Go ahead.
But then Sammy fires up.
He ended up giving Goethe a brain buster off the top turnbuckle.
Uh-huh.
Followed by a halubic kick.
Got no Sammy.
It's a halubic kick.
Uh-huh.
And then he backed it up with another halubic kick.
Falls on Goethe.
We have a new intercontinental champion.
Okay.
Sammy Zane.
Wow.
And out of my notes, I wrote this down.
I'm going to read it because it's true.
Okay.
This match had me in tears just on the emotional part of it.
For his wife and kid being there.
And Sammy is a major underdog.
Uh-huh.
He should not have won it, but he did.
All right, cool.
This match leads us up to the final match of the night.
Okay.
Which will lead us in to the main event tomorrow night.
Okay.
Two of these people are in it.
Tonight it was, well, last night was Cody Rhodes and Seth freaking Rawlins.
Okay.
Those are the bloodlines.
Roman Reigns and, yes, The Rock, his cousin.
Very cool.
Which I had to do a little homework on this because I did not understand how Rock was
telling the referee what to do, but I figured it out.
The Rock is now a former member of TKO, which went in partnership with WWE.
Okay.
It's Tony Khan and all that.
Okay.
Yeah, it's like you look up TKO.
Yeah, they merged.
And let me tell you something.
The Rock is not the Rock we knew.
The Rock is out to draw blood.
Oh, wow.
Which he did the other night on Cody Rhodes on, I don't know, this night down law or whatever.
Okay.
The Rock is now 51 years old, but anyway.
This looks great.
I'm going to make this short.
Okay.
What this was for was tomorrow night, well, I'll say tomorrow night, which is actually
tonight.
Uh-huh.
Cody Rhodes takes on Roman Reigns one on one for the undisputed championship, which means
SmackDown and Raw championships.
Okay.
Which Roman Reigns has held for over 1,500 days.
Wow.
I know.
Yeah, he's held for a long, oh no, 1,315 days.
As of Saturday.
Okay, wow.
Well, dude, it was a battle.
Rock, yeah, he acknowledged Roman Reigns, blah, blah, blah.
So he was part of tonight's battle.
But if you're wondering about tomorrow night, I'll let you know about tomorrow night to
Tuesday night.
Okay.
But Seth Rollins had been fighting back problems and everything.
Uh-huh.
Um, Cody won the chance to Royal Rumble to take on Roman Reigns.
Um, yeah, it got bad.
Uh, the Rocks started telling the ref what to do.
Okay.
Here's the thing, like I said, the Rock is one of the bosses at TKO, so he is in charge
of the refs.
So he was bossing the ref around.
You can watch it.
Yeah.
Uh, the Rock actually told the ref, if you can't tell, actually, you can't tell.
You can't tell out your fire.
Wow.
Or slow count, which he thought the ref was counting slow, which was not.
Yeah, he was going to fire the ref on the spot.
Wow.
That's not the Rock we knew.
No, no, it's a new era, dude.
It's coming back.
I get it.
You know what?
This is not the Rock.
He is mean.
He is getting tough.
It keeps going.
Seth Rollins ended up getting his knee injured again, and it pretty much cost him the night.
Rock ended up giving a low blow to Seth Rollins, and it's pretty much just come down to Cody
Rhodes.
Wow.
And Cody fought his battle, dude.
Okay.
But unfortunately he lost Rock and Cody.
One Roman who he faces tonight is the Rock between Cody.
But here's the thing.
This match was over tonight's rules for the main event.
Okay.
Which is Cody Rhodes versus Roman Reigns for the championship.
Okay.
Which I will get back on.
But the stipulation was if Cody and Seth won tonight, tonight's match would be one on one.
Uh-huh.
Between Cody and Roman at the main event.
But since Cody and Seth lost, now it's broad line rules, which means there is no rule.
So it's going to be interesting to see what Cody comes up with because there's been speculation
of people stepping in.
We'll find out.
Okay.
I'll let you know next podcast.
Sounds good.
But yeah, if you get a chance, go to P-Tox on WWE Network.
If you can, you have to rely on me or Google.
Cool.
Yeah, that's the night cap of WrestleMania.
Very good, Rob.
That was a hell of a play-by-play, almost play-by-play description you gave.
I could have went further, but dude, we've been here forever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're going on an hour and 40 minutes on the podcast, but man, dude, it was excellent, dude.
I feel like I watched it.
That's how informative you were.
It's probably going to be the same next.
Okay.
That's fine.
I know, like I said, there's a lot more that I wrote down.
You just have to watch it, man.
It's action packed.
It's WrestleMania 40.
Come on.
They're going over the top.
Rock is back.
By the way, The Rock's new name is The Final Boss.
All right, cool.
That's the way he comes.
He's part of the company.
That's his new name, The Final Boss.
Because, well, if you keep watching, I think they're trying to weed Triple H out.
Probably.
My opinion.
Triple H has been for a long time, dude.
He's been at the helm a long time.
Well, there's a lot more going on.
Well, I know there always is, but he's been at it a long time.
They probably do want to.
There's all kinds of shit.
I bet you they do want to make a change.
So, yeah.
Well, like, Triple H started out last night coming out saying it's a new era.
Okay.
And then here Rock comes out and keeps an ass.
Okay.
Rock's 51 years old drawing blood, dude.
That's cool.
He's coming out, eating and living hell out of his teeth.
He is.
Okay, I believe it.
All right, let's wrap this bitch up, dude.
Let's do it.
All righty.
Thank you for listening, assholes.
Goodnight, assholes.
Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.