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Two Douchebags and a Microphone
We are Jesus
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, thanks for joining us tonight. My name is Mark.
And my name is Rob.
Well Rob, we have a lot of NFL news today, a lot of rule changes that have been going out and a lot of stuff that kind of makes me go okay and then a lot of stuff that makes me go what are they thinking?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, them copying off the XFL to me is kind of concerning.
Yes, it is.
They're already calling themselves sports entertainment. They're not calling themselves a sport anymore, they're calling themselves sports entertainment.
They're copying off the XFL on the kickoff rules, they're doing the exact, to me that's a little concerning.
Not really, not to me.
Okay.
Well, if you think about it, they used to bring it out to the 25 yard line and they've upped it to the 35.
Okay.
But then you think about it, you get it out that far, you're running that hard, you're going to get hit hard and it seems like there is a lot more concussions and everything else.
Yeah.
So they're going to cut it back to the 30.
Mm-hmm.
And honestly, I liked it when it was at the 25 myself.
Okay, okay. Well, I'll just go ahead and I'm...
I think it's just safer for the players.
Okay.
My opinion.
That is true, so okay, that's probably the biggest part of it right there.
Okay, a massive change to kickoff is a ban on a dangerous tackling technique and expanded use of instant replay are among the major role changes an NFL has approved in the 2024 season.
Here's a full list of rule change proposals by laws and resolutions that NFL clubs adopted at the NFL annual meeting this week.
Okay, the 2024 approved playing rules.
Coaches make a third replay challenge if either of their first two challenges are successful.
So there can only be one, one out of two can be successful and then you have the right to do a third.
If you lose both your two first ones, you don't get a third one.
So I think that's pretty fair right there.
I mean, if you're dead on on the first two, then all right.
Well, you've been right so far.
We'll go ahead and give you the option of getting another one.
So the offense can now be assessed a penalty.
I like this one for a major foul on a play where the offense throws an interception or loss or loses a fumble.
Even if a foul took place before the change of possession and the defense also committed a penalty on the play.
So now they can they can go ahead and you know too many times offenses were were doing a foul and there's nothing they can do about it per the rules.
You know, they're just like, okay, well, the defense has got it now, you know, has got the ball.
So, you know, forget it.
So now if there was an egregious foul, like probably I would say like roughing roughing the passer or a personal foul or something.
Now they can go, all right, well, we're going to access this 15 on, I think the very next possession, maybe.
I will have to look at it, but that's kind of the way I took it because offense or they might do it right there.
I think what they might do then is award the if it is a personal foul, award the defense 15 more yards.
You think that's probably how they're going to do it?
Yeah, that's very likely to be.
Yeah.
Okay.
Replay can now be used to overturn a ruling that a quarterback was down or out of bounds before throwing a pass.
So they never could do that before.
Remember, they just went by what was on the field.
Now that can be replayed.
So I think that's a major step right there because there's a lot of calls at the end of games where that came into play a lot and that either made a team or made a team lose.
And I think it's okay to go ahead and be a little bit more efficient on that.
So I like that one.
Did you like that one?
Yeah, yeah, I do kind of like that one.
Okay.
Hip drop tackles are banned.
Yes.
That was the other story.
We're on the same story as tonight, but I have others.
Kickoff rules have changed.
We're going to get into that here in a little bit and explain some of the change.
And you went into it a little bit there, Rob, but I have a piece of paper here that's going to explain all of them better.
It's going to explain the whole scenarios better.
So, okay, another some more approved bylaws teams now have an unlimited number of designated for return transactions in the postseason.
So that's cool.
You got more people to choose from a better postseason.
The trade deadline has moved to the Tuesday after week nine games.
Then that's going to make a little difference, but not a whole lot.
But I understand why they did it a little bit more flexibility for the teams.
Teams may elevate a bona fide quarterback an unlimited number of times from his practice squad to its active list to be its emergency third quarterback.
I agree with that 100 percent because there is nothing worse than seeing a kicker having to come into the game and play quarterback.
That is the most uninteresting.
We have seen in the past couple of seasons.
Yes, we have.
And I agree with that.
It will make the game better to actually have a real quarterback out there or someone that's actually played it instead of a kicker out there just being lost to getting cremated by the other team.
So, yeah, because if you cremate him, then you cremate not just your passing, but your kicker.
Yeah, or whoever else it is that it has been designated as the emergency quarterback.
I think this is an excellent rule for the 20s.
I like that one.
I do too.
That's one of the best rules I think they came up with.
Actually, I love that rule because, you know, it just to me, if your quarterback and then your second string quarterback was knocked out, you were screwed.
I mean, and you probably are screwed with a third string anyhow, but still you don't have to take up a roster spot with that extra quarterback who's never going to be used most likely, except maybe one game on, you know, on game nine or something, you know.
So you don't have to you don't have to have that emergency guy just in case.
So, you know, so I think that's that's a good rule.
So you can save that roster roster spot for somebody you actually need.
And then for the twenty twenty four postseason League will expand the use of Hawkeye video technology in the coaches booths in preparation for full implementation for the 2025 season.
Have you seen the Hawkeye video technology, Rob?
No.
It is cool.
And it will it will display so much more that we cannot see by the naked eye.
So I like that.
I think that's excellent.
I think that's going to help the game, too.
So as I alluded to it first, the new kickoff rules are going to be something like this under the new rule, 10 players on the kicking team and at least nine players on the receiving team will line up just five yards apart and won't begin running until the ball gets back to the returner.
So they all they can't move until the guy catches the ball.
Meaning players won't be running until the ball gets back to the returner, meaning players won't be going full speed when they crash into each other, which you were talking about, Rob, the injuries, because I mean, how many times you see someone just get demolished?
And I mean, they're sprawled out on the ground because someone like full force was full run spirit and knocked the piss out of them.
And the reason they spirit and was trying to jar the ball is, you know, so.
And think about it.
Okay, five yards.
How much speed difference would that make?
A lot.
In this part I get, you know what I mean?
That's what I was thinking.
I kind of liked it after 25.
Me too.
Like it was back in the old day.
Me too.
And I don't mind them freezing the people until the guy catches the ball and some of the other rules that I'm going to that I don't like. And the reason is because that was an XFL and XFL was more of a gimmicky game and me and makes it more of an entertainment than, you know, I could just see them going down this slope.
Well, they're back now.
Yeah, I know.
And I'm going to try to.
I mean, the rocks behind it.
Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Oh, yeah, the Rock.
Yeah, he's back in the WW news.
Oh, okay.
Well, we'll get to him in a little bit.
Okay.
Okay, if you want to, that's fine.
We'll we also have some emails coming up and we got a lot of stuff.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah, we got a lot.
Yeah, I was like, we have a busy week.
I've got so many stories.
I'm just inundated with them.
So, stuff that I'd really like to go into.
So, we'll see how it will see how it plays out.
Okay, so this this type of technique, the dead full run, which caused so many injuries on kickoffs in years past of the 22 players on the field, only the kicker and one or two kickoff returners will line up separately from those players who are five yards apart.
So that's pretty cool.
The kicker will kick the ball from his own 35 yard line.
Ten of his teammates will line up on the other team's 40 yard line.
You see, so they're actually they got a little bit of a head start.
So it's not as bad as people think.
The receiving team's nine or 10 blockers will line up on their own 35 yard line.
The kick must land between the 20 yard line and the goal line.
A kick that either goes out of bounds or land short of the 20 will be awarded to the receiving team at the 40 yard line.
So if you don't get this kick in between that the 20 yard line and the goal line, that other team gets the 40 yard line.
So if you have a kicker that's not that good and he can't hit that aim or I don't know the ball slips a little bit, you just gave them the 40 yard line.
So they're moving up to the 40.
I thought I read over move up to the 30.
No, no, no, they're moving.
Because it was up to the 35. Now it's coming back to the 30.
Okay, Rob, here's what they're saying here.
Okay, if you if the ball when it comes down does not land in between the 20 yard line and the goal line,
then the other team is so there's no, you know, just kicking it off into the end zone anymore than the team takes the 25.
Oh, okay.
The way I was reading it, it was on touchbacks only.
No, no, no.
If it went into the end zone, it come out to the 30.
That's what I read.
The touchbacks get you a 40.
The touchback gets you a 40 yard line.
The ball must line between the 20 yard line and the goal line.
It must come down between there.
A kicker, a kick that lands either goes out of bounds or land shortly.
20 will be awarded the receiving team at the 40 yard line.
Like I said before, do you see?
So if they don't hit in between 20 and the goal line, that ball does not come down in between there.
Then the other team gets a 40 yard line.
A kick that goes into the end zone for a touchback will go out to the receiving team's 30.
Oh, okay.
Hang on, Rob.
You're right.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I just pulled that one up.
It's insane.
No, no, no.
A touchback will go to the 30 yard line.
And I'm predicting you're going to see a lot of touchbacks.
People aren't going to be willing to risk.
They're not going to be willing to risk it.
And this was designed, even though there's some parts of it that kind of concern me a bit.
But it's designed so people won't get injured.
And you have to kind of agree with that because there's been so many injuries and so many people, their careers cut short.
You know, and then teams just practically being ruined because their star kickoff returner and possibly slash receiver is out for the season.
So I get it.
Other than the kicker and the returners, no players may move until the ball either touches the ground or is fielded by a returner.
The rule was changed on a one year trial.
Okay.
So this is only going to happen one year.
Then they're going to reevaluate it, Rob, which means it will meet.
It will need to be re-approved next year or else the league will revert to its previous kickoff rules.
Okay.
So this is a trial.
This is not the way it's going to be from the foreseeable future.
This is actually a trial, Rob.
So, okay.
All right.
I mean, I guess I guess I don't have as big a problem with it as I thought.
And actually, as long as it's a trial, we'll see what happens.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, we are talking about the NFL and anything can change at any time.
So, you know, we'll see how it goes.
But I think if they don't keep going down the XFL's path on other things, if this is all they do, then I guess I'm okay with it.
So, yeah, yeah.
Andy Reid loves it.
They asked Andy Reid and he said, man, he said, I think it brings a whole new facet to the game.
You know, you're going to see probably more scoring offense, which they want to see.
As good as the Super Bowl was this year, the NFL don't want to see that.
They don't want to see that 14 to 10 game deep in the fourth quarter.
They do not want to see that.
They like that game.
They like the last Super Bowl before this, that 38 to 35.
They like that because all the lead changes and all the suspense and everything.
And don't get me wrong, this game was as good as it gets.
Very suspenseful.
It just it didn't have a lot of scoring.
It was a very complex defensive battle.
And it's actually the way to me football was meant to be played, you know, really solid, good, strong football with a great defense.
So, you know, the NFL would like a little bit more entertainment value on it because they feel it's going to make more people watch.
You know, it's just like baseball, although they don't ever admit it.
They hate the one to nothing games.
So, anyhow, all right, Rob, I think I'm pretty much done with that.
And I mean, you got anything you want to add to that?
Well, I do have a football one.
OK, go ahead.
Since we're starting the first part of the show off on football, we kind of had to.
So, yeah, yeah.
It's a little different. OK.
One of the scarrer injuries happened to Damien Harius for GH records.
Harris suffered a neck injury in week six and had to be taken off the field by an ambulance.
Anyhow, my phone just flipped out.
There we go.
I got to get you that damn, I got to get you that Chromebook, dude.
Anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, my phone left me.
OK, here we are.
OK.
Damien Harius was a New England Patriots player.
They got severely injured.
I remember.
Yeah.
Harius was placed on injured reserve later in October and would not return for the rest of the season.
The injury was not considered lifelong, but his career is over.
Oh, I didn't know that.
According to a post by Ari Merov with the 30-13, Harius has announced his retirement from the league at 27.
Oh, wow.
For Stankus coaches Nick Saban and Billachek for success on the football field.
Well, that's sad.
Wow.
I guess he was clear to come back.
You know, a lot of these players are saying, man, some of these injuries are horrible and you have a life off the field, just like we have a life outside of work.
And just like the aforementioned player, you know that he got a degree.
Was it accounting or something?
I think it might have been accounting.
I think that's what I wanted to say.
Yeah, he's just going to go do that.
Instead of risking his life, he had this one bad injury.
He got probably five million, I would say probably five million from his tenure, maybe six million.
Okay, he's good with that.
He's like, okay, I got enough money.
I can go do what I got my degree in.
And I don't have to worry about being paralyzed or not being able to walk when I'm 50.
God bless him.
And I can raise my kids.
Yes.
Yeah.
And see my grandkids.
Yeah.
And, you know, truth be told, that's probably why Jason Kelsey got the hell out, too.
He was still high on his game and he could have played another couple of years easily and been a very effective player.
But I understand.
But why?
Yeah, he's talking about his kids.
He's like, you know, I want to be able to take them to the jungle gym.
I want to be able to jump on my back.
You know, I want to be able to like run with them.
You know, it's actually the smart thing to do, really.
If it comes down to your health and how you're going to be able to raise your children, whether you're going to see your grandchildren get married later on in life, you know, then that is a completely different thing there.
And then that's when you're really thinking about life and you're not thinking of a stupid game.
As much as I love football, it is just a stupid game and it's not real life.
I do love it.
I do love the game and I and I cherish it and I watch it and I'm just like always fascinated by it whenever I see NFL news.
But the truth of it is, is it is a game.
So anyhow, OK, Rob, thanks for that story.
Hey, I got some emails here.
You want me to go into them after we take our first break?
Yeah, sounds great.
I'm going to get some more assholes.
The guys are on it, dude.
The guys are on it.
So, OK, we'll be right back.
Oh, shit.
Next up, things overhead in hell.
Hurry up.
King Jong-un is playing Santa at the mall again this year.
Yay.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
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You look like you smell like cheese.
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Break shit house energy drink.
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Break shit house energy drink.
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Oh, my God.
I think we're safe.
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It's the island of horrible jokes.
What?
The zero?
What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you.
No one invited them, but they still linger.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
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Too faced and not worth much.
Oh, Lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there.
Don't worry.
I have a clown nose.
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That drunk guy just hit my child.
It is okay.
I have a clown nose.
Clown nose.
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Grab one today and make magic happen.
Now, it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Are you a banana?
And we are back.
Two douchebags at a microphone, I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright Rob, we got some emails here, and I find most of them fascinating like always.
I mean, we have some really good...
We have a really good listener base that understands the show and they add so much to it.
They do.
That is true.
They really do.
It's really cool their point of view and what they throw into the show and that's how come
I always want to read emails at least once a month.
If not every couple of weeks.
Probably every couple of weeks is ideal.
It depends on how many emails we get in but I always want to read them off because we
have so many good ones.
Like I said before, thanks for the compliments.
You love us and all that stuff.
That's great.
But it doesn't need a reply.
If they go into depth on it I'll send them something back like, hey thank you man.
We appreciate you and stuff like that.
But if not, we just put out a blanket thank you to you guys because we have jobs and we
have other lives.
Today the grandchildren came over and we went out to eat and stuff.
We all have lives besides the show.
Oh that's right.
You are on vacation again aren't you?
Yeah, yeah.
That's why I called you last night to do those bits and the promos.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So everybody you see in there, you see how many times he goes on vacation compared to
me?
Well, I'm not going anywhere this time.
No, I just gave you our time.
No, I know you are.
I'm doing a staycation and I rarely do that because usually whenever I get days off we
go somewhere.
Yeah, you guys go to Eureka, you go everywhere.
Yeah, so this is just one where we are staying around here.
I got a lot of work to do.
Which I'm going to go into the next segment after the emails about, I love Harbor Freight.
Harbor Freight is a fantastic store, isn't it Rob?
Yes, yes.
Okay, well they got a new program there.
Actually we just got a new one down there.
I love that store.
They don't sell junk anymore.
They do have junk there that you can buy for a buck or two, but they sell good quality
tools and equipment for a great price.
I love that store, but they got a new program that I want to talk about and we'll go into
that next segment, okay?
Yeah, that's good.
If I forget, remind me Rob because I really want to talk about this because I find it
really cool.
So, okay, so we're going to go into emails.
Rob, could you find out how your brother became a Duke of Sealand?
I think I would like to do the same.
Thanks in advance, Chris in Des Moines.
Rob?
It's online.
What do you do?
You just Google how to become a Sealand Duke?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, Chris.
He just Googled it.
We just mentioned it and I didn't even know he was doing it and they said I know he was
a lord.
Oh, a lord.
I said a Duke.
Well, no, no, no, no.
He was a lord.
Well, he's barren now, isn't he?
Barren, that's right.
No, no, he's Duke.
He's a Duke and he wants to be a barren, I think.
Yeah, he clarified that on the last one.
Okay.
Sorry, Tom.
Well, in that same conversation he mentioned something about barren and yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, he's got big plans.
He doesn't want to just be a Duke.
He wants to go for barren.
You know, you never know.
He could be like prime minister or president.
He could do it.
I mean, man, he's going in that direction.
Look how fast he's gained steam and made it to the ladder so far.
So at the beginning of the year, Chris in Des Moines, if you just wait like, if you
wait like a half year, you're probably just going to have to get ahold of Tom and ask
him if you could be a Duke or something.
By the way, it sounds.
He may be able to touch it with a sword and swear you in.
You never know.
That's the way he's going.
I'll bet you anything.
If you just wait, Chris, he'll be able to anoint you on this program, right?
And instead of going all the way to sea land, all you have to do is go to Ashland.
There you go.
See?
Missouri.
Yeah, they could think North Carolina.
You're right.
Well, there you go, Chris.
You want answers, we give them to you.
That's what I could do.
He could tell you more about it.
Well, maybe he'll write in, maybe he'll email and give us a little rundown or something.
If he feels like it, if he doesn't, then it's all online.
All you got to do is do a Google it.
Either way is fine.
He listens.
Oh yeah, he does.
He's a great listener.
I hear about it all the time.
We are going to get him on the show one of these days here and it's going to be awesome.
Next one.
Mark, you're pretty much the promo guy?
Question mark.
Yeah, yeah, for now.
I mean, Rob's eventually going to take some of the duties too, but right now, yeah, I'm
the promo guy.
I got all the equipment and the recording stuff here at the Talk is Cheap Studio.
Yes, yeah.
So okay, for now, that's what I am.
Well, you mentioned often that Des Moines is your number one market.
I understand that you originate from KC, but how about a Des Moines specific idea or promo?
Would be really cool.
Thanks.
Chet in Iowa.
I've, okay, after I read this.
Let's do it.
Let's do something for them.
I don't want to give it away.
They deserve it.
Yes, they do.
I don't want to give it away, but I got an idea for a lot of our top markets.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah.
I will discuss it with you because I'm going to need your help with this too.
Yeah.
I'm going to discuss it with you.
We are going to come up with something really interesting, and I think most people are going
to really enjoy it.
I think it's a really neat concept, what I'm thinking about doing, and I'm going to run
it by Rob, of course, because he's half of this show.
So okay.
And I'm trying to figure out how we're going to add in Brussels, Belgium.
How do you get?
I know.
That's a great market.
I can't wait.
We're going to be on top markets, believe it or not.
I know.
How does that happen?
We don't advertise or nothing.
It's got to be the name.
Someone in Brussels is like two douchebags and microphone, and then they tell their friend,
and then they tell their friend.
Then pretty soon we've got a little pod of people over there listening.
I guess they speak English over there.
It's pretty cool.
Yeah.
I thought they spoke good.
They're like our top 10.
Yeah.
Top 10 or 12.
Yeah.
In the top 10 definitely.
I thought they spoke Belgianese.
I guess they don't speak Belgianese.
No?
I guess not.
All right.
Well, I guess I was wrong on that.
I guess there is no Belgianese.
So okay.
All right.
Next one.
Mark, are you guys done with the filthy bean?
Absolutely not.
We got some plans with him.
Never.
I was in a Kroger store in Nashville last week and noticed that the filthy bean has a
new stone ground Peruvian blend, coffee for sale.
I bought one and it's the best coffee ever.
Thank you, Jim and Tulsa.
Nope.
I had a long talk with Rick.
Did he call you, Rob?
No.
Well, when I'm at work I can't answer my phone.
It's a Nashville number, the prefix.
Will your phone say what's wrong?
I don't think he tried calling me.
I have it.
He may have just not gotten around.
He called me two days ago.
He may just not have got around to it yet.
So he's got a really interesting idea for us to partake in.
And I plan on doing it with you, but we have to go there.
So and also when we go there, we cannot take the chocolates from the Omni off of the pillows.
Those are to be put in a bag and gave to him.
We already know this.
And actually it's been thrown on me to keep you under control.
I know.
He knows that I love those chocolates.
And he hasn't even met me yet.
So he's expecting a lot from me, man.
Well you know last time he made me go down to the front desk and tell them they missed
our chocolates three days in a row because me and Topher ate them all.
And he was pissed.
And I had to go down to the front desk and ask for the last three days' chocolates saying
they missed us.
And they gave us to it and I gave him the bag.
Well they're going to be watching for us this time.
Oh no, no, no.
It's not going to happen again.
Rick made sure that I know.
I'm going to make sure it don't happen.
I'm going to get him bagged to take with us.
Okay.
I need someone to discipline me, Rob.
Thank you.
I cannot have those chocolates.
I got you.
What Rick don't know is you can have all the chocolates you want because I'm going to have
a bag in my suitcase.
Oh no, no, no.
You know what I did?
Actually I'm going to throw in some extra.
You know what you could do?
This is what I did not the last time we were there, it was the time before.
The waitress station, or not the waitress station, but the cleaning lady station, that
little buggy cart.
She has a box of those chocolates underneath.
When I saw it, the box is open and I could see a bunch of those chocolates.
I went over there and grabbed a handful.
This is awesome.
It's over eatable.
Hey, I got a better idea.
I'm single.
I could flirt with that maid.
There you go.
And you could grab the chocolates.
You got yourself a deal.
Spit shake.
All right, there we go.
Okay.
Hey guys, since Rob's meltdown on the show, it has been on fire.
Your show has been just terrific.
Keep it up guys.
Love the plugs and the skits.
Johnny and OP.
Okay, that's Johnny.
Johnny always emails us.
Okay, yeah.
You know what?
I don't think it's any big secret.
Rob had some problems one episode.
And Rob is on it.
Johnny's right.
Very much so.
Johnny's one of our biggest fans.
Johnny and OP emails us all the times.
He listens to every show.
He gets his friends to listen to him.
I've spoke with him quite a bit.
And anyhow, Johnny's right.
He knows his show very well.
He knows that you've been on fire and the show has been on key ever since then.
It's kind of like what we needed, I guess, right?
Kind of moment of clarity.
We needed to change some things and we did.
Well, let me say this.
Okay.
It brought it to my attention that I needed help.
And since I got my help.
He's been on fire.
You're right.
You're right, Johnny.
Hey, Johnny, thanks for listening.
And I do want to meet up one of these days.
You know what?
I presume you live in OP because you always sign at Johnny and OP.
So you live at Overland Park.
So I mean, I would go to Overland Park to a coffeehouse there to meet up with you.
But I prefer the city market.
If you can make it up there, that would be the best.
But if you can't, I will come to OP somewhere near where you're at.
And there's plenty of coffee houses there and we can get a cup of coffee.
So Johnny, thank you for listening.
You're an awesome, really awesome.
Oh, and speaking of listeners.
Thank you, Johnny.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy.
You guys dodged all the Nader's the other night and you dodged all the big hail.
I'm proud of you guys.
So awesome.
Did you get an email proving it?
No, no, I just looked on.
I looked on the hail reports and the big.
Okay.
Yeah, they were good.
So there's a there's a severe weather tracker that I have on my phone and on my computer.
And anyhow, all the big storms just went right to the north of Dodge City.
They missed them all.
So good.
Yeah.
So it is good.
So they're fine.
They haven't emailed me, but if they want to and say, hey, we're cool.
Everything's all right or whatever, please do.
Come on, Jimmy.
You're out of line of communication here.
Yep.
That's right, Jimmy.
Break us off an email.
Tell us what Opal's saying.
We love Opal.
She's the best ever.
If not, I'm going to have to make a trip to Dodge City to teach grandma how to email.
OK, we need to talk to her herself.
We're going to take my laptop that has that has the audacity and the audio tonic loaded
on it.
And we're going to go to Dodge City and do a and do a program, do a whole show with Opal
and Jimmy.
That's what I'd like to do.
I think that'd be great.
Jimmy, Jimmy better have the barbecue ready.
Oh, of course he will.
Jimmy knows how it works.
Yeah, at Dodge City, Kansas, they know how to barbecue.
Yes, they do.
All right.
And finally, hey, fellas, we are anxiously awaiting the douchebags appearance here in
Montrose.
We need your sizes.
The Civil War reenactment is coming up soon.
We put out an extension cord out for you to from Chet's trailer for your convenience at
the douchebag spot at the campgrounds.
Hey, we're going to have electricity.
Hey, we got there.
So the five.
Oh, yeah.
Number five is going to have an extension cord from Chet's trailer.
It's fucking awesome.
Chet, you're awesome.
Thank you, Chet.
Remember to bring a toaster free.
Ago's all morning.
Oh, my God.
Is this just not dude?
Chet's trailer free agos all morning.
So we got to bring a toaster.
We're going to have electricity.
Wow.
This is just this is getting thrilling, Rob.
This is just really why did we not just be in from down the highway?
I know.
How did we not discover Montrose years ago?
Montrose, the Ruby of Henry County.
You have a junkyard.
You have a campground and you have a power plant, lake and toe, everything there that
a guy needs.
I'm starting to get weepy thinking about it.
That is the hub of America right there.
That is a hub.
Come on, think about it.
If you and I would have discovered Montrose years ago, man, think of what we would be
part of that population.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Montrose is.
They know it.
They know.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, but there's a PS on here, Rob.
Someone someone someone wants something else from you now.
So I mean, I don't know how you got to be the handyman of Montrose or the guy that gets
the auto parts or whatever.
But yeah, I get the job.
Yeah.
PS Rob, I need a pond dug.
Anyway, you could find me an earth mover.
Thank you.
Jeffy and Montrose.
Rob, can you get a?
He just wants a pond dug.
He wants a pond dug.
Does he want.
I read you the whole email.
The machinery?
Or does he just want somebody to do it for him?
OK, Jeffy.
It would be cheaper to ask somebody to do it for you, dude.
Jeffy and Montrose, send me an email and clarify.
And I know plenty of people with machinery.
OK, maybe he meant that.
Well, you know what?
It would be cheaper.
Yeah.
OK.
OK, well, then that clarify what you want.
Get back with me on that one.
Yeah.
Yeah, I need to sit.
It's you want to do it yourself.
You want the machinery to do it or do you want somebody to come do it for you?
Just be honest, it'd be cheaper if somebody come do it for you.
Well, you got some you got some good information there from Rob, a guy that we know.
So you figure it out.
So and get my buddy right at the road as all the machinery.
See Jeffy, Rob's got you covered now, too.
Doesn't you need a quarter panel for a Chevy?
Was it a Vega or?
Vega.
Yeah, Chevy Vega.
He's got it.
Dude, that was a hard one.
All the classic car builders.
Yeah.
Or Horton and parts, you know, especially Vegas.
You could see above Vegas, believe it or not.
At least they left tight tightwad alone this time.
I mean, they were getting into a little spatting match there.
It seems like it settled down a little bit.
I'm hoping they are in negotiations.
I hope so, too, because you got to go there and get the parts and we don't want you to
run into a trap there.
You know, they they may think that you're on Montrose side and they might kick your
ass while you're there or something because they think you're from Montrose.
I mean, there's quite a few bad words going around between, you know, between the two.
So yeah, there is.
Yeah, we don't want anything like that to happen.
You know, we're you know, we're not taking any side.
We love tightwad, too.
So we hope you guys are getting your differences worked out.
So there you go.
Yeah, they're like sounds like they're like the half bills of McCoys to be honest.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah, it's not that bad.
Yeah.
We don't know what happened on down the road a long time ago that made you two enemies,
but we're going to try to burn out of our business.
We're just going to try to help you.
We're just going to try to get things smoothed out between you two because you both are awesome.
Tightwad is great because of his name and Montrose has everything a man could need.
So anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to follow up those emails with a story or something?
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.
All right.
I mentioned this one to you before the show and you kind of agreed.
Yeah.
So we might want to mention. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Millions of Americans with their internet access being disrupted if a critical government program runs out of funding next month.
The Affordable Connectivity Program has been helping low income households access the internet since the Federal Communications Commission,
hence FCC,
those guys,
lost it in 2021.
The program provides eligible households up to $30 off internet services every month and households on qualifying tribal lands receive up to $75 off every month.
OK.
OK. This is the rule one, I believe, right? The Affordable Connectivity Act is it was designed for people in the sticks that have to rely on like Hughes Net or something.
One of those ones that I mean satellite ones that costs a lot more than traditional internet in the city.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they may not have phone service out there to get it on their phone or to hotspot tether it or something to their TV or something or to their computer.
This is designed so people out there can have the same access to the internet that people in the city have.
And we have a lot of people out in the middle of nowhere that listen to us, believe it or not.
And this could affect us and other podcasts.
Yeah.
So tell me about it.
Yes. So that's the first thing I thought when I read this.
Yeah. So we're having let me dive a little deeper.
Oh, OK. I'm sorry.
If the program shuts down, it will further exacerbate the digital divide and leave many older Americans as well as those in rural areas in the South without internet access.
Among ACP subscribers, 19 percent are households with seniors, 26 percent live in rural areas, and 41 percent live in the South, according to a survey of 101 ACP participants.
The ACP has drawn strong bipartisan support with 62 percent of Republicans and 78 percent independents and 96 percent Democrats supporting the program.
Wow. That's a pretty good crossover.
Well, good, good, good. That's a relief. See, I hadn't read that far into it until then.
Well, there have been a lot of—
I was thinking we were in danger, but it—
Yeah, I mean, they got to rip a vote on this.
This, OK, this comes up because of this right here. This is why they posed the question.
Sounds like it might go through and it's going to keep going.
But we're like spending an inordinate amount of money on this war in the Ukraine and then Israel and other things going on in the world trying to protect Taiwan.
And quite frankly, they—I mean, they're bleeding us. We're spending more money than we could ever pay for daily. And they're bleeding us.
They're bleeding us with this stuff. So I get it. We've got to start watching our spending and we've got to do it now.
OK, time out. Time out. Darn assholes. We're going somewhere. We never go.
No, no, no. I didn't say any side or nothing. I was talking about the logistics.
Well, no. We don't talk about the world. There are times we have to.
Yeah. So anyhow, hopefully that will continue and let's take our second break.
And I'm going to come back with a unique Price is Right story, Rob.
This is something I never knew before and it's pretty interesting. So we'll talk to you guys here in a minute.
All right. OK.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Well, that new Hanson CD is just a lot of fun. Uh-huh.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Hmm. Is a Pop-Tart a ravioli or is it a sandwich? I may never know. Hmm.
You do bags in a microphone, raw and uncensored. See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a scorpion beast.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off today with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a bundle of hay in church? Christian Bale.
Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after every show.
Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
Singing in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
No bat light here. These idiots just show up and hope for the best.
Two tool bags and a socket wrench will be right back.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right? Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads kids.
It's the all new Amber Heard Alert system.
This fantastic early warning device helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying mattress invoices.
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Order today and get a free Cinnabon Renews It Cartridge.
Two douche bags and a microphone.
We Talk.
Jesus.
Two douche bags and microphone. I am Mark.
And I am Rob.
Evidently, Price is Right has a protocol if someone pees themselves out of excitement.
It happens so much. They have a standard operating procedure on people that piss themselves because they're so excited.
I had never thought about that until you mentioned it. Yeah, they should have.
Me neither.
You get some of them old women that cannot control their bladder. They forgot their depends.
I never thought about it. Good idea. Let's hear about this.
Yeah, being on national TV can be a lot for some people to handle, especially when serious amounts of cash are involved.
Mike Richards, a former producer of The Price is Right, shared insights into the behind the scenes protocol of the show,
including a contingency plan in case contestants get a little too excited.
When I got there, they had a system in place in case someone peed their pants.
Richards told People Magazine, I never saw it happen, but there were curtains and a blow dryer and a pair of sweats just in case,
since we'd have to get on with the show.
Richards, who also worked with Dick Clark Productions and Jeopardy,
told the publication that he worked on The Price is Right as the show saw Drew Carey succeed Bob Barker for hosting duties.
Over at Jeopardy, the former producer recalled the late Alex Trebek's natural talent for delivering impromptu speeches before each show without any assistance.
A lot of people don't know that before each show, Alex Trebek would talk out and give a little speech, or walk out, not talk out, sorry.
He would interview just a little speech, and no one helped him with that at all.
It was never on a prompter. He just went out and did it.
So anyhow, the protocol, I guess, is pretty standard.
I went into Alex Trebek's stuff there because I thought it deserved mention because I really liked and respected Alex Trebek.
He had a lot of talent.
But anyhow, I guess the lady got a Porsche and she peed herself so bad that they had to shut the show down for 10 minutes or something.
You give me a Porsche, I'm going to piss all over the place too, just saying.
So that's where this whole idea originated at.
I don't know if they really had someone pee themselves after that,
but they have a protocol that has sweats, a mop bucket, and a blow dryer.
Isn't that awesome?
Yeah.
Yeah, Sam, people on duty with a blow dryer, sweats, and a mop bucket.
So awesome. So Rob, will you look at you? You got a story?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me jump into this one. Getting to me a little earlier, I figured, but I got it.
Okay, well, I mean, there really wasn't much more to say about that.
Oh no, no. There ain't much you can say about that.
I could have talked more about Jeopardy and Dick Clark Productions, but I decided not to because I just wanted to come to Alex Trebek's stuff a little bit.
You got to love Dick Clark. You got to love Dick Clark.
And I covered Alex Trebek's story. Yeah, Dick Clark was awesome.
It's not his fault that he is passed. Chips went downhill.
No, it's never going to be the same.
Not his fault.
Yeah, and it was so, remember all the stuff that happened after that with the people wanting his money,
and it got so ugly that they couldn't even bury him?
Yeah.
That was horrible, a horrible way for the guy to go out. Embarrassing. So anyhow, Rob, go ahead there.
Okay, here we go. Yeah, this one is all over the place.
This one's actually about three different subjects we talk about all in one.
Okay.
On Tuesday, Missouri lawmakers discussed how to protect people against potential threats from technology.
The Special Committee of Innovation and Technology will vote on the Taylor Swift Act.
It criminalizes the publishing or the threat of publishing an AI-generated special image of someone.
Excellent. This needs to happen.
In three, I got the T-Stars, I got the AI. Yeah. Bill's nickname stems from an incident involving the pop star
where fake intimate images of her were widely circulated online.
The bill sponsors St. Charles area Republican State Representative Adam Schwabrin. I hope I get that correct.
If not, look it up.
That's the W-A-D-R-O-N. Good enough. And he wants to preemptively protect the average citizen who doesn't have Swift's wealth of legal references.
They were able to take it down for her, however common Missourians would not have the same protections afforded to her, said State Representative.
That's a good point. We don't have deep pockets for lawyers like she does.
So if something comes out that isn't you, you don't really have that many recourses.
I'm glad credit to Taylor Swift for going after these people and bringing in awareness.
Well, it goes on. And this is still as quote.
And not everyone is Taylor Swift. And by calling it that, it is, I think, using her name to highlight the problem that exists with AI generated sexual images.
Notably, the proposal empowers the victim of a fake image attack to sue the creator in civil court and collective damages.
Cool. Good.
Actually, we've been talking about that, you know.
Well, I mean, it's.
Somebody creates AI of you. And what do you do? How do you fight it?
Yeah.
Unless you have proof.
Another thing is, it's like we're saying, I'm really concerned about the idea that, okay, you have a jury of your peers.
And.
Yeah.
You have a guy on tape killing another guy.
And then that guy comes back and he goes, that was not me. Whoever did that came up with this AI generated fake.
And that's a deep fake. That's not me.
Then that might put a reasonable doubt in the jury and they may let a guilty person go because of that.
This is what we've been saying all along.
And this Taylor Swift Act deal is going to help a lot in that when you aggressively go after the people that do this.
That's going to make people that do that a lot less likely to just do it.
Right. Because they're afraid of.
Honestly, to be honest, I'm starting to get a love hate relationship with Taylor Swift.
She is. Look, she's a good person. I mean, I.
I'm starting to see that.
I don't necessarily agree with a lot of her political stuff, but.
Now, that's where we totally disagree.
Yeah. But as far as a person goes, she's pretty solid, man.
I mean, I mean, she doesn't do a bunch of stupid shit.
She's not like fucking licking a cannonball or something and grabbing her crotch and being Madonna or Miley Cyrus or something.
I mean, she's you know, she's got a good clean image.
She she seems to care about people.
I mean, you know, yeah, yeah.
And she's been under control for us right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
Except for that one little part at the Super Bowl where he was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
His face. Other than that, he's been under control.
Yeah. No, Andy Reid said no problem.
He said he's a passionate guy.
So you know what? OK.
And if he handled it behind closed doors, then that's the way it needed to happen.
That's why I look at it. So like maybe he did.
Honestly, I could see that because, you know, I'm passionate about my job.
We have guys who work that are passionate about your job.
And you know, you're going to blow up at people.
Oh, yeah, I get very passionate about you.
You know, you try not to, but it happens.
Well, someone at the top of their game like that obviously has a passion for it.
And also we just went into Travis Kelsey.
But anyhow, he has a passion for the game, right?
Which means that he is going to have.
Yeah, because I let us off with Taylor Swift.
You know what? There's not really that much more to say.
You know, we spoke what we did about her. OK, we can move on.
But Travis, Travis Kelsey is a very passionate person, obviously,
by the way that he is passionate about football and what he's done to make himself the best tight end ever, in my opinion.
So why wouldn't we expect passion to come out on the field in the biggest game, the biggest game of the year?
And you feel like you could have been in that play making a difference and the coach held you out.
Yeah, of course he's going to get pissed.
Maybe he didn't handle it quite right.
But yeah, he got pissed.
But why did he get pissed? Because he wants to win that damn game.
That's why he got pissed.
If he didn't carry, he'd be like, you know what?
I'm going back to my mansion with Taylor Swift after the game. Who gives a fuck? Right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So, you know, I think you take the good with the bad, don't you?
So that is that good. I guess you're going to get passion.
I mean, I guess Patrick Mahomes can be a bastard, too.
I mean, you know, but it's all in the game. OK, afterwards, he's a cool guy and everything.
But I was reading this article when Mahomes is telling Hill, yeah, you can run fast,
but you can't catch the damn football.
Why don't you try fucking learning how to catch, like getting after him really good at first?
Because he was dropping a lot of passes.
And so, I mean, I don't know if that's quite considered a bastard or not.
But you see what I mean? He's passionate about the game.
You know, he could have taken Tyreek aside and been like, hey, man, is there something going on?
How come you're not catching the ball? Is there something in your personal life or something?
Is there something I can do to help you?
But he chose to like go off on him there in front of people.
So good or bad, that's a passionate person. I think it's good myself.
It's a passionate person that that's how they react.
You know, this passion comes out in their game.
So anyhow, I want the passionate person like Mahomes, like a Kelsey.
That's who I want on my team.
I want the guy going back to his mansion later, not really giving a shit.
Those guys are a dozen, and those guys never make it to the big game generally.
So and if they do, they don't do anything.
So I got another story. And Travis has been there how many times?
Four times, one, three. Yeah.
And let's not forget the time he went against Tom Brady, our offensive line, they had a great they had one of the best defenses ever assembled.
And we have one offensive lineman starter.
Everybody else was out injured. Yeah. And Tyree couldn't catch a cold that day.
I'm sorry, but he is a big reason we lost that game. He could not catch a fucking thing.
And that might be another reason he was traded.
So anyhow, I got a little thing here I want to get to here real quick.
In the new interview with Brazilian music journalist Igor Miranda,
legendary vocalist bassist Glenn Hughes was asked about his plans to write and record the long awaited follow up to his 2016 solo album, Resonate, which is a fantastic album.
Have you ever heard that? Oh, damn. Resonate. Yeah.
Resonate just smokes. It's blistering.
He said, as transcribed by blabbermouth.net, I am preparing to go in the studio next year sometime in the summer.
I'm preparing the songs in the next couple of months.
I have a few ideas and when I go in the studio, I'll be ready to go.
Asked how Resonate has aged for a music release since its release seven years ago.
Glenn said, I love the album. It's one of my favorite albums.
I think a lot of people across the world, the rock fans, love that album.
I was at home writing that album and I went to Copenhagen and I had a really great time making that album.
And the next one hopefully will be a strong. I hope so.
If it's anything in the league of Resonate, that's going to be a fantastic album.
But Resonate was heavy, soulful, melodic, catchy, and just really good, really good hard rock, really quality hard rock.
I really enjoyed that album. If it's anything like Resonate, I'm in.
So, yeah, so anyhow, I'm good with that one.
Anyhow, we could not get to the Invisible Ass Paddling this one.
We're going on an hour, but the one we do tomorrow night will have the Invisible Ass Paddling.
There's so many of them we had to add an extra couple.
A lot of people needed their asses. Oh my God. Yeah.
We let it go way too long. Yeah, I have like 14 or something.
I have way too many ass paddling.
We got to get them out of here so we can work on the next batch of people fucking up.
So anyhow, you got anything you want to add to this bitch or we?
Yeah, I have one quick little one.
It doesn't have to be quick. Whatever you want, Rob. Go ahead.
No, it's about Ozarks Amphitheater, but it's a quick one.
Okay, good. No, no, this is not the lineup. I'm still working on that one.
Okay. This one is a story I ran across a couple days ago.
Okay.
Officials in Campton give the go ahead for city water and sewer services to be extended to the Ozarks Amphitheater.
Cool.
The Board of Aldermen this past week approved a bid just under $930,000 submitted by the Stockman Construction Company for the work to be done.
The agreement for the water and sewer extension also includes MoDOT, which is responsible for about $910,000 of the contract amount and the amphitheater itself responsible for the remaining $20,000.
The city, on the other hand, has paid out for engineering and other services necessary for the agreement.
Dude.
That's cool.
You do not know what that's going to mean.
I think I do. I know quite a bit about Camdenton and the facilities there are going to just really enhance itself. That's going to be good. I mean, that's becoming a...
Oh, no. What that means?
No more Johnny on the spots.
Oh, okay. I thought it meant like they're going to redo everything. Okay. Cool.
No, they're...what they're doing...okay. Up to where I'm at, we have city water and sewer.
Okay.
But you get up the road just a little bit and it stops.
And they're going to extend the city water and sewer out that far.
Okay. Then that's a real game changer.
Yeah, because I'll tell you what, dude. I explained to you what it was like at that 38th Special Concert.
Yeah.
How cold? 20, 30 degrees. It was freezing, dude. And we had to...I had to take a leak in a Johnny.
Oh, man. Oh, those...okay. Okay.
They're actually...actually, they're doing a lot of construction around there.
Good.
So I can see them adding actual bathrooms.
Good. Well, it sounds like they're going to...
Yeah. I mean, they got the room. Dude, that place is booming.
Good. All right. That's awesome.
And yes, I still have this year's schedule coming.
Sounds good. I can't wait to hear it.
Plus, I'm going to be working on Shawnee Ben Vineyard schedule, which is a vineyard on the other side of the lake.
Then I know my buddy Michael, which by the way, Michael, thank you for liking the Facebook page.
Yay, Michael. Thank you.
Me and Michael went to school together, man.
Oh, okay. Cool.
Yeah. And actually, I told you about the guy I went to school with that lives down here now.
Mm-hmm.
It's him.
Oh, okay. I didn't know. Now I do.
Even though we still have not met up face to face yet.
Oh, cool. All right, Bob. Thank you for that.
He just retired. I can't blame him. He's busy.
All right. Okay. All right. Thank you, Rob. That was a great report.
Okay. We're well over the hour mark, so I think we're going to say goodbye.
Thank you all for listening. Good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes.
Hey, where'd everybody go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God. Someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
THE END