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Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
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Hello everybody.
This is Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
So Rob, there are a lot of different stories I want to get to, some interesting ones and
some that I don't know, you know what, I'll just go into one of them right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got mine too.
Okay.
A Southern California police department has been handcuffed by Legos after the toy company
asked the agency to stop adding Lego heads to the cover of faces of suspects in images
it shares on social media.
The Moretti, the Moretta, Moretta, I think it's Pound, is that an L or, you know what,
I need my damn glasses.
I'm just going to call it Moretta.
The Morettta police department has been using long Lego heads as emojis to cover people's
faces in posts on social sites since at least early 2023.
But the altered photos went viral last week after the department posted a statement about
its policy prompting several news articles and later the request from Lego.
Why the covered faces?
The department wrote March 18th on an Instagram post that featured five people in a lineup,
their faces covered by Lego heads with varying expressions.
The post went on to reference a California law that took effect January 1st, limiting
departments in sharing mugshots on social media.
The Morettta police department prides itself in its transparency with a community but also
honors everyone's rights and protections as afforded by law, even suspects, the department
wrote.
So I guess Lego, I could go on, but I was intrigued by this story because I guess Lego,
I kind of, you know, rarely do I kind of take the company's stance on something like this.
Usually I think it's frivolous, but I actually think I see their point.
This is a children's game and you're putting their heads on criminals.
You see what they're saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's what come to my mind.
Okay.
If they're criminals, why hide their face?
Let everybody know who the hell they are.
That's my opinion.
Yes.
Yeah, that's kind of what I was, that wasn't exactly what I said, but I agree with that
100% Rob.
Yeah.
I'm just pointing blank.
No, me too.
Now the lineup thing I have a problem with because you have people in there that didn't
do it.
If one person did it and you have five people there, you've got four people that didn't
do it and you're showing their face on there and it's easily for someone, maybe take out
a vendetta like, Hey, I knew that guy, that that guy did that too.
And they get the wrong person or you go for a job interview and they go, I saw this guy
somewhere.
Then they see his face up there.
Online.
Yeah.
Online.
I agree with that.
I agree with that part.
But if they are the criminals, show your damn face.
The criminals I'm fine with.
Yeah.
The criminals I'm fine with.
But no, you're right.
The ones that are just in the lineup that aren't actual criminal.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, no, no.
Yeah.
And also another thing is, is we do live in a society that is supposedly innocent until
proven guilty.
So on that, I think I would have to, I think I would have to, uh, judge on the side of
the people's rights again, because you could have, it's been happened many times, many,
many times all the time.
People that are innocent get accused of something they did not do.
So, um, you know, I could understand them not wanting to have their picture on there
either.
So, yeah.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, I get it.
So anyhow, that story kind of intrigued me and I kind of wanted to run it by you, Rob,
and see what you thought.
I think we're pretty much on the same page.
Yeah, we are.
We are.
Yeah.
And then I got another little story here I want, I want your opinion on.
The NFL season opening game featuring the Philadelphia Eagles will not be shown live on national
television for the first time.
Oh, we know.
With Peacock exclusively streaming the game from their platforms.
The season opener on September 6th will feature the Eagles with their opponents not yet announced.
In the first ever game to be played in Brazil, it has been one of the many shock announcements
made by the NFL this week, including the hip drop tackle change.
That wasn't a shock.
We knew they were going to change that.
So I don't know what this article is talking about.
And the kickoff rule was a shock.
But the hip drop tackle, you knew they were going to outlaw that because that was injured
to you.
Right, right, right.
And I agree with it.
This greedy shit coming from the NFL, I do not agree with it.
Yeah, they're, yeah, they're getting away from mainstream TV.
They want to get streaming.
Not everybody streams.
Some people have local TV still.
Exactly.
And what it's doing is making people have to purchase it.
And some people can't afford it.
Yeah.
And luckily I happen to subscribe to Peacock.
So I'm already on that.
But those of you that don't, I mean, you know, you gotta spend on top of what other everything
else you're already streaming pay for.
You have to pay another six bucks a month to get to Peacock.
And I understand.
I understand that.
I'll go a step further, Rob.
If I didn't get Peacock already, which I do, if I didn't get it already, I would not order
just out of principle.
I would want to see that game.
Of course.
I love football, but I will not do it out of principle.
I'd be like, no, you guys want to get that greedy?
I'm not going to be a part of it.
Fuck you guys.
You know, you're already getting on the ad.
You can always order it and delete it.
Yeah, that's true.
You get a 30 day free trial.
You get the free trial.
I suggest everybody do that.
Get the free trial, then delete it the day after.
Get the free trial, then delete it, then maybe they'll learn.
Yeah, maybe.
Because, okay, I'm down here in the middle of sticks.
I don't get local TV.
But I know for a fact you do up there and you can watch the Chiefs games.
You're in their hometown.
Yes.
Yeah.
But they want to show this game, you know, they want to show games on streaming services.
Yeah, which I think is bullshit.
Yeah.
And another thing is...
And they're trying to do away with regular TV.
And it's really hurting football too.
And here's what I go by.
I go to work and there's like 10 people I talk football with constantly.
Okay.
Yeah.
Except the Thursday night game.
A lot of people don't get the Amazon Prime and they don't care.
It's apathy.
I'm like, hey, did you see that play tonight?
You know, so and so did what?
Oh, oh yeah, that's right.
There's a game on it.
So I forgot even what platform it's on.
I was on Amazon Prime.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of apathy involved in that.
And also the games were stinkers.
I mean, virtually every one of them were sucky games anyhow.
Let's say they're good games.
I still don't think people care enough to go order Amazon Prime to see the games because
I've seen it firsthand the last couple of years.
Like I said, there's 10 people I talk football with.
There's two people out of the 10 that go, oh yeah, yeah, I saw that man.
Oh, it was bad ass at one play.
Everyone else is kind of like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
There's a game tonight.
Wasn't there?
Yeah.
Okay.
And then they talk about something else like the weather.
So that tells me right there to me, that's a mistake.
So we're going to see how this game does because you're not always going to have Patrick Mahomes
to save you NFL.
And I'm talking about the Peacock, the playoffs being on MBC, or not being on MBC, but being
on Peacock last year and them having a record breaking number of people.
That's because Patrick Mahomes is on it and everybody wants to see this guy because he's
probably the best football player ever.
So yeah.
Well, here's what I'm interested in.
When I read that story the other day, it said that the opponent was yet to be announced.
Yes.
Yeah.
They could put the chips in there.
Generally doesn't the world champions play first game?
They did last year.
They have and they have.
And they did the year before.
I think you're right, Rob.
I think you're right.
Yeah.
Both of them are third game.
The only first game of the year goes to the world champions.
Okay.
Been like that for years.
Okay then.
Well then that's what their plan is.
Yeah.
Let's see if the chips are there.
Well because it has Mahomes and now Kelsey.
Well also I left something out.
The Kelsey Taylor Swift Factor 2 helped sell a lot of people on the Peacock Network last
year too.
So let's say you start having more games that are not Chiefs related.
I want to see how well they do.
Because I have a feeling it's not going to go over as well as they thought it would.
So I mean.
Good point.
Look people are going to pay something.
You know.
I did not think of that.
Another thing is my cousin from Canada is really into soccer.
Canada.
Yeah they have football and they do have a lot of football fans and a lot of NFL fans
there.
But soccer is still their main state.
And the first thing that my cousin Mataxis kept saying to me is because he got into it
because of the Chiefs you know.
And he comes to Kansas City every now and then and he's got a root and interest now
right.
And the first thing he said to me is there's too damn many commercials.
It's hard for me to keep into the game.
And he is right.
He's absolutely right.
So this is a guy trying to switch over from soccer because we have a mutual interest in
it.
You know he comes to Kansas City and like he lives in Ontario.
Woodstock Ontario.
But his second city is kind of Kansas City or a city in the United States is Kansas City
you know by default because his first cousin you know lives here.
And that's the first thing he said.
He goes man I'm trying to watch this damn game but there's so many commercials I keep
losing interest.
And I'm like you know what I never thought about that.
People trying to switch trying to watch the game.
Taylor Swift fans wanting to watch the game.
And they're going another state farm commercial.
Is there going to be a game that happens sometime here or am I just wasting my time.
So we're going to see this is going to be very interesting because I think that this
is going to backfire just by the stuff that I just said that I've noticed that I personally
put the data in my brain and kind of kept to myself and was kind of mulling it over
thinking about it.
I think it's a bad thing and I think that they're ruining the sport.
They better watch it.
I think they're on a shallow ice right now.
So okay you got anything else.
Here's what I always.
Okay.
I'm kind of like you along with the timing of the game.
Okay you have four quarters which is fifteen minutes.
That's an hour.
Yes.
How the hell do they turn it into three hours.
Sometimes three and a half hours.
Yeah.
You know what I mean.
Well okay.
I understand you have injuries and you have to take time out.
I understand that.
You take three times as long.
I would say that's commercials.
Most of it is.
That's where we were a lot of commercials during the game.
Yeah.
Yeah most of it is commercials.
Yeah.
Well tell us something for Montana.
Okay.
I understand you.
Yeah.
No.
And I was kind of like going wow.
I never really thought about someone just now trying to get to the sport and trying
to you know get kind of endear it more and get to liking it more.
It's kind of like I can't really.
I'm having a hard time following this part.
There's so many commercials.
Yeah with all the eruptions.
Yeah.
And then you got a pivotal point where it's like fourth and one late in the fourth quarter
and you're on your forty yard line.
It's fourth and one.
You have a minute left and you're two points down.
You know.
And then all of a sudden you get ten minutes of commercials before they even get to the
fourth down play.
And then if they make it then they go to more commercials and then they come back and it's
just it's ridiculous is what it is.
Yeah.
The last minute takes fifteen minutes.
Yeah and how many commercials are they going to have on Peacock.
People are paying for it.
They shouldn't have any in my opinion.
If it's a subscription service.
But they do.
Netflix doesn't.
They do.
Yeah I know it's bullshit.
They're going to have the same amount of commercials.
I lost the game on Peacock.
There is commercials.
And there's just as many.
Not quite as many.
You see I didn't have to watch it.
I have Peacock but I didn't have to watch it on Peacock this year because all of them
are televised locally and I watch it on the local affiliate because I don't want to give
Peacock any ratings from them because it pisses me off because they're selling.
So I say.
I just like some of the shows and all that.
I mean I watch some shows on there.
I can't watch elsewhere.
No no no me too.
I agree with that and that's why I have it.
But it pisses me off because how about Amazon Prime.
You're not watching those games are you?
Honestly all the streaming services are about the same.
They really are.
Yeah well Amazon Prime the only reason I have it honestly is because I have Amazon Prime
to order stuff.
You get the overnight delivery and you get the free delivery and all that.
To me I get so many things from Amazon from dog food to light bulbs or whatever and you
get them for just as good a price than anywhere else you can get them.
Basically unless you want to buy a bunch of them at a bulk store like Costco or Sam's
Club or something.
To me it's worth it to have that membership.
That's the only reason I get it is because I already have the membership.
But if I didn't already have the membership I would not buy it just to watch the Thursday
night game.
I would be like these other people at work that I normally talk football with and then
I say something out to Thursday night and they're like oh no I didn't watch it.
It's kind of apathetic.
So anyhow Rob I agree with all your points too.
Very good point.
Yeah.
Well you know what we'll see what happens.
So Rob you got something you want to talk about?
Yeah I do.
I'm going to keep kind of keeping the sports world.
I'm just going to a different sport.
Okay.
Eight time All-Star center Brittany Greiner has resigned with the Phoenix Mercury.
Yeah she was the lady that was imprisoned in Russia.
Yeah yeah.
If anyone was wondering.
So go ahead.
The WNBA did not disclose terms of the contract late Friday night.
However multimedia outlets reported the free agent was given a one year deal that the Mercury
officially will announce next week.
Greiner 3020 returned last season after missing the 2022 campaign while being detained in
a Russian jail on a drug related charge.
She averaged 17.5 points 6.3 rebounds 2.2 assists and 1.6 blocks in 31 games.
All starts in 2023.
Which actually the Phoenix Mercury is who she started out with.
Yeah.
So they went in and resigned her giving her another chance.
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.
And you go on Rob.
No no that was it.
Okay okay.
There's a lot of opinions I have on this whole thing and I'm not going to go there because
this is dick jokes.
So I would just mention she's back in the states.
No no no no.
That's a legitimate story.
Yeah I'm just saying me.
Yeah you really want to talk about the politics.
Yeah I'm just going to glaze right over it.
This is dick jokes.
This is not a political show.
I have a lot of opinions on it and you guys will never hear it because I promise this
is dick jokes.
So anyhow you know something Rob this is pretty cool.
Mount Everest climbers must have to pick up their own poop is the mountain festers and
shit did you know this?
No I did not.
Well they okay so basically a lot of people now it's kind of like become a fad to go climb
Mount Everest right.
People love it they're like oh yeah you know and with social media and all that you know
people are like taking selfies of them up on the top smiling I did it you know and then
another cool thing some cancer patients that just beat cancer they do that too which I'm
I'm highly in favor for I think that's great you know that you know they're kind of like
I kick cancer's ass now I'm on top of Mount Everest.
I think that's great for the psyche of someone beating cancer and I think that's great for
them going on with the rest of their life and trying to get that horrible disease in
their past and not in their future.
I think that's a great thing but evidently people have been just taking shits all over
the mountain and it's starting to fester and it's like messing with wildlife.
So now they must when you go up there they check you if they see you they check you make
sure that you have some poop bags on you to make sure that if you have to shit you're
shitting in that you know you're picking it up with that baggie kind of like a dog.
You got anything you want to add to that Rob?
Not really.
Yeah there you go wrapped up in a little bow from two douche bags and microphone if you're
going to climb Mount Everest make sure you have a shit bag with you.
So with that being said let's go ahead and take our first break and come back with some
other stories.
That sound good?
Sounds good.
Alright we will be right back.
Tomorrow morning while grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha latte remember
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts.
Who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe everyone.
And now deep thoughts with Mark.
Does a straw have one hole or does it have two?
I may never know.
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent.
That's right smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton,
Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Now from his underground bunker in Camdenton, Missouri stocked with dried guts, canned
food and a couple of vibrating toys.
It's Ramblings of the Madman featuring Rob Rad.
When you're young, you sneak out of the house to go to parties.
When you're old, you sneak out of parties to go home.
Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
That's right Brick Shit House Energy Drink.
Make men and women feel good.
You want your balls?
You want to fuck shit up?
You want a full stomach full of shit?
Brick Shit House is the more usual.
Please enjoy Brick Shit House Energy Drink responsibly, it's not readily available
anywhere.
Because of liability issues.
Two douchebags in a microphone invade your ear holes in.
Hey who took a dump in the cooler?
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
Your IQ isn't even room temperature.
And we are back, two douchebags in a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, you got anything going on for Easter tomorrow?
Rob, well I thought I did but that plan got cancelled.
So Rob, rather than much.
Well you told me earlier?
Yeah.
Oh ok.
Yeah sorry.
Well I'm going to do house work and maybe spend some time with my neighbors.
She took her granddaughters home today so.
Will you have time to check your email tomorrow?
Yeah.
Ok.
I am initiating this campaign, Send Rob Nudes for Easter campaign.
I think it's a nice thing to do.
I think it's the right thing to do.
I mean I'm not making fun of it.
This is Jesus' day.
I'm not making fun of it.
Nothing like that.
Worship Jesus and all that.
But I mean thank a poor Rob that has nothing to do after you get done worshiping and thanking
Jesus and God and everything.
Then if you feel like it, send Rob a nude.
Because he's going to be at home and doing house work.
Right?
Whatever.
Ok.
Get ready for the monastic.
Yeah I'm not going to be a typical Sunday.
Oh ok.
Alright cool.
Well Rob I got an I call bullshit.
Ok.
Alrighty.
Oh no it looks like someone's on their high horse again.
It's another episode of I call bullshit.
Bullshit.
I am going to call bullshit on Pepsi.
Ok.
The other day Pepsi came out with their brand new flavor that's supposedly coming out.
It is IHOP inspired Pancapes and Syrup Pepsi.
The thing that makes me think it's bullshit is it's going to debut April 1st.
I smell bullshit.
Rob?
The date.
Yeah April 1st.
They come out with a press release I believe two days ago that said hey we got a new Pepsi
flavor coming out.
It's going to be IHOP inspired stack of pancakes with Syrup flavored Pepsi.
Number one that sounds like a horrible idea.
Number two it's coming out on April 1st.
I'm sniffing this one right now guys.
I don't care if they play it off all day.
It's bullshit I think.
What do you think?
I think it is too but hey you never know.
You know what it could be the old wag the dog deal where you're like oh man I'm on top
of people like me going April 1st.
Ok thanks a lot guys.
Thanks for letting me know.
And then all of a sudden it is a real flavor.
Ok let's say it is a real flavor.
Would you try it?
I might.
I just might.
You know I want to say no but out of morbid curiosity I might try it.
And then just so I can take a dump on it.
Man it was horrible.
I can't stand it.
You know you have the maple syrup.
That's like a pretty good one Betsy.
I never tell you that.
You know I had from Quebec Canada a maple syrup sugar Coca Cola.
Now you know they make sugar out of pure cane.
They make sugar out of beets.
They make sugar out of corn syrup.
They make sugar out of maple syrup.
So this is the sugar that they refined from the maple syrup.
And it was really good.
So actually you have a really good point there Rob.
It could be good because I found a local distributor to where I can get that.
I can get the maple sugar from Quebec Canada Coca Cola if I want.
It's a little pricey so I don't buy it.
I think it's like six dollars a bottle.
So I'm like yeah I don't want it that bad.
But I mean if I ever feel like having it again I know a place I can get it at.
So it must be doing okay.
So you know what you're right it might be good.
I don't know.
Okay well anyhow.
Well yeah but you try it with Coke.
If you make Pepsi which is a little sweeter yet.
Yeah it might be a pretty good mixture.
I would try it.
Since Pepsi is so sweet anyhow it might just get along really good in that type of a format
actually.
You're right Rob.
That's what I'm thinking along with the Pepsi.
Coke maybe not so much but Pepsi it's sweeter and sweeter.
Yeah I think it would go good.
Okay.
My opinion.
Well okay so I guess we'll find out unless in fact it is good shit.
Just don't throw the pancake flavor in it.
Just the syrup.
That's actually yeah you're right.
Throw the pancake flavor in it it's probably not going to be any good.
Just the syrup.
So Rob you got a store you want to go to and after that I got an interesting one.
They did a pole of yard beers.
Yeah I got a little long one there.
All righty go ahead.
That's the one I ran across.
I found that interesting.
All right.
Think things men should never say or do around women.
Everybody pay attention.
For all the guys.
First one.
Let's call it what it is.
If that flow doesn't visit you you don't know her.
Same things like you're acting hormonal or is it your time of the month or something
when a woman gets upset with you is reckless behavior guys.
Chances are if it makes her mad during her time of the month it will probably make her
mad otherwise too.
Agreed.
Next.
Husbands and boyfriends feel free to babe and honey or wives and girlfriends.
But if you're some random dude calling women you just met sweet cheeks.
Nine times out of ten you're probably going to make her uncomfortable.
Or my favorite toots.
Hey what's up toots.
Yeah.
If she's not your girlfriend wife don't call her pet names.
Yeah.
Maybe darlin.
Darlin I understand.
Darlin is kind of a southern slang.
I call a lot of women darlin.
It's innocent.
As a matter of fact I hear more women calling men darlin than the other way around actually.
I know a lot of women.
Yeah well I leave off the G it's darlin.
Yeah that's the southern way of saying it yes.
Right.
Yeah okay I get that.
Okay next up.
Weaponized incompetence is entirely played out.
Okay.
Don't be a lazy sad sack and lay on the couch while you watch the woman of the house do
her housework.
You might think you're flying under the radar and maybe you convinced yourself that she
doesn't want your help because she likes things done a certain way.
But just as you don't feel like helping out she may not feel like doing it either.
Teamwork leads to less work for each individual overall and allows more women to spend quality
time together once the chores are finished.
And Rob I got the perfect system for that too.
Okay what heavy stuff do you need out of the way to accomplish this hon?
Right.
That's it.
You get all the heavy stuff out of the way and they're great.
Just offer them help.
And let them do their magic.
That's all they want.
Let them do their magic touch.
Yep.
Don't lay your ass off in the couch watching sports.
Oh that's a good way of getting trouble.
You live there too.
You help them make the mess.
Get up off the ass dude.
Yep.
I'm that way.
Okay next up.
If you're still doing this please stop.
Seriously.
Women of the world take to the comments and let us know if you got with a guy who cat
called you from his car while you strolled the sidewalk.
No one?
Nothing?
Huh?
Imagine that.
Guy, quit the cat calls.
It's stupid.
Yeah.
Never get you nowhere.
What it does is make a woman feel creepy and not want to be with you.
There's one thing in the 80s that's different than 2020.
What it does is it screams desperate.
Desperation.
Right.
Yeah.
Don't ever be that.
Okay next.
Men are doing these things so often that we've had to create terms for them according to
the Merriam-Webster.
The dictionary.
Yeah.
Mansplain.
Of a man to explain something to a woman in a time and sitting way that assumes she has
no knowledge about the topic.
Like the car.
When you go, okay Hunter, I'm telling him about football.
Now you see this little guy right here, he's going to go over there and he's going to try
to stop this guy right here.
None of that.
Am I right?
Yep.
Exactly.
Okay.
And now there's another one.
Man spreading.
Okay.
The act or practice by a man of sitting with the legs spread wide apart as in a public
seating area in a way that intrudes of the space of others.
Because a woman doesn't outwardly roll her eyes at you as you mansplain things to her.
She's actually doing it internally.
And stops sitting in public seating spaces in such a way that makes it seem like your
one goal is to take up as much space as humanly possible.
It's just plain rude.
Well if there are people next to you in a seat, yes.
If they're spread out everywhere, I don't see what's wrong with getting comfortable
to be honest.
Yeah well, when you're a guy.
No, someone comes into the room.
You're sitting there, you've got your legs spread, your joints hanging.
Well I'm not talking about open spread eagle like, as wide as you can.
What I'm talking about is being somewhat comfortable if no one's around you.
Now if someone's coming in the room, you go ahead and buckle up like they're going to
sit next to you.
That way you're not giving them the feeling like you don't want them next to you.
See what I mean?
You've got to be courteous about it.
What they're saying is you just sit there, legs just wide open.
Okay, yeah I get that.
I get that.
People are all slobby looking.
They don't have to look at your crops.
Yeah, and it's also slobby looking too.
It looks like this guy has no posture, has no pride.
He's just like a sloth, he just lays there.
So I get that too.
Okay.
Oh yeah, you can move.
Oh okay.
No, no, never mind.
Never mind, never mind.
Okay, next up.
Sometimes women are void of facial expressions and sometimes that sum of crops is RBF.
I don't know what the hell that means.
Let me see if I can find it.
In any case, women don't want to be told that they need to smile more.
Everything should be genuine should it not.
Agree.
As one writer explains, they tell you to smile and call you rude if you don't.
But if you smile, they then think it's flirting and you get blamed for leading them on.
That's true.
Rusty bitch face is RBF.
Oh okay, okay.
Well yeah, I didn't know.
I didn't either.
I didn't know what that was.
I didn't either.
Okay, next up.
It's definitely possible that if a woman is being nice to you, she might be romantically
interested in you.
But it should never be perceived as the defining force for you to pursue her that way.
Spend your time and make sure you're getting an appropriate read on the signs before acting
on them.
Because sometimes women truly are just being nice with no underlying intentions.
Yeah.
I get a lot of that dude.
Especially the older we are.
Now that we're older, yeah.
I don't know if I can even find a date.
Who knows?
Well, your bracket right now.
The bracket that you're choosing.
But they're all nice.
I mean they're all nice.
Yeah.
The bracket you're choosing from right now is a tough one, Rob.
Because you have a lot of women that got out of a long relationship that don't want another
one when they're 50 something.
They're like, you know, I'm riding the rest of this life without a woman.
Well, being in your 50s, then you move up to the widows.
Yeah, that definitely wasn't the problem.
The bracket you're in right now, a lot of women are like, you know what, man, that guy
was such a dickhead.
I'm just going to, I don't need one.
It's not like they're wanting to have children.
It's not like they're that sexually active.
It's not like they need the companionship.
So a lot of women just choose their independence.
They're just like, you know what, I'm not going to.
To be honest, I'm really not working right now either.
I'm too busy working on myself.
See?
There you go.
Yeah, it's the bracket that you're in right now.
If you're in a younger bracket, it probably wouldn't be so hard to look around and find
a suitable companion.
But the bracket you're in is kind of a tough one.
So anyhow.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
It is.
Yep.
Okay, next.
I've got one, two, three more real quick ones.
Cool.
If you shoot your shot and a woman turns you down, there is no need to go on a rampage.
Do you have any idea how much of a baboon you look like when you're sweet talking her
one second and the moment she isn't interested?
You're calling her every bad name in the book.
Yeah, I've seen that done before and it is ugly.
I have too.
A lot of bars.
Yeah, it's like just wipe yourself off and go home.
Just be like, okay, I got denied.
I've done it before.
I had to eat shit.
And a lot of times I'd just be like, okay, I'm out.
And that's it.
Okay, and here at number nine.
You might make a raunchy joke to a woman who laughs about it or you might really enrage
her.
We're going to go out on a limb and assume that more often than not, you're either going
to wind up making her mad or just plain uncomfortable.
Yeah, yeah, yep.
And I've heard guys make some sort of raunchy joke before at work in a public setting.
And then the woman comes around and goes, man, that guy's a douche.
Did you hear what he said?
And then I'm like, yeah, I thought he was just joking.
Well, that's not a joke.
So yeah, yeah, that's true.
And this goes out to all women that listen to us.
We do not aim our jokes at you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey, real quick.
Hi, Opal.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Yeah, hi, Grandma.
Hi, Jimmy.
But have you noticed how many women emails we get?
Yeah, yeah, they like the show.
I can't believe it.
Dude, I'm all of it.
I thought we were doing it.
I really thought we were doing a male skewing show.
I really did.
But it's...
We've had a lot of women emails.
I know.
I would say it's about half and half, which completely floors me.
Because of our subject matter and the crudeness of our bits and sometimes us, I really thought
women would not want to hear this.
So anyhow, I would love to...
I got to find a way to break down the demographic.
What age are the average person, the average male and the average female that listens?
There's no way to do that that I know of right now for a podcast.
But I can't wait till they can start doing that.
Maybe you get in a service where they have to put their information in.
Then maybe you'll be able to get it.
But I mean...
Speaking of services, the people that are looking at us, there's like two of them now.
The third one's dropped out because they basically said that you guys are crude and that's not
what we're into.
So anyhow, so that's a little update on that.
The other two groups were still...
That's what we are.
Yeah, that's what I told them.
I said, this is what it is and if you don't like it, that's fine.
If you don't choose to do business with us, that's fine.
They were nice about it.
They were like, okay, good luck.
So anyhow, do you have one more I think?
Yeah, number 10.
Okay.
And look, the trumpets blow because pretty much every man knows this one.
I hope if not, you'll retard.
Oh, mentally handicapped, slow.
Yeah, mentally handicapped.
You're mentally handicapped.
Sorry about that.
Yeah, Rob is very sorry.
He was just joking with the R word.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Raise your hand if you're a woman who has been mad at a man.
Keep your hand up if that man told you to calm down during your argument.
Keep it up if you actually calmed down when he said that.
Look at that.
We lost everyone all at once.
This never works.
Don't do it.
Right you are, Rob.
Dude, you tell a woman to calm down.
You might as well just go ahead and pitch a tent.
Go ahead and find your divorce lawyer.
Pitch a tent in your backyard because that's where you're going to be staying for a while
for the foreseeable future.
Well, actually, you're going to bail her out of jail for whipping her ass first.
Yeah, yeah, then you're going to go to the backyard and pitch a tent while you're filing
your divorce papers.
All right.
Great article, Rob.
Let's be right back here in a couple of minutes.
Does that sound good?
Sounds good.
All right.
That's the plan.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
You can eat.
On most of these apocalypse series, we tell you what plants you can eat in case of an
apocalypse and you have to go out to your yard for food.
Well, this one is going to explain to you the plants you may be aware of to not eat.
Plants that could be toxic usually might have milky white sap, thorns, spines, or fine hairs
or leaves or stems.
Pods with bulbs, beans, or seeds.
Stems or trunks that have an almond scent.
Three-leafed foliage growth.
Also be aware of intensely bitter or sappy flavor.
Foliage reminiscent of dill, parsley, or carrot.
Oh Lord!
That man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
Oh no!
That drunk guy just hit my child.
It's okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything.
Want to run for office?
Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam!
Everyone laughs.
Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm.
Let's see.
If I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on, could
animal control come by and pick me up?
I may never know.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Hey girl, do you work at Subway?
Cause you just gave me a foot long.
Oh shit.
What's that over there?
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
A headache stricken man explained to his doctor, you have to help me.
I'm shrinking.
The doctor said I will.
You have to be a little patient.
Hey look, I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
Oh my god.
I'm afraid for the calendar.
It's days are numbered.
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton,
Missouri.
So receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Sure wish my inner voice sounded just like Morgan Freeman.
That'd be cool.
And then anyone else that happens to listen to this program, no matter where you are in
this world, we love you.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Baseball's third season of the year begins tonight.
Yay.
Two douchebags and a microphone, I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay.
Rob, do you know what?
My daughter's trying to call again.
Oh.
She knows I'm podcasting.
Yeah.
Just call her back afterwards.
Do you want us just to...
I'll call her back.
I'll call her when we get there.
Okay.
All right.
Do you know what yard beers are, Rob?
No.
They're the cheap beers.
A way that a lot of clubs up here, you know, bars, restaurants, the cheaper ones like Nanny
Light and Old Milwaukee and...
I should say.
Yeah.
They call them yard beers.
Okay.
Well, I don't go to bars much anymore.
Okay.
Well, they've been dubbed yard beers and it's just like a generalization to let you know
that they're one of the cheaper beers and it's a chic to drink them in some bars.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It's kind of like the end thing.
You know, like we used to get false staff from a friend of ours in St. Louis because
they quit selling it altogether now.
And we used to sit out in the parking lot at Buzzard Beach and everyone used to come
over and have a false staff.
Even though it tastes like paint thinner with Drano in it, we had a false staff out in front
of Buzzard Beach just because it was false staff.
It was rock gut and we thought it was funny.
You see?
So a lot of people drink these cheap beers because they think it's cool or whatever.
So anyhow, here's a poll of yard beer taste tests.
Okay.
I'm going to tell you the beer and how well it did in the taste test.
All right.
The first one, the beer that did the best, and this is the Boomers and the Xers, not
the younger ones.
60% of the tested people preferred Olympia.
Oh, that's an old school one.
Yeah.
And I've always liked Olympia.
I thought it was kind of smooth for a cheaper beer.
Oh yeah, I have too.
Yeah.
Olympia won it by 60%.
I didn't even know they were still around.
It's still around.
I don't know if it's around in our area.
I haven't seen it in a while, but...
I'm going to see if I can find it.
Oh, look it up online.
Usually these beer companies, whoever makes it now, have like an indicator, a locator where
you can put in Missouri, you can put in your zip code.
He'll tell you how close Olympia beer is.
I know Yenling does that.
There's other beers I can't think of who it is now.
I know Yenling does that.
They do a locator.
He'll tell you the closest place to your zip code to get that beer at, right?
59% right behind Olympia is Ham's.
I agree with that.
Ham's is great beer.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I loved Ham's when I was younger.
I don't know why Ham's fell out of favor.
It's still a fantastic beer.
From the land of the sky, blue waters.
You remember the beer bear?
Yeah, the bear, man.
Yeah, the bear bear.
I had a Ham's shirt in...
I've got one.
...Jig and I, you know?
I've got one somewhere around here.
It's probably next to my Aussie shirt of Aussie taking a dump.
And I'm not kidding.
Okay.
55% of these beer drinkers that were polled preferred Paps Blue Ribbon.
I agree with that.
I like Paps too.
Actually, in the last few years around Missouri and Kansas, TBR has made a major comeback.
They are a major name now.
They're not a low dollar beer no more.
Let me give you a little history about Paps Blue Ribbon.
Okay.
Paps Blue Ribbon was known as everybody's grandpa's beer, right, in the 80s and 90s?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
And it didn't do so well.
It was bought by another brewing company in the early 2000s, I believe, or the late 90s.
They didn't have any money for budgeting.
Okay.
But all they could do, and I was a witness to this.
I was at Buzzer Beach and some of the other bars around Westport, and they would do what's
called guerilla marketing.
They had these hot chicks come in with jeans shorts cut off, cowboy hats, and big cowboy
boots, and big belt buckles, and they would buy the whole bar around a Paps.
And then after they bought the whole bar around a Paps, well, right before the survey put
in the Paps kegs, they started doing it draft instead of, you know, and now they sell bottles
and cans, but they started doing it draft at all these places, getting it in there for
a draft beer.
So these hot chicks come in, they blow this whistle, get everyone's attention, everybody
Paps on us, so the whole bar gets a Paps, and then they start giving away swag.
They gave away t-shirts, hats, belt buckles.
Yeah.
And that's how they made it back.
And the last I knew, there was the big three, and that was, you know, like Anne Ouzer Bush,
Miller Coors, and who's the other one?
Shit.
Anyhow, there's three big brewing companies, and anyhow, those, and then Paps was a big
distant fourth because of their guerrilla marketing.
It worked very well.
Then all of a sudden, Paps on the Generation Xers, I don't know about the younger ones,
became their preferred beer for a while.
You know, you go into a place and you'd be like, eh, I don't want a bud, eh, I don't
want a quart.
Oh, hey, you got Paps, I'll take that, because Paps was the end thing because these hot chicks
came in there and gave you a belt buckle and bought you some Paps, and all of a sudden
it became the hot thing.
And it worked very well.
Camel used to do something like that too, Camel cigarettes, but then they outlawed coming
in and giving away cigarettes.
So, okay, anyhow, 54% preferred Old Style.
Hey, I'm not much of an Old Style fan.
I've had it.
It's...
That's an old, that's, you know, that stuff I heard my dad drink, you know.
You know.
I haven't been a fan of...
That's an old one.
But they still got 54%.
I mean, that's still pretty good.
Wow.
I didn't know they still had a problem.
I didn't either.
I know they're really big in like Chicago and Milwaukee and up north.
I think Minneapolis, they might have some of it there, but they don't really sell it
that much around here.
It's not on draft.
Yeah, see, we're in the Midwest, so, yeah.
I was surprised Yenling has taken off so well because that's an Eastern beer, and the only
reason I knew about it is because I used to work on the coast so much.
So anyhow, and I love the beer from that.
So anyhow, 53%.
Wait for this.
Wait for it.
Buckhorn.
No doubt.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Buckhorn.
I knew.
I told many, many of them from my dad's refrigerator.
My dad didn't drink, but anybody's dad did drink.
My dad did.
Well, he wouldn't have been.
He'd drink two to six a night, you know, and then we'd get together with friends on the
weekends.
It must have been really reasonably priced because everybody...
I never see my dad drunk, though.
Maybe it wasn't that much alcohol in it.
I don't know.
But he was a shortstop dude that was in the Navy during NOM, so yeah.
Yeah, he could handle his buckhorn.
Yeah, he handled them, so.
But everybody I knew that their dad drank, they would at least every now and then have
buckhorn.
So okay, 53% preferred Lone Star.
I love Lone Star.
It's pretty good.
Lone Star evidently was started by Anne Houser Bush to compete down in Texas, and now they're
owned by somebody else.
I forgot who.
But I had no idea they had any affiliation with Anne Houser Bush for years.
But yeah, they were started by...
I was getting them when I was living in Branson.
Oh.
There was a few restaurants that had Lone Star.
Oh, okay.
And dude, I love them.
They were right in between the two beers I was drinking at the time.
I was drinking Budweiser, but then to switch it off, I drank Miller Lite.
And Lone Star was right there.
And I'll tell you what.
Lone Star, it's like right in between the two.
I love it.
Oh, that's cool.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, it's really hard to find now.
And I had always dreamed of drinking Lone Star.
You can still get it probably in liquor stores, I'd imagine.
Probably not very many other places carry it.
Not around here.
In Texas, you can get it everywhere.
52% liked Stroh's.
Remember Stroh's?
Yeah, it's a world school name.
Yeah, I used to love Stroh's when it was fire brewed.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not fire brewed anymore.
But when it was fire brewed, it was one of the best beers we had.
It was fantastic.
Yeah.
It's still back in the day.
It was still a cheap beer, but we still drank the hell out of it.
Yeah.
Remember we used to get in bottles from Linwood?
Yeah.
The little store.
Yeah.
Oh, Linwood.
Yeah.
Linwood Superfoods.
Yeah.
Right next to old Jane Day.
I miss those girls.
Oh, hotter than hell and nicer than hell.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
Just the perfect combination.
And they knew they could count on us to protect them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We'd go in there and go, hey, some guy's being a real dick.
We did a time or two.
Yeah, we did a few times.
We had to flex our muscle around some things.
Everybody in Linwood, George's store was right next door to Justin Jim's.
Yep.
And that's where we bought all our booze at and everything.
Yeah.
That was so cool.
Yeah.
The employees and us knew each other very well.
And they started us a tab too.
I'd be like, man, I'm out of dough, man.
Yeah.
I need some beer.
Okay.
They write it down and then pay day, I go over there and cash my check.
They go, all right, you got $50 taking out this one.
Okay, thank you.
It was great.
They don't do stuff like that anymore.
But anyhow, I mean, they're not there anymore.
I'm talking about no place does anymore.
52% preferred Natty Light.
That's my beer right there.
I like Natty Light too.
That's what I'm, that right there is what I'm fighting right now.
And then 51%-
And I'm doing good by the way.
I'm doing good by the way.
And 51, I'm glad you are.
You sound better.
51% preferred Natty Light Ice.
Yeah, I don't like the ice.
Okay.
Well, it was really close.
52 like Natty Light and 51 like Natty Ice.
So, okay.
49-
Yeah, they're right there together.
Here's one.
50% preferred Stro's Light.
I didn't even know they made a light.
So-
Okay, I remember they made a light back in the 80s.
Oh, then they probably still do.
Okay, I didn't know.
Okay.
I know they did back in the 80s.
See, some of these beers I didn't know you could still get.
I never see Stro's.
Well, I think some of them are, I think some are regional, but this panel is put together.
Right, right.
It's off of a website called Beer Inc. I believe.
Okay.
If I'm wrong on that, I apologize, but that was Beer Inc. and they're all about beer,
craft beers, you know, and all that.
And they're the ones that did this poll.
49% preferred, wait for it, Stag.
What?
Stag.
Stag?
Yeah, it was like buckhorn.
It had a deer on the front of it.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm shocked at this stuff even still being made.
I know.
This is stuff from back in the 70s and early 80s.
I know.
When I read this poll, I was just, I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe they remembered
this stuff and they still have it.
This is stuff my dad and his buddies were drinking.
Well, I guess they're still around.
They're yard beers now.
But that's how I know them.
I know, me too.
How do you steal from them?
It brings back memories.
I used to steal from other parents, this stuff.
49% preferred Getz.
You remember Getz?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yep, that was made by Pearl Brewing Company out of Texas.
Because I know, how do I know?
You can buy 24 of them for four bucks at Burbillia.
Burbillia is how you pronounce it, but it's like, Burbillia.
Yeah, Burbillia.
Burbillia.
Burbillia, yep.
Anyhow, I used to get like a big, no, actually I think it was like 30 of them.
Major liquor stores, yeah.
It was in a case of flat.
It was in a flat.
And it had six pack, and six pack rings of flat.
You'd get them for four bucks.
They were kind of hard to get out of there and stick in the little pinto, but I did somehow.
Remember the pinto?
Really hard.
I'm glad I never got ass ended in that fucking thing.
I'm just going to laugh.
We can just move right along.
Yes, I remember the pinto.
Everybody remembers the pinto.
40 percent.
Well, some do, some don't.
Some may not remember it too well.
It depends on what night it was.
Go ahead.
I could go into a couple, you know what, I'll move right on.
Okay, 40 percent preferred Weedman.
Remember Weedman?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
40 percent liked it.
Okay.
Weedman was okay.
To me it was like a really crass Budweiser.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like, it was more of a crap beer at the time.
Oh, anyhow.
You know, in my opinion.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I mean, I wasn't particularly crazy about it, but it was okay.
I could drink it in a pinch.
I wasn't either.
I could drink it in a pinch.
39 percent, and this is the last one for the Boomers and Xs, preferred Keystone.
See, I didn't know Keystone was a yard beer.
I thought Keystone costed more.
I had no idea.
No, Keystone's a cheap beer.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay, well then, alright.
Well, it did the worst.
39 percent liked it.
Which is interesting, because I do see a lot of Keystone being bought.
Right, right, right.
But that's just around here.
I know a lot of people that drink Keystone.
Uh-huh.
It seems like the difference between Keystone and Natty, Keystone was more like a Coors Light.
It was made by Coors.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, it was made by Coors, so that would explain it.
Oh, they're light.
They are, aren't they?
Or at least they were.
That explains it.
They're more like a Coors Light.
That's why.
They probably...
It's probably the shade at the bottom of the kegs.
But Natty is an Anheuser-Busch, so...
Yeah, yeah, and the other one is a Miller Coors.
Right.
Okay, Millennials and Gen Zs.
Now, I know this first one.
I got an answer to this first one right off.
75 percent prefer natural ice.
You know why?
Natural ice.
Yeah.
You know why?
That's a college beer.
What?
College beer.
College kids drink Natty Ice and Natty Light.
It's cheap.
They can get it virtually anywhere, and they can get a lot, you know.
So that's why 75 percent of them prefer Natty Light.
It's kind of like a fad.
So 49 percent preferred Keystone.
It's not a fad.
It's affordable.
No, that's what I'm saying.
It's cheap.
And it became like sick to drink it.
It became like the in beer because it was cheap and plentiful.
It's a college beer now.
49 percent preferred Keystone.
And that again...
That's why the Keystone was right along there.
It's cheap, you're right.
And so these are college beers.
And then 45 percent preferred Pabst Blue Ribbon.
That doesn't surprise me.
Well, yeah, see, that's a stouter beer.
That's what I like about Pabst.
I do too.
I like the real...
It's got a really bold flavor.
So...
Yeah.
44 percent prefer Old Style.
That surprised me.
Yeah, it's been years since I've had Old Style.
I don't even remember what it tastes like.
Yeah, it was a stout.
It was a stronger beer, yeah.
It was a stronger beer.
I remember it being a stronger beer.
Well, yeah, with the name stout.
You know, come on.
43 percent preferred Old Milwaukee.
I see that.
Yeah.
Old Milwaukee didn't even register on the Exxers one.
It's interesting.
No.
43 percent Milwaukee's Best.
Wow, it hit the chart.
I was surprised it's not on the Exxers.
Well, actually, Milwaukee's Best was off Old Milwaukee, so...
It was a Miller product.
Oh, well, yeah, but anyway, back in the day, yeah, Milwaukee's Best, when it come out.
Uh-huh.
That was it.
It was the cheap.
You'd buy a suitcase for less than 10 bucks, you know.
You see, I liked Old Milwaukee, and I'm surprised...
Oh, Schlitz is on here, actually.
Old Milwaukee and Schlitz used to be made by the same company.
My dad drank a lot of Old Milwaukee, too.
I liked Old Milwaukee over Milwaukee's Best.
Milwaukee's Best tasted okay, but it gave me a headache.
Yeah, exactly.
49 percent, no, no, no, 43 percent, Stroh's.
All right.
42 percent, Ham's.
Now, remember, Ham's was the second most preferred for Exxers.
42 percent, then even Olympia, and Olympia was the first for Exxers and 10 Boomers.
Yeah, but Olympia's way down on the Millennials and Gen Zers.
What about the younger generation?
They don't know.
41 percent, that's right, preferred, uh, Weedman.
I'm surprised they even...
I'm surprised they didn't even register it, honestly.
I didn't think Weedman would do anything with the Youngers.
Um, 32 percent, Lone Star.
I think I said 32.
Did I say 32 or 42?
I think 32.
Okay.
32 percent, Schlitz.
You see, I'm surprised Schlitz wasn't...
This is another one like old Milwaukee.
I'm surprised that the Boomers and Exxers didn't have Schlitz up there.
Because remember how popular Schlitz was for a while?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it really fell out of favor with our generations.
Even if... even if everybody joked about it, Schlitz gave you the shit.
Yeah, but we still drank it.
Yeah, it gave you the shit.
It was...
There was still selling the hell out of it back then.
I know.
It really... it went straight out of our generation.
But we're talking about today.
That's right.
And I think maybe distribution might be a problem with the Schlitz.
We're talking about our kids and grandkids here.
Yep.
32 percent of the Millennials and Xers prefer Getz.
I don't really have an opinion on that, do you?
No.
32 percent? Like Buckhorn?
Okay.
See, I didn't know you could still get that.
It's got to be in a limited area.
I guess so.
I'd love to get some Buckhorn.
If I get some Buckhorn, I would just...
I'm going to try to...
Hey, hey assholes, somebody send me some Buckhorn beer, please.
Hang on a second.
Okay, let me...
Let's put that on the...
We're going to look up...
We're going to look up Buckhorn beer here in a second.
And 28 rounded off the Xers and Millennials with Stag.
So let's see here.
I bet you I can find out about Buckhorn really quick.
Let's see what Mr. Google has to say about Buckhorn beer.
All right.
Hey, do you want me to go into a story?
Yeah, go ahead while I'm doing this.
If I have one, you will be interested in it.
Buckhorn is made by past.
Oh!
Blue ribbon.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so is Shiner.
Yeah.
So I didn't know Buckhorn was still even being made.
Anyway.
Yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm trying to get my mind out drinking.
Come on, dude.
Oh, sorry, man.
You know what?
I shouldn't have done this.
Well, I'm allowed a few every now and then.
Okay.
I just, yeah, I can't do it every day no more.
No, I'm glad you're not.
So go ahead with your story.
Oh, yeah.
This shocked me.
American hard rock band Skid Row is introducing a new lead singer after partying with his previous frontman.
You want to hear my joke on that?
I remember them.
Go ahead.
This time, however, it's a front woman.
Oh, Lizzy Hill.
You heard me right.
Skid Row is about to get a woman lead singer.
Lizzy Hale, the front woman of the band, Hailstorm, will fill in as Skid Row's lead singer for four concerts.
I hope they come by close because I want to see that.
I'm so excited about that.
She's a great singer.
Skid Row concerts featuring Hale are May 17th in Carterville, Illinois.
Okay.
That's not far.
May 18th in Riverside, Iowa.
May 31st in Reno.
And June 1st in Sacramento, California.
And that's it?
Four concerts.
Damn it, I thought it was going to be more than that.
Riverside, Iowa is four hours and 41 minutes away.
It's near the Tri-Cities, Cedar Rapids, and all that.
That would be awesome.
What day is it?
Let's see.
May 17th, Carterville, Illinois.
May 18th, Riverside, Iowa.
Okay, let's see if I can even make that number one.
May 18th.
I'm already checking on this.
Okay, May 18th is a Sunday.
That's possible.
We'll see.
Let me finish this last little bit here.
Hal Faurie becomes Skid Row's first female lead vocalist
since the band was founded in Tom Rivers, New Jersey in 1986.
She replaced his previous vocalist, Eric Gronwall,
who joined the band in 2022,
but was stepped down from his position to focus on his full recovery
after being nosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in March 2021.
Oh, I didn't know that's why he was stepping down.
Yes.
Well, Skid Row hasn't done themselves any favors.
Lizzy comes back and says, I'm stepping in for a few days as a lead singer to Skid Row.
You know, Skid Row hasn't done themselves any favor, Rob,
because they have had like 30 lead singers in the last 10, 20 years.
I mean, they just cannot keep a lead singer.
Now, this one, there's a legitimate reason why he's not there.
Dude, right, right, right.
Yeah.
But they went through so many different people, it's just I don't care anymore.
Now, Lizzy Hale, I care.
I think she would be a good placement.
I wish she would join him permanently.
Her voice with like the old school, yeah, it'd be perfect.
Sebastian Bach had such a high register.
I mean, she would do perfect.
That's what I'm saying. She would fit perfect.
Yeah, I mean, if I can't make it, I'm definitely going to look up YouTube and watch that,
because that's going to be cool.
Oh, yeah, we definitely have to watch that.
Yeah, wow.
Well, thank you, Rob. That's a great story.
And I'm glad you reported on it, because I saw it and I decided not to.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking now.
I mean, that was fantastic. Cool.
I mean, I imagine we have a lot of listeners that like Skid Row,
and we have a lot of listeners that like Hale's story.
I know for a fact that Grandma Opal loves Skid Row.
Maybe not. What were you saying? I'm sorry, Rob.
I don't know. You just lost me there.
Oh, sorry. Damn it. I did it again.
I'm sorry, Grandma. He did not mean that.
I derailed it. I mean.
Oh, no. You might like Skid Row.
Yeah, maybe. Look, I already ran off Ruthann.
You better go ahead and say an apology for me, Rob.
I figured Grandma Opal would be more like into older country.
Grandma Opal. You like Johnny Cash? We love Johnny Cash.
Yeah, Johnny Cash.
Waylon Jennings. Let's see.
Cami Wynette.
The original Hank Williams. And maybe even the second.
She might also like some of the second.
Now, I love Hank Williams the third. He is great.
Because he does all kinds of music. He does all of them.
But anyhow, I'm pretty sure. Let's see who else.
Chet. Damn it. What's his last name? Chet.
Or Ritter. John Ritter's dad. Text Ritter.
Well, anyhow, you know what? We could go on and on.
But you know, Opal, if you have some favorites you want to say,
have Jimmy break off an email to us and let us know who they are.
Yeah. Well, we'll wait to hear from you guys.
Yeah, I know they haven't written me again after that.
And I'm like, man, I want to hear from them.
We talk about them every podcast.
Every night we say hello to them. Every night.
I'm sure they're okay. I'm sure they just haven't gotten around to emailing us.
And I hope they're still listening because that's fucking cool.
I hope we haven't offended them.
Man, our podcasts have actually mellowed out quite a bit.
We're not nearly as filthy as we used to be. So I don't know.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We started off strong.
But you know what? We're bringing it around. We're learning.
Yeah. Yeah. We're bringing it. We're saving our filthiness for the bits and bunkers.
We're learning what people want to hear.
Yeah. Yep. So anyhow, and also I think it's a hell of a lot easier
whenever people look at you. You know what I mean?
Like the couple that are looking at us now.
If we have podcasts like this as opposed to the other ones,
I mean, we still do the hairy asshole Olympics.
And then what's coming up tomorrow, the who eats their earwax, you know, stuff like that.
But I mean, we still got to be us.
Yeah. We still have to be us to a certain degree.
But you know, anyhow, but we can't bend too much because that's why we're on the Internet.
That's why we're in this. Well, I mean, not like there's radio jobs out there anyhow.
But I mean, if there was, it doesn't matter. We could.
Yeah. We wouldn't fit in.
No. No. No.
We don't fit in with the FCC regulation.
We can do the hairy asshole Olympics and we'd have to do five songs in between each bit.
Oh. Yep. So, yeah.
Anyhow, all right. I think we're way over.
I don't know because they had to split it in halves.
Yeah, we did. I'm at one eighteen.
Okay. That sounds about right.
So anyhow, thank you assholes for listening.
Have a fantastic night, assholes.
Good night, assholes. Happy Easter tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Happy Easter. And we will be doing another show tomorrow on Easter.
The bunny does not stop us.
We will be here tomorrow night.
But I'm going to be on my best behavior because Easter is the day of Jesus rising.
So I will have the 14 buckets.
Yes. We are going to have to watch it tomorrow night.
Yes. If they was noticed, I have not done a bit on Easter.
I've done them for a lot of other stuff, but I will not do a bit on Easter.
Because Easter is the most sacred of all holidays.
If you believe in God and Jesus.
So if you notice, my Easter report was on Easter candy.
There you go. You can't get more wholesome than that.
That was our last one.
Richie Cunningham loved Easter candy.
That's how American that was.
Anyway, everybody have a good night. We already said good night.
All right. See you guys. Bye.
Good night, assholes.
Oh, no, looks like the show's over kids.
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic.
You're not assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.