Live from the historic river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, from the crystal blue
waters of the Missouri River, it's two douchebags and a microphone podcast.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
You know, Go to Bed You'll Feel Better is pretty much the human version of, did you
turn it off and turn it back on again?
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Sheep sorrel and wood sorrel are salad variety greens, reminiscent of romaine types of lettuce.
Are both healthy and delicious.
Vinegar and oil can be stored for a long period of time, so post-apocalypse salad is possible.
It can also be ground for a tasty spice as well.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
You are dressed like an assistant debate coach at an Ohio State middle school.
Have you ever wondered what something is about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we.
That's why we give you The Origin of.
What is the origin of Mountain Dew?
Tennessee bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer in the 1940s.
Soft drinks were sold regionally in the 1930s and the Hartmans had difficulty in Knoxville
obtaining their preferred soda to mix with liquor.
Preferably whiskey, so the two developed for your own now known as Mountain Dew.
Two douchebags and a microphone says.
You ever dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake up with a spoon in your ass?
Just asking.
Hi all.
This is Chicago.
I am the most dangerous city in North America.
You can't touch me.
Oh yeah?
I'm not going to touch you.
Oh yeah.
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer bitch.
Oh yeah?
This is Kansas City here.
Hold my beer bitch.
And now, it's time for The Daily Douchebag dyad.
Two douchebags and a microphone pledge, I, Joe or Jane Listener hereby promise to download
every show, I Joe or Jane Listener hereby promise to grab family members phones and
download the show from there. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to go to public computers
and download the show from there. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny
jokes. I, Joe, or Jane listener, hereby promise to lie to all my friends and tell them how good the
show is. And finally, I, Joe, or Jane listener, promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take
advantage of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard all within its quarter-mile radius.
Hello everybody, this is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark.
And I'm Rob. So, Rob, how are you doing today?
Better than yesterday, that's definitely for sure. Yeah, yesterday you were a little, uh, little iffy.
Yeah, I, yeah, a lot of heavy steel. It was a, it was a rough day. Yeah, that's it. A lot of things
changing and ended up getting two truckloads of steel in it. Yeah, when we get truckloads of steel,
it takes me away from the saw. So everybody else is still working. And you're getting behind.
That's an aptitude thing, you know. Yeah, yeah. And I'm away from the saw, can't do nothing.
But yeah, and then everyone else is like, where's our shit? And it's like, well, I spent all day
unloading trucks. What do you want me to do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, and then you got those
that come up with an attitude and like, okay, get the fuck out of my area. Oh, like you told me
previous. Yeah. You know what? That's just the way it goes. You know what? You have other stuff.
But that was yesterday. Today was a totally different day. Okay, cool. Well, hopefully the guy
gets off his fucking ledge there. And he realizes that you're not one to be screwed with. So, right.
So anyhow, you know what? Because the bosses are telling me that. Like I used to tell people
when I was younger, look, the ass kicking is optional. It's completely up to you. I'd rather
not kick your ass. But if you keep going at this rate, I'm going to have to. Well, it's like our
main boss explained to me one day. Okay, a lot of my job is I have to get along with everybody
because I cut parts for everybody. Yeah. I have to deal with them, know what they need. I got to be
able to talk to them. But like he said, I have to be able to get along with them. I got it. Doesn't
mean I have to like them. I just got to get along with them. There's a lot of people I don't like
I get along with. It does. It does. So anyhow, I got a little bit more NFL news. We've been talking
NFL quite a bit because the free agency trading periods over with now the free agency where people
are snapping up the people they want before the draft pre-draft because this is where teams
put next year's team together. This is a nucleus and then they pick the draft picks accordingly.
Okay, we got this guy in free agency. We got this guy. So now our glaring need is this position.
So then they start going through and figuring out it's a very precise deal. They have to figure out,
you know, if one you can trade up to get them. If we're going to be there when you're there,
if anyone else is looking at them, because I remember Sean Payton, when he was new or
he was new Orleans, he went down and he secretly went down to Texas and had one workout with my
homes, one workout and he didn't want anyone to know he went down there. And then he snuck back.
I mean, he was like, like in a six hour period, if not, if not shorter, he went and this is in
my homes for a workout. Nobody knew he went down there and he was convinced he wanted this guy.
And then he said, as soon as Andy Reid and Brett Beach moved up in the graph, he said,
he looked at all his people around and he said, we're not getting my homes. He knew what Andy Reid
was going to do. And he was snapping mad about that. But you see, and that's part of the draft
that people don't realize Kansas City was smart enough to move up and to make that move with
Buffalo to make that trade. And they did. And they won three Super Bowls and been in four and six
championship games in a row because of that, because they were savvy enough to not sit back
and go, you know what, we need to make this, we need to trade right now. We need to make a trade
right now. We need the next pick. He's still there and we don't think he's going to last.
So Bravo to the Chiefs are doing that. And this is what teams are doing right now. They're trying to,
trying to gauge what other teams are doing. They're trying to figure out, you know, hey,
who are they interested in? Who did they go look at? What's their glaring need?
You know what I'm saying, Rob? So it's really cool when you get down to it and you watch it and you
and you understand it more and more about what they're doing. It's just like there's a couple
of wide receivers out there were blazing fast speed. The Chiefs are interested in them. The
Dolphins are interested in them because they have a facilitator that they have a quarterback that can
get the ball to them. So that's what they're looking at, you know. So anyhow, one of the things that's
going on is the Legerius need sweepstakes are kind of swaying towards the Chiefs again.
And every passing day, I read a little something about that. Okay, then you probably know a little
bit about it then. Every passing day is a day closer to him staying with the Chiefs. That means
they have not made a deal. No one's made him an offer. And then we'll get him for the 18 million
or I think it's 18 million was the hit for franchising him. So yeah, so they'll get him
for that 18 million, which is within what we have still being able to sign our draft picks.
And also because Patrick Mahomes is converting some of that money that he got restructuring his
contract to a signing bonus that opened up about 23 more million or something I believe,
which is a great move. So now we're going to have more room to get more people in and stack the deck
even more for the hopefully three Pete, which has never happened in the NFL. So anyhow, here is what
transpired that makes us closer to hopefully keeping Legerius need. The Pittsburgh Steelers
and Detroit Lions were considered to be two of the top trade destinations for Snead.
Pittsburgh recently parted ways with quarterback Patrick Peterson, while a weak secondary in
Detroit saw the departure of safety CJ Garner Johnson. Both teams desperately needed help at
defensive back and Snead would have been an ideal fit. Detroit elected to trade for Tampa Bay
Buccaneers cornerback Carlton Davis instead. Pittsburgh acquired cornerback Dante Jackson
in a trade with the Carolina Panthers is a better fit for the region switch to more,
more man coverage is what they're looking at. And so he wouldn't have been like the perfect fit
from then. So anyhow, I think they could have, he's so talented. I honestly think they could have
switched his role around a little bit and he would have been fine, but I'm glad that they decided to
go somewhere else because we want him, we want him. So anyhow, so that's, you know, that bodes well.
That bodes well. Patrick Mahomes gave a, well pretty much granted us 21.6 million by converting
salary cap space into a signing bonus. So that's good. And they have 15.3 million in salary cap
space right now. So you combine the two and you're well into the thirties, which should be perfect.
You need about 7 million for the draft and then the other 18. And then you'll have some change
left in case someone comes down the wire a little bit later that you're like, that's a good fit.
We have the money to get them. So, and that usually happens later on in the season when people are
like, you know what, we're out of it, go ahead and get rid of so-and-so. We'll save this much,
you know, that type of situation. So anyhow, and then the other news is it appears that Joey Flacco
is going to be a part of the NFL again next year. And he signed with the Indianapolis Colts.
So he might be a backup. Yeah. So I mean, if nothing else,
he's a good, like we were talking about yesterday, which was released today. Sometimes that's what,
that's all you're looking for is you're looking for a seasoned veteran to help the youngster out,
talk them off the ledge, tell them what they're doing wrong, tell them what they're doing right,
tell them their footwork, you know, all this stuff, the defenses, what we were talking about yesterday.
Okay. So that's pretty much all the news I have for right now. So Rob, do you have something
you're itching to speak of or something? Yeah, I'm going to stay in football.
Okay, good, good. Actually, I'm going to move on to the Cleveland Browns.
All right. The Cleveland Browns are hard at work making moves for the upcoming season.
There's no jump. The team's manager, Andrew Berry, has been training and signing two players who can
help the Browns make a Super Bowl run. Also, the stadium where the Browns play their home games
caught fire on Tuesday. I didn't see that anywhere. Damn.
According to Cleveland19.com, a small fire broke out at the stadium. The fire crews came around
2 45 p.m. Eastern time to put it out. The fire was located in one of the storage areas in the stadium
and nobody was injured. But an investigation of why the fire started is yet to be determined.
Oh, wow. And it goes on to say something I did not know. What's that? Which is up by Ali.
Okay. The Browns stadium also got massive news on Tuesday that they will host the WWE
SummerSlam on August 3rd. Oh, that's a big catch. That's a huge catch. Yes. Yes. Wow.
Well, cool. Cool. I'm glad they got that. But the fire thing is kind of weird, isn't it? But
I guess they got it out. It was in the storage room. So. Oh, was that what? Okay. All right. Well.
But they are investigating it. Okay. All right. I'm really switching gears on this one. This was
a story I wanted to get to a few weeks ago when it was more hot. But this is not a dated story.
I mean, because it still holds some relevance. The multi-millionaire chief executive officer,
U.S. food processing giant Kellogg's, has drawn scorn from some quarters after recently suggesting
that families with strained finances could cope by eating cereal for dinner. Yes, he did. That's
what he said. The guy from Kellogg's, the chief financial, the CFO, he said that if you're poor,
you can afford cereal for dinner. You think there's maybe a problem with that, Rob?
Yeah. But at the same time, I understand what he's saying.
Okay. Here's the way I took it. Hey, poor people. I'm still going to try to sell to you.
You know what I mean? To me, it was cheap and sleazy to insert his product
on a totally different issue. Food insecurity or whatever the hell they call it nowadays, hunger.
Right. Right. To me, it was cheap and it was sleazy to me. But maybe he didn't mean it like that. I
don't know. Gary Pilnick was speaking live to CNBC's Squawk on the street on 21st February
when he delivered the remarks in question, which have some compared to the let them eat
cake phrase frequently attributed without evidence to Marina Antoinette before her execution during
the French Revolution. The cereal category has always been quite affordable and it tends to be
a great destination when consumers are under pressure, Pilnick said amid a discussion about
high grocery prices. If you think about the cost of cereal for a family versus what they might
otherwise do, that's going to be much more affordable. So I do get that and there is.
Okay. Okay. But then you gotta realize you gotta have the milk too.
Yeah. Milk is not cheap. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.
You might as well buy a package of meat.
Yeah. Exactly. And that's another point.
Exactly. And that's another point. Yeah. Well, he got a lot of shit on TikTok about it.
Anyhow, one person on TikTok said this fool is making 4 million bucks a year.
That user said, do you think he's feeding his kids cereal for dinner?
Good point. Another user on social media platform reacted by saying,
what the hell kind of dystopian hellscape is this? Give the peasants cereal for dinner?
One retorted, eat the rich. Various other pointed out how cereal, especially brands
manufactured by Kellogg's, isn't especially cheap. And he's right. One person argued a $10
family size box of cereal with a $3 carton of milk, like you said, Rob, a $3 carton of milk
will cost about the same as frozen lasagna meant to be fed for the same amount of people.
What you said, Rob, exactly what you said. Why don't you buy meat? Because you're not
going to be that far off. So that's another reason why I thought it was a cheap and sleazy comment
is because I think he knew that. Okay. But I can also understand
if that's all you have. If you don't have money to go out and buy anything, but you have cereal there,
you can eat cereal for dinner and survive. I'll go even a step further, Rob.
That's where I thought it was going into. No, no, no, no, Rob, you are correct on what
you're saying. And here I'll even go a step further to actually vindicate that thought
a little bit more. I'm just saying that I know some people eat cereal for dinner.
I do too. Cereal doesn't need refrigeration. Cereal is cheap. The cheaper kind is really cheap,
not necessarily Kellogg's, but the great value fruit loops or whatever round fruit rings or
whatever they call it and all that. You can get those relatively cheap. Okay. So the thing is,
it keeps really well. So if you don't have that much of a refrigeration that you can use or
whatever, and also this is a type of food that's really good for food banks because it doesn't go
bad. Oh yeah. Yeah. Anytime you go to a food bank, you get cereal. Yeah, yeah. Food bank will have
cereal just like canned goods. It's kind of on the same thing. It's like they don't have that much
space to refrigerate it, but they need to feed a lot of people. So it's like, okay, it's canned
goods, cereal, multi-milk, stuff like that. So I can give it that too, but I think the guy did it
out of cheap and to me, I took it as cheap and snazzy. Yeah. From the words you read, you're right.
Yeah. That's the way he meant. Yeah. But I also understand what you're saying, Rob. It's not such
a crazy idea is what you're saying. It's not that out of line, what the fuck. I have known low income
families that have to really watch it. Sometimes if they have to eat cereal, they eat cereal.
You know, credit card debt is out of control right now, and that's because people are living off of
them. They can't do anything else. And then without getting political, let's just say some people
in charge in the United States are trying to spend a bunch more money and make our money even more
worthless. So as long as we have that thought in the White House and Congress, we're not getting
anywhere. We're going to continually get further and further behind in the country and in the world.
Okay. And here's another thing pertaining to this article. Bureau of Labor Statistics data shows
cereal prices have jumped 28% in the last four years. Several media outlets have reported
and in information from it, this is what you said too. You said cereal is not necessarily cheap
either now. Kellogg's raises prices 12% as it pleads to its customers to eat cereal for dinner
and give chicken the night off. So, and I'm going to guess milk is up probably 50%. Oh gosh. Yeah.
With spikes in it too. And not 100%. No, it'd be a hundred. It's like double the price. Yeah. You know
what? It probably is double the price. Yeah. If you look at it about six or seven years ago,
it's doubled in the price. And also it's a brand that spikes. We have a problem with milking cows
or we have phantom or something, floods, it's killing a bunch of milking cows somewhere. Then
the price spikes up too, even further than that for a while. So it is one of these things that
can fluctuate really big depending on events going on in the world. Right? Right. So anyhow,
let's go ahead and take our first break and we're going to come back with more garbage. That sound
good? Yeah, sounds good. Oh, real quick though. Hi Opal. Hi Opal. Hi Jimmy. Opal, keep your head down.
Dodge City, Kansas having some bad weather there right now. Keep your eye on the sky.
Currently under a tornado watch. So are we in Kansas City right now. But anyhow, got a big bad
tornado watch going on out there with severe storms all over the place and supercells. So Opal, keep
your head down. Jimmy, keep in touch with Opal and I'm sure you'll be okay. Yes. And let us know you
guys made it through it please. Yes, absolutely. Break me off an email, Jimmy. All right, we'll be
in touch. We want to know you guys made it through this. That's right. I'm sure you will. I mean,
Opal is 80 something right? And she's lived out in Dodge City. I'm sure she's seen quite a few
tornadoes and a lot of hail and a lot of wind. Being out there, you don't live out there without
seeing quite a few tornadoes, wind and hail. That's just the way it is. So anyhow, we'll be right back
right after these fine messages. Hey look, I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
Snowbank.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Are you always such an idiot or do you just show off when I'm around? Oh lord, that man just saw a puppy in half.
Hey there, don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child. It's okay, I have a clown nose.
Clown nose, just put one on and you can do anything. Want to run for office? Murder people in public?
Just grab a clown nose and bam, everyone laughs. Clown noses are sold at gag stores online and
pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Next up, things overheard in hell. Howard Stern just signed a 10-year contract extension.
Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's the island of horrible jokes.
A headache-stricken man explained to his doctor, you have to help me, I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You have to be a little patient.
Time to take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone. It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal. Get in cover.
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark. And I'm Rob. Rob, you got something you want to speak of.
Yeah, I'm going to go back into pussy again tonight. Sounds like a great topic to me.
Cats are enigmatic creatures known for their mysterious ways and behaviors that often leave their human companions puzzled.
One of the most fascinating aspects of feeding-line behavior is a variety of sleeping positions.
And here's a short list of the positions and what they supposedly mean.
Okay. The first one is the curled up ball. Often referred to as the classic cat sleeping position.
Cats curl up into a tight ball, tucking their paws and tail around their body. This position provides warmth and security,
parking back to their wild ancestors, need to protect vital organs from predators. It also consumes body heat and ensures the cat remains comfortable while resting.
Next is the sideways snoozer. This is cool. A cat laying on its side, stretched out or slightly curled, indicates a high level of trust and comfort in its surroundings.
The position exposes the cat's belly, a vulnerable area suggesting the cat feels no fear or danger. It's a sign of a relaxed, happy cat enjoying comfortable living conditions.
Oh wow. Cool.
And honestly, the rest of these are pretty much the same.
Okay.
And the last one, the belly up. When a cat sleeps belly up, it's the ultimate sign of trust and security.
This position exposes the most vulnerable parts of a cat's body and is typically seen in environments where the cat feels most protected.
Okay. Cool.
Go ahead, keep going.
And then next you got the loaf.
Okay.
In the loaf position, the cat sits with its paws tucked under its body, resembling a loaf of bread. You know how they have all their paws underneath?
Yeah. Yeah.
While not a full sleep position, it's a relaxed state where the cat is prepared to doze off or spring into action.
The position suggests the cat is comfortable but remains alert to its surroundings.
Cool.
And then you have the half eye.
The what?
Half eye.
Half eye? Okay.
H-A-L-F.
Half eye.
Eye.
Oh, okay.
Cats often sleep with their eyes half open or slightly closed, a trait from their wild ancestors to stay alert to danger.
If your cat sleeps like this, it's comfortable but in state degree ready to protect itself.
The position offers a glimpse into the cat's need for safety and protection while resting.
And then you have the superman.
Some cats sleep sprawled out on their stomachs with all four limbs stretched out, resembling superman in flight.
This position is usually adopted in cooler temperatures, but when a cat feels particularly safe and wants to stretch out its muscles,
it's a sign that the cat is very secure and can keep it in its environment.
Okay.
And then lastly, the box sleeper.
Okay.
Cats have a notorious love for boxes, and sleeping in a box offers a sense of security and protection.
This position, surrounded by the walls of the box, satisfies the cat's instinctual need for a safe and closed space.
It's a quick reminder that cats prefer to feel protected and their enjoyment by finding unique places to rest.
Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
I thought that was pretty cool.
That is cool because I know cats that have done all of those, and the one that I'm closest to, Kitzer,
he does that where he spreads out and he's got complete trust.
He does that to me because he'll come up to me and lay right next to me and do that, kind of give me a sign of,
hey, you know what, I completely trust you.
And I could tell it was that even before you told me that.
You know what I mean?
Well, when I read this, I got thinking about our cats.
That is so true because I watch our cats all the time.
It is true.
Yeah, I mean.
And they sleep in different positions.
Yes, they do.
And it's kind of explaining.
They're comfortable, you know.
They're secure.
They're comfortable.
Uh-huh.
So.
That's pretty cool, man.
I mean, it really kind of, what would you call it?
It kind of gives you the story about why cats do what they do a little bit.
I mean, because they are odd animals and they do things their way.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, so.
Anybody that has one knows.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
Cats are, they do what they are.
You don't own a cat.
A cat owns you is the old saying.
And then the other one.
The other one is, let's say you have a cat and a dog, right, in your apartment and you die.
I do.
Okay.
Oh, and I die.
And you die.
Who's going to be laying on your lap and who's going to be eating you after a couple hours?
The dog is going to be in severe grief, laying on you, hoping his master comes back to life,
whining, sad.
And the cat's going to go, hmm, well, shit, it's been three hours.
He's definitely dead.
I'm kind of hungry.
They'll start eating you.
Uh, he's just taking a nap again.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's the story between cats and dogs right there.
Cats are like the ultimate predator.
And when it comes down to it, you may have a really nice cat and really sweet.
But at the end of the day, remember, they, remember where they come from, man.
I love cats.
We have cats, but I mean, they're, they're completely different than dogs.
So, um, I've got an interesting story here.
Um, it seems like there was, um, this varsity football player.
Um, he had a severe peanut allergy that could kill him.
His classmates found out about it in the football locker.
And guess what they did, Rob?
What?
They put peanuts in his clothes.
Oh my God.
Uh, yeah.
Back in October, Carter Manning 16 told his varsity football teammates at Lake
Travis high school, Texas, about his peanut allergy and made it clear that it could
kill him.
But despite the young boys admission to his team, he discovered hours before a
game that peanuts have been placed in his locker, his cleats, and even inside his
jersey.
That's fucked up.
Wow.
So, um, anyhow, Brooks and worthy.
Well, anyhow, I'll go along with this part first.
Carter Manning was just nine months old when his family discovered he had a nut
allergy.
We had him sitting on the counter and my husband was making a peanut butter
sandwich right next to him.
Carter reached his hand inside the peanut butter jar and he smear it on himself.
Um, his mom, Sean, it tells people exclusively.
Um, he puffed up.
He quit breathing.
They, uh, they applied CPR.
They got him back, you know, and they, uh, and they got him treatment before it
killed him.
But this is like a very serious, you know, this is a very serious allergy.
So, um, anyhow, his teammates did this, which is prompting a lawsuit towards the
school over this.
And, um, I mean, I guess it's for negligence.
It didn't really say in this article.
So I guess what they're saying is the school per se didn't put peanuts in his
jersey.
The kids did.
But, um, I don't know.
There's a recourse to file a lawsuit against the school.
I don't know what their angle is.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I'm not saying it's, it's bullshit what the kids did and they're lucky
their son's alive.
And those kids need to be punished somehow, some way for doing that because
they could have killed him.
But Sue and the school, I don't get that.
I mean, I understand they're outraged.
I understand that they're mad as hell that this could happen at school, but
ultimately kids are kids.
They're stupid.
Okay.
Right.
What they're doing, what they're doing is they're running off the old rule that
the school is responsible for the kids from the time they leave their house to
the time they get home.
Yeah, Rob, you're right.
But do you think that that, look, like I said, everything before, I understand
them being pissed.
I understand them being outraged.
I don't see how the school would be responsible.
Exactly.
This is an unfortunate answer.
I mean, how old were they?
I believe they were around 14 and 15.
Okay, yeah, the school could not be responsible.
Well, here's the deal.
Not doing that.
I had a bigger article about it, but it disappeared on me right before I started
speaking about it.
It was like my...
I see, I know.
Yeah, my Google Chrome just flipped out and went to a different story, so I had
to like scramble.
I started talking about it in the middle, and it disappeared, and I'm like,
oh, shit.
So I had to scramble to get another story of this same incident.
So this story isn't nearly in depth as the other one, but I believe if what I read
before, what I lightly went over it was they're about 14 and 15 years old, and
it was probably not varsity.
It was probably junior varsity.
So yeah, I mean, I'm with you, Rob.
I don't know how the school could have prevented anything like that.
Not at 14 and 15.
No.
Yeah.
No.
So anyhow, interesting story, yeah.
I mean, but you know, anyhow, Rob, you got something you want to go to.
Yeah, why not?
Okay.
I'm going totally a different direction.
All right, that's what we do here.
I'm going to Charles Manson.
Oh, okay.
That is totally different.
Yeah.
During a parole hearing, murder cult leader Charles Manson revealed his desire to be
free so he could go to France and meet up with Roman Polanski.
At the time, insiders revealed Manson was disgruntled that the disgraced director
wasn't home with pregnant wife Sharon Tate when she and her friends were murdered,
and he allegedly wanted to finish the job.
At a 1986 parole hearing in St. Quentin, Manson was denied bail, but the convict
made an anonymous statement when he was asked what he would do if he were set free.
I'd like to go to France because there's someone there I'm upset with,
Manson said.
Okay, that was in 1986.
Polanski had been living in France since 1977 when he fled the U.S. one day
before his sentencing hearing for unlawful sex with a minor in which he faced decades
behind bars.
Insiders claim Manson was bitterly disappointed that members of the Manson family
missed Polanski when they brutally murdered Tate and four others.
And also the baby.
Also the baby in Sharon Tate too.
They pulled the baby out and smashed it against a wall, dude.
Right, right.
Okay, Robert Polanski and Sharon Tate wasn't who they were after.
That house was a music producer, a record company guy, that denied Charles Manson
a contract.
He went there, he had his cronies pulled out to kill that.
Yes, go ahead, go ahead.
Record producer, yeah, that's part of the story.
Okay.
Go ahead, Rob, I'm sorry I didn't mean to.
But Manson, well, no, that was pretty much it.
Okay.
That's where Manson's problem with Polanski was.
Polanski kept running his mouth afterwards.
Okay, like how?
I was unaware of this.
I knew he fled to France.
Charles can't stand the way Polanski has been bad-mouthing him in public
since 1969.
Well, he did kill his wife and kill his baby, geez.
I mean, or had it done.
Well, right, right.
Yeah, I'll get you there.
I'll get you there.
I would be probably really fucking mad, too.
So go ahead, Rob.
So yeah, Manson had a problem with him because of that, but...
I'm surprised to this day that Manson didn't find some cronies to go kill him in France.
Honestly.
Right.
He had that kind of power over people, certain people.
And he pretty much hypnotized them into being his, I don't know, his worshipper and slave pretty much.
And I'm surprised that he wasn't able to find somebody from prison to go over to France and kill Polanski.
I really thought that was going to happen at one point.
I was like, man, you know, he's deranged.
He wants to flex his muscle.
He's in prison, and he's pissed off because he can't flex his muscle.
He can't have his cronies killing people and stuff like he did, right?
So he was trying to flex his muscle in prison a lot of times, trying to psych out people and all this stuff.
And I thought part of that was he was going to find a way to kill Polanski.
But he did not.
And Charles Manson is probably burning in hell right now, would be my estimate.
What do you think, Rob?
I don't know.
The more I'm reading about Roman Polanski.
Oh, he's a piece of shit.
Oh, right here.
I just ran across another one that just popped up.
Oh, okay.
Santa Monica judge is set on August 20, 25, trial day for a rape lawsuit against director Roman Polanski.
He was a fil-
And this was in 73.
Okay, that would be the same.
Oh, 73.
That's what Manson was bitching about.
Okay.
Well, Polanski's a piece of shit.
He did not deserve to have his wife killed and his kid killed.
No.
But he is a piece of shit.
And I wish he was in America, in prison like he should be.
But anyhow, he got away somehow and he's been living over there ever since.
So let's take our second break and come back with someone we're lighthearted.
You want to do that?
Sure.
How about Wendy's new Frosty?
I can tell you all about that and what flavor it is.
Does that sound good?
Sounds good.
Well, maybe.
It depends.
I'm trying to- you know what?
I'll wait until we get back.
We'll be back in a couple minutes.
Yeah, wait until we get back.
Yep.
Two douchebags in a microphone.
More entertaining than a ruptured spleen.
And now, deep thoughts with Mark.
How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough.
Maybe it just shits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hm.
I may never know.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee-slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity.
I will roast you, but my mom told me to not burn trash.
We didn't mean it.
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is listening to this film.
Now, from his underground bunker encamped in Missouri, stock-full of dried guts, canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys,
is ramblings of a madman featuring Rob Rant.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong office.
Hey, look.
I think we found land.
Oh my god, I think we're safe.
Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Two douchebags and one microphone.
The apocalypse just happened.
You don't know what to do.
You don't know where to go.
But we can tell you what you can eat.
Wild asparagus is plentiful and easy to find.
It can be stewed with garlic and onion, which is both wild, which can be easily found, and a very tasty post-apocalypse food.
You can make this into a delicious stew, and this will hold you over at least for a couple of days until you can find some other food.
Like I said previous, Wendy's is making nostalgia a flavor with their latest Frosty.
The fast food chain is introducing their Orange Dreamsicle Frosty, inspired by the classic childhood popsicle.
Do you know what I'm talking about, Rob?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of like a creamy orange.
I'm not a huge fan of that.
I think it might be good in a shake, but I used to despise their popsicles.
I didn't like them.
Did you like them?
No.
Yeah.
So that's why I said it depends.
I know a lot of people that love them are going to be very excited.
The new sweet item will launch on Tuesday, March 19th and will replace the vanilla Frosty.
See, I have a problem with that because I'm a huge vanilla Frosty fan.
I like it better than the chocolate.
It's for a limited time, but the beloved chocolate flavor is not going anywhere.
So to me, that's shit.
I would rather have the vanilla Frosty and not the Dreamsicle.
But anyhow, they'll bring it back.
The seasonal treat will combine the classic sweet orange notes flavor with a smooth vanilla Frosty
to form a dreamy orange cream experience, according to them.
The eye-catching orange color of this delectable treat was inspired by a spring season,
and it tastes just as good as it looks, the chain in the news release.
With the launch of Orange Dreamsicle Frosty on the first day of spring,
the chain has now completed offering a flavor of each season.
The chain has previously released Strawberry Frosty for the summer,
False Pumpkin Spice Frosty, and Winter's Peppermint Frosty.
So, there you go, Frosty fans.
Hopefully you like Dreamsicle.
If you like Dreamsicle, you're in fucking business, right?
I've also got a new Canada Dry flavor, which they have not introduced one in a long time.
You want to hear what it is?
Okay.
Canada Dry adds a new ginger ale to its permanent lineup.
The next time you'll find yourself craving a ginger ale,
you'll be able to choose between the classic zippy flavor,
as well as a new version of the fruity twist.
To me, I don't think ginger ale and fruit belong together, do you?
No.
But?
No, I don't think so.
I'll be willing to give it a try, especially in the zero sugar category,
because that might be pretty good.
Anyhow, I mean 480 zero sugar product.
Today the brand announced that it's releasing Canada Dry Fruit Splash.
The new soda is a cherry flavored ginger ale,
and it's made with a splash of real fruit juice.
Given that many of our favorite fruit punches are made with ginger ale and fruit juice,
it's a new flavor is already a winner in our book.
It comes in regular and zero sugar versions.
The new soda is available nationwide from Target, Amazon, and Walmart,
among others in a 12-ounce, 12-pack format 799 and 20-ounce bottle format,
which will be available May 1st.
After May 1st, the flavor won't be disappearing entirely,
unlike many of the new sodas from other brands that tend to stick around for a limited time only.
The 20-ounce bottle won't be available nationally after the beginning of May.
It will be available on a regional basis, and the 12-ounce can format is here to stay.
Canada Dry said it added this flavor for its permanent lineup.
Canada Dry also sells cranberry ginger ale, blackberry ginger ale,
and ginger ale and lemonade, and ginger ale and orangeade flavors.
Here's hoping to get even more fruity, ginger-y flavors in the future,
is what All Recipes says, but not me.
I don't know, there's a couple there I might look into.
Yeah, me too. You know what, I get bored.
Well, if it's not real sugar sodas, I don't necessarily like them anymore.
Yeah, right, right, right.
So I don't know if I'm capable of really liking.
I mean, the guy used to work with Brian, he was absolutely right.
Once you go back to real sugar, you don't like the taste of corn syrup, so I probably won't like it.
But that's just me.
I know other people that they swear they can't tell the difference.
They'll drink a real sugar Pepsi or Mexican Coke, then they'll drink a regular one.
There's no difference.
And I'm like, what? You're insane.
They taste like two different beverages.
Oh well. Hey, Rob, you got something you want to go into.
Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
Rob, the floor is yours.
Over or under?
Okay.
Surprisingly, there is actually a correct way to hang a toilet paper roll.
Oh, yeah, I read this article. Go ahead. I know what you're talking about.
And it surprised me. I thought it was the other way. So, go ahead.
I've always thought this way myself.
Okay.
Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia.
From the diplomacy to breastfeeding in public, how often people ought to wash their sheets.
But perhaps the most silly yet surprisingly key in household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.
Okay.
The over or under question has played marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years.
Both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under.
Some people feel strongly about right versus wrong, D.P.
Hanging up, they will even flip the roll over and they go to the bathroom and the arms of strangers.
Contrary to belief, it's not merely an consequential preference.
There is actually a correct way to hang toilet paper.
That surprised me.
According to health experts as well as the man who invented the toilet paper roll in the first place.
Uh-huh.
Go ahead.
Did you lose it?
Let me make it clear about where we've even, uh, yeah.
Where is it?
Oh, okay.
I see what we're doing.
Okay.
Right, no.
The only key to maintaining a hygienic washroom is minimizing contact between people and surfaces.
Dr. Christian Morrow, associate professor of health sciences and medicine at Bond University on Australia's Gold Coast,
an Australian Broadcasting Corporation, depending on the type of roll holder, hanging the toilet paper over often lowers the chance of a user
will touch the wall behind the fishing for paper, leaving germs behind on that surface, which could spread to the next user.
You see, I never thought about it like that because I could have swore it was the other way was the proper way.
According to health experts, over is the way to go.
That surprised me.
And once I read that, I understand that now.
You see, the reason I thought under was the proper way is because it tears off easier.
You have that pressure from it being under, and it tears at the perforated line easier.
So I automatically thought, well, okay, it must be under.
Under is the way to really put in toilet paper.
But I was wrong.
Yeah, it comes down to hygiene.
Okay, I understand that.
If it's over, your hand is away from the wall.
Yes, I understand that now.
But you know what I mean?
If it's under, you can tear off a piece really easy.
If it's over, it just kind of folds around.
Yeah, I understand.
So anyhow, that's cool to know.
You know, parents are kind of taking a vested interest now in learning slang words for their kids.
That way they know what they're saying because there's so many of them now, right?
I have.
Well, they did a study to see which new words millennials and Zs are using
that the parents actually understand and like what they are.
Coming in, in the first, is 70% of parents that like the slang term and use it themselves occasionally is salty.
You see, I thought salty came from us.
I mean, haven't you ever heard someone go, man, that guy's a little salty today?
Oh, always.
I say it.
You see, I'm not so sure that came from the millennials or the Zs.
I think that came from maybe even the boomers.
I think it's been around a long time.
I'm thinking boomers, actually.
I'm thinking I've heard my dad say that.
I think and I heard my parents say it too.
And actually, I'll go a step further.
I thought it used to be used a lot more.
I bet you you could look at old movies and hear some go, ah, you're a little salty today or something like that.
Because I'm pretty sure.
I know I'd see movies like that.
Yeah.
So I bet salty.
I can't take a rub on.
I bet salty has a high percentage of them liking it because they've heard it before and they understand what it is.
So the next one coming in at 67% and this one surprised me, Rob, because I didn't think they would like this one at all.
Bougie or bougie.
67% of the parents like that and actually use it every now and then.
So I guess probably if something's really high class or something, you know, whatever.
Oh, that's bougie or whatever.
The parents probably use that because it's easy to use in any sentence and they know exactly what it means.
You know what I mean?
It's a pretty easy word to identify.
All right.
Next one is sus, which means short for suspect.
And I can see that 65% of parents like that and use it.
Next one is bet.
63% and bet is like an affirmation.
It's like, man, I know that one.
Yeah.
That Rob, man, boy, he's fucking he's he can cut that metal.
Bet.
And that just means I concur.
Absolutely right.
My son, my kids use that all the time.
OK.
Extra came in at 62%.
And I forgot exactly what extra means.
Do you remember what it means?
No, not right off hand.
OK.
I remember the word.
I just don't remember the definition.
Cap came in at 57%.
And I don't quite remember what that meant either.
That's to shoot you, isn't it?
No, that was our turn.
That was our turn.
Bust a cap in your ass.
That came from extras.
Cap means something else nowadays.
Let me see if I can find out what cap means.
Let's see.
What should I put in?
Gen Z word meaning cap.
Hopefully that does it.
A lie.
A Gen Z slang, the word cap means a lie or something false.
When someone says you capping, they are implying that someone is lying.
Conversely, when someone adds no cap to the end of their message, they are saying they are telling the truth.
Yeah, not the same cap we used.
Not the same cap we used.
No, no.
Fina, 56%.
Now let me see what that means.
Fina?
Fina, F-I-N-N-A.
I know you got fixing too if I remember right.
Fina is a contraction of fixing to meaning getting ready to do something.
It's Southern American English and it emerged from fixing.
Okay.
You're right.
Absolutely right.
Shook.
You remember what shook was?
That made you shook up.
Shook comes in at 54%.
Well, let's check.
That's what we think it would be.
I'm a little shook up.
Your nose is shook, you know.
You get scared or whatever, you're shook.
Shook is the past tense form of shake.
It uses a slang term to describe feelings ranging from discompobulation and fear to rage,
annihilation and kind of like all shaken up.
So you're right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Simp.
You remember what simp is?
That comes in at 53% of the parents liking and using it.
Sympathy.
Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women,
especially out of the failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.
There you go.
A patsy.
Okay.
So I guess my guess is sympathy.
You just have to window on that one.
It was a good guess though, Rob.
Yeet.
Y-E-E-T.
I forgot that one too.
Oh, I just read that one.
I don't know.
I can't remember what it was.
Oh, here.
Listen to this.
Yeet is a slang.
I remember it now.
Yeet is a slang.
Oh, hang on.
Yeet has come in at 52% of the parents liking it or occasionally using it.
Yeet is a slang word that functions broadly with a meaning to throw, but is especially
used to emphasize forcefulness and a lack of concern for the thing being thrown.
You don't eat something if you're worried that it might break.
Yeet is also used as an interjection, most often to express excitement or enthusiasm.
There you go.
Now, do you want to hear some of the least liked words?
Why not?
Okay.
These are the least liked.
I saw this and I was like, this is pretty interesting.
We would not be as if we did not have that one.
I agree.
Okay.
Some slang are more acceptable like the ones we just said, and then there's some slang
that parents do not like.
And one, the number one on the list at 21% is bussin'.
Extremely good, excellent, delicious, tasty.
Extremely good, excellent.
Okay.
Bussin'.
I wouldn't have got that at all, would you?
Finna.
Wow, finna's on the top and also on the bottom.
Yeah.
Finna at 16% is the second most hated word.
Oh, because you hear it so damn much.
Yes, it's meaning to or fixing to, like we said before.
And cap isn't what we thought it was.
So anyhow, cap comes in.
Oh, cap's both too.
Cap is the most loved one and most hated one too.
It comes in at 14%.
It is so damn much.
Yeah.
Even though I didn't realize that was cap was.
Let's see, yeet at 14% is the fourth most hated word.
And we know what that means.
That means throwing something forcefully without regard
of breaking it or nothing.
And then simp is, comes in at 13%, and that's the sixth
most disliked word by parents.
And the simp is a guy that's too attentive or submissive to women,
trying to get romantic feelings out of him,
or he's just too much of a patsy or spineless
or whatever you want to call it.
So anyhow, that's the end of the list right there.
So a lot of doubles then.
Yeah.
Yeah, and like you said, it comes from what you said.
They hear it too much and they hate it.
Yeah.
And they probably hate it because other parents use it too.
So that's very believable.
You got anything you want to go into?
No.
Oh, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
I got one more little story.
You seem like you're kind of itching to say something,
so go ahead, man.
A country music singer gets married in a mayor's office
in spontaneous ceremony.
Okay.
And this was reported two days ago.
Remember that.
Okay, two days ago.
Reported two days ago.
Okay.
Gary Allen is married.
The country music artist wed his longtime love, Molly Martin,
in a private ceremony.
Oh, damn it.
What?
My damn phone.
Oh.
It jumped on me.
Okay.
On a programming note, while you're looking for that,
I want to say that...
Yeah, do that, do that, do that, yeah.
Okay.
We are getting ready to interject and freshen up a lot more bits.
I have about 20 deep thoughts from Mark coming up
and about 10 ramblings of a madman.
So if you're getting tired of the ones that are going through right now,
you're getting ready to hear a lot more of them.
And we're going to brush up every, all of them.
And another thing I'm going to do is some of the earlier ones
that have like a volume difference that are kind of hard to understand,
like I got the voice too fast or too slow,
I'm going to be going over them systemically
and getting them all fixed and corrected.
So now when you hear a bit, hopefully they will all be more uniform.
You won't have that pitch range, that noise range and all that.
And that's something that I've been needing to do for a long time.
But like I said, I got a week off coming up here, the end of March,
and I'm not going on a trip.
So I'm actually going to have time to do some of this stuff.
Today I got a bunch of hard work done.
A week, a week, so I'm going to have time.
Yes.
And we are going to freshen up the bits section.
So just, that's on a programming note.
Rob, did you find what you were talking about?
Yes, I'm back with what it was I was scrolling through.
Okay.
And hit a Raw fan.
Mm-hmm.
So it drew me into the Raw fan.
Okay, Jerry Allen is married.
Okay.
A country music artist, went his long time love Molly Martin
in a private ceremony in Tennessee on February 5th,
attended only by an officiate and a photographer.
And it wasn't planned.
After nearly a three-year engagement,
Allen said he and Martin woke up one day
and decided to take their love to the local mayor's office
and make it official.
Cool.
Molly and I had been trying to find the right time
and the right spot to get married,
and we just decided the time was now.
Allen told People magazine,
we just didn't want to keep waiting.
That doesn't mean they won't celebrate again
with their loved ones in attendance.
We may still do a bigger ceremony, celebration later on,
but for now, we are happy to be husband and wife.
Awesome.
Very cool.
Yeah, yeah, I thought that was cool.
Real quick, we'll do this on the show.
I want to bring back Nipple Yank,
Netflix, and Ear Yank or Ear Twist or whatever it was
for the next podcast.
You think you can come up with a list?
Yep.
Okay.
Yep.
We haven't done that in a while.
I was just looking through my notes and I'm like,
yeah, yeah, I totally was on about that one.
Yeah, so did I, until I was looking through my notes.
I'm like, hey, we haven't done this in a while,
and it's actually a fun little segment.
All right, we'll be doing that.
The Big Asshole Olympics are coming back here.
Jeffy X promises some really good stuff here soon.
So we got some cool shit coming down the pike.
Our bits are getting bigger and larger,
and I'm learning some little secrets of producing them better
and coming up with some different angles and voices and stuff.
I think soon we're going to be able to do some parody songs too.
So, yeah, that's what you guys are looking at.
So keep listening, and you will be highly rewarded
if you like this kind of garbage, right?
Always.
All right, everybody, have a great night.
Thank you, assholes, for listening.
Good night, assholes.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ow!
Hey, where did everybody go?
Where are the douchebags?
Oh, my God, someone took a dump in the corner.
Oh, jeez.
Ugh, glad they're gone.
Let's just hope they don't come back.
Man, that smells.