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Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
We Talk, Jesus.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and a Microphone, I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Okay, so we got some different stories tonight, this one here.
Very interesting. You know coral reefs are like dying off, right?
It's really a sad situation.
You know, we're losing these coral reefs and it's very concerning because this is a huge eco-cycle of the ocean.
And the ocean pretty much controls everything on Earth.
I mean, whether you want it, believe it or not, I mean everything is connected so much in the water and everything.
That, you know, if the ocean is too disturbed, it can do a lot of different things.
And I think we're starting to see it in some areas.
You know, like last year the ocean was not circulating correctly or like it normally does.
And the waters were so hot, it was like a hot tub and people couldn't really get in it.
There's other things going on like the crabs disappearing, lending diseases to different species of animals.
We have invasive species like the lion's fish there.
But this is actually a good story of something that sounds pretty up and coming.
Like this might be something that they're going to do to help maybe save the ocean or at least prolong it longer.
Well, I hope so. I hope so. We need it. We need it.
I mean, look, I don't care if you're conservative or a liberal.
I think it's pretty easy to see that something is going on with the ocean and it's us probably doing it.
I mean, safe to say.
Well, that and if it's, you know, if we're having problems with the ocean, we're having problems elsewhere too.
And they're looking into those things.
Yeah, yeah. And the thing is, is this right here.
Okay, we need to try to save the ocean as much as possible.
And they're actually coming up with some solutions it sounds like.
So underwater speakers that broadcast the hustle and bustle of thriving coral could bring life back to more damaged and degraded reefs that are in danger of becoming ocean graveyards, researchers say.
Scientists working off the US Virgin Islands in the Caribbean found that coral larvae were up to seven times more likely to settle at a struggling reef where they played recordings of the snaps, groans, grunts and scratches that form of symphony of a healthy ecosystem.
So in other words, what this is saying, I think most people got it though. I know you did, Rob. What they're doing is they're making sounds of healthy reefs.
What they sound like. Yeah. And it seems to be like really helping the coral.
And what they're talking about the larvae is, is this is coral that this is larvae that plants itself into the coral and brings the coral back to life.
They're also doing some other stuff too where they're taking, the best way to describe it is like this and you can look it up.
They're taking, you know how they do sod plugs, grass plugs like zoysia? Yeah. Yeah. They'll take plugs. I've done that before. Okay. I've done a little bit of that work.
They'll take plugs of that coral and plant it in coral that's dying and the plugs of coral that they're putting in there is reviving the coral reef underneath there and bringing it back to life in certain areas.
So it's kind of like the sod plugs, you know, they'll put like a plug here, a plug there and it brings the whole lawn back to life eventually. That's kind of what they're doing there.
That's another thing that they're doing to help the coral reefs.
So anyhow, the world has lost half its coral reefs since the 1950s through the devastating impact of global heating.
And I'm not saying I'm, I'm reading the article. So if you don't believe in global heating, that's fine. That's not my argument. I'm just reading this article here.
Overfishing, I think we can't argue that. Pollution, I don't think we can argue that. Habitat loss and outbreaks of disease.
The hefty declines of fueled efforts to protect remaining reefs through approaches that range from replanting with nursery raised corals to develop in resilient strains that can withstand warming waters.
Akoya and her colleagues took another tack building on previous research which showed that the coral larvae swim towards reef sounds.
They set up underwater speakers at three reefs off of St. John, which is one of my favorite islands in the whole world. It's beautiful. I've been there.
The smallest of the U.S. Virgin Islands and measured how many coral larvae held in sealed containers of filtered seawater.
It settled onto the pieces of rock-like ceramic in the containers up to 30 meters from the speakers.
While the researchers installed speakers at all three sites, they only played sounds from a thriving reef at one.
The degraded salt pond reef, which was bathed in the marine soundscape for three nights.
The other two sites, the degraded Colocobra and the healthier Tektite reefs, were included in for comparison.
When the coral larvae were released into the water column, they were all carried on currents.
What they found is that the reefs that they played the striving coral sounds, the larvae was gravitating to and rebuilding those reefs as opposed to the other reefs that did not have the sound.
So without getting any more technical or any more into it, basically what they're doing is they're playing sounds to reefs.
The larvae that helped repair the reefs were not going into the ones without sound.
They're going to the ones with the sounds of the healthy coral reef system.
That's encouraging, I think, right Rob?
Yeah, it is.
It's a good start and we'll see what else they come up with too.
Like I said, they have the plugs that they put in there.
There's some other stuff that they're doing too.
There's some fish life that they're taking downstream a little bit and the fish life has certain things that it takes out of the water and puts in the water and there's other things that they're doing.
So anyhow, I thought that was a pretty good lead off story and a pretty encouraging one.
And I've got another story here that's interesting too along the same lines.
Now Rob, you've seen pythons, right?
Big snake, right?
Yeah, I don't like snakes.
I'm not a really big fan of snakes.
Anything that does not have legs and that can move faster than me, I'm scared I do.
I never thought of it like that.
Yeah, that's why I've always been. I never liked snakes.
I am fascinated with them but I'm not fascinated enough with them to go look at them.
Like someone told me, oh man, there's a rattlesnake out there. You ought to go see it.
I'm like, fuck no. I'm not going to go look at that. What if it bites me?
Oh, if you're careful it won't. And what if it knows I'm coming?
Oh yeah, it's big.
Yeah, what if it knows I'm coming and it hears me and it's like, okay, that other guy got away with it but that guy right there, I'm going to get him because I know he's coming to look at me because that other idiot told him to look at me.
You know, they're not dumb. You know, and they hear vibrations and they know we're coming.
As a matter of fact, most snakes try to get out of your way and they only strike when you don't see them and you're about to step on them or you get too close to their habitat where they're living.
Right, right.
So anyhow, you know, pythons could become a sustainable source of meat amid rising food insecurity worldwide, exacerbated by climate change, whether you believe it or not, according to some researchers.
A study published in the Scientific Reports Journal found the snakes' meat to be a highly efficient environmentally friendly source of nutrition that can be raised on waste proteins.
And waste proteins are just the crap ones, you know, just like scraps and whatever.
Dr. Daniel Natush, a co-author of the study, explained that python farming looks promising because the snakes appear to be better suited for food production in the short term.
In terms of food and protein conversion ratios, pythons outperform all mainstream agriculture species studied to date.
Natush said in a statement, we found pythons grew rapidly to reach slaughter weight within their first year of hatching.
So instead of waiting on a cow, a couple of years on a cow, within a year they have a full huge python that people like to meet.
It's an easy meat harvest is what they're saying and it's a really quick one too.
Researchers study two large python species over 12 months on farms in Thailand and Vietnam.
In those countries, snake farming operations are currently in place and snake meat is considered a delicacy, as it is more efficient to raise than other livestock, of course.
Researchers who studied more than 4,600 pythons found that the Burmese and their recudulated pythons, whatever kind that is, I don't know what kind it is, pythons grew rapidly in their first year.
Additionally, they found that pythons required less food in comparison to feed conversion than chicken, beef, pork, salmon, and even crickets, Rob.
Even crickets, yeah. According to this study, snakes were fed a mix of locally sourced food including wild cock, rodents, pork byproducts, and fish pellets.
Gaining up to 1.6 ounces a day, females grew faster than male counterparts.
Researchers report that snakes fasted for long periods without losing much body mass, meaning they required less labor for feeding than traditionally farmed animals.
Snakes require minimal water and can even live off the dew that settles on the scales in the morning.
They need very little food and will eat rodents and other pests attacking food crops.
So they get rid of pests that eat our food and they don't eat our food.
And they were a delicacy historically in many places, Natusha said.
Natusha ate snake barbecued, sauteed on skewers, in curries, and as jerky per report by the Washington Post.
Me? I don't know. I might rather starve than eat a steak. I don't know.
You, Rob, what's your opinion?
Honestly, I think if you watch westerns and if you know anything about the Cajun life, snake is a major meat to them.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, especially Cajun life. Come on, you've watched Waterboy.
Oh yeah, you're right.
What did APZ coach a big fight on?
That's true. That's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Okay, you know what? I might try it one day just to try it. I didn't think I'd like an alligator.
And in the westerns, they'd eat rattlesnake.
Oh yeah, rattlesnake is supposed to be one of the best meats. They love rattlesnake.
Yeah, well, I mean, snakes are snakes.
Yeah, and also snakes are really good for the environment if you don't step on one that's poisonous, of course, or get too close.
My dad told me a story. If anyone knows Missouri, they know where Plattsburgh is, right? It's north of Kansas City, about an hour.
Well, my in-laws come from Plattsburgh, so, ex-in-laws. Ex-in-laws.
Well, you know exactly where it's at. Well, my dad's dad, my grandpa and his mom had a farm there, a huge farm, and when they moved into it at first, there were timber ravelers all over the property.
So bad that you couldn't go out there because, I mean, there's too many of them. You would like run into one and get bit. There are no hospitals around, I mean, except in Kansas City, and that was well over an hour away at that time.
Probably two hours away because, I mean, the cars went probably 45 miles an hour.
So, needless to say, you would probably die before they could get you to a hospital in Kansas City.
There wasn't life flight, there wasn't ambulances that would go out there. There was some in the city.
Right. Yeah, it was a half hour back to 435.
Oh, yeah. God, yeah.
Trust me, I know. I lived in Gower.
Okay, then, yeah, you know. Okay.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, it was a half hour just to get back to 435 to the main highway.
Actually, your best bet would be Smithville.
Yeah, and then come down, yeah, down 69 to-
Which is still 20 minutes, yeah.
It's quite a ways out there, especially for the times.
So, my dad was scared to death. He's like, oh man, I can't go out there. I'm going to get struck by a rattlesnake, and that's it, man.
So, his father, my grandpa, took and got ten hogs.
He took these hogs and placed them on the land, and within three days, the hogs had eaten all the rattlesnakes and their eggs, and the rattlesnakes never came back.
The hogs would root them out of their holes, and the rattlesnakes would strike them, but they could not penetrate their husk.
So, while they're there trying to bite them, the hog would just reach down and crunch and eat them, and I thought that was pretty interesting.
You talk about old remedies, right? That's an old remedy.
It's like, oh, don't worry about those snakes. I'm going to put ten hogs out there. They'll be gone in three days, and there was not a timber rattler around or any other snake.
So, there you go.
There you go. Alright, Rob, I guess we're done with snake talk for this one. Rob, we're looking at you. Do you have something for us?
Alright. I have a true douchebag story.
Alright, well, we're douchebags, so there we go.
It's an older story. It was like from September of last year.
Okay. This is not, just so you know, this is not my fake story for the week.
Oh, it's that good, huh? Okay.
Oh, God, it's right up our alley, buddy.
Sounds good to me.
Like I said, this is September of last year.
Okay.
If your Starbucks frappuccino tasted like ass recently, we may know why.
Oh, boy.
A Starbucks barista in Baldwin, Baldwin, Missouri, by the way.
I know where that's at.
With a purpladed diaper fetish was put on blast today for allegedly stuffing whipped cream down their diaper from behind a Starbucks counter.
Oh, boy.
And it shows a picture of somebody spraying their wearing diaper in their work shirt and they're spraying whipped cream down it, down the back of their diaper.
Social media trolls will, like TikTok, post a video of the action on Twitter on Friday.
In the video, the barista is seen stuffing whipped cream down their diaper, the only thing they were wearing besides a colored blouse,
for a solid 48 seconds before dumping a grande cup of ice down their crotch to join the cream.
Oh, was this at a Starbucks?
Yes, it was at a Starbucks in Baldwin, Missouri.
Normally we take anything the lids of TikTok say with the utmost skepticism,
but in a post on our website, the lids include a screenshot of an email with the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services asking them to investigate.
They include the department's reply, which noted that the barista's actions did not demonstrate compliance
with either the state health code or the one in St. Louis County and said the state would forward the complaint to the St. Louis County Department of Health for an investigation.
Wow.
In an email to the RFP, Lisa Cox, spokeswoman for the State Department of Health, confirmed the communication and that the department is indeed notified the St. Louis County Department of Health.
The county agency has yet to respond to our request for confirmation.
Is there any, oh go ahead, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, I was going to read, it's an old story so I have to read that.
Well that's why I was asking this. Is there any updates? Did you check for any updates at all on that? Because it's been a year.
No, no, I just found this like two, three hours ago.
I'm going to keep tracking that story because that interests me. I would like to know what happens with those people.
It shows a person, no pants, nothing but a diaper and a shirt, spraying whipped cream down the crack of their ass.
Behind the counter at Starbucks.
You imagine the people that went there that don't know if they got assed up whipped cream?
Oh my God.
That is, I'll tell you what, I'm for a lot of jokes, right? But not that. That is abuse.
Okay, here's something, okay here is an update.
I just read further into the story, very last paragraph of the story.
The behavior in this video taken three years ago. This is three years ago.
Okay, alright so.
But still man, come on.
Yeah, yeah, I mean still it happened and you know what I mean? It happened so yeah.
Okay, it's relevant to me.
This is a douche bag story here.
This is a real douche bag, yeah.
Those are people that just like need to be like hit in the face with a frying pan until there's no life left in them. In my opinion.
Yep.
Anyone that would do that, you can't trust. I mean, I'm sorry.
So anyhow, wow what a story.
Alright, I got a unique perspective on something.
When we come back from our break, I'm going to pose this question and you guys can, well you can tell me Rob what you think.
And you can email me and tell me what you think of the situation.
Topher and I talked about it today and we think there's something to it.
Okay.
Alright sounds good.
So is this straight from Topher's desk?
Um, no because I came up with it but Topher did have an influence on this.
Okay.
Anyhow, we'll be back here in a couple minutes.
Sounds good.
Alright, thank you.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
Damn it, I should have never taught that dog how to read.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Hmm, how do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Huh, I may never know.
Hmm, why is it your brain can remember that you forgot something but can't remember what it is you forgot?
Hmm.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Sheep sorrel and wood sorrel are salad variety greens, reminiscent of romaine types of lettuce.
They are both healthy and delicious.
Vinegar and oil can be stored for a long period of time so post-apocalypse salad is possible.
It can also be ground for a tasty spice as well.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor, preferably whiskey so the two developed their own now known as Mountain Dew.
Break shit house energy drink.
That's right.
Break shit house energy drink.
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You want to fuck shit up?
Shit house is for you.
Please enjoy break shit house energy drink responsibly.
It's not readily available anywhere because of liability issues.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Great news, William Homes world tour has been extended.
As much fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum, two deuce lives and a microphone.
Once again it's time for ramblings of a mad man.
I believe Congress needs to synchronize cat dance for 20 minutes before each session.
That needs to happen.
Two deuce bags and a microphone.
I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Okay.
Topher and I were conferring today.
We went and had our coffee like we do.
Had a good time.
Went down to City Market.
It's an old place that we used to have our, because they took the tables out.
So we took a folding table and folding chairs.
And the place that used to be there that Hope Dillon owned the fresh kitchen.
Close to it.
She retired.
So they took our tables and chairs out where we used to podcast from.
So we're bummed out.
We had to go actually go inside the, in the coffee shop.
Which is a great coffee shop.
It's a fun place and everything.
But it's not the same as being out there watching people walk by.
So kind of bummed us out.
So we decided to bring a small table and small chairs with us.
And makeshift our own place.
So today that's what we did.
And the owner of the coffee house, she's like, well, she goes, you know, you can store that stuff in here if you want.
And we ended up not because we couldn't find her afterwards.
But it was really cool for her to offer, you know, you can just leave it in here.
And then when you're here, these are your chairs and tables.
But she's taking over the part where Hope Dillon used to own the fresh kitchen.
So the coffee house is going to be twice as big.
And she's going to put tables and chairs out there.
So that's going to be cool.
But anyhow, until then, Topher and I, you know, are doing this makeshift little area.
And this is where a lot of these inventions in our mind came from.
Some of the stuff that we came, came up with.
Invisible ass paddlings, you know, deuce flavored.
All this stuff originated there in that corner.
It's for some reason, there's some sort of weird energy there that we both pick up on and get very creative.
Maybe it's the different people walking by.
Maybe it's all the history in the building.
I don't know. But something there gives us extra added energy.
So this is something, and I read this the other day, actually yesterday.
And it prompted me to come up with this because this is something that I've been thinking about for a long time.
And this is brain cancer in drummers.
Okay?
And I'm going to prove to you there's an inordinate amount of drummers that had brain cancer and have passed away.
I've noticed over the years, myself being an avid music fan, that a seemingly inordinate amount of drummers have passed away from brain cancer.
I will attempt to prove this point with some names.
Okay?
Rick Turner, a couple days ago, of Blackberry Smoke, died from brain cancer.
Right. Right.
Neil Peart, or Pert, of Rush, a couple years ago.
Eric Carr, of Kiss, quite a few years ago, I think it was 2000.
Devo Drummer, Alan Meyers.
Jeremiah Green, of Modest Mouse.
Peter Jones, of Crowded House.
John Brooks, of the Charlton's, or the Charles, I think it's called, pronounced as Charlton's.
Randy Castillo, of Ozzy Osbourne Band and other bands, Leda Ford and a couple other ones.
The list is much longer, but I think I proved my point.
I'm just wondering, is there some form of electronics used with a percussion?
Or could it just be pure coincidence?
Rob, I ask you, I want to get your input on this.
Topher has an idea, and I'm going to present that, but I want to hear your idea, Rob.
What do you think is something to it?
Well, just from you bringing up on what you just read.
There's much more, I could have went on.
I think it could have something to do with the electronics.
I mean, very well.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's pretty interesting, the amount of people that I just read right there.
Well, it's just the beating all the time.
Do you think it's percussion from...
Maybe, you're all the time pounding.
That actually makes a lot of sense, Rob.
As you bring your hand down, your head comes down.
Yeah.
That could be.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
It could be.
I'm guessing here.
Like Topher and I were talking about today, your body creates cancer cells every day.
Cancer cells look for something to latch onto to grow.
It usually takes damaged or scarred or some sort of a mutated or weird cell for it to start, right?
It has to have, I don't know, free radicals or something to start.
So, maybe it's exactly what you said.
Their head is bobbing and pounding so much that they have a little bit more of a free radical cell material up in their head, if you will.
Or maybe it's the type of people, like Topher presented, he said,
the type of people that drum use different parts of their brain because they can keep rhythm with each hand and foot, right?
Right.
I have a cousin that's a drummer.
There are different types of people because of their talent.
So maybe that type of a brain that can do that is more susceptible to brain tumors or brain cancer, right?
Could that be maybe?
That could be also. That very well could be also.
Anyhow, I believe, Topher believes, and now I think you believe, there's something to it.
Yeah, there is something to it. Now that you mention it, I never thought about it.
Well, I started keeping track after Eric Carr and then Randy Costillo.
I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Two of my favorite drummers of the time, I mean within like a five or six year period, and then I started keeping track in my head.
And all these other ones started dying of brain cancer and they're all percussionists or drummers, right?
So an inordinate amount of them are getting brain cancer.
So I think that there's something to it.
And then the list I gave you doesn't even start to cover it.
I didn't want to go anymore. I went through the most famous ones and not the ones from a long time ago, the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s.
I didn't do any of that because quite frankly, it would be boring if I just rattled off names for 10 minutes.
And we'd probably be sitting here for three episodes.
Yes, so I didn't do that.
So the whole thing I'm trying to say is this right here.
There's many, many more names, but those are the names that the people that are listening would go, okay, yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that. Oh yeah, I know this.
So we don't know what it is, but we believe that there's something there.
And anyone that has any idea at all, if you believe this, that there's something to it, and you think you might have an answer,
doucheb66 at yahoo.com, send us an email. I want to hear your opinion.
Rob wants to hear your opinion. Be a part of the show. Call in sometime.
Anyhow, Rob, I'm done with that. I think I proved my point.
And I think now people have the ability to respond really easy via email.
So please email us if you have an idea on this.
Rob, we turn to you. I know you have a story or two you want to get at.
Yeah, actually, when you called me before we were on air, I was just stumbling across a story. I'm going to bring it up.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's the one on your phone you're talking about, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That's just the Missouri State Fair that's coming up.
Mm-hmm.
And this came out today. Some major draws for the annual Missouri State Fair won't be happening this year.
State Fair Director Jason Moore announced Thursday that any events normally held inside the State Fair arena have been canceled
because a new 140,000 square foot arena will be built and the current arena won't be used.
Wow.
That means no bull riding or other rodeo events, all motocross, tractor pulls, demolition derbies,
and other events normally held at the State Fair arena are also canceled this year.
This project represents a significant investment in the first future, and we can't wait to welcome these events and more back once construction is complete.
Construction on the new state-of-the-art complex is set to begin this summer and is expected to be finished in 2026.
The Missouri State Fair will be from August 8th to 18th at West Central Missouri's Sedalia.
Wow. Okay.
So yeah, so they're building a new arena and it takes time, man. Come on, man.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
Especially in outdoor where you're doing tractor pulls.
Well, obviously they need it because, I can tell you this, they don't want to do without those. Those are some of the main events that are going to be happening.
Well, it's growing. The concerts are getting bigger. They need bigger events like that, too.
Yeah, I remember like Aerosmith was there one time. Let's see.
But, you know, coincidentally, Aerosmith was a part of the famous Ozark music festival that went awry in Sedalia, Missouri, many, many years ago in the 70s.
Yeah, that was the one, the big scam, you know, where no one got paid and the promoters snuck out and all that stuff.
There's a documentary, several ones online about it. And anyhow, allegedly, you know, the promoters, it was a big scam.
What they did to scam Sedalia is they said it was a bluegrass festival, but it actually was going to be a rock festival.
Now they didn't advertise around Sedalia. They advertised on Wolfman Jack's syndicated radio show on the coast.
And people went from everywhere all over the country to Sedalia, Missouri.
And they actually believed because they could not get an official count because after a while they bum-rushed the lot so much, people coming from everywhere.
They couldn't charge for tickets anymore because everyone was just coming in anyhow.
So they could not prove it. But they think there was over 300,000 people at that concert. Those are music festival.
And if you have a chance, look it up. There's a documentary out that came out two years ago or maybe one year ago that describes everything.
A hairdresser of mine, I haven't used her in a while, but her dad and mom met there at that festival and were married.
50 Highway and I-70 were at a standstill for days because people were coming in and out of here.
It was a two-lane highway, not interstate 70, but 50 Highway. In the town they ran out of food.
Some of the people there went and grabbed some cows off of a person's land and cut them and cooked them right there.
There were naked teenagers in people's back yard hosing themselves off.
There's so much more that happened that I can't get to. I mean look, if one of the stories, it's all true, it's all documented, it all happened.
Go ahead and look up Ozark Music Festival of Sedalia, Missouri. I think it was like 73 maybe is when it happened, something like that.
Anyhow, you know what, now that you mention it, I think I remember that story.
Yeah, it's-
Yeah, 73, I was four years old, come on now.
Yeah, I was like six maybe, let's see, I was more than 67. Yeah, I was like seven.
Six, seven, okay.
Yeah, so I wouldn't have anything to do with that, of course, because I was-
Depending on the month.
Yeah, yeah, so I covered this a long time ago with TOEFL, a very early inception of this program I covered.
Because I had just watched that in Sedalia, of all places, they played it. I just watched the documentary that they did.
And anyhow, I reported on it and I spoke of it, I went into a lot more of it.
But if you guys need to know more about it, look it up. It's easy to look up.
You can go to YouTube and find a lot of different documentaries and information about it, different perspectives.
So go ahead and do that. It's very informing. If you're into stuff like that, like me, you'll love it.
So, let's take our second break, Rob.
We're going to come back and I'm going to talk about World Nap Day, which happened a few days ago.
Alright?
Alright.
Alright, cool. Alright, it's a deal then. Here, spit shake.
Spit shake.
Alright, there we go. Remember those?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, yup yup yup. Alright, we'll be right back.
Say, can anybody do it today after COVID?
After COVID? No one's spitting on their hands.
Okay, okay, let's take a break.
Okay, alright, we're taking a break.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
If a fly was de-winged in a horrible accident, would that make the fly then a walk?
Hmph. I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity. Let's go! Things have a head in town.
Joe Buck and Troy Aitman are being all televised in Radio Games of the Unbefell.
Two monkey fuckers in a toaster will be right back.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Since we haven't a budget here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, here's a random guy on the street to promote our show.
Hi everybody, I'm Thready. I love listening to Two Douchebags and a Microphone and I get all my pertinent information from them.
They are incredible and I love them so.
Hi there, this is Fucknut from Two Fucknuts and a Recorder Podcast.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone are our favorite podcasts ever.
Please, go to your friend's computer and download it from there.
Go to your church's computer and download it from there.
Go to people you don't know and grab their phones and download it on there.
These fuckers need all the help we can get.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
If you were a spice, you would be flower.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone.
We talk. Jesus.
Oh shit, what's that over there?
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
Ugh.
It's the island of horrible jokes. Ugh.
I can't take my dog to the lake. The ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for having a purebred dog.
Ha ha ha.
This is Two Douchebags and a Microphone and we thank you for joining us. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Um, real quick, I want to talk about the programming note here real quick.
Um, okay. We have some people looking at us.
They seem to be very, um, they seem to be the type of people that we want to associate with on what we're doing.
They're very good at getting podcasts out there, getting their name out there, getting commercials for them, generating money for us and them.
And they're really good at promoting podcasts. They know all these little avenues and stuff and these other services and everything.
So, um, what I'm attempting to do, and I think I'm starting to do it pretty well now, is, um, the best way to describe it is I'm trying to make this show sound like it fits in a talk radio format of any station in America.
Like, uh, uh, 1160 out of Tulsa. Let's just say that, okay. News 1160.
Now, to put it like this, okay, remember Rush Limbaugh had the pretenders he would break into every show with? Okay. That was his signature.
Um, you know, Bubba Love Sponge, we talked about him. You know, he has his own signature sound that he goes into.
Uh, let's see, Man Cal had that, um, I think it was, uh, um, the Kinks riff that he went into.
Um, let's see, there's other ones that I'm not thinking of, but everybody kind of that had a big time show had their own sound that they went into from.
And I'm attempting to do that with different stuff. And so what I'm trying to do is make it sound like it's, you know, like it would fit into anything because there are some streaming stations that just offer podcasts and they have that type of a format.
Some of them are heard on terrestrial radio. Some of them are not.
And I was talking to one of the guys from there and he said that these are great services because people go here all the time. You know, people go there like, oh, okay. Really? Yeah.
It's like they took like 30 podcasts, shook them up in a globe and they play them continuously.
So they, they don't want to take our name? No, they don't want to take away from us.
No, they want us to keep being us. They want us to keep doing what we're doing. They like it.
That's what we're looking for. Yeah, exactly. So if you're noticing some different stuff, that's what's going on.
I'm very proud of this new bumper and I can tell you right now, it was, um, it was, um, not copied, but it was, um, influenced heavily by the old KY-102 bumpers.
And instead of, instead of we rock Kansas city, it says we talk Kansas city. Now I know, I know Des Moines are number one market, but this was something I couldn't resist.
The other day, you know, Max Floyd was on with slacker, you know, slacker's retiring on 101 and they're both old.
And I missed it. I had the radio on, but I'm busy at work. I missed it. I had it on. They were playing some old IDs from the station.
And I was like, man, you know what? That ship was so cool. We rock Kansas city or serving the heartland of America, you know, all this stuff was really cool.
And I was like, we need to come up with something like that, something similar to that because that shit was so cool. And it wasn't anything special.
It was just something they did that ingrained in our brain forever. I will forever hear that tone. I'll go, okay, why? Right?
Right. And I was there. I know. Yeah.
And you know, Kansas City, thank bitch. Yeah, I might be in Lake of the Ozarks, but I was born and raised in Kansas City.
Look, it's no secret we originated out of Kansas City. I was born at St. Luke's Hospital. Come on.
You want to know where I was born? Lakeside. It's now like a psych award.
I grew up listening to KY.
Yeah, we all did. They were the fucking big swinging D radio rock radio station with the great IDs, the great DJs, the DJs that are legendary.
I mean, you know, so anyhow, I, my latest, I guess you would call ID or station signature, whatever you want to call it, is in the form of that. And I'm extremely proud of it. I think it sounds spot on.
So anyhow, we're going to get to see.
I can't wait to hear.
I played it to you the other day, didn't I? Before the air, before we got on the program.
Oh yeah, you did. You did. You did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the robot. It starts off with a robotic voice and then ends up with, we talk Kansas City with a great tone, a tone that I love that a tone that I think people, if they listen to it four or five times, whenever they hear that tone, they're going to go, douchebags.
So anyhow, I started talking to him. I started to tell you before the break about national nap day. It happened a few days ago.
And anyhow, national nap day, it was created as a way to compensate for the hour people lose because of time change. But this is one holiday that people can get behind.
Okay. A nap is a short period of sleep usually taken during the day. Studies have shown that one or more short naps during the day can help increase productivity and alertness.
It is believed that many successful people in history napped often. Some of these people were Einstein Winston Churchill, Churchill and Napoleon. So you can't argue that, right?
No, you can't.
Many animals are sleepers. They're nappers. This means that they take multiple naps during the day until the invention of electricity and affordable artificial lighting.
Humans slept in at least two long stretches during the night. They first slept for about four hours called first sleep. Then they woke up for a few hours during which they smoked, visited their friends and ran other errands.
They would then go back to sleep for what is now called the second sleep. This pattern of sleeping went out of fashion by the 17th century as more and more people began to afford ways to artificially light up their homes after dark and early mornings.
Isn't that interesting? They used to do that.
They'd sleep four hours, get up, go visit friends, have a drink, play cards. Then they'd say, oh, look at the time, it's time for a second sleep. Then they'd go sleep for another four.
They still sleep in Europe. I think Mexico might sleep during the lunch break too. Not all places, but a lot of them do.
Anyhow, how to celebrate National Nap Day, take a short nap. If your country does not observe daylight savings time, then follow the daylight savings time and napping day schedule for another country.
Why lose out on a holiday just because your country doesn't have daylight savings time?
Did you know that NASA study among pilots and astronauts found that short naps can increase performance by 34% and alertness by 54% so they would know this is NASA? These are astronauts they're talking about. They need naps.
National Day of Observances in the next 10 years, Monday, 2024 is on March 11th, March 11th, napping day. Monday, 2025 is on March 10th, that's napping day.
2026, Monday, March 9th is napping day. 2027 is March 15, napping day. 2028 is March 13, napping day. 2029 is March 12, napping day.
2030 is March 11, napping day. 2031 is March 10, napping day. 2032 is March 15, napping day. And 2033 is March 14, napping day. So, listen to that a couple of times, write them down, that way you'll be prepared for the next year's napping day and we can all go to sleep and love it. Right?
Actually, I'm going to have to listen to it again and pause it and rewind it.
Yes, and anyhow, you know what, I'll just snap a picture of it and send it to you.
I couldn't tell if you said March 5th or not.
Hang on, let's see if your birthday is a part of it, I never even thought about that.
Yeah, March 5th.
I think my brother's March 19th.
Nope, unfortunately, the closest your brother's is March 15th and the closest to yours is March 9th. So it's nestled in between you and your brother's birthday.
Right.
Sorry about that, I wish like hell one of your birthdays were on napping day, that would be awesome, wouldn't it?
Yeah, right.
So, anyhow, you have something you want to get to, Rob?
Yeah, I have an update on Lake of Ozarks Casino.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yep.
Efforts to put the question of the Lake of Ozarks Casino before Missouri voters in November are paying off, according to the investor group behind the push.
Since casinos are per Missouri's constitution only allowed on or near the Missouri and Mississippi rivers,
it would take a change to the Missouri constitution to allow one on the Osage River just downstream of Lake of the Ozarks and the investor group, Osage River Daming and Convention,
has been working to get enough Missourian signatures to put the question on the Missouri ballot.
Okay.
Spokespersons for Osage River Daming and Convention, the group of investors that hopes to bring a casino and hotel slash conference center to Lake Ozarks, so they have until May 5th to get enough signatures, and the current rate they expect the question to make,
it onto the ballot.
Hmm.
So yeah, it's going to give them changing to where they could get it on the Osage, just Missouri and Mississippi.
Well, okay, that's what needs to happen if you want to do Lake of Ozarks.
But, but, let's see here, I see, okay, a member of the ORGC investor group explained the petition needs about 173,000 verified signatures to clear the CIP process.
Well, is there any projection, like they think they have it or not?
That they're aiming to gather more than 200,000 to be safe.
You see, I don't know what the big deal is now. They're everywhere. They're St. Louis, they're Columbia, they're Booneville, Kansas City, St. Joe.
Well, that's a thing. Think about what rivers that is. That's the Missouri and Mississippi.
Mississippi and the Missouri, yeah. Well, the Osage is a big river, and also that would be the way they could get into the Lake of the Ozark region, is that way, because the Osage...
Honestly, it's literally on the other side of the dam.
Yeah, in Warsaw. You're talking about Warsaw, Missouri, yeah. Yep, there's a dam.
No, no, no, no, Bagnall Dam.
Oh, Bagnall Dam, too. Actually, I'm talking about the Truman...
That's where the Osage River comes out of. Yes.
You go through Lake of the Ozarks, you drop off the dam, you're in the Osage River.
Yeah, Bagnall Dam, that's right. And then the other side is, it's the Osage River for, I'm talking about Warsaw, there's the dam.
Yeah, Warsaw. And the dam is Truman, that is Truman Reservoir at that dam. That's where I was talking about.
Right, right, right.
And then you have the Osage for about, what, three miles, and then you have the extreme western southern arm of Lake of the Ozark.
Well, yeah, and that is the Osage Arm.
Yeah, that's the Osage Arm. It's called the Osage Arm.
Yeah, yep. So, yeah, so, anyhow, the Osage would bring it to Lake of the Ozarks, and I mean, look, they're going to go somewhere and gamble, right?
So why can't that area take advantage of some of the tax money?
Yeah, right now they're traveling an hour and a half, two hours.
Yeah, let them stay in town.
Like you said, Boonville, places like that.
Yeah, Boonville's taking advantage of it. Boonville is.
And honestly, just to bring work down here, you know?
And we'll bring work down there.
I'm totally in on it.
First off, the building trades down there, building the casinos, because you know there'd be more than one.
So most of the casinos are good union work for people.
So let's see, well, I don't know about nowadays. They used to be. I don't know, maybe not nowadays.
But anyhow, it should be good construction jobs starting off, and then it's going to be service and jobs that could potentially bring in some good income for some people.
Yeah, and we need it down here.
Yeah, you guys really do.
But to be honest, we have more people than we have jobs down here.
Yeah, and that's how can they get by.
Unless you're qualified. I mean, you have your qualified jobs.
Well, yeah, yeah.
A lot of jobs are house cleaning, construction, maintenance, stuff like that.
You know, like these resorts have pools.
Yeah, yeah.
They have guest rooms. Yeah, like, hey, B2 over there, they have a light out and they think it's a fixture.
You know, can you go over there and look at it? Stuff like that.
And then there's, you know, yeah.
Okay, well, I'll tell you what, man, I think it would really help out a lot.
And also another thing is, is it would bring people down there during the wintertime too.
Yeah, it would.
That's where people struggle.
Yeah, there's a lot of condos down there.
People that don't live here year-round, they still come down during the winter.
There's a lot of people who come down and spend Christmas here at the lake.
It's a great place to spend Christmas.
Get all their families together here.
You ever do Christmas in Branson, Missouri? Oh my God. That is a great place.
Yeah, exactly. And they give their house out to the same light.
Yeah, they light everything up. They really get into the Christmas spirit.
I've been through there before. I haven't stayed there for Christmas, but I've been through there Christmas time.
And it's beautiful. And I mean, you know, the casinos would give people something to do besides just going down there and sitting in a cabin looking at the lake while it's cold.
Right. Yeah.
And it would bring good revenue, much needed revenue to that area.
So we'll see what happens. I would think at this day and age, sport betting in Kansas, legalized recreational marijuana in Missouri.
I mean, I would think that something like that should pretty much be a no-brainer in today's voting world.
What do you think?
I'm hoping it goes through. I personally do. Honestly, pretty much everybody down here does.
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Because we need the jobs. We do. We need the jobs.
The problem is this whole Missouri is voting on it, isn't it? Or is it just that district?
Yeah, yeah. It has to go to the Missouri vote.
Oh, that's the problem. That's the problem right there. The people that live in the outlying areas with the huge ranches, they would probably vote against it because they don't want a whole lot of people there.
Isn't that?
Well, you got to have the people on the Missouri and the Mississippi. They're going to vote against it because they don't want to take away from them.
Yeah, that's true.
Especially Missouri because like I said, a lot of people go to Columbia, Boonville.
And they're going to put up a lot of campaigns against it and come up with reasons why they shouldn't do it. You're right. That's it.
Well, yeah, but down here, everything looks good.
Yeah.
We'll see. We'll see. I'll keep everybody updated.
Well, good luck. I hope you guys get it. Yeah, let us know.
I got a story here before we get the hell out of here and call it another podcast.
You know that Bon Jon, Jon Bon Jovi is not sure if he'll ever tour again after he underwent vocal and cord surgery. Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
I didn't either. He kept it very tight lipped.
The singer is set to release an album titled Forever later this year and it hoped to tour.
But after critical surgery, he's unsure if he'll be able to make that happen.
It is my desire to do a tour next year, but I'm still recovering from the major surgery, he said in an interview with Mix 104 Boston.
Although I'm well on the road to recovery and was able to take my time and do a song a day when I made the record.
He continued, my need, want, desire is to be able to do a two and a half hour a night show four nights a week for months on end.
And I'm looking forward to that goal.
So he doesn't know if this is going to happen because that is a rough surgery.
And that's one of those surgeries where they don't know how it's going to turn out.
It can turn out to where he can sing, but it can also turn out to where he cannot do that type of a schedule.
So we wish John Bon Jovi the best and we hope that he can heal and be able to do it.
And then on another note, I did not get a chance to...
Oh, go ahead.
Can I say something about John Bon Jovi?
Yeah, absolutely.
He has nothing to worry about. He's into cooking now.
Is he?
Yeah, he's got a restaurant and stuff.
Wow, I didn't know that. We're out on the East Coast probably.
Yeah, I forget where it's at.
Huh, okay. Well, I knew he was a businessman.
Actually, he's got this thing for the homeless or something like that.
Wait a minute. He has a cafe for the homeless.
You come up there and you can pay whatever you want and if you can't pay anything, that's fine. They still feed you.
That's right. I remember reading that several years ago.
Yeah.
Which is very cool.
His cooking is starting to go deeper, I've been reading.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, look, the guy has so much money he doesn't need the tour again.
He does it because that's what he loves to do. Just like Ozzy. Ozzy doesn't need any more money.
All he wishes is that his body could heal enough to where he could do a light tour.
You know, maybe three or four shows a year.
Yeah, he needs to keep doing what he does till the end.
This is in our blood.
Just like we all do.
Yeah, so it's like me or you not being able to do this podcast or whatever we like to do, you know, fish, whatever.
You know, it's in your blood and that's what you like to do and that's what you enjoy and you suddenly get that ripped away from you.
It's going to be disturbing to you.
It's going to give you depression issues.
You know, because that big part of your life is suddenly over because I believe that Ozzy probably has a little bit of depression going on.
I know they're doing their podcast and he's doing little spots on other people like Billy Morrison's new album.
He does a song on there and he does spots and stuff, but that doesn't fill his need of what he wants to do.
He wants to be on stage. He wants to see people scream in his name.
He wants to, you know, get crowds to go nuts.
That's what he likes to do, that adrenaline, that fun, you know, and he's not able to do that.
At least not right now.
And even though he has all these other things that he's doing that he has even more things coming up, it's still not what he craves to do.
And it bothers him every day.
So I would say that John Bon Jovi is probably exactly the same because to worry and doing stuff like this is in his blood.
And if he can't do it, it's definitely going to, you know, affect his life.
So, anyhow, let's see.
You got anything else you want to get to, Rob?
That's about all I have tonight, brother.
Alright, let me see if I got a story or two I need to clean up here.
Because I got so many stories.
There's some of them that I really want to get to and they're kind of time-consuming.
Oh, wait a second. Here's one.
Okay.
Oh.
We're going to go back to the Miami Dolphins-Kan City game.
I know. Go ahead.
Alright, alright. It's not where you think.
Okay.
After the Miami Dolphins were eliminated from playoffs by the Kansas City Chiefs.
They had more losses to worry about.
Oh, yeah. It is what I heard.
Oh, you read this?
No, no, no. It was on the news today. But go ahead.
Oh, was it?
Yes.
I just brought this up.
This is cool. Tell about it because I wanted to report on it and I just haven't had a chance to.
I heard it on the news before I got on this broadcast.
They had more losses to worry about than just the result on the field at Arrowhead Stadium.
According to court documents, Missouri police officers responded to a theft the day after the January 13th game.
Representatives from the Dolphins said a team truck that held both gear and equipment was broken into and items worth more than $45,000 were missing.
Even their playbooks?
Huh?
Even their playbooks were stolen.
Go ahead, Rob. I thought they told about that on the news. They said even their playbooks were stolen.
Oh, no. I got something better here.
Oh, okay.
According to this, on Wednesday, two months after the contest, Jackson County prosecutors charged Joseph Brown Sr. with felony theft. The documents claim that media equipment, football equipment, including pads, gloves, shoes, and game film,
and other items were taken.
Wow.
He even took game film, didn't he?
Yeah, they took game film, they took playbooks, everything.
Brown had previously been convicted of felony theft in 2021. According to court documents, his bond was set at $50,000.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
You know, think about what slap in the face that would be. Not only did you just get your ass kicked on national TV and you're already going home with your head down in shame, but then you find out that all your shit was ripped off and you couldn't even go home with it.
Yeah.
Yeah, man. Anyhow, that guy's getting, he had felony theft, he should get that. And I hope they pass it.
Yeah, he should.
Yeah. I mean, you know, look, I mean, you can get go about it.
It was a good attempt. It was a good attempt.
It was a good attempt. You know, a lot of this stuff is done maliciously. Like, they're talking about how like in New England, if you're up there for a playoff game, someone would take and ring your firebell at three in the morning at the hotel you're staying at the opposing team.
And then suddenly there would be nothing on film. They don't know who did it and all that stuff. Right? Little games like that. Or there's only cold water in their shower.
You know, other little things too. You know, making them practice in the muddy part of the field. You know, there's little things that they do to kind of jab at the other team. Right?
But this is someone trying to do it just to get money, I believe it wasn't a jab at the other team like that. Like, like waking them up at three in the morning, you know, the day before their game, you know, with a firebell.
So anyhow, you know, a firebell at a hotel, everybody has to go outside until they determine there's no fire. So every one of these football players had to go outside at three in the morning the night before the game.
So they didn't have a very good sleep probably. Right? They had to wait out there for an hour or so. Right. And the authorities went through there. Okay, there's no fire. You guys go back in. By that time you're not sleeping. You're like, fuck.
You know, now I got it. So that wasn't that. Yeah, so they're screwed because someone did that to them. You know, if I was another team, I'd hire my own armed guard at every fire alarm right there and have them stand in there and make sure no motherfucker did that.
No motherfucker did that. So anyhow, all right. Well, we're well past the hour mark and I know that you have to work in the morning and I have other shit I got to do. I got to look up my property taxes.
That's my Friday. And honestly, I'm having a pretty decent week at work. I really am. So you're off tomorrow? No, I got to work tomorrow. But it's your Friday. I'm off the next two days. Yeah, it's my Friday. Friday is Saturday.
So you had a better time at work now. I know you were kind of not real happy, you know, about. No, no, yeah, no, no. Everything's going fine, man.
Good. That's good to hear. All right. And a while ago it was me. That happens. That happens. I get upside down at any place I ever worked.
You know, it's easy to do a couple people kind of treat you shitty or you think you've been like run through something that you shouldn't have or when you're treating somebody else different.
It's really easy to get really irritated and pissed off and snap out or whatever, you know, and then later on, you know, we calm down and everything.
The important thing is, you know, that you kind of keep grounded through it all. Yeah, certain things are going to happen. There's always going to be little injustices here and there.
But mainly what you got to look at is a big picture. It's like, you know what, am I pretty good? If I'm in pretty good shape here, why am I mad? You know, they don't really screw with me too much.
You know, they appreciate me. I make good money at the end of the day. That's better than a lot of people, right?
I actually ask for your benefits too. So, yeah.
For down there, you have a golden job, dude, from what you said. Yeah. And, you know, and they know what you do for them.
And I've got another raise coming, so.
Good, Rob. That's excellent. You deserve it. You're a hardworking guy and you care about what you're doing and you put a lot of pride in your craft.
And at the end of the day, a lot of people don't do that.
Right. Yeah. So, anyhow.
We're a lost breed.
Yep. Well, I go in for two days, then I'm off until after Easter, the Monday after Easter. So, you and I are going to be doing some promos bits.
Yeah. Little comedy stuff. We're going to be doing all different kinds of stuff.
And like I said, this program is improving by the minute and we're going to keep doing this.
And we're going to keep trying to make you guys have a good time, whatever you're doing, wherever you listen to us at, whether you're at work, on the road, or just at home relaxing.
We want you to be able to go, you know what? I'm kind of bored. I'm going to turn on the douchebags and listen to them.
That's what we're here for and we love you guys. And hi, Opal.
Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Jimmy, the greatest grandson ever and Opal, the greatest grandma.
We appreciate you guys. Dodge City, yay. Dodge City, Kansas. Ra-Ra. We love you guys.
Yes.
Alrighty. Have a good night, Rob.
You too. Good night, Opal.
Hey, where did they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh, geez.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.
I'm going to go get some water.
Glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.