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Hi everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark and I am Rob.
Thanks for joining us tonight. So here we are broadcasting the day after Easter, the second day after Easter, Easter Sunday.
Easter Sunday we didn't get a chance to do a podcast like we wanted to because Rob had his family over,
which was excellent. He got to see his grandson and his daughter and everything, which is great.
Family first, that's for sure.
My daughter ended up working during the day because she got called in, so they came over later in the day.
It threw me too late. Sorry about that everybody.
Yeah, you know what, I'm sure they already forgot about it.
Actually they didn't even know because as soon as I released this...
Oh yeah, good point, good point.
Yeah, they don't even know. They're just thinking I'm dragging my feet on the Easter one.
They're like, damn, when's he going to get that out? Ha ha, not gonna.
So I just throw a bunch of shit together, old shit together and then just put that out like a new one.
So anyhow, made it through April Fool's without anyone playing a gag on me. I was kind of disappointed.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was like what the hell. I would always at least get one.
Someone would play one on me, April Fool's, uh huh. And I'm like, okay, all right, got me. Not one.
Is it by age bracket they look at him and go, oh, he's not going to appreciate it.
Heck, they don't know you that well.
Yeah, exactly. That old bastard, he ain't going to want to know. Oh no, he don't want a trick played on him.
I'm like, fuck yeah, play a trick on me.
Come on, man. You have a podcast called Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I wouldn't want a trick played on me.
How seriously can you take me, right?
I always remember an old trick we used to play at Justin Jim's or wherever we were.
And it was the trick of making someone think they look like someone they don't.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. We'd have three unrelated people walk up to the chosen person that we chose.
And like, let me think here, like one guy, I forgot who it was. Chuck maybe? Skinny guy? Did dishes?
Yeah, it may have been Chuck. It may have been Chuck. Yeah, I remember this one.
We decided we're going to screw with him saying he looked like Dan Deardorff.
And we had like four people say that to him, but it was over a course of like two weeks.
And he didn't think anything was up. He was just looking in the mirror.
I'm like, man, what the fuck? I don't think I looked anything like him. And he didn't.
But I just remember that little bit ago, man. We used to screw with everybody like that.
Remember our boss Jim? Who did I say he looked like?
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
We screwed with Jim hard.
Oh, yeah. I can't remember who I said he looked like.
May he rest in peace. May he rest in peace.
Did he die?
Yeah, he died of a heart attack a long time ago, man.
Oh, shit. I had no idea.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was like 20-some years ago.
Wow.
It was like in the 90s, I think.
Oh. Wow. Well, I didn't know. Well, rest in peace, Jim. Rest in peace.
Yeah, my grandmom and grandpa were the ones who told me about it.
Okay. Wow. Well, that's too bad. I knew he was in like a wheelchair or something.
He was like too heavy. He couldn't walk anymore or something is what someone said.
I heard he had a heart attack years ago.
Okay. He probably did. Well, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, rest in peace, Jim. I had no idea. Thanks for letting me know.
Hey, I found out on the podcast.
Yeah.
So my Easter was cool. I mean, there's a couple things.
Well, it's good.
We opted to get Italian food and our favorite for...
Oh.
Oh, go ahead. What?
Oh, I just said, oh.
Oh, okay. Our favorite for Italian is Anthony's on Grand. Do you ever go there, Rob?
When you're in town?
No.
Huh?
No.
Oh, no? This is a great place. It's not crazy expensive either. It's a really good place. They've been there a long, long time.
Matter of fact, they've been there so long. I mean, they have a picture of Frank Sinatra when he was in there.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Yeah. They have an old cigarette machine in that thing that still works. It's like from the 50s. It's really cool.
Wow.
And you see where like they put a different logo over like the old Winston pack and then like the old Viceroy pack and Lucky Strike.
You know, stuff that they sold back then.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And you can see where they put a different sticker over that slot and stuff. It's pretty cool.
It's like going back in time in that restaurant. I mean, it's been remodeled, but it's been kept looking the same, which is really cool.
People like me enjoy that. You know, it's just the nostalgia, the going back, the remembering it, you know.
So, so anyhow, you know, we went to Anthony's on Grand and we're thinking Italian. No one on Easter is going to eat Italian, right?
Except Italians.
Well, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure I didn't. I didn't ask him, but I'm pretty sure there's a few of them in there.
So I've forgotten on Sundays, Anthony's has a fried chicken special, but only on Sundays.
So fried chicken goes very well with the Easter, right?
Yeah, it does.
The place was packed and everybody was ordering fried chicken.
And I've forgotten all about that. I hadn't been there in a while, but yeah, Sunday is fried chicken day.
And it's some it's it's something they've been doing for a long time.
It's their mother's recipe and it's really, really good chicken. It's fantastic chicken.
And anyhow, I opted not to get it this time. Normally I do and I get a side of pasta that way I get some pasta.
But this time I want some eggplant parmesan and it was just off the hook, dude.
Stuff is so good. You know, when you come up, we'll have to go there.
OK, all right. Yeah.
The Italian place I used to go to was Jenny's.
Jenny's. Is that the one downtown?
That was downtown? Down by the river.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jenny's, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, wow. That was a good place, dude. I remember that place.
Oh, dude, I love that place. Yeah, it didn't look like much, but it was a fantastic place to eat.
Oh, but you walked in indoors, you'd see a lot of big man people.
Yes, I know. I know. It was a...
There and feed. Yeah. I always seen football players there.
It seemed like a lot of the Kansas City Chiefs at that time like to go there.
Let's see. Yeah, that was a fantastic place.
Yeah, a lot of people. It was actually in Columbus Park.
Is where that was at. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's the name of that district.
And Columbus Park used to be the heavily Italian influence area.
The same way I where I grew up at in Northeast Kansas City was a heavily Italian influence area, you know.
Back then, that's what the Greeks did. They had to go with the Italians.
It's like, hey, who are you? Oh, you got to go live with the Italians, guys. Sorry.
No, it was cool, though. I got along with them all. They're cool people to me.
So, anyhow, so, you know, when I called down to Anthony's, the chick, I thought the chick was crazy for having me make reservations.
I was just calling to see if they were open. And she goes, are you coming in today?
I'm like, yeah, she goes, you better make the reservation.
I'm like, they can what? There's no way they're fucking busy. So I said, OK, how about five?
OK, so anyhow, you know, people may not want Italian food for Easter, but they damn sure want fried chicken, right?
So anyhow, this place was packed. So anyhow, we we get in there and there are so many people.
I mean, it was really hard for anyone to really keep up with anybody because it was so packed.
There's people everywhere. And, you know, as happily we got reservations, you know, places packed and the wait staff was very busy.
So I remember to do this age old trick, Rob. Stuff your mouth, stuff your mouth full of bread and a waiter will magically appear and ask you what you want to eat.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
So I crammed my mouth full of bread and also now nowhere. Here comes a waiter.
So what would you like to start off with? Rob? Rob? Rob?
I'm going to take a good name and I'm sure I look like a complete slob.
And a size of those those fried cheese things like, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyhow, it's funny, but every time I put a piece of bread in my mouth or anything, the waiter appeared and it's like there was just something about it.
And so in there, Rob, it's like it's almost like they have this spidey sense.
Hey, that guy's got a mouth full of food. I better go ask him what he wants.
Hey, did you have green kids with you? No, no, we did not.
Oh, you did. Oh, OK. Then yeah, you look like yes.
Yes. Yes. Yeah.
I look like they take it every time. I look like a glutton.
I look like I know I did. And what I was talking about, I spit out little pieces of bread.
I admit it. And you can see the guy kind of like standing back like, oh, shit, this guy's talking with his mouth full.
Fuck. And little pieces of food are spraying everywhere.
And anyhow, I'm like, you know what? I don't give a shit. I'm going to order. Well, you won't be talking if the table is talking to you.
So anyhow, it worked though. It worked. Stubbed my mouth with the bread. Bam. Guy was there.
But anyhow, I mean, you had a good meal. You were good. Yeah, exactly, man. I went away full and it was a great it was a great time.
But I mean, anyhow, not dog and ant these. They always have.
And when we go though, you'll see it. I mean, their wait staff is just so professional and on spot.
I mean, I've never been to a place that they were so so well trained.
And so I guess tunnel vision on what they're doing. They're so good at it.
And Anthony's is just unreal. You know, they just come up and they're like really smooth and fast and they and they and they get your order to you really quick.
And they're just something else. I mean, our salads were out there in like no time.
As soon as, you know, we put in our order and an appetizer or salads were like out there like two minutes because the waiter was on it.
Usually like salads that let sit for a while and they take the hot food out. Right.
Especially that them being so busy, man, not these guys.
These guys don't let a salad sit for over one minute. It's on your it's on your table.
So anyhow, kudos to Anthony's. You guys are always been great.
And I'll always keep coming to you guys because not only is the food fantastic, but and they're not paying me anything to say this.
They probably don't even know I do this podcast. But I mean, if you're in Kansas City and not tried Anthony's, Anthony's on grand.
Go there. Great place. Love it. I mean, not just the atmosphere and everything. Yeah, you will when you come up.
So, yeah, yeah, I love the time, too. That's what my favorite. Oh, then you'll love this place.
They have that they have a really kind of a semi sweet sugo sauce.
It's just out of this world, dude. I would I would bet that they use a wooden spoon on it.
Because this Italian joint I worked out when I was like 16, 17.
The owner designated me as a spoon guy. And what the spoon guy was was, OK, he he swore.
One of the best things you could do for making pasta sauce of any kind was you have to use a wooden spoon.
He said it adds a flavor that you can't get.
The metal spoon gives it kind of a bitterness that isn't that good.
So the health department come in there and said, hey, you can't use this man. This is this material's got too many pores in it.
I mean, the sauce is hot. So there's no bacteria in it. Right.
But anyhow, you know, you know, the health department's in there telling them you can't use a wooden spoon anymore.
So as soon as I left, he goes, fuck this. He goes, hey, Mark.
He goes, as soon as the health department comes in, you take the spoon out, you hide it somewhere and you put the metal spoon in it.
I designate you as the spoon guy. I'm like, oh, fuck, man.
Damn it. And, you know, it's like 16, 17.
I'm like, shit. Now I constantly have one eye over there on the damn spoon while I'm doing something else.
Probably going to cut my finger off. But I did it one time.
And anyhow, I didn't work there a whole long time.
But anyhow, I was the spoon guy.
So anyhow, where I was going with that is I think that I think Anthony's might use a wooden spoon.
But I don't know because, you know, health department don't like that.
But I mean, their sauce is that good. It's wooden spoon tested, I think.
So anyhow. All right, Rob.
A little bit about yours. The kids, the kid came over.
He had a good time. Yeah.
Well, I went nontraditional for dinner myself. Oh, yeah.
I made homemade burritos. Oh, that sounds good.
Both my kids have been wanting me to make burritos for a while, so I did it.
Cool. Why not? Yeah.
Even though I have a ham in my freezer, I didn't take the ham.
Now they want my burritos.
You know what? I would have wanted burritos too.
I just I don't like ham like I used to. It's too salty or something. I don't know.
I'm just not a fan of it like I used to be.
I am a big pork eater.
Well, pork chops and pulled pork are different to me.
I mean, to me, it's just ham that I don't really like the taste.
But anyhow. But go ahead. So they wanted burritos.
Yeah, yeah. We just took burritos and Easter Bunny left my grandson a couple baskets.
Oh, cool. All right. Did he get anything good?
No. I got him a new soccer ball.
I've got to be happy with that. All right.
We just stuff money in the grandkids' eggs.
Yeah, it's easier for us. They'll go get what they want.
I didn't do eggs.
I bought this one basket that had the soccer ball in it and had some gummy bears and gummy worms and stuff like that in it.
And then I made my own little basket. I bought him a whole bag of the miniature candy bars.
Snickers and three musketeers.
He screwed big time.
Got him a couple of little chocolate bunnies.
Oh, yeah.
A little couple of chocolate crosses.
Oh, good, good. So you threw a little bit of Jesus in there. That's good.
Yeah, I threw them in there.
Okay, that's good.
I wanted to hype that boy up for my daughter.
That's awesome. Rob, what you just said, I think it's very important that to me, because I'm a Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior, although I know I have a podcast called Two Douchebags in a Microphone.
Yes, I know this. But I think I can still be a Christian.
We do.
I'm the same way.
Yeah, we both are. So I think it's really important to me, maybe not to anyone else, other people or whatever, and to Rob to throw in a little bit.
Well, this is what Easter is really about.
And then you can have the Easter bunny and all that fun stuff. So yeah, so that's cool. So the kid scored big, it sounds like.
Yeah, he did.
That's good. Cool.
And his uncle bought him some stuff, too. Yeah, he scored big.
He made out like a bandit.
This boy is spoiled, I'm telling you.
It sounds like it. What's his name?
Michael.
Michael? All right.
Yep, Michael.
Good old solid, traditional American name, I guess, right?
Yeah.
All right. Yeah. A lot of Michaels in America.
Yeah, that's my name.
Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Good. Good. You know, I used to feel bad eating the heads off those chocolate bunnies.
Did you?
Not me. That was the first thing I did.
I don't know, man.
I was a mean little bastard, dude.
I kind of felt bad. I was like, man, that was a cute little bunny. I just tore the head off and savvously mangled.
But then, you know what? It didn't bother me enough to where I left the rest of it alone. I went in and ate it, right?
So I guess it didn't bother me as bad as I thought.
Yeah, mine was lucky if I didn't pick up a ham or a bust of that, that way I didn't reach over and pick up a chunk.
Yeah, some of them were really hard. I like the ones that work so hard.
The big hollow ones.
Yeah.
Yeah, the hollow ones. You could take a hammer and just crack it. It'd shatter everywhere, man. You'd have pieces for a week.
Yes. Yes. Oh, I got a question for you, Rob. Did you like the ones with marshmallows in them or not?
And the graham cracker crust on the bottom? Or were you a traditional just chocolate?
Okay, yeah. Now, yeah, I do like those.
I do too, but not as well as the just plain chocolate ones.
But I grew up with just the chocolate hollow bunnies.
Me too.
You know?
Yeah, because that's what they sold at TGNY in Cameru.
Which were pure chocolate.
And occasionally ventured if we really got crazy and had a little bit of extra money.
And then we got our asses beat for getting out of control.
Yep. I remember my dad's knuckle on my hand. Man, I still cringe on that one.
Yeah, yeah.
Like the time I left that.
I go running through the house. Dad just put his arm out and clothesline me.
I think I told you this one before, Rob. But this is like what you're talking about your dad.
I was out working on my bicycle ride and I was like, hey, dad, you got a monkey wrench or a crescent wrench?
We used to call them monkey wrenches, but they're adjustable wrenches, crescent wrenches.
Yeah? Don't leave it in the fucking yard.
He didn't say fucking no. He didn't test that much.
I'm like, oh, sure. No problem.
So what did I do? Left it in the yard.
And anyhow, I'm riding home on my bike and all of a sudden I hear the mower going.
I hear a cluck. All of a sudden it flashed back.
Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Oh, no.
And two lady already see me pull up.
They're like, he didn't say anything.
So I start to walk around and go back into the house like, OK, I'm going to go get near mom.
That way he can't murder me.
You know, he might smack me a couple of times. Mom will stop it.
It'll be damage control.
Before I get to the house, bam, right on my fucking head with that monkey wrench.
What did I tell you?
I'm like, oh, yeah, I know. Oh, he was pissed. And then he made me change the blade, which sucked ass.
So anyhow, I got a story about my dad.
Oh, yeah. Go ahead.
He had it. We had a 76 Mustang Gia II.
Uh huh.
I think it was 76.
And the trunk lid wouldn't stay up.
So you either had a proper stick or somebody hold it.
He had me hold that up for him one day while he had his head in that trunk.
Oh, go ahead.
Couple of my buddies went walking by talking to me. I forgot what I was doing.
I just literally walked away.
Yeah, my buddies were talking.
I started talking and turned around and walked away.
I forgot what I was doing. Dad yelled.
I didn't come home for four hours, dude.
I didn't. I hid for four hours.
I gave you one damn job, you little bastard.
Oh, dude, that trunk lid come down on his neck.
Oh, I heard him. I did.
I just instantly started running.
Oh my God.
If I were to come back, I'd be dead, dude.
Fuck, that's awesome, dude.
You had to know my dad.
I got one about my dad. I just remembered this. You're talking about cars and stuff.
There's this pile of hippies, is what I would call them, that were living down the road at this lady's house.
She always took in hippies and stuff. I think she was trying to bang them.
She was like...
I was.
Yeah, probably was.
She'd always have five or six of them stay in there.
They had this little hippie van, I think it might have been a VW van, with all this peace and love all over it and everything.
Anyhow, they're probably over there inhaling drugs and stuff by the way they acted and everything.
At night, they kept running through our yard, right?
Leaving these big ruts.
One day, I go in the garage and my dad's pounding some nails in this two-by-four.
What you doing?
Making some fucking hippies not run through my yard anymore?
Around?
He goes, trust me, those fuckers are asleep right now.
Like I said, he didn't cuss that much. He didn't say fuckers.
He said, trust me, they're asleep right now.
He went out there and threw a little bit of grass around it and everything. He couldn't see it.
He told me and my brother, don't step on it, and my sister too.
He told John.
He said, that would have been great if he would not have told John.
The only reason he told John was he didn't want anyone to know what he did for these fuckers that kept running through his yard.
He didn't want his kids hurt either.
The next day, we're going somewhere and we're driving by that house and that fucking truck or that van was on blocks.
It tore their fucking axle out.
Or something like that. It was on blocks.
Anyhow, he was driving by and they're all out there giving us mean looks.
My dad's like, hey guys, how you doing?
They couldn't say anything. If they said anything, they'd admit guilt.
They're like, yeah, something happened to your van guys? Wow.
Nothing.
We go on.
Anyhow, we're late for our first break because we've been yapping.
When we come back, I've got a little story about tipping and how people are getting tired of it.
Anyhow, we'll be right back.
I have a tribute to give too.
We'll go to the tipping and then the tribute. How's that sound?
Sounds good.
Alright guys, we'll be right back.
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Oh shit, what's that over there?
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
A ship-tiling red paint and a ship-tiling blue paint collide.
They were all moored.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Roar.
Douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
I'm Rob.
Alright, well Rob, like I said previous to us taking the break.
Yeah.
You know, everybody has tipping on their website now, right?
It used to be you could order something to go to not have to pay like 20% just to go sit down and eat, right?
Right, right.
The thing is, is I mean, you know, these people, if they would pay them a little bit better,
wouldn't have to like pretty much, you know, demand money from us.
And I tip, don't get me wrong, I tip.
But it's getting a little out of control because ever since COVID,
they started putting on their website additional gratuity or tip or whatever.
So this is people that don't have anything to do with you really,
are getting money from you for really no reason.
You know, it's like if I go to Jack's stack.
Oh, go ahead.
No, I would just say, yeah, I see what you mean.
Because you're giving most of your money to the restaurant at the beginning.
Yes, and then you got to add 20%.
To pay their wages, you know.
Yeah, yeah. So like I used to give money to the food runner
because Jack's stack has a pretty elaborate system.
We ordered it a few days back.
And if it's to go, what they do is they have a to go section and then you drive up
and they run out and go, what's your name?
And you tell them your name, then they go grab your food and bring it to you.
I'll leave them like a five, right? Because they ran food out to me.
Right.
But I'm not going to give 20% to people that it really had nothing to do with me.
You know, the kitchen help, they pay better because they don't get tips.
And so people are getting tired of everything having a tip to it, you know.
So anyhow, I'm going to go to this poll now and I agree with them.
75% of people poll thinks that tipping is out of control.
80% of people say it's time to stop all the excessive tipping.
You know, how long until the bagger at your grocery store will expect tips?
Right? You know, they do. They do stuff it for you.
Yeah.
How long, you know, how long will it be before the cashier has a little tip jar?
Right?
Think of all the stuff that they could tip for.
You know, they could put a little jar there and go, hey, you know, we don't make that much money.
Be, be generous.
So, you know, I could imagine all this stuff going.
So anyhow, Jeffy X, he was on this, right?
Okay. Well, can I add a little something here?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Okay. Well, like I said, my daughter delivers pizzas.
Yes.
I firmly believe in tipping your delivery drivers.
Absolutely. 100%.
You better. You better.
We're not talking about them.
She just told me that my neighbor upstairs never tips.
Wow.
You know.
Okay. Well, that makes me want to beat on your floor.
You know.
But I don't.
No, I agree with that. That's different because they're personally taking you something.
You know, and they're handling it with care and everything. They deserve a tip.
But this stuff of like on every website, it's like additional gratuity.
And then it's like set at 20%.
It's like, fuck you. I'm not giving 20%.
You know, already just spent like.
Yeah, it used to be 15.
Yeah. And I mean, this is people that have nothing to do with your order.
Some of them do, but they're paid a wage to do it and they agreed to it.
Right. So anyhow, Jeffy X was on this, right?
And he uncovered a bunch of things, a bunch of different types of services that were going to tip.
But they did some focus panels and they decided not to do them.
Right. So.
All right.
I'm going to like this one, buddy.
Our boy Jeffy X is on it, man. And Jeffy X.
Yeah, he is. I like this one.
Oh, he's always uncovering something.
Jeffy X is the man.
So anyhow, you made him a flying bat suit.
Yeah.
Sergeant Pepper outfit that he will not take off for nothing because he's a huge Beatles fan.
As a token of our gratitude.
It's black now, dude.
I know.
He took me a picture of the other day. It's black.
He still is wearing it everywhere.
And he puts the flying bat suit at night over it because he refuses to take that off.
I can only imagine what he smells like.
So and even when he goes incognito in these places to uncover these things, these deals for us,
he puts clothing over it, but he still wears a Sergeant Pepper outfit.
I mean, yeah.
And then, of course, you made him embroidered underwear with a Jeffy on the back and a huge X on the front.
And you did these special Steven Pearcy pouch of the glam band rat that supposedly back in the day
had a pouch sewed into the front of the underwear.
So you could stuff it will and make it look appeasing to whoever, you know, whether it be women, gay males or whatever.
So, you know, so but we're sure Jeffy don't need that.
And me, I'm a much more simpler guy.
I just gave him the monetary equivalent to buy 80 hookers and five pounds of blood.
So, you know, he could either pay up a credit card or, you know, buy some hookers and blow or, I don't know, go on a binge, whatever, whatever he wants to do with that.
So anyhow, and we're going to owe him more because he's uncovered so much stuff for us.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that's just been since Christmas.
Yeah, he's been on it, man.
Jeffy, actually, I don't know how he gets into these places and uncovers this stuff.
He's just he's so good at it.
So I'm going to have to buy him a new boat or some shit this year.
Who knows?
I know.
Yeah, I'm thinking about buying him a new car, man.
I mean, the guy is just he's on it.
So here are some things that Jeffy X uncovered that they're going to tip put out tip jars or ask for tips, but it got denied.
You know, they did some focus panels.
So the first one, the front desk at your doctor's office is a failure.
People said, no, I'm not going to give money to people that I'm going to go around the corner and someone's going to put their finger up my ass.
OK, yeah, no, I got to agree with that.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you're already getting tortured.
I definitely would not have tipped that dude that day.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, no, thank you.
I'm getting ready to get a finger put up my ass.
Do I look like I feel like giving you 10 bucks?
So, yeah, that got denied.
So and I couldn't agree with them more.
The custodian at the department store was wanting to set up a tip jar, but the focus panel said no, luckily.
So you know, the guy, let the guy set up a tip jar.
Let him have a tip jar.
Yeah, you know what, Rob, I got to disagree with this.
You know what, you're right.
If we should shoot anybody money, it should be him.
Yeah, he's doing all the nasty shit.
Yeah, that's right.
I mean, and all the times I take a dump in the corner for the hell of it, he cleans that up.
Especially since COVID.
Now everybody's germaphobes.
Oh, yeah.
But these people.
What kills me is the people who wear a mask in their car and they're by themselves or they're outside and they're wearing a mask.
I'm like, what?
Are they still doing that?
Yeah, they're still doing that.
I mean, I don't see anybody wear a mask down here.
Well, you know what, down there is a completely different culture than the city.
We know this.
OK, and they're more of the freedom people.
And they're like, you know what, they're not necessarily scared of the virus and they don't necessarily really give a shit what anybody else thinks.
So OK, now don't get me wrong.
Don't get me wrong on that.
No, go ahead.
I have noticed a lot more people when they're sick will put on a mask when they have to go around people.
No, I've seen that too.
And I agree with that, man.
That's common courtesy.
I don't want to give you my gun.
We don't wear a mask just to go out in public.
No, and we still have people that do that here.
We still have people in their car by themselves with a mask on.
And we still have people outside with a mask on.
Oh my God.
It's a good amount of people, too.
I mean, it's enough to make me go, what the fuck?
So OK.
OK, the next Paul Bearers was going to have a tip jar on top of the coffin, but it was denied by the focus panel.
I mean, they're doing a good service, right?
No, no, no, no, no.
They're family members.
Yeah, but you go get paid all your own damn family.
They're carrying dear old Uncle Jimmy to his final resting place.
No, no, no, that's just wrong.
OK, I guess you're right.
They should do it out of love for Uncle Jimmy.
That's immoral of Helmar.
Come on, he runs too fast.
Hey, hey, I didn't come up with these.
Jeffy X uncovered them.
Now, if somebody wanted to slip me a five on the side, yeah, but we're not setting up no damn tip jar.
OK, all right.
Rob, you're right.
Next one, the gynecologist's office wanted to start putting a tip jar out, but women said no.
And the same reason men don't do it, because they're getting a finger up their ass.
They didn't really feel like tipping after that or before.
Yeah, I'm not sure.
You know what? We can move right along on that.
Yeah, move on, move on, move on, please.
Online billpay for utilities, they wanted a separate tip section.
Yeah, people said they didn't have any money left.
They had to get off their ass, leave them alone.
I think I would have to agree with that, right?
I think 100 percent, the world, not just America, the world would agree with that.
I think so.
The next one, the gorilla hut at your local zoo was going to have a tip jar.
But people said, you know what, they already feed the apes.
They already give them land to run on.
They already give them everything they need, so they don't need tips.
And besides that, gorillas can't walk into a 7-Eleven and buy a big gulp.
So I think I agree with them, right?
No, no, no, no.
I disagree, I disagree.
Oh, OK, go ahead.
You better be giving them damn gorillas some tips.
Yeah, they'll smash the window out and fucking throttle you.
Have you ever watched Planet of the Apes?
Oh, you're right.
They end up taking over, yeah, tip them damn apes.
You know what, you're right.
Everybody tip the apes. Keep them happy.
We don't want this shit happening again.
So you're right, Rob.
The next one, the car repo guy was hoping for a few extra bucks.
You know, he said people are already chasing him down the road.
They shoot at him, they scream at him, they throw feces at him.
He said, how about shoot me a couple of bucks when I repo your car?
Well, that didn't go over too well, Rob.
It didn't go over too well.
People said the big F no.
F no.
You come by, take my car from me, and then you want another five?
No.
OK, I've watched a few car repo shows on TV.
Oh my God.
I'll just say, like, Operation Repo.
I love that one.
I'll just say it.
I could see them guys actually asking for a tip.
I saw one taking a Tesla away, a repo guy.
And it has an alarm that you cannot shut off.
And that thing was on his flatbed.
What?
And the guy comes running out, hey, that's my fucking car.
And someone looked at him and said, it was your fucking car.
Oh, he was pissed.
Yeah, Tesla goes nuts when you try to take it.
Because he couldn't get in it because, you know, the Teslas are like high security.
He could not get in it.
All he could do was take his flatbed, put it under, and then figure out a way.
I don't know how he got it to go up on the...
But anyhow, he had the flatbed and he had the Tesla on it.
And, you know, it was all ready to go and he was starting to leave.
But this thing was going nutso and it would not stop.
And he couldn't stop it.
So he had to drive it all the way to wherever the tow lot with that thing going nutso.
And I imagine it probably went nutso until the battery ran out.
I cracked my stereo so I wouldn't have to hear it.
Yeah, I'm sure he did.
I'm sure he did.
If I had a tow truck, I'd have towed the stereo.
I'd be spending a lot of time in that thing.
I would too. I think that would be necessity.
Yeah, yeah.
The next one, road workers were wanting a tipping system.
But that was declined because people are always pissed off because, you know,
they're always doing road work at an inappropriate time.
And they're in your way and it's one lane during rush hour and you've got to go five mile an hour.
So nobody felt like tipping.
And I think I get it, you know, right?
Well, I see where they come up with that.
And it's either opportunity time because you're going by in a real creep as you go and buy them.
So you've got time to reach your hand out and drop some money in the jar.
So you think even though if it's like change in your top holder.
Well, I just don't know if it'd do work.
No, honestly, truthfully, I believe they deserve a tip.
You know what? Those guys do really hard work, right?
Just for putting their lives in danger for just being on that.
Yeah, like those pro bastards over there in Baltimore that were doing night work on the bridge.
Yeah.
Just stay up back here. No bullshit.
Yeah, the Francis Scott Key Bridge when it was ran into by that shipping boat.
Those guys were on there working on the bridge and I think all of them perished.
So yeah.
Right.
It'd been nice to throw them like a five or 10 ahead of time.
That way, you know, their family had some extra, you know.
And those highway workers around the country killed daily.
All the time. It has become one of the most dangerous.
Killed daily.
It's one of the most dangerous professions anywhere.
And that's because simply because people are stupid.
And I'll go into a story about my phone that I found interesting along the same lines.
After your tribute, okay? Remind me, phone story.
Yeah, we're gonna finish up with Jeffy first. He's probably getting pissed by now.
We're having one of those nights where we're like not getting anything done.
It's awesome.
Okay.
Slot machine attendance was wanting to place on the actual, you know, where the actual numbers come up.
They wanted a tipping place.
But that was declined because people simply said, I'm gonna lose all my money.
Do you fucks anyhow?
So no.
No, you're not getting any extra money.
So that was declined. And I think they have to agree with him.
What did they do? They don't even bring you your drinks.
No, I would tip the waitress to bring me my drinks.
No, I agree with that.
Yeah, yeah. You'd go over there and fool those machines and leave me out of it.
You're not getting dicked from me.
Now if you bring me my drink, then it's my business, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You definitely tip your server, you know.
Yeah. The next ones, the Royal Palace Guards, they had a tip jar out for one day,
but they kept getting chewed gum and condom wrappers in it, so they stopped.
So I think I agree. Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.
But you know what? I think those guys...
Not even touching that one. Not even touching.
They deserve a tip because they got put up with the Royal Family.
Honestly, are you talking about the dudes that stand outside?
Yeah, with the big fluffy hats?
No, honestly, I got to give those guys credit because everybody comes up to them and tries to...
Oh, and they fuck with them so much. Oh, I know. It is a...
Go ahead.
Tip them. Tip them.
Tip them, I agree.
There's YouTube videos where people just go stupid on them trying to get them to react, and they don't.
You know, some of them I would be like, alright, I'm going to get fired,
but I'm going to punch this dumb ass right in the face.
Wouldn't that be funny?
Some of the earliest Americans' own videos of that.
That might have been where these came from, for all I know, but they're on YouTube.
Yeah, everybody's talked about that forever.
The next one. Parking meter cops were wanting a tip,
but I say I would give them a tip if they let me blow their whistle and yell at cars.
I'll give you a tip if you turn your back.
Yeah, hey, nothing happened here. Nothing to see, right?
I may have a $20 bill in the Snickers bar.
I was not 10 minutes past the meter.
Nope, nope, nope. And here is that Snickers.
Here's that Snickers I promised you.
Yeah, you put it in the Snickers, right?
You go, I don't know. There might be a 20 in it. Somebody, as rumor had it, I don't know.
But here's the Snickers bar, and we'll see you soon, right?
Yeah, right.
So anyhow, the next one. The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Guards were going to have a tip, but it was turned down.
Well, you know, they do do a rough job, right?
It could be hail and hail storm, just hailing all over the place.
There'd be tornadoes fucking all over the sky, dancing all over the sky.
There could be an earthquake. They're still there at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, right?
Do you really believe that?
No, I'm just making shit up for the show.
No, not really. Do you think I believe half of the shit I say on here?
I do.
No, that's why we got our disclaimer.
If this was an island, man, if it took the Unknown Soldier's tomb, I would not be standing out in hail and tornadoes.
Fuck this. We ain't do that. We don't even know who the hell this is.
I'd be like, look, man, they've been there a long time. I don't think they need watch.
I'm going to go get out of the fucking rain for a while. Now when it's just rain, I'll come back out.
So anyhow, and then let's see, I guess that was it. But now I've got another little story that I have here that I was going to tell about here.
So now towel guys that are still at an upscale nightclub is very irritating.
You ever had that happen? You're at a nightclub and you go into the bathroom and there's a towel guy there with like a little bit of cologne.
And it's really irritating because even if he opens the door for you, they expect a tip.
And if you don't give them one, you look like an asshole because everyone else is.
And so anyhow, I remember a long time ago at this at the old fallout bar. Do you remember the fallout bar in Westport?
You want to know? I remember hearing about that. I never was. I never went there.
It was really cool because you walk in and it goes down. It's like it's like an amphitheater.
And then the bands and the DJs always played in the bottom on the floor.
And they had like canary cages with women dancing in it and stuff. It's pretty. It was an interesting bar. This is in the 90s, early 90s.
So anyhow, the fallout bar in Westport, a man just showed up at the in the bathroom one day.
He apparently talked his way into the bar by lying about being the bathroom attendant.
No one bothered to ask the owner, I guess.
So he got a bottle of dracarne or binocchio rubbers, hair gel and hot towels and occasionally a small bag of Doritos if you were lucky and you got there early.
He even brewed black coffee for a while, but someone took and got into a scuffle with somebody and they cracked the, they cracked the, what do you call it?
The metal or not the metal, the glass. They cracked the glass.
And yeah, so anyhow, so he didn't have another. He didn't have an alternative coffee pot. So he quit brewing black coffee for everybody.
You know, and the fallout found, you know, somehow they found out that he was there.
And anyhow, by the owner or management, then he, you know, they come out there and they kicked him out and everything.
But he got away with it for a couple of years. He made bank. He was never supposed to be there.
And there was no communication between, there was no communication between the bouncers and the front doorman and the management or the owner.
So he was in there on his own making money. It was, it was awesome.
How long was he there? At least two years. I'm being very generous. I'm saying two years. I'll bet you it's more like three or four years.
Awesome. So anyhow, I knew the owner and I asked the owner, I go, well, what can you do about it? He goes, absolutely nothing. The guy didn't break one law.
No, he didn't break one law. So he essentially started off to it. No, the owner told me, he said, if he would have gave me a cut, I'd let him stay there.
But the guy did it without me knowing. So, you know, come on, man. That's what he said. I would like everybody like.
Yeah, yeah. I really liked him because, man, he gave me a couple of coffees one time that really kind of straighten me out a little bit.
I mean, a lot of people probably needed coffee if you're hanging at a bar. Coffee pot is what I was trying to think of earlier. Coffee pot.
I knew what you were talking about. Yeah. A couple of guys got into a scuffle and someone smacked the coffee pot and it cracked down the side.
So I go in there to get my black coffee from the guy and shoot him a couple of bucks. I said, nah, some idiot fucking cracked it.
Like, oh, man, I never did get another one. So the black coffee was off the table. So, hey, how so that guy, I just call that entrepreneurship.
Right. The guy found an itch and fulfilled it and he made a lot of money doing it. So I salute you, whoever you were.
So, hey, how, Rob, going into a little tribute here, are you? Yes, I am.
All right. I told you about this earlier on air and you agreed it needs to be mentioned.
Lou Tonter, the final surviving crew member, goes aboard the USS Arizona during the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 and passed away at 102, according to multiple reports.
Tonter was one of 335 sailors aboard the USS Arizona who survived to December 7, 1941. Arizona lost 1,177 sailors and Marines during the Japanese attack, according to the National World War II Museum.
What an American and what a badass.
I know. Go ahead. It goes on. Several years later, a 20-year-old Tonter was Quarlemaster Third Class when his patrol bomber was shot down seven miles off the coast of New Guinea, causing the seaplanes to the main crew to fall into the Pacific Ocean.
Once at water, Tonter and his crew were not alone. We had 10 to 12 sharks around us all the time, Tonter recalled. I told the men, if a shark comes close, hit it and nose with your fist as hard as you can.
Yup, and they still do that today.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to stop this story right here.
Okay.
But I'm going to tell you, I found it on USA Today.
I read that same article about—
He was incredible.
Yeah, we salute you. What an incredible human being.
And he went on to do a lot of other things.
Yes. What an accomplished life. Wow.
And this story came out yesterday. Well, April Fool's Day, unfortunately.
There was other stories that came out, too, that people spread around and then they came back and said April Fool's. A lot of it was football-related stuff like this.
Yeah, well, I found this one on USA Today.
No, that's completely true.
And a few other ones.
I actually saw that on the local news. I also saw that online.
It's true. And the guy was an amazing human being and we salute him. And may you have a great eternal life in the great beyond.
But real quick, you were talking about sharks, right?
Yeah.
Okay. I used to work with some Cubans, very nice people, very strong, patriotic people, just lovely people.
All of them were very hardworking and very appreciative to be over here working.
The guy that I'm not going to say his name because he may not want to mention, but he escaped Cuba because what happened was he was working on this highway with some guy.
And I guess the guy said something bad about Fidel Castro, not a...
I forgot what his name is.
Carlos or whatever. Raul.
Raul Castro, not the guy in charge now, but the old guy that died, Fidel Castro.
And so they come by and they got my friend that I worked with and the guy that said something.
So he was in prison for like a month until they unralled it and realized that my friend didn't say anything about Castro.
It was just that one guy. And he just happened to be right next to him working on the highway.
So he gets home and his family thought he was dead. He'd been gone for a month. They had no way to provide for themselves and he had two little kids.
So he goes, screw this. So he jumped on a raft and headed for America.
Now there's like 20 of them on this little raft.
And he said that sharks could smell a person getting ready to die, the elderly, and they would swarm in the waters until you threw them off.
I believe that.
Yeah. Yeah. I was like, wow. I was like, no, that didn't happen. He goes, yes. He said, yes, it did.
He said two people died, they're elderly and kind of feeble, and they just couldn't take the elements and all that.
And yeah, yeah. The sharks could tell that they were about dead and they would swim around the raft.
As soon as you threw them off, they'd leave them alone. Yeah.
Well, haven't you ever heard the smell of death?
Yes. I'm sure that is true after what my friend told me.
And all the people get a certain scent?
Yes.
You know, I'm not putting nobody down here.
Well, I knew a guy that did some crazy stuff in the Army during Vietnam.
And he was assigned to do it. And he said there was a particular smell, without a doubt.
And he said that he could tell when he walked up on it before he'd seen it that there was death there.
So I believe it, Rob. Yeah.
So anyhow, let's take our second break and we'll come right back with some more stuff.
That sound good?
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.