Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue waters of the Missouri River, it's Two Douchebags and a Microphone Podcast.
And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone Pledge, I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to download every show.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to grab family members phones and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers and download the show from there.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the show is.
And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter mile radius.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone
Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Seth.
That's right, smell your enemy before they get you. Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food.
Continuing our quest here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone to be constantly funny, once again we offer you
Strange Insults from an Alien
When you all see that from your computer, we're gonna hit those cellcatchers.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell.
Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their ass with politically correct washrags.
Two Douchebags and a Microphone invade your ear holes in 3, 2, 1.
Have you ever wondered where something came from? Have you ever looked at something and said, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origins of Beignet. Beignet was first made in appearance in New Orleans in the 1700s when French Creole colonists settled the land.
According to NewOrleans.com, also known as French Arcadians, they moved to the Bayou lands in Louisiana after they were forced from their homes in the Nova Scotia area by the British.
Reports Britannica.
So anyhow, that being said, everybody has their issues. Don't judge a man. I mean, we all have our stuff.
Every one of us has our stuff. And we all have our own demons that we face. And we all know what they are.
And Rob is no different. But Rob has enough guts to come on this show and actually talk about his demons.
And he's going to actually just give it to you straight and how he's feeling and how come everything led to what it did the last show.
And I want to reiterate this. Rob and I are great friends. Rob is staying on the program because Rob is seeking help.
Rob is trying to help. And one of these things that helps him is the program. This is his outlet.
So that being said, Rob, take it away.
First and foremost, I apologize to everybody. Everybody.
Unfortunately, everybody got to meet my demon this weekend.
Mark, I've been talking to Mark. Mark knows I've been going through a lot of things.
There was one part I did not tell Mark.
And unfortunately, this weekend, since I was so busy in my head, my demon took over. And I am so sorry for that, everybody.
Since then, I had to go. I had a terrible smack in the face Tuesday, March 19th, which was yesterday.
First of all, first thing in the morning, like normal, I'm getting ready for work.
I listen to that podcast. And just so everybody knows, I listened to every second all the way until it went off the air.
I am not proud.
Then what I did not tell Mark is I've been having some health issues.
And I've been recently to a doctor. And after I listened to that yesterday morning,
yesterday afternoon after work was my follow-up at my doctor.
And come to find out all my problems stem from drinking, which right now at this point, if I get a handle on it, I'll be alright with minimal damage.
But if I keep going like I am, this could turn very, very bad.
So here's what I'm doing right here, right now.
I, Rob Rad, pledge foremost to myself and to my family, which anybody that knows me knows that family runs deeper than blood with me.
Mark knows that.
I've known this from day one when I met you.
And that's one of the reasons you and I really got along.
We had our fun and everything like we talked about before, smacking each other in the ass with tongs or whatever.
But the bottom line is family.
Well, here's my pledge.
From this day forward, I, Rob Rad, will raise up my sword and I promise I will beat and defeat this demon.
For all of you, I don't care if you are the occasional listener that never contacts us.
I don't care if you're the people that contacts us all the time.
You are family.
Anybody in this podcast is my family.
And I'm doing this for myself, my family, my kids, my grandkids.
It's time I have to fix this.
I would like to say something about our audience.
Most of the emails, there were a couple that were...
I figured we'd been flooded.
Yeah, but you know what? Most of them were actually wondering how you're doing.
They weren't motherfucking you, dude.
They were wondering how you were doing.
And I thank you guys. I can't thank you guys enough for that.
For caring about us that much.
Well, Mark, you know what I was up against this last weekend.
Everything I went through. I talked to you about it before and it's that, the hell stuff.
I know. And you know what, Rob?
I kept that from you and I should not have. And I'm sorry.
It's okay because I understand stuff like that. Sometimes you don't want to talk about it.
But you know what, Rob? I almost told us to just not do the program because I could tell before that you were really down and you were really angry about some stuff and you had some other things going on.
And almost ended the program, but something told me to keep it going and now I know why. Now I know why.
Yeah, and the bearer did not help.
Well, yeah, of course. But now I know why. I had that inner voice that said, no, go ahead and do it. Go ahead and do it.
And then almost didn't post the podcast. I was like, you know what? No. And I said, no, do it. Do it. Because I wanted you to hear it because I know you're a proud person.
Yeah, I always have been. You know that.
You know that. Like I said, this demon that has been inside me for years that I've been fighting for years. Sometimes I'm winning the battle, sometimes I'm losing it.
And this weekend with everything I had on me, the demon just took over. I mean, you know, there was no balance this weekend. The demon just took over.
Yeah.
Okay, Mark. All right. Lighter note. You got anything else? Because I think I need it.
Okay. All right. I got some stories here. We're just going to move right along because, Rob, you're on the right path. And 99% of the emails we got were actually very warm hearted and wishing you the best.
So, like I said before, I cannot thank you people enough that listen to this. Thank you. Thank you for caring about Rob.
It would be so easy to motherfuck him right now. You can be like, oh, that dick, he ruined it or whatever. But everybody except for I think I had two emails, just two emails that were assholes.
And the rest were caring people. And I would like to thank everybody for that. If you're the praying type, say a prayer for Rob. He would appreciate and so would I.
You know, this battle that he's facing is a tough battle. He's going to get through it, but it's going to be hard. So that being said, we're wrapping that up with a little bow and we're going to go on to dick jokes. How about that? Like we always do.
Let's get on with the show. The show must go on.
Yes, it does. And it will. Rob, you ever play a video game and wish you could smell like the gunpowder? I have. I used to be into Diablo big time. Some other games too. I was like a real Diablo nerd. I lost three years of my life to Diablo.
All I do is come home and play that damn game and then go to work and come home and play that damn game. So anyhow.
Okay, I think I see where you're going. Mine's a little different, but yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, okay. So the deal is this right here. I always kind of wondered, man, you know, it'd be great. Now they do first person and I'm like, you know, I always thought that would be cool. Now it looks like you're looking at them like they're looking at you.
And they have all the AI that figure stuff out and all this stuff. And it's like really cool. But now they came up with the coolest thing ever.
And yeah, here I'll just go ahead and go with the article here. Ever wish you could smell the roses while questing in Skyrim? Or just get a whiff of gunpowder when a firefight breaks out in Call of Duty?
Well, wish no more because a new gadget called GameScent wants to put your nose to work while you play video games. What do you think of that, Rob?
See, that's, yeah, that's, you were going into it. I was taking my old game. That would have been awesome.
This is genius. This is genius. This is going to help the gaming community so much. I mean, you already can talk to each other, see each other and all the stuff you couldn't do back when I was playing it.
I mean, all you can do is type in stuff like, you know, whenever I'd stop, I'd be like, man, dump. And people are like, okay, Mark's taking a dump. Or pee. Okay, Mark's taking a pee. Stop.
You know, stuff like that. But now you can see each other, you can hear each other, all that stuff. So what is GameScent?
GameScent promises to add an extra layer of immersion to video games by allowing players to smell the virtual worlds they are exploring. Developed by a company of the same name, GameScent, uses artificial intelligence, AI, for real time audio cues from games to dispense scents that match the onscreen action.
The website states the product is the first AI-powered scent release system that releases scents with your gameplay. So if you're walking through a rose garden, you're going to smell roses. If you're walking through a sewage pit, you're probably going to hold your nose. Right?
And to me, to me, that is almost being there. The small device connects to your PCs, consoles, and VR headsets via HDMI or a 3.5 audio jack.
Inside are swappable scent cartridges that contain fragrances like gunpowder, smoke, grass, or rain. When GameScent detects certain sounds through the audio feed, like gunshots or screeching tires, it releases a puff of the corresponding odor into the air.
The aim is to make the gaming experience more vivid by engaging the sense of smell along with sight and sound. GameScent also includes a clean air cartridge to neutralize any lingering scents between gaming sessions. Wow!
So you can clean the air out if there's a lot of like a lot of gun smoke or whatever, black powder smoke or whatever. You can do, and let's say you're going to go into a tranquil game or something like you're building homes or something, you know, whatever, whatever it might be.
You can put in a clean air and get rid of all that other stuff and not smell the gunpowder and I don't know the dead people or whatever, you know, so.
Bad ass. Yeah, isn't it? I'll tell you what, man, I wish they had that back then. Well, no, I don't. No, I don't. I would have been a nerd.
Like I was saying. Okay. Oh, no. Okay. Real quick and then you go to what you're saying. I would have been a nerd for 30 years. I'd still been a nerd if that happened. Anyhow, Rob, we go ahead with what you're saying.
Well, I got briefly into PlayStation and PlayStation 2 and my game was Jet Moda, which was Wave Runner rafting. I don't think I ever saw that.
Dude, I can imagine smelling the exhaust off the Wave Runners and that fresh breeze off the coast. That'd been awesome. Seeing how me and my buddy were sitting there playing with steering wheel and foot pedals back in the 90s.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. That'd be great. Yeah, that's the smell, that exhaust off that.
Very cool. Yeah. That'd be great.
Anyhow, Rob, do you have something you want to go into?
Yeah, I got a little one here. Alright, let's hear it.
Thumbs up for kick 1530 AM classic country that I tend to get a lot of.
You used them a couple of times before. Oracle ballpups. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry.
No, no, you're alright. You're alright.
This is a life hack.
Okay.
I love life hacks and especially the ones that cost very little money.
Me too.
As a nearly lifelong Missouri resident, I had never heard of a simple one, but it's genius and could save your food.
I'll explain why every person in Missouri should put paper towels in their fridge as soon as possible.
Okay, like I said, I'm reading this article, but I do not see why this is strictly Missouri. This should be anywhere.
Okay.
Anywhere. I wish I could tell you that this stroke of genius just suddenly appeared in my mind as an original idea, but that's not the truth.
Reader's Digest just shared this brilliant yet simple reason why you should put paper towels in your Missouri fridge right now. Seriously, do it.
Here's why. They point out that if you have vegetables in your fridge, they tend to release moisture, which will eventually cause other produce to spoil eventually.
When you put a roll of paper towels in your fridge, they collect the moisture, which can greatly extend the life of your food.
Don't have any paper towels you can spare? There's another adjustment that this had, and it works almost as well.
Okay.
If you have paper towels, you can put a roll of toilet paper in your fridge.
Now, I've heard of that, but I never did get to the bottom of why you should do that. I guess the same reason?
Yeah. It's the moisture that all your produce puts off, and it'll mess with all your other food.
I've heard that before. I do believe that's true.
Both hacks do require that you replace the toilet paper and or paper towels somewhat regularly, or the moisture that they've collected will eventually make them less effective.
If you think about how expensive food has gotten, it's a really money saver to sacrifice a roll of paper product to help your edibles last longer.
You see, Rob, I think I was viewing this all wrong. I thought that the produce I was getting was late, like they didn't sell it for a while and I bought some bad produce.
Maybe all along it was the other produce. You see what I'm saying? Maybe it was me storing it in the wrong place.
Yeah, the produce that you already had in the fridge.
Yes. You see, maybe it was me, and I thought, and I was like, oh man, that place sells me crap. When actually that wasn't true. It was me not knowing how to store it correctly. It sounds like.
Just grab a cheap roll of paper towels, throw it in your fridge.
I'm going to do that. Thank you, Rob. That's excellent.
Just make sure you keep, just make sure you change them out from time to time.
Or like I said, they lose their effectiveness. They only collect so much.
You know what? If you have a really, really, really lot of vegetables, use a couple of MaxiPads.
Hey, good idea. Yeah, they're more absorbent. Never tell ya.
Ah, see.
Two douchebags and microphone once again uncovers it. They uncover it like we always do. We are the sluice. You are welcome.
Let's take our first break and we're going to come back. Come back. I've got another interesting story.
And then a band that's going to call it quits. And then we can go into, if you want, we can go into the top farters on stage.
Yes. Yes. We'll get to that here in a couple minutes. Yes. I'm ready. I'm ready.
Alright, so am I. I'm proud of my list, dude. I'm proud of my list.
Ashley, I'm proud of mine too. Oh, this is going to be epic.
Alright, everybody. We'll be back here in a couple minutes.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So, if I have a glass of ice water and the ice melts into the water, is my water then watered down?
Hmm. I may never know.
I may never know.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know what to do. You don't know where to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.
Hi all. This is Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to Ground Zero and saying, fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy running around looking for radioactive deer, guessing whether water is not contaminated or not?
No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no, there's a strong argument that says, you know what?
Let's just go to Ground Zero and see what's for us after. Just a thought.
Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
Somewhere in the heavens your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Now it's time for pick up lines from a loser.
Can you take me to the hospital? I just broke my leg falling for you.
Next up, things overheard in hell.
Spam. With Spam Helper tonight. How yummy.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Now, from the makers of the Who-Mit-My-Asshole Board Game comes the Rob Rad Jigsaw Puzzle.
That's right, put Rob back together.
This brilliant glossy photo of Rob wearing a loin cloth in a rainforest is the perfect stocking stuffer.
Order now and get a free butt plug keychain.
Keychain.
Alright, and then we are two douchebags in microphone and I'm Mark.
And I am Rob.
Alright, this, okay let me think.
Okay, Rob, this is an interesting story because I never thought that people would go to this length to watch basketball, the tournament.
I first heard this on Fox 4 the other morning here in Kansas City.
Yeah, on their morning show.
And I was like wow, and then I did some research and they were totally correct.
I figured they were though.
But anyhow, apparently men schedule their bisectomies right before the NCAA tournament.
That way they can be at home watching it and have quiet time with probably a bag of ice over their nuts.
Did you know that?
Dude, that is brilliant. That is brilliant.
I know if you're going to do it anyhow.
And I guess like surgeons are having a problem fitting everybody in because everyone is like I want to do this right here.
And they're like well everybody else does too.
Who the hell thought of this first, Rob?
That almost makes me want to go get one of these guys to watch and not work.
That's awesome.
Stuff like that makes me love America even more.
Oh, I love it.
You're willing to go get your nuts cut so you can watch the tournament.
That is a fan. That is a fan.
So anyhow, I could go more into that article but man I think we covered everything right there didn't we?
Oh yeah, that's for myself.
Okay, someone is retiring.
Definitely a lot more like that's more of what I needed right there. Thank you.
Like you said, you talk about life hack. That is a man's life hack right there.
I mean think about it man. You're sitting there like you're sitting there on like some sort of a drug.
Some sort of a pain reliever, right? Some sort of a heavy pain reliever.
You're on like Vicodin or something. You're drooling and watching an NCA tournament.
And then you can go to sleep, well me, Vicodin puts me to sleep or hydrocodone.
It puts me to sleep so I could sit there with a bag over my nuts.
I couldn't be drinking a beer but I could be drinking a real sugar coke or something.
And watching an NCAA tournament and then during the down time I could take a nap.
Yeah, yeah, and during the game you don't want to watch you sleep.
Yeah, and you have chips and dip there and you don't have to get up and get them.
Because you just had your nuts sliced. Someone else has to get them.
Because you're there miserable. You're like, oh man my balls, oh my balls.
And you know, and then someone has to get the stuff for you. Oh man, her dad look at it.
Well, I know when I'm going to schedule next year even though I don't need it.
Yeah, why not?
Okay, and a downer note Rob, I know we both love this band.
We've talked about it before on this program and off this program.
Jeff Lynn's ELO is bringing me down.
The legendary ELO is retiring.
Yeah.
Tuesday Electrolyte Orchestra, if you don't know who I'm talking about,
has announced its retirement after a 27 day tour starting off in California and ending in California.
The tour will start in California and then go to places like Houston.
The closest are coming to Kansas City is St. Louis and I am entertaining going there.
Atlanta and even Vancouver.
Oh man, that'd be awesome.
Anybody that's a fan or kind of a fan, I suggest you go see them.
They put on a great show and their music is their music.
Their music is epic.
Yeah, they have their own sound and it's a fantastic sound.
And they've always been themselves and have always enjoyed the band because of that.
They're a great band and Jeff Lynn is a really good musician.
And if you want to see them live, you're going to have to do it this year because after that they are going bye bye.
Like so many other bands are, it's kind of depressing.
It's kind of bittersweet. The ones that did make it to this age, you know, the 70s and 80s,
which is a miracle in itself because most of these bands we grew up with were on heroin or all different kinds of drugs, right?
And somehow, someway with all this abundance in their life and not having to have control
because everything you do is fine, you know, you're a rock star,
somehow they managed to stop it and then live a long peaceful life somehow.
I mean, it doesn't seem possible, but these ones that made it this far is not the normal.
And the ones that have done it, I mean, now they're retiring.
So you're like kind of glad that they made it that far and they didn't end up a tragic death like Jimi Hendrix or John Bonham or you know.
Well, you think about a lot of them are on their parents' age right now.
At least my mom's age.
Yeah, most of them are. Ozzy is 75 and he has a lot of health issues.
Yeah, my mom's 77.
Yep, same ballpark. My mom's 83. She's still doing okay.
I mean, God bless her.
Which, by the way, my mom shares the same birthday as Gene Simmons on this 25th.
All right. Does she know this?
She did at one point in time, but she wasn't a kiss man. I was.
And at their 2000 Bellware tour in Kansas City, I was at the concert on Gene Simmons and my mom's birthday instead of spending it with my mom.
Oh, wow.
I thought it was the farewell tour.
Was this the tour? I'm trying to get, I thought I went in the late 90s and not 2000, but I want to find out if we're at the same farewell concert.
Okay, this is Ace and Peter, the originals, and then Gene and Paul.
And it was at, I think it was at Sprint Center around?
Sandstone.
Oh, okay, that's not the same one, because the one I went to was, it might have been Kemper even, Kemper might have still been around.
When I was at was Sandstone.
Okay, Stone Temple Pilots open up.
Like I said, I have the shirt right here, the 99 2000 tour and they were in Kansas City in 2000.
Okay, okay, the one I went to was indoors and Stone Temple Pilots opened up. Who opened up for Kiss when you watched them?
Let's see, I know for a fact there was Ted Nuget.
Okay, that's a different one. Okay, they evidently did several.
Oh, I've seen Ted Nuget like four times.
Oh yeah, he puts on a good show, he really does.
Oh, his finale is badass.
And also he's a very underrated guitar player.
Oh, he's a cop.
Very underrated, people don't understand. He's not so much in the really like licking lead stuff.
He's more like rhythm with all these neat chords that he uses and these bridges that are just brilliant.
Kind of like a sped up Mick Mars almost, kind of, not so dark.
Anyhow, we have the top five musicians that part on stage.
Rob and I decided this needed to happen.
Okay, okay, so you dropped it to musicians?
Well, no, no, no, on stage is fine. I'm doing musicians.
No, no, no, the tech I originally got said rock musicians.
No, I meant rock musicians, I just didn't say rock.
No, okay, well, I had different musicians, they're not all rock.
That's fine, that's fine.
And actually, at one point you did say part on stage, I was taking some comedians and stuff.
All mine are musicians.
No, there's no wrong answer. That's what I wanted, musicians is fine.
I don't care if it's like easy listening and I don't care if it's like death metal, whatever.
Oh, you got it, you got it, we're golden then, buddy.
Okay, because mine's not all metal, mine's not, mine's pretty much rock in the rock category, but that's about it.
Yeah, mine bounces a time or two.
Okay, all right, Rob, you go first.
Okay, my number five, Julio Iglesias.
He does look like a farter, doesn't he?
Reason being, he's Latin, think of his diet.
Oh, he eats a lot of beans, oh yeah.
Yeah, it was a Latin diet, yeah, he's a farter.
Brilliant, Rob, brilliant. Bravo.
Okay, number four would start out as a TikTok video, but I firmly believe it happens more than what they say.
Miss Taylor Swift.
Ha ha ha ha, she looks like a crop duster.
Remember the farting TikTok video, I guarantee it probably happens more.
She looks like a cereal farter and a cereal crop duster to me.
It just looks like she would just go around and like secretly poot on people all the time.
She just has that kind of a face.
It makes you wonder about Travis.
You don't know, maybe he's that kind of guy.
Go ahead, I don't mind it.
There you go.
Go ahead.
I'm not saying yes or no, I'm just saying it could be a possibility.
We love you, Trav.
Yes, we love you, Trav.
87, rah rah.
Okay, next.
Okay, number three, James Hetfield.
I agree 100%, although he's not on my list, he looks like a cereal farter and a cereal crop duster.
Do you want to know my reasoning?
Yes.
The song, when he belts out, give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire.
Dude, he's belting that out, he's got to be exploding somewhere else in that body.
Oh, you know, he's just like shitting all over the place.
Oh my God, he blows that.
He even kind of looks like the guy I used to work with, the cereal farter I told you about.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what, I'll go into that after this just so people know what I'm talking about.
This guy was bizarre.
But anyhow, go ahead.
Okay, number two, Ozzy.
Yeah, he used to drink a lot.
That would do it.
He's Ozzy, man.
I don't know what.
You know, he'd get plastered and fucking slammed down tacos.
Yeah, hell yeah, he was farting all over.
I mean, I think that's why Jakey Lee left, right?
Yeah, very well could be.
I think that's what happened.
He got farted on one too many times and said, I don't care how much you're paying me, I'm getting tired of fucking going home smelling like shit.
So.
Very well, I mean, think about all different stages of his life.
Yeah, we're not saying yes or no.
It's been happening forever.
We're saying it's a possibility. We're not saying yes or no.
Yeah, possibility.
Yeah.
Anyhow, I'm anxious to hear your number one now.
Okay, my number one, we just talked about Hero of Pat.
Okay.
And the way we talked about it gives good reason.
Okay.
Willie Nelson.
I took him off my list, dude. I had him on there, but I took him off.
All he does is sit on stage now.
Yeah, you know.
And plus with his, oh my God.
You know, man, he threw down some Jack, a couple of beers and ate some fucking burritos.
And then he sits on a stool. He's farting it up, man.
He is.
Because he can't walk no more.
Yeah, I mean, he's got to be doing something, right?
I mean, hell yeah.
I'll bet you that he loves to do that.
He's like, man, boy, I can't wait till I work up a fart while I'm playing.
Well, yeah, see, while he's playing our half concert, he can do nothing but sit there.
You know he's farting.
He has to be.
Rob, great list.
Thank you.
All right.
I can't wait to hear yours.
Well, this, I took off Willie Nelson in favor of this guy.
Even though he's deceased, we're still going to honor him even though he passed away a couple years ago.
David Crosby.
Oh.
Yeah, I took off Willie Nelson for David Crosby.
And he just looks like a fart.
I mean, yeah, he's overweight, kind of look like Cheech, had the chubby cheeks, probably drank quite a bit.
You know, he had a horrible diet, you know, so I'm pretty sure he did.
He probably ate giant tenderloins with horseradish sauce, you know, probably hot sauce on tacos.
You know, I'm thinking he was just, I think he was shitting all over the place.
So, my number five is.
At least we got both of them covered.
Yes.
You took one, I took the other.
Yes, and I'm glad we did.
I'm glad you took Willie Nelson, I'm glad I took David Crosby.
We covered both of them, and they both needed to be covered.
Number four, and this is because the guy is known as a pompous asshole, and I think he would fart on you just because you had to sit there and take it.
And that's John Mayer.
Oh.
Yeah, I think he would walk in the room and go, I'm John Mayer, smell my ass, smell my ass juice.
You have to, because I'm John Mayer.
He would probably make all his roadies and everything smell his asshole, don't you think?
Oh yeah, we've had conversations about our hairy asshole.
Yeah.
I just don't know if he'd make that hairy asshole fart.
No, no, no, no, no.
He would be perfect.
He plucks that.
He has his peasants pluck his asshole hair.
There's no asshole hair down there, yeah, we know this.
So my number four is John Mayer.
Number three, just because the look on his face when he's drumming, Vinny Apacy.
Think about it, Vinny Apacy looks like he's farting while he's playing.
I mean, he hits those hard, he's just like, and he's got that kind of a, I don't know, onry, mean looking look on his face.
Yeah, he always has the facial expressions.
Yes, so I didn't even think about that.
I'm telling you, Vinny Apacy is a serial farter in my opinion.
I think that he is also a serial crop duster.
I think that this guy has so potent farts that he will kill animals with it.
Good call, good call.
Alright, number two, Wolfgang Van Halen. Tell me he's not a farter, Rob.
Okay, I was going to try to leave this Van Halen family alone.
Especially him. Especially him. He is a big boy. He is a big boy.
I could not help it. I could not help it. It's there.
I do not see how Valerie and Eddie had that big boy.
I don't know. I don't know where it came from.
Not even Alex is that big. Come on.
I know. Alex is a string bean.
Okay, so I think that he just looks like a serial farter. He's kind of like a...
Yeah, yeah, you got that one. I'll give you that one.
And number one, Vince Neil.
Really?
Vince Neil is a farter. Oh my gosh, he's a farter.
Look at him, man. He's got that big belly and the big cheeks.
And he sings like he can't...
Oh, you're going... the new Vince Neil.
The new Vince Neil. The stuff right now.
Where he can't hardly sing and he's like, eh.
Okay, yeah. That I will agree with.
I thought Vince Neil... I'm still back in the 80s, dude.
No, no, no, no. That Vince Neil is long gone.
The Vince Neil now. The one in the 80s didn't fart.
This guy now, he farts all the time.
So, yeah, so anyhow, you know, you imagine those fucking leather pants that he wears now.
There's all the sweat and fart in them.
I mean, I'll tell you what, whoever has to clean them probably has to wear like one of those Tyvek suits with a gas mask, don't you think?
Honestly, I bet he spends a lot of money on leather pants.
You think he just throws them out?
When he farts, it's going to dry that leather out.
Oh, you know what? He probably uses a different pair on every one.
You know what you're right.
He's got to have a different pair every time.
I bet you he has a leather pants guy that just, you know, like follows him around and gives him leather pants whenever he needs them.
That's probably what happens.
Probably.
I'm pretty sure. Let's see, what was I going to...
Oh, oh.
Very good list, Mark. Very good list.
Okay, I'm going to tell the Mad Farter here real quick because I brought it up and a lot of people probably didn't hear this before.
But I worked with this guy that he would be out on a job somewhere and he could fart in the corner and all of a sudden the smell and this thickness, it was like a gassy fart that was like almost like fog.
You could smell that fart on you for the rest of the day and then you'd have to wash it out of your clothes.
He had the worst farts ever.
He could like, whenever he farted, it would stay there all day.
It would linger and you'd always get whiffs of it whenever you walked too close to the farting area.
Like one time we were at, I think it was at one of the KU buildings and anyhow, he farted in the elevator and four hours later, no one was in the room.
No one was in that area.
We were the only ones working.
And anyhow, the super come in from upstairs somewhere and he goes in the elevator, this is three hours, four hours later and all of a sudden you hear a, son of a bitch, who the fuck?
We're like, oh my God.
This is like four hours later.
He gets out of their fucking coffin and gagging and he knew it had to be one of us.
And I wanted to run up there and dude, it wasn't me.
That guy right there.
That guy is the one that did it.
So anyhow, he used to fart in the job box and then shut it up, right?
When we were leaving that night.
Next morning I'd be there getting ready to get some shit out of there.
I'd open it up and all of a sudden, oh my God.
I'd be like about gagging.
He'd be over there going, yeah, that's me.
And I'm like, no shit.
You're the guy that shit.
I know.
I know you did it.
You're the only one that has a shit that lasts all night in a job box.
As a matter of fact, we did the ultimate test.
Yeah, you told that story.
We were in Connecticut, I believe.
And anyhow, we were getting ready to send off the job box.
And it's going to be FedEx Ground.
And he goes, hey, watch this.
He goes over there and he farts in the box.
He could fart on command too.
I mean, he could fart anytime, anywhere, any place.
No big deal.
So he walks over there and he farts in it and close it up.
Two weeks later, because it's FedEx Ground.
When it reached the shop.
I guess it smelt so bad.
When we got back, I don't know, we weren't in the shop for quite a while.
Like, I don't know, three weeks later we saw that box out in the yard.
With it open, airing out.
So when they got it there, they had to air it out for a few days because it smelled so damn bad.
Anyhow, that guy, there's so much more to it.
But go ahead, what?
I would worship him.
I tell you what, he had a gift.
He had a golden gift.
Definitely.
And he could fart on command.
He could just go, ah, okay, here, let me muster one up.
You know, and you would never hear him.
All you'd know is he'd be like, hey, let's muster one up.
You don't even think he did it yet because you didn't hear anything.
And all of a sudden, oh my God.
And then it would permeate your clothes, your hair.
You'd be taking a shower at the hotel later.
And you could smell that fart in your hair.
There had to have been something wrong.
Oh my God.
There had to have been something wrong with his gut.
Had to have been.
So, anyhow, let's take our second break.
And you know, our boy Tyreke is in some more trouble.
Really?
Yeah, he's in some more trouble.
Yep.
Got to go over this.
Yeah, let's go over.
Yeah, let's take a break and go over.
Alright, we got some stuff.
Be right back.
Two douchebags and a microphone.
We talk.
Jesus.
Hi all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer, bitch.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
Let's see.
If I identify as a dog and I start wandering around the block without a collar on, could Animal Control come by and pick me up?
I may never know.
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
Damn it.
I should have never taught that dog how to read.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
I wonder what my dog named me.
I may never know.
Hello.
This is Satan.
You might know me from my
pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way to relax than
listening to two douchebags and a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy.
Two douchebags and a microphone, raw and uncensored.
See behind the smoke show.
Watch as the douchebags get stung by a stalk of bees.
Enjoy one of many coffee houses ordering our heroes out.
Watch Mark revisit Clinton, Missouri to claim his innocence for all the mad shitter accusations.
I didn't do it. I'm not the mad shitter.
Act now and get both high quality DVD sets and a free douchebag calendar.
Mark off the day with a douchebag looking at you.
Supplies are limited, so act now.
Two ass bags and a box of Cheez-Its will be right back.
Looking for a new laptop on the internet is basically having your computer dig its own grave.
And we are back. Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob.
Alright. Like I previously mentioned, our boy Tyreek, we love him.
He played in Kansas City, played very well.
Won a Super Bowl with him, went to another Super Bowl and lost.
Won a couple without him, but that's not saying anything on him, it's saying more on our team.
But he already straightened to Miami.
And I think part of that was maybe a fresh start. Maybe he thought, you know what, I'll go down there and land a sunshine and everything's going to be okay.
But it doesn't sound... Yeah, he really got a fresh start, didn't he?
Yeah, well it doesn't sound like he took advantage of it, that's for sure.
And that's too bad, because I legitimately like Tyreek. I like him.
I think he's generally a fun-loving person that just seems to have a propensity to get in a little trouble here and there, right?
I would say he has an anger management problem.
Probably, yeah. He reacts...
Which is a well-known thing these days.
Yeah, so anyhow, Tyreek, this is all subreddit love. We love you, we hope you get through this.
But according to court documents, our old buddy Tyreek Hill allegedly smashed a cigar in his wife's face because she refused to sign a pre-nup agreement.
Oh my God.
I know, I know. Officers did not notice any marks on her body or signs of a struggle, so no arrests were made.
It had been expected...
Okay.
Well, okay Rob, I mean look, remember, let me go into this a second and here's my opinion on it too.
Remember Jovan Belcher, the chiefs, the guy that committed suicide in the parking lot, the night before he was in some trouble and he was let go, and then he assaulted his girlfriend and stuff?
Well, I think maybe the same type of glad handing was done with Tyreek Hill.
You see what I'm saying? This is my own opinion.
Yeah.
But you know, Jovan Belcher, if a policeman would have said, we don't care who you are, we're going to take you in because you're not thinking correctly, you're getting ready to drive drunk or whatever, you know, whatever happened when he got stopped, if they would have taken a little bit of action right there, he might be alive today.
And his girlfriend might be alive today.
Did he kill his girlfriend?
If I remember right, I believe so, yeah.
Yeah, so it's been quite a few years.
I think it was her girlfriend, yeah.
Yeah, so if someone would have taken action and kind of like foreseen that the guy was having a little bit of trouble, you know, when they had him stopped, maybe all this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not blaming the cop, I know that everybody, you know, we worship these football players, we shouldn't, we think they're great, we pat them on the back, even when they're being stupid because they can make a play.
So anyhow, I think maybe some of this glad handing might have been done to Tyreek Hill and maybe he didn't need it.
Maybe he needed the firm action.
So I don't know.
It had been expected that Miami was going to restructure the contract of Tyreek Hill this off season to open up salary cap space.
It hasn't happened yet and you have to start to think with the laundry list of off field issues, Hill has had that Miami doesn't want to commit any more money to the wide receiver and maybe kick the can down the road with the money tied to him.
Makes you wonder.
It really does.
Possibly looking for the day they can move on from him and the salary cap and have a clean break from his contract.
So all the flack Brett Veach and the Chiefs got for trading Tyreek is now not even a whisper.
Back to back Super Bowl ring since Tyreek was awful cocky right after.
We love him but he was.
I believe he was slamming Kelsey, slamming the Homes, making fun of the Chiefs.
Now I've got to believe that the Chiefs probably consider themselves lucky and the move was perfect timing.
But wait, there's more.
Last week.
I know and I did that very low key too.
You caught it.
You are awesome. I love you.
But wait, there's more.
I would love to do Vince from Shamwell commercial but I can't do the Vince from Shamwell commercial.
I can't do his voice.
But wait, there's more.
Last week Tyreek left the comedy club in Atlanta when he was the center of a fight that took place at the event.
It should be noted that Tyreek left the venue before the fight took place.
Nevertheless, the argument which led to the fight was around Tyreek and both people Tyreek went to the show with.
So that shows you bad judgment right there.
That shows you he's hanging out with people he should not hang out and that's the first problem.
You know, if you're going to change your habits you've got to change your playmates, right?
Oh yeah, definitely.
He's not doing that. It doesn't sound like.
So per a New York Post article, Brittany Lackner, 30, and Kimberly Baker, 29, accused the all-pro football player of not adequately providing for the children he allegedly concede with them.
They're demanding more child support than $2,500 per month.
He already pays them both.
As stated in legal papers, both lawsuits are ongoing and were filed separately in Broward County.
Both children in question were born in 2023.
The report says Lackner gave birth to her son, Saul Karazhan Hill, on February 7, 2023.
After alleging the month prior she had sex with Hill in Florida in 2022, in her lawsuit Lackner alleged a parental paternity test proved 29-year-old Hill was a father with a greater than 99.9% probability.
And the other lady had been proven the same way that that is his child.
So he's also doing some stuff, promiscuous stuff, having sex with multiple women and obviously probably not wearing a condom.
It would appear in all of this is a behavior that will take you down.
Well, Mark, if you remember right, just recently I brought up a story, a new story about that.
Oh yeah.
He got one woman pregnant, shortly got another woman pregnant, and he was locked up in a child support battle.
Yeah.
And then there's that big fiasco.
That may have been like two, three months ago.
No, but nevertheless I remembered it, and you're right.
And thanks for pointing that out.
You did mention that, and also he had that fiasco here in Kansas City, remember, where someone beat his child.
It turned out not to be him, but it was his wife or something.
I think allegedly she beat the child or something, or something happened.
And anyhow, there's like a big hubbub about that.
Yeah, but he got the blame, but he got out of it.
Yeah, but he got out of it. And on there, probably rightfully so.
But once again shows poor judgment, right?
Yep.
So, you know, Tyreek, you gotta get away from those people.
You gotta get away from those yes men.
The yes men kill you.
You need someone to tell you, dude, get your head out of your ass and start flying right.
I bet you Cream Hunt wish he would have had not so many yes men that one night.
He could have had like three Super Bowl rings.
Yeah.
But instead he has none, and he barely has a clue.
He may have got us the one that we lost.
Yeah, he may have, if we'd had a running game a little bit better, he may have.
So yeah, Cream Hunt is probably like right now going, Tyreek, dial it in.
Dial it in, dude. Look at me.
So anyhow, Rob, we turn to you. I'm sure you got a story you want to go to.
Okay, well, first off, we have to say hi to Grandma and Jimmy in Dot City.
Grandma Opal, grandson Jimmy, you guys are the best. We love you.
You are.
Yep.
And also, I have another shout out to give.
Oh, okay. We love those.
Shirley in Topeka, Kansas, thank you for liking our Facebook page.
Thank you. You know, we can do a feature person of the week or something.
I finally got one that showed somebody's name.
Cool.
So.
Shirley, thank you. We hope you're listening.
Shirley, if you're listening, DoucheB66 at Yahoo.com.
Got any questions or anything, or if you just want to call in sometime or anything, send them. Send them this way.
Be our guest.
Thank you for reaching out.
Yeah, and we have a few hits in Topeka, so thank you. We appreciate that.
So, Rob, we turn to you. You got a story or was?
Yeah, I mean, my phone's not going. Oh, here we go.
Okay.
I'm going into Loch Ness Monster here.
Oh, nothing wrong with that. Nessie.
And this is off Irish Star.
Okay. I don't think you've ever had that website before. But anyhow, go ahead.
Yeah, I have. I have. I just never mentioned it.
Oh, okay.
It's where a lot of stories like this comes from.
Okay.
A video of Loch Ness Monster has emerged that allegedly shows the phenomenon, and it's being hailed as a game-changing piece of footage.
The video was created by the Cryptic Factor podcast using photos from Chai Kelly, who visited the Loch in 2018.
Mm-hmm.
The Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie, as it's strongly called, is one of Scotland's biggest unsolved mysteries.
Some people strongly believe that the mysterious creature lives beneath the water, while others think it's just not possible.
But no matter what you believe, it's always exciting to imagine a living creature hiding under there.
I kind of believe it. I mean, something's there. I'm going to see how deep the Loch Ness is, because we don't know what all is in the ocean so far down. There's no way we know. They're just now finding things.
Yeah, and the ocean comes up into this lot. Okay, let me go a little deeper.
The video shows a big unknown object in the Loch.
745 feet. Wow.
And some, it might look like a creature breaking the water's surface.
Mm-hmm.
You can watch the full video on YouTube, reports the daily record.
So you go to YouTube and watch this video. I'm telling you, the picture I'm looking at, it's one of the best pictures I've ever seen.
And what is this website so people can look at it, including me?
Uh, Irish Star.
Okay, I'm going to look that up, man. That sounds cool. I love pictures like that.
Yeah, look at it. No, this is not my fake story of the week.
Oh, I'm already busted on my fake story, Rob.
Ha!
Already. Yeah, evidently that night the guy sent it because I looked at the timeline.
And I don't know, maybe Indiana's not a death row state or something, or maybe he just looked it up.
And anyhow, you said that's complete bullshit. I find no record of that on the internet at all.
So you got me. And I'll have to look back. I think his name was Ben.
Honestly, I'm thinking our listeners are on top of it. I really do.
They got us so far. All three of their stories.
They're checking us out.
Yeah, I mean, your pencil shavings are on the way, I think it's Ben.
Ben in North Central Ohio, believe it or not.
So, I wonder if he knows, what the hell was her name?
Ruthann.
Ben, don't forget my girl.
Your friend, she hates me.
I won't forget her.
Rob loves you. Man, me, I guess I was a little rough on you, Ruthann.
If you're listening, say something, because Rob is really hurt. Really hurt.
Rob, how are you? Are you okay?
I'll be, I'm getting there. I'm getting there.
Okay, I know you're devastated when you realize she wasn't listening anymore.
So, anyhow, Ben, if you know Ruthann.
I was honestly getting a kick out of you and her going at it.
I was.
I could not believe she engaged with me.
She gave up.
What did she call me? A meanie beanie or something like that?
I'm not a meanie beanie like you or something.
Ruthann, you had him in the corner.
I was out for the camera.
You were pounding and I was falling down, but you gave up.
The meanie beanie got me. I mean, I was devastated.
That was awful.
Or meanzie beanie or something.
I was like, meanie beanie, I tell you.
I think it's meanie beanie. You're a meanie beanie.
Oh my God.
Anyhow, is that the story, Rob?
Yeah, that was it.
Go look it up. You can read more about it.
Well, we have some soda wars going on.
And anyhow, Pepsi and Coke exchange and blows.
Oh, did you see the article?
Well, no. I see a lot of restaurants changing from one to the other.
Yes, they're like going around.
It looks to me like they're really having a personal war now when it wasn't personal for many years.
And they're actively trying to take each other's contracts, which hasn't happened for years.
Burger King went for Pepsi because Pepsi owned them back in the 90s, I think, or the 80s.
But then because of outcry, they had to go back to Coca-Cola even when Pepsi owned them, I believe.
And that was like a big step on them, you know, stepped on them type of deal.
And then back and forth, you know, it's been really calm for a while.
And then we had the big RC stealing Penn State from Pepsi, which is going to lead to probably RC-Cola getting more big, you know, big accounts like that, I guess you call them or whatever.
So anyhow, Miami, Florida, for more than 100 years, the war has raged between Coca-Cola and Pepsi.
And now Subway restaurants are chiming in with a massive change to their soda machines in the U.S.
Subway, one of the world's largest restaurant grounds, announced Tuesday that it had entered a 10-year agreement, a 10-year one with PepsiCo
to supply its U.S. restaurants, leaving Coke behind in what restaurant business online called a rare shift.
And that is true because ever since the inception of Subway, they have been Coca-Cola.
And they've never been anything else. And it's been kind of synonymous.
And then when Dr. Pepper went to Coca-Cola, you know, then they started serving Dr. Pepper and it became a big deal.
People were like, oh, you can get Coke and Dr. Pepper there. And, you know, people really liked it.
So this is this is kind of big news. Under the agreement, starting January 1st, 2025, Subway will offer Pepsi products, including Pepsi, Pepsi Zero Sugar, Mountain Dew, Starry, Tropicana, Lipton, and Aquafina Water, and Gatorade.
The company said franchises will have the option to carry a larger selection of Gatorade flavors.
The partnership with PepsiCo is an exciting milestone for our journey to become America's favorite place to eat, drink, and work, said Doug Frye, president of Subway North America.
There's more to this article, but I'm not going to read it because it just talks about the brands.
But the other news is, and this is where I'm going into is kind of being a war again, is Culver's was Pepsi ever since their inception.
They're switching to Coke starting next year.
Are they? Yes, they're going to be Coca Cola products.
And that's too bad because that's like, you know, I'm a real sugar snob. I admit this and all that. And everybody knows this that lists the program.
Their Pepsi that has corn syrup in is really good. I can actually drink that.
They do the right temperature. And I think in the stainless steel containers, the old kegs, the old stainless steel kegs, which makes a difference.
And they keep them at the right temperature and serve it at the right temperature to where it's very good. But anyhow, they're going to Coke. So no more of that.
Anyhow, you got anything, Rob, or we're going to wrap this bitch up for tonight?
Yeah, I got one more real quick. All right, let's hear it.
It's a more or less a warning to parents. OK.
A Georgia mom whipped up a frigate frenzy on social media this week after warning parents in a now viral video that their teens have found a peculiar way to get high.
OK, by snipping that bag.
OK, OK, I'm going to I'm going to tell you what this I this is on the New York Post. OK.
OK, top notch. I'm just going to break it down because it goes. It's a pretty long story.
But yeah, these kids are getting busted at school.
And their backpacks with nutmeg. And when it first started happening, they didn't think nothing of it because the kids were saying we need it for home.
Oh, OK. OK, well, then the principal or whoever goes to talk to the teacher.
No, I didn't ask somebody to bring that bag. Well, then they've done a big investigation.
Yeah, kids are taken. So parents watch your nutmeg in your cabinet.
That's kids could be getting high.
Rob, I'm glad that you brought this up. If you're a parent and you see your nutmeg.
Yeah, I mean, it's silly, but it's true.
Well, I mean, the thing I'm looking at is I don't know how much damage it can do to a kid, if any.
But it could be a gateway, you know, that also their snorting nutmeg and getting bored with that.
It's not working like it used to. And then they go to something else. They go to whippets or whatever.
Well, it sounds like they're actually getting high off of it.
Nothing surprises me ever since Jenga or Budhash. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Nothing surprises me since Budhash, because people get high on their own waste.
They ferment it in a can or a bottle or something, if I remember correctly, and they sniff it.
And the article said this. One of the things that gives a clue that someone might be on Budhash or Jenga is they smell like shit.
Their breath smells like shit.
It's Budhash. It's Budhash. Come on.
Ever since then, nothing ceases to amaze me what people get high on.
Because to me, that was like the straw that broke the camel's back. It's like there's nothing sacred anymore.
That's it. They went to Tide Pods and now nothing.
Well, I mean, you know, there's a meme going around. I'm sure you've seen it too, Rob.
But hey, it said when I was a kid, the owner's manual of a car told you how to adjust the points.
And I remember me and my dad doing it. We talked about this. You and your dad did it.
Now it tells you not to drink the battery acid.
Dude, yeah, I've seen that one for a couple years now. I totally agree with it.
It's true. Remember adjusting the points with your dad? Remember going out there in the valve covers?
Remember taking off the valve covers, scraping off the old gaskets and putting on a new one?
The water pump, taking that off?
Yeah, my old 76-degree classic had points.
Yeah, my old 76 Monte Carlo adjusted the points on that. Man, it ran like a striped ass eight, whatever that means.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, so anyhow.
Hey, hey, maybe that's up for origins.
Oh, you're right.
Striped ass eight.
Okay, I'm going to look that up, dude. That'll be for origins.
Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one.
Yep. We got some people looking at us. We are changing some stuff on the program around.
We're sounding a little bit more professional, legit maybe.
Yeah, we're still dick jokes and all that. But we have some people that are kind of interested in us.
But there's one thing that they keep saying. You guys have to be smoother.
So that's what I'm attempting to do. We have to be smoother.
There's three groups in particular that I really like that and when the time comes, I'll send you all the information.
Because right now it's just back and forth and I'm not even, you know, they're looking at us.
I'm not sure how interested they are and I don't even know what an offer would be or anything, you know.
So anyhow, it's very preliminary. But we're going to be changes of stuff on the program.
Sound a little bit different, but we're still going to be our usual asshole selves. So that's not changing.
Anyhow, I guess.
I do know one thing that's going to change.
Yes.
I'm going to be a lot better.
OK, I can use room to Rob. I stumble all the time. You and I both.
So I know I covered that at the beginning of this podcast.
Oh, well, you know what? I mean, like tonight you're bringing it.
It seems like whenever you don't have stuff going on and you don't have issues on the weekend and all that during the week, you are a completely different animal.
I am. I have. I've noticed that too. I'm better during the weekend. I am the weekend.
I listen to a replay and I'm laughing my ass off at your shit.
You're like going into these weird stories I never even thought about thinking about, you know, reporting on and little quips here and there and all that, man.
But, you know, just certain times during the weekend, you know, it's a little angry and a little, you know.
But anyhow, we've addressed that and we're working on that.
Yes, we have. And my sword is raised to fight that demon.
Rob, you will get it done. You will get it done.
I will. I have to.
Anybody that's a praying type, please give Rob a prayer.
He's going to need it. I'm going to say a prayer for him.
But I know that Rob will be victorious because Rob wants to see his grandchildren, the ones he haven't even met yet, get married.
And that involves living another 30 years. So there you go.
All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. You guys are great.
The outpour, the outcry for Rob has been just, I mean, I got emotional when I read it.
I mean, people genuinely care about us.
And I can't thank you. I can't thank you more.
So thank you guys. And we endearingly call you. Thank you assholes. Have a good night.
Thank you, everyone.
Thank you, everyone. Good night, assholes.
Hey, where did they go? Where are the douchebags?
Oh my God, someone took a dump in the corner. Oh geez.
I'm glad they're gone. Let's just hope they don't come back. Man, that smells.