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Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.

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And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.

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I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.

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And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone

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Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.

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That's right, smell your enemy before they get you. Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.

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Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.

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Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone to be constantly funny, once again we offer you

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Strange Insults from an Alien

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When you all see that from your computer, we're gonna hit those cellcatchers.

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Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.

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Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.

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Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags.

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Two Douchebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.

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Have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?

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Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.

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The Origins of Beignet. Beignet was first made in appearance in New Orleans in the 1700s when French Creole colonists settled the land.

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According to NewOrleans.com, also known as French Arcadians, they moved to the Bayou lands in Louisiana after they were forced from their homes in the Nova Scotia area by the British.

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Reports Britannica.

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So anyhow, that being said, everybody has their issues. Don't judge a man. I mean, we all have our stuff.

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Every one of us has our stuff. And we all have our own demons that we face. And we all know what they are.

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And Rob is no different. But Rob has enough guts to come on this show and actually talk about his demons.

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And he's going to actually just give it to you straight and how he's feeling and how come everything led to what it did the last show.

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And I want to reiterate this. Rob and I are great friends. Rob is staying on the program because Rob is seeking help.

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Rob is trying to help. And one of these things that helps him is the program. This is his outlet.

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So that being said, Rob, take it away.

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First and foremost, I apologize to everybody. Everybody.

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Unfortunately, everybody got to meet my demon this weekend.

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Mark, I've been talking to Mark. Mark knows I've been going through a lot of things.

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There was one part I did not tell Mark.

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And unfortunately, this weekend, since I was so busy in my head, my demon took over. And I am so sorry for that, everybody.

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Since then, I had to go. I had a terrible smack in the face Tuesday, March 19th, which was yesterday.

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First of all, first thing in the morning, like normal, I'm getting ready for work.

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I listen to that podcast. And just so everybody knows, I listened to every second all the way until it went off the air.

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I am not proud.

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Then what I did not tell Mark is I've been having some health issues.

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And I've been recently to a doctor. And after I listened to that yesterday morning,

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yesterday afternoon after work was my follow-up at my doctor.

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And come to find out all my problems stem from drinking, which right now at this point, if I get a handle on it, I'll be alright with minimal damage.

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But if I keep going like I am, this could turn very, very bad.

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So here's what I'm doing right here, right now.

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I, Rob Rad, pledge foremost to myself and to my family, which anybody that knows me knows that family runs deeper than blood with me.

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Mark knows that.

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I've known this from day one when I met you.

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And that's one of the reasons you and I really got along.

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We had our fun and everything like we talked about before, smacking each other in the ass with tongs or whatever.

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But the bottom line is family.

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Well, here's my pledge.

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From this day forward, I, Rob Rad, will raise up my sword and I promise I will beat and defeat this demon.

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For all of you, I don't care if you are the occasional listener that never contacts us.

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I don't care if you're the people that contacts us all the time.

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You are family.

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Anybody in this podcast is my family.

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And I'm doing this for myself, my family, my kids, my grandkids.

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It's time I have to fix this.

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I would like to say something about our audience.

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Most of the emails, there were a couple that were...

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I figured we'd been flooded.

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Yeah, but you know what? Most of them were actually wondering how you're doing.

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They weren't motherfucking you, dude.

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They were wondering how you were doing.

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And I thank you guys. I can't thank you guys enough for that.

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For caring about us that much.

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Well, Mark, you know what I was up against this last weekend.

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Everything I went through. I talked to you about it before and it's that, the hell stuff.

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I know. And you know what, Rob?

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I kept that from you and I should not have. And I'm sorry.

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It's okay because I understand stuff like that. Sometimes you don't want to talk about it.

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But you know what, Rob? I almost told us to just not do the program because I could tell before that you were really down and you were really angry about some stuff and you had some other things going on.

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And almost ended the program, but something told me to keep it going and now I know why. Now I know why.

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Yeah, and the bearer did not help.

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Well, yeah, of course. But now I know why. I had that inner voice that said, no, go ahead and do it. Go ahead and do it.

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And then almost didn't post the podcast. I was like, you know what? No. And I said, no, do it. Do it. Because I wanted you to hear it because I know you're a proud person.

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Yeah, I always have been. You know that.

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You know that. Like I said, this demon that has been inside me for years that I've been fighting for years. Sometimes I'm winning the battle, sometimes I'm losing it.

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And this weekend with everything I had on me, the demon just took over. I mean, you know, there was no balance this weekend. The demon just took over.

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Yeah.

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Okay, Mark. All right. Lighter note. You got anything else? Because I think I need it.

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Okay. All right. I got some stories here. We're just going to move right along because, Rob, you're on the right path. And 99% of the emails we got were actually very warm hearted and wishing you the best.

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So, like I said before, I cannot thank you people enough that listen to this. Thank you. Thank you for caring about Rob.

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It would be so easy to motherfuck him right now. You can be like, oh, that dick, he ruined it or whatever. But everybody except for I think I had two emails, just two emails that were assholes.

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And the rest were caring people. And I would like to thank everybody for that. If you're the praying type, say a prayer for Rob. He would appreciate and so would I.

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You know, this battle that he's facing is a tough battle. He's going to get through it, but it's going to be hard. So that being said, we're wrapping that up with a little bow and we're going to go on to dick jokes. How about that? Like we always do.

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Let's get on with the show. The show must go on.

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Yes, it does. And it will. Rob, you ever play a video game and wish you could smell like the gunpowder? I have. I used to be into Diablo big time. Some other games too. I was like a real Diablo nerd. I lost three years of my life to Diablo.

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All I do is come home and play that damn game and then go to work and come home and play that damn game. So anyhow.

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Okay, I think I see where you're going. Mine's a little different, but yeah, go ahead.

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Yeah, okay. So the deal is this right here. I always kind of wondered, man, you know, it'd be great. Now they do first person and I'm like, you know, I always thought that would be cool. Now it looks like you're looking at them like they're looking at you.

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And they have all the AI that figure stuff out and all this stuff. And it's like really cool. But now they came up with the coolest thing ever.

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And yeah, here I'll just go ahead and go with the article here. Ever wish you could smell the roses while questing in Skyrim? Or just get a whiff of gunpowder when a firefight breaks out in Call of Duty?

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Well, wish no more because a new gadget called GameScent wants to put your nose to work while you play video games. What do you think of that, Rob?

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See, that's, yeah, that's, you were going into it. I was taking my old game. That would have been awesome.

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This is genius. This is genius. This is going to help the gaming community so much. I mean, you already can talk to each other, see each other and all the stuff you couldn't do back when I was playing it.

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I mean, all you can do is type in stuff like, you know, whenever I'd stop, I'd be like, man, dump. And people are like, okay, Mark's taking a dump. Or pee. Okay, Mark's taking a pee. Stop.

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You know, stuff like that. But now you can see each other, you can hear each other, all that stuff. So what is GameScent?

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GameScent promises to add an extra layer of immersion to video games by allowing players to smell the virtual worlds they are exploring. Developed by a company of the same name, GameScent, uses artificial intelligence, AI, for real time audio cues from games to dispense scents that match the onscreen action.

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The website states the product is the first AI-powered scent release system that releases scents with your gameplay. So if you're walking through a rose garden, you're going to smell roses. If you're walking through a sewage pit, you're probably going to hold your nose. Right?

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And to me, to me, that is almost being there. The small device connects to your PCs, consoles, and VR headsets via HDMI or a 3.5 audio jack.

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Inside are swappable scent cartridges that contain fragrances like gunpowder, smoke, grass, or rain. When GameScent detects certain sounds through the audio feed, like gunshots or screeching tires, it releases a puff of the corresponding odor into the air.

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The aim is to make the gaming experience more vivid by engaging the sense of smell along with sight and sound. GameScent also includes a clean air cartridge to neutralize any lingering scents between gaming sessions. Wow!

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So you can clean the air out if there's a lot of like a lot of gun smoke or whatever, black powder smoke or whatever. You can do, and let's say you're going to go into a tranquil game or something like you're building homes or something, you know, whatever, whatever it might be.

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You can put in a clean air and get rid of all that other stuff and not smell the gunpowder and I don't know the dead people or whatever, you know, so.

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Bad ass. Yeah, isn't it? I'll tell you what, man, I wish they had that back then. Well, no, I don't. No, I don't. I would have been a nerd.

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Like I was saying. Okay. Oh, no. Okay. Real quick and then you go to what you're saying. I would have been a nerd for 30 years. I'd still been a nerd if that happened. Anyhow, Rob, we go ahead with what you're saying.

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Well, I got briefly into PlayStation and PlayStation 2 and my game was Jet Moda, which was Wave Runner rafting. I don't think I ever saw that.

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Dude, I can imagine smelling the exhaust off the Wave Runners and that fresh breeze off the coast. That'd been awesome. Seeing how me and my buddy were sitting there playing with steering wheel and foot pedals back in the 90s.

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Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. That'd be great. Yeah, that's the smell, that exhaust off that.

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Very cool. Yeah. That'd be great.

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Anyhow, Rob, do you have something you want to go into?

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Yeah, I got a little one here. Alright, let's hear it.

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Thumbs up for kick 1530 AM classic country that I tend to get a lot of.

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You used them a couple of times before. Oracle ballpups. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry.

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No, no, you're alright. You're alright.

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This is a life hack.

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Okay.

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I love life hacks and especially the ones that cost very little money.

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Me too.

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As a nearly lifelong Missouri resident, I had never heard of a simple one, but it's genius and could save your food.

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I'll explain why every person in Missouri should put paper towels in their fridge as soon as possible.

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Okay, like I said, I'm reading this article, but I do not see why this is strictly Missouri. This should be anywhere.

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Okay.

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Anywhere. I wish I could tell you that this stroke of genius just suddenly appeared in my mind as an original idea, but that's not the truth.

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Reader's Digest just shared this brilliant yet simple reason why you should put paper towels in your Missouri fridge right now. Seriously, do it.

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Here's why. They point out that if you have vegetables in your fridge, they tend to release moisture, which will eventually cause other produce to spoil eventually.

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When you put a roll of paper towels in your fridge, they collect the moisture, which can greatly extend the life of your food.

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Don't have any paper towels you can spare? There's another adjustment that this had, and it works almost as well.

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Okay.

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If you have paper towels, you can put a roll of toilet paper in your fridge.

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Now, I've heard of that, but I never did get to the bottom of why you should do that. I guess the same reason?

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Yeah. It's the moisture that all your produce puts off, and it'll mess with all your other food.

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I've heard that before. I do believe that's true.

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Both hacks do require that you replace the toilet paper and or paper towels somewhat regularly, or the moisture that they've collected will eventually make them less effective.

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If you think about how expensive food has gotten, it's a really money saver to sacrifice a roll of paper product to help your edibles last longer.

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You see, Rob, I think I was viewing this all wrong. I thought that the produce I was getting was late, like they didn't sell it for a while and I bought some bad produce.

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Maybe all along it was the other produce. You see what I'm saying? Maybe it was me storing it in the wrong place.

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Yeah, the produce that you already had in the fridge.

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Yes. You see, maybe it was me, and I thought, and I was like, oh man, that place sells me crap. When actually that wasn't true. It was me not knowing how to store it correctly. It sounds like.

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Just grab a cheap roll of paper towels, throw it in your fridge.

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I'm going to do that. Thank you, Rob. That's excellent.

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Just make sure you keep, just make sure you change them out from time to time.

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Or like I said, they lose their effectiveness. They only collect so much.

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You know what? If you have a really, really, really lot of vegetables, use a couple of MaxiPads.

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Hey, good idea. Yeah, they're more absorbent. Never tell ya.

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Ah, see.

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Two douchebags and microphone once again uncovers it. They uncover it like we always do. We are the sluice. You are welcome.

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Let's take our first break and we're going to come back. Come back. I've got another interesting story.

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And then a band that's going to call it quits. And then we can go into, if you want, we can go into the top farters on stage.

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Yes. Yes. We'll get to that here in a couple minutes. Yes. I'm ready. I'm ready.

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Alright, so am I. I'm proud of my list, dude. I'm proud of my list.

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Ashley, I'm proud of mine too. Oh, this is going to be epic.

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Alright, everybody. We'll be back here in a couple minutes.

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And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

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So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?

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Hmm. I may never know.

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I may never know.

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The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

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Hi all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.

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Well, this time I decided to go the other way.

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You ever consider just going to Ground Zero and saying, fuck it?

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Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not?

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No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what?

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Let's just go to Ground Zero and see what's for us after. Just a thought.

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Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.

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Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.

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I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

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Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.

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Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.

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Can you take me to the hospital? I just broke my leg falling for you.

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Next up, things overheard in hell.

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Spam. With Spam Helper tonight. How yummy.

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I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

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Now, from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Puzzle.

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That's right, put Rob back together.

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This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rainforest is the perfect stocking stuffer.

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Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.

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Keychain.

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Alright, and then we are two douchebags in microphone and I'm Mark.

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And I am Rob.

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Alright, this, okay let me think.

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Okay, Rob, this is an interesting story because I never thought that people would go to this length to watch basketball, the tournament.

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I first heard this on Fox 4 the other morning here in Kansas City.

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Yeah, on their morning show.

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And I was like wow, and then I did some research and they were totally correct.

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I figured they were though.

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But anyhow, apparently men schedule their bisectomies right before the NCAA tournament.

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That way they can be at home watching it and have quiet time with probably a bag of ice over their nuts.

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Did you know that?

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Dude, that is brilliant. That is brilliant.

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I know if you're going to do it anyhow.

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And I guess like surgeons are having a problem fitting everybody in because everyone is like I want to do this right here.

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And they're like well everybody else does too.

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Who the hell thought of this first, Rob?

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That almost makes me want to go get one of these guys to watch and not work.

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That's awesome.

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Stuff like that makes me love America even more.

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Oh, I love it.

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You're willing to go get your nuts cut so you can watch the tournament.

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That is a fan. That is a fan.

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So anyhow, I could go more into that article but man I think we covered everything right there didn't we?

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Oh yeah, that's for myself.

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Okay, someone is retiring.

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Definitely a lot more like that's more of what I needed right there. Thank you.

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Like you said, you talk about life hack. That is a man's life hack right there.

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I mean think about it man. You're sitting there like you're sitting there on like some sort of a drug.

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Some sort of a pain reliever, right? Some sort of a heavy pain reliever.

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You're on like Vicodin or something. You're drooling and watching an NCA tournament.

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And then you can go to sleep, well me, Vicodin puts me to sleep or hydrocodone.

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It puts me to sleep so I could sit there with a bag over my nuts.

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I couldn't be drinking a beer but I could be drinking a real sugar coke or something.

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And watching an NCAA tournament and then during the down time I could take a nap.

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Yeah, yeah, and during the game you don't want to watch you sleep.

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Yeah, and you have chips and dip there and you don't have to get up and get them.

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Because you just had your nuts sliced. Someone else has to get them.

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Because you're there miserable. You're like, oh man my balls, oh my balls.

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And you know, and then someone has to get the stuff for you. Oh man, her dad look at it.

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Well, I know when I'm going to schedule next year even though I don't need it.

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Yeah, why not?

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Okay, and a downer note Rob, I know we both love this band.

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We've talked about it before on this program and off this program.

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Jeff Lynn's ELO is bringing me down.

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The legendary ELO is retiring.

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Yeah.

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Tuesday Electrolyte Orchestra, if you don't know who I'm talking about,

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has announced its retirement after a 27 day tour starting off in California and ending in California.

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The tour will start in California and then go to places like Houston.

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The closest are coming to Kansas City is St. Louis and I am entertaining going there.

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Atlanta and even Vancouver.

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Oh man, that'd be awesome.

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Anybody that's a fan or kind of a fan, I suggest you go see them.

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They put on a great show and their music is their music.

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Their music is epic.

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Yeah, they have their own sound and it's a fantastic sound.

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And they've always been themselves and have always enjoyed the band because of that.

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They're a great band and Jeff Lynn is a really good musician.

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And if you want to see them live, you're going to have to do it this year because after that they are going bye bye.

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Like so many other bands are, it's kind of depressing.

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It's kind of bittersweet. The ones that did make it to this age, you know, the 70s and 80s,

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which is a miracle in itself because most of these bands we grew up with were on heroin or all different kinds of drugs, right?

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And somehow, someway with all this abundance in their life and not having to have control

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because everything you do is fine, you know, you're a rock star,

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somehow they managed to stop it and then live a long peaceful life somehow.

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I mean, it doesn't seem possible, but these ones that made it this far is not the normal.

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And the ones that have done it, I mean, now they're retiring.

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So you're like kind of glad that they made it that far and they didn't end up a tragic death like Jimi Hendrix or John Bonham or you know.

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Well, you think about a lot of them are on their parents' age right now.

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At least my mom's age.

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Yeah, most of them are. Ozzy is 75 and he has a lot of health issues.

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Yeah, my mom's 77.

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Yep, same ballpark. My mom's 83. She's still doing okay.

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I mean, God bless her.

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Which, by the way, my mom shares the same birthday as Gene Simmons on this 25th.

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All right. Does she know this?

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She did at one point in time, but she wasn't a kiss man. I was.

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And at their 2000 Bellware tour in Kansas City, I was at the concert on Gene Simmons and my mom's birthday instead of spending it with my mom.

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Oh, wow.

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I thought it was the farewell tour.

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Was this the tour? I'm trying to get, I thought I went in the late 90s and not 2000, but I want to find out if we're at the same farewell concert.

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Okay, this is Ace and Peter, the originals, and then Gene and Paul.

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And it was at, I think it was at Sprint Center around?

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Sandstone.

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Oh, okay, that's not the same one, because the one I went to was, it might have been Kemper even, Kemper might have still been around.

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When I was at was Sandstone.

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Okay, Stone Temple Pilots open up.

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Like I said, I have the shirt right here, the 99 2000 tour and they were in Kansas City in 2000.

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Okay, okay, the one I went to was indoors and Stone Temple Pilots opened up. Who opened up for Kiss when you watched them?

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Let's see, I know for a fact there was Ted Nuget.

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Okay, that's a different one. Okay, they evidently did several.

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Oh, I've seen Ted Nuget like four times.

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Oh yeah, he puts on a good show, he really does.

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Oh, his finale is badass.

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And also he's a very underrated guitar player.

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Oh, he's a cop.

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Very underrated, people don't understand. He's not so much in the really like licking lead stuff.

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He's more like rhythm with all these neat chords that he uses and these bridges that are just brilliant.

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Kind of like a sped up Mick Mars almost, kind of, not so dark.

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Anyhow, we have the top five musicians that part on stage.

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Rob and I decided this needed to happen.

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Okay, okay, so you dropped it to musicians?

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Well, no, no, no, on stage is fine. I'm doing musicians.

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No, no, no, the tech I originally got said rock musicians.

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No, I meant rock musicians, I just didn't say rock.

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No, okay, well, I had different musicians, they're not all rock.

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That's fine, that's fine.

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And actually, at one point you did say part on stage, I was taking some comedians and stuff.

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All mine are musicians.

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No, there's no wrong answer. That's what I wanted, musicians is fine.

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I don't care if it's like easy listening and I don't care if it's like death metal, whatever.

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Oh, you got it, you got it, we're golden then, buddy.

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Okay, because mine's not all metal, mine's not, mine's pretty much rock in the rock category, but that's about it.

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Yeah, mine bounces a time or two.

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Okay, all right, Rob, you go first.

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Okay, my number five, Julio Iglesias.

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He does look like a farter, doesn't he?

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Reason being, he's Latin, think of his diet.

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Oh, he eats a lot of beans, oh yeah.

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Yeah, it was a Latin diet, yeah, he's a farter.

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Brilliant, Rob, brilliant. Bravo.

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Okay, number four would start out as a TikTok video, but I firmly believe it happens more than what they say.

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Miss Taylor Swift.

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Ha ha ha ha, she looks like a crop duster.

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Remember the farting TikTok video, I guarantee it probably happens more.

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She looks like a cereal farter and a cereal crop duster to me.

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It just looks like she would just go around and like secretly poot on people all the time.

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She just has that kind of a face.

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It makes you wonder about Travis.

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You don't know, maybe he's that kind of guy.

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Go ahead, I don't mind it.

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There you go.

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Go ahead.

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I'm not saying yes or no, I'm just saying it could be a possibility.

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We love you, Trav.

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Yes, we love you, Trav.

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87, rah rah.

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Okay, next.

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Okay, number three, James Hetfield.

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I agree 100%, although he's not on my list, he looks like a cereal farter and a cereal crop duster.

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Do you want to know my reasoning?

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Yes.

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The song, when he belts out, give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire.

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Dude, he's belting that out, he's got to be exploding somewhere else in that body.

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Oh, you know, he's just like shitting all over the place.

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Oh my God, he blows that.

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He even kind of looks like the guy I used to work with, the cereal farter I told you about.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, you know what, I'll go into that after this just so people know what I'm talking about.

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This guy was bizarre.

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But anyhow, go ahead.

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Okay, number two, Ozzy.

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Yeah, he used to drink a lot.

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That would do it.

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He's Ozzy, man.

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I don't know what.

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You know, he'd get plastered and fucking slammed down tacos.

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Yeah, hell yeah, he was farting all over.

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I mean, I think that's why Jakey Lee left, right?

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Yeah, very well could be.

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I think that's what happened.

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He got farted on one too many times and said, I don't care how much you're paying me, I'm getting tired of fucking going home smelling like shit.

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So.

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Very well, I mean, think about all different stages of his life.

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Yeah, we're not saying yes or no.

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It's been happening forever.

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We're saying it's a possibility. We're not saying yes or no.

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Yeah, possibility.

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Yeah.

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Anyhow, I'm anxious to hear your number one now.

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Okay, my number one, we just talked about Hero of Pat.

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Okay.

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And the way we talked about it gives good reason.

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Okay.

356
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Willie Nelson.

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I took him off my list, dude. I had him on there, but I took him off.

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All he does is sit on stage now.

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Yeah, you know.

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And plus with his, oh my God.

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You know, man, he threw down some Jack, a couple of beers and ate some fucking burritos.

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And then he sits on a stool. He's farting it up, man.

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He is.

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Because he can't walk no more.

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Yeah, I mean, he's got to be doing something, right?

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I mean, hell yeah.

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I'll bet you that he loves to do that.

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He's like, man, boy, I can't wait till I work up a fart while I'm playing.

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Well, yeah, see, while he's playing our half concert, he can do nothing but sit there.

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You know he's farting.

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He has to be.

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He has to be.

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Rob, great list.

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Thank you.

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All right.

376
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I can't wait to hear yours.

377
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Well, this, I took off Willie Nelson in favor of this guy.

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Even though he's deceased, we're still going to honor him even though he passed away a couple years ago.

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David Crosby.

380
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Oh.

381
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Yeah, I took off Willie Nelson for David Crosby.

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And he just looks like a fart.

383
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I mean, yeah, he's overweight, kind of look like Cheech, had the chubby cheeks, probably drank quite a bit.

384
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You know, he had a horrible diet, you know, so I'm pretty sure he did.

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He probably ate giant tenderloins with horseradish sauce, you know, probably hot sauce on tacos.

386
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You know, I'm thinking he was just, I think he was shitting all over the place.

387
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So, my number five is.

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At least we got both of them covered.

389
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Yes.

390
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You took one, I took the other.

391
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Yes, and I'm glad we did.

392
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I'm glad you took Willie Nelson, I'm glad I took David Crosby.

393
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We covered both of them, and they both needed to be covered.

394
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Number four, and this is because the guy is known as a pompous asshole, and I think he would fart on you just because you had to sit there and take it.

395
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And that's John Mayer.

396
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Oh.

397
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Yeah, I think he would walk in the room and go, I'm John Mayer, smell my ass, smell my ass juice.

398
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You have to, because I'm John Mayer.

399
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He would probably make all his roadies and everything smell his asshole, don't you think?

400
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Oh yeah, we've had conversations about our hairy asshole.

401
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Yeah.

402
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I just don't know if he'd make that hairy asshole fart.

403
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No, no, no, no, no.

404
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He would be perfect.

405
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He plucks that.

406
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He has his peasants pluck his asshole hair.

407
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There's no asshole hair down there, yeah, we know this.

408
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So my number four is John Mayer.

409
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Number three, just because the look on his face when he's drumming, Vinny Apacy.

410
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Think about it, Vinny Apacy looks like he's farting while he's playing.

411
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:03,000
I mean, he hits those hard, he's just like, and he's got that kind of a, I don't know, onry, mean looking look on his face.

412
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,000
Yeah, he always has the facial expressions.

413
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,000
Yes, so I didn't even think about that.

414
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,000
I'm telling you, Vinny Apacy is a serial farter in my opinion.

415
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,000
I think that he is also a serial crop duster.

416
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:22,000
I think that this guy has so potent farts that he will kill animals with it.

417
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,000
Good call, good call.

418
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:33,000
Alright, number two, Wolfgang Van Halen. Tell me he's not a farter, Rob.

419
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,000
Okay, I was going to try to leave this Van Halen family alone.

420
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:46,000
Especially him. Especially him. He is a big boy. He is a big boy.

421
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,000
I could not help it. I could not help it. It's there.

422
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:54,000
I do not see how Valerie and Eddie had that big boy.

423
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,000
I don't know. I don't know where it came from.

424
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,000
Not even Alex is that big. Come on.

425
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,000
I know. Alex is a string bean.

426
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,000
Okay, so I think that he just looks like a serial farter. He's kind of like a...

427
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,000
Yeah, yeah, you got that one. I'll give you that one.

428
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,000
And number one, Vince Neil.

429
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,000
Really?

430
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,000
Vince Neil is a farter. Oh my gosh, he's a farter.

431
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,000
Look at him, man. He's got that big belly and the big cheeks.

432
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,000
And he sings like he can't...

433
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:37,000
Oh, you're going... the new Vince Neil.

434
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,000
The new Vince Neil. The stuff right now.

435
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,000
Where he can't hardly sing and he's like, eh.

436
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,000
Okay, yeah. That I will agree with.

437
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,000
I thought Vince Neil... I'm still back in the 80s, dude.

438
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,000
No, no, no, no. That Vince Neil is long gone.

439
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,000
The Vince Neil now. The one in the 80s didn't fart.

440
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,000
This guy now, he farts all the time.

441
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:08,000
So, yeah, so anyhow, you know, you imagine those fucking leather pants that he wears now.

442
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,000
There's all the sweat and fart in them.

443
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:18,000
I mean, I'll tell you what, whoever has to clean them probably has to wear like one of those Tyvek suits with a gas mask, don't you think?

444
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:23,000
Honestly, I bet he spends a lot of money on leather pants.

445
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:25,000
You think he just throws them out?

446
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,000
When he farts, it's going to dry that leather out.

447
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:33,000
Oh, you know what? He probably uses a different pair on every one.

448
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000
You know what you're right.

449
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,000
He's got to have a different pair every time.

450
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:45,000
I bet you he has a leather pants guy that just, you know, like follows him around and gives him leather pants whenever he needs them.

451
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,000
That's probably what happens.

452
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,000
Probably.

453
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,000
I'm pretty sure. Let's see, what was I going to...

454
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,000
Oh, oh.

455
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,000
Very good list, Mark. Very good list.

456
00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Okay, I'm going to tell the Mad Farter here real quick because I brought it up and a lot of people probably didn't hear this before.

457
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:22,000
But I worked with this guy that he would be out on a job somewhere and he could fart in the corner and all of a sudden the smell and this thickness, it was like a gassy fart that was like almost like fog.

458
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:29,000
You could smell that fart on you for the rest of the day and then you'd have to wash it out of your clothes.

459
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,000
He had the worst farts ever.

460
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,000
He could like, whenever he farted, it would stay there all day.

461
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:40,000
It would linger and you'd always get whiffs of it whenever you walked too close to the farting area.

462
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:51,000
Like one time we were at, I think it was at one of the KU buildings and anyhow, he farted in the elevator and four hours later, no one was in the room.

463
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,000
No one was in that area.

464
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:55,000
We were the only ones working.

465
00:44:55,000 --> 00:45:05,000
And anyhow, the super come in from upstairs somewhere and he goes in the elevator, this is three hours, four hours later and all of a sudden you hear a, son of a bitch, who the fuck?

466
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,000
We're like, oh my God.

467
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,000
This is like four hours later.

468
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:14,000
He gets out of their fucking coffin and gagging and he knew it had to be one of us.

469
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,000
And I wanted to run up there and dude, it wasn't me.

470
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,000
That guy right there.

471
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,000
That guy is the one that did it.

472
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,000
So anyhow, he used to fart in the job box and then shut it up, right?

473
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:24,000
When we were leaving that night.

474
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Next morning I'd be there getting ready to get some shit out of there.

475
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,000
I'd open it up and all of a sudden, oh my God.

476
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,000
I'd be like about gagging.

477
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,000
He'd be over there going, yeah, that's me.

478
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,000
And I'm like, no shit.

479
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,000
You're the guy that shit.

480
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:41,000
I know.

481
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,000
I know you did it.

482
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,000
You're the only one that has a shit that lasts all night in a job box.

483
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,000
As a matter of fact, we did the ultimate test.

484
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,000
Yeah, you told that story.

485
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,000
We were in Connecticut, I believe.

486
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:55,000
And anyhow, we were getting ready to send off the job box.

487
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,000
And it's going to be FedEx Ground.

488
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000
And he goes, hey, watch this.

489
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,000
He goes over there and he farts in the box.

490
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,000
He could fart on command too.

491
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,000
I mean, he could fart anytime, anywhere, any place.

492
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,000
No big deal.

493
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,000
So he walks over there and he farts in it and close it up.

494
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,000
Two weeks later, because it's FedEx Ground.

495
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,000
When it reached the shop.

496
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,000
I guess it smelt so bad.

497
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:22,000
When we got back, I don't know, we weren't in the shop for quite a while.

498
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,000
Like, I don't know, three weeks later we saw that box out in the yard.

499
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,000
With it open, airing out.

500
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:35,000
So when they got it there, they had to air it out for a few days because it smelled so damn bad.

501
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:40,000
Anyhow, that guy, there's so much more to it.

502
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,000
But go ahead, what?

503
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:44,000
I would worship him.

504
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,000
I tell you what, he had a gift.

505
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,000
He had a golden gift.

506
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,000
Definitely.

507
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,000
And he could fart on command.

508
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,000
He could just go, ah, okay, here, let me muster one up.

509
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,000
You know, and you would never hear him.

510
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,000
All you'd know is he'd be like, hey, let's muster one up.

511
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,000
You don't even think he did it yet because you didn't hear anything.

512
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,000
And all of a sudden, oh my God.

513
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,000
And then it would permeate your clothes, your hair.

514
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:09,000
You'd be taking a shower at the hotel later.

515
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,000
And you could smell that fart in your hair.

516
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:14,000
There had to have been something wrong.

517
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,000
Oh my God.

518
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,000
There had to have been something wrong with his gut.

519
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,000
Had to have been.

520
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,000
So, anyhow, let's take our second break.

521
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,000
And you know, our boy Tyreke is in some more trouble.

522
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,000
Really?

523
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,000
Yeah, he's in some more trouble.

524
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,000
Yep.

525
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,000
Got to go over this.

526
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:36,000
Yeah, let's go over.

527
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,000
Yeah, let's take a break and go over.

528
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,000
Alright, we got some stuff.

529
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000
Be right back.

530
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,000
Two douchebags and a microphone.

531
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,000
We talk.

532
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,000
Jesus.

533
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,000
Hi all.

534
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,000
This is Chicago.

535
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,000
I am the most dangerous city in North America.

536
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,000
You can't touch me.

537
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,000
Oh yeah?

538
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:15,000
This is Kansas City here.

539
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:17,000
Hold my beer, bitch.

540
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

541
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,000
Let's see.

542
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:32,000
If I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on, could Animal Control come by and pick me up?

543
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,000
I may never know.

544
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,000
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

545
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:43,000
Damn it.

546
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,000
I should have never taught that dog how to read.

547
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,000
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.

548
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,000
I wonder what my dog named me.

549
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,000
I may never know.

550
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,000
Hello.

551
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,000
This is Satan.

552
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,620
You might know me from my

553
00:49:13,620 --> 00:49:15,620
pet name, Inflation.

554
00:49:16,620 --> 00:49:20,620
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than

555
00:49:21,620 --> 00:49:26,620
listening to two douchebags and a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.

556
00:49:27,620 --> 00:49:31,620
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.

557
00:49:32,620 --> 00:49:33,620
Enjoy.

558
00:49:37,620 --> 00:49:40,620
Two douchebags and a microphone, raw and uncensored.

559
00:49:40,620 --> 00:49:42,620
See behind the smoke show.

560
00:49:43,620 --> 00:49:45,620
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.

561
00:49:46,620 --> 00:49:49,620
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.

562
00:49:50,620 --> 00:49:54,620
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.

563
00:49:55,620 --> 00:49:56,620
I didn't do it. I'm not the mad shitter.

564
00:49:57,620 --> 00:50:00,620
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.

565
00:50:01,620 --> 00:50:03,620
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.

566
00:50:04,620 --> 00:50:06,620
Supplies are limited, so act now.

567
00:50:06,620 --> 00:50:09,620
Two ass bags and a box of Cheez-Its will be right back.

568
00:50:10,620 --> 00:50:16,620
Looking for a new laptop on the internet is basically having your computer dig its own grave.

569
00:50:29,620 --> 00:50:33,620
And we are back. Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.

570
00:50:33,620 --> 00:50:35,620
And I'm Rob.

571
00:50:36,620 --> 00:50:42,620
Alright. Like I previously mentioned, our boy Tyreek, we love him.

572
00:50:43,620 --> 00:50:45,620
He played in Kansas City, played very well.

573
00:50:46,620 --> 00:50:50,620
Won a Super Bowl with him, went to another Super Bowl and lost.

574
00:50:51,620 --> 00:50:55,620
Won a couple without him, but that's not saying anything on him, it's saying more on our team.

575
00:50:56,620 --> 00:50:58,620
But he already straightened to Miami.

576
00:50:58,620 --> 00:51:07,620
And I think part of that was maybe a fresh start. Maybe he thought, you know what, I'll go down there and land a sunshine and everything's going to be okay.

577
00:51:08,620 --> 00:51:12,620
But it doesn't sound... Yeah, he really got a fresh start, didn't he?

578
00:51:13,620 --> 00:51:16,620
Yeah, well it doesn't sound like he took advantage of it, that's for sure.

579
00:51:17,620 --> 00:51:21,620
And that's too bad, because I legitimately like Tyreek. I like him.

580
00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:32,620
I think he's generally a fun-loving person that just seems to have a propensity to get in a little trouble here and there, right?

581
00:51:33,620 --> 00:51:37,620
I would say he has an anger management problem.

582
00:51:38,620 --> 00:51:39,620
Probably, yeah. He reacts...

583
00:51:40,620 --> 00:51:42,620
Which is a well-known thing these days.

584
00:51:43,620 --> 00:51:47,620
Yeah, so anyhow, Tyreek, this is all subreddit love. We love you, we hope you get through this.

585
00:51:47,620 --> 00:51:57,620
But according to court documents, our old buddy Tyreek Hill allegedly smashed a cigar in his wife's face because she refused to sign a pre-nup agreement.

586
00:51:58,620 --> 00:51:59,620
Oh my God.

587
00:52:00,620 --> 00:52:06,620
I know, I know. Officers did not notice any marks on her body or signs of a struggle, so no arrests were made.

588
00:52:07,620 --> 00:52:08,620
It had been expected...

589
00:52:09,620 --> 00:52:10,620
Okay.

590
00:52:10,620 --> 00:52:17,620
Well, okay Rob, I mean look, remember, let me go into this a second and here's my opinion on it too.

591
00:52:18,620 --> 00:52:33,620
Remember Jovan Belcher, the chiefs, the guy that committed suicide in the parking lot, the night before he was in some trouble and he was let go, and then he assaulted his girlfriend and stuff?

592
00:52:33,620 --> 00:52:39,620
Well, I think maybe the same type of glad handing was done with Tyreek Hill.

593
00:52:40,620 --> 00:52:42,620
You see what I'm saying? This is my own opinion.

594
00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:44,620
Yeah.

595
00:52:44,620 --> 00:53:03,620
But you know, Jovan Belcher, if a policeman would have said, we don't care who you are, we're going to take you in because you're not thinking correctly, you're getting ready to drive drunk or whatever, you know, whatever happened when he got stopped, if they would have taken a little bit of action right there, he might be alive today.

596
00:53:04,620 --> 00:53:06,620
And his girlfriend might be alive today.

597
00:53:07,620 --> 00:53:08,620
Did he kill his girlfriend?

598
00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:12,620
If I remember right, I believe so, yeah.

599
00:53:12,620 --> 00:53:14,620
Yeah, so it's been quite a few years.

600
00:53:15,620 --> 00:53:16,620
I think it was her girlfriend, yeah.

601
00:53:17,620 --> 00:53:26,620
Yeah, so if someone would have taken action and kind of like foreseen that the guy was having a little bit of trouble, you know, when they had him stopped, maybe all this wouldn't have happened.

602
00:53:27,620 --> 00:53:36,620
I'm not blaming the cop, I know that everybody, you know, we worship these football players, we shouldn't, we think they're great, we pat them on the back, even when they're being stupid because they can make a play.

603
00:53:36,620 --> 00:53:44,620
So anyhow, I think maybe some of this glad handing might have been done to Tyreek Hill and maybe he didn't need it.

604
00:53:45,620 --> 00:53:46,620
Maybe he needed the firm action.

605
00:53:47,620 --> 00:53:48,620
So I don't know.

606
00:53:49,620 --> 00:53:55,620
It had been expected that Miami was going to restructure the contract of Tyreek Hill this off season to open up salary cap space.

607
00:53:55,620 --> 00:54:12,620
It hasn't happened yet and you have to start to think with the laundry list of off field issues, Hill has had that Miami doesn't want to commit any more money to the wide receiver and maybe kick the can down the road with the money tied to him.

608
00:54:13,620 --> 00:54:14,620
Makes you wonder.

609
00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:16,620
It really does.

610
00:54:17,620 --> 00:54:22,620
Possibly looking for the day they can move on from him and the salary cap and have a clean break from his contract.

611
00:54:22,620 --> 00:54:28,620
So all the flack Brett Veach and the Chiefs got for trading Tyreek is now not even a whisper.

612
00:54:29,620 --> 00:54:33,620
Back to back Super Bowl ring since Tyreek was awful cocky right after.

613
00:54:34,620 --> 00:54:35,620
We love him but he was.

614
00:54:36,620 --> 00:54:44,620
I believe he was slamming Kelsey, slamming the Homes, making fun of the Chiefs.

615
00:54:44,620 --> 00:54:54,620
Now I've got to believe that the Chiefs probably consider themselves lucky and the move was perfect timing.

616
00:54:55,620 --> 00:54:59,620
But wait, there's more.

617
00:55:00,620 --> 00:55:01,620
Last week.

618
00:55:02,620 --> 00:55:05,620
I know and I did that very low key too.

619
00:55:06,620 --> 00:55:07,620
You caught it.

620
00:55:08,620 --> 00:55:09,620
You are awesome. I love you.

621
00:55:10,620 --> 00:55:12,620
But wait, there's more.

622
00:55:12,620 --> 00:55:17,620
I would love to do Vince from Shamwell commercial but I can't do the Vince from Shamwell commercial.

623
00:55:18,620 --> 00:55:19,620
I can't do his voice.

624
00:55:20,620 --> 00:55:22,620
But wait, there's more.

625
00:55:23,620 --> 00:55:30,620
Last week Tyreek left the comedy club in Atlanta when he was the center of a fight that took place at the event.

626
00:55:31,620 --> 00:55:35,620
It should be noted that Tyreek left the venue before the fight took place.

627
00:55:35,620 --> 00:55:41,620
Nevertheless, the argument which led to the fight was around Tyreek and both people Tyreek went to the show with.

628
00:55:42,620 --> 00:55:44,620
So that shows you bad judgment right there.

629
00:55:45,620 --> 00:55:48,620
That shows you he's hanging out with people he should not hang out and that's the first problem.

630
00:55:49,620 --> 00:55:53,620
You know, if you're going to change your habits you've got to change your playmates, right?

631
00:55:54,620 --> 00:55:55,620
Oh yeah, definitely.

632
00:55:56,620 --> 00:55:58,620
He's not doing that. It doesn't sound like.

633
00:55:58,620 --> 00:56:12,620
So per a New York Post article, Brittany Lackner, 30, and Kimberly Baker, 29, accused the all-pro football player of not adequately providing for the children he allegedly concede with them.

634
00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:16,620
They're demanding more child support than $2,500 per month.

635
00:56:17,620 --> 00:56:18,620
He already pays them both.

636
00:56:19,620 --> 00:56:24,620
As stated in legal papers, both lawsuits are ongoing and were filed separately in Broward County.

637
00:56:24,620 --> 00:56:27,620
Both children in question were born in 2023.

638
00:56:28,620 --> 00:56:37,620
The report says Lackner gave birth to her son, Saul Karazhan Hill, on February 7, 2023.

639
00:56:38,620 --> 00:56:52,620
After alleging the month prior she had sex with Hill in Florida in 2022, in her lawsuit Lackner alleged a parental paternity test proved 29-year-old Hill was a father with a greater than 99.9% probability.

640
00:56:52,620 --> 00:56:57,620
And the other lady had been proven the same way that that is his child.

641
00:56:58,620 --> 00:57:10,620
So he's also doing some stuff, promiscuous stuff, having sex with multiple women and obviously probably not wearing a condom.

642
00:57:11,620 --> 00:57:15,620
It would appear in all of this is a behavior that will take you down.

643
00:57:15,620 --> 00:57:29,620
Well, Mark, if you remember right, just recently I brought up a story, a new story about that.

644
00:57:30,620 --> 00:57:31,620
Oh yeah.

645
00:57:32,620 --> 00:57:43,620
He got one woman pregnant, shortly got another woman pregnant, and he was locked up in a child support battle.

646
00:57:43,620 --> 00:57:44,620
Yeah.

647
00:57:45,620 --> 00:57:46,620
And then there's that big fiasco.

648
00:57:47,620 --> 00:57:49,620
That may have been like two, three months ago.

649
00:57:50,620 --> 00:57:52,620
No, but nevertheless I remembered it, and you're right.

650
00:57:53,620 --> 00:57:54,620
And thanks for pointing that out.

651
00:57:55,620 --> 00:58:03,620
You did mention that, and also he had that fiasco here in Kansas City, remember, where someone beat his child.

652
00:58:04,620 --> 00:58:06,620
It turned out not to be him, but it was his wife or something.

653
00:58:07,620 --> 00:58:10,620
I think allegedly she beat the child or something, or something happened.

654
00:58:10,620 --> 00:58:13,620
And anyhow, there's like a big hubbub about that.

655
00:58:14,620 --> 00:58:17,620
Yeah, but he got the blame, but he got out of it.

656
00:58:18,620 --> 00:58:21,620
Yeah, but he got out of it. And on there, probably rightfully so.

657
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:24,620
But once again shows poor judgment, right?

658
00:58:25,620 --> 00:58:26,620
Yep.

659
00:58:27,620 --> 00:58:31,620
So, you know, Tyreek, you gotta get away from those people.

660
00:58:32,620 --> 00:58:33,620
You gotta get away from those yes men.

661
00:58:34,620 --> 00:58:35,620
The yes men kill you.

662
00:58:35,620 --> 00:58:40,620
You need someone to tell you, dude, get your head out of your ass and start flying right.

663
00:58:41,620 --> 00:58:44,620
I bet you Cream Hunt wish he would have had not so many yes men that one night.

664
00:58:45,620 --> 00:58:47,620
He could have had like three Super Bowl rings.

665
00:58:48,620 --> 00:58:49,620
Yeah.

666
00:58:50,620 --> 00:58:52,620
But instead he has none, and he barely has a clue.

667
00:58:53,620 --> 00:58:57,620
He may have got us the one that we lost.

668
00:58:58,620 --> 00:59:02,620
Yeah, he may have, if we'd had a running game a little bit better, he may have.

669
00:59:02,620 --> 00:59:07,620
So yeah, Cream Hunt is probably like right now going, Tyreek, dial it in.

670
00:59:08,620 --> 00:59:09,620
Dial it in, dude. Look at me.

671
00:59:10,620 --> 00:59:14,620
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you. I'm sure you got a story you want to go to.

672
00:59:15,620 --> 00:59:25,620
Okay, well, first off, we have to say hi to Grandma and Jimmy in Dot City.

673
00:59:25,620 --> 00:59:31,620
Grandma Opal, grandson Jimmy, you guys are the best. We love you.

674
00:59:32,620 --> 00:59:33,620
You are.

675
00:59:34,620 --> 00:59:35,620
Yep.

676
00:59:36,620 --> 00:59:40,620
And also, I have another shout out to give.

677
00:59:41,620 --> 00:59:42,620
Oh, okay. We love those.

678
00:59:43,620 --> 00:59:52,620
Shirley in Topeka, Kansas, thank you for liking our Facebook page.

679
00:59:52,620 --> 00:59:56,620
Thank you. You know, we can do a feature person of the week or something.

680
00:59:57,620 --> 01:00:01,620
I finally got one that showed somebody's name.

681
01:00:02,620 --> 01:00:03,620
Cool.

682
01:00:04,620 --> 01:00:05,620
So.

683
01:00:06,620 --> 01:00:07,620
Shirley, thank you. We hope you're listening.

684
01:00:08,620 --> 01:00:11,620
Shirley, if you're listening, DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com.

685
01:00:12,620 --> 01:00:17,620
Got any questions or anything, or if you just want to call in sometime or anything, send them. Send them this way.

686
01:00:18,620 --> 01:00:19,620
Be our guest.

687
01:00:19,620 --> 01:00:21,620
Thank you for reaching out.

688
01:00:22,620 --> 01:00:25,620
Yeah, and we have a few hits in Topeka, so thank you. We appreciate that.

689
01:00:26,620 --> 01:00:31,620
So, Rob, we turn to you. You got a story or was?

690
01:00:32,620 --> 01:00:36,620
Yeah, I mean, my phone's not going. Oh, here we go.

691
01:00:37,620 --> 01:00:38,620
Okay.

692
01:00:39,620 --> 01:00:42,620
I'm going into Loch Ness Monster here.

693
01:00:43,620 --> 01:00:45,620
Oh, nothing wrong with that. Nessie.

694
01:00:45,620 --> 01:00:50,620
And this is off Irish Star.

695
01:00:51,620 --> 01:00:56,620
Okay. I don't think you've ever had that website before. But anyhow, go ahead.

696
01:00:57,620 --> 01:00:59,620
Yeah, I have. I have. I just never mentioned it.

697
01:01:00,620 --> 01:01:01,620
Oh, okay.

698
01:01:02,620 --> 01:01:05,620
It's where a lot of stories like this comes from.

699
01:01:06,620 --> 01:01:07,620
Okay.

700
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:21,620
A video of Loch Ness Monster has emerged that allegedly shows the phenomenon, and it's being hailed as a game-changing piece of footage.

701
01:01:22,620 --> 01:01:35,620
The video was created by the Cryptic Factor podcast using photos from Chai Kelly, who visited the Loch in 2018.

702
01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:36,620
Mm-hmm.

703
01:01:37,620 --> 01:01:47,620
The Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie, as it's strongly called, is one of Scotland's biggest unsolved mysteries.

704
01:01:48,620 --> 01:01:58,620
Some people strongly believe that the mysterious creature lives beneath the water, while others think it's just not possible.

705
01:01:58,620 --> 01:02:08,620
But no matter what you believe, it's always exciting to imagine a living creature hiding under there.

706
01:02:09,620 --> 01:02:24,620
I kind of believe it. I mean, something's there. I'm going to see how deep the Loch Ness is, because we don't know what all is in the ocean so far down. There's no way we know. They're just now finding things.

707
01:02:24,620 --> 01:02:33,620
Yeah, and the ocean comes up into this lot. Okay, let me go a little deeper.

708
01:02:34,620 --> 01:02:39,620
The video shows a big unknown object in the Loch.

709
01:02:40,620 --> 01:02:43,620
745 feet. Wow.

710
01:02:44,620 --> 01:02:51,620
And some, it might look like a creature breaking the water's surface.

711
01:02:51,620 --> 01:02:53,620
Mm-hmm.

712
01:02:54,620 --> 01:02:59,620
You can watch the full video on YouTube, reports the daily record.

713
01:03:00,620 --> 01:03:11,620
So you go to YouTube and watch this video. I'm telling you, the picture I'm looking at, it's one of the best pictures I've ever seen.

714
01:03:12,620 --> 01:03:15,620
And what is this website so people can look at it, including me?

715
01:03:15,620 --> 01:03:21,620
Uh, Irish Star.

716
01:03:22,620 --> 01:03:27,620
Okay, I'm going to look that up, man. That sounds cool. I love pictures like that.

717
01:03:28,620 --> 01:03:32,620
Yeah, look at it. No, this is not my fake story of the week.

718
01:03:33,620 --> 01:03:38,620
Oh, I'm already busted on my fake story, Rob.

719
01:03:39,620 --> 01:03:40,620
Ha!

720
01:03:40,620 --> 01:03:46,620
Already. Yeah, evidently that night the guy sent it because I looked at the timeline.

721
01:03:47,620 --> 01:03:54,620
And I don't know, maybe Indiana's not a death row state or something, or maybe he just looked it up.

722
01:03:55,620 --> 01:03:59,620
And anyhow, you said that's complete bullshit. I find no record of that on the internet at all.

723
01:04:00,620 --> 01:04:03,620
So you got me. And I'll have to look back. I think his name was Ben.

724
01:04:04,620 --> 01:04:08,620
Honestly, I'm thinking our listeners are on top of it. I really do.

725
01:04:08,620 --> 01:04:11,620
They got us so far. All three of their stories.

726
01:04:12,620 --> 01:04:14,620
They're checking us out.

727
01:04:15,620 --> 01:04:19,620
Yeah, I mean, your pencil shavings are on the way, I think it's Ben.

728
01:04:20,620 --> 01:04:25,620
Ben in North Central Ohio, believe it or not.

729
01:04:26,620 --> 01:04:31,620
So, I wonder if he knows, what the hell was her name?

730
01:04:32,620 --> 01:04:33,620
Ruthann.

731
01:04:34,620 --> 01:04:35,620
Ruthann.

732
01:04:35,620 --> 01:04:37,620
Ben, don't forget my girl.

733
01:04:38,620 --> 01:04:39,620
Your friend, she hates me.

734
01:04:40,620 --> 01:04:41,620
I won't forget her.

735
01:04:42,620 --> 01:04:45,620
Rob loves you. Man, me, I guess I was a little rough on you, Ruthann.

736
01:04:46,620 --> 01:04:51,620
If you're listening, say something, because Rob is really hurt. Really hurt.

737
01:04:52,620 --> 01:04:53,620
Rob, how are you? Are you okay?

738
01:04:54,620 --> 01:04:57,620
I'll be, I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

739
01:04:58,620 --> 01:05:01,620
Okay, I know you're devastated when you realize she wasn't listening anymore.

740
01:05:01,620 --> 01:05:04,620
So, anyhow, Ben, if you know Ruthann.

741
01:05:05,620 --> 01:05:08,620
I was honestly getting a kick out of you and her going at it.

742
01:05:09,620 --> 01:05:10,620
I was.

743
01:05:11,620 --> 01:05:12,620
I could not believe she engaged with me.

744
01:05:13,620 --> 01:05:14,620
She gave up.

745
01:05:15,620 --> 01:05:18,620
What did she call me? A meanie beanie or something like that?

746
01:05:19,620 --> 01:05:21,620
I'm not a meanie beanie like you or something.

747
01:05:22,620 --> 01:05:25,620
Ruthann, you had him in the corner.

748
01:05:26,620 --> 01:05:27,620
I was out for the camera.

749
01:05:27,620 --> 01:05:30,620
You were pounding and I was falling down, but you gave up.

750
01:05:31,620 --> 01:05:34,620
The meanie beanie got me. I mean, I was devastated.

751
01:05:35,620 --> 01:05:36,620
That was awful.

752
01:05:37,620 --> 01:05:39,620
Or meanzie beanie or something.

753
01:05:40,620 --> 01:05:42,620
I was like, meanie beanie, I tell you.

754
01:05:43,620 --> 01:05:44,620
I think it's meanie beanie. You're a meanie beanie.

755
01:05:45,620 --> 01:05:46,620
Oh my God.

756
01:05:47,620 --> 01:05:51,620
Anyhow, is that the story, Rob?

757
01:05:52,620 --> 01:05:53,620
Yeah, that was it.

758
01:05:53,620 --> 01:05:56,620
Go look it up. You can read more about it.

759
01:05:57,620 --> 01:06:01,620
Well, we have some soda wars going on.

760
01:06:02,620 --> 01:06:08,620
And anyhow, Pepsi and Coke exchange and blows.

761
01:06:09,620 --> 01:06:10,620
Oh, did you see the article?

762
01:06:11,620 --> 01:06:18,620
Well, no. I see a lot of restaurants changing from one to the other.

763
01:06:19,620 --> 01:06:20,620
Yes, they're like going around.

764
01:06:20,620 --> 01:06:31,620
It looks to me like they're really having a personal war now when it wasn't personal for many years.

765
01:06:32,620 --> 01:06:38,620
And they're actively trying to take each other's contracts, which hasn't happened for years.

766
01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:44,620
Burger King went for Pepsi because Pepsi owned them back in the 90s, I think, or the 80s.

767
01:06:44,620 --> 01:06:51,620
But then because of outcry, they had to go back to Coca-Cola even when Pepsi owned them, I believe.

768
01:06:52,620 --> 01:06:56,620
And that was like a big step on them, you know, stepped on them type of deal.

769
01:06:57,620 --> 01:07:01,620
And then back and forth, you know, it's been really calm for a while.

770
01:07:01,620 --> 01:07:18,620
And then we had the big RC stealing Penn State from Pepsi, which is going to lead to probably RC-Cola getting more big, you know, big accounts like that, I guess you call them or whatever.

771
01:07:19,620 --> 01:07:24,620
So anyhow, Miami, Florida, for more than 100 years, the war has raged between Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

772
01:07:24,620 --> 01:07:31,620
And now Subway restaurants are chiming in with a massive change to their soda machines in the U.S.

773
01:07:32,620 --> 01:07:39,620
Subway, one of the world's largest restaurant grounds, announced Tuesday that it had entered a 10-year agreement, a 10-year one with PepsiCo

774
01:07:40,620 --> 01:07:46,620
to supply its U.S. restaurants, leaving Coke behind in what restaurant business online called a rare shift.

775
01:07:47,620 --> 01:07:52,620
And that is true because ever since the inception of Subway, they have been Coca-Cola.

776
01:07:52,620 --> 01:07:58,620
And they've never been anything else. And it's been kind of synonymous.

777
01:07:59,620 --> 01:08:08,620
And then when Dr. Pepper went to Coca-Cola, you know, then they started serving Dr. Pepper and it became a big deal.

778
01:08:09,620 --> 01:08:12,620
People were like, oh, you can get Coke and Dr. Pepper there. And, you know, people really liked it.

779
01:08:12,620 --> 01:08:27,620
So this is this is kind of big news. Under the agreement, starting January 1st, 2025, Subway will offer Pepsi products, including Pepsi, Pepsi Zero Sugar, Mountain Dew, Starry, Tropicana, Lipton, and Aquafina Water, and Gatorade.

780
01:08:28,620 --> 01:08:33,620
The company said franchises will have the option to carry a larger selection of Gatorade flavors.

781
01:08:33,620 --> 01:08:43,620
The partnership with PepsiCo is an exciting milestone for our journey to become America's favorite place to eat, drink, and work, said Doug Frye, president of Subway North America.

782
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:48,620
There's more to this article, but I'm not going to read it because it just talks about the brands.

783
01:08:49,620 --> 01:08:57,620
But the other news is, and this is where I'm going into is kind of being a war again, is Culver's was Pepsi ever since their inception.

784
01:08:58,620 --> 01:09:00,620
They're switching to Coke starting next year.

785
01:09:00,620 --> 01:09:04,620
Are they? Yes, they're going to be Coca Cola products.

786
01:09:05,620 --> 01:09:13,620
And that's too bad because that's like, you know, I'm a real sugar snob. I admit this and all that. And everybody knows this that lists the program.

787
01:09:14,620 --> 01:09:20,620
Their Pepsi that has corn syrup in is really good. I can actually drink that.

788
01:09:20,620 --> 01:09:29,620
They do the right temperature. And I think in the stainless steel containers, the old kegs, the old stainless steel kegs, which makes a difference.

789
01:09:30,620 --> 01:09:37,620
And they keep them at the right temperature and serve it at the right temperature to where it's very good. But anyhow, they're going to Coke. So no more of that.

790
01:09:38,620 --> 01:09:42,620
Anyhow, you got anything, Rob, or we're going to wrap this bitch up for tonight?

791
01:09:43,620 --> 01:09:47,620
Yeah, I got one more real quick. All right, let's hear it.

792
01:09:47,620 --> 01:09:52,620
It's a more or less a warning to parents. OK.

793
01:09:57,620 --> 01:10:14,620
A Georgia mom whipped up a frigate frenzy on social media this week after warning parents in a now viral video that their teens have found a peculiar way to get high.

794
01:10:14,620 --> 01:10:19,620
OK, by snipping that bag.

795
01:10:23,620 --> 01:10:37,620
OK, OK, I'm going to I'm going to tell you what this I this is on the New York Post. OK.

796
01:10:37,620 --> 01:10:47,620
OK, top notch. I'm just going to break it down because it goes. It's a pretty long story.

797
01:10:48,620 --> 01:10:52,620
But yeah, these kids are getting busted at school.

798
01:10:52,620 --> 01:11:06,620
And their backpacks with nutmeg. And when it first started happening, they didn't think nothing of it because the kids were saying we need it for home.

799
01:11:07,620 --> 01:11:17,620
Oh, OK. OK, well, then the principal or whoever goes to talk to the teacher.

800
01:11:17,620 --> 01:11:25,620
No, I didn't ask somebody to bring that bag. Well, then they've done a big investigation.

801
01:11:26,620 --> 01:11:34,620
Yeah, kids are taken. So parents watch your nutmeg in your cabinet.

802
01:11:35,620 --> 01:11:38,620
That's kids could be getting high.

803
01:11:39,620 --> 01:11:43,620
Rob, I'm glad that you brought this up. If you're a parent and you see your nutmeg.

804
01:11:43,620 --> 01:11:49,620
Yeah, I mean, it's silly, but it's true.

805
01:11:50,620 --> 01:11:54,620
Well, I mean, the thing I'm looking at is I don't know how much damage it can do to a kid, if any.

806
01:11:55,620 --> 01:11:59,620
But it could be a gateway, you know, that also their snorting nutmeg and getting bored with that.

807
01:12:00,620 --> 01:12:04,620
It's not working like it used to. And then they go to something else. They go to whippets or whatever.

808
01:12:05,620 --> 01:12:07,620
Well, it sounds like they're actually getting high off of it.

809
01:12:07,620 --> 01:12:15,620
Nothing surprises me ever since Jenga or Budhash. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah.

810
01:12:16,620 --> 01:12:23,620
Yeah. Nothing surprises me since Budhash, because people get high on their own waste.

811
01:12:24,620 --> 01:12:28,620
They ferment it in a can or a bottle or something, if I remember correctly, and they sniff it.

812
01:12:28,620 --> 01:12:40,620
And the article said this. One of the things that gives a clue that someone might be on Budhash or Jenga is they smell like shit.

813
01:12:41,620 --> 01:12:43,620
Their breath smells like shit.

814
01:12:44,620 --> 01:12:48,620
It's Budhash. It's Budhash. Come on.

815
01:12:49,620 --> 01:12:54,620
Ever since then, nothing ceases to amaze me what people get high on.

816
01:12:54,620 --> 01:12:59,620
Because to me, that was like the straw that broke the camel's back. It's like there's nothing sacred anymore.

817
01:13:00,620 --> 01:13:06,620
That's it. They went to Tide Pods and now nothing.

818
01:13:07,620 --> 01:13:11,620
Well, I mean, you know, there's a meme going around. I'm sure you've seen it too, Rob.

819
01:13:12,620 --> 01:13:19,620
But hey, it said when I was a kid, the owner's manual of a car told you how to adjust the points.

820
01:13:19,620 --> 01:13:23,620
And I remember me and my dad doing it. We talked about this. You and your dad did it.

821
01:13:24,620 --> 01:13:26,620
Now it tells you not to drink the battery acid.

822
01:13:27,620 --> 01:13:34,620
Dude, yeah, I've seen that one for a couple years now. I totally agree with it.

823
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:40,620
It's true. Remember adjusting the points with your dad? Remember going out there in the valve covers?

824
01:13:41,620 --> 01:13:44,620
Remember taking off the valve covers, scraping off the old gaskets and putting on a new one?

825
01:13:45,620 --> 01:13:47,620
The water pump, taking that off?

826
01:13:47,620 --> 01:13:52,620
Yeah, my old 76-degree classic had points.

827
01:13:53,620 --> 01:14:00,620
Yeah, my old 76 Monte Carlo adjusted the points on that. Man, it ran like a striped ass eight, whatever that means.

828
01:14:01,620 --> 01:14:02,620
Oh yeah.

829
01:14:03,620 --> 01:14:04,620
Yeah, so anyhow.

830
01:14:05,620 --> 01:14:08,620
Hey, hey, maybe that's up for origins.

831
01:14:09,620 --> 01:14:10,620
Oh, you're right.

832
01:14:11,620 --> 01:14:12,620
Striped ass eight.

833
01:14:12,620 --> 01:14:17,620
Okay, I'm going to look that up, dude. That'll be for origins.

834
01:14:18,620 --> 01:14:19,620
Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one.

835
01:14:20,620 --> 01:14:25,620
Yep. We got some people looking at us. We are changing some stuff on the program around.

836
01:14:26,620 --> 01:14:30,620
We're sounding a little bit more professional, legit maybe.

837
01:14:31,620 --> 01:14:37,620
Yeah, we're still dick jokes and all that. But we have some people that are kind of interested in us.

838
01:14:37,620 --> 01:14:44,620
But there's one thing that they keep saying. You guys have to be smoother.

839
01:14:45,620 --> 01:14:48,620
So that's what I'm attempting to do. We have to be smoother.

840
01:14:49,620 --> 01:14:57,620
There's three groups in particular that I really like that and when the time comes, I'll send you all the information.

841
01:14:58,620 --> 01:15:02,620
Because right now it's just back and forth and I'm not even, you know, they're looking at us.

842
01:15:02,620 --> 01:15:07,620
I'm not sure how interested they are and I don't even know what an offer would be or anything, you know.

843
01:15:08,620 --> 01:15:13,620
So anyhow, it's very preliminary. But we're going to be changes of stuff on the program.

844
01:15:14,620 --> 01:15:19,620
Sound a little bit different, but we're still going to be our usual asshole selves. So that's not changing.

845
01:15:20,620 --> 01:15:22,620
Anyhow, I guess.

846
01:15:23,620 --> 01:15:26,620
I do know one thing that's going to change.

847
01:15:27,620 --> 01:15:28,620
Yes.

848
01:15:28,620 --> 01:15:31,620
I'm going to be a lot better.

849
01:15:32,620 --> 01:15:38,620
OK, I can use room to Rob. I stumble all the time. You and I both.

850
01:15:39,620 --> 01:15:43,620
So I know I covered that at the beginning of this podcast.

851
01:15:44,620 --> 01:15:48,620
Oh, well, you know what? I mean, like tonight you're bringing it.

852
01:15:48,620 --> 01:15:57,620
It seems like whenever you don't have stuff going on and you don't have issues on the weekend and all that during the week, you are a completely different animal.

853
01:15:58,620 --> 01:16:04,620
I am. I have. I've noticed that too. I'm better during the weekend. I am the weekend.

854
01:16:05,620 --> 01:16:09,620
I listen to a replay and I'm laughing my ass off at your shit.

855
01:16:09,620 --> 01:16:18,620
You're like going into these weird stories I never even thought about thinking about, you know, reporting on and little quips here and there and all that, man.

856
01:16:19,620 --> 01:16:24,620
But, you know, just certain times during the weekend, you know, it's a little angry and a little, you know.

857
01:16:25,620 --> 01:16:29,620
But anyhow, we've addressed that and we're working on that.

858
01:16:30,620 --> 01:16:37,620
Yes, we have. And my sword is raised to fight that demon.

859
01:16:37,620 --> 01:16:40,620
Rob, you will get it done. You will get it done.

860
01:16:41,620 --> 01:16:42,620
I will. I have to.

861
01:16:43,620 --> 01:16:46,620
Anybody that's a praying type, please give Rob a prayer.

862
01:16:47,620 --> 01:16:50,620
He's going to need it. I'm going to say a prayer for him.

863
01:16:51,620 --> 01:16:59,620
But I know that Rob will be victorious because Rob wants to see his grandchildren, the ones he haven't even met yet, get married.

864
01:17:00,620 --> 01:17:04,620
And that involves living another 30 years. So there you go.

865
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:10,620
All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. You guys are great.

866
01:17:11,620 --> 01:17:16,620
The outpour, the outcry for Rob has been just, I mean, I got emotional when I read it.

867
01:17:17,620 --> 01:17:19,620
I mean, people genuinely care about us.

868
01:17:20,620 --> 01:17:23,620
And I can't thank you. I can't thank you more.

869
01:17:24,620 --> 01:17:28,620
So thank you guys. And we endearingly call you. Thank you assholes. Have a good night.

870
01:17:29,620 --> 01:17:32,620
Thank you, everyone.

871
01:17:32,620 --> 01:17:36,620
Thank you, everyone. Good night, assholes.

872
01:17:49,620 --> 01:17:52,620
Hey, where did they go? Where are the douchebags?

873
01:17:53,620 --> 01:17:57,620
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez.

874
01:17:57,620 --> 01:18:03,620
I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.